Chapter Text
Tony Stark and Stephen Strange: Power Couple of the Decade
“They do know that we met for the first time like… right before the world almost ended, right?” Tony asked, staring down at the news article blaring his and Strange’s secret wedding for the world to see. They’d somehow gotten a picture of Strange and him outside the sanctum, standing together and talking, admittedly a lot closer than necessary, but there was nothing overly intimate about it. Just two people talking. Though perhaps the way Strange’s cloak had a corner wrapped around Tony’s wrist was being misinterpreted as Strange’s own actions.
Tony had already learned that the Cloak had a mind of their own. Tony couldn’t remember just why the Cloak had been touching him, he didn’t remember the occasion in question at all, if he was honest. But he had no doubt the Cloak had been judging him in some way, shape, or form. The Cloak seemed to have made an art form out of silently judging him.
He skimmed through the article again. It was well written, at least. And actually complimentary to the both of them. Really, it would be an impressive piece of journalism if he and Strange were actually married instead of… acquaintances? Friends, maybe, if he was really pushing it. Two people who’d saved the world together? There didn’t really feel like a good word to describe that. Though at least Strange was better than Quill. After all, Tony could stand Strange so much more than he could Quill and he’d saved the world with Quill, too.
“I don’t think they care,” Strange said, glaring down at the paper with his arms crossed over his chest in a strong display of his displeasure. His cloak kept poking at the newspaper, running a corner over the picture in what Tony was interpreting as curiosity. But then, what did false news mean to a cloak? Tony knew that the Cloak was intelligent, but he had no idea what exactly it comprehended. “I think they thought they found something that would shock the world and ran with it without bothering to do any proper research.”
“Where’d they get a wedding certificate is my question,” Tony muttered, squinting at the second photograph.
It actually looked fairly legitimate, even Strange’s signature bore the shaky touch from his injuries and signed only days after the whole Thanos issue. Tony was impressed at the attention to detail. The witnesses were two strangers, presumably whoever they’d been able to find while they’d essentially ‘eloped’, if the people even existed at all, with names like ’Sarah Johnson’ and ‘James Smith’ there were probably hundreds of them in New York and therefore impossible to find.
“That,” Tony continued, “and the unnamed priest swearing he performed the ceremony. He’s got some very heartfelt lines about the beauty of our love in the aftermath of what was the world’s most crucial moment, theorizing that it was our love that gave us the strength to defeat Thanos.” He rolled his eyes. The power of love, really? That was what they were going with?
If anything, Quill’s and Gamora’s love had been the saving factor if they were going with the power of love as a thing. And Tony really wasn’t going with that as their thing. If anything it was luck and time convincing Strange to risk the time strain of looking at that 14,000,606 timeline.
“As though I’d ever go to a priest,” Stephen muttered. Tony rolled his eyes. Because yes, that was the problem with this whole situation.
“Well, at least we agree on that,” Tony said flippantly. If he ever got married he would almost certainly go with a civil wedding unless it was an absolute must for his partner to do otherwise.
The sound of his cellphone going off made him groan. He glanced at the caller id and saw Pepper’s name and picture popped up. “This is going to be a PR nightmare.” He answered the phone. “No, Pepper. Strange and I aren’t married,” he said before she could get started on how he really shouldn’t be doing something like this without giving her proper forewarning.
“Not according to the state of New York and the marriage certificate I’m staring at,” Pepper said, voice grim. “Our PR team reached out to the courthouse to get an affidavit that you weren’t married, but they refused because they have a certificate on file. It’s about as legitimate as it can get. Someone filed it with the state of New York and everything.”
“What?” he demanded, head jerking to stare at Strange in dismay. Strange’s face went blank at the look, clearly recognizing that the news wasn’t good. “How the hell is it legitimate? I didn’t sign a marriage certificate. And I’m pretty damn sure Strange didn’t either.”
Strange sent him a sharp look, but Tony waved a hand at him to tell him to wait. He was busy hoping that this conversation really wasn’t happening and that it was Pepper’s idea of a joke. Though this was the furthest thing from Pepper’s style as there was. But clearly it was someone’s version of a joke.
“There’s even proof of a marriage license having been received,” Pepper continued. “Someone was very invested in making the two of you look married.” Somehow Tony doubted there’d been a convenient pre-nup for this entirely fictitious relationship. No, nothing convenient like that, just the marriage.
But why? Tony wondered, utterly baffled. “Why the hell would someone do that?”
A few feet away a portal opened and Wong stepped out, a disapproving look on his face. “I can’t believe you didn’t invite me to your wedding,” Wong said before the portal had even closed behind him. Tony rolled his eyes, noticing Strange doing the exact same thing. Well, at least they were on the same page about this whole thing.
“We’re not married,” Stephen said irritably. He sent Tony an aggravated look as though this was somehow his fault. So less on the same page then. Because Tony was completely willing to spread the blame to people outside their little duo.
On the phone Pepper was sighing. “I don’t know. But I do know this is the sort of thing that would only happen to you.”
“Apparently not,” Tony said, a little offended at the prospect that, once again, this was somehow his fault. He was innocent, thank you very much. A victim of this, well prank seemed like too light a word, but he didn’t have a better one at the moment. “Since it happened to Strange, too.”
Strange shot him another aggravated look. Tony shifted the phone so his next statement was addressed to Strange and not Pepper. “Stop looking at me as though this is my fault,” he hissed quietly. “For once, this really, really isn’t.”
“We can file for an annulment,” Pepper continued. “I doubt any judge would refuse to grant it. And if for some reason they do, you can file for divorce, though in the state of New York you have to be separated for a year or have ‘irreconcilable differences’ for at least six months.”
“And we’ve supposedly only been married a month.” He shook his head. “I’m still baffled that a legitimate marriage certificate somehow got filed. There’s got to be procedures in place to stop this sort of thing.”
“I’m still baffled that someone wanted you and Strange married,” Pepper said, and that was fair. For one, it was just plain ridiculous and for the other Tony could think of fewer more unlikely couples than him and Strange. The sorcerer and the tech guru, really? “Look, I’m going to meet with our PR and Legal teams to see how they want to handle this. I’ll get back to you.”
Tony ran a hand over his face. “Thanks Pepper. You’re a life saver.”
Pepper snorted. “You, Mr. Stark, would be lost without me.”
“Don’t I know it.” This really wasn’t even her responsibility. She hadn’t been his PA in years and as CEO she almost certainly had more important things to be doing with her time. But there was no one Tony would trust more to help get this whole thing resolved. No one stood a chance when Pepper was on the case.
“Will that be all Mr. Stark?” Pepper asked, a familiar lilt to her voice.
Tony smiled a little. “That’ll be all, Miss Potts.”
He hung up, turning to Strange. “Well, turns out we’re married. Someone went and got a marriage license and then filed our marriage certificate and everything.”
“How?” Strange said, sounding entirely baffled. “There have to be procedures in place to stop that sort of thing,” he said, echoing Tony’s own words. “And why?”
“That,” Tony said grimly. “Is the question.” It made no sense; Tony couldn’t think of a single motivation for someone to do this. It wasn’t even a cruel rumor; those, Tony was used to. Some could even consider it good press, if it weren’t for the fact that it was entirely false. But there were far easier lies for someone to concoct.
His phone dinged with an incoming text, followed by several more in rapid procession
From: Spiderling
Congratulations, Mr. Stark!
You and Doctor Wizard are such a great couple!
Why didn’t you tell me?
I could totally have kept it a secret!
Tony had to hold back a scoff. He loved the spiderling, he did. But Peter couldn’t keep a secret to save his life. And Tony meant that entirely literally. If this had been an actual secret and he’d told Peter than literally everyone would have known about it by the end of the week.
From: Tony Stark
Kid, how many people know you’re spiderman again? You can’t keep a secret to save your life.
And we’re not married.
It’s just a mistake.
“Well, according to Peter we make a great couple,” Tony said dryly as he put his phone away. Ignoring the next text that came in, likely Peter trying to defend himself from the accusation that he couldn’t keep a secret.
Strange rolled his eyes. “Yes, exactly what I was looking for. Validation of my non-existent marriage from a teenager who adores you to the point that he’d be excited with just about any marriage you ended up a part of.”
“Peter doesn’t adore me,” Tony denied automatically, even though he couldn’t help the twist of warmth in his gut. “Our relationship is purely mentor-mentee.”
Wong snorted and Tony sent him a glare. “That kid thinks that you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread,” Wong told him seriously. “Though admittedly, I’m not entirely sure what’s so great about sliced bread.”
“The Chillicothe Baking Company was the first company to begin slicing their bread; they had a great advertising campaign,” Strange said absently, glaring down at the newspaper again as though it had personally offended him. Which, well, understandable. “Heavy emphasis was placed on how great sliced bread was. The baking industry started using it as a measure of advancement keeping it in the public mind. It was later used to describe British film actor Stewart Granger and then shortly after it was used to describe television at which point it began taking off as a popular idiom.”
Tony stared at him, a little baffled. He knew plenty of weird things, but at least his weird things were actually useful—for the most part anyway. Some things he just knew for the hell of it. “How the hell do you know that?”
Strange just shrugged. “Read it once. I don’t forget things.”
“Clearly,” Tony said, shaking his head in bemusement. “Well, this has been a fun morning. Hopefully we can get this annulled and look back at it as a fond memory.”
Strange gave him one of his ‘are you serious’ looks, which really, for how short of time they’d known each other, Tony had seen that far too often. “Right. Well, I’m not sure what’s so fond about it. But I’d prefer we get it fixed as soon as possible. I’d rather not the stain on my reputation of being associated with you in such a way.” Which really, that was just uncalled for. Tony would be a catch.
His phone rang and Tony pulled it out of his pocket and glanced at it. He sighed when he saw Pepper’s name. “I have a bad feeling about this.” He answered the phone with a sigh. “What’s wrong now?” he asked, preparing himself for the worst.
“The stocks,” Pepper said grimly.
Tony winced. “How far did they drop?”
“That’s the problem,” Pepper said. “They didn’t. They went up.” Tony frowned, given the fact that the US was still deeply embedded in a Christian culture and still largely frowned on LGBTQ+ relationships that was the last thing he would have expected. “Which means that PR thinks that both denying the marriage or an immediate divorce isn’t going to look good.” Tony could read the implications easily. He had such a bad feeling about this. “Especially with your reputation. A marriage makes you look stable.”
“I haven’t been a playboy in years,” Tony defended; sheesh, America didn’t forget anything. It’d been literal years, Pre-Afghanistan days, since he’d been a playboy, but there was no changing the fact that that was still how he was seen: genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Though he supposed three out of four wasn’t so bad. He glanced at Strange. “And it doesn’t matter anyway, Strange isn’t going to go for that. Apparently being married to me is a stain on his reputation. Which, rude.”
Strange raised an eyebrow, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. “I’m not going to go for what?”
Tony ignored him. “I’ve got some exciting projects in the works. We’ll just put out a new phone update and throw in whispers of one of our medical advance projects that we’re getting FDA approved and we’ll ride it out.”
“Tony,” Pepper said, and she using her cajoling tone. Tony winced; he hated that tone. He almost always gave into it. “This could be good. Get caught going on a couple of dates, kiss once or twice where the press can see you. Just a year or so and then you two can get an amicable divorce.”
Tony shook his head, because one, it would definitely not be that easy, and because two, this was the most absurd thing he’d ever heard and he’d had to listen to Thanos spout his ‘halve the universe to solve all our problems’ rhetoric, and that had been absurd. Like really, what sort of twisted logic came up with that? “Like I said, it’s a moot point, there’s no way that Strange is going to go for that.”
Strange’s eyes went flinty. “Don’t decide what I will or won’t go for,” he said testily. “You don’t speak for me.”
Tony rolled his eyes. “Do you want to stay married to me for a year because it’s great for SI stocks?” Tony asked, layering his voice with sarcasm. Strange made a face and Tony nodded. “Exactly.”
“It’s also doing great things for Kamar-Taj’s reputation,” Pepper added, tone wheedling. “It makes them more relatable, which is a good thing given the, well, cult-like similarities. Everhart’s ‘exposé’ of them was far from flattering, despite Strange’s role in helping to save the world.”
“It’s not a cult,” Tony defended immediately, despite the fact that he’d definitely called it a cult a time or two. It wasn’t his fault that they shared several key aspects, it’s not like they were alone in that, several popular religious institutions did, too. People just didn’t react well to things they didn’t understand and worse to things that they were afraid of. And admittedly the Masters of the Mystic Arts could be kind of terrifying. “And Christine isn’t flattering to anyone.” Though her reputation had gotten solid enough that her word carried weight. “Plus, they don’t care about their reputation either. Pretty sure they’re above that sort of thing.” He glanced at Wong. “Right, Wong?”
Wong’s head tilted thoughtfully, clearly putting together just what Pepper was saying from context clues. He sent Strange a speculative look that didn’t bode well for either him or Strange. Strange immediately shook his head, clearly thinking the same thing. “No, Wong. Definitely not. Stark won’t go for it.”
“Don’t speak for me,” Tony retorted automatically.
Wong held out his hand. “I would like to speak to Miss Potts,” Wong said, tone brooking no room for disagreement.
Tony hesitated, but passed on the message. “Pep, Wong wants to talk to you.”
“Good,” Pepper said, and she sounded far too pleased. “Don’t worry, I’ll convince him this is a good idea; he can convince Strange. It’ll work out.”
Tony made a face, despite the fact that it rather lost its effect when Pepper couldn’t see it. It was the principle of the matter, anyway. “Pep, that is the exact opposite of reassuring. Because this is not a good idea. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that it’s a phenomenally bad idea. Strange and I would make the worst couple in the history of bad couples.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Strange demanded, sounding far too offended for the topic at hand. They were trying to convince people that this was a bad idea—though it shouldn’t be a scenario that needed convincing, but sometimes life got weird—which included pointing out the faults inherent to their pairing. “I’d make a great husband. You would be lucky to be married to me.”
“Just put Wong on the phone,” Pepper said, the no-nonsense tone that meant that Tony should just do what she said and save himself a headache.
Tony handed Wong the phone.
Wong took it, moving away as though seeking some degree of privacy as he and Pepper plotted together. Tony hoped at least one of them realized what a bad idea this was, but he was starting to have a bad feeling about this. Strange was still glaring at Tony as though he’d said something offensive.
“Oh come on,” Tony complained, because really, this was just unfair. “We’d make a terrible couple and you know it. You’re all—” he waved his hand at Strange, ”—that. And I’m all—“ he waved at himself, ”—this.”
“I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean. And I don’t know we’d be a terrible couple, actually,” Strange said, digging his heels in in what was the most ludicrous argument of all time. Strange didn’t even want to be married to him, but the implication that he was anything less than a perfectly desirable partner and suddenly he was offended. “I’m a fantastic catch. If anyone was going to be the weak link in this marriage it wouldn’t be me.”
Now Tony was offended, him, the weak link? How dare. “Excuse you. I’d be a devoted partner. Devoted. You wouldn’t know what hit you. You’d feel absolutely cherished.” Yes, Tony had a lot of faults, but lack of dedication to a partner, when he actually had a partner—which, admittedly, had been rare—was not one of them.
“Oh good,” Wong said, hanging up the phone and handing it back to Tony. “You two can be a wonderful, devoted couple for the next year.” He clapped his hands together with a sense of dooming finality. “Congratulations on the marriage.”
“Wait,” Strange said, backpedaling immediately, raising a hand as though to ward Wong off. The cloak came up, pulling Strange’s arm down. The Cloak, Tony decided, was clearly a traitor. “No. I’m not going to stay married to Stark for a year.”
Wong just gave him a flat look. “Kamar-Taj has been facing scrutinization since Thanos forced us out into the open. It is good PR for you to be married to Stark. Power of love saving the universe and what not. Therefore you’ll stay married to Stark.”
"Whoa.” Tony held up his own hands. “I think you and Pepper are taking this a little far. There are dozens of other ways for you guys to get good PR. I’ve got a great PR team, I’ll lend them to you and everything. Me and Strange staying married is absolutely unnecessary.”
“Miss Potts is setting up your public reception for next month,” Wong informed him, ignoring Tony entirely. “You two better figure out how to look like a happily married couple by then.” He gave them a sharp smile. “I’m sure it’ll be easy, since Stephen would make a great husband and you’re devoted. You’re practically a match made in heaven.”
Tony gave Wong his best glare, but Wong was entirely unaffected. Damn him and his inscrutability.
“Fine,” Strange said and Tony turned his glare onto Strange. Because no, they weren’t giving in this easily. They weren’t supposed to give in at all. “Stark and I will pretend to be married. But—“ he held up a finger. “I want unlimited access to the library.”
Tony spluttered. Strange had to be kidding him. He stared at Strange, trying to figure out if he was really being serious. Except, yes, Strange looked entirely serious. “You’re giving in for library access? What happened to me being a stain on your reputation?” Sure, it had been rude, but also, it was the sort of thing that kept Strange from giving in to this absolute insanity. “Have you forgotten just how much you’re not a fan of this idea, because I am more than willing to remind you. Would you like a list of my faults? Because I can do that.”
Strange shrugged, and he seemed to have gotten over his reservations far too easily. And here Tony had assumed that Strange was a man of convictions. “It’s easier than having to keep stealing books, and then Wong can’t give me the evil eye whenever he catches me reading something I shouldn’t be.”
Wong narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, and Tony really, really hoped that library access was something entirely too important to be so easily bought, but then Wong nodded. “Deal.”
Tony crossed his arm, giving both of them his best stink eye. “No. No deal. This marriage takes two. I’m not staying married to Strange. Maybe I think it’s a stain on my reputation, have you thought of that?” Not that he’d actually say that was true. Strange and him might be an impossible couple, but it was not because there was anything wrong with Strange. Some people just weren’t compatible. Example: Him and Strange.
Strange sniffed imperiously. And oh, was that irritating. “Are you afraid of realizing I make a better husband than you do?” he asked, clearly trying to provoke him. Had, perhaps, been trying to provoke him this whole time, just evidence that Strange took visceral enjoyment in causing problems for him. It was completely undeserved, well, mostly undeserved. “That’s all right," Strange continued. "I know what I’m getting in for and I’m willing to settle for it.” Tony narrowed his eyes, refusing to let it work. He would not be baited. He was above that. He really, really was.
Strange gave him a near-perfect smirk.
Not going to be baited, Tony reminded himself. He wouldn’t. But the suggestion that Strange would have to ‘settle’ for him rankled. “Fine,” he snapped, failing his objective terribly. Like anyone would settle for him. All right, so maybe he had… numerous issues, but he made up for that in other ways. “We can be married. But you’re going to wish we weren’t when I prove myself the superior husband.”
Strange snorted, looking entirely too skeptical at what was nothing less than fact. “An entirely unlikely occurrence.”
Tony narrowed his eyes, before he decided to just go for it. He stepped forward until he was in Strange’s space and went up on tiptoes to press a kiss to Strange’s lips. He slipped one hand on Strange’s neck, pulling him down into it. Strange let out a surprised sound, his hands coming automatically to Tony’s waist, pulling him in until they were pressed together. Tony knew he was good at kissing and he put his considerable talent to good use. Strange moaned into the kiss and Tony considered his job done.
He pulled back, stepping away. “Best. Damn. Husband,” he declared. Strange looked momentarily dazed and Tony noted Wong watching them with a weird look on his face. Well, he could deal, he was the one that had asked for this, he could live with the repercussions of his demands.
Strange recovered relatively quickly. “Being a decent kisser doesn’t make you a good husband,” he said, but his gaze had fallen back to Tony’s lips as though he was thinking about kissing him again. Tony didn’t blame him; he was irresistible and he knew it.
Tony smirked. “That, Doctor Strange, was only the beginning.” He turned on his heel. “I’ll see you later, husband mine. Prepare to be utterly wowed.”
“Well,” he heard Wong say from behind him as he moved the door. “This is going to be an interesting year.” The door shut beyond him and he ran a hand over his face now that he was in relative privacy. Oh, this was such a bad idea. On the bright side, him and Strange might have gotten roped into this ridiculous farce, but at least he could be confident that neither of them were going to do anything embarrassing like catch feelings.
After all, he could think of no pair less compatible than the two of them.