Work Text:
{Things you said after you just woke up}
“Noya?” Tanaka slumps into a chair at the table, sleep still stuck in his eyes.
“Ryuu!! You’re up!!” Noya whips around to smile at him, practically gleaming. Yuu is one of those people that is awake and ready to run a marathon as soon as the sun breaks. Tanaka thinks it’s wonderful. He thinks everything about Nishinoya Yuu is wonderful. “I’m just making toast!! I can make some eggs too, do you want eggs?”
Ryuu’s eyes drift to the toaster to see that his boyfriend isn’t so much as making toast as he is burning it. “Mm-mm.” He declines the offer with a shake of his head and gestures at the toaster to remind the other boy there's a mistake about to occur.
Noya whips the opposite way again with a quiet curse. It's too late for the toast at this point, smoke is wafting up from the terrifying metal beast they deign to call a toaster. Noya curses louder this time, growing in volume as they string together. He attempts to yoink the toast right from the toaster--trying to keep it from smoking too much lest the fire alarm go off. Ryuu chuckles as the libero ends up dancing on the spot chanting "Hot, hot, hot, hoT HOT HOT HOT!!!"
When the toast has been tamed, Noya grins triumphantly, a piece held in each hand. He’s wearing a lopsided grin and a pair of blue boxers and nothing else. The golden light streams in through the window and frames him like some kind of heavenly being--messy bedhead sticking up and forming some sort of off-kilter halo. If Yuu was an angel, Tanaka thinks, he'd be the kind that's a little rough around the edges. Distantly, he thinks Yuu already is an angel.
And then, like the idiot that he is, Tanaka says it: "God, you're beautiful."
The grin plastered on Noya's face falters and becomes more of a questioning stare. Tanaka's cheeks color, but he's not going to take back what he said (because he can probably pass it off on how tired he was later).
Yuu crosses the kitchen instead of saying anything teasing, placing the blackened toast down on the table. He frames Ryuu's face with his hands. Tanaka keeps from complaining about the crumbs sticking to his skin uncomfortably. Then he's placing kisses all over the taller boy's face, on his eyelids and the tip of his nose. Ryuu makes a noise of questioning confusion in the back of his throat and Yuu plants one more lingering kiss on him before pulling back and whispering, "So are you."
{Things you said at the kitchen table}
They're sitting together at the table, preparing themselves for work. Mentally, at least. They're both in annoying, dead-end jobs that leave them emotionally drained at the end of the night, so this morning ritual of them basking in each other's presence had basically been born out of necessity.
Noya's examining his hands, and Tanaka is rambling about squirrels.
"--and then when I tried to take the fucking sandwich back about six more squirrels sprang outta the bushes and just about ate me alive!! It was like they had planned it!! I was so pissed, I couldn't believe I had been bested by some tiny nut-munching rodents. ME, Tanaka Ryuu--"
"Did you know that my hands are about half an inch skinnier than the average person?" Noya cuts in, holding his hands out over the table.
Tanaka rolls his eyes from where his chin is propped on his own hand. "Yes, Noya, I know that you have freakishly small child hands. You talk about it enough there's literally no way I could ever forget."
"Well I was just thinking," Noya splays his hands out palms down between the two of them, with a vicious grin flashing in his eyes. "Do you ever feel guilty that you've corrupted my childlike innocence? These tiny hands..." He's teasing his boyfriend on purpose now, delighting in the way his face reddens as he suggestively walks his fingers across the table. For shits and giggles, he raises his voice an octave, mirroring what might sound like innocence. He's not sure he's ever really been innocent. "These tiny hands have done some weally diwty things, Wyuu."
Tanaka's mouth drops open and Noya flashes him the best puppydog pout he can muster. And then taller man stands abruptly, pushing his chair back and shouting, "I'm LEAVING!" as Noya collapses into boisterous laughter, watching his boyfriend stalk out of the room.
{Things you said when you thought I was asleep}
Tanaka:
He drops his keys onto the table directly next to the door and shrugs out of his coat. There's a heavy sigh and he tries not to whine outright because every part of his body hurts and he's so tired and he still has to walk all the way to his bedroom. But his boyfriend is probably (hopefully) sleeping because he has to get up early early early tomorrow and Ryuu works late late late. And it sucks, but they need the money and these are the only shifts they're getting so they're trying to make it work.
It's starting to sink into his bones though, the ache of missing Noya even though he's right there--because that's what makes it all the worse. They live with each other, they sleep in the same bed, and yet it feels like they never see each other.
Tanaka sighs as he rubs a hand over his short hair. Maybe next week they'll have the weekend off. Maybe he should request a weekend off.
He creeps into the bedroom finally, and Noya's back is to him on the bed, facing the window. Tanaka bites at his lip because he wants to wake him up so badly, wants to cover this boy in kisses and take in the sunshine he gives off but he can't because Noya only has three more hours until he has to get up. So instead, he goes about changing into his pajamas and brushing his teeth.
When he enters the room again, Noya hasn't moved.
(Noya's awake but Ryuu doesn't know and he's not telling because he's angry and hurt and feels frustrated just like Ryuu does. And he doesn't want to deal with this. He just wants everything to be fucking simple again and for them to be living in a shitty apartment together like they planned, fending off roaches and trying not to burn all the food; not running in circles around each other and only seeing them when they get up or go to sleep. Noya's scared because he's worried that this is how it's going to be for the rest of their lives: just scraping by, having to work the odd shifts and never spending time together cooking or fucking around like he thought they would. But he's not going to say anything to Ryuu because he doesn't want to have this conversation, and he seems like he's doing well enough, and that really makes Noya wonder if he means as much to his boyfriend as he thought he did. And he doesn't want to discuss feelings and he doesn't want to complain and he doesn't want to make Ryuu feel guilty. It's a big, vicious fucking cycle and Noya's trapped right in the middle of it like a hamster on a treadmill.)
With another sigh Ryuu sits down on the edge of the bed, cross-legged. And then he speaks out loud because he has to get this out and if he leaves it in it will rot inside him and he'll feel sick for the next three days. (Tanaka has always been a proactive person, he has to do the things otherwise they won’t count. Nothing matters unless he actually does it.)
"Alright.” He claps his hands together (quietly). “Alright, if there are any gods up there, watching over me or whatever, I’m praying to you right now. I’m asking for you to. To like, help me move through this dumb, stupid, annoying part of my life because it sucks and it hurts. And I wanna spend more time with Noya. So that’s what I’m praying to you for or...whatever, help me hang on for him because. I love him a lot and I can tell this is suckish for him too. And I just want to. Give him what he deserves. So yeah. Please.” Tanaka knows that in the long run, this isn’t likely to help him at all. It makes him feel a little better though.
(Noya squeezes his eyes around the tears leaking out of them. Ryuu settles into bed behind him. He doesn’t move.)
Noya:
Tanaka doesn't open his eyes when he first wakes up. He doesn't want to ruin this moment because he is so comfortable and if he wakes up it will have to end. So if he doesn't open his eyes he won't wake up and then nothing will ever be bad because he'll be asleep. It's flawless logic, really, and Tanaka is proud of himself for reasoning through it.
This absolutely bulletproof logic stays intact until Noya bursts through the bedroom door, the beginnings of a shout faltering then dying in his throat.
"Oh, you're asleep." Filters through the hazy dim of their room, and the door slowly closes. Ryuu can feel the strip of light shrink until it vanishes from existence. Tanaka is mildly shocked that's all that comes out. (Four syllables say a lot coming from Yuu, who believes more is more and not less. He pulls a lot from those four tiny syllables and smiles because he knows so well.)
He's technically not asleep but he's straddling that line between consciousness and not. He's getting pretty friendly with that line, actually; he might just end up nestling himself right there and never moving. Yuu might end up getting jealous he and this line are getting so friendly. Besides the point. Tanaka is asleep, but also not, so instead of trying to explain it he just doesn't try at all.
There's a quiet hum and some shifting and then the bed dips a tiny bit. Tanaka's eyelids are slowly growing heavier so he doesn't even look to see what's going on. A thumb rubs across his cheek and he does NOT moan. He's being dragged deeper and deeper into sleep; inky hands wrapped around his stomach and yanking him under, away from higher thought processes.
"You're so beautiful." Ryuu drops out of reality.
{Things you said under the stars and in the grass}
He is drunk off his ass. Tanaka is drunk off his ass, and knows it, which makes all of this so much more fun. Any terrible, dangerous ideas are still carried out, because he’s drunk, man, everything is a good idea, what are you talking about, and no Ennoshita I’m not stealing the shopping cart I’m just borrowing it so I can push Noya down the sidewalk okay??? Gosh!!!
He thinks maybe he’s handling himself a little better than he normally does when he is so absolutely wasted but he knows that’s not true--he’s just trying to handle himself better. It’s not really working. It also doesn’t help that he’s the only one here who seems to be even slightly inebriated. But you know what??? NONE of that matters!!!!!
Tanaka is drunk!!!!!!! Tanaka is SO drunk and he is having SUCH a good time because everything is so fucking GREAT in this world!!
“Noya!!!!! Noya have I told you how much I love your hair???” Ryuu pats the top of his tiny friend’s spiky hair gently and in awe. He really does love Noya’s hair, he’s not lying. Ryuu wishes he could pull off a look like that but he really couldn’t.
Noya laughs, loud and boisterous puffing his chest out in pride. “It is pretty amazing isn’t it?”
“Yeah, so amazing.” They reach the gates to the park that had been their destination when they set out. To be honest, he had forgotten about it until right now, but he is suddenly so excited at the prospect of rolling around in the grass. With a whoop, he sets off, sprinting across the field and away from the others, cackling madly and tearing off the jacket he’s wearing. He discards it somewhere on the ground before throwing himself down the steep grassy hill they came to this park for.
Tanaka continues cackling all the way down the hill over the screams of his worried friends at the crest. Then he hears a whoop and--although he can’t see anything than the occasional stripe of night sky--he realizes Noya is rolling down the hill after him.
After a good few minutes of rolling he comes to a stop, panting at the bottom of the hill with a huge grin plastered on his face. Noya crashes directly into his shoulder and both men groan.
“OW, Noya.”
“Maybe if you moved your dumb self I wouldn’t of hit ya.” His tiny friend grumbles and repositions himself so they’re lying side by side.
“Tanaka! Noya! Are you guys dead?” Narita calls.
“No! Come joins us!” Noya shouts back and Tanaka yells his agreement.
“We’d prefer to keep our dinner down.” Ennoshita replies.
“Just stay there you dumbasses! We’re on our way down!”
Tanaka grumbles about how their friends have no guts while Noya heaves a sigh.
“Hey, Noya-san.”
“Yeah?”
“The stars look really pretty tonight.” He slurs out.
Noya chuckles. “Yeah, they do.”
Tanaka slowly reaches over and slips his fingers in between Noya’s. “Hey. Noya-san.” He whispers it, surprisingly quiet for someone as drunk as he is.
“Yeah, Tanaka?” Noya whispers back. His heart’s beginning to pound and he can hear it in his eardrums.
“You’re super pretty too.”
Noya’s face turns red as Ennoshita shouts from behind them.
{Things you said too quietly}
Noya is in the tiny kitchen making tea. If he raised his voice to just above speaking, Noya could hear Ryuu from where he is in their bedroom. It's a straight shot across the living room to the kitchen, he can see Noya in there now fiddling around. They hold conversations between rooms all the time. God knows they're both loud enough.
"Sometimes I worry that you don't actually like me." He whispers it to himself, like a secret.
This isn't something Ryuu wants Noya to hear. It's embarrassing and whiny and pretty much fishing for compliments.
But it's also something that Ryuu desperately, desperately wants Yuu to hear. Ryuu wants his boyfriend to hear it and assure him that this isn't true at all, that he could never actually annoy the love of his life.
Ryuu hates these thoughts. They're like a double weakness. He can't say them out loud, but he can't make them stop without someone dispelling them for him. They sit at the back of his brain, slowly working themselves to the forefront.
His boyfriend abruptly yanks him from the deep, dark headspace he managed to work himself into with tea.
"Here, Ryuu, this'll cure your headache for sure!" He hands it over delicately with a huge grin.
A small smile works its way back onto his face and he manages a quiet, "You're a doll."
Noya's eyes flick over his face with an expression of worried confusion but Ryuu avoids his eyes.
"Ryuu."
"Hm?" He sips at his tea noncommittally.
"I love you."
He blinks at that, startled, before looking up at the tiny man in curled up in front of him.
"Wh--” Noya cuts him off by pressing a finger to his lips, and places the other one against his cheek.
“I love you.”
{Things you said at 1am}
There are nights when Noya wraps his limbs around Tanaka and presses his chest into his back. There are nights when he drapes himself over top of him until he's shoved to the other side of the bed. There are nights when he wants to the little spoon so he can kick his legs out. And then there are nights when he curls himself up into a little ball and doesn't really want to be touched at all. This is one of those nights.
Yuu's got his knees and his forehead touching Tanaka's spine and nothing else. Ryuu, for what it's worth, has been asleep for an hour. Noya can't get there, his mind is whirring spinning clicking too fast to settle in the dark. He's running full speed ahead, all four cylinders, professional driver on closed course--do not attempt at home. And he can't think because he can't stop thinking.
He whispers out into the pitch black. "Ryuu? Are you awake?" The only response is the steady even breathing of his boyfriend.
"I can't sleep." Hot tears prick at the corners of his eyes.
"Sometimes it all feels like too much."
Tanaka doesn't wake up.