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The first night was something Bill would not be able to forget any time soon. Nothing eventful happened, mind you, but it was enough to leave the man’s heart racing, his mind a light with what the next day might bring. In time, he would learn that Frank would always have that effect on him. He’d always be left wondering what joyous things they’d busy themselves with. The first day, however, the joy was muted by lingering anxiety that remained deeply entangled within Bill's gut. Not so easily unwedged and tossed away. Closeness felt wrong when it wasn’t. He tried to let himself enjoy Frank all the same, make the most of his company while it remained. After all, good things come to an end, Bill knew that lesson all too well.
They ate leftovers for dinner. Frank tilted his head back and let out an unholy noise of pure satisfaction. His plate pushed forward, Bill didn’t notice it at first, his heart was beating so fast he swore it might just burst out of his chest and sit as an ungodly centerpiece on the table.
“It’s just as good as the first time,” Frank smiled, his eyes still closed, head still tilted back. Did he not know the impact he had on Bill? Or maybe he was completely aware and fully in control. Maybe this was all just some game to the other man. Either way, this corporeal desire still didn’t feel like Bill’s to touch or hold. The tension between them had snapped like lightning shortly after lunch. Bill didn’t want to be presumptuous into thinking it would happen again. A tumble in the sheets. A few days of respite. Then Frank would be on his merry way and Bill would be alone again. That’s just how this story would end, he didn’t want to hold onto hope of anything different.
To say it was a surprise when Frank curled up in the master bed – Bill’s bed – instead of requesting the guest room would be an understatement. Bill stood in the doorway, eyes all but bulging out of his cranium.
Frank met his gaze and offered a smile as sweet tasting as honey. Bill swallowed hard, focus locking on the wall just behind the other man’s head.
“Don’t tell me you are getting cold feet now,” he said and it was clear from the sound alone that his sweet genuine smile remained in place. The words were no tease, rather an honest question.
Bill tried to speak, to tell him it was fine, to just say anything at all really. The words didn’t come, his mouth remained pressed tightly closed. Desires ensnared in fear.
Frank cleared his throat. The rustling of sheets was sign enough that he was pushing himself back up out of bed.
“Hey, listen, it’s okay. I’ll just sleep on the couch, Bill.”
“No,” the reply was so fast, so sharp, it shocked not only Frank but Bill himself. Both men wore twin expressions of bewilderment.
After a beat of silence, Bill managed to rip his gaze away from the wall and meet Frank’s eyes. He swallowed hard again and then opened his mouth to speak.
“I want you to stay, Frank. Stay in… in this bed – with me?” It was posed as a question rather than an a statement of wanting. Frank, who in a past life must have been some kind of patron saint, just nodded and made himself comfortable once more.
“If that’s what you want, Bill, then I’ll stay.”
And staying is exactly what Bill wanted but it didn’t make it feel any less wrong or any less scary.
The bed was just big enough for the two of them. Bill had situated himself so not a single atom of his being touched Frank. It wasn’t questioned. Instead, Frank closed his eyes and quickly drifted off. His trust worn so loudly on his sleeve.
Bill hardly slept that night. For a while he faced Frank. He watched the rise and fall of his chest until it felt like he shouldn’t be watching, like he didn’t have the right to see the other so vulnerable. Bill rolled over, back facing Frank. That’s how he fell asleep, body on the edge of the mattress, heart yearning to press up against the other.
In the end, it seemed as though heart won over mind. When Bill awoke a few hours later, he found his limbs tangled around Frank’s. His breathing all but stopped, heart hammering loudly in his chest like a drum. When the man finally was able to breathe once more, his body practically sagged forward. Frank muttered in his sleep but didn’t wake. Careful as could be, Bill slipped out from the sheets, limbs detangling as he did so.
He padded to the kitchen feeling cold in a way he never had before. Bill’s mind remained in bed with Frank. Desire a raging fire, the man some sort of novocaine that Bill didn’t want out of his system. The world seemed brighter as he fried a few eggs. The birds sang a little louder as homemade bacon was plated.
Not thirty minutes later, Frank walked into the room. His hair was tousled and his eyes were bleary with remnants of sleep. He looked beautiful standing there in the soft glow of morning.
Bill sucked in a breath. Despite his better judgment, he thought that if Frank wanted to stay longer he could as long as it meant waking up like this. They didn’t even have to touch one another again. The company and his beauty was more than enough to set Bill’s soul on fire.
“I don’t know how you like your eggs,” Bill admitted, embarrassed almost for just assuming, as he slid a plate in front of Frank. They still remained seated at opposite ends of the long table. Frank didn’t mind, instead he dug into the meal like he was starving or like maybe he wasn’t sure when the next time he could eat would be. The clothes he wore hung loose from his hips and shoulders. Flesh almost proudly on display. It was intoxicating.
“This is great Bill,” Frank spoke, letting out another unholy sound like the previous day. Did he always eat this way? Was he trying to put on some sort of show for Bill? The man didn’t question it, just let his face heat up. “Tell me you didn’t make this juice yourself as well.”
“I did,” Bill admitted between bites of his own food. “Didn’t put in much sugar, sorry if you are a fan of sweet things.”
Frank shook his head, mouth full of food preventing him from speaking. There was some sort of pure joy in his expression as the food was swallowed.
“Bill, I mean this when I say it, this is the best food I’ve ever eaten in my entire life. Now, I don’t have sex for really good breakfasts either but I think I’m considering it.”
As Bill all but choked on a piece of bacon, he was left even more sure that Frank could stay as long as he wanted.