Chapter Text
First Round
It’s hot under the lights, everyone has got themselves settled and someone shouts ‘go’. Paxman gives the preamble to camera while the teams sweat.
Corpus Christi College, founded in 1352 and home to just over 450 students, is one of the smallest of the colleges of the University of Cambridge. Well-endowed and prestigious, blah blah blah. Former students include the writer Helen Oyeyemi, actor Hugh Bonneville and the conductor Mark Elder.
The University of Leeds is, by contrast, one of the largest universities in the UK by student population. Established in 1874 as the Yorkshire College of Science, it merged with the Leeds School of Medicine in 1884 and…yawn etc. etc. Notable alumni include the musician Mark Knopfler, politicians Jack Straw and Baroness Sayeeda Warsi, and athletes the Brownlee brothers.
Jeremy Paxman: Without further ado, let’s meet the teams. With an average age of 22, here is the team from Corpus Christi…
It’s happening. He’s actually going to have to say something and it’s going to be recorded and broadcast. Fuck. Listen for Abi, then say my name. Listen for Abi, then say my name…
Corpus Christi Paris: I’m Annabeth Paris from north London and I’m reading natural sciences.
Corpus Christi Brahmin: Hi, I’m Vikram Brahmin from Derbyshire and I’m reading English.
Jeremy Paxman: And their captain…
Corpus Christi Taylor: Hello, my name is Abi Taylor, I’m--
Corpus Christi Spring: Hi, I’m Charlie Spring, I’m from Kent, and--
Weary Producer: Corpus Spring, you have to wait for your captain to say her full intro. She’ll turn to you when she’s finished, yeah?
Corpus Christi Spring: Right yep, sorry!
Charlie turns to his teammates and mouths a panicked apology. Abi puts a hand on his shoulder, looks calmly into his eyes, and reminds him to breathe.
Weary Producer: Okay, let’s go again – Paris, from your entry please.
Corpus Christi Paris: I’m Annabeth Paris from north London and I’m reading natural sciences.
Corpus Christi Brahmin: Hi, I’m Vikram Brahmin from Derbyshire and I’m reading English.
Jeremy Paxman: And their captain…
Corpus Christi Taylor: Hello, my name is Abi Taylor, I’m from Rochdale and I’m studying mathematics.
Corpus Christi Spring: Hi, I’m Charlie Spring, I’m from Kent, and I’m reading classics.
🦚Twitter watch-party🦚
It’s a good spread but with no humanities students or linguists this Corpus team could struggle
Female captain – we love to see it!
Jeremy Paxman: …and now, also with an average age of 22, let’s meet the team from Leeds…
Leeds Nelson: Hi, I’m Nick Nelson, I’m also from Kent and I’m studying education.
Leeds Smith: I’m Jonny Smith, originally from Leeds and I’m studying maths.
Jeremy Paxman: And their captain…
Leeds Okewole: My name’s Temi Okewole from London and I’m reading medicine.
Leeds Bishop: And I’m Heather Bishop from Sunderland and I’m reading history.
🦚Twitter watch-party🦚
Looks like a pretty balanced match up here
Yep both have a couple of scientists and some arts coverage
ANOTHER FEMALE CAPTAIN WHOOOOP
Interesting, let’s see what happens!
LESGOOOO!!!
Jeremy Paxman: Right, as this is the first round of the contest I’ll remind you of the rules. Starter questions are worth ten points and are solo efforts. A correctly answered starter will earn you three bonus questions worth five points apiece. You may confer for the bonus questions, answers should be given by the captain. Without further ado, let’s begin.
Fingers on buzzers, here’s your first starter for ten…
Which herbaceous plant was one of the first oil-yielding plants to be cultivated, and bears pods which can snap open, which may account for its name being used as an invocation in the Arabian Night’s tale, Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves?
Roger Tilling: Corpus Christi Paris…
Corpus Christi Paris: Sesame
They’re off, and wonderful Beth has bagged them the first set of bonus questions. They’re on sizes of paper, and they manage to get two of the answers correct despite being of a generation that operates almost completely on screens.
Jeremy Paxman: Here’s your next starter; said to have been chosen because it resembles the shape of a Mobius strip, the lemniscate curve is the symbol of what mathemat--
Roger Tilling: Leeds Smith…
Leeds Smith: Infinity
Leeds manage to get all of their bonus questions correct to put them 5 points ahead.
Jeremy Paxman: In mammals, the dura mater, arachnoid layer and pia mater form what tissue that encloses the central nervous system?
Roger Tilling: Leeds Okewole…
Leeds Okewole: The meninges.
Charlie can’t really begrudge the medic bagging the question about the human body, even if he almost made it to the buzzer. He's still low-key pissed off though. He just needs to be that fraction of a second quicker. He watches as the Leeds team confer over their bonus questions. They score another 10 points on the subject of potatoes. Charlie straightens up for the next starter.
Jeremy Paxman: Here’s another starter for ten. Originating from the game company Nintendo, which animated serial kidnapper is the leader of the Koop—
Roger Tilling: Leeds Nelson…
Leeds Nelson: Bowser
Jeremy Paxman: Correct, I can’t pretend I understood a word of that!
Your bonuses this time are on Olympic diving. Which British diver secured Olympic bronze medals in the individual 10-metre platform even at the 2012 and postponed 2020 Olympic games, eventually taking gold in the 10-metre synchronised platform event at the postponed 2020 Olympics?
Leeds Okewole (C): Tom Daley
Jeremy Paxman: Correct. Daley also won a bronze medal in the 10-metre synchronised platform event at the 2016 Olympic games in Rio de Janeiro. Who was his diving partner for that event?
Bonus Conferring
Smith: It’s Matty Lee
Nelson: No, I think it’s Daniel Goodfellow. Matty Lee was his partner for Tokyo but they’d only been working together for a few years.
Okewole: You sure, Nick?
Nelson: Yep. Daniel Goodfellow.
Leeds Okewole (C): Daniel Goodfellow.
Jeremy Paxman: That’s correct. And finally, which renowned coach has worked with Tom Daley as the head coach of British Swimming’s High Performance Diving Centre since January 2014.
Nelson: It’s Jane Figueiredo
Leeds Okewole (C): Nominate Nelson
Leeds Nelson: Jane Figueiredo
Jeremy Paxman: That’s correct.
Leeds are now on 70 compared to Corpus’ 20 and Charlie’s properly pissed off. There’s a round of applause and he glares intently at Leeds Nelson who is grinning like the Cheshire cat at his string of correct answers. Smug bastard.
Jeremy Paxman: Okay, your next starter for ten is on Greek mythology.
This is it. After losing out on a bunch of questions he would definitely have aced, Charlie needs to get this starter for the team. He takes a deep breath, pre-presses the buzzer, and waits…
Jeremy Paxman: Famed for being the goddess of spring and fert—
Roger Tilling: Corpus Christi, Spring…
Corpus Christi Spring: Persephone
Jeremy Paxman: Correct, your bonuses this time are on SI units…
Charlie can’t help but permit himself a satisfied glance in Nelson’s direction. Payback for the MarioKart question. He finds Nelson looking right back at him. Charlie smirks and turns back for the bonuses. Beth is all over it and they claw their way to 45 points.
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Is anyone else seeing this? What does Spring keep looking at?
What is Nelson looking at?
Omg is it Spring?!!
Jeremy Paxman: Okay we’re at the halfway mark and it’s time to take a music question, your starter for ten is on classical music. You’re going to hear an excerpt of a work, I just need the name of the composer.
It hasn’t even been a second before the buzzer sounds.
Roger Tilling: Corpus Christi, Spring!
Corpus Christi Spring: Sergei Rachmaninoff
Jeremy Paxman: That’s correct, the opening of his prelude in C# minor, opus 3 number 2.
Your bonuses are three more works by Rachmaninoff, for the points please name them.
After the relief of getting the starter question, hope starts to build. There’s a decent chance he’s going to know these. The music starts to play and Charlie nods to Abi to indicate that he does know it.
Corpus Christi Taylor: Nominate Spring
Corpus Christi Spring: Rhapsody on a theme by Paganini
And again…
Corpus Christi Taylor: Nominate Spring
Corpus Christi Spring: Piano concerto number 3
This one’s trickier but he’s 95% he’s got it, he nods.
Corpus Christi Taylor: Nominate Spring
Corpus Christi Spring: Vocalise
Jeremy Paxman: Correct for the set, well done.
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A PAXO COMPLIMENT
This is not a drill 🚨
Charlie feels a surge of pride and confidence. They’ve pulled level now and Charlie can’t help but look over again, pretty sure he’s going to find Nelson’s eyes. Not so cocky now, huh?
Weary Producer: Corpus Spring, eyes front please.
Corpus Christi Spring: Sorry!
Weary Producer: Carry on Jeremy…
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MOAR STARING
Bets on whether they’re pissed off or turned on?
…little bit of both?
Ngl they’re both cute
You clocking the bi-flag scarf on the Leeds mascot?
You know it! #bisbewinning 💓💜💙
Jeremy Paxman: We’re going to take a picture round now. On your screen you’re going to see the first line of a novel written in English and translated into French. For ten points name the novel and the author.
C'est une vérité universellement reconnue, qu'un célibataire en possession d'une bonne fortune doit avoir besoin d'une femme.
Roger Tilling: Leeds, Nelson!
Leeds Nelson: That’s Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Irate Producer: SPRING! You look at your teammates or at Jeremy please.
Corpus Christi Spring: Yep. Roger that. Sorry.
Roger Tilling: What?
Irate Producer: Nothing to worry about Roger. Go ahead Jeremy
🦚Twitter watch-party🦚
Is Spring blushing?
💀
Man is FLUSTERED!!!!
Lol. Down bad.
Jeremy Paxman: Your bonuses are three more first lines in French, I need the title and the author for each one.
C'était une journée froide et lumineuse d'avril, et les horloges sonnaient treize heures.
Okewole: Any thoughts Nick
Nelson: Well, it says It was a cold day in April and the clocks struck thirteen, but I don’t know where it’s from.
Bishop: Oh that’s Orwell, 1984
Leeds Okewole: George Orwell, 1984
Jeremy Paxman: That’s correct…and the next one.
C'était un été étrange et sensuel, l'été où ils ont électrocuté les Rosenberg, et je ne savais pas ce que je faisais à New York.
Bishop: That’s The Bell Jar
Okewole: Who’s the author?
Bishop: Sylvia Plath
Okewole: Fab
Leeds Okewole (C): The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
Jeremy Paxman: Correct, and finally…
Que je devienne le héros de ma propre vie ou que ce poste soit occupé par quelqu'un d'autre, ces pages doivent le montrer.
Okewole: Anyone?
Okewole: Nick, what does it say?
Nelson: Hmm, something like ‘these pages will show whether I’m the hero in my own life or whether someone else holds that position’? Doesn’t mean anything to me I’m afraid.
Okewole: Anyone?
Jeremy Paxman: I need an answer…
Leeds Okewole: Sorry, we don’t know.
Jeremy Paxman: That was David Copperfield by Dickens
Jeremy Paxman starts to reel the questions off more and more quickly, and Roger Tilling’s voice rises to a shout. Charlie can feel that they’ve entered the last phase. They’ve been trading answers pretty evenly but Leeds are currently 20 points ahead, having got the most recent starter. Charlie is running on pure adrenaline at this point.
Jeremy Paxman: 'In the darkening twilight I saw a lone star hover gem-like above the bay.' This was the last diary entry of which explorer, written on January 5th 1922 at Grytviken in South Georgia?
Roger Tilling: CORPUS CHRISTI BRAHMIN
Corpus Brahmin: Ernest Shackleton
YES! Vikram bags the starter question. If they get all the bonuses then they will win. They lean in close to each other, ready to answer the bonuses as quickly as possible. They get the first, and they’re conferring on the second when the huge noise of the gong shocks them out of their conference.
Jeremy Paxman: And at the gong Leeds University have 170 and Corpus Christi College Cambridge have 165. Well played Leeds, and bad luck Corpus. You shouldn’t be too hard on yourselves though, that was an impressive performance and I wouldn’t be surprised if you come back as one of the highest-scoring losing teams.
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OOOOFFFF can’t believe how close that was!
YES LEEDS TAKING DOWN THE TABS!!!
Reckon Corpus will live to fight another day…
NEED SPRING / NELSON UPDATES
The Leeds team look at each other with delighted relief, while Corpus pat each other on the back in solidarity. They rise from their seats, straightening out clothing and gathering up their mascots as the production team sweeps in to set up for the next match. The teams are ushered back into the lift together and there’s a general level of chatter as they commiserate with or congratulate each other, a broken chorus of ‘good game’ and ‘so close’ and ‘well done’.
As they exit the lift, Charlie finds himself standing next to Leeds Nelson. This is the last arsehole he wants to see right now. He’s taller than Charlie, but not to the point where he feels looked down on. Charlie sneaks a furtive glance. Up close he doesn’t look especially smug or cocky. But Charlie knows what he saw during the match. Stupid Nintendo-playing, sports-knowing, French-speaking–
“Hi…” Nelson gives Charlie an easy smile.
“Hi...” replies Charlie, looking away.
“Good game.”
Who does this guy think he is?
“You too.” Charlie replies, coolly.
“You’re from Kent.”
Oh god. He’s actually trying to start a conversation, but what is Charlie supposed to say to that? It’s not even a question.
“So are you,” he says simply.
“Whereabouts?”
Charlie keeps it perfunctory. And vague.
“Not far from Rochester, you?”
“Get out! Same.” The enthusiasm in Nelson’s voice would be infectious, if Charlie wasn’t impervious to such untamed charms, “Where did you go to school?”
Charlie looks at him properly and realises two things. Maybe he’s not completely impervious after all. And maybe Nelson is not 100% irritating cocky shit. In fact, he’s got rather kind eyes, and cute glasses. And…arms…oh fuck.
“Truham Grammar,” stammers out Charlie, suddenly a little flushed.
“No way! I went to St John’s, but I nearly went to Truham. Impressive run on the music questions by the way.”
Charlie doesn’t have time to absorb much more than ‘possibly threatening sports guy’ from that statement because he has to respond to the compliment. He manages to give a shy smile despite the conflicting narratives bouncing around his brain.
“I lucked out with Rachmaninoff, if it had been literally anyone else…” Charlie shakes his head, “you speak French?”
“Oui…just not quite well-read enough to make it count though.” Nelson huffs out a laugh.
There’s now zero evidence to support Charlie’s ‘Nelson is a cocky twat’ theory. He actually seems like he might be a pretty nice, and oh-my-god devastatingly attractive, man who Charlie might have quite a bit in common with. Charlie decides to do a tiny little bit of fishing before he gets his hopes up too high.
“Seemed to work out okay, congrats on the win! I like your mascot by the way.”
“Yeah?” Nick cracks a wry smile, which boosts Charlie’s confidence in the conclusion he’s drawn from the tiny pink, purple and blue scarf that the teddy was wearing.
“Especially the scarf…”
There’s a slight broadening of Nelson’s smile. Maybe it’s the adrenaline, or the fact he likely won’t see this guy again after today, but Charlie decides to be brave. He's already baited the hook, and now he casts the line.
“Wouldn’t happen to be yours by any chance, would it?”
“It might be…”
Before Charlie can reel it in, they’re interrupted by Vikram.
“Charlie, we’ve got to go. Abi’s getting twitchy and…” he looks briefly at Nick, perhaps slightly apologetically, “...well she’s not in the best mood after the loss.”
“Yep, okay coming.” Charlie turns back to Nick, “It was nice meeting you!”
~~
Idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot. He didn’t ask for his number or Insta, he didn’t give him any of that information about himself, and has no way of getting in touch. Charlie scrolls hopelessly through instagram profiles in the car, barely paying attention to the rapid-fire questions being directed from the front passenger seat.
“Charlie!! You haven’t buzzed once yet. What’s going on?”
“Abi, we don’t even know if we’re still in the competition,” he protests, “do we really have to do this now?”
“Actually, it’s looking pretty likely. Jonny just messaged to say when they left there were only two matches to go and we had the second highest losing score. As long as that’s correct we’ll be going through to the highest scoring loser playoff. So we need to be on our game.”
“Jonny as in ‘Leeds Smith’ Jonny?” Who will definitely have contact details for Leeds Nelson. A plan starts to form in Charlie’s brain, but apparently it’s completely transparent to his team captain.
“Charlie, are you listening to me? We need to be ON. OUR. GAME,” she emphasises the words with aggressive finger clicks. “Stop thirsting after the opposition.”
Vikram chuckles, but falls silent under some intense side eye from Abi, and focuses soberly on the road.
“You need to work out how to keep a lid on it if we do end up back there, the production team didn’t seem to be your biggest fans.”
“It’s just nerve-wracking isn’t it, different from practice in college.” Charlie says, trying to cover a little. Had it really been that obvious that he was distracted?
“Harder to focus.” Beth adds, taking Charlie’s hand and giving it a squeeze. He smiles back at her. She gets it.
With the Instagram effort exhausted and no hope of getting Nick’s details via Abi, Charlie abandons the idea and throws himself into the general knowledge drills with the rest of the team.
When he gets back to college it’s easy enough to focus efforts on his studies, his friends, his societies and the like. He makes a couple of attempts at stalking looking for Nick Nelson, but he doesn’t get anywhere, and after a couple of weeks the memory starts to fade. There’s only a month to go until they have to go back and film the next round.
Maybe, if he’s incredibly lucky and it’s meant to be, there will be another chance meeting with Nick Nelson, and he can see if there’s anything there.