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Shouta pulls the box down from the shelf and sets it on the floor with a quiet “oof.” He rubs his lower back with his hand and his knees crack as he goes to sit on the floor. The thing about aging is that things never seem to work the way they’re supposed to.
He blows dust off the lid of the box and opens it. Inside lay several photos that never found their way into a photo album. His kids had been asking to see pictures of him and Hizashi when they were young and who was he to deny them, especially when Eri was giving him the puppy eyes? So, here he sits on the floor of the storage room, digging through a box of old photographs.
As he digs through the pictures, he finally comes across one that makes him smile softly. It’s a photo Hizashi took of him holding his first testosterone prescription script outside of a pharmacy. He’s smiling widely and his eyes are shining with joy in the picture. He remembers that day vividly. He had been seeing a therapist and talking to his doctor and taking blood tests for months and had finally gotten his first prescription. This picture was from the day he went to pick up his prescription. Hizashi had insisted on coming along and documenting the moment. Shouta is glad that he did. He stares at the picture and thinks about how his features had changed. In the photo, his features were soft. His cheeks were chubby and smooth, his jawline soft. Now, his cheeks are more angular and his jawline is stronger. He has facial hair now. He huffs a small puff of air through his nose and sets the picture to the side.
The next picture he pulls out of the box is a picture of him shaving for the first time. In this photo, his face is scrunched in concentration. His face is smeared with shaving cream and he’s holding a razor to his face in front of a mirror. In the reflection of the mirror, he can see Hizashi, Kayama, and Oboro all smushed into the bathroom, Hizashi holding the camera. Shouta thinks about that day when he’s feeling especially dysphoric. Him, shaving his facial hair for the first time while his friend and partners cheered him on, deciding that he hated it, and then only shaving for special occasions. He shaved for his and Hizashi’s wedding. He sighs contentedly, smiling, and sets the picture aside with the one of him getting his first prescription.
He roots around the box some more and pulls out a picture that he has a copy of in a photo album somewhere. He thinks that maybe he should make another album sometime soon. It’s a picture of him laying in a hospital bed, smiling wide and giving a thumbs up. He has a surgical binder on his chest with the tubes of his drains hanging from the sides. He looks tired, high out of his mind, but most of all, he looks happy. Shouta’s small smile grows into a grin, as it does every time he sees this photo. The memory of the moment is a bit hazy, as Shouta was still coming out of the anesthesia, but what he does remember is Hizashi congratulating him, pulling out the camera, and telling him to smile. After the photo was taken, Shouta vaguely remembers bursting into tears. It was his twentieth birthday when he got his top surgery. He doesn’t remember what he cried about, but he remembers crying. Maybe tears of joy, maybe confusion, he can’t be sure. He’s asked Hizashi before, but he didn’t know either. Shouta huffs a small laugh and thinks about the scars under his pecs. They mean so much to him.
A small knock startles him out of his thoughts. He turns toward the open storage room door and meets eyes with his husband.
“You’ve been in here a while. You okay, Shou?” Hizashi asks eyebrows quirked up in concern.
“Yeah, I’m good. Just… thinking.”
Hizashi smiles softly. “Yeah? What about?”
Shouta looks back down at the picture and rubs his thumb against it. “Just… I think if my younger self could see me now, he’d be really proud, you know?”
Hizashi walks over to Shouta and kisses the top of his head. “You’ve come a long way. I’m proud of you.”
He then bends down and takes a picture out of the box. It’s a photo of Shouta, Hizashi, and Oboro sitting on a rooftop, arms around each other. They’re all smiling and Shouta is blushing slightly. Hizashi smiles gently and shows Shouta the picture.
“I think Oboro would be proud of you, too.”