Chapter Text
2 months later
Christmas
Chakotay woke to the feel of soft hands caressing his torso, travelling down his abdomen and then sliding around his butt. His seductress gave a gentle squeeze of his glutes before lowering to his thigh. He felt her warm open mouthed kisses on the back of his neck, shoulder blades and biceps.
He let out a welcome murmur, encouraging her to continue, which she accepted as permission to take his growing erection in her palm. His breath hitched, and staggered as she began to slide her fingers from tip to base, alternating between loose strokes and tight grips.
Kathryn had been insatiable recently. Over the last couple weeks especially so, as the Gage had travelled back to Earth for shore leave. With no missions or objectives, his wife had found herself at a loose end, and Chakotay found himself the focus of her attentions. Not that he was complaining of course. The devil makes work for idle hands. And none more so than Kathryn's.
She was spooned up closely behind him, one delicate leg anchored over his thigh, grinding her pelvis against his hip; searching for friction. Meanwhile her thumb was spreading his precum over the tip of his penis. The kisses to his shoulder had transformed from gentle nips, to open bites of his flesh.
It was about as much as he could take.
Chakotay twisted around, and in an instant he had her body pinned beneath his, with her hands held above her head. "Dammit, Kathryn," he growled.
She simply grinned up at him. "Good morning," her voice was all sweet and innocent, but her eyes were anything but. They bore into his, daring, challenging and pleading with him to follow his baser instincts.
Swooping down he captured her lips with his, slipping his tongue into her mouth, and refusing to break apart until they were both breathless. She undulated her hips beneath him, desperate for more. He wasn't in any position to deny her.
They were already naked following the previous night's intimacies, so he shifted his pelvis and lined up with her centre. The tip of his shaft found her opening, and nudged at the entrance. She was already wet and ready for him.
"Fuck," he gritted out in response, to the feel of her juices easily coating him as he pushed a little further inside.
"That's what I had in mind," she tilted her hips to the optimum angle for his penetration.
"You're so wet," he breathed, eyes widening with wonder. She smiled as if it was nothing, but as he eased inside without any friction or resistance, he knew it was something more than that.
"Are you ovulating?" he asked, determined to understand the sensation.
Kathryn lifted her head from the pillow to peck his lips. "I've stopped keeping track," she admitted, which he quickly wrote off as a good thing, because the tracking of her cycle had been driving them both mad.
Chakotay suppressed the guilty thought that she didn't know how futile their attempts had been until more recently. He hadn't told her about the visit from Sloan or the device he'd found embedded under his skin. That someone was interfering with their relationship.
He told himself that it wouldn't matter if they could get pregnant quickly enough.
“Chakotay?”
A concerned look from Kathryn, and he remembered himself. He pushed his hips forward, but she wasn't letting it go.
“It looked like you were miles away. Where did you go?”
He forced a smile, “I'm right here, with you,” he assured her, and before she could challenge him, he changed the angle of his next thrust. At the welcome pressure against her clit, she arched back with delight as a moan escaped her mouth.
"I'll get you pregnant," he promised, meeting her gaze.
He expected her to smile and assure him there was no rush, but instead her brow furrowed and her expression became more serious. He opened his mouth to question her train of thought, but she spoke first.
"Let's just enjoy each other, okay?"
Chakotay felt like there was more to say. Something was also going on in her mind that she wasn't sharing, but at the shift of her hips, and the feel of her sliding up and down his shaft, he lost all other train of thought.
With her wrists still gripped on the pillow above her head, he pumped into her. Slowly at first, but with the amount of liquid between her legs, he soon picked up the pace, gliding effortlessly along her slick folds.
She fought to move her hands to touch him, but he held her in place. Maintaining control. Determining the speed and pace of their joining. Dominating above her.
"You're mine ," he breathed against her neck.
His wife acquiesced with a kiss. A sweeping and passionate kiss which took his breath away. The sudden loss of oxygen to his body and the sensation of her fluttering around him as she began to orgasm took him over the edge. Ribbons of his seed fired into her body, and he continued small sharp thrusts until he was completely spent.
Chakotay released her hands, but remained on top, his weight supported by his elbows as he continued to kiss his wife. Her arms wrapped around his neck, holding him close.
They remained cuddled together for a while after. Long after his cock had gone flaccid and slipped out. He rolled them onto their sides, their legs entwined, hooking them together, as if they were a singular entity.
"We should probably get up," she finally grumbled against his chest.
He smoothed back her hair as they began to draw away from one another. "Shower?"
Kathryn offered him a soft smile, effortlessly gliding off the mattress, and then holding her hand out as an invitation for him to join her.
The shower was instantly at temperature. As they stepped into the warm flow of water, Chakotay had her in his arms again, tilting her head up to kiss her. Her lips, her body, her touch, was all it took for him to begin growing hard again.
Breaking away to look up at him, she raised a questioning eyebrow. "We'll be late," she warned, but there was no resistance in her tone, only a suggestion that he would need to come up with the excuse for her mother this time.
He smiled, but despite his body's response, he had a more pressing agenda. Instead of making the advance she half expected, he cradled her cheek tenderly in his palm, and waited until he had her full attention.
"I'm sorry it hasn't happened for us yet," he told her, "It will. We just need to give it time."
Her eyes flickered away from his, and suddenly he knew with absolute certainty that something was going on. A panic rose up in his chest. Had she somehow figured it out? His visits from Sloan, the inhibitor, the subtle assistance he'd been providing to Section 31… He'd been so careful passing on the latest sensor data, but what if she'd discovered it?
Kathryn placed a hand to his chest, and he could tell she was gathering herself. "I was thinking maybe we should pause for a while."
Chakotay stilled, "What's going on Kathryn?" he asked carefully, unwilling to allow his sudden concerns to rise to the surface.
She looked away.
His heart faltered.
"Let's talk about it after we get back from my mother's."
Like hell he was going to wait. "No. I want us to talk about this now."
Her eyes snapped back to his. "It's about to become complicated…"
"Complicated?"
"You're going to be offered a promotion," she said quickly. "A first officer posting aboard the USS Asimov."
His jaw hung. That's the last thing he was expecting her to tell him. "How do you know that?"
She shrugged, "I see all crew requests come through."
Ah. "When did you find out?"
"Shortly before we disembarked yesterday. Freeman just needs to approve it, which he will, and then you'll be made the offer formally."
To say he was surprised at the impending offer, would have been a lie. He'd been expecting something for some time. Had subtly batted away a few other feelers from Starfleet command. Given his training and skill, this was a long time coming. Despite this, he felt completely thrown and unprepared knowing the inevitability of the promotion. He wasn't ready to be separated from his wife for a prolonged duration.
"If it's not right for us, I won't accept it," he told her firmly.
Kathryn shot him a look.
"What is it?"
"I think you should accept the promotion."
He gave her an incredulous look, and knowing that they were heading for a disagreement, Kathryn pushed past him and left the shower.
"I think that's up for me to decide," he told her.
"Alonzo and I have discussed it at length, and we think it's time." She grabbed a towel and began to dry off.
Chakotay could have laughed at the ridiculous notion that his wife would be discussing his career with their captain. For a moment the fact that she was the XO, and would have the entire crew's development in mind, completely evaded him.
"I'm glad that you and Freeman decided to cut me in on this decision," he snapped sarcastically, shutting off the shower and reaching for his own towel.
"Chakotay, I'm not suggesting this as your wife, but as you're commanding officer; it's the right career move. You're overqualified as head of tactical, and I can see you're itching to do more."
He followed after her as she headed back to the bedroom and began getting dressed.
"What about starting a family?" he demanded.
"That can wait," she insisted, pulling on underwear.
"What if I don't want to wait?" he snapped, without thinking through what he was saying.
Kathryn stopped still and glanced up at him, her expression cautious. He'd never pushed her before on his desire to start a family. Had always insisted it was her choice, that he would support her either way. This was the first time he'd given any indication otherwise.
"We should get ready to leave for Indiana," she said quietly, pulling on black pants and a sweater before heading for the living area.
Chakotay's eyes tracked after her, but he didn't make any move to follow. He was too caught up in a variety of emotions which he couldn't yet put name to.
****
Kathryn took note of how quiet Chakotay was for the duration of the shuttle ride to her mother's house. They had silently agreed to put the conversation on hold; to enjoy the next few days and discuss their future at a more opportune time. Or so she thought.
The wind was brewing up a blizzard as they arrived at the old Janeway farmhouse on the outskirts of Bloomington. Snow had fallen earlier that morning, leaving a fresh powdery layer behind. Theirs were some of the first footsteps on the driveway as they stepped out of the vehicle.
Chakotay automatically reached for her bag, and lifted their luggage from the shuttle. It was such a subtle and benign act, but it reminded Kathryn of how much she had come to depend on him over this last year and a half. How much they had come to depend on each other.
Although privately the thought of being separated from him again was unnerving, she had to forcibly remind herself that it was the right next step for his career. Even though he might not see it that way yet.
Phoebe was at the front door waiting to greet them, "Merry Christmas," she chimed cheerily, ushering them inside
“Merry Christmas,” Chakotay's reply was a little gruff.
Noticing this, Phoebe shot her sister a sharp look, but Kathryn merely shrugged in response. She wasn't going to get into it now.
Whilst Chakotay made his way upstairs to deposit their bags, Kathryn followed Phoebe to the kitchen where they found Sekaya, who had arrived earlier and was busy preparing lunch.
Since Sekaya had decided to settle on Earth, she had become a regular guest at the Janeway home. Their two sisters had formed a fast friendship, and Gretchen had absorbed Sekaya into their extended family.
Kathryn and Chakotay quietly teased between themselves that there might be more to their sisters’ friendship, but there was little evidence to support it. Which was possibly just as well; the thought of double first cousins felt unnecessarily complicated.
Placing a kiss on Sekaya's cheek, Kathryn pulled back a little. "Thank you for joining us."
Sekaya grinned. "I'm not sure I had much of a choice. Your mother came over to personally escort me to Indiana."
That sounded like Gretchen, determined that no lost lamb should be left outside in the cold, especially over the holidays. "Speaking of. Where is my mother?" Kathryn turned to her sister, finally noticing the older woman's absence.
"In town getting some last minute supplies. I think she ran out of cranberry sauce.” Phoebe replied.
"Coffee?" Sekaya interjected.
"Coffee would be lovely," Kathryn agreed, suddenly realising she'd missed her morning cup in their haste to leave the apartment.
The three women made easy conversation as the coffee brewed. Phoebe spoke about her latest art project, and Sekaya caught her up on her work at the hospital. When Chakotay eventually joined them, he took up a discrete spot in the corner and listened passively as Kathryn offered up tidbits from their last mission.
Sekaya handed Kathryn a mug of coffee, but the moment the pungent fragrance hit Kathryn's nose, she grimaced.
Immediately picking up on her reaction, Sekaya frowned. "Is it okay?"
Kathryn frowned, unsure of the reaction herself. "It's just been a while since I had the real thing," she reassured her sister-in-law. "In space, I practically live on replicated coffee."
She took a sip to prove her point, and smiled, despite the acidic taste which clenched the back of her throat. Sekaya looked reassured, but out of the corner of her eye, Kathryn noticed Chakotay watching her pensively. She decided not to acknowledge his attention.
-
Gretchen returned from town later that morning and suddenly Chakotay was outnumbered four women to one in the house. If he noticed, he didn't show it, he was more than comfortable in their company, spending much of his time in the kitchen with Gretchen as they began prepping for the evening meal.
When Sekaya disappeared to make a work call, and they were left alone, Phoebe finally quizzed her. “Chakotay seems awfully quiet this afternoon,” her sister noted.
Kathryn considered ignoring the observation, but that didn't feel quite right. Her sister was only expressing some concern. “We had a fight before we left the apartment earlier,” she admitted.
Phoebe's eyes widened. “You two never fight.”
Kathryn scoffed. “Oh, we do fight,” she corrected, then she felt her eyes glaze over a little. “But we don't often leave it unresolved for long.”
“What are you trying to resolve?”
She considered withholding from her sister. It was a private matter after all. But if she couldn't confide in Phoebe, then who else was she going to talk to?
“Chakotay wants to start a family, but he's been offered a promotion, which I think he should take instead.”
“Oh,” Phoebe said simply, but immediately catching on. “He doesn't want to take the promotion, does he? He doesn't want to wait?”
“No.”
“But you do?”
Kathryn glanced away.
Phoebe pursed her lips. “What else is going on Kathryn?”
“We've been trying,” Kathryn finally admitted, but the confession came with an emotional surge she hadn't been expecting. A sudden sadness tore through her at the continued frustration and disappointment each month. She suppressed the unwelcome feeling.
“For how long?”
“Almost a year. It hasn't happened for us though.”
“I'm sorry,” Phoebe reached out and took her hand.
Kathryn offered up a tight smile. “It's probably just as well; it might make more sense to wait until our careers have settled down a little more.”
Phoebe raised a sudden eyebrow. “Until when? You're both admirals?”
Kathryn rolled her eyes at the discordant joke. “No. Just a few moe years.”
Phoebe was watching her carefully.
“What?”
“You can't handle failure, Kathryn. You never have. I think you see this as a challenge you can't win, so you're bypassing the rules and coming up with a new solution: deliberately delay.”
She glanced away. The insight was cutting, and painfully true, even if she hadn't realised that's what she was doing until this moment. “I-” she started to say something but quickly broke off, unsure she could explain it when she barely understood it herself.
Before Kathryn could attempt a response however, Gretchen appeared in the doorway and summoned them for dinner.
The two sisters quickly abandoned the conversation, but a small squeeze of Phoebe's hand on hers was all she needed to hear: I support you. I know you. I love you.
-
Later that evening as she settled into the bed of her childhood room, Kathryn found herself under the intense scrutiny of two dark brown eyes. She looked up, and found Chakotay standing against the wall, arms folded, face drawn into a quizzical expression.
She raised an eyebrow, as if to ask what was on his mind.
"Is there any chance you might already be pregnant, Kathryn?" he asked softly.
"What? No," she said quickly, ignoring the flutter in her belly that the thought provoked.
He looked unconvinced.
She reached out a hand for him, unwilling to allow either of their hopes to be falsely raised. Chakotay stepped forward, taking a seat on the mattress beside her. "I had a bleed last week," she explained, trying not to allow the disappointment show in her voice or expression. "Which is probably for the best…”
“You're having second thoughts,” he assumed.
Now was the time to admit the toll their lack of progress was taking on her. She redirected with a very different excuse. “Your offer for promotion made me realise how much you've already given up for us to be together. You would have made first officer by now if it wasn't for our relationship; I'm holding you back.”
Chakotay offered her an earnest look. “I don't see it that way,” he said with incredible gentleness. “I see my future with you. I want to be at your side indefinitely, and I would like to have children with you someday. If that's something you still want?”
She glanced away, and the way he stiffened in response she knew he was assuming the worst. That she had changed her mind. But the truth was so much more complex; she wanted a family with him, desperately so, but she wasn't sure she could handle the disappointment any longer. It was much easier to hide behind another excuse.
She opened her mouth, but whether it was to confirm or deny his speculations, she stopped when he raised a palm to stall her next words.
“Wait a second,” he said, climbing from the mattress and crossing the room to fetch something from his bag.
Kathryn watched on as he pulled out a tricorder. She shot him a confused look, so he explained himself. “Before we debate this and make any decisions, let's just be sure exactly what we're trying to decide.”
“Chakotay, I'm not-”
“Indulge me,” he insisted.
Kathryn rolled her eyes but sat back, waiting expectantly for him to run a scan, assured he wouldn't find anything. It was over quick enough, and when he didn't say anything after, she shot him a satisfied look. “See,” she insisted.
Chakotay's eyes snapped quickly back to hers. “Kathryn, you're pregnant.”
With disbelief, she quickly reached forward and took the device from him, examining the results for herself. Chakotay watched on silently as she absorbed the information. A human foetus, three weeks gestation.
Oh.
After almost a year of trying, a positive result was suddenly anti-climatic. She wasn't sure how to feel. Happy. Relieved. Terrified. Kathryn was suddenly so confused. Having spent the last few days writing off the possibility, convincing herself it wasn't right for them anyway, to discover that the decision had been made for them was suddenly overwhelming.
She glanced across at her husband who held a guarded expression. Waiting on her reaction to decide his own.
“I thought…” she stammered. “I was a little lighter this month, but I was so sure… I was so upset… and then your promotion letter came through, and I was relieved, because I thought it might finally be over. That I didn't need to be disappointed again.”
Overwhelmed with emotion, Kathryn suddenly broke down into tears. She felt Chakotay's strong arms come around her, holding her safe and secure in his embrace.
“I love you,” he whispered into her hair, gripping her tighter still when the tears continued to fall.
When she eventually pulled back, she saw not only tears but fear in his own eyes. Fear that she'd put there.
“Are you okay?” he asked at last.
“We're pregnant,” she said simply, hoping saying it out loud would help absorb the information. Make it more real. It helped a little. Chakotay looked no less concerned though.
“If you don't want this anymore, I'll understand,” he said softly, patiently. “If you want to wait. I can do that. I'll do whatever you want, Kathryn.”
She gave his forearm a squeeze, “Just give me a moment,” she took a breath, “I'm still trying to process.”
“There’s no rush.”
Kathryn covered her mouth when another sob escaped. Chakotay tried to reach for her again, but she held him off with a raised palm. He looked so worried.
“I think these are happy tears,” she said at last.
Chakotay's brow furrowed. “Happy tears?”
Kathryn smiled through the next emotional outburst, crying and laughing simultaneously. “I think so…”
She finally permitted him to hold her again. This time he took the opportunity to lay them both down onto the mattress, as they held each other, and took a moment to absorb the news.
“Were you serious about declining the promotion?” Kathryn asked, face buried into his chest.
“Absolutely,” he replied confidently.
“Thank god,” she sighed, shifting to look at him, “Because I don't think I can do this by myself.”
Chakotay tilted his head to meet her gaze. “What are you saying?”
“I'm saying that we're having a baby.”
The biggest smile lit up his face, as he tightened his hold around her and bent down to press his lips to hers. They were having a baby.