Chapter 1: Bonnibel I
Chapter Text
You messaged Shoko💚 at 8:31 PM
Bonnie: Hey.
Bonnie: I know you won't be reading this.
Bonnie: I mean, duh. You can't. I didn't even realise this number still worked.
Bonnie: But I don't know. It's the thought that counts, I guess. It helps to talk to someone.
Bonnie: Um.
Bonnie: My aunt and uncle are getting a divorce.
Bonnie: He's getting the house, even though we're the ones living there. So we're moving, all the way to a town by the coast called Ooo.
Bonnie: It's where my Mum grew up. A family friend I didn't know passed away recently, and left his house to me and Neddy.
Bonnie: Nobody is really taking it well, I think.
Bonnie: Neddy is always anxious around new places. Lemongrab is more on edge than he has been since before he came out. Aunt Lolly is trying to put on a strong face but I can see how nervous she is.
Bonnie: I wish she'd let me help more.
Bonnie: We're driving down tomorrow morning. Chicle is coming down to help us move in. I start at school the day after.
Bonnie: It's going to be weird starting at a new school, but not as weird as it was being back home without you.
Bonnie: Year 11. The start of the end, I guess. You always used to talk about how excited you were to finish school and be independent.
Bonnie: I hate that I have to do this without you. It's scary. I miss you.
Bonnie: It's your birthday in a few weeks.
Bonnie: I won't be able to leave flowers like I did last year.
Bonnie: I hope you can forgive me.
Bonnie: I love you.
–
Aunt Lolly messaged you at 7:03 AM
Aunt Lolly: You awake, hun?
Aunt Lolly: We've got an early start today. We're going to stop for breakfast on the way.
Bonnie: I'm up. Just packing up the last of my things.
Bonnie: Is the shower free?
Aunt Lolly: Should be.
Bonnie: Okay, I'll be down soon.
Bonnie: Love you.
Aunt Lolly: Love you too, Bon.
-
You messaged Lemon at 11:19 AM
Bonnie: Dude, you okay?
Bonnie: You've been in the rest stop bathroom for half an hour now.
Lemon: oH
Lemon: i did not rEalise it haD been so long
Lemon: the cleAnliness of this batHroom is UnaCceptable
Lemon: i have been amenDing this
Bonnie: Aw, bud.
Bonnie: Want me to come and get you?
Lemon: yes
Lemon: thaNk you bOnnie
Lemon: {:^>}
-
Chicle messaged you at 7:14 PM
Chicle: yo bonbon, how's the room going?
Bonnie: Still unpacking.
Bonnie: My desk and bed are fully assembled though.
Chicle: wicked
Chicle: i kinda figured this place would be furnished yaknow
Chicle: considering your mums friend was living here not too long ago
Bonnie: He left all his possessions to his best friend, except the house, which was left to Neddy and I.
Chicle: huh. weeeeeird
Chicle: but hey pretty sick for us
Bonnie: Indeed.
Chicle: oh mum wanted me to ask
Chicle: you good with indian?
Bonnie: Sure.
Chicle: dope
Chicle: should be coming in like half an hour
Chicle: good luck with the unpacking, bonbon
Bonnie: You could come help, you know.
Chicle: i would, i swear
Chicle: but ive contracted a terminal case of garbage body virus
Chicle: its too late for me
Chicle: live for me, bon
Chicle: live,,,,,
Bonnie: Jerk.
Chicle: loser
Chicle: <3
-
Unknown number messaged you at 10:44 AM
???: hi!! is this Bonnibel?
???: this is Lady, from English class
Bonnie: Hi.
Bonnie: Feel free to just call me Bonnie.
Lady: okay!!
Lady: when do you wanna meet up and discuss the group project?
Bonnie: I have a meeting with the Careers Advisor during the first half of lunch, but if you're free we could talk afterwards?
Lady: sounds good to me!!
Lady: doctor St Pim is kind of a hardass, dont let her get you down!!
Bonnie: I'll be fine.
Bonnie: But thank you for the concern.
Lady: haha okay!
Lady: meet me at the table under the tree out back of the canteen when you're done :)
Bonnie: Alright.
Bonnie: See you then.
-
You messaged Lady at 11:51 AM
Bonnie: Hi. I'm really sorry to bother you, but do you know where Room 203 is.
Lady: oh do you have Earth Sciences with Alva?
Bonnie: I have a Ms. Mattsson on my timetable.
Lady: yep, that's it!!
Lady: i have Earth too, ill walk up with you
Lady: meet me by the stairwell near our english classroom, okay?
Bonnie: You don’t have to do that. I don’t want to inconvenience you.
Lady: its okay!! my pleasure
Bonnie: Thank you.
Bonnie: It means a lot.
-
Lemon messaged you at 12:50 PM
Lemon: hI
Bonnie: Hey. What’s up?
Lemon: do you nEed anytHing from the supErmaRket
Lemon: lollY wants to knOw
Bonnie: I could use some more sticky notes.
Bonnie: And gum. I always need more gum.
Bonnie: Also like a twelve pack of Monster but I know there's no way Lolly will buy that for me.
Bonnie: Aren’t you at school?
Lemon: weNt home
Lemon: got into a fiGht
Bonnie: Aw, donk.
Bonnie: Already?
Lemon: he callEd my name weiRd {:^<}
Lemon: so i bIt him
Lemon: then he punChed mE so i biT him agAin
Bonnie: He does sound like a wad.
Bonnie: But you were doing so well, bud.
Bonnie: You hadn’t got into a fight in nearly three months.
Lemon: i knOw
Lemon: im soRry
Bonnie: It’s okay. I know you’re trying.
Bonnie: Gum and sticky notes, please.
Bonnie: Love you.
Lemon: lovE you tOo {<3}
-
You messaged Lady at 1:15 PM
Bonnie: When you said to meet you, I didn’t realise you meant all your friends would be there.
Lady: sorry!
Lady: it was just going to be me but Jake and Shelby wanted to meet you
Lady: and then Jake’s little brother was hanging around because he got into a fight and is moping
Lady: so he came too
Lady: and then his girlfriend wanted to cheer him up so she showed up
Bonnie: I get the idea
Bonnie: It’s fine.
Bonnie: Your friends seem nice.
Bonnie: I’m just not good with big groups of people.
Bonnie: Sorry for running off like that.
Lady: no worries!
Lady: pris is the same, thats why he wasnt here
Lady: we can talk about the project now :)
Bonnie: Okay. Do you have anything in mind you’d like to do the report on?
Lady: nothing concrete, but i was thinking it might be interesting to do a range of texts in different mediums
Lady: explore the capacities of works of various mediums inrepresenting human behaviour!
Lady: we’re doing a book in class, but we could do poetry, play, movie, etc etc
Bonnie: That sounds perfectly reasonable to me.
Bonnie: Any texts in particular you wanted to study?
Lady: i was going to look into it tonight
Lady: we can talk about it more later this week maybe?
Bonnie: Works for me.
Lady: what do you have after lunch??
Bonnie: Biology and Maths.
Lady: lots of science!
Bonnie: Mhm. It’s my favourite subject.
Bonnie: What do you have?
Lady: drama and a free!!
Lady: those are my favourite subjects haha
Bonnie: Splendid.
Bonnie: I hope you have fun, then.
Lady: you too!
Lady: oh, Jake is asking for your number
Lady: he wants to apologise
Lady: can i give it to him?
Bonnie: Who’s Jake again?
Lady: my wonderful boyfriend :)
Lady: short hot blond guy, built like a truck
Bonnie: Oh, yep.
Bonnie: Uh, okay, why not.
Lady: thank you!!!! <33
-
Unknown number messaged you at 1:21 PM
???: hey, this is bonnibel, right?
Bonnie: Yes.
???: this is jake, lady’s boyfriend
Jake: sorry we interrupted your meeting with lady
Jake: we don’t get many new faces in ooo, so maybe we got a little overexcited
Jake: and im sorry bout that
Bonnie: It’s alright. I was just taken off guard.
Jake: i get it dude
Jake: my best bro prismo’s the same way
Jake: any friend of lady’s is a friend of mine though
Jake: so you’re always welcome to hang with me if you want to
Bonnie: I appreciate the offer.
Jake: no worries, man
Jake: i know how bein new in town can be
Jake: hey, youre in advanced math, right?
Bonnie: Mhm.
Jake: are you in mr nutt’s class?
Bonnie: Looks like that's the case. Why?
Jake: so am i, dude
Jake: none of my bros are in that class
Jake: mind if i sit by you?
Bonnie: I suppose so. It would be nice to have someone to talk with.
Jake: hell yeah rhanks
Jake: see you in math then
Jake: peace
Bonnie: …see you then.
-
Aunt Lolly messaged you at 3:39 PM
Aunt Lolly: How was your first day, honey?
Bonnie: It went alright.
Bonnie: I like most of my teachers, and I think I made a good first impression. The meeting with the Careers Advisor felt kind of pointless though.
Bonnie: Also, I made a friend, I think. Two friends? I'm not sure.
Aunt Lolly: That's wonderful.
Aunt Lolly: I'm so glad you're making friends again, Bonnie.
Aunt Lolly: I know it's been hard for you since… well.
Bonnie: Yeah.
Bonnie: I'm going to stop by the local library to get a card and check some study materials out. Be home in an hour or two.
Aunt Lolly: Okay, dear.
Aunt Lolly: Let me know if you need a lift.
Bonnie: Will do.
-
Unknown number messaged you at 4:23 PM
???: hey there, new girl
Bonnie: Who is this?
???: your worst nightmare >:)
Bonnie: How did you get this number?
???: oh, y'know
???: heard it on the grapevine
Bonnie: If this is a prank, it's not a very good one.
???: wow, you really do have a stick up your arse
Bonnie: I'm going to block you now.
???: wait wait wait wait wait
???: name's marceline. i sat next to you in chem
Marceline: dark hair, dark skin, coolest fuckin person in this whole school
Marceline: ring any bells, bubblegum?
Bonnie: Oh. You.
Bonnie: Don't call me Bubblegum. My name is Bonnibel.
Marceline: yeah, yeah
Bonnie: You still haven't told me how you got this number, Marceline from Chemistry.
Marceline: ive got my sources
Marceline: but that's not the point
Marceline: do you have the worksheet from this morning?
Marceline: i lost mine and i can't afford to get on the shitlist this early in the year
Bonnie: Why are you asking me?
Bonnie: We've barely spoken six words to each other.
Bonnie: Also, dude, how did you manage to lose it already?
Marceline: geez, get off your high horse
Marceline: not all of us are perfect pink princesses with binders big enough to be classified as weapons
Bonnie: Hey, don't diss my binder!
Marceline: to answer your question tho
Marceline: i dont have the number of anyone in that class and lady has been rambling about her pink new friend all afternoon
Bonnie: Ah. That explains it.
Marceline: so, bubblegum
Marceline: can i get that worksheet?
Bonnie: Sure, as long as you do something for me in return.
Marceline: what do you want from me
Bonnie: You work at the pet shop, right?
Marceline: didn't you move here like yesterday
Marceline: how do you know that??????
Bonnie: Picture on your Instagram.
Marceline: what the fuck
Marceline: my insta is privated??
Marceline: are you some kind of stalker
Bonnie: Don't worry about it.
Bonnie: You bring me cat food, I'll photocopy you the worksheet.
Marceline: i mean im not even working today but
Marceline: what the hell, sure
Marceline: do you know the tree trunks cafe?
Bonnie: I can Google it.
Marceline: sure.
Marceline: meet me there in half an hour, ill bring your dang cat food
Marceline: you weirdo stalker
Bonnie: Thank you.
-
You messaged Lady at 4:38 PM
Bonnie: Have you been giving away my number?
Lady: guilty as charged!!
Lady: Marcy is chill though don't worry
Bonnie: She's definitely an interesting character.
Lady: yeah haha! that's our Marcy
Lady: i didn't know you had a cat
Bonnie: I have two, actually.
Bonnie: And we've known each other for less than twelve hours. I think I can be excused for not sharing the details of my pet ownership history.
Lady: !!
Lady: send pictures
Bonnie: I don't believe in cat pictures.
Lady: what the fuck
Bonnie: Just kidding. Here.
Bonnie: [2 images attached]
Lady: so cute!! what are their names?
Bonnie: The fluffy white one is Stormo.
Bonnie: The hairless one is Goliad.
Lady: aww!!
Lady: i wish i could have pets but my parents are super allergic to.. basically all animals
Bonnie: Shame.
Bonnie: I have these two, a rat, and my younger brother keeps hermit crabs.
Lady: wow!
Lady: hey, i just had a great idea
Lady: what are you doing right now?
Bonnie: Waiting to use the library photocopier and texting you.
Lady: cool!!
Lady: lets play twenty one questions! i want to get to know my new friend better :)
Bonnie: How do you play that?
Lady: its really easy! we take it in turns asking each other questions until we've each asked twenty one questions
Lady: it's a fun way to get to know each other!!
Bonnie: Hm.
Bonnie: Sounds like fun. Let's play.
Lady: okay first question… what's your favourite colour?
Bonnie: Pink.
Bonnie: Yours?
Lady: the rainbow!!
Lady: i couldn't pick just one, i love them all!
Bonnie: I did notice your bag was very colourful.
Bonnie: The rainbow isn't a colour, but I'll let it slide. Your turn.
Lady: okay uhhh do you have any siblings?
Bonnie: Two.
Bonnie: My twin brother, Neddy, and my younger brother Lemongrab. He's in the year below us.
Bonnie: How long have you lived in Ooo?
Lady: a few years now!!
Lady: we moved to australia when i was eight
Lady: but my parents wanted to get away from the city
Lady: so we moved here!!
Lady: what about you? whyd you move here?
Bonnie: My aunt and uncle are getting a divorce, and he's getting the house we lived in in the settlement.
Bonnie: An old friend of my Mum left his house here to me and Neddy, and my aunt can work remotely, so we moved.
Lady: oh!! i didn't know im sorry for bringing up a sensitive subject!
Bonnie: Nah, it's okay.
Bonnie: He's a jerk. I'm glad she's finally divorcing him.
Bonnie: And hey, sometimes a fresh start can be nice.
Bonnie: Oh, donk, I've got to run if I want to deliver this worksheet on time.
Bonnie: Maybe we can finish this later?
Lady: sounds good to me!
-
You messaged Marceline at 6:28 PM
Bonnie: Hi, I’m sorry to bother you, but do you have Mr. James’ email?
Bonnie: I forgot to ask for it in class today.
Marceline: uhh lemme check
Marceline: also wait why do you need his email its literally the first day
Bonnie: I wanted to ask him for extra study materials.
Marceline: its??? literally???? the first day??
Marceline: god you are SUCH a nerd lmaoo
Marceline: even by talking to you im tanking my cred
Bonnie: Your ‘cred’?
Marceline: yeah dude my identity as the coolest fuckin girl in the school
Marceline: if i get seen talking to a nerd like you everyone will think im a nerd
Marceline: and then my hard earned reputation as a punk rock badass will go straight down the drain
Marceline: do you know how many parties i wont be invited to???
Bonnie: Should I be flattered, then, that the pinnacle of teenage vogue is speaking to little old me?
Marceline: duh
Marceline: im practically blessing you with my presence
Marceline: but you got me that worksheet
Marceline: so i cant complain too much
Bonnie: Thank you again for the cat food.
Bonnie: Goliad was getting restless. I was worried she was going to try eat one of my brother’s crabs.
Marceline: oh
Marceline: i see how it is
Marceline: youre only using me for my cat food, bubblegum </3
Marceline: and here i thought we were friends
Bonnie: Are we?
Bonnie: Not that I mean to say we can’t be.
Bonnie: But considering I only arrived at this school today, I’m unsure if our bond meets the requirements to be considered a friendship, whatever those may be.
Bonnie: And I don’t want to be presumptuous.
Bonnie: Or assign you any labels that you aren’t comfortable with in regards to our relationship.
Marceline: wow you are bad at this friend thing lmaoo
Bonnie: No comment.
Marceline: take a chill pill bubblegum
Marceline: well
Marceline: im not usually friends with uptight nerds
Bonnie: I am not uptight!
Marceline: yes you are lmaoo
Marceline: little miss perfect with your pink hair and your giant nerd glasses and your enormous binder going around emailing teachers to ask for extra study material on the first day of the year
Marceline: id bet good money that youve never got detention in your entire life
Bonnie: Hmph.
Bonnie: For your information, my spotless behavioural record is something I’m very proud of.
Marceline: ha
Marceline: i knew you had a stick up your ass
Bonnie: Well, maybe I’m not usually friends with rude delinquents who lose their worksheets and insult others for having the gall to follow the rules.
Marceline: jokes on you thats a compliment to me
Marceline: also ‘rude delinquent’ ???
Marceline: what is this some sort of shitty teen movie
Bonnie: You started it.
Marceline: shut up, bubblegum
Marceline: if youre gonna be like that
Marceline: then clearly our incompatible character archetypes make our budding friendship impossible
Marceline: but maybe we can be rivals
Marceline: acquaintances?
Marceline: frenemies?
Marceline: enemies? >:)
Bonnie: To be frank, I’m pretty fed up with making enemies.
Marceline: mood
Marceline: frenemies, then?
Bonnibel: Frenemies.
Bonnie: Aw, donk. My brother got stuck in the dishwasher again, I gotta go help him.
Marceline: holy shit he sounds like a legend
Bonnie: Do you have that email?
Marceline: [email protected]
Bonnie: Thanks, Marceline.
Marceline: dont stress it
Marceline: see you in class tomorrow
Marceline: nerd
Bonnie: Jerk.
Chapter 2: Marceline I
Chapter Text
Weird Aunt messaged you at 6:43 AM
Weird Aunt: hey, are you up? we’ll be leaving soon
Marce: yes moooom
Marce: ill get up at the asscrack of dawn just for u
Marce: getting ready, gimme a bit
Weird Aunt: cool cool cool cool cool
Weird Aunt: also, simon wants to know if you’re still staying over tonight
Weird Aunt: and i made waffles
Marce: you should have led with that lmao
Marce: be down in a moment
Marce: also yeah if its not a problem
Marce: the mental illness ™ is not going to be conducive to dealing with dad today
Weird Aunt: of course, marceline
Weird Aunt: we’re always happy to have you <|:D
Marce: thanks, bets
-
You messaged Ladeez Nuts at 7:58 AM
Marce: yo
Ladeez Nuts: morning!!
Marce: can you tell mr king that im going to be late
Marce: betty accidentally hit simon in the head with a thing of cherries
Marce: so my ride is bunk
Marce: and they wont let me dip out of school to hang in the er
Ladeez Nuts: when has that ever stopped you?
Marce: too true bestie
Marce: but also mr king already fucking hates me i dont need to give him more excuses
Marce: also i CANNOT stand simons disappointed eyes lmaoo
Ladeez Nuts: fair!!
Ladeez Nuts: they get me and im not even his kid!!
Marce: dude i am not simon’s kid
Marce: i just stay with him sometimes when dad is being a prick
Marce: hes my weird uncle. but not in a bad way yk
Ladeez Nuts: alright, alright
Ladeez Nuts: ill let mr king know!!
Marce: sick
Ladeez Nuts: have you change my name in your phone yet?
Marce: uhhhh
Ladeez Nuts: Marceline!!
Marce: oops my bus is here gotta go
Marce: byeeeee!
-
You messaged 'animal crackers' at 8:43 AM
Bat: sorry yall
Bat: mr king has a stick six inches up his ass and gave me detention for being late
Bat: gonna miss band practice tonight
Worm: Aww man
Worm: That fuckin blows
Dog: wait don't you normally get a lift with mr petrikov
Bat: betty hit him in the head with a jar
Bat: simon is in the hospital
Dog: man it always throws me off when you talk about them out of school
Dog: my brain can't reconcile weird grouchy ms grof with your aunt betty
Bat: betty is always weird and grouchy
Worm: Yeah yeah
Worm: If Marcy can't make it I'm going to dip out too
Worm: My gf wants to go out tonight anyways
Dog: yeah okay
Dog: but we gotta make up for it next week yeah
Dog: if we want to be ready to play at glass kingdom in july we need to step up our game
Bat: hell yeah dude
Worm: Wait marcy aren't you in class right now
Bat: yeah and
Worm: Point taken
-
Jacob messaged you at 8:50 AM
Jacob: hey sorry to be a bother about it but would you mind talking to finn at some point
Jacob: he got into a fight at school yesterday and it bummed him out i think
Jacob: hes getting all introspecty and sad
Jacob: me and jerm tried to cheer him up but it didnt really work
Jacob: figured maybe you could help
Marce: yeah dude ofc
Marce: anything for my best bro finn
Jacob: thanks marcy
Jacob: much appreciated
Marce: dont stress it
-
You messaged Twerp at 9:03 AM
Marce: hey dude
Marce: hear you're in a bunk mood
Twerp: oh
Twerp: uh, yeah
Twerp: do you think im a bad person, marcy?
Marce: dude
Twerp: i just
Twerp: i got into a fight yesterday with a new kid
Twerp: i called his name weird and then he bit me
Twerp: but then it turns out he's trans and picked the name for himself and i was being a super mondo jerkbag
Marce: hm
Marce: well, the way i see it
Marce: there's no such thing as good or bad people
Marce: sometimes you make mistakes
Marce: sometimes you're a jerk
Marce: but that doesn't make you a bad person
Marce: that was a wad thing to do though
Twerp: yeah
Twerp: uh
Twerp: that helps, i think
Marce: you should apologise to the guy
Twerp: yeah
Twerp: ill go do that
Twerp: thanks, marcy
Marce: your welcome lil dude
Twerp: im only a year younger than you guys
Marce: tiny!! miniscule!! other synonyms for small!!
Twerp: haha marceline very funny
Twerp: okay im going to go apologise to lemongrab now
Twerp: bye
Marce: adios
-
Stalker messaged you at 10:29 AM
Stalker: Hi, Marceline.
Marce: bubblegum.
Marce: what do you want from me now?
Stalker: If I recall, you approached me asking for something first.
Marce: yeah and then you made me buy you catfood so
Marce: preeeetty sure youre the demanding one in this frenemyship
Stalker: Ugh.
Stalker: To get to the point.
Marce: ya?
Stalker: Do you know where to find Ms. Grof?
Stalker: Apparently she’s meant to be some sort of academic liaison? I don’t really known, the email was vague as bunk.
Stalker: But Lady said to ask you.
Stalker: And then sent a disconcerting number of winking faces.
Marce: oh lol betty is your mentor teach??? bahahhaha
Marce: actually if anyone could deal with her itd be you
Stalker: What do you mean?
Marce: all seniors get assigned to a mentor teacher
Marce: most teachers have like a bunch of kids but betty only takes like one
Marce: because the school wont let her have less
Marce: in the six years ive known betty not a single mentee has lasted more than a month with her
Marce: lmaoooo
Marce: i mean i love her dont get me wrong but
Marce: she is RUTHLESS
Stalker: I’m sorry, who is this Betty?
Marce: oh right
Marce: betty is ms grof
Stalker: Ah.
Stalker: Well, where do I find her?
Marce: literally who knows
Stalker: Thanks Marceline, very helpful.
Marce: hey hey bubblegum im not just being a dick
Marce: betty teaches history but when shes not teaching shes all over the place
Marce: your best bet is finding her during class
Marce: otherwise youll look for hours and not find her and then stumble upon her digging through the bins out back of the canteen
Marce: and trust me you do NOT want to see that shit
Stalker: …alright then.
Stalker: Thank you. Genuinely, this time.
Marce: no worries nerd
Marce: dont get your undoubtedly pink panties in a twist about it
Stalker: I’d prefer if you didn’t think about my undergarments, Marceline.
Marce: why not? no need to be shy
Marce: i dont bite
Marce: unless you want me too ;)
Stalker: Ick.
Stalker: No thanks.
Marce: suit yourself, bubblegum
Marce: ope i gotta go to class
Marce: see yaaaa
Stalker: …bye, Marceline.
-
You messaged Priz at 11:13 AM
Marce: hey dude just a heads up lady made a new friend
Marce: so she might be dragging her around to the tree at lunch
Priz: Oh dang dude
Priz: Is she cool?
Marce: girl has zero chill
Marce: she literally has pink hair
Marce: jake likes her tho
Priz: What about you tho
Marce: eh
Marce: shes not so bad
Marce: also i worry if i pissed her off too bad shed clobber me over the head with her binder
Priz: I mean dude you'd probably deserve it
Marce: you gotta understand that thing is like a lethal weapon
Marce: bigger than my head
Priz: Woah
Priz: She must be a super mega nerd then
Marce: a verifiable brainlord
Priz: So your type then?
Marce: what!!
Marce: dude quit it with that shit
Marce: my type is punk rock >:)
Priz: You like her though
Priz: If you dont like someone you just ignore them
Priz: I see through you marceline
Marce: nahh nahh
Marce: she just won't stop bugging me
Marce: you text a girl one time to ask for a worksheet and suddenly she's demanding pet food and emails
Priz: Sure, sure
Priz: If that's what makes you feel better
Priz: If you and jake think she's cool though ill probably come hang
Marce: rad
Marce: i feel like we haven't talked in ages, dude
Marce: hows year twelve treating you
Priz: Its weird as heck dude
Priz: Nothing has changed at all
Priz: It's almost like i was in year 12 at the get end of last year too
Marce: shut up
Marce: you know what i mean
Priz: Yeah yeah
Priz: See you at the tree alright
Priz: I gotta go be a responsible student or whatever
Marce: lmao
Marce: laters, dude
-
Rainbow messaged ‘ooo high school fruity fuckass society’ at 1:29 PM
Rainbow: anyone going to the treehouse after school today??
Hero: me and pheebs were gonna go study there
Hero: why?
Rainbow: no worries then!
Rainbow: me jake and pris are figuring out where to go after school
Rainbow: but if you guys are **studying** we can go elsewhere ;)
Hero: not like that! ewww
Hero: dont be weird, lady
Vampire Queen: ugh im so mad mr king gave me detention
Vampire Queen: not my fault simon cant catch for shit
Rainbow: oh i forgot to ask!! is he okay?
Vampire Queen: yeah lol
Vampire Queen: he has a concussion but its nothing serious
Vampire Queen: pretty sure betty had to talk him out of coming in to teach
Rainbow: thats good
Rainbow: thanks for being nice to bonnie at lunch today you guys!!
Vampire Queen: yeah yeah
Vampire Queen: why are you so obsessed with befriending the new kid, lady?
Rainbow: i just know what its like to be new here!!
Rainbow: plus she seemed lonely
The Brick: lady, i love you
The Brick: but you spent one class with her before declaring that you were going to make her your friend
The Brick: how were you able to tell she was lonely
Rainbow: shush!!
Rainbow: its a vibes thing!!
Rainbow: also i like her hair
Dream: She does have pretty sweet hair
Hero: wait who are we talking about??
Check, Please: bonnibel blum
Check, Please: new girl, pink hair, always carrying around a giant white binder
Check, Please: lady dragged her over to hang out at lunch today
Hero: oh yeah!
Hero: im pretty sure shes buds with the kid i got into a fight with?
Hero: i saw them talking at least
The Brick: that lemon kid?
Hero: mhm
The Brick: huh
The Brick: didnt you say he had like no chill
Hero: yeah i tried to apologise today and he mega mondo freaked out on me
The Brick: wack
Vampire Queen: makes sense shed be friends with someone with no chill
Vampire Queen: considering she also has no chill
Rainbow: be nice marceline!!
Vampire Queen: what? shes not here lmao
Vampire Queen: ugh can we talk about something else
Vampire Queen: thinking abt bubblegum gives me hives
Check, Please: lol okay
Check, Please: my anniversary with my gf is coming up soon
Check, Please: what should i get her?
Hero: what does she like?
Check, Please: she wants a pony
Check, Please: but i dont have money for a pony
Vampire Queen: wow this conversation somehow became more boring when we stopped talking about the brainlord
Vampire Queen: oh shit mr james nearly saw me on my phone
Vampire Queen: gotta go yall
Hero: cya marcy!
Rainbow: adios
Check, Please: what about the pony though
Check, Please: what about the ponyyyyy
-
You messaged Stalker at 3:38 PM
Marce: how did you get detention LMAO
Stalker: We aren’t supposed to be texting, Marceline.
Stalker: We’re supposed to sit in silence and work.
Marce: lmao
Marce: the fool doesn’t care
Stalker: The Fool?
Marce: its what he tells us to call him
Marce: dont get on my ass about it
Stalker: Hmph.
Stalker: Well, for your information, it’s not my fault I got detention.
Marce: its not my fault either
Marce: as much as you may think im a delinquent, i do try not to get into trouble
Marce: mr king just has it out for me
Stalker: I never said it was your fault.
Marce: you were thinking it though
Stalker: No comment.
Stalker: Anyways, some jerkwad was hitting on me.
Stalker: I told him to buzz off, and when he didn’t take no for an answer, I may have made a number of threats.
Stalker: Mr. Bufo overheard and sentenced me here.
Marce: lmfao
Marce: what did you say
Stalker: I told him that if he was so intent on exposing me to his genitals, perhaps we could arrange for him to be a subject of one of my experiments.
Stalker: I may have brought up my intentions for examining human pain tolerance, and how I had recently come into the possession of several corrosive substances I was looking to try out.
Stalker: I also brought up my exemplary skill with a scalpel.
Stalker: And vaguely commented on my interest in studying the splatter patterns of human blood, and considering how he’d volunteered and everything.
Stalker: Then I may have off-handedly mentioned how the removal of his genitalia would probably be a public service of sorts, and that if I applied for a grant I might be able to fund even further experiments following his castration.
Stalker: The fact that I was fidgeting with my Swiss army knife likely didn't help matters.
Marce: jesus christ, bubblegum
Marce: i didn't think you had it in you
Stalker: What?
Marce: and here i thought i was the mean one in this dynamic
Stalker: It was just what he deserved.
Marce: who was it?
Stalker: I didn’t catch his name. Some jerk in the year above us, I think. Dark hair, kind of a smug expression the entire time.
Marce: eugh thats ricardio
Marce: dudes a real jackass
Stalker: Glad to know my contempt is merited then.
Stalker: How did you get here? You mentioned a Mr. King?
Marce: betty accidentally hit simon in the head with a thing of cherries when we were having breakfast
Marce: so i lost my ride cause he was in the er
Marce: and mr king decided to be a jackass and give me detention for being half an hour late
Stalker: Yeesh.
Stalker: Did you explain the situation to him?
Marce: ofc
Marce: i even texted lady ahead of time to let him know id be late
Marce: but that guy fuckin hates me
Marce: you pull one prank in the eighth grade
Stalker: Prank?
Marce: okay so hear me out
Marce: when we were younger, i was wayyy more antisocial
Marce: and someone spread a rumour i was a vampire
Marce: i leaned into it, because it was a pretty good bit
Marce: it escalated, and eventually jake and finn ended up convinced that mr king was a vampire
Stalker: Finn?
Marce: jake’s younger brother
Marce: blonde, weirdly tall, always wears a bear hat
Stalker: Wait.
Stalker: Do you know if he got into a fight yesterday?
Marce: ya
Marce: why lol
Stalker: My younger brother was the one who he got into a fight with.
Marce: haha
Marce: small world, bubblegum
Stalker: Seems so.
Stalker: Sorry to interrupt. Continue, please.
Marce: sure sure
Marce: okay
Marce: so jake is like. super scared of vampires
Marce: and he is CONVINCED mr king is going to suck his blood
Marce: a bunch of crap happens
Marce: and it all culminates in finn and jake attacking mr king with a garlic bomb in class
Marce: they got into trouble, obviously, and it all came out
Marce: we got detention for a million years and mr king has hated me ever since
Stalker: As much as I disapprove of playing pranks and causing trouble, that does sound rather entertaining.
Stalker: And it feels irrational for him to still be carrying the grudge.
Marce: hes like normally a cool teacher too
Marce: it fuckin sucks, princess
Stalker: Princess?
Marce: mhm
Marce: cause you’re all prissy and pink
Stalker: At least I have an explanation for this one.
Stalker: I still don’t know why you insist on calling me Bubblegum.
Marce: eh its a vibes thing
Marce: hm why are we even texting at this point
Marce: the fool would not care if we talked out loud
Stalker: I suppose.
Stalker: He kind of creeps me out though. I don’t know if I want him overhearing our conversations.
Marce: dude’s harmless
Marce: terrible teacher, but his classes are always a blast
Marce: but you do you
Stalker: What does he teach?
Marce: english
Stalker: Ah. Is he your teacher?
Marce: yeah
Marce: you’ve got ms moon right?
Stalker: Yes.
Stalker: She seems alright. Rather passive, but obviously I don’t have a very big sample size.
Marce: hmm
Marce: are you doing anything after this? considering detention is nearly done
Stalker: I was just going to go home and study. Why?
Marce: wanna go get drinks? band practice got cancelled and im bored
Stalker: That’s not a very frenemy thing to do.
Marce: sure it is
Marce: we can snipe at each other over milkshakes
Stalker: Hm.
Stalker: I was going to get a headstart on the term-long English project.
Marce: dude it is literally not due for a term
Stalker: I need to read the texts Lady recommended we do it on, but I suppose I could do that later.
Stalker: Alright, sure. Let me just text my Aunt and let her know I’m going out.
Marce: dope
-
You messaged Simon at 4:28 PM
Marce: hey, hows your head?
Simon: I’m alright. Should be back in good condition tomorrow.
Marce: epic
Marce: i got detention today btw
Simon: ..already, Marcy?
Simon: Usually you at least last a week.
Marce: ugh, dont be a dick about it, dude
Marce: i was late cause you got hurt, so mr king gave me detention over it.
Simon: That’s a rather harsh punishment for understandable lateness.
Marce: he holds a grudge
Simon: Yes, I suppose so.
Simon: Also, language.
Simon: What time can I expect you home?
Marce: not sure
Marce: me n bonnibel are going to go get drinks after
Simon: Bonnibel?
Marce: pink hair, wears these super thick glasses
Marce: always carries around a giant binder
Marce: shes new and lady took a liking to her
Marce: plus shes in detention with me and im bored
Simon: Oh, is that Betty’s newest mentee?
Marce: yeap
Simon: Wish her luck from me. My Betty is truly an indomitable force.
Marce: lmao
Marce: will do, dude
Marce: sure you dont want to warn me off hanging out with those rotten detention kids again
Simon: That was one time, Marceline.
Simon: And that Ash was a bad influence on you.
Marce: yeah yeah
Marce: he was a jackass
Marce: im just poking fun
Marce: bonnie is a donkin giganerd, anyway
Marce: just like you
Simon: A ‘donkin giganerd’ got sent to detention on her second day?
Marce: some jerk was hitting on her so she threatened to castrate him
Marce: bufo sent her to detention for it
Simon: Ah.
Simon: Well, I trust your taste in friends.
Simon: Even if they have a habit of threatening grievous bodily harm..
Simon: I just don’t want you getting hurt again, Marceline.
Marce: i know
Marce: ill be careful
Marce: trust me
Simon: Alright. Let me know if you’ll be out late, okay
Marce: yep
Marce: love you
Simon: Love you too.
-
You messaged ‘ooo high school fruity fuckass society’ at 9:21 PM
Vampire Queen: Hello.
Dream: Oh shit you guys
Dream: Marceline using punctuation?
Dream: The world must be ending
Vampire Queen: This is Bonnibel, actually.
The Brick: oh
The Brick: why are you on marceline’s phone
Vampire Queen: She fell asleep.
Vampire Queen: [1 image attached]
Vampire Queen: I told her I’d give a lift home, but she conked out before I could get her address.
Vampire Queen: And my phone is out of battery.
Rainbow: haha!! what were you guys even doing?
Dream: Yeah aren’t you guys like arch rivals or something
Vampire Queen: Frenemies, is the term we agreed on.
Vampire Queen: We both had detention, and decided to hang out afterwards.
Vampire Queen: She insisted on following me home to, I quote, ‘beat me at Mario Kart and meet the legend who bit Finn’.
Vampire Queen: She fell asleep halfway through what we were watching. She missed all the best parts.
Dream: Cant you just wake her up
Vampire Queen: Do I look like I have a death wish.
Dream: Okay fair
Dream: Tired and cranky marceline is scary as shit dude
Rainbow: wait wait hold up
Rainbow: you got detention?? you?? bonnibel blum??
Vampire Queen: Long story.
Rainbow: and your brother was the one who bit Finn??
Vampire Queen: Small world, apparently.
Vampire Queen: That’s besides the point. Do any of you have her address?
The Brick: uuuuuhhh
The Brick: we dont really hang out at marcys place lol
The Brick: i mean ive been there before but dude you have no idea how awkward it is to be playing video games with your buds and then your history teacher is there
The Brick: so i dont remember her address
Rainbow: i have it!!
Rainbow: well, i have ms Grof and mr Petrikov’s address
Rainbow: thats where she usually stays
Vampire Queen: She does?
Vampire Queen: That explains some things.
Rainbow: 32 evergreen parade!!
Vampire Queen: Thank you.
Dream: I cant believe you and marceline hung out
Dream: Didnt you meet literally yesterday
Dream: She normally takes ages to warm up to people
Vampire Queen: We’re frenemies. That’s all.
Vampire Queen: I best be off. Don’t want her getting home too late.
Vampire Queen: Thanks for the address.
Rainbow: no worries!! come by again!!
Vampire Queen: Sure.
-
You messaged ‘ooo high school fruity fuckass society’ at 8:16 AM
Vampire Queen: fucking hell did bubblegum get onto my phone last night
The Brick: yeah lmao dude
The Brick: what happened to she gave you hives
Check, Please: mm you seemed awfully friendly sleeping on her couch last night
Vampire Queen: we’re frenemies!!
Vampire Queen: she challenged my honour at mario kart
Vampire Queen: and she’s never seen a star wars movie
Vampire Queen: i had to remedy that shit
Rainbow: mhm mhm
Vampire Queen: its a frenemy thing to do! i had to kick her ass
Priz: You like her
Priz: Seems you aren’t so scary after all, ms vampire queen
Vampire Queen: shut it!!
Vampire Queen: i hate all of you!
The Brick: huh. bonnie was telling me in maths yesterday about how much her twin brother loved star wars
The Brick: apparently theyd watched them all together more times than she could count
Vampire Queen: …fuck
Vampire Queen: did i just get played by bonnibel fucking blum
Notes:
thats two chapters! no gurantee how fast ill be updating tho
itll mostly be bubbline brainrot but i have a bunch of ideas n stuff for the rest of the cast it just depends how i feel writing it
Chapter 3: Finn I
Notes:
this one is a bit shorter sorry and no bubbline but i wanted to establish more of the setting and i love them idk. this is prob going to be the three main povs but therell be others
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
You messaged Phoebe <3 at 8:30 AM
Finn: i had a great time studying at the treehouse with you the other night
Phoebe <3: Me too!
Finn: um
Finn: one of my favourite bands is playing a show in town over the weekend
Finn: i was wondering if maybe you wanted to go with me?
Phoebe <3: I'd love to!!
Phoebe <3: I'll have to ask my Dad though. He's been more of a mega douche lately.
Phoebe <3: What's the band? I thought Marceline was always complaining nobody did gigs here.
Finn: vault of bones!
Finn: only the most badass rock band ever to exist
Finn: their lead guitarist grew up here
Finn: so they're stopping by on their tour
Phoebe <3: Ooh are they the ones who play Evil Ocean? I love that song.
Finn: yeah!
Finn: billy is like. my icon
Finn: i want to be him when i grow up
Phoebe <3: I thought you wanted to be a detective when you grew up? Like your parents?
Finn: ive got many dreams, pheebs
Finn: but rockstar is one of them
Phoebe <3: Maybe when you're a world famous rockstar and I'm a world famous dancer we can perform together?
Finn: heck yeah!
Finn: that'd be mega mondo cool
Phoebe <3: Oh, bunk, I gotta go.
Phoebe <3: Dad's dropping me off to school today for some reason.
Finn: see you there
Phoebe <3: Yeah! <3
Finn: <3
-
Jerm messaged you at 9:14 AM
Jerm: Hey, sorry bro, i wont be able to drive you home from school today
Jerm: Working late tonight
Jerm: Can you see if one of your friends can?
Finn: nah its okay i can walk
Jerm; You sure?
Finn: dont stress it
Jerm: Thanks, dude.
Finn: yeah
Finn: will you be home for dinner
Jerm: Probably not, sorry.
Jerm: Rent is due soon.
Finn: right
Finn: um
Finn: ill go over to susans or something
Jerm: Alright.
Jerm: Be safe, bro. Love you
Finn: yeah
Finn: love you too
-
You messaged Jake at 9:20 AM
Finn: you hear jermaine is working late tonight?
Jake: yeap
Jake: i wish he’d let me help pay for things
Jake: i have a job
Jake: he doesnt always have to be the mature one
Jake: he’s literally younger than me
Finn: by three minutes lol
Finn: but you know how jerm is
Finn: he wont let you pay for shit
Jake: yeah. ugh
Jake: you need a lift after school? i can get lady to drive you
Finn: nah i know you guys are going on a hot date today
Finn: ;)
Jake: its not a problem, bro
Jake: itd be our pleasure
Finn: dont worry, jake
Finn: seriously
Finn: me and susan are going to hang out after school anyways
Jake: alright
Jake: ill send you some money. get yourself a treat or something, yeah?
Finn: sure
Jake: take care bro
Jake: i gotta go pay attention mr nutt is glaring at me
Jake: text me if you need anything, yeah?
Finn: ofc
-
You messaged Suze at 9:28 AM
Finn: hey are you free tonight?
Suze: Yea
Finn: want to hang out after school?
Finn: idk we can play video games or something
Suze: Sure finn
Finn: yeah
Suze: You okay
Suze: You seem bummed
Finn: yeah just.
Finn: bluh. jermaine is working late
Finn: i wish he and jake would let me help
Finn: im not a kid anymore!!
Finn: im fifteen in like a month
Finn: but it feels like they still see me as just a little kid
Suze: They care for you
Suze: Dont want you getting hurt
Finn: i know
Finn: but jermaine never lets me help with anything
Finn: and jake is always doing so much for me
Finn: i want to do more
Finn: i already had crummy bad day this week
Finn: so idk. its just getting to me
Suze: Dont worry
Suze: I know youre strong
Suze: Finn the buff bionic hero baby
Finn: haha yeah
Suze: Want me to invite al and tiffany over
Suze: We could do dnd
Suze: Cheer you up by kicking monster buns
Finn: yeah thatd be fun!
Finn: ill ask phoebe
Suze: Feeling a bit better
Finn: yeah
Finn: thanks, suze
Finn: you’re the best
Suze: No finn
Suze: Youre the best
Finn: <3
Suze: <3
-
You messaged ‘ooo high fruity fuckass society’ at 10:23 AM
Hero: hey guys
Hero: any of you with
Hero: crap whats her name
Rainbow: Bonnibel?
Hero: yeah!!
Rainbow: we’re in english right now!
Rainbow: why??
Hero: her brother is the one who bit me last week right?
Rainbow: she says yes
Hero: can you ask her to ask him to lay off me
Hero: we got paired up in class and he keeps yelling at me
Rainbow: you got paired up after he bit you?
Hero: it was kind of my fault
Hero: i was a wad to him
Hero: i apologised though
Rainbow: okay!!
Rainbow: Bonnie says she’ll text him
Rainbow: apparently hes just bad with new people
Hero: okay
Hero: thanks!
Rainbow: no worries!! :)
-
Tiffany messaged you at 11:19 AM
Tiffany: the cowardly warrior emerges from his slumber, disoriented, like a fish up a tree
Finn: hey, tiff
Tiffany: i always knew you’d come crawling back
Tiffany: once, i followed you and your brother everywhere
Tiffany: before i realised we were like oil and vinegar! polar opposites!
Tiffany: now i ride alone!
Tiffany: and you follow me, licking at my stirrups!
Tiffany: you follow me!
Tiffany: tiffany!!!!
Finn: so i take it you’re coming to dnd
Tiffany: of course
Tiffany: skulksley darkbane would never miss an adventure
Tiffany: especially if his archrival prince hotbody was around
Tiffany: except for if he contracted an unfortunate case of influenza and his lousy friends played without him
Finn: you said we could!!
Tiffany: hmph
Tiffany: this is why i want to kill you
Tiffany: aside from the satisfaciton of watching you be lowered into the ground
Tiffany: while jake sobs
Tiffany: and while he grieves, who will he turn to?
Tiffany: me!
Tiffany: tiffany!
Finn: i thought you were over your crush on jake lmao
Tiffany: yeah
Tiffany: mostly
Tiffany: look its complicated okay
Tiffany: dont fuck with me!
Finn: pfft okay
Finn: but also dude your death threats dont work on me
Finn: they havent worked since like year six
Tiffany: ill get you one of these days, mertens!
Tiffany: you may have grown complacent
Tiffany: but thats all part of my master plan
Tiffany: and soon enough
Tiffany: you will let your guard down entirely
Tiffany: and it will be time for me!
Tiffany: tiffany!
Tiffany: to kill you
Tiffany: ah fuck i got caught
Finn: lmfao
Finn: when do you not get taught texting in class
Finn: you gotta admit man you arent good at it
Tiffany: yeah yeah
Tiffany: mock me now. ill get you
Tiffany: see you at dnd?
Finn: heck yeah
Tiffany: ill be waiting, hotbody
Finn: you better be, darkbane
-
You messaged Marcy at 1:01 PM
Finn: i think your dad hates me dude
Marcy: wait
Marcy: what??
Marcy: finn you need to answer me where is my dad
Marcy: do you know why he's here
Finn: …in the history classroom like always
Finn: i assume
Marcy: oh
Marcy: you mean simon
Finn: yeah
Finn: do you have another dad?
Marcy: no lol simon is my uncle dude
Finn: oh
Finn: now i feel dumb
Marcy: why do you think he hates you though lmao
Marcy: that man couldnt hate a fly
Finn: i dunno dude ive never had him as a teacher before
Finn: but he keeps looking at me and frowning
Finn: with this weird look in his eyes
Marcy: oh man
Marcy: he doesnt hate you
Finn: he doesnt?
Marcy: worse
Marcy: he pities you
Finn: what?
Finn: why would he pity me?
Finn: im finn mertens! i got nothing to be pitied about
Marcy: dude
Marcy: the school faculty know about your parents, remember
Finn: oh.
Finn: right.
Marcy: just ignore him
Marcy: he always gave me the same looks
Marcy: its the worst
Marcy: but if you ignore him for long enough he’ll stop
Finn: thank glob
Finn: it was two years ago
Finn: i dont need peoples pity stares
Marcy: mhm
Marcy: you’re in…?
Finn: history elective
Finn: it seems mega cool dude
Finn: assuming mr petrikov stops pitying me!
Marcy: he will
Marcy: i can get up his ass about it if you want
Finn: ugh not you too
Finn: i can deal with this myself
Finn: im not a little kid
Marcy: i just meant cause i see him at home
Marcy: but you do you dude
Finn: oh. right. yeah
Finn: sorry, its just been getting on my nerves recently
Finn: jake and jermaine keep babying me
Finn: im nearly fifteen
Finn: im not a baby!!
Marcy: they just want to keep you safe, dude
Finn: i know
Finn: still
Marcy: yeah. i get you
Marcy: people were the worst after my mum died
Finn: yeah
Marcy: ugh this is depressing lets talk about something else
Marcy: doing anything fun?
Finn: we’re playing dnd tonight!
Finn: prince hotbody of the grasslands is back, baby
Marcy: oh dope
Marcy: your little friend is dming right
Marcy: short kid always wearing that dumb banana hat
Finn: al, yeah
Marcy: cool cool
Marcy: cool
Marcy: ah shit i gotta scram
Marcy: have fun with your tiny friends tiny man!!
Finn: im not tiny!!!!
Finn: marceline!!!
-
You messaged Suze at 1:35 PM
Finn: yo im going to go to the shops over lunch
Finn: want me to grab anything for dnd
Suze: Isnt that not allowed
Finn: eh nobody will notice
Finn: ill just sneak out
Finn: pretty sure ms moon will be asleep
Suze: Oh okay
Suze: Chips maybe
Finn: cool cool
Finn: what flavour
Suze: Tiffany says honey soy
Finn: bluh he knows i hate those
Finn: ill just grab both
Suze: Okay
Suze: Meet at the bus stop okay
Suze: We can walk from there
Finn: will do
Finn: man i wish that the bus line that goes near our house ran more than once an hour
Suze: Walking is good for you
Suze: Dont be lazy
Finn: hey!
Finn: tell al that he always complains the most
Suze: I do
Finn: haha
Finn: okay see you then
Suze: Bye finn
-
You messaged Tiffany at 3:32 PM
Finn: where are you
Finn: we’re all waiting dude
Tiffany: still following me like a dog!
Finn: yeah yeah you tiffany youll kick my dog and burn my crops or whatever
Finn: hurry up tiff i wanna play dnd
Tiffany: grof wanted to talk to me
Tiffany: be there in a moment
Finn: aight
-
Jake messaged you at 4:13 PM
Jake: hey bro how are things?
Finn: good! we just started playing dnd
Finn: prince hotbody has embarked on an epic quest to understand his origins
Jake: haha okay
Jake: lady is dropping me home at eight
Jake: do you want me to pick up dinner on the way home
Finn: naw susans dad is ordering pizza
Jake: dope
Jake: what time are you finishing
Finn: ummm probably like nine
Jake: okay!
Jake: take care bro
Jake: may prince hotbody discover the truth of his undoubtedly mysterious and fascinating origins
Finn: of course
Finn: with kara the wanderer, skulksley darkbane and lady bonfire by his side, they can do anything!
Finn: actually i say that but we’re in the middle of combat and im about to die lmaoo
Finn: these monsters are kicking my buns
Finn: we really need a healer haha
Finn: otherwise the epic tale of prince hotbody of the grasslands, the fox-masked cavalier, will come to a tragic end
Jake: oh dang good luck
Jake: i believe in you
Finn: thanks bro
Finn: we tried to sneak into wizard city
Finn: it didnt go well
Jake: lmao okay
Jake: you big nerd
Jake: ah i gotta go lady is calling
Finn: okay
Finn: see you when i get home
Finn: love you
Jake: love you too, bro
Jake: love you too
-
Suze messaged you at 9:48 PM
Suze: Good session?
Finn: heck yeah
Finn: we kicked those wizard buns
Suze: I know
Suze: We did
Suze: Feeling any better
Finn: yeah
Finn: thanks dude
Finn: tonight was a good night
Suze: Nice
Suze: Banger
Finn: susan i love you but i think that just dealt me permanent emotional damage
Finn: please never use internet slang again
Finn: the cognitive dissonance is too much… my brain is melting
Suze: I know
Suze: Just messing
Suze: Big words
Suze: You been paying attention in english
Finn: no
Finn: maybe
Finn: i dunno i like ms canyon
Suze: Me too
Suze: Goodnight finn
Finn: night suze
Notes:
bluh. enjoy probably. idk. brain fuzz. sorry his one is shorter
Chapter 4: Bonnibel II
Chapter Text
Doc messaged you at 8:30 PM
Doc: Hey!
Doc: How’s Ooo treating you?
Bonnie: It’s fine.
Bonnie: I’m still getting settled in, really.
Doc: You’ve been there a week and a half.
Bonnie: And?
Doc: You’re no fun, Bonnibel.
Doc: Made any new friends to replace me yet?
Bonnie: We’re not friends, Doc. We’re coworkers.
Doc: We totally are.
Bonnie: We worked together for eight months.
Doc: And formed a great bond in that time.
Doc: I didn’t clean up your puke when you vomited in the break room for nothing, Bon.
Bonnie: I threw up because of your cooking.
Doc: Eh. Details schmetails.
Doc: Spill the beans though, Blum!
Doc: What’s all the hot small town gossip?
Bonnie: It’s not exactly a small town.
Bonnie: 40,000 people live in Ooo.
Doc: You know what I mean.
Bonnie: I don’t know any gossip.
Doc: Surely you’ve at least made a friend.
Doc: One whole friend.
Doc: Or is that too much social interaction for you, Bonnibel?
Bonnie: I made two, actually.
Bonnie: And a couple acquaintances.
Bonnie: And one frenemy.
Doc: Goddamn.
Doc: Never thought I’d see the day.
Doc: That Bonnibel Blum would grace more than three people with the pleasure of her company.
Bonnie: I talked to more than three people back home.
Doc: No you didn’t.
Doc: Name them.
Doc: Your dead girlfriend doesn’t count.
Bonnie: Can you not?
Bonnie: Fine.
Bonnie: You, Gaige, Emma and Mannish. That’s four.
Doc: So your social circle was…
Doc: Three of your coworkers and the guy who you tutored?
Bonnie: Ugh. You’re impossible.
Doc: I’m just being annoying, Bon.
Doc: I get that things were hard.
Doc: Tell me about these new friends though
Bonnie: There’s Lady.
Doc: Oh?
Bonnie: She’s from Korea. Tall, dyed hair, wears as many rainbow patterned things as she can at all times. I’m partnered with her for an English project and she decided to make me her friend.
Bonnie: By force.
Doc: Is she cute?
Bonnie: I’m not dignifying that.
Bonnie: She has a boyfriend anyways.
Bonnie: He’s the other friend I mentioned. Short white guy, shaggy blonde hair, got a bit of a scraggly moustache. Very laid back.
Bonnie: We talk in Maths class sometimes. He’s cool.
Bonnie: They drag me to eat with them at lunch from time to time, so I’m acquainted with some of their friend circle.
Doc: So no appealing romantic prospects for you then?
Bonnie: I’m not even out here, Doc.
Doc: And?
Bonnie: Ugh.
Bonnie: There is a girl I’ve spoken to a little, but I barely know her.
Bonnie: Plus, she considers me a frenemy at best. Not even a friend. So it doesn’t really matter if I find her attractive.
Doc: But she is attractive?
Bonnie: I suppose.
Doc: Describe her.
Bonnie: You’re not even into women.
Doc: And? I can still smash or pass.
Bonnie: God. Fine.
Bonnie: She’s maybe twenty centimetres taller than me. She’s got dark skin and long, braided hair. Her eyes are really pretty. When she’s not at school she’s almost always wearing this dumb red letterman jacket out of an American high school movie. It looks really good on her.
Bonnie: She plays like ten instruments.
Bonnie: And she has a nose ring.
Doc: Damn.
Doc: Girl you have a type!!
Doc: And I mean I can see why. Punk girls are hot as hell.
Doc: Ask her out!
Bonnie: As I said before, she barely tolerates me. We’re frenemies at most.
Bonnie: Plus, she’s probably not gay.
Bonnie: And even if she was, she’s insanely out of my league.
Bonnie: What would a cool punk girl with all the most attractive piercings want with a pudgy nerd with giant glasses and shittily dyed hair?
Bonnie: She has a bass she made out of an ax. Herself. She made it herself.
Bonnie: The idea that I’d be in her league is genuinely laughable.
Doc: Have some self confidence, dude.
Bonnie: I’m just being realistic.
Bonnie: And it's not like I'm in love or anything. It's one hot girl. There'll be more hot girls.
Bonnie: I have to go to dinner.
Doc: Yeah alright.
Doc: I gotta get to work as well.
Doc: Miss you, alright?
Doc: Don’t have too much fun without us.
Bonnie: …
Bonnie: Miss you too.
-
You messaged Lady at 9:03 PM
Bonnie: Hi.
Lady: hey!! what’s up?
Bonnie: Two things.
Bonnie: Do you want to work on the English project tomorrow after school? We’re way ahead and I think we can probably get it done if we work hard, and it would be mega cool to not have to worry about it for the rest of term.
Bonnie: But if not that’s okay.
Bonnie: I can work on my other projects.
Lady: sure!!
Lady: lol i never thought id be completing projects early
Lady: your nerd is rubbing off on me
Bonnie: I take pride in my nerdiness.
Bonnie: You should do it more often though.
Bonnie: I try to get all my exams in at least a week early.
Bonnie: It gives me loads more time to work on personal projects.
Lady: lmaoo well ill think about it haha
Lady: but thats a lot of work you know
Bonnie: Each to their own.
Bonnie: You have your cray cray rainbows and I have my experiments.
Lady: my rainbows arent cray cray
Lady: you take that back Bonnie!!
Bonnie: Your.. normal and restrained quantity of rainbows?
Lady: thank you!!
Lady: what was the other thing you wanted to ask?
Bonnie: Oh.
Bonnie: I wanted to ask if you knew of anywhere I could potentially get a job.
Bonnie: Obviously I’m not very familiar with the town so I’m not sure where to look.
Bonnie: But I worked at a supermarket back in Sydney and it would be pretty dang nice to have a consistent source of income again.
Bonnie: I need to support my energy drink habits, after all.
Lady: hmmmm i dont have a job so i cant help you there
Lady: but you could ask Jake? he works, he might know
Bonnie: I’ll ask him in Maths tommorow. Thanks.
Lady: also wait you drink energy drinks??
Lady: im not sure ive seen you eat or drink anything other than gum and water
Bonnie: I eat lunch.
Lady: do you??
Bonnie: Yes.
Bonnie: I eat during my study breaks, usually.
Bonnie: And I’ve only eaten with you thrice. I’m not sure you’ve got a good grasp of my eating habits.
Bonnie: But to answer your question, yes, I am a consummate energy drink enthusiast.
Lady: dang
Lady: did not peg you for the type lol
Bonnie: Hey, what can I say, they keep me awake.
Lady: haha
-
Marceline messaged you at 6:15 AM
Marceline: yo bubblegum
Bonnie: Yes?
Marceline: saw this and thought of you
Marceline: [1 image attached]
Bonnie: I don’t get it.
Marceline: lmfao
Marceline: well you see this road sign is pink
Bonnie: Yes.
Marceline: and it has a stick up its ass
Bonnie: Really?
Bonnie: Do you have to be so distasteful?
Marceline: yeah sorry babe
Marceline: its my cave hag swag
Marceline: oh that rhymed
Marceline: im a poet and i didnt even know it
Marceline: maybe that can be my next song
Marceline: got my cave hag swag / bonnibels a total drag / im a punk rock badass / and shes got a stick in her ass
Marceline: banger
Bonnie: Quite.
Bonnie: I’m sure this will be topping the charts before you know it.
Bonnie: And to think little old me was your muse for this great lyrical achievement.
Bonnie: Perhaps I’ll get a sentence on your Wikipedia page.
Bonnie: ‘Abadeer’s first major hit, Cave Hag, was lauded for its powerful evocation of the early riot grrrl movement, drawing inspiration from bands such as Bikini Kill. It was inspired by the experience of ruthlessly mocking her highschool frenemy, Bonnibel Blum.’
Marceline: lmao
Marceline: glad to know my future wikipedia page is in good hands
Bonnie: Of course.
Bonnie: It’s in the official treatise of frenemy duties.
Marceline: didnt peg you for the type to be into riot grrrl though
Marceline: little ms pastel has a dark side?
Bonnie: I don’t see why it’s so surprising. I’ve made no effort to conceal my music taste.
Marceline: uuuuuhhh maybe because you dress as like.. the antithesis of punk
Bonnie: And how many times have you seen me out of school uniform?
Marceline: okay fair point
Marceline: but still!!
Marceline: both times youve been wearing that like
Marceline: white and red sweater
Marceline: not punk!
Bonnie: I’ll give you that.
Bonnie: My wardrobe is probably not what you’d consider punk.
Marceline: hah
Marceline: thats cool though
Marceline: you should come to one of me shelby and jakes gigs some time
Marceline: we’re not quite punk but its definitely adjacent
Bonnie: I wasn’t aware the three of you played in a band.
Marceline: mhm
Marceline: were ooos own animal crackers
Marceline: following in the footsteps of vault of bones
Bonnie: If I’m free, I might come by. I haven’t been to live music in a good while.
Marceline: goddamn im kind of shellshocked right now
Marceline: i was NOT expecting this to be your scene
Bonnie: What were you expecting?
Marceline: iunno
Marceline: you seem like the type to primarily listen to like. taylor swift
Marceline: i mean nothing against taylor swift but
Marceline: you know what i mean
Bonnie: An…
Bonnie: An old friend got me into it.
Marceline: sick
Bonnie: Speaking of unexpected activity.
Bonnie: What are you doing up at 6:45? I was under the impression your morning classes were on Tuesday and Thursday.
Marceline: they are!
Marceline: but insomnia is a biiiitch
Bonnie: ..did you sleep last night, Marceline?
Marceline: nooooope
Bonnie: Dude.
Bonnie: Sleep is good for you.
Marceline: oh what like i dont see you online past midnight most days
Bonnie: I’m studying. It’s different.
Marceline: its not
Marceline: but whatever
Marceline: what are you even studying for we haven’t been given like
Marceline: any work
Bonnie: Not necessarily in Chemistry, no.
Marceline: and stuff wont be due for like eight weeks
Marceline: so what gives?
Bonnie: I like to be prepared.
Marceline: nerd.
Bonnie: Hmph.
Bonnie: Ugh.
Marceline: what?
Marceline: have i called you a nerd for the last time
Marceline: are you going to come for me with a scalpel next?
Bonnie: Nothing to do with you.
Bonnie: My Uncle keeps emailing me.
Marceline: oh?
Bonnie: I've lived with him and my Aunt since my Mum passed. They recently got divorced.
Bonnie: We've been in Ooo for a week and a half and he's already asking me to move back in with him.
Marceline: ick
Marceline: i take it he's not a great character?
Bonnie: An accurate assessment.
Bonnie: He barely respected my brother's sensor issues, repeatedly tried to get my other brother out of distance ed and into a 'normal school', and has done his best to live vicariously through me since his tech startup went bunk.
Bonnie: I wish my Aunt had divorced him sooner.
Marceline: dang he sounds like a massive dick
Bonnie: He's not all bad, but yeah. That's not an inaccurate characterisation.
Bonnie: I'm okay with him being in my life. He's the last connection I have to my Mum. And as much as he's been a jerk, he's also the reason I love science. He supported both me and my brother. He's still my Uncle and I still care about him.
Bonnie: But I wish he'd get it through his thick skull that it's his fault his marriage is over and I'm not going to move back to live with him anytime soon.
Bonnie: I've gotten thirteen emails in the last eleven days.
Marceline: goddamn
Bonnie: Sorry. I didn't mean to get so heavy there.
Bonnie: He's just been really getting on my nerves as of late.
Marceline: nah dw about it
Marceline: i know a thing or two about shitty dad figures
Marceline: also wait wdym supported you and your brother
Bonnie: Um.
Bonnie: Fuck.
Bonnie: Uh.
Bonnie: I uh, didn't mean to say that.
Bonnie: It was a typo.
Marceline: what did you like kill someone or something
Bonnie: Uh.
Bonnie: Well, you see…
Bonnie: Okay you have to promise not to tell anyone.
Bonnie: If you do, I will not hesitate to incur everything I threatened Ricardio with and worse onto your sorry ass.
Bonnie: You got that?
Marceline: jesus christ bubblegum
Marceline: yeah i won't tell
Bonnie: Do you know what the word transgender means?
Marceline: oh what
Marceline: i thought you meant something bad lmao
Bonnie: ..What do you mean?
Marceline: me too dude
Marceline: and lady and prismo
Bonnie: I'm confused.
Marceline: you were gonna tell me you're trans, right?
Bonnie: ..yes?
Marceline: cool cool
Marceline: me too
Bonnie: Oh.
Bonnie: Oh.
Bonnie: Cool.
Marceline: lmao you big nerd
Marceline: don't worry you stumbled into the gayest friend group in the school
Marceline: no need to worry about things
Bonnie: What are your preferred pronouns?
Marceline: she and her :)
Marceline: you?
Bonnie: She/they, please.
Bonnie: Sorry.
Bonnie: I, uh.
Marceline: things didn't go so well last time you told someone, i take it?
Bonnie: Yeah.
Bonnie: Fuck.
Marceline: dude are you ok
Marceline: i didn't think you even knew what the word fuck was
Bonnie: Um.
Marceline: fuck dude chill out
Marceline: goddamn you're really messed up about this
Marceline: here hold on
-
Vampire Queen added you to 'ooo high school fruity fuckass society' at 7:01 AM
Vampire Queen: hey yall bubblegum is getting fucked up because she accidentally outed herself to me can yall reassure her we're chill
Bonnie: What the bunk, dude.
Bonnie: You just outed me to everyone in this group chat.
Bonnie: I thought I could trust you what the fuck.
Vampire Queen: bubblegum.
Vampire Queen: relax.
Vampire Queen: calm your breathing
Vampire Queen: nobody in this chat cares. everyone in this group is queer of some description except shelby, whose a boring basic bitch
Check, Please: its true
Bonnie: And?
Bonnie: That doesn’t give you the right to out me.
Bonnie What the hell.
Vampire Queen: look i get ur mad but
Vampire Queen: youre among friends
Vampire Queen: @everyone all right fuckers roll call
Vampire Queen: name queerness pronouns
Vampire Queen: help bubblegum get comfortable
Vampire Queen: marceline, trans bisexual, she/her
Vampire Queen: shelby i see you online
Check, Please: yeah yeah
Check, Please: shelby, he/him, token cishet
Rainbow: Lady!! she/her, trans bisexual!!
Rainbow: Jake is asleep but he’s bi and uses he/him!
Bonnie: Uh.
Dream: Prismo! he/they trans bi guy
Bonfire: Hi! I’m Phoebe, she/her, bisexual.
Vampire Queen: and clearly the other arent here but the point is youre among friends
Vampire Queen: chill the heck out bubblegum
Vampire Queen: your turn
Bonnie: Um.
Bonnie: Okay.
Bonnie: Bonnibel, she/they pronouns, I’m a lesbian trans woman.
Dream: Hey hey join the gang
Bonnie: Uh.
Bonnie: Thanks?
Vampire Queen: see, we’re all chill here
Vampire Queen: get that stick out of your ass, bubblegum
Bonnie: I guess.
Bonnie: I’m still mad at you for outing me.
Rainbow: yeah Marcy that was kind of a dick move!!
Vampire Queen: bluh. yeah i guess so
Vampire Queen: but i know what being on the edge of a panic attack is like even over the interwebs, so
Vampire Queen: i needed to calm you the fuck down
Vampire Queen: sorry, though
Bonnie: Thanks.
Rainbow: you need a new nickname Bonnie!
Rainbow: this is boring!
Vampire Queen: i know
Vampire Queen changed your nickname to ‘Bubblegum’ at 7:18 AM
Bubblegum: I guess this works.
Vampire Queen: nice
Bubblegum: Uh.
Bubblegum: Thanks.
Bubblegum: For being cool. To all of you.
Dream: No worries dude
Rainbow: yeah!!
Rainbow: we gotta stick together
Dream: Trans gang trans gang
Vampire Queen: hell yeahhhhhh
Bubblegum: ..yeah.
Bubblegum: Oh donk I have to go or I’m going to miss my dang bus.
Bubblegum: Um. Bye.
Rainbow: see you at school!!
Vampire Queen: lmfao you’re adorable bubblegum
Vampire Queen: see you in chemistry you colossal nerd
-
You messaged Doc at 7:34 AM
Bonnie: Um. Update.
Doc: Oh? Spill the tea, Bon.
Bonnie: You know the girl I talked to you about?
Doc: Mhm?
Bonnie: She’s queer. And she called me cute.
Bonnie: And I think I might have a tiny crush. Maybe. Probably.
Doc: Damn girl you have not changed one bit.
Doc: Only you.
Bonnie: What do you mean?
Doc: Don’t worry your pretty little head about it haha.
Bonnie: What do I do? How do I get over this?
Doc: Ask her out?
Bonnie: Fuck no.
Doc: Oh shit. Bonnie is swearing.
Doc: This has gotten serious.
Doc: What can I say. You gotta take the shot, Bon.
Bonnie: Never.
Doc: I’ve given my help. It’s up to you to choose what to do.
Doc: You big gay disaster.
Bonnie: Ugh.
Bonnie: You’re the worst.
Doc: You love me though.
Bonnie: No comment.
Notes:
doc is doctor princess, emma is emerald princess, gaige is engagement ring princess. they all worked together at coles (aussie supermarket chain) and were the closest bonnie had to friends lol. mannish man is the minotaur guy from 'the enchiridon'. bonnie tutored him lol.
Chapter 5: Marceline II
Notes:
this one is kind of a trip. i hope its funny though. i had a lot of fun with it
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Father Dearest messaged you at 8:01 AM
Father Dearest: Marceline, I’m having a client over for dinner tonight. I expect you to make an appearance.
Marce: oh man not another one of your soul sucking dinners
Father Dearest: I’ll set out clothes for you to change into when you get home, okay.
Father Dearest: Please present yourself appropriately, Marceline. Mr. Wyght is a very important client, and I can’t afford to mess this up.
Marce: oh fuck what now
Marce: i am NOT binding my boobs again dad
Marce: theyre already tiny let me have them
Marce: and dont get me fucking started on when you made me cut my hair
Father Dearest: Language, Marceline.
Father Dearest: I… understand my requests for you to present masculinely at previous dinners caused some discomfort.
Father Dearest: And I don’t want to make my little monster uncomfortable.
Father Dearest: So I got you a nice black dress, and some makeup kids your age seem to like.
Marce: oh
Marce: thats not so bad
Marce: thanks
Father Dearest: No worries, Marceline!
Father Dearest: You’re my daughter, and I love you.
Father Dearest: And don’t you want to make me a proud pops?
Marce: yeah.
Marce: i guess lmao
Father Dearest: Then show up tonight, please.
Father Dearest: And be on your best behaviour.
Father Dearest: If you’re going to take over the firm after I kick the bucket, it’s good to make connections!
Marce: ugh
Marce: what are we eating?
Father Dearest: Homemade spaghetti.
Marce: fine ill come
Marce: but only because of the spaghetti
Father Dearest: And you’ll wear the dress I got you?
Marce: yeah yeah
Father Dearest: That’s just great!
Father Dearest: You’re already making your daddy proud.
Marce: mm
Marce: what are you playing at, dad
Father Dearest: Nothing! I just want my little girl to be happy!
Marce: .. sure
-
You messaged ‘ooo high school fruity fuckass society’ at 8:14 AM
Vampire Queen: i think ive slipped into some kind of freaky alternate dimension
Vampire Queen: are you guys real?
Vampire Queen: are you all evil?
Vampire Queen: finn do you wear a hat
Hero: whuh
Hero: yes?
Hero: dude i always wear my hat
Vampire Queen: okay thank god
Vampire Queen: the wildest thing happened though
Hero: what??
Vampire Queen: me and my dad had
Vampire Queen: believe it or not
Vampire Queen: a civil conversation??
Hero: your.. dad not mr petrikov
Vampire Queen: yah
Hero: isnt that a good thing?
Vampire Queen: yeah
Vampire Queen: but also its weird as fuck
Vampire Queen: 90% of our conversations devolve into arguments dude
Vampire Queen: but he was nice??
Vampire Queen: he didnt fuck up my name once?
Vampire Queen: and he bought me a dress to wear at dinner tonight?
Vampire Queen: what the heckity heck dudes
Vampire Queen: he’s gotta be playing at something
Vampire Queen: cmon brainstorm with me
Hero: maybe he's been replaced by some kind of alien
Bonfire: My guess is robots.
Bonfire: I'm pretty sure my Dad is a robot.
The Brick: ohh, or maybe a wizard's curse?
Vampire Queen: no not like that
Vampire Queen: if he's being nice to me, that means he wants something
Bubblegum: Maybe he's just being nice?
Vampire Queen: pfft as if
Vampire Queen: bubblegum trust me you don't know my dad
Vampire Queen: he always has some weird agenda
Vampire Queen: he's tried to trick me into studying law more times than i can count
Vampire Queen: i come back home after staying with simon and betty, he attempts some bullshit to get me interested in becoming a lawyer, it inevitably fails and pisses me the hell off, i go back to staying with simon and betty
Vampire Queen: it'd be funny if it wasn't so sad
Vampire Queen: and so fucking annoying
Bubblegum: So him holding a civil conversation with you is part of some elaborate ploy to get you on the path to studying criminal lawyer?
Vampire Queen: pretty much
Vampire Queen: dad is a scummy lawyer and he really wants me to follow in his footsteps
Vampire Queen: get a position at his firm and take over when he croaks
Bubblegum: Hm.
Bubblegum: I don't know your father, obviously, but perhaps this is an attempt at a different method?
Bubblegum: You catch more flies with honey than you do with poison. Or something.
Vampire Queen: could be it
Vampire Queen: it's not going to work though
The Brick: hell yeah animal crackers forever
Vampire Queen: fuck yeah
Lumpalicious: Whaaat I go away for two weeks and you guys add someone new to the chat
Lumpalicious: I see how it is. You're replacing me </3
Vampire Queen: wait wtf elle you said you werent getting back into town until monday
Lumpalicious: I lied, bitch.
Lumpalicious: Are you that unhappy to see me?
Vampire Queen: nah dude im fucking hype
Vampire Queen: i was jsut confused
Bubblegum: Uh. Hi.
Vampire Queen: oh yeah lmao
Vampire Queen: elle, meet bonnibel blum. giant fucking brainlord lady decided to befriend for reasons that still allude me
Lumpalicious: Cool nice to meet you I guess.
Vampire Queen: bubblegum, meet elle scott-prince aka lsp, baddest bitch this side of the blue mountaiins
Lumpalicious: Hell yeah I am.
Bubblegum: Nice to meet you.
Bubblegum: I wouldn’t call myself a giant brainlord, but yes, I’m Bonnibel. You can call me Bonnie.
Lumpalicious: So, new girl.
Lumpalicious: What’s the gossip?
Lumpalicious: Spill all your secrets, girl.
Bubblegum: Uh.
Bubblegum: I don’t really have any. I like to think I’m a rather upfront person.
Vampire Queen: well thats a fucking lie
Bubblegum: How so?
Vampire Queen: we know shitall about you lmfao
Vampire Queen: and considering the fit you threw last time something you didnt want to get out got out
Vampire Queen: which was, if you recall, two days ago
Vampire Queen: i dont doubt you have more weird secrets in that nerd noggin of yours
Bubblegum: Hmph.
Lumpalicious: Ohhh I see how things are.
Lumpalicious: This is juiiicy.
Lumpalicious: Finally some good drama.
Dream: Thats what ive been saying!
Vampire Queen: i will end you both
Bubblegum: I.. what?
Vampire Queen: ignore them
Vampire Queen: prismo and elle will keep their mouths shut from now on
Vampire Queen: right?
Dream: Dude you arent that scary lmao
Dream: The whole terrifying bad girl shtick wore off in year eight
Lumpalicious: Yah.
Vampire Queen: ugh!
Vampire Queen: ill fucking get you
Dream: Keep telling yourself that
-
You messaged Simon at 8:30 AM
Marce: dad wants me home tonight for a dinner
Marce: depending how it goes i might come here after though
Marce: if thats okay?
Simon: Of course.
Marce: cheers
Marce: im hopeful but well
Marce: you know my dad
Simon: Yeah.
Simon: I’m sorry you have to deal with him, Marcy.
Simon: I should never have..
Marce: dont
Marce: ive told you a million times its not your fault
Marce: and even if it was
Marce: lets not. today
Marce: i have to spend an extended amount of time with my dad today i dont want to have to talk about him as well
Simon: Okay. That’s alright.
Simon: We can talk whenever you’re ready, Marcy.
Simon: Breakfast will be ready soon.
Marce: what are we having?
Simon: Betty’s making smoothies while I mark essays.
Marce: how are you already marking essays
Marce: weve been at school for two weeks
Simon: Such is a teacher’s life, Marceline.
Marce: fucked
Marce: cant wait till im a famous rockstar and i gotta do none of that
Simon: Of course.
Simon: Come down soon, okay? We have to leave a bit earlier today, Betty’s teaching her morning class.
Marce: yep
Marce: see you in a mo
-
Bonfire messaged ‘ooo high school fruity fuckass society’ at 12:34 PM
Bonfire: @everyone
Bonfire: The treehouse has a cryptid living in it , guys.
Bubblegum: The treehouse?
Vampire Queen: cryptid??
Bonfire: Oh dang, you wouldn’t know about it, would you
Bonfire: The treehouse is this old place in the bush Finn and Jake discovered
Bonfire: I think technically its on old mr butler’s property? But its proper into the bush
Bonfire: We hang there sometimes
Bonfire: It’s cool
Bubblegum: Huh.
Bubblegum: As in Pepper Butler?
Bonfire: That’s the one
Bubblegum: Huh.
Vampire Queen: damn girl whats with all the huhing
Bubblegum: It’s just that, well.
Bubblegum: Technically I own half of that property?
Bonfire: What the heck?
Bubblegum: Mr. Butler was childhood friends with my Mum. He left his house to me and my brother when he passed.
Vampire Queen: dang
Vampire Queen: you gonna start charging us rent?
Bubblegum: Of course not.
Bubblegum: The current system of property ownership and landlords in our country is horribly exploitative and only exacerbates the cost of living crisis. I wouldn’t contribute to that.
Vampire Queen: lmao nerd
Bubblegum: Jerk.
Bonfire: If you guys are done flirting
Vampire Queen: burnett i swear to god
Bonfire: I was ditching class and went to go hang in the treehouse
Bonfire: And when I got to the treehouse someone was in there
Bonfire: I didnt get a good look but they were like, covered in leaves and sticks
Bonfire: Brown hair I think? Wearing a green hoodie
Bonfire: And chewing on something
Bonfire: And then they spotted me and leaped right out of the window
Bonfire: Kinda wack not gonna lie
Vampire Queen: oh shit
Vampire Queen: phoebe youve encountered the forest creature
Hero: whaaaat
Hero: you ditched without me?
Bonfire: Sorry dude
Bonfire: Wanted some me time
Hero: fair
Bonfire: But cmon can we get on track
Bonfire: I wonder if theyre like…
Bonfire: Bigfoot
Bonfire: But localised entirely in Ooo
Vampire Queen: its probably wizards.
Vampire Queen: oh wait or @Hero is it vampires lmaoo
Hero: duuude you said youd stop bringing that up
Hero: it was yeaaars ago
Vampire Queen: lol
Rainbow: wait Phoebe did they have like olive-y kinda skin and long hair??
Bonfire: Yeah, I think
Rainbow: theres a girl at our school who looks like that!
Rainbow: ive seen her at gsa meetings i think
Bonfire: Oh dang
Bonfire: The treehouse isn't inhabited by a cryptid, it's something worse
Bonfire: A teenager!
Bonfire: Way less exciting though.
Vampire Queen: truly a tragic day
Lumpalicious: Hey Marcy is your reputation still intact to people beyond this friend group?
Lumpalicious: Or do they all know youre totally lame.
Vampire Queen: i hope so
Vampire Queen: im still mean girl badass rockstar
Vampire Queen: why???
Lumpalicious: Maple and Berry are being complete bitches again!!
Lumpalicious: Just because they have functioning relationships with their parents and WHATEVER doesn't mean they can make fun of me.
Vampire Queen: oh eugh maple
Vampire Queen: i would offer to scare her off but i don't think my whole shtick works on her anymore
Vampire Queen: not after the bullshit she pulled last year
Lumpalicious: Ughhhh.
Bubblegum: Who's this we're talking about?
Lumpalicious: Maple Benedict, only the top of the Ooo high school social hierarchy and a total bitch.
Lumpalicious: She thinks just because she's super hot and pretty and cool it means she can be a total bitch to me!!
Lumpalicious: She made fun of my freaking apartment.
Lumpalicious: It's not my lumping fault I have a complicated relationship with my parents!!
Bubblegum: I'll admit, she sounds like a mean sort.
Bubblegum: I'm not sure how effective it'd be, but I could talk to her. Ricardio has left me alone since we had a chat, at least.
Bubblegum: Gotta make sure teachers aren't around though. That didn't work out so well last time.
Rainbow: was that how you got detention??
Vampire Queen: mhm
Vampire Queen: bonnibel here threatened to dip ricardios balls in acid
Vampire Queen: and cut off his dick and use it in experiments
Bubblegum: I don't remember if I told you, Marceline, but I also may have implied I'd use my mad science skills to bring his amputated penis back to life so he could experience what it was like not being the worst person in the room at any given time.
Rainbow: excuse my french but!!
Rainbow: jesus fucking christ Bonnie!!
Rainbow: remind me not to cross you haha
Lumpalicious: Oh my glob thats perfect.
Lumpalicious: Just make sure to tell her how hot I am.
Lumpalicious: And how I DONT think she's super hot and attractive.
Vampire Queen: dude
Vampire Queen: you need to get over this crush she's such a bitch
Lumpalicious: I do not have a crush on her!!!! Shut up!!!!
Lumpalicious left 'ooo high school fruity fuckass society' at 1:12 PM
Bubblegum: Uh.
Rainbow: she does that haha don't worry about it
Vampire Queen: yeah lsp will be back in no time
Vampire Queen: girl can't stay away
Vampire Queen: wait for it
-
LSP messaged you at 1:14 PM
LSP: Ugh I'm so bored add me back.
LSP: Please Marceline I am drowning out here.
Vampire Queen: lmao
-
You added Lumpalicious to 'ooo high school fruity fuckass society' at 1:16 PM
Lumpalicious: Guess whose back??
Bubblegum: Hi, Elle.
Lumpalicious: What-ever.
Vampire Queen: told you so, bubblegum
Bubblegum: Yeah, yeah, you win.
Lumpalicious: So anywyas Bonnie can you chat with Maple
Lumpalicious: She needs to step off!
Bubblegum: Sure. Consider it done.
Vampire Queen: never though I'd say this but. dang. i almost feel bad for maple benedict of all people
Vampire Queen: i would not wish bonnibel threats on anyone
Rainbow: hey everyone i have a question!
Dream: Shoot
Rainbow: me and jake are deciding how many kids we’re going to have
Rainbow: do we prefer the number five or the number eight
Bubblegum: You’re.. Deciding how many kids you’ll have in the future based on which number we prefer?
Rainbow: mhm!
Rainbow: dont question our mysterious ways bonnibel
Rainbow: they havent failed us thus far!! and they wont fail us now
Bubblegum: In that case, I say five. Eight divides easily, yes, but there’s a certain appeal to the multiples of five and how they serve as building blocks to our decimal numeric system.
Bubblegum: It’s simply a more satisfying number.
Vampire Queen: you fucking nerd
Vampire Queen: i say five also though because i am not being cool aunt marceline to eight little snotlords
Vampire Queen: five is already pushing it dude
Dream: I gotta say five as well but really whatever you guys think is good I think is good
Rainbow: five it is!!
Rainbow: thanks guys!!
-
Priz messaged you at 1:28 AM
Priz: Who gave them the right to be so cute
Priz: What the fuck
Marce: hey i have seven letters for you
Priz: What
Marce: w h i p p e d
Marce: lmfao
Priz: Oh what like your affection for bubblegum isnt obvious
Marce: shut up
Marce: i barely know her dude shes been in this town for two weeks
Priz: Yeah but you totally think shes cute
Priz: Dont deny it i know you marceline
Marce: you’re the fucking worst dude
Priz: You love me though
Marce: yeah.
Marce: fine okay bubblegum is kinda cute in a nerd way
Marce: thats all though!! were barely friends im not fucking in love with her or whatever
Marce: not like you are with jake and lady
Marce: and have been for, i dunno, like four years
Priz: Look i never claimed to be good at romance
Priz: The only guy i ever dated was straight so
Priz: How am i meant to know what to do
Marce: i dont know how youre still friends with that guy
Priz: Mike is chill
Priz: The owl thing is kinda weird but its not any less weird than the crap our group gets up to
Priz: Plus we get to talk about space stuff together
Marce: nerd
Priz: Oh what like you and finn dont nerd out over bands
Marce: shush
-
You messaged 'ooo high school fruity fuckass society' at 6:13 PM
Vampire Queen: @Hero holy fucking shit
Vampire Queen: my dad's client is the lich??????
Hero: whaat the heck!!
Hero: marceline are you for real
Vampire Queen: finn i shit you not the lich is in my house
Rainbow: who?
Vampire Queen: ex bassist of the most badass band ever, vault of bones
Vampire Queen: except he got kicked out after being accused of murdering a guy??
Vampire Queen: and attempting to kill billy????
Vampire Queen: and apparently my dad is his fucking lawyer
Dream: What was that i said about you being a nerd
Dream: Oh yeah
Dream: That you are
Dream: And here you are being a nerd
Vampire Queen: am not
Dream: Are too
Vampire Queen: ugh maybe but only because its vault of bones
Hero: holy shit marceline can you please get his autograph for me
Vampire Queen: ill try dude
Vampire Queen: he's so weird and creepy
Vampire Queen: he's getting along with my dad????
Vampire Queen: oh fuck they're looking at me i gotta scram guys
Hero: get me that autograph!
-
You messaged 'ooo high school fruity fuckass society' at 6:46 PM
Vampire Queen: [1 image attached]
Hero: hell yeah boiii
Hero: it joins the collection!
Hero: also god that's a mondo creepy message
Vampire Queen: he's weirdly nice?
Vampire Queen: but still so dang creepy
Vampire Queen: my dad is on his third glass of wine we haven't even started eating
Vampire Queen: and they're being so friendly
Hero: huhhh
Hero: that's freaking weird
Vampire Queen: my dad NEVER drinks
Vampire Queen: [1 image attached]
Hero: it is so weird seeing him without the skull face paint
Hero: freaking wonk dude
Lumpalicious: Oh wow he's kinda hot.
Hero: the lich? i can see it
Lumpalicious: No the other guy.
Vampire Queen: eeeeew elle wtf
Vampire Queen: that's my dad dude
Vampire Queen: please never say that again
Lumpalicious: I’m gonna live my truth Marceline.
Lumpalicious: Aint nothing you can do to stop it.
Dream: You go girl
Dream: Dont let big bad marcy and her hangups around attraction get you down
Dream: Have a pickle and keep on trucking
Vampire Queen: i hope you all die
Dream: Its not our fault your dad is objectively kind of attractive
Dream: Solid 8 out of ten id tap that
The Brick: aw man are you guys being weird again
The Brick: i was gonna ask if anyone wanted to settle an argument but
The Brick: if the conversation has turned to dadfucking im outtie five thousand
Vampire Queen: please ask me anything
Vampire Queen: before i actually snap and kill lsp
The Brick: okay so
The Brick: me and lady are talkin baby names
The Brick: as you do
Vampire Queen: we’re literally in high school
Vampire Queen: why are you planning your children
The Brick: do you guys prefer the name viola or the name latte
Vampire Queen: both of those are terrible names
Vampire Queen: viola though because music is based
The Brick: see thats what i said
The Brick: but lady thinks latte is a good name
The Brick: and because i picked jake jr’s name she should get to pick this one’s
Vampire Queen: you guys are genuinely fucking insane
The Brick: no we’re not we’re being responsible
The Brick: latte is just an object viola can be a name too
Rainbow: jake you want to name our son tv!!
The Brick: you said it was a good name!!
Rainbow: it is!!
Rainbow: i will take no slander for television veronica watson-yang
Dream: Thats the cutest name i have ever heard
Vampire Queen: its NOT youre just whipped
Dream: Go away
Lumpalicious: I think it’s cute!
Lumpalicious: Hey why don’t you combine the names?
The Brick: what like violatte
The Brick: violatte joshuethel watson-yang?
Rainbow: oh i love that!!
Vampire Queen: you fucking freaks
Rainbow: <3
Vampire Queen: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
Vampire Queen: I NEED BRAIN BLEACH RIGHT NOW
Vampire Queen: IS ANYONE FREE I NEED TO NOT BE HERE RIGHT NOW
Rainbow: whats happening??
Vampire Queen: I JUST WALKED IN ON MY DAD
Vampire Queen: AND THE LICH
Vampire Queen: MAKING OUT AT THE DINNER TABLE
Hero: what the fuck
Vampire Queen: I NEVER WANT TO SEE MY DADS TONGUE AGAIN
Rainbow: on my way there
Rainbow: Marcy i get your pain!! when i was thirteen i walked in on my parents banging on the kitchen table and ive never been the same
Vampire Queen: explains a lot actually
Rainbow: ill be outside!! want me to meet you at your window
Vampire Queen: yes please
Vampire Queen: see you in a moment
-
You messaged Weird Aunt at 7:24 PM
Marce: im coming over
Weird Aunt: Things with Hunson go poorly?
Marce: no actually
Marce: however i walked in on him making out with his client at the dinner table
Marce: and i need a toilet to throw up in
Weird Aunt: Oh dang. That’s donked up dude.
Weird Aunt: Need a lift?
Marce: lady is driving me
Marce: is it okay if she stays over
Marce: this is actually so fucked
Weird Aunt: Of course.
Weird Aunt: <|:D
-
You messaged Father Dearest at 7:30 PM
Marce: in front of my fucking spaghetti????????????????????????
Notes:
i wonder if this will be the first fic tagged hunson abadeer/the lich on ao3
Chapter 6: Prismo I
Chapter Text
Mars messaged you at 11:45 AM
Mars: yo are you up yet?
Prism: Yah
Prism: Not all of us dont wake up until nearly midday dude
Prism: I’m at work though
Mars: ughh dont be a bitch dude i havent even had my coffee
Prism: Dude I do not have it in me to deal with cranky marcy
Prism: Also my boss will kill me if he sees me on my phone
Prism: Text me when youre awake
Mars: wait no no dude dont go
Mars: i need your help
Prism: Oh?
Mars: i got a job!
Prism: Oh shit really
Prism: Whats the job
Mars: babysitting
Mars: but dude i have no idea how to deal with kids
Mars: what do i do
Prism: Why would I know
Prism: Kids freak me out
Prism: Me and Jake are best friends but I refused to interact with finn until he turned thirteen
Mars: FUCK
Prism: Good luck dude
Mars: im so jealous of you rn
Mars: no kids go to the planetarium
Prism: Nope just cool old people and horny teenagers
Mars: dangit
Prism: Oop I gotta go
Prism: See ya dude
Mars: byee
-
J <333 messaged you at 1:21 PM
J <333: ughhh i just can't stand her right now!!!
J <333: i love lady but sometimes she's just the worst dude
J <333: im going to fucking lose it i think
J <333: oh fuck you're working today aren't you
J <333: fucking hell
J <333: sorry pris you don't deserve that i just
J <333: gah she's really done it this time
J <333: gonna go cool off with finn i think
J <333: text me later maybe?
J <333: idk dude i don't mean to impose but i really need someone to talk about this with
-
L <333 messaged you at 1:23 PM
L <333: i am going to kill Jake!!!!!
L <333: ghghghfh he's such an idiot!!!!!
L <333: im actually so mad right now you have no idea
L <333: im so sorry to dump this all on you Pris!!
L <333: but i swear to glob i am going to strangle that man
L <333: oh youre at work arent you crap
L <333: text me later okay if its not too much trouble
L <333: i just. gah!! i cant believe him!!!!
L <333: gahhhhh!!!!!
-
You messaged ‘ooo high school fruity fuckass society’ at 4:01 PM
Dream: Nearly off work whats popping guys
Bubblegum: Hi.
Dream: Oh hey bubblegum
Dream: How are things?
Bubblegum: Conducting an experiment.
Bubblegum: I received some mystery substances as a birthday present from my old coworkers last year and I’m finally getting around to actually identifying their chemical composition.
Bubblegum: I’m fairly certain one of them contains arsenic. I’m not sure I want to know how Doc got her hands on it.
Dream: Goddamn girl
Bubblegum: How about you?
Dream: Weeeelll my shift at the planetarium is about to finish up so im on my way home
Dream: Gonna do some saturday chilling
Dream: Hop in the hot tub and zone out dudes
Bubblegum: Oh, you work at the planetarium? That must be fascinating.
Dream: Hell yeah it is
Dream: Aint nothing like the stars in the sky
Dream: Theres really something special about them you know
Bubblegum: Yeah, I get what you’re getting at.
Bubblegum: Space is fascinating. The universe and everything in it are subjects for my research.
Dream: Amen to that sister
Rainbow: Prismo!! how was work
Dream: Ah fuck
Rainbow: what?
The Brick: heyyy prismo dude how you doing
The Brick: wanna come over and hang
Rainbow: Prismo want to go skating??
Rainbow: we can get milkshakes after!!
The Brick: dude i got the new cod we could play that
Rainbow: Jake can you not!!
The Brick: how about you dont, lady
The Brick: ugh i cant deal with this right now
The Brick: i have a migraine
The Brick left 'ooo high school fruity fuckass society' at 4:13 PM
Rainbow: what the crap jake!!
Rainbow: ugh!!
Rainbow: hes such an idiot
Rainbow: im out
Rainbow left ‘ooo high school fruity fuckass society’ at 4:14 PM
Bubblegum: What was that?
Dream: Aww man
Dream: I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this
Dream: @everyone we have a code red
Check, Please: oh fuck no
Vampire Queen: youre kidding me dude
Vampire Queen: ughhh we havent had this since like year nine
Bubblegum: Sorry, can someone catch me up?
Check, Please: jake and lady are fighting
Bubblegum: But they never fight?
Check, Please: exactly
Vampire Queen: last time they got into this they didnt talk for a week
Vampire Queen: and then realised the other was right at the worst possible times
Vampire Queen: jake had his tongue down his ex boyfriends throat
Vampire Queen: and lady was about to board a plane to perth
Vampire Queen: a flight she booked without telling anyone even her parents
Bubblegum: Ah.
Bubblegum: I see the issue.
Check, Please: prismo do you have any idea what theyre fighting about?
Dream: Why would I know lol
Vampire Queen: you’re jake and lady’s best friend
Dream: No im not
Vampire Queen: dude you totally are
Vampire Queen: dont deny it
Dream: Well even if I was I have no idea
Dream: They havent said anything
Vampire Queen: fucked
Dream: Okay someone needs to go talk to grand prix though right??
Bubblegum: Who?
Dream: Jake’s ex boyfriend
Dream: Hes in year twelve
Dream: He has a girlfriend but those two are poly af
Dream: So that wont stop jake from sticking his tongue down either of their throats
Check, Please: hes in my math accelerant class i have his phone number
Check, Please: ill let him know whats happening
Check, Please: and not to entertain the possibility of making out with jake
Dream: Awesome
Bubblegum: So what, we’re giving them group couples therapy?
Dream: Pretty much
Bubblegum: Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool.
Bubblegum: I knew those psychology textbooks would be worthwhile reading.
Dream: Yeah yeah
Dream: You’re a giant nerd we get it
Dream: Marce can you talk to jake
Vampire Queen: on it
Dream: Uhh bubblegum lady and you are friends right
Bubblegum: I think so.
Dream: Think you can talk her down from booking a flight to the other side of the country
Bubblegum: Hopefully.
Dream: Cool can you talk to her
Dream: I’ll try figure out a way to get them to talk to each other face to face
Dream: I can not deal with another week of those two ignoring each other
Dream: It was bad enough last time
Bubblegum: Alright.
Dream: Okay everyone know what youre doing
Vampire Queen: mhm
Check, Please: yah
Bubblegum: Yep.
Dream: Okay awesome
Dream: Lets stop our friends from fighting over nothing!!
-
You messaged Michael at 4:27 PM
Prism: Actually kill me
Michael: dude wht happened this time
Prism: Jake and lady are fighting again
Michael: yowzer
Michael: i dont envy you lol
Prism: Prick
Michael: hey its a merited response
Michael: hoot hoot
Prism: Yeah yeah
Prism: Okay I gotta go negotiate with my two idiot best friends
Prism: Can you cover the end of my shift
Michael: yep
Prism: Cheers dude you’re a lifesaver
Prism: We still on for board games tomorrow night
Michael: yeah sure
Michael: can i bring my new gf?
Prism: Uhh okay
Prism: If I can drag along jake and lady
Prism: Assuming I can fix their shit before then
Michael: yeah okay
Michael: see you then
Prism: See ya dude
-
Bubblegum messaged 'ooo high school fruity fuckass society' at 5:12 PM
Bubblegum: I managed to get bits and pieces of it out of Lady.
Bubblegum: She was extremely recalcitrant with information, so I don't have the full story, but I've gathered the fight has something to do with their ongoing endeavours to name their future children.
Vampire Queen: fuckign really
Vampire Queen: only those two
Vampire Queen: let me guess they couldn't decide whether to call their son shittiewinkle or fucklepie
Bubblegum: Reports unclear.
Bubblegum: Further investigation recommended.
Bubblegum: Anything from Jake?
Vampire Queen: just moping
Check, Please: and really bad breakup song lyrics
Check, Please: like horrifyingly bad
Check, Please: you bitch / ill put you in a ditch / cause that's the sitch / you big old bitch
Dream: Things are more dire than i thought
Bubblegum: Yeah. Lady sent me this.
Bubblegum: [1 image attached]
Dream: Holy shit dude
Dream: Is that a crayon drawing of lady tearing jake apart with her bare hands
Vampire Queen: what the fuck why is it so detailed
Vampire Queen: jesus hesus Christ
Check, Please: in better news, grand prix has swore not to stick his tongue down jakes throat
Dream: Thats good
Dream: I forgot how exhausting dealing with their shit was
Dream: These two are actually disasters
Dream: Jake is buying me so many milkshakes after this
Dream: Does anyone know where finn is
Dream: Hed be useful right about now
Lumpalicious: Oh my god is this drama I've missed out on.
Lumpalicious: Hot shit.
Lumpalicious: Finn and Phoebe have a hot date tonight though.
Lumpalicious: Thwyre going to the Vault of Bomes show.
Lumpalicious: Its going to be a great time apparently.
Vampire Queen: those lucky bastards
Vampire Queen: ,,,the chance to see billy up close
Bubblegum: I understand the excitement but, well.
Bubblegum: Lady just sent me three more depictions of her graphically dismembering Jake.
Check, Please: and jake just sent a recording of him sobbing out his breakup song while poorly playing the viola to our band gc
Lumpalicious: Why don't they just like, compromise.
Lumpalicious: Or have hot steamy makeup sex.
Vampire Queen: what the fuck lsp i did not need that image
Lumpalicious: We were all thinking it.
Vampire Queen: no we weren't!!
Dream: Dont worry guys I have a plan
Dream: To end this bullshit once and for all
Dream: Marceline, can you invite lady to go skating tommorow around midday
Vampire Queen: fuck i would but i have my babysitting gig
Dream: Thats fine you don't need to actually be there
Dream: Invite her to meet outside the library
Lumpalicious: Ohh I see what you're cooking.
Lumpalicious: And I like it.
Dream: Bubblegum, you and jake study together right
Bubblegum: I mean, sometimes?
Dream: Itll have to do
Dream: Invite him to study at the library
Dream: Noon
Vampire Queen: wait why me with lady and bons with jake
Dream: Conceals the plan
Dream: We gotta go real sneaky
Dream: Jake and lady watch crazy amounts of rom coms
Dream: Ill be waiting there to trap them in a room
Dream: And force them to talk things out
Vampire Queen: sick
Bubblegum: Unethical. I like it.
Vampire Queen: freak
Bubblegum: Bluh.
Check, Please: yeah yeah you're both gay we get it
Bubblegum: I don't understand the relevance.
Lumpalicious: Oh my glob.
Lumpalicious: Are you serious right now?
Lumpalicious: You two are fascinating I want to study you in a lab.
Dream: You know what
Dream: Not my concern
Dream: If i have to coach one more relationship im going to snap
Lumpalicious: Haha.
Check, Please: grand prix’s girlfriend also says she wont makeout with jake
Check, Please: who is also jakes ex??
Check, Please: card wars nerds are complicated yall
Check, Please: who knew they had so much game
Vampire Queen: shelby you arent in a position to make fun of nerds
Vampire Queen: you literally play weekly dnd
Check, Please: i did
Check, Please: we havent played in months
Check, Please: keep up
Vampire Queen: oh dang
Vampire Queen: does that mean you have an opening
Check, Please: and you call me a nerd
Vampire Queen: shut it!!
Vampire Queen: i just think that marzipan the vampire slayer deserves to ride again
Bubblegum: I’d play Dungeons and Dragons with you.
Bubblegum: I ran a campaign back in the city, before, uh.
Bubblegum: Things happened.
Bubblegum: But perhaps I could adapt things.
Vampire Queen: dope
-
Bonfire messaged ‘ooo high school fruity fuckass society’ at 10:36 PM
Bonfire: Wait what the heck is going on.
Dream: Lady and jake are fighting
Bonfire: Dangit
Bonfire: Again?
Dream: Yah
Dream: Finn around?
Dream: Could use a bro’s perspective on jake
Bonfire: He’s having a crisis.
Bonfire: So we went to the Vault of Bones concert right?
Bonfire: And, well, turns out.
Bonfire: Billy is retiring. To live here in Ooo.
Bonfire: And as we just learned, apparently he’s Tiffany’s estranged dad.
Dream: What like the weird blonde guy
Bonfire: Yeah.
Bonfire: Finn is having a crisis because his hero is his best friend’s shitty dad.
Dream: I thought he and finn hated each other
Bonfire: Nah they’re great friends they’re just weird about it.
Bonfire: But yeah Finn is kind of having a thing about it.
Bonfire: I don’t blame him.
Bonfire: Anything I can do to help with Lady and Jake?
Dream: Dont think so
Dream: We have a plan to trick them into making up
Bonfire: Aight.
Bonfire: I’d appreciate if they got their crap together soon.
Bonfire: I need more info on the treehouse cryptid girl from Lady.
Bonfire: I left a note for her, and then when I checked back before the concert today the note was partially singed, and there were claw marks all through the treehouse.
Dream: Jeez
Hero: goddang
Hero: what the fricking fuckety fuck guys
Hero: im in shock i think
Dream: Yeah yeah
Dream: But dude can you talk to jake
Hero: um
Hero: what
Hero: let me read up bro
Hero: oh okay i guess
Hero: what the heck
Hero: what the heck
Bonfire: Like I said.
Bonfire: Crisis.
-
You messaged Mars at 12:13 PM
Prism: Theyre so dumb
Prism: Theyre arguing about whether to call their daughter charmander or sparklie
Mars: jesus christ those freaks
Prism: Theyre so cute
Prism: Theyre fucking idiots but unfortunately im a morosexual
Prism: Aough
Mars: lordie lord
Mars: wait how do you know
Mars: did they get talking
Prism: Not yet
Prism: I managed to get it out of jake
Prism: It was like pulling teeth
Prism: Its days like this i question my crush
Mars: yeah me too
Mars: fucking hell i hate these two
Mars: actually insane
Prism: Mhm
Prism: Jake is sitting next to me btw
Prism: Anything you want me to say to him
Mars: tell him hes a giant fucking idiot
Mars: and to just compromise
Prism: He said fuck off
Prism: Oh lord hes composing more breakup songs
Prism: Give me strenght
Mars: pris you are ooo’s strongest soldier
Prism: Hows the babysitting?
Mars: weird as heck
Mars: this kid bea is like. thirteen. I dont know why he needs babysitting
Mars: shes cool though
Mars: weve just been playing pokemon
Mars: youd like him
Prism: Sick
Prism: Oh shit lady is here
Prism: Wish me luck
Mars: youve got this
-
You added Rainbow to ‘ooo high school fruity fuckass society’ at 1:27 PM
You added The Brick to ‘ooo high school fruity fuckass society’ at 1:27 PM
Rainbow: hi!!
The Brick: hi all
The Brick: sorry for uhh
The Brick: getting you all mixed up in our crap
Rainbow: thank you all for conspiring to get us to sort our shit out!!
Rainbow: Prismo we love you <3333
Rainbow: and the rest of you!!
Dream: Love you guys too
Dream: You owe me so many milkshakes though
The Brick: of course
Lumpalicious: Wait so what were you arguing about.
Rainbow: well
Rainbow: i wanted to call our third daughter charmander!!
Rainbow: and Jake wanted to call her sparklie
Rainbow: and things escalated from there!!
The Brick: in the end we compromised
The Brick: so sparkmander it is
Lumpalicious: …not Charlie?
Rainbow: fuck thats way better
The Brick: yeah it is
The Brick: goddang
Vampire Queen: good job pris
Vampire Queen: glad you got these two to sort out their shit
Dream: Thanks
Dream: It wasnt so bad haha
Vampire Queen: really?
Dream: Thats a lie it was a nightmare
Dream: I am not doing this next time you guys
The Brick: sorry dude
Rainbow: sorry!!
Dream: Anyways
Dream: @Bubblegum get your ass over here and lets organise some dnd
Notes:
mike is the cosmic owl. i dont remmeber where i got that name
Chapter 7: Marceline III
Notes:
sorry for the delay i have been submitting my 6000 word major project
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Bonnie added you, Prism, Jakey, Lady Y and Worm On A String to ‘Dungeons and Dragons’ at 7:18 PM
Bonnie changed her nickname to ‘DM’ at 7:19 PM
DM changed your nickname to ‘Kestrel’ at 7:19 PM
DM changed Prism’s nickname to ‘Astraior’ at 7:19 PM
DM changed Jakey’s nickname to ‘Corran’ at 7:20 PM
DM changed Lady Y’s nickname to ‘Lyana’ at 7:20 PM
DM changed Worm On A String’s nickname to ‘Shaddat’ at 7:20 PM
DM: Hey everyone! I figured I would make a chat so we could organise a first session?
Lyana: okay!!
Lyana: haha everyone has characters already it seems!!
Kestrel: hell yeahs
DM: Would you all like to go around and introduce yourselves?
Kestrel: ill go first
Kestrel: this is marceline
Kestrel: im playing kestrel bluehands, tiefling ranger
Kestrel: baddest bitch in the whole wide world
Astraior: Yo yo everyone its ya boi prismo
Astraior: Im astraior
Astraior: Aasimar sorcerer hey hey
Corran: yooo hype
Corran: tis jake
Corran: im playing corran wulv, human bard
Lyana: lady!! im playing Lyana of starhold!! elven barbarian!!
Shaddat: hey this is shelby and im shaddat the beige, human wizard
DM: Cool!
DM: When would you all want to play?
Corran: uhh iunno
Corran: i work mondays wednesdays and saturdays
Corran: so not then
Shaddat: im free whenever
Shaddat: or i do tutoring sometimes but its not an issue
Lyana: uhh i should be free any time other than saturdays!!
Astraior: I work saturdays as well
Kestrel: as do i, and a few other shifts on afternoons
DM: Please stop reminding me that I need to keep job hunting, haha.
DM: Maybe we can try Sundays though? If everyone is free then?
Kestrel: works for moi
Shaddat: ye
Lyana: okay!!
Lyana: jake is free then too!!
Astraior: Yeah ok i can play sundays
DM: Cool. Cool cool cool.
-
You messaged Stalker at 9:40 PM
Marce: yo yo bonnie b
Stalker: Yes, Marceline?
Marce: i lost my chemistry worksheet again jahaha
Stalker: Again?
Stalker: I’d be impressed, if I wasn’t smart enough to know what you’re about to ask.
Marce: and i knooooow its late
Marce: but could i get it off you?
Stalker: You’re lucky I just got my licence.
Marce: oh dang grats
Marce: you know where i live yeah?
Stalker: Unless you’re at your dad’s?
Marce: nop
Stalker: Alright.
Stalker: Which worksheet?
Marce: the one mista james gave us today
Marce: covalent bonds or some shit
Stalker: I’ll get you a photocopy.
Stalker: You owe me though.
Marce: yeah yeah yeah
Marce: rub it in bubblegum
Marce: you can come in if you want lol
Marce: we can watch a moive or something
Marce: simon and betty are at some kinda school function of some escription
Marce: so i got the house to myself ;)))
Marce: actually im so insanely bored
Marce: please hang out with me bubblegum
Marce: i crave companionship in these lonely times
Stalker: Don’t you need to do the worksheet?
Stalker: Considering it’s due tomorrow.
Marce: we cna do it together!!
Stalker: I’ve done it.
Marce: look ill do it after you go
Marce: but seriously i am craving social interaction ok
Marce: had a draining afternoon w my dad
Marce: and nobody else is up and look!!
Marce: youer my fuckign friend okay
Marce: so…
Stalker: *you’re
Stalker: Fine, but I get to pick the film.
Marce: oh my god you are so annoying
Marce: cant believe im willingly hanging out with you
Marce: you better not pick some romcom bullshit i watch enough of that with jake
Stalker: I can’t stand romcoms.
Stalker: Hope you like Star Trek, bitch.
Marce: you kidding
Marce: i fuckign love star trek
Stalker: Huh. Wouldn’t have pegged you for it.
Marce: lmao
Marce: wow! we’re so subersie
Marce: you’r a nerd who likes punk music and im a badass who likes star trek
Marce: get your ass over here bubblegum
Stalker: You still haven’t told me why you call me that.
Marce: youre pink
Marce: also the first time i saw you you were chewing gum and i called you that in my head until i knew your name
Stalker: So what, I should call you walkman?
Marce: yeah actually thats a dope name
Marce: loe my funky little guy
Marce: best ever thrift store pickup
Marce: remind me to give you a cool punk mixtape i need to test your music taste
Stalker: Okay, got permission from my aunt.
Stalker: Let me just find my DVD.
Marce: dweeb
Marce: which one
Stalker: The one with the whales.
Marce: good pick
Stalker: On my way.
Marce: cool
Marce: ..
Marce: thanks
Stalker: Of course.
Stalker: Get ready for some whales.
-
Bubblegum messaged ‘ooo high school fruity fuckass society’ at 10:32 PM
Bubblegum: hee hoo im bubblgum i like science and being a big giant nerd
Vampire Queen: Marceline.
Bubblegum: [1 image attached]
Bubblegum: look at this
Bubblegum: she actually has aesthetic pictures of dangerous chemicals downloaded on her phone
Bubblegum: oh my god i found her biology folder
Vampire Queen: Hey!
Vampire Queen: Don’t look through my junk!
Bubblegum: fiine
Check, Please: what have i walked in on
Vampire Queen: Marceline stole my phone, and has fled.
Vampire Queen: I suspect she’s lurking somewhere in the rafters.
Check, Please: what??
Check, Please: you know what i dont want to know
Bubblegum: >:)
Vampire Queen: I’m just going to watch the movie without you.
Bubblegum: wait no
Check, Please: what are you guys even doing
Bubblegum: i was bored
Bubblegum: and i needed a chemistry worksheet
Vampire Queen: Oh man this is the best part.
Vampire Queen: You’re really missing out.
Bubblegum: i respect your cunning but i loathe you for it
Bubblegum: give me a moment i need to get off the roof
-
You messaged ‘ooo high school fruity fuckass society’ at 11:49 PM
Vampire Queen: [1 image attached]
Vampire Queen: she even looks like a nerd when shes sleeping
Dream: Youre fuckin gay
Vampire Queen: actually die
Dream: Haha
Vampire Queen: i dont know what you think you know but you dont!!
Vampire Queen: and if you dont shut up im going to put you in a blender >:)
Dream: Suure you will
Dream: As though youre not a big softie
Dream: Bubblegum is the scary one in this situationship
Vampire Queen: theres no situationship!!!
Vampire Queen: what even is that literally
Vampire Queen: she is my sworn frenemy and i needed to lower her defenses to get at her weakspots
Vampire Queen: duh
Vampire Queen: im not even gay
Dream: Liar
Dream: You just dont want to admit you have a
Dream: Big
Dream: Fat
Vampire Queen: finish that. i dare you
Dream: Crush on bubblegum
Vampire Queen: its not a crush!!
Vampire Queen: ive known her for a few weeks
Vampire Queen: i maybe, perhaps, think the nerd is a little cute
Vampire Queen: but thats besides the point
Vampire Queen: im trying to mock her
Dream: So affectionately dude omg
Dream: Youre so funny
Vampire Queen: fuck off
Dream: Look marceline we accept you for who you are
Dream: Even if your type is nerds who you want to kiss
Vampire Queen: do not!!
Dream: Do too
Vampire Queen: ugh!!
Vampire Queen: even if i did its none of your business
Dream: Dude
Dream: Like you dont mock me for my crush all the time
Vampire Queen: what your big gay crush on lady and jake
Dream: Dont say it
Dream: Dude what the heck
Vampire Queen: now were even
Dream: Fuck
Dream: Why dont we just delete this conversation
Vampire Queen: sounds like a plan to me
Dream deleted 44 messages in ‘ooo high school fruity fuckass society’ at 11:58 PM
-
Rainbow messaged ‘ooo high school fruity fuckass society’ at 6:58 AM
Rainbow: why do i have a bunch of notifications???
-
Stalker messaged you at 7:03 AM
Stalker: ..I forgot to give you the worksheet. Marce: lmaooo
Marce: its fine ill just not turn it in
Stalker: No way!
Stalker: Classwork is important. If you don’t complete the assigned coursework, your understanding of the content come revision time is entirely fallible.
Stalker: Things could go horribly wrong.
Marce: bubblegum its one worksheet
Marce: ill just tell mr james i had work
Stalker: And lie? To a teacher?
Marce: ..yeah?
Marce: have you never lied to a teacher before lmao
Stalker: One time I lied and said I had lost my worksheet so I could do it again.
Stalker: But I felt so guilty about it that I had a panic attack in the middle of class.
Marce: goddamn
Marce: girl you are fucked up with authority figures
Stalker: Am not.
Marce: teachers r snitches aight i live with two
Marce: lying to them is normal
Stalker: I guess?
Stalker: I’m not convinced.
Stalker: But I won’t rat on you or anything.
Marce: lmao ok
Marce: thanks for hanging out last night tho
Marce: i enjoyed watching star trek and eating ice cream with you >:)
Stalker: Of course.
Stalker: After all, it was a perfect opportunity for blackmail. Soon, everyone will know that Marceline Abadeer is secretly a giant nerd!
Stalker: Muahahaha.
Marce: never change, bubblegum
Marce: lmfao
Stalker: Yeah, yeah.
Stalker: Laugh it up, jerk.
Marce: nerd
Marce: you get home alright?
Stalker: Of course.
Stalker: I’m an immaculate driver.
Marce: why does that feel like a lie
Stalker: It’s not!
Stalker: I’ll prove it.
Marce: how do you intend to do that, bubblegum
Stalker: You need a lift to school today?
Marce: i mean
Marce: i dont
Marce: but i wont say no
Stalker: I’ll come by.
Stalker: You’ll see, Abadeer.
Stalker: I’m a wonderful driver and you will eat your words.
-
You messaged ooo high school fruity fuckass society at 7:48 AM
Vampire Queen: chat i think im traumatised
Hero: oh no dude thats totally not schmowzow
Hero: hecka bloobies man
Vampire Queen: ok well now im double traumatised
Vampire Queen: you giant weirdo
Hero: we all have our coping mechanisms
Hero: its a hard time marceline
Hero: im sorry you dont respect that
Vampire Queen: because billy is going to live in our town from now on?
Hero: yeah
Hero: what if i run into him on the street and do something embarrassing
Hero: what if i go to tiffanys house and billy is there
Vampire Queen: just be cool bro its what i do
Hero: but marce why are you traumatised!!
Vampire Queen: bonnibels fucking driving
Vampire Queen: jegus crist yall
Vampire Queen: im scarred for life i think
Bubblegum: I’m a very good driver.
Vampire Queen: you literally are not
Vampire Queen: look princess
Vampire Queen: you nearly crashed into a tree
Vampire Queen: how can you call that good driving
Bubblegum: It was intentional.
Vampire Queen: you screamed loud enough to split my eardrums
Vampire Queen: pretty sure your wails of terror could shatter glass
Bubblegum: They were your wails of terror, I’m pretty sure.
Vampire Queen: naw im not scared of anything
Vampire Queen: you on the other hand
Bubblegum: Rude.
Rainbow: stop flirting on main!!
The Brick: for real at least me and lady keep it in the dms
The Brick: ;)
Rainbow: ;)
Bubblegum: We are not flirting.
Hero: uhh yeah you are
The Brick: even finn can see it
The Brick: and hes a little toddler boy
Hero: fuck off!
Hero: thats so not bloobie of you
Vampire Queen: literally what does bloobie mean
Hero: stop deflecting
Vampire Queen: we are not flirting we’re literally frenemies
Bubblegum: Yeah.
Vampire Queen: and its not like id be flirting with a fuckign nerd
Vampire Queen: hahahahahah
Bubblegum: Um.
Bubblegum: Yeah.
-
Ladeez Nuts messaged you at 7:59 AM
Ladeez Nuts: girl
Ladeez Nuts: girl.
Marce: whaaat
Ladeez Nuts: okay A) i fucking know you Marceline and you are into bonnibel
Ladeez Nuts: at least a little
Marce: ugh and so what if i am
Marce: people dont need to keep fucking bugging me about it
Marce: im goign to lose it i swear
Ladeez Nuts: girl chill!!
Ladeez Nuts: but ill stop pushing it ok!
Ladeez Nuts: but also!!
Ladeez Nuts: way to be a jerk to bubblegum!!
Marce: what do you mean
Marce: i just said i wouldnt flirt with her
Marce: and im mean to her all the time
Ladeez Nuts: yeah but its just
Ladeez Nuts: not very nice to tell someone youd never be into them
Ladeez Nuts: what if shes into you??
Ladeez Nuts: and youve just told her she doesnt have a chance
Marce: pfft as if
Marce: straight laced bubblegum? into little old me
Marce: and also like god. weve known each other for a few weeks
Marce: i find her cute!! sure!!
Marce: but idk dude its not like we’re ride or die
Marce: i want to feel things out first
Marce: get to know her better
Ladeez Nuts: fair enough!!
Ladeez Nuts: ill stop bugging you
Ladeez Nuts: but you should still apologise to bonnie
Ladeez Nuts: maybe
Marce: ughh i guess
Ladeez Nuts: also!!
Ladeez Nuts: change my name in your phone
Marce: nah
Ladeez Nuts: marceline!!!!!!!!
-
You messaged Stalker at 8:15 AM
Marce: hey um
Stalker: Hi.
Marce: i just wanted to um
Marce: apologise
Stalker: It’s fine.
Stalker: I presume Lady came into your DMs fighting on my behalf.
Marce: yeah pretty much
Marce: she does that aha
Stalker: Mhm.
Stalker: She’s done the same to me, so I figured something like that might be the case.
Marce: but. uh. yeah. sorry
Marce: for saying uh
Marce: that
Stalker: Don’t stress it.
Stalker: You have class, don’t you?
Marce: maybe
Stalker: Stop messaging me and pay attention, dummy.
Stalker: I printed a worksheet out for you. I’ll give it to you at recess.
Marce: ..thanks
Marce: ill go do that
-
Stalker messaged you at 11:01 AM
Stalker: Hey, I’m outside the library.
Stalker: Got you a coffee with your worksheet.
Marce: aw thanks
Stalker: Of course.
Stalker: We’re friends, right?
Stalker: Just what friends do.
Stalker: I got you a black coffee. Feels like something you’d drink.
Marce: im more of a tea gal myself honestly
Stalker: Oh, crap, sorry.
Stalker: I can go back over to the cafe and get you a new one?
Marce: duuude chill out
Stalker: Um. Yeah.
Stalker: Sorry. Stupid brain.
Stalker: You know how things are. I didn’t exactly have a lot of friends back in Sydney.
Marce: honestly im so surprised about that
Marce: youre like
Marce: fuckign buds with everyone here
Stalker: Am not.
Stalker: I just talk to you guys.
Marce: even so youve integrated into our group pretty dang well
Marce: considering youve known us for what three and a half four weeks?
Stalker: Maybe.
Stalker: Mostly because Lady attached herself to me.
Marce: she does that!
Stalker: But, believe it or not, my closest friend in the city was my supermarket coworker Doc.
Stalker: I talked to maybe four people at school - my coworkers and the guy I tutored.
Stalker: Having this many friends is kinda wild to me.
Marce: no beaus for bonnie?
Marce: you got a big city girlfriend
Stalker: No.
Stalker: Well.
Stalker: I had a girlfriend.
Stalker: But you have to be a level eight friend for that kind of thing.
Marce: and what am i?
Stalker: Solid five.
Marce: fair enough
Marce: we can share old relationship stories some other time
Marce: ill tell you about ash
Marce: and you can tell me your breakup story
Stalker: It uh, wasn’t a breakup.
Marce: oh
Stalker: She died.
Stalker: I don’t want to talk about it.
Marce: it’s fine
Marce: nearly at the library
Marce: nerd
Stalker: Jerk.
-
You added Prism, Jakey and Lady Y to untitled groupchat at 4:18 PM
Marce: uhh
Marce: fuck?
Prism: Dude what happened
Jakey: yeah marce what do you need
Lady Y: we’re here for you!!
Marce: um
Marce: okay you fuckers were right
Marce: i may or may not have a proper crush on bonnibel
Notes:
marceline has come to terms with the fact that she doesnt just think bonnie is cute. does this mean theyll be getting together soon? absolutely not
Chapter 8: Finn II
Notes:
im so sorry its been truly six months 3 i still love this fic but ive been so busy and also cycling through like four other fixations. but adventure time is still my first and most pure love. chapter is a bit shorter sorry. idk. hope u enjoy regardless. love u all <33333
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Beems messaged you at 4:08 PM
Beems: hello f!nn
Beems: do you want to play v!deo games!
Beems: ! just f!n!shed mak!ng a new m!necraft mod and ! need a playtester
Finn: yo bmo that sounds totally slapping and flimptacuar
Finn: but ive got homework to do this arvo sorry lil guy
Beems: okay!
Beems: can ! come over anyways!!
Beems: poppy !s out and !m bored
Beems: also my broken key !s gett!ng on my nerves heehee
Beems: you can study wh!le ! am pregnant
Finn: yeah dude totally
Finn: phoebe and tiff are also over tho its kind of a study hangout thing
Beems: t!ffany !s a b!g jerk
Finn: no way dude
Finn: hes all bark no bite
Beems: hmm
Beems: f!ne
Beems: but only because ! l!ke phoebe
Beems: she !s a good aunt for baby ricky
Finn: nice dude
Finn: see ya soon haha
Beems: :D
-
You messaged Tiffany at 5:32 PM
Finn: hey what the FUCK dude
Finn: what was that??
Tiffany: its nothing. go away
Tiffany: i am the mighty TIFFANY and i dont need your help
Finn: ugh well
Finn: dont be such a dick
Finn: its so unblooby my guy
Tiffany: i am not unblooby
Tiffany: i. Ugh
Tiffany: sorry, i guess
Tiffany: for snapping at bmo. not for punching you
Tiffany: things have just been weird
Tiffany: not quite ok seeing my dad again
Finn: huh
Finn: i never knew my dad
Finn: well. my bio dad. i know dad dad
Finn: knew
Finn: bluh
Finn: hey, at least you get to meet yours
Tiffany: i guess
Tiffany: hes kind of a dick though
Finn: billy? THE billy?
Tiffany: idk he walked out on my mum when i was a kid
Tiffany: hard to reconcile that
Tiffany: when he was running away with his tail between his legs
Tiffany: from me
Tiffany: TIFFANY
Finn: lmao
Finn: i guess you’d know
Finn: and that is very unblooby of him
Tiffany: yeah
Tiffany: uh
Tiffany: sorry for being a dick
Tiffany: and threatening to punt your weird little friend through a window
Finn: they have a name, dude
Tiffany: fine
Tiffany: sorry for threatening to punt your weird little friend bea through a window
Tiffany: they started it
Finn: yeah yeah
Finn: and?
Tiffany: fiine
Tiffany: sorry for punching you in the face
Finn: water under the bridge, bro
Finn: get back here
Finn: otherwise we’ll start eh movie without you
Tiffany: YOU BETTER FUCKIGN NOT MERTENS
-
You messaged ooo high school fruity fuckass society at 8:08 AM
Hero: yo did you guys hear that doc gross got fired???
Vampire Queen: oh damn
Vampire Queen: why
Hero: uhh let me ask if i can say
Hero: ok she says its ok
Bubblegum: Hm. That explains her absence in Biology for the last week.
Hero: okay so uh
Hero: idk how to say this in not batshit insane terms
Hero: and i just found out yall
Hero: but she tried to murder my friend susan
Dream: jesus christ
Dream: is she ok?
Hero: yeah haha
Hero: susan strong amirite
Bubblegum: I don’t get it.
Vampire Queen: her last name is literally strong lmaooo
Bubblegum: Oh.
Vampire Queen: dork
Bubblegum: Jerk.
Vampire Queen: you bet ;)
Bubblegum: Marceline!
Bubblegum: That's too distasteful.
Vampire Queen: i dunno i think it tastes pretty good
The Brick: seriously?
The Brick: stop flirting you two
Bubblegum: Not flirting.
Vampire Queen: nope
The Brick: i want to know what happened
The Brick: suze is a bro
The Brick: i gots to look out for her
Hero: im not clear on all the details but it's mondo fucked up stuff dude
Hero: hold on lemme ask her if I can say
Hero: she says she'd prefer to tell the story
Hero: can i add
The Brick: yeah sure
Vampire Queen: fine by me
Dream: Of course dude
You added Susan to ooo high school fruity fuckass society at 8:28 AM
Vampire Queen changed Susan’s nickname to ‘Suzie Stronk’ at 8:29 AM
Suzie Stronk: Hey
Suzie Stronk: Okay so basically when i was nine i got adopted after having amnesia and getting orphaned
Suzie Stronk: I think
Suzie Stronk: But then my childhood friend just moved into town and i only just remembered her when i saw her
Suzie Stronk: And my brain got all jumbled
Suzie Stronk: And then it turned out doctor gross also knew me before the incident? and apparently we kind of lived in a cult?
Suzie Stronk: And doctor gross got kicked out of the cult but by bringing me and frieda back she thought she could be redeemed
Suzie Stronk: But she crazy
Suzie Stronk: And so tried to stab me with a scalpel
Suzie Stronk: Several actually
Suzie Stronk: Im okay though :) i only got dissected a little bit
Vampire Queen: what the fuck
Dream: yeah uhh
The Brick: are you okay dude???
Suzie Stronk: Yeah
Suzie Stronk: In hospital
Suzie Stronk: But i have a girlfriend
Suzie Stronk: So all good
Hero: hey you didn't tell me that part
Hero: congrations!!
Vampire Queen: got that nearly dying rizz
Bubblegum: Please never say that again.
Bubblegum: I’m glad you're alright, Susan. I hope you have a speedy recovery and a wonderful new relationship.
Bubblegum: I'm just so shocked Dr. Gross would do that.
Bubblegum: Really goes to show that appearances can be deceiving.
Vampire Queen: bonnibel that woman constantly talked about ‘transcending nature’ and ‘putting robot parts inside of bears’ and other sci-fi bullshit
The Brick: i watched her cut open a frog, take out its heart, put in a miniature robot replacement, and then stitch it back up
The Brick: last tuesday
Hero: once i complained about my arm being sore and she suggested that i should get it replaced with a robot one
Hero: and offered to cut it off for me
Hero: she got out a bonesaw and local anaesthetic before i even responded
Hero: like she was ready
Hero: gave me the chills
Dream: Yeah +1 to all that
Dream: She creeps me out more than that scarab guy does
Check, Please: and clock bear
Vampire Queen: don't even bring him up
Dream: Still gives me shivers
Bubblegum: Clock Bear?
The Brick: dont ask
Bubblegum: I don't see what any of this has to do with attempted murder. It's just a healthy interest in transhumanism and the quickly advancing field of cybernetics. Who among us hasn't contemplated modifying our own form with artifice, particularly considering the amount of us who identify as transgender or otherwise gender nonconforming.
Bubblegum: I think that's completely normal.
The Brick: are you /j
The Brick: please say you are
The Brick: please say /j
Bubblegum: No.
Bubblegum: Why would I be?
Vampire Queen: fuck bubblegum you're freakier than i thought
Vampire Queen: actually. remembering ricardio. nevermind.
Bubblegum: I don't get it.
The Brick: oop
-
Phoebe <3 messaged you at 9:15 AM
Phoebe <3: Hey babe i need your advice
Finn: oh totally
Finn: shoot
Phoebe <3: You know that girl i saw in the treehouse those times
Phoebe <3: The spooky kinda feral one
Finn: oh yeppers
Finn: that’s still kind of totally mondo bondo creepy to me
Finn: just hangin in the treehouse like that
Phoebe <3: Okay well I just ran into her in the middle of the hallway
Finn: like at school
Phoebe <3: Where else
Finn: shush
Finn: okay well whats the problem
Finn: id just scram if i were you
Finn: that’s all bjorked up in my opinion
Phoebe <3: That's rude, dude!
Phoebe <3: She's staring at me really intensely as though she's about to say something I can't just walk away.
Phoebe <3: Now she's asking me for directions. To a class I'm fairly sure doesn't exist?
Phoebe <3: Basically what I'm saying is can you come bail me out before I find out what Animal Butchering 101 actually entails!!!
Finn: on it!!
Finn: be there soon
-
You messaged Jerm at 4:13 PM
Finn: hey!!
Finn: are you going to be home tonight
Jerm: Depends on if my boss lets me off
Jerm: But yeah, probably
Finn: alphanumeric!
Jerm: Pfft
Jerm: Got any big plans?
Finn: not really
Finn: just wanted to see if you were gonna be around
Jerm: Well, I should be
Jerm: Shift ends in an hour
Finn: that’s grease
Jerm: Your slang confuses me more every day
Jerm: Is this really how kids talk these days?
Finn: totally
Jerm: Damn.
-
You messsaged Princess at 6:42 PM
Finn: hey, princess!
Princess: Dare I ask?
Finn: you’re, like, all pink
Finn: like a princess
Princess: …I suppose. Not the most ridiculous nickname I’ve been called.
Princess: Can I help you, Finn?
Finn: can i get your lil brother’s phone number?????
Finn: i need to text him about some totes blooby stuff for class
Princess: He hasn’t given it to you?
Finn: not yet
Princess: Hm. I’d expect him to have warmed up to you by now.
Finn: he keeps calling me unacceptable
Princess: That’s Lemongrab, alright.
Princess: Don’t worry. He’ll come around. He’s just.. Had trouble, in the past, fitting in.
Finn: yeah, yeah!!
Finn: whatever lmao
Finn: what are you up to, princess?
Princess: Feeding Science.
Finn: ..huh?
Finn: how do you feed the concept of science
Finn: that’s some funky junk
Princess: Science is my pet rat, silly.
Princess: I have him on an exacting diet so he can live as long as possible.
Finn: oh, neato
Finn: we had a pet bat for one day
Finn: but it turned out it was feral and needed to go home
Finn: but he was a totes radical dancer
Finn: rest in peace the jiggler… forever in our hearts
Princess: How do you accidentally adopt a bat?
Finn: me and jake found him in the woods
Finn: i was like twelve, okay
Princess: Fair enough.
Princess: When I was twelve I kept ants.
Finn: ants? like dentist
Princess: Colonies of ants, that is.
Princess: Wait, what?
Finn: nothing.
Finn: don’t worry about it, princess
Princess: I’m so confused, Finn.
Finn: you’ll find out when you’re older
Princess: I’m older than you?
Finn: shhh
Finn: hey do you want to hear about this crazy dream i had
Finn: you were there
Princess: Sure, okay.
Finn: i was in a fight with a giant version of susan
Finn: and she pulled off my arm!!
Finn: but then it grew into another me
Finn: who was green
Finn: and he looked at me, and said
Finn: i’m you, finn
Finn: creepy, right???
Princess: Well, dreams aren’t my area of expertise, but I’m sure it says a lot about your relationship with your siblings and how that’s been internalised into your subconscious.
Finn: nah my dreams are just mondo crazy
Finn: one time i woke up in pillow world and lived a whole life there and had half pillow children
Finn: in another i was a girl, and there was a talking cat, and marceline’s uncle was there???
Princess: Dr. Petrikov?
Finn: yeah!!!
Finn: it was stink-ups mega bam-bam to the j stop!!!!
Princess: Where do you come up with this slang?
Finn: shrug
Finn: do you swordfight?
Princess: I built a robot to swordfight once, but it tried to kill me. That ripped.
Finn: damb
Finn: i wanna fight that
Princess: Maybe I can make a less homicidal version.
Princess: I still have the codebase.
Princess: And I’d have a lot more room to work it here…
Finn: totally!!!
Princess: I’ll think on it.
Princess: Hey, you play D&D, right?
Finn: yeah
Princess: Could you give me some feedback on this outline? I usually ran things by one of my colleagues back in Sydney, but that’s not really an option anymore.
Princess: [document attached]
Finn: totally dude!!
Finn: i’ll take a look
Princess: Thanks. You’re a lifesaver, Finn.
Finn: you know it!
Notes:
fionna n cake slapped btw
Chapter 9: Bonnibel III
Notes:
so! long time no see. i've been uh. life. hopefully i'll get the second half of this chapter up eventually
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
You messaged Shoko💚 at 8:01 AM
Bonnie: Hey.
Bonnie: Um.
Bonnie: It’s March. Nearly April.
Bonnie: Glob, this hurts to say.
Bonnie: I think I have a crush on someone.
Bonnie: I know what you’d say. That you want me to be happy, to move on.
Bonnie: But.
Bonnie: I was the one who came up with that date idea. I was the one who took you there.
Bonnie: In a way, I killed you.
Bonnie: Hghghhggh.
Bonnie: I don’t know.
Bonnie: I can’t help but feel like I’m betraying you.
Bonnie: Happy birthday.
Bonnie: I love you.
-
Lady messaged you at 9:20 AM
Lady: hey are you okay??
Lady: not sure if youre sick or late but the teacher is asking if you’re coming!!
Bonnie: Oh.
Bonnie: Uh.
Bonnie: I’m not going to make it in to school today.
Bonnie: Sorry. I know you were hoping to work on our group project today.
Lady: nono its fine!!
Lady: but i thought you never missed a day
Bonnie: Extenuating circumstances.
Bonnie: Could you let the others know, please? Not sure I’m up to the group chat right now.
Bonnie: Just tell them I’m sick, or something.
Lady: are you?
Lady: you can talk to me bonnie!!
Bonnie: I’m fine.
Bonnie: Just.
Bonnie: It’s the anniversary of something I’d rather not talk about.
Bonnie: And I don’t think I can deal with, like, people, today.
Lady: okay
Lady: take care!!
Lady: i know you said you didn’t want to talk about it, but if you ever do, i’m here
Lady: <33333
Bonnie: <3
Bonnie: See you tomorrow?
Lady: of course!!
-
Marceline messaged you at 10:45 AM
Marceline: yo pbubs
Marceline: whats the deal?
Marceline: we were meant to work on that presentation in class today
Bonnie: Oh.
Bonnie: Fuck.
Bonnie: I’m so sorry.
Marceline: lmao its fine
Bonnie: Lady didn’t tell you?
Marceline: haven’t seen her yet lol
Bonnie: Oh.
Bonnie: Well.
Bonnie: It’s the anniversary of…
Bonnie: Something I don’t want to talk about.
Marceline: oh
Marceline: sorry
Marceline: shouldnt have come in swinging mb
Bonnie: It’s okay.
Bonnie: I just..
Bonnie: I know everyone only means well but I don’t think I’ll be able to handle them all at once.
Bonnie: Not today.
Marceline: dw i get it
Marceline: you’ll get no shit from me bbel
Marceline: other than you know
Marceline: for being a nerd
Bonnie: Jerk.
Bonnie: Thanks.
Marceline: want me to come over after school?
Bonnie: It’s okay.
Bonnie: Tomorrow?
Marceline: sure
Bonnie: Thank you.
Marceline: ofc
-
You messaged Chicle at 11:00 AM
Bonnie: Hey.
Chicle: bonbon
Chicle: sup?
Bonnie: I can’t remember, does your apartment have a spare bed?
Chicle: huh?
Chicle: not usually but my roommate is overseas right now so i guess so,
Chicle: why
Bonnie: School project.
Bonnie: Thanks.
Chicle: weird
-
Vampire Queen messaged ooo high school fruity fuckass society at 11:04 AM
Vampire Queen: hey heads up fuckholes
Vampire Queen: little ms pink aint at school today
Vampire Queen: dont bug her about it
Dream: W
The Brick: H
Rainbow: I
Dream: P
Vampire Queen: i swear to fucking god
Vampire Queen: don’t you three start!!!
Vampire Queen: she’s my friend and she wants to be alone today y’all better respect that
The Brick: its still so funny to me that you say yall
The Brick: possessed by a southern cowboy
Vampire Queen: hey! its just a word
Check, Please: I dunno, it’s pretty weird.
Check, Please: Maybe you should look into hats and boots.
Vampire Queen: i would slay that outfit
Dream: The woman’s not wrong
Dream: Follow your dreams girliepop, that’s what i say
Vampire Queen: prismo gets me
Rainbow: But yeah marcy is right bonnie told me the same thing!!
Rainbow: I just didnt think to put it in the chat
Rainbow: haha
Vampire Queen: yeah
Vampire Queen: just. probably dont bother her
Vampire Queen: you do not want to get on her bad side lmao
Vampire Queen: we all remember ricardio
The Brick: oh, fuck
The Brick: you got it, dude
-
You messaged Lemon at 12:21 PM
Bonnie: Hey, donkus.
Lemon: hI bonnie
Bonnie: Just as a heads up, I’m going out, I won’t be home for dinner tonight.
Lemon: oKay
Lemon: that is Acceptable
Bonnie: Can you tell Lolly?
Lemongrab: caNt you?
Bonnie: ….it's complicated.
Lemongrab: sIGh
Lemongrab: okay
-
You messaged Shoko💚 at 12:30 PM
Bonnie: I'm coming to see you.
Bonnie: I don't care that it's noon on a school day. By train, I’ll get there at six. I can crash at Chicle’s.
Bonnie: You’re important to me.
Bonnie: I miss you.
Bonnie: Glob, Shoko, I miss you so much.
Bonnie: You were everything to me. And now you're gone.
Bonnie: And it's been a year and a half, and I should have moved on by now. That's longer than we dated for.
Bonnie: I miss Sydney. I miss my house. I miss my Uncle. I miss Doc and I miss Gaige and I miss Emmy and I miss Mannish Man and I miss you.
Bonnie: I should have been faster.
Bonnie: Maybe if my hands weren't shaking so much, I’d have been able to call an ambulance quicker.
Bonnie: You’d still be here.
Bonnie: Everything would be better.
Bonnie: I’m such a mess. I should be better than this.
Bonnie: I have to be in control of myself. Whenever I’m not, bad things happen.
Bonnie: After you were gone, I made a plan. I stuck to it.
Bonnie: But with them… with the new people, here? I almost want to abandon it.
Bonnie: And I can't do that. Because I need to be perfect. Not making hecking stupid choices like ditching the plan just to be with my friends. Not taking a train in the middle of the day to see my dead girlfriend’s grave without telling anyone.
Bonnie: I just.
Bonnie: They don't expect me to be perfect, and I don't know why.
Bonnie: I don’t like it.
Bonnie: I need to be perfect. That’s what my Uncle always said, and for all the reasons I dislike him, he was right on that.
Bonnie: I need to follow the plan.
Bonnie: But I need to see you.
Bonnie: Um.
Bonnie: Sorry. About all that.
Bonnie: I’m at the train station.
Bonnie: See you soon, okay?
-
Aunt Lolly is calling you at 12:59 PM…
[call declined]
Aunt Lolly is calling you at 1:01 PM…
[call declined]
Lemon is calling you at 1:06 PM
[call declined]
Aunt Lolly is calling you at 1:08 PM…
[call declined]
Neddy is calling you at 1:10 PM…
[call declined]
-
Lemon messaged you at 1:12 PM
Lemon: boNnIe
Lemon: this is unnAceptable
Lemon: anSweR my cAlls
Lemon: boNnie
Lemon: wheRe are You
Lemon: im asKing fiNn to get your friends to call you
Lemon: aagh
Lemon: bonnIE
-
Hero messaged ooo high school fruity fuckass society at 1:14 PM
Hero: hey uh
Hero: i just got a message from lemongrab
Vampire Queen: who?
Hero: bonnies brother
Hero: shouty dude
Hero: i got into some fights with him
Hero: asking me to get you guys to call bonnie
Hero: he seemed really freaked
Hero: like totally schmowzow upset
Vampire Queen: did he say why?
Vampire Queen: i think she wanted to be left alone, dude
Vampire Queen: i don’t want to piss her off
Hero: no
Hero: but he seemed really upset
Vampire Queen: ill shoot her a message
-
Marceline messaged you at 1:20 PM
Marceline: yo pbubz
Marceline: bubblegum
Marceline: binder girl
Marceline: bonnibel
Marceline: girl where are you lmao
Marceline: your brother is freaked according to finn
Marceline: dude
Marceline: answer me plx
Marceline: hulloooo
Marceline: gdi bonnibel
-
Marceline is calling you at 1:58 PM…
[call declined]
-
Vampire Queen messaged ooo high school fruity fuckass society at 2:00 PM
Vampire Queen: shes not responded to any of my messages
Vampire Queen: and declined my call
Rainbow: oh no!!
The Brick: this seems not good
Vampire Queen: you fucking think????????
The Brick: Dude
Vampire Queen: sorry
Vampire Queen: just
Dream: I can start looking around town for her
Dream: Im not in class
Dream: This doesnt seem like her style
Dream: Just disappearing
Vampire Queen: its
Vampire Queen: don't worry. i think i know where she's going
Rainbow: where
Vampire Queen: shes going to be so mad that i told you guys
Vampire Queen: ugh!!
Vampire Queen: in confidence, bonnie told me that she had an ex girlfriend
Vampire Queen: except they didnt break up
Vampire Queen: she uh. died
Rainbow: OH
Rainbow: she told me as well
Rainbow: and said not to tell anyone!!!!
Vampire Queen: i know, i know
Vampire Queen: but its important, dude
Vampire Queen: today is the anniversary of something she doesnt want to talk about
The Brick: you think she's gone back to sydney
Dream: Oh fuck
Vampire Queen: yeah
Rainbow: i should have made that connection!!!!!
Rainbow: stupid stupid
Rainbow: marceline where are you right now???
Vampire Queen: library
Vampire Queen: why
Rainbow: do you have your licence on you?????
Rainbow: because me and jake got high earlier and i don't trust myself to drive but we’re going to go get her right now
Hero: jake!!
The Brick: whaaaat
The Brick: its just a little kush
Rainbow: not the time!!!!!!
Vampire Queen: be there in five
Rainbow: you better be!!!
-
Lady messaged you at 2:13 PM
Lady: bonnie get off the train
Lady: we’re coming to get you
Lady: bonnibel
Lady: bonnie please
Lady: bonnie
Bonnie: No.
Bonnie: Leave me alone, Lady.
Bonnie : You can’t stop me.
-
Chicle messaged you at 2:25 PM
Chicle: bonbon
Bonnie: Chicle.
Chicle: you could have just told me
Chicle: i would have let you stay anyways
Bonnie: I couldn’t risk it.
Chicle: please, bon, talk to me
Chicle: lolly is going to drive down. she can take you back
Bonnie: No.
Bonnie: I need to do this by myself.
Chicle: you dont
Chicle: this is crazy, bon
Bonnie: Yes, I do.
Bonnie: Leave me alone.
Chicle: bonnibel
Bonnie: I’ll find somewhere else to stay.
-
You messaged Gumbald at 2:45 PM
Bonnie: Hello.
Gumbald: Bonnibel! How grand. Have you finally deigned to talk to your Uncle?
Bonnie: Yes.
Bonnie: You still live in our old house, right?
Gumbald: My old house, you mean?
Gumbald: And yes, I do. It’s rather less crowded, now that you’ve all left me.
Gumbald: It’s much more productive. I should have divorced your aunt years ago.
Bonnie: She left you.
Gumbald: Specifics, specifics.
Gumbald: I’m working on my latest project. I think this one will finally take the market by storm.
Bonnie: You always say that.
Gumbald: This time will be different, Bonnibel. You’ll see.
Gumbald: Regardless, though.
Gumbald: I presume you want to stay with me.
Bonnie: Yes.
Bonnie: Just for a night. Then I’ll be going back to Ooo.
Gumbald: Hmph. Does your aunt know about this?
Bonnie: No.
Bonnie: Don’t tell her.
Gumbald: And why, pray tell, do you finally want to stay with your dearest uncle, Bonnibel?
Bonnie: It’s the anniversary.
Gumbald: Oh.
Gumbald: Oh, prinzessin.
Gumbald: I’ll set up a bed for you.
Bonnie: Thank you, Uncle Gumbald.
Gumbald: You’re welcome.
-
Marceline messaged you at 3:30 PM
Marceline: bonnie
Marceline: are you safe
Marceline: please
Bonnie: I can take care of myself.
Marceline: you don’t have to, bubblegum
Marceline: i know what you’re doing
Marceline: i know you’re in sydney by now
Marceline: at least let us pick you up, please
Marceline: we’ll be there in a few hours
Bonnie: I’m an adult, Marceline.
Bonnie: I just..
Bonnie: This is what I need to do.
Bonnie : I need to do this myself. Purge the imperfection from my body.
Marceline: what
Bonnie: This was never part of the plan.
Bonnie: You were never part of the plan.
Bonnie: I’m meant to be perfect, Marceline.
Bonnie: I need to do this, then I can get back on track.
Marceline: you don’t need to be perfect, bubblegum
Marceline: you’re being bananas
Bonnie : Yes, I do.
Bonnie: Please, Marcy, go home.
Bonnie: Let me do this.
Marceline: bonnie
Marceline: this isn’t fair
Marceline: not on you, not on me, not on anybody
Bonnie: I’ll be back in a few days.
Bonnie: I need to say goodbye.
Marceline: not like this, bonnie
Marceline: this isn’t healthy
Bonnie: I’ll do our group project myself. You don’t need to worry about it. I’ll finish it tonight.
Marceline: what the fuck, bubblegum
Marceline: this is insane
Marceline: stop it
Marceline: you’re scaring me
Bonnie: Don’t worry. It’s nothing like that.
Bonnie: I’m sorry, Marceline. Everything will be better soon.
Bonnie: I just need to get over myself. You don’t need to do any of this
Marceline: i’m coming to get you
Marceline: we’re coming to get you
Marceline: that’s what friends do
Bonnie: Goodbye, Marceline.
Bonnie: See you soon.
You blocked Marceline at 3:45 PM
Notes:
bonnie crash out
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