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Whumptober 2023 (AKA I Procrastinate My Homework)

Summary:

Welcome to my brain rot.

Here I will attempt to keep up with Whumptober. I will not succeed, but it's the thought that counts.

Each chapter is unrelated unless it says so in the notes. I apologize for any spelling and grammatical mistakes. Feel free to correct me.

Content warnings for each chapter are in the notes.

Tags will be updated as I get more and more cruel in my whumping.

Chapter 1: Warriors | Remember to Drink Your Water, Kids

Notes:

Warriors is my first victim.

Prompt: Swooning

Content warnings: heatstroke, vomiting, nausea, swearing

Chapter Text

Thirty minutes into Twilight’s Great Desert, and Warriors was starting to feel strange.

He’d started out as hot. They all had. The sun was brutal, the golden sand glaring with reflected light. They’d been sweating buckets since the most recent portal had dropped them in the middle of this sandy wasteland. The only shadows in sight were the patches beneath the dunes, but even those had wicked away to nothing as noon crept on. They’d been forced to move, aiming for the mountains that separated the desert from Lake Hylia. 

But now it was three in the afternoon, and those mountains barely looked any closer.

Warriors tugged on the neck of his tunic, trying to get a breath of air against his hot skin. Both he and Time had been forced to shed their plate armor to avoid cooking alive, and then an hour later half of the Chain reluctantly took off their chainmail. Warriors felt unnervingly naked in the vast desert with only two layers of fabric between him and a monster’s blade.

Gods, he just hoped they could get out of this stinking sandpit soon.

But now his skin felt odd. And then there was the rocking in his head: like the heat had melted his brain and now it was sloshing painfully around. His throat was tight. He felt almost nauseous, but it was a different kind of sick. Like a great weight was pressing down on him, crushing his lungs and stomach and head, all at once.

Delightful.

One thing he was certain of, though, was that he was hot. He was so hot it wasn’t just a feeling anymore: the heat was now a part of him. Worming through his bones. Licking dry the moisture in his throat.

“Guys,” he rasped, voice rough from the dry heat. “I need— do we have any water?”

Wild frowned. “Some. But we’ve got to conserve it as much as possible. I can’t give you a lot.”

“That’s alright,” Warriors replied. “I just need something, at least.”

Wild summoned a waterskin from his Slate, handing it over and instructing him to only take five swallows. “I’m sorry, Wars. But those mountains are awfully far away.”

“S’alright,” the Captain replied, swallowing that first, blissful gulp. Shut away in Wild’s Slate, it hadn’t gotten painfully hot like the rest of the world.

Then the liquid hit his stomach.

Ohhh… that didn’t feel good.

Warrior had to make a conscious effort not to throw up. His stomach seized, shocked by its sudden, watery contents. Keep it down, Warriors spat. Don’t waste water, you stupid organs.

He managed another two, big swallows. Based on his body’s reaction, he clearly needed water.

“You doing alright over there, Cap?” Legend asked, his hat pulled low over his face to keep the sun off. “You’re looking a little sallower than usual.”

“Shut up, Vet,” Warriors grumbled, handing back the waterskin. “This heat’s just getting to me.”

Time frowned. “Let us know if it gets worse.”

“Sure thing, Old Man. Not sure what you’d do if that happened, though, what with this vast desert and everything.”

Time didn’t have a reply to that, only a resigned grimace.

They forged on. The water helped a little with the headache, Warriors thought, but his stomach had decided it was now full-on nauseous. His lungs were trying to crawl up his throat.

His foot caught on the sand, making him stumble. The world swam.

“—rriors. Warriors!”

“..Hnh?”

“Hey, you good?”

Warriors blinked the grit from his eyes, focusing on Four. “Oh… yeah… sorry. Tripped.”

“Are you sure? You look awfully red."

“We’re in the middle of a desert, Four,” he snapped. “We’re all red.”

The shortest Hero frowned. “Yeah, but, I mean— you’re really flushed. And you’re breathing kinda fast. Do you feel hot?”

Warriors tugged at his tunic. Gods, his skin felt awful. All itchy and dry and irritated. “Yes, Four. As I said before, we’re in the middle of a fucking desert. Of course I’m hot.”

The Smith raised his hands. “Okay, okay, Hylia , no need to bite my head off.”

Warriors rubbed at his face. “Sorry. I didn’t— I just— my head feels kinda weird…”

Four narrowed his eyes. “Do you feel nauseous?”

“Ugh, yeah. Like my organs are all… just.. swimming around.”

Hyrule trotted over. “Wait. Headache, too?”

Warriors squinted, trying to focus on the green-clad boy. “Yeah, that… that too. I’m just… I’m really hot.” There was an itch in the back of his brain. His instincts were shrieking in alarm, trying to tell him something but everything was swimming and he could barely think—

Four and Hyrule glanced at each other, alarmed, then over to the rest of the Chain, who were still slogging ahead. “Time!” Four shouted. “We’ve got a problem.”

Their leader whipped around, eyes landing on Warriors. He thought he caught a quiet oh shit from Twilight, followed by something a lot more profane from Legend.

“What happening?” Time demanded, rushing over.

“I think Wars is—”

“Guys, I—” Warriors choked on dry, dry air. “I don’t feel— ah—” His headache surged. Time’s face swam before him before sliding sideways. Sand hit the side of his head. The sky went black.

 

Time watched Warriors go down, Hyrule lunging in a fruitless attempt to catch him. The Captain hit the sand, eyes rolling back into his skull.

“Shit!” Four yelped, dropping to his knees by the downed Hero. He felt the man’s forehead. “Oh, fuck! He’s blazing!”

“Heatstroke,” Legend spat, racing over. “Oh, fucking dammit!”

Time dropped to the burning sand, fingers pressing to Warriors’ throat. “His heart rate is far too elevated. We have to cool him down.”

“How?” Wind demanded, voice rising. “There’s no shelter anywhere! We’re in the middle of a fucking desert!”

“Wind, calm down. We need to think rationally.” Time’s head snapped about the desert, looking for potential shade. The mountains were still too far away, and Warriors needed to be cooled now. He felt the Chain’s eyes creeping unconsciously onto him, begging him for a way to save their brother.

Gods damn it. He wasn’t cut out for this.

“The tents!” Four shouted. “Let’s set up the tents! We can cover them in blankets. Make it shadier. We could also burrow a little into the sand and get to the cooler levels.”

Time breathed a sigh of relief through his nose. “Thank you, Four. Twilight, Wild, Legend, Sky, and Wind, you all start setting up the tents. Put the canopy up first. Four, start soaking rags in water. Leave a waterskin for Wars to drink. Hyrule, you help me with Warriors.”

“Right!” Four sped off to get the waterskins from Wild, who was in the process of pulling their tents from his Slate. Sky tossed them a bedroll to get Warriors off the hot sand.

Hyrule and Time began pulling off Warriors’ layered clothes, stripping the insulating fabric. The man was left in his underclothes, skin red and angry. It was horribly dry and nothing like the sweaty skin of the rest of the Chain.

They could defeat hundreds of monsters, but they were insects compared to the elements. It drove Time mad. He couldn’t possibly protect his boys from the fucking sun.

“Canopy’s up!” Sky shouted. “Get him under!”

Time scooped Warriors into his arms, Hyrule grabbing the bedroll and repositioning it under the newly erected canopy. It wasn’t ideal, but the shade did offer some relief from the heat. As Time, Four, and Hyrule tucked the soaking rags about Warriors’ blazing body, the rest of the Chain set to putting up the tent walls. Their thick blankets were tossed over the canvas, further deepening the shadows. Twilight left a gap on the windward side for airflow, as minimal as that was.

“—kk—”

Four bent over. “Wars?”

The man’s blue eyes fluttered open, clouded and unfocused. “Nn… Four?”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Whahappen…”

“You collapsed,” Time said. “You were in the sun for too long.”

“Ah…” Warriors shifted, trying to raise his head. “Where…?”

“Still in the desert,” Hyrule reported. “We had to set up a tent where you went down. It was too hot to leave you under the sun.”

“Oh…” Warriors sighed.

Four shuffled on the sandy bedrolls. “Do you think you can d—”

Warriors’ body suddenly bucked, and the man scrambled upright, scrabbling for the tent exit. Time barely managed to catch him before he hit the sand, vomiting up the meager gulps of water he’d taken not thirty minutes before.

“Ah shit,” Time heard Four mumble behind him.

“Wars!” Wind cried, scampering over from where he’d finished securing the tent.

“Agh…” Warriors’ body went limp in Time’s arms. “Oh, ow…”

Time helped the man back into the shade, lowering him onto his bedroll. Hyrule set about retucking the damp rags.

“Is he okay?” Wind whimpered, peeking in at his older brother.

Time hesitated. “He’s… he’ll be alright. You all should set up the other tents and get in the shade, too.”

The child’s face pinched. “O-okay.”

Wild’s face appeared next to Wind’s, holding out a silver circlet. “Here. It’s got a cooling enchantment on it.”

Hyrule gratefully took the circlet, positioning it on Warriors’ head. The man visibly relaxed. “Oh, wow, it really is chilly,” Hyrule muttered.

“This might help, too,” Legend called as Wild kicked sand to cover up the patch of sick. An ice rod simmered in the Veteran’s hand. “Put it next to him.”

“Right!” Hyrule took the freezing weapon, tucking it into the bedroll beside Warriors. The Captain’s clouded eyes tried to follow him, offering the Traveler a weak smile.

“Warriors, see if you can keep some water down,” Time said, raising the last waterskin. “You’re too dehydrated.”

The Captain swallowed, wincing. “Alright…”

Time held the man’s head up as Warriors sipped at the waterskin. There was a moment of relief as the Captain lay back down, but not a breath later he was curling over, body heaving. Time barely managed to get him back to the tent entrance before he was retching again.

There was a scuffling outside. Time glanced up to see Sky reaching for a shaking Wind, running his hands through the boy’s hair. Wind had his eyes locked on Warriors, his face creeping into horrified distress. Time tried to send a comforting glance to the boy, but Warriors’ body jerked again and his attention was ripped away.

Finally, Warriors finished vomiting and they could lay him back down on the bedroll. Time dragged a hand over his face. They couldn’t give him more water just to have him throw it back up. They didn’t have the water to waste.

Outside, Wild’s voice began to rise, panic creeping into his words. “I don’t have any cold darners or winterwing butterflies! How can I not have any?!”

Twilight’s voice cut in. “Wild, calm down. There’s nothing you can—”

“He’s too hot, but I can’t make a chilly elixir! I’m the one— I’m supposed to— I’m supposed to have these things—”

“Wild! Shouting won’t do any good! We need to get under the canopy. There’s no point arguing out here if someone else is just going to collapse!”

Hyrule and Four shared a fearful look. Time shut his eye. What a mess.

“You two,” he called. Hyrule and Four jumped, looking over at him. “Go stay with the others. The less people we have heating this place up, the better.”

“R-right,” Hyrule mumbled. The two of them scrambled outside, blinking in the harsh sun.

Time dropped his head into his hands. He knew next to nothing about heatstroke. Warriors was the only one with experience in field medicine. The rest of the Chain could patch and stitch up wounds, yes, and burns weren’t too hard, but Warriors was the only one with actual medical training. And he was incoherent.

Time was so far out of his element that he may as well be on the moon.

What a horrible joke.

“...’ime?”

Time’s head shot up. Warriors was gazing at him with glazed eyes. “Hey there, Captain. How are you feeling?”

“Not too great…”

Time’s mouth twisted in a poor mockery of a smile. “Just rest, alright? Try to keep still.”

“Mmm.”

There was a moment of silence. Time thought the man had gone back to sleep, but then—

“’M sorry…”

“For what, Warriors?”

“Not realizing... I should've realized... 'm a medic 'n all…”

Time sighed. “Don’t be.”

“Just had to say it…”

Time used the back of his wrist, the coolest part of him, to brush back Warriors’ dry hair. “Rest, Captain.”

“Yes… sir…”

The man’s eyes fluttered shut. His breathing evened out. To Time’s relief, the cold circlet and the ice rod seemed to be working, for Warriors’ breath and heart rate had both dropped to more normal levels. The man’s skin felt slightly cooler, too.

Time shuffled to the tent flap and peered out. The Chain had sent up another canopy and were now huddled beneath it, munching on something. Sky had his arm around Wind.

Twilight caught Time’s eye. “How is he?”

“A little better. I’ll wake him up in a half hour to try some more water. Anyone else feeling ill?”

Sky shook his head. “No, just hot. Wild found some hydromelons in his slate. They’re full of water, and they’re helping.”

“Here,” Legend passed him a large slice of some red fruit with a green rind. “Can’t have you collapsing on us either, Old Man.”

Time gratefully accepted the fruit and took a bite. It was wonderfully juicy, and still relatively cool from Wild’s Slate. He hadn’t realized how hot he’d gotten in the mayhem.

“I’ll go scout around,” Wild announced. “My clothes keep me from getting too hot. I can look for water or cacti or something. Or maybe there’s some ruins we can hole up in.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Cub,” Twilight said. “If you collapse or get lost, we’ll have no way to find you.”

“I won’t—”

“Stay here, Wild,” Time said, a touch too quickly. The thought of another boy succumbing to this blasted desert was setting his heart racing. “We’ll wait for night.”

“But— we’re running out of water—”

“We’ll just have to keep still and in the shade. We can’t risk another illness.”

Wild stared down at his fisted hands. His face contorted, revealing his panic. “...Okay.” Twilight dropped a hand on the Champion’s head and gave it a comforting pat.

Time ducked back into the tent with the Captain. As much as he hated it, there was nothing they could do but wait.

 

Half an hour later, Warriors managed to keep some water down. The Chain breathed a collective sigh of relief.

Overhead, the sun sank lower in the pale sky. The shadows grew longer, further draping the Chain in blessed darkness. Warriors woke up momentarily around five, swallowed some more water, and went back to sleep.

With the sunset came the chill.

They took down the tent walls, letting the heat of the air radiate off into the cold sky. The stars winked down in a breathtaking array. Warriors skin had lost its angry red hue and was now fairly cool to the touch.

Someone dropped to the sand beside him. “You should get some sleep, Time,” Twilight said. “We’ll watch over Warriors and keep an eye out for monsters.”

“I’m alright—”

His descendant clapped a hand to his shoulder. “You kept calm all day, but you must’ve been losing your mind. That takes energy. Get some sleep. You can leave everything to us.”

Time stared at the young man. “Where did you learn such maturity?”

Twilight’s mouth twisted for a moment, his eyes growing sad. Then he gave a grin. “I met a wise old man on my adventure. He taught me how to be brave.”

“Sounds like a good man.”

“He…” Twilight sighed. “He was. He would’ve liked you, I think.” The Rancher grinned again and nudged Time with his shoulder. “Get some sleep, Old Man.”

Time waved him off. “Alright, alright.”

He lay down on his bedroll, looking up at the stars. The Chain’s voice murmured behind him, quiet and calm. Under the diamond sky, Time drifted off to sleep.