Chapter Text
Billy is freaking out. Maybe more than he should be, but freaking out nonetheless.
“I mean, sure,” he thinks, “I've been in adult bodies before; it's part of my superpowers. But this is the very wrong body, and the right body has the wrong mind in it!” He is trying not to panic, or at least show any panic, just standing here.
In the Batcave.
As Batman uses his voice and his face to explain the situation to his kids that are here and everyone else over comms, all while Billy prays to every god of luck he's on good terms with that this isn't how his secret gets revealed.
Red Robin, Robin, Signal, and Batgirl are listening as Batman finishes his overly long-winded explanation of why this is all happening. “So until the spell wears off in about a week, me and Captain Marvel will have to assume each other's identities until we return to our bodies. Constantine said we should simply wake up one morning after we both inexplicably,” he gestured between the two of them, “Wake back up in our own bodies.” He turned to the many screens of the Batcomputer, an alien-looking symbol taking up a screen for itself and the image of Nightwing, Red Hood, and Spoiler on a video chat. “Until then, I’m requesting Hood don the cowl until I can return to duty,” that elicited a chorus of groans from both groups and a distorted snicker from whoever was behind the alien-looking icon.
He turned back to the physically present group now. “Captain Marvel will attend as Bruce Wayne for this week's events under your supervision and guidance. I will take Marvel's place in Fawcett City since his powers are tied to his physical form.”
“Half truth,” Billy thinks, “the blessings stay, but I could still head to the Rock to update the Wizard or use my own magic if I needed. But Batman doesn't have to worry about that or add that to some file while thinking of a million ways to beat him in a fight.”
Billy shifted in the batsuit under the new feeling of all eyes on him. “Is there anything about your normal behavior, patrol routes, villains, or schedule I should keep in mind to not tip anyone off that something has happened Marvel?” Bruce asks, and Billy has to think for a moment. When in Rome.
“I don't have a secret identity outside being me,” he motioned to, well, himself technically. “I’m just Marvel. I just go and do my job helping wherever I can, so while on patrol I help knock out army’s of evil robots Sivana makes with the same intensity I help people carry their groceries home or get their busted down car to a mechanic.”
Robin scoffed at that, “Those two aren't nearly as important in comparison." “To me they are.” Billy rebutted, turning back to himself to finish talking to Bruce. “I don't fight my villains like you; I don't try to intimidate or scare them. I try to talk them down or out of the fight, like if Sivana is piloting some new machine or aiming a death ray with his youngest kids, I'll try and convince him to leave his kids out of it while trying to trick him into aiming it at me instead. That way, maybe his kids can avoid spending more time in juvie or a detention center while targeting his rage at me so people don't get hurt.”
Now Red Robin was giving him a weird look behind the mask, “Any other tactic for your villains B should follow?”
Right. “Ibac has been on parole for a while now after the last time someone got him to transform, his real name is Stanley Printwhistle, and he's been himself for a good few months now. If you see him transformed you have to either trick him into saying Ibac again or remind him that he doesn't want to be doing this."
“Is he not in control of himself when transformed?” Spoiler asked from the monitor, “No,” Billy answered. “His powers come from malicious forces and evil spirits of old, once he's transformed his negative traits get amplified and most of the time nowadays he's forced into transforming in the first place and needs a pull back to being himself so he says his name willingly. He's not a bad person, it's just that other gangs or villains in Fawcett know how to use him and threaten him to help them.”
He looks to Bruce with purpose now, “If he's just attacking you, get him to transform and send him home. His transformation violates his parole, but Stan is really trying."
Bruce nods his head, “Understood.”
One regular villian down, “Beautia Sivana might flirt with me, reject her advances and get back to whatever you are doing.” Another nod, “Black Adam and I are friends now, so if he comes looking for a fight he's definitely mind controlled by another one of my villains, Mr. Mind.”
“And he's?” Nightwing chirps in from the monitor. Billy takes a deep breath and mentally prepares himself for the comments he knows are going to come up. “He,” there is no way this one gets taken seriously, “Is a telepathic magic caterpillar,” and now Red Hood is laughing. Great.
“Who communicates verbally with a miniature radio around his neck, you can get him out of people's heads with a high-pitched sonic attack. He needs to be actually inside people's heads to control humans, but he can control animals without being inside their heads, so he might try and make his getaway with a bird or something else.”
Bruce doesn't laugh, thankfully, just nods while Billy is acutely aware of his kids trying to suppress a giggle. “He normally leads the Monster society of evil or teams up with Sivana, just be careful to keep him away from you.”
Explaining the rest of his villains is less mortifying. Muscles McGinnis and his gang, Sin, Lady Blaze and her brother Satanus if they choose to make trouble, the Seven Deadly Sins, Superboy Prime on the off chance something allows him to break out of the Monsterlands (Red Robin visibly bristiled at that), Arson Fiend, Sabbac if he got resurrected or a new host was chosen, Mister Atom, King Kid if he left the Funlands for another siege, Oom, Madame Libertine, and the host of magical creatures that like to stir up trouble.
“My normal day is spent mostly just flying around and helping where I can, but Friday I agreed to be at a charity event Beautia and Magnificus Sivana were hosting.” Billy thought a bit about whether he should say the next few parts, fidgeting with Bruce's fingers before deciding on his answer with a sigh. “I also have some promises I made that I need to keep,” Oh yeah, that doesn't sound ominous at all. “I promised a woman a while ago I'd make sure her daughter was safe, since her dad is more than a little crazy and neither are good candidates to really be in her life at the moment.”
Billy looked at the floor, “He’s a villain and he was causing trouble near where her daughter lives, so she got really worried. Before I had to put her away, she made me swear to check in on her and keep her dad away.” Billy shrugs. “I promised, and now I'm kinda just her superhero friend that drops in every week to ask how school is going and make sure no weird guys have been around her school or the house.” Billy signed again, “I'm supposed to visit again this Thursday, so I need to ask that you don't be yourself there.”
“I know how to act like you Marvel, I can-” “That's not what I mean Brcue,” the look Billy was giving the man pleaded something desperate, like the action of asking itself was killing him.
“Don’t be you, don't be Batman and try and figure out who she is. Her dad is one of the Leagues villains and if he gets the faintest idea she exists her life will have to be uprooted again and he might figure out she exists. I promised her mom I’d make sure that man never got within the same city as her, and I won't let you be the reason her life gets turned upside down again.” He didn't mean for his plea to turn threatening, but Bruce had to stay away for her sake. And for his own, because her mom would definitely hunt him down herself if she learned she got put in danger because he couldn't keep his nose out of things.
“You can visit Thursday, make sure she's safe and ask about her week, but then you leave and forget she ever existed. No checking in, no background checks, no impromptu investigations in that area.” Billy doesn't know when he started copying the intimidating Bat-stalk and got up in his own face, but he's here now. Using Batman's voice and intimidation factor against him, “Am. I. Understood.” Billy stressed each word, looking for Bruce's tells in his own face. “I understand Captain.” Billy backed off and finally freed his head from Bruce's stupid cowl, “You see Mary Marvel or the Lieutenant, you are going to tell them what's going on before they say anything. No pretending to be me around my family, I wouldn't do that to you and you aren't doing it to me.”
There’s as much silence as the Batcave could allow for a few beats, only the sound of the bats overhead shuffling on the stalactites and the hum of the equipment and electronics around them. “I'll do my best not to worsen or intrude on your life by the end of all this, Captain.” His shoulders sagged with relief, “And I'll make sure to not cause unwanted headlines.” He put his hand out for a shake, becoming surprised at Batman's ability to restrain his grip so well it hardly felt firm when it had taken Billy a whole day to get a handle on his strength.
“This is going to be some week,” Spoiler giggled through the video link.