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Nick couldn’t fucking believe this. First, he had to skip out on seeing his boyfriend every morning in form, instead being forced into GCSE study halls. Then, he was sat next to Ben fucking Hope. And then, his boyfriend was grounded, and Nick couldn’t even see him outside of school.
And now, Ben wouldn’t stop fucking talking to him.
If Nick was less mature, he’d call Mr. Farouk over just to get him to yell at the boy. But he had dignity, and class, and he knew he’d get in trouble for making it a bigger deal, and Mr. Farouk terrified him. So, he stayed quiet, doing his best to ignore Ben. It was difficult, to say the least.
And then, Ben had the goddamn audacity to say Charlie’s name.
Nick immediately cut him off, brain lighting up at the word even if he had no clue about the context. “Get Charlie’s name out of your mouth.”
Ben honestly chuckled, leaning back in his chair. “You get so angry over him. It’s ridiculous.”
Nick rolled his eyes then glanced over at Mr. Farouk, still oblivious to their conversation. Nick ignored the boy beside him, going back to his studies.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ben smile. “Look, it’s not my fault Charlie liked me first. I don’t know why you hate me for it.”
“I don’t care about that,” Nick shot back in a whisper, refusing to rise to the other’s volume. “I couldn’t care less that you and he have a history. I care that you hurt him.”
Ben rolled his eyes. “Please, that’s a bit of an overstatement. Charlie wanted me.”
“He did not want you!”
Ben scoffed. “Charlie was always so desperate for any attention he could possibly get from me, always willing to do whatever I wanted, he was always begging me for it. I never hurt him.”
A metre stick came down between them on the desk. It made them both jump, but not more so than the man leaning between them. “I told you to be quiet.”
“It’s not my fault, Mr. Farouk,” Ben said. “Nick won’t leave me alone.”
“Liar!” Nick shot back. His voice echoed through the hall, grabbing the attention of the rest of the year 11s. “You’re the one who won’t shut up! You’re the one who won’t just leave us the hell alone! I’m just trying to move on and stay away from you and you won’t even let me! I don’t know why you’re so obsessed with Charlie, but you need to get over it! You hurt him and he’s done with you. End of story.”
“You’re the one making a big deal out of nothing!”
“Boys—“
Nick shot out of his seat, his chair screeching against the floor. He towered over the other boy, a sick satisfaction running through him at the flash of fear in Ben’ eyes. “It’s not nothing! You assaulted him! You literally assaulted him, and you don’t even care!”
“You’re so dramatic,” Ben shot back, laughing slightly, but looking a bit anxious now. “I didn’t do anything to him.”
“Yes you did, and you know it,” Nick gritted out. “You know exactly what you did.”
Ben rolled his eyes. “Please, Charlie’s so obsessed with me, he’d die for even a crumb of my attention. You just can’t stand the fact that he’s in love with me, he’s disgusting.”
“He hates you after what you did to him.”
“I never did anything to him!”
“You kissed him against his will!” Nick’s voice was loud in the otherwise silent room. His laboured breaths bounced off the walls, echoing back at him. “You literally sexually assaulted him!”
Ben rolled his eyes and stood up. He shoved Nick in the chest, but Nick was immovable. Ben scoffed. “I would never want to kiss a boy. I’m not gay .”
“I don’t know what you are except an abusive dick.”
Someone was grabbing Nick’s arm, pulling him back, but he only had eyes for Ben. Mr. Farouk was trying to put himself between them, trying to shove Ben back, but he couldn’t stop his words. “I didn’t do anything that fag didn’t want!”
Nick nearly lunged for the boy, stopped only by the strong arms around his waist. It was a sudden movement, spurred on by sudden all-encompassing rage.
“You abused him for months! You used him and lied to him and made him hate himself because you were miserable! You wouldn’t leave him alone and forced him to meet with you when he tried to end things between you two, and you refused to take no for an answer! You cornered him after school in a building you knew would be empty because you knew exactly what your plan was! You slammed him against the wall so hard that he had bruises for days and you held him so tight he had marks on his wrists and you kissed him when he told you not to! God knows what else would’ve happened if I hadn’t found you!”
Nick was barely conscious of the words leaving his mouth, the anger blurring his eyes and muffling his ears. “You kissed him against his will! He was crying and trying to shove you off and you wouldn’t let up! You wouldn’t let go of him!”
“Nick,” a voice sounded in his ear. It sounded soothing, understanding, but firm. Nick barely heard it.
“Charlie wanted it,” Ben shot back. “He was begging for it, he wanted me to—“
“ He was begging you to stop! ” Nick screamed. There was a voice muttering softly in his ear, arms dragging him back, but he was deaf to the words and numb to the touches. He was oblivious to the tears on his cheeks. “He was crying because you wouldn’t let him go , and you think he wanted that?”
“It’s what all you fags want—“
“Liar!” Nick screamed. “You’re a pathetic fucking monster!”
“Nick.” It was Mr. Ajayi’s voice, he realized, but he still didn’t pay him any attention.
“Fuck off, Nick!”
“You better never even look at my boyfriend again, if you know what’s good for you!”
“What you gonna do, punch me?”
“I should’ve punched you the second I saw you touching him in the music block, you fucking prick!”
“ Stop it! ” Mr. Farouk’s voice was loud and grating as ever, and they finally went silent. Nick stopped struggling against Mr. Ajayi, whose hold loosened on him. He ran a hand up and down Nick’s back to soothe him, telling him to calm down, while Mr. Farouk still had an arm in front of Ben. All four of them were panting with exertion. “Both of you, headmaster’s office! Now!”
Another few teachers had come in at some point and Mr. Ajayi, Mr. Farouk, and Mrs. Singh chauffeured them to the headmaster’s office. They were sat beside each other, watched by the three instructors as they very pointedly avoided eye contact.
It was almost ten minutes before they were finally pulled into the office. Headmaster Barnes had them sitting in silence for another fifteen minutes before Sarah Nelson arrived. One of the teachers got her a chair to sit in beside him. Nick watched as they placed five more chairs in the room. Before he had too much time to wonder about it, Ben’s parents came through the door, a whirlwind of anger and disappointment. Nick would’ve felt bad if he didn’t hate the boy so much.
Charlie’s parents stepped through the door. But, there was one chair still empty at Ben’s other side. Nick sucked a breath in. God, this was already worse than he’d thought.
They waited a full two minutes before the door opened one last time, and in came Charlie Spring. Nick watched as his skin drained of color as he took in the eleven faces staring back at him.
“Have a seat, Mr. Spring,” Headmaster Barnes said with a gesture to the one empty chair, beside Ben, in front of Charlie’s parents.
Everyone watched Charlie pale further, swallow heavily as he eyed Ben, then the chair, then took a seat. He sat on edge, like he would need to bolt at a moment’s notice.
“Now,” Headmaster Barnes finally started, “I want to start by saying—“
“This doesn’t concern Charlie,” Nick interrupted before he could stop himself. “Charlie had nothing to do with this, he wasn’t even there.”
“Given the content of your argument,” Mr. Farouk said surprisingly gently, “he should be present now.”
Nick slouched into himself. “I’m sorry, Charlie.”
He could see the confusion on his boyfriend’s face out of the corner of his eye, but the Headmaster continued, “As I was saying, I want to start by saying that Mr. Spring is not in any trouble. But a matter has been brought to our attention, and this is a matter we must discuss.”
“Nick was just being dramatic,” Ben spoke up.
Before Nick could reply, the Headmaster said, “Whether that is true or not, it is my responsibility as the headmaster of this school to come to that conclusion myself and with any required professionals.”
A pair of police officers entered then, making Nick seize up in his chair.
Charlie’s voice shook as he spoke. “What’s this about?”
“It was said today, Mr. Spring,” Headmaster Barnes began, and he seemed genuinely apologetic as he said, “you were assaulted by Mr. Hope some time ago.”
Nick turned away, trying to blink away the tears forming, but instead they just fell down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Charlie,” he whispered.
He could hear Charlie’s breathing pick up in pace. “I—we don’t—we don’t need to do anything about that, do we? If I don’t want to… press charges? Or anything?”
“Unfortunately, if it happened on school property, that is not a decision you can make.”
Charlie’s breath was ragged. “But I… I don’t need to do anything. It doesn’t matter now.”
Jane spoke up, her voice somehow chiding and sympathetic. “Charlie, if something happened, we need to do something about it.”
Charlie sat back in his chair, ashen, devastated. Nick buried his face in his hands, burning with shame and guilt. “Charlie, I—“
Charlie stood then and he rounded the chairs to come to Nick’s side. He crouched beside him and reached for his hand. Nick grasped his back, selfishly wanting the comfort in the results of his own careless words. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered helplessly. “Ben was saying all these things and I just lost it in front of everyone.”
“I forgive you,” Charlie said simply.
“But it’s my fault,” Nick said firmly. “I’m the one who said something when I knew I shouldn’t have. I told you I’d never say anything but I did and now the whole school is gonna know.”
Charlie shrugged sadly. “I forgive you still.”
Nick shook his head. “I wish you wouldn’t.”
Charlie opened his mouth, but didn’t speak. Instead, he shut his mouth again and sighed, stroking his thumb across the back of Nick’s hand.
“Each of you will speak with the police officers present,” Headmaster Barnes said. “One at a time. Your parents can be present with you. I suppose we could go alphabetically?”
“Can’t Charlie go first?” Nick said anxiously. He looked up at the Headmaster, face wet. “Please, can’t you let him get this over with?”
Headmaster Barnes took a deep, slow breath. “I suppose so, if that’s what he wants.”
Nick knew Charlie. He knew his boyfriend, and he knew he’d be stressed about telling them what happened. And the longer he sat there waiting, the longer he’d have to spiral. Nick was able to watch a bit of relief form around the edges of his face and he nodded. The police officers guided Charlie and his parents from the office into a private room down the hall, then they all were quiet.
“As for you two,” Headmaster Barnes finally said. “You cannot interrupt GCSE studies. I will give you both the opportunity to state your case.”
Nick wasn’t even able to open his mouth before Ben burst out, “Nick was the one talking. He wouldn’t leave me alone.”
“That’s not true,” Nick replied. “Why would I want to talk to you? I hate you! I hate you for what you’ve done to Charlie, and I never want to even see your face again, let alone hear your voice. You wouldn’t stop pestering me about my boyfriend and trying to make me feel insecure about my relationship with him. I was perfectly content to ignore you for two weeks and never have to talk to you, but you just kept opening your mouth and saying such vile things about my boyfriend. I only said something so you’d shut up!”
Headmaster Barnes turned slightly in his chair to address the instructors beside him. “Mr. Farouk, can you vouch for either of their stories?”
“I don’t know, sir,” Mr. Farouk said. “It is a large room and I, regrettably, was unable to hear the beginning of their discussion.”
Headmaster Barnes nodded his understanding. “Gentlemen,” he addressed the students, “I like to consider myself to be a reasonable man. But the two of you nearly got into a physical altercation, had it not been for several intervening staff members. Not to mention that you’ve been cited several times now for interrupting GCSE studies.”
“That’s Ben’s fault,” Nick tried. “He kept talking to me about Charlie.”
“Then it is your duty as a student and peer to ignore him.”
Sarah gasped. “Mr. Barnes—“
“It is my duty ,” Nick interrupted firmly, “as a boyfriend to defend Charlie when someone insults him. Even when he’s not there. And I won’t apologize for that.” He shook his head, arms folded tightly against his chest. “I will not apologize for defending the boy I care about more than anything in the world, especially when the person who hurt him is saying terrible things about him. I will apologize for causing a disturbance, but I will not apologize for that.”
Ben rolled his eyes. “Do you hear him? His knight-in-shining-armour routine? He’s ridiculous, and he’s just trying to get himself out of trouble.”
“If that’s the case, Mr. Hope, then we will find out,” Headmaster Barnes assured them. “As we speak, various teachers are interviewing nearby students to see if they heard any of your conversation before Mr. Farouk got involved. We will be piecing together what happened before this, and we will deliberate and assign punishments accordingly.”
“I will take my punishment,” Nick said simply. “But I will not allow anyone to disrespect my boyfriend.”
The door opened and, a good thirty minutes after the Springs left, they filed back into the room, ending the conversation there.
“Alright,” one officer said. “Who’s next?”
“I’ll go,” Nick said. He rose from his chair and nodded to the officers. “Just give me one moment please.”
One nodded and everyone watched as Nick went to Charlie’s side. One of his hands went to Charlie’s, the one gripping the arm of the chair. The other rested at the back of Charlie’s head, fingers playing with his curls in the way he knew always relaxed his boyfriend. Charlie had clearly been crying, eyes puffy and red, though they were dry now. Nick swallowed, heart aching at the sight. “You’re okay,” he told him simply. He pressed a long kiss to Charlie’s curls, breathing in the familiar smell of his shampoo. “I’ll be back soon, Char. Promise.”
Charlie nodded. “Okay.”
Nick pressed one last kiss to his head, then disentangled his fingers from Charlie and straightened. The officers gestured for Nick to follow them, his mother close at his side. Too soon, they were in the next room, small but bright, with a table and five chairs. One chair went unused.
Nick and Sarah sat opposite from the officers. One was a lady, short and a bit stout, with her blonde hair pulled back into a tight, flawless bun at the back of her head. Her eyes were keen, but gentle. The other was a tall, muscular Black man, with a kind, open face.
“Alright, Mr. Nelson,” the female officer said. “I’m Officer Druit, this,” she gestured to her partner, “is Officer Menke. We’re going to just have a quick chat about what happened, okay? We’ll talk about the events as you remember it. You’re not in any trouble, okay? We’re just trying to get an idea of what occurred.”
Nick nodded his understanding. “Okay.”
“Can you tell us when this happened?”
Nick shrugged. “I really don’t know. I think Charlie and I had been friends for two, maybe three weeks at this point. Or—no, it had been his second week on the rugby team, I think. So, possibly early or mid-February. But I really don’t know. I’m sorry.”
“That’s alright, love,” Officer Druit said. “Can you tell us what was going on before it happened?”
“Well, we were finishing rugby practice,” Nick said slowly. “And I noticed Charlie had been acting a little off. In the changing rooms, he was really distracted. I know it sounds silly, but he hadn’t said goodbye to me, and he always says goodbye. I got worried about him. And then, he didn’t go to leave the school. He went to the music block. I was really worried, so I… I followed him.” He looked up at the officers and rushed to continue, “I didn’t want to spy or anything, I just wanted to make sure he was okay.”
“It’s alright,” Officer Druit reminded him. “We’re not here to try to incriminate you for anything. And it’s perfectly understandable to want to follow a friend when they seem upset, just to check up on them.”
Nick nodded, relieved. “I was going to, I was! But… then, I heard voices. And I could tell it was Charlie, and at first I couldn’t tell who the other person was. But I could hear Charlie talking, and he sounded upset.”
“What was he saying?” Officer Menke asked.
Nick bowed his head. “I feel like I’m betraying his trust, saying it. I’ve already done that enough today.”
“Nick,” Officer Druit said softly. “You did a good thing, bringing this to the attention of some adults. We’re just trying to make sure nothing like this happens again and that all parties get the justice they deserve.”
“But Charlie didn’t want anyone to know,” Nick said, voice cracking. “And now the whole Year 11 knows, and the whole of Truham and Higgs will know by tomorrow, and—“
“Nick,” Officer Druit said. Nick clamped his mouth shut and looked up at the officer with shy eyes. She smiled at him, soft. “He may not have wanted anyone to know, and it may have gotten out unfavourably. But, this needed to happen. For him, for you, for Ben, for anyone who may be hurt.”
“I hate hurting him,” Nick said, sounding raw. He scrubbed at his face, smearing tears around his cheeks. “I hate that I blurted it out in front of everyone. He’s going to hate me after this.”
Sarah rested a hand on Nick’s arm. “Nicky, baby, I know Charlie. You know him. He’s not going to be upset with you about this. He cares for you. And he understands these things happen. It’s not on you, love.”
Nick wiped away his tears and nodded. He rubbed his palms on his slacks to dry them.
“Shall we continue?” Officer Druit asked. Nick nodded and she gave him a patient smile. “Alright, then. Can you tell me if you remember anything Charlie had said that day?”
Nick blinked a few more tears from his eyes. “He was talking about how Ben had taken advantage of him. Ben had gotten a girlfriend and didn’t tell him and… Charlie said Ben was just using him when he wanted to kiss a boy. And he didn’t take Charlie’s feelings into account.”
Officer Druit nodded. “And then?”
“I wasn’t eavesdropping on purpose,” Nick said. “I just… Ben wasn’t being nice. And I wanted to be there for Charlie.”
“Do you remember anything Ben had said?”
Nick shrugged even though the memory was burned into his brain. “Ben said he was figuring stuff out and Charlie shouldn’t be mad at him for it. And he said that… that no one else would want to date Charlie. I don’t think Charlie said anything.” He knew Charlie didn’t say anything. He remembered the painful heartbeat of silence in response to what Ben had said, like Charlie didn’t have anything he could say to dismiss that claim. As if it was so impossible for anyone to want to be with him.
(In hindsight, it was apparent that, even then, Nick wanted to date Charlie Spring. He was desperate to be with him whenever he could, to see his floppy curls and shy smile and bright eyes. He was happy to fall for him. And he did. Hard.)
“It was after that.” Nick’s voice was soft, wrecked. “I remember hearing a bang and shuffling. And weird sounds. So I… I rounded the corner. And Ben…” Nick shook his head. He rested his head in his hands, like hiding his face could erase the memory from his head. “God–”
A gentle hand came to rest on his spine, stroking up and down. “It’s alright, Nicky,” his mum said. “Just take your time.”
“He had him against the wall.” Nick said into his hands. He shifted his palms from his mouth but left his fingers over his eyes. To the table, he spoke, “He had him against the wall. And he was shaking him. And he was holding his wrist, pinning it so Charlie couldn’t fight him. And he was holding him there and kissing him, and Charlie kept saying stop and telling him to stop it, but—“ Nick let out a shaky breath and paused, lest he start sobbing at the memory. “I don’t really remember what I did exactly. I remember a haze of just… panic. I think I just pulled him off of Charlie and told him to leave. Charlie was crying. I remember that.”
Officer Druit nodded. “Was he…” she hesitated. Finally, she said, “Did he seem… undressed, at all?”
Nick shuddered at the thought and fought back a violent wave of nausea. “No!” The word was ripped out of his throat, sounding so unlike him. “God, thank God, no.”
“Okay,” Officer Druit said. “What happened after you told Ben to leave?”
“I walked Charlie out of the building. We texted a bit that evening about what happened. He thanked me for helping him and told me about their… thing they had going on. We texted for a few hours until I was falling asleep.” Despite the memory preceding it, Nick smiled at the reminder. Mostly to himself, he added, “God, even back then, I was smitten.”
Officer Druit smiled with him. Officer Menke spoke up and asked, “Do you still have the texts?”
Nick shrugged. “I mean… possibly? We text all the time, though. I think it’d take a while to scroll back a week, let alone nearly five months of messages.”
Officer Menke nodded with an understanding smile. “That’s alright. But we may ask to see them.”
Nick shrugged again. “If you can find them.”
Both officers chuckled and glanced at each other. “So,” Officer Menke started, “what about today, then?”
Nick groaned. “Ben is insistent on talking to me. I don’t know why, because I’ve made it clear ever since then that I hate him. I think he assumes it’s because he and Charlie were a thing before me, as if I care at all about that.”
“You don’t?” Officer Druit asked.
“No,” Nick said like it was obvious. “I don’t care that Charlie sometimes met up with Ben and made out, I care that Ben screwed with his head.” He sat up straighter, taller. “Ben says he cares about Charlie. He says he didn’t mean to hurt him, he just was having a hard time. But I was figuring out my sexuality with Charlie right there, and I never once hurt him like that. Ben treated Charlie like an object when he was convenient, and he bullied him when he wasn’t. Ben says we’re the same, but he’s wrong. I want to come out, I’m just… afraid.” Nick shook his head. “I guess it doesn’t matter now. I said he’s my boyfriend in front of everyone.” He sat up straighter again, certain of one thing. “But I don’t care about what they say to me or about me. I don’t care about any of them, I only care about Charlie. And I said this to the headmaster, and I’ll say it to you: I won’t apologize for defending my boyfriend. Not when some monster is saying terrible things about him right to my face.”
Officer Menke asked, “What was he saying?”
“He said Charlie wanted it!” Nick cried out, voice cracking. “He said he didn’t assault Charlie, that he wanted it. And he was using a bad word. And… I hate that word.”
“What word,” asked Officer Druit.
Nick glanced up at her. “The f-word.”
The officers glanced at each other. “The curse word?”
Slowly, Nick shook his head. “The slur.”
Both officers took a slow inhale at once. Then, Officer Druit closed her notebook and gave Nick a smile. “That will be all, Mr. Nelson. Just remember, there are better ways to resolve tension, alright?”
“I didn’t care about resolving tension,” Nick told her. “If he’d stopped talking to me like I told him to, this all would’ve been avoided.”
Officer Druit gave him a smile and they both led Nick and his mum back to the Headmaster’s office. Nick noticed Ben and his parents off to the side, talking quietly, while Charlie was sitting beside his father, silent.
Nick immediately went to his boyfriend, pulling up a stray chair. He sat in front of him and held out his hands. He watched Charlie, saw the emotions flit across his face before he reached his hands back, lacing their fingers together between them. Nick brought their hands to his mouth, pressed kisses to the boy’s knuckles. His hands were so cold.
“I’m sorry,” Nick said again.
Charlie shook his head. “It’s not your fault. By the sounds of it, Ben goaded you into it.”
“Still,” Nick argued. “It wasn’t my secret to tell. And now the whole school knows, and it’s my fault.”
Charlie didn’t reply. He moved closer to let their knees touch. Nick relished the contact.
“Mr. Nelson,” the Headmaster said. He waited until Nick looked at him to continue, “As I told Mr. Hope, you are to be suspended for three days.”
Nick glanced up at Charlie, worried. “What about you? I don’t want you to have to deal with this alone tomorrow.”
“I’ll be out the next few days, too. Excused absences.”
Nick relaxed slightly. “Okay.”
Charlie smiled at him, but it was tight. Nick wished he could take it away, take away all the stress and anxiety. All he could do was hold his hands. But then…
“You two are free to go.”
Nick barely had a moment to comprehend the words before Jane was pulling Charlie to his feet. Nick sat, numb, as he watched her shepherd her son out of the headmaster’s office in record time. And then, Charlie was gone.
“Nicky,” Sarah said softly. “Let’s go home, love.”
No , he wanted to say. I want to go with Charlie. Please. He didn’t say any of it. He nodded to his mother and allowed her to guide him from the office, out to her car. They sat in silence for too long before Nick was finally able to say, “I’m sorry, Mum.”
She didn’t answer for a long while. Then, she said, “I don’t really know what to say here, Nicky. You nearly got in another fight and now you’ve gotten yourself suspended.”
“Ben was saying really bad things about Charlie,” he argued weakly. “I know I shouldn’t have acted like that, but I just… I couldn’t help it. I was there when it happened, and Ben said Charlie wanted it. But he didn’t, Mum, he was crying.”
“I understand, love,” Sarah said gently. “But you still can’t get into physical altercations.”
“I didn’t want to,” he tried.
Sarah nodded. “But you still did. If it weren’t for those teachers, you would’ve.”
Nick didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t wrong. He was more than willing to punch Ben in the face and break his stupid big nose. Maybe he’d scar and everyone at school would think of what happened every single time they saw his face. Nick couldn’t say he disliked the idea.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Sarah asked suddenly.
Nick winced. “Charlie didn’t want me to say anything. I couldn’t betray him like that.”
Sarah sighed heavily but nodded her understanding. “Nicky, you can’t go fighting.” She pulled into their driveway and turned to him once she parked. “But I’m proud of you for sticking up for Charlie like you did. You’re a good boy, Nicky. And I’m proud of you for stepping in when you saw something bad.”
Nick shook his head. “That’s not something special, Mum. Charlie was hurt. I couldn’t let Ben continue hurting him.”
Sarah gave him a sympathetic smile. “I know.”
She led him inside where they were greeted by Nellie. Nick tried to be relieved to see her, but he just couldn’t stop thinking of Charlie. His Charlie. Probably locked up in his room, banging away on his drums with fears and frustrations too big to contain in his slender body. Nick was just waiting for Charlie to get mad at him. It had to come eventually, didn’t it?
Sarah disappeared into the kitchen to make them both lunch. Nick distantly heard the ringing of her phone, but ignored it. He grounded himself in the feeling of petting his dog as she licked and nosed at him, trying to get him to smile. He couldn’t quite manage it no matter how hard she tried. He appreciated the effort, though. He loved this dog so much.
Sarah came back a few minutes later with a sigh and two plates with sandwiches. “Eat up, Nick,” she said casually. “And then we’re going out.”
Nick winced and took the offered plate. “Mum, I—“
“No,” she interrupted. She sat beside with her own lunch and began to eat. Nick sighed and forced down his lunch.
Eventually, they finished and Sarah got Nellie on her lead. It surprised Nick; he thought they’d be going somewhere terrifying, maybe something to scare him into obedience, even if that didn’t really sound like something his mum would do. Instead, the three of them got into the car, Nellie in the footwell in front of Nick. She had her head in her lap, looking up at him like he was the world. The same way she looked at Charlie. The same way Nick looked at Charlie.
His thoughts quickly got lost on his boyfriend. He couldn’t deny his worry, letting it fill in his chest. It was all his fault, this whole mess. Nick just couldn’t keep his mouth shut, and now another one of Charlie’s secrets was out to the whole school because someone he trusted couldn’t keep their mouth shut. Nick thought he might throw up his sandwich if he thought about it too hard.
He’d been so lost in his own head, apparently, because he didn’t even realise where their short drive had taken them until they were pulling into another driveway. He looked up, breath catching. Charlie’s house.
Nick was torn. He wanted to rip the door open and go running inside, scoop Charlie into his embrace and never let him go, soak up all his pain until Charlie was okay, hold him until Charlie never felt any hurt again. He also wanted to sit in this car forever, never giving Charlie the chance to really come to terms with what Nick had done to him, never giving him the chance to get angry at him, at least not where Nick could see.
“Come on, then,” Sarah said simply. She nodded her head to the house. “Jane called. Asked me to bring you.”
Nick looked at his mother, then back at the house in front of him. He swallowed heavily and, with shaky hands, he pushed the door open and stood on legs like jelly. Nellie followed him out, the obedient girl she was, sticking close to his side despite the lead trailing on the ground behind her. He heard his mum huff a laugh as she picked it up, though they both knew Nellie really didn’t need it.
They’d barely gotten to the door when it opened, revealing Jane Spring. Nick was used to a certain kind of look from her, inquisitive and disbelieving. After Charlie told his parents about their relationship, that look held a strange disdain for the boy, too. Now, though, she looked almost grateful to see him. She stepped aside and let the Nelsons through the door.
“He’s upstairs,” she said simply, nodding to the stairway. She watched Sarah hand the lead over to Nick. Nellie was looking around inquisitively, sniffing the floor and wherever else she could reach.
Nick gulped and looked at the stairs. He took a deep breath and forced himself to take the first step—
“Nick.”
He turned around to look at Jane, who looked uncertain. Then, she pulled him into a tight hug. Nick held her, so unsure of what was happening, but he knew this was a good development. If his boyfriend’s judgemental mother was hugging him, that had to be a positive sign.
“Thank you,” she whispered in his ear.
He leaned back and looked at her, brows furrowed. “For what.”
Jane pursed her lips together. Nick was shocked to see a film of tears rising in her eyes. She shook her head and let go, then nodded to the stairs again. Nick took another deep breath and went up to his boyfriend’s room.
Charlie was not playing the drums. Nick could tell from down the hall; there was no sound of clacking against the electronic set, no rhythms or movement. With extreme trepidation, Nick knocked on the door, opening it slowly when he heard Charlie’s soft, “Come in.”
He’d barely gotten the door open an inch before Nellie was nosing her way through, always getting excited at the sound of Charlie’s voice. God, how Nick could relate to his dog. He heard Charlie’s soft giggle and exclamation of her name, and something warmed in him. When Nick finally gained the courage to open the door the rest of the way, he saw that Nellie was already on Charlie’s bed, wriggling in his lap as he petted her enthusiastically. He was giggling still. Nick let out a sigh of relief at the sound.
Charlie looked up, his smile dimming slightly. Nick wanted to cry. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Nick’s voice cracked. He cursed his vocal chords for ever working in the first place.
Charlie gave him a small smile as he resumed petting Nellie. “What’re you doing all the way over there?”
Nick took the invitation, stepping into the room. He sat on Charlie’s bed, on Nellie’s other side.
“Are you okay?” He asked quietly as he ran a hand over Nellie’s fur.
Charlie didn’t answer, so Nick looked up to see his face. He looked contemplative, like he was genuinely considering his response. “I am,” he finally said. “I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t really dealt with anything yet or if I really am okay, but… right now, it doesn’t feel too big. It just feels like… I dunno.”
Nick tried to smile, but he couldn’t quite manage it. “I’m really sorry, Charlie. I just got so angry and I just—blurted it out for everyone to hear.”
“I know,” Charlie said. “Someone recorded it. I saw the whole thing.”
“How do you not hate me?” Nick asked, voice strained. Tears filled his eyes and fell down his cheeks. Charlie reached up and brushed them away with his thumbs, his smile so soft and fond.
“I could never hate you,” he said. “I don’t want to be angry at you.”
“But you should be.” Even as Nick said it, he wasn’t sure why.
Charlie raised his brows, confused. “Do you want me to be angry with you?”
Nick shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Charlie nodded and sat back, dropping his hands to his lap. “Okay. I’m angry at you.”
Nick’s stomach dropped and he looked up, shocked. “What—?”
“I’m very angry at you,” Charlie continued. “For what you’ve done today. For the rest of the time that I’m angry, I do not want to see you.”
Nick’s eyes filled with tears even faster. “Charlie, I—“
“Okay.” Charlie shrugged, almost nonchalant. “I’m not angry anymore. I forgive you.”
Nick stared at him. And continued to stare. “What?”
“Nick.” Charlie smiled at him, so sweet and fond and Nick started crying again. Charlie sighed. “Do you feel better, now that I was angry?”
“But you weren’t though, were you?”
Charlie shrugged. “How about I promise to tell you if I’m angry, but right now we just accept that I’m not.”
Nick considered this, then eventually nodded. “Okay. I… I can do that.”
Charlie’s smile widened and he resumed petting Nellie. “Good. Now, today was very stressful, and I think cuddling with my boyfriend and his dog would be a nice way to rectify that.”
Nick couldn’t even find it within himself to roll his eyes playfully like he normally would. Instead, he crawled around Nellie and settled where he usually did, letting Charlie curl up beside him. Nellie whined when she was dislodged from Charlie’s lap. She gave Nick a rather impressive glare, then stretched over the two of them, making them both laugh. She rested her head on Charlie’s chest, giving Nick her butt. She couldn’t have been comfortable, but she sighed in content and closed her eyes.
Charlie giggled and stroked a hand through her fur. “You’re a good girl,” he told her softly.
Nick couldn’t help but watch as Charlie continued to lavish love and praise upon the dog. He loved Charlie. This wasn’t news, not to him. He hadn’t said it yet, and he wouldn’t say it now. It wasn’t the right time. Charlie deserved an epic romance with big romantic gestures and swelling music as they kissed. Nick would make it his sole purpose in life to give Charlie everything he ever wanted.
He pressed his face to Charlie curls, his body relaxing as he breathed him in, hair tickling his cheeks. He didn’t care. He simply held his boyfriend and let the worries of life fall away.