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Dawn isn’t far off on the horizon and yet Ace can’t sleep. He stays curled on his side for hours listening to the light drizzle outside their window and the even rhythm of his brother’s breathing. Even with the sparse amount of light that filters in, Ace uses it to trace the outline of Luffy’s silhouette. Committing to memory what he’s known by heart for years and knowing that come this time tomorrow – however Ace remembers him will be different from what is.
It’s been the two of them against the world for what might be a lifetime. Nearly half his life has been spent right here, like this. Day by day, watching his brother grow up. So slow that Ace never noticed until all at once he did.
Something about it makes his heart ache. It makes him want to reach out to hold Luffy fast to Ace’s chest; to demand everything to stop. That Ace used to feel they couldn’t grow up fast enough is wild to him now; time has gone too quickly. If only for a few moments, Ace wishes it could slow down.
Ace reaches out to brush his fingers over Luffy’s, not looking for more than a gentle graze of their fingertips before he thinks better of it and shies away. Gaze dropping as he rolls on his side to face away, expression pinched in disgruntlement at himself. Ace glares at the open window and the soft pitter pattering against the walls before squeezing his eyes shut. He curls in small on himself, cheek pressed into his pillow and arms coming to wrap around himself.
Melancholy chases away his hopes of sleeping. To feel so lonely when Luffy is right beside him is stupid, but Ace bites his lip and feels it anyway.
Some minutes pass before Luffy’s breathing changes; not quiet awake, but no longer sleeping. Ace keeps himself still so that his brother might rest longer, but Luffy has always had a knack for being keenly observant when others would wish him to be oblivious. So it’s no surprise when Luffy drowsily pinches the hem of Ace’s shirt between his fingers and tugs, urging Ace to roll over. Only – it is [a surprise]. Because this is another familiar thing that makes his chest feel too tight; empty and full all at once.
Ace ignores him. An undue punishment in the face of Ace’s irrational shame of wanting too much. His petulance is nothing in the face of Luffy’s steadfast resolve though. Unperturbed, Luffy crawls over Ace to lay in the space beside him. Even through the dark, Luffy’s smile is brilliant, warm. Ace likes to think he’s committed this to memory, too, but even still he doesn’t look away. He stares and he sulks to hide how he’s overcome by that lingering melancholy. It makes Ace feel like he’s drowning, like he might never come up for air again. It’s lonely. He feels lonely.
“You homesick already?”
The accusation leaves Ace bristling. He huffs, rolling over again to face away from his brother like that might hide the truth. “Shut up,” Ace grumbles, tucking his hands beneath his arms so that he’ll stop holding himself like some wimpy crybaby. For good measure, Ace sets his jaw and glowers into the darkness of their treehouse – their home. Sturdy after all these years, but somehow smaller as they’ve both grown. It’s another thing Ace feels nostalgic over. Luffy laughs at him and Ace already misses it.
Steady as Ace keeps his breathing, Luffy knows him too well. He senses Ace’s underlying distress and without pause or question, wraps himself around Ace. Persistent even in the wake of Ace’s disgruntlement, unapologetic although Ace is so damn difficult. Luffy clings to him like he always has until Ace relents and lets himself be held.
He’s slow to return the affection. He always has been, though it’s gotten easier. Too easy, maybe. Because Luffy’s made himself someone comfortable and safe. For a long time Ace never had a home to be scared of leaving, to be sorry for losing. And it’s not that Ace isn’t excited to leave – to set sail and have adventures and seek the freedom he yearns for, to fulfill a will of a brother and find a life for himself – it’s just a little regrettable, too. To leave this life. To leave Luffy.
Ace rolls over again and Luffy accommodates him, easy as anything. His laughter echoes through where Ace presses himself to Luffy’s chest, listening to soft titters and the steady beat of Luffy’s heart. When Ace wraps his arm around Luffy’s waist, Luffy responds by holding him back – squeezing Ace’s shoulders, blunt nails scratching at Ace’s nape and pulling at his hair.
Luffy’s heartbeat is another thing that Ace will remember forever. He knows it. It’s the sound of the sea, all turbulent waves and calm waters. Always wild and wonderful and free.
“If you joined my crew, you wouldn’t have to be homesick.” Luffy, the cheeky menace, teases him. It’s tempting to pinch his side like Ace has done so often in the past, an affectionate retaliation to a younger brother that got too brazen.
Instead, Ace opens his eyes and looks up. He finds Luffy watching him with the same openness he always has. A soft smile on his lips, a familiar kindness in his eyes, but beneath that is an intensity born of ambition and dreams. It makes Ace smile, soft-eyed and breathless. He doesn’t know himself like that, even though Ace is grown. There’s no room for someone as lost as him on a crew of dreamers.
Ace raises his hand to Luffy’s face, running his thumb over the scar beneath Luffy’s eye and making him squint even as Luffy turns into his touch. Like this, Luffy is warm, glowing. Luffy is the sun on rainy days and through stormy weather; a beacon that has guided him, saved him, freed him.
The smile that pulls at his lips is a small, crooked, and boyish thing. Luffy takes it in, anyway. Remembering Ace the same way Ace tries to remember Luffy until a smile of his own breaks across Luffy’s face.
For as small as the affection is, it makes Ace’s heart skip and stutter. Luffy nuzzles into Ace’s hand, pressing the barest brush of lips to the heel of Ace’s palm before taking Ace’s arms to manhandle them around him. Luffy takes the place Ace had earlier, nestled between Ace’s arms and pressed close to his heart. It’s no different from most other nights except for how Ace holds Luffy a little tighter, a little closer as he presses his nose to Luffy’s hair, nails scratching soft over Luffy’s nape.
To sail on the crew of the future pirate king, Ace muses as he slowly drifts off, and smiles.
Maybe someday.