A voice in my head

by Lovingalllove

Summary:

Mordred isn’t destined to kill Arthur and he and Merlin are good friends. Mordred starts to notice Arthur's romantic interest in Merlin.

Inspired by a post by whenyouhearthedoorcreak on Tumblr

Notes:

Hey,
It's been a while since I last posted here. My life was quite busy, but today I am posting a story! I will probably still post quite irregularly, I only post when I've written a story and I only write when I want to write.

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Chapter 1

“That’s settled then, next point.” Arthur said, leaning back in his chair.

Merlin was sitting next to him, leaning on his elbow, feeling bored. Council meetings had never been interesting to him, even back when he was Arthur’s servant he couldn’t be bothered to pay much attention. But now he was actually acquired to pay attention. Not that it really mattered, anyway. They rarely needed the court sorcerer’s input these days. Ever since Morgana had been defeated, there had rarely been problems with magical attacks in Camelot. But Arthur insisted Merlin attend every meeting saying: “if I have to suffer through them, you should too.” 

Not much had changed between them since Merlin became court sorcerer, apart from Merlin no longer being his servant. George had taken that spot; which Arthur often complained about, much to Merlin's amusement. He and Arthur were still good friends, in fact Merlin felt they had only grown closer. It was like ever since Merlin became the court sorcerer, Arthur allowed himself to treat Merlin like an equal, instead of feeling pressured into seeing him as inferior.

Merlin smiled to himself. It would seem that king Arthur was capable of emotional growth after all.

What are you so smiley about? Merlin almost jumped out of his skin when he suddenly heard a voice in his head. He scanned the table until he locked eyes with a smirking Mordred. He glared at him.

You scared me. He replied.

I wouldn’t have if you’d been paying attention instead of daydreaming about Arthur.

I wasn’t daydreaming about Arthur! Merlin said indignantly.

Mordred scoffed softly, rolling his eyes. And I'm straight.

1. Wasn’t. Merlin insisted.

I don’t believe you. Mordred replied, a shiteating grin plastered across his face.

“Merlin?” Arthur's voice interrupted their telepathic conversation.

“Sire?” Merlin replied.

“Are you paying attention? We’re talking to you.” Arthur frowned sternly at him. Merlin cleared his throat.

“I must’ve gotten distracted, my apologies.” Merlin said, growing a little red in the face, getting mildly annoyed by the muffled laughter coming from Mordred’s direction.

If you don’t stop laughing this instant I’ll make your mouth disappear. He threatened Mordred. “What were you saying?” He asked.

“Leon here, was just saying how he suspects there to be some magical animal stalking around the woods and he wanted your input on what it could be.” Arthur said, annoyed. Merlin turned to Leon.

“I'm sorry, could you describe it again?” He said sheepishly.

“Well, I didn’t see it from close by, but from what I could make out it seemed to be similar to a gryphon, but a lot bigger and it had colourful feathers.” Leon said. Merlin frowned, pondering.

“I can't from the top of my head say what that could be. I will have to look into that.” He said.

“I'd like you to start on that immediately,” Arthur said. “it seems to be responsible for the disappearance of crops in the lower regions.”

“Yes, sire.” Merlin nodded and got up. As he left the council room, he could hear Mordred's voice in his head once again.

Arthur's looking at your arse. Merlin could hear the smirk in his voice.

Shut up, he isn’t. Merlin replied, blushing at the thought.

He definitely is.

 

♧

He staariinnnggg. Mordred's singsangy voice echoed in Merlin's head. Merlin looked up immediately from the dagger he'd been twisting between his fingers, just to find Arthur in a conversation with Gwaine and definitely not looking at him. Merlin directed a glare at Mordred, who was standing a few feet away from Arthur, waiting for Elyan to grab a different sword.

 

Not funny. Merlin replied. He turned his attention back to his dagger. Ever since Merlin had told Mordred about his long standing crush on Arthur, Mordred would tease him about it. Most of the time he didn’t mind, he was happy to finally have someone to share his feelings with, but from time to time it could be annoying.

I wasn’t joking. He looked away the second you started looking up. Mordred said. Merlin looked up at him again, raising an eyebrow. Mordred shrugged.

“Merlin,” Arthur yelled his name. Merlin averted his gaze to meet the king’s eyes.

“Why aren’t you training with us?” He came walking up to him.

“Because I don’t feel I need to. Why use a sword when I have magic?” Merlin replied, putting his dagger back in its holster. He'd gotten it from Arthur when he became court sorcerer as some sort of initiation gift. Of course, Mordred had fun teasing Merlin with this, saying things like “being courted by the king” or “what a romantic gift”.

“It can still be a useful skill.” Arthur replied. “What if for some reason your magic doesn’t work? Remember when Morgana had taken over Camelot? She couldn’t use her magic then and it cost her the throne.”

“Yes, and I already told you that was my doing.” Merlin argued.

“Exactly. If you can do things like that, every sorcerer must be able to, since you're the biggest idiot in all of the five kingdoms.” Arthur said. Merlin chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“Alright, how about this. I duel you, and if you lose, I don’t have to attend training anymore.”

“And if I win?” Arthur asked, crossing his arms.

“Then I’ll replace George for a week.” Merlin replied. A smirk grew on Arthur's face. He held out his hand and Merlin shook it.

“Alright, deal. But you can't use any magic.”

“No promises.” Merlin smiled and winked, getting up to fetch a sword.

You done flirting? Mordred voice sounded in his head.

My threat about making your mouth disappear still stands, you know. Merlin replied, but he smiled playfully in Mordred's direction.

Empty threats, Emrys. Mordred smiled back.

Oh, go back to eyefucking Elyan, you moron.

I could tell you to do the same with Arthur.

“You two always seem to be in a silent conversation.” Gwaine commented, frowning at his sorcerer friends. Mordred and Merlin started laughing.

“You coming or what, Merlin?” Arthur yelled, swinging his sword around with ease.

“Such impatience, sire.” Merlin replied.

“Shut up and get over here.” Arthur said, which made Merlin smile. They got in position, giving each other daring looks.

Arthur was the first to move, taking a few steps forward and striking. Merlin blocked him with ease, then attempted to hit Arthur's left side. Arthur dodged him elegantly and immediately went for Merlin's shoulder, which Merlin dodged just in time, but he wasn’t prepared for Arthur's immediate next attack and stumbled slightly as Arthur almost struck him again.

“Hmmm, that’s gonna be one hell of a week full of chores, Merlin.” Arthur said smugly.

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.” Merlin struck forward, which actually seemed to have taken Arthur by surprise. He smirked, lashing out once more.

“Not bad,” Arthur remarked. “For a wimp.” He added. Merlin ignored his insult, instead focusing on the plan he was forming in his mind. He couldn’t beat Arthur in skill without his magic, he knew that. So he would have to be smart about this. 

A few feet behind Arthur he spotted a large rock, and his plan was complete. He blocked Arthur's next strike, taking steps forward. He blocked and attacked Arthur as he continued to push Arthur back, towards the rock. Arthur didn’t seem to notice they were leaving the training grounds and Merlin took advantage of that, guiding the king towards the rock. He lunged forward one more time, making Arthur take a few steps back, until he hit the rock and tumbled over it. Merlin immediately kicked Arthur's sword out of reach and pointed his sword at Arthur's chest, smirking as he towered over him.

“You seem to have lost, sire.” Merlin said smugly. Arthur, who was still processing what had happened, frowned up at him. He glanced at his sword, cursing softly as he noticed it was too far away. He sighed.

“It seems so.” Arthur replied, defeated. Merlin lowered his sword, offering Arthur a hand. Arthur reached out to grab it, but at the last second, he hooked his foot around Merlin's, bringing the sorcerer down to the ground, and took his sword from him before Merlin could react. He stood over his former servant, sword pointed at his neck, his feet too far away from Merlin's to do anything.

“Never underestimate your opponent, Merlin.” Arthur said, smiling big, but not smug.

“Seems I might need training after all.” Merlin smiled.

“Indeed you do.” Arthur chucked the sword into the ground, right above Merlin's head and pulled him to his feet. Merlin grabbed his sword, moving to put it back on the rack.

“Merlin,” Arthur yelled from behind him. Merlin turned to look at him.

“Horse stables first.” He said, smirking. Merlin sighed, heading back to the citadel.

 

♧

Merlin entered Gaius’ chambers, plopping down on the nearest chair with a tired sigh.

“What have you been up to?” Gaius asked, concerned and slightly amused.

“Mucking out the stables. I forgot how tiring that is.” Merlin replied, running a hand through his hair.

“Why would you do it then?” Gaius asked, turning back to the potion he was working on.

“I made a deal with Arthur that if I duelled him and won I wouldn’t have to attend training anymore.” Merlin sighed. 

“Well?” Gaius raised his eyebrows.

“I lost. Which means I'm his servant again for the following week.” Merlin added and Gaius laughed.

“You know Merlin, for being the greatest sorcerer to have ever walked the earth, you can be quite an idiot.”

“Cheers Gaius.” Merlin got up from his chair, heading to his room.

He was still living with Gaius, even though Arthur had offered him his own quarters when he became court sorcerer. Merlin just wasn’t interested. He liked sharing a space with Gaius and knew Gaius did too. Merlin didn’t feel the need to leave his side.

So Arthur arranged for their chambers to be upgraded instead, getting them more expensive furniture.

Merlin plopped down on his bed, took off his shoes and lay down. 

He wasn’t so sure George was the perfect servant he claimed to be. The stables were in quite the state when Merlin entered them. It had taken him almost all afternoon to clean them. He yawned, closing his eyes. He would try to sleep a bit before having to serve Arthur's dinner.

Just as he began drifting off, there was a knock on the door. He sighed, rubbing his eyes before calling out to whoever was keeping him from his well needed sleep.

“Come in!” He yelled. The door opened and he lifted his head to see who was entering. Arthur’s head peeked around the corner.

“Merlin-”

“Please, no more chores!” Merlin interrupted quickly. “I only just finished mucking out the stables! What has George been doing in there? It was an absolute mess!” He rambled, putting his hands to his head. Arthur chuckled fondly at his friend.

“No, that’s not what I'm here for.” He said in a gentle, not Arthur-like voice. 

“Oh,” Merlin sat up, crossing his legs. “Is it my council you need then?” He asked. It wasn’t unusual to find the king in Merlin's presence if he needed advice. They really had grown to be close friends.

“No,” Arthur smiled, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe. “That’s not why I'm here either.” 

Merlin frowned, confused. “Why are you here then?” he asked. 

“I'm the king, Merlin. I don’t need to offer you an explanation for anything.” Arthur said. A sentence he used to say often when Merlin was still his servant, yet nowadays he was less serious when he said it.

“We both know I don’t really do normal etiquettes.” Merlin replied, waving his comment off.

“I should really punish you for that one of these days.” Arthur commented.

“You never used to do that when I was your servant.” Merlin said, smiling lopsidedly.

“I suppose this is a good moment to amend that then, seeing as you're my servant again.” Arthur smirked.

“Only for a week, Arthur.” Merlin rolled his eyes.

“A week is a long time to be in the stocks.” Arthur teased.

“If you think I won't escape out of the stocks the second you leave, you don’t know me at all.” Merlin laughed. Arthur chuckled.

“You would do that, wouldn’t you?” He said.

“I would, but you still haven’t answered my question. Why are you here?” Merlin asked.

“Is it forbidden for a king to visit his subjects?” Arthur asked.

“No, but it's unusual. Answer my question.” Merlin demanded. If he were to be anyone but himself, he'd been in jail by now.

“I guess I just came to talk to you.” Arthur shrugged, avoiding his gaze.

“About?” Merlin frowned. What could he possibly want to talk about? Panic flashed through him at once. What if Mordred had let Merlin's secret slip and Arthur heard about it?

“You know, I'm quite impressed with you.” Arthur said.

“Right, thanks.” Merlin nodded, not fully registering Arthur's words. “Wait, what?!” He almost snapped his neck with how fast he turned to look at Arthur. The latter chuckled again and if Merlin hadn’t been so confused with Arthur's words, he would’ve raised an eyebrow at his weird behaviour.

“I said I’m impressed with you, you idiot.” Merlin frowned deeply.

“I'm not following.”

“Your tactics, during our duel,” Arthur said, leaving his place by the doorframe, moving to sit on Merlin's bed. “I was impressed. You realised you couldn’t beat me with skill, so you moved to use your environment to beat me instead. Seems you're not as stupid as I thought.” 

Merlin couldn’t help rolling his eyes at that. Of course Arthur would follow a compliment up with an insult.

“I am much smarter than you seem to think. Though part of that is my doing.” He replied. Arthur smiled softly, looking down at the floor. 

Magic was still a sore topic sometimes. But that actually didn’t have anything to do with Merlin's magic itself. It was the betrayal Arthur felt that almost drove a wedge between the two of them. It took a lot of convincing from Lancelot, Mordred and Gwen for Arthur to realise why Merlin had lied to him for so long. 

And once they had convinced him, Merlin and Arthur had to have a very long conversation about everything. Arthur had ordered Merlin to tell him everything, about every situation in which Merlin had used magic and why. They stayed up talking until sunrise that day. 

And even after that it took a few weeks for Arthur to start acting normal around Merlin again. Which Merlin later found out was because Arthur was secretly trying to lift the ban on magic and offer Merlin a job as court sorcerer.

He could still remember Arthur calling him to his chambers. He first told Merlin he was fired, so when he finally got to the point of offering Merlin his new job and telling him he had lifted the ban, Merlin was completely panicking. Bad communication on Arthur's part; he was nervous, he admitted.

“Where’s your mind wandering off to?” Arthur asked, softly. He'd learned to be gentle when Merlin's mind was wandering off, Merlin's magic was unpredictable when startled.

“Hmm?’ Merlin hummed. “It's nothing, just thinking.” MHeerlin waved it off.

“What's on your mind?” Arthur asked, concerned. Merlin turned to him with a confused smile.

“What are you being so sweet for?” he asked instead.

“I'm not being sweet. I need you to be focused, you have quite the week ahead of you.” Arthur argued, straightening his back and looking away.

“Oh, sure.” Merlin rolled his eyes fondly. This was another thing that had changed about Arthur. He had grown to be a more open person. Not much, still very much closed off, but a little more open. Sometimes, when Merlin and Arthur weren’t surrounded by servants, knights or other council members.

“But really, Merlin, are you okay?” Arthur asked.

“Stop being so nice, you're scaring me.” Merlin laughed, pushing Arthur slightly. Arthur laughed as well.

“Oh. You want chores instead?” Arthur raised his eyebrows.

“No!” Merlin yelled and Arthur burst out laughing again.

“That’s too late now. Go fetch me my dinner, manservant.” Arthur ordered jokingly.

“Alright! Alright!” Merlin raised his hands in defeat. “Clotpole.” He muttered, getting up from his bed.

“What was that?” Arthur asked.

“Nothing.” Merlin replied, smiling as he left his chambers.

 

♧

Enjoying ourselves, are we? Merlin tumbled off the stairs he was sitting on, watching Arthur practise his lance skills. Arthur raised an eyebrow at him from where he was standing with his horse.

“Really Merlin? Even when you're sitting you manage to trip over something. Sometimes I wonder how you're still alive.” 

Merlin rolled his eyes, ignoring Arthur's words. He was annoyed that somehow, even though he had done this a billion times, Mordred could still manage to scare him like that.

Will you ever stop scaring me like that? Merlin asked, exasperated, glaring at Mordred. He rubbed his sore back and sat back down on the stairs.

“You would’ve noticed me sitting behind you, if you weren’t so distracted.” Mordred spoke, but this time Merlin didn’t hear him in his head. 

I wasn’t distracted. He muttered. He couldn’t be bothered to open his mouth.

“Yes you were.” Mordred said.

No, I'm just watching Arthur practise.

Shouldn’t you be doing some chores? Merlin could hear the teasing in Mordred's voice.

Nope, I'm all done.

Mordred chuckled aloud. Tell me, you're enjoying spending so much time with Arthur, aren’t you?

Shut up, I have to be by his side. Because of the deal.

That you invented yourself.

Shut up, Mordred.

Ah, so you offered to be his servant to be with him more often, then?

No, I didn’t!

Merlin, you have many skills, but lying isn’t one of them.

I didn’t! 

Mordred's laughter echoed through Merlin's brain. Merlin, you're sitting here, on the stairs, watching Arthur while you're done with all your chores! You're free to do what you want.

Alright, so what if I offered the deal because of that? Merlin shrugged.

There's nothing wrong with that. Just let me tease you about it. Mordred chuckled. Merlin's eyes lit a golden yellow and Mordred yelped. It was his turn to tumble down the stairs. Merlin bit back a laugh.

“Not you too, Mordred!” Arthur yelled.

 

♧

“What do you mean they're visiting today?” Merlin yelled incredulously as he grabbed clothes from Arthur's wardrobe. He had been Arthur's servant for four days now.

“Just as I said, lord and lady Ban are visiting today.” Arthur repeated calmly.

“Why am I only just hearing about this?” Merlin asked frantically. 

“Because I didn’t think it would be important to mention.” 

Merlin raised his eyebrows. “How can this not be important? That is so much more work than just a normal day of work.” He rambled, pulling Arthur's shirt over his head in a hurry.

“No it won't be. You're not attending as a servant.” Arthur said, his demeanour still calm.

“What do you mean I'm not attending as a servant?” Merlin was getting even more frantic, if that was even possible.

“You're attending as our court sorcerer, of course.” Arthur replied, as if it was the most logical thing ever. Merlin's eyebrows raised up until they almost blended with his hair.

“You just said it wasn’t important!” Merlin yelled. “I'm not prepared for this! I don’t even have proper clothes to wear.” He started pulling at his hair.

“Calm down, it's only a small feast. You’ll be fine.”

“Ugh! You're insufferable! It is not going to be fine , Arthur! I don’t know how to behave during a feast, I don’t know how and when I should address people, I don’t even have proper attire for a feast!” Merlin yelled frantically. Arthur blinked at him, confused by his friend’s behaviour.

“Okay,” He grabbed Merlin by the shoulders and pushed him to his desk, down onto a chair. “You need to calm down. You're behaving like a total fool.” He grabbed his goblet from his desk, pushing it into Merlin's hands and forcing him to drink some water. He crouched down, so he was on eye level with Merlin.

“All you need to do is bow when they arrive, address them with my lord or my lady and only speak when spoken to, clear?” Merlin could only nod, he was still drinking from the goblet.

“And you don’t have to worry about attire, you can borrow some of my clothes.” At this Merlin almost spit out the water he was drinking.

“Your clothes? But you're the king.” 

Arthur shrugged. “As if anyone will notice they're mine.”

“But-”

“No buts. I order you to borrow some of my clothes.” Arthur got up and stalked over to his wardrobe, pondered a bit and then grabbed some items. “Here you go.” He said, offering Merlin a dark blue shirt, a pair of dark brown trousers and his leather jacket. Still not fully processing the whole situation, Merlin blinked up at Arthur. Arthur looked at him expectantly. “Well?” He said.

“Well what?” Merlin asked stupidly.

“Wel, put them on, you buffoon!” Arthur replied.

“Here?” Merlin asked.

“No, on the roof! Of course here! Really Merlin, have you hit your head this morning?” Arthur asked.

“Uhm,” Merlin got up, looking around.

“Just go behind the room divider! I don’t need to see you naked!” Arthur said, quickly ushering Merlin away. Merlin, did as he was told, too bewildered to muster up any protest. His hands were shaking as he untied his necktie and shirt. He just couldn't believe what was happening. It took him way longer than normal to take off his clothes, and when he was putting on Arthur's clothes, he somehow just couldn't tie them properly.

“Are you almost done? I'm beginning to think you’ve fainted or something.” Arthur yelled, impatiently, approaching the room divider.

“Almost, I'm just-” Merlin stopped mid-sentence when Arthur walked behind the room divider. They both stared at each other, seeming to have lost their tongues. Merlin swallowed nervously, concentrating on Arthur, who was looking him up and down.

“I uhm, I was just… trying to tie these pants…” He trailed his words softly. Arthur cleared his throat, shaking his head softly. Merlin noticed a slight tinge on his cheeks.

“You're absolutely useless.” Arthur muttered, getting on his knees. Merlin's heart started beating faster.

“Wha- What are you doing?” He stammered, swallowing thickly, feeling his heart beat in his head.

“Dressing you, since you're incapable, apparently. Don’t tell me Gaius dresses you every day, does he?” 

Merlin would remark something about the king being dressed by a servant every day, but he was too focused on trying to control his heartbeat. Arthur started fumbling with the strings on Merlin's trousers. Merlin felt like he was about to faint. This just was way too much for him to process. Just the thought of how close Arthur's hands were to his crotch, made blood stream to his cheeks. And also to his crotch.

“God Merlin, you're so skinny.” Arthur grumbled, having finished tying the strings. “You need a belt.” He got up and returned to his wardrobe. Merlin rested against the wall behind him. This was quite the wake up call. Merlin had forgotten how incredibly intoxicating it could be to be so close to Arthur. He took a few deep breaths.

As Arthur approached with a belt, he snatched it from his hands with a simple spell.

“Hey!” Arthur yelled, startled. Merlin quickly started putting on the belt.

“We don’t have much time, sire. We have loads to do today.” Merlin used that as an excuse.

“Maybe you should hurry up, then.” Arthur snarked back at him. Merlin rolled his eyes, but said nothing. He emerged from behind the room divider.

“Shall we?” He asked. Arthur nodded, avoiding Merlin's gaze. He cleared his throat.

“Yes, let us go.”

 

♧

“Forgive me, sire. This may be a bit forward of me, but are you planning to get married?” Lady Ban asked. Merlin nearly choked on his food, hearing this question. Lancelot and Mordred eyed him worriedly and Gwen immediately came to his side to offer him some more wine.

“Thank you, Gwen.” He smiled at her, eyes still tearing up from all the coughing.

“Are you alright, Merlin?” Arthur asked. Merlin only now noticed everyone was staring at him.

“Quite alright, sire. Thank you.” He replied sheepishly, staring at his plate.

“Sorry, you were saying?” Arthur turned to Lady Ban.

“Well, it's just, Lord Ban and I were wondering when you are getting married. Are you courting anyone?” Arthur, turned a little red.

“Not at the moment, no.” He replied.

He's looking at you. Mordred said.

Not a good timing. Merlin hissed.

“Betrothed to be married?” Lady Ban asked.

I'm serious- Au! Mordred reached to his chin, glaring at Merlin, who’s eyes were fading back to blue.

“Not quite.” Arthur replied nervously. Merlin turned to look at Arthur, who turned to look away.

Told you! Mordred grumbled.

I'm sorry, but you always joke that he is. How am I supposed to know this time you were telling the truth?

I never joke about that!

“Do you plan to marry?” Lord Ban asked.

“I do,” Arthur replied and Merlin's world halted all at once.

“Oh, do you have your eye on someone, then?” Lady Ban asked, clearly excited. Arthur blushed, staring at his plate.

“I do.” He said. Merlin managed to stop himself from flinching at the pain he felt in his chest. That was it, then. There was no hope left for him. Arthur loved another.

“Really? That’s so exciting!” Lady Ban said excitedly. “Who is it?”

“That I cannot tell you. I don’t even know if they have any interest in me.” Arthur said shyly. 

“Surely they must be interested! You’re the king after all.” Lord Ban assured. 

“I don’t want them to be interested because of my status. I want them to love me for who I am, not for what I can offer them.”

“I understand,” Lady Ban nodded. “though I still doubt they won’t be interested. You’re a lovely person.”

“That’s very kind of you, my Lady.” Arthur replied. 

“My Lords, my Lady, pardon me, but I must retire for the night.” Merlin interrupted their conversation. He couldn’t bear listening to this any longer. 

“Of course, no worries.” Lord Ban replied. 

“Already?” Arthur frowned. “Are you alright, Merlin?”

“Of course,” Merlin faked a smile. “No need to worry about me.” He quickly got up and left, before Arthur could say anything else. He didn’t think he’d be able to hold back his tears. 

Merlin, wait! Mordred yelled in his head, but Merlin ignored him. Once the doors to the great hall closed behind him and no one else was around him anymore, he started running. He ran all the way to the other side of the castle, through the big doors out into the courtyard. There, he sat down on the cold, icy stairs and finally allowed himself to cry. He felt so stupid for allowing himself to feel some hope. He always knew there was no chance Arthur would be interested, but he was ignorant and foolish and allowed his heart to hope. But now that hope was shattered to pieces, and so was his heart.  

Merlin, are you okay? Mordred's voice sounded in Merlin's head. It didn’t scare him this time. He spoke soft and gently, not in his usual jokey way. Merlin heard footsteps approaching. He didn’t even turn around to see who it was, of course it was Mordred.

Yeah, just tired, is all. Merlin said, not very convincing. Mordred sighed, taking a seat next to Merlin on the stairs.

“You left so suddenly,” Mordred said after a moment of silence.

“I just needed some fresh air. Some time to think.” Merlin said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I understand,” Mordred replied. He stayed quiet for a while, giving Merlin the space to decide if he wanted to talk about his thoughts.

“I don’t think this was a good idea…” Merlin whispered, his voice quivering, as he held back tears. “It only made me realise once again how much I want to be by his side. How much I long for him to want me by his side…” He quickly wiped his eyes, feeling tears come up. Mordred gave him a compassionate look.

“Merlin,” he began. “I know I keep joking about your feelings for Arthur, but I'm not joking when I say he's staring at you. He really is. I know you don’t believe me, but I think he likes you too. Maybe even more than you like him.” 

Merlin shook his head. “Mordred, he just admitted to liking someone else. There is no hope for me.”

“You don’t know that. For all we know he was talking about you!” Mordred insisted, but Merlin wasn’t having it. 

“Don’t…” he shook his head. “Don’t say that. This is painful enough as it is. I've loved him for years… And I'm tired. Don’t give me the hope I so desperately want, when there's none to have…” At once he got up, and went back inside. 

Mordred didn’t follow him this time.

 

♧

The next morning, Merlin was up bright and early. Heartbroken or not, he had his duties, and unfortunately those duties involved a whole lot of Arthur. 

Merlin sighed, taking a deep breath before pushing open the door to Arthur’s chambers. He walked into the dark room, the only light being a ray of sunshine shining through a gap in the curtains. Silently, Merlin put Arthur’s breakfast on his desk, and went to go and open the curtains. As he passed Arthur, who was still fast asleep, he stopped for a second. He looked at Arthur, taking in the peaceful expression on the king’s face. It was rare to see Arthur like this ever since he became king. Merlin found it made Arthur look more youthful, like he hadn’t a care in the world. 

Merlin’s heart ached, thinking back to yesterday. He shook his head, willing himself to stop sulking and forced himself to stop looking at Arthur and open the curtains.  

“Wake up! The day has begun and you have loads of things to do!” Merlin yelled, throwing open the curtains, mustering the energy to be as optimistic as possible. Arthur groaned, pulling his blanket over his head. 

“No! No! No! I don’t think so.” Merlin protested, taking Arthur’s blanket from him and pulling it off him. 

“Noo!” Arthur wind, curling up into a ball to keep warm. Merlin chuckled. 

“It’s time to get up, sire.” 

“I don’t want to.” Arthur whined, hiding his head underneath his pillow. 

“You don’t get a choice.” Merlin stole his pillows, throwing them onto the blanket on the floor. 

“You’re mean.” Arthur pouted. Merlin’s heart skipped a beat, then immediately stung, reminded that Arthur could never be his. He took a silent breath, turning his attention to Arthur’s clothes. He returned to Arthur, who was now sitting up in his bed, and handed him his clothes. 

“Go get dressed.” He said, avoiding Arthur’s sleepy eyes. The king frowned at him, but did as Merlin told him. 

Merlin pretended to be organising Arthur’s clothes, as to not have to help the king get dressed. The next few days would be torturous enough as it is, he would avoid torturing himself any more than necessary. 

After Arthur had dressed himself, he sat at his desk and started eating his breakfast. Instead of serving Arthur and nicking some of his food, like he usually would, Merlin busied himself picking things up off the floor and putting them in their rightful place. He avoided the confused glances Arthur was giving him.

"Are you alright? You’re acting differently." Arthur pointed, concerned and open, like he only was with Merlin. Which only hurt him more. 

"I'm fine, sire." Merlin lied, hoping Arthur would just drop it, like he usually did in these situations.

"You're not." Arthur said. "Something is wrong, but you're not telling me." 

Merlin swallowed, suddenly nervous by Arthur’s unusual resistance to his excuses. He avoided Arthur’s gaze, deciding he had to make up Arthur’s bed. "It's nothing, sire. Don't worry." He insisted.

"You're lying." Arthur said. 

“I’m not.” 

“Then why is it you’ve been avoiding my gaze all morning?” Arthur asked. 

“I am not.” Merlin argued, but it was hardly convincing. 

“Aren’t you?” Arthur replied incredulous, maybe even a bit offended. Merlin turned away from the bed, looking Arthur right in the eyes. 

“I’m looking right at you, sire.” He said, then turned back to the bed, folding over the edges of Arthur’s blanket. 

“What is it you are not telling me?” Arthur asked. “Have I done something wrong?”

“No, you haven’t.” That’s the problem.  

“Do you not trust me?” Arthur asked, mildly annoyed. 

“I do trust you.” Merlin insisted. 

“Are we not friends?” 

“I would like to think we are.” Merlin replied.

“Then stop avoiding my question and answer me!” Arthur demanded, raising his voice. Merlin stopped what he was doing and turned to Arthur, startled by how angry he suddenly was. 

“I…” Merlin started, but was lost for words. “Arthur, it’s not that important. Please, just leave it.”

"Why is it you never trust me with your worries? I always share my worries with you. Do you not trust me?" Arthur asked. He looked hurt. Merlin felt guilty for hurting him, but he didn’t know how he was supposed to avoid this conversation. 

"I trust you with my life, Arthur." Merlin said sincerely.

"Then why do you never open up to me?" Arthur asked, now angry again. 

"I-" Merlin was getting nervous. "I just don't want to worry you." He said softly.

"Well, I am already worried as it is, so you might as well tell me what exactly it is that has me worrying so much!" Arthur crossed his arms. Merlin sighed. If only he could actually tell Arthur what was worrying him. 

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“How would you know?” Arthur raised his eyebrows. “You’re not even giving me a chance!”

“Arthur, please.” Merlin pleaded. 

“Why won’t you let me help you?” Arthur asked. 

“Because you can’t!” Merlin yelled, finally snapping. “Because you have no idea what it’s like to love someone who could never love you back! You have no idea how much it hurts!” He sighed, trying to swallow away the lump in his throat. He ran his hand through his hair. “I’ve got to do your laundry. I’ll see you later.” He said calmly, leaving before Arthur could say anything. 

 

♧

“Slacking off, are we?” Merlin wasn’t surprised to hear Mordred coming up to him. 

After he snapped at Arthur, he’d left the castle to sit by the lake. He shrugged, throwing a stone into the water. Mordred came to sit next to him. 

“Arthur won’t be happy about that.” He said, making Merlin scoff. 

“I just yelled at him, it can’t get much worse.” 

“I heard.” Mordred also threw a stone into the water. 

“Great, so he’s telling everyone.” Merlin said sarcastically. 

“Of course he isn’t. He just told me to check if you were alright.” 

“Well, I’m not. I thought he might be able to seduce that out of my reaction.” Merlin snarked. Mordred didn’t reply. He knew Merlin just needed to take out his emotions. They sat in silence for a while, the only sound being the occasional splash from a stone being thrown into the water. 

“How did you find me?” Merlin asked. 

“Well, you weren’t with the knights, you weren’t with Gwen or Gaius and you weren't in your room, so there was only one place you could be.” Mordred answered. Merlin smiled softly. 

“You know me too well.”

“Maybe you’re just predictable.” Mordred argued, laughing when Merlin elbowed him. They fell silent again.

“I’m screwed, aren’t I?” Merlin asked, sighing. 

“As far as I could tell, Arthur was more worried than anything else. He cares very much for you, there’s no arguing about that.” Mordred replied. 

“If only he cared for me the way I care for him.” Merlin said bitterly. Mordred sighed. 

“I truly think he does.” He said carefully. 

“I can’t allow myself that hope.” Merlin whispered. Mordred sighed pitifully.

“I know, I understand.” He put his arm around Merlin, who leaned his head on his shoulder. 

“Your armour is cold.” He whined, making Mordred laugh. 

“What did you expect?” 

Merlin shrugged, smiling a bit. “What do I do now, Mordred?” He asked, his face falling sad again.

“Well,” Mordred said, “you could start with returning to the castle and washing your face. You look like you’ve cried a river.” He said, in an attempt to cheer Merlin up. 

“I have,” Merlin replied, chuckling along with Mordred.

“I think you should talk to him.” Mordred said, when they finished laughing. 

“About what? The fact that I’ve been in love with him for years? That he’s all I can think about?” Merlin asked.

“It’s a start.” Mordred said, shrugging. Merlin shook his head. 

“I can’t do that, Mordred. He’ll never talk to me again.” 

“I would give him more credit than that. Even if I am mistaken and he doesn’t feel the same about you, he still cares a great deal about you. I doubt he’d banish you from his life just because you have feelings for him.” 

“You really think I should tell him?” Merlin asked, uncertain. 

“If anything, it’ll take a weight off your chest to tell him. And, if it turns out he does not return your affections, you can finally try to move on.” Mordred said. 

“I’m scared, Mordred.” Merlin admitted. 

“I’d be worried if you weren’t. I know this won’t be easy, but I think it’s for the best. And if it really turns out bad, we can leave Camelot and become farmers.” Mordred said, making Merlin laugh. 

“You make a good offer.” He answered. 

“So, will you tell him?” 

Merlin pondered a bit. “Can I think about it some more?” 

“You get until tomorrow. I don’t think I can buy you more time than that.” 

“Thank you, Mordred.”

 

♧

“Mordred.” Merlin said, entering Mordred’s chambers without knocking. It was Mordred’s turn to be startled by his friend, much to Merlin’s amusement.

“Christ, Merlin.” He said, rubbing his eyes and sitting up in his bed. “Do you know how early it is?”

“6 am.” Merlin said, unbothered. “I have made my decision.” 

Mordred, blinked a few times. “You’re going to tell him.” 

Merlin nodded. “Which is why I am here this early, because I cannot serve him his breakfast. I need until noon. If I don’t take time to talk myself into telling him, this will be a disaster.”

“I understand, but why do you need to wake me this early for that?” Mordred asked and Merlin smiled expectantly at him. “Oh no.”

“Please, Mordred.” Merlin begged. 

“Absolutely not. I refuse.” Mordred shook his head.

“Please! You’re my only option.” 

“Merlin, I love you a lot, but I am not serving Arthur breakfast. I won’t.”

“Please! Gwen can’t do it for me, she’s going out of town today.” Merlin begged. 

“Can’t George do it?” Mordred suggested. 

“He took this week off to visit his family.” 

The knight sighed, rethinking his life choices. “You owe me loads after this.” He said, getting out of bed.

“Thank you!” Merlin squealed, hugging Mordred tightly. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” 

Mordred sighed again. “You’re welcome.” He hugged Merlin back. 

 

♧

To say Merlin was nervous when he left his chambers, was an understatement. He was a trembling mess and his mind was spinning like crazy. He almost stumbled into Leon when he turned the corner to Arthur’s hallway, mumbling a distracted apology as he continued down the hallway. 

Oh, thank god. Merlin sighed, relieved to find no guards at Arthur’s door. He stopped at Arthur’s door, hesitating to knock. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart, but in vain. He would have to do this with his nerves. It’s now or never. He thought to himself, taking one more deep breath and knocked on the door before he could change his mind. 

“Come in!” Arthur yelled from inside. 

This is it . Merlin pushed the door open. “We need to talk.” He said, as he entered. Arthur turned around, seeming surprised to see Merlin.

“Yes, I think we do.” He nodded, surprisingly calm after yesterday’s events. He moved away from where he had been looking out of the window, to his desk. “Sit,” he gestured at the chair across from him. Merlin took a shaky breath, approaching Arthur’s desk. 

They fell silent. 

Merlin was too nervous to speak up and Arthur… Well, Merlin didn’t really know why Arthur wasn’t saying anything. Merlin was beginning to panic, when Arthur finally spoke up. 

“I feel I owe you an apology. I was pushing your boundaries. I shouldn’t have done that.” Arthur admitted. Merlin blinked, shocked that Arthur wasn’t angry with him. 

“I feel I should apologise, as well. For making you worried about me and making you feel like I don’t trust you.” Merlin took a deep breath. “The truth is, there is another reason why I couldn’t tell you what was on my mind. But I have changed my mind and decided I should be honest with you.” 

Arthur looked surprised, then relaxed his face and leaned back a bit, ready to hear whatever wanted to tell him. 

“Arthur, I am about to tell you something that you might not like. A secret I have been hiding for almost 6 years.” Merlin closed his eyes just for a few seconds. 

“Don’t tell me you're about to re-confess your magic to me. You know how I feel about you being a sorcerer.” Arthur joked. Merlin looked at Arthur, eyes pleading for him to be serious. Arthur seemed to understand and held his tongue.

“This secret I’ve been hiding from you is big. Maybe even bigger than my magic, depending on how you see it.” Merlin scratched his neck sheepishly. 

“Okay,” Arthur nodded, sitting a little straighter, eyes concentrating on Merlin. 

“What I’m trying to tell you is that… that I…” Merlin took a shaky breath. “God, this is difficult…” He hid his hands in his palms. He felt Arthur’s fingers curl around his wrists, pulling his hands away from his face. 

“It’s okay. Whatever it is, it will be okay.” He said, reassuringly. 

“You might not be saying that if you knew what I’m about to tell you.” Merlin chuckled sadly. 

“Hey,” Arthur squeezed his hands, which he was still holding (which wasn’t making Merlin any less nervous). “We managed to move past your magic together. This can’t be much harder.”

Merlin swallowed thickly. Let’s hope you’re right. “Alright then.” He took a deep breath, and spoke up. “The truth is, I couldn’t tell you what is bothering me, because it’s about you. Because what has been bothering me is that I am in love with you.” He closed his eyes. “I have been for years. And when you told Lady Ban that you have your eye on someone, it broke my heart, if I’m honest. That’s why I was acting off yesterday.” Merlin sighed, feeling relieved everything was finally out in the open. He wasn’t going to lie anymore. No more secrets. They were all out now. 

Arthur stayed silent for a while, processing Merlin’s words. Then he burst out laughing, much to Merlin’s confusion. Out of all the reactions he expected Arthur to have, this he hadn’t expected at all.. 

“Oh god,” Arthur said, trying to calm his laughter. “We’re both such idiots.” 

“What are you talking about?” Merlin asked. 

“When I said that I have my eye on someone, I meant you, Merlin. I am in love with you. Have been since the day we met. And when you told me you were in love with someone yesterday, I cried myself to sleep. Only to find out I am that someone.” Arthur chuckled, unable to contain his happiness. Merlin started chuckling too, feeling his heart grow warm. 

“God, we really are stupid.” he said. He looked at Arthur, to find the king already looking at him, eyes filled with fondness. Merlin found it took his breath away. He averted his eyes, only for Arthur to put a hand on his cheek and make him look at him again. Merlin swallowed nervously. Arthur looking at him like this felt so intimate, Merlin was getting overwhelmed. He glanced away again, blushing brightly. 

“So, what does this mean for us?” He asked, feeling nervous once more. 

“What do you mean?” Arthur asked. 

“Well, we’ve established our feelings, but what are we going to do with them?” Merlin looked back at Arthur, who looked pensive. He hadn’t thought past admitting his feelings, it seemed. 

“I would like to court you, if you will allow me. And from there we’ll see where that leads us.” Arthur said, making Merlin blush brightly. 

“Oh my god.” He said, hiding his face in his hands. “Am I dreaming?”

“I doubt it.” Arthur chuckled. “So what do you think?”

“I would love you to court me.” Merlin replied softly. Arthur smiled. 

“Good,” he said, taking Merlin’s hands in his. Merlin didn’t know how to act. Arthur was making him so incredibly flustered all he could do is avert his eyes and blush. 

“You’re avoiding my gaze again.” Arthur said, laughing softly. 

“Yes I am.” Merlin nodded. 

“Why?” 

“I’m incredibly overwhelmed, I don’t think I can handle looking at you right now…” Merlin let go of Arthur’s hands, pressing his hands to his cheeks, staring at the floor. He heard the sliding of a chair and Arthur’s footsteps, walking around the desk to Merlin. Arthur turned Merlin’s chair to the left and crouched down, forcing Merlin to look at him. Merlin’s heart was beating so fast, he thought it might jump out of his chest any moment now. Arthur smiled softly. 

“Can I kiss you?” He whispered. Merlin practically died. All he could do was nod, his tongue had turned to jelly. Arthur didn’t hesitate, leaned in and softly pressed his lips on Merlin’s. Okay, no. Now Merlin had died. He definitely had. He must be in heaven, because there was just no way this was actually happening. 

Arthur pulled away when Merlin didn’t reciprocate his kiss. “Hey, are you okay?” He asked, chuckling, but clearly concerned. Merlin nodded. 

“Yeah, just need a moment.” He replied, overwhelmed.

“Want me to go?” Arthur asked. Merlin shook his head. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath and leaned forward, pulling Arthur into a dizzying kiss. Arthur almost tumbled forward with how fierce Merlin was kissing him. He rested one hand on the backrest of Merlin’s chair, using his other hand to cup Merlin’s face and deepen the kiss. Merlin had his hands on Arthur’s chest, leaning back in the chair. He gasped when Arthur suddenly bit his lower lip and slid his tongue into Merlin’s mouth. The sorcerer felt an electric feeling streaming through his veins, completely overwhelming his system. He didn’t even notice his magic had lost control until Arthur suddenly pulled away from him. 

“Wow.” Arthur said, taking a deep breath and looking around. Merlin looked around too, seeing what he had created. Thousands of blue little butterflies were flying around Arthur’s room. 

“Sorry, that’s my doing.” Merlin said sheepishly, breathing heavily. Arthur got up and opened his windows to let the butterflies out of his room. He was still a bit out of breath from the kiss. 

“You’re incredible.” He breathed out. Merlin blushed brightly, feeling butterflies in his stomach. Arthur came back to him, pulling him out of his chair, into his arms and kissing him again. Merlin really couldn’t help himself. The electric feeling appeared again and before he knew it the room was full of butterflies once more. Arthur pulled away, looking up at the butterflies and chuckled. 

“Will this happen every time I kiss you?” He asked, smirking. Merlin blushed. 

“I don’t know. I can’t control it.” he shrugged. 

“Guess I’ll have to leave the windows open from now on.” Arthur smiled, leaning back in and kissing Merlin again. 

Chapter 2

Notes:

I'm glad to finally be posting the second chapter of this story. I hope you enjoy it!

Merlin was out on the roof, enjoying the sunset. It was the day after Arthur and Merlin’s talk and it had been a busy one. They had planned to talk some more over dinner together, but those plans were ruined when Arthur was needed by the council. But, as Merlin wasn’t needed right now, he had decided to go out onto the roof and take a breather.

Today had been so busy, he hadn’t even had a moment to think about his and Arthur’s relationship change and what things he'd like to discuss with Arthur. Maybe it wasn’t so bad dinner was postponed, it gave Merlin some more time to think about everything.

Yesterday had been such a whirlwind. One moment they were confessing their feelings and the next Arthur had him pinned against him, kissing him fiercely. Oh, and they were surrounded by butterflies. It sounded like a fairytale. Merlin couldn’t quite remember how much time had passed when they finally pulled apart.

He blushed, feeling his heart flutter thinking back to the feeling of Arthur's lips pressed against his. Soft but strong hands held his hips firmly and he was surrounded by Arthur's smell. That familiar and comfortable smell.

Merlin sighed softly. He was smitten.

So it went well then?

Merlin flinched, startled. “Mordred, for god’s sake, stop sneaking up on me.” He grumbled, making Mordred laugh.

“You're such a scaredy cat.” Mordred replied, coming to stand next to Merlin, leaning his arms on the edge. Merlin muttered something about killing idiots, which Mordred ignored. 

“You haven't answered my question.” Mordred stated instead.

“What question?” Merlin asked, turning his head to look at him with a frown.

“Did it go well?” Mordred asked. Merlin blushed, looking away and Mordred smirked.

“Told you he likes you too.” He said smugly.

“Shut up.” Merlin said weakly, bumping his shoulder into Mordred’s. 

“So, what happened?” The knight asked.

“Well, I told him how I feel, he told me how he feels...” Merlin said, staring out ahead of him.

“And?” Mordred asked impatiently.

“And he wants to court me.” Merlin stated. The sun had almost set completely, creating an red-orange-y coloured sky.

“Please tell me you agreed to that.” Mordred said in a pleading voice.

“I did.” Merlin said, blushing. Mordred let out a relieved sigh.

“So you're being courted by the king?” He asked. 

“It would seem so.” Merlin nodded, blushing. He almost couldn’t believe it.

“So?”

“So what?” Merlin furrowed his eyebrows.

“So, what happened?” Mordred asked excitedly. “Tell me everything. If you think I believe you just talked about your feelings and nothing else, you must really think I'm stupid.” He raised an eyebrow.

“Nothing happened..” Merlin said with a blush on his cheeks. Mordred wasn’t having any of it.

“Tell me what happened.” He demanded, smirking at Merlin.

“Nothing happened!” Merlin blushed only harder.

“Tell me, Merlin.” Mordred laughed.

“No!” Merlin laughed, running away.

“Emrys, you tell me what happened right now, or I will hunt you down!” Mordred yelled, laughing as he ran after his best friend.

In the end, Mordred got what he wanted.

 

♧

“I still don’t understand why I have to join training.” Merlin complained, walking behind Arthur.

“It’s for your own safety, love.” Arthur replied, with a soft chuckle. Merlin sighed.

“Arthur, I am perfectly capable of keeping myself safe. I thought you knew this by now.” He said, dropping down on the tree trunk he would usually laze about on while the knights were training. Arthur kneeled in front of him, his face tinted with worry, a vulnerable state he wouldn’t normally put himself in when they weren’t alone.

“Please, Merlin. If not for yourself, do it for me. I worry what might happen if one day your magic can't save you. I can't bear to see you hurt.” He admitted. Merlin felt his heart swell with love.

“Oh, Arthur.” He said, pulling him into a hug. “Alright then, I’ll join you during training, if it gives you peace of mind.”

“Thank you,” Arthur smiled, relieved and pulled Merlin in for a short kiss.

“Ooooooooh,” The knights teased. Merlin rolled his eyes and Arthur pulled away from him, turned around and ordered the knights to start training.

“Come on, you're training with me.” Arthur said, offering Merlin a hand and a smile.

They duelled each other; Arthur teaching Merlin knew things and correcting his mistakes all the while. Arthur was a skilled teacher, Merlin had always thought that. It was one of the many qualities he admired in Arthur.

“Sire, my apologies, but I will steal Merlin from you now.” Mordred said, after some time had passed.

“Of course,” Arthur nodded and Merlin went to duel Mordred.

Don’t even.

I didn’t say anything. Mordred laughed.

Yes, but you were thinking something. Merlin said.

I wasn’t. Mordred smirked.

Merlin raised his eyebrows.

Mordred grinned.

Merlin rolled his eyes and readied himself to attack.

Mordred struck, which Merlin blocked. Merlin immediately lashed out, aiming for Mordred's side. Mordred easily avoided him and aimed for Merlin's arm. Merlin only just avoided his sword.

“You should pay more attention.” Mordred smirked.

“I am paying attention.” Merlin argued, striking forward harshly.

“Then you should change your tactics.” Mordred blocked his attack. Merlin immediately attacked him again, almost hitting Mordred in the side.

“You mean like this?” He smirked.

“No,” Mordred aimed for his chest, which Merlin avoided, but then he felt the cold of Mordred's sword against his cheek. “Like this.” He smirked smugly. Merlin smiled, taking a step back. He glanced at the woods behind them, seeing something.

“What?” Mordred asked, looking behind him.

“Nothing, I thought I saw something.” Merlin said, shaking his head before looking back at Mordred. He readied his sword again. Mordred struck lazily, which Merlin blocked easily.

They fell into a good pattern of striking and blocking each other, bantering all the while.

But Merlin kept thinking he saw something in the forest. He was unsure what it was, but didn’t really trust it.

“You're not as bad at sword fighting as I thought.” Mordred remarked, but Merlin wasn’t paying attention anymore. He was focused on the woods. Mordred struck his next blow. Merlin stumbled to block it and fell to the ground.

Pay attention. Mordred taunted.

“Merlin, are you alright?” Arthur asked, worried. Merlin didn’t hear his surrounding, scanning the woods. He felt as if they were in danger. He heard a soft woosh sound, coming towards them.

“Scildan!” He yelled, stretching out his hand. A round shield appeared around Arthur, shielding him just before an arrow came flying at him. It bounced off the shield and fell to the ground. Arthur turned around, shocked, scanning the woods with his eyes. All knights stopped their duelling to look around.

“Who's there?” Arthur yelled, pulling his sword. Mordred glanced at the woods, before pulling Merlin to his feet. They exchanged a silent look.

Merlin's eyes lit up golden and at once he could see like he was in the woods himself. He saw a few figures, not more than a dozen, clothed in black, hunching in the bushes. “Bandits.” He said.

“This close to Camelot?” Leon said, frowning.

“It appears so.” Elyan stated, readying himself to attack.

“Wait.” Mordred said quickly, his eyes lighting up golden. “They’re not just bandits. Those are Dædscúan Gerídmen.”

“What whats?” Gwaine turned to him in utter confusion.

“Dark knights.” Mordred rolled his eyes. “They're an ancient group of knights who served the high priestesses. They're feared amongst druids for their brutal force.”

“But there are no high priestesses left.” Arthur stated, confused.

“Exactly. Which is what confuses me. I don't know what they're doing here.” Mordred frowned.

“Well,” Merlin said. “Whatever they are doing here, it's not good.”

Another arrow came flying from the woods, this time aimed at Merlin, who ducked to avoid it.

“What do we do, sire?” Gwaine asked Arthur.

“They're attacking us. So we defend.” Arthur stated simply.

“Sire, we're outnumbered.” Leon argued.

“We have no choice.” Arthur insisted, grabbing a shield from the ground to block the next arrow. “Grab your weapons.” He ordered.

“Arthur,” Merlin said. “We need to be careful.”

“We'll be fine, Merlin.” Arthur insisted. “I have you with me, right?” He ducked to avoid another arrow. “Ready?”

“Sire!” The knights yelled.

“On me!” Arthur yelled, running towards the forest, shield in front of him, followed by the others.

How do we beat them? Merlin asked Mordred, running along Arthur’s side.

I'm not sure. I have never faced dark knights before. Mordred replied, uncertain.

Are they sorcerers? Merlin asked, ducking an arrow.

Probably, yes. They served the high priestess, after all. Mordred replied. It might be up to us to defeat them.

Merlin sighed. He feared as much.

Tens of hundreds of arrows kept flying in their direction. The knights blocked them with their shields. They managed to reach the edge of the forest, when suddenly the arrows stopped and the dark knights reached for their swords.

A fierce battle broke out, between the two groups of knights. Camelot's knights were outnumbered and struggled, having to sometimes fight two knights at a time.

Merlin felt intimidated. The knights were incredibly skilled, rivalling Arthur on his best days. As the battle continued, Merlin felt less and less certain they could win this. Not without magic.

Before he could think anything else, he was distracted by the sound of Gwaine crying out in pain. He was fighting two knights and a third one had struck him in the back. Merlin realised he had no other choice.

Magic. He said firmly to Mordred.

Magic. Mordred agreed, realising the same.

“Wáce ierlic!” Merlin's eyes lit golden, blasting the knight he had been battling into the tree, behind him, instantly knocking him out. He turned to the knight Elyan was fighting next to him.

“Forþ fleoge!” He yelled, knocking him out as well. From the corner of his eye, he could see Mordred knocking out knights as well.

“Ástríce!” He knocked out two knights at once. Camelot's knights focused on the remaining knights and managed to defeat them quickly.

Arthur struck the last knight in the chest and pushed him to the ground.

“Why are you here?” He yelled, pushing his sword deeper into the wound. The knight groaned.

“We were hired...” He coughed loudly.

“Why? By whom?” Arthur yelled fiercely.

“To kill you...”

“Who sent you?” Arthur pressed harder on the sword.

“S... Se...” The knight murmured, before going limp. Arthur cursed under his breath. Merlin ran to were Gwaine had propped himself up against a tree.

“You okay?” Merlin asked, kneeling next to him.

“Perfectly fine.” Gwaine smirked, but there was a grimace laced within it. Merlin rolled his eyes fondly.

“Get on your stomach.” He demanded, helping Gwaine to lay down. “Ic ðe ðurhhæle ðinu licsar mid ðam sundorcræft ðære ealdan æ. Drycræft ðurhhæle ðina wunda ond ðe geedstaðolie.” He whispered, hovering his hand over Gwaine’s wounds. In an instant the wounds started healing. He sighed, getting to his feet. “Be careful the next few days, but you should be fine now.” Merlin said, helping Gwaine to get up.

“Thank you, Merlin.” Gwaine said with a charming smile.

“Is everyone else alright?” Arthur asked. The knights nodded.

“Training's ending early, I expect you all for a council meeting this afternoon.” Arthur announced, pulling his sword from the dead knight.

 

♧

“Council meeting is over. You are dismissed.” Arthur said. Everyone got up and started leaving the throne room. Merlin did as well, happy the meeting was finally over.

In the meeting it was decided to put more patrol around the woods, and Merlin had to put up more protecting and warning spells. But Merlin would worry about that later. He really, really needed some time to himself.

When he'd returned to the citadel after the dark knights’ attack he'd been busy helping Gaius out and apart from that and lunch he'd been in the council meeting. He hadn’t had a moment to breathe all day.

Also, he needed to think about everything that had happened today and yesterday. Yes, they had decided to take safety measures, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t a threat on Arthur's life anymore, and protecting Arthur was still, and will always be Merlin's destiny. He had to try figuring out who had hired the dark knights and also, he needed to be more alert.

Merlin had had quite the lazy year. Morgana had been defeated and since then, there hadn’t been many attempts on Arthur's life. Merlin realised how lucky he had been, but now he really had to be alert again. 

Merlin entered his chambers, finding them to be empty. Gaius must have moved on with his work after the council meeting, he thought to himself.

Merlin went to his room and let himself fall onto his bed. He needed to take a nap.

 

♧

But of course, Merlin being the unlucky guy he was, he couldn’t fall asleep.

He'd been laying wide awake for at least an hour. His brain was haunted with fears of what could happen to Arthur and also the uncertainties of their relationship. Yes, they were courting, but what does that mean for them? What are Arthur's boundaries? Hell, Merlin didn’t even know his own boundaries! It made him nervous, not knowing all these things. He’ll have to talk to Arthur later; after his nap. If only he could fall asleep!

Merlin turned on his side, sighing in frustration. This wasn’t working. With a groan he sat up, fumbling to untangle his legs from his blanket. He got up, grabbing a book of the ground and heading downstairs. If he wasn’t going to get any sleep, he might as well do something useful.

When he got downstairs however, he was met by Gaius, who seemed less than happy. Merlin stopped in his tracks, eyeing Gaius cautiously, while frantically trying to remember if he'd forgotten to do something.

“Uhm,” he said carefully, “is something wrong?”

“Were you planning to tell me at some point?” Gaius asked offended.

“Tell you what?” Merlin asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“Well, I don’t know, maybe that the king is courting you!” Gaius replied.

“Oh,” Merlin blushed. He hadn’t had the courage to tell Gaius yet. Truthfully, he didn’t know how to even start that conversation. Could you imagine: Hey Gaius, so you know Arthur, my former master, our king, yeah that one, well he is sort of courting me. That does not sound like an easy conversation if you ask Merlin. Also, he'd hoped to have some more time, but it seemed the news was going around like a wildfire. “How do you even know?”

“I heard sir Leon and sir Gwaine talking about it while I past them in the hallway.” Gaius crossed his arms. Merlin rolled his eyes. Of course it was their fault. He sighed.

“I'm sorry, Gaius. I was going to tell you, but I just didn’t know how. It's all quite new for me.”

Gaius’ gaze softened a little. “I understand, Merlin. But you must also understand my surprise when all of a sudden I hear you're being courted by Arthur and you hadn’t even told me.” He chuckled.

“It's only been two days, I've barely had the chance to process it myself.” Merlin replied truthfully.

“How did this even happen?” Gaius asked. “I mean, I always realised you two had a special bond, but I didn’t think things would go so fast all of a sudden.”

“Me neither, believe me. It all went so fast, I could barely keep up.” Merlin chuckled. Gaius smiled.

“Do you love him?” he asked.

“I do,” Merlin nodded. That seemed to calm Gaius down completely.

“Good,” he nodded. “Well then,” he said. “Take a seat, I would like to hear everything.”

 

♧

Quite some time had passed when Merlin and Gaius were finally done talking. Merlin had found the conversation useful. Gaius’ advice was always some of the best and it really helped Merlin clear up what he wanted. The sun had started setting and Merlin was getting hungry. It was time for supper.

“That is quite a story, Merlin.” Gaius said. “And to think I barely noticed anything.”

Merlin smiled. “I barely noticed half of it myself. Only in the last year have I really had time to think about it. We’ve been so busy, Gaius.”

“We have been indeed.” Gaius agreed tiredly. “Thank god we’re finally getting some time to breathe.”

“Indeed.” Merlin got up to put his book on the stairs to his room. He'd put it away later.

“Merlin,” Gaius said, making the boy turn around. “I'm happy for you, really. You deserve to be happy.”

“Thank you, Gaius.” Merlin said, going to hug his mentor. Father figure, really.

There was knocking on the door and the two men turned around to see who was entering their chambers.

“I'm sorry to interrupt,” Arthur said, uncharacteristically shy. He stood standing in the doorway, much like he was a servant, not the king himself.

“Not at all, sire.” Gaius insisted. “You're here for Merlin, I presume?” He said, with a knowing smile.

Arthur nodded. “Indeed.” He turned to look at Merlin, but then quickly looked away. “Would you like to join me for dinner?” He asked the floor.

“Of course,” Merlin replied, then he turned to Gaius. “You don’t mind?”

“Of course not. Go off you two, enjoy yourselves.” Gaius replied with a smile, making a shoo motion with his hands.

“Thank you, Gaius.” Arthur replied, holding the door open for Merlin. Merlin thanked him, leaving the room with Arthur following just behind him.

The two did their journey to Arthur's chambers in silence. There was a sense of nervousness hanging between them. That was to be expected. Their relationship was new, and even though they had kissed before, there were some more boundaries and things to discuss. 

When they reached Arthur's chambers, Arthur opened the door for Merlin and let him enter first.

Merlin let out a gasp. On the dining table there was set out a buffet of food. Candles were put everywhere, making the room incredibly cozy and when Merlin turned to Arthur to thank him, Arthur was holding out some flowers to him.

“Oh Arthur.” Merlin said softly, “You did all this for me?”

Arthur blushed. “Of course,”

“I don’t know what to say…” Merlin said, glancing around.

“Do you like it?” Arthur asked.

“I love it. Thank you.” Merlin hugged Arthur.

“Good, I wasn’t sure you would.” Arthur chuckled sheepishly. Merlin pulled back to look at him.

“You're kidding. Of course I love it! This is so sweet!” he said. Arthur avoided his gaze, shyly. He gave Merlin the flowers, who took them gratefully. He scanned the room for a vase and let it fly to him when he finally found it.

“Onhaet tha waeter.” He whispered, filling up the vase, before putting the flowers in them. “So they don’t die.” He said sheepishly. 

“Shall we sit down?  Arthur suggested shyly.

“Yes,” Merlin nodded. Arthur pulled up a chair for him.

“Thank you,”

They grabbed themselves some food and started eating in silence.

“So,” Arthur said, breaking the awkward silence. “How has your day been?”

“Quite busy, actually.” Merlin admitted, still feeling a bit awkward. He took a bite of his potatoes. “I haven't had a chance to sit down all day.”

“Me neither. It really has been a busy day. Especially with the assassin attack.” Arthur agreed, sipping his wine.

“Yes,” Merlin nodded, doing the same.

“I'm sorry we hadn't have time together earlier.” Arthur apologized. Merlin shook his head fondly, putting his cutlery down.

“It's okay, it has been busy. I'm just glad we get to be together now.” He smiled at Arthur, blushing when Arthur met his eyes. Arthur grabbed his hand and squeezed it. Merlin avoided his gaze.

“I never thought you could be so shy, Merlin. You're such a brave person normally.” Arthur teased lovingly.

“Shut up.” Merlin grumbled. “I'm just overwhelmed, you overwhelm me.” He admitted softly.

“Do I?” Arthur smirked, leaning over the table to meet Merlin's gaze. One single blue butterfly appeared.

“Yes. Yes you do.” Merlin sighed. Arthur smirked.

“I like that.” He replied. Merlin glared at him, cheeks a bright red.

“Don’t get too cocky, you.” He said, making Arthur laugh.

“I'm not cocky, I'm just happy to see that you like me as much as I like you.” Arthur replied, a sincere smile on his face. Merlin felt his heart flutter.

“I really, really like you, Merlin.” Arthur said, squeezing Merlin's hand.

“I like you too Arthur.” Merlin chuckled. “It' such a weird thing that I can finally admit that.”

“I wish we had admitted it earlier. We've wasted so much time.” Arthur said, a regretful smile on his face.

“I don't know if we really wasted time,” Merlin replied, pondering. “We needed the time and space for this development and we've not had it for a long time.”

“I supposed that’s true.” Arthur nodded. “Still I cannot help but feel we could’ve gotten to this earlier.” He smiled solemnly. Merlin returned his smile.  

 

♧

 

“There is something I wish to discuss, Merlin.” Arthur said and Merlin nodded. They had finished dinner about an hour ago.

“I know we've discussed our relationship, but I think we should discuss what exactly that means for both of us.” Arthur continued.

“I agree,” Merlin nodded his head.

“Good, let us discuss it then.” Arthur said. “I really enjoyed our first evening together. I wish to continue having these kind of interactions, maybe even go further.” He said solemnly. Merlin snorted a laugh, unable to hold it in.

“What?” Arthur asked confused.

“God Arthur that was so incredibly formal.” Merlin laughed.

“What's wrong with that?” The king furrowed his eyebrows.

“Just tell me you want to kiss me again.” Merlin said, smirking. Arthur's formal behaviour made him feel less nervous. It showed him that Arthur was still just Arthur and he was also very nervous. They were still just Arthur and Merlin, but now exploring a new territory of their bond.  

“I did say that. I just which to continue being romantically intimate with you.” Arthur said, looking adorably confused. Merlin snorted.

“God Arthur,”

“What?”

“Stop...” Merlin got up and walked over to him. “Just...” He sighed, “just stop talking.” He said, pulling Arthur to his feet and kissing him on the mouth. Arthur made a surprised noise, before pulling Merlin into his arms. He kissed him back passionately. Merlin smiled, feeling his heart flutter with joy. Arthur started guiding him towards his bed, using the wall next to it to pin Merlin against. They continued kissing, becoming more passionate and less reserved. Merlin felt a familiar rush through his veins and there were the butterflies again. This was getting embarrassing. Luckily Arthur didn't mind. 

“I was beginning to worry my effect on you had worn off.” He muttered into Merlin's mouth. Merlin rolled his eyes, opening the windows with a flick of his wrist. Arthur pulled away, looking surprised for a second.

“Handy,” He chuckled. Merlin pulled Arthur by the collar, deepening the kiss once more. 

They went on like that until they were out of breath and needed a moment to rest. Arthur pulled Merlin into an embrace which the sorcerer gladly returned.

“You smell nice,” Arthur murmured into his neck. Merlin chuckled, feeling his cheeks grow red. 

“You do too.” He replied.

“We still didn't discuss all that we wanted to discuss.” Arthur murmured. Merlin pulled back.

“Yes. Well, we've discussed our intimate relationship. How do you see our relationship in public?”  He asked. Arthur hummed.

“Obviously I don't want to have intercourse in public.” He said, making Merlin giggle, because intercourse for crying out loud.

“Yes, I do agree with that.” Merlin nodded. “So how about kissing in public?”

“If we keep it appropriate, I don't see why we shouldn't be allowed to kiss.”

“Okay,” Merlin nodded. “So, what else?”

“What about marriage?” Arthur asked.

“Isn't that the end goal of a courtship?” Merlin replied, frowning but still smiling.

“Yes,” Arthur nodded. “That doesn't mean that is your end goal of this relationship.” He said. Merlin pondered.

“Is it yours?” he then asked. Arthur avoided his gaze and blushed.

“I would certainly like it if our relationship could end in you becoming my consort.” He replied. Merlin blushed. He couldn't even laugh at Arthur's formality.

“I agree with you.” He replied. Arthur turned to look at him with a smile.

“Good.”

 

 ♧

A few weeks passed by quickly and Camelot lived in peace. The news of Merlin and Arthur's relationship got out quickly and by now, all of Camelot knew of Arthur's new courtship.

Their relationship quickly bloomed as they got more comfortable with it. They were happy.

 

♧

Merlin was reading some book about spells in his chambers, when there was a knock on the door.

“Come in.” He called, closing the book and looking up. George entered the room.

“My lord,” George said poshly. “The king sends me to fetch you.”

Merlin held back a snort at the seriousness of his tone. He put his book aside and got up. “Okay, let’s go then.” He followed George all the way to Arthur's chambers, biting back a laugh when George bowed after opening the door for him. Merlin would never get used to that.

He went inside, seeing Arthur standing by his desk, back turned to him.

“What's wrong?” He asked, leaning against the door and watching Arthur with his head tilted slightly to the side. Arthur turned around, smiling when he met Merlin's eyes.

“Am I not allowed to want to spent time with my consort to be?” He replied, smirking at Merlin and leaning against his desk.

“Yes, you are,” Merlin replied, smiling. “I just figured you wanted to discuss something important.”

“That too.” Arthur nodded, approaching Merlin. “But I also just wanted to spent some time with you. I don’t want to waste any more time.” He grabbed his hands and squeezed them. Merlin rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hide the blush creeping on him. He kissed Arthur on the cheek.

“You want to talk about the important thing first?”

“Probably for the best.” Arthur nodded, taking a step back, pulling Merlin along with him. He sat down on his bed, gesturing for Merlin to sit beside him. “The news of our courtship has reached neighbouring kingdoms.” He began and Merlin nodded, urging him to continue. “As you can imagine, some of our neighbours do not really agree with our decision. Leon thinks that might be the reason the dark knights attacked us a few weeks ago.”

“Okay…” Merlin said. “So what's your point?”

“I haven’t gotten to it yet.” Arthur chuckled. “King Sarrum of Amata will be visiting next week.”

“Right,” Merlin furrowed his brows. “Still not getting your point.”

“King Sarrum is the one who held Morgana captive for two years and also the one who attempted to assassinate me.”

“Then why the hell are you allowing him to visit?” Merlin asked, incredulously.

“There is this agreement between Camelot and Amata about a trading route, made back when my father was king, it's all quite intricate, but the important thing about it is that we have to pay a certain fee to pass a certain route and I am hoping to lift this fee when he visits.” Arthur replied.

“Is that really worth risking your life for?” Merlin asked, worried. Arthur was silent for a moment.

“I was also hoping to put the history between Amata and Camelot behind us and form an alliance.” He then said. “Amata is a strong kingdom and having them as a friend could be quite beneficial.”

“Oh, I see.” Merlin nodded.

“I still haven’t gotten to my point.” Arthur said. “So, here’s the thing, he isn’t the biggest fan of our courtship. I cannot guarantee he won't start arguments about it, and I want you to know this, so you won't be caught by surprise when it does happen.”

“Right, okay. Thank you for telling me.” Merlin said, frowning.

“What's wrong?” Arthur asked, looking confused.

“I'm just wondering whether or not there's a chance Sarrum will agree to an alliance. And if he is, if that’s really worth risking your life.”

“I understand, I was doubtful too. But there will definitely be more guards in the castle and this alliance could really make a difference. This could be a great step to form a bigger Albion.”

“I see,” Merlin nodded.

“You don’t.” Arthur replied, smiling.

“No, I don’t. But I trust you. You're a great king and I know you always try to do what's best for your kingdom.”

“Thank you for your support.” Arthur gave Merlin a kiss on the cheek. Merlin smiled at him.

“Is there anything else?” He asked.

“No, nothing else.” Arthur said, shaking his head.

“Well then,” Merlin smiled. “On to spending some time together then?”

Arthur smiled back at him like he only smiled at Merlin. “How about dinner? I’ll call George to fetch us some.”

“Sounds lovely,” Merlin replied, pressing a kiss to Arthur's lips.

 

♧

“So, you're handling everything? You sure you don't need any assistance?” Merlin asked. Gwen laughed. 

“Merlin, you're the court sorcerer, not a servant.” She said, turning the corner. Merlin frowned, following her down the hallway. 

“Doesn't mean I can't help you.” He argued. 

The castle was preparing for King Sarrum's visit. He would be arriving the next day.

To say everyone was stressed out, would be an understatement. What else would you expect? The last time king Sarrum visited Camelot, he tried to assassinate Arthur. Why Arthur allowed him to visit, was still not completely clear to Merlin. Then again, he had never been good at politics. 

“I'm fine, Merlin. Really.” Gwen insisted, smiling at him. 

“Let me know if you need anything, okay? I know how stressful this can be- hey!” Merlin was startled by two hands covering his eyes, but soon realised it was Arthur. He sighed, laughing out loud.

“Arthur!” He yelled.

“That's me.” Arthur replied. Merlin pulled his hands away, and turned around to glare at him to glare at him, but failed miserably, instead smiling.

“You scared me.” He said, pouting. 

“I intended to.” Arthur smirked pressing a kiss into Merlin's hair. “My apologies, Gwen. Do you mind if I steal him from you?” He asked, turning to her. She smiled fondly at the two of them.

“Of course not. I'll see you later, Merlin.” She waved a little, before continuing down the hallway. 

Arthur wrapped an arm around Merlin, guiding him the other way. 

“Where are we going?” Merlin asked. Arthur smiled.

“That's a surprise.” He guided Merlin through the castle, not answering any questions Merlin asked him. They'd walked all the way to the big doors to the courtyard and Arthur opened them, walking outside. Merlin followed him.

“Arthur, where are we going?” He asked, curiously

“You’ll see.” Arthur replied with a grin. He took Merlin's hand, running down the stairs into the courtyard were a servant was preparing their horses.

“Get on your horse, love.” Arthur said, going over to his own horse.

“Where in god's name are we going?” Merlin asked, getting onto his horse. Arthur laughed at his impatience.

“Just wait and you'll see.” He nodded at the servant as a thanks and led his horse out of the citadel. “Come on, Merlin.” He yelled. Merlin rolled his eyes fondly, feeling excitement bubble up in his chest.

 

♧

“Here we are.” Arthur said, getting off his horse. He went over to Merlin, offering him a hand as he got off. They had stopped at a clearing in the woods.

“Close your eyes.” He said. Merlin gave him a confused looked, but then closed his eyes and waited. He could hear a lot of noises, most of them subtle. What could Arthur be doing?

“And done. Open your eyes, love.” Arthur said. Merlin opened his eyes, blinking at the light. It took him a moment to take in the scene in front of him. Arthur had laid out a proper picknick.

“Oh, Arthur!”

He had laid out a blanket, putting all kinds of good foods on plates on the blanket. Merlin's mouth began to water, smelling all the delicious food. He turned to Arthur, hugging him tightly. Arthur chuckled, hugging him back.

“You like it?” He asked.

“Of course I do, you prat. I love it!” Merlin replied, happily.

“Let’s sit down and dig in then.” Arthur replied, taking Merlin's hand and leading him to the blanket. Merlin sat down. He grabbed a plate and started grabbing some things and putting them on his plate.

“So, what's the occasion?”

“I just thought we’d like some alone time before Sarrum arrives tomorrow.” Arthur said. “As a little calm before the storm.”

“Very thoughtful of you.” Merlin nodded. They fell silent for a moment.

“So, what were you and Gwen talking about?” Arthur asked, grabbing some grapes and plopping them into his mouth.

“The preparation for Sarrum’s arrival.” Merlin replied, eating some bread.

“Oh, why?” Arthur asked curiously.

“Because I wanted to know if she needed my assistance.” Merlin laid down on the blanket, putting his hands behind his head.

“Your assistance? You know you're not expected to help, right?” Arthur replied, looking down at him.

“Doesn’t mean I won't try to help.” Merlin answered, making Arthur laugh.

“You ridiculous.” He said. Merlin shrugged.

“Just because I'm court sorcerer now, doesn’t mean I am incapable of helping.” He remarked.

“It's bellow your status.” Arthur said.

“That’s a stupid excuse.” Merlin grabbed a grape and put it in his mouth.

“Why?” Arthur asked.

“Just because I am now of a higher status doesn’t mean I can't help, and just because “I'm not supposed to help” doesn't mean I won't.” Merlin closed his eyes. Arthur took a moment to ponder Merlin's words.

“I suppose you're right,” he then said. He grabbed a strawberry and held it to Merlin's lips. Merlin chuckled, giving Arthur an amused and confused look.

“Are you going to feed me?” He asked.

“If you'd accept my food, yes.” Arthur remarked. Merlin bit in the strawberry.

“There we go.” Arthur said.

“Why are you feeding me?” Merlin chuckled, still confused.

“Isn't that what couples do?” Arthur asked.

“Yes,” Merlin nodded. “I just- I don’t know.”

“Don’t you want me to feed you?” Arthur asked, lowering the strawberry.

“No, I was confused for a moment.” Merlin replied.

“Okay, can I continue feeding you?” Arthur asked and Merlin laughed.

“Yes, just feed me the damn strawberry, you clot.” He said fondly, pulling at Arthur's arm.

“Alright then,” Arthur laughed, offering Merlin the strawberry.

They stayed in the forest for a while longer, enjoying their food and having conversations about anything and everything. It was late in the afternoon when they went back to the citadel.

 

♧

The next day, Merlin was up early preparing for Sarrum who’d be arriving in a few hours. He didn’t have a lot to do, but he would be assisting Arthur wherever necessary.

And right now, that meant he was in the king’s chambers, helping him get dressed. Though he wasn’t Arthur's servant anymore, more often recently he could be found dressing the king, leaving George time to fetch the couple breakfast. Actually, they were both dressing each other, most of the time. It was a nice routine they had going on, giving the two a moment together before their day was about to start.

“Maybe you should start staying in my room some time.” Arthur suggested, just as Merlin pulled his tunic over his head. Merlin blushed at the thought of that. That would be the first time he'd stay over.

“Yes, maybe.” He replied timidly, turning around to avoid Arthur noticing how flustered he was.

“What?” Arthur asked, a smirk playing on his lips. Merlin shook his head.

“Nothing,” he replied. Arthur turned him around forcing him to look him in the eyes. His smile softened.

“You don’t have to, if you don’t feel ready.” He said.

“No, it's not that, it's just…” Merlin stopped speaking halfway through his sentence.

“Just what?” Arthur cocked his head to the side curiously.

“Us sleeping in the same bed, and well, you know..” Merlin mumbled. Arthur's eyes went wide, his cheeks turning bright red.

“Oh no. I didn’t mean that.” He said hastily. “We’re not doing that until you feel comfortable to do that.”

“Okay,” Merlin nodded, looking at his feet. “Good.” Then he looked up, confused. “Do you feel ready to it?”

Arthur looked away, fumbling with his tunic. Merlin smirked.

“Really? I didn’t realise. Why didn’t you say anything?” He asked

“I was waiting for you to feel ready.” Arthur told his shoes. Merlin approached him, putting his arms around him.

“Such a gentleman, you are.” He chuckled. Arthur shrugged, wrapping his arms around him as well.

“It's the decent thing to do.” Arthur replied.

“Yes, very decent.” Merlin agreed, pulling away. “I’ll let you know when I'm ready, then.”

Arthur just nodded. Merlin smiled at his embarrassment.

“I have to go now,” He said, pressing a kiss to Arthur’s cheek. “I have some things to do before Sarrum’s arrival.”

“Alright.” Arthur replied. “I’ll see you later then.”

Merlin nodded, leaving the room. He closed the door behind him and walked down the hallway.

Leaving the king’s bedroom so early in the morning… Interesting. Mordred's voice sounded in his head. He turned around, finding his best friend walking behind him. He rolled his eyes, turning back around.

People can visit each other in the morning, you know? He said.

Yes, I'm very aware of that. Mordred caught up with him. But they can also just, stay the night and…

Shut up. Merlin grumbled. Mordred laughed out loud.

We didn’t.

You keep telling yourself that. Mordred smirked.

I hate you. Merlin glowered.

I love you too. Mordred smiled. “You ready for the arrival of lord murder?”

“As much as I'm going to be.” Merlin sighed. “I'm still unsure what is expected of me.”

“Arthur didn’t inform you?” Mordred asked, surprised.

“You'd expect him to.” Merlin replied with a sigh, making Mordred chuckle.

“So he didn’t.” He remarked. “Don’t worry. All you need to do is just stand with Arthur, bow when he's bowing and speak when spoken to.”

“Sounds easier said than done.” Merlin sighed, nervously.

“You’ll be fine.” Mordred patted him on the back. “And if you really don’t know what to do, you can always just ask me. I'm right there with you.”

“You better be.” Merlin replied. Mordred let out a laugh.

 

♧

Mordred… Merlin said nervously.

You’re fine, Merlin. Just follow Arthur's example. Mordred replied. Merlin wasn’t convinced. He stood next to Arthur, waiting stiffly as King Sarrum approached.

“Good to see you, king Sarrum.” Arthur greeted, bowing deeply. Merlin awkwardly followed his example.

“Likewise, Pendragon.” Sarrum greeted, bowing.

“This is Merlin, my consort to be.” Arthur gestured to Merlin. Merlin bowed again.

“My lord,” He said. Sarrum nodded curtly.

“Shall we head inside?” Arthur suggested.

“Yes,” Sarrum replied. They headed inside, followed by the knights of Amata and Camelot.

This is hell. Merlin said, as they all headed towards the throne room.

You're fine. Mordred replied. Merlin could practically hear him roll his eyes.

I am going to die. He insisted nervously.

You're being dramatic.

I'm not.

Yes you are. Sarrum can't possibly kill you. You're Emrys.

If he doesn't kill me, I'll just do it myself. Merlin decided. Mordred snorted.

You're ridiculous.

I'm not.

Just calm down. Now all you have to do is sit and eat.

Merlin muttered something inaudible.

“You okay?” Arthur asked softly, turning to look at him.

“No.” Merlin whispered back.

“Why?” Arthur asked, concerned.

“I don't know what's expected of me.” Merlin replied.

“You don't?” Arthur asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

“No? Why would I?” Merlin replied, incredulous.

“I assumed, since you've been working here for years.” Arthur shrugged sheepishly.

“I never expected to have to do any of this myself.” Merlin admitted.

“Oh.” Arthur nodded. “Don’t worry about it, I'll guide you through it.” He said, squeezing his hand softly.

“Thank you.” Merlin replied, feeling more relieved.

The guards standing at the grand doors pushed them open and the parade of knights and lords entered the throne room. Everyone got seated and dinner got served.

Merlin zoned out as Arthur said some things before they started eating.

Arthur conversed with Sarrum, while Merlin ate in silence. He felt calmer now, falling into a more normal routine. Until Sarrum turned to talk to him.

“So, Merlin. You're court sorcerer.” He said with a smile that felt fake if you had to ask Merlin.

“Yes, I am.” He said, nodding.

“And what do you do then?” Sarrum asked, taking Merlin off guard.

“I'm sorry?”

“What do you do then, as court sorcerer?” Sarrum repeated.

“I protect Camelot.” Merlin replied, feeling slightly threatened. Sarrum was being condescending.

“But that's what knights are for, right?” The latter said, cocking his head to the side.

“Yes.” Merlin nodded. “But I help wherever help is needed.” He replied, trying to stay as polite as he could.

“So, you're saying knights are inadequate?” Sarrum asked.

“No, I didn't say that.” Merlin stated, staring intently at Sarrum.

“But you said they lack, because you have to pick up where necessary.” Sarrum leaned back in his chair.

“You're twisting my words, sire.” Merlin said slowly. “I don't appreciate that.”

“Oh, my apologies, Merlin. I didn't mean to offend you.” Sarrum insisted, feigning guilt and regret. Merlin exchanged a glance with Arthur, who stepped up.

“Come on, Sarrum. You understand Camelot's magical use. Don't pester him.” Arthur said, trying to keep the peace.

“I didn't mean to, I'm just curious.” Sarrum insisted.

Sure you are. Merlin thought to himself.

 

♧

“I think I will retire for the night.” Sarrum said, getting up. “If you'll allow me.” He turned to Arthur.

“Of course.” Arthur nodded, smiling friendly. “I suggest we do too.” He said, turning to Merlin, who nodded.

They retrieved to Arthur's chambers in silence.

As they both entered, and Arthur closed the door behind him, he let out a sigh.

“That was a lot.” He said.

“You're telling me.” Merlin replied, lighting the fire with a simple hand movement.

“Sarrum was being very condescending towards you. I will not let him do that again. I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you earlier.” Arthur said.

“It's fine. I could take it. It's just aggravating.” Merlin replied, sighing. He sat down on Arthur's bed.

“I understand.” Arthur replied, sitting down next to Merlin and pulling him into a side hug. “I’ll keep an eye on his behaviour, okay?”

“Thank you,” Merlin replied, leaning on Arthur's shoulder with his head. “How long will he stay again?”

“Only two more days.” Arthur replied. Merlin groaned, falling back onto the bed.

“We’ll survive it. Don’t worry.” Arthur said, laying down next to him.

“You sure?” Merlin asked and Arthur laughed.

“Merlin, we've survived way worse.” He said.

“I don’t know about that.” Merlin sighed. Arthur laughed again.

“And I thought you were such a brave man.” He said teasingly.

“Well, you thought wrong.” Merlin answered, to which Arthur laughed again.

“You’ve saved me from so many things. I think we can call that bravery.”

“But you weren’t there to here all the nervousness and fear I was feeling before doing the saving.” Merlin deadpanned. Arthur laughed hard.

“God, Merlin. You're funny.”

“I'm being serious, actually.” Merlin replied, smiling. Arthur sighed contently.

“Will you stay tonight?” He asked. Merlin turned to look at Arthur with fond eyes. He nodded.

“Yes, I'd love to.”

 

♧

“Let us commence this special council meeting.” Arthur announced, taking a seat. “What do we wish to discuss?”

Leon spoke up. “We wish to lift the fee to pass through Holt forest in Amata.”

There was a moment of silence before Sarrum spoke up.

“There has been a fee to use that specific route since Uther was still king of Camelot.” Sarrum said slowly, seeming confused.

“Yes,” Leon agreed, “but we feel it is time for a change.”

“Really? Why is that?” Sarrum asked, trying to be calm, but he was clearly angry.

“It is the only passage through Amata and we think we shouldn’t have to pay to pass through to other kingdoms.” Arthur said.

“There was a reason we put a fee on that specific passage all those years ago.” Sarrum clenched his jaw.

“Which is?” Merlin asked. Sarrum turned to look at him, glaring at him as if he'd just declared war.

“That since Camelot travels through Amata to trade with other kingdoms and does not trade with Amata, we should get a fee for letting you through.” Sarrum explained.

“But we do trade with Amata now, don’t we?” Merlin replied, looking to Geoffrey for answers.

“That is correct.” The librarian confirmed.

“So, what's the point of keeping the fee?” Merlin asked.

“Indeed,” Arthur interrupted seeing the angry glare Sarrum was giving Merlin. “We think since we do trade with Amata now, we should be allowed to travel freely through your kingdom.”

“I disagree.” Sarrum said. “You still trade a lot more with other kingdoms and I feel my kingdom should get paid for passing through.”

“Why?” Merlin asked. “You are not part of the trading deal.”

“Because you pass through my kingdom.” Sarrum said fiercely. Arthur put a hand on Merlin's leg, giving him a look. Merlin understood and backed down.

“King Sarrum, I understand you feel that way, but you pass through Camelot freely to trade with other kingdoms, and we feel it is only fair if we can pass freely through Amata.” Arthur said calmly.

“I rarely pass through Camelot for trade, so that is no fair argument.”

“Lets go back to the first argument then.” Arthur interrupted, getting a bit frustrated. “The reason the fee was put on the passage was because there was no trade between Camelot and Amata. Since this is no longer the case, the fee should be lifted.”

“No, I refuse.” Sarrum said stubbornly.

“Why?” Arthur asked.

“The fee is still important since the trade with Amata and Camelot is limited.” Sarrum said.

“With all due respect, sire,” Merlin said. “I feel you only wish to keep the fee because of it's benefits to you and not because of fairness.”

Sarrum gaped at Merlin in shock. “How dare you speak to me like that? You have no right to make such accusations.”

“Is it not the truth, then?” Merlin shot back.

“It certainly is not the truth.” Sarrum declared angrily.

“Then agree to lift the fee.” Merlin stared at him intensely. “If your interest is fairness, you should lift the fee.” He argued. Everyone stared at him in shock, except Sarrum who was incredibly angry.

“You shut your mouth!” He yelled out.

“King Sarrum, I'd appreciate it if you'd show Merlin some respect.” Arthur said loudly but calmly.

“He does not deserve my respect. And you should not give him yours either. Why you’re courting a peasant boy is beyond me. He's below your status! You should be courting a princess!” Sarrum yelled. Arthur clenched his jaw, but kept his cool.

“I don't expect you to understand, Sarrum. I realise this is unusual, but I am courting out of love, not out of strategics.”

“Well, you're a fool for doing so.” Sarrum insisted.

“While I respect your opinion defers from mine, I would appreciate it if you could respect mine as well and keep your comments to yourself.” Arthur said, his voice calm but threatening. 

“My apologies.” Lord Sarrum answered. Merlin could see he was angry at him, but at least he kept his opinions to himself now.

“I suggest we end the council meeting for now and continue tomorrow, when everyone has calmed down.” Arthur said calmly. “Council dismissed.”

At once, everyone started getting up and leaving the room in a hurry. Merlin did as well, heading to Arthur's room at once.

Arthur entered his chambers only a minute later. Merlin could see he was very angry, but he was trying to keep his cool. Arthur took a deep breath, walking to his desk and searching for some papers in the pile of papers on his desk. Merlin decided not to say anything, giving Arthur a moment to calm down.

“You did well speaking up to Sarrum like that.” Arthur said, still rummaging through the papers. “You were a braver man then I could be in that moment.”

“It might’ve ruined a chance for an agreement, however.” Merlin sighed, rubbing his face with his hands.

“I disagree. If, as you said, his interest isn’t fairness, I don’t think we’d ever be able to come to an agreement.” Arthur argued.

“I suppose that’s true.” Merlin shrugged. Arthur threw the papers he was holding back onto the pile, falling onto his chair with a loud sigh.

“What are you looking for?” Merlin asked.

“The decree that says we have to pay a fee to pass through Amata.” Arthur replied, rummaging through the next pile. “Whether or not Sarrum agrees to lift it, I will destroy it. We’ll just travel through Nemeth from now on.”

“That’s a detour of at least 18 miles.” Merlin said, surprised.

“To hell with that. I will not bargain with someone who’ll disrespect you in such a way.” Arthur replied, pulling a paper from the pile and getting up from his chair.

“Arthur.” Merlin said, in a disapproving tone. Arthur made his way to the fireplace. Merlin got up and stopped him, seeing what he was planning to do.

“Give me that.” He said, taking the decree from his hands. “You're not in a state for rational thinking right now.” He put the paper back on Arthur's desk, before turning to him again. “Let’s just leave it for now and calm down before continuing like you said, alright?”

Arthur took a deep breath. “Alright.” He said.

“Good,” Merlin guided Arthur to sit on the bed. “You shouldn’t be this angry just because of what he said, Arthur.”

“I should,” Arthur disagreed. “He was incredibly disrespectful to you and that shows me everything I need to know about him. If he will not respect you now, he won't respect you as consort. I do not need alliances with people like that. You’ll be reigning alongside me at some point. It's important that he can respect both of us.”

Merlin nodded. “I get it. Let’s just try and come to an agreement tomorrow and if not, he can just leave, never to return.”

“I’ll ban him and his men for good.” Arthur said.

“We’ll see about that.” Merlin said, getting up. “Let’s focus on dinner for now, how does that sound?”

“I am quite hungry.” Arthur admitted.

“I’ll call for George, then.” Merlin smiled.

 

 ♧

Merlin shot up right, drenched in sweat. He was breathing heavily and a bit dazed. He'd been having a nightmare about Sarrum trying to kill Arthur. He took a deep breath trying to calm his mind and his breathing, but he couldn’t shake the nagging feeling in his mind. He didn't really know why, but he knew something was wrong. 

Suddenly, Merlin was back in his dream, seeing Sarrum sneak around Arthur's darkened room, holding a knife in his hand. At once Merlin jumped out of his bed and left his and Gaius’ chambers. He ran through the hallways, in a hurry, not caring if he was waking people. He wasn’t sure before, but he knew now that his dream had been a vision, and if he wasn’t on time, Arthur might not survive the night.

Mordred. I need you to come to Arthur’s chambers at once. I fear his life may be in danger. Merlin realised Mordred might not get his message. Talking telepathically is difficult enough as it is, let alone when you're not in the same room as each other. But it was worth a shot.

Merlin kept running until he reached Arthur's room. He threw the door open running inside. There he saw Sarrum standing over his bed with a knife. 

“You coward.” He yelled, eyes lighting up golden as he let the knife fly from Sarrum’s hands. “Trying to kill someone in their sleep, how dare you.” He knocked him to the ground, holding his hands behind his back so he couldn’t escape. With all the commotion, Arthur had woken up, now slowly taking in the situation. 

“What's happening?” He asked half asleep, but clearly shocked.

“Sarrum tried to kill you in your sleep, but I was here before he could.” Merlin explained. “I knew something wasn’t right.” He was still forcing Sarrum to the ground, using a little magic to help himself. He conjured a rope to bind his hands and his feet together.

“Damn you, peasant.” Sarrum glowered.

“You hold your tongue.” Arthur ordered, having gotten out of bed by now. “You have no rights here anymore.

The door flew open once more and Mordred, followed by three other knights came running inside.

“Sire, are you alright?” Mordred asked, grabbing Sarrum from were Merlin had pinned him against the floor.

“I'm fine, thanks to Merlin.” Arthur replied. The four knights were now holding the struggling Sarrum.

“Take him to the dungeons.” Arthur said.

“Yes, sire.” Mordred nodded. He and Merlin exchanged a look, before he left the room again.

“Are you okay?” Merlin asked when they had left. He ran up to Arthur and pulled him into a hug.

“Thanks to you, yes.” Arthur replied, still a bit shocked. “Why were you even here?”

“My magic... It sensed something was wrong. I ran over here just on instinct to be honest. And thank god I did.” Merlin answered. 

“Thank god, indeed.” Arthur sighed, sitting back down on his bed. “I never thought Sarrum would stoop so low.”

“I didn’t either, but here we are.” Merlin said, yawning. Now that his adrenaline was wearing off, his tiredness was returning to him. “Let’s go back to sleep, shall we? You're safe now.”

“Stay, please. It would make me feel more secure.” Arthur admitted. Of course Merlin couldn't say no to that.

“Of course,” He said, crawling into bed with Arthur. 

 

♧

The next day, Arthur interrogated Sarrum. Turns out Sarrum was the one who sent the dark knights, as well. Apparently, ever since there were no high priestesses left, the dark knights became assassins and Sarrum had hired them to kill Arthur, because he didn’t agree with Arthur's decision of lifting the magical ban in Camelot.

Of course, Arthur had Sarrum lift the fee and banned him from Camelot. From now on Camelot and Amata would be enemies.

 

 

♧

“Arthur, where are we going?” Merlin asked in a whining tone. Arthur had randomly dragged him to the stables, helped him to sit behind him on his horse and they had left the citadel. It had been about half an hour by now and Arthur still hadn’t told Merlin where they were going.

“You will see, love. You have to be patient.” Arthur replied, chuckling softly. Merlin huffed, resting his head against Arthur's back in defeat.

“We’re almost there, I promise.” Arthur said, amused.

“Fine,” Merlin grumbled, but he wasn’t really annoyed. He was just very curious and also a bit excited. He closed his eyes for a moment, tightening his grip on Arthur's waist and just enjoying the moment. He felt the warmth of Arthur's body against his cheek, a soft breeze grazing past them and the only sound he could hear was the soft hoof steps of Arthur's horse. He felt Arthur put a hand on his hands and squeeze them softly.

A few minutes had passed when Arthur stopped his horse.

“We’re here.” He announced, getting off his horse before helping Merlin down as well. Before Merlin could say anything, Arthur took him by the hand and started pulling him through the woods to a clearing. When they arrived, Merlin saw that it was actually a cliff, looking down on a beautiful ravine and further down the horizon he could see the sea.

Merlin gaped in awe, looking his eyes out. Arthur smiled slightly smug, seeing his reaction.

“You like it?”

“It's beautiful.” Merlin said breathlessly. He took his time inspecting the beautiful sight in front of him, enjoying the truly peaceful and beautiful moment he was in.

He didn’t realise how much time had passed when all of a sudden Arthur awakened him from his trance.

“Merlin,” he said softly, getting the raven haired man’s attention. Merlin turned around to look at Arthur when he didn’t keep talking. Merlin's breath hitched as he was what Arthur was doing.

“What… What are you doing?” He asked, unsure whether he was imagining things or not. But no, he couldn’t be. This had to be real. Merlin put his hands up to his face, tears already forming in his eyes.

Arthur was kneeling on one knee, holding out a ring to him. He was proposing. “Merlin,” he started nervously and Merlin could cry because he never imagined this could happen in his wildest dreams. Even after they started courting. His brain just couldn’t completely accept that he might not be dreaming, but that this was actually happening.

“I know we haven’t been courting for very long and I realise you might find this too early, which is fine;” Arthur continued. “You can say no, but I have to ask, because I can no longer hold back my feelings and pretend that I do not wish to marry you this instant. I feel I have wasted too much time hiding my feelings for you and pretending they don’t exist. I do not want to continue living my life like that. I want to love you freely at any given time and I want to be able to call you truly mine. If you're not ready to take this step, that’s fine. Then I will wait for you. But I do not want to hold back anymore. I want to love you as much as I can. I don’t want to hide my love ever again and I want no one to be able to say it isn’t real. That is why I want to ask you to take my hand in marriage and let me be yours truly, forever and always. Will you marry me?” Arthur asked it so sweetly and Merlin started sobbing, nodding his head eagerly. Arthur let out a happy laugh, getting up to pull Merlin into a hug. Merlin couldn’t stop himself, he was full on bawling his eyes out.

“Love, why are you crying? Don’t you want to marry me?” Arthur asked light-heartedly, but also concerned. Merlin shook his head in protest.

“I do, but-” Merlin hiccupped.

“But?” Arthur asked, looking at Merlin with concern filled eyes.

“I just never imagined this would happen.” Merlin admitted, laughing through his tears. “I'm just so happy right now.” He said, continuing to cry. Arthur pulled him closer, allowing him a moment to cry and feel his emotions. Merlin started calming down after a while.

“I'm sorry,” he said, taking a deep breath and wiping the tears from his eyes.

“You don’t have to apologize.” Arthur said with a smile. He pressed a kiss to Merlin's forehead. Merlin smiled, blushing bright.

“Now,” Arthur said. “Can I actually put the ring on your finger?”

Merlin laughed, nodding his head. “Of course.”

Arthur took his hand and gently put the ring on his finger. It was beautiful. Merlin smiled at Arthur, pulling him into a loving kiss.

“I love you.” Arthur said, pulling away slightly.

“I love you too, Arthur.” Merlin replied, before kissing him again.

Notes:

Hope you enjoyed!

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 5 of Merthur