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Wind was sure his plan was foolproof.
He had accounted for all the possible scenarios. He had made contingencies for his contingencies. Had gathered everyone's current location before putting his plot into action.
Malon and Wild were busy cooking dinner, Sky was off in the chicken coop(because he fears nothing), Warriors and Legend were cleaning the barn, Hyrule was refilling the sugar water for the fairies, Four was pretending to help Sky but was actually hiding outside, and Time and Twilight were holed up in Epona’s pin grooming her. There was no way he'd be caught. He’d accounted for everything.
Technically he was currently supposed to be on bed rest recovering from both his moderately healed concussion and his barely fixed broken left arm.
Really the others were completely overreacting. That moblin hadn’t even clubbed him that hard and his arm hadn’t even bent that much. He just had extra bendy limbs was all, because he was young and flexible and not a fossil like the rest of them, and head wounds always bleed a lot so it wasn’t really fair to judge from that.
Hence his plan to get some air and escape the stifling confines of what was Time’s guest room. Not that it wasn’t nice. Because it was! It was just so boring. So he had faked sleep and ran out the window the second he was left alone. Well…he didn’t really run per se. He had gotten pretty dizzy from jumping out the window so his ‘run’ was more of a fast and clumsy stumble.
But he’d still escaped!
And the others don’t think I’m stealthy.
He’d like to see them say that again after they realize he’d been gone the past 30 minutes and none of them noticed. After all he’d successfully(that hour he spent stuck in jail not included as it had been entirely Tetra’s fault for not aiming right)snuck around Ganon’s Forbidden Fortress, so comparatively Lon Lon Ranch was a piece of cake. So long as you don’t think about the eight highly observant highly protective heroes roaming about anyway.
But that's besides the point!
The point of course being that he was free. And he knew just what he was going to do with said freedom.
Cows! Wind thought in pure delight as he came upon the wonderful white and black spotted beasts. He had snuck around back to where Time had taken some of the cows out of the barn to graze the field while he and Twilight tended to Epona. He hadn’t actually ever seen one until they had landed in Four’s world a few months back where Four had taken him along to his Lon Lon Ranch and a little girl(who looked exactly like Malon and shared her name but that was none of his business)had happily introduced him to the creatures. At first Wind had been intimidated by their sheer size.
Then he had actually pet one and decided that they had the softest snouts to ever exist.
It was like petting Epona but without the underlying fear that she was gonna try and hoof stomp you. Wind didn’t care what Time, Twilight, and Wild claimed. He had seen what happens when she runs into a bokoblin camp or to any poor creature that strays into her path. That horse was vicious.
That aside, Wind had discovered that he very much liked cows that day. They were real cute too so that definitely helped their case.
And Time had a lot of them. Five to be exact and three of them were mere steps away from Wind’s eager hands, practically begging to be pet.
He wasn’t scared of them by any means, all of Time’s animals were super friendly as he had readily assured them. And not in the same way Twilight assured them that his goats were ‘totally harmless’ right before one of them fully charged at the rancher with the speed and force of a lynel. Though in his defense Twilight had just braced himself into the ground and carefully tossed it aside like it was nothing but an unruly child. Because he’s a total freak who wrestles Gorons for fun and can just do that.
He’s getting off track.
He came here to pet cows, so by Hylia that’s what he’s going to do. It was with this in mind that Wind carefully approached the wooden fence that separated him from his goal. He skillfully climbed over it and absolutely didn’t stumble when it didn’t make his head spin painfully. After his eyes refocused, he was more than happy to continue his approach to the cow he believed Malon had called Mrs. Moomoo The Third which was just about the greatest name Wind had ever heard. Upon hearing him, she glanced up at him briefly before going back to her grass, unbothered.
Wind was not discouraged in the least by her lack of enthusiasm and was perfectly content to stroke her side, her short fur tickling his hand. His right hand of course, the climb from both the window and the fence having made his left arm ache anew. Not because it was still injured of course. No it ached for entirely non-injury related reasons.
For a few glorious minutes, it was just him and Mrs. Moomoo.
“And just what exactly are you doing up?”
And then it wasn’t.
Wind jumped so hard that he nearly went right to the ground when he spun around to see Time not six feet from him. The older man was dripping with disapproval, his hands folded across his chest as he stared down at him. His standard stance for when someone was in trouble. Oh sh*t.
“Uhhh,” Smooth one, Link. Very not guilty sounding. Wind mentally scolded as he tried to force his two brain cells to form a coherent response. This was definitely not made difficult by the brain fog that was definitely not caused by his definitely nonexistent lingering concussion. “Checking on the cows?” D*mnit I didn’t mean to tell the truth! There was no fixing it now, might as well roll with it. “What are you doing out here?” Wind found redirection was often a viable tactic. It always worked well enough on Aryll. He’s sure what applied to a 10-year-old girl would would have the same effect here.
“Well, I was coming out here to get some more feed for the cow pins,” Time started in faux casualness as he closed the small gap between them. Wind would’ve stepped back but he was pinned in by the very cow he had come to see which he suspected Time was fully aware of. “But then I saw a certain pirate scaling my fence, which is odd seeing as how he knows he’s meant to be inside resting.” Time emphasized with a pointed look down at Wind’s left arm. Wind did his best to appear taller -a very difficult thing to do when one was not yet even 5 ft tall mind you- rather than shrink back like his instincts wanted him to do in response to Time’s tone.
“Maybe he was done resting. Did you ever think of that?” Wind was aware he was kinda speaking in third person but Time had really left him no choice by talking like that. He had started this. Time merely raised a brow.
“I disagree. Your pupils are still far from normal and I saw you nearly faceplant when you dropped from the fence.” D*mn. He had hoped no one had seen that. “You need to go back inside and back to your room.” It would seem Time has fully dropped the facade of not talking to Wind directly which was a real shame. He would’ve much rather the ‘certain pirate’ be the one sent back in than himself.
“I’m fine. You’re all being dramatic.” Wind dismissed with a slightly pained wave of his hand, his other going back to pet the large bovine beside him. He wasn’t at all using her to keep his balance as he totally did not sway. “S’just a little bump.”
“That ‘little bump’ had you out cold for the better part of a day and nearly killed you.”
Lot’s of things have ‘nearly killed him’ and he walked away just fine. A moblin club wasn’t special. Wind had enough experience to know saying this would do more harm than good and wisely kept it to himself.
“But it didn’t . Besides, it doesn't even hurt anymore.” Lies. It actually hurt quite a bit and said hurt was steadily increasing the longer he stayed out in the bright sun. But he would rather the slight throbbing of his head than the agony that had been that room. At least out here the cows would entertain him. In there he was left to fend for himself. Time must have sensed his dishonesty because his stern gaze took a sharp turn to suspicion.
“You haven’t moved your left arm an inch since I came over here and are currently squinting like you have a headache.” Time deadpanned and Wind promptly did his best to stop. He found that task to be near impossible so long as the sun continued to send waves of pain through his eyes. If he was being honest with himself, he was already fairly tired from this escapade however short it may have been. Hyrule’s healing magic had helped his head but it hadn’t done anything for his sapped energy and while the potion had fixed the break it had left him feeling very worn down and sore.
But he couldn’t let Time know that. That would be like admitting defeat which is something a pirate is never supposed to do. Tetra told him so herself and she was the Triforce of Wisdom so clearly she was right.
“M’not squintin’ and I don’t got a headache” Wind brazenly denied both claims, ignoring the increasing effort it took to make his tongue cooperate enough to form proper words. Twilight’s country accent was rubbing off on him that was all. Obviously. “M’fine”
Time didn’t answer verbally, simply sighing tiredly with a small shake of his head before stooping down and scooping Wind right off the ground and over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
Wind froze as his entire world blurred and spun at the fast motion but once it stopped he promptly kicked back into action. And he meant kicked quite literally.
“Hey, put me down!” Wind punctuated his demands with a firm foot to Time’s stomach which while it did make him grunt, did nothing to loosen his iron hold on Wind’s middle. He could at least pretend Wind weighed anything. Time completely ignored both his words and the punches he rained down on his back as he easily began walking them back to the house. “I can walk by myself!” He really could too, he just had zero intentions of walking back where Time wanted. This upside down position was not kind on his head either.
“Nope. Sorry Sailor, but Malon will worry if she goes to check on you and you’re not there.” Time reasoned but Wind saw through him easily. This wasn’t about Malon’s worry, this was about all of them being controlling mother cuccos. He was not fooled by these lies. Time may have apologized but he looked anything but sorry. “Besides, I want Hyrule to heal your hand again.” What?!
“My hand is fine!” Hyrule was the last person Wind wanted to see right now. The boy could be scary when he wanted and he had already gotten on the healer's bad side by moving around too much earlier that morning. And that was while he was still inside the house. He can’t imagine this would be taken any better. Time didn’t answer him and instead just hefted him up higher when his thrashing had caused him to slip. This of course sent a whole new wave of hazy pain through his skull, which first of all ow how is this better than petting cows-
They were close to the ranch now and from the looks of it some of them had already noticed his absence. It seemed Warriors had been assigned to watch the porch for his return while the others searched about the ranch grounds.
“Where was he?” Warriors directed at Time as though Wind wasn’t there which was just plain rude.
“Petting the cows by the barn.” Time heartlessly sold him out without a trace of remorse. Wind kicked him again. It didn’t do anything but it still made him feel better.
He heard Warriors sigh before the captain carefully came around to look Wind in the face. Because Wind’s not a coward he matched the look head on even if he did have to prop himself up on Time’s shoulder to do so.
“‘Don’t move”” Warriors huffed, pausing to raise a hand and rub his temple. An action Wind had caused more than once in the time they’ve known each other. “That was the only thing we asked you to do. Just don’t move and let yourself heal.” Warriors sounded so genuinely dead inside Wind almost felt bad. Almost being the key word.
“You told me to stay put then left me alone for hours with nothing to do!” Wind accused and Warriors’ face took on a sudden look of confusion as if he actually hadn’t considered the fact they had locked Wind up with nothing but his thoughts. What right did they have to force him to be still anyway? He was a goddess blessed hero! He knew his own limitations and right now he was completely fine. His distorted vision and shaken up brain was totally normal and he always felt like he’d been run over by a hinox. “I was sick of just sleeping. It was so boring.” While Warriors did look slightly more sympathetic than before he still allowed Time to start carrying him back inside like the traitor he was. He clearly had no allies here.
“Wind, boring or not, you need to take it easy. Head injuries aren’t something to mess around with, neither is an injury to your dominant hand. Which you need in case you forgot.” Warriors lectured as they passed by where Malon and Wild were still cooking in the kitchen. They spared them a glance but no more than that. Wind still heard Wild attempt to muffle his laugh though and made silent revenge plans to get him back later.
He’s pretty sure he still has a few hyoi pears he could use…
Wind allowed Warriors chiding words to filter through his ears unheard as Time carted him back up the stairs to his prison they’d disguised as a guest room. Warriors paused in his ranting to let out another sigh and Wind recognized it as the end of his current lecture on safety and precaution. “Though, I will say I’m sorry we left you alone so long.” The apology caught Wind’s attention enough that he fully tuned back into the conversation with slight surprise. He hadn’t expected him to actually agree with him and definitely hadn’t expected an apology. Warriors seemed sincere as he continued. “It wasn’t fair to leave you here by yourself and expect you to stay.”
The world swooped again as Time suddenly plopped Wind ungracefully back onto his previously abandoned bed and Wind willed back the pained groan that wanted to escape his lips. He managed it but only barely. And he’s claiming he’s trying to stop me from hurting myself? Wind thought in disbelief as he sent the man a proper stink eye. Time paid him no mind as he grabbed the discarded blanket from the floor and threw it over him.
“Don’t worry, Wind” Time spoke in a way that was clearly supposed to portray reassurance but the look in his eye said anything but. It was the same look Mask used to get right before he’d run off to create chaos and leave Wind to try and pick up the pieces. He knew better than to trust that look. “We won’t be making that mistake again.” What is he-?
His unfinished question was answered a second later when Warriors carefully dragged a chair over to the bed before pulling out his journal to do his daily log. Obviously settling in for what was sure to be a long visit.
“This time we’ll make sure there’s always someone keeping you company.” Din d*mnit, Mask.
This was betrayal in the first degree. To think of all the times Wind had covered for his *ss during the war. All the quality lies he’d wasted. I should’ve let Warriors have you.
Wind sent Time as fierce of a glare as he could currently muster and hoped it conveyed his feelings. It must have failed because Time didn’t look anything but amused as he finished adjusting the blankets around him and stood up.
“I’ll trade places with you when I come to bring his dinner.” Time directed at Warriors and the captain only nodded with a hum.
“Send Hyrule up when you go down there.” Warriors called at Time’s back as more of an afterthought. Wind opened his mouth to loudly protest against that particular idea but wasn’t given the chance.
“Was already planning on it.” Wind was officially done with these people. Next time one of them gets hurt he’ll be sure to give them the same stifling treatment and see how much they like it. Unable to escape with Warriors still in the room, or at the very least unable to get far, Wind settled to huff as he sulked back against his pillows. Sulked, not pout. He was an adult so he was most assuredly not pouting.
Time left and Wind found himself already getting tired despite his complaints about being done with sleeping. Between his escape and all the struggling he put up against Time he was thoroughly spent. He tried to stay awake anyway with the power of spite alone.
“You know Hyrule won’t be able to yell at you if you’re asleep.” Warriors pointed out offhandedly like the fend he was. He hadn’t even looked up from his book as he said it which just made it all the more annoying. Warriors was a master manipulator who knew exactly what to say to get people to do what he wanted. Especially if those people were just difficult little brothers.
Still, Wind would rather have a smug Warriors than a peeved healer. And Warriors was right in that Hyrule wouldn’t disturb his rest just to lecture him unlike certain other heroes. So, it was with no small amount of ire that he fully laid back into the cushions and allowed his heavy eyes to fall closed. I’m not even that tired. All he’d really done since getting hurt nearly two days ago was sleep. He must be reaching the limit at this point.
Regardless of his claims, he fell asleep in minutes.