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Hello Darkness, My Old Friend
Hello, darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
Simon and Garfunkel, The Sound of Silence
Imogen’s emotions were an overwhelming swirl of frustration, desperation, despair. But one feeling pushed its way through the chaos. Desire. Desire to make amends for hurt inflicted. Desire to demonstrate sincerity of love. Desire to be reassured of a continued connection. Plain old desire.
She took hold of the hand wearing the ring she had given a literal lifetime ago. Channeling that desire and doing her utmost to communicate it, she placed a kiss on Laudna’s knuckle, then looked into her eyes.
“I want to show you how much I want you, how much I need you. Is that ok?”
Laudna looked surprised. “Here? Now?”
“I have an idea.”
Over the telepathic link Imogen communicated with Bells Hells.
Decide whatever you want about which plan to participate in. Don’t wait for Laudna and me - we’ll be a few minutes.
Maybe more than a few, she heard in her own mind. She hoped she saw the same desire mirrored in Laudna’s eyes.
Imogen tugged Laudna back into the room where they had slept, toward the bedroll they had shared the night before.
“What if someone comes in?” Launda asked.
“Cast darkness,” Imogen instructed.
Laudna’s face fell slightly, and she hesitated.
Imogen knew they had more to process regarding her truth bomb in the Fey Wild.
“This isn’t about that, I promise. Next time we’ll do this in the middle of the day with the lights on, Delilah be damned. I just don’t want to be worryin’ about being interrupted.” She took a deep breath and tried to sound less frantic. “It’s so crazy right now, and I don’t want there to be any gulf between us. You’re more important than anything, and I don’t want to lose sight of that. Please let me show you how much you mean to me.”
Launda still looked skeptical, but she did as requested. Suddenly, Imogen was encased in complete darkness. She knew the same wasn’t true for Laudna, so she tried to minimize the tension in her body language.
“Lie down, baby,” she instructed.
Their hands remained connected as Imogen situated Laudna on top of her.
Imogen felt for Laudna’s face and kissed her gently. She trusted Bells Hells to give them the time they needed. This wasn’t meant to be a quick roll in whatever the equivalent of Ruidian hay way, just for the physical release. She needed to reconnect with Laudna, to ensure the tether tying them together remained intact.
Imogen felt unsettled, unable to see Laudna, still unsure her girlfriend wasn’t about to dump her in some misguided attempt to facilitate her heroism.
Misguided, indeed. Imogen had a strong sense the idea Laudna was holding her back came from a certain impossible-to-remove parasite.
She still wanted reassurance but didn’t want to sound desperate. Begging Tell me you believe me, tell me you forgive me, tell me you still want me wasn’t exactly sexy.
She clearly wasn’t sufficiently focused on Laudna, despite her initiation of whatever they were going to do.
Laudna pulled back. “Imogen? Should we be talking more, instead of doing this?”
Imogen felt lost in the darkness, overwhelmed by uncertainty. She froze, torn between pushing forward and falling apart.
The darkness was too much. She clutched at whatever part of Laudna she could find and buried her face in it.
“Don’t let go, don’t let go, don’t let go,” she repeated.
It was a relief to feel Laudna’s arms tighten around her. “I have you, my love.”
Imogen took a deep breath and relaxed her tense muscles. “I don’t want either of us making decisions about our relationship based on what we think the other wants or needs. I miss you in my mind. I felt so safe when you were with me, when we were so connected. Maybe it’s unhealthy and co-dependent, but I loved not having to wonder what you were thinking or feeling. And I know if you could hear my thoughts you’d have no doubt I’m better when you’re with me.”
Would it be helpful to communicate that way now?
Yes.
After years of trying to push out the thoughts of all of the people around her, it was sweet relief to hear Laudna in her mind.
At first it was mainly a wash of wordless feelings and half-formed phrases.
Insecurity
She doesn’t trust me
Love
She’s incredible
Pain
She’s can’t accept who I am
Shame
I’m weak
Possessiveness
I love that she’s mine
Imogen latched onto that word - mine , echoing it back to Laudna. But it was swirled with shame of her own.
What is it, darling?
I really want to growl and say you’re mine, that she can’t have you. But then I’m no better than she is. You’re your own. If you stay with me, it has to be your choice, every day. If you ever choose to leave me, I can’t promise I’ll take it well, but I’ll respect it. Just don’t leave because she tells you I’m better off or some bullshit like that. She wants you dependent on her and she’ll appeal to your goodness to get it.
Laudna didn’t respond with words, but she communicated a sense of recognition.
The idea that I’m better off without you, it came from her, didn’t it?
There was a pause. Now that you ask, I believe it may have.
I don’t want to share you with her, but I’ll make my peace with that. I’d rather have you and her than neither.
I get so lost when I’m not with you. I think I need you to ensure she doesn’t take over. Is that bad?
I think I need you to ensure I don’t blow up the moon. It is what it is. It does me no good to save the world if I lose you.
Laudna’s lips found Imogen’s unerringly, and a shared feeling of desire pushed aside doubts. The only discernible words were an echoing I need you…
Through their mental connection they shared flashes of memories, fantasies, eventually settling on one.
Mm, one of my favorites. Laudna’s mental statement came through clearly.
I know, baby. I just need to hold onto you. Wrap myself around you. I’d consume you like a Titan shard if I could.
They efficiently removed their own clothes, corsets only slowing them down slightly. Laudna guided Imogen in the darkness to sit against the wall, pulling their bedroll with them. She settled in front.
Imogen reached between them to touch herself, gasping slightly as she gathered the moisture she found there. She quickly turned her focus to Laudna, using one hand to play with her nipple, the other finding its way between her legs.
Laudna arched back against Imogen at that first touch.
Without their mental connection, Imogen would have asked, is it too much? and, are you wet enough? , but with it in place she felt only a stream of positive feedback. Some of it was in words, yes, just like that , but mostly it was an escalating sensation of pleasure that almost made it difficult to stay focused.
Normally, Imogen would talk into Laudna’s ear, sometimes filthy, sometimes sweet, but now she could use her mouth to trail wet kisses up and down Laudna’s neck, delighting in the shivers they produced.
Sending a mental image and receiving an affirmative response, Imogen slid her fingers into Laudna.
For a long moment, it was enough, being wrapped around Laudna, being inside her. But she wanted to be deeper, to fill Laudna as completely as she could.
“Turn around, baby,” she said out loud.
Her mental projection was clear, and Laudna complied. She settled down in Imogen’s lap, facing her. Imogen wasted no time slipping back inside. She urged Laudna to ride her, setting an ever-increasing pace. The combination of verbal and mental moans coming from her girlfriend sent a throb through her. It was incredible, filling Laudna, physically tethering their bodies while their minds melded.
If I could, I’d fuck Delilah out of her. The thought spurred her to pull Laudna’s hips back down harder.
I can heeeeaaaar yoooooou.
She had forgotten how hard it was to keep any thoughts to herself when they were connected like this.
While the mental voice had decidedly been Laudna’s, Imogen wasn’t sure if her girlfriend was simply alerting her that her wish had been heard or making an extremely dark joke.
The more she thought about it, the funnier it was. The next thing she knew, she was laughing out loud. She trusted their mental connection to convey some semblance of what it was that shifted the mood so drastically.
“We’re on the freaking moon trying to stop the release of a god-eater,” she gasped. “And I was getting my knickers in a twist about how the dead necromancer in your brain might watch us when we have sex.”
Laudna let out a laugh of her own. “And we’re relying on a horny werewolf and a robot therapist to save the world.”
Imogen continued. “Two of our friends ate a shard of an actual Titan.”
“One of those friends’ grandmother has two heads and could wipe us all out with a wave of her hand.”
“And we just chilled at her house and sipped cocktails and did trust exercises.”
“I managed to animate my imaginary friend, and he’s even weirder in reality than I pretended he was.” Laudna cackled.
“My entire body looks like an earthquake hit a desert.”
“But what a body it is, darling. I love your lightning titties.” Laudna reached out to fondle said titties.
Imogen took a deep breath, somewhere between a gasp and a hiccup. Their lives were utterly ridiculous. But what wasn’t ridiculous was her love for the woman - the naked woman, to be precise - in her lap.
“This is what we haven’t done enough of. I know the world may be ending, but we’ve still got to find things to laugh about.”
“It seems there are plenty,” Laudna replied.
“Let’s try not to forget.”
“The next time I do, I shall endeavor to remember this moment - you and me in total darkness, on the moon, your fingers in my pussy, laughing our heads off.”
Imogen realized she was still buried inside Laudna, which couldn’t be terribly pleasant anymore. She carefully slid her fingers out, listening for any signs of discomfort. Laudna hissed but sent a mental feeling of sensitivity, not pain.
I don’t feel that gulf anymore, do you? Imogen asked.
I can’t promise it won’t return, but at this moment I feel closer to you than ever.
I have an idea of how you could be even closer.
Imogen projected an image of Laudna’s hips hovering over her face.
Mm, I have a better one…
Receiving Laudna’s counter-offer in her mind, Imogen had to agree.
Baby, you’re a genius.
Laudna moved off of Imogen to allow her to lie down, then turned around yet again. Imogen felt Laudna’s thighs settle on either side of her head. She couldn’t see, but the scent drove her wild. She spread her legs to give Laudna room to reciprocate.
It felt a little like cheating at sex, if such a thing were possible. Being in each others’ minds while devouring each others’ bodies was almost overwhelming. Imogen could mentally feel what her mouth was doing to Laudna while physically experiencing the steady rhythm of Laudna’s tongue on her.
She received immediate mental feedback and could adjust accordingly, ensuring Laudna felt nothing but intense pleasure. The constant loop of desire meant it wasn’t very long at all before they hit a simultaneous peak. Despite the darkness, Imogen saw a white-hot explosion behind her eyes. She clung to Laudna’s hips while her girlfriend rode out the waves of sensation.
Laudna echoed Imogen’s assessment of this kind of encounter as she rearranged herself to place her head on Imogen’s shoulder. “You know, darling, too often like that would be too much, but sometimes it’s exactly what we need, isn’t it?”
“Sometimes it is. I needed you so much after our conversation. You had me scared you were gonna break up with me. Tell me you know I don’t want any kind of future without you in it.”
Laudna sighed. Imogen could feel her prop herself up and imagined her looking down through the darkness. “I do know. I’m sorry, Imogen. It’s complicated inside my head. Please don’t stop fighting for me.”
“Never.” Imogen lifted her head and sought Laudna’s mouth. The taste of Laudna’s kiss tempted her to continue reinforcing their bond, but she knew there wasn’t time.
"You’re so beautiful,” she murmured against Laudna’s lips.
She could feel Laudna’s smile against her mouth. “You can’t see me.”
“I don’t have to.”
Suddenly, she could see. Laudna’s hair stuck out in all directions. Her own fingers were stained black against the gray of Laudna’s shoulder where they rested, and she could only imagine what her face looked like. There would be no pretending with Bells Hells they had only been talking. She sincerely hoped nothing had leaked through their telepathic bond.
“I think that was the best ten minutes of my life,” Imogen laughed.
“Mine as well,” Laudna replied.
They stood up and began gathering their clothing. Imogen heard Laudna cast prestidigitation in her direction and assumed her face was now presentable. She saw Laudna make a motion to cast it again a little lower, but Imogen stopped her.
“Leave it. I want to be reminded all day.”
“Mm, so naughty. I shall do the same.” Laudna kissed her one more time, then turned so Imogen could lace up her corset.
“I guess it’s time to go see what the team decided,” Imogen said once she tied the knot.
“If the plan is to split up, will you stay with me?” Laudna asked.
“Always, baby.”