Work Text:
Chu Wanning comes out of seclusion to one thought only: Mo Ran has done something.
Whether that something was good or bad, Chu Wanning doesn’t have a clue.
He supposes it can’t be an irreversible amount of mischief based on the hints he’d received throughout the day.
First, it was Xue Zhengyong stopping by to give him the pill he’d need to be in his adult body. The man had kept delving into cheeky giggles that he should have grown out of decades ago, like he knew something Chu Wanning didn’t. Even if Chu Wanning hadn’t been able to catch on from that, the disciples running by him, whispering Mo Ran’s voice under their breath, were a dead giveaway. He adjusts the red cloak over his shoulders a bit. He’d put on the red in the first place to avoid those nicknames, Bai Wuchang and Little Widow and all the other nicknames Mo Ran had told Xia Sini about the always-wears-white Yuheng Elder.
He sighs in his heart. He had hoped it would be a relaxing night, bringing in the new year and all, and that he would be able to “see his disciples off” before they left for the Peach Blossom Springs with Xia Sini. Just enough time to sit with them through a meal before retiring back to the Red Lotus Pavilion. There was no way Mo Ran would want to stay near Chu Wanning any longer than that, at the very least. That’s even before Chu Wanning considers whatever it is Mo Ran has done that’s made Xue Zhengyong so mirthful.
Calmly, he makes his way to Mengpo Hall, where the disciples and elders have slowly gathered to make dumplings. Even if Mo Ran has done something, good or bad, there’s nothing that will change in the few extra seconds it takes Chu Wanning to get to him.
There’s a small group of disciples loitering around the entryway of Mengpo Hall that doesn’t immediately make way for him once they spot him, whether that be out of respect or fear.
...Strange.
Even stranger, those already in the Hall don’t fall silent the moment he walks in. It’s another truth of his life that he had gotten used to, that feeling uncomfortable when he was around would be a fact that followed him for the rest of his life. This time, though... rather than get quiet, the whispers and conversations seem to get louder.
Of his own disciples, Xue Meng is the first to spot him.
“Shizun! Shizun! I, I’m so happy you’re here with us!” Youthful arms wrap around his waist in a tight hug.
Chu Wanning pats his head. “Have you been well?”
“I’ve been well,” Xue Meng says haughtily, peering up at him. “But, Shizun, you have to see what happened to Mo Ran!”
That’s all Xue Meng manages to get out before Chu Wanning’s eyes catch on something that makes him freeze completely.
Catch on someone.
Mo Ran approaches him calmly, the same walk he’s always had, an easy smile on his face that Chu Wanning hasn’t seen directed at him since Mo Ran first joined their peak years ago. The dimple on his cheek is visible from even here.
More than that, though.
Mo Ran is—
Mo Ran looks—
Older.
There’s no other way to describe it.
It’s as though someone had taken the Mo Ran that would exist years down the line, plucked him out and placed him here, where Mo Ran is still supposed to be fifteen.
His skin is tanner, speaking of long days out in the sun. For what reason, Chu Wanning has no clue. He hadn’t realized how soft Mo Ran’s cheeks had looked from youthful fat until he sees the refined, chiseled face staring down at him. Down is another thing. He’s even taller than Chu Wanning himself. It’s not considerable, barely more than half a head, but Chu Wanning, who’s so accustomed to looking down at Mo Ran’s eyes, is shocked beyond compare.
Xue Meng is saying something still, but Chu Wanning doesn’t hear him.
Somehow, he manages to break his gaze away from Mo Ran’s face to notice other parts of him. Mo Ran’s hair is longer now, too, still tied in the same ponytail, but reaching down to his waist now. It’s dark and thick, swaying with every step. Mo Ran... also... that is...
Chu Wanning stares at the broad expanse of Mo Ran’s shoulders, the way his robes fit tightly over them and down his arms. Chu Wanning’s internal temperature has always been a bit cool, just another factor to add to how easily he always falls ill in colder weather, but it suddenly feels as though his stomach is boiling.
“Shizun,” Mo Ran says warmly. His voice is somewhat deeper now, yet still recognizable. If anything, it sounds as though Mo Ran had simply pitched his voice a bit lower to sound older. “You look lovely in red.”
“What is this?” Chu Wanning asks. Very carefully, he doesn’t let his thoughts show on his face. The thoughts, or false images rather, of another time Chu Wanning may be wearing red, and an older Mo Ran may compliment him for it, are not worth spending time on. There is a time and place for such delusions, and Chu Wanning will never, ever let himself be in that time or place.
“What do you think this is?” Mo Ran asks, though from his tone, Chu Wanning can’t discern whether the question is rooted in curiosity or amusement.
Xue Meng bristles. “Show some respect to Shizun!”
Mo Ran gives him a dry look. “Like you?”
“You—!” Flustered, Xue Meng lets go of his hold of Chu Wanning’s waist, straightening out his robes.
Chu Wanning realizes, had his control not been so perfected, there was no way Xue Meng would have avoided hearing how fast his heart was racing.
“Actually,” Mo Ran says, a finger on his chin thoughtfully, “I think I may be older than Shizun right now.”
Xue Meng gapes.
Chu Wanning swallows. “You are Mo Ran,” he says.
Mo Ran nods, then says cheekily, “Have I really gotten so old that Shizun can’t tell?”
Chu Wanning, after a brief mental war, decides that trying to answer the question before he understands the situation will do more harm than good. Ensuring that his voice will come out even, he asks, “What happened?”
“Well, considering how I most definitely wasn’t here yesterday if my memories are correct...”
Xue Meng says, “He says he’s from the future. Father ran all sorts of tests with him all day, and apparently he isn’t lying.”
“How far into the future?”
Before Mo Ran can answer, Shi Mei rushes over. “Shizun!”
Mo Ran straightens a bit, as if to steel himself. Something Chu Wanning hadn’t realized had bloomed inside him wilts. Ah... if Mo Ran is still so conscious of Shi Mei in the future, then that means...
Well. Chu Wanning isn’t some kind of idiot.
“Shizun,” Shi Mei says, bowing properly. “It’s so good to see you. We’ve missed you while you were in seclusion. About Mo Ran... he came to us this morning in this body, and told us he wouldn’t be here any longer for a day. We were going to tell Shizun if he came out of seclusion, but...”
Chu Wanning can fill in the blanks. If he decided to stay in the Red Lotus Pavilion, they would have hid this from him.
Mo Ran rubs the back of his neck. “What they say is true, for the most part.”
Chu Wanning raises an eyebrow.
“That is, I wanted to tell Shizun right away,” Mo Ran says. “But everyone else didn’t want to disrupt your seclusion.”
Xue Meng puffs up. “As if we could distract Shizun with something so,” he pauses, seeming to remember something. Then, he says to Chu Wanning, “Shizun! I was telling him just before you got here— You must make him tell you everything! I already tried to tell him, but this dog won’t listen no matter how old he is! I’m to take over father’s place in the future, as I’m sure you’re well aware if you really are from the future. It would be advantageous for us to be prepared for anything!”
Mo Ran smiles strangely for a moment before it smooths out. “Like I already said to little Mengmeng, it’s better that we keep some things secret.” He pats the top of Xue Meng’s head. “It’s not as though I can change anything of the past.”
“Just who are you calling little Mengmeng?!”
Xue Meng growls, smacking the hand off. Mo Ran ignores him, and also ignores Shi Mei, whose expression is also somewhat strange, to focus on Chu Wanning instead.
Chu Wanning supposes that makes sense. There’s no telling what becomes of Xue Meng and Mo Ran’s relationship as they grow older. From Chu Wanning’s perspective, it is not as though they are particularly close now, but does that relationship worsen? Get better? And with Xue Meng wanting to know what happens in the future so desperately, Mo Ran likely does not want to give anything away. Avoiding Shi Mei is even easier for Chu Wanning to wrap his head around. Mo Ran has surely been successful in his attempts to be with Shi Mei, just as Chu Wanning had known would happen, and feels awkward to be put back into a time before the two of them were even together.
As for himself...
It’s easier to look back on bitter memories with a modicum of fondness once they are far enough away from you, he thinks. And with how kindly Mo Ran is looking at him, it must have been a very long time since he’s seen Chu Wanning’s face.
Chu Wanning has no clue what to do with an expression like the one on Mo Ran’s face right now. He breaks eye contact to stare straight ahead, where Mo Ran’s neck meets his shoulder, and quickly realizes that staring at Mo Ran’s body is probably a worse decision.
He clears his throat.
There’s a quiet that surrounds them. The other occupants of Mengpo Hall have already started to make their dumplings, surely realizing that the quieter they are, the easier it’ll be to eavesdrop on the conversation between Chu Wanning and this shiny new version of Mo Ran.
Mo Ran seems to realize this at the same time Chu Wanning does. He reaches for Chu Wanning’s hand, but rather than hold his palm, he lightly holds onto the tips of Chu Wanning’s fingers, much like a small child would. Like this, Chu Wanning can feel the rough calluses that match his own. By the time he makes this observation, it’s much too late for him to yank his hands back without coming off as ridiculous.
Xue Meng makes a sound as though someone had stabbed right through him.
“Shizun,” Mo Ran says. From another person, the call may have even sounded sweet. “Do you have time? Can we talk outside?”
Xue Meng roars. “Don't just grab onto Shizun!”
“Alright,” Chu Wanning says. He feels the eyes on him grow wider.
Mo Ran smiles, facing the entrance and leading him out. Chu Wanning keeps his eyes trained on Mo Ran, his face and then his back as he’s walked out, not daring to look around and accidentally make eye contact with someone. The muscles in Mo Ran’s back flex with each step, visible even through his robes. Suddenly, Xue Meng splutters, “Wait, Mo Ran! Neither of us can roll dough! How are we supposed to make dumplings?! MO RAN.”
Mo Ran ignores him.
His grip on Chu Wanning’s fingers tightens somewhat as they cross the threshold back outside. He walks them a good distance away from Mengpo Hall before finally turning around.
“Actually, Shizun. I lied. I don’t have anything to tell you. I just wanted to spend some time with you. Let’s play together,” he cajoles. “You won’t stay like this for long, right?”
Startled, Chu Wanning yanks his hand back. “Stay like this?” He questions. Surely, Mo Ran in the future never finds out about—
Mo Ran grins widely, all his teeth showing, and Chu Wanning is temporarily taken aback by how well the smile fits on Mo Ran’s older face. In fact, this close, Chu Wanning can almost make out the start of wrinkles where Mo Ran’s eyes crease. Rather than age him, Chu Wanning’s heart thumps uncomfortably over the fact that it only adds to Mo Ran’s handsomeness. Unbidden, he thinks: Mo Ran… this child… he grows up well.
Surely, someone must have given him a reason to smile so much that wrinkles would form. It’s obvious who that person is. Or, who that person will become.
It’s as much a peaceful thought as it is a devastating one. For so long now, Chu Wanning has carefully shielded away his affection for Mo Ran, knowing that it will never go anywhere, and that there was no chance for it to ever become anything. If not because of Mo Ran’s romantic interests, then due to Chu Wanning’s horrid personality. It’s not as though Chu Wanning had any delusions that he had ever had a chance. But to have it confirmed in front of him, it’s warm and icy in equal measure. Mo Ran will become a man who is happy and loved, and Chu Wanning will obviously not be there to see it.
Then, Mo Ran speaks, and every overwhelming thought rushing through his head is replaced with a completely different type of overwhelming. “Ah, you know, I actually miss Xia Sini quite a bit sometimes.”
Chu Wanning’s brain blanks out. “M- Mo Ran!”
Mo Ran finds out about Xia Sini? How? When? Soon? Was Chu Wanning made fun of mercilessly for it? Who else finds out?
“Don’t feel ashamed, Shizun,” Mo Ran says, voice bright with humor. “And don’t worry. I only realize it much later, even though looking back, it really should have been quite obvious. Xia Sini was so cute and lovable. Shizun as an adult isn’t so different…”
“You!”
Mo Ran continues like he doesn’t see Chu Wanning’s brain leaking out of his ears. “Xia Sini really was like a little brother to me. He was my little brother. I’ve always wanted a younger sibling. And the way Shizun called me Shixiong and gege…”
Chu Wanning can’t believe what he’s hearing. “That didn’t happen,” he hisses. As of now, Mo Ran hasn’t shown any indication that he saw Xia Sini like a… like a brother! And Chu Wanning has never called Mo Ran of all people—
But if Mo Ran is truly from the future, then all these things—
Mo Ran gives him a knowing look. “Shizun was very cute, is all I’m saying.”
Mo Ran’s older, handsome face, calling Chu Wanning cute.
Anything is better than this humiliation.
Chu Wanning marches off.
Had he turned back into Mengpo Hall, perhaps that would have been the end of it, and Mo Ran would have obediently come back in to help make dumplings. Rather, Chu Wanning leaves in a completely opposite direction.
Mo Ran bursts into laughter. “Sorry, sorry. Shizun, don’t be mad. Or should I say Shidi?”
Chu Wanning walks away faster.
-
Mo Ran follows serenely behind him.
Truthfully, Chu Wanning thinks Mo Ran’s motivations are somewhat ridiculous. Even if it might be awkward to spend time with a Shi Mei that you’re not currently with, wouldn’t it be better than hanging out with one’s Shizun?
In Mo Ran’s own words, there’s no reason in particular he had called Chu Wanning out, and it doesn’t look as though there’s anywhere Mo Ran plans on taking them, especially since Chu Wanning is still leading the way.
“Shizun,” Mo Ran says. “Let’s sit here for a moment. If we go too far away, Mengmeng might cry.”
“You’re the one who wanted to leave,” Chu Wanning says, coming to a stop.
“Haha, that’s true.”
Chu Wanning takes a glance at where they are.
Mo Ran seems to interpret this as an unwillingness to sit down on the ground, and takes off the cloak he’s wearing to lay it down. He presents it with a flourish. “Sit.”
Chu Wanning stares at it.
Mo Ran tries again, taking a step closer to Chu Wanning. “W- er, Shizun? Is it still too uncomfortable? Do you feel too cold?”
“Do you feel cold?” Chu Wanning says back.
Mo Ran shakes his head. “Not at all.” He takes a seat first, looking up at Chu Wanning expectantly. He pats the empty space next to him. “Sit, sit, and I can think of something we can play.”
With nothing else to say to that, Chu Wanning takes a seat. It’s not... comfortable, really. But Chu Wanning had suffered through worse. But more than sitting on the ground, there was the more obvious matter of Mo Ran right next to him. Perhaps Mo Ran was telling the truth of not feeling cold, because even with space between them, Chu Wanning can feel the heat radiating off of him.
Chu Wanning still has half a mind to think that this entire thing is a long-winded prank.
Luckily, before the silence between them stretches for too long, Mo Ran speaks again. “Why don’t I teach you a string game?”
“I don’t have string,” Chu Wanning says.
On cue, Mo Ran reaches to the back of his head and undoes his ponytail. His hair falls loosely down his back and over his shoulders. He presents the hair ribbon to Chu Wanning with a flourish. “We can use this. It won’t do exactly what we need it to, but at the least, I could probably teach you the rules.”
Mo Ran ties the two ends of the hair ribbon together until it forms a circle, and wraps it around his fingers until it forms an intricate pattern in between.
“Here, so Shizun should…”
Mo Ran explains the rules simply and effectively. Still, it irks Chu Wanning a bit. Rather than talking to Chu Wanning as his Shizun, it’s not lost on him just how simple these rules are, almost as if he’s sharing them to a child…
Ah. So that’s how it is. In the future, Mo Ran and Shi Mei will have a child.
Even more humiliatingly, Chu Wanning can’t manage to get the hang of it, no matter how many times Mo Ran explains it to him. He twists the ribbon around his finger again, once more losing the cradle formation Mo Ran had set up for him.
After several games, and failed attempts at playing on Chu Wanning’s part, Mo Ran says, “It’s my fault for not having string, Shizun. I’m sure if I’d have brought the right equipment for our game, you’d have defeated me every time.”
Chu Wanning isn’t that much of a sore loser. But before he can defend himself, Mo Ran continues.
“But at least now you can practice before you can really show off your skills.”
Chu Wanning scoffs. “Just who do you think I would be showing off my skills to?”
“You’d be surprised,” Mo Ran says. “I hear it’s in high demand to learn how to play cat’s cradle.”
“By who?”
Mo Ran makes a thinking expression. He hums. “A wife, maybe?”
Chu Wanning’s hand twitches.
“Which is why you can’t forget the rules, okay?”
“It’s not hard,” Chu Wanning says, the hair ribbon miserably tangled in his fingers.
“Of course, Shizun. But make sure you practice so that we can play a lot.”
“As if,” Chu Wanning says coldly. He forces the ribbon off his finger and tosses it onto Mo Ran’s lap.
Mo Ran takes the hair ribbon and easily puts his hair back up. It’s messier now, loose strands framing his face and sticking out in odd angles from his ponytail.
Even this only adds to his charm rather than detract from it.
“Let’s head back,” Chu Wanning says.
“We have some more time. Is there anything Shizun wants to know about me?”
“What?”
“If it’s Shizun, I don’t mind. And in the case anything I do now does affect the future, I trust that Shizun will only do good things with it.”
If it’s Shizun? Shouldn’t there be someone else Mo Ran should be dedicating that trust to?
“This is your past,” Chu Wanning says slowly. “There’s nothing to change. It’s already happened.”
“That’s true,” Mo Ran agrees easily. “Then Shizun should feel comfortable asking whatever he wants. It won’t change anything anyways.”
That logic… isn’t wrong…
Chu Wanning supposes there was no harm in asking after Sisheng Peak, or the disciples, or to see whether Xue Zhengyong was still doing well in his old age.
Had Chu Wanning asked any of those, there was still a chance that he could have walked away from this whole situation while still maintaining a bit of his dignity.
Instead, what Chu Wanning blurts out is this: “How old are you?”
...
Killing himself might be a kindness.
Mo Ran blinks at him. Slowly, his mouth curves into a smile. “I didn’t realize Shizun was so curious.”
“I’m not.”
Mo Ran makes a ‘come here’ gesture with his hand. Chu Wanning warily leans his head closer to Mo Ran’s. At the same time, Mo Ran leans his upper body close, positioning his mouth to the side of Chu Wanning’s head.
Chu Wanning thinks that he hasn’t been in this intimate of a position with anyone, let alone Mo Ran, in his entire life.
Softly, barely louder than the wind, Mo Ran whispers into Chu Wanning’s ear.
Chu Wanning feels light-headed. The boiling feeling in his stomach is back.
“I told you, didn’t I?” Mo Ran says, raising his voice back to normal volumes as he leans back. “Older than you.”
Chu Wanning shoots up to his feet, ignoring the pricks in his legs from sitting on them in the cold for so long. “We’re headed back,” he says sternly.
Mo Ran doesn’t argue, picking up his cloak off the floor and following at a leisure pace behind him. The two of them together mimic the exact position they’d had in getting here in the first place.
“Shizun,” Mo Ran calls out. “Did you have fun?”
”You wish!” Horrifyingly, Chu Wanning finds that he has a different answer in mind.
It’s a mercy that he can at least keep that thought internal.
-
They return to Mengpo Hall with just enough time for Chu Wanning to stuff a coin into one of the dumplings Shi Mei and Xue Meng had painstakingly made.
To Chu Wanning, they aren’t bad, despite their lack of knowledge on what to do. Chu Wanning would have helped fold had Mo Ran not taken him away.
Mo Ran picks up one of the dumplings from the snowmen carrying them off. It hadn’t been folded properly, clearly. On top of that, too much filling had been added to it, so it had already started falling apart at its seams.
“You two should really learn how to cook one of these days,” Mo Ran says, opening the dumpling in his hand and folding it quickly and efficiently.
Xue Meng hisses, “They wouldn’t have looked like this if you helped!”
“That’s dangerous to say. Shizun didn’t help either. Are you going to blame him next?”
“Don’t blame your faults on Shizun, you mutt! You dragged him away!”
Shi Mei laughs awkwardly, glancing at Chu Wanning for a brief moment before turning back to the pair. “Come on you two, let’s not do this in front of Shizun... He didn’t come out of his seclusion to see this...”
Chu Wanning sits quietly and watches the three interact. Even sitting, Mo Ran towers over them both in height and width. Mo Ran, other than a slight stiffness to Shi Mei, doesn’t even seem out of his element, so much older than people he was peers with just yesterday.
By the time the snowmen return with the dumplings, Chu Wanning realizes he hasn't spoken a word since he’s returned. No one seems to have noticed, other than the few glances Mo Ran had given his way. Overall, Chu Wanning going unnoticed in conversation isn’t all too surprising.
Just as the creation of the dumplings wasn’t perfect, neither is the final product.
“I’ll pass them out,” Chu Wanning offers. Before the dumplings can be compared, he picks up one that looks slightly plumper than the others and puts it on Mo Ran’s plate. He puts two more decent-looking ones on Xue Meng and Shi Mei’s plate, before finally taking one to plate for himself.
Mo Ran carefully bites into his. He smiles, flipping the dumpling around carefully to show the rest of the table. “Got it,” he says, somewhat smug, the shiny coin peeking out through the dumpling filling.
“How is that fair?” Xue Meng mutters bitterly. “Why would the person from the future get good luck for this year?”
-
Whether it be from the bitterness of not getting the coin or an intolerance to alcohol or some other reason beyond Chu Wanning’s comprehension, Xue Meng is the first to get drunk.
“Shizuuun,” Xue Meng says, eyes half-lidded. “Shizun is,” he hiccups, “the best.” He buries his head into Chu Wanning’s robe in a tight hug, trapping Chu Wanning’s arm in the move.
“Xue Ziming!” Chu Wanning snaps.
“Let me read your future,” Xue Meng says, undeterred by Chu Wanning’s irritation.
Before anyone else can notice the way Xue Meng had wrapped himself around Chu Wanning like some sort of octopus, Mo Ran leans over and plucks him off. “I thought you were curious about my future,” he says, and then has the audacity to wink at Chu Wanning.
Xue Meng squints. “Mm, yeah, yeah.”
Mo Ran offers him his palm. Xue Meng takes it harshly, practically yanking it towards himself.
Xue Meng leans closer and closer to Mo Ran’s hand, a comical amount until his forehead practically touches it. Then he clicks his teeth, throwing Mo Ran’s hand back at him. “Just as I thought, I can’t read a dog’s paws.”
Mo Ran is silent for a moment, and then says, “Xue Ziming. You know I have no problems hitting you, right?”
Xue Meng turns back to Chu Wanning with a pout.
“Shizuuuun,” he calls out again, grabbing Chu Wanning’s arm.
Of course, this is when a snowman comes to their table to let Chu Wanning know it’s time for his performance. Chu Wanning hears a choked-back snort before things go dead quiet.
“...”
Mo Ran reaches over to pull Xue Meng away again, but Xue Meng clings even stronger this time.
“Shizun?” Xue Meng seems to notice Chu Wanning doing his best in pretending he doesn’t exist, because he switches tactics.
“Gege,” he whines, leaning his head on Chu Wanning’s shoulder. “Immortal-gege, can you tell that dog to leave us alone...” He mumbles something incomprehensible after, right before his head drops onto the table and he lets out a loud snore.
Shi Mei quickly pulls Xue Meng closer to him. “Ah, Shizun,” he says fretfully. “I’ll take him for now...”
The rest of their audience doesn’t seem to have the same sense of self-preservation, because they all burst into raucous laughter.
“Pffft, Immortal-gege!”
“Darling of the Heavens, how could he say something so cute?!”
“To, hahahaha, to the Yuheng Elder of all people!”
“Hey, hey! You know, it’s not like Xue Meng was wrong... Yuheng Elder really is beautiful enough to be an immortal, you know?”
“Ah, you know what? I’ve always thought that he was especially handsome...”
Chu Wanning keeps his face frozen. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see even Xue Zhengyong fall over himself in laughter.
Mo Ran stifles a laugh behind a fist. “Somehow, I still can’t handle when other people realize that Shizun is beautiful.”
Shi Mei blinks, eyes wide, and turns to stare at Mo Ran.
Mo Ran doesn’t seem to notice.
Chu Wanning, for his part, doesn’t even know how to begin to process this. When ‘other’ people? Doesn’t that imply that... that Mo Ran also thinks that of him?
From that point, it’s as though Chu Wanning’s mind goes into a haze. He barely remembers getting up to the stage or taking his place in front of the guqin. He doesn’t remember when he starts playing. All he remembers of his performance is closing his eyes so he wouldn’t make eye contact with a certain person in the crowd, and for the first time, feeling as though he’s dedicating his piece to that person in particular.
-
Shi Mei separates from them shortly after the performance, a drunk and mumbling Xue Meng draped over him. “I’ll put him to bed,” Shi Mei says. “Shizun, will you stay around for the fireworks?”
Chu Wanning nods.
Shi Mei smiles. “That’s good. This one will see you later then,” he says, adjusting Xue Meng’s arm on his shoulders.
Mo Ran looks to Chu Wanning once they’re alone. “Are you sleepy, Shizun? I can keep myself occupied if you want to take a nap before the fireworks begin.”
Chu Wanning shakes his head. “Are you tired?”
“Nope. I made sure not to drink too much,” Mo Ran says. “Is there anything you need to do now?”
Chu Wanning frowns. “There’s nothing that needs to be done. Why?”
Mo Ran smiles. “Immortal-gege, want to find a place to watch the fireworks together?”
Chu Wanning stares, dumbfounded.
-
Mo Ran leads them up to the Red Lotus Pavilion.
“This is good,” he says, sitting Chu Wanning and then himself by the haitang tree. “We can get privacy here.”
Chu Wanning sits down, his robe and cloak preventing him from feeling the immediate chill. He supposes... that he could have just done this before, too, without sitting on Mo Ran’s cloak on top of that.
Blessedly, Mo Ran doesn’t mention it. “Are you comfortable, Shizun?”
Chu Wanning nods.
“That’s good, that’s good,” Mo Ran says. “To tell you the truth, my memory is sometimes so blurry of when I was this young, but I still remember this haitang tree like it was yesterday.”
Casually, Mo Ran pulls Chu Wanning into conversation, bringing up different topics whenever one is exhausted. It makes Chu Wanning wonder: How often does Mo Ran in the future talk to Chu Wanning, for him to be able to have a conversation with Chu Wanning like this in so many hours? Perhaps, it wouldn’t be a stretch that they stay in contact, even when Mo Ran inevitably leaves. Perhaps as adults, they become friends.
Mo Ran says, “I’ve always wanted to go on a long boat ride. It doesn’t matter where, or even if I knew where I was going. I think I could still find a way to have fun.”
“What if you got lost in the water?”
“Ah, Shizun,” Mo Ran responds good-naturedly, “Don’t be so practical! Don’t you have wishful dreams like that?”
Chu Wanning rolls his eyes.
Mo Ran straightens suddenly, as if remembering something. “Shizun, you must be cold by now.” He takes hold of Chu Wanning’s hands like it’s the most casual thing in the world. He hisses. “You’re freezing! You’ll definitely catch a cold like this.”
Quickly, he envelops Chu Wanning’s hand in his. It’s different from last time, where Mo Ran had only grabbed onto a few of his fingers. With his hands being held like this, it’s easy to see that Mo Ran’s hands are much bigger than his.
... Much bigger.
Reflexively, Chu Wanning tries to pull his hand back, the contact foreign on hands that have never been held like this. Mo Ran’s grip tightens at the same time, keeping Chu Wanning’s hands stuck where they are.
Chu Wanning’s throat feels dry. “Me and you,” he starts.
Mo Ran glances at him. “Hm?”
“Me and you,” Chu Wanning says again, tongue twisting up into his own mouth. “We do this?”
“You mean hold hands?”
Jaw clenched, Chu Wanning nods once.
“Mm, I suppose Shizun could say that.”
Chu Wanning doesn’t dare to look at him.
“...Shizun?”
Boom!
The start of the fireworks would have startled Chu Wanning more, if it hadn’t been for his heart pounding so loud that he barely hears it. The two of them, if anyone saw them now, wouldn’t they assume that there’s something more happening here?
But... if Mo Ran in the future is truly with Shi Mei, why would he and Chu Wanning be doing this now? Wouldn’t it be hard to explain once Mo Ran returns?
And why would Mo Ran and Chu Wanning be holding hands in the future in the first place?
Mo Ran stares out in front of him as the last embers of the fireworks fade out, no hint that he’s even realized the inner turmoil inside Chu Wanning this whole time.
“Shizun, can I confess something to you?”
Chu Wanning takes a deep breath, as silently as he can, and looks at Mo Ran. The only light now comes from the moon, the last firework embers fizzing out into the sky. Mo Ran’s face has lost all of its teasing and humor, and instead seems more serene, more like the adult he is.
“What is it?” Chu Wanning asks carefully. He’s suddenly aware of just how late it’s gotten. This is probably the last time Chu Wanning will see Mo Ran like this before he’s replaced by a more familiar teenager, and Chu Wanning turns back into Xia Sini.
Mo Ran smiles, turning to face Chu Wanning now, face devastatingly handsome. He lets go of Chu Wanning’s hands to place a warm palm on Chu Wanning’s cheek. Chu Wanning takes the opportunity to finally take his hands back. They’re warm, but nowhere close to how unbearably his cheek is becoming under Mo Ran’s touch.
“Shizun,” Mo Ran says softly. “I wish I could have taken this loneliness from you.”
Chu Wanning tries to muster up indignation at the accusation despite its truth, but staring up at Mo Ran’s face, he finds that he can’t. “What?”
Mo Ran looks unbearably sad. “I wish I could redo these days just like this, Wanning.”
Wanning. The last time Mo Ran had called him this had been when he was asleep. Chu Wanning knows better than to assume that that meant Mo Ran ever opens his heart to him.
Or knew better.
He’s not quite sure what to make of this. Despite their closeness this day, and the way it had left Chu Wanning wrongfooted and offbeat, in discord with his regular reputation, Mo Ran — this Mo Ran— hadn’t outwardly stated what their relationship would become.
It had been enough of a balm on Chu Wanning’s heart to know that their relationship is at least looked back on fondly, for Mo Ran to look upon someone like Chu Wanning so kindly like this. Even if the person that Mo Ran ends up spending his life with is Shi Mei.
But to be called Wanning again, by this Mo Ran, Chu Wanning can’t help but come to a different conclusion. Could it... Could it be possible that Mo Ran doesn’t end up with Shi Mei at all? That somewhere along the line, Chu Wanning finally becomes worth Mo Ran’s affections, and that this Wanning is something more than a friendly call, that the hand currently on his face is more than platonic comfort...
“It’s... It’s really all my fault, Wanning. You won’t hear of it in the future, but Shizun, it’s always been a guilty wish of mine to apologize to this version of you, whether you forgive me or not. The you who was properly my Shizun, and took me in to raise and teach. I was too much of a dummy before to realize until— ah, well,” Mo Ran says.
“What’s all your fault?” Chu Wanning says. He knows better than to ask what will happen in the future, but Mo Ran seems to know that Chu Wanning is curious anyway.
“There are many things that will happen starting tomorrow,” Mo Ran pauses, lips thinning. “Things that I consider to be the worst pain I will ever have gone through, but some of the happiest moments of my life, too.”
Chu Wanning stays silent.
Almost desperately, Mo Ran says, “All of the bad things, really Shizun, all the pain is because of me.”
“And the happy moments?”
Mo Ran’s entire body seems to soften. “Shizun,” he says. “Of course, all of the happy moments are because of you.”
Mo Ran’s entire upper half is twisted towards Chu Wanning. Chu Wanning... has no idea what to do from here. Then, he notices. Despite Mo Ran’s words, the sadness in Mo Ran’s eyes is still there. In fact, it’s more present.
It’s this realization that urges Chu Wanning to speak. “Mo Ran... Mo Ran seems to be a good person, in the future.”
Mo Ran blinks. “Hm?”
“Mo Ran has given me no indication that he does something unforgivable. Any mistakes a disciple makes, it’s on his Shizun for not teaching him properly.” Chu Wanning isn’t sure where his own words are coming from. He’s never been the kind teacher who comforts children, and Mo Ran was never a child who constantly needed kind words either. It’s just... Chu Wanning doesn’t think he would be able to forget it, if Mo Ran leaves like this, thinking that there was something Chu Wanning wouldn’t forgive him for.
Until now, Chu Wanning must have caused the people around him hurt and pain in some capacity. There’s no way every good thing in the future could be attributed to him in Mo Ran’s life. In the same way, there’s no way all the bad things could be because of Mo Ran.
Even if Mo Ran as a disciple is prone to mischief, and can’t stand the sight of Chu Wanning... Irritation and annoyance is one thing, but Chu Wanning can’t imagine ever hating him.
“Whatever you do in the future, if it’s so bad that you think you won’t be forgiven for it,” Chu Wanning clears his throat. “Come see your Shizun. I will take care of it.”
Mo Ran looks as though someone has hit him. His mouth has fallen open into an ‘o’, eyes blown out wide. To Chu Wanning’s utter shock, Mo Ran’s eyes are wet. But rather than cry, Mo Ran starts to laugh. He bends over with the force of it, body hunched even closer to Chu Wanning. The noise cuts through the nighttime that’s all around them. With his free hand, he wipes at his eyes.
“Shizun,” Mo Ran says once he finally manages to catch a breath. He leans in closer. “Thank you. I’ll be sure to do that.”
Silence falls between them, but only for a moment.
“Shizun?”
“What is it now?” Chu Wanning says hotly. His eyes dart from Mo Ran’s eyes to his mouth to his chest to his lap. He’s not sure what to do with his own hands, so they sit in clenched fists on his own lap.
“I know I made a big show to Mengmeng about not letting anything about the future slip, but,” he pauses to sigh, hot air washing over Chu Wanning’s face. “As I thought, I really can’t stop myself.”
Chu Wanning doesn’t let himself breathe as Mo Ran’s face gets even closer.
“Wanning, I really,” is the last thing Mo Ran gets out before he presses their lips together.
Chu Wanning’s eyes close automatically, right before his brain implodes inside his head. He makes a soft noise against his will.
Mo Ran... there was no doubt about it this time is there? Mo Ran kissing him... Isn’t this enough proof now? — That in the future, they’re— The two of them—?
Mo Ran’s lips are gentle against him, barely moving, identical to Chu Wanning’s own frozen one.
Is there something Chu Wanning should be doing right now? All these years, Chu Wanning had not one bit of experience in this department. He has no qualifier as to what’s a good kiss, or a bad kiss, or if Mo Ran is even enjoying this at all.
He doesn’t get the chance to ask.
He feels Mo Ran smile against him.
Then, the pressure on his lips disappears.
There’s a breeze when Chu Wanning opens his eyes, and Mo Ran, the older one, is gone.
Instead, resting his head on Chu Wanning’s lap, is Mo Ran, fifteen years of age, fast asleep.
-
-
-
It’s not a new experience for Mo Ran to wake up in an unfamiliar position in their home.
He blinks the sleep out of his eyes quickly enough, and feels as though he’s lying on something rather soft and lumpy.
There’s a hand on his face. “Mo Ran. Are you awake?”
“Mm, Wanning?”
A huff. “So you’re back now.”
Back? Back from— oh, OH!
Mo Ran jumps up from where his head is on Chu Wanning’s lap, giving Chu Wanning just enough time to move his own head back before getting hit in the forehead. “I’m back?”
Chu Wanning gives him an amused look. “En.”
“Then... that plant the merchant gave us really worked?”
Chu Wanning nods. “It’s just as she said,” he confirms. “Ingesting it will take you back to a turning point in your life for a short period of time.”
“But we didn’t change anything, did we?”
Chu Wanning frowns. “You didn’t pay attention.”
Mo Ran laughs sheepishly. “Remind me?”
“It only changed small things,” Chu Wanning says. “Major events would have still played out exactly as they would if you weren’t swapped in the first place. As for memory, only those you communicated the most with would remember, and even that will fade for them with time.”
Mo Ran tenses as he realizes something. “Wanning... ah, I had forgotten it was a swap. So if I was with you on Sisheng Peak... you wouldn’t have happened to be with...”
Chu Wanning raises an eyebrow. “I had forgotten what Mo Ran could be like at that age.”
Mo Ran’s face reddens. He didn’t forget. He can’t forget. He’s reminded every few days what he can be like when Taxian Jun takes over! To this day, he still doesn’t know how Chu Wanning can soften his heart to that. But in regards to that, Mo Ran supposes there are many things about himself that he doesn’t know how Chu Wanning manages to forgive. He asks instead, “What did that brat say to you?”
“This and that,” Chu Wanning says coolly.
“Wanning,” Mo Ran says miserably. He knows how to read between Chu Wanning’s words by now. “Don’t tell me you found it funny.”
The corners of Chu Wanning’s mouth twitch. “Mo Ran was very mature once he came to terms with the situation.”
“Did he learn of what happens in the future?”
“Not particularly. I think Mo Ran assumed this was something out of his imagination, and he acted as he wished.”
“My mind was a mess back then,” Mo Ran says. Now that he thinks about it... he vaguely remembers it. He had fallen asleep for a nap that afternoon on New Year’s Eve, and had a scarily vivid dream about living a domestic life with Chu Wanning. He remembers, somewhat, panicking upon waking up at first, before realizing that at least in this dream, even though it hadn’t been real, he could treat Chu Wanning with a modicum of respect and politeness that he never had been able to back then. Chu Wanning had treated him like a child, patting his head when he was polite and giving him a sweet that ‘Mo Ran’ had made that morning, as if that had made any sense.
Mo Ran... he hadn’t hated the dream at all. What he had hated the most, instead, was how confused he was upon waking up, not only from what that dream was implicating, but how he had missed the remainder of the festivities and somehow woken up on his Shizun’s lap instead. “I hadn’t realized what my feelings were, and so I thought everything was just a dream born from that. To suddenly be in a future I had never seen before, with Wanning and I living in a little home, I never thought...”
Chu Wanning hums, “Me as well.”
“Hm?”
“I thought it was a dream,” Chu Wanning clarifies.
Mo Ran runs his tongue along his teeth. Hesitantly, he asks, “What do you think might have happened, if one of us had brought up our ‘dreams’ with each other?”
“There’s no point in thinking of such things,” Chu Wanning says.
“...Of course,” Mo Ran says eventually. “I knew that too. It’s why... I did my best not to react to Uncle or Shi Mei or... anyone else but you really, haha.”
“You moron,” Chu Wanning says softly. “To think you would spend all that time trying to apologize.”
Mo Ran looks down at his hands. “The Heavenly Rift was going to be open soon,” he says. Chu Wanning’s journey to his death was on the verge of beginning. “I wanted to make sure you knew I was sorry before that happened.”
“Mo Ran is a dummy,” Chu Wanning says simply, as though that was all there was to it.
Mo Ran sighs, chest warm with fondness. “Whatever Shizun says,” he agrees. Then, a thought comes to him, making a smile grow slowly on his face. He attempts to hide it at first, but humor outweighs his desire to save Chu Wanning’s face. “Ah, Shizun, I actually had a question for you, now that I’m thinking about it.”
Chu Wanning looks at him warily.
“Shizun, I couldn’t help but notice you back then, and especially Shizun’s reactions...”
“Spit it out.”
“Especially after, ahem, that is, after I shared my age with Shizun...”
Chu Wanning finally realizes where this is going. “No.”
Mo Ran’s grin gets impossibly wider. His heart feels so, so light. “Could it be that Shizun, hehe, that he liked the thought of this one being older than him?”
Chu Wanning looks mutinous. His flushed face gives him away.
“Shall I take Shizun’s silence as agreement?”
“Mo Ran!”
“Hehe. Shizun, you know I wouldn’t mind if you called me ‘gege’.”
Chu Wanning leans over to pinch Mo Ran’s arm.
Mo Ran starts laughing outright. “Hahaha, Shizun doesn’t have to be shy— ah, ow, Shizun, I’m, hehe, I’m sorry— Ow!”