Chapter Text
It was calmingly dark outside. The soft fog and gentle rain pattering on the roof created a soothing atmosphere that usually lulled Rebecca to sleep.
It wasn't working tonight.
All she could do was toss and turn in her childhood bedroom. The dim light filtering through the window illuminated her past in the form of posters and polaroids. She couldn't sleep here. Overwhelmed by memories, she slipped out of the house without a jacket or umbrella and made her way to her dad's old junk car. The windshield was foggy, but she wasn’t going far. If she knew anything about Cam, she wouldn’t be waiting long in the rain.
Gray.
Everything in Cam’s life seemed gray—the ceilings, the duvet, even Victoria. It used to bring comfort, but now it was keeping her awake.
It was so noticeable.
What was the last thing Reena saw?
The knocks on her door broke her out of the spiraling thoughts. She glanced at her watch. "2 a.m. ... who the hell ...?" Cam grunted softly, shifting on the couch to peek out from the curtains.
Rebecca was standing at her door, looking tired and desperate with rosy cheeks and shivering shoulders.
"Can I please come in, Cam?" Rebecca's voice was weary.
I can never say no to her. Cam made her way to the door, the old wood creaking as she opened it. Rebecca stepped forward, whispering, "I can't sleep."
Cam grabbed a glass of water and entered the bedroom. She stopped at the door frame, taken by the sight of Rebecca in her bed, looking soft and vulnerable in her pajamas, but still cold. Cam set the water on the nightstand and wordlessly grabbed one of her well-worn flannels from the closet. It wasn’t from high school, but it was similar to the type Rebecca would have stolen back then. The thought made her smile briefly before turning around.
"Becca?"
Rebecca hummed in acknowledgment, blinking her eyes open.
Cam slowly approached her. "Can you sit up for me? Just for a second."
Rebecca complied, and Cam draped the oversized flannel around her shoulders, tucking a stray lock behind her ear. "Get some rest, okay? I'll be in the living room if you need anything." Cam missed the confusion and worry on Rebecca’s face as she turned to leave. Just before reaching the door frame, she heard a soft, breathy,
"Cam?"
"Would you stay?"
"Please?"
Cam could never say no. She shrugged off her sweater and placed it on her barren dresser. Once under the covers, Cam turned off the nightstand light and lay flat on her back, staring at the gray ceiling and adjusting the gray covers. God, how pathetic am I, she thought.
"You don't have to stay over there, you know. You can touch me."
Cam turned to face the back of Rebecca's head. "What?"
"Don't pretend you don't remember, Cam ..." Met with silence, Rebecca sighed. "You told me you sleep better when holding something. When holding me ... hold me."
Cam’s breath caught in her throat. How could she remember a drunken confession from ten years ago? Without commenting, Cam followed through on yet another request, not that she was complaining. Rebecca had already backed up enough for Cam to throw an arm around her waist and tuck her nose into the back of her neck. She felt so warm and welcoming, distracting Cam from all the shit that had happened in the last few months. Cam couldn’t help but tighten her hold, pulling Rebecca closer and breathing her in.
After a few minutes, Cam noticed Rebecca's breathing hadn’t evened out. In fact, it seemed to have picked up. "Becca, is everything okay?"
"Why do you have it?" Rebecca whispered, her gaze fixed on the slightly open closet. Fuck, Gabe's suit.
"Warren, um, he asked me to give it back to you. The night I arrested him."
Silence.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you that night. I didn’t mean to do that, especially not in public. I just got ... frustrated," Cam breathed out. "Look, Becca, I can't pretend to know what's going on in your mind, but you know that Gabe and Warren are nothing alike."
"Of course I know that," Rebecca quickly answered.
She reached down to hold Cam’s hand on her hip, softly tracing the calluses on her knuckles and palm. It was a nervous tic she’d had for as long as she could remember. "But I don’t understand why it’s so crazy to see him as more than just the one horrible mistake he made."
"Becca, you’ve got to quit calling it a mistake," Cam raised her head from the back of Rebecca's neck to look at the sharp angle of her jaw.
After a moment, Rebecca answered in a strained voice, "You don’t think people can do something they wish they didn’t do?"
Cam knew what this was about. God, why did she say that? Cam stopped Rebecca’s rhythmic tracing of her hand by gently holding hers and squeezing, grounding her.
"Do you think Gabe would still be here if it wasn’t for me?" Rebecca hesitantly asked, the question announced but not taken back.
"I was a kid when I said that to you. I shouldn’t have said it. You were just a kid too."
Rebecca shifted to turn around in Cam’s arms. Without opening her eyes, she nuzzled her nose into Cam’s collarbone, feeling her heartbeat. "I feel like you still look at me that way."
Before answering, Cam threaded their legs together and reached to scratch the base of Rebecca’s neck, kissing the top of her head. "Baby, it’s been ten years. Ten years of not talking about any of this with you, of thinking I’d never see you again, of replaying everything."
Rebecca shuddered against her sternum.
"It wasn’t your fault. It’s not on you, and I never should have said it was. I’m sorry that for ten years you’ve been hearing me say that to you."
Cam ignored the dampness on her chest and only tightened her arms around Rebecca.
"It’s okay. I’ve got you."