Chapter Text
“I’m not... like you.”
Sana sighed deeply and leaned back. “We’re in a fucking attic, Jennie.”
“And?”
Shifting slightly closer, Sana placed her arm on the back of the old couch and raised her eyebrow at Jennie’s reddening cheeks.
“You can’t even be honest with yourself when it’s just me?” She captured a lock of dark brown hair and twirled it around her finger. “There’s no one here. No one to tell you what to feel. No one to tell you who to love and how to love them. And even then, you’re going to let them win?”
Jennie let out a dry laugh. “And what else can I do? Even when I acted the way they wanted, I still messed up. And now I just… I just can’t.”
“You can’t? Even when you want to?”
“I want to. I want it so badly. But I can’t… I’m not...” Jennie bit her lip hard and shook her head repeatedly. She could feel tears of frustration building up.
The lines were starting to blur. All this time, Jennie never had to lie. The claims people threw around about her were unfounded. Locking away that part of herself had always given her peace of mind, knowing there wasn’t anything they could find to prove it even existed.
But if she crossed that line tonight, there was no going back. She’d give all those people what they were dying to prove true.
“It’s okay darling, do whatever feels right to you,” Sana said soothingly.
Sana’s thumb drew slow circles on her exposed collarbone, and her fingers gently rubbed the back of her shoulder. Jennie’s breath hitched, and suddenly all she was aware of was Sana’s touch. All she could hear was Sana’s sweet voice whispering reassuring words. All she could focus on were Sana’s pink lips.
It was so, so unfair. They were right in front of her. So fucking tempting. The kind of temptation Jennie avoided her entire life. But in that moment, Jennie wanted nothing more than to crash her lips onto Sana’s inviting mouth.
So that’s exactly what she did.
Before she knew it, Jennie was pushing herself on top of the other girl, kissing her like it was the last time she’d have the courage to do it.
Apartment hunting was not easy.
Jennie had very quickly come to that realisation as soon as she began her search for a new place. Years ago, between her arrival in Seoul and her move-in with Taeyang, Jennie had stayed at the first cheap accommodation she came across. It was a one-bedroom flat which consisted of just her bedroom, a tiny bathroom, and a corner for kitchen appliances. Lisa’s apartment was a mansion in comparison. However, her priority at the time had been finding a decent job – living in a shitty flat had been the least of her concerns.
When they decided to move in together, Taeyang was surprisingly good at getting exactly what they needed. Jennie had not been too worried considering that both their wages were more than enough to find a nice house to rent, and Taeyang being a driver meant that transport was not a big concern either.
Now, Jennie was alone and with half the budget. And unlike the first time, she was definitely not going to settle for a shitty flat just for the cheap rent.
“This is ridiculous,” Jennie huffed.
While she might have been selective, most of the online listings she found contained some sort of bad sign. Jennie wasn’t willing to settle for just any apartment, but she also didn’t have that many options.
“What’s wrong with this one?”
“Carpet,” Jennie muttered, scrolling through the pictures one by one.
Usually, the photos were a lot more useful than the biased descriptions offered by the letting agents. Jennie was not a fool. A bedroom was not going to become magically comfier with soft velvety carpet under her feet. “They are a pain to maintain and clean, and a very dumb flooring choice in general.”
“Right. Carpet is bad. Got it.”
It wasn’t just about the interiors. Jennie also closely looked at the location of each place on the city map to check if there was a feasible route to work. Factors such as distance from public transport stations were much more important now than when she moved in with Taeyang.
“At this rate you’ll never leave Chaeyoung,” Lisa commented in amusement.
Apartment hunting was hard as it was, so Jennie opted to have a third-party opinion on her choices to make her decision slightly easier. Lisa seemed to approve of any apartment though, which unfortunately clashed with Jennie’s picky tendencies.
“Okay, but look,” Jennie turned the laptop on her legs until it faced Lisa. She pointed at one of the pictures on the screen and looked back at the other girl with expectant eyes. “Do you see that?”
Being the angel she was, Lisa actually squinted and stared carefully at the photo of the bathroom that Jennie presented up-close. Jennie still held her finger on the top of the picture, waiting for some sort of acknowledgement.
“I don’t see anything.”
Jennie sighed.
She stretched her arm further and moved her fingers on the mousepad to zoom in on the top left, specifically on the corner of the bathroom where the shower was located.
“Do you see it now?”
“What is it? Paint?”
“It’s mould, Lisa. On the ceiling.”
Lisa moved her face closer to the screen. Jennie found herself staring at her changing expression, showing a brief splash of satisfaction once she found exactly what Jennie had been referring to.
“Ah-ha! I see it.”
“Yeah,” Jennie let out quietly. Lisa had not moved, her face was right in front of her while Jennie still held the laptop.
Well, needless to say that Jennie’s thoughts had been all over the place since the time she went out with Lisa. After that night, she started to pay attention to things she wouldn’t have before – like the way Lisa always complained of being tired from work but insisted that Jennie stayed with her. Or that she used that whiney voice of hers to get what she wanted that Jennie had learnt to find incredibly cute. Or the fact that Lisa lived by herself but started to have two sets of basic tableware outside her cupboards just in case Jennie wanted to stay for dinner.
But more than anything, Jennie had started to feel things that she definitely shouldn’t feel. Because she shouldn’t be wondering what would happen if Lisa was to turn towards her and away from the screen, and she should not be feeling warm just thinking about it. No, Jennie should not be thinking about how naturally pretty and attractive Lisa was, not when she had already complimented the girl multiple times with no further purpose.
Jennie was in trouble for sure.
“Is it that big of an issue?”
“Huh?” Jennie cleared her throat and turned the laptop back to her once Lisa moved away. “Well, yes. Absolutely.”
“It’s like the size of my thumb.”
“Sure, that was its size when this photo was taken for this listing. But do you really think it’s still that small? Or that they’ll bother to take care of it properly before I move in?”
“Uhm, no?”
“Exactly.” Jennie closed the current tab and returned to the online catalogue. “Next.”
Even with all the nitpicking, their evening had not been that unsuccessful. After spending time criticising a lot of places over and over, Jennie identified a couple of good apartments that she saved for eventual in-person viewing.
Throughout the process, Jennie could tell that Lisa was trying her best to keep up with her commentary. She was actively listening and agreeing with everything Jennie said, but that was mostly due to the fact that she didn’t really have high requirements for a good apartment. Jennie didn’t want to drag her search for longer than necessary, so she soon put away her laptop when she reached a few promising options.
Eventually, Lisa asked her to stay for dinner like she always did, and Jennie found it harder than usual to stop herself from immediately blurting out a yes. She didn’t want to sound weirdly eager when she generally insisted that she should leave.
And in all honesty, Jennie just wanted to sit down and eat ramen with Lisa and pretend that all her issues were a figment of her imagination.
As Lisa cooked, Jennie didn’t think that joining her in the kitchen would have been a smart idea since it was a rather small space. Being in close proximity with the other girl was not safe anymore for her own heart. The distance did not seem to bother Lisa in the slightest given that they continued to talk as if they were in the same room, with Lisa yelling and laughing out loud when she needed to be heard.
Every now and then, Lisa would leave the stove and step into the doorway (since, again, there was not a door). She’d lean her shoulder on the side of the doorframe and speak with her arms crossed in such a relaxed posture that Jennie could not look away from her even if she wanted. The sleeves of Lisa’s shirt were always rolled up to her elbows while she cooked, which never fazed Jennie until she began to overanalyse everything and ended up finding it rather attractive. It was absurd, really. Everything about Lisa started to catch Jennie’s attention so easily.
It was dangerous territory. Jennie could not even begin to figure out what Lisa must have been thinking.
“Does it bother you?”
“Does what bother me?”
Lisa’s eyes briefly scanned her small living room, avoiding Jennie’s lost gaze. “My house. It’s really… not that great, right?”
Jennie shrugged. “It’s fine. Why should it bother me?”
“If you ever saw pictures of a place like this online, you would tear it apart like you did with all those other ones, wouldn’t you?” Lisa laughed quietly.
Jennie furrowed her brows slightly.
“I’ve only been selective because my situation is good enough for me to do so. That doesn’t mean that the apartments I’ve discarded were bad, they were just not what I wanted. Your house is more than fine.”
“You don’t have to be nice about it,” Lisa chuckled. “I know this place is falling apart. I’m just surprised you keep wanting to stick around. Like, before you met me… I’m sure pre-breakup Jennie Kim would not want to hang around fast-food shops.”
“You just said it. I didn’t know you then.”
“And I lowered your standards?”
“No.” Jennie paused, thinking really carefully on how to word her answer without sounding weird about it. “I don’t exactly stick around for the fast-food or your house, Lisa.”
Lisa tilted her head confused. “Then what?”
Jennie always spoke very highly of Lisa, but in that moment, she wanted nothing more than to facepalm and let the ground swallow her alive. How much more obvious did she need to be before she started making a fool out of herself?
“I don’t know,” she mumbled. “Maybe the fast-food shop worker and the house tenant herself?”
Lisa must have got the hint as she stood up straighter, pushing away from the doorframe and uncrossing her arms. “Oh. Right, yeah. Makes sense.”
It was clear that there was nothing wrong with Jennie’s answer; it was objectively innocent. They became friends, and while Jennie enjoyed burgers and fries occasionally, the main reason she came around was to see Lisa.
Purely logical, with the exception of the slight shift of Jennie’s feelings from being purely platonic to becoming… a little more than that.
When Lisa returned to the stove, Jennie thought that perhaps it was best to wait until the attraction or… whatever she was feeling started to dissipate.
It wouldn’t be the first time she did it, after all. When she was younger, she had to suppress any romantic feelings she developed for girls until she could act like they never existed. Back then, it was to protect her image. But now, she just didn’t want to lose the friendship she had with Lisa.
“It’s ready!”
They were going to be fine.
Lisa sat down next to her like always. They kept eye contact while speaking, as usual. They had a shared tissue to wipe the few drops of ramen soup that fell on top of the table, and sometimes they reached for it at the same time, but their hands touched only for a split second. They also had separate glasses with their respective drinks, but Lisa always finished hers first, so Jennie would eventually let her take sips from her own glass. Nothing had changed between them.
Everything would be just fine if Jennie could keep acting like her heart was not beating like crazy.
----
The viewing appointments for the apartments were not hard to obtain. Jennie simply had to make a few phone calls with each landlord and charm her way into getting a viewing date that was not weeks away. That included making them believe that the apartment she needed to arrange a viewing for was the one she wanted the most.
Chaeyoung was more than happy to tag along and scrutinise every inch of each place. In her own words, she just wanted to ensure that Jennie got the best of the best.
To Jennie’s great surprise, the apartments she chose were mostly very promising. There were a few alarming signs here and there, such as bathroom walls with fresh coatings of paint to hide whatever monstrosity lay underneath. Jennie knew that letting agents were trained to sell her the dream, but she was smart enough to see through their bullshit.
While she had some good viewings, the appointment she was most looking forward to had, ironically, the most annoying letting agent she had met.
The woman was a very elegant lady. She had long, wavy hair that neatly cascaded down her back, not a single lock out of place. Like all the other agents that Jennie had the displeasure to meet, she had this forcefully wide smile that made Jennie feel somewhat uncomfortable.
Jennie tried to understand. She really did. But that particular agent was simply driving her insane.
“Come on in Jennifer, this is the master bedroom.”
First of all, Jennie’s name was not short for Jennifer. It had taken every ounce of self-control not to snap at the lady when she kept using the wrong name. Chaeyoung’s snickering prompted Jennie to shoot a few glares at her friend, but at least one of them was finding the situation amusing.
When the agent introduced herself as Stephanie, enthusiastically bringing up the fact that she was raised in the US, Jennie had merely nodded in acknowledgement. “Please, feel free to call me Steph,” she had said at some point. Jennie didn’t really care, but she got the memo.
When Steph started to call her Jennifer though, Jennie didn’t bother to waste her energy correcting her. Unfortunately, she had to deal with the consequences of her own actions.
The viewing didn’t last that long, but Jennie really liked the apartment. Steph had to overexaggerate the positives (such as the natural sunrise lighting from the large windows that would supposedly energise Jennie for the day), but everything that Jennie wanted was there. The bedrooms were nice, the bathroom was clean, and most importantly, it had a room that would make the perfect home design studio.
“I’m not one to gossip,” Steph giggled on their way out, “but rumour has it that there are some VIPs living in this building. Might want to keep a notepad and pen around.”
----
With her living situation settled, Jennie had hoped to enjoy the few weeks she had left in Chaeyoung’s place and have some girl time with her best friend.
Of course, Chaeyoung had to leave her stranded in Korea while she visited her family in Australia.
“I don’t feel very loved right now.” Jennie did sulk a little. Just a little.
Chaeyoung had the nerve to laugh at her. “I’ll be back in literally three days. You’ll be just fine.”
Jennie huffed on the phone, making sure that Chaeyoung could hear her. “I don’t even know what I’m gonna do now. My weekend plans are ruined.”
Chaeyoung hummed thoughtfully on the other end of the line. “Invite Lisa over? That could be fun.”
At the mention of the familiar name, Jennie felt like she had to hold her breath to stop the nervous feeling in her stomach. Damn, she was nowhere near as composed as she thought.
“I don’t know, she might be busy.”
“Come on Jen, she’s never busy for you.”
Jennie had to roll her eyes at the clear teasing tone. She really couldn’t hide anything from her friend, not even when she was in a whole different country.
With a little more convincing, Jennie had finally resigned to give in and follow her gut. She hoped that Lisa was actually willing to come over since it’d be the first time that they would go to Jennie’s place instead of hers.
While she had Lisa’s number, Jennie hoped that showing up in person might make her proposal a little more persuasive.
When she checked old messages, Jennie groaned as she read that Lisa’s manager would be on shift until the late evening, but she figured that letting the kid deter her from the place just with her presence would make her seem weak.
With that thought in mind, Jennie walked into Kim’s Fried Chicken and Burgers with the toughest look she could muster, ensuring that all signs of tiredness were hidden away.
But as soon as she stepped inside, her facial features softened immediately at the familiar face greeting her.
“Lia?”
Since they had extended Lia’s internship to a graduate position for the next year, Jennie had been seeing her more often at the studio. However, she couldn’t help but think this was a rather unlikely place to meet outside of work.
The named girl looked away from a very perplexed Ryujin and immediately jumped out of her seat to bow politely like she always did.
“Miss Kim! What a surprise to see you here! I didn’t expect you to frequent a place like this.”
The pink-haired manager narrowed her eyes as she looked at Jennie from head to toe. She wisely opted not to speak a word like she usually would have done, but her signature glare remained. Jennie ignored her in favour of not ruining her good boss image.
“I’m just here to meet a friend, that’s all.” Jennie returned Lia’s bright grin with a kind smile of her own. “And you? What brings you here?”
The younger girl’s cheeks flushed as she glanced down at the seated manager. She stood closer to her and let a hand rest on Ryujin’s back as she returned her eyes on Jennie.
“This is Shin Ryujin, my girlfriend.” Lia then motioned towards Jennie and introduced her, not knowing that the two had already met. “Ryujin, this is Jennie Kim! You know her, right? The super-talented designer I went to see in New York?”
Jennie suppressed a smirk when Ryujin intentionally avoided her gaze as her girlfriend started listing endless praises about the designer that she admired the most. How unfortunate that said designer happened to be the woman she pissed off and called an old lady.
“It’s nice to meet you, Jennie Kim.” Her tone was particularly soft, Jennie had to acknowledge the effort.
“Likewise, Ryujin.”
Lia had taken over the conversation after that, with her girlfriend returning behind the counter to carry on with her shift. Jennie had not missed the few times she glanced at their table, immediately looking away as soon as Jennie challenged her stare.
A few minutes after, Lia received a call from her mother and got ready to leave. After saying her goodbyes to Jennie and kissing a blushing Ryujin on the cheek, she was gone.
“Well, well, well.” Jennie finally felt like she had the upper hand with the infuriating girl. Oh, how she wished that she had found out sooner that her intern had the mighty manager wrapped around her finger. “Who would have thought? My sweet intern and the girl that cannot tolerate my presence. The world is so small, don’t you think, Shin Ryujin?”
Unlike the previous times they met, the pink-haired girl tried her very best to keep her temper at bay. She was doing an incredible job at it, Jennie noted.
“Listen, don’t… I mean, in case you’re thinking about it,” she started quietly, “don’t let anything I’ve done to you affect how you treat Jisu. This job means the world to her.”
Jennie crossed her arms and leaned comfortably on her seat, looking up at the girl with a raised eyebrow. The hesitation and vulnerability in her request were very unexpected.
“What kind of tyrant do you think I am? Unlike you, she’s a lovely girl to have around.”
“Oh, I am aware of that. My girlfriend, remember?”
The smugness remained, but Jennie was just happy that the harshness in her tone had completely disappeared. Whether or not it was a genuine change, Jennie did not know.
“Have you been together long? Lia told me she’s been doing her studies abroad.”
“Yeah, uh,” Jennie could swear that Ryujin was getting shy. “I’ve actually known her since we were kids, but we only started dating in high school.”
That was indisputably cute. Jennie had never believed that childhood sweethearts ever lasted, mainly because the thought of her high school boyfriends made her want to throw up. Regardless of that, she was still a sucker for successful romance stories, even when half of the couple was not her biggest fan (while the other half certainly held that title). Besides, if they could survive the distance at such a young age, they probably could survive anything.
“That’s nice,” Jennie commented sincerely. “Did you know who I was?”
“Did it sound like I did?” Ryujin actually laughed. Like a carefree, genuine laugh. Jennie really underestimated the perks of being someone’s girlfriend’s career idol.
“I guess not.”
“And to be fair, you did act very weirdly for being a total stranger. Asking personal questions and loitering outside.”
“I was not loitering, okay? I just didn’t know how to contact Lisa at the time.” She paused and pointed at the girl accusingly. “And you didn’t help with the attitude.”
Ryujin just shrugged, not taking offence. “Touché. But speaking of Lisa, she’s not here today.”
“She’s not?” Jennie pulled out her phone to check the screenshot of Lisa’s text. “On Monday she said she would be working today.”
“Yeah, she was supposed to. But she came in yesterday morning for a last-minute cover shift, so I gave her the day off. Pretty sure she’s still home, though.”
----
It took some effort to drag Lisa out of her house on her day off.
Jennie had knocked on the door politely, ready to charm her way into an impromptu invite to hang out. And yet Lisa just had to greet her in comfy home clothes, with her hair wet from a recent shower and a white towel hanging around her neck.
Being in awe of Lisa’s home look was not really playing in her favour. Jennie had forgotten the entire persuasive speech that she had planned in her head. All the words were gone at the sight of Lisa with her bright wide eyes as soon as she opened the door.
Lisa had tried to argue with her. Well, tried was a bit of a stretch since she had given in as soon as Jennie said “Lisa, please?” in the cutest tone she could muster, knowing that even Lisa could not say no.
“I don’t understand why we didn’t just stay at my house.”
“We could have, but it’s nice to switch it up, don’t you think?”
“I guess,” Lisa sighed, pushing the shopping trolley slowly as she followed Jennie along. “Can we get ice cream?”
“Really? It’s not that hot today.”
They made a brief stop at the supermarket so that Jennie could refill Chaeyoung’s empty fridge. It eventually ended up being a good opportunity to add a few snacks for their evening.
“Ice cream is good for the heart, don’t you know?”
“I thought your best friend was a doctor. Are you sure she’s telling you the right stuff?”
“Ha, very funny.”
Jennie paused briefly at the alcohol section. She glanced at the various glass bottles and scanned the labels. “Up for drinking tonight?”
Lisa casually stepped closer to Jennie and stood next to her, leaning her elbows on the side of the trolley.
“Whoa, this is like, the fancy stuff.”
“And they’re not even that good,” Jennie muttered.
“Hmm, we could just go with soju? I have work tomorrow, but-”
“Hold on.” Jennie’s attention was quickly drawn to a very familiar face walking past their aisle. “Nayeon!”
The named girl halted and turned around confused, but soon matched Jennie’s delight.
Im Nayeon was an old friend. Jennie had known her longer than anyone else in her circle of friends as Nayeon was the only person she had kept in contact with after she left high school. She didn’t see her as often as Chaeyoung, but Jennie still loved her dearly.
After exchanging hugs and pleasantries, Nayeon did not beat around the bush for long. “So? How have you been doing? Seeing anyone new after that pathetic loser?”
Jennie forced a smile. “I’ve been on a few dates, but nothing serious so far.”
“You’ll see, the right one will come around.” Nayeon’s eyes shifted and landed right on Lisa, finally noticing that Jennie had not been shopping alone. “And who…?”
“Oh. This is Lalisa Manoban, a friend.”
Lisa merely offered a small smile and a polite bow, although the black cap she wore made it harder to see her facial expressions.
Nayeon returned the bow as Jennie introduced her, but something about her perplexed gaze made Jennie feel somewhat awkward.
“Is… everything okay?”
“Huh? Yeah, yeah, I just…” Nayeon briefly glanced at Lisa, but her eyes returned to Jennie with the usual warmth. “It’s nothing. I’ll call you soon!”
“Uh sure, yeah, see you.”
Jennie gave Nayeon one more hug before the girl left. But as she walked away, Jennie didn’t miss the final look that Nayeon shot in Lisa’s direction.
It had been a rather weird exchange, but Lisa did not appear to be fazed by it. While they continued with their shopping, Jennie had even questioned if Lisa had met Nayeon before, but the girl had denied the idea very quickly.
While it might have left her with a weird feeling in her stomach, Jennie didn’t bring it up again.
----
Upon entering Jennie’s (temporary) home for the first time, Lisa immediately let out a low wow.
If Jennie was to lay all her cards on the table, she would admit that she had spent the majority of her morning cleaning up the place after she had followed Chaeyoung’s suggestion to invite Lisa over. There wasn’t much to tidy up in the first place, but Jennie did not want to come across as nervously giddy with anticipation.
Because Jennie was definitely not feeling giddy – not at all, not even a trace, cool as a cucumber one might say.
“I’d give you a tour but there’s not much to see. The bathroom is on the far left if you need it,” Jennie said while pointing at one of the doors.
“I’m guessing the light switch is inside as well?” Lisa said humorously, reminding Jennie of the first time she visited Lisa’s house.
And just like Jennie had done back then, Lisa had taken her sweet time admiring every little detail of Chaeyoung’s apartment. Sadly for her, there was not a single framed picture of Jennie to overanalyse.
“When are you moving to the new place?”
“I signed the lease and paid the deposit, but I’m waiting for Chaeyoung to come back first before moving.”
“Need any help?”
“Would you make time on your busy schedule for me?” Jennie laughed as she carried their shopping in the kitchen.
“I mean, I’m never busy for you, am I?”
Lisa’s reply had come in a completely nonchalant manner, but Jennie almost dropped a soju bottle at the repetition of Chaeyoung’s exact comment. She had not been in the wrong, after all.
Their night was not much different from the usual evenings spent at Lisa’s apartment. They decided to watch a popular dating reality show instead of a movie, much to Lisa’s dismay. Jennie insisted that it was a lot more fun for commentary purposes, and she was soon proven right by Lisa’s continuous criticism of the contestants' dumb decisions.
Jennie decided to cook their dinner instead of ordering takeout like she had initially planned. They had bought enough groceries for a homemade meal, so it only made sense. But more than anything, Lisa just seemed really excited to try Jennie’s cooking, and how could Jennie ever say no? She liked the praises, and she liked Lisa’s attention.
Further into the night, around the fourth or fifth episode, Jennie started to realise that Lisa probably drank a lot more than she did. Her cheeks were flushed, and she constantly giggled right after saying something about the events on the screen. Jennie was definitely more sober – not completely, but still clear-headed. She just hoped that the comments she made in her head about Lisa being absolutely adorable remained in her thoughts.
“This is really, really, really dumb.” Lisa pointed at the screen, although the scene had already passed. “He doesn’t like her! And she doesn’t like him!” Jennie could swear that Lisa was pouting. “But they went on a date?”
By that point, Jennie had forgotten most of the show. She could barely remember what Lisa was referring to. A girl had been rejected by every guy since the first episode, but she persisted with flirting excessively whenever she got the chance. A new guy had been introduced a few minutes ago, and apparently the single girl had been his main pick. It was visibly clear that neither of the two were interested in being together. Jennie had watched enough reality TV to know that they were pretending just to stay in the game.
“Yeah, that’s how dating shows work.”
“They don’t work. They're, like, stupid.”
Jennie finished the remainder of the soju in her shot glass. “You know what? You’re right. Dating is stupid.”
Lisa tilted her head back until it rested completely on the back of the sofa. She stared dreamily at the ceiling, while Jennie could only look at Lisa’s perfect side profile.
“Then…” she said quietly, “why do you date?”
Jennie couldn’t stop her snort. Lisa sounded dead serious despite being drunk. To her surprise, Lisa didn’t break out in laughter like Jennie expected. Jennie supposed that perhaps it was a question that had been on Lisa’s mind for a while.
“I don’t even know anymore,” she sighed. “It’s not like it’s working, I never go on a second date. Seems like the perfect person is not out there.”
“I think that… it doesn’t have to work.” Lisa then paused, and quickly clarified herself, “well, that’s what I think. It might not be what you think.”
Jennie leaned her elbow on the back of the sofa and looked at the other girl with nothing but fondness in her eyes. Maybe the alcohol was having an effect on her too. Her feelings were surely amplified.
“You think I’m never going to meet someone good enough?”
“No, I mean – organically, there are no perfect people in this world, Jennie.” Some of the words were mumbled, but Jennie never thought that Lisa would have a coherent argument in her inebriated state. Certainly, she didn’t expect Lisa to turn her head and stare at her the way she did.
Without Jennie noticing, Lisa had reached for one of her hands. Jennie let their fingers loosely interlace as Lisa pulled her hand on her lap, looking down at it as she started playing with her fingers.
“But there’s going to be that one person who will make you want everything… their good, their bad, and their ugly. It doesn’t have to be someone you’re looking for… maybe it’s just someone you find.” Lisa glanced up at the screen and weakly motioned towards it. “Like those people. They say they have a type but then go after someone who’s nothing like it. Then someone new comes in and they like them more. And that keeps happening until… they find the one.”
“Kinda like finding the perfect person, no?”
“No, no. Like finding your person.” Lisa held up a single finger from Jennie’s hand and stared at it, as if that somehow symbolised what she was trying to say. She then added in a whisper, “They were not your person, Jennie.”
And by they, Jennie knew she was referring to everyone she had been dating.
It was an interesting thought. Someone could have all the characteristics of her ideal partner, but that didn’t necessarily mean that they’d make a good match if they got together. There were too many factors to consider when it came to a successful relationship. Jennie had spent most of her dating time trying to understand why a certain person wasn’t right for her, but at the same time, she was probably not going to be right for them either.
Perhaps, that was also why it didn’t work out with Taeyang.
“Okay. I think I get it.” Jennie smiled and unconsciously reached up to fix Lisa’s untidy locks of hair. “So… what’s the conclusion? You don’t want me to date?”
“I want you to be happy.”
It was silent for a moment. Jennie tried to search for an answer in Lisa’s eyes, anything to hint at something more. But in reality, nothing had changed. Lisa had that kind smile, one that she offered every time Jennie was not feeling okay.
Jennie said nothing. Lisa didn’t mind the silence, although she stopped watching the TV entirely. One moment she was focusing on Jennie, and the next she was struggling to keep awake.
Clearly, there was not going to be a further explanation.
Lisa was quite stubborn, Jennie had learnt that night. She had done her very best to help the other girl walk to her bedroom while she was half asleep, but Lisa still managed to mumble a few words of protest. She had work, Jennie was aware, but she was in no condition to make her way home in that state. A sober Lisa would have probably been more cooperative.
There wasn’t really much thought behind giving up her own bedroom. Jennie just assumed that it was the most respectful thing to do. She would never let a guest sleep on the sofa, and she didn’t feel comfortable letting Lisa take Chaeyoung’s bedroom while she was not home.
When the edge of the bed touched the back of Lisa’s legs, the girl let herself fall back onto the mattress, letting out a deep sigh with her eyes closed.
“Do you want to change clothes?”
Lisa moved her head side to side, a clear no. Jennie sighed and sat on the side of the bed, pulling the duvet from Lisa’s feet to cover her up to the waist.
Suddenly, Lisa grabbed her arm and opened her eyes slightly. “I have… work.”
“I know. You can still make it from here.”
“Alarm. On the phone.”
Jennie briefly touched the top of Lisa’s pockets to find the device, but they were empty. Lisa giggled though, feeling ticklish from the light touch.
Remembering earlier moments, Jennie walked back out into the living room and found Lisa’s phone on the sofa. She pressed the unlock button, not surprised to discover that the device was secured by a PIN. The lock screen displayed a picture of a white and grey cat, which was quite predictable.
Walking back to her bedroom, she noticed that Lisa’s eyes were back to being shut, but Jennie called her name regardless. Lisa didn’t like being woken up, not even when she was technically still awake. Jennie dipped her knee on the mattress, hovering over the half-asleep girl and repeatedly nudging her.
“You said you need your phone!”
A few whines and childish complaints later, Lisa pulled at Jennie’s arm, making her lose balance immediately. Jennie found herself trapped between Lisa’s arms, but she was honestly too tired to get back up. She made herself comfortable until her back was flat against Lisa’s front, with the latter’s arms loosely hugging her shoulders.
Jennie blew away the strands of hair covering her face, bringing Lisa’s phone closer. “Okay. I guess I’ll do it for you, big baby.”
“M’not a baby,” Lisa said grumpily in return.
Without the passcode, Jennie was left with no choice but to grab Lisa’s right thumb and press it on the fingerprint reader to unlock the device. The home screen still had the famous white and grey cat, but Jennie’s focus was entirely on Lisa smiling brightly as she presumably held the phone up to take a selfie with the cat, who was looking in a completely different direction.
“This is so cute,” she gushed.
Now that she thought about it, she had never taken a single picture with Lisa. Somehow, they had never been on the same frame.
Before setting up Lisa’s alarms, Jennie opened the camera app and set it on selfie mode. She raised her arm up to a decent angle until Lisa was also in the frame, although sadly she had her eyes closed.
Jennie winked and held up her free hand forming a peace sign, turning slightly towards Lisa until their heads gently touched. Given that both girls were a mess, the photo turned out pretty great.
Not fully trusting Lisa to keep the picture on her phone without dying of embarrassment, Jennie made sure to open the message chat with her name and send it to herself.
And in that moment, Jennie noticed that Lisa had set a contact picture for her from the time they went to the Thai restaurant together. Jennie just wanted a few pictures to post on her Instagram, but she was surprised that Lisa had kept the ones she had asked her to take. And all at once, her heart started to feel warm again.
“Damn it, Lisa.” She sighed as she opened her alarms like she was supposed to. “What time do you have to wake up?”
Lisa hummed tiredly. “Nine.”
Jennie subsequently selected the alarms as she would have done on her own phone.
8:45 a.m.
8:50 a.m.
8:55 a.m.
9:00 a.m.
“Done.”
With some effort, Jennie slid out of Lisa’s hold and sat up on the bed, picking up her charger and plugging it into Lisa’s phone. Upset by the sudden change in position, Lisa opened her eyes once again, this time with a trace of annoyance. “Already?”
Jennie nodded. She left the phone on her bedside table and turned to face Lisa again, fixing the duvet like she had done the first time. “It’s bedtime.”
She didn’t get to leave. Lisa wrapped her hand around her wrist and held her down. She didn’t use a lot of strength, but it was enough for Jennie to stop moving.
“What’s up?”
“Jennie…”
With the way Lisa held her hand between hers so gently, Jennie wasn’t exactly sure why she started feeling nervous.
“Jennie, are you happy?”
There was a certain fragility in the question. Jennie couldn’t figure it out. Why would Lisa care?
But mostly, why did Jennie like it so much? She liked that Lisa cared. She liked Lisa’s attention. She liked the thought of being on Lisa’s mind. She wanted Lisa to think about her the same way Jennie couldn’t stop thinking about her too.
And maybe Lisa wouldn’t remember her answer, or any of the things she had said that night. But Jennie still wanted her to know. In their little bubble, where she could pretend to have it all figured out.
“Yeah,” she whispered. “You make me happy.”
----
By the time Jennie woke up, Lisa had already left the house. The hangover tablets were gone too, along with the full water bottle Jennie had left the night before.
Like every morning, Jennie checked her phone for any emails, but to her great surprise, she had a couple of missed calls from Nayeon. It was rather weird since Nayeon didn’t normally call more than once if her calls were not answered. She always waited until Jennie got back to her.
Noticing new messages in their chat, Jennie opened the unread texts.
Im Nayeon
Jennie this might be weird but you know that girl that was with you yesterday
07:33
It wasn’t the first time Jennie made her way to Lisa’s workplace unannounced. Lisa didn’t like when she barged in and yelled at the first person she saw, like she had done before.
Jennie supposed that maybe this time it was justified.
Im Nayeon
Lalisa Manoban, you said? Well, the name sounded very familiar for some reason
07:33
Jennie had been so, so stupid. How could her memory fail her like that? How did she not realise? Lisa’s vague answers had never been an issue. Would Jennie have found out sooner if she had been more scrutinous?
Im Nayeon
So I kinda spent hours last night asking around to see where I knew her from
07:33
Lisa was there when she walked in. Her eyes grew a little wide in shock. She probably didn’t expect her.
Jennie didn’t expect it either.
Im Nayeon
And – guess what? Dahyun said she went to our school! But hear me out, yeah
07:34
It was a little too similar to that first night. Jennie had nothing but a hard stare, not a single hint of a smile like what Lisa had grown accustomed to. It was a sight she had not witnessed in a long while.
But Jennie didn’t care about the audience, nor about Ryujin staring blankly at her.
She walked up to the front counter, right across from Lisa.
“You confessed to me.”
She saw it. The instant apprehension in Lisa’s eyes, the flash of panic. She knew.
“Jennie…“
“In my last year of high school—you’re the girl that confessed to me.”
----