Chapter Text
Tul
Tul knows one thing about himself and it’s that his heart is a very vulnerable thing. He has had heartbreaks, he had fallen in love with the wrong people, he has been rejected and he has rejected people as well. But Tul has never fallen for his enemies. That’s a line he never deemed necessary to cross partly because when he hated someone it ruined their image for him. And partly because he has never hated someone so consumingly as he hated Garn. He realised gradually that he couldn’t really call it hate anymore, it was more of envy. It’s why this whole ordeal made him so hesitant to reach out, to give and and to take that leap of faith that his wretched heart oh so badly wanted.
Tul arrived back home, leaving immediately in the morning before Garn could even realise. He slipped out of his apartment like a one night stand but Garn had also made it clear that he didn’t want to be disturbed.
Tul on the other hand was going crazy in his head thinking about everything that had happened last night. From the confessional apologies to the almost kiss that had happened between them. It left Tul rattled to his core. There was no way that Garn liked him. It’s Just fucking stupid of him to think that. Besides was it really this easy to forget the past and fall for someone you didn’t want to even look at?
Tul couldn’t take it anymore, he whipped his phone out, dialing his best friend.
“Tul!” Poom’s voice came from the other side like a warm blanket. Poom looked so much better than he was a few days back. He almost forgot that he was supposed to smack the teeth off Mork’s face for hurting his best friend. Poom must have noticed Tul’s mood as he raised a brow in question.
“Whats up?” Tul tried to act normal but Poom had already caught up on his shit.
“Spill. Right now,”
“It’s about Garn,” Tul said reluctantly. “Yesterday he got drunk, fought someone who said I was a nepo brat and then indirectly apologized for calling me the same. So I took his drunk ass back to his home and we ended up…”
Tul scratched his neck, feeling his cheek warm up as he thought about last night.
“Well don’t keep me in suspense!” Poom snapped him out of his embarrassment.
“We shared a bed and almost kissed but I pulled back.” Tul ranted it out in one breath, leaving his friend’s eyes wide open.
“Wait, give me a second,” Poom said staring at the screen in shock. Tul pursed his lips, turning his head away from the screen in embarrassment.
“Um, first off. Are you fucking stupid? Why did you pull away?” Poom sounded exasperated. “And second of all, why are you being so difficult on yourself.”
“I’m not! It’s just that, I don’t know if it was just a drunk decision om his side and I didn’t want to wake up with regret,”
“Well, don’t you regret rejecting him? Isn’t that why you called?”
“I am- okay fine, I do regret but Poom, I just feel so conflicted. How can I suddenly like him?”
Poom looked at Tul like he had grown horns. There was a long set of silence between them before Poom burst out laughing.
“Y-you think it’s sudden?” Poom said and laughed harder leaving Tul gwaking at him. “I have seen you two flirt like that for ages! It was long overdue.”
Tul rolled his eyes at Poom, he was just saying bullshit at this point. Long overdue? Nonsense.
“Listen, Tul,” Poom’s voice softened. “I can understand that you feel conflicted, but you should be easy on yourself. I understand your apprehension but sometimes…it’s best to not overthink and let things take their course.”
Tul felt an unsettling feeling as he listened to Poom speak. His friend was right but that didn’t mean that it was easy for him to act on the advice. Tul did the opposite of what he’s always been advised and it wasn’t really an intentional act on his side, it just happened.
Maybe he should go with the flow and see where it ends up but with how he had behaved last night, Tul was so fucking sure that Garn hated his guts, it wasn’t easy being rejected for a kiss. Just the similar realisation set s new wave of panic inside Tul.
“Your frown is deepning what happened?” Poom’s voice brought him back.
“Poom, I’m, scared. I have to kiss him in 2 weeks,” Tul whispered. Poom pursed his lips, a baffled look on his face.
“Haven’t you both already practiced?”
“Yes but this is different!”
“No it’s not. It’s work and work can be differentiated from personal life. Why don’t you just imagine someone else in your head and dive in,” Tul pondered over the suggestion. It seemed…logical and possibly the only way to avoid a mess.
“I might as well do that,” Tul agreed, easing some tension off his shoulders. He finally smiled at his bestfriend, blowing him a kiss to thank him. “I’ll talk later now I need to shower.”
Poom nodded, hanging up and leaving him alone to his own devices. He could have got drunk to get rid of his nerves but it was early in the morning and he had errands to run. Tul took a deep breath in, clearing his head and heading to freshen up so the thoughts of Garn would melt away as the water cascaded upon his head. Little did he know that it was practically impossible to wrenching someone out if they ended up under your skin.
Garn
Garn knows that he fucked up real bad when he woke up with a headache and the realization that he smacked a coworker. He had to stop himself from banging his head against a wall in frustration. To make matters worse he also remembered in excruciating details of how Tul pulled away from kissing him and left him a gaping hole in his chest from the rejection. Garn felt the hurt blooming once again and had to shut down his brain to focus on other matters at hand.
It had been 2 weeks since this incident and this was their last shooting session. After this everyone would leave and post-production work would start, leaving him to rest. But resting all by himself didn’t exactly sound like field trip. Garn was going to be left to his own devices, he had no friends, his agent who would take him out occasionally was out of the country and he was going to spend his birthday all on his own. He ought to be used to this life but it felt empty whenever he was surrounded by people and then everyone suddenly disappeared. It made him feel hollow.
Tul has been absent ever since he left Garn’s apartment and it didn’t take much for him to realise that it was absolutely his fault. He was harsh but so was Tul and Garn had sent him messages thanking for the trip to home and for helping him clean up but Tul had left him on seen.
Today he finally gets to see Tul after 2 long weeks and it set his nerves on fire. He was supposed to be less nervous for kissing him due to their practice instead, his anxiety was peaking as every minute passed. It was a night scene and the crew had done a great job at setting up a serene environment to match the script. It was supposed to be confrontational scene and Garn was in his trailer debating if he could just sprint out of here.
“Hey you alright?” Fluke approached him, concern in his eyes.
“Yeah,” Garn licked his lips, “it’s just an important scene y’know.”
“I understand. But it will be done in no time and you wouldn’t even realise.” Fluke tried to assure him but little did he know that Garn’s nervousness came from different places, like light converging the colored using a prism. The prism was this fucking show he was in with Tul.
Tul had rejected him back then but what if he ended up doing it again right this moment? And Garn had not seen him ever since so who could say that he could meet Tul’s eyes after all that?
To Garn, Tul was becoming something so excruciatingly important that his presence and disappearance affected him immensely. Tul was something he could find comfort it but at the same time he was someone that drove Garn up a wall. But Garn couldn’t afford to go there right now. It wasn’t something he should be focusing on.
Garn knew this scene was coming but he hadn’t anticipated being so worked up about it. His limbs were sweaty and there was a weird sensation in his stomach. He closed his eyes to calm himself but it seemed to have made things worse because all he could imagine was kissing Tul and him pushing him away. He imagined what it would be like. Would his lips be soft and gentle or rough enough to send him to the edge. He wondered if Tul was just as anxious. Sure they had both kissed while practicing but this could potentially rattle his feelings for Tul further given he was just rejected. And the thought of this sent him into jitters. The director was back on her chair and Garn knew that this was it. It was do or die. more like disappoint his coworkers if he fucked it up.
He was summoned by the assistant director soon enough who looked so excited about this scene that Garn wished he could summon such energy as well. When he reached the setup, Tul was already standing there, staring at him with a hard expression. He hadn’t realised when he started staring back at him, both of them not daring to look away. The sight of Tul knocked the breath out of him. Garn felt the ball of anxiety inside him grow with every moving second that he could actually throw up his feelings right over this cold pavement he stood over. Garn stared back at Tul, knowing all too well that the moment the camera started rolling, both their expressions would have to turn into sadness and longing and that terrified him sometimes because in his head the lines between their reality and acting were so blurred that he couldn’t understand if these were his own feelings or his character’s. Garn was starting to develop similar feelings as his character and he wondered if this was a phenomenon common among everyone or it’s Tul that was the exception in his life.
Moreover, this had never happened to him before. He could maintain professionalism for his other roles but when it came to Tul, everything was completely different.
The director yelled action and they both got into their characters. Garn decided to get hold of his professionalism and focused on Tul who was already in his form. This was Aine now who was in love with his character Sage. Garn started to walk towards Tul, the longing was evident on his face but Tul wouldn’t have noticed it because his character was tired of being played around that his feelings were slowly being pushed into a box. Tul stopped a few inches short and looked into his eyes. It almost sent a chill down Garn’s spine. He kept reminding himself that this was not directed to him. It was just a part of work. But his heart never seemed to bother listening to him. His breath was acting up and he forced his eyes to water up. He looked away just like it was given in the script.
“Why won’t you look at me?” Sage asked,
“Because I’m tired, Sage,” He huffed and looked back up. “I’m tired of this shit. I’m tired of Everytime I look at you and you don't look back. I’m tired of the times I’ve tired to show you how much I like you but you don’t give a fuck!” Both eyes widened at his dialogues. Garn reeled back but Tul caught hold of his wrist and pulled him in.
They were so ridiculously close that he could feel Tul’s breath on his face. Their lips were a few inches from each other. Garn realised that this was it. A few more dialogues and the kiss was happening. His breath got heavier and his arms were shaking. He felt Tul squeeze his wrist subtly and noticed how it wasn’t in the script. Did Tul just help him calm his nerves?
“What did you just say?” Tul ’s character—Sage, asked in a low whisper. They both were afraid to move because if they did their lips would be touching.
“I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it again. I like you dammit!” Garn’s charcater—Aine, whispered back. It was like time stopped for the moment. Tul’s lips came crashing onto his. Garn froze for a second until Tul’s hand cupped around his cheek making him relax and respond. Their kiss was sweet and slow and he was lost in the moment, like they were learning from each other and had all the time in the world. His lips felt just like they did in his trailer, soft and addictive. It was when Tul pulled back did Garn realise that he wanted more. He also realised that according to the script he was supposed to be the one initiating the kiss but Tul did it instead. He felt a lump in his throat and a heavy weight on his heart that didn’t want to end things here yet although they were supposed to stop right now.
So he ignored everything else around him and pulled Tul back by his neck, claiming his mouth with hunger and intensity. His mind had shut down and all that mattered were these lips kissing him like it was the end of the world and he was that last drop of antidote that could save it. He felt it like an Adrenaline rush and wanted more and more, so he deepened the kiss, moaning and tugging at his hair when their tongues touched. A little shiver of pleasure shot through Garn’s body. It was something he had never felt before but damn well wanted to for the entirety of his life. They kissed until Garn felt his knees weaken. He realised that if they stopped right now, the reality was going to come crashing down on him and he didn’t want to deal with the aftermath. So he continued kissing Tul who let out a moan in return when his hands travelled to the back of Garn’s head. It was when he heard a faint “CUT!” from somewhere did he finally part, snapping back to reality.
He almost collapsed but caught himself before that could happen. His mind was so frenzy that he could only see blurry figures moving towards him. The voices around him were dull and faint and he had to blink five times before snapping out of this daze. He turned his head to where Tul was originally standing but he wasn’t there anymore. His heart sank.
The watched as Tul’s figure was slowly walking away from him in hurrying strides and suddenly the voices cleared up.
“Oh they kissed so well, just like a real couple,” Garn heard May tease him. He watched everything happen in slow-mo. Tul stopped short in his tracks, turn around and look at May with the color completely drained from his face.
“Don’t be fucking ridiculous, May,” Tul finally said a word and walked away just as he was earlier.
Garn was hit with the gravity of his words. Tul couldn’t even fucking stand the idea of someone insinuating that they could be into each other. That they could be something real. It hit like another gut punch and Garn felt the numbness he was fighting back for so long return to him. May looked at his with an apologetic expression.
“Garn I didn’t mean-“ May started and Garn mustered up his remaining shreds of sanity to shake his head and fake a smile.
“There wasn’t anything wrong with that don’t you worry,” Garn assured him and gave him a pat on the shoulder. “I should go check on him.”
May tried to break a smile but it came out more sympathetic than genuine. Was Garn’s pain visible to them? Was he letting go of control and pouring out the cracks?
‘It was just a job’ He whispered to himself as everyone around him came crowding and hugging him as the scene was a success. Leslie was excited about how well they had improvised but Garn couldn’t find it in him to return the same excitement or even a forced smile. His heart was breaking with each second of realisation that Tul had indeed walked away.
This was fucking crazy. If he let Tul get away there was a chance that he would not be seeing the boy well until months passed and he couldn’t fucking let this happen, not after the boy kissed the bejesus out of him.
Garn ran to the parking lot, praying to God that Tul was in his car and hadn’t left yet. He wasn’t in the trailer room or anywhere else so he hoped this was the last place to find him. So he went to check for his car in the parking lot only to find Tul about to take off. He sprinted and stood right in front of the car before Tul could drive away.
Tul’s eyes widened as the pressed the brake heard, letting the car come to a screeching halt. He stared at Garn through the windshield, his chest rising with each deep breath he took.
“Are you insane?” Tul yelled at him as he pulled out of the driver’s seat. “You could have gotten hurt, you idiot!”
“We need to talk,” Garn said as calmly as possible given he was breathing really harshly from running around and not to forget the breath-stealing kiss he had just shared.
Tul Pulled away from his car and approached Garn with anger in his eyes. Garn never understood his anger sometimes. It was misplaced at the moment.
“What?” Tul snapped
“Why did you walk away?” Garn asked as calmly as possible.
“Our work was done, so I decided to leave,”
“Are you sure?”
“What else do you want me to say, Garn? That the kiss was overwhelming for me and I couldn’t handle it?”
“Was it?” Garn’s heart sank, his eyes were burning but he bit down the bitterness.
“Garn-“ Tul started after noticing the way his face fell.
“No. Tul,” Garn took a step back. “You don’t get to do this. You were the one that kissed me first even though you do not just break away from scripts. I know you. And last time you pulled away from me. So what’s the fucking deal here? One day you want to give in the next moment you just fucking pull away and make me feel like I am the one who’s reading too much into everything.”
“What do you want me to do then?” Tul asked like it was just that easy.
“Stop running away,” Garn managed at bite out.
“I am not running away. I don’t know what is happening with me. I don’t know why it has to be you that messes with my head and I do not want to talk about this right now,”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Garn was on the verge of bursting into tears. He took long deep breaths. The audacity of Tul to just sideline his own feelings. This was just as confusing for Garn as it was for Tul but Garn wasn’t running away. He wanted them to talk this out, instead Tul looked like he was ready to sprint any moment.
“You literally just shut down May for saying something like that. It wasn’t even a big deal what is wrong with you?”
“It is a big deal for me because we are not fucking real!” Tul screamed the words out at him. Everything he said echoed between them, settling into a chokign silence. He could as well have sliced through him. Garn was about to break into shambles. But he couldn’t do it here. Not yet. Not when Tul was still there to witness it. He had already poured him out to this boy, he couldn’t give him anymore power. If he was fucking confused and decided this was how he planned on dealing with it, then so be it. Garn wasn’t going to fucking wait for him like an idiot.
“Y’know what?” Garn glared at his through the tears building. “I’ve had enough of chasing you. I can’t keep approaching you when you can’t even bring yourself to confront. Come talk to me when you figure it out that is if you ever even care to do so.”
He had enough of this heartbreak. He was accustomed to never being chosen in life, but right now with the way he was ready to lay his own feelings bare open infront of Tul and yet Tul couldn’t even meet him halfway, hurt.
Besides, why would anyone ever choose him anyways. He was just that weird lonely kid who minded his own business and disappeared into shadows. Garn felt the tears rolling down his face. He thought it were getting better yet, here he was, still standing alone begging for someone to see him. He couldn’t break down infront of Tul, his pride was bigger than his will to crumble right away. So he did the only thing he could think of—walk away.
Tul said not a single word. The silence between then was enough answer he needed. Garn walked back to his trailer, really to break down. He slid onto the floor tears streaming down his face as soft sobs rocked his body. He forgot to lock his fucking trailer and realised that Fluke was in the doorstep, heavily concerned, he shifted, probably to fetch others but Garn called after him.
“Fluke no, please,” Garn managed to choke out. Fluke looked at him for a moment longer, torn between what to do. He finally accepted Garn’s request, shutting the door behind them and coming up to hug Garn. Garn melted in his embrace, letting all his guard down and crying his heart out. He needed this. He needed to feel the pain so the numbness couldn’t take over. He wanted to disappear to the wind and never be found again because anything was better than what he was going through right now.
“Tell me everything,” Fluke demanded once Garn’s sobs had subsided. Garn wiped the tears off his cheeks. Fidgeting with his fingers.
“It’s a long story,” Garn managed to reply, sucking in a deep breath.
“Well I have all the time. I told everyone to leave you guys alone as it might be a bit overwhelming so we are cool with the staff,”
Garn looked at his with his red eyes, the crying had made them swell and he was minutes away from a mind consuming migraine.
“Thank you,” he whispered, a small smile directed at Fluke.
“Listen, Garn,” Fluke held his hand, “you don’t have to suffer on your own. Sometimes it’s okay to share your burden with someone. It’s not always happiness that needed to be shared in a friendship.”
“Fine,” Garn let out an exasperated sigh. He needed to empty this burden just like Fluke had said.
By the end of his rant, Garn realised that Fluke was one of the good friends he managed to get out of this whole show. He was someone Garn had no difficulty seeking out and Fluke managed to give him a helping hand everytime he was stuck in a limbo.
Garn also realised he needed to breathe and this city was suffocating him every moment he spent here. He didn’t have a family to go back to, only thing he ever had was the small home in his hometown where his family had lived. Where he lived all alone before coming to the city. But that seemed hell lot better than being here.
He mentioned this to Fluke and the boy was supportive enough to help him out of this ordeal. He offered to go to his hometown with him but Garn didn’t want to inconvenience him any further than he already had. So, Garn made the excuse of wanting to be all on his own for a fresh breath.
Part of the reason why he then, picked a midnight bus to his hometown was the fear that Tul would show up at his home, bringing more complications with him and Garn just wanted to stay the fuck away from that pain for as long as he could. If he truly disappeared, Tul couldn’t never find him and hurt him again. Besides, who the fuck knew of his home? No one. Garn could do what he best does—be all by himself and soak in the emptiness.