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“Let me guess, it’s not you, it’s me?” Tav crossed her arms as she stared definitely at her pale lover. Astarion was standing in front of her, looking hurt. To his defense, he was being as kind as he could be while trying to break up with her. His reasoning? She had chosen to turn herself into a mindflayer to help save the city.
“You’re not you anymore.” Astarion answered simply. He still wouldn’t meet her eyes.
He wasn’t completely wrong, Tav knew. She had changed drastically, especially in appearance, since transforming. Her new diet of humans had sickened her at first, but after a few months, Tav had found herself more used to it. It had become her new normal. She didn’t really have a choice. She had to become more used to it. This was her life now. But losing Astarion…
That broke her heart.
“But I am still me. The Tav you knew and know is still in here.”
“As well as bits and pieces of the humans you’ve digested. You take parts of their personality and temperament everytime you do.”
Okay…damn him for giving her logical arguments.
“Which is why I’m picky about who I do…pick.” She didn’t really want to say eat. And what she had said was true. Baldur had chosen to pick criminals and those on death row which had turned his personality into something similar. She herself had chosen to be more like Omeluum, the mindflayer they had met when traveling through the Underdark. He had changed their opinions on every mindflayer being mindless killers. Tav supposed they were like everyone else. There were good and bad ones. She chose those whose lives were being ended early due to unforeseen circumstances but were otherwise good people. People like the elderly who wanted to go out on their own terms, or those who were chronically sick, etc.
Astarion sighed. “I know you are, darling. But I can’t help but worry about our future. What happens if that supply runs out?”
Tav shook her head. “There’s never a shortage of sick people or end of lifers. You know that. I’m not worried about that at all.”
Astarion shifted uncomfortably on his feet, his eyes darting to the side. “Okay, you have a point there.”
She nodded. “Of course I do.” Slowly, she took a step toward him though she didn’t physically touch him. “Astarion…I care about you. I did before and I still do now. And I would still love you if you were a worm.”
He chuckled. “I don’t doubt that. You always had a bleeding heart. I don’t know if there’s anyone who you couldn’t care about.”
She grinned. “Kobolds, for sure. Nasty little things.” She paused, taking in the moment of it feeling just like the old times, before she had changed. “Astarion?”
He finally met her eyes. “Yes?”
“Is this because of…how I look now?”
“It’s a part of it, I admit.” Tav couldn’t fault him for that. And she appreciated his honesty there. Their relationship had slowly started to become more physical once they had defeated Cazador and she didn’t want to lose that. There was more to their relationship than appearance, she knew that. But looks still mattered. With her new…mouth, Tav wasn’t even sure they could kiss. While they hadn’t been intimate since she had first changed, they had slowly been becoming more and more close as Astarion had become more and more comfortable with physical touch.
She nodded. “I can understand that. But…what if I told you I had a way to sort of bypass that?”
He raised a brow. “And what do you mean by that?”
Tav held up her hand. “I’m still a sorcerer. Gale and Wyll both helped me with creating these metamorph rings.” Having both a wizard and a warlock help her create the magic had been a stroke of genius and luck on their parts. “With just an incantation, I can turn back into the image of who I was.” To prove this, she closed her eyes and did just that, feeling the magic wash over her. When she opened her eyes again, Tav could see Astarion staring at her with wide eyes.
He reached out a hand, slowly taking a lock of her raven colored hair that she had had before. “It’s…you.” He stared at her in wonder.
She laughed. “Duh. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” Truly, the rings were a godsend to them. If she was honest with herself, and she tried to always be, her appearance had bothered her. If it hadn’t been to save the world type of situation, she never would have chosen this path. But she had, and Tav didn’t want to lose who she was. Tav was her, the others were just in the background. She chose to be herself.
Slowly, she took his hand. He didn’t flinch or let go. “Let’s take things slowly, okay? If it ever does become too much for you, then okay. I’ll accept your decision. I just think that we’ve been through too much to not try to work things out. And something like this can definitely be worked out.”
His smile was gentle and Tav felt herself calm even more. “Alright. I like that idea.” He reached up and stroked her cheek and she leaned into his palm. “I do admit that I hated the thought of letting you go.”
“And you don’t have to. You won’t have to if I have anything to say about it.”
He stepped even closer, towering above her, almost pressed chest to chest. “And in this form, I can still kiss you anytime I want.”
She grinned as she tilted her chin up to meet his own lips. Yes, that was definitely a perk.
Tav knew there would most likely still be challenges. Every relationship had them. But she wanted to at least try with Astarion. Through the good and the bad, they would take on the challenges together.
And the best part was that he would still love her even if she was a worm.