Chapter Text
2024
She was right. Crystal was definitely right. With that demon in her head, it was definitely not the time to be starting anything new. It could wait between them. Yeah.
Yeah.
Charles had left her alone to finish waking up and getting sorted. It was nice the shop had roof access. He couldn’t feel the wind or sun, obviously, but he could see it, yeah? That was almost as good.
He hugged his knees in a bit tighter. If he tried hard enough, it was like the morning sun was touching him, too early to be warm yet.
It’d been a good snog. Surprisingly, a proper good one. Better than he’d hoped really. Like, physically he’d only really felt her enough to avoid phasing through her and he’d needed to keep looking to remember where exactly she was versus the bed, but in his brain, yeah? That was brills.
And…
She said ‘yet.’
Charles breathed around the heaviness in his chest. She wasn’t ready, that was it really. He had to respect that. Who would he be if he didn’t?
So… He could forget about last night then. Could forget how it was to kiss and cuddle and connect like that with another person. With her.
He could just push that down where all his other bad feelings lived and just - keep going. No need to think about it all. No need to think about how good it felt, when the snogging waned down, to just have her arms around him and her head on his chest.
He dropped his head onto his knees. So. Forgetting wasn’t it.
And, like, maybe it didn’t really need to be. She’d said ‘not yet’. That meant it wasn’t really a no all the way. Right?
They were just going to have to work around it. Like before. Keep…
Keep professional, yeah. Edwin would like that better anyway.
Charles fully ignored the memory of “cute distraction”.
Below, on the street, Edwin yelped. Instantly, his self pity fled. Edwin needed him!
He made it to the street to find two young chaps standing over a seated Edwin who turned to him immediately. “Ah, Charles.” Edwin stood and he didn’t look hurt. Or scared or even uncomfortable. Was he just startled then? “Excellent timing. It sounds as if we may have a case.”
(.)
Now
Charles looks at the instructions again. Something is wrong somewhere. It’s not quite the right shape. He pulls the little Lego booklet closer, tries to puzzle it out. He’s done up all the black bits right, but something about the way that’s connecting to the grey and red section just isn’t working. All the connectors line up, but…
Oh, he has it backwards. He deftly snaps apart all the places the two pieces connect, spins around the grey and red bit, and settles it down the right way. Yes. Charles smiles and presses everything together with a happy snap.
“Charles,” Edwin’s voice smoothly interrupts before Charles can get started on the next step.
“Yeah, mate?” He pulls his headphones all the way off. Even after 35 years together, Edwin still doesn’t quite understand how much headphones block out sound, so Charles wears them half off one ear. He may like Edwin’s little rants, but even Charles has limits. He can do without the ‘pay attention when I’m speaking to you’ one again.
Edwin is at the case board, fingers fiddling with a card. Nervous fiddling. Charles sits up. What has he got to be nervous about? They aren’t on a case. Charlie’s not due back for a few days either. They’ve got nothing at all on.
“You’d tell me, wouldn’t you, if I was taking advantage of you?” Edwin says quick and clipped and much too nervous.
Charles puts the booklet down and stands, Lego project forgotten. Edwin turns back to the case and shoves the card delicately into the Closed section. He’s still faced away when Charles gets close enough to put a hand on his shoulder. “What’s this about, mate?”
The shoulder under his hand is very tense. Edwin runs his fingers down the cards in the Closed section. “Never you mind, it’s silly.”
Charles holds in a scoff. “Come on, mate, you can tell me. I’m sure it’s not ‘silly’ at all.”
Edwin spins around then, dramatic like, and huffs. A familiar wave of fondness rolls through Charles. “Crystal said something, the other day, and it made me remember…. And I have been trying to, well, be better, about emotions and such and…” He peters out, looks unsure about the eyes in a way that makes Charles take his hand.
Edwin looks down at that, at their newly joined hands. He keeps looking down as he continues. “I only… I know I am difficult and I ask a lot of you. If you ever… if you ever don’t want to do something or help me with things or…” He shakes his head and Charles squeezes his fingers. “I want you to be content, Charles. I worry sometimes now that you haven’t been when you make me so happy.”
The absolute stupidity of that makes Charles blink for a whole three seconds before he can pull his brain together enough to make a sound about it. “What?” Is all he manages on the first go. It makes Edwin finally look up. His eyes are wet. “I’m aces, Edwin.”
He says it and knows it’s the wrong thing by how Edwin tries to step away. Charles holds him tight.
“Edwin.” He tugs a bit and Edwin comes back to him. “I don’t… I don’t really know why you think I haven’t been happy, but… I am.” Of course he is.
“You said you hated being dead,” Edwin sounds fucking wrecked the way only he can, completely composed and with so much heartbreak Charles wants to cry for him.
It’s distracting enough that it takes Charles a moment to even remember what Edwin’s talking about. Charles pulls away then, shunted back to that night by the lighthouse. Edwin fucking flinches.
The shame of causing that feeds into the roiling memory. Charles knows his fingers curl into fists. He’s at home, in just his vest, so he shoves them in his trouser pockets to hide them. Instinct is to deny it and it’s on the tip of his tongue when Charles glances up.
Edwin is still looking at him with those wet fucking eyes, posture absolutely rigid and fists pressed together. The effect it has on him must be what it feels like for them ships to lose the wind. Charles goes back, of course he does.
“It’s…” He doesn’t even know what he means to say, just wants that look off Edwin’s face. He steps a bit closer and pries Edwin’s fists apart with gentle hands. “Edwin, I don’t like that I died, yeah? I was only sixteen. There’s lots of things I never got to do and won’t ever be able to, at least not the same way.” He threads their fingers on instinct. Their hands fit well together. “But, mate, I am so happy with you. If I had to die before I got to grow up, being with you is the best thing I could hope for.”
Edwin is trying so hard not to cry. He never cries. Charles resists reaching for his face just barely. Wants to run the tips of his fingers under Edwin’s eyes and catch any damp that might overflow. He just also can’t let go of Edwin’s hands. How they got here at two in the morning on a Thursday, he’s not quite sure.
“And you’ll tell me if it isn’t?” Edwin says so soft and vulnerable.
“Of course,” he promises easily, but Edwin doesn’t look relieved. If anything, his body tenses more.
“Do you promise? You won’t hide from me?” Edwin is the one to squeeze their fingers now. “I’m not good with people. Even you, I struggle to understand still. I won’t be able to tell on my own.”
The naked honesty of it stops Charles’ voice. He actually takes a moment to think about what Edwin said, what he’s being asked for. Edwin wants him to be happy. Wants to know if he isn’t. And not just in the way they already complain to each other. No, Edwin wants to know the big things. The ones Charles himself doesn’t like to think about ever if he can help it.
Edwin, who has spent the last 35 years shying away from any emotion more serious than a chuckle, is asking to be let in. Let in even when he admits it doesn’t make sense to him. Edwin, who, in the literal worst place in the universe, stopped and stayed longer just to give Charles the key to his heart.
“I promise,” Charles says. He leans forward to press his forehead against Edwin’s shoulder. Wants that extra bit of contact and to escape from those wet eyes. “I don’t know if I’ll really be any better at feelings, but I will try for you.”
Edwin lets out a shaky breath. “I don’t want you to do it for me.”
“That’s really confusing, mate. Am I promising you or not?” Charles does not remove his head from Edwin’s shoulder. It’s nice there. They’re a good height together for this, Edwin just a bit taller.
Edwin kind of nuzzles him. Charles has a moment to wonder if it was intentional before Edwin’s talking again. “I mean… I mean that you should do things for yourself, because you want to and no other reason. And, that… that I’d like it if you told me about it.”
Charles stays where he is for a while longer. They don’t really do this, the touching and deep feelings talk thing. Thirty five years together and they’ve had more serious conversations in the last three months than all the others combined. It’s really nice in a way Charles hadn’t realized he wants. He finds he’d like to keep doing it.
“I meant it when I said I don’t know if I’ll be any better at feelings than you.”
Edwin scoffs right in his ear. “Of course you will be. You’re excellent with clients, and you’ve handled me for years. I know I’m difficult.”
“You’re not difficult.” Charles presses his forehead harder into Edwin’s shoulder. “You’re just picky about who you’re nice to.” He takes a deep breath and makes himself take a tiny step back. Edwin locks eyes with him before huffing and rolling those eyes. They are amused now instead of wet. “I’m chuffed I make the cut.”
“Charles, be serious.” Edwin squeezes his hands.
Charles lets his grin fade. “I don’t like thinking about my own stuff that much, Edwin. I’ve never found a whole lot of point to it.” It isn’t like he can change the past. “But, I’ll, like, try to let you know if anything big is happening with me, yeah?”
Edwin holds his eyes for a bit and then nods. “That’ll do, I suppose. Thank you, Charles.”
“I want you too,” Charles blurts out. “I mean, I want you to do it too. Tell me.” He thinks of cats and crows. “I don’t like us having secrets.”
Edwin does him the favor of thinking about it and Charles remembers Edwin’s displeasure earlier at Charles’ easy promise. “I agree. Secrets between us go poorly. I will endeavor to tell you what is happening with me as well.”
Charles does nothing to stop the grin. Edwin blinks a moment before smiling back. It’s just a moment, just a second of hesitation, but Charles is paying so much attention right now of course he catches it. Edwin sees him catch it too.
Charles raises his eyebrows.
Edwin blushes. Oh.
Oh.
Abruptly, Charles becomes aware of the last few minutes. How they were essentially cuddling and how they are still, now, holding hands in the most intimate way possible. He, also, realizes he has absolutely no regret about it and wants very much to keep touching Edwin in this moment. He doesn’t so much as have a doubt about it.
Edwin is still blushing, eyes averted. He clears his throat gently. “Yes, well.” He attempts to pull his hands away.
Charles holds tight. “I don’t mind,” he says and means it. “I like holding your hand.”
Edwin blinks like Charles has grown another head. He stops trying to pull away. Good. That’s really good.
Edwin’s blushing intensifies and that makes… makes something flutter in Charles’ chest. He knows Edwin likes him, loves him. Is in love with him. Holding hands like this means… Charles does not want to let go. The blushing is - cute. Their hands fit so well. They fit so well.
“Do you mind?” Charles remembers suddenly that’s an option. It jolts through him enough he almost lets go. Except he doesn’t. He’s not ready to do that yet. He will if Edwin wants him to though. If this hurts in some way when they’re not-
Edwin shakes his head.
“Okay.” Charles smiles again, relieved. “That’s good.”