Chapter Text
Andrew sat on the top of the roof, desperately wishing for a cigarette. All he had were lollipops – he’d even given his wallet to Neil so he wouldn’t be tempted to go get the deathsticks. Three days to Thanksgiving, four days til I’m reminded of hell in a handbasket. He was trying to not think about it too hard, trying to not ruin Spencer’s first birthday that they got to celebrate on their own terms. To his relief, Spencer had insisted on barely celebrating, wanting to wait until December. Apparently, there would be another meteor shower when they were in LA, and they wanted to do a beach night for it. Even still, Andrew wanted to give Spencer’s birthday a chance. He barely talked to them all day, had spent the night watching cartoons with them instead. Neil had managed to coax him into a few bites of the lunch Kevin made before pushing the plate away, barely managing to not stomp off to his shared room.
The door to the roof creaked and Andrew turned to see Spencer slipping through the doorway, their customary energy drink in hand. Kevin regularly lectured Spencer on how dangerous they were, and he had started lecturing Andrew’s twin about it as well. Spencer and Aaron were both unphased, however. Andrew didn’t particularly see the point, but he figured it was on par with his attempt to quit smoking. Spencer walked over to where Andrew sat, pausing two feet away when he spoke.
“I thought it was clear I’d like to be alone.”
“You know me, denser than the day is long,” Spencer shrugged, parroting his own words back. He’d told them that after he asked how therapy was, where Spencer denied anything interesting happening, even though something about them was increasingly different . Spencer finally sat down, leaving a careful few feet between the two of them. Andrew briefly considered how upset everyone would be if he pushed Spencer off the roof, then realized he’d be just as upset. He wanted to shove Spencer off even more at that realization.
“Please, take a fucking seat,” he muttered. Spencer snorted, but didn’t bother replying. Andrew tilted his head enough to watch the backliner out of the corner of his eye. Spencer placed their drink down and leaned back on their hands, staring up at the clouds.
“What do you want, Doe,” Andrew bit out. This wasn’t like how it was with Neil, where he’d allow the idiot to exist with him in his presence even when Andrew didn’t feel like existing. His presence increased, in fact, when Andrew was mentally tallying up all the ways he wanted to rip his skin off. Neil was, unfortunately, a balm to Andrew’s degloved existence. But Neil had hung out with him all day already, was now playing Exy with Kevin at Andrew’s insistence, and it was three days before Thanksgiving. Andrew, in Bee’s words, was trying to rewire some of the trauma by allowing people to be there.
“I don’t want anything from you,” Spencer said. “I just wanted to look at the clouds.”
“Why? You can see the clouds just fine from your window.”
Spencer paused, beginning to fiddle with the hem of their destroyed hoodie sleeve. “At the. . . conversion camp,” they carefully said. “We weren’t allowed outside except at dawn and dusk. I like to remind myself that it’s all still here.”
You like to remind yourself that the option of living is always on the table, Andrew thought. So when are you actually going to take it? The thought was enough to make him want to hurl himself off the roof. Or Spencer, for making him think it. Living was not something he ever expected to choose, but he was trying. Seeing Neil’s face light up when he experienced new things, seeing Aaron begin to accept himself, hell, even Andrew was beginning to succumb to the proud smile Kevin would send his way when he blocked a difficult shot on the goal. Spencer had told him one night that they didn’t know how everyone just lived. And all Andrew could say was that it was found in the small moments. He hoped it was enough, he hoped that he conveyed to Spencer just how surprising it was to him that he was still breathing, that there were more and more moments where he enjoyed it.
Spencer took another deep breath before getting back to their feet. “Thanks for letting me sit here.” They said, beginning to saunter over to the door again.
“Fine, sit and look at the goddamn clouds,” Andrew grumbled right as Spencer grabbed the door handle. He couldn’t help it – this was the first time Spencer had ever mentioned the conversion camp, had ever alluded to more than just the trauma with Francis and Shawn. His curiosity was burning up. No wonder Neil called him a cat sometimes; Andrew was as nosy as could be. Andrew turned back around and began systematically breaking a lollipop stick into little pieces, throwing them off the roof.
When Spencer was situated again, Andrew turned to watch them. They seemed slightly less jittery on the way back from Pennsylvania, even after the envelope full of torn photos and the encounter with Francis. Andrew was grateful for his eidetic memory for that – hearing Spencer tell Francis to fuck off was in some of his top favorite moments. Watching Spencer break the guy’s nose was even better. And Spencer clearly enjoyed it. But Andrew swore that the more he looked, the more cracking he could see at Spencer’s soul, the way something about them was changing. I thought we’d be watching the collapse of a dying star by now , he thought idly. Is this what it was like for Neil, to see me unconsciously choosing something more than I thought I’d get?
After a few minutes, Spencer closed their eyes, tilting their head up into the wind. Andrew wasn’t one for surreptitiously taking photos, but Spencer had given the Foxes blanket permission for photos, after Allison had posted a good photo on Instagram early in the season. Andrew remembered Valjean saying at some point that he hardly got to see the sky before leaving the Nest; Jeremy had sent a photo two weeks before of Jean doing exactly the same thing as Spencer now.
So Andrew carefully drew his phone out of his pocket and took Spencer’s photo, the setting sun managing to gently touch their exposed scars in a way that mostly obscured them, except for a few that were deep enough to cast a shadow. Even then, Andrew had to admit that Spencer looked cool. He made a note to send it to Allison, Nicky, and Jean when he next got the chance. Renee had mentioned Spencer seemed to like photos more than they'd let on, and he now understood why. It was the only thing they had to tie themself to something other than the Ternels. To Andrew's surprise, Spencer hadn't asked Kevin about the photos. I hope you like the present Kevin and Nicky are giving you, Spence. He turned back to stare at the horizon, at the orange-red clouds burning in the sun.
“What was it like?” Andrew asked after a minute.
“What was what like?”
“Don’t play idiot.”
“Wow, harassing me on my birthday? That’s a new low,” Spencer snorted. When Andrew didn’t answer, they sighed. Andrew knew that if they didn’t want to answer, they knew they didn’t have to. “It was hell,” Spencer said after a moment. Andrew heard their drink can scrape on the concrete as they grabbed it, nails beginning to tap against the can.
“Hell is relative.”
“It got worse after I stole a pair of scissors and slashed myself open. They didn’t even send me to the hospital, just held me down and sewed me up. And then sent me back to the Ternels, told everyone I died.”
Andrew nodded, crunching down on the little bit of candy left in his mouth. “Nicky’s dramatic in a lot of ways, but I think you’re more dramatic.”
Spencer snorted. “I. . . I do remember him,” they admitted quietly. “I told him I didn’t, but I do. He snuck me an apple when the staff withheld my lunch ‘cause I called them assholes.”
The fact that Spencer called authority figures assholes wasn’t surprising to Andrew, but the fact that they remembered Nicky was. “I thought you didn’t remember that camp.”
“Easier to say I don’t when I remember every second of it. Maybe if I say I don’t remember, then one day it’ll be true and I’ll stop having nightmares of people holding me down.”
Andrew resisted the urge to shudder. He understood that want more deeply than anyone else Spencer could’ve told. “Denying it makes it worse,” he gritted out, unwrapping another lollipop.
“Yeah, but recounting it makes it just as bad.”
“Have you even attempted to?” Andrew had. Andrew had had to recount every single moment with Drake to the judge, had to leave the courthouse and sleep at Wymack’s, knowing that the coach wouldn’t allow him to spiral so deep that he wouldn’t be able to get out of it. And after, somehow, by some cruel twist of fate, Andrew’s nightmares were less intense. They were there, they’d always be there, but getting all of it out was like excising a septic wound.
“I don’t even know where I’d start,” Spencer said quietly.
“At the beginning, like everyone else,” Andrew scoffed.
Spencer was quiet, and then said softly, “Maybe. But not now.”
“No,” Andrew agreed. “Not now.”
Andrew let the silence drop between them like the yellow blanket Spencer wrapped themself in when they had nightmares and laid on the couch. He didn’t feel settled until he was unwrapping his eighth lollipop, when it was properly dark out and it felt like a Sunday evening.
“Wanna go be impulsive with me?”
Andrew turned, assessing Spencer. They had a slight upturn to the corner of their mouth as they twisted the tab on the can around and around. Andrew had a distant thought that he should tell Allison to force Spencer to dress up as an elf for the renaissance festival this summer.
“What type of impulsive?” Andrew finally asked.
“Get a piercing?”
Andrew cocked his head. He had been thinking about a new piercing lately, especially since Aaron brought it up one time. Andrew briefly considered the thought of Neil with a piercing, and then immediately threw that thought into a bottomless pit. He’d be horrifically cute with it, not to mention how even more menacing he’d be once he realized how much Andrew liked it, and Andrew would be forced to bury his body in the backyard at the Columbia house. The more he considered it, the forced ritualistic, scripted motions of getting a piercing, the more he liked it. The more he wanted to push his boundaries and reclaim himself.
“I’ll drive,” Spencer hastily added, as if they were nervous Andrew would say no.
“Fine, but let’s see if Aaron or Neil want to come with us.” Both Aaron and Neil decided to come with. Fortunately for Andrew's nerves, Kevin wasn't coming.
“Same rules?” Aaron asked as he got into the front seat. Andrew would happily let his twin sit in the front seat. He never used to let him sit in the front, but after driving the Mas, he trusted Aaron much more. Not that he'd say it to his twin – Aaron would choke up at the knowledge. Besides, despite Spencer's few breakdowns, Andrew did trust their driving. Ergo, he trusted that Aaron would be safe in the front seat.
Spencer paused, the fox paw keychain hanging off their rearview mirror swaying slightly. Andrew remembered when Neil dug it out of his desk drawer before disappearing to give it to them. “Just no loud noises,” Spencer said, interrupting Andrew’s reminiscing. Neil's hand crept into Andrew's and gently squeezed. He squeezed back, attempting to say I see it too, whatever it is you're seeing. Andrew didn't think Spencer would survive so far to see their twentieth birthday, but here they were. Is it the final push before the jump? Or is it a slow backing away from the precipice?
“Sweet,” Aaron said, breaking the delicate silence. He plugged his phone in. “Requests?”
“Don't you dare play MGMT,” Spencer said, starting the car. “You know it drives me nuts.”
“Why?” Neil asked. He started to draw his hand away from Andrew's, but Andrew held on tighter. He might be feeling eviscerated, but Neil's scarred hand was horrifically comforting.
“I dunno,” Spencer shrugged. “There's something about it that puts me on edge.”
Even Aaron could see through the lie, judging by the look he shot Andrew. But he didn't say anything – it was Spencer's birthday, after all. He decided to put on My Chemical Romance. Andrew texted his twin a thumbs-up.
“So what was wrong with that one?” Aaron asked Spencer as they left the second shop, Andrew and Neil close behind the two. Andrew was glad they were leaving – there was an odd smell in the shop that had set him on edge the second they stepped into the shop. If we don’t find a good shop in the next thirty minutes, I’m going to demand we go back to the dorm, he decided. The longer they wandered around, the more Andrew’s fingers itched for a cigarette.
“The piercer had the needles already opened when that person was sitting in his chair,” Spencer said in a disgusted tone, unlocking the car. “One of my cartilage piercings got infected ‘cause I went to a shady piercer. Never again.” Andrew opened the door and slid into the seat, leaving the door open for Neil.
“I didn’t notice that,” Neil remarked, shutting the car door behind him. He shot a glance over to Andrew, who scowled back. “Is there even another piercing shop in town?”
“Duh,” Spencer said, turning the car back on. “But this is the only one left, so let’s hope it’s clean.”
To Andrew’s relief, it was clean enough for Spencer. Andrew watched wordlessly as Spencer decided to get their right eyebrow pierced, to mirror their left eyebrow with the slight scar running through it.
“I think it makes the scar look even cooler,” Spencer said after staring in the mirror for a second. They cracked a smile, the dimple in their cheeks making a slight appearance. “Makes it better.”
Andrew grunted around the lollipop in his mouth, leaving Aaron to get his piercing next, drifting back to Neil. Neil was still bent over the counter, a slight frown on his face as he examined the straight, silver barbell on the counter.
“I didn’t think you had enough brain cells to think this long,” Andrew muttered.
Neil huffed, tapping a fingernail against the glass counter. “I don’t know what to do.”
“So don’t get it.” Andrew watched a series of complicated emotions pass over Neil’s face. “You want to,” Andrew guessed when Neil didn’t answer.
“Yes. No. Yes,” Neil said. “It’s just, I dunno.”
“Another piece of evidence that you’re a real boy,” Andrew decided. “Not a requirement, but the ability to choose.”
Neil was silent for so long that Aaron’s cursing was the only sound in the shop. “I don’t–”
“Andrew, you’re up!” Spencer said, sidling up next to Neil. “Neil, have you decided?”
Neil made a slightly frustrated noise. “Try not to shit yourself making a decision, rabbit,” Andrew said, pushing off the counter. He reached up to Neil and drew his thumb down Neil’s neck. “Don’t do anything you don’t want to,” he reminded his boyfriend in Russian.
“As if I would,” Neil huffed, the corner of his mouth slightly turning up. Andrew gave him an unimpressed stare before sauntering over to the piercing chair.
He watched the piercer – Ryan, set up the workstation with a new needle and supplies. Now that he was in the chair, a shivery, sickening anxiety was rising in his throat. Andrew grabbed the chair with a death-grip, trying to take away phantom hands. Ryan excused himself when Neil called out to him. Aaron sidled up to Andrew on the other side.
“Remember that time when the cereal mysteriously disappeared?” Aaron suddenly asked Andrew in German.
“What?”
“Remember last year when Nicky bought Fruity Pebbles on Friday night, and they were gone Saturday?”
Andrew stared at his twin. “Of course I did, he accused me of eating them.”
“I took them,” Aaron admitted. “Drunk me thought it was a great late-night snack. I–” Ryan interrupted him, but Andrew was too distracted to focus as much on watching Ryan prep.
“You what?” He asked, barely nodding when Ryan asked to touch him. “Don’t tell me you ate the entire box.”
Aaron turned slightly pink. “No, not exactly. I woke up covered in them, so I threw it out the window and into the bushes. I went back later and shoved the box into the recycling bin.”
Andrew stared at his brother. “I thought you hated Fruity Pebbles.” His hand twitched as the needle went through his ear, and Aaron grabbed it before Andrew could shove Ryan away. Andrew gripped his twin’s hand hard, ignoring how Aaron made a face.
“I don’t hate them,” Aaron admitted. “Not anymore. They reminded me too much of–her.”
Andrew’s grip on Aaron’s hand relaxed slightly, but Aaron didn’t pull away. “What changed?” Andrew asked curiously.
Aaron shrugged with one shoulder. “A lot of things,” he said cryptically. Andrew wanted to shake all the answers out of him, but he had a feeling there was an answer in the labyrinth of Aaron’s head that he didn’t want to uncover. At least, not yet. Ryan’s hands left Andrew’s ear and Aaron drew his hand out of Andrew’s grip.
“Looks good,” Aaron nodded, a half-smile briefly showing on his face. Something in Andrew’s stupid brain lit up at his twin’s recognition, and he almost returned the smile before changing it into a scowl. Judging by Aaron’s look as he turned away, though, Andrew didn’t hide it quite well enough.
To Andrew’s disgust, Spencer managed to convince Neil to go through with getting a piercing. The self-satisfied smirk on Spencer’s face was enough to make Andrew smack them upside the head, ignoring the squawk of protest. Andrew wordlessly held his hand out for Neil as soon as he’d sat in the chair. Andrew barely managed to conceal a wince as Neil gripped his hand hard enough that his knuckles cracked. Andrew watched as Ryan explained to Neil what he was going to do, not even blinking at the scars on his face. I’ll make sure to tip him well.
Before Ryan picked up the needle, he said, “If you need someone to talk and distract you, that’s fine.”
Andrew raised his eyebrow at Neil, but Neil shrugged. Spencer appeared at Andrew’s side like a ghost, almost making Andrew jump. Judging by the way Neil’s eyes crinkled, he caught it. “Hey Neil,” Spencer said, a shit-eating grin on their face. Oh god, what now?
“Huh?” Neil said, going slightly pale as Ryan picked up the needle.
“I forgot to tell you, I tried using your racket the other night when I went to the court by myself. I hope it’s okay, but I restrung it for you.”
Andrew had to hand it to Spencer. If there was one good way to distract Neil from something, it was to mention Exy. Especially if it was something as egregious as messing with how Neil’s racket was strung. He barely made an indignant noise as the needle went through his ear, but he was sufficiently distracted, glaring daggers at the backliner next to Andrew.
Spencer started cackling as soon as Ryan had finished cleaning up Neil’s ear. “Joking,” they said hastily. “You know I wouldn’t do that.”
“You better hope that you haven’t,” Neil threatened. “You won’t wanna see what I do to your racket.”
“Oooh, I’m so scared,” Spencer laughed, letting Aaron pull them away before they poked the tiger more. Andrew didn’t say anything as Neil got out of the chair, secretly wanting to shove Neil into the ground. The ear piercing only made him more attractive, the gold stud looking horrifically, perfectly rakish.
“What do you think?” Neil asked Andrew as they left the shop.
Andrew scowled at him. “643%,” he said shortly in Russian. “I fucking hate you.”
Neil grinned. “No you don’t,” he said, satisfied. Andrew resisted the urge to shove Neil into the car. He did grab his boyfriend’s hand the second Neil finished buckling his seatbelt.
“Thanks for coming with me,” Spencer said quietly, as the dorm rolled into sight.
“Duh,” is all Aaron replied before putting on Fall Out Boy.
Spencer was halfway down the hallway when they stopped, Aaron almost walking into them. Andrew stepped out from behind Neil - he hadn’t been checking out his boyfriend’s ass, thank you very much. Thomas Whittby stood in front of the dorm door, holding an envelope in his hand. Oh, so this is the soccer player Allison was telling me about, Andrew thought. Thomas quickly turned towards them, accidentally dropping the envelope in his hands as he did so. He fumbled, bending down to grab it off the floor.
“Spence! Happy birthday!” He said, struggling to pick up the envelope off the floor. He muttered something to himself, too low for Andrew to hear. Andrew heard Aaron’s barely repressed snort.
“T-thanks,” Spencer stammered, stepping forward as Thomas finally grabbed hold of the envelope. “I thought you went home, though?”
“Nah,” Thomas said with a smile, dimples making an appearance. Damn, the kid is cute, Allison wasn’t lying, Andrew thought. “Home is San Diego, so it’s too far to go back just for a few days. Expensive as hell, y’know?”
Spencer nodded. “We’re going to LA for the USC game and staying over Christmas break and I shudder to think how much the university is spending on the team.”
A wide grin spread across Thomas’ face. “Hey, I’m not far! Maybe I’ll be able to catch it this time,” he said. Andrew bit his lip in an attempt to not snort at the obvious flirting.
“Yeah, only if you want,” Spencer said, floundering slightly. “I don’t want to put you out though.”
“Nah, you wouldn’t be,” Thomas said, waving his hand. The envelope fluttered. “Oh, right, uh, this is for you,” he said, hesitantly holding it out to Spencer.
Andrew, Neil, and Aaron got first row seats to see just how bright red Spencer could blush. They took it from Thomas and stammered out a quiet thanks. At that moment, the two of them seemed to remember that there were other people around.
“Oh this is–”
“Who are–”
Aaron decided to save them. “Aaron, Andrew, Neil,” he said, pointing as he spoke.
Thomas nodded. “Nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about the Foxes.”
“So you’re aware that we’re all fucked up?” Aaron asked, eyebrows raised. “You’re an athlete, you got front row seats to the blood and guts last year. And now. I’m surprised you’re willing to fraternize with a Fox.”
“Who gave you guys exclusive rights to fucked up pasts?” Thomas shot back with a slight grin. “You don’t know me. For all you know, I’m a murderer. One of those scary ones from the movies that parents are supposed to warn you about.” Andrew didn’t miss the fact that Thomas implied that he didn’t have parents like that. Interesting.
Aaron turned to Spencer. “I like him.”
“ Shut the fuck up and die, ” Spencer hissed, shoving at him.
Andrew threw a glance towards the soccer player, expecting some form of revulsion to be working its way onto his face. Instead, Thomas laughed. “What secrets do you have to tell, soccer boy?” Andrew snarked.
“Oh, plenty,” Thomas grinned. “Same as you. I–” his phone beeped, and he pulled it out with a frown. “I gotta go, sorry. I’ll see you in the library on Monday?” He asked Spencer.
“Yeah!” Spencer said, a smile working its way onto their face. “Thanks again.”
“Of course,” Thomas said, allowing his shoulder to brush against Spencer’s as he walked past them. Aaron stepped to the side to allow him room.
Andrew opened the door as Spencer stared down the hallway, watching Thomas disappear. He opened the door, a quiet ow sounding from behind the door. Andrew stared at his cousin as Nicky stepped back.
“Were you listening in on that?” Neil asked, rolling his eyes. “Why not just come outside like a normal person?”
“Nick-y,” Spencer said in a horrified tone. “You were spying ?”
“I was just about to open the door when I heard you guys!” He protested. Andrew wordlessly toed his shoes off at the closet door, leaving them as he followed Spencer and Nicky into the living room. Kevin sat on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table, Spencer’s birthday card by his feet. According to Aaron, it’d taken a long time to talk Dan and Nicky down from throwing Spencer a birthday party. What the Foxes ended up agreeing on was a gift card for the local art supply store and a card. Andrew sat down on the beanbag chair, waiting to see how Spencer would react when they saw the card from the Foxes. Neil flopped down on the couch.
“Present for you from all of us,” Kevin said as Spencer emerged from their bedroom, dirty dishes in hand.
“What?” Spencer asked as they headed into the kitchen. Dishes clanked in the sink. Kevin huffed out a sigh and rolled his eyes.
“Present!” He called out.
“ What? ” Spencer said, coming back around the corner, furrow between their brows. “Are you saying pres–oh.” Andrew watched as Spencer went through the seven stages of grief at the mere sight of the envelope on the table. They carefully picked it up as if it was one of the beetles that Nicky screamed over, ready to throw it out of the window. And I thought Neil was bad. And Aaron.
“Yeah, oh, ” Kevin said sarcastically, finally glancing up from his laptop. He rolled his eyes again when he was how Spencer was holding it.
“It’s not a snake, for fucks’ sake, Spence,” Aaron said, finally coming back into the room from the bathroom. He sat down on the floor on Andrew’s other side.
“I know that,” Spencer snapped, scowling at him. Neil finally let a little giggle loose and Spencer pointed a finger at him. “Peanut gallery, hush.”
“You look like you’re about to have an aneurysm,” Aaron added. Andrew glanced at his brother, letting his face soften slightly long enough for his twin to know that Andrew thought it was funny.
“Peanut gallery number 2, you shut the fuck up too,” Spencer snapped. “All four of you have fucked up issues with your birthday, none of you have room to talk.”
“Wrong,” Andrew said. “Aaron and I gave each other birthday presents this year. We were normal about it. And Kevin gave us presents too.”
Neil snorted. “Neither of you were normal about any of that.”
“Fuck off,” Andrew snapped with no malice in his voice. “As if you’ll be normal in March, junkie.”
“Hang on,” Kevin interrupted. Andrew looked up from where he’d be glaring at Neil to see Spencer three feet further away. “You don’t get to escape, Doe. Open it.”
“Yeah, Spence, open it,” Neil echoed, pinching his lip as a smile threatened.
“For the record, I think all of you are awful and I hope you all have bad hair days for the next two months.”
“Yeah, yeah, so scary,” Kevin rolled his eyes. “Now open it.”
Spencer gingerly opened the envelope, pulling out the card. They opened it, face going carefully blank, like when Neil was confronted with the remembrance of Nathan in the mirror. They chewed at their bottom lip as they read the card, the little messages everyone had scrawled in. Spencer turned it over to see the gift card taped to the back, and then immediately turned it back over. They didn’t say anything for a minute, hands beginning to shake.
“Thanks,” they stumbled out, refusing to look any of them in the eye as they promptly turned and left. Andrew heard their door slam shut.
“That went better than I expected,” Aaron mused.
“That’s the first time they’ve ever actually slammed their door,” Neil said thoughtfully. “Wonder if it means something.” Yeah, it means that they’re even more comfortable expressing their emotions around us, Andrew thought.
“Don’t think too hard, your two brain cells will learn how to make fire,” Andrew said. “Brother dear, video games?”
“Hell yeah.”
“Feel better?” Neil asked Andrew softly in Russian while Aaron set up the Playstation.
“Don’t be an idiot,” Andrew said, flicking Neil in the ear.
“I’m going to collect snacks,” Neil said in English, briefly leaning against Andrew before standing up and heading to the kitchen. “Anyone want anything?”
“Raspberries,” Kevin said, putting his headphones in.
“The chocolate cookies!” Aaron called out, handing Andrew a controller. He sat down on Neil’s vacated seat next to Andrew.
As the evening went on, Andrew felt the tension seep from his shoulders. Spencer stayed in their room, presumably having a breakdown over a card, Kevin stretched out on the couch working on homework, and Aaron and Neil were surprisingly not sniping too much at each other. This isn’t too bad, I suppose, he thought, watching Aaron and Neil attempt to fight zombies together. His ear throbbed, but it was better than anything else. Bee will be proud to learn I rewired something. Let’s hope Spencer also got to do the same thing.
Spencer emerged three hours later, wearing a heavy hoodie and sweatpants. Kevin sat up properly to allow them to sit on the couch with them, watching the three boys play video games. Andrew eyed them for a minute, trying to figure out if the long sleeves were something to worry about. Aaron beat him to the punch.
“Why the long sleeves?” He asked, grabbed the controller from Andrew as Andrew died in the game.
Spencer huffed and rolled up their sleeves. “Wow, look at that, the cutter didn’t cut,” they said caustically.
None of them took the bait. Aaron nodded and went back to killing zombies. Andrew could recognize the barbed wire Spencer had put up in response to a card, to something showing that people cared. He watched as Spencer leaned against Kevin’s folded legs, pulling out a small paperback from their hoodie pocket. Spencer’s good mood wasn’t necessarily gone, but they were cowering back in a cage.
I could get used to this, Andrew thought, staring at Neil as he leaned forward, biting his lip in concentration. The thought made Andrew want to escape, to go smoke a cigarette on the roof. But he stayed. Even though he still wanted to peel his skin off, and wanted to wash his hands of all the idiots in front of him, Andrew stayed. He watched Aaron lean back, laughing at Neil as he was swarmed by zombies, watching as Kevin flicked Spencer in the head to make them move so he could grab a handful of raspberries, as Spencer mindlessly shoved their sleeves up their arms. Andrew rolled his eyes at his own sentimentality, deciding that he was done with people for the night. As he stood up to go to his room, though, he reached out and ran his fingers through Neil’s hair. Neil hummed and looked up at him, the corners of his mouth twitching up.
“Need anything?” Neil asked in Russian.
“Nah, stay out as long as you want though,” he replied softly. “Happy birthday, Spencer,” he said over his shoulder as he left the room.