Let Us Carry You

by ImhereforfunIguess

Summary:

Sanji's had trouble sleeping in the aftermath of spilling his guts. Brook and a late night cup of tea help.

Or! Every member of Sanji's found family plots to kill Vinsmoke Judge.
So much healing in this fic, for Sanji and his Nakama.

First work might help with context but I don't think it's necessary.

Notes:

Here's the first of probably seven chapters in connection to the first story! Enjoy!

Chapter 1: The Music That Cradles You

Sanji slept through the full day and late into the night. There was a note from Robin laying on his chest.

Our Dear cook,

You were sleeping so soundly, no one wished to wake you. Luffy insisted on only eating food you’d made, so we ate the pre-made meals in the fridge. I hope this is acceptable. I’m happy to see you’re able to sleep. I was certain you’d drop dead if you didn’t rest soon.

Below the lovely loops was Chopper’s hasty scroll.

Sanji! Come see me as soon as you wake up!

Sanji smiled but decided it might be best to wait until morning to wake the little doctor. He crept out of the room and toward the Galley. His body was stiff and aching, but it was midnight. He needed to make a pot of tea, just in case. 

Brook stopped by most nights at that time, woken from his sleep by the terrible feeling of unreality. Nothing felt real. Sanji couldn’t imagine seeing but never needing to blink, having the sensation of touch but no skin. To take breath but not see the rise and fall of a chest, to live, but not to have a heartbeat. Sanji would likely never feel truly at home in just his bones. 

Brook would get panicky and Sanji caught him once, ready to nick one of his ribs with his sword.

The skeleton dropped his head and cried as he said,

“I’m ashamed. What a relief. That must mean I’m still alive.”

Since then, Sanji made sure a hot pot of tea was ready in the witching hours. He was usually up that late doing prep anyway. Warm tea sliding down his nonexistent throat and pooling in his nonexistent stomach, always seemed to settle Brook’s nonexistent nerves.

But Brook had stopped coming to the galley after... after Whole Cake. Sanji waited up, tea cooled and reheated to stop it from over percolating. He ended up drinking the tea alone. 

It would probably be the same tonight, but Sanji just couldn’t risk it. He didn’t ever want Brook to feel so lost again, especially not in his Galley.

So he dragged his heavy body into the heart of every ship. He turned on the light and was surprised to find Brook sitting in his usual seat at the table. Brook looked equally surprised to see him.

“Sanji! I expected you to sleep another day at least.” 

“It’s midnight.” He shrugged and went about making the tea. It was a unique brew from the West Blue. He’d noticed the first time he made it for everyone, the way Brook stared at the cup after his first sip. He’d taken small sips till the tea was cold. Since then, Sani made sure to have a reliable stock of the blend on hand. “I wasn’t sure if you’d come.”

There was more hesitation in his voice than Sanji would have liked. Maybe a little hurt too.

Brook must have noticed because he was quiet for a moment before saying softly,

“After everything that happened, I knew you were exhausted. I didn’t want you to keep yourself awake on my behalf. Although it seems you kept yourself awake regardless?”

Sanji sat across from the musician while the water boiled. He rubbed the back of his neck.

“Yeah. Sleep, there were a lot of reasons I couldn’t sleep.”

Brook looked at him inquisitively, and if it wasn’t the strangest thing to know exactly what expression Brook had despite his skull's lack of movement.

“I believe we have time, if it would be helpful to talk about.”

“I think I’ve spilled my guts enough for a lifetime, thanks.” 

Except... if anyone could understand this it would be Brook. 

There were three reasons Sanji couldn’t sleep before yesterday. Two of them their musician would empathize with perfectly.

The kettle whistled and Sanji stood to finish the tea. His legs locked up, but relaxed again after a second or two. There was no chance Brook didn’t notice, but he didn’t comment. 

Sanji brought back two cups, warm to the touch.

Once he was settled in his chair, he looked down at the cup, the way the tea rippled from his breath, and said, quietly, as if it were some shameful secret,

“I wasn’t sure this was real.” Brook lowered his cup and gave Sanji his full attention. “Germa, they can do a lot. Locking me into some kind of dream while my body did horrible things, it’s not that much of a stretch. Or maybe it really is just a beautiful delusion I invented myself, so I didn’t have to stay in that place. If I close my eyes, and open them back where I was, I’d rather die than live that way again.”

Brook did understand. He’d imagined a reality with his old crew so many times when he was alone all those years. It had always felt real until it was suddenly and brutally ripped away from him. He wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone, let alone the Nakama he loved so dearly.

“Does the tea help?” Brook asked.

“No.” Sanji said solemnly. “Swimming does, pushing until it hurts. The pain helps.” 

“I understand.” 

“But if I’m not moving, not busy, when I’m just laying there, I remember. I can’t get the memories of what happened out of my head. Every moment of shame, every regret, every second of terror, they play out in my mind. Things that happened, or things that are worse. And I can’t stop it.”

Lastly, Sanji didn’t deserve the rest. He didn’t deserve a moment of peace. Not when someone had died to save his life. Not when he’d put his friends through so much. He had to be doing things to contribute, to prove that his life was worth sacrificing for. Otherwise they might leave him behind. 

Luffy wouldn’t want to, because their Captain was too kind and gave too many chances. But the crew would give him an ultimatum, the way Zoro did with Usopp. Them or him. What choice would Luffy have then?

He wasn’t ready to tell Brook about that. He doubted he’d be ready to tell anyone, ever.

“If you’d allow me, I might know a way to help.” Brook offered.

“Sure.”

Brook was standing in an instant, like he’d been a coiled spring waiting to do this for ages.

“Excellent! Now then, would you please lie down on the sofa?” 

Sanji moved at a slower speed, each movement sent stabs of pain through his body. He laid down on the sofa and let out a small breath of relief. The aching now was the kind he didn’t mind so much. The satisfying kind that came with a good stretch.

A gentle melody played somewhere near him. A ballad version of Bink’s Sake. Slow and soft, Sanji felt himself drift away on the melody.

Once Brook was certain Sanji was asleep, he set down his violin and pulled a blue knit blanket over the cook.

Sanji looked rather small this way. It was startling, sometimes, to remember that the passionate chef was only twenty one years old. Brook was old enough to be his father.

A solemn promise left his mouth, filling the dark stillness of the night with an oath that would cross oceans. 

“Judge Vinsmoke, the moment I lay eyes on you, you’ll suffer a fate worse than death.”

Brook has never broken a promise.

“But I don’t have eyes, yohohohho.” He laughed quietly. “I suppose I’ll just have to kill you, then.”

Brook was the first of the Straw Hats to make such a promise, but he certainly wasn’t the last.

Chapter 2: The Medicine That Mends You

Summary:

Sanji has kept a lot of secrets from his doctor. Chopper is less than thrilled about that.

Notes:

Thank you all for your Kudos and especially for your comments! I've never published so consistently before and it's all thanks to you!
This would have been up sooner but I found out I might have Breast Cancer and that's, understandably, been a distraction. I'll try to have a new chapter posted every Sunday!

Sanji woke to a set of very upset fur-covered eyes glaring at him.

“Good morning, Doctor.” He mumbled.

“Don’t think calling me that is gonna get you out of trouble, you jerk!” The reindeer pouted. “I know you read my note. You should have woken me up.”

Sanji smiled and sat up. How was he still so sore?

“You’re right, I should have.”

“Next time you will, right?”

“How about pancakes for breakfast? Extra syrup.”

“Don’t change the subject! Maple syrup?”

“Of course. I’ll report to your office as soon as breakfast if finished.”

“Promise? I know you’ve been avoiding it. And me.” Chopper fiddled with his hooves.

Sanji felt his heart break for the young doctor.

“It wasn’t you Chopper. You’re a great Doctor. I just, really couldn't handle being...examined.”

Understanding suddenly lit Chopper’s face, followed by heartbreak and anger.

“Those people, have no right to call themselves doctors.” Bitter tears were gathering in his eyes. Sanji had made his Nakama cry yet again. He laid his hand on Chopper’s head, mussing his fur. The kid wasn’t wearing his hat. He must have come to find him as soon as he woke up and saw Sanji’s hammock empty.

“No more tears, Chopper. I’ll be fine. After all, I have the best doctor in the New World looking out for me.”

That had the opposite effect he’d been going for. Tears and snot shot out of Chopper and he flung himself into Sanji’s arms.

“Shut up! You Jerk.”

Chopper didn’t seem like he was going to let go anytime, but Sanji could see the morning sunlight streaming through the window. He needed to start breakfast. He couldn’t bear to miss another meal. He stood and shifted Chopper’s weight to his hip, one arm holding him steady. It hurt, but Sanji knew not holding him would hurt more. So he mixed batter and cooked perfect circles of thick liquid till they were fluffy and golden brown, all with one hand. Chopper sniffed occasionally, but Sanji noticed the way one ear was perked up and pressed close to his heart.

Sneaky reindeer was starting his exam early. Chopper resituated so he was squeezing Sanji’s bicep. He was using himself like a blood pressure cuff. Sanji suddenly wondered about all the times their little doctor had clung like this on Zoro’s arm while he worked out. Was he monitoring the swordsman’s vitals the whole time? Sanji had thought it was just for fun. 

“You worry about us a lot don’t you?”

“Of course I do. I worry about all my patients, but especially the stubborn ones who work too hard and don’t ask for help and don’t follow Doctor’s orders.”

“Sorry, Doc. I’ll try to get better about that. At least better than Zoro is.”

Chopper giggled and hopped down out of Sanji’s arms. Sanji felt panicked at first, thinking he’d just dropped him. But Chopper landed perfectly on hooved feet, made for jumping to and from much higher heights.

Luffy burst into the Galley and pumped both fists into the air.

“Food!” He ran to the plates and grabbed the largest one, stacked high with perfect pancakes. Normally Sanji would whack the Captain’s hands away and make him wait for everyone. Sleeping through yesterday’s meals had probably led to smaller portions for Luffy. The others didn’t know just how much it took to keep their resident rubber man fed. Luffy burned through calories like fire though tissue paper, and on top of that, his stomach stretched. Sanji didn’t know that Luffy ever really felt full and it kept him up at night. The least he could do is make sure he wasn’t hungry. The least he could do was all he could do. That kept him up at night too.

Breakfast was devoured in a matter of minutes. Zoro tried to sneak Sake and got a shoe to his arm for his trouble. 

“You can’t have booze for every meal, moron!”

“Sanji. Breakfast is over.” Chopper said, his serious expression undermined by the syrup sticking to the fur around his mouth.

“I know, I know. Let me get the dishes taken care of and I’ll report to your office.” 

“The great captain Usopp has faced tougher challenges than this!” Usopp pushed up imaginary sleeves and plunged his arms elbow deep into soapy water.

Sanji shrugged, but his shoulders stayed tense.

“I’m all yours doc.”

The thing about Reindeer, they have excellent senses of smell. Chopper’s nose might be blue, but it worked better than any other crew members’.

Sanji’s scent was typically a mix between whatever he’d just cooked with, and a bitter something that was too smothered by cigarette smoke to identify. 

Chopper led Sanji down the hall with a determined expression and a wobbling chin.

Sanji hadn’t smoked at all since getting back from Whole Cake Island. 

“Please have a seat.” Chopper directed.

A fresh wave of bitterness wafted through the air and Chopper’s eyes stung.

It broke his heart to know that from the first day he’d met Sanji, he’d been afraid.

“Do you want my shirt off?”

“Everything, please. There’s a gown on the table for you. I’ll tun around until you’re ready-”

“It’s fine Chop. You’re just going to see it all anyway.”

“It’s not about that.” Chopper said firmly, anger coloring his tone. “It’s about giving you the respect you’re owed as a human being, and letting you keep your dignity.”

He kept his back to Sanji, readying his stethoscope and fiddling with the eartip. The voice was so quiet as it said,

“You’re a good Doctor.”

Chopper looked down at his hooves and said, meaning every word, 

“That doesn't make me happy at all.” Because basic human decency doesn't make a doctor good, it makes them a decent human. And this was Sanji’s standard.

“Ready.”

Chopper turned and started his examination. He listened to his heart first, it was slightly faster than it was when he’d been making breakfast. His blood pressure had already been high then. Unfortunately, Chopper doubted Sanji would take his advice to relax and limit his responsibilities for a while.

“Before I do an in depth physical exam, I’d like to get a picture of your bones.” Sanji raised an eyebrow. “Franky made it for me! Usopp got the blueprints from a great doctor after saving him from fifteen foot tall, blood thirsty vampire bats!” 

Sanji smirked and said,

“Alright then. What do I do?”

“You just lay down there and the machine above you will take a picture of all your bones inside!”

Sanji hesitated. Chopper hated that he was letting his friend force himself to do something that terrified him so much. He was moments away from caving and letting Sanji go, when the cook took a stealing breath and laid down.

Sanji laid perfectly straight and perfectly still. He was holding his breath too.

Chopper hurried to flip the switch so Sanji could relax.

“Okay! You can sit back up and relax now!” 

Sanji didn’t move.

“I don’t think it worked.”

Chopper shook his head and insisted, 

“It did. The pictures are being developed inside Franky right now. He’ll bring them by once they’re done printing. ANd don’t worry! He swore he wouldn’t look!”

“Huh. I thought photographing bones would have hurt.”

Chopper’s heart clenched in his chest. Oh.

“Nope. If I do something that’ll hurt you it’ll only be as a last resort.” His voice started wobbling. “And I’d always tell you first. You know that, right?” His little shoulders shook. He’d done such a good job at keeping his tears in. Dr. Kureha never cried in front of patients.

Sanji’s eyes were wide with alarm.

“Of course I do! I know! I just-” Sanji dipped his head. He slipped both arms out of his gown and let it pool at his waist.

Chopper staggered forward, hooves hovering above Sanji’s chest. A massive Y shaped wound was in the later stages of healing, some places already a glossy pink. 

“What...” The doctor breathed, shocked tears rolling down his cheeks, leaving lines of wet fur in their wake.

“I told you. Herma scientists don’t like failure. They tried fixing me.”

It was estranged, what happened in Chopper’s mind then. The overwhelming surge of emotion fell from a terrible wave to a ripple. He noted various injuries and decided on the best course of treatment. The cuts in his chest had been deep once, but they were healing well and had been stitched with surgical precision. He took the images from Franky, who had crashed into three walls and the door with his hand over his eyes, and saw evidence of both recent and childhood trauma. His orbital bones and ribs in particular were dense from repeated breaks.

Sanji stayed silent through it all, eyes hooded with shame. 

“You’re on mandatory light rest for a week. You can still cook, but no more massive feasts. You show some signs of recent malnourishment, so I want you to continue eating smaller meals or nutrient rich broth. Given your medical history I’m sure you’ll know when your body is ready to handle richer foods.”

“Chopper?”

“If you’re in any pain I can give you some of our stronger pain killers, they work for Zoro so they should be effective.”

“Chopper?”

“The incisions are healing well and there’s no sign of infection.”

“ Chopper .” Warm hands gently gripped under his armpits and scooped him into a hug. 

Chopper felt the sea inside of him resume its thrashing. He held Sanji as tightly as he dared and cried into his shoulder. He wailed.

“Don’t tell me this is okay! Don’t say it didn’t hurt! And don’t call those people doctors! Nobody that could do this is a doctor!”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. You’re right, it’s not okay. But it will be. I’ve got the best doctor in the world now, right?”

Chopper nodded frantically, accidentally spreading snot and salty tears on Sanji’s shoulder. He pulled back enough to wipe his eyes. He sniffed and asked,

“Could I stay on your shoulders for just a little while?”

Sanji smiled and nodded, lifting his aching arms to place Chopper on his shoulders.

“Let’s go make some snacks. How about apple-”

“Just apples! Not apple tarts, or apple-date bread, or cupcakes with caramel apple filling! Just apples!”

Sanji laughed, in spite of the stabbing pain that shot through his side with every rumble.

“Alright, just apples. And some jerky for Luffy.”

Chopper scrutinized him for a minute before conceding,

“Deal.”

The two passed out apples to everyone, Sanji continually apologizing for the lackluster snack and Chopper insisting that it was doctor’s orders. Nobody commented on the matted fur on the doctor’s cheeks.

That night, Sanji waited to take his bath until everyone else was done, even though the men usually bathed together. Chopper looked down at the water, remembering the shame on the cook’s face when he revealed the inhumane treatment he’d retrieved at the hands of people that called themselves doctors. Chopper had only had one father, and he’d loved the reindeer more than he loved his own life. If Dr. Hiriluk had never loved him, had treated him with disdain and cruelty, had ordered others to cut him open and put him back together ‘right’? Chopper didn’t know if a wound like that could ever stop hurting. The bath water rippled, once, twice. He didn’t want to cry anymore, but what else could he do for a man who thought he wasn’t worthy of anyone’s tears.

Suddenly he was moved to Zoro’s lap. No one said anything about it, continuing their casual conversation.

Chopper appreciated their consideration but there was something he needed to say. His voice was solemn but serious when he said,

“I’ve never killed anyone before.” The bath went silent. “I’ve never even wanted to. Not even Wapol. But,” His voice trembled with rage. “I’m a doctor. I know a lot of things that hurt, but don’t kill. If I ever see them, Judge, or those sadists that call themselves doctors, I’m going to pay back every second of fear and pain they inflicted. I really am.”

Zoro hummed in acknowledgement. Chopper wasn’t going to have the chance to bloody his hooves. There were too many members of the crew more experienced with killing and the desire to do so. Still, Zoro was proud of their youngest. He was growing up. Chopper’s first bloodlust.

Notes:

Chopper: What medical care did you recieve in Germa?
Sanji: They disected me and tried to remove a fundimental part of my humanity.
Chopper: foaming at the mouth.
Usopp: I think that qualifies as madical could not care less.

I figure Zoro would see this as Chopper becoming more of a man, since he told him not to cry and to take it like a man when he got traded to the foxy pirates.

Chapter 3: The Lie That Lifts You

Summary:

Usopp has a lot of feelings and I only know how to write like half of them.

Notes:

Mushu voice: I live!
Other chapters should be faster.. As much as a love Usopp, his perspective is so hard for me. I lean toward dialogue but a lot of what goes through his head never makes it out of his mouth. Cause ya know, liar. Will probably edit tomorrow for grammar and stuff.

Usopp was a lot of things. He was a first class sniper, a talented inventor, the proud son of a pirate. He’d claim to be half a dozen other things at the drop of a hat, but tall tales were easy for him. The truth, not so much. See, he knew that there was something else he was too. 

A coward. 

Sanji told him once that it was only human to be afraid of pain. That would have been more comforting if he weren’t in a crew with such monsters. 

Sanji leaving and coming back different, that was scary and painful. So what was a coward to do but run away? 

Sanji left them, and Usopp was afraid that maybe he wasn’t coming back. No he didn’t have abandonment issues, shut up! No it didn’t make him think of his dad, who promised to come back the way Sanji had, and then never did the way Sanji almost didn’t.

But they got Sanji back so everything was fine, right? Wrong! 

Because now Sanji was home but looked like his mom. On her bad days, when she was nearing the end of their time together, sometimes his mom would smile at him, but her eyes would be somewhere else. She was resigned and tired, so tired. And Sanji came back the same way. 

When Usopp heard that Sanji fought Luffy, he’d been angry. Sanji was making the same mistakes he had! Only Usopp left that fight with his fire still burning. Sanji, there was no light there anymore. And that scared him. And he ran.

Then he saw Sanji kick off his shoes and walk off the side of the boat. Usopp’s stomach fell with him. He threw himself at the rail and readied to jump in after him, when he realized Sanji was just swimming. In a three piece suit. He sunk to his knees and covered his mouth, breathing out of his nose harshly. It was fine, that was fine. Totally fine and normal and not concerning at all.

Finally, Sanji told them most of the story in an uncharacteristically frantic way. It wasn’t the angry, impassioned arguments he usually had with Zoro. It was like the swordsman had finally pried open the lid to Pandora’s box and every bad thing spewed out in a whirlwind that even the mightiest of heroes would shrink away from. 

Sanji ran away. Usopp did the dishes. Luffy broke some more stuff. That night, everyone went to bed but nobody went to sleep. Usopp was a pretty smart guy with a vivid imagination and stellar memory. Sanji had been shaking. Usopp was hard pressed to imagine a father so monstrous, the thought of them made Black Leg Sanji tremble. But he was wide awake all night imagining anyway.

The next day Sanji told them everything. Usopp retreated to his workshop after he was finished. He stayed there long enough that Franky took one look at him, threw him over his shoulder, and took him to the men’s quarters.

“Get some sleep Lil Bro. And eat with us in the galley tomorrow, Cook-Bro is worried about you.”

Usopp did, in fact, join them for morning pancakes, fluffy little circles from heaven. But he tried to avoid looking Sanji’s way. Chopper took Sanji away and the sniper did the dishes again. The hot water and inevitable scolding were he to break anything, kept Usopp's mind off of other things. At least for a while.

He couldn’t avoid Sanji the following morning. After Usopp had another full night to obsess over how badly Sanji had been hurt for Chopper, Chopper of all people to want to kill someone. 

He was in his workshop again, tinkering with a new star. Sanji came in with a plate of eggs and sausage. It was a simple meal, per doctor’s orders, but the color of the links told him that they were extra spicy and there was a generous amount of pepper on his eggs. 

“Hey. New project?”

It wasn’t unheard of for Usopp to get wrapped up in a project and miss a meal. Sanji would always bring him a warm plate. On those days they’d chat for awhile about what the tinkerer was working on or where he was stuck. Sanji didn’t know gunpowder from pencil lead, but sometimes talking things through out loud.

“Yeah. I'm working on making a life preserver star. I can get the air to compress with a mini dial that'll activate from the pressure of being shot, but it's been tricky finding the right thickness of the bladder. Too thin and the blast of wind blows right through it. Too thick and it won't fold up into the casing.” Sanji hummed and set the plate between Usopp and his latest project. 

“Like trying to stuff a sausage.”

Maybe? Possibly? Usopp stabbed at his food and relished the spicy, savory, perfectly textured flavor. 

Sanji shifted from foot to foot, which was so strange because Sanji was never nervous, he never faltered, unless there was a lady involved. This man saw Usopp at his most broken and pathetic and didn't bat an eye. He just pulled Usopp up and told him exactly what he needed to hear. He was kind. And he was brave. He didn't run away from anything. 

Only he had. 

Usopp had no idea what to do with that. 

“Thanks for taking care of the dishes. Chopper is insisting I let someone else take over that job for a week and you're the only one on the crew that won't break or chip the dishwasher. Excepting the ladies of course.”

“Of course! I'm, I'm just glad there's something I can do.” He really hated that that was all he could do. That and make a launchable life preserver, just in case. 

“I'm sorry.”

Usopp called in his eggs. The man who meets steel with shin and ire with fire, didn't apologize to anyone. Except the ladies. They were always the exception and Usopp was not going to think about why or he'd lose another night's sleep to phantom memories of skeletal hands and a raging fever that left his mother too hot and then too cold. Much, much too cold.

“What? I don't think anyone is upset that you left anymore?”

“Nami is. So is the stupid Mosshead. But that's not what I meant. I'm sorry that I'm not...” Sanji clenched his jaw, shoulders hiked up to his ears. “I'm not exactly a brave warrior of the sea anymore am I?”

Usopp felt his heart breaking all over again. How many times did that make it? Just in the past week? And always because of their stupid cook. 

Later, Usopp would let himself cry and kick himself because of course Sanji thought Usopp was ashamed of him now. Of course he thought he was being shunned. Later, Usopp would make plans for a new star. One that could punch through steel-skin like a fork through sausage. After all, Nakama were supposed to do what their crew members couldn't. Sanji couldn't kill Judge and the Germa Princes. Usopp could though. Probably...

But Sanji didn't need any of that right now. Usopp knew exactly what he needed to hear with such perfect clarity, he wondered if this was how Sanji felt that night during Aqua Legoona.

“What are you talking about, Sanji? I didn't see you any differently than I did before? Why would I?” Cause Usopp is many things but most of all, he's a liar. He pulls his best confused, happy face and seamlessly redirects the conversation back to the food, then his project, then that he'd need to do dishes now that he'd cleared his plate. 

Sanji tipped his head back and groaned. 

“By now someone else's probably tried. My poor plates.”

Usopp cackled and followed him back on deck. It occurred to him, as Sanji but his tongue and did not murder their Captain for breaking half the breakfast plates, that Sanji hadn't totally changed.

Sanji was kind. Even when he was angry, he was kind. So kind he saw a sniveling broken man and propped him up till he could stand on his own and do the thing no one else could. Sanji was so kind he believed in Usopp long before Usopp believed in himself.

I do what you can't do, and you do what I can't do.

Sanji didn't love himself. Usopp would have to love him twice as much.

Notes:

Not Usopp compulsively making something to save Sanji incase he ever really did jump into the ocean for non training or rescue related reasons.

Chapter 4: The Stories That Soothe You

Summary:

Sanji thought he was fully recovered. Haha, nope!
There's one part in this that might make more sense if you read the previous fic in this series.

Notes:

The whole fic is going to be edited and reposted once it's finished. Just so I can fix grammatical errors. But I want to keep posting so I can keep up the motivation to finish it.

Sanji hadn’t expected to pass out. It was nearly time to turn in and Sanji was doing some light prep work in the kitchen. It was simple enough for his mind to wander, even with Usopp telling him a tall tale about their time apart. His memories played out in his mind without his permission as he peeled carrots. His Mom’s smiling down at him while thanking him for the food. He only ever remembered her smiling at him. How could she be happy to see him when his life is what killed her? When she had suffered for years for a child that was weak? He remembered the day she died. Her skin was grey and she was barely breathing. She saw him through lidded eyes and smiled at him before he was ushered out of the room. For the first seven years of his life, his mom was the only person that was happy to see him, and he killed her. 

His chest ached and he set down his peeler to press the heel of his palm against his sternum.

“Sanji? You okay?”

Sanji grit his teeth. It felt like Yonji had just launched his fist into his chest. Like Niji had just kicked him down and pinned him against a wall. He could hear their snickering laughter smothering the sound of his strained breathing. Ichiji was just watching for now. 

“Sanji, breathe!”

He was trying. It’s hard to breathe with a boot on your chest. His whole body hurt. Sanji didn't remember them beating him but they must have. Had he hit his head?

“H-hey, I’m getting Chopper, okay? I’ll be right back!”

Something hot was dripping down his face and clogging his nose and it nobody took the helmet off he was going to drown-

Sanji must have passed out because the next thing he knew he was staring at the ceiling of the infirmary. His head was pounding like Franky had mistaken his skull for the haul of the Sunny and was hammering in rivets.

Something soft and wet wiped under his nose and he jerked away, eyes shooting open.

Robin pulled away, using an extra arm to throw away the damp pink dish cloth she’d been holding.

“Good morning, Cook. How are you feeling?”

Sanji let his head fall back down against his pillow.

“Tired. I already slept.”

“It does take more than a day to recover from weeks of little to no sleep.”

Did it? Sanji had always thought his body should be able to bounce back almost immediately. It didn’t but it should , right? 

Sometimes he forgot that he was weak compared to his brothers, not humanity at large.

“I’m sorry for the inconvenience. I was tired, but I didn’t think I’d pass out like that.”

“Of course not. You wouldn’t disregard your health if it meant frightening your Nakama. You would consider how our sniper felt were you to suddenly lose consciousness after becoming unresponsive and getting a nose bleed. You would have the foresight to know our young doctor would agonize over what went wrong and what he could have done to prevent such a disaster. You certainly would never make either of them cry.”

Robin said, each word as piercing as her gaze.

Sanji looked away, shame heating his cheeks.

“Someone that determined not to be a burden, couldn’t be called anything but.” He said, feeling properly chastened. 

An arm appeared from out of his sheets and the slender hand gently moved his head back toward Robin.

She was just as sincere as she had been before, blue eyes just as serious.

“Nakama are never burdens. Wasn’t it you who taught me that?”

That was different , was on the tip of his tongue. But his mind flashed back to that night in the galley, when she held his hand and stayed up with him all night. Understanding without him having to say a word. How could he reject her empathy?

“I guess I was.”

“I know you don’t want to burden us, Sanji. But it hurts us more to see you disregard yourself. You are our precious cook after all.” Robin smiled, wistful and affectionate and it took his breath away.

“You smile like my mom.” He said. Immediately Sanji covered his face with both hands. Why had he said that? Could he pretend he hadn’t said that? Robin would let it go right? Right?

“That is the kindest compliment anyone has ever given me.” Sanji peaked out at her, shocked. Robin was looking down at him with wide eyes. “I don’t remember much about my mother. But I never felt more loved than when she smiled at me. I, never thought I would be able to express anything like that.”

Sanji replied in earnest.

“You are, Robin. Everyone on his ship knows it.”

Robin settled back in her chair.

“Thank you. What was your mother like? If you’d rather not talk about it, that’s alright.”

Sanji shook his head, despite the way it made the world tilt and spin.

“I haven’t been able to in so long, I thought I’d forget her all together.” He looked up at the ceiling and tried to picture her. “Her name was Sora. She was the kindest person I’ve ever met.”

Sanji talked until his throat was dry and his eyes were drooping.

“I’m honored I reminded you of someone so beloved, even just for a moment.”

Sanji said, eyes closed.

“You always have. Elegant and kind. Smiling, but always a little sad and scared. Someone who’d give up everything for the people you love and they’d never even know.”

Robin brushed Sanji’s bangs to the side.

“Earlier, you were restless in your sleep. Would it be alright if I stayed here and read for a while?”

Sanji hummed.

Robin opened a hardback book with a worn green cover.

“North Blue Fairy Tales. Chapter One, Noland the Liar.”

 

Sanji was soundly asleep before Noland set out on his first adventure. Robin pulled his covers over his shoulders. Their cook had a good heart, better than he believed. Robin leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. In her mind, she mapped out the interiors of sea fortresses and imagined what changes would have to be made to accommodate for being built on the back of a snail. She wondered if metal skin would make a neck more difficult to break, or if she’d just have to twist it further, till the spinal cord snapped.

Robin had spent decades killing for things she cared about far less than her Nakama.

Somewhere, someday, Judge Vinsmoke would smell the sweet scent of cherry blossoms, and nothing else.

Notes:

Bwahahaha! Another one bites the dust, another one bites the dust, and another one down and another one down-
Robin and Sanji get eachother. Sanji knows what it's like to feel like and be treated like he was just born under a bad star.

Chapter 5: The Anger That Avenges You

Summary:

Franky has so many feelings. He's better at dealing with them than the others though. At least that's what he thought.

Notes:

I survived the holiday season! My health is still an up in the air mystery but we've figured out at least one thing that might help a little. I'm hoping to post a chapter a week until completion. Maybe I'll finish it up on Valentine's day. Thank you so much for everyone who's commented! It helps me write so much faster. Plus I'm scatter brained so it reminds me that this exists and people might be waiting on it.

Franky had always been an angry kid. Even in that hazy time before he met Tom, he'd been angry. And angry kids grow into angry adults. 

Of course, he put that same passion into everything he did, and he'd become angry about fewer and fewer things since he joined the Straw Hats. 

But when he felt his chest tighten and the skin on his back heat up and his heart, damaged as it was, start to pump harder than it had to to supply half a body, it was a feeling he remembered like an old friend. 

He'd been worried before, about Sanji and the way he stopped complaining and speaking unless he was spoken to. Franky never worried about the training, that was something he could understand. The need to become strong enough no one could hurt you. But he worried about the other changes. The way he was holding everything in. He wanted to know what happened but no one who knew would tell him! Darling Robin had asked him with red rimmed eyes to let Sanji tell them in his own time. And frankly found there were very few things he could deny his Darling. 

So he kept leaving openings for his little bro to talk about it. To get it off his chest. In hindsight, he may have been too subtle, but since when was that a problem he'd ever had before? 

When Sanji finally told them everything, he'd been ready to turn The Sunny around, find his so-called father and his so-called brothers and fight them with every weapon in his arsenal. He was so angry he cried in Robin's arms that night. But then he tucked that anger away. Because he was older than most of the crew, and anger was something he knew very well. So was grief. He'd deal with his own after making sure everyone else was going to be okay. 

Usopp was hiding. 

Chopper was heartbroken. Poor kid had a healer’s heart, not a brawler’s.

Zoro, the idiot, looked lost. Like a kid that looked up and saw a parent falling apart for the first time. 

Nami was acting like she was fine but her jaw was always clenched. And she looked at Sanji like she wanted to ask him something but was afraid another blow was all it would take to break him for good. Franky could understand that. There were several questions he was keeping tucked away in his chest, between his scarred heart and the mini fridge.

Brook was quiet. It was alarming until he confided to the shipwright that he was plotting. Franky could understand that too.

Jinbei was handling things pretty well. Or maybe Franky just didn't understand him at all yet. Either could be true.

His dear Robin had woken from nightmares every night since she sat up talking with their cook, shortly after he returned to them.

He'd hold her and feel so helpless and it made him so angry. 

So he did what he did best. He built things. He built things strong enough to punch through steel. He built things strong enough to plow through armies. He built them and he squirrelled them away for when Luffy told them they could go after Germa. Because surely, their Captain would give that order sooner rather than later. 

He'd left a particularly brutal weapon out on his work bench and gone for a cola. He came back to find Sanji standing over the bench with a can of the same soda in his hand. 

His shaking hand.

“Hey hey little bro! What's up?”

Sanji jerked back and away from the weapon. He held the can out toward Franky, head looking down and away from him. 

“I thought you could use a drink. It's been a few hours.”

“Thanks bro! That was super nice of you!”

Sanji nodded and darted out of the room, pressing the beverage into his hands as he passed. 

Franky scratched his head. 

What?? Was he upset that Franky was making anti-jerky-brothers-missiles?

He ascended out of his workshop and found Sanji getting ready to take another one of his swims. 

“Hey, hold up!” He called, hurrying to the side of the ship before their conversation had to be held between breaths of air and salt water. 

Sanji kept his back to him but moved his hands into his pockets. 

“It's fine. That you made it. It's good, even. I already asked Zoro, but this, it's smart to have a back up.”

Franky’s brow furrowed. 

“How come he gets to do it?!”

Sanji turned to face him and said incredulously, 

“I didn't realize anyone would fight for the honor.”

“Well yeah! We all would! Darling Robin has already made plans, I'm sure Jinbie would help out, and you should see the stuff Usopp is cooking up in his corner of the workshop-”

“How many people do you think it's going to take to kill me?!” Sanji shouted, eyes wide. 

Franky didn't have a stomach anymore but somehow he felt it drop. 

“What?” 

He could practically hear Zoro sneering at him, who looks like a lost little kid now?

Sanji was less wounded, more confused. 

“For if I change? Become a conscienceless killing machine? To put me down before I can hurt anyone.”

Franky staggered back and gripped the side rail of the sunny. He felt physically ill. He couldn't throw up anymore, but he was sure if he could he'd be hurling into the ocean right now. 

Black dress socks stepped closer. 

“Franky? You alright?”

Franky looked up at the cook, whose brow was pinched in concern and hands were outstretched to catch him and who was still so stupid young and so stupid kind-

Franky grabbed him and lifted him up into his arms. He sobbed over Sanji’s protests and ducked his head to cover the blond‘s. He wanted to carve out a hollow place in his chest and tuck Sanji away from everything or everyone that might hurt him, including his own stupid brain. 

“I made them for your brothers! I swear! I was talking about getting rid of them, not you! Never you! Even if you changed I'd find a way to fix it! That's what I do! I just got so angry-”

And hadn't he already learned this lesson from Tom? Those weapons had hurt Sanji. In the wrong hands, those weapons could kill Sanji. 

He offered a silent apology to Tom for once again daring to wish he'd never built something. 

“Oh.” Sanji breathed. The relief in his voice sent fresh tears down Franky's cheeks. 

“I'm so sorry!”

Sanji awkwardly pat his arm and said, 

“Ah, it's okay, big guy. I should have known you're too much of a softy to see something like that through.”

Franky set Sanji down but kept both hands on his shoulders. He was serious and earnest and trying so hard to get this through Sanji's thick skull as he said, 

“I'm serious Sanji. I don't even throw away scrap metal. You think I'm going to throw away a human being?”

Sanji looked away and smiled wryly.

“I wouldn't exactly be human anymore.”

Franky gave him a little shake and said, 

“Hey, look at me. Look at me, Sanji.”

Sanji looked up, startled, because if Franky used your real name you listened up and you listened well. 

“Do I look human to you?”

Sanji blinked and shook his head in protest, 

“It's not the same-”

“I rebuilt most of my body. My heart barely beats. I have metal for skin and no lungs, no guts, no stomach. And you feed me anyway. Even though you know that it’s going straight to an incinerator that's sitting where my kidneys should be. Cause I missed eating. And because you're one of the most human people I know.”

“If things like that make me human then what happens when it all goes away . If, if it all goes away.” he scrunched up his eyes as he made the correction.

“Then I guess you'll be a monster.” Sanji dropped his head. “Chopper told me what you told him. Back when I first joined the crew I was a little, uh, wary, about not being normal. He said he told you he was a monster. And later, when Luffy was avenging Heraluk, you said he was a monster too. So if you do change you'll be in good company. An assassin, a witch, a god, a rubber man, a talking reindeer, a warlord Fishman, a demon, a skeleton, and a cyborg centaur. Yeah!” Franky extended his front half hoping for a laugh. He got a little smile and took the win. 

“Alright then. I still want you to keep the-”

“Nope. I'm burning them immediately.”

“What?! No!”

“Oh I'm super serious about this, bro. If you lose yourself, I'll fix it. And I won't let you hurt anyone.” Franky used his massive hand to ruffle Sanji's hair. The cook hated that. “I won't let anyone else hurt you either. I'd better reinforce my skin if I'm going to stop one of Zoro's blows.”

Sanji flattened his hair and grouched,

“He'd kick your butt.”

Franky shrugged. 

“It'd be worth it. You still going for a swim?”

Sanji huffed and slid his shoes back on. 

“I don't have time anymore. I have to prep lunch.”

“Oh well. We should race next time!”

“I'd smoke you.” Sanji grinned. 

“I'd cheat!” Franky proudly declared. 

Sanji rolled his eyes but left grinning.

Franky took the win. He headed back down to his workshop. 

Neither of them saw the navigator standing in the shadow of the nectarine tree, her eyes shaded.

 

Franky crushed and burned all the weapons and schematics immediately. He couldn't use weapons to kill Sanji's tormentors without creating weapons that could kill Sanji. He'd just have to use his bare hands then. Franky grinned as anger bubbled up in his chest like freshly cracked cola. He closed his fist around the last piece of a launching apparatus and felt the metal buckle under his grip as it screeched. Yeah, he was super down with this new plan.

Notes:

Franky is the best big bro. He's determined to show Sanji what a brother is supposed to be. He's just a little caught up in his feels at the moment.

Chapter 6: The Questions That Coax You

Summary:

Nami has questions that need to be answered.

Notes:

I finished the first draft of my novel so I have more time to work on this! Happy Chapter to everyone who's commented!

Nami didn’t come to lunch. Sanji made her a plate but stopped at the galley door. He hadn’t been alone with Nami since before Whole Cake Island. He had seen the anger, rolling like storm clouds in her eyes. She still wouldn’t accept the snacks he offered her. 

Robin stood from her chair gracefully and said,

“I thought I’d chat with Nami this afternoon. Why don’t I take that to her?”

Sanji smiled at the architect, grateful for the way out. Still, he shook his head. Whatever was coming, Sanji couldn’t run from it anymore.

“Thank you Robin. I have something I need to talk over with Dear Nami myself. Would you mind waiting an hour or so?”

Robin smiled in understanding, and maybe a little pride too. 

The walk to Nami’s room took longer than it should have. Sanji may or may not have taken a wrong turn or two on purpose. 

When he knocked at the door Nami called for him to come in. Rather than at her writing desk like he expected, Nami was sitting on the edge of her bed, arms folded, waiting for him.

Sanji entered cautiously, holding out her sandwich and orange slices and whispered,

“Would you eat first?”

Before ripping into him?

Nami took the plate without a word.

She ate in silence and during that time Sanji’s anxiety only grew. He’d seen Nami angry before. He’d been on the receiving end of her particularly loud lectures more than once. This was a different kind of rage. 

Nami wiped her mouth with the napkin he’d provided and set her plate to the side. 

“Have a seat.” She said.

Sanji pulled out the chair from her desk and quickly sat down.

It was another minute before Nami said a word. She just sat there, eyes shadowed as she leaned forward and rested her forearms on her knees.

“I have a few questions. I want you to answer me honestly. Honestly .”

“I will.”

“I’m serious, Sanji. None of this, ‘ I’m only lying to spare your feelings .’ I need to hear the truth.”

Sanji bowed his head.

“Okay.”

“Did you know that Luffy would follow you?”

Sanji shook his head.

“I didn’t.”

“He came for me. He came for Robin. Why would you be any different?”

Sanji tried to swallow back his shame but he choked on it.

“I’m, I’m not-” He leaned forward, propped up on his elbows as he heaved a breath. “The two of you were worth fighting for. It wouldn’t be hard to find another cook.”

“It would be impossible. We’d never find anyone else.” Nami insisted. “You’re not as easy to replace as a burnt out stove or a chipped knife.” Sanji wanted to argue that. It’s true that he was a phenomenal cook, but he’d never claimed or wanted to be the best. There were others who could fill his shoes with ease. Jinbei could easily take up his role in combat. “Stop that. You think we could find a cook that would care about Zoro’s nut allergy? Or find a way Chopper can have sweets without being unhealthy? It’s not the position that we can’t replace, it’s you .”

“Oh.” The lump in his throat got bigger and his chest was tight. His heart hurt. He was used to that. So why did tears spring to his eyes now?

“Next question. Why didn’t you tell us you were so hurt?”

Sanji blinked back his tears and furrowed his brow.

“What do you mean?”

“I broke into Chopper’s desk. It’s been a while since I had to pick a lock but I’ll never forget how to. I saw his report. You sat with those injuries all the way to Wano and for a week after. Why?”

Sanji shrugged.

“Everything had pretty much healed.”

“And?”

Sanji grit his teeth. He hated this. He’d spent so much time pointedly not thinking about this. He hated that Nami was asking and he hated that he was going to answer.

“I wanted to pretend it never happened. That nothing had changed. That I hadn’t changed.”

But he had. And he hated it.

“When they came for you, why didn’t you just tell us?”

Sanji recoiled. Was she really asking him that? He thought out of everyone, the women of the crew would understand that choice. They had made that same choice themselves.

Why didn’t you tell us about Arlong?” He bit.

Nami glared and said without missing a beat,

“The only person that tried to save me from Arlong before Luffy got her head blown off.”

Sanji shook his head.

“It’s the same thing-”

“It’s not! You saw Luffy fight for me! You helped! And then we fought for Robin too! Why wouldn’t you let us fight for you?!”

Nami was on her feet, baiting Sanji to meet her anger with his own. That was the only question she really needed answered.

Why aren’t you angry?

Rather than meet her, temper for temper, Sanji deflated.

This isn’t what she wanted. She wanted him to fight for himself .

“Because I love you. And I was scared.” 

Declarations of love from Sanji were usually grandiose and loud. Nami was caught off guard by the simple, quiet, statement.

Sanji loves them. Sanji was scared.

Nami fell back onto her bed.

It really was the same reason Nami ran from them and back to Arlong. That Robin ran from them and into Enies Lobby. 

“You weren’t just scared for us then...” If Sanji had felt what they had felt...

“I didn’t want you to see the person I was because of them, when I was around them. I was afraid you’d take one look at me and-” Sanji couldn’t stop the tears rolling down his cheeks. He forced his eyes to the ceiling. “-you wouldn’t want me anymore.”

Sanji was knocked back out of his chair.

Nami held him tight and sobbed, Sanji cradled the back of her head when they first fell over. An added layer of protection that she didn’t even need because she was on top of him. 

“We want you. We want you, Sanji.” Sanji moved his free hand to cover his eyes. If Nami looked, she’d still see the tears streaming down into his hairline. She didn’t look. “If you can’t hate them, I’ll hate them for you. If you can’t be angry I’ll be angry for you. If you can’t fight for yourself, fight because we’d be lost without you. And we’ll be there to fight with you.” 

Sanji left the room after a good long cry. Nami hated the way she felt after emptying herself like that. Her nose was wet and her eyes itched and her head ached. But Sanji had left looking lighter than he had since he left her and Usopp behind that day, so she decided feeling gross for a while was worth it.

In her anger, she had pushed him harder than she probably should have. She’d pushed too soon. Sanji was still fragile, even if he didn’t want to be. But when you’re angry, red vision sweaty palms, heated cheeks kind of angry, there’s no room for any other emotion. No room for regret.

Nami picked up her chair and stood at her desk. Given the part of the sea they left Germa in, and the islands nearest them, Nami charted out their most likely course. The currents wouldn’t affect giant sea snails as much as ocean temperature did, so she fractured that into likely movements. If she was right, and Nami was always right about things like this, they’d be in the same ten miles of sea in a month. 

Nami made a note on her calendar and counted down the days until she could turn her anger against those who actually deserved it. She’d spare Reiju from the worst of it. Nami knew the position she was in, but couldn’t bring herself to totally forgive anyone who hurt her Nakama. 

In twenty-four days, Nami would dive into her rage and show them what real lightning looks like. And when it was over, she wouldn’t feel any regret at all.

Notes:

Nami is so hard to write in a situation like this. Because she hates feeling helpless but the people she's angriest with aren't there to face her wrath.
I skipped ahead in my doc and wrote out the last paragraph of the whole fic and guys, guys, it might be my favorite thing i've ever written. Sorry novel first draft it's true.

Chapter 7: The Trust to Talk to You

Summary:

Sanji and Zoro finally talk! Eventually! Reading the previous fic would be helpful for context in this chapter but I don't think it's totally necessary.

Notes:

It's the longest chapter I've written so far! I had planned to post Zeff's chapter first, and I had it half finished when I decided that Zoro's chapter really needed to come first.

Sanji woke to the sound of cannon fire and Usopp shouting.

He jumped out of his hammock and up on deck, beating half the crew there. Usopp was the ideal lookout for the midnight shift. He has keen eyes and is anxious about every shadow. Too highly strung to fall asleep or overlook a ship because he thought it was just a sea stack.

For a boat to be in firing range before the sniper sounded the alarm, the enemy would have had to be especially stealthy or especially fast. 

Sanji took in the scene in an instant. The ship was half the size of Sunny, but heavily armored. There were six canons lining the hull, each firing and rocking their ship, but not damaging it. 

Usopp was firing at the pirates who ran across a rope to board Sunny. The harpoon had pierced her hull. 

Sanji growled and launched himself over to the enemy ship.

There were maybe fifty pirates. He watched for any devil fruit powers or outstanding physical abilities. There were none. What were these idiots thinking attacking the Straw Hat pirates?

Zoro, Franky, and Luffy joined him on deck. Sanji swept a group off their feet and he heard someone say,

“What were you thinking?! I thought you checked their flag!?”

“I didn’t think they’d be all that strong! They didn’t even notice us coming!”

Sanji frowned. That wasn’t like Usopp at all.

Someone came up behind Sanji, running past Zoro. Sanji twisted backwards and kicked him in the head.

He singled out the one who’d been shouting, who he assumed was their captain, and said,

“It’s not too late to run away. Our Captain doesn't have much fun fighting people that don’t fight back.”

The man pulled out a massive sword and said grimly,

“If I ran now, I couldn’t call myself a pirate with pride.”

Sanji shrugged and lit up his left leg. If he wanted a real fight, he’d give him his best.

Sanji spun through the night countering blows from the captain in front and dispatching the groups that came after him from behind. On top of that, he had to watch his Nakama’s backs. Zoro didn’t trust him to do that anymore, so he’d have to work hard to prove he could. From the deck of the Sunny he imagined his burning leg must look like one of Usopp’s ground spinning fireworks. The enemy captain was knocked back by a harsh kick and hit his head against the wall of a cabin. It was a pathetic way to end a fight, but it was a pretty pathetic fight to begin with. Out of the fifty on deck, Sanji had beaten thirty-seven.

He sky-walked back to the deck of the Sunny, where Usopp was apologizing profusely, to the crew present and to Sunny herself, stroking the wood around the splintered section of hull.

“I don’t remember falling asleep, I swear! I mean, I knew I was tired, I haven't been sleeping the best, but I never fall asleep on watch! I’m so sorry!” 

Sanji placed his hands back into his pockets and said,

“I’ll make some snacks.” He was already thinking through how he could incorporate Pike and spice without destroying the flavor of the fish. They were Usopp’s favorite foods though, so he wanted to make it work. Maybe he could use Pike in place of chicken and make spicy Pike sandwiches? 

Zoro followed him into the Galley and Sanji was expecting him to demand Sake. Instead the swordsman got in his face, breath hot and demanded something else entirely.

“What was that?”

Sanji was genuinely confused, which only made Zoro angrier.

“What are you talking about?”

“You were fighting like you were the only person there.” He accused.

Sanji reviewed the battle in his mind. He’d been very aware of where everyone was and how they were moving. He’d even kept track of their crewmates who were still on the ship.

“What because I beat more of them than you did? Your pride hurting?” Sanji snarled. 

He and Zoro hadn’t fought in ages and Sanji missed it. The words still echoed in his ears when Sanji saw him.

Even when I couldn’t stand you, I could trust you to have my back. To look out for the rest of the crew. Now I can’t. It’s as simple as that.

He couldn’t help but notice how Zoro always kept one eye open around him, even when the swordsman was usually lazing around on deck. 

Zoro watched him the way he would watch a stranger, someone he wasn’t sure was an ally or an enemy. Someone he couldn’t trust.

“You changed the way you fight.” Zoro reemphasized, as if that were something so utterly earth shattering.

“No I haven’t?! I didn’t use my hands, I watched you're back, I watched everyone’s backs! So what’s your problem!?”

“That! You watched my back, and I watched yours! We’ve fought that way since Arlong Park and now it’s like I’m fighting with someone I don’t know! And that’s a problem!”

Zoro’s chest was heaving and his expression was angry, but here’s the thing. Sanji had learned at a very young age to identify what others were feeling. He saw Reiju smile or laugh almost every day but he knew she wasn’t really happy. He saw his father move a certain way and knew from the other side of the room that the king of Germa was in a foul mood. He knew the moment he woke up from another round of experiments, that the doctors had failed to fix him, based solely on the terror in their eyes and the way their jaws were clenched beneath their surgical masks.

So he saw Zoro, nostrils flared, chest heaving, white knuckle gripping his white sword, and Sanji saw a man who was hurt.

It took a moment to reconcile Zoro with someone who could be hurt. Emotionally, that is. They’d always been alike in temperament, so Sanji really should have considered that they might be alike in other ways.

Why didn’t you let me watch your back?

Is what Zoro was trying to ask.

Sanji tried to think of an answer. He had no problem delivering a painful truth to Zoro, but Sanji himself wasn’t sure why.

It wasn’t like Zoro had ever failed to watch his back before. Any fight they entered was met with blade and flesh in equal measure. You could place a certain trust in a rival that you couldn’t place in anyone else. They would always behave in the way you predicted, meeting you ire for ire or force for force. He could always trust Zoro to protect the crew when they were in danger. He had half expected to see the Mosshead battling Germa alongside Luffy-

“Oh.”

“Oh?! What Oh?!”

Sanji looked away, hands still hidden in his pockets and said,

“I guess, I don’t trust you to have my back anymore.” He turned to get out his skillet. He didn’t have time to make Pike anymore. He’d have to make pancakes, which were always a source of comfort to Usopp, instead. “It’s as simple as that.”

Sanji mixed the batter quickly and poured perfect circles into the pan. By the time they were bubbling, Sanji had thought more about the moment he’d realized that out of a crew of eight excluding himself, only half his friends had come to save him. He’d been relieved. He’d been devastated. He wasn’t sure what he felt now. He flipped the pancakes.

The smell of food drew Luffy into the room, followed by a red eyed Usopp, and Chopper. Their doctor was sitting on Usopp’s shoulders, and Sanji wondered if he was monitoring his breathing and pulse the same way he had Sanji’s.

“Snack will be ready in five minutes.”

“Pancakes?” Usopp asked.

“Yup. We had some leftover batter from a few days ago.” He lied. He flipped another pancake and Luffy snatched it out of the air while it was still half raw. Sanji spun and yelled,

“Don’t eat that, it’s not finished yet!”

Zoro was still standing in the middle of the room.

Nami, Robin, and Brook entered, each taking their seat and thanking Sanji for the food.

“Franky is just making a few minor repairs.” Nami said. “Shouldn’t take him more than three minutes.”

Sanji nodded and opened the fridge to get out some cola for later. He grabbed a bottle of Sake as well and pressed it against Zoro’s chest as he passed. 

This was usually their peace offering. Sanji would give Zoro Sake, Zoro would volunteer to do the dishes. It was their way of apologizing or saying, hey, this doesn't need to be a big deal.  

Zoro put the bottle down on the counter harshly and stormed out of the galley.

Sanji flinched at the obvious rejection and flipped another pancake.

Nami turned in first, followed by Usopp when a sleepy Chopper insisted he was too tired to walk and that the sniper had to carry him to bed. Conniving little doctor. Robin left with Franky after offering to do the dishes. Sanji kindly turned her down of course. Brook stayed up later, long past the time Sanji had made him a cup of tea and washed and cleaned everything. Eventually he too called it a night, playing a lullaby on his violin as he walked down to the men’s quarters. 

“I’m not giving you another snack.” Sanji said pointedly.

Luffy watched him with his wide dark eyes that saw through people like they were glass rather than flesh and bone. 

Suddenly, the captain leapt to his feet, slapping a closed fist into his open hand.

“Alright then. We’ll just have to prove it to you.”

“Captain?”

Luffy waved as he yawned and said,

“Night Sanji, see you tomorrow.”

Sanji was alone in the galley, baffled as he often was by the enigma that is Monkey D. Luffy.

Sanji put the Sake away and headed up on deck. He was wide awake and it wasn’t fair to stick Jinbei with the rest of the shift when he’d taken first watch that night.

He stopped dead in his tracks when he heard Zoro sniff,

“Only when I fail. Utterly and completely. I don’t make a habit of it.”

“I see. Still, there’s no shame in crying. I’ve known many great men and women in my time. None of them were immune to tears. The greatest of them even embraced it.”

“Well, you’ll never see me cry again. I’m never going to fail again.”

“An admirable goal.” Jinbei said. “Though not, perhaps, entirely possible. I imagine this has something to do with our dear cook?”

Zoro leaned his weight onto his folded forearms as he looked out at the dark and choppy sea.

“Yeah.” He breathed.

Sanji should leave. He’d stumbled upon something private and now that the shock has worn off, he should go.

Except... he and Zoro couldn’t last two sentences without being at each other's throats. He’d only ever seen the man cry when Mihawks cut him down at the Baratie. Maybe, this was the only way to figure out what was going on in that thick moss-head of his?

“Then I suggest you discuss it with him.” Of course the helmsman went and ruined his plans immediately. “He is right here.” Oh. So Jinbei is a snitch.

Zoro whipped around as Sanji stepped forward. Both were embarrassed and awkwardly not looking at each other.

“I’m rather tired.” Jinbei grinned. “I trust the two of you will keep a good watch for us.” The whale shark fishman left them to their... whatever it was going to be.

Sanji toed the deck and said,

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to, hurt you. I didn’t even know I could, to be honest.”

Zoro crossed his arms over his chest and huffed.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you either. Back then. I didn’t understand what was happening with you. You were acting like a different person and you were keeping secrets and I can’t trust someone I don’t know. Still, I should have at least tried to talk it out before things blew up. I’m not the greatest at that, you know?” He growled.

Sanji’s brow furrowed.

“Do you think, does it seem like I’m cha-”

“No.” Zoro cut him off, suddenly looking him dead in the eyes. “I’ve been watching you. You aren't changing. You’re wounded. A man is bound to act different when he’s recovering.”

Sanji felt a weight lift off his chest. He took Zoro’s place at the rail, the swordsman turning to face the ocean as well. This conversation would be easier to have if they weren’t looking at each other while they had it. And Sanji finally felt like they could have it.

“You weren’t there.”

Zoro looked at him, confused.

“What are you-”

“My brother kicked me in the back.”

Zoro swallowed and looked back down at the ocean.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Sanji held in that part of him was glad not everyone had come. That he wasn’t worth rescuing in the first place. Those weren’t the problem. “I needed you. I hate saying it, but it’s true. I needed...even if you couldn’t get me to leave any more than Luffy or Nami or Chopper or Brook could, I needed my Nakama. All of them. And you weren’t there.”

Everyone had gone to save Nami. Everyone had gone to save Robin. Sanji was only worth half a rescue team.

It wasn’t true and it wasn’t fair but it was how Sanji felt and he couldn’t help it. 

“I’m sorry.”

Zoro’s voice was rough and tight and Sanji thought that if he looked, the man might be crying again. Sanji didn’t look.

“We’ll be fine. Just take the Sake next time, moron.” Sanji offered an olive branch. An apology for making him cry and something to say, hey, it doesn't have to be a big deal.

Zoro chuckled and dropped his head.

“Alright.” Zoro accepted it. “But I’m doing the dishes till you stop moping and fight me.”

“Moping?!”

“Yeah moping. Too scared to fight me so you’ve been going on little swims to exercise.”

“Sc-Litt- I’ll show you exercise!” Sanji shouted, thrusting his foot toward Zoro’s head. Zoro blocked it with Wado Itchimonji and the two fell into their easy combative dance like nothing had changed. Like they were still two nineteen year olds off to Loguetown.

Sanji turned in. Zoro would stay on watch till morning. Nami must have figured out where Germa was by now. 

I needed you...and you weren’t there.

Zoro clenched his jaw. He’d failed his Nakama. He would never fail Sanji again. He would kill every single one of scum that dared to leave a mark on Sanji’s back.

“Captain.” Zoro called. Luffy had woken up during their spar and, being elated to see the two of them fighting again, had hung back and watched.

“Yeah, Zoro?”

“I’m going to kill them.”

Luffy shook his head.

“Nope.”

Zoro turned and growled,

“Well why not!”

Luffy sometimes seemed years older than he was. Like there was an old sage living inside of him that knew all and saw all and was just masquerading as a lovable idiot in a straw hat. Other times he was like a child god with as much power as he had love and passion. And sometimes he picked his nose and burped at the same time. Right now, Luffy was the first of the three.

“Sorry, Zoro. Captain’s orders. Sanji doesn't want them dead. We care about what Sanji wants. We’re not like them.”

Zoro sighed, defeated once again by Luffy’s insight and care.

“Fine. But I’m hamstringing all of them.”

Luffy laughed and agreed,

“I’ll break all their teeth! No meat for them!”

Zoro would have to be satisfied with that, if only for now. Still, if they fought the Vinsmokes and his katana were crying out for blood, Zoro could probably get away with a few accidental decapitations.

Notes:

Jinbei: I'll leave the kids alone now to work out their own problems.
Luffy is leveling the worst punishment he can think of that isn't fatal.
Zoro's fighting style is so central to who he is, I think that that's where he has to see the impact of what's happened to his and Sanji's relationship.
Pancakes as Usopp's comfort food is inspired by Whistling_Ren fic Pieces of a Life.

Chapter 8: The Figure That Fathers you

Summary:

Sanji needs to talk to Zeff, but does he want to talk to Zeff. Wait, yeah he does. So why can't he?

Notes:

The chapter title is the way it is because I think I'm hilarious.

Sanji had picked up his snail and put it back down at least half a dozen times. This was the longest he’d gone without calling up the old man. He’d use recipes as an excuse sometimes, or a fish they’d caught that wasn’t in his own encyclopedia. But they both knew the call was more to check in that it was to go over things Sanji had had memorized by twelve.

By now, word of his full name must have reached the East Blue. They would have received papers talking about his upcoming wedding and papers covering the actual fall out.

Zeff would be waiting to hear from him, to scold him, and to be reassured that his son was, in fact, alive. 

So why was Sanji waffling?

He sighed and left the snail in the galley. He’d have to muster up the courage another day.

From inside the galley he heard the piri-piri-piri of his private snail. Zeff had called every day this week. Sanji had found a reason not to take the call every time. Why in the four seas would Zeff want a son like him? Let alone be proud to have the coward declare himself as such in front of literal armies. Sanji was ashamed, and he was afraid. He was so sick of being ashamed and afraid. Only Sanji, master strategist that he is, forgot to account for one major oversight. The embodiment of chaos that is their captain. He kept his back to his father, who might not even realize he’s a father, and started to walk away. 

Then he heard the click.

“Hello? Oh hi Geezer!”

Sanji ran back in, chest heaving, eyes horrified as Luffy laughed into the snail while picking his nose.

Luffy saw him and waved. Sanji could hear Zeff shouting on the line, but couldn’t make out the words. Luffy pouted and said,

“If you’re going to be cranky you can just tell him yourself.” Luffy tossed the receiver to Sanji. Luffy then excused himself and left Sanji to his crisis.

Sanji’s mouth was dry and his knees were shaking. In spite of having tried to live his life so Zeff could be proud of him, Sanji was never sure if it was enough. Blame his crummy start to life, blame the old man’s emotional constipation, but whatever’s to blame, Sanji wasn’t sure he’d ever deserve the love and sacrifice of that cantankerous sea cook.

“-Black-Leg Sanji you say something this instant or I’m weighing anchor and coming to get you!”

Black-Leg meant something to Zeff. He’d explained it in his own way.

 

Sanji had signed up for a cooking contest. Zeff thought they were stupid and so did Sanji. So how did they end up in this situation? They’d been moored at an island famous for its high end restaurants. One of the line cooks made the mistake of mocking The Baratie to Sanji’s face. The kid never wanted to be the best cook, never wanted to be the best anything, but he wouldn’t stand by and let anyone insult the dream that gave Zeff something to live for. That gave Sanji a home.

So He’d signed himself up for the island cooking competition. Zeff had to go with him of course, both as his guardian and to make sure no one else tried any underhanded tricks. They did, but that’s a different story. The time came to sign in and there was a mandatory slot for a last name.

Sanji’s eyes widened as Zeff scrawled out a name without missing a beat. He took the kid’s number and walked him to his station.

“Black leg?”

“It’s close enough to Red-Foot and you’re always wearing those black suits. It’s not like I could give you a pirate’s name. I don’t want you to carry that part of my legacy. You keep your shoes dry and black, you hear?”

Sanji beamed up at the old man and said,

“I will!”

 

“That’s it. Patty! Carne! Quit messing around and get us ready to set sail!”

“I’m sorry.” He choked out.

“Sanji?”

“I’m sorry. I should have told you. He said, if anyone ever found out he’d kill me and them. I was, I didn’t think that there was any corner of the ocean he couldn’t reach.” Sanji couldn’t stop himself from talking now. When he stopped, Zeff would respond and Sanji wasn’t ready to be rejected and he wasn’t ready to be loved. “I was going to fight him. I really was. I planned to tell him off, to tell him that the useless trash he’d thrown away had become strong enough to fight back. But he knew about you. He would kill you, burn the baratie down, and then go after my crew. I didn’t see any way out. Then, those stupid cuffs. He didn’t even need them. The threat on you would have been enough. But he put these cuffs, rigged to explode at his leisure, on my wrists. Adapted slave collars. Reiju, my sister, she’s the only part of that mess I consider my family, she swapped them out for fakes. If she hadn’t, I wouldn’t have arms anymore. My captain wouldn’t leave without me. I still don’t understand why.The people who were supposed to care about me like that, wish I was never born.” Sanji dropped his head into his shaking hand and continued,

“I had the chance to kill them all. I could have just left them to die, too. I couldn’t do it. I was afraid that if I did, the man I consider my father would be ashamed of me.” Sanji swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. “Are you?” He whispered.

There was silence on the line and Sanji was nearly convinced that Zeff could hear his heart beating from oceans away.

The voice that came through the line was tight with an emotion Sanji couldn’t identify without seeing his face.

“How could I be anything but proud of you for surviving all that?” Sanji fell to his knees in relief. He cried as he held the phone. “I never- I should have said it. I should have said it from the first moment I took you in. You’re my son, Sanji, and I’m proud of you.”

Sanji shook his head. Feeling the need to warn Zeff or to give him a way out.

“I’m not the same as I was. They, Germa is a kingdom of soldiers and scientists. I wasn’t, I’m more of a failed science experiment than human being-”

“You’re not a failed anything!” Zeff interrupted. “You’re so kind we could never get rid of the rats on the baratie. We had to make a habitat for them in a spare room till they died of old age.”

“But I might not stay that way! They, they tried to fix me while I was there. They’d tried before, but at least one change they tried worked . It worked, Zeff.” Sanji gasped through his fears. “My skin is harder than it used to be. And on Wano, I was going to fight a lady. I’ve never hit a lady-”

“Sanji, breathe. Come on, breathe. Like you’re getting a good whiff of Gumbo on the stove.” Sanji took several deep shaky breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth. “Atta boy. Now. To begin with, having built-in armament haki is nothing I’ll turn my nose up at. It keeps you safer. And not fighting a lady, I was a poor father if I raised you to think you could let anyone beat you down. I should have realized I needed to be more specific. Not every rule is hard and fast. You never open the oven till your souffle is finished. That’s something with no exceptions. Treat women with respect and never hit them. Unless they’re trying to kill you! I thought it went without saying.” Zeff sighed. “I never was fit to raise a child. I tried to raise you to be a better man than I was, tried to be a better father than I had. That doesn't mean I didn’t mess up.”

“You were great-”

“I was mediocre at best.” Zeff took a shaky breath. “But I loved you. I still do. You knew that, didn’t you?”

Sanji nodded and wiped his tears.

“Yeah. Yeah I knew. I know. Wait, you know too, right?”

Zeff chuckled.

“Yeah. You’ve always been full of love. We all know.”

“I just, feel like I don’t know who I am anymore.”

“You’re the son of Red-Leg Zeff. You’re a first rate cook. You’re the man who’ll find the All Blue.” Zeff responded immediately, all conviction and sincerity. “And if anyone tried to tell you different, you can knock their block off. That goes for the Vinsmokes too. If I were ten years younger I’d take care of them myself.”

“Zeff!”

“Don’t sound so surprised. It’s a father’s prerogative. I saw the papers. I know you have more members on your crew than came to save you. I already gave your Captain an earful about it.”

Sanji jumped to his Nakama’s defence.

“They didn’t know-”

“Hold on. That’s not why I’m bringing it up. Although I am going to hold it against them for a while. Just- call me the next time you wonder whether or not you’re worth saving, because I know that you are and I know that you disagree with me. Let me remind you. That’s a father’s prerogative, too.”

Sanji chuckled, tears finally starting to cry on his cheeks.

“Okay. Cranky Old man.

“Bratty Little Eggplant.”

Sanji tipped his head back against the lower cabinets behind him.

“Dad?” He asked hesitantly. The word felt foreign in his mouth but right in his heart. 

“Son.” Zeff acknowledged. Sanji’s heart flipped in his chest.

“We came across a Yellow Fin Razor Back yesterday. Any tips?”

“Well, it’s got a lot of small bones. Pain to clean, great for making a broth.”

The two talked until the sun was up. Long past when Sanji would usually be prepping breakfast, but he lost track of time. After all, he was talking to his dad.

 

Outside the Galley, Luffy bounced in place. His Nakama would head toward the kitchen, see him standing there, and then walk the other way. His crew was the best. They understood without him having to say a word. It took all of his will power to keep from busting into the kitchen and demanding Sanji give him meat. And let them kill his old family. But Luffy could wait. As much as he loved eating, he loved Sanji more. And they would prove it to him.

Notes:

We're nearing the end! This will be the second fic I've ever finished! Thank you for coming on this crazy journey with me. Thank you for all the comments and constructive criticism and opportunities to screech about my favorite characters with you.

Chapter 9: The Crew That Carries You

Summary:

Everything is finally resolved and we get the most comfort of the story.

Notes:

Thank you so much for going on this adventure with me! I hope you like the surprise early chapter.

Sanji and Zoro were sparring on deck, both grinning like idiots while they traded verbal and physical blows.

Usopp was fishing with a deep ocean line while Jinbei gave him tips from the helm. The two got along well. Jinbei radiated calm and reliability, which was good for Usopp’s anxious disposition. Not to mention the wealth of stories Jinbei had and was happy to share. He’d listen to Usopp’s stories too, exaggerated or entirely fabricated.

Nami was resting in the shade under her tree with a cool drink, watching her two idiots finally fighting like normal. She watched the speed of the clouds moving across the horizon to keep track of wind speeds. It was a hot day, but the breeze made it nice.

Robin was reading a book on trauma recovery. She was quickly learning that everyone on their crew needed therapy. Since that’s not something pirates had ready access, she’d have to get more books on the subject at the next port. She was looking forward to a new avenue of study.

Franky was sitting next to Robin, tinkering with his latest flamethrower. He was humming along to the jaunty tune Brook was playing on his violin. He was glad that Brook was happy enough to play something more upbeat.

Chopper was on Luffy’s shoulders, the two playing a game that was as ridiculous as it was hilarious. Luffy blew himself up a little and charged at the wall to the helm. He’d bounce off and launch into other walls or the rail, like a human pinball. Chopper laughed so hard he cried, cheeks sore from smiling widely for so long.

It was like nothing had changed. They were together, they were happy. 

Then, Franky’s hand slipped.

The flame thrower ignited, launching fifteen feet of fire directly at Usopp’s unprotected back.

Sanji saw what was happening in slow motion. He ran to guard their sniper, with his very human, fairly flammable skin, and got down on one knee between him and the fireball. He kept his arms braced against the rail, Usopp ducking down in the narrow safe zone Sanji had created with his body.

It took a lot to burn Sanji, even when he was a kid. He regularly lit his own leg on fire, for crying out loud. So Sanji really didn’t understand the reaction of the crew.

Chopper’s reaction made sense. He ran around in a frantic circle before insisting Sanji needed a doctor. Chopper jumped into his arms as Sanji stood and sniffed him, probably trying to decide if he was smelling burnt cloth or burnt flesh.

“I’m fine Chop. It’s not that easy to burn me.”

The rest of the crew was looking at him with horror . A thin fingers brushed against the middle of his back and he flinched away from it, covering the back of Chopper’s head with his hand and spinning with one leg up, coiled and ready to strike.

Usopp looked up at him with wide, watery eyes. His hand was still frozen in the air.

That was when Sanji realized his shirt had been burnt off. Since his skin had hardened, he couldn’t really feel the breeze or the soft silk shirts he usually wore. He looked down at his chest, at the lingering bruises and angry pink scars, and said,

“Oh.” 

Even Jinbei, who had surely seen worse, and Robin, who had probably inflicted worse, were looking at him with something too close to pity for Sanji’s pride to allow.

Nami was the first to recover. She removed the wrap she’d had around the bottom half of her two piece swimsuit, and pulled it around Sanji’s shoulders, giving him some coverage.

“Seeing it in person is a bit different from reading about it.” She said, tipping her head to the side. “I gotta say though, you look like a real tough guy, now.” Luffy whizzed past Nami and stared at Sanji’s chest, his nose only an inch away. Sanji held his breath until Chopper glared up at him. Right, he was holding a pulse oximeter in reindeer form. Sanji wasn’t sure how Luffy would react to this and it scared him.

Luffy finally looked up and grinned, wide and sincere.

“We match!” Sanji blinked before looking down at his captain’s crossing scars. “I have an X and you have a Y!” He turned to Zoro and narrowed his eyes as he examined the swordsman. “You need two more!”

Zoro tripped over his words and gawfed,

“What are you talking about?!”

“You need two more scars to make a Z! Then we can match too!”

Luffy’s acceptance and Zoro’s baffled expression, had Sanji doubled over laughing. Immediately all the tension inside of him disappeared. His face was red and his eyes were wet by the time he finally caught his breath. Chopper looked even more concerned now but Sanji, Sanji felt like something inside of him had just clicked back into place. 

Franky apologized for almost setting him on fire and took Chopper so he could go get a new shirt. The second he was out of ear shot, Luffy turned to Zoro and lost his smile.

“I changed my mind. You can kill them.”

Nami shook her head.

“Not Reiju. Whether or not we think she deserves it, Sanji still cares about her.”

Robin set aside her book on healing and chose violence.

“I’d like to deal with the so-called scientists myself. As for his brothers-”

“They’re mine.” Zoro insisted. Hand gripping Wado with white knuckles. He’d seen Sanji’s back before he saw his front. He saw the lynchburg fissures radiating from the center of his spine. He remembered what Sanji had said. 

My brother kicked me in the back.

Zoro didn’t know which one, so he’d just have to get rid of them all.

“Hey Bro, save some for the rest of us! Robin and I have made some super plans.”

“If I’m not stepping on any toes, I’d like to take a stab at Judge.” Brook said, a grin in his voice.

“I want to help get rid of the doctors too!” Chopper insisted. “They have no right to claim that title!”

“I could take them all with both hands behind my back!” Usopp declared.

Nami looked eastward and said,

“If we stay on course, we’ll be within ten miles of Germa in two weeks. Then, I’m going to show those monsters what real lightning looks like. Then we can go after Big Mom-”

“So soon?” A deep voice asked from over her shoulder. Her brow pinched in irritation and she turned around.

“Yes- Sanji!” 

Sanji didn’t look angry, but his expression was serious. 

Luffy stepped forward and said,

“If you ask us not to, we won’t. We won’t do anything Sanji doesn't want us to do.”

Sanji’s expression softened and he said,

“I know.” He looked out at the horizon and continued, “I’m not, I don’t know what I want. Zeff said he wants them dead. I know you all want them dead. I know I don’t ever want to see them again. But... When I think of everything my brothers did to me, their cruelty and their arrogance, I try so hard to hate them. But I just don’t. I’m sorry.”

Luffy crashed into Sanji and knocked him over. His cheek was squished against Sanji’s chest, making his words sound squished as well.

“It’s because Sanji is kind.”

Sanji scoffed and shook his head.

“I’m really not. If I hadn’t been the one born different, I would be just like them. But my mother, she loved them. She loved all of us. How can I do something that would break her heart?”

Nami sighed and plopped down on the deck next to him. 

“That’s literally the kindest thing I’ve ever heard.” She griped.

“What about Judge? From what you’ve told me, she would be overjoyed if he were to meet with a slow and agonising end.” Robin asked, resting her chin on her hand.

Sanji considered it and said,

“Yeah you can kill him.”

“And the sadists masquerading as doctors!” Chopper insisted. Sanji frowned.

“You’re not killing anyone. Not for my sake.”

Chopper grumbled about not being a kid but it was covered but Usopp shouting,

“No! I’m not letting this go! You can’t do it, but I can! I’m not letting them get away with everything they did to you!”

“You weren’t even there?” Sanji asked, confused. He’d meant, why are you so upset? He meant, you don’t know what all they did to me.

But he realized his mistake as soon as the words were out of his mouth. Zoro looked away. Robin, Franky, and Usopp all looked gutted.

Sanji sat up and removed the Luffy koala that had been clinging to him.

“Look, it’s not a big deal. I’m glad you didn’t come. I didn’t ask for help because I didn’t want it.”

“I’m sorry.” Robin said. “Out of all of us, I should have known-”

“No. I can’t tell you all one thing and expect you to know I’m lying.”

“But it hurt you. Us not being there.” Franky said, tears streaming over his metal cheeks.

Sanji tipped his head back and sighed.

“It did. But that’s not your fault.”

Usopp sat on the deck, cross legged and gripped his ankles tightly. He was shaking.

“If I’d known, if I’d even suspected, I would have fought off your family and Big Mom’s army by myself.” He looked Sanji in the eye, tears streaming down his face. Usopp needed Sanji to know. He would fight an army for him. No lie.

“I know.”

Luffy stood up and declared,

“Nakama sleepover tonight on deck!”

Robin cupped her cheek and mused,

“That would ensure someone was always awake on watch. So we aren't ambushed and murdered in our sleep.”

Franky pumped his fists into the air and shouted,

“Slumber party! Oh yeah!” Everyone scattered to go grab blankets, but Usopp stayed where he was, sitting across from Sanji.

“I would have come for you.” Even though they’d kill me.

Sanji knocked his hand gently against Usopp’s head.

“Of course you would have. You’re a brave warrior of the sea.” Sanji stood and walked over to the grassy area under Nami’s tree. This was the best place to set up so many people to spend the night. 

Before he knew it, he found himself nestled between Luffy and Zoro, who was holding a dozing Chopper on his chest.

Usopp told them stories and Robin braided Nami’s hair. Franky was ‘sneaking’ everyone some candy he pilfered from the locked pantry. Brook played a slow and melodic version of Bink’s Sake and Chopper mumble-hummed some of the notes in his sleep. Jinbei was taking the first watch. He sat with them, but kept his attentive eyes on the horizon. Zoro was already snoring. He had a dark black mustache that Nami had drawn on earlier in the night. The Moss head hadn’t even twitched.

Sanji was surrounded by the warmth of his Nakama. His eyes were heavy, his heart was light.

Is this really okay? He wondered. To lean on them like this?

The voice that answered was bright and gentle, mature and feminine. 

Let us carry you.

Sanji relaxed into the arms of his captain, his Nakama, and Sunny.

 

Notes:

Dear Readers,

The battles you fight are stressful aren’t they? You take up your burdens everyday and fight, because what else can you do? You have the heart of a warrior and surviving the day is winning the day. But, it’s exhausting, isn’t it?

It’s okay, brave little wanderer. If your heart is aching as much as your legs, and the weight you carry is crushing, come back again. Come set your burdens down a while. Come lie under the sun a little longer, surrounded by the warmth of people who have dwarf star’s beating in their chests. Come and let us carry you.

Love,

The Thousand Sunny

Notes:

Thank you so much to everyone who left a comment on my previous work. This story exists because of you.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of Fallout