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December 2012 - London
Luke loves London, he loves that he’s here with his three best friends and that they get to do music together. That was always their dream, their biggest goal. When they had first found out they were going to London they never would have imagined they’d even make it, it felt so distant and unreal. He still doesn’t believe it sometimes. But every single day their fan base grows and they improve, they practice a lot, they perform more shows, even if they’re in smaller places, and they work towards making more music.
Luke loves all of it, except for one minor detail.
Ever since Luke and Michael met, Michael was a huge part of Luke’s life. They had first met at school, Michael was best friends with Calum and Luke always envied them. He never felt like he fit in with the rest of the kids his age, he was shorter and he liked music, not football or sports or anything in that area. Luke liked playing guitar and singing. When Luke and Calum became friends, Michael hated him. Luke didn’t know what to do or how to handle it, so he just hated him back.
Well, he pretended to hate Michael back. Luke could never actually hate Michael.
After a year of constant bickering, they somehow became best friends. Luke likes to say it’s the music that finally broke the ice between them and brought them together but then Michael slaps the back of his head and says he’s a sap and that’s cheesy. Luke knows he secretly thinks that too, he’s just too cool to admit it.
Luke and Michael would skip class to go back to Michael’s house after his parents left for work so they could upload silly song covers on YouTube. After they were done, they’d spend the rest of their day cooped up in the comfortable darkness of Michael’s room, playing FIFA or cuddling and then napping in his bed. Luke would always wake up hours later, curled up between Michael’s warm arms with a smile on his face.
It didn’t take long until Michael had finally (and expectedly, given Luke’s always been the shy one) been the one to gather up enough courage to ask Luke if he could kiss him. Luke wasn’t shocked or surprised nor was he taken aback, just happy that he wasn’t the only one thinking these weird thoughts. Luke’s had a girlfriend before, he’s kissed girls and he was supposed to like them as well. And he did, he does, but he likes Michael a tad more.
Michael’s the best thing that has ever happened to Luke, they went from hating each other, or fake hating each other, to best friends to boyfriends. Luke can’t imagine his life without Michael, they’d be boring and extremely dull and eventless.
So when the band was signed and they were asked to move to London and finally start their career, they had a band meeting along with their team. It was a long, awkward and exhausting discussion; what do they do about Luke and Michael’s relationship? They had very limited options and none of them was close to ideal.
The option they had to settle with and the one that seemed to be best for the band in the long run was that Luke and Michael would keep their romantic relationship a secret. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, but Luke and Michael never wanted their relationship to get in the way of the band, so they had to settle.
It was hard. It is hard, it’s only been a couple of months since the decision’s been made, maybe six or seven, but it’s hard. Luke hates not being able to touch Michael too much when they’re in public because people, and especially their fans who, he’s learning, seem to notice every detail, would get suspicious. Luke hates that he can’t say ‘I love you’ to Michael whenever he wants or hold his hand just because.
“What’re you thinking about?” Michael asks softly one night when they’re lying together in bed, none of them tired enough to fall asleep, too caught up in their thoughts. London’s cold and Luke is convinced that if it wasn’t for Michael keeping him warm at night he’d probably freeze to death. He’s currently curled up into a small ball, pressed against Michael’s side, his face hidden in Michael’s warm neck, occasionally leaving small kisses on the gentle, smooth skin.
“Nothin’,” Luke mumbles against Michael’s skin before sighing deeply. Michael squirms and shudders, Luke’s breath tickling him as he tries to stifle a giggle. Luke loves that Michael’s so ticklish, he finds it adorable.
“C’mon,” Michael pushes Luke back a bit so he can look at him properly in the dimly lit room. “What’s up? You’ve been acting weird all night.” his eyebrows furrow in confusion and concern and Luke feels bad. He doesn’t want Michael to be worried about him.
“It’s stupid.” Luke shrugs with a pout, trying to hide his reddening face in his cold hands. He could be seventy five years old and happily married to Michael with twenty kids and thirteen grandchildren, and he’d still manage to blush around him. He never feels shy around Michael, but sometimes he just makes him all flustered for no reason.
“It isn’t stupid if it’s bothering you,” Michael places his warm hand on top of Luke’s on his face, not trying to move them away, just reassuring that he’s there. Luke never doubts that. “Tell me, it’ll make you feel better, Lukey.” Michael presses a small kiss to the top of Luke’s head and he sighs again before letting his hands fall off.
“Okay,” Luke mutters as he sits up and crosses his legs under himself, Michael following suit. “Promise you won’t laugh?” he peeks up to look at Michael, who grins and leans forward and closer to Luke, so the tips of their noses are touching just slightly.
“Never.” He smiles softly at Luke and moves his head so their noses are rubbing. Michael knows Luke loves Eskimo kisses, they’re one of his favorite things.
“I just- I really hate hiding, Mikey,” Luke speaks quietly, not that there’s really a need because their room is at the very end of the hallway and no one will be able to hear them, but it just feels better when he’s quiet, this is private, just for him and Michael. “I know it’s what’s best for the band, and maybe for us too for the time being, but I hate this.” Luke bites his lip, not looking at Michael anymore.
“Hey,” Michael places his hand on Luke’s knee, getting his attention, so Luke looks up to meet his eyes again. “I hate it too, you know? I wish I could hold your hand or kiss you whenever I feel like it. Sometimes I just really want to tell you that I love you but I can’t because someone might hear us. I know it’s not fun, but always remember that whenever you feel like doing something, I probably feel the exact same way, okay?” he smiles, it’s so genuine and familiar it makes Luke’s hear flutter in his chest as he nods his head.
“I wish we didn’t have to hide.” Luke admits with a sigh, taking Michael’s hand in his and lacing their fingers together. Michael’s hand is so small in his, his fingers slotting perfectly between Luke’s. He gives Michael’s hand a gentle squeeze that makes him giggle.
“Hey,” Michael says again, eyes wide with excitement. Luke knows that look. “I have an idea,” he says, and when Luke frowns, confused, Michael rolls his eyes and chuckles. “For us! For when we want to say ‘I love you’ or hold hands but we’re in public and we can’t. I’m a genius!” he finishes with a huge grin and Luke can’t help but giggle.
“What’s your idea, genius?” Luke mocks. Michael’s too proud of himself to even come up with a sarcastic comeback.
“So, we need to come up with a secret signal for each of us,” Michael says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, the corners of his mouth tugged up in a huge, proud grin. Luke lets him keep talking because he certainly doesn’t fully understand. “We’ll come up with a special thing each of us can do when we want to tell each other ‘I love you’ or when we want to hold hands, or kiss or hug. What do you think?”
“A secret signal?” Luke asks, eyebrows raised. “Like what?” he gnaws on the insides of his cheeks as he tries to think.
“Hm,” Michael hums as he tries to come up with something as well, his fingers of his free hand mindlessly playing with his bracelets. Michael’s wrists are always covered in colorful bracelets, some of these he got from their dedicated fans and some Luke got for him, he always plays with them subconsciously. That sparks an idea in Luke’s mind.
“It’s so obvious what your signal should be!” Luke exclaims happily, looking down at Michael’s bracelets. Michael doesn’t follow, though, as he looks at Luke with his eyebrows pulled together into a frown as he tries to understand what Luke means.
“I’m not following.” He finally says and Luke chuckles.
“Your bracelets,” Luke points at them to make his point clearer. “You always play with them when we’re in interviews, so whenever you want to tell me something- just play with them around and I’ll know.” he finishes, now he’s the one who’s feeling proud of himself and grinning all widely.
“That’s a great idea, no one will suspect!” Michael grins and raises his free hand, the one that isn’t holding Luke’s, for Luke to high five. When Luke does, he shakes his head and laughs fondly.
“Dork,” he rolls his eyes as Michael’s bottom lip juts out in a cute pout. Luke kisses his cheek and asks, “So, what about me? What do I always do?” he tries to think.
“What if you touched your hair?” Michael asks, pushing a couple of blond strands out of Luke’s forehead as he speaks. “You always play with your fringe. It’s cute.” He bites his lip and Luke’s heart swells in his chest.
“What if I cut it, though?” Luke points out and Michael rolls his eyes.
“I guess you can never cut your hair again, then.” He shrugs cynically and it’s Luke’s turn to pout.
“C’mon,” Luke pokes Michael’s squishy, soft cheek. “Think!” he demands, bringing his hand up to rub at his eyebrow as he tries to think of something.
“That’s it, Lukey,” Michael says, pointing at Luke’s face.
“What? My face?” Luke asks dumbly, Michael snorts.
“No, silly! You’re always touching your face,” Michael explains. “When you’re talking in interviews or when you’re trying to concentrate like now. You always rub your eyebrow or your nonexistent beard, or your nose! I always thought that was cute.” He says, his finger running over the tip of Luke’s nose with a loving smile.
“Well, I guess that’s it, then. We have our secret signals.” Luke concludes, flopping down on the mattress, his head hitting the pillows tiredly as he yawns. “Now we should sleep, I‘m tired and we have to rehearse tomorrow.” He tugs on Michael’s hand, trying to pull him down with him. Michael teases him for just a minute before he gives in and lies down next to Luke.
“You look cute when you’re tired,” Michael whispers. Luke opens his mouth to tell him he loves him when he remembers they should start getting used to using their special signs instead, so he brings his finger up to rub his nose in a way that he’s sure doesn’t look very convincing. Michael laughs.
“You’re the dorkiest dork in the whole world.” Michael says before he brings his hand up to touch his bracelets and move them around, purposely making noise with them.
“We’re not very good at this, are we?” Luke laughs. Michael shrugs and moves in to peck Luke’s lips.
“We’ll get better,” he yawns. “Now let’s sleep.”
***
March 8th 2016 – Bangkok
It’s been a long, long day and it barely started.
They’re in Bangkok, Thailand, which is super exciting since it’s their first time there and they’ve loved Asia so far. The fans are incredible, the food is amazing and they’re just having a great time. But it’s exhausting.
Luke barely gets to sleep, they have to wake up very early in the morning every single day, they do interviews and meet fans, they walk around a bit and get to see bits and glimpses of the new places they’re visiting before they’re rushed to the venue. They meet fans in meet & greets and soundcheck a couple of their songs, they answer some of the fans’ questions and then they are, again, rushed backstage to get ready for the show.
Luke hates complaining, he knew what he was signing up for when he and the band just got started, he wanted this. He wanted to play a different stage every night, to tour the world and make music with his three best friends. He loves every minute of it, but sometimes he just really needs a nap.
They’re currently in the car on their way to the venue to meet their meet & greet fans. The car is pretty silent, Luke’s sitting at the very back, shoulder pressed against Michael’s, as both of them listen to music and look outside, trying to absorb as much of Bangkok as they possibly can. Calum and Ashton are sitting in the row in front of them, both of them also listening to music or scrolling through their phones while glimpsing outside.
Luke is tired, they had to wake up at four in the morning today after going to bed after midnight. He’s also hungry, they haven’t had time to sit down for a proper breakfast before they had to leave today.
The one thing Luke misses the most though, is Michael. They barely had any time alone since tour started. They had a couple of days when they didn’t have to play shows here and there, but those were usually spent on a plane or in a car going somewhere, or maybe doing interviews or actually getting a couple of hours of sleep because they’re all quite exhausted and it’s only been the first month of tour.
Luke misses having a day off with Michael, just slouching on the couch, playing Michael’s nerdy video games all day or watching a movie while cuddling and kissing. He misses waking up next to Michael in the morning without someone loudly banging on their door and yelling at them that they have to get up because they have an interview in a few.
And quite frankly, Luke’s horny. Most nights, he’s too tired to even finish himself off in the shower. He and Michael barely had any time to do anything in about two weeks already and it’s starting to take its toll on Luke. He can sense that Michael’s feeling the same way too. He’s grumpy and he nearly jumped Luke this morning when he was wearing nothing but his boxers when they were getting ready to leave and he dropped his phone on the floor and bent down to retrieve it.
They both miss it, it’s tough. Luke’s holding on to the fact that they have to hold on for four more days, and then they’ll get a three week break that they so desperately need.
There’s a tap on his shoulder, it’s Michael, pulling him out of his own head. He rips his earphones out of his ears and blinks at Michael stupidly, waiting for him to speak.
“We’re here, babe,” Michael smiles weakly, he’s tired, Luke can tell. “Are you okay?” he leans forward, one hand coming up to cup Luke’s side of the face. Luke’s heart melts.
Luke nods. “I’m okay, Mikey. Just tired.” He half-lies with a shrug.
He doesn’t give Michael a chance to react as he pushes the car door open and skips outside, offering Michael a, somewhat, convincing smile as they walk into the arena together.
***
It’s been an hour and a half and Luke’s going a bit crazy.
He loves meeting fans, they’re all really sweet as they walk into the room, flashing big, excited smiles. They’re mostly shy and hesitant as they walk up to him and hug him, mumbling a few ‘I love you’s’ with an adorable accent before moving along to hug Michael who’s standing next to him and then posing of a couple of group pictures.
When the group leaves and they’re waiting for the next group of people to come in, Luke notices that Michael’s giving him a funny look. He furrows his eyebrows in confusion, but then Michael smirks and moves his right hand to his left one, playing and fumbling around with his bracelets. Luke bites his lip. Luke shakes his head at Michael’s victorious grin and brings his own hand up to rub at his beard. He’s been growing it for a while and it’s pretty long and spiky by now. Sometimes Luke thinks he’s growing this beard just to prove to Michael that he can, to prove to him he was wrong that day when they came up with their super-secret signs.
Michael smiles widely and winks at Luke right when the next group of people enters the room. The group only consists of two people, and when they’re moving to stand next to Ashton and Calum for the group photo, Luke decides he’s going to test his luck today.
He grabs Michael’s shoulder and pulls him closer as he twists his head to the side so he can look down at him and smile. Before anyone gets a chance to say anything, the photographer tells them the photo looks great and the two girls politely thank them before leaving.
Michael gives Luke a strange look, but doesn’t get to say anything else as the next group enters.
This time when they pose for a picture, Calum ends up standing closer to Luke since there are no fans between them and his arm is wrapped around Luke’s waist to pull him closer for the photo. Luke mimics his position, and right before the camera flashes and the pictures is taken, Michael pulls Luke’s hand from behind the fan that’s standing between them and grabs a hold of it, their linked fingers hidden safely behind the fan in front of them.
“What was that?” Luke whispers with a chuckle when the fans leave the room and Ashton and Calum are too busy talking about how cool one of the fans’ shirt was.
Michael shrugs. “You were standing so close to Calum, I thought I’d remind you I was still here.” Luke’s heart thumps loud and fast in his chest as he, again, doesn’t get a chance to reply because one of the fans is pulling him into a hug.
For this photo, Luke slings his arm across Michael’s shoulders and grips tightly at the point where his neck and shoulder meet, fingers curling around Michael’s muscle tightly as the picture is being taken. They both end up pulling a silly face in the picture but Luke decides he enjoys this little, unofficial game they’re playing; how far can we go before anyone notices?
Right when the next group of people piles into the room excitedly, Michael looks at Luke at plays with his bracelet, making sure Luke catches that. So Luke rubs at his eyebrow in return before he turns away from Michael and greets their fans.
***
A mere hour later, Luke finds himself pressed flush against Michael’s chest. Michael’s back is pressed against the door as he has one arm wrapped around Luke’s waist, holding him firmly and closely, while his other makes its way down Luke’s stomach to his half hard cock. Luke’s jeans and boxers are pooling at his ankle and his white shirt scattered somewhere else on the floor so they don’t get it dirty.
“You drove me crazy out there, you know?” Michael speaks directly into Luke’s ear, making him whimper as his fingers ghost over Luke’s cock, where he wants Michael to touch him the most. “You kept gripping me so tightly, and you kept making sure I saw you touching your face, you made sure I knew you were thinking about me. Right?” Michael asks, fingers finally curling around Luke’s erection.
Michael squeezes around him when Luke doesn’t answer his question. “Use your words, Lukey.” Michael teases and Luke’s head rolls back to rest on Michael’s shoulder. Michael uses the opportunity to attack Luke’s exposed neck, biting at the soft skin gently.
“Yeah, Mikey, I’ve missed you so much,” Luke pants breathlessly. “We barely had any time together since tour started- ah, right there- and I just wanted you so bad.” Luke stutters, eyes screwed shut as Michael’s magical hand works wonders on him.
“I want you too, so badly, babe,” Michael talks directly against Luke’s neck, the vibrations making Luke moan. “You’re so hot like that, completely at my mercy. So hot.” Michael presses small kisses all over Luke’s neck, jaw and face as he keeps tugging Luke off fast.
“Faster, Mikey, please,” Luke begs, he’s so close, he knew he wasn’t going to last. It’s been too long. “Just like that, yeah,” Luke lets the feeling of Michael’s firm hand consume him. Michael’s moaning Luke’s name right into his ear, and Luke realizes he’s been grinding against him for the past couple of minutes, trying to get himself off as well.
“Oh my God, Michael,” Luke gasps at the realization, it’s done nothing but turn him on even more. He tries to push his ass back against Michael, tries to help him get more friction.
“Fuck, Luke,” Michael rasps, biting down on Luke’s shoulder to quiet himself down. “I’m gonna come, babe.” He speaks into Luke’s bare shoulder and Luke’s nods, trying to move his ass against Michael faster, timing it with the pace of Michael’s hand on him.
“C’mon,” Luke encourages. “You’re so hot, Mikey.” He moans and he feels Michael shudders as he comes, in his pants, from grinding against Luke. If Luke wasn’t so far gone, he’d probably tease him for it as revenge for all the time Michael had teased Luke for coming in his pants because of him. Luke can’t tease Michael though, because he flicks his wrist just like he knows Luke likes it, and then Luke’s right there with him, coming all over Michael’s fingers. Luke shudders and shivers as he tries to even out his breathing. Michael grips Luke’s waist tighter and slides them both down until they’re sitting on the floor, Luke in Michael’s lap, feeling how fast his heart thumps against his bare back.
“That was really hot.” Michael chuckles and Luke rolls his eyes fondly, moving his head enough so he can properly look up at Michael.
“I needed that. I’ve really missed you.” he smiles and presses his lips to Michael’s.
Michael moves his hands in front of Luke and his bracelets jiggle and make noise when he plays with them and it makes Luke smile. So he looks up at Michael and rubs his nose, as Michael claims it’s ‘the cutest thing ever’.
Luke sighs. He loves that they share this, he loves that he has Michael and they have their inner jokes and they have their own ‘super special secret signals’ as Michael likes to refer to them, but he really wishes they didn’t have to hide all the time. It’s getting exhausting.
“I really do love you.” Michael giggles as he presses another wet kiss to Luke’s lips, making him temporarily forget all about it.
***
When they go on stage, Luke makes sure Michael notices how many times he’s doing his signal. He keeps rubbing his beard when he doesn’t have to play his guitar or when he’s speaking to the crowd. He knows he’s distracting Michael, but he can’t help himself. He wants to scream into the microphone that he loves Michael and he’s tired of hiding.
When it’s Michael’s time to speak to the crowd and he’s about to say goodbye before they play their last song and leave, Luke notices the weird shake in his voice.
“So, Bangkok,” Michael speaks into the microphone and the crowd goes crazy, cheering and screaming his name. Luke notices the way Michael’s lips curl up into a huge, happy grin. Luke also notices the way Michael keeps eyeing him, and the way he keeps playing with his bracelets. It makes Luke smile too.
“Sadly, the show’s almost over,” Michael pouts, his face showing up on the big screens scattered around the arena and the crowd collectively goes ‘aw’ at his face. So does Luke, in his mind. “But I have a very special announcement to make, it’s a surprise! Not even the band knows about it, actually.” Michael says and Luke’s eyebrows furrow in confusion.
Calum shuffles closer to Luke so he can whisper, “What is he talking about?”
Luke shrugs, stepping away from his microphone so he can whisper back to Calum. “I honestly have no idea, I swear.” He says and they both look back at Ashton, who also seems to be very confused.
“Actually, I’m not so great with words, so instead of explaining myself I just want to show you.” Michael says, stepping back from the microphone. He walks towards where Luke’s standing and Luke thinks he might run him over.
Instead, Michael grabs the sides of Luke’s face and it feels the world moves in slow motion. The crowd goes silent, Luke swears you could hear a pin drop as Michael’s face moves towards Luke’s, holding him close as their lips collide in a messy kiss. Luke’s hands find themselves around Michael’s waist, hugging him closer out of habit.
They break their kiss after a few seconds when the crowd goes mad. Everyone’s screaming and gaping at them, Calum and Ashton’s jaws nearly hit the floor as no one actually says anything, everyone too shocked to react, Luke included. Not that he cares, though, he’s too consumed in Michael’s big, smiley eyes.
“I don’t want to hide anymore. I love you and everyone should know.” he whispers to Luke.
“I love you too. We’re going to get into so much trouble, but I fucking love you, Mikey.” Luke doesn’t dare to look anywhere that isn’t Michael, he’s too afraid.
“Hey, before we approach our painful deaths,” Michael says and Luke laughs nervously, hands shaking where they’re gripping Michael’s sides. “Can we still use our signals? I’ve grown really attached to them.” He chuckles and Luke giggles and nods.
“They’re always going to be our little secret, Mikey.”