Chapter 1: you're just gonna ignore the phone hostage saga
Summary:
in which jackie makes a scheduling gc for TOTALLY NOT ULTERIOR MOTIVES, lottie has a vision, the school lunch schedule changes, misty pulls, van can't get a win, tai gets caught for discrimination LIVE, and nobody can stay on topic.
Notes:
-sorry this chapter is. HOLY SHIT 3.7K WORDS. FUCK. MY BAD. all other chapters will be significantly shorter i just got carried away i think (edit as of chap 4: LIAR!! whoops.)
-i've tried to edit this to cut word count down and find typos but every time i open the text editor i end up adding like 100 words somehow?? so just pretend any typos or missing words are intentional i can't even open the text editor without making this word count worse
-char tags all added!! goodbye note that was here
-jackieshauna unestablished on account of canon typical repressed feelings for each other, lottienat unestablished on account of canon typical vague and undefinable homoromanticism, taivan unestablished (for this chap) for the love of the game (i wrote a bit i liked and got emotionally attached to)
-names at the end if as always!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
WHS YELLOWJACKETS
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: gooood morning wiskayok high yellowjackets!! coach martinez has (not so) politely stated that we need to "get our asses in gear" and "start showing up on time"
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: soooooo i've taken the liberty of FINALLY making a full team gc!!!! thank you thank you im taking my bows because i know you're all clapping and cheering
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: scheduling conflicts are DEAD. OVER. none of you are gonna have an "i didn't see it" excuse anymore i can't believe i didn't do this sooner
MistyQuigley.WHS: i think that's a great idea jackie!! :] we needed a better way to get the schedule out anyway!!
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: thank you misty… 1 compliment on my idea before the flood comes
MarisolIbarra.WHS: "(not so) politely" i said oh im sure
MarisolIbarra.WHS: WAIT
MarisolIbarra.WHS: WAIT YOU DICK THIS IS A BONDING SCHEME THIS ISNT ABOUT THE SCHEDULE AT ALL
TaissaTurner.WHS: Fucks sake.
ShaunaShipman.WHS: seriously jackie? another bonding scheme?
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: WHAAT NOOO I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. NEVER
ShaunaShipman.WHS: bullshit.
ShaunaShipman.WHS: be honest, jax.
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: ok guilty BUT SO WHAT. THIS BENEFITS ALL OF US
ShaunaShipman.WHS: if you say so.
LauraLeeJohnson.WHS: It's not a horrible idea?
CharlotteMatthews.WHS: it's a pretty bad idea
LauraLeeJohnson.WHS: Okay yeah it's pretty bad
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: said with love?
CharlotteMatthews.WHS: no <33
LauraLeeJohnson.WHS: Said with neutrality!
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: ykw. i'll take it thank you laura lee
MarisolIbarra.WHS: jackie when i catch you jackie. jackie when i catch you
NatalieScatorccio.WHS: can i opt out
NatalieScatorccio.WHS: i dont want to be here
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: no.
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: this is non-optional!! i will add you back if you leave!!
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: plus i really am gonna start putting the schedule here so you better fucking stay unless you feel like missing practice.
NatalieScatorccio.WHS: wtf
TaissaTurner.WHS: You do know we already have an e-mail chain for the schedule? Right, Taylor? You know that?
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: YES I KNOW THAT and literally who uses email??
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: none of you even check it anyway you guys just look at the paper by the locker room and pray you remember enough info not to miss it
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: and i can say this because i also do that
TaissaTurner.WHS: Fair enough.
VanessaPalmer.WHS: hyphenating email is crazy tai lmaooo
VanessaPalmer.WHS: OH FUCK FULL GOVERNMENT JUMPSCARE
VanessaPalmer.WHS changed 16 nicknames
van the man has changed the chat name: NO COACHES ALLOWED
i cooka da pizza: thank fuck
i cooka da pizza: nevermind. screw you van
van the man: yr stuck w that forever <3
i cooka da pizza: actually go fuck yourself
van the man: SHE SAID THE LINE LETS GO
marmar!!: full government was boring as hell. thank u van we all say in unison
marmar!!: well except for nat but who cares about that guy lol
i cooka da pizza reacted with 🖕
>replying to van the man: hyphenating emai….
TT for student council: Don't make fun of me, Van.
van the man: yes ma'am sorry ma'am my apologies
van the man: light of my life my favorite teammate
van the man: my all timer my mvp
marmar!!: WHIP CRACKING SFX
i cooka da pizza: does she have you at gunpoint or some shit palmer
the machine: van blink twice if you need help. we'll get u out of there
the machine: also… i foresaw a dire omen. if u guys even care.
situationship final boss: you what?
situationship final boss: oh very funny, van.
van the man: SHE DOESN'T HAVE ME AT GUNPOINT. THERE IS NO WHIP TO BE CRACKED
marmar!!: me when i lie
JT COMING: literally just ask her out smh my head van
TT for student council: ?
van the man: FUCK OFF GUYS
>replying to the machine: also… i fores….
van the man: wait wait what's the 411 oracle?
i cooka da pizza: for the love of god palmer dont entertain this
pool hater: Remember not to take the Lord's name in vain, please!
i cooka da pizza: k
i cooka da pizza: sorry lee
pool hater reacted with 😊
>replying to i cooka da pizza: for the love of….
van the man: shhhh
van the man: let her cook scatorccio i wanna see what apollos favorite dodgeball target has in store for us
the machine: just make sure you stay away from the cafeteria.
van the man: ?? why dude
the machine: i can't say. it's already set in motion.
marmar!!: alr pause on bullying taivan for whatever they deeefinitely dont have going on
marmar!!: (wink wink)
marmar!!: lottie who the hell has YOU at gunpoint your warnings are usually less cryptic
the machine: nobody has me at gunpoint
the machine: just make sure you avoid the cafeteria.
the machine: and don't type out a wink again? it's weird
marmar!!: suffer then idk what to tell you
NO COACHES ALLOWED
> replying to the machine: just make sure….
situationship final boss: does this warning have anything to do with how i just saw kristen and misty sucking face in the hall leading up to it?
van the man: wait what
i cooka da pizza: what.
TT for student council: No damn way Misty fucking Quigley pulled before me.
i cooka da pizza: tbf u could pull if van got their head out of their as hf.dhrtji
i cooka da pizza: i mean what :) yeah tai that's crazy :) no way haha
TT for student council: Did you get possessed?
i cooka da pizza: what nooooo :) everythings fine :)
i cooka da pizza: van does not have my phone above my head or anything
i cooka da pizza: they're not making me dictate this under threat of hiding my headphones :)) i swear :)
TT for student council: Come on, Van.
pool hater: Van, give Nat her phone back
van the man: I CANT LET HER SNITCH ON ME DOUBLE L
pool hater: Snitch on you about what?
van the man: ohh wow would you look at that! i have suddenly lost all ability to understand english! whoops
pool hater reacted with 🤨
pool hater: That's convenient
pool hater: Nothing to do with a certain candidate for student office?
van the man: WRAP IT UP
van the man: nat says "get em again for me lee" or somet
van the man: SHE JUST FUCKIFN HIT ME WHAT THE HELL
pool hater: Deserved!
marmar!!: OOO LET EM GET UP
>replying to TT for student council: No damn way Mis….
situationship final boss: no, yeah, my thoughts exactly. thank you tai.
JT COMING: i feel like that’s the REAL dire omen here. misty pulled….
goldman: youre both just gonna ignore the phone hostage saga
situationship final boss: for my sanity, yes.
goldman: alright man
van the man: nats fiiiine relax jv
van the man: and her phones fine too i gave it back (LL STOP GLARING AT ME I APOLOGIZED)
van the man: my ego may be a little damaged though
van the man: and my arm. yeowchie
i cooka da pizza: deserved
i cooka da pizza: and fuck you
i cooka da pizza: you dropped it you jackass its not "fine"
van the man: and?? whats another break in your screen
i cooka da pizza: dm me. we'll fight like men.
van the man: PUT EM UP SCATORCCIO
JT COMING: can your argument wait??
JT COMING: this is literally the most interesting thing to happen this week like. dont ruin this for me
situationship final boss: the "misty pulled" part or the "misty's sucking face in a public hallway" part?
JT COMING: um all of it???
JT COMING: its PRIME gossip real estate
JT COMING: NOT like i'll let it get out past the team but like!!!
>replying to situationship final boss: does this warn….
marmar!!: YO WAIT YOU SAW THAT????
marmar!!: I GOT SO CAUGHT UP IN THE VANNAT FIGHT CLUB THAT I FORGOT ABOUT THE REAL NEWS
situationship final boss: yeah, i saw it. why?
marmar!!: LETS GOOOO
marmar!!: AKILAH GET ON RN
marmar!!: @cottagecore lesbian
cottagecore lesbian: what?
cottagecore lesbian: everything okay?
marmar!!: BACKREAD
marmar!!: U OWE ME 20 BUCKS
cottagecore lesbian reacted with ☹️
i cooka da pizza: misty pulling mari getting richer and my phone getting held fucking hostage (fuck you van) aside
i cooka da pizza: who tf is kristen
i cooka da pizza: and whats lotties dire omen did we even hear it
JT COMING: well idk about that last part but
JT COMING: kristen izman!! she's on jv!! i think she's the central midfielder?
van the man: ?? the center midfielder
van the man: is her name not crystal. am i getting mandela effected
i cooka da pizza: isnt that the pistol
i cooka da pizza: yeah exactly isnt she named crystal
JT COMING: no?? she's always been named kristen. and i don't even think thats a real phenomenon
JT COMING: WAIT OMG (sorry laurs) IS THAT WHY YOU CALL HER THAT. PISTOL
JT COMING: LIKE CRYSTAL THE PISTOL??? RHYMING
situationship final boss: what do you mean you don't think the mandela effect is a real phenomenon.
TT for student council: Yes, it is.
TT for student council: It's why they call Kristen that*. I'm not debating the Mandela Effect with either of you.
TT for student council: And in their collective and preemptive defense, she's never corrected any of them.
JT COMING: ooookay
JT COMING: fair enough i guess??? i didn't know you guys didn't know her name
TT for student council: It's better not to question it.
JT COMING: well i'm not questioning it!! i thought they were just calling her the pistol for funsies i didnt know there was a RHYME and a MISUNDERSTANDING
TT for student council: You'll survive not knowing something.
TT for student council: Well, maybe not. I can see you pouting.
JT COMING: LIES AND SLANDER
marmar!!: soooo im gonna course correct here 4 the sake of getting 2 the bottom of this gossip and lotties omen
marmar!!: mistys sucking face with apparently-not-crystal from jv. discuss
i cooka da pizza: id rather not
situationship final boss: ^
mysterious q: gossiping isn't very polite mari!
marmar!!: dgaf misty im bored and in calc. discuss
van the man: cradle robbing ass who does anything w jv
mysterious q: you make it sound worse than it is :[
mysterious q: she's not that much younger! and i highly recommend you all get off your phones as we are still actively in a school period :]
marmar!!: not happening
mysterious q: suit yourself!!
JT COMING: ^^ misty's right kristen's only like. 4 months younger than you? it's legit just the way the school year works that makes her a grade below us i think
van the man: WELL HOW THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW
JT COMING: COMMON SENSE DICTATES A JUNIOR WOULD BE NOT THAT MUCH YOUNGER THAN YOU
van the man: MY BAD??? I FORGET HOW AGES WORK SOMETIMES
i cooka da pizza: this is true they once asked akilah about her nephew and asked if there were "teeth in the picture". hes 2 months old.
van the man: IT'S A RATIONAL QUESTION
cottagecore lesbian: it wasn't.
>replying to situationship final boss: does this have….
the machine: no
the machine: i mean good to know i guess??
the machine: but no
situationship final boss: oh
situationship final boss: then what's it about?
van the man: literally forgot about lottie's dire omen. what kinda friend am i
i cooka da pizza: one thats too busy getting humiliated 25/8
JT COMING: 2 month old babies dont have teeth van wtf
van the man: I'M GAY I DONT NEED TO KNOW HOW BABIES WORK I'M NOT HAVING ONE
JT COMING: what if you did
van the man: i'd disappear.
i cooka da pizza: van palmer father who stepped down
marmar!!: van stop being a deadbeat your son needs you
van the man: I'M NOT BEING A DEADBEAT?? AND I DON'T HAVE A SON I'LL NEVER HAVE A SON
i cooka da pizza: never say never
marmar!!: yeah maybe they'll find a way to make a strap that knocks people up you never know with technology these days
JT COMING: WOULD YOU GUYS STOP IM GONNA GET IN TROUBLE FOR LAUGHING
JT COMING: MAYBE MISTY WAS RIGHT. IM PUTTING MY PHONE AWAY
situationship final boss: can we get back to the important part? seriously, lottie, what the hell were you talking about?
the machine: oh right!! i forgot
situationship final boss: how do you forget your own 'dire omen'?
the machine: in my defense i was having fun watching van get dogpiled
the machine: its really funny. i love watching them fail
the machine: anyway i foresaw… something akin to a riot, probably
van the man: yr such a dick lots </3 friendship over
the machine: sour gummy worms in my locker third shelf
van the man: nvm we're back baby!!
situationship final boss: yeah, it's a high school cafeteria. there's riots every week. who’s shocked.
the machine: like property and other human damage riot, not friend group arguing really loud riot
situationship final boss: hm. should i just take one for the team and check it out?
i cooka da pizza: no. whyd you hear potential riot and go yeah sure lets check that out
marmar!!: YES
the machine: no?? just ignore the prophetic visions guy why dont u…smh..
van the man: yeah go check it what could possibly go wrong
TT for student council: No. You're supposed to be in class.
situationship final boss: well i'm not.
situationship final boss: and i’m still around the caf anyway. wouldn't be too far out of the way.
van the man: so yr gonna do it?
situationship final boss: i mean, i don't have anything better to do.
van the man: lmao good luck soldier o7
situationship final boss: thank you, van.
situationship final boss: OH SHIT
NO COACHES ALLOWED
JT COMING: ???? did you fr ignore lottie's warning
JT COMING: shipman??
JT COMING: SHIPMAN
JT COMING: IT'S BEEN HALF AN HOUR
JT COMING: SHAUNA???
van the man: she's fine taylor if she died we woulda heard it over the PA
JT COMING: not helpful thank you van
van the man: i try xoxo!! gossip girl
situationship final boss: lottie was right. avoid the cafeteria.
van the man: holy shit she lives
JT COMING: SHAUNA
JT COMING: what happened? i was worried!!!
pool hater: ^ What happened Shauna?
pool hater: Is everything okay??
situationship final boss: sort of.
situationship final boss: they changed what day pizza day is.
situationship final boss: and, they're out of the.
situationship final boss: orange pineapple.. frozen fruit cup things.
situationship final boss: i never know what to call those but you know what i mean.
situationship final boss: anyway, lottie was right. it's a warzone.
the machine: told u so.
situationship final boss: yeah, yeah, you told me so.
JT COMING: oh! ok lol im putting my phone back then
JT COMING: not risking detention for this its not that deep and you're alive
pool hater: ^ Seems alright to me. Glad you're okay Shauna!!
situationship final boss reacted with 👍
marmar!!: WAIT FUCK WHAT
marmar!!: WHAT DAYS PIZZA DAY NOW
van the man: HOW LONG ARE THE ICE CUPS OUT
situationship final boss: wednesday.
situationship final boss: and i don't know. sorry van.
van the man: its chill lol WAIT PIZZA ON WEDNESDAY??
marmar!!: BULLSHIT
marmar!!: ITS FRIDAY EVERYONE KNOWS PIZZA FRIDAY
situationship final boss: is that the only thing keeping you from cutting the first 5 periods every friday?
situationship final boss: pizza day?
marmar!!: NO SHIT IT IS. THIS FUCKING SUCKS IT'S OVER
mysterious q: van, your ice will be out for the next 3 months due to a supplier issue :[
van the man: FUCK DUDE
van the man: WHATS THE POINT OF IT ALL. WE'RE SO OVER.
mysterious q: you could try another flavor?
van the man: ABSOLUTELY NOT I CAN'T BETRAY ORANGE PINEAPPLE
van the man: fuuuck dude i need a minute to mourn. i can't do this. 3rd period and it's already over for me.
marmar!!: what's the point of even coming on fridays if there's no pizza to look forward to
van the man: EXACTLY THANK YOU MARI
situationship final boss: if this is how you guys react to something as mundane as pizza day changing, we might have to make this a drama club instead of a soccer team.
situationship final boss: misty, stop typing. i was joking. it's not happening.
NO COACHES ALLOWED
i cooka da pizza: just walked in the caf for my lunch period and this place is like ripped apart
i cooka da pizza: i think randy walsh is on the floor sobbing. there may be blood involved
i cooka da pizza: is this lotties omen. what went on in here i dont wanna backread
the machine: i told u to put ur phone away earlier nat!!
the machine: ms s is like a bloodhound for them, u never get away with it
the machine: and u could've watched mari and van dramatically mourn live… smh..
van the man: DUDE THEY'RE OUT OF THE ONLY GOOD ICE CUP FLAVOR
marmar!!: I WASN'T DRAMATIC IT WAS RATIONAL
i cooka da pizza: yeah yeah you were right or whatever lots
i cooka da pizza: cherry?
van the man: ??? no dude ew
van the man: orange pineapple
i cooka da pizza: literally dont care
i cooka da pizza: this is a you problem. they have cherry and im set
marmar!!: pizza wednesdays now
i cooka da pizza: OH BULLSHIT
i cooka da pizza: wait like forever or just this week
situationship final boss: for the foreseeable future, i asked.
mysterious q: to be specific, for the next month! they're trying a new menu on fridays now but i haven't heard good things about it :[
i cooka da pizza: oh fuck me man
situationship final boss reacted with ❌
i cooka da pizza: you know what i meant fuck off shauna
marmar!!: wait whats the new menu.. this shit better be good to take away pizza friday
mysterious q: i'll check and be back!!
marmar!!: cant believe im saying this but thank you misty
the machine: as i said
the machine: dire omen.
the machine: not ur phone getting taken away nat stop typing. i fear that one was common sense
i cooka da pizza reacted with 🖕
situationship final boss: how many more "i told you so"'s are you going to get out of this?
the machine: at least 20!!
>replying to i cooka da pizza: i think randy w….
JT COMING: wait wait go back to this
JT COMING: is he okay???
marmar!!: this aint about him idgaf if hes your boytoys bestie
marmar!!: pizza day on wednesday taylor. WEDNESDAY
van the man: EXACTLY
JT COMING: jeff's not my boytoy?? gag me ugh you date a guy in middle school but stay friends and here come your teammates ooh thats your boytoy ooh hows your boyfriend doing 🙄
JT COMING: and wednesday is fine?? i still dont see the big deal
JT COMING: it's a good middle ground anyway, 3 days after monday > 5 days after monday
marmar!!: wrong.
marmar!!: wait actually hold on
van the man: also the orange pineapple ice is out??? like hellooooo is this not major news to literally anyone else
hatmel: tbh i like the lemon and berry ones more so
van the man: LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER
i cooka da pizza: who tf is that guy
hatmel: dude did you just not bother learning jvs names??
hatmel: melissa btw
i cooka da pizza: not ringing any bells
hatmel: pink hat
i cooka da pizza: OHHHH
i cooka da pizza: well shit why didnt you say that
hatmel reacted with 😭
JT COMING: we really need to get you a list of their names nat my god
JT COMING: anyway the ice being out isn’t that big of a deal either!!! just get another kind you guys are so whiny
situationship final boss: ok, well, you can't, because they're also not serving the strawberry pomegranate one today.
situationship final boss: cherry only, and you hate cherry.
situationship final boss: so.
TT for student council: Shit, cherry's the worst.
i cooka da pizza: cherry haters are weak and will die come winter im having a ball in this bitch
TT for student council: You're the only person alive who likes cherry flavor.
i cooka da pizza: dont you like artificial grape like a freak
TT for student council: I don't discriminate against candy flavors.
i cooka da pizza: oh so you like banana too
TT for student council: I discriminate against some candy flavors.
i cooka da pizza: gotcha. get em mari
marmar!!: TAI ADMITTING TO DISCRIMINATION LIVE EVERYONE SCREENSHOT
i cooka da pizza: with your help we can run her out of student office before she even gets in
JT COMING: will you guys shut up??? they can't even kick her out of office for that where did you get that idea
JT COMING: and they're for real only serving cherry?? :(
marmar!!: NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE THEY CANT
i cooka da pizza: we can always try
situationship final boss: mhm, for real. only cherry.
JT COMING: well shit
JT COMING: this is so sad nat play something emo
i cooka da pizza: oh wait whoops ms s is eying my phone again
i cooka da pizza: bye
JT COMING: oh!! bye nat :)
JT COMING: WAIT YOU'RE AT LUNCH
JT COMING: NAT
JT COMING: NAT GET THE FUCK ON I'LL KICK YOUR ASS
the machine: i just watched her read this and turn her phone all the way off. so
the machine: oh and she says go fuck urself lol
JT COMING: WORST DAYS OF MY LIFE ARE WHEN NATS HAVING A GOOD TIME. HOWEVER GOOD OF A TIME SHE SHOULD BE HAVING I SHOULD BE HAVING A BETTER ONE. IS IT NOT ENOUGH FOR HER TO HAVE ALL THOSE ICE CUPS DOES SHE HAVE TO TORMENT ME TOO
the machine: the h in jackie elizabeth taylor stands for hater
JT COMING: AND PROUD!!!!!
the machine: lol
the machine: if it makes u feel better she also said she's leaving your extra chocolate milk by ur usual spot :)
JT COMING: nvm i forgive her <33 peace and love!!!
van the man: fake ass fan. i would never be bought like that i stick to my takes
the machine: didnt i bribe you with sour gummy worms like 2 hours ago??
van the man: irrelevant. next question
Notes:
-sorry again that this intro is so long, the rest of these chaps wont be i promise! (edit: promise broken :/) and 2 everyone who doesnt know the school ice cups i mentioned in this chapter they were basically just frozen fruit juice in a plastic cup with a foil lid and they were bangin. i miss them dearly.
-side note, uploading fics scares me but checking my email scares me more, so if i don't get back to a comment please know i read it and i love you
-with that in mind, as of may I NOW HAVE SOCIALS??? still chronically offline tho here's some bits i liked but had to cut for word count
--------
MarisolIbarra.WHS: hey i check the email!!VanessaPalmer.WHS: DICK RIDER i mean WOAH WHO SAID THAT
MarisolIbarra.WHS: you will begin to cough in 3 days.
VanessaPalmer.WHS: and?? me on my deathbed tell.. tell mari... tell her that i didn't forget her glazing.... COUGH COUGH HACK WHEEZE
--------
marmar!!: 20 on palmer. put your cash in the betting pool now guys i think i see them squaring up behind the bleacherspool hater: 5 on Nat!
situationship final boss: 15 on nat. even it out.
TT for student council: 40 on Van.
JT COMING: DON'T BET ON OUR TEAMMATES FISTFIGHT???
the machine: nat wins it btw :)
pool hater: 50 on Nat*
JT COMING: OH COME ON
--------
i cooka da pizza: boooo scary cherry flavor [image3294.png. at least 8 of those school lunch ice cups are in frame. there are at least a dozen more blurred in the background.]TT for student council: They can't be that good.
i cooka da pizza: oh they are.
Chapter 2: [enter, pursued by clowns]
Summary:
just gen: "she should be at the club" wrong she should be on webkinz classic
hatmouse: she should be on poptropica dude
theater kid: dont remind me of poptropica. im still in mourning :[
----------
in which JV gives us some outsiders perspective on the main team, has their own (better managed) crisis with some minor gay on gay violence, win a few bets, start a few bets, and make bank for an hour.
OR: in which i try to characterize people with like 20 lines between all 7 of them and little to no established fanon. I'M COOKED!!!
Notes:
-enter backgroundjackets!! cracks knuckles who's ready for the most inconsistent and strange characterization ever because some of these guys get like 2.5 (or straight up 0) lines
-not a lot happens this chap lowkey i think i was just trying to figure out what i wanted to do with these guys
-sorry crystal enjoyers i hang around band kids not theater kids!! tbh though.. the overlap is not insignificant
-another apology to the 1 rachel goldman shooter. if you even exist. i know her only character trait is that she got moved up to varsity okay i just forgot!! my bad!!! i'm gonna fix it in another chap i promise
-is now a good time to say i don't know how soccer or high school sports work. my knowledge starts and ends with baseball I'M AMERICAN SORRY
-names in end notes as usual y'all know how it is
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
COOL KIDS ONLY
RachelGoldman.WHS has added 6 members to COOL KIDS ONLY
RachelGoldman.WHS has changed 7 nicknames
here isn't wonderwall: here's your own chat kids
here isn't wonderwall: be safe have fun or something i'm not cap i'm not doing a speech. just try not to put anything in here that would implicate you in a crime
here isn't wonderwall @ me directly if you need something jv schedule posted every saturday 8am est everything else schedule posted sunday @ 7 dont miss it
britney spears joke: wheres the reaction image
girl scout: [thankgodstantwt.gif]
britney spears joke: THANK YOU MARIKILAH
girl scout: how'd u know it wasn't really mine :(
britney spears joke: i just dont think you have what it takes to be on stantwt… i feel like mari would send you shit though
britney spears joke: said with nothing but love!!! i just feel like you could never argue with people online like that
robert: Unlike Mari
britney spears joke: yeah exactly unlike mari
theater kid: [enter, pursued by clowns]
girl scout: [offended honking]
just gen: oh fuck off
robert: What did we ever do to you ☹️
britney spears joke: hey if anything we're court jesters
here isn't wonderwall: to be fair to her you guys did fuck up her name for like. a while
britney spears joke: nvm she can call us whatever!!! she can hit me with a rock if she wants actually i feel for her <- someone who gets her name spelled wrong ALL THE TIME
hatmouse: hi crystal!!!
theater kid: haiii :33
just gen: holy shit a "haiii" and ":33" in the same text. relics of the bygone era
robert: PISTOL DO YOU USE XD TOO
theater kid: of course i do,,, XD is like a dear friend to me!!!!
just gen: incredible. just great stuff all around here really
girl scout: i just got transported to 2014 when i was 6 and on animal jam… wow…
just gen: "she should be at the club" wrong she should be on webkinz classic
hatmouse: she should be on poptropica dude
theater kid: dont remind me of poptropica. im still in mourning :[
COOL KIDS ONLY
here isn't wonderwall: cafeteria in shambles. pizza day got rescheduled. don't go behind the bleachers stoners in shambles as well. smoke behind the dumpsters instead if you must
here isn't wonderwall: orange pineapple ice out too rip gen and kristen, back in 3 months, supplier issue or something. cherry only today. ignore the main chat they're losing their heads because they're dramatic like that
girl scout: NOT PIZZA DAY WAIT
robert: Aw crap :(
here isn't wonderwall: literally gonna be back on the menu in a month
hatmouse: nvm we're fine
robert: Oh!! Yeah they're being dramatic
britney spears joke: BUT WHAT'S LOTTIES OMEN??
here isn't wonderwall: her "omen" is that if you walk in the caf you have a 50/50 shot of getting punched or getting something thrown at you. she's dragging it out for dramatic/comedic effect she literally just wants to play weird ominous oracle
here isn't wonderwall: if it was something serious she would've spat it out by now instead of the cryptic "just stay away from the place" thing
hatmouse: everything lottie does is cryptic though like shes actually like a reverse sea serpent i think i could see her anywhere on land and not be shocked
just gen: reverse sea serpent
hatmouse: I COULDN'T FIND ANY CRYPTIDS THAT COULD APPEAR ANYWHERE ON LAND OK THEY WERE ALL LOCATION SPECIFIC. LEAVE ME ALONE
girl scout: i mean on the cryptid note.. i once saw her in the middle of a cornfield when i was visiting family out of state, and i was just like ohh yup!! classic lottie!! and it didn't occur to me to be confused until like a month later
britney spears joke: tbh i want what she has... (height and aura)
just gen: i want what she has (her. i want her)
girl scout: 🏳️🌈🤨
hatmouse: akilah just send the homophobic dog you dont have to do emoji hieroglyphs
girl scout: there's a homophobic dog?
hatmouse: [homophobicdog.png]
girl scout: aww!! cute little guy :) whys he homophobic he's sweet looking!!!
britney spears joke: starting my petition to get akilah on socials cause i cant keep explaining memes to her
hatmouse: signed
robert: Signed!!
just gen: DON'T HOMOPHOBIC DOG ME???? LIKE EXCUSE ME FOR THINKING THE HOT GIRL IS HOT LIKE MY BAD
robert: You will be competing with Scatorccio and Laura Lee
just gen: i retract my previous statement!!! crush on lottie over i would like to stay alive actually
here isn't wonderwall: while this is hilarious and all y'all gotta wrap this pride parade UP. get off your phones. pop quiz in french @theater kid rest of you skedaddle. don't get detention i can't bail you on another missed practice
robert: "Skedaddle"
britney spears joke: "skedaddle" lmao
britney spears joke: omg jinx robbie!!
robert: Jinx!!
theater kid: i didn't study :[
here isn't wonderwall: then here's your warning to stop sucking face with misty and hit the books. they randomize every quiz and i can't help you cheat
theater kid: imagine me as that sad ant with the bindle right now please
here isn't wonderwall: thank you for the visual aid. NOW GET OUT OF HERE GO
COOL KIDS ONLY
girl scout: GUYS THEY BLOCKED COOLMATH ON THE COMPUTERS FOR GOOD
hatmouse: HOW MANY THINGS CAN THEY TAKE AWAY FROM US TODAY ARE YOU SERIOUS
just gen: wasn't it already blocked
robert: ^ Didn't they do that like 2 years ago
girl scout: yeah but you could get around it until now :(
britney spears: THEY TOOK AWAY THE BYPASS??
robert: What the hell :(
theater kid: have we tried the ancient methods… the old ways… (googling coolmathgames unblocked)
girl scout: i have :(( still no results
here isn't wonderwall: don't let varsity get their hands on this information. i genuinely think they'll start killing. like between this and pizza day this might actually be the last straw for a few of them. i think vans taco mia save is the closest thing they have to a son
theater kid: MY CUPCAKERIA!!!
hatmouse: MY WINGERIA SAVE OH SHIT
hatmouse: I HAD PAPA LOUIE UNLOCKED
just gen: oh fuck my cheeseria
robert: My freezeria 😭
girl scout: rip my pancakeria i was on day 400 :(
here isn't wonderwall: oh well. there's other game websites
just gen: doesn't even matter. none of them have my save file on it I WAS ON VALENTINES DAY RACH. VALENTINES DAY
here isn't wonderwall: doesn't mean shit to me. i play pastaria that's a whole other holiday schedule
just gen: IT'S THIRD LAST SAME AS YOURS
here isn't wonderwall: oh damn. yeah rip
hatmouse: do any of these supposed "other game sites" have the flipline games
hatmouse: the answer is no. checkmate
britney spears joke: "supposed "other game sites"" mels do you seriously think coolmath is the only browser game website
hatmouse: is it not
just gen: dude.
robert: TBF it's pretty much the only good one?
just gen: not even getting started there
britney spears joke: mel aside, seriously guys what's another site... i need to get back on my bakeria grind
theater kid: newgrounds has them!!!!
just gen: they blocked that too i just tried
britney spears joke: DAMN. got anything else pistol
theater kid: i am out of ideas. no other website has them. we have never been more over guys :[
here isn't wonderwall: do you guys actually think that the papas games are coolmath and newgrounds exclusives
here isn't wonderwall: it takes .2 seconds of googling to find some shitty back alley website to play them on. they're everywhere you guys are just lazy
here isn't wonderwall: better yet actually just emulate. i have super mario sunshine on here and they can't do shit
robert: Do they not block that???
here isn't wonderwall: do you think the people who can barely send out emails know what game emulating even is
here isn't wonderwall: they can barely work projectors. if coach scott or ms wheeler didn't narc then they wouldn't even know about half the sites they block
just gen: COACH SCOTT IS THE SNITCH??
just gen: actually hang on i should've guessed that one
robert: Always a man at the scene of the crime
robert: Ms Wheeler though…. I trusted you….
girl scout: coach scott i expected but MS WHEELER??? never felt more betrayed ever i think
hatmouse: NOT MS WHEELER WAIT
theater kid: does this count as gay on gay violence,,,
robert: I think so
britney spears joke: sometimes i forget coach scott's an actual teacher like as far as i'm concerned that's just some random guy who pretends to hate us and deals with varsity's bs like. wdym you can SNITCH ON US
just gen: he's gotten too comfy we need to start making fun of him again
hatmouse: thats ez. dudes literally like my brother like ohhh youre a millennial queer with a shitty beard who acts like he wants to die because he has to show up to work at 7am?? yeah sos my brother demetrius like YOURE NOT SPECIAL COACH!!! KNOW YOUR PLACE!!!!
COOL KIDS ONLY
here isn't wonderwall: hi, i'm rachel goldman with the yellowjackets soccer team, welcome to my crib
here isn't wonderwall: camera pans out by like 3 feet. it's the closet tai and van make out in between their classes. i am in here because i was sent to get something by my bio teacher and THEY DIDNT LOCK THE DOOR UGH
hatmouse: FUCK
just gen: PAY UP
girl scout: woaaah no way!!! no way i never saw that coming
theater kid: [pretends to be shocked]
robert: Surely the couple everyone bet on hooking up isn't hooking up !! I mean surely not guys
britney spears joke: robbie i love you dearly but TURN YOUR AUTOCAPS OFF
robert: No
hatmouse: can i borrow 50 bucks guys :(
here isn't wonderwall: no dude
girl scout: no.
robert: For what?
britney spears joke: NO
theater kid: not happening!! sorry mel :[
hatmouse: i owe gen she bet on them hooking up
robert: Everyone bet on them hooking up. Everyone
robert: I think Jackie had like a grand on it?? Which is a little much
britney spears joke: i actually think i saw her and lottie go band for band over some bet once and it ended in both of them ponying up like 5k?? so i think that's about normal
britney spears joke: like idt jackie can afford all that but she sure is committed!
here isn't wonderwall: i once heard her say "this isn't the hill i'm gonna die on but it is the hill i'll kill you on" to nat when they were arguing over whether or not anything on the billboard top 100 was worth listening to. so
girl scout: say what you will about that girl but she sticks to her guns!!!
just gen: so what i'm hearing is i need to get in on the varsity betting pool before the taivan make out closet info goes public
just gen: like i know for a fact jackie and mari's gaydars are dogshit but they love a good bet I COULD CLEAN HOUSE GUYS
hatmouse: WAIT HERES HOW I CAN AFFORD TO PAY GEN BACK AND STILL COME OUT ON TOP
here isn't wonderwall: imagine me sighing rn. dm me or something i'll get you both an in
theater kid: oh!! dm me too :] the drama club has betting pools for EVERYTHING haha
theater kid: it's ez money!!!!
here isn't wonderwall: oh shit let me in that one kris
hatmouse: LETS GO
just gen: WE NEVER LOSE
just gen: wait we should start our own betting ring. like school wide so you don't need to know someone to get in on it
here isn't wonderwall: i mean with our proximity to lottie's uncanny predictions and our unique ability to get into Situations. we could make a pretty penny
just gen: $10 buy in and 5% cut for the house
hatmouse: nah dude 5 dollar buy in 10% cut. people are more likely to buy in if its that low and ignore what we take because they think theyre gonna make it back
just gen: ?? when did you get smart
hatmouse: FUCK OFF
hatmouse: i play a lot of red dead poker ok. i buy in for sure if its 5 half the time if its 10 and if its over that i stay away
just gen: huh
robert: Well the more you know I guess
britney spears joke: jv money laundering scheme??
here isn't wonderwall: not money laundering. it's illegal gambling
robert: Didn't you just say not to put anything that would implicate us in here
here isn't wonderwall: oh yeah. don't put anything that would implicate you in here unless it benefits me to be in on*
theater kid: TO ALL LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICIALS THIS IS A PURELY HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIO AND THE BETTING POOLS IN QUESTION ARE NOT REAL IN A WAY YOU CAN PROVE!!
theater kid: 10% cut is pretty good though!!! i think drama takes 5 but the buy in is higher
hatmouse: so we're gonna have no competition because we've got the best rates
theater kid: yeah!!!
hatmouse: first bets are gonna be whos gonna win the brewers/yankees and mets/astros games today
hatmouse: this is baseball country we can take advantage of that
just gen: and football we should get on top of that
here isn't wonderwall: we need to get on the ground too. like school specific bets. i know some people think coach scott is hooking up with ms wheeler we can hop on that
britney spears joke: wow the average person in this school is DUMB
hatmouse: theyre both gay wtf
just gen: i've heard that one actually LMAO
here isn't wonderwall: i never said the rumors were smart but you're gonna make a lot of money from the dumbasses in this place
girl scout: i really don't think we should be doing this guys
britney spears joke: yeaah this may not be the best idea
robert: I agree actually! Add me back after you all get caught or something
robert: Have fun :)
robert has left COOL KIDS ONLY
here isn't wonderwall: well i mean you don't have to be involved. you can leave like robs
hatmouse: ITS NERF OR NOTHING LAID EASE!!! GAMBLING SCHEME OR BUST!!!!
hatmouse: DONT BACK OUT LIKE ROBBIE!!! DIE LIKE MEN!!!
girl scout: i think at this point i have to go all in :( i've already seen enough to be called in as a witness
britney spears joke: this is super funny though so i'm in but like. this is dumb as hell i need you guys to know where i stand
britney spears joke: like peer pressure isn't always about drugs. sometimes it's about getting in on your soccer team's weird gambling ring
just gen: GAMBLING SCHEME GAMBLING SCHEME
girl scout: oh we're so getting caught :((
COOL KIDS ONLY
>forwarded from cap: why'd i just hear talk of a gambling ring lead by you guys.
here isn't wonderwall: great going chat! an hour in and we're already caught. we're 100% running laps all next practice.
here isn't wonderwall: wait
here isn't wonderwall has added RobinHarris.WHS to COOL KIDS ONLY
here isn't wonderwall has changed 1 nickname
robert: Did you guys get caught
here isn't wonderwall: yeah.
robert: I figured
hatmouse: WHAT THE HELL
just gen: HOW'D JACKIE EVEN FIGURE IT OUT
robert: I didn't say anything before you ask!! I was gonna let you guys do it I just wasn't getting involved
just gen: ykw i can respect that. thanks rob
girl scout: is this going on my permanent record :(
theater kid: aw rats :[
britney spears joke: could've told you we'd get caught
robert: And yet you went with it anyway
britney spears joke: it was objectively the funniest decision!! like my bad!!!
here isn't wonderwall: hey also, we have to go see cap and tai after we get out of whatever classes we're in. except for robs. robs you're free to go
robert: :)
britney spears joke: ok well now it's not funny anymore. robbie i would like to apologize
robert: You made your bed
hatmouse: aw we're fucked guys
hatmouse: if i make myself throw up right now can i get out of the lecture + drills at practice
here isn't wonderwall: nope. face it like a man mels
just gen: cap will show up at your door to lecture you anyway and you WILL make those drills up even if you fake sick. ask how i found out
hatmouse: WAIT YOU WERENT ACTUALLY SICK THAT TIME WE GOT CAUGHT EGGING COACHES CAR??
just gen: nope
hatmouse: DUDE FUCK YOU YOU THREW ME TO THE WOLVES
just gen: and still got lectured and ran twice as many drills as you for faking so what're you gonna do not forgive me??
hatmouse: THATS EXACTLY WHAT IM GONNA DO
girl scout: THAT WAS YOU GUYS?
robert: I was wondering who that was!!!
britney spears joke: did you guys have to take out a loan cause i saw like 50 eggs on that car
just gen: yeah we took one from lottie
hatmouse: WHO IMMEDIATELY TURNED AND SNITCHED SO DONT TAKE MATTHEWS MONEY FOR SCHEMES
here isn't wonderwall: while i want to hear that story (later) you guys seriously need to buckle up. cap's so pissed i can feel her rage through my screen. laura lee just dm'd me "praying for you guys <33" and van just asked if they could bum my spotify premium after i died because tai's gonna kick our shit in
hatmouse: LAURA LEE PRAYING FOR US WE'RE BONED!!!!!
just gen: yup. that's a wrap guys everyone bring it in
girl scout: we had a good run. someone take care of my bunnies when i'm gone
robert: Got u kilah <33
girl scout: thank you bee <3
theater kid: cue the execution ballad. we will go down with honor.
here isn't wonderwall: "go down with honor" wrong. we're going down running suicides until we puke or tai and jackie feel merciful (never)
here isn't wonderwall: make sure to bring water to the pitch. today is NOT the day to forget it because even heat stroke isn't gonna spare us from those two. and make sure you clear your schedules for recovery time
robert: Scatorccio just passed and told me that Shauna's also not happy with us so heads up
here isn't wonderwall: you know what. bring your last will and testament also. we're gonna need em
Notes:
DO NOT DO ANYTHING I SAY HERE DON'T START A GAMBLING RING. IF YOU DO I AM NOT LIABLE FOR ANY ACTIONS TAKEN OR WHATEVER. on actual chap notes: i love making genlissa two dumbasses telling each other EXACTLYYYY. separate i imagine they're both decently smart, but you put them together and they're MORONS. flop duo. the games mentioned in this chapter are OPENING DAY GAMES (whoops) (march 27 2025) but that doesn't mean this takes place in march. the timeline is ambiguous. HERE'S NAMES
---------
theater kid - crystal
here isn't wonderwall - rachel goldman. hey on that note do you guys ever think about how a no line character ep2 death got a last name but akilah hasnt gotten one
robert - robin
britney spears joke - britt
hatmouse - mel
just gen - gen
girl scout - akilah
Chapter 3: well my apolocheese for having FUN
Summary:
god and anime: Why would we put them against each other when we get to see both of them
god and anime: And both of them get to be bloody!!! And attractive!!!bloodymari: ykw youre forgiven for jumping me earlier thats so real. ive seen the light
bloodymari: WAIT WHATspotify enthusiast: true
lotslotslots: WHAT
get a bucket and a mop: damn double L's got that dog in her. the more you know!
--------
in which varsity ALSO gets caught on their bets, jackie gets diagnosed with gay, and the gang plans a (totally normal) movie night!!
Notes:
-welcome back varsity team
-not a lot happens in this chap. they are normal! sort of. as normal as these guys get at least
-(read: i've been procrastinating on research for another fic i've been contemplating, so relatively uneventful!)
-tigers lost all 3 opening games so i had to get an upload in to mourn. at least im not the brewers right now, i chant. at least i didnt go 9-20.
-should i just start dropping hcs here?? i might. ask me about random shit i cant manage to fit into this fic! (or dont lol)
-NAMES IN END NOTES AS USUAL
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
THE COOLER DANIEL
shipstaylor: hey so jv's fucking dead. nobody try to get them out of drills this practice. they dug their graves DO NOT INTERFERE!!!
spotify enthusiast: what
god and anime: ?
bloodymari: WHATEVER THEY DID YOUR HONOR WHO GAF IF IT'S FUNNY
lotslotslots: your honor in their defense omfggggg like who careees like cmonnn
shipstaylor: NEITHER OF YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY DID!!!
bloodymari: I SUPPORT AKILAH FIRST AND FOREMOST SEMANTICS CAN COME LATER
taylorsship: big word for you.
bloodymari: go fuck yourself
lotslotslots: i don't need to know. i just assume it's funny they are soo creative over there
lotslotslots: coach ben car incident <33
spotify enthusiast: huh didnt know that was them. hell yeah
get a bucket and a mop: GIVE THOSE KIDS A MEDAL THAT SHIT WAS LEGENDARY
prez: What'd they do now, though?
shipstaylor: THEY STARTED A GAMBLING RING. A GAMBLING RING!!!!
taylorsship: for the love of god. sorry lee.
god and anime: That's... not good.
velma: well that's certainly interesting!!
spotify enthusiast: jackie wont spill. will you
velma: of course!! i'll get back with some more info for the rest of you :] hang tight!!
bloodymari: ive been thanking you too much lately. misty can you go back to doing weird unsettling bullshit i can't keep doing this
bloodymari: i need to get my gossip from hallway rumors like the good gossip gods intended SHE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS
velma: do you want it or not mari? :p
velma: i can just not send it!
bloodymari: no dm me thank you quigley
>replying to shipstaylor: THEY STARTED A G...
prez: Are you fucking kidding me?
shipstaylor: on my necklace :(
prez: Fucks sake.
prez: This has the idiot duo written all over it.
spotify enthusiast: whos the idiot duo
prez: Gen and Melissa.
spotify enthusiast: tracks
lotslotslots: ur honor can i post bail. i really admire their work ethic they're showing a lot of drive
shipstaylor: NO FUCKING BAIL. do not business speak this into sounding better lottie they STARTED AN ILLEGAL GAMBLING RING they'll DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES
lotslotslots: worth a try :(
get a bucket and a mop: rest in piss JV they're gonna be running suicides for the rest of their lives
get a bucket and a mop: i wanna hear that plan tho i feel like it could've worked
velma: according to what kristen's told me about it so far, it does actually seem like it could've panned out! unfortunately they forgot that by making access public on a schoolwide scale means that it will get back to us faster :[
velma: they even had a set of very interesting ideas for expansions to the rutgers campus! maybe we should let this one go for purely research reasons...
lotslotslots: dm me those!! they seem to have a lot of initiative this could work actually
get a bucket and a mop: didn't know you were a businessman lots
lotslotslots: i am if it's funny otherwise i am here to look pretty and observe
bloodymari: AMEN!!!
spotify enthusiast: your ass does not "observe" mari you are loud and annoying in here
bloodymari: stfu. loud and annoying AND FUNNYYYYYY
god and anime: Who said that last part?
bloodymari: nvm i have to go into hiding laura lee jumping me is a generationally bad fumble
god and anime: :)
taylorsship: if you're getting jumped by laura lee, i feel like that's on you.
spotify enthusiast: you will not be missed
>replying to velma: they even had a...
shipstaylor: yeah not happening misty. we're not letting JV start a 2 campus wide betting ring even if it would be funny. and do not dm lottie!!
spotify enthusiast: wait dm me those too
shipstaylor: DONT DM NAT EITHER
prez: Do not encourage them. Please, guys.
prez: Did they seriously all go along with this?
shipstaylor: yeah!! they're literally all guilty somehow even akilah. mari your influence remains awful!!!
bloodymari: omg… im so proud of her actually i can't even be offended
bloodymari: my wifes first organized crime venture....
taylorsship: goldman just dm'd me to say that harris is innocent, actually.
shipstaylor: ok well tell her to prove it.
taylorsship: she left before they started in on it for real. [screenshot9439.png] [a screenshot of robin leaving the gc, from last chap.]
taylorsship: looks legit to me.
shipstaylor: robbie's free then :) EVERYONE ELSE IS ON THE HOOK!!!
bloodymari: wait what were they betting on i forgot to ask
shipstaylor: opening day games i think?? mets astros brewers yankees yk
shipstaylor: and tai and van hooking up lol
shipstaylor: according to rachel who caved immediately they had insider information that confirmed it or something and planned to put like 2k on yes and clean house
get a bucket and a mop: "insider info" she walked in on us in a supply closet LMAO
prez: For fucks sake.
spotify enthusiast: thanks for the confirmation van
get a bucket and a mop: WAIT
bloodymari: oh i'm abt to make a stack LETS GO
taylorsship: shit.
god and anime: I take cash or credit :)
taylorsship: how the fuck do you take credit? by your locker in 10.
god and anime: <33
shipstaylor: AW FUCK
lotslotslots: oh jackieeee
lotslotslots: remember your bet. remember what you put up.
shipstaylor: lottie. i can't afford that.
lotslotslots: figure it out, jacks.
prez: While I admire the audacity and your collective willingness to use insider information to bet, don't ever let JV, or any of you, catch my eye for the next week.
spotify enthusiast: dont even care about your threats tai this shit is actually fuckin hilarious
spotify enthusiast: what else happened
shipstaylor: idek!!! all i know is they had a few hundred on various hook ups and sports bets or something
shipstaylor: WAIT THEY HAD ONE ON ME AND SHAUNA APPARENTLY
taylorsship: they better fucking not have.
get a bucket and a mop: zoinks scoob
get a bucket and a mop: is now a good time to say we also have one on that we just didnt let you in
shipstaylor: WHAT THE HELL HEY
spotify enthusiast: SELF SNITCHING MOTHERFUCKER DUDE
prez: Jesus Christ, Van. Second time in 2 minutes, you're on a roll.
god and anime: :(
prez: Sorry, Laur.
bloodymari: BOOOOOOOO FUCK YOU PALMER
lotslotslots: smhhh bet canceled everyone's getting their cash returned or something :// nice job van
get a bucket and a mop: MY BAD!! MY BAD!!!!
taylorsship: we'll get to you guys next. just because we're on jv right now doesn't mean i'm not getting the rest of you for this.
spotify enthusiast: good going palmer
bloodymari: when i die (probably this semester with the way things are going) make sure akilah gets my hoodie and nat isn't allowed to show up xoxo
spotify enthusiast: if i die first im reviving just so you dont get that win. i refuse to allow it i'll wake up
bloodymari: and then i kill you again so i win either way <3
THE COOLER DANIEL
get a bucket and a mop: look i know the vibes here are still rancid but movie night at tai's 🔥🔥 be there or be SQUARE
velma: what time should we get there?
prez: Around 8.
velma: noted :]
spotify enthusiast: "the vibes here are rancid" yeah i wonder why
bloodymari: what movies tho. this will impact whether or not i ditch to help akilah recover from the torture you guys put her through so keep that in mind!!
shipstaylor: i wanna say deserved so bad because she DID go along with the gambling scheme but its akilah so i cant :// bring her by marmar she's invited!!! apology tour (not really a tour i'm only apologizing to akilah)
prez: I didn't say that.
prez: Not like I'm not allowing Akilah over, it's Akilah, but still. Don't invite people without asking.
>replying to bloodymari: what movies tho...
get a bucket and a mop: we got literally everything on netflix and literally everything i have on dvd
get a bucket and a mop: so! dont expect a list we have options
taylorsship: and the options are?
get a bucket and a mop: i just told you we had like everything dude come on
get a bucket and a mop: but we're between jennifers body, wicked, scream marathon or bottoms
get a bucket and a mop: cast yr votes now folks, in van palmer's (patent pending) yellowjackets movie night poll! open for 10 minutes in my dms! all votes welcome, and i'll count every 2 spammed messages as 1 vote! no limits! akilah is allowed in btw mari make sure she has my number
god and anime: Sounds fun!!! Thank you Tai and Van :)
get a bucket and a mop: yw double L <333
prez: Anytime, Lee.
bloodymari: yeah yeah palmer i'll get it to her
spotify enthusiast: you really dont have to do the whole speech every time
get a bucket and a mop: well my apolocheese for having FUN
get a bucket and a mop: i didn't know we didn't DO THAT HERE ANYMORE
shipstaylor: apolo what??
lotslotslots: van u are so funny i love it when you give me fun things to say
get a bucket and a mop: i do it for you bro <3 my fellow phrase thief
lotslotslots: omg bro <333
spotify enthusiast: can you two stop saying weird shit like this
get a bucket and a mop: no. and see if i pay for your pizza now
spotify enthusiast: i would like to apologize.
THE COOLER DANIEL
taylorsship: it's been an hour. what movie ended up winning the vote?
get a bucket and a mop: oh uhh
get a bucket and a mop: in a (absolutely not) shocking turn of events, jennifer's body has won the movie night poll with bottoms as close second!! surely not something to be expected from a bunch of teenage girlkissers! i mean really guys why would the homoerotic succubus movie win the vote and gay fight club get second
taylorsship: bottoms needs no explanation.
lotslotslots: amanda seyfried i think
bloodymari: megan fox
lotslotslots: it appears we have hit a stalemate.
bloodymari: it appears we have.
god and anime: Why would we put them against each other when we get to see both of them
god and anime: And both of them get to be bloody!!! And attractive!!!
bloodymari: ykw youre forgiven for jumping me earlier thats so real. ive seen the light
bloodymari: WAIT WHAT
spotify enthusiast: true
lotslotslots: WHAT
get a bucket and a mop: damn double L's got that dog in her. the more you know!
shipstaylor: SO TRUE LAURS!!! I WAS BORN IN THE RIGHT GENERATION!! I LOVE THE INTERNET AND GETTING TO WATCH PRETTY WOMEN COVERED IN BLOOD ON MY SCREEN!!!
bloodymari: actually best movie ever made
shipstaylor: SMILING THROUGH IT ALL I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS MY LIFE (<- gets to watch amanda seyfried and megan fox kill men and make out and be covered in blood)
spotify enthusiast: you voice oh im not gay!! i just really love watching women be super bloody and make out on my tv screen thats a normal thing to think about and want to see for non ulterior motives. and its definitely not because im into it or anything thats absurd
shipstaylor: ?? what are you talking about of course it is
shipstaylor: am i not allowed to want to see a movie
lotslotslots: jackie after seeing any woman ever voice NEED THAT BIBLICALLY i mean what i mean what i mean w
shipstaylor: can i not appreciate things anymore. can i not have fun. just because you guys are freaks doesn't mean i am!!
spotify enthusiast: so if they took out the man killing and making out and covered in blood youd still be down to clown
shipstaylor: i would enjoy it a lot less but i'd still watch yeah!!
spotify enthusiast: so you enjoy all those parts
shipstaylor: can i ask for a lawyer
lotslotslots: @prez
prez: Hm?
prez: Oh. As a future law student, I officially find you, Jacqueline Taylor, guilty on all counts of lesbian activity.
shipstaylor: YOU'RE GOING INTO LAND USE THAT DOESN'T COUNT
shipstaylor: AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN A LAWYER YET
prez: I can't hear you. The verdict's been handed down.
taylorsship: post bail, jax.
taylorsship: react normally to an attractive woman in a film and you're free to go.
shipstaylor: I REACT NORMALLY TO ALL ATTRACTIVE WOMEN IN FILM
lotslotslots: LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER!!!
get a bucket and a mop: now hold the fuck on pause this
>replying to bloodymari: actually best m...
get a bucket and a mop: mari. best movie?
bloodymari: oh fuck
prez: Nice job, Ibarra.
get a bucket and a mop: BEST MOVIE???
bloodymari: DO NOT GIVE ME A LECTURE HOLD ON
get a bucket and a mop: "BEST MOVIE EVER MADE"???? BEST MOVIE???? EVER MADE????
bloodymari: CAN WE GO BACK TO BULLYING JACKIE
shipstaylor: HEY???
spotify enthusiast: we can multitask
get a bucket and a mop: HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN MORE THAN 3 MOVIES MAR. HUH.
taylorsship: here we go.
THE COOLER DANIEL
get a bucket and a mop: AND NOT ONLY THAT BUT THE GUYS FUCKING WASHED SO IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER
bloodymari: GET ME OUT OF HEREEE
taylorsship: they're seriously still on that?
get a bucket and a mop: yes i am.
bloodymari: im sure watching me suffer is satisfying. huh gaywad
taylorsship: i'm having a great time whenever you're not.
spotify enthusiast: hey me too
bloodymari: FUCK BOTH OF YOU!!!
shipstaylor: keep going van i'm kinda invested
get a bucket and a mop: oh i will!
velma: since most of you are on, now seems like a good time to let you all know that coach martinez has gotten word of our escapades and wants to see all of us after school today, including jv :[
get a bucket and a mop: nvm movie lecture canceled WE'RE FUCKED
spotify enthusiast: damn
bloodymari: WAITERR WAITERRR TORTURE JV SOME MORE IF WE'RE GOING DOWN WITH THEM
god and anime: Seriously? We didn't even do anything
velma: apparently we "co-signed it" by not interfering :[
shipstaylor: WE DID INTERFERE WHAT THE HELL THEY LITERALLY RAN DRILLS ALL PRACTICE YESTERDAY
shipstaylor: DID HE THINK IT WAS FOR FUNSIES. IS HE STUPID
prez: Yes, he is. I hate that fucking guy.
prez: Movie night still on. I don't care if Coach is pissed.
taylorsship: remember guys, "i don't know what you're talking about", "i've never heard that" and "that's just gossip".
lotslotslots: and the classic ego play "you really believe playground rumors like that?? i thought you were smarter, coach"!!
shipstaylor: if we get detention i am wringing mels neck myself. CALL IT.
taylorsship: not gens?
shipstaylor: i think nats got that
spotify enthusiast: yeah i got her
spotify enthusiast: she shoulder checked me once and ive been plotting since
god and anime: Was that not an accident?
spotify enthusiast: so what
lotslotslots: she's 5'3 the short people rage lasts longer
god and anime: Oh!! I see :)
spotify enthusiast: I AM 5 FOOT 6 WHAT THE FUCK GUYS
get a bucket and a mop: can't hear you from down there bro
prez: Who said that? I can't see anyone.
shipstaylor: now take the platforms off.
spotify enthusiast: stfu. im telling coach you WERE all in on it and are lying to save your asses
bloodymari: HE WON'T BELIEVE THAT
spotify enthusiast: he'll believe it if i make myself look bad by 'owning up' to starting it
bloodymari: ok he might believe that
lotslotslots: I HATE THAT MAN!!!
prez: Nobody is owning up to anything. When the time comes, don't say anything until I get there.
prez: And get off your phones, nobody needs a detention right now.
get a bucket and a mop: yes ma'am o7
shipstaylor: maybe this chat was a mistake.
taylorsship: you just now realized?
Notes:
"why do they have so many group chats" because jackie needs to get to the whole team easily, because jv doesn't want varsity to know what they're up to, and because varsity doesn't want jv to know what THEY get up to. ftr i absolutely do not believe shauna would figure out she's gay before jackie in a modern au (my thoughts on this are complex), but that's just how the joke cookie crumbles. ANYWAY names for this one
----
taylorsship - shauna
prez - tai
get a bucket and a mop - van (do you get it . because vans initials are ((non canonically)) VAP. the crowd throws tomatoes at me when i walk off stage)
god and anime - laura lee
bloodymari - mari
shipstaylor - jackie
spotify enthusiast - nat
velma - misty
lotslotslots - lottie
Chapter 4: where in the world is charlotte matthews?
Summary:
the machine: what is big ceiling tile trying to keep from me
JT COMING: THEY'RE TRYING TO KEEP YOU FROM COLLAPSING THE PLACE THEY'RE STYROFOAM!!
the machine: says who. we'll never know. i need to go in there
i cooka da pizza: what is it with you and dark enclosed spaces
the machine: enrichment for my enclosure!!
------
in which i'm back on my bullshit post april fools, varsity says some affirmations, lottie does what we've all dreamed of, and rachel and jackie are deeply, deeply tired.
Notes:
-here's your actual chap guys!! thank you for entertaining schrodingers joke on tuesday i'm here to make up for it
-sorry if this update pinged like 4 times!! i had to update the work notes and it kept glitching on me :sob:
-decided i AM gonna start dropping hcs here because nobody reads these! todays is: i think when nat gets close to someone she saves their numbers as songs that remind her of them. i also think that everyone's started doing it back to her when they figured it out :)) it won't show up in this fic (SADLY!!) but i have them all mapped out anyway if you're curious
-if it's scuffed it's scuffed i can't keep staring at this draft. i've been having a WEEK dudes im gonna be real
-names in end notes as always!! explanations for confusing ones are always there also heart emoji
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
NO COACHES ALLOWED
pool hater: It's that time of the week again guys :)
hatmel: what time of the week
cottagecore lesbian: ????
goldman: just watch
van the man: I AM FUNNY PEOPLE LOVE MY JOKES MY MOVIE REFERENCES ARE TIMELESS AND ENTERTAINING I AM GOING TO KISS A GIRL (tai) TODAY EVEN IF IT KILLS ME
i cooka da pizza: I AM GOING TO GET OUT OF TRIG ALIVE GOD DOESNT HATE ME SPECIFICALLY MY MUSIC TASTE IS IMPECCABLE PEOPLE LOVE MY PLAYLISTS
situationship final boss: my ap lit essay is going to be read and graded in a timely manner. randy is going to get his lights punched out.
TT for student council: Allie's going to shut the fuck up for once. The debate club president will stop "errm actually"-ing me. Van will stop self-snitching.
JT COMING: WE'RE GOING TO WIN THIS NEXT GAME. I AM GETTING MY HANDS ON THAT CHAPPEL ROAN CD. I WILL HAVE A NORMAL DAY!!!
mysterious q: we're going to win the next game and everyone will stop getting caught for crimes!! not necessarily stop committing them but we will hopefully stop getting caught at least :]
water filter: anyone else confused??
birdie: Yes
bonafide: yeah hey so what the fuck is happening
hatmel: ARE THEY BEING NORMAL DUDE IM SCARED
cottagecore lesbian: this doesn't bode well i fear guys
goldman: relax dudes. laura lee's just started making them do affirmations once a week and it's backfired severely and predictably
goldman: i mean it works out because it gets them amped but like still. this cant be what she intended
pool hater: It absolutely isn't but if it works it works!!
goldman: honestly it barely does
pool hater: I am trying to minimize damage here. Whatever gets their minds stuck on a decent idea instead of whatever they usually have going on is a win in my book!!
goldman: ykw. i can respect that sure laura lee
bonafide: well i can't! what the fuck
hatmel: whats the damage with allie man
goldman: its complicated
mysterious q: oh dm me!! i can fill you in :]
hatmel: love u quigs u can be so helpful
bonafide: wait me too i'm nosy
pool hater: You guys can go ahead by the way :)
marmar!!: I DO NOT NEED TO HIT MY VAPE EVERY .5 SECONDS I CAN BE A BETTER HATER NATS GONNA STOP BEING ANNOYING PIZZA FRIDAYS WILL RETURN
the machine: THERE IS NOTHING IN THE TREES NOTHING IS TALKING TO ME SCHOOL CEILING TILES CAN HOLD MY WEIGHT SAFELY I WILL PASS FRENCH!!!
van the man: ok pause again. lot what's the ceiling one about
the machine: there's a tile out in bio and i want to go in so bad. so bad. what are they hiding up there
TT for student council: Wires. They're hiding wires. Those tiles are made of styrofoam, Lottie.
the machine: i don't trust that. there's something in there i need to see it
the machine: what is big ceiling tile trying to keep from me
JT COMING: THEY'RE TRYING TO KEEP YOU FROM COLLAPSING THE PLACE THEY'RE STYROFOAM!!
the machine: says who. we'll never know. i need to go in there
i cooka da pizza: what is it with you and dark enclosed spaces
the machine: enrichment for my enclosure!!
van the man: i get you lottie. everyone else can be a hater all they want but ive had that exact urge. go up there fulfill it for us
the machine: u r my number 1 supporter van <3
TT for student council: That's not a good thing.
van the man: i love a good scheme what can i say
marmar!!: i believe in you lottie!!! do it just dont get rabies from whatever rats are up there
situationship final boss: please don't encourage that.
pool hater: Please don't go in the ceiling tiles
the machine: I NEED TO SEE WHAT THEY'RE HIDING!!!!! LET ME UP THERE!!!!
van PALMER 💜, prince matthews
prince matthews: guess where i'm at :) 3 chances
van PALMER 💜: probably not bio like yr supposed to b
van PALMER 💜: OH NO WAY MAN
van PALMER 💜: CEILING?? LOT MY GUY SAY IT IS SO!!
prince matthews: DING DING DING!!!!
prince matthews: [image9873.png] [a very poorly lit shot of wires and various pipes.]
prince matthews: it's really dusty up here :(
van PALMER 💜: did you think it was gonna be clean be honest
van PALMER 💜: this isnt a safe space but be honest anyway
prince matthews: i would like to stay silent i think
van PALMER 💜: LMAO
COOL KIDS ONLY
hatmouse: yo this is melissa raftis with yellowjackets cribs! hard cut to the camera pointing straight at the library ceiling cuz lottie actually managed to get in the tiles
here isn't wonderwall: she got up there? actually??
here isn't wonderwall: like for real. are we sure
hatmouse: yeah dude shes up there
hatmouse: [image4792.png] [a school ceiling with a tile missing. in the gap, lottie can be seen waving down at the camera.]
hatmouse: she says hi
theater kid: thats impressive!! i always wanted to go up there :]
just gen: i mean maybe you can? if it can hold lottie like. why not you
theater kid: hmmm.. ur so right!! much to consider!!!!
girl scout: ohhh so it's every day with you guys!! i get it!!
britney spears joke: is anyone shocked?? like raise your hand no way you didn't see this coming
britney spears joke: lottie's DETERMINED i dont think anything could've stopped her when she got the idea
robert: I am :(
britney spears joke: post canceled sorry robbie <33
>replying to hatmouse: [image4792.png]...
here isn't wonderwall: ohh my god man
here isn't wonderwall: not my monkeys not my circus. not my monkeys not my circus. not my monkeys not my circus not my monkeys not my circus not m
girl scout: everything ok rach??
here isn't wonderwall: NO
just gen: she can handle dealing with us but pull varsity in at the same time and its over
hatmouse: cuz handling us is like a tuesday but she doesnt know what 2 do when the seniors are being stupid too
britney spears joke: i mean fair enough
robert: What do we even do about that? She can't stay up there right
britney spears joke: watch from a distance in my case! rest of yall stay safe tho <3
here isn't wonderwall: well mel can start with not climbing up and joining her
hatmouse: HOWD YOU KNOW I WAS CONSIDERING IT
here isn't wonderwall: because i know you.
just gen: big word for you melly you feeling okay??
hatmouse: it is not a big word for me man fuck you
hatmouse: and dont act like you dont wanna go up there too. hypocrite ass
just gen: oh i want to! i just have the impulse control NOT to. unlike you
hatmouse: oh come ON gengen
here isn't wonderwall: lets get back on track guys. what the fuck are we doing about lottie up there
theater kid: maybe we should just let her stay like robin said :P its not hurting anyone and shes having fun!!!
girl scout: why is this OUR problem... not to be mean or anything!! but you just said it's not our circus
here isn't wonderwall: i forgot we owe varsity a million dollars worth of favors for getting us out of the gambling thing scott free. so unfortunately it is kind of our circus
girl scout: good point :(
hatmouse: what kind of circus guy would you be i think i would kill the knife throwing
just gen: wrong you'd be a clown because you're already halfway there
hatmouse: if im doing clowning youre a buffoon. entertain me court jester i'll throw things at your head and see if you can make it out alive
just gen: can we switch actually?? i think you should get the silly hat
hatmouse: oh i forgot jesters got cool hats yeah we can swap
here isn't wonderwall: can we get back on track again. lottie. ceiling. what do we do.
robert: Watch from a distance like Britt said?
here isn't wonderwall: no.
robert: Idk then :(
girl scout: the fact that this is on us.. if lottie falls we're DONE
britney spears joke: oh wait guys i got it!!!
britney spears joke has added JacquelineTaylor.WHS
britney spears joke: lottie's in the ceiling
robert: You don't got it
britney spears joke: what else were we gonna do
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: ???? hi to you too guys
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: OH ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: LIKE. THE CEILING CEILING. ABOVE US. THAT ONE??
hatmouse: [ceilinglottie.mp4] [an extremely shaky video, the camera zooming in on the gap in the ceiling. lottie can be seen poking at one of the other tiles, before turning to look down at the camera, and putting a finger to her lips in a "shhh" gesture. melissa, from behind the camera, can be heard saying "i'm not saying shit", to which lottie nods her approval and disappears farther back into the gap.]
hatmouse: do you guys think i can get up there too though seriously guys
here isn't wonderwall: do not go in the tiles mel.
theater kid: its worth a shot :3
just gen: i mean like i said theoretically if lottie can
just gen: WAIT NO
hatmouse: thanks guys
robert: I still don't
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: please don't mel i don't think i can handle it if you end up getting injured. i think it might be my last straw
hatmouse: aww cap does this mean you like me
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: oh no!! absolutely not lol. we still have problems it's just that if you and lottie get out of this unharmed then i can call it a normal day. and i NEED ONE OF THOSE. BAD
hatmouse: aw rats
hatmouse: but like i need to go up there. i think lottie was onto something like NOW I HAVE TO KNOW
britney spears joke: are you trying to climb a table rn
hatmouse: howd you know
britney spears joke: i'm watching from the other side of the library
hatmouse: ???
hatmouse: come help me hold this steady then
britney spears joke: hell no. this is on you sorry
theater kid: i can help!!
hatmouse: LETS GO thanks crys
theater kid: anytime :]
just gen: this is so stupid STOP
hatmouse: IT CAN HOLD LOTTIE WHY CANT IT HOLD ME
here isn't wonderwall: i hate it here. i hate it here LET ME OUT!! LET ME OUT!!!!
girl scout: shh rach it's ok… it's ok you're gonna be moved up soon. ok?
here isn't wonderwall: wrong i'm never getting out of here. never.
just gen: 12 hours after my shift meme and it's just goldie covered in blood shooting a thumbs up at the cam like that other one
hatmouse: nobody knows what other one youre talking about
just gen: and? i know and that's enough
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: wya raftis.
hatmouse: library
JacquelineTaylor.WHS: yeah i know. what part
hatmouse: oh history sec
JacquelineTaylor.WHS has left the group
robert: They really should pay Jackie
girl scout: we should give rach a raise while we're at it tbh...
just gen: she'll be fine
hatmouse: nah shes cool mari moved up last year so if you think about it this is actually easier for her
robert: I just passed her with her head in her hands muttering about how much she hates soccer?
here isn't wonderwall: fuck soccer. and i do need a raise seriously
here isn't wonderwall: hazard pay and its just having to be around a bunch of teenage girls (and van) with 3 combined braincells and the impulse control of a walnut 5 days a week. i AM covered in blood shooting a thumbs up at the camera like the meme only gen knows.
Notes:
-little easter egg here, the last name i've assigned melissa is the greek equivalent of taylor (coming from tailor ofc)!! i like the idea of melissa as greek and i love to scheme with jackie parallels. shout out wiktionary my goat!!!
-looking for the sneak peek? me too man! i had to change the formatting for this one and it didn't make the cut :(
-dont ask me about the meme gen references here. ive tried so hard to find it and i genuinely cant i think i mightve just hallucinated it NAMES TIME
------
COOL KIDS ONLY (jv)
girl scout - akilah
hatmouse - mel
robert - robin
britney spears joke - britt
here isn't wonderwall - (rachel) goldman
theater kid - crystal
just gen - gen
------
NO COACHES ALLOWED (NEW ADDITIONS!!) (full team, always in work notes)
water filter - britt (britt - britta - water filter brand)
birdie - robin
bonafide - gen (gen - genuine - bonafide) i treat nicks like word chain games can you tell
Chapter 5: do you know where your lottie is?
Summary:
spotify enthusiast: i complain frequently
shipstaylor: wowza.. big word for you scatorccio are we sure you're feeling ok
spotify enthusiast: watch the fuck out taylor.
shipstaylor: i mean if u insist!!! i'll make sure to look down for you all week if you really want me to
------
in which van miraculously doesn't snitch to the class, nat takes new brother applications (and jackie gets hired), lottie has more fun in the ceiling, and ups the girlfriend standard while she does
Notes:
-yk, recently it hit me that i never actually introduced myself. hi, im blue (aka fish anon) hows it going guys
-todays hc is that mel has a third pink hat that she attaches a sharpie to and lets people write on. some things i think are on it are "go white boy go!!" and it's companion "i've never seen anyone fuck it up like that white boy!" (from van and tai), and "best dressed guy at the playground award" (from gen). dont ask why mel's at the playground she's there to play obviously
-tigers won 2/3 games against the yankees (AND CRUSHED EM FUCK YOU YANKEES) so early update!!
-no beta minor editing we do this raw as usual if it reads weird it reads weird
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
firevan, nattynat
firevan: it's 11:53 AM. do you know where your girlfriend is?
nattynat: my what
nattynat: my delusions probably idfk
firevan: sorry let me rephrase
firevan: it's 11:53 AM. do you know where your lottie is?
nattynat: oh haha buddy
nattynat: shes in english rn right
firevan: WRONG [ceilingtime.mp4] [a first person video of someone moving around what looks like a dark hallway with wires and pipes. this goes on for about 30 seconds, with the occasional look through a gap, before there's a sound of a metallic clang and an "ow, fuck!" and the video cuts.]
firevan: CEILING BLAST 💥
nattynat: howd she even get up there
nattynat: is she ok
firevan: yeah she's good i checked lol
firevan: streets (mari) are saying she just moved her desk over climbed up and left during bio
firevan: mr miller didn't even notice until he tried to call on her
nattynat: dudes a safety hazard
nattynat: ???? hold on
nattynat: [image8753.png] [a picture of lottie looking down from a ceiling from a small gap in the tiles. she's smiling down fondly at the photographer.]
nattynat: well i guess you werent kidding
firevan: aww she's checking in on her pet freak awww awww
nattynat: i could kick your ass. i wouldnt feel bad or anything
firevan: wrong! committing any violence against me would make yr tummy hurt. i know where i stand and that position is brother that you pretend to hate but you love me too much to be mean so i have basically free reign
nattynat: untrue fuck off
THE COOLER DANIEL
shipstaylor: @lotslotslots please get out of the ceiling.
taylorsship: what?
get a bucket and a mop: you still havin fun up there lot
shipstaylor: STILL??? YOU KNEW??
spotify enthusiast: yeah they knew and didnt snitch in here instantly. we're all shocked
get a bucket and a mop: FUCK OFF you know i'm having an off week nattynat. don't be mean to yr boy
spotify enthusiast: who said you were my boy. who even said i like you
get a bucket and a mop: wowww bro i thought we worked this out earlier :( oh well!! if yr ditching me then i can go hang with lot and give her all the screenshots of the 100% inconspicuous things you've been saying. if true
get a bucket and a mop: i mean say the word bud!!
spotify enthusiast: i would like to officially and formally apologize to van palmer. van, im sorry for saying youre not my boy and i dont fuck with you like that. you ARE like a brother i pretend to hate and i love you please keep those screenshots to yourself
spotify enthusiast: wait you cant even hang with lot shes in the ceiling and youre scared of heights
get a bucket and a mop: yeah this was entirely a ploy to get you to admit you love me without threat of death
get a bucket and a mop: and i love u 2 bro <33 post cancelled this is a safe space
spotify enthusiast: fuck you. taking new brother applications all may apply if your name isnt van palmer
shipstaylor: what's the application process
spotify enthusiast: dont be named van
shipstaylor: can i enter
spotify enthusiast: sure youre hired jack
shipstaylor: HELL YEAH!!! now i finally have free reign to make fun of you
spotify enthusiast: not what that means but ok
get a bucket and a mop: I CAN BE IMITATED BUT I CAN NEVER BE DUPLICATED!! REMEMBER YOU CAN HIRE WHOEVER YOU WANT BUT I'M ALWAYS GONNA BE NUMERO UNO BABY!!! YR NEVER GETTIN RID OF ME!!!!
bloodymari: watching you butcher spanish makes me wanna die van i really hope u know
get a bucket and a mop: skill issue i butcher italian all the time and nat never complains
spotify enthusiast: i complain frequently
shipstaylor: wowza.. big word for you scatorccio are we sure you're feeling ok :(
spotify enthusiast: watch the fuck out taylor.
shipstaylor: i mean if u insist!!! i'll make sure to look down for you all week if you really want me to
bloodymari: wait van can you send those totally normal screenshots to me pleeeease
bloodymari: i need more nat blackmail she's learned her lesson and isn't giving me anything good anymore
shipstaylor: OH WAIT ME TOO!!! ME TOO!!!
get a bucket and a mop: sorry jack i made a promise
get a bucket and a mop: not sorry gossip girl you'll have to get your blackmail from somewhere else
get a bucket and a mop: allie's mouthy try her out as a source
bloodymari: ew fuck no im not asking allie shit under threat of death
shipstaylor: BOOO BOOOOO TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO
velma: lottie's in the ceiling?
shipstaylor: oh yeah!! she's up there i kinda forgot
prez: Are you serious?
prez: How do you forget?
shipstaylor: out of sight out of mind obvs tai
taylorsship: i'm still team 'it can't hold her up'. there's no way.
god and anime: I didn't mean climb into the ceiling when I said try to set a goal for the week :(
bloodymari: well if lottie can make her ceiling dreams come true then pizza fridays are BACK ON. MANIFESTING
god and anime: That's not even a little similar
>replying to prez: Are you serious...
shipstaylor: [ceilinglottie.mp4] [it's the same video as described in the jv chap.]
velma: oh!! well it appears so XDD
prez: @lotslotslots Get out of the ceiling.
taylorsship: well fuck, that's me wrong.
god and anime: Oh Lottie…
get a bucket and a mop: WAIT WHO TOOK THIS ONE I NEED TO GIVE EM A MEDAL
spotify enthusiast: are we all just documenting lottie wandering around like a cryptid
bloodymari: oh ik lottiesightings on twt is gonna pop off after this 1
taylorsship: of course that's a thing.
prez: What do you mean "this one", Van?
get a bucket and a mop: nothing baby this is the first i've seen any tangible proof of lottie being in the ceiling
prez: Uh-huh.
>replying to get a bucket and a mop: WAIT WHO TOOK T…
shipstaylor: melissa and i'm not happy about it
get a bucket and a mop: ?? whos that
spotify enthusiast: seriously are you just making people up who the hell is that
shipstaylor: DO YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY NEED IT SPELLED OUT FOR YOU EVERY TIME
shipstaylor: snf… you are all so stupid…
bloodymari: isnt that the hat girl
taylorsship: mhm. jv with the hat.
bloodymari: I NEVER MISS
spotify enthusiast: ohhh
get a bucket and a mop: OH
get a bucket and a mop: well in that case next time she offers her hat up to write on i'm gonna put my seal of approval on it. this whole thing is gonna get me through the next semester
lotslotslots: good afternoon my beloved friends!!!
shipstaylor: hi lott!!!
shipstaylor: WAIT YOU CANT DISTRACT ME!!! get out of the ceiling i beg of you
god and anime: Good afternoon Lottie!
god and anime: Please get out of the ceiling
velma: afternoon!!! :]
prez: Lottie. Out of the ceiling.
lotslotslots: why :( do u guys hate fun is that it is that what's happening here
prez: You're not stupid, Matthews. The airhead bit doesn't work on me.
lotslotslots: leave me ALONEE i'm having fun up here!! and it's not an airhead bit smh... god forbid a guy wants to put more emotion in her texts than her speech these days :/
lotslotslots: also the vents are open and i really want to put crickets in them from here. how good of an idea is that
prez: Fair enough. And it's a bad one.
god and anime: Don't put crickets in the vents from anywhere?
lotslotslots: what if i targeted trig specifically. then it'd be noble right?? i'm freeing my wife from the clutches of 4th period trig. it's noble
spotify enthusiast: whos your wife. who the fuck is in 4th period trig and your WIFE
velma: oh nat :[
shipstaylor: tears in my eyes oh nat scatorccio you are such a fucking moron
bloodymari: YOU ARE SO FUCKING STUPID NAT I'M CRYING
spotify enthusiast: what the hell is that supposed to mean
prez: I'm going to walk you through it, okay?
spotify enthusiast: dont patronize me
spotify enthusiast: fine
prez: What period are we in?
spotify enthusiast: 4th
prez: And what class are you in?
spotify enthusiast: trig
prez: Well hm. Who the hell could Lottie's wife in 4th period trig be?
spotify enthusiast: well i dont fuckin know thats why im asking
taylorsship: i would hate to be in a dumbass competition against you guys.
lotslotslots: heres a hint: she's kinda stupid but it's unfortunately charming so it works on me
spotify enthusiast: ???
spotify enthusiast: dont say its allie wait
lotslotslots: .
lotslotslots: at what point do i give up
get a bucket and a mop: i woulda tapped out like 3 years ago but thats me idk lot
bloodymari: holding back my laughter has never been harder ur about to hear me from your classroom nat listen close
spotify enthusiast: i just heard you wheezing so hard you started coughing
bloodymari: yeah but did you hear me LAUGHING
spotify enthusiast: fuck all of you
lotslotslots: can i still put crickets in the vents though
prez: Absolutely fucking not.
velma: i wouldn't recommend it!!
god and anime: Ideally you wouldn't
shipstaylor: shauna would you put crickets in the vents to get me out of trig
get a bucket and a mop: tai would you
prez: Oh thanks a lot, Matthews.
taylorsship: way to up the standard, jackass.
lotslotslots: my bad :)
NO COACHES ALLOWED
van the man: WHAT WAS THAT CRASH
Notes:
-i keep adding too much onto this. this arc genuinely shouldve wrapped by now but uh.. we persist? still 1 more chapter on this one though
-lottiesightings is not a real account. feel free to claim it
-the last message (and everything next chap) takes place in 6th period while everything before was 2nd-4th. if you wanted a timeline
-my favorite running gag of this fic is the "nobody knows who the hell melissa is" one can u tell. NAMES!!
------
taylorsship - shauna
prez - tai
get a bucket and a mop - van
god and anime - laura lee
bloodymari - mari
shipstaylor - jackie
spotify enthusiast - nat
velma - misty
lotslotslots - lottie
Chapter 6: interlude (1)
Summary:
IN WHICH EVERYONE HAS A NORMAL TIME POST FINALE, jv finds out about varsity's nepotism baby (say hi to callie), confesses to more crimes (that i don't condone), and varsity gets way way too invested in hit game backyard soccer 1998
Notes:
-so uh. how about that episode. huh? interlude where everything's normal because jesus fucking christ. oh my god. dude.
-not my planned chapter obviously but. yeah pal we need that fun time QUICK!!!
-we do not do it raw this time!! will actually be edited to fix some shit tomorrow (FIXED!!)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
COOL KIDS ONLY
robert: Anyone know why varsity has a random 8th grader hanging around
hatmouse: caps not-boyfriends little sister
here isn't wonderwall: jeff's sister and jackie and shauna's daughter basically
robert: ??? What
here isn't wonderwall: shaunas eyes (somehow) and attitude jackies manipulation style and penchant for stripes i guess
here isn't wonderwall: they love her so much. jackies teaching her soccer. shaunas teaching her to throw a right hook. nat is her all time favorite. we're practically all her aunts at this point
robert: I wouldn't trust Scatorccio around a kid
hatmouse: me neither tbh sorry nat who somehow has a 6th sense for when im talking shit and launches balls at my head whenever she gets the vibe
just gen: what?
robert: That seems apt
hatmouse: like the song??
robert: LIKE THE WORD
britney spears joke: like the vocab word omg mel
hatmouse: .
hatmouse: AM I STUPID GUYS BE HONEST
girl scout: no!!
just gen: yes.
hatmouse: thanks guys that was really helpful
here isn't wonderwall: back on track would u guys believe me if i said that nats spot as cals favorite is deserved
britney spears joke: not particularly sorry oomf
here isn't wonderwall: laaame
just gen: seriously though is she allowed to be here
just gen: isn't middle school still in session
here isn't wonderwall: yeah but nobody narcs, because shauna's scary and jackie gets whoever snitches in trouble themselves
hatmouse: nepotism baby
robert: How do you know what nepotism means but forget apt
theater kid: is that like neopets??
britney spears joke: OH MY GOD GAY PEOPLE STEREOTYPES ARE WRONG YOU GUYS FUCKING SUCK AT ENGLISH
just gen: this doesn't have anything to do with the nepotism discussion but i actually think pistol might be chronically offline save for definitely not musicals "slime tutorials" and like. old school websites. pistol how do you feel about club penguin
theater kid: oh don't get me started!!!
girl scout: can we get back to the "varsity team has a nepotism baby" thing… i'm kinda invested
here isn't wonderwall: yeah we can lmao
here isn't wonderwall: and she is a nepotism baby
here isn't wonderwall: jackie tried to get her to try for soccer so she'd get grandfathered into the team by us but she was so bad it was almost comical. hence further teaching
robert: Why's Shauna teaching her to punch people????
just gen: and why's nat her favorite
here isn't wonderwall: love of the game i think
here isn't wonderwall: and cause nat listens to all her gossip and gives her music recs so she can look cooler
here isn't wonderwall: lottienat aunts jackieshauna daughter. i guess
just gen: how'd lottie get that fuckin spot?? and dont her and nat both suck with kids
here isn't wonderwall: she's not even that much younger than us gang i need you all to rethink how young 8th graders are
here isn't wonderwall: but lottie got that spot cause she'll let callie hit her vape when jackie and shauna and nat aren't looking and teaches her to shoplift
robert: SHOPLIFT??
britney spears joke: don't act superior robbie literally everyone's shoplifted at least once
robert: I HAVEN'T???
theater kid: i have!! some things are very expensive and i think they shouldn't be :P
here isn't wonderwall: i have.
hatmouse: same like hot topic button vats are too easy and too tempting and too overpriced 3 FUCKING DOLLARS FOR A 2 INCH BUTTON YOU PEOPLE ARE SICK
just gen: exactly. if it's not meant to be in my pocket why the hell is it overpriced and pocket sized huh. literally ripe for the taking its the hot girl version of hunter gathering
hatmouse: YOU GET ME GENGEN FOR REAL
robert: Akilah hasn't?? So not everyone has
girl scout: oh i have!! just proplifting though
robert: What
britney spears joke: stealing plant cuttings/leaves
robert: Oh!! Good for you Akilah :)
hatmouse: THATS MY GOAT AKILAH TAKE THEIR SHIT
just gen: GO AKILAH GO
here isn't wonderwall: gonna pretend we all didn't confess to crimes in here. for like the third time.
girl scout: wait we forgot about the nepotism baby thing again... are we not allowed to talk about it
theater kid: like lil wayne and his hooves…
girl scout: ? what?
here isn't wonderwall: no i dont think its like that actually pistol but thank you
THE COOLER DANIEL
spotify enthusiast: who the fuck is pablo sanchez and why is jackie yelling about him being mid
get a bucket and a mop: PABLO SANCHEZ IS NOT FUCKING MID YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW JACKIE
shipstaylor: HE CAN'T MAKE A PENALTY KICK FOR HIS LIFE!!!!!
get a bucket and a mop: who's all on the team. huh jack. who's on the team.
prez: The fuck are you talking about?
get a bucket and a mop: UHHHH WE'RE ONLY TALKING ABOUT THE GREATEST VIDEO GAME EVER MADE DUH TAI
shipstaylor: backyard soccer 98.. save me backyard soccer 98...
>replying to prez: The fuck are yo...
taylorsship: some retro soccer video game they've been into lately.
prez: Ah.
get a bucket and a mop: why would i play fifa when i could make a team full of elementary schoolers who aren't real huh. why would i do the LAME REAL WORLD BULLSHIT when i could have a fucking 4 year old on my team.
god and anime: Oh!! I've heard of that
lotslotslots: oh is that the same as the baseball one ?? melissa broke a computer in the library playing that once i think
taylorsship: relatively similar, just soccer. wait that's what she was doing?
lotslotslots: she had a double play turned on her and smacked her head into the monitor in defeat and it broke
taylorsship: of course.
shipstaylor: I AM. hold on what's the word when you play really hard to get good
spotify enthusiast: grinding
shipstaylor: I AM GRINDING THE HELL OUT OF THIS GAME!!!
bloodymari: whos on your team though
velma: more importantly, whats your layout?? it's vital information
shipstaylor: 2-1-2, stephanie in the goal, ricky as a forward, i HAD pablo striking but noooo his stats were NOT as advertised i'll tell ya guys that much
get a bucket and a mop: pablo striking first mistake that should be ricky and his 4 kick power you want pablo in MIDFIELD. with vicki
shipstaylor: EITHER WAY HE'S NOT GOOD
get a bucket and a mop: so you can't play?? i'm hearing you can't play the game, jacks
shipstaylor: FUCK YOU!!
bloodymari: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME VICKI SHOULDNT EVEN BE AN OPTION
get a bucket and a mop: VICKI'S SO GOOD
bloodymari: SHE'S JUST FAST THAT'S IT
get a bucket and a mop: OH SO WHOS YR FUCKIN MIDFIELDER HUH MARI. CAN THEY BEAT 3-4-2-4. HUH.
bloodymari: NO BUT I'LL BEAT SOMETHING ELSE
spotify enthusiast: can we chill the fuck out
prez: You're all going to get kicked out of the library.
taylorsship: it's a video game, guys.
god and anime: I kind of see where Jackie's coming from?? I'm watching her right now
god and anime: This Pablo kid is not as advertised. I am not seeing those 2-3-2-4 stats
spotify enthusiast: whats the stats even
god and anime: Kicking - control - defense - running
prez: What the hell is he doing striking then?
taylorsship: if not midfield then put him on the damn wings at least, fuck, jax.
spotify enthusiast: that kid should be a beast god damn
god and anime: He's not.
lotslotslots: mel complained about the pablo kid always hitting straight to a fielder in the baseball version
lotslotslots: maybe jack's just not good though :) i know mel isn't
shipstaylor: DON'T COMPARE ME TO MELISSA
velma: perhaps it's a timing issue on both of their ends :? i've seen people do well with him so i know it's possible
shipstaylor: i have 0 timing issues. i have this fucking video game down to a science
bloodymari: someone who isn't in detention rn lmk if that's true
spotify enthusiast: i just swung by to watch her miss 3 times in a row
shipstaylor: UNTRUE!! UNTRUE!!!
god and anime: It's true
velma: timing issues are looking a lot more likely XDDD
shipstaylor: I'LL SHOW YOU GUYS
THE COOLER DANIEL
taylorsship: it's been 10 minutes. are you showing us or not, jax?
spotify enthusiast: nope. she got hauled off to detention for screaming "FOR FUCKS SAKE" at the top of her lungs when one of her kids missed the 5th kick in a row
get a bucket and a mop: and a few more colorful expletives lmao
get a bucket and a mop: had double L clutching her pearls
god and anime: She has such a mouth on her. It's very impressive!!!
prez: Could've told you that'd happen.
bloodymari: DETENTION GANG [image4329.png] [a selfie of mari and jackie, the latter clearly upset about something.]
velma: oh boy XDDD
taylorsship: i'm not bailing her out of this one.
lotslotslots: @shipstaylor when u get on look at this [screenshot8174.png] [a screenshot of a backyard soccer 1998 scoreboard, that reads 5-0.]
shipstaylor: OH NO FUCKING WAY
Notes:
-i was not paid to promote the backyard sports games i just love them and i think these guys would get the fuck down with the soccer version. thank you.
-the bit about pablo always hitting to a fielder in baseball 96 comes from my experience. i am on fucking top of that ball it looks like a bomb BOOM THAT MF IS RIGHT IN THE RIGHT FIELDERS GLOVE. I AM NOT SEEING THOSE GODLY STATS AT WORK KID
NAMES
------
COOL KIDS ONLY
girl scout - akilah
hatmouse - mel
robert - robin
britney spears joke - britt
here isn't wonderwall - goldman
theater kid - crystal
just gen - gen
------
THE COOLER DANIEL
taylorsship - shauna
prez - tai
get a bucket and a mop - van
god and anime - laura lee
bloodymari - mari
shipstaylor - jackie
spotify enthusiast - nat
velma - misty
lotslotslots - lottie
Chapter 7: THE HUMAN SPIRIT IS SUBMISSIVE AND BREEDABLE or however it goes
Summary:
the machine: sits straight up in my grave AM I GETTING A POST MORTEM DIVORCE
i cooka da pizza: WE WERE NEVER MARRIED
the machine: I'M GETTING A DIVORCE?? I DIE AND GET DIVORCED??
situationship final boss: at the funeral, too.
TT for student council: That's rough, Lottie.
------
in which lottie comes back to earth, mel gets concussed, gen considers fraud, mari goes back to her roots (weird thirstposting), lottie dies 3 times, gets her wallet stolen, gets divorced post-mortem, and breaks her arm, not necessarily in that order, and in the span of 15 minutes.
Notes:
-WARNINGS FOR: mentioned slur usage (no slurs used and it is in a joking manner. op can reclaim it.) vomit ment (nobody throws up) suicide joke (near end of chap), and the sex jokes tag comes in clutch too. shrug emoji
-as always 0 editing we ball
-todays hc is that mari is like. absurdly smart. she just loves acting like a moron so she can coast with C's instead of having to put in actual effort. she made ap physics a couple times but was like "THESE GUYS ARE NERDS" and immediately dropped out to go back to shooting spitballs at jackie from the back of the class with nat in chem. vaguely based off a script segment i might have dreamed up where she referenced some thermodynamics shit i can not find that tweet ANYWHERE
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
NO COACHES ALLOWED
van the man: WHAT WAS THAT CRASH
van the man: SPEAK TO ME LOTTIE
JT COMING: OH MY GOD LOTTIE SAY YOU DIDN'T FALL
situationship final boss: did someone blow up the chem lab again?
situationship final boss: oh shit. lottie?
mysterious q: it was in the direction of the library so i assume not!
bonafide: streets are saying lottie was spotted in the library ceilings tho
bonafide: (mel saw her)
goldman: in like third fucking period why would she have circled back
water filter: it's lottie i mean why does she do anything??
birdie: Streets (me) are also saying that someone saw her up there like 5 minutes ago
mysterious q: well if that's the case i think you're right! lottie probably fell out of the ceiling :[
i cooka da pizza: my EARS
i cooka da pizza: aw fuck come on lott
pool hater: That's extra not good
marmar!!: DID A BOMB GO OFF OR SOMETHING WHY WAS THAT SO LOUD
TT for student council: Don't joke about that.
marmar!!: ok my bad WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED
hatmel: LOTTIE CEILING
hatmel: HOSPITAL
JT COMING: OH COME ON
mysterious q: there it is :[
i cooka da pizza: oh my god man
van the man: bro 😭
bonafide: I TOLD YOU DUDE
cottagecore lesbian: oh my god mel please tell me you didn't go up there too :( i thought we talked you down
cottagecore lesbian: we leave you alone for 3 hours and here you go
hatmel: I DIDNT GO UP IT FELL ON ME
cottagecore lesbian: THAT'S WORSE?? ARE YOU OKAY
bonafide: why are you always in situations mel
hatmel: well theyre always just sitting there having nobody in them
goldman: why are you still in the library. i thought you wrapped up in there hours ago
bonafide: she was ditching
goldman: should've guessed.
JT COMING: holy shit raftis you doing okay??
hatmel: A FUCKIN CEILING FELL ON ME NO IM NOT DOING OKAY
JT COMING: WELL FUCK YOU TOO I GUESS I WAS GONNA GO TRUCIES BUT NOOOO
hatmel: nooo wait we can truce :( my head hurts
JT COMING: was that so hard?? like damn
water filter: holy shit are you alright??
birdie: ?? This is not what I was expecting out of playing soccer
theater kid: this is kind of what i expected XD
bonafide: WAIT HERE'S HOW WE CAN GET A CRAZY INSURANCE PAYOUT FROM MR MATTHEWS WITH MINIMAL FRAUD 1/?
goldman: god why is it always my monkeys and my circus. NO INSURANCE FRAUD WE'VE HAD ENOUGH BULLSHIT THIS WEEK
goldman: mel dm me what hurts i need something to tell the nurse. or the ambulance at this rate
hatmel reacted with 👍
situationship final boss: why is it always you guys?
bonafide: shove off shauna we literally wouldn't even be in this situation if your lottie wasn't climbing around
situationship final boss: sure lottie was climbing around, but that doesn't have anything to do with us. unlike all your schemes, which have been signed off on by all of you.
cottagecore lesbian: why am i always involved by proxy!! next time you guys say some stuff is jv led can you say but akilah. everyone in jv but akilah thank you
birdie: And me
cottagecore lesbian: everyone in jv but akilah and bee** thank you
situationship final boss: sorry. signed on by all of you except robin, who usually knows when to quit, and akilah, who usually gets peer pressured.
goldman: "peer pressured". are we serious. fuck off
situationship final boss: don't tell me to fuck off.
JT COMING: lets all calm down!! lets all CALM DOWN!!!
TT for student council: All of you shut the fuck up. We have bigger things to worry about, like, for example, the fact that Lottie fell out of the ceiling and onto Melissa.
TT for student council: And that Gen is considering insurance fraud as a viable option.
bonafide: IT'S MINIMAL AMOUNTS OF FRAUD AND HE CAN AFFORD IT. look just hear me out guys
JT COMING: not fucking happening!! sorry gen
TT for student council: Don't even think about it. Lottie will pay out whatever Melissa asks without insurance fraud, including what's likely going to be a hospital bill.
van the man oh shit yeah
van the man: @hatmel how you doin bud
i cooka da pizza: you alright down there mel
hatmel: my head hurts man :(
mysterious q: are you dizzy at all perhaps?
hatmel: yeah
mysterious q: well we can't rule out a concussion!! don't move for right now i'll be there!!
hatmel: 👍 ok quig
situationship final boss: of course. of course. concussion. of course.
TT for student council: Now that that's handled.
TT for student council: @the machine Speak up, Lottie.
JT COMING: OH FUCK WAIT THATS MY!!! CIRCUS!! MY CIRCUS!!! ITS MY CIRCUS THIS TIME!!!
JT COMING: @the machine SAY SOMETHING LOT
the machine: arm sore. there are wires up there
van the man: you good lot
the machine: not particularly i don't think
i cooka da pizza: for fucks sake lottie
i cooka da pizza: what hurts
the machine: i am injured in a unique variety of ways
situationship final boss: not really unique.
the machine: how many people do u know who fell out of a ceiling
situationship final boss: fair enough actually, i take it back.
i cooka da pizza: those words are too big for me babydoll now get specific
van the man: BABYDOLL?? OH GUYS I HAVE A SLUR TO SAY
TT for student council: Those words aren't too big for you. Don't undersell yourself.
TT for student council: Oh, what? That's gay, Nat.
marmar!!: i just threw up everywhere EWW EWW NAT SAYING SOMETHING ROMANTIC 🤢
JT COMING: [CAR CRASH] [BABY CRYING] MY LEG!!! MY LEG!!! [SOMEONE GAGGING]
JT COMING: wait van don't say slurs
JT COMING: YES even if you can reclaim them YES even if it would be funny YES even if i agree YES even if tai agrees YES even if nat lets you YES even if its for the bit YES even if everything ever. no slurs
van the man: BOOOOOOOOOO DON'T BE A FUCKING DOWNER SOMEONE HAS TO TELL IT LIKE IT IS
situationship final boss: where's the homophobic dog when you need it?
cottagecore lesbian: oh!! i just learned about this guy :) [homophobicdog.png]
cottagecore lesbian: is now a good time to use it??
situationship final boss: now is a great time. thank you akilah.
marmar!!: GRAAAH GUYS I NEED THAT SO BAD
marmar!!: NEED THAT i yell and that in question is just a girl who doesn't know anything about memes or social media because she touches grass
marmar!!: me when hot girl knows nothing about the internet but is so genuine in her desire to learn about it NEED THAT NEED THAT NEED T
marmar!!: grass touching gf and chronically online gf and we make out WHO AGREES
JT COMING: mari i love you but now isnt the time for your weird shit. our teammates are in ceiling rubble
marmar!!: well too damn bad youre gonna have to chain me to a tree or something IM GOING ALPHA RRAAAAH
i cooka da pizza: can we actually kick her out i cant take this shit anymore
situationship final boss: no, this is good. we almost went a week without a mari hornypost. balance is restored.
van the man: i was getting scared actually a whole week with no esoteric hornyposting from mari is like a recession indicator
van the man: like her saying some weird crap like "when she has stars in her eyes and radiates sweetness and warmth and boundless love for all creatures of the forest big and small" is tuesday. when she starts saying shit like "guys i want her" its time to get concerned
TT for student council: It's like our version of the Waffle House Index. If something bad or strange happens and Mari isn't hornyposting in the middle of it, that's when you need to get concerned.
marmar!!: exactly cause it's crazy how throughout all this shit i'm always still down bad. THE HUMAN SPIRIT IS SUBMISSIVE AND BREEDABLE OR HOWEVER IT GOES
i cooka da pizza: you gotta stop youre gonna give lee a heart attack
i cooka da pizza: the blueberry sale just ended she cant handle your weird bullshit on top of that
pool hater: The blueberry sale ended?!!!
i cooka da pizza: sorry you found out like this
pool hater: Good Lord…
>replying to marmar!!: exactly cause i…
TT for student council: Indomitable.
marmar!!: i know i dominate??? what's that gotta do with this
TT for student council: Oh my God.
TT for student council: Collective apology from all of us by the way, Laura Lee. We've taken His name in vain so many times this conversation.
pool hater: I appreciate it <3 although I think if there's a time to do it it may be now
i cooka da pizza: seriously can someone get a dictionary for those of us who hate the english language. what the hell is indomitable
marmar!!: THANK YOU FOR SOME FUCKING SYMPATHY AROUND HERE UGHH im sick i hate agreeing with you
i cooka da pizza: i hate agreeing w you too. bitch
marmar!!: slut. come over for dinner tn
i cooka da pizza: yeah sure
birdie: Is this normal?
water filter: is it too late in the season to quit
theater kid: we've dug our graves ladies. we go down with honor which is to say i think we have to stay actually or jackie will hunt us down :[
JT COMING: obviously i will?? sunk cost fallacy you already went down for gambling drawing the line here is pathetic guys cmon. i wouldn't be a good captain if i let you do that
goldman: when have we ever said that and actually gone down with honor. we literally go down with circus music and clown noses on most of the time
>replying to i cooka da pizza: seriously can s...
situationship final boss: unable to be defeated or subdued.
i cooka da pizza: thats stupid
marmar!!: LITERALLY WHY IS THAT THE WORD FOR IT CAN WE SAY UNDEFEATABLE
situationship final boss: you could.
marmar!!: literally why is there a whole other word for it then
TT for student council: Lottie and Mel are still in the rubble of the ceiling. Is now the time to debate this?
hatmel: nooo im good misty got me im @ da nurse
mysterious q: she's getting concussion checked :]
the machine: ceiling was weaker than i thought :( i got too confident
the machine: and how do i pay for it… sore back broken arm
i cooka da pizza: figures
i cooka da pizza: BROKEN WHAT
JT COMING: START WITH THAT NEXT TIME LOT!! OMW
pool hater: We told you it wouldn't hold!!
the machine: I HAD TO KNOW!!!
situationship final boss: damn. RIP lottie.
the machine: my wife… ttell her i loved her COUGH COUGH HACK WHEEZE
TT for student council: Quick, someone get her pulse!
van the man: *completely misses the area for it* oh… she's dead…. rest in pussy lottie matthews..
the machine: ☠️
the machine: ohh wait hang on. that sounds like a nice way to rest. can i come back
van the man: then you wouldn't be resting would you
the machine: ur right. dies again
situationship final boss: will the wife of the deceased please come forward and give the eulogy?
pool hater: I'll do it
situationship final boss: you're not the wife.
pool hater: Do you really think she'll wise up in time to get in on the bit though. Do we think
i cooka da pizza: IM NOT HER WIFE
the machine: sits straight up in my grave AM I GETTING A POST MORTEM DIVORCE
i cooka da pizza: WE WERE NEVER MARRIED
the machine: I'M GETTING A DIVORCE?? I DIE AND GET DIVORCED??
situationship final boss: at the funeral, too.
TT for student council: That's rough, Lottie.
the machine: no wife... divorce... what's the point of it all... dies a third time
van the man: snf… for a second there.. for a second there it was like i could almost hear her voice again…
TT for student council: We'll get through this, Van.
van the man: AUUEUEUEUEUEU… LOTTIE… MY GUY… WHO WILL I PESTER FOR MONEY NOW….
TT for student council: Shhh, it's okay. It's okay. Take her wallet, it's what she would've wanted.
the machine: HOLD ON
van the man: yr so right tai… yr so right. mine now yoink
the machine: WAIT
JT COMING: DONT TAKE HER WALLET?? what is up with you guys and crimes lately i mean jeez
situationship final boss: wow. died, revived, dies again, revives again, got divorced, died a third time, and got her wallet stolen. what a way to (not) live.
van the man: lunch today on the matthews dime
the machine: can u at least get me out of the tiles when you come by to steal my wallet please. please
the machine: they are not very comfy. and my arm is also. well. yeowch as you would say
van the man: for suresies dude
TT for student council: I'll make sure they don't actually steal your wallet.
the machine: thank u <333
hatmel: speak 4 yourself it was fine in there
the machine: u were bleeding
hatmel: not too bad
birdie: Not too bad = still bleeding
water filter: don't we have a game tomorrow??
theater kid: 2 days from now actually!! which doesnt help because concussions and broken arms take more than 2 days to heal XDD
water filter: oh yeah of course
bonafide: aw fuck omw babygirl
bonafide: still at the nurses office with misty or
mysterious q: yep yep :]!!
hatmel: 👍
goldman: already there i'll let you in
cottagecore lesbian: omw too! hang tight mels
marmar!!: i'm going with jackie but it's just to laugh at u tbh lottie
the machine: cruel world i live in...
pool hater: I'm headed over too but I haven't decided if I'm going to laugh at you. We'll see
the machine: ur laughing?? i broke my arm and ur laughing??
marmar!!: yeah im giggling my way down the hall
pool hater: Not yet!! I said we'll see
the machine: i have to deal with you 2 AND jackie AND my ex wife wont even show up??? u might as well keep me in here
JT COMING: why am i catching strays.
i cooka da pizza: i mean id go with but im fielding the ambulance w shauna
i cooka da pizza: how are you feeling though lot
the machine: dramatics aside better actually!!
the machine: WRONG WRONG WRONG I JUST MOVED MY ARM WE ALL SHOULD JUST DIE RIGHT NOW WE SHOULD ALL KILL OURSELVES
pool hater: Maybe let's not
van the man: shhh lot… lot its ok… we can get a milkshake post hospital
van the man: on my dime because tai says its unethical to actually steal your wallet or something
the machine: NEVERMIND!!!! NEVER KILL YOURSELF THERE IS ALWAYS A COLD MILKSHAKE TO BE HAD!! PAID FOR BY YOUR FRIENDS!!!
hatmel: [manbreakingchains.png]
JT COMING: whatever gets you through the week i guess!!
situationship final boss: honestly, considering the week we've had, the bar's pretty low.
JT COMING: oh i agree it's in hell!! i just think she should have better standards.. like at least aim for a whole gallon of ice cream come on lot
Notes:
-tbh i meant to get this out a few hours sooner but i am kinda sick. i have been honk shooin all day guys im on my sleepy shit
-WE FINALLY WRAP THE CEILING ARC!! CHEERS SO LOUD
-y'all see the dodgers get thrashed on saturday? cause i did. FUCK THOSE LOSERS I DONT EVEN LIKE THE CUBS BUT WE'RE UP A MILLION
-how many of yall remember my sneak peek on april fools. show of hands because that first chap (was not coming on 4/18. still sick) is SOON and the snippet was here. full circle
-double hc i think nat calls lottie what she does in this chap (babydoll) because of the pokemon move. nat voice dude she's got big brown eyes and lowers my attack stats what do you want from me
NAMES IN WORK NOTES
Chapter 8: horse staring out solemnly over the water. man.
Summary:
unfunny funnyman: can you call jackie gay for me
#1 HATER: I'VE BEEN TRAINING MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS
--
MARI 🤬🔪: gayassCAP👎: what
CAP👎: what???
CAP👎: mar??
CAP👎: okay. sure
------
in which taivan plots and schemes, shauna comes to some realizations (that we will see LATER), mari gets to call jackie gay and lottie gets talked into hosting. (mostly taivan ngl i'm going back 2 basics)
------
OR: the assorted dms chapter. yeah!
Notes:
-ngl dudes i've slept through the vast majority of the last week. your boy is ZONKED. HAD 2 GET THIS ONE OUT 4 Y'ALL THO AMEN🙏
-shorter one this time cuz i'm going back to club sleep with dj honk shoo and mimimimimi. or something
-todays hc is that tai is always down for a good scheme. like as much as she's always the first to ask what the fuck is wrong with everyone and put her foot down like We Are Not Doing this, if it's even a little interesting? yeah she's there. not gullible enough to be lured into doing something stupid but she is nosy enough. i think this is semi canon actually hang on
-unedited because we all know the drill by now. heart emoji
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Shauna <3, tai <3
Shauna <3: tai i think i'm gay
tai <3: No shit.
tai <3: OH FUCK WAIT. THAT'S A REVELATION.
Shauna <3: what do you mean.
tai <3: I think everybody but you knew you were bi.
Shauna <3: I'M WHAT
tai <3: Uh-oh.
statler, waldorf
waldorf: [screenshot3245.png]
statler: UH OH
statler: wait yr tellin me shauna just thought whatever she's up to was normal straight people shit?? crazy
waldorf: Apparently.
waldorf: No idea how she managed to "I'm still straight" her way out of some of the stuff she's telling me right now. It's insane.
statler: man this is like mari all over again
waldorf: God, you're right. She is as bad as Mari.
statler: she got there eventually at least! we (me and nat) are still trying to make headway with the akilah thing though even though it's obvious
statler: much like how shaunas probably made out with jack a morbillion times without even realizing she wants to jump her bones. but i don't think those 2 have even so much as committed pre-marital handholding so not at all like that actually. where was i going with this
waldorf: No, I get it. Mari and Shauna are both similarly crushing and not even realizing the person they're into feels the same.
statler: YEAH THAT
statler: you were born 2 understand my visions bro
waldorf: Bro..
waldorf: Anyway, ignoring your hypothetical number.
statler: morbillion
waldorf: I'm not saying that.
statler: goptillion is a good alternative since yr weak
waldorf: How many of those do you have locked and loaded?
statler: do you really wanna know
waldorf: Maybe later.
waldorf: Anyway, I can neither confirm nor deny for the sake of being a good friend, but hypothetically you wouldn't be far off.
waldorf: Oh, fuck. New problem: does Jackie even know she's gay?
statler:
statler:
statler: i sure hope so because im gonna keep it real: tai, i love you so much, and i love shauna because you love her, and jackie is some weird freak to me (affectionate)
statler: BUT I DON'T WANNA TALK EM THROUGH THIS GOD HELP ME
waldorf: Relax, you won't have to. I'm doing it.
waldorf: If you want to help, though, you could maybe handle Jackie's future crisis.
statler: AUUUUUGH i mean i kinda have to since yr dealing with shauna and nobody else is gonna do it but like. horse staring out solemnly over the water. man
waldorf: Hey, you get the easy job. Jackie's somehow less repressed, you could probably just swing a bat labeled "lesbian" at her and talk it out after.
statler: IT'S JACKIE NO PART OF IT WOULD BE AN EASY JOB
statler: oh wait i get to hit her with a bat?? FORGET EVERYTHING I SAID I'M IN
waldorf: Please don't actually hit her with a bat. She'll probably figure it out without that being necessary.
waldorf: ..Scratch that, who am I kidding. Keep the bat thing on the back-burner. She can't figure out shit.
statler: true the moment jackie figures out anything by herself the world explodes
statler: should i put lesbian on it with one of those thick sharpies or put color tape on it in flag colors. what do we think
waldorf: Why limit yourself? Do both.
statler: YOU'RE A FUCKIN GENIUS BABE WE'RE SO BACK
statler: hang on actually. i have a better idea
#1 HATER, unfunny funnyman
unfunny funnyman: can you call jackie gay for me
#1 HATER: I'VE BEEN TRAINING MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS
CAP👎, MARI 🤬🔪
MARI 🤬🔪: gayass
CAP👎: what
CAP👎: what???
CAP👎: mar??
CAP👎: okay. sure.
statler, waldorf
statler: got it handled B) thank me later
waldorf: Define handled.
statler: had mari call jackie gay
waldorf: That's not handled.
statler: objectively funny though
waldorf: Oh, yeah, it's hilarious. Send me a screenshot. But seriously, we've gotta figure something out.
statler: [screenshot7509.png]
statler: ok wait wait wait
statler: second idea: we lock them in a closet 90s movie shenanigans style until they break the door, kill us or we see results
statler: date night
waldorf: You know what? Sure.
statler: NO LOOK HEAR ME O
statler: oh wait CHAT SHE AGREED MAN BREAKING CHAINS
waldorf: I'm kind of willing to do anything right now if it gets me out of this. It's getting intense.
waldorf: Next time someone throws a party we can give it a shot. We'll get Lottie in on it, maybe.
statler: what if she's not hosting though are we just cooked
waldorf: Oh, she'll host. I'll make sure of it.
statler: oh well that's not ominous
statler: please don't kill lott she's been through enough lately
waldorf: No promises.
dirt eater, Do not open
dirt eater: Are you up to hosting next week?
Do not open: no.
dirt eater: Please?
Do not open: why would i do anything for u.
dirt eater: Van and I are planning on locking Jackie and Shauna in a closet.
Do not open: smh start with that next time tai!! yeah i'll host :) in fact when we win next week i will make this party happen by force
Do not open: ONLY IF U CAN PULL IT OFF!!! if i don't get the vibe it'd work i'm out on account of I Don't Want To
Do not open: if i do tho i will move heaven and earth for this. u don't understand how much i need whatever those 2 have going on to end
dirt eater: That's fine. I'll owe you one.
dirt eater: And it'll work out, don't underestimate me.
Do not open: i'll keep that in mind
Do not open: oh and if it matters i don't underestimate u!!! i just think u and van can't do this that's all. it's just not in the cards
dirt eater: You have so much faith in us.
dirt eater: Thanks Lott.
Do not open: ofc <3
statler, waldorf
waldorf: She's in.
statler: what did you do to her…
waldorf: Don't worry about it. We just had a talk.
statler: right. sure. ok babe.
statler: let me know if i need to bury a body though. i don't want to but i will if you ask me you know. like if i have to
waldorf: Obviously I will. Why would I do my own dirty work when I have you to do it for me?
statler: EXACTLY I GET THE JOB DONE 🗣🗣 (i will proceed to do the exact same thing you tried just worse and then whine when it flops)
statler: hows shauna btw
statler: don't tell me you left her on read this whole time
waldorf: Of course I didn't, I'm multitasking.
waldorf: Speaking of which, we are kind of about to hit a Category 4 JackieShauna storm. I'm not sure if either of them can take this on top of the whole.. everything else we've been up to lately.
statler: OH GOD OH FUCK
statler: LAST TIME WE WERE AT CAT 4 WAS THE DIVORCE
waldorf: This might be considered the marriage if all goes well. Either way, I think it might get worse before it gets better.
statler: what's that thing jv's always saying whenever something happens
statler: oh yeah: too late now we shall die with honor (NO WE WON'T NO WE WON'T NO WE WON'T)
Notes:
-rip jane widdop maysilee donner agenda. it's mckenna grace again bro she's in EVERYTHING
-with the introduction of the internet jackieshauna either gets 10x more or 10x less repressed and i haven't figured out which yet
-I HATE AO3 MOBILE FORMATTING SO MUCH i can't overstate that. this killed me
NAMES
------
shauna, tai - self explanatory
statler - van
waldorf - tai (yes they were originally swapped!! changed as of 4/28 i fucked up and didnt notice til rn)
unfunny funnyman - van
#1 HATER - mari
cap - jackie
mari - self explanatory
dirt eater - tai
do not open - lottie (tailot beef is real to me sorry)
Chapter 9: natalie scatorccio exposure thread
Summary:
hatmouse: hi guys
just gen: well well well if it isnt concussion boy
here isn't wonderwall has changed hatmouse's nickname
CONCUSSION HAVER: dont tell me u made it concussion haver again
CONCUSSION HAVER: man ☹️
------
in which lottie's free from the worst experience of her life (got a cast on), NAT EXPOSURE THREAD (FAKE HATER??) (1/327), the girls are... fighting?, jackie is finally free, frown town and smileville beef, there's a fire drill, and jv gets pizza.
---
or, the aftermath of the ceiling saga cuz i uploaded these out of order and by the time i noticed it was too late POINT AND LAUGH!!!
Notes:
-just saw we hit 300 kudos?? thank u guys so much. SO much. i didnt even think anyone would read this but here we are!! and 6k hits who r u guys. hi!!
-today i bring you all a question: should i just give in and make a twitter account. hate that fucking website so bad but i'd like an easier way 2 let y'all know about breaks or late uploads or sneak peeks and the like. chap notes are inefficient as fuck :sob:
-anyway! todays hc is that nat has some really shitty stick n pokes. most are on her thigh, but there are a few on her arms (that usually get covered anyway.) shitty as in quality, not in artistry, because she's lowkey pretty talented, but definitely received unsafely!!! im talkin pen ink n shit
-(secret second hc is that whenever robin looks like she's going to cry, jv starts cracking the most absurd jokes ever in hopes she'll "yes and" it and forget she was upset. varsity just freaks out)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
THE COOLER DANIEL
lotslotslots: I'M FREEEEEE!!!! WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE!!!!!
shipstaylor: how bad can it even be lott?? you just had to get the bone set and a cast on
get a bucket and a mop: yeah and that's torturous? let her be jack
prez: It genuinely took 20 minutes.
spotify enthusiast: did you get purple. i have 5 bucks on it mari thinks you got pink
bloodymari: say pink PLEEEASE
lotslotslots: nats right i got purple :)
bloodymari: FUCK
spotify enthusiast: its her favorite color how did you not guess
spotify enthusiast: i mean its good for me but thats a skill issue on your end
bloodymari: how do YOU know. she wears pink all the time that doesn't even make sense
spotify enthusiast: doesnt matter
get a bucket and a mop: no no it matters! you don't even know my favorite color and i've known your ass since you were a baby. like how do you know lottie's
spotify enthusiast: i know your favorite color
get a bucket and a mop: what is it then
spotify enthusiast: its red. dumbass
get a bucket and a mop: is it? is it really.
spotify enthusiast: ?? dont fuckin play with me van its literally #8c110d
get a bucket and a mop: HANG ON CHAT
taylorsship: i await with bated breath.
velma: keep us posted!! :3
get a bucket and a mop: well shit that's exactly it! sorry for ever doubting you even if it was just for the bit
spotify enthusiast: you should be
prez: You just have the hex code for their favorite color?
spotify enthusiast: yours is #ad6b1f
prez: The fuck it is.
prez: …I'd like to apologize.
shipstaylor: do you just have a hex code generator in your head or something?? what the hell nat
spotify enthusiast: you guys sent color swatches of them once and i remembered
shipstaylor: THAT WAS FRESHMAN YEAR??
taylorsship: that's sweet, actually.
god and anime: Knowing this is really going to make it hard for me to believe you when you're mean to us just by the way
spotify enthusiast: nvm. i literally just guessed i didnt know that shit. hate you fucking freaks
velma: sure nat XDD
god and anime: I think that would've worked better if you didn't say exact hex codes
bloodymari: ‼️🚨 FAKE IDGAFER!! FAKE IDGAFER!! 🚨‼️
bloodymari: natalie scatorccio exposure thread (FAKE HATER??) (1/327)
get a bucket and a mop: FAKE HATER I KNOW YOU HAVE LOVE IN YOUR HEART
get a bucket and a mop: oh MAR SAME BRAIN 🤝
bloodymari: MY GUY 🤝
spotify enthusiast: "fake hater" and im lighting your lockers on fire rn
taylorsship: if you're doing that, can you at least make sure it stays away from mine? it's a couple doors down.
spotify enthusiast: well since you asked so nicely
bloodymari: no tf you aren't!! the fire alarms woulda gone off if you w
bloodymari: What.
get a bucket and a mop: omg natty you didn't <33
shipstaylor: ARE YOU SERIOUS.
lotslotslots: wait what happened.. guys..
prez: 5 words, 20 letters. Wheel of fortune style.
lotslotslots: oh!! can i solve the puzzle
prez: Take your shot.
lotslotslots: the fire alarms went off
prez: Ding ding ding! We have a winner!
lotslotslots: LETS GOOOOOO
lotslotslots: wait did they actually. r u serious.
prez: Yeah.
lotslotslots: nat :(
>replying to get a bucket and a mop: omg natty you d…
spotify enthusiast: yeah i didnt i have no fucking clue what thats about
spotify enthusiast: what the hell lot dont :( me
spotify enthusiast: im an innocent man
lotslotslots: well i didn't know that when i said that did i.
spotify enthusiast: i like to think the assumption would be that i was innocent but sure yeah i guess not
bloodymari: THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGGGG
velma: no, they're… *adjusts my glasses* by god. we were mistaken. the girls, they're..
velma: my goodness!!! by god!!!
bloodymari: THE GIRLS ARE FUCKING⁉️
prez: Took them long enough.
get a bucket and a mop: bro say sike all my money was on after graduation
velma: sike!! you still have time :]
get a bucket and a mop: thank god and i'm sorry lee
prez: Damn it.
god and anime: It's fine!! I've kind of given up honestly
bloodymari: recession indicator
spotify enthusiast: what the fuck is wrong with you guys
spotify enthusiast: we're not fucking or fighting whats your problems
lotslotslots: van just 4 u i'm gonna delay my plans <3
get a bucket and a mop: GOATED THANKS LOT
taylorsship: why do you keep interfering with the due betting process, van?!
god and anime: "Plans"?
god and anime: Are the plans in the room with you? Because they're not with me and I'd like to see them
lotslotslots: LEAVE ME ALONEEEE i'm trying ok!!! i'll make it happen!!!
god and anime: Sure you will
>replying to spotify enthusiast: yeah i didnt i…
shipstaylor: oh good!! i was gonna lose it if you actually lit their lockers on fire. i've had enough today
get a bucket and a mop: well jack i hate to break it to you but you spoke too soon
shipstaylor: what now.
get a bucket and a mop: i just passed jv huddled up laughing about something
shipstaylor has left THE COOLER DANIEL
spotify enthusiast: damn. shes gone
bloodymari: [brothinkshesfree.png] [dk how 2 describe this one but it's the man breaking chains meme. but the chains aren't broken he just thinks they are]
get a bucket and a mop: good for her man i hope she never gets this text
god and anime: I wish that was me :(
prez: The jealousy is killing me.
velma: is now a good time to mention that the alarms are just for a routine drill got delayed by lottie's ceiling venture... XD
taylorsship: i'll let jax know.
lotslotslots: EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU LOTTIE FOR GETTING US OUT OF A FIRE DRILL 6TH PERIOD AND DELAYING IT UNTIL THE END OF THE DAY SO WE COULD GO HOME AFTER. UR WELCOME!!!
COOL KIDS ONLY
hatmouse: hi guys
just gen: well well well if it isnt concussion boy
here isn't wonderwall has changed hatmouse's nickname
CONCUSSION HAVER: dont tell me u made it concussion haver again
CONCUSSION HAVER: man ☹️
theater kid: imagine having a ceiling fall on you.. that could never be me XD
CONCUSSION HAVER: the XD makes that hurt more
theater kid: :3
robert: Are you feeling okay though Mels?? Seriously
CONCUSSION HAVER: better then lot
girl scout: it's than but yeah you probably are!! mari says she broke her arm in 3 places :(
just gen: 3 PLACES???
CONCUSSION HAVER: nvm im not complaining anymore yeeeowch
britney spears joke: please don't start sympathy crying robbie
robert: That must've hurt so bad :(
theater kid: its ok to cry robin!! i understand your condition
theater kid: being from frown town must be hard :[
robert: Thank you for understanding Crystal
just gen: oh is that why when i went to frown town they said they were missing their mayor?? girl they need you home
robert: I thought they understood that I was on sabbatical for school!!
britney spears joke: yeah well the new mayor was.. god forbid, the new mayor was HAPPY
girl scout: who even let him on the ballot...doesn't he know he's in FROWN TOWN...
just gen: i heard he moved from... smileville...
CONCUSSION HAVER: no way bros from s********e
here isn't wonderwall: what the hell is someone from smileville doing here. does he know where he is?
theater kid: he shouldn't even be able to run!!! it's frown town citizens only!!
robert: What?!!!
robert: I leave for 3 months and the whole town goes down the drain
britney spears joke: i heard he didn't even run. i heard he overthrew Mister Sob.
theater kid: he overthrew mister sob??? who would do something like that!!!
CONCUSSION HAVER: theres no WAY they usurped mister sob like that dont they know hes a pillar of the community
CONCUSSION HAVER: i wouldnt take that robbie im just saying
britney spears joke: theres no way you remember usurp but not apt mel.
CONCUSSION HAVER: i subscribe to the van palmer school of thought of course i remember
britney spears joke: and what is that
CONCUSSION HAVER: only remember whats important to the joke and whats important to your wife everything else doesnt matter and knowing usurp was important to the joke
here isn't wonderwall: you need to start using more punctuation in your sentences. i can't do it mels
britney spears joke: you don't even have a wife
just gen: get so real melsie you dont have enough game for that last part to be useful
CONCUSSION HAVER: im manifesting
here isn't wonderwall: sure you are. anyway, mel's right for once robs. you're just gonna let that poser take your mayor spot? and overthrow mister sob?
robert: Of course not!!! Mister Sob is an important member of the town council!!
robert: This needs to be resolved.. disrespecting Mr Sob AND overthrowing his temporary position can't be accepted!!!
theater kid: exactly robin, show em what for!!!
just gen: and it would be someone from smileville too. they've never respected frown towns autonomy
britney spears joke: i've been saying this like lets wake it up
girl scout: exactly!! we let them have their "smiling" and their "good times", why can't they leave us alone!
robert: Frown Town and Smileville have been working very hard on intercommunity relations I'll have you know!!
robert: I thought we were making progress but this really sets us back :( I'll have to arrange a meeting with President Palmer of Smileville and work it out from there
just gen: FORGET THE MEETINGS ROBBIE!!! THEY OVERTHREW MISTER SOB WE CAN'T TAKE THIS LYING DOWN
CONCUSSION HAVER: THIS IS AN ATTACK ON FROWN TOWN ROB OPEN YOUR EYES THE MAYORSHIP IS JUST THE BEGINNING
here isn't wonderwall: hang on put a pin on the frown town smileville beef. we can minmaxx the political climate later what's with the fire alarms
girl scout: oh!! it's a drill :) ms dewine explained last period
girl scout: before you ask it's closer to the end of the day this time because it got pushed back due to the Lottie Incident
here isn't wonderwall: ohh got it. thank god i'm free from more shit today
here isn't wonderwall: i say that knowing there's still half an hour in the school day. honestly with my luck you'll all figure out something else to get up to in that time
just gen: speaking of ms dewine did we ever figure out if she was screwing principal berzonsky
just gen: i got my cash on them hooking up in the teachers lounge because not long before those rumors started they replaced the couch in there. i'd like to get a confirmation or denial
robert: How do you even know they replaced the couch??
CONCUSSION HAVER: i have 15 dollars on them not hooking up but i think mr miller in bio and ms smith in precalc are and i have no basis for this but you guys have to trust me i feel it in my soul its in my hat
just gen: saw them taking it out obviously robs
just gen: the only thing in your hat is dirt mel get real. 10 dollars on theyre not
just gen: everyone grab your bags btw im not going back in there. "gen there's 30 minutes left in the day!!" and i dgaf lets get pizza and bug varsity at their practice
robert: That sounds good!
CONCUSSION HAVER: ur on gen
girl scout: can we get ice cream too? do you think we have time
just gen: you're so smart akilah absolutely we can
theater kid: if the pizza takes 20 minutes we should be able to get both in time!!
theater kid: and even if we don't misty will let us into practice without letting anyone know :P
britney spears joke: thank god you're dating her kristen because i know for a fact that if you weren't she'd be going to coach scott to snitch the MOMENT we showed up
theater kid: and ur all welcome for me letting you take advantage of my gf privileges XD
just gen: @here isn't wonderwall in or out loser
here isn't wonderwall: yeah sure whatever i'm sold. just make sure to go around the side cause the v team's all around the back
CONCUSSION HAVER: LETS GO
just gen: WE NEVER LOSE
robert: We lose all the time
just gen: shhhhh. just come meet us by the fire exit
Notes:
-that tweet misty references (by god, it appears i was mistaken, the girls.. etc) is on my pinterest board for her. just want y'all to know i have visions for these guys (not great ones but they exist)
-i've lowkey been grinding the hell out of pixelmon lately... im having so much fun i wish i could build or cared about gyms. i just collect and hoard items for fun. NAMES
---THE COOLER DANIEL (varsity)---
taylorsship - shauna
prez - tai
get a bucket and a mop - van
god and anime - laura lee
bloodymari - mari
shipstaylor - jackie
spotify enthusiast - nat
velma - misty
lotslotslots - lottie
---COOL KIDS ONLY (jv)---
girl scout - akilah
hatmouse - CONCUSSION HAVER - melissa
robert - robin
britney spears joke - britt
here isn't wonderwall - goldman
theater kid - crystal
just gen - gen
Chapter 10: happy conclave. i guess
Summary:
bisexual demon: fonts?
natalie: times new roman 😍
bisexual demon: we're not doing this.
natalie: ya im fuckin around i dont agree
natalie: if any font is fuckable its courier new
-----
in which shauna suffers from success (supportive friends who love her and try to help but are Really Annoying about it), tai suffers for love (has to listen to her best friend talk about men and be in denial on main), laura lee helps with some praying , and nat and mari have an absolute blast
Notes:
-‼️ NO CHAPTER NEXT WEEK ‼️ see end notes 4 more details on that. anyway,
-we're back off chap 8, shauna's pov this time!! still cant believe i fucked up the order but its fine
-killing my chronically offline streak by making a twitter so i can stop blowing up the chapter notes. you can find all snippets, late/upload announcements, etc here! no promises it'll see much use (beyond baseball posting and just yapping) but come say hi if you want
-todays hc is that vans favorite movie genre is rom-coms. if you ask them though, it's horror or action (or just mcu), but it's rom-coms. natalie is the only one who knows this information and is sworn to secrecy via blood pact and pinky swear
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Shauna <3: tai i think i'm gay
tai <3: No shit.
tai <3: OH FUCK WAIT. THAT'S A REVELATION.
Shauna <3: what do you mean.
tai <3: I think everybody but you knew you were bi.
Shauna <3: I'M WHAT
tai <3: Uh-oh.
Shauna <3: WHAT DO YOU MEAN UH OH
Shauna <3: TAI
Shauna <3: TAI PLEASE COME BACK
Shauna <3: GOSSIPING TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND CAN WAIT YOUR FIRST PRIORITY SHOULD ALWAYS BE ME
tai <3: You would think that.
tai <3: Take a breath, Ship. It's not the end of the world.
Shauna <3: it might be. we never know.
tai <3: No, we know. If being bi was the end of the world, then the powers of Nat and Mari alone would've fucked us all over.
tai <3: And if being queer in any way was the end of the world, then the team just walking into a room would collapse the universe.
tai <3: You need to log off for a second. Touch some grass as Van would say, calm the hell down as I would, then get back to me.
Shauna <3: don't tell me to touch grass. i'm in a crisis
Shauna <3: wait should i go talk to nat, actually?
Shauna <3: you don't want to hear about men. probably
tai <3: That crisis is exactly why you need to log off and take a breath.
tai <3: I wouldn't. You can talk to me anyway, though.
Shauna <3: i don't think anyone would believe me if i told them you'd willingly listen to someone talk about men
Shauna <3: granted, girls are also involved,
tai <3: The things I do for love.
tai <3: Wait, girls? Plural? I assumed girl, singular.
Shauna <3: nevermind, i am gonna go touch grass.
tai <3: Come back, I need to make fun of you for that!
Shauna <3: BYE TAI.
tai <3: Coward. Stay safe.
bisexual demon, natalie
bisexual demon: how'd you know you were bi?
natalie: ive unironically been waiting on this dm since freshman year
natalie: that girl from that 1 mad max movie that kinda looks like lottie and lowkey that guy from papas pizzeria. carlo romano
natalie: dont say shit btw i was like 8. anyway i didnt question any of that until van was freaking tf out about telling me they were gay and i was like ??? so what man everyone thinks girls are hot
natalie: news flash: they dont. and they ended up laughing so hard at me that they forgot they were nervous in the first place which like whatever a win is a win
bisexual demon: huh.
bisexual demon: you really have a type. that guy looks like travis, and that girl really does look like lottie.
bisexual demon: something you want to say about that?
natalie: its kinda the only reason i dated trav to be honest
natalie: i have nothing to say about that last part. this aint about me
natalie: how was that is that what you were looking for
bisexual demon: it was almost all unhelpful. thank you.
natalie: no problem
natalie: normally i'd try a little harder but i am high rn so. maybe come back in a few hours
natalie: for the record though you know you can just admit you want jackie and wrap this whole thing up. right
bisexual demon: thanks, nat.
natalie: no im serious that would save you. get back in here i know you tabbed out
bisexual demon: i'll give you a minute.
natalie: sure i can speedrun
natalie: jackie wants to climb you like a tree and im not fucking kidding.
natalie: its genuinely disgusting the way she stares at you. she wants you to the point it makes me homophobic
natalie: ive seen cartoony hearts in her eyes before. i watched her giggle and kick her feet unironically once when you texted her while we were hanging
natalie: its diabolical what shes doing out here man one of you needs to say something and save us all
natalie: youre not gonna ruin anything for the record. like i know youre probably freaking out but she needs that so bad its gross. oh wait i have 10 seconds
natalie: SAY SOMETHING SAY SOMETHING SAY SOMETHING FOR ONCE IM COMING FROM A PLACE OF GENUINE CARE INSTEAD OF SARCASTIC ADVICE YOU NEED TO SAY SOMETHING THIS SHIT HAS TO STOP GET UP
bisexual demon: are you done?
natalie: ya 👍
bisexual demon: alright.
bisexual demon: i'll keep it in mind.
natalie: more than i expected ngl im gonna take that
natalie: side piece of advice dont ask mari for help here. she'll list all her hear me outs in order from least to most insane
natalie: there are fonts and inanimate objects involved
bisexual demon: sorry, fonts?
bisexual demon: i didn't even consider asking her.
bisexual demon: fonts?
natalie: times new roman 😍
bisexual demon: we're not doing this.
natalie: ya im fuckin around i dont agree
natalie: if any font is fuckable its courier new
bisexual demon: blocked. blocked. blocked. stay away from me i don't care how helpful you were
natalie: bye shippyyyy
MARI'S CONTACT DO NOT OPEN, GAYWAD!!!
GAYWAD!!!: how'd you know you were bi?
MARI'S CONTACT DO NOT OPEN: omg i'm finally unblocked!! worst mistake of your fucking life
MARI'S CONTACT DO NOT OPEN: holy shit wait i just read that. WOW you gotta be desperate
MARI'S CONTACT DO NOT OPEN: did tai die or some shit is that why ur asking me
GAYWAD!!!: can you just answer the question?
MARI'S CONTACT DO NOT OPEN: oh sure
MARI'S CONTACT DO NOT OPEN: before i do tho i need you to know that i'm not doing this out of pity or solidarity but because whatever u have going on with cap makes me sick
MARI'S CONTACT DO NOT OPEN: and thats why i'm entertaining this because it has to STOP like OHHH MY GOD CAN YOU 2 JUST FUCK IT OUT AND STOP TORTURING US PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
GAYWAD!!!: why has everyone been telling me that?
GAYWAD!!!: there's nothing going on with jackie.
GAYWAD!!!: what's going on with you and akilah?
Ibarra: not the own you think it is babe because not only do i like her romantically (and comparing the 2 implies that you like jackie in the same way so GOTCHA), i can also admit that fact straight up
Ibarra: also who tf else would make you come to that conclusion if not her. answer honestly
Ibarra: don't try to lie to me i know your eyes only exist to turn into cartoon hearts when u look at her
GAYWAD!!!: don't call me that.
GAYWAD!!!: i'd like a lawyer.
Ibarra: oh i'm sure you fuckin would LOCK HER UP BOYS
Ibarra: anyway to answer ur question
Ibarra: i always kinda knew but if ur asking for people or whatever that sent it home, i have a 12 page list of what i like to call YOU WILL LISTENS instead of hear me outs, because hear me outs implies that you have a choice. you dont for the record YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME. and i also have other things to say but sit ur ass down u r READING THIS LIST
GAYWAD!!!: can you sum all that up? i'm in a crisis.
Ibarra: tldr: it's complicated and everyone's experience is different, mine and yours included, so my experience could be totally worthless for you. really all i can say is call yourself whatever you want, do whatever you want. you could never label it and i wouldn't gaf, and you shouldnt listen to people who would. ik you love a tussle but don't get into infighting that shit is lame
Ibarra: all that matters is that you want jackie (which makes you at least queer IF ☝️ you want to call yourself that) in ways that are borderline humiliating for the rest of us to watch and i get free reign to make fun of you for that, AND i get to hold the fact that you came to ME for advice over your head for the rest of time. I NEVER LOSE BITCH!!!
Ibarra: with that being said [hearmeouts.doc]
GAYWAD!!!: that's all surprisingly helpful. i'm not reading that list if you paid me.
Ibarra: hey i'm not just a gossip with a pretty face!!! i can say smart things i'm like regina george if she wasn't white and blonde
Ibarra: WAIT READ IT YOU COWARD
Ibarra: i need to hear what you think about that girl from fallout that looks a Little Too Much Like Jackie
GAYWAD!!!: bye, mari.
Ibarra: fine then bye freak 🖕 have fun with your crisis!!!!
Ibarra: let me know if you need anything else tho seriously
GAYWAD!!!: not unless i'm desperate. thanks, mar.
Shauna <3, tai <3
Shauna <3: nat wasn't any help.
tai <3: I'm sorry. Could've told you that, but still. That sucks.
Shauna <3: this is kind of vomit-inducing to admit, but i asked mari, too
tai <3: Christ. I knew I wasn't doing much in that department, but yeesh. Have some standards, Shauna.
Shauna <3: shut up, i know i'm desperate. and you were doing fine, i just figured i'd spare you.
Shauna <3: mari was surprisingly helpful actually, although admitting that kills me.
tai <3: It always scares me when she says something smart.
tai <3: Like all fun and games, until you remember the same person who spread the rumor that got a kid expelled a couple years ago got into and dropped out of AP Physics twice. And could genuinely think circles around most of us in that department.
Shauna <3: honestly it scares the shit out of me. @mari please go back to being stupid i can't take it anymore
Shauna <3: despite the varying levels of helpfulness, though, both of them were saying some weird shit about jackie. for some reason. although that's not abnormal.
tai <3: Were they talking about your crush on her?
Shauna <3: my what?
tai <3: Lord give me patience
Shauna <3: the what? my what?
Shauna <3: don't you mean strength
Shauna <3: my what?
Shauna <3: tai? TAI
Shauna <3: TAI??
Laura Lee, taissa :)
taissa :): Could you pray for patience for me?
Laura Lee: Of course!!!!
Laura Lee: Can I ask why if it's okay? :)
taissa :): Shauna's going through it. I love her to death but I am about to explain something so extremely obvious…
Laura Lee: The crush on Jackie
taissa :): I can neither confirm nor deny.
Laura Lee: I can absolutely pray for you then!!
Laura Lee: You clearly need it. I don't think she's going to take that normally
taissa :): Thanks, Lee.
Laura Lee: Good luck!!!
tai <3: Your crush on Jackie?
tai <3: You know. Your best friend?
Shauna <3: I KNOW WHO JACKIE IS
Shauna <3: WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY CRUSH ON HER. I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ON HER
Shauna <3: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT
tai <3: Don't you make out with her on the regular?
Shauna <3: THAT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING
Shauna <3: KISSING YOUR FRIENDS ISN'T GAY ALRIGHT IF IT WAS STRAIGHT MEN WOULD JOKE ABOUT IT LESS
tai <3: Why are you using straight men as a metric for anything like that? You know that data's already skewed.
tai <3: For the record, if you have to justify it, you know you're wrong.
Shauna <3: NOT HOW THAT WORKS
Shauna <3: WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THOUGH TAI
tai <3: You could let me handle it.
Shauna <3: THE LAST TIME YOU HANDLED SOMETHING IT ENDED IN ARSON CHARGES
tai <3: I will maintain that that technically wasn't arson until the day I die.
tai <3: Actually, though. Let me handle it. Lottie's throwing a party next week, and I can set something up there.
Shauna <3: I DON'T TRUST YOU TWO COMBINING FORCES
Shauna <3: I'M FUCKED THIS IS GOING TO GO SO BAD
tai <3: Take a breath, Shauna.
tai <3: Trust me, this can only go well. I have it all thought out, I promise.
tai <3: It's all going to be fine.
Notes:
-(spoiler alert: it will not all be fine IT'S ALL GOING WRONG.)
-NO CHAPTER NEXT WEEK!! i will be around (you can probably find me complaining about research and the books i'm reading for it on my new twt,) but no upload as i have some stuff in the works that needs crazy research. ask me about jewish funeral rites and protestant memorial services (NOT FOR THIS) and podcasts and modeling :) i wasn't kidding when i said that au was going in my drafts
-much like marinat i would also be unhelpful upon being asked how i knew i was bi. like idk man someone described it and i was like OH ME FR and that's how i've been rolling since lol
HERE'S NAMES
shauna <3, tai <3 - self explanatory
laura lee, taissa :) - self explanatory
GAYWAD!!!, MARI'S CONTACT DO NOT OPEN/ibarra - shauna, mari
bisexual demon, natalie - shauna, nat
Chapter 11: contrary to popular belief i haven't hit rock bottom yet
Summary:
statler: hold on dude...lottie's hosting for once... akilah's getting varsity playtime... jackie's admitting she wants shauna... shauna's admitting she's into girls in some capacity... akilah in a game...
statler: THINGS ARE ALIGNING... URANIUM IN MICROWAVE OR WHATEVER LOTTIE SAYSwaldorf: Mercury in retrograde.
statler: that's what i said?? it's right there
------
in which jackie does some incredible mental gymnastics, loses chess to a dog (gets successfully ragebaited), admits she's down diabolical, and suffers a little more. in other news, we ask the question "was nat silent or sileNCED?", taivan keeps stacking wins and commentating, and lottie has the time of her life.
Notes:
-hiii... hii.. how we doing...
-anyway we're back with a long one!! going back to my roots with a 2k word chapter!!
-unedited again but we all know that by now right? once it's uploaded it's uploaded its out of my hands
-this is potentially the first chapter of a double upload (but is is for sure the last of the assorted dms for a while). it all depends on if i fall asleep or not
-no hc today because i have no brainpower right now, but you will get 2 next time to make up for it :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
spongebob, VAN 🔥🎥
spongebob: shauna looks so good today but also so so tortured she's like a baby cow to me
spongebob: !! omg wait that's one of the flannels i bought her for her birthday :))) she's so pretty i knew it would work on her
VAN 🔥🎥: not that i'm not intrigued to hear this but
VAN 🔥🎥: what's this have to do with me bro… whar..
spongebob: nothing!! it's just that nat and mari blocked me and misty is misty and i can't tell shauna (OBVIOUSLY) and tai has just started sending me screenshots of the definition for lesbian from the dictionary website?? and lottie has just been straight up laughing in my face if she's not being cryptic about it :/
spongebob: so i'm out of options basically
VAN 🔥🎥: damn you really passed it around the whole team
VAN 🔥🎥: trying not to be offended that i'm your last resort though :( i thought what we had was special jack!
VAN 🔥🎥: although considering mari never blocks anyone giving her good gossip unless it gets Diabolical, maybe i should be thankful
spongebob: nonono what we have IS special!! van palmer you are the light of my life (platonic) you and your jokes are the only thing other than shauna making those team bus rides bearable
VAN 🔥🎥: awwww shucks cap!!
VAN 🔥🎥: got me giggling blushing kicking my feet
VAN 🔥🎥: tai wants you dead for that but its chill
spongebob: WHAT
spongebob: actually i think she wants me dead for other reasons but just in case taissa turner this is my official message I AM NOT FLIRTING WITH VAN!!
VAN 🔥🎥: oh! well false alarm then man we're fine
VAN 🔥🎥: what could she possibly want you dead for bro.
spongebob: it's complicated i fear
Taylor, TAI ⚽️📊
Taylor: shauna looks so good today i'm gonna scream and cry and throw up
TAI ⚽️📊: Do I even need to send the image anymore or do you get the idea?
Taylor: please be supportive right now. she just rolled her sleeves up and the forearms are forearming
TAI ⚽️📊: God, ew, keep that to yourself.
TAI ⚽️📊: For someone who "isn't into women", you really do act gay as hell.
Taylor: well i'm NOT gay!! i'm literally just appreciating what i'm being shown
Taylor: if i didn't it'd be like watching a movie and going ehhhh well i don't like this actor so the whole thing is a loss ://
Taylor: i'm not gonna stop ogling because i'm not into women like i wouldn't stop watching because i hate the actor. that'd be a coward play. and i am no coward
TAI ⚽️📊: The mental gymnastics you're going through could win you gold in the Olympics.
TAI ⚽️📊: Awful metaphor. Try again.
Taylor: i need that so bad and it's not funny anymore
TAI ⚽️📊: okay well i wasn't expecting that one
Taylor: oh god you stopped using grammar
Taylor: are you that shocked???
TAI ⚽️📊: YOU'VE BEEN IN DENIAL FOR YEARS EXCUSE ME FOR BEING SURPRISED YOU WOKE UP
Taylor: have mercy on my soul tai pleak... pleak...
TAI ⚽️📊: AND NOW YOU'RE REFERENCING GLEE ON MAIN
TAI ⚽️📊: WHAT IS IN THE AIR LATELY?! HOMOSEXUALITY? IS THAT WHAT THIS IS? IS IT PROXIMITY TO PRIDE MONTH? IS THIS THE GAY AGENDA PEOPLE FEARMONGER ABOUT?
Taylor: do you need a minute 😭😭
TAI ⚽️📊: If you wouldn't mind.
Taylor: take your time!!
statler, waldorf
waldorf: [screenshot2747.png]
statler: NO WAY
statler: PLEASEEE DON'T SAY SIKE DON'T SAY SIKE
statler: wait is this why you want her dead. lmaooo babe
waldorf: WE'RE FREE. SHE ADMITTED IT.
waldorf: Irrelevant.
statler: yes ma'am lol
statler: SHE ADMITTED IT [manbreakingchains.png]
statler: i used to ask LL to pray for times like these man
waldorf: I feel like a proud parent.
statler: snf… she's growing up so fast.. just last month she told me she could never be gay and now look at her! admitting she wants shauna so bad it makes her look like a moron!
statler: like go jackie go!! you're doing amazing sweetie!!
statler: we still need shauna to figure that last part out though
waldorf: We have time. There's still a few days until Lottie's thing.
waldorf: Can I even call it a party?
statler: look if it's hosted at lottie's that shit is gonna be a RAGER no matter what the plan is
statler: highschoolers when they see a big house and absent parents 😍
statler: wait hang on isn't that only if we win. what happens if we lose
waldorf: We'll win. Allie's out for the week with strep, so Akilah's subbing in.
waldorf: On the off chance we end up losing, though, she's still throwing that party. I'll pay her if I have to.
statler: your commitment to this is kinda scaring me babe
statler: hold on dude...lottie's hosting for once... akilah's getting varsity playtime... jackie's admitting she wants shauna... shauna's admitting she's into girls in some capacity... akilah in a game...
statler: THINGS ARE ALIGNING... URANIUM IN MICROWAVE OR WHATEVER LOTTIE SAYS
waldorf: Mercury in retrograde.
statler: that's what i said?? it's right there
waldorf: Not arguing with you.
statler: we'll get em next time 😔
statler: anyway all that to say: IT'S ALL COMING UP TAIVAN BABY WE NEVER FUCKING LOSE
waldorf: Not to be mean,
waldorf: Actually, I don't care. Yes to be mean, we should really just switch Allie and Akilah on the roster. Allie sure as hell doesn't play on varsity level, but we all know Akilah can hack it. Coach Martinez you will pay for your crimes.
waldorf: Sorry, TaiVan?
statler: REAL COACH MARTINEZ WILL PAY 🗣🗣 PUT MY GIRL IN
statler: god forbid a guy wants to make up ship names with their girlfriend :(
waldorf: No, no, don't get me wrong. It's cute.
statler: your grammar scares me. how was i supposed to know
statler: YET ANOTHER VAN PALMER WIN THOUGH WHATEVER I'M UP 🎉
>replying to statler: your grammar sc...
waldorf: Boo.
statler: AAAAAAAAAAA
statler: shit tai why would you do me like that!!!
waldorf: Just had to bring you back down to Earth.
jacks, LOTTIE 🦌🔮
jacks: lottie stop being a good student i'm in a crisis
jacks: get on your phone
jacks: i know you hear it buzzing
jacks: also you're in study hall?? pick the fuck up matthews there's literally no excuse
jacks: do i really have to say it.
jacks: I KNOW YOU'RE GETTING THESE
jacks: god damn it lottie
jacks: I'M PROBABLY GOING TO HUMILIATE MYSELF MISERABLY IN THE NEXT 10 MINUTES 🗣🗣
jacks: WAKE UP
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: why didn't u start with that omg
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: talk to me jacks... what's the situation
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: ohh wait is the crisis shauna related…
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: nat mentioned she was upset :( or maybe not upset but like. she said it was like watching someone struggle tweet but through text. struggle text. i don't know why she didn't just say that but u get it
jacks: shauna's what??
jacks: is she okay?? is she safe do you know i need to know
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: she's fine!!!!! i think. idk i'm not all seeing but i think she's ok :) nat wasn't concerned at least
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: tai has her on a leash though so even if she wasn't fine she'd be ok pretty quick
jacks: god i wish that was me I MEAN WHAT WHO SAID THAT
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: must've been the wind…
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: hi nat here: what the fuck jack
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: freak
jacks: NAT!!!!
jacks: NAT DO YOU KNOW IF SHAUNA'S OKAY IS SHE SAFE DOES SHE NEED ME
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: chill tf out man shes fine
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: tai has it
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: although if youre that worried you can go to hers after school. maybe if you did you could m ajwr iytst
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: ok me again!!!! ignore nat she doesn't know what she's saying. shauna's fine :)
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: JACK GO MAKE OUT W HER IT WOULD SAGHWYRYC
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: ignore her :).
jacks: WHAT DOES SHE MEAN. LOTTIE WHAT DOES SHE MEAN. WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: nothing. the situation is under control. not 2 say there was a situation 2 begin with!!! it's fine everyone is fine
jacks: DOESN'T SOUND FINE TO ME???
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: It's fine.
jacks: NOT HELPING TURN THE GRAMMAR OFF
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: all things will happen in time, jackie :)
jacks: i would love it if you stopped being cryptic
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: don't hold ur breath i'm having a lot of fun
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: JACK ITS NAT HIT ME UP YOURE UNBLOCKED JUST TEXT BEFORE SHE GETS ME
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: STOP TRYING TO INTERFERE!!
jacks: okay!! i'll leave you 2 to. whatever that is
jacks: omg wait nat you unblocked me :) i thought that'd never happen
jacks: NOT IMPORTANT ACTUALLY WAIT AGAIN. THANK YOU LOTTIE EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T DO MUCH!!
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: yw :)
NAT 🖕🚬, jackoff
NAT 🖕🚬: alright look jack i have 2 minutes tops so you need to lock in. lottie is trying to silence me because we have to "let it take its natural course" but idk what that means and dont really care honestly. listen close this is my final message
jackoff: i'm listening
NAT 🖕🚬: MAKING OUT WITH SHAUNA WOULD SAVE YOU BOTH
NAT 🖕🚬: not in the no homo way either. i know you guys already do that i don't have to tell you twice right
NAT 🖕🚬: do it in a yes homo way for once. take the socks off oh wait FUCK DUDE SHES APPROACHING
jackoff: why are you talking about her like she's a cryptid 😭 wdym she's approaching
NAT 🖕🚬: listen man if you had a 5'10 soccer center back coming to fuckin Get You how would you react
jackoff: i don't think i would be in that s
jackoff: WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU KNOW WE ALREADY DO THAT HANG ON
jackoff: WHY ARE YOU SAYING THAT SO DEFINITIVELY
jackoff: WHO TOLD YOU
jackoff: WE DONT
jackoff: WHAT
jackoff: NAT?
NAT 🖕🚬: look i'd love to taunt you more but like. you understand the situation here ive already said too much
NAT 🖕🚬: call me back in 20 minutes when she cant get me for it im in chem next i have nothing but time
NAT 🖕🚬: anyway KISS SHAUNA FOR REAL ALREADY LET THE PEOPLE KNOW WHATEVER HAPPENS TO ME IS LOTTIES FAULT
NAT 🖕🚬: TELL VAN THEY CANT HAVE MY VINYLS CALL MARI A BITCH tell shauna i need the answers for the pop quiz in german too btw. whenever you talk next
NAT 🖕🚬: CHANGE THE WORLD MY FINAL MESSAGE GOODBYE
jackoff: oh sure!! i'll let her know:)
jackoff: WAIT NO NOT 20 MINUTES
jackoff: NOW NAT WHAT THE HELL
jackoff: FUCK
jackoff: NAT???
jackoff: uuugugh my god you guys all SUCK!! please just tell me things like normal people!!! why are you all like this
jacks, LOTTIE 🦌🔮
jacks: does everyone know me and shauna are making out. please be honest lottie you're the only one who will keep it real with me right now other than nat but from the sounds of it. she's out of commission
jacks: well also except mari. but contrary to popular belief i haven't hit rock bottom yet soooo. actually just answer the question
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: nnnno we didn't and in fact this is actually the first i've heard of this 🦌
jacks: 🧍
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: what even lead u to believe we knew about that…. jackie….
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: omg hold on
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: did nat make a joke about u 2 making out or something
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: IS SHE RIGHT WAS SHE RIGHT
jacks: WHEN I GET HER SCRAWNY ASS I SWEAR TO GOD 💥💥
jacks: SHE BETTER NOT SHOW HER FACE AROUND ME AGAIN!!!
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: u know she was just baiting you right 🦌
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: well
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: ok she ended up being right but she was just ragebaiting originally. like i hate to break it to you jackie but i think she was just guessing. and u ended up confirming it
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: this is the exact situation i was trying to avoid!!!
jacks: the one time i don't listen to your weird advice :(
jacks: this is humiliating. do you know how often she does this??? and i still fell for it??
jacks: don't answer that i know you know
jacks: am i ever living this down
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: no i started taking screenshots like i was at a concert. sorry </3
LOTTIE 🦌🔮: what's done is done!! the conses quenced!! and this might be one of the best days of my life so dont expect any sympathy out of me. sorry. why do i keep saying that we know i'm not
jacks: all of this today AND jv has been suspiciously silent… GET ME OUT OF HEREEEEEEE [stressedbusinessman.png] [it's the stock image of the businessman in a suit on his knees with his head in his hands.]
Notes:
-as the new usual, you can find me here if you ever want to come say hi, check the drafts, or see me retweet a bunch of baseball lol
HERE'S NAMES
------
spongebob, van - jackie, van
taylor, tai - jackie, tai
statler, waldorf - van, tai
jacks, lottie - jackie, lottie
nat, jackoff - nat, jackie
Chapter 12: yo mr white i'm busy taming all the cats
Summary:
britney spears joke: no way you folded that fast. was it really that scary
CONCUSSION HAVER: the devil shivers when a nice guy loses his temper
here isn't wonderwall: okay lets not keep saying this shit unironically. it gets to a point
CONCUSSION HAVER: it is ironic :(
just gen: reset the count!! we're on day 0 of mel saying something like that and insisting its ironic
-----
in which the gang plays minecraft to pass the days before The Party, akilah holds the food hostage, gen and mel rp breaking bad (very poorly), melissa kills the minotaur (welcome back son of poseidon), mari blows up nat's minecraft lab, and rachel watches from a distance (has bedrock edition and won't get java)
Notes:
-heyyoooo REAL double upload today!! it's just the back half of this tho cuz it was running LONG. its already written so i'm just doing the editing lol. should drop within the hour
-double headcanon as promised!! 1: jackie does NOT fuck around about white people taco night. it's her second favorite only to bastardized italian (a nat special) when the team has to cook at a sleepover because everywhere's closed. it brings mari to the brink every time they make it but she can't stop them because it's the only thing 1: everyone will eat and 2: they can cook reliably without burning.
-2: laura lee will straight up argue with her pastor/priest. or anyone actually, god forbid you say something that she deems in bad faith or a misinterpretation. brother she'll GET YOU!! all 5'4 of her!!!
-as always when its out its out, no edits (anything that slips past my 4 hour editing sessions is just what ao3 intended imo), and you can find me here!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
COOL KIDS CLUB
just gen: alright listen whoever the hell is building a tnt duper could you do that at least 4 chunks away from my house next time. i will destroy it with your own supply
just gen: wait did we change the name
here isn't wonderwall: don't ask.
just gen: o7
just gen: seriously though whos is this it's loud asf
robert: Sorry that's me :( I didn't know you were set up there!!
robert: I can fill the chunk back up and move when I get on next
just gen: nevermind keep it
just gen: my fault anyway :)
CONCUSSION HAVER: why is robin allowed to make noisy machines that blow shit up by your house but the one time i tried to mine in your cave system you killed me and held my sword hostage
CONCUSSION HAVER: and when i tried to get it back you dropped me in a big pit that killed me again so i had to call cap on to make you give it back
just gen: because i'd let rob get away with murder but i have to keep you humble
just gen: remember what happened the last time you got an ego??? y
just gen: OK STOP I SEE YOU LIGHTING MY BARN ON FIRE I'M SORRY
CONCUSSION HAVER: good @girl scout can i harvest your fruit trees
girl scout: for 10 cents you can :)
CONCUSSION HAVER: for each tree??
girl scout: each fruit. i have bills to pay!!
CONCUSSION HAVER: BRO IS PRICE GOUGING ME OUT OF PRODUCE 💀
just gen: serves you right
girl scout: it's not price gouging if the demand is high!! which it is, because all of you must have made a blood pact not to grow your own fruits or something
girl scout: you guys always come steal mine!! i have to make you pay what i'm owed, not only just for bills, but on principle >:(
here isn't wonderwall: that's literally the definition of price gouging
girl scout: only when the demand is high AND there was a recent disaster :) if it's just high demand then it's regular pricing!!
CONCUSSION HAVER: do not play with me akilah martin i know your candy store makes enough money on its own. you dont need bill money youre just doing this shit for love of the game like lottie doesnt even make you pay rent because she loves you. youre just making me pay for no reason dude i will Get You
girl scout: No, don't play with me Melissa Raftis. Do you know where most of the ingredients for my candy come from? Where most of the food you eat comes from? Not just the fruit, everything.
girl scout: Don't answer that. It's from my mega farm. I own the food trade. All the crops, all the animal products. All of it comes from me. One snap of my fingers, one day off, and this entire server's food economy goes under. Nobody eats. The people starve, because none of you want to spend time raising those animals, growing those trees. Other than me.
girl scout: well and bee but the rest of you bums are GUILTY!! why do you guys only farm drugs just grow some carrots or something 😭😭 it takes 3 minutes guys seriously!!
theater kid: you make a good point!! thank you for the food akilah <33
girl scout: you're also not guilty kristen!! your honey is vital to my store i couldn't do it without you <3
>replying to girl scout: well and bee bu...
robert: <333
CONCUSSION HAVER: yes ma'am im sorry can i come help out sometimes im sorry
CONCUSSION HAVER: i'll pay you back im sorry :(
just gen: she clocked your ass mel
CONCUSSION HAVER: she really did :(
girl scout: you know where to drop your money :)
britney spears joke: no way you folded that fast. was it really that scary
CONCUSSION HAVER: the devil shivers when a nice guy loses his temper
here isn't wonderwall: okay lets not keep saying this shit unironically. it gets to a point
CONCUSSION HAVER: it is ironic :(
just gen: reset the count. we're on day 0 of mel saying something like that and insisting its ironic
theater kid: alas... all good things come to an end :[
here isn't wonderwall: as with all things that start ironic, one day it won't be. like i listened to wonderwall as a joke and ended up here
CONCUSSION HAVER: NO WAIT YOURE RIGHT YOURE RIGHT I'LL STOP IM NOT ENDING UP LIKE YOU
here isn't wonderwall: what the fuck is that supposed to mean
CONCUSSION HAVER: anyway
britney spears joke: your weird one-sided animosity prevails again mel
here isn't wonderwall: this isn't over mel. but that aside
here isn't wonderwall: why do you guys have a minecraft economy including rent bills and landlords?? i feel like i glossed over that
here isn't wonderwall: nobody is keeping track of that. especially not y'all
robert: I think Misty added on a wallet mod so we can carry around our currency, and safes so we can keep it locked up, and Jackie has bill collection day once a real life week
robert: Which is to say we have been keeping track of that somehow
just gen: we literally have drug raids why is an economy the weirdest part of this modpack
here isn't wonderwall: you guys have what?
here isn't wonderwall: actually no, akilah mentioned drugs earlier. still though what
britney spears joke: nat added one of the drug mods as a joke and jackie doesn't know how to get rid of it or disable it
britney spears joke: misty's helping nat with her empire so she's not helping remove it, and everyone else is basically down to clown so they're not helping either. which means jackie ends up coming around every now and then to search our places top to bottom to prevent us from using any of it
just gen: it doesn't work tho cause i'm pretty sure lottie still sells shrooms under the table at her alchemy store
britney spears joke: she does lmao i buy them from her to trade at van's tavern
CONCUSSION HAVER: im pretty sure misty tips everyone off on how to hide all their shit too cause i once visited nats meth lab and it was like 4 redstone contraptions and a key that was hidden behind 4 more redstone contraptions
CONCUSSION HAVER: she threatened to blow up my base if i snitched but i lost track of what we did after the second machine. i dont know how to get there i only know it exists
here isn't wonderwall: what the hell, sure. there's a meth lab. nat's minecraft walter white now
CONCUSSION HAVER: JESSE. JESSE WE NEED TO COOK. BUSINESS IS BOOMING THE VILLAGERS NEED PRODUCT
just gen: yo mr white i'm busy taming all the cats bitch. can't you see i don't have time for this
CONCUSSION HAVER: jesse. you don't understand. they are DESPERATE for it. there is an UNTAPPED MARKET JUST FOR US. WE CAN FILL THAT VOID JESSE
just gen: i just got the black cat mr white i don't care about the market right now
CONCUSSION HAVER: JESSE. I DON'T CARE. GET IN THE DAMN RV
just gen: yo you should care mr white. its the rarest one. only spawns under a full moon or in a witch hut
CONCUSSION HAVER: oh wait thats awesome hold on what are you gonna name it
just gen: idk yet honestly
CONCUSSION HAVER: let me know when you figure it out
CONCUSSION HAVER: anyway JUST BRING THE CAT INSIDE JESSE. IT CAN CHASE THE PHANTOMS AWAY
just gen: i don't want him around the chemicals yo that's unsafe for a growing young boy
CONCUSSION HAVER: LEASH HIM OUTSIDE THEN
here isn't wonderwall: are you guys just gonna keep poorly roleplaying breaking bad or
theater kid: shhh don't interrupt!!! i'm liking where this is going :P
robert: Someone who's watched the show tell me if this is accurate
britney spears joke: it's not
girl scout: sometimes you just have to close your phone and stop asking questions rach. for your sanity
COOL KIDS CLUB
MarisolIbarra.WHS has been added to COOL KIDS CLUB
MarisolIbarra.WHS: TO WHOEVER BUILT A PORTAL TO THE TWILIGHT FOREST AND DRAGGED THE MINOTAUR INTO MY BACKYARD I'M GONNA FUCK YOUR FAVORITE PARENT AND CAUSE A MESSY DIVORCE THAT TEARS YOUR FAMILY APART
just gen: ?? hi mar
here isn't wonderwall: what the hell who added you
here isn't wonderwall: how did you get here
MarisolIbarra.WHS: hey girl!! that's not important right now goldman.
MarisolIbarra.WHS: I MEAN IT FESS UP WHO DID THIS
CONCUSSION HAVER: wasnt me i didnt even know we had the twilight forest
CONCUSSION HAVER: can i come kill it percy jackson style
MarisolIbarra.WHS: yeah sure
here isn't wonderwall: i think i'm getting a pretty skewed impression of what this modpack is about
here isn't wonderwall: what the fuck is a twilight forest. what's any of this actually what is going on
MarisolIbarra.WHS: you don't wanna know
theater kid: i stopped questioning what it was about when they added the new dimensions :P it was supposed to be just harvestcraft and new biomes!! and maybe aquaculture but it definitely wasn't supposed to be this
britney spears joke: honestly pistol it's funnier this way anyway
theater kid: oh i agree!! there's still a bunch of weird stuff though :p
robert: I think it's good we added more stuff actually :) the new animals are cute, and I like farming with Akilah!!
britney spears joke: i don't think kris means the animals robbie
just gen: pretty sure she means the other weird stuff we added like the drugs and the magic
CONCUSSION HAVER: its not that weird if u think about it
theater kid: it is that weird xD and i did mean the drugs and magic!!!
britney spears joke: don't even joke yes it is mel
girl scout: bee 🥺♥️
robert: ♥️
here isn't wonderwall: see robs and akilah are excused but what the hell are the rest of you doing. like. surely you're not ALL farming or cooking meth right
theater kid: i'm currently building a high-speed railroad to connect everyone's towns :]!! so far i've connected jackie and shauna, and myself to the main city/world spawn :3
CONCUSSION HAVER: im a hired gun and mage but mostly hired gun i do bounty hunter stuff like mobs and all that
britney spears joke: i don't know man i just mine for robbie and maybe drop off mail if i get too bored
just gen: i'm the liquor supplier for van's tavern lol
just gen: and i build all the redstone traps for people
CONCUSSION HAVER: this is true dont step in her house its trapped looney tunes style
CONCUSSION HAVER: or home alone either way its armed you will DIE
here isn't wonderwall: ykw that makes a lot of sense for you guys actually
here isn't wonderwall: speaking of pistols do you guys have guns yet or have we held off on that. whats the gun situation
theater kid: not yet!! but we're approaching that point XD
just gen: nah we just have crazy longswords from tinkers construct!! thats different
here isn't wonderwall: whatever that means
MarisolIbarra.WHS: not that it's not fun to watch u losers debate what's up with this modpack but I NEED ONE OF YOU TO ANSWER ME. WHO THE HELL SUMMONED THE MINOTAUR.
>replying to MarisolIbarra.WHS: not that it's n...
girl scout: i think that was nat actually?? don't quote me on this though because idk for sure :(
MarisolIbarra.WHS: great to know! looks like i'm blowing up her meth lab everyone buy in while you can
girl scout: seems like an overreaction,
here isn't wonderwall: woah wait??? hold off on that i need to ask her if i can take a tour of it first like i'm kinda interested now
MarisolIbarra.WHS: you have bedrock. don't even start with me
here isn't wonderwall: video tour. dumbass
MarisolIbarra.WHS: girl just get java stop jumping through hoops
MarisolIbarra.WHS: lottie will buy it for u literally just get it if you wanna see the lab so bad
MarisolIbarra.WHS: i'm still blowing it up tho lmao ACT FAST GOLDMAN YOU'VE GOT 20 MINUTES
CONCUSSION HAVER: how r u gonna even find the place to blow it up its super hidden
MarisolIbarra.WHS: i got an anonymous tip 🙂
here isn't wonderwall: oh no.
girl scout: the emoji..
just gen: we're cooked chat
theater kid: BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES!! MARI'S USING 🙂!!! HIDE YOUR ITEMS!! SAVE YOURSELVES!!
Notes:
-something something don't cook drugs or explode labs or do anything these guys are doing unless it's actually in minecraft. im not liable or whatever!!!
-ngl i have some really fun formatting in the next chap. ao3's weird html WILL NOT GET ME DOWN IM AN INNOVATOR
-i have never seen breaking bad nor do i care to. so who knows if the rp dialogue is accurate but also i kinda dont care because it's funnier to me if it isn't
HERE'S NAMES
------
COOL KIDS CLUB
girl scout - akilah
CONCUSSION HAVER (formerly: hatmouse)- mel
robert - robin
britney spears joke - britt
here isn't wonderwall - goldman
theater kid - crystal
just gen - gen
MarisolIbarra.WHS - temporary and self explanatory!
Chapter 13: are you two suing each other in minecraft as foreplay
Summary:
bloodymari: come on cmoooon
bloodymari: you wouldnt make me do that right
bloodymari: right?get a bucket and a mop: listen to your mother mari
get a bucket and a mop: go rebuild nats meth lab
bloodymari reacted with 👎,😒
------
in which we pick up after mari's plot, nat gets thrown under the bus, the girls are fighting (again), van's accidental snitch era is back, melissa suffers from bad mod design, and we open jackie taylor and lottie matthews v. marisol ibarra and natalie scatorccio. for drug dealing and vandalism. in minecraft. they didn't build a courthouse for nothing
Notes:
-heyooo heres the back half as promised :) now i nap. goodbye
-please imagine they have an emoji plugin in this pack so certain emojis work. the one i use has the skull, pensive, sobbing, and heart/broken heart but you're probs only gonna see like 3 of those
-serpents from ice and fire truly are evil btw. just sick creatures i hate them
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
THE COOLER DANIEL
spotify enthusiast: mari has blown up my supply. everyone pause your orders
spotify enthusiast: i dont even know how she found it or why she did that but she did
get a bucket and a mop: AW DUDE COME ON
velma: i can look into who tipped her off for you :3!!
spotify enthusiast: thatd be sick thanks misty
velma: of course!!
lotslotslots: wow. tragic. i'm sorry to hear that.
lotslotslots: oh well!!
spotify enthusiast: Lottie.
lotslotslots: Natalie.
spotify enthusiast: are you the one who tipped her off
lotslotslots: i didn't do anything in a way you can prove :)
spotify enthusiast: I THOUGHT WE HAD AN AGREEMENT
lotslotslots: we did!! however that was null and void when i saw ur product in my domain. u understand, don't u :)?
spotify enthusiast: OH BULLSHIT
spotify enthusiast: I WILL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW HAND TO GOD I HAVE NEVER ONCE SOLD PRODUCT ON THE EASTERN SEAFRONT
lotslotslots: AND I HAVE NEVER ONCE SEEN A SHIP SMUGGLE IT IN!!! ONE OF US IS LYING HERE NATALIE
spotify enthusiast: AND ITS NOT FUCKIN ME I'LL TELL YOU THAT
get a bucket and a mop: THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTIIIIIING
bloodymari: lol. lmao, even.
spotify enthusiast: You.
bloodymari: um
bloodymari: hi
spotify enthusiast: MARI WHEN I CATCH YOU MARI
spotify enthusiast: MARI WHEN I CATCH Y
taylorsship has muted spotify enthusiast for: go calm down. christ.
bloodymari: MOOOOOM COME PICK ME UP I'M SCARED @prez
prez: Hm?
prez: Oh. Why'd you blow her lab up, Mar?
bloodymari: she dragged the fucking minotaur into my backyard what did you want me to do
prez: Do you even know if it was actually her?
get a bucket and a mop: it wasnt lmao that was me
get a bucket and a mop: natty stop blowing up my dms smh… i literally put a sign down saying that it was me!! i would never throw you under the bus like that!! except for when i would
bloodymari: .
bloodymari: why would akilah say this?
prez: Don't blame Akilah. It's on you for not reading the sign.
prez: Go apologize to Nat and rebuild for her.
bloodymari: hey wait
bloodymari: come on cmoooon
bloodymari: you wouldnt make me do that right
bloodymari: right?
get a bucket and a mop: listen to your mother mari
get a bucket and a mop: go rebuild nats minecraft meth lab
bloodymari reacted with 👎,😒
shipstaylor: her what.
get a bucket and a mop: oh whoops
velma: oh guys it's time to up the count!! days without van snitching: 25! new record, great job team :D
velma: nvm :[ days without van snitching: 0!
get a bucket and a mop: NOOOOO AND I BEAT MY RECORD [guycollapsing.gif]
shipstaylor: HER WHAT??
shipstaylor: I TOLD YOU GUYS TO STOP USING THAT MOD
shipstaylor: I'M GETTING ON IN 5 EVERYONE IN THE TOWN SQUARE >:( EXCEPT FOR LAURA LEE YOU GET ON WHEN YOU CAN I KNOW YOU'RE BUSY
god and anime: I'm free right now :) I'll be there!!
jaxofalltrades joined the game
FeelingVantastic joined the game
LesbianAgenda joined the game
idcjustputanything joined the game
localdeergirl joined the game
saveourshipmans joined the game
notenoughtosave joined the game
|someloserinahat fell from a high place
<HurtTortoise17> why is the whole council here 😭
<jaxofalltrades> BECAUSE I'M CRACKING DOWN!! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!
<jaxofalltrades> EVERYONE IN THE SQUARE :bell: :bell: SHAUNA WILL MONITOR YOU EVERYONE IN THE SQUARE
<saveourshipmans> i didn't agree to watch these clowns.
<jaxofalltrades> please :(
<saveourshipmans> fine. in the square, losers.
<idcjustputanything> whipped
<FeelingVantastic> my god, these bitches gay! good for them. good for them.
<saveourshipmans> shut up, palmer.
<LesbianAgenda> Why do we even need to be there? Can whatever this is not just be done through chat?
<notenoughtosave> ^ Are we sure this is necessary??
<jaxofalltrades> YES IT IS. I'M TAKING NAT AND MARI TO COURT
<notpitgirl> WAIT WHY ME WHAT THE HELL DID I DO
<jaxofalltrades> YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID
|someloserinahat drowned while trying to escape Sea Serpent
<idcjustputanything> I INVOKE MY RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT AND WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO AN ATTORNEY. FUCK YOU JACKIE
<LesbianAgenda> You almost had it until you cursed at her. Considering this is Minecraft though, that doesn't matter. Good enough.
<LesbianAgenda> On that note, I'd like to prosecute.
<jaxofalltrades> fine by me!!
<idcjustputanything> WHAT THE HELL
<notpitgirl> CMON TAI
|someloserinahat was slain by Sea Serpent
<FeelingVantastic> damn… getting my brother and daughter all in 1 go. crazy work! anyway
<idcjustputanything> thanks so much for your support van
<FeelingVantastic> anytime my man
<someloserinahat> hi van
<FeelingVantastic> hey mel
<FeelingVantastic> how's the bounty hunting going
|someloserinahat went up in flames
<someloserinahat> aw you know
|someloserinahat was doomed to fall by Sea Serpent
<someloserinahat> pretty good
<jaxofalltrades> SERIOUSLY GUYS GET TO THE SQUARE
<jaxofalltrades> THIS INCLUDES YOU MISTY AND JV!! YOU'RE ALL THE JURY!!
<jaxofalltrades> not you though mel i think you're suffering enough
<AfricanGrey> i'd actually like to be the defense attorney if possible!!
<jaxofalltrades> if nat and mari say it's okay i guess?? i'm fine with it
<idcjustputanything> fine with me too
<notpitgirl> sure ig?? i do need defense so
<crystalthepistol> i always wanted to serve on a jury...
<worldchampsobber> I can't do this 😭😭 I can't put anyone away this is so much pressure
<worldchampsobber> What if they're innocent?!!
<cupidsouttonight> literally the worst thing that can happen to them is us throwing tomatoes at them or something rob
<cupidsouttonight> like this is minecraft you're not actually putting anyone away
<worldchampsobber> I forgot :(
<HurtTortoise17> i'll be there with you robbie you'll be alright
|someloserinahat hit the ground too hard
<someloserinahat> thanks taylor
<JudiciousMarble> can i sit out too? i have to take care of the animals
<jaxofalltrades> you can do whatever you want forever akilah :)
<notenoughtosave> Can I also opt out?
<jaxofalltrades> yes but you need a solid reason
<notenoughtosave> Preservation of sanity?
<jaxofalltrades> nope. lose your shit like the rest of us!! you're juror #2. non-negotiable
<notenoughtosave> Alright
|someloserinahat was slain by Sea Serpent
<someloserinahat> ALRIGHT IVE HAD ENOUGH SORRY THIS IS OFF TOPIC BUT CAN WE GET RID OF ICE AND FIRE ALREADY
<someloserinahat> THIS FUCKING THING HAS BEEN TRACKING ME FOR 5 THOUSAND BLOCKS. THIS MOD FUCKING BLOWS I DONT CARE HOW COOL THE DRAGONS ARE ANYMORE THERES NO FUCKING WAY IT SHOULD BE STILL TRACKING ME THIS AI IS CRACKED OUT
<someloserinahat> I HATE YOU SEA SERPENT TRACKING SYSTEM THE DRAGONS ARENT EVEN WORTH IT ANYMORE
<someloserinahat> WHY DOES THE OCEAN HAVE HORRORS AND HOT GIRLS THAT LURE YOU IN TO KILL YOU I JUST WANTED DRAGONS
<idcjustputanything> my brother in christ you mean the damn sirens?
<someloserinahat> is that what theyre called
<FeelingVantastic> he mad as hell!! he thought the sea serpents were only for a day!!!
<someloserinahat> i hate these things im about to break the screen
|someloserinahat hit the ground too hard
<someloserinahat> THIS SHIT IS SICK AND TWISTED SERIOUSLY WHY DO WE EVEN HAVE THIS I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING FOR SORT OF REALISM
<FeelingVantastic> what's realism??
<localdeergirl> i don't know... that's scary...
<localdeergirl> i would like to put a case forward against nat for encroaching on my territory btw
<LesbianAgenda> Noted. Whisper me the details, we'll work something out.
<localdeergirl> will do :) thank u tai
<idcjustputanything> OH FUCK OFF WITH THAT I TOLD YOU I DIDNT DO THAT SHIT
<jaxofalltrades> CASE APPROVED!! NOW GET IN THE COURTHOUSE GUYS WE DIDN'T BUILD THAT FOR NOTHING
<idcjustputanything> this is gonna take years off my life
<saveourshipmans> tell me about it.
<cupidsouttonight> do you guys know you don't have to go along with this
<saveourshipmans> yes we do.
<cupidsouttonight> if you say so i guess
<notpitgirl> wait why am i involved in this if i don't deal
<jaxofalltrades> vandalism? blowing up nats base wasn't cool even if it was an illegal lab
<notpitgirl> damn 😔 i thought i was gonna get off on that one
<AfricanGrey> you might!! ./w me, we have a case here :3<
<notpitgirl> LOOK AT MY LAWYER DAWG SHE'S USING :3<
<notpitgirl> IM GOIN 2 MINECRAFT JAIL BRO
<localdeergirl> better hope u win nat :) i have big plans for compensation
<idcjustputanything> oh i get it. i know exactly what this is about.
<lodcaldeergirl> do you, natalie?
<idcjustputanything> i've got your number matthews
<FeelingVantastic> alright so i'm contractually obligated to ask here
<FeelingVantastic> are you two suing each other in minecraft as foreplay
<notenoughtosave> I was gonna ask if we were interrupting anything...
<idcjustputanything> NO
<localdeergirl> maybe!!
<idcjustputanything> FUCK DO YOU MEAN MAYBE
<idcjustputanything> NO
<localdeergirl> :)
<LesbianAgenda> Save it for the courthouse, you two.
<AfricanGrey> you ./w me too by the way nat!! if you think you know what this is about then we can make a real case of it!
<idcjustputanything> if you say so quigs
<idcjustputanything> no pressure btw dude cause long as lottie doesnt win i really dgaf if i get thrown in minecraft jail. just make sure she loses worse than me
<notpitgirl> MAKE SURE JACKIE LOSES TOO IM DONE WITH THIS SHIT. SACRIFICE US IF YOU HAVE TO JUST MAKE SURE THEY LOSE
Notes:
NAMES
THE COOLER DANIEL
taylorsship - shauna
prez - tai
get a bucket and a mop - van
god and anime - laura lee
bloodymari - mari
shipstaylor - jackie
spotify enthusiast - nat
velma - misty
lotslotslots - lottie
------
MINECRAFT GAMERTAGS
LesbianAgenda - tai
FeelingVantastic - van (yall know this one)
notenoughtosave - laura lee (ethel cain mention!!)
idcputanything - nat (do not let van make you a user bro)
localdeergirl - lottie
notpitgirl- mari (fucked this up earlier damn)
saveourshipmans - shauna
jaxofalltrades - jackie
someloserinahat - mel
JudiciousMarble - akilah (default gamertag! in my mind she got minecraft post microsoft merger and didn't want to make 2 users)
worldchampsobber - robin
cupidsouttonight - gen (look this song is so gen to me alright. go listen its the one by zzzahara)
HurtTortoise17 - britt (default also. i couldn't think of anything and neither could she i guess)
crystalthepistol - crystal
AfricanGrey - misty
Chapter 14: 10 angry girls and 1 gossipy travis
Summary:
in which the trial commences, and immediately gets derailed by tai and travis (whos just happy to be here) remembering they have free will. laura lee gets influenced (/neg), nat accepts a bribe, i give you all lottienat crumbs, JV fights some demons, and tai, mari, and nat schedule a duel.
Notes:
-hii bit of a late one (again) and longer one (again again) and uh. not a very funny one either tbh! fuck it we ball though this next one is gonna bang trust me. when i stop being sick it's OVERRR
-no hc today again im running out. i have had 0 coherent thoughts all week im sorry
-something something no editing something something find me here if you want
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
<FeelingVantastic> ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE JUDGE JOHNSON, PRESIDING!
<notenoughtosave> Good evening everyone :)! Today we are here for Charlotte Matthews and Jacqueline Taylor, v. Natalie Scatorccio and Marisol Ibarra. The defendant Nat Scatorccio is being charged with drug manufacturing and distribution, possession of a controlled substance, and possession with intent to distribute,
<notenoughtosave> While Mari Ibarra is being charged with vandalism, destruction of property, and criminal mischief.
<notpitgirl> CRIMINAL MISCHIEF?? I'M GETTING CHARGED WITH MISCHIEF??
<notpitgirl> NEXT THING UR GONNA TELL ME IS IM GETTING CHARGED WITH TOMFOOLERY. WITH TEEHEEING. WITH MONKEYING AROUND. TF DO U MEAN MISCHIEF
<idcjustputanything> imagine getting charged with mischief bro this shit is not real
<AfricanGrey> stop talking!!
<AfricanGrey> my apologies for them your honor, please continue!
<notenoughtosave> Apology accepted!
<notenoughtosave> The prosecution may give their opening notes whenever they're ready
<LesbianAgenda> Thank you, your honor.
<LesbianAgenda> Ladies, gentlemen, and Travis of the jury, my name is Taissa Turner.
<travtravtrav> why am i bein called out whatd i do
<saveourshipmans> why did we invite travis, again?
<LesbianAgenda> Really the question of the century, isn't it.
<travtravtrav> damn ship i thot u liked me
<travtravtrav> r these bad vibes cuz i said we all kno u n jackies slumber parties were just poorly disguised make out seshes 💔💔💔
<saveourshipmans> TRAVIS WHEN I CATCH YOU
<notpitgirl> wait we did not all know that??? travis dm me right tf now why are you keeping this from me
<localdeergirl> I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT
<travtravtrav> whatever u want gossip girl :salute: nothin personal btw i just didnt want 2
<idcjustputanything> WHACK HER AGAIN FOR ME TRAV HER GIRLFRIEND IS SUING ME AND I DONT THINK I CAN WIN
<idcjustputanything> ALL FAITH IN MISTY BUT THIS WOULD BE WAY EASIER WITH JACKIE DISTRACTED. TAI AND LOTTIE ARE SCARY ENOUGH I NEED JACKIE OUT OF THE PICTURE
<AfricanGrey> awww nat!! i appreciate it :3<
<saveourshipmans> NOT MY GIRLFRIEND
<jaxofalltrades> NOT HER GIRLFRIEND??
<jaxofalltrades> hey wait shipman :(
<saveourshipmans> WHY ARE YOU SAD FACING YOU SAID IT TOO
<travtravtrav> i wish i could help u bro but thats all i got
<travtravtrav> i mean i got somethin else but its 2 far yk? like i got morals n shit so i cant rlly get her again yfm
<idcjustputanything> good to know you have a line but dammit dude thats not helpful at all
<travtravtrav> sorry bro 💔
<FeelingVantastic> wait dm me the slumber party info too goat 🔥🔥
<travtravtrav> got u bossman 🔥🔥
<AfricanGrey> i would like to request silence from the people now, please! let's let tai and laura lee work :p we still have a trial to hold!!!!
<notenoughtosave> Thank you Misty!!
<LesbianAgenda> Thank you, Misty.
<LesbianAgenda> Once again, your honor, and ladies, gentlemen, and Travis of the jury, my name is Taissa Turner.
FeelingVantastic whispers to you: my wife is so smart :))
idcjustputanything whispers to you: all she did was introduce herself and get derailed by gossip you fuckin simp
FelelingVantastic whispers to you: well god forbid a guy supports their wife these days?? it's pride month nat be kind
idcjustputanything whispers to you: i thought it was like march
FeelingVantastic whispers to you: it's pride month
idcjustputanything whispers to you: it was march like 2 weeks ago i think it's april now
FeelingVantastic whispers to you: IT'S PRIDE MONTH
idcjustputanything whispers to you: you know what hell yeah
<LesbianAgenda> Today, I'll be representing Jacqueline Taylor and Charlotte Matthews on behalf of the server,
<LesbianAgenda> ..Actually? No I won't be. It just hit me that none of you know how a trial works. I could just say anything.
<notenoughtosave> Please don't start making things up
<notenoughtosave> I worked hard to be a good judge my research can't be for nothing
<notenoughtosave> By research I mean I played definitely legal Ace Attorney on Van's DS and it was very annoying
<FeelingVantastic> i 100% bought and paid for it yup trust me
<idcjustputanything> dont ignore lees efforts tai cmon
<localdeergirl> yeah tai come on :(
<LesbianAgenda> Today, I'm here to challenge the defendants in a fight to the death. 1v1, 10 minutes of prep time. I lose, I drop the charges. You lose, you both pay 50k each out to Jackie and Lottie, for a total of 100k paid out per defendant, and 200k total.
<LesbianAgenda> Whoops. Sorry. Laura Lee, please note that agreeing to this would discount your efforts towards being a judge.
<LesbianAgenda> But consider: it would be really funny.
<notenoughtosave> Hm..
<idcjustputanything> consider that i dont want to fight tai and would rather just argue
<localdeergirl> consider not listening to nat
<travtravtrav> do wut u want lee but i wanna see nat get her ass kicked lol
<idcjustputanything> fuck you man
<notpitgirl> consider saying no to tai's proposal and accepting this empty, inconspicuous wallet
<AfricanGrey> please don't try to bribe the judge
<notenoughtosave> I'm being negatively influenced :(
<FeelingVantastic> should've listened to your mom bro 😔 she was right about us
<jaxofalltrades> ignore them laura lee!! we can't make you do anything, whatever you decide to do is valid :)
<notenoughtosave> Alright :(
<notenoughtosave> Um. My official verdict is... I sentence the defendants to fight to the death in the coliseum? Or whatever Tai said
<notenoughtosave> It's nothing personal, just another big building we never got the chance to use before this
<AfricanGrey> objection!! your honor, what the fuck >:[
<notenoughtosave> Overruled I think? Meet with Tai if you have any problems with this arrangement
<AfricanGrey> oh i will >:[[[
<idcjustputanything> well thanks so much for throwing me under the bus sunshine
<notpitgirl> sunshine?? i think i have a slur to say guys
<LesbianAgenda> One you can reclaim, I hope.
<notpitgirl> yeah yeah
<jaxofalltrades> well you heard laura lee folks!! duel to the death in 10 minutes!! head to the coliseum!!
<localdeergirl> this isn't how i thought this trial would go :deer:
<localdeergirl> wait tai u said how much if they lose
<FeelingVantastic> lott stop being a capitalist
<localdeergirl> WHEN MONEY TALKS I LISTEN VAN!! I CAN MAKE SO MUCH PRODUCT WITH THAT i mean i mean i m WHO SAID THAT
<idcjustputanything> ?? since when did you cook
<idcjustputanything> OH I GET IT. I KNEW I WAS RIGHT. YOU TIPPED MARI OFF SO SHE COULD DESTROY MY SHIT SO YOU COULD BE THE ONLY SUPPLIER
<idcjustputanything> YOURE PROBABLY THE ONE SMUGGLING SHIT INTO YOUR PORTS TOO. THIS WHOLE THING IS A CONSPIRACY
<localdeergirl> these are some serious allegations, natalie!!!
<localdeergirl> correct ones though
<localdeergirl> perhaps i can sway u to look the other way?
<idcjustputanything> THERES LITERALLY NOTHING IN IT FOR ME IF I DO
<idcjustputanything> IN FACT I LOSE WAY MORE FROM LETTING YOU KEEP GOING SO NO YOU CANT
<localdeergirl> check ur texts?
<idcjustputanything> .
<idcjustputanything> im blind. im deaf. i cant read. i cant type. i have forgotten all english. i dont even know what minecraft is anymore whats happening where am i
<FeelingVantastic> what could she possibly have said to you to cause such a reaction bro 😭😭
<localdeergirl> :)
idcjustputanything whispers to you: HAPPY PRIDE MONTH MARCHAPRIL TO ME BABY IM UP A MILLION
FeelingVantastic whispers to you: WHAT DID SHE SAY TO YOU WHAT COULD SHE POSSIBLY HAVE SAID TO YOU
idcjustputanything whispers to you: NOT IMPORTANT
|Saved screenshot as 2025-xx-xx_11.32.48.png
|Saved screenshot as 2025-xx-xx_11.32.50.png
|Saved screenshot as 2025-xx-xx_11.33.55.png
<travtravtrav> thats gay
<AfricanGrey> i think that's the point, travis!
<notpitgirl> how many slurs am i gonna have to say today
<FeelingVantastic> 1 like and i send screenshots of all this to JV
<idcjustputanything> YOU WOULDNT
<jaxofalltrades> please don't, van :/
<jaxofalltrades> speaking of where even is JV?? they've been weirdly quiet this whole time something's definitely up
<saveourshipmans> i think they just ditched to go help mel, or something.
<jaxofalltrades> fair enough i guess
<jaxofalltrades> is she still dying to that serpent??
<saveourshipmans> i'll check.
You are now speaking in channel Global!
<someloserinahat> WHAT IS THAT WHAT IS THAT WHAT IS THAT
<worldchampsobber> Ohhh boy
<HurtTortoise17> WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING
<JudiciousMarble> i wish we stayed at the trial :( why are we fighting demons when we could've been experiencing the court process
<crystalthepistol> i think i prefer the demon XD
<cupidsouttonight> hey is it getting bigger or
<someloserinahat> nah its normal size
<cupidsouttonight> see i thought so i was just double checking
<JudiciousMarble> uhh no it definitely is getting bigger i think
<HurtTortoise17> shit
<worldchampsobber> WHY IS IT SCREAMING
<someloserinahat> THE SUBTITLES JUST SAID IT APPROACHES WHAT APPROACHES THAT THING IS STANDING STILL
<cupidsouttonight> MINE JUST SAID SOULS SCREAM. WHAT SOULS. WHAT FUCKING SOULS???
<HurtTortoise17> is this when we pull out a ouija board or is this where we run
<worldchampsobber: I'm not turning my back on that thing
<crystalthepistol> i think this is where we run xD
<JudiciousMarble> um. i think i found out what approached
<JudiciousMarble> maybe don't look up guys
<someloserinahat> lol whats up the
<someloserinahat> OH FUCK
|someloserinahat hit the ground too hard
|cupidsouttonight hit the ground too hard
|worldchampsobber hit the ground too hard
|JudiciousMarble hit the ground too hard
|HurtTortoise17 hit the ground too hard
|crystalthepistol hit the ground too hard
You are now speaking in channel Local!
<saveourshipmans> they're uh. they're fighting demons or something.
<saveourshipmans> how's the debate about the verdict going, tai?
<LesbianAgenda> I won. Square up. @idcjustputanything @notpitgirl
<notpitgirl> DAMN IT QUIGLEY I THOUGHT U'D PUT UP A BETTTER FIGHT
<AfricanGrey> i tried!! unfortunately i was only able to negotiate the pay out down to 25k each. i couldn't get you out of the fight :[
<idcjustputanything> can i just pay then
<LesbianAgenda> Nope. Coliseum. 10 minutes. Prep wisely.
<idcjustputanything: god damn it
Notes:
-hey if you noticed/are wondering why laura lee's the judge when she was deemed a juror last chapter, it's because they realized that she was the only unbiased one (i forgot)
HERES NAMES
-----
LesbianAgenda - tai
FeelingVantastic - van
notenoughtosave - laura lee
idcputanything - nat
localdeergirl - lottie
notpitgirl - mari
saveourshipmans - shauna
jaxofalltrades - jackie
crystalthepistol - crystal
travtravtrav - travis
AfricanGrey - misty
someloserinahat - mel
worldchampsobber - robin
HurtTortoise17 - britt
JudiciousMarble - Akilah
cupidsouttonight - gen
Chapter 15: is 15 too early to run out of funny titles?
Summary:
localdeergirl: i saw a law once that said if ur 2 friends in a homoerotic situationship dont make out within the month u can start making fun of them to their faces until it happens :)
localdeergirl: no limitationsidcjustputanything: hey i believe it
idcjustputanything: im gonna start screaming gaywad at jackieshauna whenever they pass then mari stylesaveourshipmans: don't do that.
-----
in which the fights occur, bets are made, and the verdict is handed down! in other news, a party is planned, more jackieshauna/lottienat crumbs, and JV sidequests. again!
Notes:
-dudes... im gonna be so real i've been losing motivation so bad. im gonna lock the fuck in and at least wrap the fun stuff!! but like. its been a struggle. biweekly updates may be in our future gang
-side note i need you all to know i read all your comments last chap, and replied to them all in my head 27 thousand times. even if i didnt do it irl please know i love yall (/p), and you guys are the reason that i manage to get this out every week. so. thank you so much 💙💙
-y'all know the drill by now, find me here if you want to keep up with my baseball sidequests and the occasional thread (yellowjackets pjo au and a lottienat smau potentially coming to a fish near you...), or if you just wanna say hey!! my dms r always open and i love yapping
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
<saveourshipmans> so, i'm just going to say this now:
<saveourshipmans> none of you can use my swords.
<saveourshipmans> hope you made yourselves good ones, but i honestly doubt you did.
<notpitgirl> YOU KNOW WE DIDNT GOD WE'RE FUCKED
<idcjustputanything> ohhh man suddenly im deathly ill. bye
idcjustputanything left the game
<LesbianAgenda> She still has to pay if she forfeits, Quigley. Full cost. 50k. Your move.
<AfricanGrey> i've got her :[
<travtravtrav> nah let her leave lol i wanna see her scramble 4 the cash
<AfricanGrey> whose side are you on, travis!!
Natalie!!!, mist e
mist e: you still have to pay if you forfeit you know :p
Natalie!!!: for fucks sake
Natalie!!!: lose my number quigley
Natalie!!!: never hangin with you again. youre making me bet 25k and my empire on a MINECRAFT DUEL
mist e: i did what i could! but if you skip then even my efforts will be all for naught
mist e: you have to pay full price if you ditch you know! 50k each
mist e: and i know you're bluffing!! we're friends and you like me :3
Natalie!!!: unfuckingfortunately
idcjustputanything joined the game
<idcjustputanything> fine van count me off
<FeelingVantastic> not yet brother we're taking bets
<FeelingVantastic> everyone who wants to wager please come forward! you have 2 minutes
<notenoughtosave> Am I supposed to let this happen??
<FeelingVantastic> well are you still playing judge
<notenoughtosave> Maybe? The whole reason we're having the fight is to see if we can call them guilty, right?
<FeelingVantastic> hey good point you got me there
<FeelingVantastic> everyone who wants to bet please come forward to this station that is conveniently placed behind laura lee's back!
<notenoughtosave> Van :(
<FeelingVantastic> please don't turn around i need this
<saveourshipmans> nat's going to lose. 200 on tai.
<idcjustputanything> what the hell
<FeelingVantastic> putting forward 100 on tai btw lol
<FeelingVantastic> not sorry you know i have to support my girl
<idcjustputanything> yeah i figured but what the hell shauna
<idcjustputanything> i thought we were friends
<saveourshipmans> you don't get any loyalty from me. remember what happened last time you smoked me up?
<idcjustputanything> dont bring that shit up man you know it was hilarious
<saveourshipmans> to you, maybe. you deserve this.
<jaxofalltrades> what exactly are you two talking about??
<saveourshipmans> not important.
<idcjustputanything> cant say i made a blood pact
<jaxofalltrades> what did you do to my shauna
<idcjustputanything> i dont wanna talk about it
<localdeergirl> YOUR shauna...
<localdeergirl> mari's been quiet so i'm gonna say it: guys i have something derogatory to say
<FeelingVantastic> say it lott
<idcjustputanything> go ahead you can
<travtravtrav> u got this matthews
<notenoughtosave> Guys please :(
<jaxofalltrades> you guys have to stop saying stuff like that whenever one of us says something a little romantic!! one of these days someone's gonna get the wrong idea and i'm not gonna bail you out when it happens
<saveourshipmans> that was romantic?
<jaxofalltrades> WHAT HUH
<jaxofalltrades> WHO SAID THAT
<jaxofalltrades> NO
<idcjustputanything> at what point do we just say it tho seriously
<localdeergirl> i saw a law once that said if ur 2 friends in a homoerotic situationship dont make out within the month u can start making fun of them to their faces until it happens :)
<localdeergirl> no limitations
<idcjustputanything> hey i believe it
<idcjustputanything> im gonna start screaming gaywad at jackieshauna whenever they pass then. mari style
<saveourshipmans> don't do that.
<jaxofalltrades> once again someone's gonna get the wrong idea, and i'm not going to bail you out when you get in trouble for it
<AfricanGrey> if you get suspended for that you're gonna end up benched!!
<idcjusputanything> oh shit yeah youre right. nvm then
<FeelingVantastic> anyway
<FeelingVantastic> 300 total on tai! anyone else wanna bet or can i close this
<localdeergirl> oh! i do :) i'm going to be kind and balance things out
<localdeergirl> 300 more on tai
<idcjustputanything> FUCK YOU?? JUST WHEN WE GOT SOMEWHERE
<idcjustputanything> lee van just count me down i cant take this shit
<FeelingVantastic> o7
<notenoughtosave> Are you both ready?
<LesbianAgenda> Yup.
<idcjustputanything> yeah
<FeelingVantastic> 10
<FeelingVantastic> 9
<FeelingVantastic> 8
<FeelingVantastic> 7
<FeelingVantastic> 6
<FeelingVantastic> this is taking forever FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
<notenoughtosave> Oh yikes...
<saveourshipmans> hit right off the bat.
<saveourshipmans> hey, wait. is there even a point to the bet anymore since none of us bet on nat?
<FeelingVantastic> yeah dude of course there's a point! the point being funsies
<saveourshipmans> fair enough.
<jaxofalltrades> you know what i'm gonna put 75 on nat!! i don't support your betting but i think she can win this
<jaxofalltrades> she's got it in her
<travtravtrav> javis tryna make me bet on her but i think shes gunna lose lmao
<travtravtrav> nat javi supports u but i dont so u gotta lose 4 me so i can pull 1 over on him
<idcjustputanything> WHY WOULD I L
<idcjustputanything> OSE FOR YOU FUCK OFF TRAVIS
<FeelingVantastic> dude stop dodging SWING THE SWORD
<idcjustputanything> FUCK U
<idcjustputanything> tell jav
<idcjustputanything> i i say hi btw
<travtravtrav> no
|travtravtrav was slain by idcjustputanything
<travtravtrav> BRO
|idcjustputanything was slain by LesbianAgenda
<idcjustputanything> worth it
<idcjustputanything> i'll pay up tomorrow
<LesbianAgenda> Works for me. You're up, Mar.
<LesbianAgenda> Mari?
<FeelingVantastic> MARI!
<jaxofalltrades> is she seriously afk right now?? mari girl WAKE UP
<saveourshipmans> blowing a horn in her face isn't gonna work.
<jaxofalltrades> well duh :( i just figured i'd give it a shot
<AfricanGrey> give me 10 minutes, i'll get her number!!
<LesbianAgenda> I got it.
<idcjustputanything> yo wdym give you 10 minutes
<FeelingVantastic> travis' typing style is talking to you like the green goblin mask man 😭😭 why are you saying yo
<idcjustputanything> youre right why am i saying that. travis im killing you again
<travtravtrav> BRO WUT DID I DO
<travtravtrav> GO FIND MARI MAN LEAVE ME ALONE
COOL KIDS CLUB
mari: HOW DID I LOSE FIRST PLACE WASNT EVEN ON THEME
girl scout: you still made podium though!! just not first
hatmouse: fwiw i gave you 5 stars like u shouldve had that shit fr
mari: not important akilah. mel i am kissing you on the mouth
hatmouse: LETS GOOOOO 🔥🔥🔥
mari: nevermind. next time don't say LETS GO when someone says something like that
hatmouse: like u wouldnt say the same shit if it was akilah tellin u that
just gen: WHY AREN'T WE PLAYING RANKED DUDE THESE KIDS ARE ASS
here isn't wonderwall: to be fair you'd lose on ranked too
mari: BULLSHIT I'D KILL RANKED
just gen: this kid just played theme music over vc.
girl scout: please don't pick a fight :( you can't get another VC suspension gen
robert: I don't know about you guys but I think we should play something else
robert: Dress to impress isn't good for our health
here isn't wonderwall: no no i think we should keep going on DTI. i want to see mari and gen seethe and end up deleted from stacking up too many bans
britney spears joke: ^
mari: FUCK YOU
theater kid: well i'll say it now: i am NOT playing grow a garden again >:[!! i don't care how much akilah likes it!!
girl scout: i think they put cocaine in that game or something :( it's unhealthy how much i play it
TaissaTurner.WHS has been added to COOL KIDS CLUB
TaissaTurner.WHS: Mari, if you don't come back right now I'm calling it a forfeit and you're paying 50k each.
TaissaTurner.WHS has left COOL KIDS CLUB
mari: UGGGH FIIINE gen get these losers for me
just gen: on it boss
hatmouse: can we play arsenal next
just gen: no
mari: ew god hell no
theater kid: please no :[
robert: Sure Mel :)
here isn't wonderwall: your taste in roblox games is so ass, mel.
<notpitgirl> im back :/
<LesbianAgenda> Good. 2 minutes, and then Van will count you off.
<notenoughtosave> Nat already lost by the way
<idcjustputanything> i killed travis instead
<travtravtrav> 4 NO FUCKIN REASON
<notpitgirl> any reason is a valid reason to kick your ass travis
<notpitgirl> i'm ready btw
<FeelingVantastic> okey dokey boss!
<idcjustputanything> loser
<notpitgirl> white people slang is back...nature is healing
<notpitgirl> dork ass loser
<FeelingVantastic> fuck you guys?? mari you're fighting now i'm not counting you down. or taking bets on you
<notpitgirl> asshole. bet tho whenever ur ready tai
<LesbianAgenda> I'm ready.
<jaxofalltrades> mari how did you end up on the railing.
<saveourshipmans> can we ban slingshots from the coliseum?
<AfricanGrey> nope!! it's a totally legal move and i reject the motion to ban it
<notenoughtosave> That'd probably be another trial :(
|LesbianAgenda was slain by notpitgirl
<LesbianAgenda> Huh. Not bad, Mar.
<notpitgirl> AND FUCK YOU GUYS :speaking-head:
<notenoughtosave> Looks like we have results?
<notenoughtosave> The defendant Marisol Ibarra is cleared of all charges (unfortunately), and the defendant Natalie Scatorccio has been ordered to pay out 25k each to Lottie and Jackie!
<AfricanGrey> i'll take 1 of 2!! xD
<LesbianAgenda> Thank you, your honor.
travtravtrav has left the game
<notpitgirl> UNFORTUNATELY??
<idcjustputanything> get her ass lee
<localdeergirl> now that this is over, party @ mine ON WEDNESDAY AFTER WE CRUSH THE SHIT OUT OF THAT CATHOLIC SCHOOL WITH THE REALLY LONG FANCY NAME I FORGOT!! byob though because my dad is finally noticing :/
<localdeergirl> nat ur helping me host check ur texts. now. u too whenever ur free jacks <33
<idcjustputanything> why the hell do i get bossed around and jack doesnt
<localdeergirl> because u listen to me :)
<idcjustputanything> maybe i should stop doing that
<jaxofalltrades> aww lott <3 i think that school's name is
<jaxofalltrades> uh
<jaxofalltrades> laura lee?
<notenoughtosave> Um
<notenoughtosave> I just know they're undefeated
<jaxofalltrades> OH YEAH!! THEY ARE!!
<jaxofalltrades> everyone LOCK IN!! BEATING THEM IS GONNA BE HUGE!!
<localdeergirl> we're gonna beat them no matter what :) their striker is gonna come down with strep and be out for our game
<localdeergirl> their sub is a freshman too so we're gonna crush em. just not without some difficulty!! it's gonna be 2-2 through the first half but we'll end it at 4-3
<saveourshipmans> what?
<jaxofalltrades> thanks for the pregame game summary lott!! everyone lock in anyway though, we need to maintain that tie through the first and see if we can cut back that last goal to make the final 4-2. 4-3 is a little too close for me!!
<FeelingVantastic> yes cap o7
<notenoughtosave> You got it Jackie!!
<idcjustputanything> sure captain
<notpitgirl> fiiine
<LesbianAgenda> You know, nobody other than us can say that they get summaries of how their games will go before it even starts.
<LesbianAgenda> Thanks for saving our asses, Lott.
<localdeergirl> ur welcome!! it's about time i got appreciated around here
<localdeergirl> that aside REMEMBER!! PARTY WEDNESDAY!!! BRING YOUR OWN BEER!!! AND STAY AFTER CAUSE IM NOT CLEANING BY MYSELF PLEASE
<jaxofalltrades> you got it lott!! BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ
<FeelingVantastic> BUZZ BUZZ LOSERS!!!
Notes:
JV (COOL KIDS CLUB)
girl scout - akilah
hatmouse - mel
robert - robin
britney spears joke - britt
here isn't wonderwall - goldman
theater kid - crystal
just gen - gen
-----
LesbianAgenda - tai
FeelingVantastic - van
notenoughtosave - laura lee
idcputanything - nat
localdeergirl - lottie
notpitgirl - mari
saveourshipmans - shauna
jaxofalltrades - jackie
AfricanGrey - misty
travtravtrav - travis
Chapter 16: this chapter is brought to you by pacific punch monster
Summary:
in which i lied. we have more dms. listen the gc's coming up after these next two this is set-up!! we also debate an old classic trope, lottie does some (minor) blackmail, van accidentally becomes a blood sacrifice (and then pays a much larger cost), and once again, taivan plots and schemes amen i love those guys (aka i make a couple filler chaps to get back into it)
Notes:
-sorry for being radio silent the past. forever!! i like. died. i dunno. lost my groove and been a little busy but i'm back in action baby!!! or trying to be. fuck it we ball
-speakin of busy, i went to an aquarium on the 20th :) it was my first time at an aquarium that was its own building it was so cool they had sharks AND THEY HAD SEA DRAGONS!!! WHICH I NEVER HEARD OF!! and they were SOOOO fuckin awesome im getting hype just thinking about it. if i can influence you to do one thing let me influence you to go look at a leafy sea dragon. even just on google images. those things fucking rock
-ALSO i went to my first mlb game last tuesday!!! it was soo fucking fire i was kicking my feet giggling the whole time i had such a blast CAUSE WE WON BABY!!! TIGERS 🔛🔝!!! ignore how we're losing really badly right now okay WE JUST NEED A GOOD BULLPEN!! ITS A BULLPEN PROBLEM I SWEAR i yell as they drag me into the part of the season where my team sucks
-on top of all this, school starts (for me) in under a month. and im sick. busy month! fuck july! and geometry while im at it FUCK GEOMETRY IM DROPPING OUT
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
van PALMER 💜, prince matthews
van PALMER 💜: sooo while youre planning.. i have a question
van PALMER 💜: can we lock jackieshauna in a closet at your party yes or no would that be cool
prince matthews: no. unoriginal. overdone. passé. i need a better idea if it involves u scheming in my house
prince matthews: also i'm technically not planning yet, so u have like 20 minutes to convince me so i can work it into the schedule. chop chop palmer
van PALMER 💜: can we. uhhhh
van PALMER 💜: give me a sec
prince matthews: take ur time!!
van PALMER 💜: can we start a fight club to get laid and end up killing an entire football team
prince matthews: van. i love u so much. but much like everyone in bottoms u are not built for prison
prince matthews: so no fight clubs or murdering anyone please!! right now at least
prince matthews: like i said i have things to do. such as plan. and host. and yearn and pine etc etc u get me
prince matthews: basically what im trying to say is no because i cant help you
van PALMER 💜: BOOOOOO 👎👎👎
van PALMER 💜: wait hold up you said plan and host and what? you said what?
prince matthews: and nothing
prince matthews: that was the wind i didn't say anything
van PALMER 💜: I'M TIRED OF BLAMING THE WIND BRO. I KNOW WHAT I READ
van PALMER 💜: anyway can i just lock them in a bathroom or something? same concept but it's not a closet so i'm getting extra points for creativity right that's a thing
prince matthews: yeah sure go ahead!! just as long as its not the one in my room. if u ignore that and end up fucking up MY bathroom ur cleaning it. for the next month. i will Get You.
van PALMER 💜: yes ma'am o7 yr bathroom will remain intact or i'll let you use me as a blood sacrifice for your witchy stuff
prince matthews: omg wait promise?? i need a willing participant for something i'm testing
van PALMER 💜: uhh
van PALMER 💜: lemme ask my wife actually hold on
prince matthews: hope she says yes :/ nat won't help me anymore ur kinda my last option
van PALMER 💜: dude what the hell have you been doin to my boy 😭😭
prince matthews: dw about it!! she's been very willing so far and also totally unharmed!! well up until last week when she told me to fuck off
prince matthews: which is why i need someone else. u understand
van PALMER 💜: what the hell happened last week bro
prince matthews: don't even worry about it
van PALMER 💜: alright man.
van PALMER 💜: wait why was she even willing to be a blood sacrifice in the first place??? what the fuck
prince matthews: u gotta stop asking questions. some things can't be answered.
van PALMER 💜: just gonna assume she was being a downbad loser
van PALMER 💜: fork found in kitchen 🔔🔔 fish seen in ocean 🔔 nat spotted being a simp for a hot girl 🔔🔔🔔
prince matthews: i'm telling tai u called me hot
van PALMER 💜: listen man i'm speaking objectively okay. objectively yr hot!!! however no woman on earth compares to my beloved wife taissa turner. there's not a scale on this planet that can measure her beauty
van PALMER 💜: i would let her lure me into the sea or perhaps a box with a stick above it or potentially even a big spike pit or poison gas or a flaming plane or or or
prince matthews: [spongebobseabear.gif]
prince matthews: wait aren't u supposed to be asking her about the blood thing so u can keep up ur plot
van PALMER 💜: OH SHIT OH YEAH brb brb
statler, waldorf
statler: okay so we're basically set to scheme!! but we have to lock them in a bathroom instead of a closet
statler: alsoimightvepromisedlottieidlethertakesomeofmybloodforherwitchyshitinexchange
waldorf: Why a bathroom?
waldorf: God damn it, Van. I leave you alone for 5 minutes and you offer your blood for
waldorf: A spell? A sacrifice? What does she even need it for?
statler: LISTEN IT SOUNDED LIKE A GOOD DEAL AT THE TIME which was 2 minutes ago BUT AT THE TIME IT SOUNDED LIKE A FAIR TRADE
statler: ALSO I ONLY HAVE TO GIVE HER MY BLOOD IF WE FUCK UP HER BATHROOM SO IF WE KEEP IT INTACT WE'RE FINE
statler: also also i have no idea what she needs it for lol she just said a thing she's testing
waldorf: We're literally locking up two of the worst people to lock in a small enclosed space in a small enclosed space. Shauna's going to threaten us within the minute, and Jackie's such a lightweight she's probably going to accidentally break something, like, 5 seconds in.
waldorf: We can't promise that her bathroom's staying intact, is what I'm trying to say. She basically just signed you up for a blood sacrifice no matter what you do.
waldorf: And you agreed to said sacrifice because she needs it for "a thing"?
statler: duh dude!! i love helping my friends and getting cool lore so this works out perfectly
statler: nobody else can say they gave their friend a blood sacrifice so she'd let them hook up their other friends
waldorf: No.
statler: BABE CMON
statler: this is gonna be peak dad lore in like 30 years cmooon
waldorf: I don't think you should be worrying about your 'dad lore' right now.
statler: well it's never too early to be prepared taissa that's what you're always saying
waldorf: If you're really listening when I say that, then you should start preparing for that test you have in Algebra tomorrow.
statler: THE WHAT I HAVE WHERE
prince matthews, van PALMER 💜
van PALMER 💜: she said no and also i have to study apparently
prince matthews: awww ☹️ oh well!! i can always get some later i don't really need yours specifically
prince matthews: yet.
prince matthews: u found out about the algebra test i see
van PALMER 💜: that's really ominous but sure lott!! have fun be safe leave nat alone she already said no
van PALMER 💜: and yes i did. save me lottie save me
prince matthews: i will :) have fun that is. no promises on anything else.
prince matthews: i can't save u i'm in trig. good luck
prince matthews: seriously though even if u can't do the blood thing ur still paying if my bathroom gets fucked. i mean it my parents aren't absent enough to be cool about property damage i can't cover up
van PALMER 💜: while i understand that my blood is kinda all i have to offer (my bad i forgot)
van PALMER 💜: anyway i'm BROKE lott i have 50 cents and 3 crumpled receipts in my wallet maximum
van PALMER 💜: and one of those cool smashed pennies from the zoo that i think is a wolf if you care
prince matthews: obviously i care? who do u think i am thats awesome van
prince matthews: and u might be broke, but ur barbie 10 movie box set sure isn't
van PALMER 💜: ALRIGHT NO FUCKING WAY IM GIVING THAT UP
van PALMER 💜: THAT'S MY PRIZE PIECE!! THAT'S CINEMA!! THAT'S THE BEST THING IN MY COLLECTION BY FAR!!!! YOU'VE GOT ME FUCKED UP LOTT I'M NOT HANDING THAT OVER
prince matthews: better see to it that my bathroom stays intact then. if it doesn't, then. well.
prince matthews: wrap that up nice for me, would you?
van PALMER 💜: you're a sick fuck, charlotte matthews. just twisted.
prince matthews: tbf i can also be bought with animal crackers! i'm just practicing being an evil businessman.
van PALMER 💜: ??? why
prince matthews: love of the game
van PALMER 💜: fair enough bro carry on
prince matthews: i knew u'd get it
van PALMER 💜: course i get it lott i was born to understand yr visions 🔥
van PALMER 💜: you're still not getting my barbie dvds though. my understandings are limited. animal crackers or bust
prince matthews: well keep the bathroom intact and u won't have to give them to me. 3 bags minimum on those animal crackers.
prince matthews: i'll be watching. good luck on ur exam.
prince matthews: oh and remember that number 5 isn't B no matter how convincing it looks and how desperate you are!! i don't know what it is for real but it's not B
van PALMER 💜 reacted with 👍, 🖕
statler, waldorf
waldorf: So, you never actually answered me. Why a bathroom?
statler: supposedly closets are overdone in the current landscape or something. political climate and all that
statler: me personally i believe that old is gold and there's no problem with a classic move like locking your friends in a closet at a party but NOBODY ASKED ME OR WHATEVER
statler: i also believe that rich people are just picky/lottie just wants to fuck with me but like whatever! we're lockin em in a bathroom now who cares
waldorf: I'm pretty sure you're right about Lottie just wanting to fuck with you.
statler: THANK YOU FINALLY SOMEONE GETS IT
waldorf: No, wait. Let me rethink.
waldorf: Okay. I'm pretty sure it might actually be less about fucking with you, and more about her having a million and one fancy-ass outfits that would be harder to clean than a bathroom.
waldorf: Which is why it would be better for us to do it in there. In case of damages.
statler: wait youre actually a genius thats probably it am i stupid
statler: but just in case she is fucking with us what if we went in her closet and spilled fruit punch all over one of those fancy ass fits to get her back
waldorf: You're not stupid, but that idea is.
waldorf: What if we had to pay hundreds if not thousands of dollars to replace whatever you messed up for the sake of "getting her back" for something that might not even be happening?
statler: what if we stayed 10 feet away from her closets at all times
waldorf: Good idea.
waldorf: Now, the actual plan?
statler: RIGHT RIGHT BACK ON TRACK
statler: the plan...
statler: if you'll just come on my conveniently timed call... perhaps there will be more information revealed for your quest?
waldorf: You know you can ask me to call you like a normal person, right?
statler: why bother when i know you'll pick up anyway? ;)
statler started a call that lasted 2 hours
statler, waldorf
statler: so, recap!!
statler: allow me to set the scene. party. wednesday. we just kicked ass. we're still undefeated. everyone's hype.
statler: jackieshauna. we get them in the bathroom. jackie's a lightweight so that part will be ezpz. now. we get them in there. lock the door. wait.
statler: and we don't allow them out until we hear them sucking face or we get a good enough threat
waldorf: I'd rather not get threatened.
statler: let me finish!! i'm accounting for that
statler: now. this doesnt work of course. shauna threatens us in 5 minutes. and we let her out
statler: we allow her to escape with jackie in tow. yet she isn't truly free..
waldorf: You know I love your exposition, but not right now, please. Lottie's banging my metaphorical door down asking me if we've come up with something yet.
waldorf: Also, this 'plan' is sounding like you're trying to come up with something in 30 seconds or less. And failing.
waldorf: Really starting to wish we spent those 2 hours doing anything instead of making arbitrary tier lists and then arguing about them.
statler: FUCK OFF youre right i am trying to do that BUT IT'S A GREAT PLAN LET ME COOK
statler: hey arbitrary tier list making is a great pastime! i agree though we should've done that
statler: WAIT HOLD ON NEVERMIND DONT LET ME COOK BUT ALSO LET ME. CAUSE I JUST HAD A BETTER IDEA
statler: we could just say we're making them play some actual party game and lock them in there for that
waldorf: …
waldorf: I forgot there were real party games that involved locked rooms.
statler: are we stupid
waldorf: Maybe, but I think we make up for it by being hot and charming.
statler: hows it feel to be right all the time
waldorf: Pretty good.
statler: hell yeah! NEW PLAN WE'RE MAKING THEM SUMMON GHOSTS IN THAT BITCH and then we lock the door and hope they forget about the hypothetical ghosts and just go at it
waldorf: I don't see anything wrong with that, actually.
statler: exactly bro!! this can only go well
waldorf: I'm literally your girlfriend. Don't call me bro.
statler: sorry broseph ✌️
waldorf: Don't.
statler: brochacho
waldorf: I'm blocking you.
statler: nuh uh
statler, waldorf
statler: so
statler: i hate to say it! but it has not gone well come pick me up please
waldorf: Figures.
Notes:
helloo chat you guys can find me here as always! and if you read this far, thank you for coming to the great fish revival. this is my promise to getting back to replying to your comments. and maybe start editing my stuff. NOT TODAY THOUGH LMAOOOO HERES NAMES
-----
statler - van
waldorf - tai
van PALMER - self explanatory
prince matthews - lottie
Pages Navigation
ShrimpShrimpShrimp (Guest) on Chapter 1 Fri 21 Mar 2025 05:54PM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 1 Sat 22 Mar 2025 05:39AM UTC
Comment Actions
johnbender on Chapter 1 Fri 21 Mar 2025 10:02PM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 1 Sat 22 Mar 2025 05:40AM UTC
Comment Actions
johnbender on Chapter 1 Sat 22 Mar 2025 08:14PM UTC
Comment Actions
manilovefrogs7 on Chapter 1 Sat 22 Mar 2025 12:58AM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 1 Sat 22 Mar 2025 05:42AM UTC
Comment Actions
akiyamizu on Chapter 1 Sat 22 Mar 2025 01:38AM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 1 Sat 22 Mar 2025 05:46AM UTC
Comment Actions
akiyamizu on Chapter 1 Sat 22 Mar 2025 07:36PM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 1 Sun 23 Mar 2025 05:47AM UTC
Comment Actions
akiyamizu on Chapter 1 Sun 23 Mar 2025 06:13AM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 1 Thu 27 Mar 2025 10:23PM UTC
Comment Actions
akiyamizu on Chapter 1 Sat 29 Mar 2025 02:30PM UTC
Last Edited Sat 29 Mar 2025 02:31PM UTC
Comment Actions
problematiclesbian on Chapter 1 Sat 22 Mar 2025 04:07AM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 1 Sat 22 Mar 2025 05:51AM UTC
Comment Actions
presphobic on Chapter 1 Sat 22 Mar 2025 05:59AM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 1 Sun 23 Mar 2025 05:49AM UTC
Last Edited Sun 23 Mar 2025 05:49AM UTC
Comment Actions
M_Q on Chapter 1 Sat 22 Mar 2025 12:22PM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 1 Sun 23 Mar 2025 05:53AM UTC
Last Edited Sun 23 Mar 2025 06:04AM UTC
Comment Actions
lental on Chapter 1 Sat 10 May 2025 12:13AM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 1 Sat 10 May 2025 05:24PM UTC
Comment Actions
J_Kinrema87 on Chapter 1 Sat 31 May 2025 12:36AM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 1 Sat 31 May 2025 12:46PM UTC
Comment Actions
SomeDudeNamedAnthony on Chapter 1 Tue 15 Jul 2025 06:12PM UTC
Comment Actions
Loading... (Guest) on Chapter 1 Sat 16 Aug 2025 09:48PM UTC
Comment Actions
johnbender on Chapter 2 Thu 27 Mar 2025 06:25PM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 2 Thu 27 Mar 2025 10:17PM UTC
Comment Actions
johnbender on Chapter 2 Fri 28 Mar 2025 07:33AM UTC
Last Edited Fri 28 Mar 2025 07:40AM UTC
Comment Actions
M_Q on Chapter 2 Thu 27 Mar 2025 08:28PM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 2 Thu 27 Mar 2025 10:04PM UTC
Comment Actions
M_Q on Chapter 2 Thu 27 Mar 2025 10:07PM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 2 Thu 27 Mar 2025 10:26PM UTC
Comment Actions
M_Q on Chapter 2 Thu 27 Mar 2025 10:47PM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 2 Thu 27 Mar 2025 11:28PM UTC
Comment Actions
M_Q on Chapter 2 Thu 27 Mar 2025 11:33PM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 2 Fri 28 Mar 2025 08:39AM UTC
Comment Actions
M_Q on Chapter 2 Fri 28 Mar 2025 08:47AM UTC
Comment Actions
ThunderDique on Chapter 2 Thu 27 Mar 2025 08:37PM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 2 Thu 27 Mar 2025 09:49PM UTC
Comment Actions
ThunderDique on Chapter 2 Fri 28 Mar 2025 02:25AM UTC
Comment Actions
princessofshazabah on Chapter 2 Thu 27 Mar 2025 09:58PM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 2 Thu 27 Mar 2025 10:06PM UTC
Comment Actions
aspaceflash on Chapter 2 Fri 28 Mar 2025 07:20AM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 2 Fri 28 Mar 2025 08:31AM UTC
Last Edited Fri 28 Mar 2025 02:32PM UTC
Comment Actions
Drai675 on Chapter 2 Sat 29 Mar 2025 01:28AM UTC
Comment Actions
Drai675 on Chapter 2 Sat 29 Mar 2025 01:46AM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 2 Sun 30 Mar 2025 08:10PM UTC
Last Edited Sun 30 Mar 2025 08:38PM UTC
Comment Actions
Drai675 on Chapter 2 Mon 31 Mar 2025 01:12AM UTC
Comment Actions
manilovefrogs7 on Chapter 2 Sun 30 Mar 2025 05:13PM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 2 Sun 30 Mar 2025 08:19PM UTC
Comment Actions
manilovefrogs7 on Chapter 2 Sun 30 Mar 2025 10:09PM UTC
Comment Actions
akiyamizu on Chapter 2 Tue 01 Apr 2025 03:20PM UTC
Comment Actions
Anonymous Creator on Chapter 2 Tue 01 Apr 2025 08:27PM UTC
Comment Actions
akiyamizu on Chapter 2 Tue 01 Apr 2025 11:46PM UTC
Last Edited Tue 01 Apr 2025 11:46PM UTC
Comment Actions
SomeDudeNamedAnthony on Chapter 2 Tue 15 Jul 2025 06:28PM UTC
Comment Actions
Pages Navigation