Chapter Text
This was it. Everything changed today. Kanji had told me it would be fine. He said I needed to have faith in my friends. I suppose he's right, but there was always a chance they'd think of me as some kind of freak. If Kanji could hear my thoughts, he'd no doubt scold me. Looking at our usual table at Junes, my heart began to pick up in speed. Kanji must have noticed my hesitation in approaching, because my phone suddenly vibrated.
BunBun: Come on! It's gonna go great :)
I smiled after I read the message. After taking in a deep breath I made my way to the table. "Hey, she's finally here!" I bit my tongue. Yosuke-senpai meant nothing by it. There's no way he can know. That is why I've asked them to gather here today. "She tells us all to come here and she's late!"
Kanji gave Yosuke-senpai a small slap on the shoulder. "Come on, man. Maybe Naoto just got caught up in somethin'." I smiled at Kanji as I sat down. He already knows what I intend to share, and thankfully he's chosen to refrain from using pronouns when referring to me. "Now, what's up?"
All of my friends looked at me with intrigue. The prying eyes of them made me sink in on myself a bit, but a reassuring smile from Kanji helped me regain my confidence. "Now I'm sure you're all wondering why I've asked you all to meet here today, and though I will get to that, I first want to ask you all to keep an open mind."
"What's up, Naoto-kun?" Rise shifted her eyes at me. "What, are you and Kanji officially announcing you're dating now?"
I blushed as I shook my head. Kanji and I had been dating for a few weeks, but neither of us felt comfortable announcing that to the group yet. I looked over at my boyfriend and laughed a bit at the flustered look on his face. "No, it's not that, Rise-san." I cleared my throat. It's now or never. "It is regarding my gender."
"This again?" Chie raised an eyebrow at me. "Your shadow junk was over a year ago at this point."
I nodded. "Yes, well-"
"Yeah, you already accepted all that, right?" Yosuke laughed, "What's this about?"
"Well maybe they'd get it out faster if ya stopped interruptin' 'em!" Kanji slammed his hands on the table before looking at me. "Continue."
I pulled my hat down a bit in an attempt to hide the blush on my face. "Thank you, Kanji-kun. Now, if you noticed, when Kanji referred to me he used gender neutral pronouns. That was not an accident." I looked down at the table, afraid of the reactions on their faces. "I have told Kanji-kun already, but I believe myself to be non binary. I do not believe myself to be a man, or a woman. I am simply me, if that makes sense." I felt a squeeze on my shoulder, probably from my boyfriend. "I would like for you all to no longer refer to me with she/her pronouns. It would mean a lot to me if you could use gender neutral terms."
"So... wait a minute." I finally looked up, and what was waiting for me wasn't unexpected. Everyone had a look of confusion on their faces. Rise tilted her head in confusion. "But... you're a girl. Your shadow said-"
"Yeah." Yu-senpai spoke up. "Are you sure you aren't just confused?"
His words stabbed at my heart a bit. I imagined he would be the fastest to accept me. "I-I'm quite sure. Being a girl never felt right for me. I tried presenting as a man to circumvent that feeling, but that never felt quite right either." I looked around the table. Everyone but Kanji looked even more confused. "I simply... do not believe I have a gender."
"But you have to have one, right?" Yukiko attempted to offer me a look of sympathy, but it did little to help. "I think Yu-kun is right. I think you may be confused."
Chie nodded. "Yeah. You're not making any sense, Naoto-chan."
"I see that you're all confused, but-"
Yosuke suddenly laughed, "We're confused?" I glared at him. "You're just confused, Naoto. You're all in your head. Just like Kanji was last year!"
I was about to respond, but Kanji slammed his fist down on the table and grabbed my hand. "That's enough!" The color drained from everyone's face around the table, including mine. "They ain't confused! They're exactly who they say they are!"
Yosuke rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah? And how do you know that?"
"Because they're my partner, damn it!" Everyone gasped in shock, but I just gave his hand a squeeze. "And if ya can't accept 'em for who they are, yer all a lot less acceptin' then I expected."
Suddenly, Rise squealed. "Kanji! I knew you could do it! You've loved her for so long!"
"Them, damn it!" Kanji stood from his chair and I joined him.
"Maybe we should listen to Nao-chan." Out of everyone at the table, I didn't expect Teddie to be on my side. "I didn't know what I was for a long time. Maybe they were the same!"
"B-but..." Rise looked confused.
"No buts!" I did appreciate Kanji's anger, but all I could feel was despair. I thought these people cared about me. I thought they'd understand. I thought they'd-
"You're taking this way too hard, man." Yosuke sighed, "She's just confused, man. There's no need to get so pissed about it."
I looked around the table, and all of my friends had a look of confusion mixed with worry on their faces. Of course they wouldn't understand. How could they? How could I be so foolish? I quickly let go of Kanji's hand and began running to the elevator. I couldn't let them see me cry. I was nearly an adult.
"Hey! Wait a second!" I heard Rise's voice call out to me, but I didn't slow down. As soon as I stepped onto the elevator I let out a sob. As soon as I stepped off the elevator I broke off into a sprint towards my apartment. I needed a break from this dreadful world, and hopefully I could fall asleep before the weight of the afternoon fully hit me.
A few hours later while I was moping around in my bed, I heard a sudden knock at my front door. With a deep sigh I stood and slowly made my way through my tiny apartment. "Naoto? Ya there?" Ah, of course he'd visit tonight.
When I reached the front door, I instantly opened it and jumped into his arms. It must have caught him off guard because he instantly went completely rigid. "Please, come in."
"Y-yeah. 'Course." After he stepped into my apartment the two of us instantly made our ways to the couch. "Naoto I-"
"Where are my manners?" I stood, instantly missing his warmth. "Would you like anything to drink? Tea perhaps?"
He grabbed my hand and gave it a light squeeze. "I should be askin' you that. Today... well, it sucked."
I shrugged my shoulders. "I suppose so. I've been trying not to think about it."
He offered me a kind smile. "Ain't been workin' though, has it?"
I sank back down onto the couch with a sigh. "You know me far too well, dearest."
"Well?" He raised an eyebrow at me. "Wanna tell me what yer thinkin'?"
The me of the past would have likely declined speaking on my feelings, but for some reason I could never deny Kanji. "Well, it's complicated I suppose." I took in a deep breath. "Their lack of understanding wasn't unexpected, honestly. It doesn't make it less disheartening though."
Kanji began absentmindedly running his hands through my hair as I leaned into his touch. "It ain't fair though. You understand yerself way more than anyone else could. They should owe it to ya to respect yer choice."
"I agree." I sighed, "Perhaps it's only a matter of time. Hopefully they can get used to it sooner or later."
Kanji made a sound of agreement. "And if they don't?"
With another sigh I shrugged my shoulders. I knew it was a possibility they'd never accept me, but I wanted to have faith in them. "Then I suppose I would no longer consider them friends."
My boyfriend stopped running his hands through my hair and wrapped me in a hug. "I'm sure it won't come to that."
"And if it does?" I gulped. "I wouldn't want to make you choose between me and them."
"Are ya kiddin'?" He gave me a light squeeze. "Yer the most important person in the world ta me. If they can't accept ya... I can't see myself hangin' around 'em anymore."
My eyes widened. "Kanji..." Tears began to well up.
"I'm sure they'll accept ya. I have faith in 'em," he offered me another smile, "but even if they don't, I'll be here for ya. I love ya, no matter what yer gender is."
Chapter Text
The next week of school was a little awkward. Every time our friends looked at me I had to bite back my words. Every day me and Naoto would leave the school as soon as we could and head somewhere to do our homework. Usually it was back to their apartment, but sometimes we'd mix it up and head to the hill overlooking the town. I always liked heading up there with Naoto. The way the wind blew through their hair was so damn cute. Also side note, dating the smartest person in school is a blessing and a curse. They help me with my homework, but they expect me to actually do well on tests. I guess next exam we'll see if it really helped out.
Today though, Naoto had to go to Okina for some case they were working on. How they could balance the detective stuff with school was beyond me. God they're so amazing. Sadly though, I had jack shit to do today, so I decided to hang out at the riverbank and maybe do some fishing. Senpai taught me how last year and I think I've been getting pretty good at it. Today though, I wasn't catching shit. At least it's pretty out, I guess.
Suddenly though, I heard light footsteps from behind. I had an idea on who it was though. She'd been giving me puppy dog eyes all day. With a sigh and a cast out to the water I called her name. "Yo, Rise."
She came to sit down beside me. "Hey, Kanji. I didn't know you fished."
I shrugged my shoulders. "Eh. Just when I ain't got nothin' else to do."
"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow at me. "Naoto busy?"
I nodded. "Yeah. Had some business in Okina."
"I see." The two of us sat in an awkward silence for a while. Still didn't get any bites though. "Do you guys hate us now?"
Knew this would come up. I shook my head. "Nah. They're hurt though. They don't like to talk about it though. Seein' 'em hurt hurts me, I guess. Pisses me off too."
"I guess we were pretty rude to her the other day." I glared at her. "I mean them. Sorry."
"It ain't that hard, Rise. It's just a couple words."
Rise nodded. "I know." I could tell she was about to start crying. "If I could take back how I reacted I would."
"I ain't the one ya should be sayin' that to." I offered Rise a handkerchief that she took to wipe her eyes. "I'm sure they'd be happy to hear ya say that."
"Will they even want to talk to me?"
I nodded. "'Course they would. They're yer friend."
She went silent for another moment. After a couple of minutes I gave us on fishing for the day. They just weren't biting. "Do you think you could help me plan something?"
I raised my eyebrow at her. "What's that?"
"An apology party!" Rise wiped her eyes again. "I'll get everyone together, and we can all apologize to Naoto there."
I liked the idea, but I cringed a bit. "I take it you mean a surprise party?" Rise nodded. "Naoto ain't a big fan of surprises."
"Come on, Kanji!" She poked my side. "I can see that smile on your face. It'll go great!"
I wasn't sure why, but it seems Kanji has been avoiding me for the better part of a week. Every time I asked to accompany him after school he would say he had prior arrangements and quickly leave. To make matters more confusing, he was usually followed by Rise-san. I'd never assume Kanji was cheating on me, but him blowing me off to go somewhere with a girl does make me... worry.
As I watched them leave today though, I loudly cleared my throat. The pair turned to face me and the worry on Kanji's face almost made me regret my actions. "Y-yeah? What's up, Naoto?"
I tried to offer him a reassuring smile, but it didn't seem to work very well. "Would you like to come to my apartment to study? We do have exams coming up soon."
Kanji quickly looked at Rise. "Oh... uh.... We kinda had somethin' to work on."
Rise nodded. "Yeah. It's super important though!"
I looked down at the floor and nodded. "I understand. Well, I hope whatever it is goes well."
Kanji took a step towards me and put a hand on my shoulder. "I'd put it off if I could, seriously. I'll text ya later though!"
"Of course." I looked at him and forced a smile. "Talk to you then."
As I made my way to my apartment my mind ran a mile a minute. Kanji isn't cheating on you, you fool. He loves you far too much to ever do that, but why is he spending so much time with Rise-san? Has he decided he wants to be with someone normal? Perhaps he never accepted me to begin with. Perhaps he was merely telling me what I wanted to hear. After stopping I gave myself a firm slap. No. Kanji loves me. You need to remember that. Try to relax, and try to focus on something else.
He thinks you're a freak, Naoto. He doesn't want to be with you. Why can't you be normal? Your boyfriend hates you. Your friends hate you. You can never tell your grandfather. He'll disown you. Just be a girl. Be normal. Be a girl. You can be a girl. It isn't that hard.
But no. You aren't a girl. You can't be a girl. You can't simply lie to yourself. It wouldn't be fair. You've worked so hard for this already. Giving up is not an option.
It would be so much easier if you were a girl. Hell, it would be easier if you were a man. At least if you're a man they'd see you as something. As you are now, you're just a freak who fits into neither binary. You always had to be different from everyone else, didn't you?
bzzzz
I looked at my phone lying on my table next to my notebook. I knew who it was. He usually texts around this time. Without any further delay I checked the message.
BunBun: Hey.
BunBun: Sorry about blowing you off all week.
BunBun: Been busy with some stuff.
Busy, huh? Busy with something I can't know about? Busy with a girl everyone in the country would want to be with? After taking a deep breath I sent my reply.
Swan: K
I knew it came off as passive aggressive, but I couldn't bring myself to care.
BunBun: Are you mad at me?
I laughed.
Swan: U HAVNT BEEN ARND ENGH 2 MAKE ME MAD
I bit my lip. Perhaps that was too far.
After a moment with no response my phone began ringing. I instantly declined.
BunBun: I'm sorry.
BunBun: I know I ain't been around much lately.
BunBun: Lets talk. Please?
I bit my lip again, but this time it was out of frustration.
Swan: U BLW ME OFF ALL WEEK ND NOW U WNT 2 TLK?
Swan: I KNW WHT U ND RISE R DOING
Swan: SO DNT TRY 2 LIE 2 ME
BunBun: You do?
Swan: OF CRSE I DO IM NOT STPID
BunBun: I didn't think it'd make you mad.
Swan: Y? BCSE SHES NRML ND IM NOT?
Swan: IS IT BCSE SHE PUTS OUT?
I wiped a stray tear from my eye, but more quickly replaced it.
BunBun: What the hell are you talking about???
Swan: WHTEVR JUST LEAVE ME ALNE
Swan: U HVE BEEN GOOD @ THAT L8LY
I shut down my phone and laid my head down on my desk as sobs began escaping from my body. How could I have not seen it sooner? Why would anyone pick me over anyone else, especially someone like Rise Kujikawa? Maybe happiness was too much to hope for when it comes to someone like me.
Chapter Text
After around an hour of sulking I heard a loud knock at my front door. I assumed it was Kanji, but I was quickly proven wrong. "Naoto! Open the door!"
I yelled back from my couch, "Go away, Rise-san!"
"If you don't open this door I'm gonna break it down!" The knocks only increased in volume, so I made my way to the door. If I didn't answer one of my neighbors would likely call the police. I opened the door, but kept the chain attached. "You have some explaining to do!"
"I don't think I do. Now please, leave me alone."
Rise pushed the door open slightly. "You better believe you do!" I really wish she'd keep her voice down. "Do you know what Kanji told me?!"
"I can guess." I slammed the door shut. To hell with my neighbors.
"Naoto!" The knocking stopped. "Naoto please open the door." Silence. "Naoto, Kanji isn't cheating on you. We'd never, ever do that to you. Please open the door."
I let out a deep breath. Rise was my friend. I owe it to her to let her explain. With a small sigh I unlocked the door and removed the chain. "It's open."
After a moment the door opened and Rise stepped into the room. After she closed the door my heart sank a bit at the eyeshadow running down her cheek. "Naoto, I am so sorry."
"What have you and Kanji been doing behind my back?" Rise looked at the floor. "Please, be honest."
"... It was supposed to be a surprise. We didn't think it'd worry you."
"What is it, Rise-san?"
"We've been planning a party for you!"
... Oh.
"We've been talking with everyone and they're all really sorry and we just wanted to do something nice for you." Rise began pacing around. "I can totally see why you were worried now. If Senpai started hanging out with someone and started blowing me off I'd totally-" I wasn't sure what came over me, but I quickly grabbed Rise in a hug. "Naoto?"
"I'm so sorry for assuming you two were-"
"Don't apologize!" Rise sniffled. "Like I said, I'd get the same idea!"
"Yes, but-" I backed away and covered my face with my hands."I've been so childish. I need to call Kanji and apologize." I quickly pulled out my phone and pulled up my contacts.
"Bun Bun, huh?" I tried to ignore the heat rushing to my face. "Hey, I'm not judging!"
After pressing the call button, the answer came before the first ring could end. "Naoto I swear to God that there's nothin' goin' on between-"
"I know that, Kanji. Rise is with me now."
My boyfriend let out a sigh of relief, "Oh thank God. I am so sorry about everythin' and-"
"No, dear. It's me that has to apologize. I know you'd never-"
"But I've been blowin you off for-"
"But you were planning something for me-"
"I know how much ya hate surprises and-"
The two of us went silent until I said the first thing on my mind. "I love you so much, Kanji."
"I love ya too, Naoto!"
Beside me I could tell Rise was about to explode. "S-sorry. Rise-san is right beside me and-"
"You guys are so fucking cute! I can't take it! One sec! Naoto tell Kanji to get his ass over here."
Dumbfounded, I watched as Rise left the room. "Rise-san has requested your presence at my apartment."
Later in the night, I gazed over at a (what I assume to be pretending) sleeping Rise. The three of us had been up all night watching various films. Unfortunately, they had all been cheesy romances at Rise's request. As the credits rolled on the final one I let out a yawn. "Past yer bed time?"
I turned over to my boyfriend who was under the same blanket as me. "A bit, yes."
"Oh come on. I know ya stay up all night playin' those games on yer computer. How many hours you got in that one Featherman game?"
"... No comment." I leaned my head on his shoulder. "Tonight was fun."
"It was." He pressed a kiss on the top of my head. "Sorry I ain't been around much."
"As I said before, you have no reason to apologize, but if you really want to..."
Kanji playfully rolled his eyes. "Yeah yeah, what is it?"
"This party. I want details."
He sighed, "I'd love to give some, but I think someone is listenin'."
"No I'm nooooot. I'm totally asleeeeep."
"Come on, just a little bit?" I knew I was being childish, but I truly detest surprises.
"Fine. Ya get one question. Any more than that and I think Rise'll kill me."
"Where will it be held?"
Kanji's eyes darted toward Rise who gave a thumbs up. "Yukiko-senpai got her mom to rent out some of the inn for us."
I gasped, "She can't do that! I'd hate to take away business."
He shrugged his shoulders. "She said it wasn't a big deal. It ain't their busy season anyway."
"I suppose that's true, but I still feel horrible."
"Don't. Everyone wants to make it up to ya, Nao."
I felt my cheeks begin to warm up. "I know, but," I sighed, "I don't want everyone to feel as if they need to perform some grandiose gesture. A simple apology would suffice."
"Maybe just let your friends do something niiiiice. We wouldn't do this if we didn't want toooooo."
Kanji chuckled. "I'm startin' to think yer apartment is haunted."
"Perhaps an exorcism is in order then." I flicked Rise's arm before closing my eyes and maneuvering myself so my head was lying in my boyfriend's lap. "But for now, I believe it's time to get some rest."
"Y-yeah." Kanji began running his fingers through my hair. "G-goodnight, Nao."
Broxy386 on Chapter 3 Sun 24 Aug 2025 11:57AM UTC
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