VOID

by iceicebaby12

Summary:

First off… SPOILER ALERT. THIS STORY HAS SPOILERS.

 

This is set post-Thunderbolts... something about the New Avengers and Young Avengers butting heads over who gets to shape the future.
And in the middle of all that, Yelena and Kate finally cross paths again, and yeah... things get real tense and a little jealous.

 

_________________________________

Notes:

*

 

It’s just a fun little thing for now... a one-shot that might turn into something more down the line. But for now... let’s see where it goes.

 

Hope you dig it.

Chapter 1: Under Pressure

---

 

 

 

*

Being a professional assassin isn't glamorous. 

No matter what the movies show… you can’t always wear cool high heels, nice dresses, there’s no dramatic soundtrack behind my perfect jumps, and no one, absolutely no one, gives a damn that I jumped off the Merdeka , the second tallest building in the world. No one even knows I was in Asia… There was no slow-motion camera close-up catching my hair blowing in the wind as I blew up an entire floor of the Menara . No one will ever know my name in Kuala Lumpur… now they just know me as some shitty Avenger because Valentina set this whole thing up.

There’s no real purpose in having accepted it. Or maybe I just forgot what it felt like to have one. I didn’t see any of this as a mission anymore, I guess… not this current theater… and not all those empty, meaningless side gigs I’ve taken on lately.

I’ve taken some truly stupid jobs these past few months. Disarming arms dealers in Madagascar, chasing a rogue agent in Iceland, taking out a dictator who was already half-dead. All of it soulless. All of it pointless. Just cleaning up the trash…

No. It wasn’t about following orders anymore.

It was about surviving with as little pain as possible…

It was about keeping myself busy…

No… it wasn’t about the missions anymore… The missions stopped being missions . They turned into excuses. A show. A fucking illusion. Just a way to keep moving so I wouldn’t sink.

Two Christmases ago, I got my last real mission… It was simple: find and eliminate Clint Barton. Yeah. Clint Barton. The Avenger with the ridiculous hair, the permanent guilt-trip face, and the aim that almost rivals mine.

Clint and Natasha's story is a long one… The Red Room didn’t tolerate deserters. Natasha Romanoff — my sister — was marked as a traitor. She ran until she found a home among those shitty heroes. Apparently, Clint’s mission was to eliminate her, but he hesitated… gave her a chance… Yeah… years ago, he supposedly saved my sister — which, I admit, might have earned him a few extra seconds of life he had left — but my report was clear. Barton was there when Natasha fell. When she — my Natasha — lost her life, instead of sending in some of the more durable idiots in her place.

He came back and she didn’t.

“Maybe you’d like to take a look at the man responsible for your sister’s death…” Valentina whispered, almost motherly, by my sister’s grave as she handed me the dossier during my time off. “He let her die. You can fix that.” She baited me.

And I believed her. Me, a loyal survivor of a system that trained us to kill before we could even think…  I did what I was programmed to do… obey. It was Valentina’s intel, but whatever… I was… maybe still am… going through a rough patch… The point is, I turned my pain into a goal, my grief into a mission, and went hunting. But of course nothing can ever be simple, right? Not with all the blood on my hands… obviously I had some… or a lot of… karma to pay.

I planned everything. Infiltration. Disguise. Blind spots in the security cameras. Entry codes for the party venue… his hotel comings and goings… everything about his routine with the kids in the city. I even evaluated the threat level of his wife…a former elite agent … could pose. It would’ve been easy… I just didn’t plan on the dumbass who stole the fucking Ronin suit and wrecked my entire mission.

Kate Bishop.

Technically, everything about her running into me makes her the exception in my line of work. 

Congrats, Kate. You got yourself a goddamn Christmas miracle.

Except… that miracle cursed me. Because somewhere between weird-ass conversations, mac and cheese, and a surprisingly fun fight… ever since then, everything that was supposed to feel right just feels... off. The missions kept coming. The blood kept flowing. The violence didn’t go away. But me? I was becoming more and more… hollow.

Not the kind of empty you fill with chocolate or overpriced therapy. Watching Sex and the City sure as hell didn’t teach me how to function. It was more like… a bottomless pit dug into my mind. Like drowning in a sea of vodka. A kind of echo that answered whenever I thought about who I was before… I turned into a walking weapon with a passport full of fake names and a kill list I stopped counting a long time ago.

And it’s that echo that haunts me now. Because the truth is… deep down, I think I remember…

Not who I was… but what it felt like to care…

Not that I had many points of comparison back then… but at least in the Red Room, the pain made sense. It was math. A stimulus, a response. Punishment was a tool, not a whim. There was method to their madness. They didn’t just want to punish us — they wanted to shape us. Twist the past until nothing of us remained, except what they decided to preserve. A new name. A new mission. A new program. And in the end? It worked. It worked so well I became exactly what they wanted. A bundle of conditioned responses. A body trained to kill that reacts with violence before even questioning if it should. A reflex.

And now…? Now I work for the government. Supposedly “ redeemed .” That word has lost all flavor, all weight, all meaning. “ Redemption ” feels like a half-assed sticker slapped over a hole in my chest.

Working for Valentina never felt honest … it felt like fancy blackmail. That bitch threw me into the fire like I was human trash… stacked up and fully disposable. Like my life was just a technicality. A footnote in some classified report. And still… in the middle of the bitterness clogging my throat like rust, there was something that made it all worth it.

This goddamn dysfunctional group. The Thunderbolts. A patchwork of broken super soldiers, half-baked science experiments, assassins in rehab, and disillusioned patriots… people who think explosives fix trauma and that leadership means yelling louder than everyone else in a room full of overinflated egos. And guess what? I’m the one who yells the loudest. The loudest. The most unbearable. The one everyone hears because they don’t have a choice.

“Shut up and follow my orders, or we’re all gonna die!”

I’ve screamed that so many times, it’s basically my catchphrase.

But deep down... they're okay now. Or maybe I'm the one who changed. I accepted them. And somehow, they’ve accepted me too. That’s... new. Weird. Almost bearable.

And still... I don’t feel anything I think I’m supposed to feel. I don’t feel magically connected to these people. It’s not like my theatrical dad used to yell, drunk on ideology and desperation, at the top of his lungs every time we were together: “Thunderbolts!” No. Now we’re the damn New Avengers . And yeah, I still think that title gives us too much credit, lets us off the hook too easily… but at the end of the day, I accepted it… I even wanted something like this… because we… this misfit bunch… this gang of loose ends… we’re good at being bad together.

We don’t know anything major, really. Just like my Thunderbolts back in Ohio... and maybe that’s exactly why we work. Or at least, I think that’s why. We suck at trusting. But we’re damn good at surviving. And maybe... just maybe... that’s what makes us amazing. Not in the shiny, heroic sense of the word. But amazing in the messy, human, imperfect way of always coming back to cover each other’s backs.

There’s this feeling at the back of my mind telling me I should follow in my sister’s footsteps… that I should listen to people like... Kate Bishop... and her annoying save-the-world sermon. Maybe… But that thought gets shoved out of my head the moment it shows up.

So I keep things strictly professional... Rigorously functional. No room for sentiment. Because I still feel sick every time I realize I don’t really have anything to fight for. Nothing to hold on to. That faint urge to stick my head in an oven and just let the gas do its magic hits me every damn time I think about how my sister sacrificed herself for the fucking world.

Maybe Bob was the one good thing that came out of all this... and that, I’ll never regret… Just like I can list every single one of Kate Bishop’s flaws, but I’ll never be able to deny that, in so many ways, she brought me back to life.

Bob… he’s so pure he makes me feel like a burnt-out lightbulb next to a Christmas tree. Always smiling, always a bit lost, always ready to say something dumb with those puppy-dog eyes. He’s the opposite of everything I am. He’s everything I’m not. And that’s why he pisses me off. Throws me off balance…

Because he reminds me... of her .

The girl who never shuts up. The girl who made me keep a burner phone for the past two years, just because she keeps sending me pics of the one-eyed dog, useless updates, silly videos, and handmade arrow tips like she’s talking about the damn weather.

She was the girl who made me laugh... in the middle of a goddamn interrogation. With that awkward vibe and a completely offbeat comment about being relieved she didn’t have to kill me, she cut the tension like it was barbed wire. And it wasn’t just that — she almost made me cry. Right there, in front of her, when I talked about my sister out loud for the first time since losing her. And don’t let me forget the slap. A clean, sharp smack across my face, with that passionate intensity that only someone truly pissed off... or truly alive... can deliver.

But it was more than that. Way more. Because she... she was the first person who looked at me like I wasn’t a walking weapon. Like I wasn’t an experiment, or a shadow, or some half-finished mission. She looked at me like I was... human. In every sense of the word. With all the flaws. All the broken parts still throbbing.

Before her, everything was black and white. Mission or failure. Order or defiance. Death or survival. A cruel binary, where I was just a barcode with legs and lethal training. After her… and after Bob… the world got layers. The edges blurred. I started to see the gray. The blurry zones. The contradictions that live between right and necessary… I started to feel things… And fuck… 

It hurt...

But still... doesn’t feel… enough.

There’s a part of me… maybe the part that still believes in some twisted form of redemption… that just wants to be seen again… that wants to be looked at the way she looked at me… the way Bob looks at me…

But… letting someone see you, when all you’ve got inside is broken glass, loose wires, and tortured memory… That’s not exactly a Christmas present wrapped in a red bow. It’s more like grabbing someone by the hand, dragging them into an emotional meat grinder, shoving them in... and whispering “sorry” way too late.

The Thunderbolts are used to this numb version of me. Hell, I think they prefer it this way. Fewer questions. Fewer emotions. Fewer ties. They feel safer when you act like a pinless grenade — predictably unpredictable. But Bob… Bob looks at me differently. He talks to me.

Calls me “Lena” like it’s a sweet nickname and not the name of some Russian grandma who makes Kvass in the winter. He tries to understand me. And that’s dangerous… because part of me wants to let him.

Part of me wants someone to see me again. But letting someone see who I am inside is like inviting them to walk barefoot across the shattered pieces of me. Not a single day goes by without me remembering how Kate looked at me when she had her arrow aimed straight at my chest. Not scared. Just... curious. Like she was trying to figure me out. Like she wanted to understand.

Who does that?

Who looks at a monster and wants to talk?

Maybe someone who never learned to run from broken people.

Maybe someone who still believes in the shards.

I’ve been dreaming about her lately… Weird dreams. Loud ones. Full of conversations that probably never will happen. Today, in my dream, she asked me what I wanted out of life. I said, “An apartment with a view of the end of the world.” She smiled and said she could make all my wishes come true. And in the dream, I smiled back. Not that rehearsed smile I use to mask trauma or distract my targets. A real smile… And then I jumped off a cliff… 

And Bob… held my hand, pulling me back into the real world.

I woke up startled. "Dude, you really need to stop coming into my room and... into my damn dreams..." I groaned, completely annoyed that my new friend had zero social awareness when it came to invading my naps.

“Sorry… it’s just… I like her… I like when you dream about her… you always seem… happy… and you say her name… Kate, right?” he mumbled apologetically, hands raised, before sitting on the floor beside me like he was waiting to be punished.

The images flooded my mind. The horrors he had lived through. The emptiness. The abandonment. The violence that left scars only I seemed to notice and I instantly regretted my harsh tone.

“It’s okay…” I muttered with a loud yawn, and he sighed, his shoulders relaxing before quickly opening two beers for us with his cool-ass powers. I scrunched up my face at the drink—and at the fact that he was even offering it to me.

Ever since I took on the responsibility of looking after this guy, my wings and protective instinct have been focused on keeping us from painting the town in black shadows all over again. Don’t even get me started on the fact that one of the little rides through the memories Evil Bob gave me, includes an image of me drunk enough to stop wanting to live… so yeah… this is something I usually avoid.

“What did we say about beers?” I asked, already taking a big swig.

“I know… we need to remember our vices so we don’t destroy ourselves—or world…” he recited like a bored existentialist boy scout, and I smiled, ruffling his hair. He sighed like he was truly content, and I felt even more at ease with the calming presence of this sweet man. It was always easy with him…

Whatever had gone down between him and Valentina had been lost in his scrambled mind, but the files and clippings I took with me the night we almost got killed told me enough to know what to expect from him. It wasn’t everything. Not even close. It didn’t scratch the surface of what they’d done to him.

Still, even with all of it, I wasn’t afraid to face him. There was no fear in being by his side—not even when his eyes would drift off into nothing, or when he went quiet for way too long. Somehow, I knew he really wanted to talk to me. And more than that— I felt heard. For now… that was enough.

“So… I was just coming to get you for a beer… and when I touched you… it was the abyss again… I had to wake you up… I’m sorry…” he apologized shyly, and I sighed, frustrated by how much power he had over me. In so many ways, it’s like having my mind controlled again… and I really hate that. Losing control. The vulnerability… but again… it’s just Bob.

“I accept your apology… I…” My words came out shaky, almost a whisper. “I don’t know what happens… it’s always the same… I dream about her… and at first, it’s fine… calm, beautiful. But then, out of nowhere, that abyss… that damn void…” I rubbed my face hard, as if I could scrub away the images burned into my memory. As if I could erase the metallic taste of fear climbing up my throat.

“I’m so sorry, Lena… I wish I could make it better for you… but I don’t know how…” he apologized again, like he always did. Even a tiny kitchen cut from one of my knives would get the same kind of guilt speech. Evil Bob might have a god complex and think he’s some all-powerful being… but my Bob— the one I see as a brother—he’s all about trying to make things better.

He carries the weight of the world on his back, and still bends down just to help me pick up a spoon from the floor.

“ Brat … this isn’t about you… and while I do like that you care about me… and think you’re some kind of epic Golden Avenger/Sentinel energy machine… this isn’t about that… ” I reassured him—maybe more myself than him.

“Having all these powers and not being able to use them for anything useful… it’s not as cool as it sounds, you know?” he scratched the back of his neck and gave that awkward smile of someone who always feels smaller than they actually are.

“Bob, you’re still in training… you have to learn to use and control your powers… but you’re already great at break-ins… at crazy escape plans… and you’re the best damn bubble-burster we’ve got…” I listed off everything awesome about him, but he cut me off, totally serious.

He raised a brow, pretending to be offended. “Hey! You forgot my most legendary skill… doing the dishes after you cook! You’re like a hurricane hitting the kitchen. Every pot, every utensil, every single plate…”

I couldn’t hold back my laughter. “I’m an artist. Geniuses make messes.” I said, throwing my arm around his shoulders and pulling him close.

“See? That’s the point… we all have our missions… Walker thinks he protects us by yelling military catchphrases like we’re in some crappy ‘90s movie… Ava’s always trying to back us up from every form of bullying… she’s weirdly fair about it too… roasts us all equally… Dad keeps us… motivated… and Bucky… well… Bucky’s got a cool arm…” I teased, sticking a finger in his ear.

“And what about you?” he asked, curious.

“I’m just the tortured charm of a damn rockstar and the undeniable beauty of this team… but without you, we’d just be Wish.com Avengers eating like savages… with our hands…” I went on, gesturing like I was shoving imaginary food into my mouth like a caveman.

Bob’s watery smile made me cup his cheeks gently. “Just smile, idiot… we’re everything you never dreamed of… your best nightmare… You’re the strongest damn Shit Avenger that’s ever lived.”

The laugh that burst from his chest filled the room, and I pinched his belly while giggling myself. “Shut up or we'll have Ava judging my seasoning, Walker preaching protein, and Bucky questioning why the food’s not canned… I swear… the man still acts like German planes are flying over our heads…” I said, standing up and pulling him to his feet. “Come on, let’s go. You hungry?”

The pleasant moment with Bob made me forget… just for a while… all the pain. Being with Bob was like finally breathing after being underwater for too long. But the moment I left him at his door, the emptiness came rushing back. That same emptiness that haunted me even before Bob dragged me into hell. 

It settled in again… cold, silent, cruel.

It’s like… somehow… it’s part of me now. Like it seeped into who I am. The others said they feel it too sometimes… and they do everything they can to never feel it again… but for me, it never left. It’s with me all the time. The darkness is still there. Almost like I could reach out and touch it. 

Like the emptiness had roots inside me.

*

Ah, the irony… that vindictive little bitch…

After years of being trained to kill with surgical precision, no hesitation, no emotion… now here I am, just another pawn in a political game, a puppet in the hands of someone who lies better than I breathe.

Valentina...

Just hearing her name makes my jaw clench. My hatred for her isn’t even a reaction anymore… it’s a state of being. A solid, cold feeling, etched into my soul. I didn’t kill her, and everyone in that room knew why. The reasons were obvious. One of them… the cruelest and most honest… was the same one that made me want to peel that bitch’s skin off, one layer at a time, until she was raw and bleeding.

Right now, Bob was trembling beside me. His sweaty forehead rested on my shoulder like my body could somehow shield him from her disgusting presence. He was clearly hiding from the woman’s sickening gaze.

“Good morning, my Avengers…” she said in her most fake-ass voice and I scoffed. Forced. Disgusting. Out loud, not even trying to hide my contempt. Bob shrank even more.

“To what do we owe the displeasure of your presence?” Walker barked, slamming his ridiculously long-barreled pistol down on the table like he was staking his claim—an imaginary line of protection for Bob. He looked genuinely affected by being part of Bob’s nightmare, understanding the kind of father Bob had. His attitude had shifted to something almost paternal… which was good. Bob needs us. And John needs to understand where he failed as a father…

“It’s meeting day… as always… it’s Wednesday… you know… on Wednesdays, we become heroes… ” she cackled, clapping her hands like a damn fool. Her assistant, Mel, waved at all of us like she was actually happy to see us.

“The only real hero here is Mel, for putting up with you, Valentina.” Ava sighed with a playful grin, fist-bumping the girl. Mel returned it with a knowing little smile.

“Nah, you guys are my heroes…” The girl smiled, giving Bob a shy wave. He blushed as he waved back, clearly embarrassed by the attention.

“I’m always honored to welcome such a distinguished and elegant lady to our humble abode… care for a drink?” Alexei boomed, way too theatrical and flirty, arms wide open in his usual showmanship. His accent felt even thicker—on purpose. He loved being there, at the Stark Tower, taking up space that once belonged to real legends—his words.

Part of the deal that was forced on all of us—including Valentina—was that we’d keep up the ridiculous charade she created by outing us as the new Avengers, but only if she played by our rules. It was more like me threatening her before we could be held accountable by the swarm of media. But as soon as we were alone with her, we made it crystal clear: this was going to go our way. She was no longer the one pulling our strings.

“Oh please, Santa… stop hitting me with those awful pickup lines…” Valentina rolled her eyes at my dad’s dumb flirting, making all of us laugh and roll our eyes too. At least on that, she and I agreed.

“An old man like me will always have a compliment for a lady… but I’m glad you reminded me—you’re not one.” Alexei said, in a rare flash of seriousness that made all of us choke on our laughter and yell at him.

“It’s just like Ohio again, Daddy…” I joked, and he moaned in that weird way of his.

“Oh, my little one… I love that you love me enough…” he whined, nearly in tears, pulling my head against his chest.

I groaned loudly, pushing away from his arms and his rank armpits. “Jesus Christ, man… tone the love down… how long’s it been since you showered?” I scolded.

He sighed, crossing his arms in another one of his rare sulking fits. He gets all sensitive now when I’m harsh. “You know you don’t need to come at your old daddy like that… I’ve just been busy… with marketing…”

“Dear God… didn’t you say he’s not even your real dad?” Ava said, tossing her stylish boots on the table. “Then why the hell does he pout exactly like you, Yelena?”

“I don’t know how it happened, honestly… I barely spent time with him before he handed me over to Dreikov like a gift…” I shrugged, leaning back in my chair again. 

Bob leaned back into me, and I tugged a handful of his hair to get a look at his face. “Hey… you don’t need to hide… Valentina has zero power over you…” I whispered.

Before he could answer, Valentina’s venomous voice cut through the moment.

“Don’t be stupid… of course I have power over him…” she said, proudly flashing the device she keeps tucked into her chest every time Bob’s around. He looked pale, and I quickly turned his gaze back to my shoulder.

The negative energy charge… so far the only known weakness in Bob besides his own self-loathing… had been adapted into a taser-like weapon. She claimed it delivered the same kind of electrical particles Thor uses. Whatever the hell it was, it made Bob collapse instantly. The thing is… even she’s afraid to use it. Mel told us that the only time Valentina fired that weapon, The Void, the dark version of Bob or just Evil Bob, took over and nearly caused a disaster.

Let’s just say that threat of hers… it’s more aimed at us than at Bob. It’s like another arms race. She’s got a nuclear bomb she can’t use… and we’d have a much bigger problem on our hands if Bob lost control again. We all would. And honestly, I didn’t know how much longer we could keep this cold war going…

“You can hurt me… temporarily…” Bob’s deep voice filled the room like something ancient had just awakened.

The energy in the room shifted and I tensed up instinctively.

“But I’ve told you before, and I’ll say it again…” he whispered, turning fully toward Valentina, his eyes narrowed, voice dragging like a storm rolling in. “I don’t recognize you as someone worthy of controlling me.” I knew exactly whose voice that was.

It felt like a gust of wind had just blown through the room. Valentina took a deep breath, but she didn’t dare talk back. She knew exactly who she was dealing with.

“Bob… don’t take the bait…” I begged, my voice low, trying to balance between warning and calming. “That’s what she wants… let’s hear what she has to say and then she’ll leave…”

Then I looked at her with the resolve of someone who’s been to hell and lived to tell the tale. “And you, Valentina… even if Bob paints the whole damn world in shadow again… I’ll still make sure I torture you before I help him one more time…” I growled, and she lifted her chin—defiant, but hesitant.

“That is… if I don’t convince him to trap you in the prison of your own mind… I don’t know if he ever took you there during your time with him… but I promise you… it’s not pleasant…” I threatened completely. Something flickered in her eyes. A longer blink, a slight shiver.

She knew. And she’d cut any deal to avoid going back there. I felt it.

“Looks like she does know how bad it is, Blondie…” John said with a lazy half-smile, leaning back on his elbows against the table, clearly enjoying the woman’s discomfort. “And honestly? I’d pay good money to see it. To see what the hell makes that bureaucratic antichrist shake like that.”

Valentina pretended to adjust her briefcase, avoiding eye contact. But there was a subtle tremble in her hands. She tried to keep her cool, but the impact was showing.

“I know I’m not exactly your favorite person…” she started, trying to keep some dignity in her voice as she pulled documents from her folders and handed one to each of us. “but we’ve got official business… urgent even… that needs to be handled.”

She snapped her fingers, calling Mel. The girl’s expression showed she was just as caught off guard as we were.

Valentina’s shaky hands were a clear sign she’d been rattled by the conversation. One day, maybe I’ll push Bob into her memories just enough to find out what she fears. She cleared her throat, snapping me out of my containment planning.

“Bucky’s arriving with our guests soon…” Valentina resumed, adjusting her blouse collar. “but I can get started… it’s just—” And then the door opened and a bunch of what looked like teenagers barged into the room.

I turned just in time to see none other than Kate Bishop walk through the door, closing it behind her and stopping right beside Sam and Bucky. She looked calm as she met my eyes, but her mouth thinned quickly like she was just as surprised and annoyed to see me. I simply gave her a polite nod.

“Sorry we left you alone with Valentina…” Bucky said with a smile as he headed to the coffee machine like this was just another normal Wednesday.

I hadn’t taken my eyes off Kate Bishop’s now-quiet, imposing figure. Very different from the flashy, chatty girl I once knew. Now she was more restrained, more rigid… and maybe more dangerous because of it.

“We’re here to talk about the Young Avengers… Katherine Bishop, who some of you may already know, will—” Sam started, proudly and with a teasing tone, but Bucky cut him off with a loud scoff.

“I already told you we’re the New Avengers… it’s out there… everyone knows it… this isn’t about that…” He defended us like the grumpy old leader he really is.

It wasn’t a secret that, after the little applause we got on the day of the Bob incident, our popularity hadn’t exactly skyrocketed. Are we a bunch of outcasts with some powers, some super soldier serum? Yeah, we’re gorgeous freaks. Depressed as hell? Absolutely! Improv heroes? Maybe. But spokespeople for hope? Hell no.

We still felt like a crew of crazy misfits who could save the day but couldn’t manage a halfway decent interview to save our own asses. The idea of any of us doing a press conference without sparking an international incident was… laughable. Again, hilariously ironic. We’re just so damn charismatic… well… too charismatic to be taken seriously… or too serious to be likeable? I don’t know the answer—and frankly, I don’t think I need to…

OH… maybe that’s the vibe… maybe I did say that in some interview…

I sighed, digging into one of the pockets on my uniform for my notes, scribbling quickly with stars and underlines for emphasis.

***Avoid saying ‘frankly I don’t think I need to.’ in interviews. ***

The kids were just that… kids. Jeans, t-shirts, sneakers, looking around at us with wide eyes, touching random stuff, annoyingly unfocused, whispering and laughing among themselves… absolutely no threat at all. I scanned the group, realizing they were behaving just like regular kids. Maybe they were just Kate’s friends…

She looked like she’d come to a business meeting in a sleek, casual suit that fit her way too well…

Is Kate Bishop joining us?

Do I want that?

I didn’t really get time to figure that out because then I heard Kate Bishop’s voice calling everyone’s attention.

“Hello, everyone…” she began, walking confidently to the front of the room. “I’m here today because we’ve got a court order and a statement from the marketing department.”

She opened the folder she brought and pulled out papers that looked a lot like the ones Valentina had handed us just moments ago.

“And this statement, along with the rest of the documentation, confirms that you can no longer use the ‘Avengers’ legacy name.”

She looked us straight in the eyes, a spark of challenge in her gaze. “…and that your current branding hasn’t been effective…”

Dad looked offended but I shut him up with a look.

She took a step forward and handed out the documents one by one with the same chill a judge has when reading out a sentence.

“…therefore… we… the Young Avengers… will officially be taking on the title.” She said proudly—and my eyebrows were practically disappearing into my hairline.

“So, what now? You’re a bureaucrat like Valentina? Are you serioulsy suing us? I knew you wanted to be an Avenger, but this sounds… desperate…” I smirked, raising my voice over the rising noise of the kids, my dad, Ava, and Walker.

“This isn’t as simple as you think... being an Avenger is way more than just red tape... infinitely more than just blowing things up the way you guys have been doing... The point is... It should’ve been us, not you, and this whole stunt cooked up by Ms. DeFontaine... You, for instance... you didn’t even want to be an Avenger...” she said, reactive and venomous, and I smiled with all my teeth, even though her words hit me hard.

I needed to, and I would, fire back—so she wouldn’t see how much that actually got to me. Just like the slap she gave me in that damn elevator.

“Oh, so you’re mad I made it to the Avengers before you?” It was an honest jab. Mostly because I know I’m right in that accusation.

Not that she was wrong in hers... she knows how much I hate this whole hero crap... heard it straight from my mouth back in her half-burned apartment... nearly got herself killed by my blind hatred for an Avenger... she knows I’d never choose to be one of them... and even though she didn’t know I asked Valentina for something public ... I’m pretty sure she picked up on it in our talk—that I couldn’t handle that kind of spotlight.

Still, teasing the pretty girl was nice… Once this shitshow of a meeting was over, I’d talk to her... I might even apologize if I had to... but for now... I just wanted to piss her off a little.

“If you play nice, maybe I’ll let you hang with us, Kate Bishop...” I offered, all sly and smug.

Kate’s eyes locked on mine like I’d just insulted her ancestors. Those eyes were sharp, her shoulders shaking with sheer indignation. But then her gaze shifted and I saw her rage tick up a level... Her eyes were now on Bob, still resting his head on my shoulder like a tired kid after a day at the amusement park.

I touched his hair lightly... It was... comforting. And also deeply unsettling. He trusted me, let himself be vulnerable—he always brought out something protective in me... That’s why the way Kate’s eyebrows scrunched in disgust, like she was witnessing something foul, made me scrunch mine too.

“I don’t have any doubts about who I am like you do, Yelena...” she began, voice steady, full of barely-digested drama. “While you seem lost in the world... I am a legacy... An Avenger... the leader of the Young Avengers initiative.” She spat the words and tore her gaze from Bob like he was nothing, locking it back on me, now composed again in her fury. Then she turned her back to me with all the grace of a diva, stopping right in front of the... kids?

Oh...

OH!

Young... I mean... these kids?

My laugh started soft, a snorty little wheeze, kinda like that asthmatic guinea pig I rescued in Malaysia that now lives in my room. Then it snowballed fast—me snorting like an actual big pig, which quickly spiraled into a full-on smoker’s cackle, the kind that sounds like it’s channeling the spirit of a Russian babushka who survived the Cold War and a decade without vodka.

Ava and Walker stared at me like I’d officially lost it, and maybe I had, because I pointed at the kids like I’d seen the light. “Young... Young ... baby Avengers.” I said dramatically, waving at them until Ava’s eyes went wide—and then she let out a laugh-snarl of her own.

Walker snorted, joining in, and I turned to Bob. “You heard that, Bob... if you lose it again... and go all apocalypse mode... they ...” I said, barely able to breathe through the laugh. “ These kids ... these mini-superheroes are gonna stop you! Can you believe that?!”

“Oh... OH! Them?” Bob said, genuinely rattled. “I don’t think that—” My friend tried to reason but was cut off by another one of Ava’s wolfish cackles echoing through the room.

And before he could finish, Kate Bishop sliced through the tension in the room like a shard of ice. She pulled a retractable sword from her back in one clean motion, the vibranium humming with a dangerous vacuum as she aimed it directly at Bob... and time seemed to freeze for a second.

Then, like a flash, Ava phased, her body flickering between solid and intangible, appearing behind Kate, her fingers already curled around the archer’s throat before she could react. Kate’s strangled gasp echoed as Ava’s ghostly hand yanked her backwards.

At the same moment, Walker moved like a coiled spring. In seconds, his pistol was pressed right to Sam Wilson’s temple. The cold click of the hammer echoed like distant thunder.

My dad, of course, just watched it all unfold like he was front row at a live Soviet parade. He’s such a showoff. The Soviet version of Kate Bishop . Even when one of the boys punched him square in the face, he didn’t flinch… just turned to me, amused, not even bothering to hit back. “See, Doch’ ... they’ve got a mini super soldier... Aren’t they adorable?!” Alexei said, arms crossed proudly, still looking at the kids like they were puppies playing with grenades.

Under the table, one of the girls… a maybe indian one smiled at me and tilted her head in that dramatic way you only see in movies… those classic Bollywood features… Then she summoned solid crystal bridges that cracked and grew toward Ava. The crystals sparkled under the light, gripping Ava’s wrist—but Ava wasn’t fazed... she turned intangible again instantly, slipping out like smoke until she stood face-to-face with the girl.

“I told you that wouldn’t work.” Bucky groaned, nudging John, who reluctantly eased off the trigger. Sam looked pissed.

“Why the hell do you always go after me first, dumbass?” he muttered, shoving John, who didn’t look the slightest bit sorry as he mumbled “Old habits...”

One of the girls opened a portal beside my dad and sent him flying across the room, while another kid conjured... something... and built a shield around himself and another boy who was now... green? What the actual hell are these weird-ass kids?

I was still trying to process what the hell all these powers were when Kate had her sword raised again. This time, the blade shimmered dangerously close to Bob’s throat, and he was completely frozen. His panic was thick in the air, radiating like a destabilizing magnetic field. The lights were flickering, the temperature dropping fast... One more minute of this and he’d either cry or drag us into some twisted nightmare.

I stood up fast beside him, facing Kate, who hadn’t taken her eyes off Bob for a second.

“You think you're some kind of god…” Kate growled, her voice barely above a whisper, but every syllable dripped with venom, carefully distilled. “I’ve heard the rumors… But don’t think for a second I wouldn’t die trying to end everything about you. Not even Yelena will be able to protect you if you ever threaten my city again.” She finished her threat staring deep into my eyes.

Did she just threaten me?

Who the hell does this girl think she is?

The girl I literally let live like a late Christmas gift?

Oh, Archer Barbie… no… just no… nope and no.

I took a deep breath, quickly deciding what I really want… what I need … right now… A… I don’t wanna talk to Kate Bishop right now… B… I want Sam to explain everything to me and the big C… I don’t want the buzzing of these little enhanced shits all around, so I did what a Black Widow would do.

Without warning, I fired a Widow’s Bite straight into Kate’s neck. The jolt made her body twitch with a choked scream. She hit the ground before her knees even had time to react. Before the others could even move, I was already in motion. A quick spin, and I rolled under Bob’s arms, sliding like oil on hot metal. One of the kids came at me, the little soldier boy… fast, even strong… but a kick to his chest slammed him into the wall like a battering ram. He got a Widow’s Bite of his own… just enough to put him to sleep for a little longer.

I zapped every cocky brat who looked scared and wasn’t using their powers anymore with my special Widow's Bite against enhanced, a treat I gave myself as soon as we had access to Valentina's technology, a full-charge shot straight to the floor beneath them, dropping them like flies… because I wasn’t about to sit around and wait to see which one of them, besides Kate and Little Soldier, thought they had the guts to test me.

The trickiest one was that girl who can shrink and grow. She even tried to crawl under the table. She was skilled, clever… but not enough. Two precision-guided shots with high-voltage bites… one to the shoulder, one to the base of her spine, solved my problem neatly. She stumbled, her eyes blinking slowly before she collapsed like a rag doll… also sent gently off to power nap time.

There… the Little Shits have been put down for a nap by Auntie Yelena…

“Yelena, for God’s sake… they’re just kids!” Sam whined, completely stunned at the sight of everyone knocked out. I sighed, looking at Kate Bishop at my feet, tidying her legs with mine with some dignity before stepping into Bob’s line of sight… he looked shocked, stiff as a board, eyes wide like he’d just witnessed a massacre.

“Hey, Bob, I need you to breathe, man… they needed to be neutralized, and I really don’t like when someone threatens you.” My tired tone was met with Valentina staring at me like I was a damn masterpiece, like I was the Louvre’s new interactive installation. I rolled my eyes hard at the near-worship I saw there. “What are you staring at, Valentina? You want a little kiss too?” I growled, lifting my fist at her, but Bob grabbed onto my arm.

“Alright… let’s all calm down… no need to knock anyone else out…” he gently pleaded, and I exhaled, finally easing up.

I looked again at Kate Bishop, now unconscious, probably dreaming of social justice and little purple birds, my lips clicking with an impatient tic before I scooped her up into my arms and laid her down on one of the couches in the corner.

For just a moment, I allowed myself to touch her face, fingers brushing against her still-warm skin. Annoying princess … Passed out in the middle of her own little authority tantrum, like some half-ass rebel. I let out a short laugh, pulling the Widow’s Bites from her neck. “Sorry, Malishka .” I whispered just for her.

Walker cleared his throat loudly with a teasing mutter under his breath. “Whipped.” followed by a half-stifled laugh.

“You wanna take a nap too, dumbass?” I barked, and he laughed even harder, bumping shoulders with Ava, who was also eyeing me with interest. We were soldiers, but also co-conspirators. Between conversations, many of them happening in the middle of explosions, shootouts, and sleepless nights on helicarriers, I’d told them about Kate Bishop. They knew exactly how much she mattered to me.

Sam still looked at me like I was dangerous, and I scoffed… because, yeah, I am.

“Come on, idiots, sit the little shits down before one of them wakes up and posts us on TikTok.” I ordered Walker, my dad, and Ava, who all laughed out loud before gathering everyone to sit around Kate Bishop. I could barely hide my grin when I saw my dad pull out his phone to record the kids’ shame.

“Maybe I’ll be the one posting them on my TikTok…” he said proudly, taking photos and videos of the defeated baby Avengers like they were trophies. Cringe , but effective.

“Yelena, that was so out of line!” Sam sighed, dropping heavily into one of the chairs, just like a tired dad would. “I promised them this would be a smooth operation.” The exhausted look he gave me finally made me give him some real attention.

I just shrugged, tilting my head a bit. “Well, you should’ve made them promise not to attack a bunch of professional assassins who, occasionally, like to play superheroes.” I almost yelled, arms crossed. “Kate Bishop attacked Bob. What if he had hit back?”

Bob touched my shoulder, motioning for me to sit, and I huffed, even more annoyed, crossing my legs like it might give me some extra authority and maybe it works.

“That’s why we need to talk…” Bucky started, using that fake calm bureaucrat voice. “We need to find common ground… we’re gonna have to work together from now on…” Bucky said smoothly, and I looked into his eyes like he was a complete idiot. “Don’t look at me like that, blondie … I didn’t choose this…”

That’s when she decided to speak.

The fake, cold, controlling, Valentina Allegra De Something I Never Remember.

“Here’s what I think…” Valentina began, clearing her throat. “I know you think you don’t need me, and honestly I respect that… though it’s incredibly dumb on all of your parts…” Ava zipped across the room like a phantom and cracked her fingers against Valentina’s throat.

“Show a little more respect to the ones signing your paychecks, bitch.” Ava looked more amused than angry, perched up on the table.

Valentina, still clutching her throat, now spoke more annoyed. “You can beat me up all you want... but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m the one with experience here... and as you all know... I’m the only one who’s actually cold-blooded enough to handle all of this... My plan is perfect. A good plan. You just proved that, Yelena.” She smiled like a snake wearing lipstick.

A good plan , she said. Like always, she promises the surgery will be painless, except anesthesia is optional and the blades are always rusty.

“You want us to listen to you... after you sent us on a mission where we were almost roasted alive... after what you were willing to do to Bob? After that little show you put on… which I’m pretty damn sure was another one of your set-ups?” Ava muttered, still rubbing the wrist the mini crystal-child had grabbed way too tightly.

“That was all part of the plan. It came to me like a vision...” Valentina answered with that unnerving calm only the most certified sociopaths seem to possess. “A little pressure. A little chaos. And look how well you all work together in the middle of a meltdown.”

“Yeah, sure...” I mumbled impatiently, resting my elbows on my knees, chin in my hands. “Because knocking out teenagers is the new team-building exercise. What a brilliant idea. Winner of the Nobel Prize in Dysfunction.”

“I just showed Sam how wrong he is about who’s really going to defend the world… whatever it takes… it’s you guys… not those kids… the kids can assist you at most… but they’re not better than you!” Valentina said, straight to Sam, who closed his eyes, rubbing his temples like he was trying to evaporate on the spot.

I looked at Bucky with even more sympathy, still trying to figure out how to balance the scale between the Thunderbolts and the shitshow that is the New Avengers and now he’d have to deal with Sam’s team too, the Young Avengers. Kids infected with raw idealism, unpredictable powers, and hormones going nuclear.

Fantastic .

And right at the center of it all stood her. Valentina. Smiling in satisfaction as she looked out over the chaos she stitched together today... once again... pulling our strings like we were puppets in some political puppet show… all just to prove to Sam that her team... us ... are better than a bunch of kids. The humiliation wasn’t accidental.

Once again, I’d been fooled by Valentina...

I just hoped Kate Bishop wasn’t too trigger-angry when she woke up, so I could explain everything to her without kicking off a war between us.

*

The tip of my sword grazed his neck. One move, one inch, and I would’ve done what someone braver probably should’ve done a long time ago: ended that threat once and for all.

Bob stared back at me. Silent. Motionless. There was something off about that look. It wasn’t fear, or even defiance. It was... resignation. A calm acceptance, like he was already ready. Ready to die. Ready to pay the price.

But I wasn’t the one who decided what happened next.

Yelena did…

Before I could even react, she moved with devastating precision, faster than my instinct could track. A blur of blonde hair and unwavering eyes, closing the space between us like lightning. No warning. No words. Just the brutal, shocking impact of her fists. My teeth slammed together, the metallic taste of blood flooding my mouth. Pain shot through me like I’d been wired into a live power grid. Everything went white… light, shadow, sound… and for a moment, not even gravity existed.

The world spun, but my body didn’t follow. I dropped to my knees.

The last thing I saw before everything went black was her... Yelena... attacking all of us in a flash, while shielding that man like he was something more than a monster on the verge of destroying everything. Protecting him like he was more than just another freak created by Valentina.

Like he was hers .

Like there was something between them... more than loyalty, more than the mission.. and as dumb as it sounds... that hurt. It hurt almost as much as the electric current ripping through my body.

She protected him.

More than necessary. More than reasonable.

Why would she do that? Why for him?

The emptiness swallowed me before I could find an answer.

*

Waking up felt like surfacing from a frozen lake in the dead of night. My lungs screamed for air, desperate... It was like the world had kicked me out, dumped me like trash, and now I was clawing my way back to the surface, pathetic and broken. My mind staggered, like I was stumbling through a void, trying to figure out where the hell I’d been dropped.

A guttural groan slipped out, rough and ugly even to my own ears... Somewhere between “Where the hell am I?” and “Did I get hit by a thunderbolt?” I wanted to laugh, because… No shit… honestly, that’s another way to describe it…  like the universe used me as a lightning rod and didn’t leave a shred of dignity behind.

I tried shifting out of the uncomfortable position I was in, but every muscle protested. My limbs felt like molten lead, my head pounded, and there was a metallic taste in my mouth... blood, maybe? Or just the bitter taste of pure humiliation.

Even opening my eyes was a chore, but I forced them open and realized I was on a couch, like someone just dumped me there out of convenience. Temporary discard. Typical. Pain pulsed through me in waves and my vision, still blurry, left me battling the darkness creeping in at the edges, just trying to remember how to be in my own body.

Around me, voices floated. Low. Muffled. Like I was still underwater and the real world was playing out in slow motion. U.S. Agent and Ghost were posted at one end of the long table, looking suspicious of literally everyone.

“We’re gonna have to work with them.”

“They don’t want us here.”

“We don’t need them anyway.”

I focused harder and caught Bob’s voice... and finally, the monster’s voice hit me low, tense. “This won’t last.” My irritation spiked as I zeroed in on him. He was talking to Yelena... their heads leaned in close, sitting on the floor like kids at some post-apocalyptic recess, playing thumb wars. It was like that moment only existed for them, because no one else in the room was looking at them — except me. Everything about how at ease Yelena was with him was absurd. Pathetic.

And no one but me seemed to think that. The whole room carried on indifferent, gathered together, listening to Sam Wilson, who seemed to be trying to explain, to organize our new alliance… it was exactly what it was… a tense, forced meeting, a collision of ideologies and shattered egos.

The New Avengers, formerly known as the Thunderbolts, were sitting in the same room as the Young Avengers… and in my opinion, it was a forced, uncomfortable fusion, like mixing oil and water and expecting harmony.

Sam Wilson, now officially recognized as Captain America by the world and the remnants of SHIELD, had assembled his own team, us… a small group of young survivors and trainees. He’s been more of a mentor… more like a friend, though he still keeps us in line with a firm hand and a realistic optimism. He was everything almost all of us still had left… but even Sam looked exhausted at that moment. Sitting there… having to explain the obvious… eyes focused and shoulders heavy.

Valentina, that harpy, on the other hand, stood against a wall, far from the interactions, arms crossed over her chest in a perfectly tailored black blazer. Her cold, calculating eyes swept over the room as if she were already plotting the next political chessboard she’d manipulate. She was an institutional cancer, a presence that never belonged anywhere, yet there she was. Always lurking. Like a cockroach in an apocalypse… Like a rat surviving the fall of an empire. You could hate her, want to crush her… but she always finds a way to infiltrate.

But I didn’t want to think about those people, my focus was all on listening to the conversation between Bob and Yelena.

"This truce. This makeshift peace..." He kept murmuring after losing to Yelena.

"I know…" Yelena replied without hesitation, not even blinking. "But as long as it lasts… no one touches you. I promise." She smiled at him. Small, almost imperceptible. Too intimate to be public. And I felt it in my chest like a needle. It wasn’t anger. It wasn’t physical pain. It was something else.

Her words echoed like a dull punch to the pit of my stomach. The way she looked at him… it was too much. Like she was protecting something precious, and that… hurt more than the damn shock.

Was it… jealousy?

Ridiculous. Absurd. Totally out of place.

But it was there. Like a thorn stuck in my skin.

I blinked. Twice. Three times, trying to erase the useless feelings in my mind, reminding myself I had no right to feel this way and it wasn’t like it was something simple. We hadn’t seen or spoken since that mess last Christmas.

No.

We’d been texting all this time.

Wrong. You sent messages she might’ve never even seen, since she never replied.

And yet here she was, almost drooling over a monster who turned everything we knew into an apocalyptic darkness where everyone he touched, including me, had to deal with the pain of living and reliving a loop of our greatest fears.

Maybe she liked that type…

Gradually, the fog completely cleared, and I clenched my teeth, which now felt sore from probably being forced during the shock, and forced myself to sit.

Every move felt like a battle against my own body, but I refused to seem weaker than I already was. I fixed my disheveled tiara, getting even more annoyed at myself for not having the guts to cut my hair shorter. I breathed in, staring at the ceiling for several seconds, as if I could restore my authority through sheer stubbornness.

Everything about today, right here, was wrong.

When I finally felt ready, or at least less unstable, I went straight to the point. I shot up from the couch like a rocket about to explode, and marched with determined steps toward the corner of the room where Yelena and Bob still looked like a couple of lovebirds. My eyes locked on her the moment I pointed my finger.

She was already looking straight at me when I reached them. "You…" My voice came out hoarse, scratched, but full of fury. "You knocked me out, you lunatic!"

Yelena didn’t even blink. Instead of retreating or apologizing like a normal person would, she answered with that crooked, annoyingly charming smile, a damn cynical, charming smile. The kind of spell that makes you want to punch her or drag her into a dark corner with the same intensity. A Russian plague with the arrogance of a French film noir star.

"I call it ‘Russian affection' " she said with fake sweetness. "I knocked you out with care. And I’ll do it again if you keep being a little shit with Bob." She casually squeezed his hand, that monster beside her, before standing up and walking slowly toward me, stopping right in front of me. A complete challenge from her.

"You all got lucky we decided not to kill anyone now… but never attack us again… or the favor I’ve granted you will be revoked, and I’ll kick the shit out of every one of you." She said, pointing a pissed-off finger at me.

I was about to charge at her, ready to return the favor with interest, when Bob stepped between us, like a human shield armed with common sense. Like a peacekeeper boyfriend. "Please, let’s breathe, relax…" He raised his hands like a wall of flesh and trembling nerves, but with a strange sense of diplomacy. Almost… gentle.

I stood tall to face him, feeling completely invigorated by how he held Yelena’s shoulder to stop her from getting between us.

"What’s up, Bobby? You scared?" I sneered his name with disdain, right in his face, and he sighed, smiling sheepishly.

"Well… yeah… literally, I’m really scared of you right now…" He blinked slowly, taking a small step back, which I mirrored.

"It’s good you actually fear something…" I continued my attack.

"What the hell is wrong with you today, Kate?" Eli growled from the other end of the table, and I huffed, glaring at the kid who still struggled to understand I’m the leader here.

"Eli… we’re on a mission… I’m in charge," I said softly, and he nodded quietly before ignoring me again. The big man, the weird, pompous supersoldier followed him, and I turned back to the monster.

“This is so cool… you’re so tough… a real leader… but hey… it’s common for people to be scared… I just… you don’t have to be scared of me too-” He started, and I snarled.

“I’m not scared of you, monster.” I practically screamed in his face, and Yelena shoved her way between us, lifting her face toward me.

“Kate, I swear to God I don’t want to hurt you again... But may that same shitty God help me…” She hissed through clenched teeth, her eyes flashing like a cornered beast. “I’ll knock you out with full power right now if you don’t stop!” Her furious voice echoed through the room before her hands shoved me forcefully, dragging me a few meters back.

“Why are you defending this monster?” I pointed over her shoulder. She immediately lowered my arm, stopping me from even touching the man, which made me even more livid with rage.

“First of all… stop talking to him like that… he’s being nice to you… and second… never touch Bob… it’ll be better for you…” She warned in a near-patient whisper, and I found myself gritting my still-sore teeth, trying to shut her down.

The exact moment I decided to push her aside, determined to get to Bob, Yelena made her move. Like lightning, she wrapped me up in a rough embrace, more of a restraint than affection, yanking me out of the way, almost desperately. Bob backed away in panic, stumbling over his own feet, his eyes wide and full of terror.

Now Yelena was dragging me out of the room with the inhuman strength of someone forged to be a living weapon. Her steps were long, decisive, and all I could do was try to keep up, almost running as she pulled me by the arm.

“You’re hurting me.” I tried, and she growled, loosening her grip before stepping in front of a door and shoving her hand into her pocket to grab a key without ever letting me go. She barely opened the door before I was thrown inside.

The place was... unexpected. A simple, elegant space. A huge bed, a floor-to-ceiling window, some shelves filled with books, a stove… a fridge… it was a mini apartment. She took off her boots with the ease of someone at home and walked straight to the fridge. She pulled out two bottles with a nearly illegible Russian label. I watched her in silence, swallowing hard.

Was this… her home?

I watched everything with growing curiosity, swallowing hard again when she approached and handed me the drink. “One day you told me we should have a drink… I think there’s no better time than now.” She said, pointing at my shoes.

My surprise and inaction were quickly replaced with a near instinctive need to understand she wanted me to take off my shoes.

“I don’t think you’ve got much of a right to claim that drink… you never answered me or called me this whole time…” I said bitterly, hurt, stepping out of the heels and feeling the soles of my feet thank me for not having to be forced into beauty anymore.

Her surprised look caught my attention, but I didn’t want to investigate that right now.

“So… you… live here?” I asked, looking at the label of the drink before opening it and smelling it almost in disgust. Tea? I don’t even like tea.

“Yes… this is my room…” She said, sitting on a comfy sofa facing the window, which had an incredible view of the city’s west side, the landscape stretching out to New Jersey. She probably had access to a breathtaking sunset here.

She’s been living just 2 minutes from me for months… and she never… not once… looked for me...

“Sit, Kate Bishop…” She pointed to an armchair across from her, and I walked over, almost feeling shy.

“Listen…” She crossed her legs, her gaze fixed on me like she wanted to strip me with her eyes… not of clothes, unfortunately , but of defenses. “We need to talk… I know you didn’t like what you saw today… I know you’re not the type to get angry… but I want to understand what the hell all that was, the whole show you put on for a guy who’s clearly terrified of your violence… that’s not you…” She sighed before bringing the tea bottle to her lips.

The smell of the tea was strong, bitter, almost offensive. She made a subtle grimace, and for a moment, it seemed like even she hated the taste of it. Still, she drank it firmly, as if it were some kind of ritual.

I couldn’t even begin to form a full idea on where to start a conversation with Yelena. Nothing made sense. The words were jumbled inside me...

I barely knew Yelena… I hardly knew anything about her, her way of thinking. But she spoke as if she had known me forever.

She continued, still calm. “Kate… today was all a setup by Valentina… she brought you here to test you… to test my group. To humiliate all of us… To light a fuse she herself soaked in gasoline.” She rubbed her eyes, exhausted. “She lives for this chaos…” She sighed. “After our confrontation… she admitted… she wanted everything that happened today… and from what I’m seeing… she’s been poisoning you…”

I blinked several times before speaking. “I… look… what… I didn’t come here to fight… I came for a work meeting… I didn’t want to provoke you… I thought you’d agree with me… you told me that… you told me that…” I said, searching for her eyes, and she nodded.

“Yeah… and I was honest with you that day… I still think that way… I swear… but… you opened my eyes that day about how… let’s just say, lately, I’ve been thinking about going after something more… something like… my sister… I heard you that day, Kate…” She said, almost emotional, and I nodded quickly.

I was still surprised by everything that happened today… but I knew I had to talk to her properly to understand.

"Yelena… I didn’t come here to judge you and your choices… sorry if it seemed like that… and yeah… I know exactly what kind of person Valentina is… but I’m not stupid or easily manipulated… I’m just really pissed off today with this monster—" I started, but before I could finish, Yelena jumped up from the couch like a spring, her eyes blazing with fury. In less than a second, she was standing right in front of me, fist clenched and raised, inches from my face.

Again... this blind defense shit.

"Before we start… stop referring to Bob like that!" she yelled, her voice sharp as a blade. I raised my hands instinctively, not exactly in surrender, but more out of reflex, startled. Not that I regretted what I said—not yet—but that freaked me out. The intensity. The fervor… but I’d still tell her how much this sucked.

"One day… you told me something about how… the blind defense of people who caused harm…" I tried, but she interrupted me.

"For God's sake, Kate… he's not like Clint… although what I told you that day might fit in your mind and here… it’s not about that… just like I listened to you that day… I’m right here… begging you to listen to me too…"

"It’s not the same… Clint didn’t hurt innocent people… he killed bad guys driven by grief… he was just a hurt man… a regular guy with a damn sword… While this guy… he just…" I held my emotions in as best as I could because I really needed to explain it to her.

"I can see the difference you’re pointing out, Kate… I swear… I just… Bob is extraordinary… he’s so powerful… but he needs all the help he can get… if you’d just—" She tried, and I cut her off, pissed.

"So what? Should I act like some overprotective hen like you around your pet monster?" I spat, leaning on my elbows to get closer to her, and she first looked at me way too intensely… then furrowed her brows, and she looked scared.

"I…" She took a deep breath, sitting back on the couch like she needed fresh air and something solid to lean on.

"Okay, Kate… first… you don’t need to protect Bob… because he knows how to defend himself just fine… and it’s not your mission… what I want to make clear is that… even though you don’t need to protect him… or even like him… you need to… I demand… that you respect him—" She was explaining more, but I was way beyond accepting this nonsense.

"Respect? HE’S A MONSTER, YELENA!" I yelled, standing up to go to the window, finally drinking the damn tea, more pissed than ever. I drank the damn leaf wash, almost feeling my stomach churn. "And what the hell is this tea?" I said, putting the tea back on the table in front of her before heading back to the window again. I felt like I was at a very specific limit today.

The images I thought I had forgotten before, now appearing every night like a cruel reminder of everything I lost, filled my mind as I leaned against the glass, looking at the city view I had seen besieged many years ago.

My mom and dad fighting… the sounds coming from the streets… I’ll never forget the metallic sound of the Chitauri’s flying beast… I remember how it hurt my ears… I remember how the blue of their weapons looked blinding under that morning sun… I remember everything… including… Look… that morning and the days after… everything was a blur to me… I didn’t remember seeing my father’s torn body… I didn’t remember how he begged me to be good and take care of my mom… I didn’t remember how I almost got attacked by one of those monsters… In many ways… Clint wiped the trauma from my mind…

But Bob… the damn monster Yelena’s defending right now… brought all that back… not just brought it… he made me relive that shit… it felt like an eternity… then I learned it lasted no more than a few hours… but for me… when I came back… Maybe it was the opposite of what people felt after the Snap. If they felt like no seconds passed… I… I feel like I aged a decade...

"Kate… are you okay?" Yelena’s voice brought me back to reality. God… how I wanted to hear her voice again. The voice of the woman I thought about daily… the one I truly wanted to get to know, but who never bothered to give me a damn answer while I acted like a fool sending pictures of my dog.

"No, I’m not…" I said, looking at her absentmindedly. "And I’m not because I’ve shaped myself to be someone who takes care, helps, saves when it’s needed… and now I’m being forced to deal with people who have such gray morals and character… people who think a monster… a real monster… worthy of nightmares… should be tolerated… worse… protected…" I said, shoving my hands in my pants pockets, shrugging at Yelena.

"Kate… not all of us have options like you…" She shot back, seeming to think I was crazy. "Don’t compare what you’ve been through with what we’ve lived… we just… You don’t know anything about me… or Bob…" She huffed, crossing her legs in a clear sign that I don’t know, and she’s not going to tell me, but her defense is solid.

"Yeah…" I nodded sadly. "You’re absolutely right… I really don’t know… since all that mess… I thought I needed this… I really tried… and it’s fine… let’s do this… most likely, you and I will have to work together… so let’s… just… you said respect, right? I’ll try…"

I wanted to cry and tell her how much it hurt that she never responded to me or acknowledged my existence. I wanted to tear my nails out for thinking for even a second that I could have what Clint and Natasha had…

I hate that I thought I could help Yelena, that we could be friends, that she didn’t reach out to me even though she was just two damn blocks away… but that… is just what it is… I deluded myself, and we’re just two girls who’ve seen each other a few times, but that’s it…

"Thanks for your cooperation, Kate Bishop." She said, giving me the same cold, calculated look she had when she broke into my apartment and threatened me, and I knew this was my cue. I couldn’t be around her right now, so I boldly walked toward the exit door. I needed to leave as quickly as possible before the humiliated tears I was holding back started to spill.

It’s insane... I shouldn’t have expected it to be something much cooler... I just need to... I huffed, hiding in the first bathroom I found and locking myself in until my red face no longer gave me away.

When I came out of the bathroom an hour later, my phone was buzzing with messages, but I ignored them all as I headed toward the Stark Tower exit, hoping no one would see me.

*

She was hurt.

I didn’t need to be a body language expert to notice that. From the moment she walked through that door, her eyes still angry from her confrontation with Bob, I felt it. And when she scanned my whole apartment before looking at me again, like she was seeing me for the first time — angry, yes, but also with a pain that seemed to have built up for months. Maybe years. I understood.

Kate Bishop was hurt. And I didn’t know the full extent of it, but I’d try to figure it out today, and from now on, I’d help her, just like I helped Bob. If they’re both equally important in my mind, they deserve equal care.

I could see how she avoided my gaze, how she took deep breaths like she was trying not to scream, like she was holding a volcano inside her chest.

Look, I know that even though she hates tea, I once followed her to a café and saw her give her best disgusted look when one of her friends offered her tea. And even though she bitterly said I had no right to the invitation she once gave me, she still accepted the tea. It’s all I have, I don’t want to be vulnerable to alcohol like before.

She tried to stay calm while we tried to reach a consensus, even though she still seemed furious. And I knew... because I’ve been watching this girl for too long to pretend I don’t understand... that this wasn’t just anger. It was fear.

I tried to make it clear to her that I knew nothing of her outburst was really who she was. I just know she’s a good girl.

She seemed surprised that I knew things about her. But the truth is... I never stopped wanting to know everything. Even when I chose not to respond. Even when each picture of the one-eyed dog made my stomach turn. I saw her graduate. I saw Bishop Security rise under her watchful eye. I saw her cross the park three times a week, chatting with that old man on the fountain bench. I knew she had been living in the Bishop Tower for a year. And that’s why I chose this room.

Kate can’t know I chose this room because it has a window where she can see the Bishop Penthouse. It’s all because, from that angle, I could see her office lights turn on in the middle of the night. I could see when she came back late. I could imagine what she was doing. It was a silent way of still being part of something I chose never to have.

And even now, while she pressed her forehead against my window, mapping out the city as if looking for an escape from her own body, I knew. She wasn’t just mad at Bob. She was mad at me too. And as much as I tried to rationalize that Bob needed me, that he was the priority, that he was fragile, and that what Kate did to him wasn’t fair, the truth is... I didn’t really understand why she’d be so mad at me... I did what I thought was right... I stayed away... I avoided contact... for all intents and purposes, we barely knew each other...

Once again, the look she gave Bob when she first saw him in the room... she seemed... jealous...

No... she shouldn’t feel that way... it wouldn’t be fair to her either...

That’s why I was tough. That’s why I deflected, like I always did. Because it’s easier to fight with Kate Bishop than admit that she scares me. Not because of the arrows, not because of her eyes, but because she makes me want to be better. And I don’t know how to deal with that. I don’t think I deserve it.

When she seemed lost in thought and about to cry after saying how she thought Bob was a monster... I understood. I understood that Bob wasn’t just a target for her. It wasn’t just a bad impression. It wasn’t about jealousy...

He also made her relive her nightmare. What did she have to revisit in her pain?

She too had been reached by the void. She relived some pain so old that I could almost feel it in the air now that I realized. And maybe that’s why she defended herself so fiercely. It wasn’t just anger. It was self-protection.

But even so... even with all of this... she still talked about how we needed to unite and how she’d try to respect me. She looked at me and said she’d try. Try. And that, for me, was more than I expected. It was the best agreement I could get from her for now.

When she decided to leave, when her steps hurried toward the door, I wanted to call her back. I wanted to say that I didn’t stay in the shadows because I didn’t care, but because I cared too much.

Because no matter how much I try to lie to myself... the truth is that Kate Bishop is still my weak spot. And maybe, with time, I could be more than the girl who broke into her apartment and disappeared.

But not today.

Today, all I could do was watch her leave.

*

 

 

 

 

 

---

 

Chapter 2: Life on Mars?

Summary:

Yelena spiraling, Kate spiraling... girls having wild, restless dreams... guinea pigs and dogs doing all the emotional heavy lifting... yeah... we all miss Fanny... and hey, a pic matters... friends matter... AVA matters...
But my friends… hell’s a whole lot more fun when your hair is on point.

 

***** "Life on Mars?" that’s today’s chapter title... maybe I’ve been listening to too much David Bowie... but come on, it’s amazing and it fits perfectly with my current mental breakdown.

This song, from the 1971 album Hunky Dory, is often seen as a reflection on alienation and despair... basically an existential nightmare wrapped in melody.

 

So yeah... TOTALLY in sync with today’s chaos.

Also, it's a fun little nod to that whole men are from Venus, women are from Mars thing… Ava and Yelena basically gave us a crash course in that today with charts, drama, and emotional damage included.

 

__________________________________

Notes:

Important notes... the health ministries of 196 countries agree that biting your nails and snapping your fingers seriously helps keep your shit together... picking the right outfit in the morning is a survival skill... a haircut can either fix your whole life or ruin your entire month... Green Berets is hands down the greatest war movie ever made... and don’t even get me started on how the hell I know exactly what a hangover tastes like...

But hey the bright side?

Not a single second of that bitch Valentina in this chapter.

 

__________________________________

---

 

 

 

*

I sat there for a whole hour after Kate Bishop left my room. That sweet, musky perfume wasn’t even in the air anymore… but I kept inhaling, breathing in the memory of her scent while I tried to figure out what the hell I’m supposed to do.

I was torn between being pissed off and… kinda happy, because I wanted more of her scent.

Everything after the Red Room has been about me trying to take control over things that were never mine to control before… Being able to have simple stuff like clothes… food… perfume… and even the more elaborate things like… the act of choosing those same things. Tasting different foods, feeling different fabrics… choosing a decent mattress… a couch… the simple act of being able to choose, to touch things—and people. It’s all allowed now… even if I still can’t quite tell which choices are actually okay to make.

Definitely, my favorite thing about my life—my short, free life… both in Ohio and now—has to do with smells.

Today, I could hear her… I could sense her mood… I felt her soft skin… I even hugged her—a really damn angry hug, from both sides… a desperate kind of hug… one tied to my fear of even considering the possibility that Bob might see Kate as a target if he ever lost control. It wasn’t at all the way I imagined hugging her would be. But what’s haunting me now, still, is her scent. I remembered it—the same one from before… even in the fried-out apartment… the same one she had after taking a shower, when we had the most disastrous interrogation of my whole damn career. I remember breathing it in that day… mixed with the cheese… and totally losing focus.

Bullshit… This is insane… it’s just an expensive, generic perfume…

No… it’s not the same smell I sensed from the bottle in her room that day when I was analyzing her as a possible target…

It was a blend of scents…

Everything about today has had my knee bouncing for over an hour now while I keep obsessing over the exact notes of her perfume.

Enough, Yelena.

I just wanted more… the scent was fading along with my sanity…

Hold it right there…

Are we really that kind of girl now? Stalking her in the park wasn’t enough? Now we gotta be obsessed with her smell too?

I ripped myself out of that miserable spiral, deciding that it was completely unacceptable to let myself spin into a manic state over something I have no control over.

Bob’s therapist—who I will never admit is also my therapist… Yeah. No. I’m just Bob’s bodyguard who needs to sit in the room so the nice lady doesn’t accidentally hit a nerve that makes Bob paint the walls with her soul… but the point is… I listen. I think. I reflect on what she says to him… and, more often than not, I find myself actually applying the stuff she’s teaching…

And the thing is, she’s been helping Bob learn how to control more than just the shadows inside him… she’s been teaching us both simple shit like: you need to breathe between situations.

The most ridiculous thing in the world, if you ask me, is that she told us to drink water after Bob had a panic attack… She got called in and told us to stay hydrated whenever we feel overwhelmed. Like—literally—take a moment… walk to the nearest water source… wait quietly while it fills up a glass… drink it slowly… breathe between sips… let the fear and temper settle while the damn water hydrates us… calms us… and soothes our bladders.

Fuck the bladders.

Now me and Bob are constantly on the edge of needing to pee to empty out our dumb, anxious bladders… which is such crap it seriously pisses me off… and makes me question the whole damn process.

No human being can be patient while drinking three liters of water a day… Waking up in the middle of the night to pee is unacceptable. Needing to piss during a stealth mission is more dangerous than actual dehydration.

“FUCKING HELL.” The frustrated yell exploded out of me when I realized I was already walking to the kitchen to drink a tiny glass of tap water…

It’s insane.

No. It’s not insane… it’s actually healthy… one of the few healthy things in this hellhole… I couldn’t let this new, annoying, healthy habit die just because it’s inconvenient. If Bob sees me skipping the damn water, he’ll copy me the next second—and I know that’s exactly what an annoying little brother does.

I know.

I remember.

I was that annoying mini-human, following in the footsteps of another mini-human who was The Example.

In every way possible, I’m just applying the same protocol Natasha used on me… to Bob… all the damn time.

Natasha noticed everything when it came to me. She’d distract me when I was agitated. She’d feed me if I was hungry. Play with me if I had too much energy. She’d convince me to sleep when it was our time. She’d calm me down when I got hurt and cried my guts out—which, yes, I know were always a little dramatic…

I don’t need examples from some other world I missed out on because of the Red Room… I know I had the best sister in the world when I was a kid…

I only understood the weight of that realization when I heard Bob ask me—over and over—how I learned to be the best sister in the world.

It wasn’t some emotional, cheesy thing where we were projecting a sibling bond… No. It was more like Bob trying to understand how, with everything we’ve lived through and our shitty temperaments, we still turned out to be good people… and him reminding me of that every day.

But between him saying I’m good… and me actually feeling good… there’s a bottomless gap. An abyss as vast as the damn emptiness inside Bob…

I sighed between sips, dumping the rest of the bad tea I’d made to calm myself—the one that made Kate Bishop’s eye twitch in disgust. I shouldn’t have offered it… not the tea itself, really… but mentioning the drink she offered me and then pulling this move today? That was just plain stupid.

She must be...

I want her to be mad... but the truth is... I know she walked away from me feeling sad...

Oh... so that’s what's been bothering me? I’m upset because Kate Bishop is sad?

My whole body felt like it finally got the memo—like I’d just figured out what I’m really feeling… Sometimes it hits like that… right in the middle of the most random things… exactly like that damn therapist said…

No.

Yes.

I’m upset because I don’t know what the hell to do about Kate Bishop…

I checked her window again, holding my stupid little cup of water, willing the light to turn on with the power of my mind.

What if I did what I always do?…

Sneak into her penthouse… cook mac and cheese… play dumb… make her laugh the way only a silly girl would… a little date… an honest talk…

No, fuck… that’s not even acceptable.

Pretending nothing happened would hurt more than a damn war… Maybe she'd shut me out even more if I pulled that crap. It’s already insane that I sneak into her life like some ghost… let alone ask her to act like I’ve actually been around more than a handful of times…

It’s not that simple… Today she straight-up called me out for ghosting her.

Maybe that’s what she really wants…

No, fuck… be real…

Stop, Yelena… just stop… breathe…

Drink the damn water… Go take care of the guinea pig… do something useful.

I dragged myself over to feed the pig, slow and stubborn, and after tearing through my 100-square-meter room almost on the verge of tears thinking I lost the little guy, I finally found him inside one of my pillowcases.

“Hey, little dude… don’t ever do that to me again… I missed you…” I hugged him and kissed him gently for a long time while he munched away, and I couldn’t help but think about Fanny…

I hadn’t heard anything about her in over a year or more… not since I decided she deserved a better life with Melina and the Widows in St. Petersburg.

Just another chapter in the story of me not fitting in anywhere… After all the adrenaline of “We took down the Red Room” it turned into “What the hell do we do with our lives now?”

It only took a few weeks to realize that being around a bunch of broken, messed-up, memory-wiped women was hard as fuck…

Melina, my mom, for all intents and purposes, basically took it upon herself to care for them, help them heal, and track down any remaining Widows across the world to put them through the same rehabilitation program. I didn’t overlook her guilt complex… she told me herself she caused most of it, and she was going to fix what she could.

I don’t feel bad for not being able to care anymore… I even helped her set up a plan so they’d be taken care of, so they could go find the rest of the Widows… She handled everything, and when she finally came back home, I asked her to look after Fanny.

That was the first time I realized how much the emptiness inside me was hurting everything I tried to hold on to… I didn’t feel fit to build a new life… My sweet, smart dog deserved better than being trapped in here with me…

The emptiness… it had already swallowed me whole… and she’d be better off without me.

If I’m being honest… even before Natasha died, I was already feeling empty…

We barely had time together before she had to go back to her job. A few texts here and there… some weird phone calls… we had finally reconnected. But then came the last mission…

I sighed when the pig finally looked satisfied with his seeds, pulling me out of another ugly spiral through grief.

I cleaned everything up so my furry little friend could chill in his cozy home, and I decided a hot shower was the best way to end the day. I didn’t have the energy to deal with the others, and I sure as hell didn’t want to explain or face anything about the mess I knew was only just beginning.

Even after a relaxing shower, I still felt exhausted as I perched myself in my favorite window spot to look out at… The light in the master bedroom of Bishop’s penthouse… but the light at the end of the tunnel wasn’t there…

Maybe she figured out why I picked this room… maybe she’s pissed enough not to come home… maybe she’s on a mission…

That’s enough, Yelena.

I grabbed my phone, feeling stupid for hoping she’d text me today… For the first time in over two years, there was nothing…

She messaged me during the first week of the new year, after everything went down… I was still numb, still feeling like I’d lost Natasha all over again when I realized she’d sacrificed herself for everyone… including me. The thing is… Kate’s messages kept coming every single day, at all hours… and I felt like shit for being so messed up and still not being able to ask her for help…

It wasn’t fair… she had so much on her plate, and me… well, I was nothing. Not that I’m much more today… I’m still just a bundle of confusion, dark thoughts, pain, grief… just like I was two years ago… I just wanted to be alone… and looking back on that dark time now… I can see that it was really about me refusing help…

Clint tried to reach out and I shut him down… His wife, who I found out was basically Natasha’s best friend, tried too… Kate Bishop seemed to try every hour of the damn day… and still I felt nothing… like… maybe a lot of my suicidal behavior was…

Maybe I was just selfish… Like that stupid religious parable… where someone’s stuck in a flood or whatever, and the first person comes offering help, but they say no, because “God will save me.” Then another person comes… and another… and they keep turning everyone down because they believe God will show up. Then they die, and when they meet God, they ask why He didn’t help… and God says something like, “I sent you all those people, you idiot.”

Dreikov told me this story when I was just a kid… while I cried and screamed, begging for my mom to come save me… my dad… my sister… but they never came.

The fucked up part is, Dreikov cast himself as the hero in the story… and I believed him… because I was a child… and it’s not like I had many options.

That’s one of the few real memories I have from my time in the Red Room… maybe he kept that one on purpose.

One of the bonuses of the Red Room and everything I went through… is that I don’t really remember the abuse. I don’t really remember all the things I did… even though I feel them. Even though my body, like a well-trained and conditioned muscle, knows the way, points the direction… The truth is, I mostly act on instinct… like a perfect predator. 

My enhancements are all about efficiency… After I saw myself… really saw myself free from the mind control, I had to relearn the basics. There were times I didn’t even know how to properly control my own body…

Even now, I’m still adjusting to muscle memory when it comes to simple contact—like touch. I don’t always recognize affection versus attack… sometimes it could be either. It’s about Walker messing up my hair affectionately and me twisting his shoulder by reflex just because he touched me… In my head, sometimes I still process information like it’s a mission…

Even after all this time, I’m still learning how to watch myself, how to think through my reactions so I don’t come off too cold…

I’ve been working on that with Bob, and it’s helped… I definitely tried today with Kate…

My enhancements don’t stop me from feeling pain… but they obviously give me endurance. And with all these incredible skills… even being practically a perfect predator… None of that keeps me from feeling like I’ve suffered. It’s like when I tried to understand sex… pleasure… in some random bar. It wasn’t about me running away from pleasure because of that girl’s touch… It was because when she touched me down there, everything inside me recoiled. It was like… my body knew. Like the scars I don’t remember getting were telling the story I don’t know. I’ve read a lot about this… that’s how trauma works.

Today, the second Kate Bishop told me I was hurting her, my whole body was flooded with guilt… Even though I had attacked her before without feeling any. I don’t really know how that works…

Maybe everything in me aches like an exposed nerve because I still haven’t figured out… how to live.

Maybe I’m like…

Maybe I’m in metamorphosis…

I’m so tired…

Maybe it’s stress…

It hasn’t even been that long since this whole Avengers mess started, and I already feel so damn exhausted like we’ve been in this for years now…

Maybe next Christmas I should…

This year will be my third Christmas without Natasha… It’s like… I don’t even know when I started counting time in Christmases… But maybe it was between that first one… where I spent it trying to kill my sister’s best friend, also known as the guy who actually tried to connect with me after the chaos I caused, but I politely turned him down… and the second Christmas…

Well… I spent that one reading Kate Bishop’s silly texts. And now the third… with a whole two-year gap in between… Everything feels different again… like there’s a new version of Yelena.

Maybe if I play my cards right, I can spend the third Christmas with Kate Bishop…

The soft knock on my door was met with exhaustion. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, not even Bob. But I found myself dragging my feet to the door, just in case it was an emergency.

Outside stood Bob, Ava, John… and my dad. Strangely quiet.

“Hey… do you guys mind not making this weird—” I started to say, already trying to kick them out, but John cut me off, his massive shoulders brushing past me.

“Oh, please, bitch, like we’re just gonna skip the juicy gossip. What—she still here?” He was already halfway through the room, checking the bathroom and then heading for my fridge.

I let out all the air in me and looked at the others, and then my dad followed him in.

“Daddy’s just trying to be a decent dad and check in on his little girl… I even took a shower in case you needed hugs.” he said, heading over to John, who had already made himself comfortable on my couch.

My dad was acting exactly like he used to… Just like when I played terribly with the Thunderbolts back in Ohio… He was supportive, encouraging me in whatever I was doing… The moment he saw me with Ava and John, he said in the limo that he could see the light in me again… So that’s what it was about… I get it now…

I looked at Bob and Ava, bravely stepping aside to let them in, but they stayed still, quiet.

“As much as I want to come in… I’ll only do it if you want me to, Widow…” Ava murmured, leaning against the doorframe. I looked at Bob, who looked sad, resting against the wall across from my door.

“I want to come in and see how you’re doing… but I’ll understand if you need space, Lena… are you okay?” he said softly, pushing off the wall to lean near Ava.

I was still just trying to breathe when I rested my head against the doorframe, letting go of the space I thought I needed. I wanted them with me, so I opened the door wider.

“I want you all here.” I whispered, and only then did they step inside. Bob avoided touching me as he passed, and I noticed it, but didn’t say anything. Probably for the best… my mental state and his touch might throw me into some wild nightmare.

“Now this feels right.” John muttered, stretching his long legs across my table, sipping on chocolate milk he stole from my fridge, and I perched myself on the counter, watching all of them.

“I… okay… there’s nothing to tell, guys… she came over… I tried to calm her down, but she still left pissed at me…” I shrugged.

“She’s mad at me, Lena… not at you…” Bob mumbled from his usual spot by the window, sitting on the floor where he always liked to settle when he was here.

“It’s not just about you, Bob…” I lied quickly.

“I think she’s just frustrated… did you see the way her eye twitched when you teased her about being an Avenger first?” Ava said with amusement.

“Cut the crap… that wasn’t frustration… I know a jealous woman when I see one…” John growled louder than everyone.

My idiot dad lit up at the sound of the growl. “I seriously approve… she’s so beautiful… so fierce… now that’s a woman for you, Yelena…” His over-the-top tone made me groan in disgust.

Everyone started arguing over their own theories about Kate Bishop.

“Hey, guys… just… HEY…” I yelled over the chaos, raising my voice until they all stopped, startled.

“This is so much more complicated…” I whined, rubbing my eyes. “It’s not what you think… I mean… Kate Bishop is really important to me… she helped me at a really shitty time… but the thing is… she doesn’t even know that… I haven’t reached out this whole time… and it’s like… I feel close to her… like I know her… but she’s not connected to me like that… it’s like… I messed up by not…” I was just rambling through my mess when Bob spoke.

“Yelena… it doesn’t have to be this way… we all know why you didn’t go to her… your life’s been a goddamn mess for years now… even before we came along… and yeah, it’s nice to imagine that after everything you two could just… I don’t know… grab a drink… walk off into the sunset… but fuck… we all get it… this life we chose is not simple… and I know you know that…” Bob’s words were calm and serious — rare for him. He usually preferred to stay chill and quiet, not getting too involved, but he always had a way of saying exactly what I needed to hear.

“I agree with Bob… I really do… I know we’re idiots and joke around about this like it’s the dumbest teenage romance crap in the multiverse… but I want you to know we do understand…” Ava looked worried, and I let out a heavy sigh, feeling my eye twitch from all the stress.

I never thought of me and Kate as some epic romantic drama. I mean, of course she’s amazing… I was drawn to her the moment she looked at me on that rooftop… I saw it days before when I was following her around the city… I locked in on her during my ridiculous pursuit over the past year… but so much happened…

I wanted to do what Ava said… I really wanted to go back and talk to her… really get to know her… but it’s not that simple… I didn’t feel like there was enough space or connection back then and honestly, I don’t even feel it now.

Even knowing everything I do about her… even having all kinds of intel… even if it feels like I know her… We don’t actually know each other. Everything’s been based on me and my inability to just act like a normal woman.

“Let’s just… leave that topic alone for now… tell me how the meeting went… what did she say when she came back?” I asked, trying to steady myself, reminding myself I needed to handle work stuff first.

“She didn’t come back… but we talked a lot with everyone else… Sam really laid it all out about the whole legal process thing… they thought we didn’t want it… we worked out something about the teams staying as they are… and us being backup… extra support… especially help like the kids… they’re actually pretty cool…” Ava explained calmly, and I nodded.

“I’m on board with that, with us backing them up… if they need support, we’ll be there…” I said softly.

“They’ll be there for us too if we need them…” Bob murmured.

I looked straight at him, wishing we could talk alone, because I really just wanted to ground myself in his presence, but his words made me remember how tense things had gotten with Valentina… Kate clearly won’t cooperate with Bob, and I won’t force that on her, just like I won’t risk her getting so pissed she tries to fight him for real… Bob is way too powerful, and he could seriously hurt her without meaning to.

“Bob… honestly… it’s not a good idea for you to be around Kate… she’s angry with you… we just got lucky she didn’t witness your clash with Valentina… she would’ve gone full attack mode and been even more stubborn about that fight… she was probably already affected by the Void that day…” I said, watching him nod as he stood and came over.

He didn’t touch me when he stopped next to me at the counter like he usually would, and that was fine for both of us right now.

“Lena… today was a valuable test… to see if I could control myself — and I did. Not just like an addict trying to stay clean… but like… I understood everything that happened… and I… I just got scared… I saw in Kate’s eyes that she’d die trying to hurt me… but I’d never hurt her… I would’ve apologized however she wanted if I’d known her anger came from the Void I caused…” He promised like he’d read my thoughts.

“I wish I could be sure about that, Bob… that she’d accept your apology… that you’d really hold back… but you were this close to breaking today… I felt it… I saw it… what worries me is her pushing just enough to leave you no choice but to defend yourself from her…” I explained, and he seemed to get it. He never took offense and always preferred honesty from all of us.

My dad let out a deep sigh, strangely quiet and serious.

“What are you thinking, Dad?” I asked.

He took a deep breath, and I knew it wasn’t the usual pompous idiot. This was him being sober.

“This whole mess today showed us that we need to do a way better job than we’ve been doing… I know you guys think I’m over-the-top… but we really do need to work on how we’re being seen out there… we’re not just heroes… not just powerful… we’re an idea… the girl was right… being an Avenger is a lot more than just that… and what Sam said about them thinking we didn’t want it… I do want it… and you guys?” He looked at all of us, and I glanced at the others who genuinely seemed to agree.

“Wait… I still don’t get it… why did they think we didn’t want it?” I asked, because my dad seemed really worried about that part. He looked at me like I was missing something big.

"The Bishop girl... Sam mentioned something about your girl being suspicious that Valentina’s blackmailing us... which isn’t exactly a lie... but the situation’s changed… and it needs to keep changing, right?" He shrugged, making me swallow hard at the sound of him calling Kate my girl .

Kate was worried Valentina had something on us...? 

She cared enough to come up with a plan?

I exhaled, sitting on my hands, still trying to wrap my head around this new piece of information.

"So what are you suggesting then?" John asked, genuinely listening, like he actually wanted to hear my father’s ideas.

"We put real effort into the damn interviews... we go on missions like we always do — giving it our all — but we also need to watch the mess we leave behind. You know... like the first time. Be careful with the wreckage. She was very specific about us breaking stuff... she seemed pissed at us... maybe we can start paying more attention to what she’s thinking." He said it like he really meant it.

"I thought we were already doing that?" Ava replied, confused.

"No... we’ve been doing our job like it’s just something we have to do... and to be fair, it kinda was... but I mean — this could be more. A purpose. During those interviews... we should actually care about answering people, not just trying to get the hell out of there as fast as we can, you get what I’m saying?" He pointed two fingers at his eyes and then at us.

I remembered what I’d written down during the meeting and I completely got his point.

"You want us to show more pride and gratitude for who we are..." John said, leaning back on the couch like he was letting the idea sink in.

"Yes, exactly. I’m not saying you have to be happy about it like I am... but still... this is the life we fought for. We’re good now… we’re good people despite our screwups, right?" My dad went on with his motivational speech, and I took a deep breath, fully understanding it.

"You know... you’re right, Dad... I still haven’t gotten over the fact that my sister sacrificed herself..." I swallowed hard, forcing myself to say it out loud. "Kate... the first time we talked... I was blind to it all. I went after her because I wanted more info… about her, about Clint... it was part of the mission. But there... I heard her talk about Clint, about what it really means to be an Avenger... how sometimes we just have to do what needs to be done... and I think that’s what this is about. Maybe now... we really do have to be the Avengers people expect us to be... not just a bunch of reckless misfits. Maybe people downplay our work because honestly... that’s how we’ve been treating it." I huffed, feeling emotional and even more frustrated about today.

"Maybe we should stop worrying about whatever Valentina’s up to and start acting... make that bitch work for the fortune she’s probably making off our backs." Ava sounded exhausted.

"So that’s it? After a year... we’re finally gonna be the real Avengers? If Kate Bishop actually sues us, we can always be... The Avengerzzz... with a dramatic Z, you know..." Dad added with a smirk, looking around at us. I rolled my eyes before bursting into laughter at how insane he was.

"Oh my God... Alexei... is that what you’ve been doing on the marketing team?" Ava said, shoving my dad, who snorted and pulled her into one of his awkward neck hugs.

"Not just that... I may or may not have gotten us some stylish hoodies... custom socks... you have to see yours — icy white... whole vibe going on... our suits got some upgrades too..." He explained, and Ava, as always, looked at him like he was just some lovable lunatic.

And I felt warm watching him be that — a crazy man, but kind in his own ways. He hadn’t been a good father to me for 90% of my life, and yet this old narcissist had somehow become a dad to all of us.

"So we’ve got a new agreement..." John said thoughtfully, glancing at all of us. Dad let go of Ava and grabbed John by the neck instead, making him groan in disgust.

"YES, my boy! And for you... I was thinking… instead of those ugly helmets, how about some nice berets... you know... like in Vietnam?" He offered tentatively, and John seemed to light up.

"Oh... now you’re talking about the real heroes... like Green Berets , right?" He looked almost dreamy, staring at my ridiculous dad like he was the dumb dad figure he never had.

"Yes, kid... No more bleaching your hair, Bob... no more outdated helmets... no more suits that cling to my girls’ butts and boobs... just us, comfortable in our own skin... we’re gonna be the best, and the most fabulous AVENGERZZZ!" He shouted, dragging out the Z again, making all of us burst into laughter.

Ava and John started planning things with Alexei, and I just exhaled, staring out over the city. Specifically at her window — still dark.

"I think this might actually be fun..." Bob’s voice pulled me out of my Kate Bishop spiral.

"Think what might be fun?" I sighed, turning to him, brushing the messy hair out of his eyes. This time, he reached for my hand without hesitation, starting his usual ritual... cracking each finger as he explained whatever weird thing was on his mind.

"All of us... being this crazy, comfortable, dysfunctional family... I’m... happy... that Papa Soviet is saving me from bleach damage..." He said, sticking a finger in my ear, and I groaned, pulling away.

"Stop it, idiot. Get your dirty fingers off me." I said, still laughing, and he snorted, doing it again before messing with my hair.

"Nope. I’m never gonna stop annoying you... I mean that. And I... I had an idea today... that I wanna train more... you know..." He said, eyes drifting from mine. I nodded, trying to figure out what he really meant.

"What is it, Bob?... Why are you saying that?" I asked, reaching my hand out to him to pull him back into our conversation.

"Ah… nothing major... I just think I want to work on a contingency plan… maybe we could… maybe we should talk to Valentina… build more devices..." he suggested, and I scoffed, yanking my hand away because one of the cracks hurt.

"Shit, slow down..." I groaned in pain, and he grabbed my finger again just to kiss it like an idiot. I exhaled and pulled my finger back before continuing. "That's a shitty plan, Bob… Valentina could use that to get you killed..." I said, genuinely scared.

"You think so? You really think… he… would allow that?" Bob whispered, clearly alluding to evil-Bob again, pulling at my fingers like an annoying kid, popping them one by one.

"The point is we have no way of knowing..." I said, pushing him back before sitting on my hands. He huffed and crossed his arms, pouting.

"I'm just saying I wanna try to be better..." he muttered, clearly more upset that I stopped his finger-popping than that I rejected his idea.

I sighed at the idiot and gave him my hand again. He smiled like a goofball, and I got back to my point. "And I’m telling you, there’s no rush. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone… even if you never wanna fight… no one’s gonna force you..." I tried to reassure him, but John cut in.

"Hey, Bob… before we were even the AvengerZZZ, before all this, we were the Thunderbolts of New York, remember?" John said, tossing a pillow at him — a clear sign they’d been eavesdropping.

"I know, John… it’s just that today really shook me..." Bob took a deep breath, chewing at his nails. "I don’t wanna be feared..." he huffed, biting harder. "I’m just me… I finally know I’m a good guy… you know… when the Void isn’t—" he tried, but Ava came over and smacked the hand he was stuffing in his mouth.

"First of all, I told you to quit chewing that shit..." she said, examining his slobbery fingers before wiping them on Bob’s shirt and quickly tearing the nail off herself. "There. No need to chew it off… just use the clipper I gave you."

"Sorry, babe… I think it's dull… doesn’t cut all the way… and about what I said, I just want to make sure we have a plan… one that’s ours, you know? I want to be useful..." he mumbled, looking disappointed, almost bringing his hand to his mouth again only for Ava to slap it away once more.

She sighed, making him stuff his hands into his pockets before cupping his cheeks. "Now… even with that stupid Void in your head… you’re still our Bob… Yelena’s right… even if you never fight, you’re one of us..." she said with conviction, running her fingers through the wild hair of an even wilder man. "Can I cut your hair today?" she finished, like a mom complaining that her kid’s dumb haircut was keeping him from seeing how awesome he really was — and I rolled my eyes, nudging them with my feet.

And just like that, everything turned into chaos again when my dad picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder, forcing all of us to cram together on the couch to watch a rerun of some cooking reality show they knew I loved.

I kept glancing over every now and then at the little light that meant Kate Bishop in my world — but it never lit up that night.

*

Obviously, I wasn’t okay after that ridiculous meeting. My only real friends aren’t even old enough to legally get drunk… and it’s not like I was craving company anyway. So I just sat in my room with the dog, draining two massive bottles of gin that clearly needed my attention more than anything else.

From there, I could see the big Avengers logo lighting up the entire block but I buried myself in a pillow, staring at the window that I now know is hers, letting out a long sigh.

"She was right there this whole time… if only I had known..." I murmured.

I still wouldn’t have done anything…

Liar. I would’ve gone straight to her.

Just like I did go to her, the moment I thought she needed help at that new job…

It’s all just more bullshit.

I quickly learned that to be an Avenger… to carry Clint’s legacy… I’d have to dive headfirst into a mess of wild politics. Especially after Kamala busted into my apartment, way too excited, with barely any info, and zero awareness that she’s still a teenager… but I cared. I didn’t even have a solid position yet, because Clint was waiting for the right moment, and I wasn’t about to screw it all up for some crazy girl.

So I warned Clint as soon as I could about her plans, and he called Fury in the middle of the damn night. The guy seemed mildly pissed at Kamala because it wasn’t like he had authorized or even helped her with anything. It was more like… Captain Marvel fighting aliens in her living room, and then a tablet packed with top-secret info from like three different universes landed in the hands of a superpowered teenage girl or some crap like that. The whole thing nearly gave me a panic attack, but it ended up being just the push Clint needed to fast-track his plans for me.

From that moment, Clint went full speed ahead, introducing me to Sam Wilson, who seemed focused on building a circle of reliable allies. The next conversation with Kamala was very different now that I knew what was going on. If she wanted to be part of… whatever this thing is… she had to promise not to lie again, to prepare herself, and to follow every single thing I said.

She never argued with my terms. In fact, she looked thrilled to follow my lead. At first, it was annoying — but later, it brought me peace. Because for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t alone anymore.

We met a lot of important people, like Scott Lang and his daughter Cassie, who seemed more than ready to jump headfirst into Kamala’s madness… Through Sam, we got to know Isaiah Bradley—an older version of Captain America… something like a response to the Winter Soldier from decades ago… or some shit like that… He’s a good man, and he asked us to help his hot-headed grandson, Elijah Bradley, get his act together… not that it’s gotten any easier, even now… There was also America, Teddy, Tommy, and Billy—already on Fury’s radar. America came from a different reality… Teddy’s basically an alien from the race Fury’s working with up on the moon… and Tommy and Billy? Wanda Maximoff’s twin boys… and the rest is history.

I had my own plans to strengthen our team… bring in more people who shared our ideals… There was this mysterious guy who kept showing up during missions, helping out here and there—and I’m hoping I can count on him soon enough… but I’m handling that one myself. No one knows anything about him, and I’m just trying to find out who he really is… maybe be the friend he clearly needs.

I took another sip of my drink, already aware that now we’d have to deal with this new group… With Yelena leading them, things could get tricky. I had no clue how this would play out. My best hope was that she’d be open to some sort of cooperation… but I hated to admit I wasn’t sure at all.

“What kind of person is she?” I asked, staring at my dog as he happily chewed on his bone. Lucky barked loud enough to echo through the whole room, tail wagging like crazy.

“Don’t get too excited… It kinda feels like she wants nothing to do with us…” I muttered, whining more about everything than just work, glaring again at that stupid tower and her damn window.

It would’ve been great to have her on board… but honestly, I’m okay with how far we’ve come. Right now, we’ve got Clint mentoring us… Sam… Fury… sometimes even Captain Marvel when she’s around… and whoever the hell has something useful to teach… I’ll listen. But if I’m being honest… the responsibility for these younger kids? It all falls on me now. End of the day… I’m their mentor. I’m the adult they actually listen to. I’m the one leading the mission they chose. I’m the one explaining the world to them… trying to make sense of all the chaos that is our lives. Me… the regular human girl… no powers, no enhancements… Just me. I’m the glue holding together whatever the hell the Young Avengers think they are.

It all seemed like it was working… like everything was on track… in its place… even though every other part of my life had been falling apart for years now… draining away like water down a giant sinkhole. Life’s been a real fucking mess since my mom got arrested. I barely sleep… I drink enough to actually worry about running out of booze in every corner of this penthouse. I still have to deal with all the gritty levels of crime… the pickpockets, muggers, abusers, regular old violence…the real shit… the stuff the Avengers never seem to touch.

My biggest job is still cleaning up all the damage Wilson Fisk left behind in this city he thinks he owns… and not even the violent blind guy seems like enough to stop him. I’ve been working on it however I can… without exposing the kids, without putting us in direct danger… without facing Fisk head-on—yet. But I honestly don’t know how much longer we can keep that up. Sooner or later, we’re gonna have to take the fight to him. Because if Fisk becomes mayor? That’s gonna be a shitshow. I just know it.

And on top of all these missions and people I’ve made myself responsible for, I still had to clean up the disaster my mother left behind. The dirty money needed laundering… Bishop Security had to be rebuilt from scratch… I had to figure out who I could trust, from drivers and house staff to the high-level executives on the company board.

None of it was easy. That first year, I may or may not have cried myself to sleep every single night… got humiliated by those old assholes on the board… fought tooth and nail just to access my own family’s money—which, let’s be honest, had probably been dirty for two whole generations of Bishops… I even had to beg to be allowed to finish my damn education… and to top it all off, the girl I was embarrassingly into wouldn’t even answer my texts.

It was all one big mess… a deeply personal, painfully real kind of hell.

I wanted to quit every damn night. I wanted to quit when I was fighting those stupid Tracksuit guys… I almost let myself get hunted down by Fisk… I wanted to quit every time Yelena left me on read… I wanted to quit when all my so-called friends bailed on me… and if I’m being brutally honest for another minute, I still want to die every time I realize that even though I barely have time to breathe, I still don’t feel like I have any real purpose…

It still hurts in my bones to feel like I’m a fucking failure… no matter how brave, helpful, or willing I am to save people… I still don’t know what the hell I’m doing… and I don’t feel like I’m worth much… I don’t feel like I’m that girl anymore…

Everything in my life changed two Christmases ago… and what happened that Christmas made me see just how much of a lie my whole life had been… and maybe it was the only good thing that’s ever happened to me… and for that, I’ll never be able to thank Yelena enough. If she hadn’t sent me that video… I would’ve stayed on the path my mother set for me and probably never uncovered all the crimes that stained my family name.

While cleaning up the Bishop family mess, I even found out about crimes my dad committed… and that almost felt like the final blow… It hurt. It still hurts—that my hero was actually the villain who dragged my heroine into a life of crime…

Today, I know the price of choosing to be a hero… My mother’s words still haunt me… because no… a hero’s job isn’t to arrest their mom on Christmas… the job of a true hero is to always choose what’s right, no matter who it hurts… even if it hurts your own mother.

I understood the weight of my choices... I understood what I wanted to be... even if it was hard... I knew it was what I needed... because only when I put on my suit and shot my arrows, wielded my sword... was I truly myself... That was the only moment in all this chaos where everything in me didn't hurt...

The only thing that made sense...

I walked around my room, still thinking about how complicated my life was. I replayed the entire interaction with Yelena today... I thought about how excited I had been this morning... how I had gotten ready... how I had sprayed myself with perfume... I thought about all the plans I had for what should have been today's meeting, but nothing went the way I thought... The second I saw Yelena, everything inside me seemed to shake... especially by how she clearly didn't seem affected to see me after all this time.

The memory of the day I found out she was in the city hit me again... instinctively, I reached for the bottle and let the alcohol calm me, because if I was going to remember this crap, I needed it.

About a year ago or more, my team and I were called in because there was a new threat in New York... this threat was darkening everything in the city... and chaos could be felt everywhere... People running terrified through the streets... destruction... A chaos worthy of the Blip...

When I saw the dark stains on the walls, on the floor, as far as my eyes could reach across the island... I freaked out, seriously thinking someone had used an atomic bomb... I could barely breathe as I instructed our group to cover various points in the city. Our mission was to gather survivors and send them to safe places, and with some of Sam's contacts, we managed to use the old Shield bunkers that were available for emergencies in the city.

In the first hour, I still didn’t know what the threat was, and we worked tirelessly to help the people, but everything in me shivered with fear when Sam informed us about a terrifying figure, cloaked in darkness, hovering over the Stark Tower. He was being pointed as the cause of the chaos, and we were to head straight for him...

I was finishing helping my last group of civilians at Lenox hospital, who needed an escort because the eerie shadows seemed to be covering everything, when my worst nightmare started... There, in the hospital corridors... was where I truly met hell...

I was running my last round to check if anyone was left in the hospital when I saw the shadows creep toward my boots before I could even run to safety.

Many times, since that day, I’ve wondered if I would have done things differently... if I would have chosen to help those people... or if I should have just hidden when I felt that chill of fear seeing that grotesque being’s image... and the answer in my mind is the only possible one... one that haunts me despite all my protective instincts... even though I know I was born to help... but if I had the choice today... I would choose a thousand times over to have left all those people behind...

I should have found a safe place... I should have done like they say on airplanes... the mask always goes on you first and only then do you help others... yes... I would have preferred to run miles to protect myself, I would have preferred to have seen all those people die, in exchange for never having dealt with what I dealt with...

I feel selfish for that, and I feel like I’m wrong...

What if it happens again?

I feel like there’s nothing I could do... helpless... I told Bob I would die trying if he did it again, but it’s just what it is... I just... most likely... would... die...

The point is, maybe I’d rather die than be thrown into the feelings that that monster planted like weeds in my brain... What I lived through that day changed everything for me permanently. I will never be the same.

When the shadows hit me, it was quick. Almost violent. First came the sound... like the world around me folded in on itself, changing shape and density... and then, in an abrupt second, I was thrown back to the worst day of my life.

I felt the change in my skin before I even understood where I was. The air got heavier, dense with the weight of memories.

The brave girl I was at 10, running down the stairs, curious about the mess, was nowhere near the trembling woman I was in this exact moment... I remembered what day it was... I knew what was coming.

I knew each heartbeat that was about to break.

Even so, when I saw myself running down the stairs, expecting to find my dad, something inside me screamed that I would do the same. Even knowing the end. Even understanding that it was just an illusion. But it feels right… Because I’d always choose to see him one more time. 

Just like in my memories... when the first explosions of the attack started... me and the girl ran toward my dad... Even though I knew she didn’t understand what she was fearing, and whatever was happening out there was bad enough... she still moved bravely, even though I, Kate Bishop, in any reality, was trembling in fear.

The feeling was like being dragged into a nightmare with my eyes open.

Somehow, since I found myself in that nightmare... I knew it would be painful... but I could barely breathe when I arrived at the office to see myself and my dad... in a new scene that wasn’t part of my memories.

My dad’s body was all that caught my attention... Not like I remembered, not like my childish mind let me accept... He was injured... torn apart... almost split in half by the beam that now pierced him in a way that was unnatural even by my adult standards. The little girl I was couldn’t even reach where he was... all she could do was stretch her tiny fingers and beg for daddy to get up and come with her...

Daddy could never get up... not with his legs crushed and his chest pierced, my dad was already half-dead there, even though his eyes still searched for hers — for mine — trying to hide the fear he felt behind a smile he could no longer keep.

She and I cried at the same time, two echoes of the same pain, knowing that this will always be the most terrifying image we will ever see... The blood covered everything. The walls, the floor, the papers fallen from the desk. And that smell... the smell of death. Thick, warm, rotten. Mixed with broken concrete, the still-living scent of my dad, and the bitter taste of dust that wouldn’t let me breathe.

Dad's voice was just a thread of repetitive pain, cut off by gasps, making me strain my ears as I approached the scene. "It's going to be okay… don't look at the wounds right now…" he murmured before coughing up nearly black blood. I moved closer to them without thinking, seeing how I cried. The lost, unfocused gaze of the girl I once was startled me… She looked so lost… so destroyed… It wasn’t right for a child to witness something like that. It wasn’t right for a child to be that scared…

Where's Mom? I looked around, trying to listen harder, but there was nothing...

“You’re bleeding… Mom—” The girl tried to call for help, but he interrupted with a half-smile, pained, twisted, desperate. My dad cut off what seemed to be us worrying about the past and future with Mom…

He sighed with a low laugh that made me sob in desperation. I tried to reach him… I thought, like in a bad movie… maybe if I saved him here… maybe if this were some other universe… I could save him… but no… there seemed to be an invisible barrier… so I screamed for Mom… both in the past and in the present.

“MOM!” My voice echoed in a double symphony, both child and adult, but we were never answered.

“Shhh… don’t call for Mom yet… just… talk to me…” Dad pleaded, letting us see his own tears.

This isn’t how I remember it… why am I seeing it this way?

But there I was… watching my dad cry. His tears flowing with the blood.

I, the scared but brave girl, crawled under the beam to reach my dad in one last effort that mirrored my adult self… I just wanted to touch him one last time…

“I love talking to you, Dad…” She murmured, as if she knew he was going to die.

“Dad wants you to… promise…” He struggled to breathe. Each word felt like a blade. “Promise you’ll keep being the best girl… take care of Mom… no matter what… be the best girl in the world… the best in being good… Dad never loved anything more than you and your mom… do you know that?” He said, already seeming to use his last strength.

“I promise, Dad.” The girl and I repeated in unison. A promise made at the end of the world.

Before we had time for more… Dad screamed… his scream was sharp, ripping through the moment like an explosion… he seemed to be hurt even more when I saw… one of the monsters shoot at my dad… the beastly figure… horrific… It was flying towards the window… and then the blinding blue light from its weapons hit my dad…

In a desperate effort to help, I finally managed to move and shot my arrows uselessly… as I crossed the space… because the girl I once was stayed there… watching everything helplessly as her cries were swallowed by fear… I found myself looking at her with more curiosity, more compassion than I ever felt for any other human being… with more feelings than I ever felt for anyone else…

The girl was just trying to control everything within herself… She was just trying… to survive… breathing… with her eyes and ears closed to the shattered world around…

I couldn’t even cry?

I shut myself off…

That's why I wiped my mind clean from the scene I saw…?

I tried to rush towards her… I tried to touch her… I wanted to tell her she could cry… that she could feel everything she needed to… but I couldn’t… she refused to look… like Dad taught us about Ferdinand the Bull…

I just wanted to get us out of that scene with all my might… but she just shifted her focus to a fight happening in the building ahead… Clint… who, even from where he was, hit the monster that attacked us… she almost smiled…

After seeing the monster defeated, we both sought Dad’s gaze… the lifeless body… the glazed eyes staring directly at us… and then something worse happened… in the next second, all the pain started repeating… and I saw it all… twice… three times… a thousand times…

It was like dying a thousand times… My dad died a thousand times before my eyes.

The memories felt like they were burning my mind like embers, and I came back to the present to understand they were burning because I had gin being pumped into my throat like running water, and the act scared me… I saw myself dropping the bottle as I staggered again across the room under the low, heartfelt protests of Lucky, who seemed to understand something was wrong…

I immediately sat down, feeling my legs lose strength. “Shhh, boy… I’m fine… it’s all good…” I sobbed, hugging him.

Having access to that part of my past in such a repetitive way was the most terrifying sensation of my existence. Nothing I did stopped the girl I was from seeing her dad… my dad… die.

After it was all over… I found myself in the same hospital, alone… feeling despair wash over me in waves. The screams filling the hallway were mine, and I only realized it when I saw myself running toward the light of day.

Sam said he found me wandering the streets near the hospital, looking like I was in shock. I don’t remember everything, but the images burned into my retina, of my dad’s death… those I don’t know if I’ll ever forget.

Hours later… we finally got the report on what really happened… A new group of heroes had come to the city… and one of them… was the cause of the chaos… but they were also introduced as the New Avengers, so we did nothing. It was time to understand everything about this new group before we knew how to act.

When I reached the epicenter of the chaos, nothing surprised me more than seeing Yelena at the center of a press conference. She wasn’t just part of the new team, but was also standing alongside none other than Valentina as she presented herself as their leader… Yelena had become an Avenger…

The conversation I had with her when she threatened me in my apartment kept replaying on a loop in my mind. Even in the days and months that followed… even after I sent her a message asking if she’d heard about the Avengers, she didn’t reply… which was easy to understand at the time… I just thought she probably wasn’t using that number anymore and that I was just annoying some random person…

This is so embarrassing… in some way, I convinced myself that she still kept the number and saw everything… because one of those nights when I sent a message begging for a sign that it was really her… even though I didn’t offer any details or names… the messages started getting read receipts… and that kept my stupid hope alive…

I just didn’t get how she… of all people… ended up becoming an Avenger…

We knew about the politicking Valentina had been doing in various sectors. Her impeachment process was at least chaotic, but when she invited us to a meeting and offered support so we could finally formalize our team, I didn’t think too much about it. I only got suspicious when Sam seemed doubtful, but he also said it was an opportunity and that the purpose wasn’t even the team itself… but that we could make a difference, help more people, have a wider reach…

We accepted Valentina’s offer because she said the goal was to revive the Avengers Initiative… to create multiple response fronts… not just with our team and theirs… She told me everything about turning the initiative into a global and diverse response force… So I agreed… because everything in her proposal seemed good for both us and her… which didn’t raise any red flags for me. No financial losses or philanthropy on her part made it seem believable.

Our job was to help people, and we would keep doing that now with the funding we needed to meet our demands… The girls still had to finish school… The guys needed a place to stay… and everything required specific logistics… Quinjets at our disposal… supplies… the basics…

It was supposed to be all about that… and it was… I kept living my life… still sending silly messages to Yelena, a clear message that for me, everything remained the same… I was still here for her… especially knowing she was probably stuck in some bureaucratic web of Valentina.

Sam made it clear to us what kind of person Valentina was as soon as we started working with her… He told us to be careful with the deals we made with her… not to sign anything… to keep our autonomy at all costs… He spoke very directly with me during one of our get-togethers, which he made a point of organizing to keep us united, because he didn’t know if the new group was getting that opportunity.

In fact… They, the New Avengers, kept working on missions… but it didn’t seem like a bed of roses… they were still targeted by the media and heavily criticized for always being a complete disaster when it came to representing the Avengers.

The conversation with Sam made me worry directly about Yelena, because I knew how she felt about this… I saw what she almost did trying to kill Clint… I just assumed that Valentina, just like Sam hinted, must have some kind of blackmail going on to force these people to work on this.

I didn’t have a plan… I didn’t know how to find Yelena… I just knew that if I ever spoke to her again, I’d bring it up and offer her options. I’d help her with whatever she needed to get away from Valentina.

But Valentina seemed to have her own plans… She reached out to me for the first time asking for advice on what I thought could improve our shelter’s structure… if I needed financial support. It was a weird conversation where she seemed dissatisfied with her new crew and their new place…

I asked her about it, and she was blunt in specifying that they didn’t want to be there, and that was the problem… I wanted to ask where it was, but that would just draw unnecessary attention from that woman.

My feedback to Sam about this conversation set off a lot of red flags about what we were really doing, and we decided that maybe if we took on the legacy entirely, we could leave Valentina with no options. Exposing Valentina could free the current crew… maybe we could even join forces… work together…

It seemed like the perfect plan, but we needed to be aligned with their group, so we went to find Bucky. Sam assured us they were friends and that we could get a better understanding of the situation through him.

Childishly, I asked if it wouldn’t be better to deal with their leader. Yelena… but Sam insisted that she wasn’t easy to handle, and he preferred to talk to Bucky first. I didn’t argue, I just followed our mentor’s lead.

The conversation was pleasant, Bucky seemed to share the same concerns we had about the main goal being to help make the world a safer place. Although he fiercely defended his team and his position.

I gave him my idea that this was a branding and marketing issue, talked about us uniting, but he said he wouldn’t discuss it without his team present, so today we went to talk to them. Valentina orchestrated our meeting because it was our plan. We wanted her to be aware and present in the meeting.

Obviously, it didn’t just go as we expected—she had her own little party trick up her sleeve.

Yelena told me she set this whole thing up.

Our collaboration probably even had a purpose that had nothing to do with the damn legacy. We were puppets… not just because we’re stupid, idealistic kids… she also ensnared a bunch of mercenaries with all kinds of messed-up experiences on their resumes…

Between the first and second bottle of my drink, I already felt miserable for not seeing it coming. I should have at least mentally prepared myself to be in the same space as that monster… I should’ve been with Yelena before being exposed to all the feelings I’ve been holding back since I last saw her.

Of all things... I never expected to feel this fucking jealous over all this shit.

So what if she found something to love in a monster?

We don’t even know each other...

All I ended up being was a threat to her... a merciless attacker to her harmless man...

“The worst part, Lucky...” I murmured, petting the soft fur of my lazy dog, who seemed to understand my breakdown. “Is that I just know I wouldn’t have hurt that idiot...” I whimpered now, remembering once again the files I gathered on him. Even Valentina gave us the files on him.

He wouldn’t be touched unless he wanted to. He wouldn’t be hurt by regular weapons. He'd throw us all into the goddamn worst nightmares with a snap of his fingers before I even saw his blood. He had unlisted strength in any database.

"In his Sentinel form, he’s an Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscient god!" Those were Valentina’s words.

Valentina’s intel was about him being a fusion of powers she’d seen throughout her career... She collected info... gathered sources of energy and power from all over the world and even fucking space...

I was stupid to think a woman like that would bet on us... a bunch of... kids... yeah... that’s all we proved to be today... I acted like a child...

I should do something about it... I should explain myself better to Yelena... I should tell her that I just... I just wanted to help her...

No...

“She doesn’t even... know me... can you believe that, Lucky? All this time we did those silly poses... not even when you looked so good in that suit...” I huffed, my useless crying. “She could at least... it was you in a suit, kid!” I sobbed now, crying completely.

Lucky seemed truly concerned, getting off my lap to bark loudly, tail wagging, as my crying got worse.

“Sorry, baby... I’m just... crying...” I said, opening my arms, hoping for his hug, and he didn’t deny it, nuzzling into my neck.

The soft touches and lively voices at my door told me the guys were back, but I ignored them. They couldn’t see me like this, so I swallowed my tears and locked myself in the bathroom until they thought I was sleeping... and I really did fall asleep... in the damn bathtub…

*

The real shit about drinking as a heroine—an entirely human one, no supersoldier serum, no convenient mutations or accelerated healing—is that you wake up the next day... you… really… wake up…

With a full-on hangover... the real kind... You wake up with your head pounding. With a mouth as dry as the Sahara. Like a monkey took a dump on your sandpaper tongue... And with the existential weight of every bad decision made the night before settling in your stomach like melted lead.

After vomiting my guts out like I was exorcising alcoholic demons, I was... presentable.

I had my nicest suit on. 

A custom, structured black one, as dark as regret.

My most dramatic sunglasses... almost a barricade between me and the world.

I managed to take a long enough hot shower to convince myself I was a new woman.

But the worst... I still felt drunk.

Not the fun, loose kind of drunk. But the dry, bitter kind where even your soul feels hungover. Don’t even get me started on the silent rot of alcohol spreading under my skin.

"Wow... do we have work today?" Kamala sighed like an inconvenient ray of sunshine when she saw me, kissing my cheek and sitting at the table with me. "I thought it was a day off... you... you drank... are you okay?" She definitely smelled it. Even though I was clean, the alcohol still burned me from the inside.

I sighed, clearing my throat to get rid of the hoarseness from hours of crying, trying to pretend better that I wasn’t drunk.

"No... I’m sick... and I have a personal commitment... for the company..." I lied quickly, fixing my annoying hair, frustrated as hell with every strand on my head, knowing my commitment for today was to go to the priciest salon in the city to finally take care of it. I didn’t need all this hair.

That’s when the peace—if there was any—was broken by loud laughter, dragging footsteps, and way too much teen energy for my state.

Eli, Tommy, Billy, and Teddy burst in with laughter and stupid jokes. Just the annoying boys as usual, and I sighed, bracing myself for a few more minutes of their bullshit before I could leave.

"Jesus... what smells so good?" Eli’s voice was the loudest of all, and I had to use every ounce of my strength not to kill him when his stupid phrase ended with a gross kiss right on my neck, one I would never give him permission for.

I stood up from my chair more violently than I wanted, but it was all the violence I needed. My knee to his stupid balls had him kneeling in seconds.

One of the biggest mistakes of my life will always be fucking Eli in the middle of a drunken night in California during a break in our training. I should never have done that, and ever since then, every time he crosses a line, every time he pulls one of these stunts, regret comes back like dry vomit... quick, acidic, suffocating. He should never have touched me. And I should’ve never let him.

"What the hell are you... fucking hell, Kate..." Billy looked at me, shocked, trying to help Eli, who seemed wrecked from my attack.

"He should know better than to disrespect a girl like that, Billy!" Teddy went straight to the point, grabbing Eli by the shirt so forcefully he almost lifted him off the ground and threw him into one of the chairs.

“She’s explained a dozen times that your balls aren’t super...” Tommy laughed, completely indifferent to the drama.

“Damn, Kate…” Eli groaned, still laughing, trying to keep up the idiot playboy act. “I was just… you didn’t seem disgusted by me when I was inside you…” He groaned, laughing, moving his hips, and then, before I could puke or break his mediocre dick, Teddy hit him in the balls again, now holding him in a firm grip that almost made him melt into his chair.

“If you open your mouth again to talk to her like that, Eli… I’ll rip your balls off myself.” Teddy said, without raising his voice. And, honestly, it was way scarier this way.

“Eli…” My voice finally came out, shaking with rage but clear. “You’ll never know how much I hate myself for being with you… it’ll never happen again, and you don’t even have permission to touch me.” I snapped, feeling my eyes burn, fighting back tears.

The air in the room was heavy. Full of anger, shame, resentment, when América and Cassie walked in to find me still fuming, staring at Eli with hatred. They gasped when they noticed the tension, and I decided it was time to stop socializing. I can’t do this right now… it’s too early, and my patience is way too short to deal with any of them.

“Don’t even ask… I don’t want to talk… I’m not in the mood… I’m still drunk, and I’m leaving… and you… all of you… no permission to do any shit before I get back…” I said, heading to my bag, more pissed than ever. “About the matter… I’d like you to stay home until I get back… I need to take care of something… and when I get back, we’ll eat somewhere nice… in the meantime… home… ” I emphasized, pointing at all of them before slamming the penthouse door with all my force and frustration.

I didn’t worry about being disobeyed, after all, they’re just idiots when they’re all together, and if they wanted to leave, they would, but I just knew they wouldn’t dare argue with me today… not when they knew I was in a bad mood, not when they knew I’d been drinking probably because I overloaded myself with yesterday’s damn meeting.

My driver was already waiting for me, with that professional smile I used to think was charming but now irritated me. “Straight to the office?” he asked calmly, almost as if I were predictable.

I shook my head with a slow “No.” trying to gather the little control I had left. “First, I need to take care of something at the salon. After… the office…” I murmured, already sinking into the seat to try and sleep, even if just for a few minutes. I needed to heal from this hangover with homeopathic doses of rest during this shitty day.

*

“Holy shit…” was all that escaped my lips when Mark spun the chair again, positioning me directly in front of the mirror for the final verdict.

“What?” His voice came out almost panicked. “Please don’t tell me you regret it… I asked a thousand times…” He was tense, shoulders stiff, his hands still gripping the scissors like they were a deadly weapon. Mark — my lifelong hairstylist, who knows every inch of my head and every drama of my soul — was now in emergency mode.

But it wasn’t regret. It was pure shock… and a cocky little thrill.

There, reflected in front of me, was a version of myself I’d never seen before, but somehow, had always existed.

My hair ended right at the jawline, in a straight, sharp cut, with slightly textured ends that seemed to follow the rhythm of my mood. My neck… so ridiculously elegant, the clearest gift from my mother… finally on display. The contrast with the all-black suit I was wearing… high collar, fitted lapels, fabric that seemed to mold my body… made me look… dangerous.

My eyes, still slightly red from last night’s alcohol, didn’t seem tired. They looked… fatal… Intense… Predatory… Infernal…

Okay… That was the word that echoed best in my mind.

I looked infernal .

“I’ve never looked this good…” I murmured, sweeping the strands to one side of my head, touching one of the ends, feeling the lightness. Like the scissors had cut away a whole weight of two years of stress… It still looked a little too neat, so I messed it up, creating something more rebellious… more me…

I was truly feeling amazing as I put my glasses back on, then finally smiled at the man who’d kept my hair beautiful and long all this time. It was the end of an era… And only then did I turn to Mark with a smile that didn’t show teeth but showed power.

“Mark… the truth is…” I theatrically dusted off my shoulders, reaching for my phone to snap a photo in front of the big mirror. “You just created an arrogant monster… You and I are keeping this damn perfect cut for a while now… send me the bill…” I said, already walking over to grab my bag, feeling the stares of some other people in the salon following me… the feeling was almost too good… but I ignored it… stopping for one more photo.

The stupid idea dancing in my mind… which later would make me realize I was still drunk… but I didn’t question it… nor any of the impulsive voices in my head that usually fought for space. They all said yes at the same time.

I looked incredible… as quick as shooting an arrow… the angle seemed flawless… my infernal, half-lidded eyes… my crooked smile… everything looked good… great even…

And then, without thinking twice, I sent it straight to Yelena.

No caption.

No context.

No mercy.

And fuck everything. God help me. But I looked like a Goddess, and someone needed to see it.

No. Wait…

Not someone.

Her.

I wanted HER to see me.

*

I woke up early… no… scratch that… I didn’t actually sleep… I just tossed and turned in my bed while thinking about her, and then at 4:30 in the morning, I started my day.

A long run along the riverbank left me completely energized. I just knew it was good to stay active today… we’d have a quick meeting to decide on a small trip at the end of the week. A simple mission in the Middle East, but one that would require us to be precise.

It was our first test after what we decided yesterday, and we had the idea to plan everything in advance… so that by the end of the mission, we’d execute it flawlessly. We’d be the Avengers in every sense of the word, and in the mission it called for.

That’s what my sister always did… she took care of the legacy and the family she saw in the Avengers. I just need to honor my sister and her legacy. If I’m stepping into her shoes as Black Widow for the Avengers, I’ll make it perfect, even though I’m mentally exhausted right now.

It wasn’t like I felt tired like an ordinary human would. My enhancements gave me resistance to most challenges that would leave someone gasping for air… but today… after all the tension from yesterday… I just felt like an ordinary woman… tired with very specific limits…

One of those very specific limits was defined when I decided to cut my run short because I wanted to save some energy for the day… and the second important limit was completely obliterated the second I stepped out of the shower, already in my room at the Stark Tower.

My phone pinged with a message, and I found myself sprinting to leap over my couch and bed in one of the most athletic and desperate runs of my life just to grab my phone.

The full power of a Black Widow, just to…

My heart felt like it was finally racing, like I was a regular human, and my trembling fingers as I opened the message app were solid proof that I’m just… the most ordinary girl in the world.

“Yes… yes… yes… yes… YEEES! FUCK!” I shouted loudly, feeling my goofy grin spread across my face.

It was a message from Kate Bishop… not just a message… one single photo of Kate Bishop looking like a literal Hellfire Goddess…

The all-black suit… completely black… the nonchalant pose in front of a huge mirror… and the hair… God… the hair…

I sat on my bed, feeling my entire body react to her photo. I clutched the knot of my towel, my fingers numb as I still couldn’t tear my eyes away from her.

“Oh my God… look at this, baby…” I showed the photo pathetically to my guinea pig, who didn’t even have a name but occupied his favorite pillow on my bed. “Look at how much more gorgeous she is… look at how she… she… she… FUCK…” I shouted, half excited, half desperate, to the entire universe.

But then reality hit me when I finally realized what had just happened, and I dropped my phone on the bed, rising up nervously.

She sent me this photo…

Why? Why the hell would she… send this… to me…

“She… this must have been a mistake…” I groaned, running to the window. “Did she…? No… impossible… she doesn’t… she wouldn’t even…” I was just stumbling over my words, doing basic calculations in my mind, seriously considering getting a damn telescope or a direct hookup from Stark Tower to her penthouse… I-I…

“I’m going to her…” I said, resigning myself to the fact that I needed to see her with my own eyes. God forgive me, but today, I even wanted to touch that perfect hair of hers…

I rushed around my room, trying to find something comfortable yet flattering to wear… if she looked like that today… I need… I need to look beautiful… I need… I want… I… will…

I sat in the middle of my room, still clutching my towel, feeling nervous sweat soak through me as I yanked the towel off my hair.

“What the hell am I going to say to her?” I cried, completely undone. “I can’t just show up and ask to touch her hair…” I swallowed hard, knowing I had no idea what to say. “I don’t even know what the hell I should say…”

“Ava… AVA… Ava will know what to do…” I murmured to myself, searching for a robe in the bathroom so I could dash to her room.

“AVA…” I shouted, banging on her door, my phone clutched in my fist. “OPEN THE DOOR, YOU IDIOT!” I yelled louder, hearing movement from within her room.

“What the hell is this?” She growled, still not opening the door, and I got even more desperate, pounding on the door.

“AVA, HURRY THE FUCK UP… I NEED HELP.” I kept screaming like a madwoman, hearing all the doors down the hall creak open.

My dad looked groggy from sleep… John could barely keep his eyes open as he mumbled about how noisy I was, and Bob… I widened my eyes as I saw him fly down the hallway… in a split second, he was by my side, touching everything on my face.

“What’s wrong, Lena?” He murmured, clearly worried, and I cursed myself for making him use his powers in such a pointless situation.

“I’m…” I tried to reassure him, but I felt everything inside me relax unnaturally. It wasn’t until I felt my mind drift to…

Kate Bishop…

In an instant, I was in the hallway, and then…

“You found me?” Kate’s voice made my eyes widen… as we entered a beautiful, huge room…

Kate looked breathless and excited, like she’d been running to hide from me… I glanced around the room again as I approached her. The short hair… the perfect, see-through nightgown… She ran again, seeming to want to keep playing her game, and I followed her, still not understanding… but knowing that…Was it a dream? A nightmare?

“Bob?” I whispered, but he didn’t answer or come to me like he always did…

Instead, I felt gentle arms wrap around my neck.

“Are you done playing? Can we move on to the part where we get naked?” She whispered right in my neck, letting her hand slide down to my half-exposed breast under the robe.

My moan was too loud from the warmth of her hand on my skin… my breath was completely lost as I let my whole body press against hers on my back. It felt incredible… different from the other times… now I could feel everything… like I knew her touch… like I… like she was mine…

“You’re the most important thing in my world, Lyubov’…” She whispered into my skin, sending chills down my spine, and I prayed this wasn’t a dream or a nightmare…

I wanted reality…

I turned in her arms, searching for that perfect face… the beautiful, short, messy hair… just like in the photo… I let my hand sink into the back of her neck, caressing it gently and repeatedly… The texture… the smell… God… the smell… The best part was that she seemed to understand this as an invitation, burying herself into my neck…

Her soft, hungry mouth made me drape my arms around her neck, needing support… I wanted to merge everything about me with everything about her…

In my dream, I was free to desire her freely, right?

“You can have everything, Yelena…” Her voice, low and raspy in my ear, was making me melt, and she gently pushed us toward the nearest wall, leaving her lips marking everything on my soul.

“Is this your true paradise in your mind?” She murmured again in my ear, and I growled when I felt her teeth on my sensitive lobe. Everything she was doing was gentle, even though it was incendiary… infernal…

“I just…” I tried to ask for some explanation, but she quickly pulled away from my neck to look into my eyes.

“Shhh… don’t try to understand yet… just… promise me that…” She started, but her voice went silent as she stepped away, smiling…

I whined desperately, trying to follow her steps, but she sighed, smiling.

“Shhh… just… he’s coming… cover up and meet me when you’re ready…” She said, waving goodbye before running through the huge house, giggling.

“YELENA!” Bob’s voice hit me, and then everything… all the colors… walls… and sensations… everything disappeared… Bob came to find me, looking worried, and when he touched my hand…

“Thank God she woke up…” My dad’s voice filled the hallway.

I sat up, still groggy, looking around at everyone, feeling my head pulse lightly. I stared straight at Bob. “Did you see that?” I asked, frantic, and he seemed nervous, really curious, denying it.

“What do you mean no…? I saw you… like the other times…” I murmured, rising with the help of Ava and John. They both seemed confused and scared.

“When I… I couldn’t… see you…” Bob mumbled, worried.

“What happened?” I asked.

“You were like a crazy woman, screaming down the hallway… and then Bob touched you, and you just passed out…” John murmured, still looking serious as he supported me by the shoulders, like he was assessing my attention.

“I couldn’t reach you, Lena…” Bob said, moving closer, and I waved, confused.

“But… I… I saw you…” I stammered, and he looked almost scared before sighing and taking a deep breath.

“Okay… that’s not the most important thing… are you okay? What did you see in your nightmare this time?” He asked, worried and very guilty, and I breathed, following his example.

“Well…” I looked at all of them, feeling myself blush. I wasn’t going to tell them that Kate Bishop had been touching my breast under my robe. No. Just no. I tightened my robe, fixing my hair.

“I… I think… I don’t remember…” I lied quickly.

“And what happened before you came to my room so desperate?” Ava said, sounding suspicious of everything about me, her eyes scanning my flushed cheeks and chest.

I turned directly to her, raising my eyebrows so the men in the hallway wouldn’t see. A clear sign that she should help me.

“It’s just… a feminine issue…” I said quietly.

“You don’t even have a uterus, Yelena!” John snapped loudly and insensitively. “Just tell the truth.” He said, now looking at my flushed chest. “And why the hell are you blushing?” He said, crossing his arms, suspicious.

John was just the epitome of a jealous father or an annoying, stubborn older brother in almost every moment of our lives together. And I didn’t usually temper that with anything besides some crazy punch or something. Most of the time, as I said… we let him act that way so he’d understand how to care.

Right now, I just couldn’t encourage his concern. He was military and would interrogate me very efficiently. Even being a Black Widow expert at escaping interrogations… I was still just honest with these people.

“John… for God’s sake… stop being an annoying kid… feminine problems aren’t in your damn contract… I deal with it…” Ava said, pulling me by the strings of my robe under the nervous voices of the men.

“You’ll call me later, right?” Bob asked sadly but smiled.

“I will, Bobby… take care of lunch for these idiots today… I’ll need to leave soon…” I instructed before Ava slammed the door in their faces.

“Yelena, let dad know if we need to kill anyone, okay… I’m going to sleep.” Dad shouted from behind the door, and I just shrank into my robe before Ava stopped in front of me.

“They’re not going anywhere… they’ll be listening at the door… come on… let’s go somewhere else…” Ava whispered only to me, grabbing her clothes. “Get dressed… we’re going for a ride.”

*

I was still feeling nauseous after falling several floors in seconds, clinging to Ava. 

“I thought you were tougher, Widow.” She murmured, removing her helmet and mine. “Here… let’s… you can open your eyes now.” She groaned, prying my eyelids open with two fingers, and I huffed, laughing loudly as I avoided her touch.

“Idiot… I…” I groaned, still disoriented as we were in one of the meeting rooms.

“Now spit it out…” She said, heading over to one of the coffee machines to make something for us.

I sighed loudly, knowing I had to tell her the truth. My phone was placed on the meeting table while she had a sip of coffee. I slid the device towards her, and she sat at the end of the table, seemingly giving me space to talk.

The little choke she had when she saw what all the drama was about made me rest my head on the cold table.

“You know, I could kill that girl for trying to kill my best friend?” Her amused voice filled the room, and I quickly sat up.

Surprised by what she said… surprised by the defense… Best friend...

“What is it, Yelena?” She got up, bringing me the other cup of coffee.

I was still nervous, unsure of what to say, and she sat next to me.

“You’re worrying me… I’m gonna call the guys…” She said, looking toward the door, and I hurried to grab her hand on the table.

“No… just… I was surprised by what you said…” I murmured, feeling more timid than I expected.

“What? Kill Kate Goddess Bishop? It should be illegal to look like her…” She said, eyes wide, trying to gauge my seriousness, and I swallowed hard. “Dude, I wasn’t serious… I’m not… I’m not gonna kill your girl, damn it… don’t pull the Widow card with me… I’m just protecting your honor.” She laughed, rolling her eyes, and I squeezed her hand tighter, knowing there was no other answer I wanted to give.

“It’s just that I don’t think I’ve ever had a best friend before, Ava…” I said, feeling my eyes burn. I let go of her hand, trying to wipe my eyes, feeling self-conscious about the whole situation.

What a fucked-up emotional morning...

“Oh… THAT?” She almost shouted, then laughed loudly. “I thought you knew, damn it.” She said, now more amused, and I huffed a laugh.

“I think you forgot that sometimes we need... some literalities… like… hearing all the words… you know… since we’re such… inexperienced women…” I tried, feeling myself stutter.

“Yeah… you’re right… and I’m glad we’re having this conversation…” She sighed, nodding, and I smiled, fully leaning back in my chair, feeling everything in me relax.

This best-friend thing seems good enough for me.

“You know… since we’re officially best friends now… I have our first secret to share and keep like our lives depend on it…” I said, feeling less nervous.

“I bet you do…” She said, in her usual move of putting her legs up on the table.

After telling her everything about my weird dream and asking for help on how to approach Kate Bishop, she was now in mission mode… jotting down details and options for excuses to officially break into Bishop’s penthouse...

“I don’t know if any of this… it all feels invasive…” I complained loudly, not directed at anyone in particular, and then she shouted loudly.

“I KNOW WHAT TO DO!” She seemed excited, and I leaned over to see what she was writing.

“We don’t need some stupid plan… The kids are there… let’s use them… yesterday we promised them we could do something together… let’s just go there and see what happens… at worst… you won’t have to worry about awkward silences… I’ll be there with you and help with everything…” She explained, excited, and I was still looking at her, wondering if it was a good idea.

“I don’t know… you think she… what if she kicks us out?” I asked, still nervous.

“She’s not gonna kick you out… she sent the photo, right? You said she complained to you for not replying to her messages.” She smiled. “When you see her, you can use the excuse that you’re an old-fashioned woman who doesn’t believe in texting, so you went there to respond to the photo in person and then you’ll kiss her—” She said, walking around the room in a goofy dance, and I interrupted, shouting.

“Hey… that’s not what this is about…” I tried, feeling myself blush again. Because I know I’m lying… after that dream, it could be about that.

“Liar… you’re blushing again… just today, that woman already drove you crazy and touched your boob.” She said, messing with my hair in an annoyingly playful way. “Come on. Let’s get you ready to go there.” She said, already adjusting her helmet, and I huffed, fleeing the room.

“I never want to hang out with you again, Ava… I’ll just take the stairs…” I said, already running while she yelled that it was a race.

I could barely contain my laughter as I opened the door to the stairwell in the hallway, seeing Ava come out from the wall next to her room, already dressed in casual, stylish clothes.

“I’m ready…” She said, walking with me to my room. The guys clustered at the door made us scream and laugh loudly.

“That’s not fair, Yelena!” Bob shouted, making me laugh even more, with him even being part of the gossip.

“Ava and I have a girl talk I don’t want to share with you guys… but I want you to know it’s about Kate Bishop and I need help… just want you guys to stay alert on our work… if anyone tries to invade this city today… please… don’t let the world end until I talk to her…” I said everything and slipped into my room with Ava on my heels, not waiting for a response.

“LENA… I’LL BE THE STRONGEST AVENGER TODAY! GO GET THE GIRL.” Bob cheered in support.

“SHUT UP, BOB!” I hummed back.

*

Ava and I mustered up all the courage we had left as we finally reached the penthouse door. It wasn’t a small feat—we had just broken several federal laws by sneaking through a heavily monitored private property without permission, and even “softly” knocked out a guard… or six. But it was fine because we were sure we had wiped all the security cameras clean of any trace of us.

“You think she’s gonna be pissed about what we did?” I whispered, adjusting the unconscious guards’ bodies in a closet, trying to make them as comfortable as possible. Ava squeezed my shoulders to give me some courage.

“Probably… but just—just breathe, Yelena… this girl likes you too… you just need to be a little braver…” She said, her eyes also locked on the huge, old door. “How does this work? You can be a clown around us but you can’t sweet-talk the girl you like with a joke?” Ava said, carefully examining the door panel.

“Dude… I don’t even… it’s not like… there’s a lot of trauma here…” I nearly stomped my feet in frustration, unable to explain, and Ava took the lead again.

“Yelena… I’m not saying you should jump into some healthy, flirty bullshit with that Goddess… nor… I…” She rubbed her whole face, looking exhausted, and I planted my feet to hear her out. “Look… I honestly think you could have any girl you wanted… but in the real world, when a girl like Kate Bishop messages you every day… gets jealous of you… doesn’t matter the window of time or context… you just pull out your best smile… try to talk… seem smarter, even if you’re not… you use deodorant… you take daily showers…” She was just rambling.

“Ava, for god’s sake… way off the point…” I groaned anxiously, and she chuckled.

“I’m telling you, that’s how I’m getting laid, dumbass…” She said with a sly grin, and I let out a loud laugh.

“Liar… you literally told the last girl who you were… and even disappeared in front of her…” I snorted, still laughing.

“Nice, Yelena… piss off your team… I should’ve left you in that Vault…” She rolled her eyes before punching the panel, which lit up, indicating someone was coming to open it.

Please, not Kate Bishop. 

Please, not Kate Bishop. 

Please, not Kate Bishop.

One of the girls, the one with Indian features, opened the door in casual clothes, holding a video game controller.

“Ohhh, hey there…” She said, already making space at the door without hesitation.

“You shouldn’t have let us in so quickly, Bollywood… ” I muttered, and she turned, grinning at me.

“I know… but I know you wouldn’t do anything to me… you only attacked me yesterday because Kate threatened Bob… we get it…” She said as we walked into the large hall with a high, vaulted ceiling. “Although, your xenophobic joke wasn’t cool… my origin is Pakistani… there’s literally a political conflict between the two regions and—” I almost wanted to listen to the girl, but everything was so beautiful and elegant, I found myself sighing and losing myself a bit in the architecture, instinctively ignoring the details of that geopolitical conflict which, ironically, I had already worked on—on both sides. Dreykov loved lighting those kinds of wars. She may not know, but that was a conflict Dreykov himself started…

“Yeah, sure… sorry for hurting you… and sorry for my rude joke…” I waved it off absently, not really feeling much about it, my eyes still glued to the room’s entrance, secretly hoping Kate Bishop would show up at any moment. “You hurt my best friend too…” I added, looking at Ava with a smile.

“All forgotten… I’ll be fine…” Ava said, showing her slightly purple fist to the girl. “Don’t do that again, kid… or I might have to torture you, it’s a little worse than dying, but—” And without finishing the threat, she turned her back and walked straight into the room, drawn by the excited screams coming from there. Like she had more important things to do than deal with regrets.

“She’s not gonna torture me, right?” The girl said beside me, and I sighed, glancing at her and then at Ava.

The truth is… I didn’t know. Ava had a messed-up past. Actually. She lost her parents in an experimental accident, was at the mercy of a government that used her as a weapon, and almost lost her own existence. Like… her body literally started to disintegrate into quantum particles or some shit. Not the kind of story you tell a teenager with scared eyes. And lying? Lying to a kid? I’m not good at that. Never was.

“It’s so beautiful here, huh?” I chose to say instead. This is good… it’s safe. I really have learned how to be nice. Ava just kind of told me something like this. I’m good with jokes, and my pretty smile or my sad pout always make normal people look at me for a few extra seconds. “Sorry, I’m Yelena… What’s your name?” I said, extending my hand, using the practiced smile I just mentioned.

“Oh, shit… I forgot… I’m Kamala… nice to finally meet you, Yelena…” She said, extending her hand to me, and I gave an honest smile.

“Wasn’t really a pleasure yesterday, Kamala… but today it is… where’s Kate Bishop?” I asked as we slowly walked toward the room, and she sighed.

“She… went to work…” She said quietly, and I felt my shoulders slump.

“Oh… I thought…” I said, barely containing the discouragement in my voice.

“But don’t worry… when we're in town, she doesn’t work much… always comes back before lunch… she should be back… come on… let’s go meet the others officially…” She then hooked her arm around mine and dragged me the whole way.

My sad sigh made Ava come over to me, almost as if she could feel my defeat.

“Why the hell are you pouting?” She muttered under her breath, stopping beside me.

“Kate Bishop isn’t here.” I said, truly frustrated.

“It doesn’t matter… let’s wait, and in the meantime, let’s have some fun with them…” She said with a tone that was almost a promise, and I smiled back because I believed her.

I’ve been believing in Ava ever since she came back to get us from the Vault… twice… if she’d wanted to leave me behind… she really would have…

“Guys, yesterday we met Ava, but she’s missing yesterday… this is Yelena…” Kamala said excitedly, and they all stood up to come over to me.

“I’m Cassie… Do you promise you won’t use that crap on me again?” The girl who can shrink and grow begged, a smile almost too traumatized for me not to laugh out loud.

“I can’t promise that…” I started, and when she gave me a sad look, I decided to joke. “You know… if you ever decide to become a supervillain and try to destroy the world… I’ll have to use it…” I teased as I walked over to the others.

“And these are…?” I pointed to them, smiling.

“These are Tommy… Billy… Teddy… America and Eli…” Cassie pointed to them, and they waved, almost shyly.

“It’s cool to meet you… you’re kinda our favorite Avenger…” America said with a wide smile, and I let out an exasperated sigh.

“Jesus… let’s just play… we don’t need to make this any weirder…” I said, already sitting between them to grab a controller. “Now… who’s gonna teach me to play like I’m 6 years old?” I asked, and Ava squeezed in next to me.

“We had pretty rough childhoods, never had video games! We need to be cool kids like you…” She pouted in a way that made everyone laugh.

The look Ava and I exchanged was almost like a check to see if this was really what we wanted. We both laughed and waved like in those movies we pretended to hate when John introduced us… As if saying "yes" meant accepting that messing things up together was, in fact, the only option.

*

The plan to not stay too long at the company seemed to have gotten lost somewhere. The idea was simple: go in, take care of what needed to be done, and leave before the coffee cooled down. But no… I got caught in one of those meetings that feel like they last forever, where everyone talks, no one decides anything, and you leave with more questions than you came in with. When I finally got to breathe and looked at my phone, the clock was already nearing noon.

I sighed deeply and did what I could from there… I ordered lunch for the battalion of hungry teenagers I’m temporarily housing at my place… My little noisy, disorganized, always-hungry group. While the order was being processed, I checked the Lunar Station notifications with Fury… Nothing out of the ordinary, just the usual space chaos. I responded to Clint’s persistent messages about a visit to his farm, sent Sam an updated report on the group's next demands, and then… my heart just stopped for a second. There was an invasion alert at the Penthouse.

My eyes froze on the screen for about two seconds before my adrenaline took over. I threw my stuff on my shoulders in such a hurry that I nearly knocked over a chair and practically ran toward the elevator. Every step felt too slow. I pressed the button repeatedly as if that would make the elevator arrive faster.

There was no call from the kids, and I got even more worried. No messages. No updates. No “everything’s fine here.” Just the damn silence. And silence, when you have superpowered teens in your house, is never a good sign.

They can’t not be okay…

They know how to defend themselves…

I impatiently waited for my driver to cut through all the traffic and take me home, still analyzing the invasion data. No records.

Whoever invaded must have been contained. The tower has one of the most secure systems in the world. There’s no explanation or traces, but I’d initiate a full investigation to understand what happened today. I just needed to check that my friends were okay before taking action.

My rushed steps as I entered the hall were followed by the delivery guy from the restaurant where I’d ordered our lunch, and I immediately stopped him.

“Hey… I’m Kate… I made this order… do you mind waiting while I go up? It’s… a surprise… I’ll give you a good tip.” I almost begged, knowing I shouldn’t expose the delivery guy in case the invaders were still there.

My sword was in my trembling hand, almost shaking with fear for what I might find when I opened the front door, but the screams I was hearing weren’t from a battle… they were fighting, yes… but not for their lives. It was just Mario Kart .

“This isn’t fair… she learned this a minute ago and now she’s breaking our records?” Eli yelled, and I finally breathed out, letting my shoulders and head relax as I put the sword away.

I wiped the sweat off my forehead, relieved they were okay, still not forgetting about the invasion, but much less shaken. I told the delivery guy he could come up while I rushed to wash my hands and face. I quickly gave up, sticking my head under the sink. The new cut allowed me moments like this… I almost ran to the shower, but hunger and the ease of just washing up made me choose better. I ditched my suit, rolled up my sleeves, and loosened my tie; that was enough to relax my entire body.

After the persistent drunkenness from that morning and a few aspirin, I felt like my hangover was still hanging around, but it was all perfectly manageable.

I went straight to the kitchen, noticing the mess of having teenagers in the house, and made a mental note to set up the organization of the next few days directly with them. I don’t want staff walking around the house all the time, and they need to learn to keep some order.

I was taking off my shoes when the doorbell rang, so I didn’t think much about letting my feet relieve themselves on the cold marble while I headed for the door… but nothing prepared me for who was right there… receiving our lunch like the house was hers…

Yelena Belova, barefoot, hair in its natural waves, neck completely exposed… looking like a fantasy I never even dreamed of, dressed in the most selfless jeans in the universe… something like… an incredible ass being totally enhanced by those wicked jeans… a huge dress shirt, almost too sheer, and yes… I’m doing a full-on checkup of the woman of my dreams, because I can… I’m in my damn house… it’s a free country…

She’s so stunning… she’s fucking stunning…

I have no idea what the hell she’s doing here, and for now, it doesn’t even matter… I just need to…

“Hey… who ordered lunch? Please give me your first and last name…” She asked kindly, checking the order and, above all, trying to figure out if the guy was a target.

Her voice sounded raspier than usual, and I found myself smiling, happy to have the chance to surprise her.

Before the nervous guy could respond to her scrutiny, I made myself visible in the scene. “Bishop… Katherine Elizabeth Bishop…” I said, striding toward her with my hands in my pockets.

I could barely hold back my smile at the way her eyes widened, looking way more affected by my arrival now than yesterday. Maybe she liked my hair…

“Thanks for that, darling… here you go… I’ll take it from here…” I said, smiling at the guy, who now seemed to know he was interrupting my moment to shine and quickly headed for the door.

I grabbed all the bags and walked toward the kitchen, praying she’d follow me… letting my steps linger just long enough for her to decide if she wanted to be alone with me…

“Did you get here a long time ago?” BINGO .

She came right over to me…

I smiled as I opened the wraps with the roasted chicken… the pasta and salads before glancing at her again.

“Not long ago… and you… can I ask what you’re doing here?” I asked, searching for the plates and cutlery to set the table.

She quickly volunteered, stopping beside me to grab the utensils from my hand. The subtle touch on my skin made me blush immediately, but I didn’t let her see it.

She stayed silent, setting the table, and I sighed, leaning against the counter, curious. “Do you want to tell me or…?” I asked, and she sighed, turning fully toward me, looking like she was gathering courage.

“Ava and I… we… decided to come… say… hi…” She explained almost shyly, shoving her hands into her pants pockets, and I sighed completely, amazed at how beautiful she really looked like this.

She said “hi”… OH… the invasion…

“You broke into my house…” I confirmed with a grin.

“Well… while I already told you I’m way talented for this… this time… I admit… I had to break in…” She said, looking guilty, and I snorted, still smiling. “Unfortunately, some of your men are sleeping in the closet at the end of the hall too…” She finished, and I widened my eyes, the smile fading.

“You what?” I asked, just to be sure, and she sighed, walking closer.

“They attacked us… but I didn’t hurt them… I promise… just… sleeping…” She explained apologetically, and I groaned, reaching for my phone.

On the first ring, my driver answered. “Fred… please… we have some security breaches… take care of this… there are some of the guys in the closet on my floor… no… they attacked my Avengers friends…” I groaned, amused at having to explain this mess to the confused man before hanging up.

“I’m so sorry…” She apologized, leaning against me, and I waved her off, looking at her.

“You couldn’t have just talked to me, and then… I don’t know… acted like a normal girl…?” I asked, disappointed, and she huffed loudly, looking impatient.

“I’m not a normal girl… and you know that… and I… I just… like something more… in person… ” The way she really seemed to want to explain but couldn’t, made me burst out laughing. I leaned against the counter on my elbows to be at eye level with her and smiled even more. She looked flushed, and I let myself notice how the soft red on both her cheeks trailed down her neck and collarbone until… Oh my God… no bras involved…

Stop looking…

“In person is good, Yelena…” I said, searching her nervous eyes again. “I’d like you to stay for lunch… with me… I mean… with us… would you like to stay?” I said, terrified she’d turn me down.

The smile on her face was incredible when she touched my arm with a single finger. “I want to stay… and after lunch, you and I need to talk… okay?” She said, looking anxious, and I nodded quickly.

“Yes, we really need to talk…” I said, swallowing hard.

*

 

 

 

---

 

Chapter 3: Space Oddity

Summary:

This chapter is all about oversharing — feelings, words, sensations...

 

___________________________________

 

Space Oddity - David Bowie

I'm stepping through the door...
And I'm floating in the most peculiar way...
And the stars look very different today...

 

___________________________________

Notes:

READ THIS TO BECOME SMARTER AND CONSEQUENTLY PRETTIER:

 

So... I gotta say something super important before anything else... Since I’m way more into ice cream, I swapped out all the yogurt references for ice cream.
Deal with it and let me know if I messed up, if you must...

But yeah... canonically, Yelena is a yogurt kind of girl... whatever that means...

 

Mario Kart is basically the nerd gospel.

 

Dumb boys need to hear the truth and be educated either with patience or with fists.

 

Jealousy is totally valid when you’re slow-burning and have no idea how the other person feels...
Only in those cases, though — otherwise, it’s just toxic and tacky.

 

Ice cream is hands down the best way to make any date perfect.

 

Friends like Ava deserve to be worshipped...

 

Dogs should get all the roast chicken in the world...

 

Aquariums are the greatest place on Earth...

 

___________________________________

 

---

 

 

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

 

“You guys are so... dedicated ...” America sighed, clearly enchanted by Ava. No doubt about it... Ava is officially their new favorite Avenger, not me.

“Yeah, man… this is… you girls are so good at this...” Tommy sighed, grinning at us. “Ava... you look like you’ve been playing this your whole life... I can't wait to have a round of COD with you girls…” He said as he pulled out his phone, while Ava leaned over curiously, still keeping her game going perfectly.

“What’s that? Is it fun like Mario Kart ?” she asked, all childlike, and I smiled, gently nudging her.

“This is so unfair… she learned this like a minute ago and she’s already smashing our records?” Eli protested, staring at the scores like he’d been personally betrayed.

I just bit my lip, ignoring the boy while I finished my race. Ava and I were still neck and neck with him in the final round.

I’d fully adapted to my newest obsession. I was now a pro at leaving banana peels mid-race, using every ounce of self-control not to shout out loud that this was the most fun I'd ever had in my miserable life.

“We can get one of these, right?” I murmured in Ava’s ear, who seemed just as, if not more, hooked than I was as we kicked all the kids’ asses.

“God… it’s like you read my mind… we need this… why the hell didn’t we think of this before?” she said, just before yelling at the top of her lungs as we crossed the finish line together, leaving Eli stuck in third place. “FUCK YEAH, SUCK MY DICK, ELI!”

Every kid in the room gasped with me at what she said, and she shrank a little into the couch, hugging the adorable dog who still seemed to think we were the coolest Avengers ever.

“Sorry, buddy, you don’t actually have to suck it…” she laughed, awkwardly clutching her crotch in a crude gesture.

“Jesus Christ, Ava… he’s a kid …” I groaned, rubbing my temples before curling up next to the sweet-smelling dog.

Once again, a wave of longing for my Fanny washed over me. I should probably go get my friend so she could share my awesome room with the best view in the city, with me and the pig...

The dog seemed to sense my mood, letting out a soft grunt and settling in even more comfortably, now entirely in my lap. “Oh, sweet boy, you’re so cute and chubby… I like you… you’re a good boy…” I cooed, scratching behind his ears and down his belly.

Ava’s sharp voice nearly shattered the mood, but I still didn’t let go of the dog when I heard her fury.

“None of that bullshit… he’s a man , and he challenged me. Touched his trash , said the exact same thing to me, and didn’t get punished like he should’ve. I’m dropping banana peels in his path, but these should be real landmines.” She said it so plainly that I gasped at the sheer force of her hatred for the boy.

“Pretty typical of his nasty little brain.” Cassie growled loud.

“You just gotta admit you want a piece of this, Cass.” he tried.

She flipped him off and barked, “Lucky… sausage… ”

Lucky immediately perked up and launched himself at Eli, going right for the so-called sausage . Eli didn’t even flinch, laughing as he rolled on the floor with the dog.

And Ava kept going.

“See? Even the dog knows what part of you needs a lesson. I’ll tell you one thing… I’ve ripped off two or three sausages like your little sausage before…” she added, phasing just enough to walk through Eli, letting her hand pass briefly through his body. He only rolled his eyes and ducked away, still laughing and wrestling with the dog like none of it scared him.

Ava quickly returned to my side, and the dog, clearly curious about her powers, trotted right back over to us. I cheered, just a little, for that small win, even though I kept my eyes on the boy.

Despite how sweet he was with the dog... and yeah, that did earn him a point or two... he still came off as petty, disrespectful, hard to get along with, always turning everything into a competition over dumb stuff… sexist jokes instead of just existing, and a whole bunch of other charming little flaws that made me seriously question what the hell Kate was dealing with here.

In my short-lived dip into the real world, I found myself wanting to list everything I liked and everything I didn’t ... specifically. Not because I was picky or needed to make a big deal out of everything… but just to make sure I could hold on to what actually made me happy.

Okay, I take that back… I love hammerhead sharks, but it’s not like I could hang out with an animal that might eat a car with me inside it… And don’t even get me started on the wormhole that is trying to figure out what the hell that clerk was thinking offering me kefir instead of yogurt… I should’ve taken that woman out right there in the ice cream shop… Damn kefir … But that’s not the point… It’s more like I was pretty aware that the brain freeze from mango yogurt left too long in my freezer was a whole different level from the one you get from a regular strawberry milkshake… which is why I’ll never choose the latter… And I’m not into kombucha either… What the hell am I supposed to do with bacteria and yeast?

There’s not even a solid point to remembering this crap…

The most important thing is… I’ve started adding some of these kids to my “like” list. I really enjoyed meeting everyone… but I can’t say the same about Eli. He’s definitely on my “hate” list. Right next to the damn infinity gauntlet… or maybe he deserves a category of his own like Clint Barton was my “Nemesis”.

I saw the other kids roll their eyes at him more than once, and I couldn’t help feeling bored, annoyed, and straight-up uncomfortable around him, like they clearly were, too. Maybe a new category… something like “I will turn this little shit inside out…” Yes. Just like that. Ellipsis included. For everything else I might come up with along the way.

“Don’t be such a buzzkill. We’re just having fun, dumbass. The girls are just having a once-in-a-lifetime experience and you’re trying to ruin it.”

Teddy said, pulling me out of my planning mode.

He’s my favorite so far… made me feel welcome, defended us like he’d been doing all morning, and offered me the same brand of chocolate milk I have in my fridge. Maybe I could give him a gift… my unopened boxes of chocolate milk could be shared.

“I had a blast playing with you guys this morning, but I’m tired and starving... Kate’s taking forever… did anyone call her?” Billy said, groaning as he dropped the controller and flopped down on the floor at our feet.

I found myself paying more attention to the conversation, letting my eyes drift toward Billy. He seems fun, though I’m still not sure how I feel about his mom… she held an entire town hostage in some crazy magical thing… I haven’t really understood the reports yet… But my opinion hasn’t changed. I don’t like how these superhero crap, or whatever the hell they call it, get to do whatever they want with zero consequences…

Okay… maybe I’m being unfair here… maybe petty… Bob and I had an interesting conversation about the Witch… while we were studying a bit to help him understand his place in the world, he told me he related to her because of the power and the madness… I couldn’t relate… I don’t have powers and I’m not crazy… Okay… I take that back too… maybe I’ve got my fair share of crazy… whatever… The thing with Bob is, he made me think… when I mentioned punishments, he made a good point… The punishment for people like her… and like him… is having to live with the weight of their actions.

Yeah, I got it when he said it… and looking at the woman’s boys, I get it even more now. She did what she did because of her pain… and now nobody knows where she is… But the boys… almost like a byproduct of her madness… No, fuck, that’s petty… Bob told me to call it the result of her love…

What the hell do I know about love? Nothing… Bob only came to realize that himself not too long ago… But again… I got it…

Billy and Tommy are the product of their mother’s love for a robot. Okay… weird… but still valid.

“You don’t measure someone else’s love, Lena.” Bobo Bob said in my head.

“It’s better not to bother her… she had a rough day yesterday… left here drunk and pissed this morning…” Kamala muttered, clearly upset, and I found myself more alert than I had been all morning. She was talking about one of my favorite points on my “Like” list.

“Drunk?” I asked instantly, pretending not to care, glancing from Kamala to Ava, who rolled her eyes in an obvious too fast reaction, Yelena look. Fuck it, we’re talking about Kate Bishop now. That’s what I came here for, right?

“Uhh… yeah… but okay… we shouldn’t gossip… if you wanna know something about her, ask her…” Kamala replied without even looking at me, but I could feel the edge in her voice.

Which list should I put Kamala in? Bold… she should’ve been more helpful about the girl I…

Ohhhh… okay… I need to… this is wrong… I shouldn’t be asking her… If I want something from Kate Bishop, I should ask Kate… or be close enough for her to tell me without needing a question.

Kamala’s going into the “Neutral” List, because she showed me just how fair and neutral she can be…

I sighed, annoyed, and right then, the doorbell rang. My automatic alert mode kicked in, and everyone turned to look at me as I smoothly reached for my weapon. Ava looked like she was having the best day of her life seeing me caught off-guard, but I just rolled my eyes at my idiot best friend.

“Well… I’ll check the door… we’ve got plenty of enemies…” I said, already moving toward it.

“Stay here and stay sharp… if I need help, follow the sound of gunfire.” I joked as I left the room.

“She’s such a poser… there’s no need for all that… it’s probably just a delivery guy…” Eli said loudly, and it took everything in me not to fire a warning shot into that annoying kid’s knee.

But I ignored him as the others booed him and I walked quietly to the entrance, checking the small panel by the door, it was a delivery guy. I holstered my weapon and quickly prepared my Widow’s Bites, flashing my best smile… I genuinely like food delivery guys.

I opened the door and the man smiled politely. “Hi… who ordered lunch? Tell me your name and last name, please…” I said, watching how everything about him seemed a bit nervous.

There didn’t seem to be any threat, and the smell of roast chicken was making my mouth water.

Maybe there was no threat at all… but before I could even hear the man’s reply, Kate Bishop’s voice filled my ears, making me flinch in surprise.

“Bishop…” She said, stepping into my line of sight.

The suit from the photo was now just a shirt with the sleeves casually rolled up, a relaxed tie hanging around her neck, and the same pants… My inspection was quick… because I really wanted to give my full, undivided attention to her short, damp, amazing smelling hair dripping lightly over her shoulders.

“Katherine Elizabeth Bishop…” I found my eyes widening… her husky voice and red eyes completed the look in a way that shattered whatever focus I had left.

She spoke to the man… gave him a generous tip… and I was still frozen in place when she grabbed all the bags, barely acknowledging my presence, already walking toward the kitchen.

It took me three whole seconds to realize she wanted to be followed, judging by how she subtly slowed her steps and I quickly marched after her. If she wanted my attention today, she was definitely getting it.

"You been here long?" I asked softly, barely able to stop myself from smiling when I saw her smile too, her shoulders giving a tiny shake, like a quiet celebration that I was following her lead.

This is good... she doesn’t look furious like the guys said... although the stench of alcohol coming off her made me swallow hard. Is she still drunk?

Was sending that picture just a drunk move?

“It wasn’t long ago... and you... can I ask what you're doing here?” she replied and asked, moving fluidly around the kitchen. There were no obvious signs of drunkenness, and she seemed calm, which made me step a little closer.

I didn’t know if I should say something generic, like I was just passing by , so while I was thinking of a better answer, I reached for the utensils in her hands. The touch made her let out an audible sigh, and I felt my heart race, not out of shyness, but because she seemed genuinely surprised.

She probably didn’t want to be touched, and I get that.

My visit here isn't exactly an act meant to annoy Kate Bishop. The mission is to locate the target, make direct eye contact, and question her about her thoughts on everything that’s been going on lately.

No, damn it, that’s wrong... stop thinking like this is a mission. Kate Bishop isn’t a mission.

I really just came on a whim, to see a girl I want to get to know... and to see if she’s okay.

Right. That sounded better in my head, and it’ll probably sound okay out loud too. I can actually be honest, then.

“Are you gonna answer me or...?” Her voice pulled me out of my mental organization, and I sighed, stepping even closer, but still leaving enough space so she wouldn’t feel uncomfortable.

“Me and Ava... we... decided to come by... say hi...” Damnit . But there it is. I told the truth, even though the way I basically stammered and shoved my hands in my pockets saying what I said I wasn't going to say made me blush with irritation. Not like that, Yelena!

I felt her eyes study my flushed face, like she was trying to process what I’d said. “You broke into my house...” It wasn’t even a question, and that pissed me off. I definitely wasn’t giving off any signals with my body language… So how the hell did she know I broke in?

Maybe the owner of a security company with branches on three continents can tell when someone breaks into her state-of-the-art system, right?

No. Not if the break-in was done by a Black Widow.

If she figured me out, that’s just plain humiliating and if I got caught... Well, I might as well stick to my policy of owning up to my actions.

“Well... while I’ve told you before that I’m way more talented than that... this time... I’ll admit... I had to break in...” I said, guilty, not exactly because of the break-in itself, but more because the guys passed out in the closet. They didn’t deserve to get in trouble just because I don’t know how to act like a normal girl. “Unfortunately, there are a few of your guys sleeping in the closet at the end of the hallway too…” 

I almost wanted to slap a hand over my mouth, my brain-to-mouth filter was clearly fried.

That didn’t help my mood, especially since her smile instantly vanished. “You what?”

There’s also this social tool I’ve been trying out in different situations...

“They attacked us... but I didn’t hurt them... I promise... just... sleeping...” I tried. Slowly... watching every little shift in her expression. First she looked surprised, then shocked, and finally concern flooded her features, completely wiping away the brief sense of calm I’d tried to create with my apology.

Apologizing was bittersweet, but it helped with a lot of unpleasant situations... like having my personal space violated... when that happened, I’d do simple things like dislocate John’s shoulder... and then I’d need to apologize... Oh... like that time I left the palm of my... you know... the pads of my hand... like... that underhanded, upward strike... a completely efficient move but totally uncalled for... to the jaw of the most dangerous bastard alive ...

Luckily, Bob just blacked out like any regular guy, but I still locked myself in a bombproof room with my friend until he came to... I would fight Bad Bob if it meant apologizing... but my Bob woke up a bit groggy, childishly mad at me, and got revenge like an annoying brother by pulling my hair and calling me a bitch for making him bite his tongue.

This is not the time to drift off, Yelena. Just... talk to the girl.

I saw her call someone, probably to report the situation, and glanced around the room, saying a little useless prayer for Ava to come back to me. But she didn’t. And I found myself under Kate Bishop’s way-too-watchful eyes again.

“I’m really sorry...” I blurted out another apologetic phrase, but this time I made sure to add a little pout... Ava says it’s impossible to resist.

Her eyes looked calmer, but her words were nothing like that calm. “Couldn’t you have just talked to me and then... I don’t know... acted like a normal girl?”

What do you mean, a normal girl?

And why did she look sad? Maybe she wants a normal girl...

Oh no... she said something about talking to her...

Maybe it’s because I didn’t answer her messages... Got it.

I don’t want her to be sad because of me.

But I’m not a normal girl.

What do I do?

I took a deep breath, scanning the kitchen before fixing my gaze back on her. First, I’d be honest. Then, I’d keep trying to talk to her.

How should I even do this?

Alright... Ava told me to say I prefer face-to-face contact. I don’t actually prefer it, but it’s something Kate Bishop could relate to.

Okay. Let’s go with that. Explanation for my behavior, a sprinkle of apology, and the pout.

“I’m not a normal girl... and you know that... and I... I just... like things to be more... in-person ...” There it is. I said it ... stammering again, which is not great. And it didn’t help that she started laughing. Loudly. At me.

Maybe it wouldn’t be overkill if I used... 

My thoughts completely shut down at how gorgeous she looked, leaning on her elbows to bring her face level with mine. Her hair partially covering her eyes... Once again, she was close enough that I could smell the alcohol and the same perfume that drove me insane last night. Mint candy in some gum she was chewing, that musky lemongrass shampoo... both catalogued... and those bloodshot eyes were back on my radar... because now, they looked dangerous again...

I swallowed hard, trying to push down the wave of nerves threatening to take over as I noticed those same eyes scanning every inch of my face… my neck… and…

She's seriously checking out my cleavage right after she touched my boob this morning?

“Being in person is nice, Yelena…” she said, her gaze lingering on my chest for two full seconds before she finally brought her nervous eyes up to mine ...  and, yeah, I’m definitely just as nervous about this whole interaction.

A Black Widow shouldn’t get nervous.

And yet again, she surprised me. “I’d really like you to stay for lunch… with me… I mean, with us… would you like to stay?” she mumbled, sounding like she was scared of my answer, and just like that, I felt myself spiraling again.

That’s why I came, right? I wanted to see her. I wanted to be in the same space as her.

I could almost hear the annoying chords of the song Bob’s obsessed with… that whole should I stay or should I go thing feels like the only real question.

Should I stay, or should I walk away while I still have my dignity?

I have nothing to fear. Kate Bishop has never been a threat ...  never made me feel like I needed to be on guard about any physical closeness. Even though my emotional walls have always kept me as far from her as possible.

This doesn’t have to be hard. Ava’s voice echoed in my mind, and I let out a breath, feeling myself settle.

I came here for a reason. I wanted to be near Kate Bishop, and I can have that in the pleasant context of lunch.

I can, and I will have what I want, because now I’m free to choose. Free to feel… to touch… to like and dislike things… and more than anything, I’m free to talk to her, so we don’t have to deal with any awkwardness or weird tension later.

Maybe the only right answer here is to do whatever the hell I feel like today.

And what do I want right now?

I wanted to touch her… So, without really thinking about it, I let my pinky finger stretch across the small space between us to brush against the warm skin of her forearm. It wasn’t much ...  but it was enough to give me the courage to say exactly what I wanted to say.

“I want to stay… and after lunch, you and I need to talk… okay?” I said, almost excited, and she nodded immediately ...  looking both anxious and thrilled that I was still here.

That’s exactly why. She wants me to stay. And I do want to stay.

“Yeah, we definitely need to talk…” she nodded like she was confessing something, and I didn’t want anything more than to just keep talking with her right here… but a horde of teenagers ...  plus Ava with the dog in her arms ...  stormed into the kitchen like a pack of wild zombies.

I stepped back immediately, my face burning with the frustration of being interrupted during my moment of freedom ...  but Kate Bishop instantly closed the distance.

“Hey, no need to be nervous… there's nothing to be nervous about… it’s just me… and…” she trailed off, looking helplessly at the chaotic mess of teens who barely even noticed us. “And them…”

“I’m not nervous.” I lied quickly, making my way to Ava ...  and feeling my entire face heat up again when I saw my idiot best friend already smirking at me while washing her hands. I washed mine, too, giving myself a second to breathe.

“For God Sake… this is what you needed a day off for? Your hair looks amazing, Kate!” Kamala shouted through the mess near the sink while everyone lined up to wash their hands. I took a deep breath and glanced once more at all that gorgeous hair ...  now being gently touched by Kamala. Maybe I should’ve touched her hair instead of her arm.

“She didn’t even look real…” Ava muttered in my ear like an annoying teenager covering her mouth. I looked at her, horrified, and she scoffed. “What? Just look at her…”

“I am looking, Ava. I am !.” I groaned under my breath, hearing the other kids, besides Ava,  complimenting Kate as she washed her hands.

“It was just something I wanted to do for a while now…” Kate said shyly, messing up her hair with a small smile, looking straight at me while fluffing and fixing the strands with her wet hands ...  somehow making it look even better.

Before I could murder or at least temporarily disable Ava, she had already stepped forward.

“I like the style… you nailed Yelena’s haircut,” Ava said, making everyone burst into laughter.

Kate rolled her eyes at Ava before stepping up to her. “And you are…?” she asked, reaching her hand out to my idiot best friend, who looked way too enchanted ...  and even redder than me ...  over Kate.

“Sorry… I’m Ava Starr… the hottest Avenger… at your full service, Baby Avengers' Goddess…” she joked, leaning in with a dramatic motion to kiss Kate’s cheek ...  making Kate laugh out loud as she glanced over at me.

“I don’t know about the hottest or that ‘Goddess’ nonsense… but I’m definitely the nicest one.” she said, winking at me before flashing a bright smile at Ava ...  then completely invading Ava’s personal space to kiss her cheek back. Ava audibly sighed, touching her cheek and locking eyes with me.

Bitch. I know exactly what her stupid brain is screaming now that Kate kissed her first.

“It’s not a competition or anything… I know who your favorite really is…” Ava kept humiliating me, and I sighed, glaring at my fists ...  seriously considering whether knocking out my brand-new best friend violated the terms of our still-developing friendship contract.

She’s just feeding me to the wolves ...  and she kissed my... 

Just breathe, Yelena.

No… it wouldn’t be wrong… she kissed.

That’s enough.

I shoved my hands deep into the pockets of my perfectly good pants, giving up on hurting Ava the second Kate stepped away from her. Kate looked totally in her element ...  chatting with the kids, asking about their morning, carving up some pieces of one of the delicious-smelling chickens to fill the dog’s bowl ...  and I was almost relaxed again, back in my assassin instincts, when that annoying boy’s voice rose above the noise again.

“Kate… I gotta say, I’d totally give you another shot now…” he said cheerfully, giving Kate this disgusting look ...  and without thinking, I took a step toward him. Ava gripped my wrist. Hard.

Not even a fucking minute of peace? What does a girl like me have to do not to be some kind of wild animal around here?

“Eli…” Kate’s warning tone made me even more alert to the whole situation. She was clearly uncomfortable, and the guy was being disrespectful... even to her.

“That boy really needs to learn some manners… but we can’t do this here…” Ava murmured against my shoulder, and I clenched my teeth so tightly I thought they’d crack, watching him casually perch on the edge of the table, playing with his junk in a disgusting way while eyeing Kate from head to toe.

It wouldn’t be overreacting... “No one in this room would give a damn if I put him to sleep, Ava.” I growled through gritted teeth.

“No, control yourself, the Goddess will take care of him… look, her eye’s twitching again… maybe she’ll pull out that cool sword… definitely... I’m in love. If you don’t want her, I do.” Ava practically cheered, folding her arms.

“Ava, now’s really not the time…” I growled, and she scoffed.

“I know, babe… I’m just distracting you…” she murmured patiently.

“I’m just complimenting you. You should be happy… not everyone gets as lucky as you did.” Eli kept running his mouth, and now my eyes were locked on Kate, who braced herself on her fists across the table, glaring straight at that idiot.

“Eli… can I talk to you for a sec, in private?” she growled, already motioning toward the door, and I wanted to follow her instantly... but Ava’s hands on my shoulders held me back.

“What do you think you’re doing?” she whispered, her voice low and urgent, and I turned to face her.

“The kid needs a lesson,” I declared, and she smiled.

“Yeah, he does... but you don’t know what kind of relationship they have. Don’t interfere.” she finished, pulling me back toward the table.

Relationship? She has a relationship? With that piece of shit?

“So… is he always like that?” Ava asked no one in particular, settling into one of the chairs. The other kids followed her lead.

“Yeah. Especially after they…” Cassie started, and I found myself moving quickly to sit next to her.

“What about them?” I asked quietly, tearing open one of the chicken packs and loading up my plate.

Everyone exchanged awkward glances until Kamala finally spoke up.

“They hooked up. And things got… complicated.” she muttered under her breath, eyes darting toward where Kate and Eli had gone, clearly not wanting to be overheard.

Her words hit me hard, making me bite down on my lip until I nearly drew blood. I realized I was gripping the knife in my hand way too tight. This is the kind of trash Kate Bishop goes for? My previous research hadn’t shown anything about her being involved with men. It was always girls… what kind of bullshit change was this in just two years?

An annoying voice in my head... sounding way too much like John... mocked how jealous I was acting. I ignored it.

According to my dumbass friend, she was the one who got jealous first.

“That Goddess fell for the bullshit of a punk like that? Now that’s just some next-level crap…” Ava grumbled loudly, and Teddy let out a breath.

“We’d just met…” he started, leaning to peek in the direction they’d gone, and I followed his gaze. Yeah. Complete fucking bullshit. “... there was all this tension about who’d be the leader between them… none of us had doubts… but Eli still hasn’t gotten the message. One night the tension and alcohol got the best of them, and now we’re stuck dealing with the fallout... and Eli’s inflated ego.” He growled, waving his hands in frustration.

“And today she stormed out because of that same crap… he’s always more disrespectful than how often we feel like beating his face in…” Teddy muttered while making his plate. He seemed not just annoyed... but properly pissed off, slicing his chicken with force and chewing hard.

I really like this kid. He’s getting a lot of milk chocolate boxes.

I took a deep breath, thinking about how normal things must feel… how different Kate’s life has been… just a regular girl, dealing with everyday crap, while I barely even know how to hold a real conversation with her. But even with my near-zero experience, I do know one thing… dealing with disrespectful men is never easy.

The difference between us? Everyone who’s ever disrespected me is dead. But she’s a hero… If I could roll my eyes any harder, I would.

My bites of pasta were thoughtful as I waited anxiously for her to come back. In my mind, I was already planning how to teach that boy the lesson he deserved. Maybe John could tag along on our next visit… maybe we should return the favor and invite them over… maybe Bob could touch that punk’s soul... for a minute or twenty.

No one said a word for a few more minutes, until the two of them returned quietly. Kate sat down in a chair beside me, and the guy took the other side of the table, looking properly scolded.

I immediately looked for Kate’s gaze... and there it was. Yet another reason for me to consider castrating him. Kate’s eyes weren’t red from alcohol anymore… she’d been crying.

The girls and Ava jumped into a conversation that was obviously meant to steer attention away from what had just happened and give Kate some breathing room. Ava gave a subtle nod with her chin in Kate’s direction, and I understood.

“You okay, Kate Bishop?” I asked softly, just for the two of us.

She propped her elbow on the table, covering her eyes from the others... but not from me. Everything in her posture screamed exhaustion and frustration. It shouldn’t be like this. I wanted her to talk to me. Whatever protocol I use with Bob… it clearly needed to apply here too.

“You don’t have to talk. Just use your index finger… one tap for yes, two for no…” I whispered, and she turned to me, really looking. I waited for her to speak, to ignore the question, to swing from the chandelier above our heads but I never expected her next move.

She crossed the space between us gently, reaching under the table to take my hand and place it on her thigh. Then, opening my palm, she tapped twice... softly... before pulling her hands back, nervously turning her attention to her food.

I let out a sigh as I pulled back my trembling hand, but it was such a defeated sigh... Not just because she told me she wasn’t okay, not because I wanted to kill some stupid guy… it was all about the touch…

It was a touch that felt almost childlike… it’s something I recognize in myself… I did the same thing with her when I agreed to stay…

After all that Avengers nonsense calmed down and I had something else to help quiet the storm in my mind… after I realized I wanted more out of life… I started chasing small experiences… like I said before… touch is one of them… maybe one of my favorite experiences, but also one of the scariest… it’s not like anyone can or knows how to touch me… it’s way more about the boundaries I set… how I allow it… and especially how it makes me feel to be touched…

The touches I allowed myself to feel in my mind were always categorized between “yes” and “no” … “I never want this again” and “I can live with it happening again…”

Everything about Kate Bishop’s touch was filed by my brain as… “She should’ve kept going… I wanted to hold her hand for hours… days…”

I swallowed hard at the direction my thoughts were going, realizing I was still looking at my hand now resting in my lap… my fist clenched like I was trying to keep the feeling of her touch… like whatever she told me with that touch was safe with me… and it was… if she’s not okay… I’m going to try to make sure she is.

It’s like catching a kiss blown through the air and stupidly tucking it into your pocket…

I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with air and the certainty that from now on, a lot of things were going to change in how I deal with Kate Bishop. My earlier definition still stood… if she changed everything in my head the way Bob did and he was being looked after, then so would she.

Scanning the table and everyone caught up in their own stuff, I knew I could start from the beginning. I want to know what I still don’t know… what wasn’t in her file… what I missed over these two, almost three years of careless, disrespectful chasing…

“Do you like olives, Kate Bishop?” I asked, my tone casual as I looked at the way she was piling a bunch of olives onto her plate.

Her curious glance at the plate and then at me was full of surprise, but I wasn’t surprised she didn’t get why I suddenly asked that. I just waited for her answer.

She popped one of the olives into her rosy mouth, seeming to think over her response as she gnawed at the pit, and when it looked like she’d come up with something... like she had to try something new before giving her opinion... she said something calmly that I hadn’t expected either.

“Why do you keep saying my name?” she asked, propping herself up on her elbow again. Her fist pressed against her temple… her pretty fingers with neatly kept nails, even though her knuckles looked busted, still looked good holding her fork and playing with the olives left on her plate…

She’s got way too many forks now… I barely held back a smile. It was just a dumb distraction while I thought about her question… a question I didn’t have an answer to.

“I’m not sure I get what you’re asking… I mean, it is your name…” I pointed out the obvious, bringing one of her olives to my mouth to chew over my thoughts, just like she had.

“Yeah, it is… but you say it completely…” she murmured, taking a bite of her forkful of pasta.

Completely? I don’t... 

“I don’t remember ever calling you Katherine Elizabeth Bishop…” I said, genuinely curious about this weird little conversation.

“Wrong again… I mean…” She leaned on the back of my chair now… resting her arm on it to get closer to me. “Like… Kate Bishop… every time… with your full-on accent…” she finished, dropping her fork and resting her free arm on the table in front of us. She was very clearly closing this conversation off to just the two of us.

But that closeness right there made me tremble, and I subtly leaned back just enough to be able to look into her eyes, bloodshot from booze and crying.

“I still don’t see the point… just like the first time… I say your full name because I know your full name…” I explained, glancing at the others at the table, all still lost in their own worlds, paying no attention to us.

“Oh, so you’re still assuming you know everything about me just because you know my name…” she said, letting out a bitter little laugh. Social conversations were never easy to decipher, even with my full understanding of body language.

Her words sounded calm… but her body language said everything about how uncomfortable she was around me now, and I didn’t want to assume anything else about her. I just needed to think about my response carefully, because I didn’t want her to think this was anything like before. At least not in tension, not in motivation.

“No… now I’m sure that what I know doesn’t even scratch the surface of what I should know after almost three years…” I said directly, because it was the truth. I didn’t know. And I wanted to.

I didn’t have the courage before... and now I do. It really is that simple.

I waited for her reply, feeling almost anxious, but the truth was… her vibe was shifting, getting prickly… and I saw the full change in her posture.

“You don’t know because you never did your part of the conversation…” she said, pulling her arms back and returning to her previous position, no more bubble of intimacy, no more focused attention on me and I knew I’d be out of words too, the moment I saw her lean over her plate again.

I copied her move immediately, not feeling offended or really even bothered. First, because she was right. And second, because she’s not okay and I refuse to be the reason she spirals into that volatile behavior that’ll drag us both into some pointless war.

I didn’t come for a war. I came to see Kate Bishop. And I’ve been playing politics, just like Barnes has been drilling into me, against my will, since the second I walked through that door.

*

It’s hard to explain how everything feels like it’s spinning around me when she’s in the same room. Every little gesture, every glance she tries to hide, every pathetic attempt I make to act natural while my heart’s pounding so loud I swear someone else must hear it. All because I’m here, surrounded by my friends… or at least by people I try to keep close… and her ...  Yelena Belova ...  standing in the middle of my kitchen, blushing from our interaction, taking up way more space in my world than she ever should.

From the moment she said she wanted to stay, my stomach did this weird flip. It’s not exactly nerves. Or maybe it is. But it feels different. It’s her. It’s the fact that even with her serious attitude, sharp eyes, and short sentences, there’s something about her that makes me feel… seen. Like she knows too much about me, even if she actually knows nothing. It annoys me… and fascinates me at the same time.

I was still totally dazzle with how things were going with the other girl, Ava… she seemed light, fun… I flashed a full smile the second I saw her walk into the kitchen carrying Lucky in her arms like a baby, and I instantly felt at ease, but mostly because she seemed amazing… liked my kid… and was clearly trying to embarrass, tease, and calm Yelena all at once.

She gave me a playful wink after we introduced ourselves, and I genuinely wanted to have a beer with her and get her to spill everything she knew about Yelena. But then the other kids started talking to me, the dog barked, there was food… way too much going on. Still, I was almost happy to have a full house. That all changed when Eli, of course, picked the worst possible moment to be himself. One quick look at Yelena and Ava chatting told me they were both paying attention to his behavior.

“He’s been acting like a little jerk around them all morning. I’m honestly surprised they didn’t kill him in our living room.” Teddy muttered quietly near my shoulder, and I swallowed down my entire good mood, bracing myself against the table like I needed the support. I didn’t even have my arrows with me to lean on, but they should’ve done the talking after he touched himself in that gross, shameless way and worse, right in front of Yelena.

Eli is exactly the kind of dumbass I’ve avoided my whole life. It’s not even like I’m into guys, really, I let myself experience things the way I think any human being should. I have desires, needs, frustrations… all perfectly normal.

I wasn’t even surprised that I felt turned on by him at first, it was just some good tension, a bit of flirting. He didn’t seem all that annoying, honestly, he felt like a decent distraction… our little arguments about who's leading the group actually seemed healthy to me, even when I found myself buzzing with excitement while we hooked up after a few drinks. Nothing felt out of place. I’m young, I need to live… so does he. I’m hot… he’s hot…

That was until we were actually naked. It wasn’t just bad because he was so self-absorbed… or because it was supposed to be good for both of us. Everything in my mind shifted ...  like a breaker tripping during a blackout ...  the second he tried to go for a second round. My whole body just shut down… some parts of me literally dried up the moment I really thought about why I was there, naked with him.

One try was enough to know it all.

And then… in just another second… I remembered her. I thought about how… well, there wasn’t really that much to think about. She was just a girl who caught my attention more than anyone else had. Like bumping into someone on the street and never seeing them again ...  except I felt the difference in my body. I imagined myself in the same situation… but with her…

Not even that brief spark of inspiration ...  the one that made me climb on top of Eli and give it another go ...  not even that could work. Her eyes… the way we first saw each other… it was enough to make me stop whatever I was trying to do by being naked with him in the first place.

I regretted it as soon as I felt Eli’s body cool down, and he looked at me like I’d lost my mind. I was bracing for a whole scene, but weirdly, he took the rejection calmly.

“You okay?” The simple question he asked at the time made me be honest right away.

“Not exactly… I just… there’s someone else on my mind right now, and this isn’t gonna work…” I muttered, pulling the covers over me to keep talking, and he sighed, hopping off the bed to throw his pants back on and sit with me again.

“You like him? Is it one of the guys?” he asked, still calm, grabbing my shirt for me while I let out a sigh and slipped it on.

“It’s not one of the guys… it’s not even a guy… it’s a…” I remember exhaling just thinking about her… she wasn’t just any girl… “It’s a woman I met a while ago… and we… it’s complicated… I just… I like her… and there’s nothing really… we’ve never even talked, not properly…”

“Oh… like one of those deep platonic soulmate things?” he asked, still weirdly serious, and I almost smiled at how not-annoying he was being.

“Dude… I’m kinda shocked by how chill you’re being…” I laughed, and he burst out laughing too.

“Come on, Kate… I’m just a boy. Boys will always be boys. You’re my friend now, I guess… you’re helping me with something huge in my life… and I actually appreciate it… even if we’re both stubborn idiots and you still won’t admit I’m the leader... ” He tried, smugly, but I cut him off with a laugh.

“There goes the nice guy… I was almost thinking about getting naked again…” I laughed out loud, and he laughed with me, lying down next to me. The quiet way he laced his hands behind his head and crossed his ankles made me glance at him again, a little more seriously.

“I am a nice guy, Kate… I just… I wanna lead. I see myself in that role… I want to have power beyond just my body, you know?” He said, gesturing ahead of him like he saw a future. “When my grandpa asked Sam to give me this chance… I knew it was like… my only chance…” he explained, and I got it.

"Eli… leadership will never be more important than what we’re doing here… than what we’re going to do for everyone… I respect your reasons for fighting tooth and nail for it, I’ve never seen it as anything less than important to you. And while it matters to me too… neither of us gets to decide this. We just need to fight. Be good enough. So the world sees us that way… I just… the thing is, I need to be respected. Maybe not as your leader, but definitely as your friend…” I said quietly, and he groaned loudly.

“God… Kate, are you sure we can’t be naked right now?” he joked, pulling me onto his shoulder, and I burst out laughing, giving him a playful pinch.

“I’m sorry… not happening. Not today, not ever again.” I replied with a distant tone, and he ran his fingers through my hair.

“Just checking. It’s just… you kind of got a little hotter saying all those nice things to me.” He chuckled again, and I sighed, searching for his eyes as I rested on his shoulder.

“I’ll take the compliment… and if you keep that up, maybe…” I laughed, standing to pick up my panties from the floor of his room, and he groaned in protest.

“Can’t promise I’ll be all heart in the future… but whenever I go too far, feel free to call me out. Might even work better in private… you know… I’m just a dumb guy who doubles down when he smells irritation.”

I was already by the bedroom door when I heard that. “As long as you're respectful…” I waved him off, giving up completely on trying to fix whatever that was.

The reason I’m remembering this almost-good memory right now is because I really need to remind myself that Eli is not my enemy, no matter how much of an idiot he is, thinking cheap charm is attractive and that some shared history gives him the right to cross the line.

I saw the way he was watching Yelena… that look, that smug “I love to annoy people” face. He’s sizing her up, analyzing everything. And he knows damn well she probably doesn’t like him. Didn’t take me more than a few minutes to notice how she was looking at him and whispering with Ava. I knew some shit was coming from his crappy behavior, but I had no idea what to expect from our guests.

Then he opened his mouth and started talking about “giving it another shot”, joking like our history was more than a bad judgment call on my part, and I snapped.

“Eli, can I talk to you for a sec, in private?” My tone was sharp. My eyes, probably burning with rage, made it clear... I needed to shut this down now, before Yelena decided he was worth a knife, a bullet… or tasers. And honestly? Part of me thinks she’d pull it all off in one perfectly executed combo.

Once we were outside the dining room, inside my office, away from everyone’s eyes, I didn’t waste a second.

“You need to stop. Now.” I said low and firm... part warning, part threat.

He smiled. That smile. God, I hate that smile. “I was just joking, Kate. You need to chill, the visitors didn’t care all morning…” he mumbled, grabbing some nuts from the bowl before flopping down into my chair, legs up on my desk.

I walked over and shoved his legs off harder than necessary, powered by all the annoyance I’d been carrying since morning. “No, Eli. You weren’t just joking. You know what you’re doing. You know you're trying to make women uncomfortable. And worse, you don’t even know who they really are.” I snapped, my whole body burning with frustration.

He stared at me for a whole minute, still chewing through that smug grin.

“Who? Our new scary girls?”

“They’re not our girls, you idiot…” I growled, that sting of jealousy flaring up again from yesterday.

“Eli… Ava could literally punch a hole through your chest. And Yelena… She's not some regular girl. She’s more than that. And you know it. I told you.” I huffed, my eyes burning with the tears that had been threatening all day.

He went quiet. Of course he did. His expression shifted, more serious now, like that day. I wiped my tears, trying to hold it together.

“Do you remember? That time, in your room, when… well, you know. When we… and I couldn’t even…? I told you I was confused. That I had feelings for someone else. A girl.” I kept going until his eyes widened.

“No way… it’s her?” he whispered, standing and coming closer. He reached out, cupping my cheeks, suddenly acting like the sweet guy he rarely showed. I let the stupid tears fall freely.

“Hey, kittykat… please… I’m sorry, just don’t cry…” he said, gently wiping my face with more care than I expected.

“Yeah… Yelena is that woman… ” Her name in my mouth hit differently. It wasn’t regret. It was pain. Real pain. Feelings.

“I didn’t… Kate, she and I are just in a healthy competition because she kicked my ass at Mario Kart. I swear I wasn’t being that disrespectful… just game banter, I promise.” He explained, still wiping my cheeks, but I pulled away, ready to say what I really thought and cut off whatever disrespect he’d tried today.

“Alright, Eli… here’s my point… and I need you to get this clear, if you can’t respect this for me, then do it because she could kill you with a toothpick. Literally. And because, honestly, you need to learn to recognize boundaries. This is my house. And she matters, dammit… just try.”

He looked like he wanted to say something, but whatever he saw on my face made him think twice. He just nodded and pointed toward the door, signaling that he was leaving.

I leaned against the wall for a moment, taking a deep breath. My hands were shaking. I don’t usually lose control like that… Eli and I have had moments like this before, where he seems like he’s going to be decent, and then he pulls the same crap again. But this time… this time had to be different. Because if it wasn’t… I…

That’s enough… I’ll deal with Eli if I have to…

When I got back, the mood at the table was tense. Ava shot me a knowing look. Yelena… she looked at me like she was trying to crack some secret code, and I quickly marched over to sit beside her, trying to seem steadier than I actually felt.

Thankfully, she seemed to be ignoring all the Eli shit, focused only on me. She shook the hell out of my heart by asking if I was okay in the dumbest, most innocent way possible. My whole body screamed no, but all I could do was touch her hand, like she asked, to quietly let her know honestly that no, I wasn’t okay. And somehow, she was the only one there who needed to know that.

I barely stopped myself from sighing as I looked at how pretty she was, holding my feelings tight in her clenched fist. It was exactly how I thought she was holding onto my own heart…

Suddenly, it was just her in the damn multiverse.

I searched the eyes of everyone at the table while she seemed distracted, staring down at her lap. Only Ava looked at me... and it wasn’t the playful, teasing kind of look, it was like she was trying to figure out what the hell I’d done to get Yelena so quiet and staring at her hands. I awkwardly stretched out my arms like I was tired, making a show of my two hands touching, fingers intertwined. Then Ava’s eyes went wide, probably realizing Yelena was nervous about the touch. She frowned for a moment, then took a breath, twirling her knife in her hand, staring straight at me.

The way she speared an olive made me swallow hard and reach for a bunch more olives on my plate. I quickly shook my head to calm her down, and she smiled, turning her attention back to the kids, chatting with them.

I chewed my olive, deciding the rest of this meal had to be normal… no tension, no heavy talks. Everyone was talking about random stuff, trying to distract themselves. But all I could hear was my own mind repeating… She’s here. She stayed. She wants to talk later . And that should have made me happy, but…

“You like olives, Kate Bishop?” Her calm, simple voice made me look at her like she had a damn head growing out of her back. Yeah, she seemed to have read my mind about those damn olives being my security blanket right now, but I wanted to jump out of my skin because it felt like she wanted to know way more than she was actually asking…

That fixed, permanent memory in my mind of when she crashed my apartment and acted the exact same way filled me to the bone… that day she was all curious about landmarks, and now it was about her talking olives.

Was she here to interrogate me again?

Maybe I really needed to activate some damn tenderness containment and slam on some extra brakes before this damn elevator plummeted again.

She wasn’t going to intimidate me again. No one was going to intimidate me in my own damn home.

Everything in the past few years has been about drawing clear lines on how people are supposed to treat me. And just because I’m embarrassingly attracted to Yelena doesn’t mean she has any right or power over how I behave.

If she’s gonna keep playing her game like this, then I see no reason to change my own damn attitude here.

Another sign this visit had a purpose way different from what I actually wanted was how she said my name like she was savoring every damn syllable, while I wasn’t even sure if she liked olives…

She didn’t want to know about damn olives… and honestly, I don’t think I want to know if she does anymore.

It’s just damn unfair that I’m feeling this way about someone I barely even know.

What the hell kind of power does Yelena have over my control? It shouldn’t be like this.

It was so damn unfair that she raised that dumb olive question and I froze… I shouldn’t be this nervous, like I got caught off guard by the most attentive person in the world.

And that’s why I decided I’d strike back. If she wanted a war with me… she’d get one. And this time, I’d play with my own damn weapons.

I tossed an olive into my mouth, pretending to think, then laid my cards on the table… my answer was another question, just like that damn day she jumped through my window after threatening me.

“Why do you keep saying my name?” I sighed, resting my chin on my fist, watching her look intently at my hands. I wish she’d held my gaze… maybe if she saw the irony, something would be different.

“I’m not sure I understand what you mean… it’s your name, after all…” She looked confused. That gave me a little edge.

“Yeah, it’s my name… but you say it completely…” I said, way more irritated than I wanted to admit.

“I don’t remember calling you Katherine Elizabeth Bishop…” She tried to dodge, joking about the formality of my full name, and I got even more annoyed. But I knew it wasn’t just that boiling under my skin.

Deep down, all I wanted was for her to see me. For real. Not the girl on the file. Not through some damn report… or a tablet like Kamala did…

She was supposed to see me… me… Katherine Bishop, but also… just Kate… not that sexy, cold Kate Bishop with that accent that made my body sing a full-on damn ode.

I wanted her to see the dumb girl who still doesn’t know how to show she’s… truly interested in someone… I wanted her to see how desperate I am… hungry… so she’d finally give me a real damn moment.

But then I realized how I’m just a foolish idiot waiting for something I made up in my own traumatized, pain-filled mind…

Yeah, her next words just made me draw this invisible, unbreakable line... One that wouldn’t be crossed under any damn circumstances.

“I still don’t see the point… it’s like the first time… I say your full name because I know your full name…” She explained almost innocently, with this damn cute little pout, glancing at the others around the table who were busy with their own shit, paying us zero attention.

Yeah… it’s the same… she’s got a mission here, one that’s anything but casual or ordinary… or for me.

She said we needed to talk sooner… yeah… a mission...

Case closed. Let’s be rational.

“Oh, so you just keep assuming you know everything about me because you know my name…” I blew out a bitter laugh, the harshest I’d had all year… This loss right here was definitely just another nail in that stupid coffin I’d been polishing in my head. It didn’t even make sense.

I’m just an idiot. A kid, just like she must think.

And that’s fine… There really wasn’t any reason for her to come here for me today… this was the fourth time I’d seen her in my life… definitely the longest stretch we’d been around each other without a real fight.

Maybe the point is what I talked about with Eli… she’s probably just a girl in my mind… and no… I don’t have time for girls anymore...

I was just mulling over my stupidity when her soft, calm voice filled my mind with that damn war again.

“No… I’m sure now that what I know barely scratches the surface of what I should know after almost three years…” Her voice made me snap my eyes to hers in a rush.

She can’t seriously be putting on this damn show again…

She’s seriously on some organized attack here. It doesn’t even feel real that we’re having this damn conversation right now. Another shot was needed here.

“You don’t know because you never did your part of the conversation…” I snapped, my voice barely above a whisper, deciding that once lunch was over, any stupid illusion I’d been holding onto all this time was done.

Enough. That’s it.

*

She didn’t even seem aware of how uncomfortable I was as she patted her thighs, calling Lucky, who trotted over to her right away. She cut small pieces of chicken from his pack, whispering kind words in what sounded like Russian.

“This one’s bland, Kate Bishop?” she said, inspecting the chicken pack I’d brought for him. I nodded absentmindedly.

“Yeah… his is special… just boiled and roasted… no salt or seasoning…” I explained, and she smiled at the dog.

“This is way better, huh, boy?” she murmured. “Much better than the pizzas your mom used to give you for dinner, right?” she said before switching back to Russian. I stared at her in shock again.

Is she really going to keep bringing up stuff from two years ago like it’s brand new?

I dug into my pasta, still annoyed, chewing everything down hard. I was genuinely afraid that if I didn’t chew properly, I’d choke on the food and all the resentment I felt for the small woman next to me.

*

Silence settled over us again as we kept eating quietly. Something had shifted. Something had definitely changed in the last fifteen minutes. It wasn’t just the silence… it was how it settled, like it had moved in to fill a space that used to hold something else… something lighter, maybe even intimate, though subtle. Now, that space felt heavy. Tense. And Kate… Kate had clearly drawn an invisible line. She didn’t just step into that tense space, she carried it, like she had all the unspoken words between us strapped to her back.

I noticed everything… the way she kept looking away, like making eye contact with me was either painful or just too much. Her shoulders were a little stiffer, and she pushed her food around with this kind of rehearsed grace, like she was only pretending to eat. I watched her from the corner of my eye, pretending to be distracted, but every move she made was screaming. And I heard it.

My focus zeroed in on her, like my body was stuck in standby mode, trying to catch any other shift. The rhythm of her breathing. The slight tremble in her fingers as she lifted the fork to her mouth. The way her jaw was tense, locked in thoughts I couldn’t reach.

What did I miss? What did I say… or maybe didn’t say?

Inside, the unease felt like an annoying itch right in the middle of my back, almost like an electric current under my skin. I knew, even without fully understanding, that I’d lost control of something here. And that bugged me way more than the annoying guy sitting across from me, who was now acting like he wasn’t a disrespectful little punk.

I was tuned in to everything. Every tiny detail. Every shift in energy. Every glance not shared as I tried to pinpoint where it all cracked… but nothing broke the pattern.

I tried to spark conversation again… went back to the harmless topic of the dog, in a near-desperate attempt to lighten the mood… but even that didn’t get to the root of the problem. Not even the dog, with all his strategic cuteness, could break the storm that was brewing inside her and spreading through the whole damn kitchen.

She was chewing so hard I could hear the tension in her jaw, marked, almost locked tight. The way she stabbed the chicken… over and over… with those harsh, automatic movements said way more than any word she wasn’t saying. Every cut was a message. And they all screamed: I’m not okay.

"Tvoya mama tak zla na menya, dorogoy…” I murmured in Russian to the dog, my voice softened with the tone I’d reserved just for him for over five hours now. He looked up at me with sparkling eyes, wagging his tail like I was the literal source of all good things in life… and maybe in that moment, I was, since I was giving him love in the form of roast chicken. He looked at me the way my Fanny used to…

I petted his head for a few seconds, looking for comfort in the touch, a kind of affection that didn’t demand emotional literacy. Just presence… I really miss Fanny, and that deserves my attention… maybe I should call her…

Then I went back to my plate, chewing slowly, almost like I was ruminating, not just the food, but the day. The events. The weird weight that had been hanging over me since this morning. It’s been a hell of a long-ass day, if you want to know. I looked up at the big clock on the wall and nearly laughed at the absurdity… not even two in the afternoon yet… and look at everything that’s already happened…

My eyes shifted discreetly back to Kate, still sitting next to me, and I couldn’t help but think that my mission… this mission that felt massive just a few hours ago… now felt absurdly simple. I just had to wait for lunch to be over to be alone with her… that’s it.

I’d wait for lunch to finish completely… go through whatever social convention around dishes and clean-up… wait about five minutes, because that’s what normal people do, and then I’d pat my thighs like I’ve seen Ava and Bob do to shut down any pointless chatter, and I’d ask for a moment alone with her.

It didn’t have to be all that complicated…

Ava said something funny, and for a second, everyone laughed. I smiled too, automatic, like a trained muscle reflex, but inside, there was a knot. A low, buzzing discomfort. Maybe anxiety… or anticipation. Or fear. I just knew I had no idea what I wanted to say to her when we were finally alone… but I also knew that once we were… the words would come. They always do.

And even if I got nervous… I knew she’d help me. She’d calm me down. She promised me that this morning.

The problem was… she looked nervous too. Nervous in a way that felt wrong, in every limb, pulsing with anger… in the way she avoided my eyes. In the tension in her fist. Even in silence… even without saying a word… she was falling apart inside.

And me… I could feel every bit of it.

I’m not assuming that, after everything yesterday, all this… me being here, sitting at the table with her and everyone else… is something she’s actually processing. Not really. It still feels like something that’s stuck halfway through, trying to squeeze through a crack that’s way too small.

But what really caught me off guard was the way she got up from the table. Abrupt. Almost violent, even in silence. It was too fast. Mechanical, like she was reacting to some invisible threat only she could see.

My body responded before I did… my instinct reached lightly for the side of my thigh, where the gun usually rests. The move was subtle, almost unnoticeable, but still… She didn’t look at me. Didn’t say anything directly to me. She just muttered something vague, neutral, like tossing bait into icy water, hoping no one would bite.

“What? I’m just grabbing the hot sauce…” she grumbled, already moving toward the pantry next to the kitchen, not waiting for any reaction.

But everyone reacted. Oh yeah, the bait was definitely taken. The looks around the table hardened like wet concrete drying in real time. No one moved, but the whole room felt like it shifted under the weight of seeing Kate act so cold. Like they were expecting her to come back with a weapon, not condiments… But me? I was still secretly celebrating the chance to spice up an already delicious meal, reaching across the table to meet Ava’s fist. She looked just as thrilled with the shift in atmosphere.

When Kate came back holding a bottle of habanero sauce, Ava and I looked at each other like dreamy-eyed schoolgirls. Ava definitely thinks Kate’s the one now… But little does she know, Kate isn’t really the spicy food type… That was a message. For me.

Kate actually looked happy sitting next to me again, showing off the bottle like it was some kind of relic, and I exhaled, relieved she was trying to engage. She remembered our girls’ night. Maybe if I teased her now… she’d smile, and I wouldn’t have to deal with how upset she really was.

“I don’t even like hot sauce, Kate Bishop!” I said it playfully, pouting in a way that had her eyes locked on my mouth for a few seconds. Way too long to be just silence. Like my mouth was saying more than my words ever could.

My tone was casual. Almost trivial… just a throwaway detail tossed into the air. As if I hadn’t just altered that tiny, crucial piece of our shared past. As if that conversation we had a long time ago, before everything, was random and meaningless.

I spent the whole night last night thinking about every word we said that night. To me, nothing could be more important than that moment… the one that truly connected us… Spicy mac and cheese…

The fact she brought that out now was just another reason I was melting for her. But then, again, something in her eyes seemed to boil over… especially when I let my full smile light up my face. I just wanted her to smile back… That’s all… And when I thought about taking back my words, to show her I still did love spicy food… She looked completely shut down…

That same sadness from yesterday… but now laced with thorns.

“I’m sorry if you lied and didn’t actually like it…” she said quietly, setting the bottle down facing her, hiding the label like someone shielding a personal detail.

“It’s just…” she sighed, scratching her eyebrow in this dry, impatient way, like this was pissing her off more than it should.

“Since this is my house… and I wasn’t expecting a visit from someone I don’t really know.”

She said it arrogantly, looking straight at me before clicking her teeth together.

That tone… It hit me like a blade. Her voice carried the exact weight of contempt. Cold. Measured. Surgical. And then, she looked right at me. Firm. Sharp. Just to drive the knife all the way in.  “And since you’ve never been here before… well… It just happens to be my favorite, Yelena. You’re free to pass.”

Ouch.

She definitely didn’t get the joke.

Worse… 

She hated it.

I thought back over everything I said and froze. Because at that moment, something inside me cracked in a way that hurt more than it should have… It wasn’t really about what she said… Not even about the damn sauce. It was how I understood it… as a direct hit.

Kate wasn’t just upset with me. She was attacking me by speaking like that… Punishing me for never answering her back before. Using words like weapons.

I was dead-center in her sights. So all I could do was take a slow breath and nod… just slightly.

That’s the protocol… If someone is pointing a gun at you… You can try to distract… You can dodge… But for all the options… you have to breathe and never look away from your attacker.

She was still staring at me like she expected me to either fight back or run…

It’s happened before…

I’ve jumped off the rooftop…

I’ve broken into her apartment…

I really didn’t want to deal with her like this. 

And yeah, that’s one more reason why I’m here.

I wouldn’t run from it. It’s good I came today… 

This stew of resentment she’s cooking up can’t keep boiling at the heat she’s set. If she keeps this up, everything’s gonna evaporate. And once our feelings are reduced down to something this volatile… There won’t be anything left but war.

I don’t want a war with Kate Bishop.

I might actually want everything I saw in that dream of mine.

So I smiled again, pulling together every little bit of political training I’ve picked up lately…

Barnes would be proud of how I’m handling this today. I even winked at Ava, grateful for how she’s always such a damn flirt… She’ll definitely back me up on my next move.

It would be quick… I’d touch Kate Bishop and say something flirty, something meaningful… and that’s why I didn’t feel a single ounce of regret when I let my whole hand slide over and touch hers, resting on her lap. "Ah… relax, Kate… I just thought you'd remember our first date. And no, I wasn’t lying… I still love peppers… all of them…”

I said her first name… I touched her… brought up a sweet memory… how could that go wrong, right?

Wrong.

I thought she’d maybe cool things down… but I couldn’t have been more off.

In fact, I instantly knew touching her was a mistake, because she jerked our hands apart in one sudden move like my touch burned her, then reached for the napkin on her lap and tossed it onto the table.

She stood up, both hands pressed to the table, and looked at everyone. For a second, I really thought she might scream, the way she was moving, all shaky and tense. I glanced at Ava, looking for a cue, but she just frowned at me, clearly telling me to handle it. I was about to pull Kate out of the kitchen, like I did back at Stark Tower, when she finally spoke, her voice soft.

“Okay… I’m done here…” she muttered, touching her forehead again, visibly annoyed. “Guys… when I got here the kitchen was a mess… I’d like you to clean it up… I cleaned everything yesterday… today it’s on you… please help tidy up in here and in the living room too, I’m sure it’s a disaster… can we do that?” she asked carefully, her voice like a nervous, sad thread. Like every word had to be pushed out of her throat.

Cassie, with her sweet and diplomatic tone, answered right away. “Of course… we’d already talked about that… we were gonna do it, but the girls showed up and we ended up hanging out with them… sorry about the mess, Kate…” Cassie was just being kind, touching Kate’s hand before giving her a soft, flattering kiss on the arm.

Kate took a deep breath and smiled at the girl, her whole cold posture melting away as she ran her fingers through Cassie’s hair.

“Thanks. Now… I think we’ve already held the girls back long enough on their mission… and Lucky needs a walk… I’ll go out with them and-” she started, but Ava cut in quickly.

“Oh… not me… this mission’s Yelena’s thing… I’m here for the kids… she’s the one who came for you …” Ava said while gathering plates and giving me a meaningful look. I smiled, grateful for the assist.

I stood up fast to bring my plate to the sink, and when I came back, Kate’s expression was unreadable. She was clearly bothered by that “ mission ” label too, and I felt my shoulders sink.

What the hell does Kate Bishop actually want here? Why is she so mad?

I didn’t even have time to ask those questions properly, because Lucky made the decision for us, barking loudly beside her and dropping his leash at her feet. The word walk was definitely part of his vocabulary, and I didn’t wait. I stepped over, reaching for the leash to get Lucky ready.

Kate stormed out of the kitchen, and everyone else seemed to go back to their own lives, but Ava came up to me, holding my shoulders. “What the hell is going on?” she asked, curious. I sighed, breathing deep.

“I have no idea… all I know is she’s mad… and it feels like it’s at me… but I’ll figure it out… maybe being alone is the best thing right now…” I breathed out, and Ava smiled.

“That thing with the date? It was awesome… maybe you should take her on a real one…” Ava whispered excitedly, and I smiled.

“You really think so? What should I do? What would you do?” I asked, all excited, and she shook my shoulders, laughing.

“I’d take that Goddess to heaven with my fingers…” she growled with an obnoxious hiss, and I snapped my eyes wide open. “I’m kidding, dumbass…” she said quickly, and I exhaled again.

“Please, Ava… really help me here… you saw this is way more complicated…” I almost begged, and she took a breath, thinking.

“Okay… maybe… just take her to do something you like… the mango ice cream thing… the aquarium… I don’t know, Yelena… just… be honest… show her she can trust you… she’s just mad… maybe it’s not even about you… she seems mad in a very democratic way… like she hating everything and everyone equally…” Ava explained.

I stood there for a second, the world spinning around me, thinking that for the first time in a long time… I might actually get things right with someone… I’d been doing things right by being careful with Bob… and now, I was gonna do the same with her.

I was just breathing, leaning on the table for a few minutes, trying to map out a plan when she came back.

“Ready?” she asked, now wearing just jeans and a simple T-shirt. Her short hair tied into a small knot, her neck all beautifully exposed. I sighed, walking over to her. She already had Lucky on the leash and was reaching for a big coat for herself.

“Here, wear this…” she murmured, grabbing another coat. “It’s cloudy. Gonna rain at some point.” I nodded and let her help me into it. Her cold fingers brushed the back of my neck while adjusting the coat and sent a shiver down my spine… but I hid it quickly, stepping away to grab Lucky.

*

Lucky’s leash swung between my fingers, the cool, smooth leather keeping me grounded in the moment as I walked beside Yelena. The dog trotted ahead, nose glued to every post, every invisible scent on the sidewalk… and everything in the world felt absurdly normal… almost ironically simple… compared to what I was feeling inside.

Yelena walked beside me, hands shoved into the pockets of my oversized coat, her eyes casually scanning the streets of New York like she was just out enjoying the day. Like she hadn’t touched me earlier. Like she hadn’t completely disarmed me with a fake line and the warm slide of her fingers over my skin.

That’s what she’d been doing over lunch. Creating these soft moments. Gentle. Almost intimate.

Then letting the silence swallow them whole. Like she was planting little time bombs only I could hear ticking… if I got close enough. 

“I want mango ice cream!” She said suddenly, turning to me with a small smile.

I frowned. “Ice cream? Mango?”

“Yeah. It’s my favorite.” She replied way too casually. Like it was some universally known fact. Like we were in one of those cheesy romance movies where the cool girl says something sweet and harmless just to create a shared memory with the slightly awkward girl.

My brain filed it away and quietly repeated. “It’s your favorite… right…” I was really just mumbling to myself, still stunned that she was offering up a personal detail. Small. Out of context. Dangling in the air. Just another puzzle piece she dropped on the table like she did the damn night she barged into my life.

I ground my teeth in frustration but played it off like I didn’t care. I pretended it didn’t get to me. But, of course, it echoed inside me like a stubborn song.

Mango ice cream. Favorite. “Interesting choice.” I muttered, making room for her to pass a group of people.

She smiled… just the corner of her lips… and the cold had done wonders for her cheeks, now flushed and somehow even more beautiful. I quickly looked away, because the plan was to stop the bleeding, get her the damn ice cream she wanted, hear whatever the hell she had to say, and then start a whole new life without a single memory or craving involving any tongue on any kind of ice cream in this chapter.

“And you…?” she asked, completely out of nowhere, and I had to lean in a bit to hear her.

“Me what, Yelena?” I said, stepping through a puddle, both hands shoved deep into my coat pockets, turning slightly to check if she could get across without issue.

I nearly rolled my eyes… She's a damn Black Widow. Of course she’s gonna make it over a puddle… probably in some stupidly graceful way…

“I want to know about you… what do you like?” she said softly, and I let out a sigh.

Every dumb part of my brain echoed one word: “You!” But thankfully my mind had enough dignity not to embarrass me out loud. I just took a deep breath and watched her do a tiny pirouette over the stupid puddle. I let out a bitter laugh. See? Told you… No need for the coat-over-the-puddle move or any other nonsense.

“Be specific, Yelena…” I said sharply, picking up pace to walk beside her again. She huffed, blowing into her freezing hands. She didn’t even have gloves…

“The ice cream, Silly Bishop … the ice cream… Strawberry? Chocolate? Something very American?” she teased, letting out a loud, rough laugh.

I rolled my eyes just to stop myself from melting like any decent ice cream would on a hot sidewalk. “Even though I get that you think I’m dumb, it doesn’t actually offend me… but that was xenophobic… I could have you arrested for that…” I snapped, eyes focused on the street.

This conversation was turning more annoying by the minute… but I wasn’t about to do anything about it. She flat-out called me dumb, and so far, she’s kind of proving her point.

“That was accurate…” she shot back, raising an eyebrow. “You’re clearly dodging a simple question and thinking you can confuse a Black Widow with someone who’s gonna give up on a target.” She strutted ahead of me and stopped in front of some dumb souvenir shop.

I gave her a bitter smirk at the sheer audacity of her grilling me like this, demanding personal info like she was conducting an interrogation, but I lost it when I saw her open a tiny matryoshka doll only for a little rubber penis to spring out.

“What the hell is this crap?” she growled, wiping her hand exaggeratedly on my coat. I sighed and walked over to check out the stupid toy.

I could barely hold it together when I pressed the damn thing and it started vibrating in my hand.

“It’s just a vibrator, dumbass…” I laughed even harder, digging into my pockets for my wallet and some bills. “Here… I’ll take 20 of these…” I groaned through my laughter, already imagining my team losing their minds over it.

“Now that’s xenophobic… you disgrace the Russian motherland by spreading matryoshkas like this…” she said, glaring between me and the guy ringing up my order.

“I don’t give a shit, Yelena… I don’t even know what the hell these things are for beyond annoying me with layer after layer of the same crap in smaller chunks…” I growled, grabbing my bag while she looked genuinely close to being pissed off.

Let’s see what you’re made of…

“Hey… first of all… the disrespect! Isn’t this… isn’t this like, a crime?” she scoffed, walking ahead of me, and I just kept moving, completely unfazed.

“Yeah… a serious one…” I nodded. “Penalties for xenophobic crimes can include jail time, fines, community service… even losing your right to own a firearm…” I huffed in irritation. “And I’m sure, coming from an assassin with a rap sheet like yours, that kind of accusation doesn’t exactly carry much weight…” I said, rolling my eyes and reaching out to pull her out of the way of a lamp post.

“Okay… but let’s not forget you’re a criminal now too… the Kremlin might subtly poison you for disrespecting the pride of the motherland… matryoshkas are a national treasure…” she said, half-joking, half-serious, but I couldn’t find it in me to care.

“I’m American, Yelena… I’m not gonna start caring about any other country in the universe but mine, no matter what you do…” I muttered, steering her away from something else again and sighing. “Now, if you could just walk like a normal girl next to me, I’d appreciate it…” I snapped, brushing past her, clearly irritated.

“You keep…” she groaned loudly. “Okay… A, you still haven’t answered what the hell your favorite flavor is… B, you’re not even trying to hide how annoyed you are with me anymore… big ol’ C, you keep mistaking me for some normal, patient girl who’s gonna take your shit without at least shooting you once… and D… I don’t wanna do this anymore.” She said it loud and clear in the middle of the street, then turned and started walking the other way.

I counted ten seconds in my head, glanced around the street, then ran after her.

“Hey… wait…” I murmured as I caught up.

She stopped instantly, and I sighed, coming to a halt beside her.

“What is it, Kate?” she groaned, running her fingers through her hair. “The date’s over. I get it… I’m at the edge of my patience right now, and I don’t wanna snap at you… clearly, you don’t wanna be around me, and I’m not the kind of girl who keeps pushing… more than I already…” she took a deep breath and I leaned against the wall beside her.

I was more than curious about her outburst, but she voiced her frustration so carefully that I immediately regretted being harsh.

I can’t lose my cool here and I’ve never needed to raise my voice to get my point across.

“Sorry…” I said, not really committing to the apology, mostly because she still hadn’t explained what the hell this whole stupid meet-up was actually about. So yeah, I had to play it diplomatic, even if I didn’t feel like giving in.

“Yeah… I forgive you…” she replied quickly, crossing her arms, and for a second I almost thought this would turn into some ridiculous, unnecessary drama. But as always… Yelena had a way of surprising me.

“I just wanna know what flavor the ice cream is, Kate?” she said, clearly annoyed, rolling her eyes as she stared out at the street, that evil pout back on her lips, and yeah… her eyes were a little too watery too.

I laughed at the absurdity of the whole thing. She looked nothing but cute being stubborn… which also pissed me off.

This… right here… it's her trying to get her way using that damn pout.

Cunning… She’s cunning… and I can never forget that.

It had become a pattern these past few hours. She’d throw out some teasing bait, then pretend she was all innocent. And the worst part? I couldn’t figure out the game. I didn’t know if it was flirting, manipulation, or just… distraction.

That’s what really got under my skin. Yelena was being sweet, open and instead of feeling flattered by all the attention, I was on edge. Because I know people like her don’t open up like this without a reason.

She had already cooked me some damn mac and cheese after throwing me off a rooftop. Then she blew up and said she didn’t want to be mistreated, threatened to shoot me… and forgave me a minute later.

Everything with her is unstable… a threat.

And maybe this little performance today was just a more complicated kind of threat.

Maybe it was about yesterday. 

About her pet monster…

About what I said…

Or how I said it…

I felt the weight of those possibilities settling like a rock in my stomach… mostly because I didn’t want to talk about any of it, and also because she was stalling, distracting me, waiting for the right moment to finally say what she really wanted to say. I knew this move. I recognized the pattern. The ice cream was just the appetizer before the main course.

Like mac and cheese and giggles before she lunges across the table with some passive-aggressive twist…

A quiet, frustrated voice in the back of my mind was whispering that maybe… just maybe, we just wanted her to be a normal girl, doing something normal like taking us on a real date…

“I like pistachio…” I murmured, swallowing down the thick, sticky sadness tangled up inside me from not knowing, and not trusting, Yelena’s intentions…

The only thing I was sure of right now was that I needed to keep her talking until I figured out what kind of threat I was really dealing with… to have Yelena this deep in my comfort zone.

*

Just like I predicted… holding a damn ice cream cone didn’t help much. Yelena looked way too adorable in more ways than one right now… she was practically skipping all the way from the tiny ice cream parlor she dragged me to, tucked deep in a back alley in Coney Island.

The thing about mango being her favorite flavor?

Not a lie…

Some overly friendly, overly smiley, way too helpful girl nearly burst into flames when Yelena walked into the damn place. She practically leapt over the counter when she saw her and yelled into the back for someone to restock the mango flavor because, quote, “The person who loves it more than anyone in America is here!”

Annie, the owner, was practically purring while chirping about how long Miss Longbottom had taken to come back…

Yes. You can read that whole part in your most annoying voice, replacing all the vowels with an “i,” and it still won’t match how irritated I was by her repeating Yelena’s last name and Avenger title like some fangirl.

I muttered the stupid name under my breath and Yelena whispered that it was just one of her fake identities and she’d tell me a “fun story” about it some other time…

The woman kept flirting with Yelena the entire time… between handing us our cones, offering Lucky watermelon slices and water, and completely ignoring me. Annie didn’t even acknowledge my existence.

What would Yelena’s monster think of this crap? Couldn’t she respect the guy for five seconds?

Yeah, this sounds jealous, because it is jealous . On top of everything else going on, I had to deal with this bullshit too.

It’s ridiculous… not even a competition. The monster’s the boyfriend. The girl has her favorite ice cream.

I’m just the stray mutt flooding her inbox with nonsense.

Nothing was doing any favors for my mood, especially the part where she paid for the ice cream, all smiles for the pretty girl, and I just sighed loudly…

“God… at least the ice cream’s good. You think she spat in mine?” I said, disgusted, watching how happy Yelena looked. Her curious glance at me seemed genuine.

“Why the hell would she’d spit in my friend’s ice cream? Especially when I’m, like, her best customer and spend a ton of money at her shop?” Everything about her tone was completely clueless to the fact that she missed the joke.

“I’d spit in the ice cream of the girl who’s probably hanging out with the girl I definitely want…” I said, deadpan, still licking my cone as she grabbed Lucky’s leash.

I didn’t hear her footsteps behind me, and honestly? I didn’t care. I was watching everything around me… the shy sunlight peeking through the clouds over the marina looked nice…

I don’t need and I won’t let anything about Yelena get under my skin…

At least, that’s what I told myself… but then I heard those quick little running steps catching up to me before passing by… leaving behind a loud: “I’d spit in the ice cream for you too, Kate…”

Yeah… that did get under my skin.

I felt that itch in the middle of my back again… my eye, twitching like crazy, seemed like a clear sign of a total breakdown… my mouth was dry… my hands, freezing and shaky, barely holding onto the ice cream… and the worst part… my body pulsed in a very inappropriate place because of that damn woman…

She just said that… as if…

And then… she ran off with Lucky… both of them happy as fuck… leaving me there staring at my green and yellow ice cream… mango and pistachio… all half-melted… all delicious… while her words beat through my body like a drum…

“She… would spit it too…” I muttered, staring hard at my ice cream…

She… she…

No… no, no…

I’m not gonna see anything beyond what it really is.

Yelena is a Black Widow… and I know they’ll use any trick in the book to get what they want from their target. Clint told me everything about the times Natasha fooled him… I’m not selling myself for her cheap-ass flirting.

After my meltdown and after my girl stopped singing the song Yelena had been playing like a damn siren… We just walked around the whole marina and I sighed, feeling like I was walking in circles. Even Lucky looked tired after being around the most hyper human he’s probably ever met.

“And now, Yelena? What we doing… exactly?” I asked, completely unbothered on the outside , keeping my voice neutral despite the total mess I was inside .

“We’re just walking Lucky, like you wanted… we had the ice cream… and now… we’re gonna see fishes… just a normal date…” she answered calmly.

“What?” It took me three seconds to realize she was dead serious.

She pointed her chin toward the corner up ahead. “Yeah… the Aquarium… You’ve been there before?” she said like it was obvious, like I should’ve seen this coming.

I didn’t…

 

What does she mean by normal date?

“No.” I replied quickly, my voice all squeaky, and I bit my tongue in the process, cursing the entire universe for making me this nervous wreck.

Last time was with my dad… just weeks before he…

Yelena raised both eyebrows, looking confused. Like when I tricked her in that damn elevator. And I took two deep breaths, trying to get myself together.

“I… no… I mean…” I breathed again. “I haven’t been since the renovations… the last time was… when my d-” I bit my tongue immediately.

Stop right there. She doesn’t deserve personal info.

“Perfect.” she said, like that sealed some sort of secret mission plan.

Lucky barked next to us, like he was all in on this destination. I just kept walking… still trying not to think about my dad and focusing on the fact that it was really damn hard to admit I’d follow this woman wherever the hell she wanted, despite how bitter I felt about her…

I just breathed and let myself get distracted by the sounds of the cars, the echo of our steps on the pavement, the random murmurs of people around us… everything felt too loud… which is how I realized I was nervous… and when I get nervous, my brain switches into that mode where every little thing becomes data. Every word, a code.

Everything could be a threat… Mango ice cream.

Fish… Aquarium…

What am I missing?

Is she trying to calm me down…

Or get me ready?

I didn’t have much time to figure it out because we finally reached the Aquarium.

The building had that uncomfortable smell of somewhere way too clean, mixed with the damp scent of the sea and the fishy stench. The floor shimmered with bluish lights coming from the tanks, and the hairs on my arms stood up the moment we passed through the main entrance.

The temperature dropped. My ears popped from the change in pressure, and Lucky barked too, like he felt it as we walked down the halls… Yelena stepped up to the counter and paid for the tickets without even looking at me. Asked if I wanted to eat, and when I said no, she just motioned for me to follow her.

Because that’s what she does to me.

She pulls me along without even touching me.

We stepped into one of the main areas and I was immediately swallowed up by the artificial lights, the muffled sounds, the reflections of water on the glass walls stretching from floor to ceiling. It was beautiful. But it was also suffocating.

“The New York Aquarium is beautiful. And suffocating. Like life… breathe, Kate…” Dad used to tell me to breathe every time we were in this space, and I did.

I breathed, almost hearing his voice in my head.

The tank on the right had jellyfish floating like translucent veils. There was something almost hypnotic about them… like they were dancing to a slow, silent choreography no one ever taught them. I found myself standing there for a few minutes, watching them with Lucky.

Nothing here was really meant to be disturbing… but what always unsettled me was the sound.

Or rather, the lack of it… even with the place packed… the sound was always muffled in here.

Simply because the world was underwater and no one seemed warned about how that felt… like safety instructions on a plane… but everyone seemed to hold some kind of respect for the silence…

Every glance showed me something different. 

Every breath felt wrong.

It was like being trapped inside something way too beautiful.

Like being inside a really tiny aquarium…

like being a fish… a little goldfish spinning in circles…

Trapped.

Contained.

Watched.

I saw a turtle slowly swimming in the back of the biggest tank, and my steps followed it blindly.

She didn’t look sad… but still, I couldn’t help but think she must know she’s trapped, and she shouldn’t be okay with that.

Maybe I was just projecting… Because that’s exactly how I feel…

Lately, my life’s felt like a really tiny aquarium.

Suffocating…

The water reflected on the ceiling like we were inside a dream… One of those hazy, blue dreams where the sounds feel deeper than they really are… The kind of place where light never fully arrives. The kind of place that makes you forget the world’s still out there.

I couldn’t help but compare the dreamlike feeling of it all to the colors of my nightmares, but I pushed the memories aside, keeping my eyes on Lucky… or at least trying to. He looked just as fascinated by the glowing floor and the sounds echoing from the speakers, tugging on the leash every time a fish made a sudden move. He didn’t seem to notice my chest tightening. He had no clue what Yelena meant to me… Of course my dog wouldn’t know I was still waiting for something that felt like a punch that never landed.

“You’re so quiet…” Yelena said beside me, as if she could sense my thoughts.

She wasn’t helping at all, looking that beautiful under this light… Her eyes… God… how can she be this amazing?

I looked away from the power her gaze had over me and mumbled shyly. “I’m just… watching…”

I sat on the floor, right where the light hit just right, and studied the rays shining through the surface, trying to guess the time… but nothing gave me a clear answer…

“Watching, or judging?” she said, sitting beside me, pulling Lucky into her lap.

I turned to her with a sharp look. “Do I really need to answer that? Or are you gonna storm off, stomping your feet again?”

She didn’t seem offended. “I like places like this. There’s something… calm about them. Nothing here makes me wanna angrily stomp away from pretty girls…” she sighed with a soft smile, never stopping her gentle strokes on Lucky’s fur.

I swallowed hard, wondering whether I should respond to what she just said, but chose to stay neutral, feeling my whole face burn at the way she’d called me pretty.

It’s useless… it’s just part of the plan… don’t fall for it…

“Calm? With kids screaming and couples taking selfies?” I said, nodding toward the loud group further down the way.

“Yeah. Still calm. Because no one here’s trying to be anything they’re not. It’s all about the fish here… The fish and the people just… existing-” She was cut off by Lucky barking loudly, and she hugged his head for a kiss. “Yes, you too, my little prince… don’t get needy…”

I rolled my eyes at how cute she looked with the dog, but I wasn’t ready to let her off the hook just yet. “That was way too deep for someone who came here for ice cream.”

She turned to me, her face still lit up by the perfect blue glow from the coral tank.

“And who said I came here for the ice cream?” she asked, confused, with a faint smile slipping out.

“Oh, right… you came for the fish…” I scoffed. “No, wait… wrong again… you probably only noticed the fish after you came here for Annie…” I nearly growled, and she burst out laughing, making me grit my teeth.

“You’re wrong on all counts…” she said, still smiling, and didn’t bother to explain further. Her words hung in the air like a rubber bullet. Didn’t hurt. But they left a mark.

I took a deep breath. For a second, I wanted to ask.

Why are you really here, Yelena?

What do you want from me?

What’s the damn point of this visit?

But instead, I just laid back on the floor and stared up through the cutout in the aquarium above me for what felt like an hour… just trying to imagine what the sky outside looked like… if that’s what the fish wondered about… if they were as curious about the surface as I was…

“I feel trapped in here…” I murmured, more to myself than to her, not even expecting a reply, but it came quickly.

“That wasn’t my intention… but I get it… There’s something about this place that feels like being stuck in a plan that’s not mine. Like the world’s watching us live, waiting for us to do something… special. Here… it’s like everything’s just too pretty to be real…” she went quiet for a moment.

Then she continued, even softer, “But I also realized, the first time I came here a year ago… sometimes we need a place that’s safe and neutral… Even if it’s a glass prison… it’s kind of… like the Red Room…” she said, taking a deep breath, and I couldn’t let her drop it.

I wanted to hear more.

“What about the Red Room, Yelena?” My voice was barely a whisper, careful not to break her train of thought… I just wanted more of her voice.

“Oh… it’s like retreating into your own mind… and for me, after having mine controlled for almost a third of my life… it’s like I need places and moments like this…” she sighed, calm and soft.

“What was it like… taking your mind back?” I asked, staring at my hands, unable to picture a life where I wasn’t in control of my own actions.

“I don’t remember much… but it felt like… Dreykov had full access to everything in my head… and when I finally got free… it was like all that was left came rushing back in at once… and I remember just stopping for a moment… and I… well… I cried for a whole day while I was running… it was… too much… overhealming…” She paused, like she needed a moment to breathe.

Lucky immediately sat up and burrowed into her neck like he understood, and I smiled, still waiting.

“And when I find things that… make me feel safe… like this place gave me something incredible… I came here… sat right here… thought about the lights… all the shades of blue… I felt free, like a fish… or something close to that… and then I left and found my first food obsession…” she said simply and I cracked, laughing loud.

“Jesus… you were doing so well… so poetic…” I groaned, hiding in Lucky’s fur as he cuddled up to her. I just wanted to be close… offer some kind of comfort.

“Well… I’m just a girl, sitting in front of another girl, asking to be… heard…” She said it with a cheeky smile that made me look at her closely, trying to read everything about her.

She didn’t seem to be hiding any hidden meanings.

She wasn’t studying me.

She wasn’t waiting for an opening to strike.

So maybe… This could be considered the first real breakthrough in our conversation.

I nodded at her, satisfied.

“Okay… I’m gonna let it slide this time because that was really good…” I said, pulling away from her, sticking out my tongue in an annoying little tease. She burst out laughing, muttering about how she wasn’t even doing anything major and how I was being full of myself.

Neither of us said anything else too serious or snarky, and Lucky looked totally out of it, snoring with his belly up for anyone walking by to see… Everything felt calm. Peaceful…

And then, out of nowhere, she said it. “I like hammerhead sharks.”

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Those ones…” She pointed to the tank in front of us, where three of them were circling slowly, like polite predators. “They’re… beautiful. Dangerous. Violent. And so aware. It’s fascinating, right? They look absurdly stunning while getting ready to kill or chew something up.”

Everything in me went on high alert at the sudden shift in topic… it was another sign I recognized…

Is she about to attack?

I looked at the sharks, then at her, and stood up. If she tried anything, I had to be ready.

I shifted my weight to my right foot, feeling everything inside me tip into instability again, and said in a flat tone. “Yeah… fascinating … They could adorably eat a car with you still in it… very charming …” I muttered, walking up to the shark tank. “They plan their attacks… lure in their prey… and the best part is… they’re masters of the surprise strike…”

While I watched Yelena seeming to try to read what I’d do next, I had this feeling one of the sharks was tracking my every move, even if I couldn’t see it. I gave it a second of my attention… but then the real predator I should be worried about… moved… like a damn cat.

She was looking at my feet… my hands… scanning the space around us like she was calculating something. I planted both feet firmly on the ground, already thinking what kind of attention two Avengers would attract fighting in the middle of an aquarium…

Yelena was breathing deeply… eyes roaming again… fingers idly brushing Lucky’s belly. It felt like she was processing something, maybe figuring out what I was doing… but then, like always, she caught me off guard. She made a sharp move that had me gripping the handle of the blade in my pocket… her eyes went wide… I expected anger, an attack, but instead, she lit up like I’d just said the coolest thing ever.

“YES! That’s it!” she blurted out, loud enough that everyone turned. That heavy accent of hers made everything sound way more dramatic than it needed to. “That is exactly what I’ve been saying this whole time!” She jumped to her feet and went straight for the thick glass where the shark was actually eyeing us.

I was completely thrown off. I had no idea why she was so happy. I didn’t think I’d said anything special, but her reaction was like I’d just handed a homeless man cash and booze.

She was just laughing, her eyes sparkling with this strange euphoria, like someone had finally gotten her weird logic.

She should’ve attacked me by now… should’ve already dropped some uncomfortable topic…

I stared at her for a whole minute, tilting my head as if that would help my brain make sense of what the hell she was doing…

I didn’t know if I was supposed to laugh with her or run for my life… If I could laugh with her… if I could really kiss each one of her flushed cheeks… I just…

“Okay…” I murmured. “That was… I’m confused. You’re hitting me with a ton of mixed signals…” I groaned under my breath.

“You’re just assuming…” she replied coolly. “And you know what else? It’s not just about the sharks…” She went quiet for a moment, her gorgeous eyes following the sharks’ movements like she was threading some thought together in her mind. Then she spoke again. Low. Slow.

“I’m just doing what I want, Kate… In this short little real life of mine… I always wanted to get really specific about what I liked and didn’t like… I just… no… I want to make sure I keep everything I like close by…” she said, almost hugging the glass like she could actually hug the damn shark.

And all I could do was stand there, frozen in front of that almost crazy… sweet… honest moment. There was something in the way she said it… that really hit me.

Not because of how deep it was. But because she was saying it. Because she was actually… talking… to me.

Yelena had spent nearly three years dodging even my dumb little “good morning” texts… Years of complete radio silence, like I’d never existed. And now she was here, talking about sharks, personal preferences, and the philosophy of choosing things… with the same casual tone someone uses to talk about the weather… Like we’d been best friends all those years…

It’s insane.

“Okay… I take that back…” She kept talking, and I felt like I was surfacing after a long dive…

“I like hammerhead sharks, but it’s not like I could actually live with a creature that could eat a whole car… with me in it…” I laughed with her… That’s what we had in common. Got it. That’s where her weird epiphany came from.

“You know… this morning… I was thinking about all this… I remembered how this store clerk tried to give me Kefir instead of yogurt… I’ve never been so mad…” The randomness of it all was making my head spin.

I blinked. “Kefir, like that sour stuff?”

“Yes! Kefir! That crap… full of healthy bacteria… I should’ve killed that woman right there in the middle of the ice cream shop when that sour shit shocked my whole body. Not even Clint Barton pissed me off that much… not even you and your stupid slap… Fucking Kefir…” she growled, raking her hands through her hair, frustrated.

“So, this is your way of telling me you’d rather have ice cream than Kefir…?” I teased, laughing, and she huffed like she was pleased with herself.

“Yes… exactly that… I know now what I like and what I don’t… I know how to choose…” she took a deep breath.

Without realizing it, I stepped a little closer to her. “Go on, Yelena…” My fingers brushed that one stubborn strand of hair just because… I wanted to.

“I don’t like strawberry milkshakes… brain freeze from mango ice cream is way better… hands down… ugh… it’s almost indecent…” she said, playfully rolling her eyes and flexing her fingers.

I could barely breathe with everything going on... and I really needed to sit down… my shaky legs were just plain annoying now, but I still wanted to keep listening.

“And what else don’t you like, Yelena?” I asked, sitting back down. Hugging my knees… slowly embracing the idea that Yelena would actually answer whatever I asked.

“Oh... I don’t like Kombucha… and I also don’t like the Eiffel Tower… way too hard to climb…” she hissed, disgusted, stuffing her hands into her coat pockets and walking past the shark again.

I stared at her openly now, not even trying to hide my doubt anymore. I couldn’t dodge the real question burning inside me. Not with this parade of unexpected confessions. I needed to know what we were actually doing here.

“Yelena…” I called, pulling the band from my hair and messing it all up like I needed my mind free to talk to her. “Why are you telling me all this? Why are we here?” I practically begged, resting my elbows on my knees because I was shaking from the anxiety Yelena was causing in me.

She spent a few more minutes teasing the fish she liked, and I waited… if she wanted to answer, I’d listen… and if she didn’t, it wouldn’t be a shock… I just waited… until she took a breath and walked over to me, shrugging.

“Because you’re here…” she said, pointing at me, making my eyes widen. That didn’t explain much, but she looked like she was in the middle of some important train of thought, so I didn’t interrupt.

“And because…” The way she exhaled, relieved, made me sit up straighter. “Maybe… just maybe, Kate… I’m trying to let you know who I am… because I’ve put you in the category of things I like…”

The sentence hit me hard. Simple. And disarming.

“You ignored me for almost three years, Yelena.” The words slipped out before I could stop myself.

“I know.” She said it quietly, almost ashamed.

“Yeah… and now you’re… breaking into my place… fighting for my attention… telling me about ice cream and sharks? I don’t get it at all…” My frustrated whisper was all I had left.

“I know.” She laughed. “Forgive the oversharing. That’s what you call it, right?”

I nodded. “Yeah!”

She tilted her head, watching the fish like they might translate what she wasn’t saying out loud. Then she took a deeper breath and locked eyes with me, really looking.

“I think I got tired of not existing…” she murmured. “Maybe… I needed this time to understand that if I don’t name the things I like, the ones I hate, the ones that piss me off and the ones that freeze me up… then I’m letting the world decide for me. And I don’t want that.”

I closed my eyes for a second. That line scratched something inside me. Because I got it. I understood it completely. And maybe that’s what hurt the most.

“I’m still trying to figure out who you are now.” I admitted.

Her face looked peaceful… her eyes softer, golden. “Me too, Kate… me too…” The gentle murmur warmed me in just the right way.

We sat in silence for a few seconds. The kind of silence that’s heavy, but not painful. The kind that feels full of words that haven’t been born yet… but somehow still says everything…

“Hey, Yelena…” I called softly, just a faint thread of a voice. She leaned on her knees, fingers laced under her chin, waiting. “You can keep oversharing, but can you do it directly now?” I growled playfully, voice calm and low. It was the most at peace I’d felt all year.

“I’m not promising anything, Kate.” She laughed mischievously, and I pouted in mock sadness. She touched my pout with a shy smile, and even that simple touch made my skin burn… I wanted more… and she gave me a little more. “Just talk to me. I’m not promising to do what you want, but I will try my best…” she assured me, reaching for my fingers to crack them one by one.

“Alright… so why now?” I asked, cutting to the point.

“Now what? Cracking your fingers?” she asked, pretending to be clueless.

“Yelena…” I said her name like a warning.

“I didn’t do anything… Please don’t get mad at me again… I just… be specific with your requests, Kate… as a Black Widow… mind control and all that crap… I tend to need things spelled out when it comes to stuff I haven’t learned yet… I’m not great at socializing… like… I’m learning all of it from scratch… don’t assume I know the basics…” she rambled, cracking every one of my fingers impatiently until I quickly covered her hands.

“Hey… breathe… just tell me what you really came to do in the penthouse?... What is this whole outing? This conversation… is this you distracting me before dropping some heavy shit on me? Are you interrogating me again?” I laid it all out, one long stream of thoughts.

She raised her brows, letting them blend into her bangs, and let go of my hands. “What do you mean? You’ll have to elaborate.” Her voice trembled a little.

“You came to give me some kind of warning? Like… ‘Stop being an asshole to my Bob’ … or… ‘You’re messing everything up, Kate Bishop’ … something like that?” I groaned in frustration. “You’re on a mission and about to disappear again, aren’t you?” It all felt so much worse after saying it out loud.

She stared at me for two painfully long minutes… and then burst out laughing. Loudly. The tiny tears in her eyes from laughing could’ve been mistaken for sadness when she suddenly swallowed the laugh.

“Do you really think I’m that kind of person? Someone who dances around to drop a warning?” she asked, almost hurt.

“What I think is that you’re like your shark friend… way too dangerous for a shallow attack… and today… you’ve been acting exactly like you did the day you interrogated me… the mac and cheese day…”

“Hey, Kate…” She took a deep breath and raised her hand quickly. “No. I didn’t come to give you a warning… I came because I thought you needed to cool down… I thought we needed to spend some time together… and no… on our girls’ night , I wasn’t just interrogating you… I came to get to know you… size you up… see if you were like I thought Clint was… if I was tougher on you that day, it’s because I needed to make sure you wouldn’t screw up my mission…” She took a harsh breath, looking back at her shark, and I waited nearly breathless… 

I didn’t know whether to believe it.

But part of me really wanted to believe it.

“And you can doubt it… I won’t judge you… but it’s the truth… I’d even risk saying I might’ve cared enough about you… even though I’m sorry I hit you with the video of your mom… I just wanted you to know… you had to know…” she said, and I nodded right away.

“That was the best thing that could’ve happened to me… and also the worst. But I’m grateful you opened my eyes… for telling me the truth… you changed everything for me…” I said it, both for what came before and what came now, and she smiled in recognition.

“And about today… I really wanted to see you… I didn’t know what I was gonna say… I didn’t have a ‘warning’ or a ‘plan’ ready… all the crap from today is original, never-before-seen material for me too, Kate.” The frustration on her slumped shoulders was obvious.

I furrowed my brow, still unable to fully grasp all the implications of what Yelena was saying… she wanted me to see… and what was about to happen… But everything in her actions… aligned with her actions… really, it had all just been about a normal girl trying to make her way through the tall grass after years of silence.

“And why didn’t you answer any of my messages?” I asked directly now, and she sighed sadly.

“Because I didn’t want to.” she said with a shrug, looking at me calmly.

“Wow…” I smiled, pulling my hands away from hers, and she chuckled softly, immediately closing the distance to reach for my hands again.

“You really need to learn how to listen, Kate Bishop…” she whispered with narrowed eyes, and I bit my lip, trying not to get pissed.

“It’s hard not to get pissed when you say my name like that…” I muttered, and she nodded.

“Yeah, I know… but while I’m trying to be nice… I didn’t rip out a chip that made me property of Dreykov in cold blood just to get my mind back and dedicate my life to pleasing anyone, at all…” she said, almost harshly, even though there was still a smile.

I swallowed hard, knowing that was her drawing the invisible line of respect I’d been stepping over in the past few hours with my pushy ways.

“That’s… I… I’m sorry, Yelena… I know you weren’t obligated to respond to me… I just thought that… I don’t even know what I was expecting exactly… maybe I had in my head a conversation I had with Clint…” I said, feeling scolded like an insolent child.

“I’m not mad at you, and I forgive you.” she said quickly. “Although… I do wanna know what old Barton told you that made you think I’d keep in touch, when I made it pretty clear to him that I didn’t want to.”

She looked serious, and I sighed, knowing I had to be honest.

Everything Clint told me recently about him and Natasha made me think I should take on his full legacy… including the mission of looking out for the Black Widows… especially the one who’d touched my mind in such a permanent way.

“Well… it’s kind of silly… and you might laugh… but when Clint told me about the best shot he ever took-” I started, and she smiled, glancing toward Lucky.

“That sounds like a good story… go on…” she said softly, now gently touching each of my knuckles… an intimate and terrifyingly tender gesture that gave me all the courage I needed.

“He told me that the best shot he ever took… was the one he never took… and…” I took a breath, staying alert for any sign of discomfort, knowing she was about to be vulnerable. “It was… at Natasha…” I said, feeling her hands freeze completely and then start to tremble.

“What about her? He shot my sister and that’s what he calls his best shot?” she asked, almost alarmed, restless, and I found myself smiling at how she even seemed a little amused.

“No… Natasha was his mission… and he was supposed to kill her when they met… and he told me that when he had the shot lined up… she was right there in his sights… but…” I propped myself up on my elbows to see her eyes now glistening with tears that hadn’t fallen yet. “He hesitated… he couldn’t shoot her… he said he saw something in her eyes… and he lowered his arrow…” I said, lifting her trembling chin so she’d look at me.

“He really did that?” she murmured with a tiny sob.

“Yeah, he did… and he told me that before I…” The words felt like cotton in my mouth. “Doesn’t that give me some kind of space to wonder if you, in some way… being my best shot… doesn’t that mean I could hope to have what Clint had with your sister?” I finished, wiping away a single tear that finally rolled down her flushed cheek.

And that one tear… seemed to open the floodgates. Her chin tucked to her chest as she cried, painfully, and I leaned my head against hers. I wanted her to feel comforted, cared for… I wanted her to know how much I wanted to be there for her… and she seemed to understand, resting against me and crying for what felt like many minutes… maybe hours, but I didn’t care anymore…

Yelena was all that mattered right now.

“I didn’t reply to you because I didn’t think it was necessary. Because I preferred to find out about you through some useless stalking…” she said in a whisper, and I widened my eyes, pulling away from her.

“Stalking?” I asked, curious.

“Wait… don’t interrupt me… I need to explain…” she said, messing up her hair like she needed strength after the emotional storm.

She wiped all traces of tears from her face and breathed deeply, calmly tying her short strands back before speaking. “Kate… this whole time… I never stopped checking in on you… I know everything about your routine… but I was a mess, and I didn’t want much contact with anyone… it was about me and my inability to find some middle ground between the before and after of losing my sister… I got tangled up in grief… I literally jumped into a kind of void worse than anything Bob could cause… I even gave up my dog…” she said, and I interrupted her immediately.

“Sorry to interrupt… you had a dog? What happened to it?” I really wanted to know.

“Yes… My Fanny… Fanny Longbottom… what a dumb name… That was one of Natasha’s fake identities… and I just couldn’t keep her healthy and happy while I was a mess, so she’s in Russia… safe…” She explained calmly.

“I’m so sorry, Yelena… I hope you get to see her soon… I’m sorry you went through all that alone…” I murmured honestly.

“It’s okay… what matters is that now I have some dumb friends… Bob… my dad is… and stuff… and I also have a guinea pig…” She sighed and groaned like it was too much to share all that. “And yeah, Kate… I saw all those damn messages… from homemade arrows to that video of you almost burning down a new place… and Lucky in a suit once dragged me out of a nearly deadly drunk.”

Then the deep breath and the way she suddenly straightened up like she was on the edge of a mental breakdown… That worried me more than her crying over Natasha and made me rush over to her.

“Hey… breathe, Yelena…” I commanded without touching her, and she nodded, staring into space before stomping away from me. I almost expected her to leave. I would’ve understood, but she walked into a little diner and bought two bottles of water.

The way she drank one right at the counter and then popped open the other caught me off guard.

Yelena was right there breaking down… spilling truths that might’ve been lies… but I knew they weren’t…

She grabbed two more bottles and then stepped toward me in a way I could only guess was her trying to look brave and casual. I took the bottle the second she got close, and I drank calmly without ever taking my eyes off her.

“And now I kind of have a therapist… and she taught me to drink water when I’m nervous.” She said, annoyed, and I laughed.

“Don’t laugh at me, woman. She’s actually Bob’s therapist, I just hang out in the room listening so he doesn’t knock her to sleep in hell.” She spoke so casually about the monster that my skin prickled with an itchy discomfort.

She was just casually saying that she and the monster go to therapy… Jesus Christ…

“I don’t want to talk about the mo-” I started, and she shook her head no, like in our first wordless exchange. Nonverbal, effective understanding.

“Not that again… I want to be specific… I want to build something healthy… because I want to be close to you… but I don’t think attacking Bob just because you’re upset is good for either of us… if you can’t be kind to him… or me… please… whatever it is… I need you to be fair and take a breath so he doesn’t drag all of us into a shitty nightmare.” She said, swallowing hard, like she had to choke down the discomfort.

If I had to admit something… it was how pissed off I was about this whole protective thing over that guy… Maybe some kind of ancient light lesbian fire was burning in my skin making me argue the meanest way possible, and it would be so easy to just let it go, but then Yelena quickly grabbed my hand.

“Just breathe, Kate, this whole thing is about me and you… stop blowing up at every little thing that pisses you off or we’re gonna have big problems… and no, this isn’t a threat… not a warning… I’m begging you to be rational…” She said with the most honest look I’ve ever seen on another human being.

I couldn’t even breathe and didn’t know if I had a reply, so I just nodded.

“Just try… for me…” She asked again, and I scoffed.

“Alright, Yelena… I’ll commit to not starting a war between us…” I said mechanically, rolling my eyes, and she growled loudly.

“God… you’re such a brat… so… stubborn…” I didn’t mind her saying that, because she said it all smiling, already walking toward the exit with Lucky right on her heels.

I followed them, feeling the weight of the tank on my back. The muffled sound still surrounded me, but now there was something else inside me. A different kind of silence. I still hadn’t figured out everything in my head about what happened from yesterday to today… but… maybe… maybe it was just… Yelena is trying to be okay with me.

Plain and simple.

And that… most likely… was scarier than any threat.

I just felt like a dog chasing a car… when the car stops… the dog never knows what to do…

The car… Yelena… stopped…

And now what do I do?

*

 

 

 

 

 

---

 

Notes:

READ THIS AND YOU HAVE I LITTLE MORE:

 

Hammerhead sharks?
Yeah, they can absolutely crush metal with their teeth and sheer rage.
Way more dangerous than great whites, because they don’t sniff around or test the waters with their fancy ampullae of Lorenzini...
They just go straight for the kill — no hesitation, no retreat.

 

But in this chapter, Yelena wasn’t the shark.
Kate was the hammerhead the whole time — smashing through her own stubbornness...

 

While Yelena turned into a little mutualistic fish, swimming circles around her...
Just close enough to the teeth —
Just enough to let the shark know:
"I’m not food. I just wanna swim beside you, Silly Bishop."

In so many ways, Kate and Yelena were both held back by life... whether it was in the Red Room or in some fancy-ass ballroom.

It’s not really a comparison, but the main point is: after bottling up way too much for way too long... eventually, something’s gotta give. And when it does, suddenly everything’s out in the open.

I love throwing in kitchen metaphors all the time... There’s one I used back in The Chef's that still haunts me to this day... (YES, READ MY FIRST LOVE WHEN YOU CAN)

Something about feelings being left on a high boil for too long — and after a while, they don’t just evaporate...
They bubble over.
Spill everywhere.
Scorch everything in their path...

 

Another thing I really love about this chapter is how I get to play with familiar parallels to write the stuff we don’t know...
Yeah, I know, it’s just fanfic, Nat...
I get it, you dense little gremlin... I know. I know...

 

But I just can't help but connect everything I write to real life... It's always about the little things... not noticing the signs, being anxious to the point of losing your mind... having to drink water to cool everything down inside yourself... stopping yourself from bubbling up... that's what water is for...

 

*

Chapter 4: Fantastic Voyage

Summary:

_____________________

 

In today’s sweet little chapter...

 

Bishova's diving deeper into the perfect date... tightening bonds, pulling the right strings. We’re getting into those unshakable personal boundaries... and how, sometimes, getting closer to someone can shift the way we see those lines.

 

_____________________

Notes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_8Wvh4DH94

 

Today’s Bowie track is Fantastic Voyage and just like he says in the song, sometimes you’ve got to learn how to carry someone else’s darkness. You’ve got to hold on to your dignity and your standards... but also learn to see things from the other person’s side.

 

Oh, and perfection? She’s an overrated little bitch... just like jealousy. Jealousy sucks, as Yelena would say. But hey, this chapter is all about building that dream friendship before we find out what’s gonna happen with this Bishova.

 

Writing them both so emotionally distant has been a wild ride... and yeah, I don’t really believe in slow burn, because for me they’re endgame. Always have been. Still, it’s been fun drawing them closer bit by bit... no regrets at all.

 

I’ll be back when I’ve got more to share... Chapter 5 has a skeleton and a soul, but no skin, no heartbeat, no spark just yet. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

 

I hope you enjoy this one...

---

 

 

 

 

 

*

Kate Bishop...

NO, fuck…

Just Kate…

Kate… that's how she prefers to be called…

Yeah, the whole damn fight today over the fucking name finally got through to me… Kate…

The amazing girl who, right now, is making my whole body tremble… not from fear, not from adrenaline in battle, but from something else… something subtler… more intimate… more dangerous. Something I’ve only seen in movies, something I’ve never actually lived.

She’s the girl who right now looks like a whole different person, walking and skipping ahead of me, playing with her dog… No target, no intel source, no one’s asset, no Avenger… Just Kate.

My fists were clenched tight, not just from the cold, but from the nerves and the adrenaline rush that hit during our conversation. Because holy hell, walking through the minefield Kate built around herself was no walk in the park. But still, of all the things I could’ve expected from that… Nothing could’ve been better than what we had.

Okay… maybe I didn’t wanna be caught off guard when she brought up my sister… And the way she told me why she thinks I should’ve stayed in touch… fuck, that hit hard… Felt like getting shot in the throat with an arrow.

She’d been waiting this whole time to connect with me. Because what she got from Clint… that example… it was enough. Beyond whatever the hell I am… Like she’d been saving a space for me all along. A space just for me, in her world.

Maybe every Black Widow should get their own damn Hawkeye…

Probably would’ve made the whole crazy transition easier. Just a note for the future… Not that I’m planning on diving deep into that shit now… But maybe I should call my mom… I definitely need to see Fanny… maybe…

So many variables, so many things piling up on my “to do soon” list… But the thing is, that part of the conversation with Kate just won’t leave my head. Because I keep thinking… maybe the leap from a past full of pain to a present full of choices wouldn’t have felt so rough, so violent. Maybe the process of becoming free didn’t have to feel like an internal war. Who the hell knows what I could’ve been under the care of someone like Kate? Or mentored by Clint Barton? What would it have been like not having to hide like a wounded animal after learning what happened to Natasha?

I could’ve learned so much from Kate after the Snap… I could’ve met Clint’s son, who was named after my sister… I think about what it would've been like to be friends with Clint’s wife, to count on Clint to help me through the grief.

Would their good memories of my sister have made a difference?

 

Would my path to the Avengers have been less gray?

 

Would some real mentorship have helped me?

I could’ve… Maybe I wanted to… Maybe it would’ve been a life less weird and less painful.

So many maybes…

No.

Forget that ableist bullshit about needing care and the romanticized crap about mentorship…

Kate doesn’t deserve to be burdened like that. I know that. I didn’t look for her before because of that … I didn’t wanna overload Kate then, and I don’t want that now. 

Clint Barton and his family would probably send me spiraling anyway, showing off everything they had of my sister. Would it be nice to hear about her from people who really knew her? Sure… But on day two, I’d be gone, hurt again, realizing my sister got to live a life… While I was just a fucking product, controlled by Dreykov.

I know myself now… I know I’d feel overwhelmed. A little over a year ago, I couldn’t say that. But now I can. I’m really doing every damn thing I can with every bit of crap thrown my way.

I’m a survivor before anything else and I may feel like I’m nothing, a void, a black hole most of the time… But I know… The lists on my walls and stuffed in my pockets keep me going.

What I hate, what bothers me, what I can’t stand, those were the first things I learned… Because it was through trial and error that I got here.

First I learned to run from pain… Then to endure it. Now maybe… just maybe… I’m learning how to exist beyond it.

I don’t want to depend on anyone. I won’t be held down again. And I’ll never choose to put someone in a tough spot, just like I don’t want to be the tough choice in someone else’s life. I don’t want to be the dilemma, the hesitation, the sacrifice in anyone’s story.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, scaring the crap out of me and yanking me out of my daydream spiral and straight back into the real world. I sighed, eyes on the orange tones of the sunset, already knowing it was a call from home. Yeah… home … That word echoed inside me… bittersweet.

Maybe that’s the real dilemma… If things had been different, would I even have what I have now?

 

Maybe not. Maybe I never would’ve learned to recognize this twisted but real sense of belonging.

 

A feeling that comes with flaws, cracks… but still holds me up. And maybe, just maybe, I’m finally starting to understand what it means to care. 

And don’t laugh… not yet. It gets worse. Let’s hear the nonsense.

“Hey, Daddy…” I sighed lazily, and the thunderous voice of that crazy man filled the line.

“Don’t you have a house? Or responsibilities? A job? You shouldn't be here defending your country?” he started, same old tone, somewhere between worried and totally nuts. “A Tuesday night and you and Ava are still out in the streets after dark…” My dad’s voice went on and on, doing his full-on crazy dad show.

I let his voice calm me as I leaned against the iron railing, arms resting there, letting my eyes take in the city across the river. It was coming to life, lights flickering on one by one, reflecting over the dark water now glowing with the orange of the sunset. This might be my favorite place in the whole damn world…

My dad kept talking on the other end, running through his usual neurotic dad monologue. I let him ramble, it was our thing.

In some twisted but also completely understandable way, my dad still acts like I’m his six-year-old girl. Like we’re picking things back up from almost 30 years ago… And I can see it now, because after we had that one brutally honest conversation… I started seeing glimpses of who he used to be back in Ohio…

“Sorry, Daddy… but this isn’t even my country…” I joked with a light, almost teasing tone. “And… we kinda spent the whole day having fun… we were with the kids this morning… had a nice lunch… and I spent the whole afternoon at the Aquarium with Kate Bishop… I’m still around…” I said, noticing how Kate was crouched down, letting Lucky drink water straight from the bottle, her eyes now fixed on me.

“Oh… now that’s some good news… so the primary mission was a success? When do I get to meet my daughter-in-law officially?” he said, clearly amused.

I groaned loudly, blushing all the way to the roots of my hair. “DAD… I’ve already explained, it’s not like that…” I said, leaning on a railing that gave me a full view of the river on the other side, anything to avoid her gaze and not start wanting things I might not even deserve.

“You just don’t know it yet… but it’s going to happen… Daddy knows things…” he said smugly, and I could hear a bit of a scuffle followed by him muttering something about unruly boys .

“Hey, Blondie… ” John said, almost solemnly.

“John…” I replied, already tired… yeah… another idiot trying to make up for some long-overdue fatherly duties… just more baseless complaints from a guy playing catch-up for not showing up when he should have.

“You guys getting close to heading back? It’s getting late…” he asked, sounding disinterested, but I knew what he was really after.

“I don’t know… no set time… you can go ahead and order dinner…” I murmured, sliding my fingertips along the railing.

“It’s not about dinner, dumbass… I’m worried about you… did you manage to talk to her?” he asked quietly, and I sighed at the shift in his tone, more serious, gentler, almost vulnerable. And for a second, it caught me off guard. John was trying. Actually trying. And I could feel it.

“It was a little rough at first… she was still super pissed… and then there was this kid… I’m gonna need you to do something for me later…” I whispered with a half-proud smile, thinking of Eli.

“Oh… are we talking about kills? ‘Cause I’m not really into killing anymore… but I’ll take out whoever I have to for you.” he said quickly. The former Captain America’s willingness to commit crimes was, at the very least, entertaining.

“No, no kills… just a kid who needs to learn some manners from a real man…” I said, hearing his satisfied sigh on the other end.

“I’ll defend your honor whatever it takes…” he declared proudly. “Hey… wait, you idiot… no, fuck…” Another fight broke out on the line, with shouts and grumbling that made me laugh. John and Bob, once again, in a useless and noisy showdown.

Kate was now standing, a bit closer, her body relaxed but her eyes sharp on me. I gave her a soft smile before turning my attention back to what was clearly Bob and John wrestling again.

“Hey, guys… knock it off…” I groaned, trying to sound authoritative. Not even I was buying my own voice at that point.

“John never knows when to quit…” Barnes said quietly, his deep, calm voice sounding like he was watching the chaos while sipping coffee, and I raised an eyebrow.

“You too?” I groaned, ruffling my hair and hiding behind the railing.

“Yeah, even me… you breached a security protocol when you broke into Bishop’s penthouse… Sam called me… and also… I’m kinda surprised you finally had the guts to talk to her… proud might be the word too…” His neutral tone only made me more curious about what the hell had gone down while they were out of my sight, but I stayed quiet, letting the meaning of his words sink in. It felt good hearing that. Barnes didn’t open up like that often.

“It was just a… a step… I already fixed it… and I apologized…” I explained distantly, just as a loud noise burst through the line, telling me one of my guys had finally won the fight.

“LENA… HE USED HIS POWERS FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY USELESS…” John yelled, and Bob’s little laugh finally slipped through.

“It wasn’t useless… it’s never useless if I’m trying to get to you, Lena…” I laughed out loud at how breathless he sounded. Bob was the only one who could do that to me. Disarm me. Distract me… remind me there’s still room for lightness.

“Hey Bobby…” I greeted him, much calmer now that I was talking to my favorite guy, smiling as I looked out at the riverbank he loved.

“You okay?” he asked, as always, genuinely caring about me.

“I am… more than I’ve been in a long time…” I answered with a smile and that smile wasn’t forced, it was real, honest, from somewhere so deep it caught me off guard.

We stood there, under a sky that was slowly darkening, streaked with warm shades of orange and lavender, and Kate was next to me. The sound of my idiots’ voices on the other end of the line… laughing, cracking awful jokes like always… filled the air. And in that moment, right then, I realized something important… this, after Ohio… this was the closest thing to a “ home ” I’d ever had.

And maybe… just maybe… that was enough.

Still smiling like an idiot, I gave Bob some details about the afternoon, while he grumbled on the other end, between the others’ jokes. He wanted to know how things had gone, and even though my answers weren’t exactly elaborate, he seemed to get it all.

Everything about this afternoon was an emotional and sensory experiment I’d never had before. No violence. No explosive adrenaline. No need to hide who I was just to fit some role. For the first time in a long time, maybe ever, I felt challenged in a way that made me want to be part of something bigger. And the most surprising part… nothing about it felt wrong.

Sure, dealing with Kate Bishop being the most stubborn, sharp-tongued, and persistent creature on the planet was the only real obstacle worth mentioning… but the second I realized what was going on between us… well… it wasn’t even that big of a deal…

It was the simple, bizarre fact of seeing her there, standing in front of the shark tank, side by side with my favorite hammerhead. They looked like mirrors of each other. It was almost like they shared a silent language… the two of them in a kind of synchronized, fluid dance. Kate walked gracefully, that determined, almost military stride of hers, while the animal followed her closely, its small, dark eyes tracking her every move with reverent attention. As if… as if it understood her. More than any human ever could.

And right there, in that cold, bluish room, under the rippling reflection of water… just like my shark… I understood her… I understood why she’d been so closed off all afternoon… she was in constant attack mode… she was getting ready to strike in that exact moment… but only because she thought I was getting ready to strike… and it was like seeing straight through her… I finally got her and it felt like… like I actually knew her now. Like all the information I’d ever had about her just crystallized into solid, pure knowledge.

Me and her... we had a connection that was just different from all the others I have now.

With the men in my life, there’s this almost motherly dynamic. A protective instinct. Familiar, even comforting. They’re my idiots, and that’s fine.

But with women... oh, with women it’s a whole different game. It’s deeper. More instinctive. It always has been. I usually feel this urge to elevate them.

It’s not political, like I’m out here trying to empower women in some activist way… it’s not that serious. It’s more like… I come from a world where women were very literally controlled and controllable. I don’t ever wanna deal with that again. And I sure as hell don’t like seeing it happening around me. 

It’s more about encouraging Ava to follow whatever sparks her interest. That’s why I spend my money without blinking to support Annie, who’s trying to build her little business with nothing but heart. That’s why I try to keep Mel from getting swallowed up by the abusive mess that is Valentina. It’s about offering even Valentina some kind of grace… That’s why, even after everything she’s done, I still give Valentina a chance. I give her room to try and be different. She probably should’ve been dead by now… hell, I would've done it gladly. But I didn’t. Not yet. And maybe… I never will.

And with Kate Bishop… Well.

Here I am, spending way more than my fair share of energy, patience, and sanity on her. Because today… God, this is hard to admit… Today I realized that what I feel for her is so much more than a respectful friendship or a functional work dynamic. 

I don’t wanna be cheesy, or rush things, or come off like an idiot skipping steps I know I need to take… But the truth is, today… Seeing how beautiful she looked while talking to me… Feeling her hands, calloused but still soft… Smelling her… completely, perfectly her, in a way I just can’t ignore… Feeling the pull she’s had on me since that first look… After all the time we’ve spent together and this stupid fucking epiphany I had…

Maybe it’s this… If I had to choose any human being in the multiverse… It’d be her… Exactly her.

No other variant.

 

No other planet.

 

No other timeline.

 

No other version of “perfect.”

Just her… 

This girl right here, standing up now, walking toward me with all the light around her making her look almost unreal. Like the whole damn universe hit pause just to watch her walk to me. Like for one second, it all aligned to give me this tiny bit of mercy in the mess I call a life.

All those dumb movies and romantic stories?

I want them to be about her.

The way her eyes didn’t even blink, just stared at me with that quiet intensity. I sighed out loud, still smiling like an idiot, even with Bob and the guys cracking jokes nearby.

“I gotta hang up, Bobby. I’ll pass by your room when I’m back.” I mumbled, still watching Kate as she turned her attention away, staring at the railing next to her, standing a solid six feet from me.

Shit. She heard me talking to Bob. Time to manage the ticking bomb of her wild-ass temper, which clearly doesn’t like my friend.

I exaggerated my steps toward her, all dramatic, pretending to pull myself forward with an invisible rope… I even made dumb, cartoonish sound effects, and she let out a full-on huff, rolling her eyes but going along with it, grabbing the invisible rope when I stopped next to her.

Just us. Shoulder to shoulder. Bathed in amber… lavender… orange tones.

God… It had to be her.

“You didn’t have to hang up just because I was coming over.” she said softly, tying Lucky’s leash around her thigh before leaning on her elbows. That tiny motion, pinching the bridge of her nose, was one of her classic tells. Annoyance, sarcasm, whatever. It always meant something.

Yeah. She heard me talking to Bob. She does not wanna deal with Bob.

“I didn’t hang up because of you.” I said, blowing warm air into my hands as the early evening chill started to settle around us. “I hung up because those guys are loud as hell. And I’m still in the middle of an important date.” I added, bumping my shoulder into hers.

“I just… don’t wanna cause problems for you.” she said quietly, digging into the pocket on her chest to pull out a pair of gloves. “And I don’t want you freezing to death either…” she muttered, laying a pretty gray pair on the railing in front of me.

I laughed, like really laughed, feeling warmth hit the back of my throat just watching her be so damn cute.

“You do realize I’m Russian and basically immune to below-zero temperatures, right?” Still, that didn’t stop me from slipping the gloves on.

She gave me this tiny, fake-serious nod, propping herself up on one elbow to meet my eyes.

“Fine. When you’re in Russia, go ahead and do your cold-immortal thing. But here, with me, in 59°F weather, outside in the open air… you’re always gonna hear me offering you gloves. It’s important to take care of people you-” She just stared at me, fully focused, whispering that dumb little kindness. But her next words actually made me smile. “If the monster doesn’t do that for you, I always will.”

Her voice had this quiet authority, and her eyes… God, those eyes that I’ll forever associate with my favorite shark, didn’t make me uncomfortable this time.

Because A: Bob really doesn’t offer gloves . He’s more the type to shove into my space to warm me up with the kind of lazy, annoying energy only a slightly gross man can provide.

And B: She was smiling as she said it, brushing her gorgeous hair back to keep the wind out of her face.

Seriously, how could she be so damn adorable?

“Thank you, then…” I said with a shrug, turning to face the bay… ready to watch my first sunset with her… In silence… In peace… Or whatever this was for us…  Because honestly… I don’t even know what this is. But I know one thing for sure…  I want to keep finding out.

With her… Only her.

*

After one of the most peaceful experiences of my entire existence… just existing like a regular girl, bathed in the light of the goddamn most beautiful sunset ever… I decided my date didn’t have to end just yet. And as long as she didn’t tell me she wanted to go home or yawned, I wasn’t handing her back to the Baby Avengers . Ava taught me all the signs to tell when a girl’s not into your company. Kate Bishop seemed into everything about me and… I want to do whatever the hell I want.

I want to stay close to her until she tells me to leave…

I made her adorably growl with a blush when I asked for more ice cream, and she huffed but walked beside me anyway. This time, I made sure to link my arm with hers, being as thoughtful and focused on her as I possibly could… Annie doesn’t need my attention… Kate Bishop deserves my attention.

I sighed as I picked up an extra pistachio tub and a mango one to take with us, and she looked pleased that I was the one who served us. Maybe her fear of getting something spat into wasn’t totally unfounded. Social conventions around jealousy are really messed up.

I didn’t let go of her arm and didn’t stop trying to talk about silly details… about the streets… the city… the yellow taxis… weird sculptures along our way… trees… everything… I just wanted to hear her explain whatever the hell she knew, in that soft voice of hers… I’ve heard her growl at me enough, now I want… I need to hear the gentle and playful tone, the silly jokes, the endless facts about what she likes most…

I’m not much of a talker, I don’t have a ton of references, it’s not like I ever needed to have those skills… but I wanted to learn more of that… I wanted to learn to pick up on the intentions behind the words without needing to watch for microexpressions to know the truth… I want to be able to hear and close my eyes and feel the truth in people… It’s cheesy as hell… but maybe what I wanted was to hear my heart racing… to feel my skin tingle without warning because of moments… I want to be in those moments…

Bob explained that to me… He said a big part of meth addiction is about that need to feel everything intensely. To hear your heartbeat pounding and believe that’s life pulsing through you. To see the world sharpen like the colors are screaming, like people’s intentions become crystal clear.

He said at first, it was magical. That he could talk for hours. That everything made sense, even the things that never did. That he could feel the touch, the gaze, the intent. And for a while, that was enough. That illusion of clarity. That connection to something stronger than him.

Like suddenly, you could trust your instincts . You didn’t need microexpressions… you felt it in your body. He said it was like the truth was hanging in the air, vibrating, and all you had to do was breathe it in and dive into it. Maybe that’s what I wanted all along, not the drug itself, but that feeling of being present. Radically present. Not needing to think anymore, or analyze. Just feel. Just know…

I remember I went silent for a full hour when he said that. Pretending I was just listening… but something inside me already got it. And I stayed there, sitting next to him, with my shaky hands stuffed between my legs, trying not to admit that… I envied that. That certainty. I wanted that intensity. That presence that seemed to fill his noisy, hesitant mind… but not mine.

I wanted all of that. But I wanted it without the destructive part. Without the crash afterward. Without the addiction. I genuinely wanted to be whole, raw, exposed. Shivering not from fear, but from truth. I wanted to drown in the subtext, without needing someone to translate it for me.

That day, Bob looked at me a while after explaining everything, and then he realized. Like he always somehow realizes everything about me… “And the best part… the part I just figured out… is that you don’t need meth to have that…” he said quietly, like he was giving me a way out before I even asked. “If you put yourself in the moment… if you really listen to the world around you… if you actually let yourself feel… you’ll have all of that…”

He knew and I knew too that my real question wasn’t about using or not. It was about what the hell I was supposed to do with this silent void… this hunger to feel. Maybe the point now is how much I’m letting myself be touched by so much more than just the soft grip of Kate’s hand, hooked into my arm as she talked about the tallest buildings… the oldest towers… because I really heard every word she said today… I felt her warm hands and every emotion they carried…

“Okay… this is me voluntarily giving you tips about my city, but you seem kinda distracted…” she huffed out with a laugh, clearly remembering our girls’ night , and I leaned even closer to her with a real laugh at what she said.

“Oh please… I’m just listening to you… Why are you bringing up our girls’ night fried version? Are you saying that ‘cause you’re still mad at me or just randomly ‘cause you thought I didn’t hear you say the windows on that building are unbreakable? Be specific and literal… I wanna understand everything you say, Kate.” I said with a pout, giving her no doubt that I had heard every single word, and she laughed, blushing hard as she looked at me for a few seconds too long before huffing and scratching her forehead, mumbling something shy about how I’m a dangerously adorable problem.

I honestly don’t mind being accused of being adorable… and I want more of her shy stuff. 

I wasn’t expecting her to be like this. I was fully prepared to deal with a super extroverted girl… but I was wrong… she’s just selectively extroverted, and her whole vibe depends on whether she’s comfortable with whoever she’s around.

“Well…” she said, now peeling at the skin on her chapped lips from the cold, and I waited patiently.

“Just explain it slow and don’t hurt yourself.” I said gently, reaching out to push her hand away before she made it worse.

“It’s just peeling off…” she said, showing me her pink, cracked lips from the cold. I sighed and touched them just because I could. She winced in pain and pulled back, continuing. “I… I… I was actually super pissed at you during lunch and for a good part of the Aquarium too… you came off like that same annoying idiot interrogating me all over again…” Her words were simple, so I answered just as simply.

“It’s okay to assume… but that’s not at all what this was about. You couldn’t be more wrong about my intentions today…” I said, looking at her. “I didn’t even know what I really wanted when I came to see you… but I thought that… last night was rough for me, I barely slept… I just spent the whole night thinking about how I needed to fix whatever this mess is between us… explain things… calm you down…” I shrugged as I explained, and she sighed, staring straight ahead.

It didn’t feel like she was shutting down… it didn’t feel like the anger from before… We were just walking home after getting out of a taxi before the subway station.

“What’s your favorite kind of pizza, Yelena?” she asked quietly, completely changing the subject, looking up at a tall building to our right. I took a breath, trying to think about what I actually liked.

“I’m not as crazy about pizza as you and Lucky are…” My fingers brushing through the soft fur on Lucky’s head helped me relax. “But I can tell you something interesting… you remember that day you sent me that photo of the giant pepperoni pizza?” I asked, and she nodded, searching for my eyes. “Well… a few days later I went out to get one just like it… and I gotta say, that’s my favorite now…” I said, satisfied, because I really do feel that way.

Her smile lit up the whole street, and I mentally high-fived myself for doing that, after the total crap she went through yesterday and today. Ava and John are right when they yell or growl that’s how it’s supposed to be… it doesn’t have to be hard. Bob told me being a good friend is one of the best things about me… and I believe it now. Even my dad used to say I’ve always been great at it, ever since Ohio.

“So… if there’s no one and nothing waiting for you at home… I’d like to stretch this date out a little longer… Maybe dinner… pepperoni pizza… we could paas by the Penthouse so I can check that they didn’t burn down my house… put away the ice creams… and then maybe invite them over…” she said, sounding nervous, and I let out a loud sigh.

I really don’t want chaos during my dinner with her.

“I’m not up for the war zone that comes with all those kids plus Ava… you and I are still in our quality time…” I said, and she looked a little surprised as we stopped at the entrance to the subway.

“Quality time?” she asked, almost pleased, and I kept explaining as I tugged on her jacket to keep us close and moving.

“Yeah, the therapist says my quality time should be non-negotiable… that I need to enjoy my good moments… Bob and I always do stuff alone… or separately…” I said, and she seemed a bit uncomfortable hearing about Bob again.

"Yes... you said... You've been going to therapy with Bob..." She mumbled softly and I nodded.

"Yeah, I go with Bob three times a week." I said, and she stepped away from me almost too quickly, digging through her pockets for her wallet. She looked quiet, but I hadn’t finished, so I kept going. “Like I was saying… sometimes she tells us that all our friends deserve the same kind of attention… like… today I hung out with Ava… but John and I always go grocery shopping together… Barnes is my favorite for book shopping and movie nights… Dad’s the fun one to grab a beer with… Bob and I have deep, thoughtful talks…” I rambled on, and she gently guided me around a noisy group of teens with a smile.

“Sounds nice…” she said as we reached the right station.

“Yeah, it’s really good to have that kind of time with people… and you got quiet… did I say something wrong?” I murmured, still watching how distant she seemed now.

“No, you didn’t say anything wrong…” she said, stepping a little closer. “I just spaced out… and yeah, it is nice that you do that… I try to do the same with the kids…” she said quietly, picking again at the skin on her lips, and I felt my body tense up.

Yeah, she gives all kinds of attention to those kids… even slept with Eli…

I gave her hand a light slap for the bad habit, already shoving my own hands into my pockets. Just the memory of her with such a disgusting guy killed my good mood completely.

“Hey… that actually hurt…” she complained, now biting the same lip. Her wide, curious eyes didn’t do much to calm me down.

“Chewing your lips and hurting yourself isn’t gonna help with whatever you’re upset about…” I growled, and she looked confused.

“I’m not upset… it was just…” she tried, but Lucky stood up on his back legs, reaching for Kate’s arms, and I almost smiled at how he seemed like he wanted to say something important.

Kate wrapped her arms all the way around him. The dog’s height almost reached her shoulders. “What’s wrong, baby boy? You tired?” she cooed, stroking his head, and I sighed watching them. My own irritation slowly fading away.

The little grunt he made trying to climb into her lap made her glance at me with a melted expression. “See… he feels the vibrations of the train and he’s scared…” she said, picking him up like a baby, and I laughed as I moved closer to them.

“It’s okay, my prince… the stupid train’s not gonna hurt you… I’m a Black Widow… if the dumb train messes with you… I’ll kill the train for you… I will leave everyone in this city without a subway.” I said in a silly voice, making Kate burst out laughing.

“You hear that, baby boy? No one’s gonna hurt you… it’s just the noise… you’re safe… mommy’s here… Yelena’s here… there’s nothing to be afraid of…” she said in her softest voice. I found myself resting my head on her shoulder as we both calmed Lucky down.

For the rest of that short subway ride, that’s all we did… sat side by side, holding a nervous Lucky, while I pretended not to notice how fast her heart was beating just from having me that close.

*

“Maybe today my boy deserves a slice of pizza…” she said as we walked down the sidewalk, and he seemed to get it perfectly, barking loudly.

“That’s wrong… you shouldn’t let him eat that junk…” I groaned, and she quickly caught my gaze.

“Good point… now that you mention it, and since you talked earlier at lunch about how I shouldn’t feed him like that… it’s been like two years since Lucky’s had pizza, and now you’re talking about stalking… mind explaining that?” she said with a sly grin, and I felt like a deer caught in the headlights of a truck.

I really had to explain everything to her, or just stick to what she asked about the pizza. What’s the safe route here? The honest one or the easy one?

I looked at her, still thinking, and her attention was fully on me… most likely, if I lied, she’d know… but if I told the whole truth, I risked upsetting her again.

“Are you gonna answer me or not?” she said, giving me options, and I took a breath, deciding to be honest about my dilemma.

“I’m just trying to figure out if I should give you the whole story or lie.” I said honestly, without fearing her judgment or anyone else’s.

“Oh… that’s… fair…” she said, surprised. “Look… how about a deal?” she asked, searching my eyes, and I nodded. “Okay, so from now on… if there are things we need to know… but you don’t feel comfortable talking about them… I’d rather you just not say anything than lie… we can just skip the topic… how about that? What do you choose?” she asked calmly, before touching my hair again.

That’s pretty cool… she’s giving me options… asking me to choose… that’s really, truly, impressively nice…

“Well… I choose to tell the truth whenever I feel comfortable…” I took a deep breath and quickly added, “In that case… I wanna get this out of the way… I’ve basically been trying to find out about you since back then… like… after New Year’s… sometimes I’d follow you just to make sure your night runs wouldn’t get interrupted… I held up a bunch of dumb Tracksuits … I even followed you home that one time some rich dumb girl called you out drinking and left you to get home alone… I also like going to the grocery store when you go… I learned how to pick veggies with you… Oh… and I was at your graduation… and I wanted to kill those old idiots on the board… I may or may not have slashed some of their tires… maybe all of them…” I babbled freely without being interrupted.

And when I finished, looking for her eyes, expecting to see fear, horror, anger… I got the last thing I wanted… Tears. So I hurried over to her in long strides, grabbing Lucky’s leash to loop around my leg before invading her personal space completely.

“Hey… shhh… don’t cry… I’m sorry…” I murmured, wiping away stubborn tears, and she sniffled loudly. “I know I was wrong and messed up doing things this way… I just didn’t want to burden you with my mess… I promise I didn’t do anything weirder… I just… I’m an idiot… I don’t really know how to live in society, and it’s only been a little over a year that I forced myself to try…” I explained gently, feeling my own shameful tears threatening to break loose.

She stayed there, quietly suffering through her tears without ever taking her eyes off me, while I still held her face and wiped away her tears as gently as I could.

“You… you were around all this time?” she gasped sadly, and I nodded quickly.

“Yeah, I was… I had to be…” I admitted, using the gloves as a barrier to hold back my own tears now. “And I’m not proud of it… I feel wrong and messed up for doing it like that… I should’ve talked to you… maybe I wouldn’t have…” I tried to say, and she snorted, fixing my messy hair.

She’s already touched me a bunch today, and I haven’t touched her hair once.

“Wouldn’t have what?” she murmured, still running her fingers through my hair as we slowly moved to a quieter spot on the sidewalk.

“Well… it was tough… I was drunk on a bunch of those things… the healthy stuff like grocery runs and picking veggies came only after the Thunderbolts…” I said, wiping my face and letting my fingers brush the buttons on her coat. “But the night chases… the parties… everything… I was just a dumb alcoholic, a potential suicide case… just a lost animal trying to find her way… I’ll understand if you’re mad…” I said apologetically.

“I get everything you said… I’m not mad… I’m just thinking how nice it would’ve been to have a friend around through all that, and I kind of did… but I get why you did it the way you did…” she murmured, her fingers carefully combing through my hair.

Her calm surprised me, but it didn’t stop me from letting my whole hand reach all the way to touch her hair the same way she was touching mine. I started with the strand on her shoulder, feeling the texture between two fingers, then I calmly curled my finger around it. Kate seemed to feel everything, and I kept stroking now the hair at her nape.

The warm skin… soft… the silky texture of her hair… it all distracted me while keeping me alert… Everything about how she closed her eyes and purred under my touch made me close the distance between us even more. “I like what you did with your hair…” my whisper, with a smile, made her look up at me as she leaned against the wall beside her, trying to get closer.

“I like it…” she said in a quiet voice. “I like how you’re touching me…” Her surrendered, pleading tone made me swallow hard.

Maybe I shouldn’t be this close because she seemed way too good to only touch her hair, but I guess this is enough.

Too close for too long… maybe I need to watch the amount and intensity of touches. I want steps, and I’ll have them.

“Why did you cut it?” I said, pulling away from her, and she seemed to snap out of the trance as she straightened up quickly, looking all around.

She reached for Lucky’s leash on my leg in a sort of clumsy way, and I just waited, feeling my own heart race as I shoved my trembling hands into my pockets because she was touching my thigh. It wasn’t an intentional touch, nor did it make me feel like I was in any danger, but I still shivered awkwardly.

“I… uh… I…” She said, scratching her forehead and messing up her beautiful hair. She looked like a blushing, nervous mess, but I didn’t interrupt because I wasn’t exactly in control myself. “I… well… it just seems more practical, I guess… maybe it was about change… I don’t know… what about you?” She asked, walking away without even looking at me. “I think the braids were cool…”

I got it… she was trying to save face… that’s what normal people do, and I’d learned that already from Ava and John making me blush in public way too many times.

I followed her with a sigh. “Well… I just wasn’t in a good headspace… I read that sometimes cutting hair can be a kind of punishment… one time I drank too much and cut off my braid with a knife…” I said, remembering that day, almost tasting the hangover again on my tongue. I really didn’t have a great time waking up to see the whole braid in my hand, but I don’t need to think about that now… right now, keeping it short is just one of my many choices.

Kate didn’t answer and didn’t seem like she wanted to. She just made space on her arm so I could slip mine back in, and I accepted because I really wanted the closeness.

I need to learn…

“I think it looks even more beautiful now… it suits you… and you can always have braids… you know, the tight ones, you could… the cornrows… small and pretty like the fighters do… I saw something cool the other day, like flat braids on the sides, and it looked amazing… you’d look even more stunning with those…” She said without looking at me, leading us down the sidewalk while explaining all kinds of braids and naming a bunch of people I had no clue about, but who she swore were famous braid-wearers.

I got that too… she was trying not to make the topic painful or negative… She wanted to give me options and put us in a good headspace. I took it all in, smiling at Kate’s kindness aimed my way again.

*

When we got into the penthouse, everything looked surprisingly neat and clean, which was almost a miracle considering the chaos I’d seen those boys cause all day. The soft light in the room reflected off the polished kitchen surfaces, where some of them were still finishing up cleaning as we came in holding ice cream. The warm smell of freshly baked lasagna filled the place, mixed with the fresh scent of cleaning products. I breathed in deeply, feeling how familiar it all seemed.

“Have you guys eaten yet?” Kate asked gently, her calm voice contrasting with the busy house and her mood all day. Before waiting for an answer, she leaned over and kissed América’s cheek affectionately.

“Yeah, we cooked,  well, Ava cooked and we helped.” América murmured, barely lifting her eyes from the notebook on her lap, like she was trying to stay focused on whatever she was doing.

“Where’s Ava?” I asked, and Tommy answered from the sink, where he was finishing rinsing the last dishes.

“Oh, she showed us how to make the lasagna, fed us, and then left… said her time with kids was over… and that it was time to feed her men who’d probably be dead without her and you.” Billy snorted, laughing, clearly amused by my friend’s tough personality. 

“We played all afternoon… it was a blast… she’s awesome. Can we keep her, Kate?” Tommy begged dramatically and Kate laughed.

Kate let out a low chuckle, shaking her head. “Jesus… of course, we can keep her. Especially if she cooks like this…” She growled in pleasure as she snagged a piece of lasagna straight from the oven. “This is so good… you want some, Yelena?” She asked, still chewing, as she walked over to Lucky and crouched down to gently clean the dog’s paws and fur.

“I’ll wait for the pizza.” I smiled softly, pulling out my phone and asking for a minute while Kate fussed over the dog again, looking completely flushed from my little request for more time. God… this girl… I sighed, trying to hide my smile as I looked away toward the city lights shining outside, waiting to hear from Ava.

The call finally connected. “Oh God… I thought you forgot about me…” she complained as soon as she picked up, and I laughed out loud at her drama.

“I kind of did…” I huffed, amused, and she growled loudly like she was totally at home. Daddy’s loud voice in the background made me laugh. “Did you have fun without me?”

“Yeah, totally… it was fun, the kids are amazing… except Eli…” She huffed, annoyed. “I’m here reporting our mission to the guys… Daddy Soviety was growling about how I abandoned my country…” She complained, letting out a dramatic groan, and I laughed again.

“He gave me the same crap… just ignore it, smile, and wave.” I said, still laughing at the patriotic nonsense from the crazy man.

“He’s crazy and happy in an insanely similar way…” Ava murmured, and I could imagine her rolling her eyes. “But what about you… you heading back soon?” The question came soft, almost shy, catching me off guard. I took a deep breath, trying to find words that didn’t sound like a lovesick fool.

“No, I’m not coming back right now… I’m going out to dinner with Kate, then I’ll head home…” I explained, hearing her playful jeer.

“Sounds like the mission went well… you okay?” My friend’s gentle voice made me smile, much more at ease.

“Yeah… better than I expected, we talked and she seems calmer… no more bad moods… I gave her ice cream, we looked at the fishies… she made me cry… I made her cry… but we’re good… I’ll give you the details when I get back.” I said, already seeing Kate coming back, looking ready to go. “I gotta go… I’m going to eat pizza.” I teased, barely holding back my excitement.

Kate rolled her eyes as I shuffled on my feet again, saying Ava’s name. She stepped closer to me, smiling, confident but casual, like everything was effortless. The way she came right up to me without hesitation made me back up instinctively until my back hit the window frame.

Before I could think of anything, I felt Kate’s arms position themselves on either side of my body, leaning on the wood and trapping me. It could’ve felt intimidating coming from anyone else… but not from her. Her touch was soft, the space between us warm and tight. It wasn’t a threat. It was… intimate. It was just her acting like a totally normal girl, bending down to hear what Ava was saying… just her pressing her ear to my phone like a silly kid.

“Next time you break into my place, at least stick around to say goodbye…” she said, and Ava yelled back loud enough to make me put her on speaker so I could get some space, but Kate moved even closer, almost squeezing us both against the window. That position made me lean on her shoulder as she talked to Ava.

Being that close to someone was different… not a big deal… it was just like two friends sharing space, naturally, like using my phone, talking to my best friend, and gently cornering me against a window had been part of our routine forever.

I had zero reason to be nervous around Kate, she was steady… My chest tightened a little, in a good way. I caught myself smiling stupidly as I brushed a strand of her hair.

There was no tension, just this weird feeling that the moment meant more than it should. The way Kate kept getting closer since our talk at the aquarium, like it was totally natural to be that near, both pleased and scared me.

“Sounds like you miss me…” Ava purred in a goofy attempt at being seductive, and Kate laughed out loud.

“Maybe… you earned your keep feeding my kids… I’ll pay whatever it takes to make you my babysitter next time, they asked straight up if they could keep you…” Kate said, grinning, turning to me just enough to brush a strand of hair off my face.

Her fingertip touched my skin lightly, and my body reacted before my brain could catch up. My hairs stood on end, and my breath caught in my chest for a second. All that closeness was making me self-conscious again, but I didn’t stop myself, not when it was something so ordinary. Right now, we were just two friends crammed into a call, and nothing about that was wrong. So if I wanted to train my body to understand that touches aren’t always threats, that closeness can be comfort, there was no better way, right?

Nope, wrong!

“God, no… now I need like two weeks off just to recharge… too much info… and I don’t plan to break in again since now… you know… I probably have a free pass…”

And by wrong, I mean, while she was listening to Ava, I felt trapped the next second because Kate sighed, and her minty breath invaded my senses, which were already overloaded by her touch as she glanced distractedly at my face… my mouth… and quickly down to the little gap my shirt made over my chest.

It was a ten-second snapshot that made me remember the whole crazy dream. Add to that the way she brushed the hair off my neck… yeah, no chance… it made me shiver even more and clench my fists… and I’m talking about my fists because I don’t even want to investigate why I squeezed my thighs so tightly together…

So, I finally gave up on my silly touch training for now. I’m not ready…

She might not be attacking me physically, but she’s definitely attacking what’s left of my sanity, so let’s back off a bit for some dignity.

She audibly huffed her disappointment at having me away, and I laughed, going to hug Lucky for a moment of comfort and safety.

“Your friend is so mean to me, Ava…” she huffed, leaning dramatically against the window, offended. “And yeah… I don’t expect you to break in again… I want calls first so I know when you’re coming… or at least don’t knock my people out…” Kate’s almost-angry voice made me glance over my shoulder, but she was just joking, and I rolled my eyes, reaching over her shoulder to grab my phone back.

“Okay, Ava… Kate and I gotta go if we’re gonna keep our date going.” I said, looking straight at Kate with my foolproof smile to make her grin. The word date really helped a lot so far.

“Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself and don’t stay out too late… your men are pacing around with their hands on their hips and eyes on the door like their little girl’s got a boyfriend they don’t approve of.” Ava groaned, and Kate laughed loud.

“I’ll get her home safe whenever she wants, don’t worry… I’m a great catch… a vigilante. The best archer in the world. Better than any boyfriend.” She said, cocky as hell, and I pinched her playfully, feeling completely flushed at the thought of those men overhearing.

“She’s such a poser, Ava… an idiot… and yeah, I’ll look you up when I get back… but don’t wait up if you wanna sleep… Oh, and if you can feed the piggy, I’d appreciate it, but now, goodbye.” I cut off any chance of this turning into some drama about dumbass men break-ins.

“See you soon, Ava.” Kate whispered too close to my ear as she headed to where the rest of her kids was waiting. I stood there a moment, listening to my own quickened breath.

“God, that voice sounds happy… I’ll take care of the pig and stay up waiting for you, yeah, Yelena.” Ava said mischievously, and I hung up, almost on autopilot going back to Kate.

I got to the room just in time to feel my eye twitch with rage.

Great.

Kate looked pissed, her jaw tight. And Eli... well, Eli was talking. Again. Always him. Another disrespectful-ass monologue.

“It’s not fair I didn’t get a dinner from you… and I’ve already seen you naked.” That cocky kid’s disrespectful voice was stuck in my head like some annoying buzz by now. I don’t fully get this thing called "holding a grudge" but it sure felt like the right feeling to have for someone like him.

I stopped at the doorframe, holding my breath for a good five or ten seconds, like maybe breathing would give me some clarity, some sense to stop me from doing something... final .

He was there, wearing nothing but underwear and a T-shirt, slouched on the couch with that damn smug look like he owned the place, leaning back all fake-innocent while clearly gripping his dumb junk like he thought it was a joke… as if the world was his playground and we were just there for his amusement.

I now walked behind the sofas, hearing him still mocking. “Remember that day we were in Santa Monica? Does that count as me buying you dinner, at least?” he pushed, and Kate looked way more uncomfortable, not even daring to look at anyone.

Okay. Let’s breathe for a few more seconds while I decide what the hell I wanna do…

Let’s break it down... Fast forward, I can say I’ve got two very clear options here…

Option one? Apply my recent “peaceful coexistence” policies. Those rules that, surprisingly, have been working with most people I’ve had the misfortune to deal with lately. Breathe, talk it out, let it slide, but always stay reasonable.

Alright, sounds good… but there’s also option two, which is way more... tempting... and that’s being who I really am… The Black Widow. The Avenger. The one nobody dares to disrespect or piss off for real because deep down… way deep… sometimes maybe six feet under… that person gets a lesson on what happens when they cross my path… And I’ve known that perfectly since I set foot here… nobody here would really care if Eli took a nap. A long-ass nap.

Alright... I think I know what I’m really gonna do here…

I tilted my neck slightly. A subtle crack ran down my spine, easing some of the built up tension. And then...

Then, when he started another dumbass line about Kate being the best-smelling girl he’d ever sucked... I did what every woman should do when some disrespectful jerk hits on her.

I sank not one, but two Widow bites… one on his chest and another on his stupid balls... The effect was instant. Eli’s body stiffened for a split second... then collapsed, limp and unconscious, right on the couch. He didn’t even take a deep breath... just basically melted into his own skin…

Did you hear that?

Yeah, no nasty words. No annoyed sighs or discomfort. Just glory and respectful silence.

“What the hell, Yelena?!” Kate’s voice sliced through my moment like a sharp blade, full of shock. She ran to him, but her expression shifted halfway. Surprise turned into something strange, kind of confused, a mix of relief and pleasure she tried and failed to hide.

The happy jeers from the others breaking the silence made me exhale while I waited for Kate’s verdict, but then she laughed out loud and everything inside me settled.

She bent down, adjusting Eli’s passed-out body like she was straightening out an unwanted blanket. “Well… thanks…” She smiled wide, stepping toward me. “Took you long enough… you think he’s gonna sleep for a while?” She sighed.

“I can guarantee he’s got a long nap coming… you guys get like 14 to 20 hours without his bullshit…” I murmured proudly, folding my arms behind my back. I was more than proud to feel like I’m still the best Black Widow on duty.

Teddy was the first to come over, shoulders shaking with loose laughter. “Thanks.” He said, holding out his fist, still chuckling. “Didn’t think I’d get to see that before bedtime.” I bumped his fist with mine, nodding naturally.

Definitely, Teddy’s getting a lot of hot chocolate.

“You know… Avenger…” I said, thumb proudly pointing at my chest, and Kate laughed even more now, pulling her jacket sleeve on me to get us moving toward the door.

“Let’s roll, Avenger…” she said, still amused before shouting loud enough for everyone to hear,

“I’m heading out, and no telling when I’ll be back… watch Eli… behave yourselves… no permission for anything that involves deaths…”

More laughter. Playful shouting. Comical protests. But as we crossed the hall, just the two of us again, everything seemed to slow down when Kate glanced sideways at me.

“That was pretty cool…” she said, a small smile playing on her lips.

“I was just trying to be civil.” I replied. “You know… good neighbor policies and all that jazz.”

“And how do you think you did?” She scoffed, making room for the elevator, pressing a single button clearly referencing our mess in a different elevator.

“Terrible. I don’t always let things slide when someone’s as annoying as you in an elevator.” I said, and she teased even more, threatening to push all the buttons. I stopped her, laughing at the nonsense.

Her satisfied smile as she leaned against the wall opposite me in silence made me copy her move, and we just waited, looking at each other until I broke the quiet.

“You were the first person to slap me… But it was worth it.” I murmured, watching the elevator reach the ground floor.

“God… I still don’t know what the hell I was thinking… I saw my whole life flash before my eyes...” She said, giggling as we stepped out of the elevator.

*

The night air wrapped around us, much colder now, even though all I could feel was the heat still buzzing inside me, pure adrenaline, masked as control.

We walked a few meters in silence. Then she stopped to hail a Taxi and looked at me seriously.

“Thanks, Yelena. Truly.”

Her soft voice made me smile and step closer to her.

“What? For knocking that idiot down?” I said, amused, and she flushed completely, reaching for my hand with a gentle touch before slipping her hand into the pocket of the coat I was wearing to pull out her gloves and put them back on me.

“Something like that, but in a more general way. From what you told me… you stood up for me more times than I even knew…” She said, finishing the kind gesture with the gloves, then cupped my hands together to blow warm air into the space she’d created between them.

The whole act made me feel calm, and very warm, not just from the gesture but because that’s when I finally understood why she was thanking me.

It was about the invisible weight. The comments. The stares. The constant judgments. The burden of being a woman in a world that always thinks it owns your body, your patience, your space. It was about her being a girl forced to deal with a bunch of changes all at once.

“I should’ve been even closer…” I answered, my voice softer now, mirroring her breath blowing between our gloved hands. “I did what I could with what I had and knew…” I said seriously, feeling like I’d never been this honest before. But her teary eyes made me add quickly, “And next time… maybe just a Widow’s Bite will do the trick.”

I had to be a little cheeky now because she looked like she was about to cry, and I already knew I never wanted to see her cry again.

“Idiot.” she said as the taxi pulled up for us, then just smiled, opening the door for me with that kind of gentleness and one of those soft smiles that say everything words can’t.

*

“So… you’re telling me you really decided to go more public even before the mess that mons-” She growled, taking a hard sip of her beer, but before she could finish, I slid a piece of pizza right into her mouth, cutting her off as smoothly as I was firm.

“No, Kate.” My voice came out firmer than I wanted, but it had to be.

I needed to stop her. We were doing fine, and I didn’t want to hear her trashing Bob.

The slightly betrayed, annoyed look didn’t stop my scolding. I might be trying to be cool with her, but I’m far from wanting to pamper her or encourage that kind of sharp attitude.

“Not like that. Breathe… You can be honest without being rude… and you’ll feel better too… I prefer it that way.” I said, offering an olive right into her mouth, almost like a tiny truce. She huffed, sulking, but accepted, chewing slowly while looking away.

Only after she’d taken ten deep breaths did I speak again. “And to answer your question… yeah…” My shoulders slumped a bit, along with my voice. “I was… kinda frustrated with how useless my work felt… I don’t know… I was in agony… felt pointless… thought maybe I could find something useful… and when Valentina cornered us… it’s not like I had many choices… I just…” I shrugged, leaning back on the couch, letting the warmth of the night fill the silence between us as she chewed, thoughtful.

“Okay…” she murmured after swallowing. “I get that you did what you could. I’m not judging you, really… it’s just that… since I saw you at that press conference, I can’t stop thinking about our talk. Does that mean… you know… after more than a year… you understand now?” she asked softly, taking another bite of pizza as if each mouthful was a pause to gather her thoughts.

“I still don’t like what happened…” my voice low as I poked at the rest of my pizza with a fork, not even looking at her. “But I think I get Natasha’s choices a lot more now. Especially what you said… about doing what needs to be done.”

My chest tightened, and a pang of missing Natasha hit me, but I breathed it down so I wouldn’t cry. 

“I’m glad you’re exactly where you are… I really thought Valentina had blackmailed you guys…” she said quietly.

“That’s not far off…” I said, letting out a dry, bitter laugh with the usual annoyed sigh whenever I remember how Valentina did everything. “That bitch manipulated us like we were disposable… She did it to Bob.”

She turned to me, surprised. Her wide eyes shone with more shock than judgment.

“I saw the files… about her deleting evidence… but I also know she didn’t point a gun at your friend to make him join the research.” Her voice was harsh, and I gritted my teeth, trying hard not to get annoyed with Kate… I don’t want drama… I want peace… but she’s gonna hear me.

“Kate… you’re being petty… you just… you don’t know the whole story… don’t really know any of us… not even me… but never underestimate our bond… Valentina threw us into the fire first… she was just gonna get rid of us like we were her trash… none of us are angels or have clean pasts… and yeah… I get you way better now… we might have every flaw in the world… a bloody trail across the multiverse and all that shit, but we’re good people…” I said, not even looking at her, clearly giving her the same treatment she gave me when she blindly defended Clint Barton.

When I met her gaze again, she looked horrified, shocked, angry, surprised… all in one jaw-drop. “Sorry for being blunt… but explain this to me… That… She… she… she… was just gonna get rid of you? Like throwing a piece of paper in the shredder?” She huffed, reaching across the table to grab my finger that was tracing patterns on the surface, and I nodded slowly, silently.

“Yeah, but even that was good… it brought me closer to the others… we had to form this crazy team… and it was hell… still is… we’re a mess…” I said, distractedly scratching my forehead.

“Putting teams together like this is complicated… you’ve seen my situation… dealing with them is tough…” She grumbled, and I felt annoyed all over again because of Eli.

“In your case, it’d be solved if you just kicked that disrespectful kid’s ass…” My disgusted tone made her lean on her elbows, raising an eyebrow.

“Eli is the least of my problems…” She said with a bitter smile, and that made me feel even less steady.

“I don’t see how that’s possible…” I really don’t. He’s like a knot, a badly tied knot in the fabric of everything she’s trying to stitch together. And honestly, no one seems to actually like him. He’s just trouble…

“Eli’s not bad, Yelena… he’s just unstable and undisciplined… but he’s reliable… strong… loyal… The guys and him can fight all the time, and they can curse each other out… but that’s just how young people act… at the end of the day, he’s a good kid-” She seemed determined to defend him, and I recognized the tenderness hiding behind her words, which physically bothered me.

She was basically singing praises for her lover.

“Please, Kate, even for a lover, he just seems average.” I rolled my eyes, snapping at her compliments, and she looked at me sharply, cutting off her speech.

“Is that so? And how do you know that? Was that another one of your stalking missions?” she said angrily. I sighed, putting down my pizza after a big bite.

I just needed to chew on it hard, along with all the discomfort. I get that this is jealousy oozing out of my pores, and I’m not happy about how I feel right now, but damn, it feels uncontrollable.

Of everything I’ve learned lately, attachment is, without a doubt, the most annoying. It’s a feeling that bothers me deeply. First, because it makes me feel childish. Then, because it makes me feel dishonest with myself. And yet… I get it. I understand that this comes from that weird space where, for so long, I had nothing, absolutely nothing and now I have all these things and people, all these connections, and I feel like I’m nurturing this possessive feeling.

It’s uncomfortable. It’s heavy. It’s not pleasant to admit, but it’s real. And the fact that I actually understand it doesn’t make it any easier, but at least it gives it some meaning.

I huffed, an irritated sigh, rummaging through the pocket of the jacket feeling even more impatient remembering it was still her scented jacket. I breathed in, still chewing, then went to the pizza counter and asked for paper and a pen. 

I plopped down heavily back in front of Kate and scribbled with my trembling, fast, almost angry hand. The words jumped on the paper as impulsively as they were in my mind: Jealousy sucks .

I looked up, and she was still staring at me, like she expected me to explain that thrown-together phrase, like she expected a reasonable justification for an irrational feeling. But did it really need one? Maybe it was obvious to her. Maybe in her life, as a normal girl with a simpler life, these things made sense.

So I just rested my chin on my hand, staring into the empty space ahead of us, and waited.

Nothing about Kate being involved with such an unpleasant person is good. 

Not that I’m saying I’m any better…

After all, what the hell do I know? I’m just a retired assassin…

The lines between right and wrong are being drawn minute by minute in my head…

“I want an answer.” She almost demanded, making me look at her again.

I breathed, still not sure how to say it, and leaned on the table to meet her eyes. I didn’t want this point to ruin the night, but I also wouldn’t keep quiet about how I was feeling. Bottling up what’s wrong always comes with a bigger price later.

“I don’t get how you’d be with such a disrespectful kid… he might not be a villain, but he’s said horrible things like… instead of breathing, he just attacks everyone around him… especially women…” I said angrily.

She closed her eyes, pressing the bridge of her nose with her fingers before ruffling her own hair in an impatient gesture. That gave me every sign that she was bothered. And it told me she was about to say something harsh.

“You know… sometimes it’s not something to understand…” She said, exhaling sharply. “It’s simpler than it seems… Eli’s a jerk, but it’s not like he’s some monster who threw an entire town into a nightmare…” She slammed some bills on the table and stood up, marching toward the restaurant’s exit without looking back.

I thought for a whole minute about whether I should follow her, and this time I didn’t hesitate to stand up calmly and go after her. She was still just down the block, and I guided my steps to catch up in the calmest way I could.

I had zero experience flattering a girl, and honestly, I didn’t want that kind of experience. Flattering someone feels like disguised submission. It’s dangerous. It reveals fragile self-esteem… causes long-term cracks. Flattery means suppressing parts of yourself that shouldn’t be held back. I’ve had my share of losing control over parts of me. I’ll never live like that again.

So I just matched her pace in silence. Whatever was keeping us upset shouldn’t be bigger than our primary mission. That’s what I knew. And that was enough.

After we crossed several blocks in silence, she stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, huffing loudly. Her eyes turned up to the dark sky as if it could offer answers I couldn’t give, but I stayed silent. Part of the protocol I developed for handling situations like this, especially with Bob, was letting heavy feelings come out in their own time. I didn’t need to interfere, just be there. I just made sure not to say anything I didn’t mean and not disrespect her anger.

It's really simple.

"I don’t like how you make me feel unsteady… all this drama, being mad, it’s just exhausting me… I don’t want it to be like this..." she said, pacing in circles on the sidewalk. I took a breath, waiting for her thoughts to catch up, listening to her breathing grow faster, just waiting for her to find the words. "I thought it'd be easier to be around you today, and I wasn’t wrong… but I just…" She huffed again, now biting her lip harder, and I sighed, deciding what to do.

I walked up to her and stopped right in front of her, reaching for her hands just to tuck them back into her own pockets.

"First of all… I think you need to breathe…" I said, looking for her eyes, trying to get her attention. She followed me, inhaling and exhaling slowly.

"And second… I think we should go back to our personal corners-" I started, but she gasped, clearly more upset now. She pulled her hands from her pockets, grabbed mine, and shoved them into her own pockets with hers, saying a firm “No.” The suddenness of it made me grit my teeth, because it caught me off guard, because she was way too close… because she was blatantly ignoring a direct command from a Black Widow.

What? Bullshit. I could practically hear Ava’s voice in my head. She’d definitely be rolling her eyes so hard they’d stick like that after the thought I just had.

Just breathe, like you told her to. She’s got that scared look in her eyes…

She just looks afraid that I’m pulling away. I could read it in the way she held onto me like I was slipping through her fingers. One of her thumbs was rubbing against my skin in this nervous, almost pleading way.

Yeah. No need to think about attacks or being cornered right now.

“No what, Kate?” I asked, mostly to hear what was going on in her head.

“No as in… I don’t want us to go back to being strangers just because we don’t know our boundaries yet… we’re still figuring it out… that’s what friends do sometimes. It’s not all laughs and fun 24/7… like we just said… sometimes it’s messy. You and me, we’re learning how to be a team, right?” She said that with such honest hesitation that she could barely meet my eyes, but still, there was a quiet kind of bravery in every word.

I smiled. A soft smile, the kind that says you see the effort, the kind that gets it.

"Now… let me stop you before you say I’m your partner…” I groaned in an overly playful tone, which made Kate burst into unexpected laughter, free, open, unfiltered.

“Listen… I’m not cutting off or shutting down what we’re building here, Kate. We started this friendship today, and I might not be super experienced in life… but even as an assassin, I learned as a kid that too much of anything becomes poison. And when we poison a target, it’s because we don’t want them to die too fast… we don’t have to die all at once, right?” I said it with the kind of honesty that only comes from lived experience.

Not exactly the friendliest metaphor, but it was my truth, the way I knew how. And Kate absolutely lost it in a loud laugh that echoed down the street like she couldn’t hold it back.

She bent over laughing, hands on her knees trying to keep her balance. Then, stumbling through the laughter, she leaned against my shoulder, unable to stop the tears spilling from the corners of her eyes.

“Jesus, Yelena… that was… fuck… what the hell are you even talking about?” she groaned between laughs, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. Her laughter rang through the street like a tiny win, like the night air had finally lightened up again. And I smiled, a smile full of relief, like I’d managed to bring back a little peace that, just moments ago, felt so far away.

“Well… I’m just sharing it through data I can relate to… but what I mean is, we can go home now… maybe do the whole texting and calling thing like normal girls until our next day off… and then we can do more of this as many times as it takes until we actually become cool girls.” I said it all in one breath, and she nodded hard.

“I want that, Yelena… I really do want to be your friend… and I’m sure all this other crap, everything that’s not us, can be talked through… it’s just that right now I’m kind of…” She cut herself off, and I growled, linking my arm with hers and pulling her gently, but firmly, forward.

“I know… you’re impatient as fuck and you’re not the same crazy girl you used to be… I know, Kate… I just need to make this clear… nothing between us has to end in harsh words. Just… breathe… and understand I’m not your enemy… I really want to know you. That’s all.” I said, already guiding us along the sidewalk, step by step, like the pavement could hear every word.

She stayed quiet. Not the awkward kind of silence, but the kind that says more than words ever could as we walked until we were standing in front of the Stark Tower. That stupid building stood tall like a giant reminder of all the shit that had basically brought us together, just a landmark now.

“Well… you're home.” she said, but she didn’t let go of my arm. And I didn’t make a move to pull away either. Only after a few seconds did I slowly untangle myself, hesitant, like my skin still needed hers for a little longer.

“I had a good time, despite everything, Kate. And I really hope we keep doing more of this…” I murmured shyly, reaching for her hand to return her gloves with care.

She took the gloves back, but paused. Her eyes searched mine, and then she pointed to my face with a gesture that felt almost childlike, crouching slightly, awkwardly, like she was asking permission for something off-limits. “I… I… can I?” she asked, touching my cheek with her pinky finger.

I smiled, nodding, feeling this unexpected warmth bloom inside me. And then she leaned in and gave me a gentle, almost invisible kiss on my skin.

It was like the way she did it with Ava… nothing big, nothing too intimate or inappropriate. The soft current of energy on my face, that was the only thing that wasn’t normal, and I let out an audible breath when she pulled back, shoving her hands deep into her pockets. She was blushing, and I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, so I stood on tiptoes and returned the gesture, light and simple.

The way she grabbed my waist to help me, and how I stayed there for a few more seconds, still with my lips on her skin, turning it into two soft kisses in a row, that made her hold onto me tighter.

I left a light touch on her face and gave her a small hug before stepping back, feeling my whole body on high alert.

This wasn’t anything I’d dealt with before… I can say for sure I’d never kissed or been kissed… In the Red Room, kissing was just another weapon, a tactic I refused to use whenever I could. But now… it wasn’t just about a simple lip-to-skin contact… it felt like something else… something real… even if it was just a soft, gentle kiss that didn’t even involve her lips… I still felt like it meant something. But again… everything about this felt right and important, and the best part… I didn’t feel like I needed to say anything else before I offered myself a sliver of dignity by turning my back to her and walking bravely toward the safety of the tower.

Because in that moment, being at peace with her… felt like the most successful mission I could ever complete.

*

I stood outside the tower, staring at the invisible trail Yelena had left behind after her two and a half kisses on my cheek… yeah, I counted… she kissed me… she gave me two and a half kisses… plus a hug…

So that leaves me… statistically speaking… with one and a half kisses and one emotional-support hug I now owe her… to balance out my heart hammering in my throat and the way I literally couldn’t move, hearing it pounding in my ears like a damn drum.

The feeling of her touch still lingered on my skin, a soft, constant tingling that I just couldn’t shake off until a male voice snapped me out of my trance.

“Miss Bishop?” One of the tower guards approached me, looking somewhere between concerned and curious. “Can I help you?”

I blinked several times, like I was just now returning from a far-off, silent place where only her green eyes and that slightly smug smile existed.

I snapped out of whatever spell I was under and looked at the confused man. “Yeah, dude… I’m fine… I just… I… fuck… I was just walking Miss Belova home… and I gotta go…” I said, shamefully pulling myself into motion to escape the guy.

I pretty much skipped the whole two and a half blocks… God… two and a half kisses and a hug… What does that even mean? Probably nothing… 

I just needed to get home. I needed to curl up in my room and replay every minute of this day. 

I got home feeling like the world was spinning just a bit faster, like I was drunk… But that couldn’t be right… she made us drink non-alcoholic beers… or maybe it was just my racing heart still making me dizzy.

The penthouse was quiet, everyone already in their rooms, which made me let out a long, grateful sigh as I closed the door behind me. I leaned against it for a second, touching my cheek like a total idiot before dragging myself over to the bed, where I sat down and let my head fall back still thinking about how I’d gotten two and a half kisses and a hug.

I need to catalog every single time she touched my hands at the Aquarium… I need to remember how she always seemed so close… closer… always getting closer to me… how she looked at me like I was the only person in the world that mattered… I need my brain to hold on to the moment she ran her fingers through my hair, right there in the middle of the street and it felt like she was this close to kissing me… It’s urgent in my mind that I don’t forget to dig into that jealous little note and figure out what she really thinks about Eli… At some point, I have to understand what the hell she thinks she’s doing with her life, dating that monster... and honestly? I might write an entire fanfic just about how she kept saying all day that we were on a date… the best date in the whole damn multiverse.

Just breathe… I could almost hear her voice in my head and that’s exactly what I did for a few minutes. I just breathed and thought about how today ended way better than any silly expectations I might’ve had.

Maybe it's not the healthiest thing to keep obsessing over this, so I got up, forcing myself to tidy up my room a little…

Lucky must be with one of the guys… probably Teddy, since Eli, his favorite, had been knocked out earlier by Yelena in defense of my honor.

God… she literally stood up for me…

I’d spent way too many minutes in my daily exercise of thinking positive things about Eli so I wouldn’t completely hate him.

I smiled as I remembered how much he loves taking care of my dog like he’s a baby. Just this week, he gave Lucky a full bath and went out to buy all the food and vitamins the dog needed, and I laughed through our crazy phone call while he told me all about it. He might be a jackass and make every possible joke about being Lucky’s “dad” but I wasn’t even mad. Eli… like I told Yelena, isn’t a bad guy. He’s just messy and talks too damn much. He’s not a monster like she tried to make him out to be, and I’d defend my friend, because I know him… I know he’d die defending even her dumbass boyfriend.

I laid out my suit for the next day… organized a few files… I did everything but my thoughts just kept going back to Yelena… and everything that happened today…

Me and her… we’re friends now…

She gave me two and a half kisses… and a hug…

But what about the monster…? She did look like she was actual!¹ly taking me on a date…

BURN THE MONSTER!

She said they go to therapy together… If they need three sessions a week with a therapist, their relationship must be a total mess…

I’d go to therapy with her, if that’s what it took.

Don’t get your hopes up…

Yeah… I’m not delusional anymore… those were some real-ass moments… she used the word “date”… and she got jealous… she literally wrote it on paper right in front of me… And the only reason I didn’t push her to say more was because… well… I’m honest. And her boyfriend-

Screw him.

She gave me two and a half kisses… and a hug…

Just breathe…

She said it herself… The poison works slowly.

Maybe they’re breaking up…

I had already done a full round of the penthouse, checking security and adding new protocols to stop any future break-ins, and now I was finally in bed, reaching for my phone to set my alarms when I saw I had a message… a picture… from Yelena… for the first time.

My breath caught. Literally. My eyes widened, my entire body froze. The tiny, silly tears in my eyes were nothing compared to how huge my smile was.

The picture was simple, intimate, perfect… Just her, in a plain pajama top, with a hamster on her shoulder… Her smile, that goofy face with no makeup… the tiny braids tucked into the sides of her hair… it all made me sigh…

She’s just… adorable.

“What’s your hamster’s name?” I shot the message off with shaky hands. I had no idea if she’d reply or how much it would hurt if she didn’t but I waited, barely breathing, as the little typing dots appeared on the screen.

“IT’S NOT EVEN A HAMSTER, KATE BISHOP!” she typed back, then followed it up with another picture of the little animal. “HE’S A GUINEA PIG I RESCUED BEFORE BLOWING UP A BUILDING.”

I laughed out loud as I typed my reply. “You know… when you write in all caps like that, it really sounds like you’re yelling. Mr. Pig does look cute though… but why would he blow up a building?” I asked, amused.

The reply took a few minutes.

Long minutes. Way too long.

I was spiraling, pacing around the room, completely restless. Did I go too far? Was I being stupid? My body was already reacting before my brain could even string together a coherent worry. That’s when my phone buzzed.

A call.

Yelena was calling me.

That completely short-circuited my brain. 

She’s actually calling me? This is actually happening?

I took a deep breath. Then another. Then a couple more… futile attempts to act natural. Totally pointless.

“Hey…” My voice came out way softer than I wanted. Too… real.

“I thought you wouldn’t pick up… If you’re busy I can-” she started, but I cut her off right away.

“NO!” I practically shouted. “I mean… I’m not busy. And even if I were, I’d drop everything.” I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood, mentally cursing myself for sounding so desperate.

Her silly little laugh made me instantly regret being silly myself. But then her next words… they calmed every nerve in me.

“Good to know… I’m also available for calls now… stop chewing your lips.” Her voice was playful, teasing. And suddenly, my body just… relaxed.

“Well… now you tell me…” I teased gently, and she laughed even more. I guess I’m kinda good at that. “So, now that we’re doing phone calls… to what do I owe the honor?” I asked, lying down, trying to ground myself.

“Well… I just called to tell you how I saved my friend…” She started like that, as casually as someone talking about the weather, then dove straight into a ridiculous story involving a mission that officially put her on the Avengers roster. She talked about jumping off the tallest building in the world like she was saying she went down the street to get a loaf of bread. It was like she was a window washer or something. Not, you know… international espionage, high-risk infiltrations, and jumping from hundreds of feet in the air.

And for some reason… that made me laugh.

Maybe it was just fun hearing her voice so chill, so unbothered. Laughing with her made me forget everything else for a while. Laughing like we were just two normal girls, on a regular night, sharing dumb stories and laughing at bad jokes. I couldn’t say I was used to that. Intimacy has always been weird for me, especially with other girls. My relationships with them were always… shallow. Carefully measured interactions. Surface-level. I was always hiding behind sarcasm or a bow. A joke here, a jab there. Always keeping my guard up before anyone even realized I had one.

But there… in the quiet between one joke and the next… between one laugh and the other… I realized something was different. With Yelena… everything felt lighter. More honest. It was like all those layers I wear just to survive had somehow melted away. And that was terrifying. But also… comforting.

I heard her take a deep breath on the other end, and for a second I thought she was about to say something serious. But instead, she mumbled in that soft, cautious Russian accent of hers.

“If you’re sleepy, let me know… Ava explained all the signs that mean a call is over, or when someone wants to say goodbye, but… I didn’t really understand all of them… just tell me if I’m being too much…” She sounded… shy. Almost unsure of herself.

And I grinned, full teeth and everything. Yelena, on the other side of the phone, trying to decode the simplest social cues with this almost childlike sweetness. She really had been acting like a regular girl all day. Always mindful of boundaries, always curious, always trying to learn as she genuinely connected, unafraid of how she felt. It was unexpected. And so… adorable.

All day long, I’d been thinking about everything Clint had told me about Natasha… how she was naturally closed off. How he said that, with her, a hug was basically a solemn occasion. That even the smallest gestures of affection came with a bit of awkwardness, even though her words were always kind and measured.

I expected the same from Yelena. A wall. That kind of stiffness. Partly because of the Red Room files I’d read… partly because I was way too curious about those reports on the Widows who never quite made it back after regaining control of their minds.

I didn’t need Yelena to spell it out for me… to tell me how broken she was… how hard she fought with everything she had and everything she knew. I knew it wasn’t easy. I expected it to be complicated… for her to be way more guarded, full of defense mechanisms.  And don’t get me wrong… those walls are there. You can see it… in the way she talks… the way she moves… the way she watches people and places. I saw all of it. But I also saw something more. She wants to open up to the world. She wants to feel. To live.

“I’m not sleepy…” I murmured, almost automatically. “Honestly, I don’t think I can sleep. My mind’s still spinning from everything that happened since yesterday…” There was a brief pause on her end. One of those silences that doesn’t feel awkward… just… intimate. 

I could almost hear her thinking. Then she took a breath and spoke, her voice soft, laced with an invisible smile. “The most important thing is… did you like how the stress episode ended, Kate Bishop?”

The way she said my name… slow, deliberate, like she was savoring it… made me laugh. A muffled chuckle, almost a growl of amusement. “Yes, I’m fine… what’s not fine is you going back to using my full name…” I teased, pretending to be annoyed.

And she laughed back. Loud. Free. “Listen, Katherine Elizab-” She was just about to…That bitch.

“You asshole… That wasn’t necessary…” I groaned, and she laughed even harder. God… her laugh . It was the kind of sound that warmed you from the inside out. I loved hearing it.

“Well… it just sounds so much better that way, Kaaate Biiishop…” she sing-songed my name like it made total sense.

“I really like saying the whole thing like that… can’t we renegotiate the deal? Don’t you feel the affection in my voice when I say a big ol’ Kaaate Biiishop?” She was clearly having too much fun. And I couldn’t help the smile that escaped me, again.

“You’re dangerous, Yelena… you’re a born negotiator, like a shady saleswoman…” I growled, happier than I’d been in years. “And yeah… I don’t mind your sexy accent saying my name… as long as it’s not in tough moments… or fights… or arguments…”

If you ever said it while naked… I groaned internally, mentally slapping myself for even going there so fast. That’s not what this is. I don’t want it to be like that.

Actually… I kind of do… 

Yeah… I really fucking do…

But I’m gonna be the most respectful girl in the damn universe when it comes to Yelena and if she lets me, I’ll shower that woman with every ounce of romance the multiverse has to offer.

She has a boyfriend…

Fuck that monster. I’ll kill him and then comfort her. For sure I could be a better boyfriend than him.

“Oh… got it.” she whispered, snapping me out of my dumb planning like she was mentally taking note of a new mission. “So I can use your name… I just need to know the right timing… okay… I’ll try…” She practically purred, making me squeeze my eyes shut and bite my knuckles in desperation.

Her voice…

Maybe she doesn’t even like girls…

She’s with a guy…

Fuck the monster… fuck other girls… She just needs to like me…

Enough. Put yourself together. This isn’t about what it could be…

The romance fantasy is nice and all, and a hell of a ride, but I’m being real when I say I’ll be whatever the hell this woman needs me to be.

I need to be smart about this… I’m not gonna be just someone in her life… I can live with the trade-off, the simplicity… That was all I wanted and needed right now.

Tonight was just… amazing. Realizing how easy it felt between us, like it was growing more natural by the second. No pressure, no games. Right now, I was staying on this call in the middle of the night purely because I wanted to. Because I didn’t want to let go of this connection just yet. Like when you’re trying to stretch out a really good dream for just a few more minutes.

“And what about you, aren’t you sleepy?” I asked softly after she went quiet. I remembered her saying she was gonna go see her “ man ” on that call. Maybe she still wanted to.

“I’m not sleepy… maybe I’ve got my own reasons to stay up, too…” She answered in a cozy sigh, like she was lying on her side, legs tangled in a blanket, staring at the ceiling with a goofy smile… just like I was.

Don’t get your hopes up.

But then, out of nowhere, she changed the subject and started asking about my training in California, the struggles with the bow, my first experience with Clint’s tricks, and what it felt like holding that legacy in my hands without letting it crush me.

And I told her everything. Every detail, every frustration, every win. And her voice always came after, reacting with genuine interest. They weren’t empty questions. She really wanted to know. That’s when I realized… More than anything… I wanted this with her. Like this. All the time. This kind of honest exchange, this kind of effortless affection. The way she laughed without holding back, how she actually listened, how she said my name out loud just to mess with me, but also to comfort me. The way she didn’t run from feelings, even if she didn’t quite know how to handle them yet.

Outside my window, the night kept rolling by, quiet… Like the whole world was asleep, except the two of us, creating this little pocket universe where it was safe to just be…

No fear. No masks.

And I wanted to stay there. In that space where walls came down and laughter came easy. Where my name turned into affection in someone else’s mouth. Where a deadly spy with a beautiful accent wanted to know everything about me. Where I, Kate Bishop, didn’t have to be just the badass archer or the perfect little Avenger-in-training… Just… me.

Simple as that.

*

NY always looked way better to me after 2 a.m… 

Not exactly a universal opinion… Ted Mosby would definitely disagree… But I’ve always had my best ideas, my best shots, my best sleep… everything… after 2 a.m. Okay… not counting my college life. That version of me was usually hungover anytime I was up past two. But tonight… just sitting here in my room…

Watching the lights of the most amazing city in the world… Heart still racing, phone still safely gripped between my fingers, face still warm from all the laughing a few minutes ago…

There was just no way anything in my world could be wrong… Not after Yelena became my friend. We’d hung up exactly ten minutes ago… Ten minutes and twenty seconds… twenty-three… twenty-six…

Shit… I shouldn’t be counting seconds like this… But I did. And it’s not because I’m obsessed… 

Okay… maybe I’m a little obsessed. Maybe a lot.

Fuck it. She spied on me for two years.

I deserve this. And I’m not gonna feel guilty…  Not when my chest is this full of good things.

Am I confused? Yeah. Still kind of tangled in the way I’m clinging to the little things?

Absolutely.

But…

 

Before I could say we needed to hang up tonight because I had to pick up the mission she started today… she hesitated… just for a split second, barely noticeable… maybe no one else would’ve caught it. But I knew. I just knew she didn’t want to hang up.

It had been over a month since our first date… Since the aquarium and that big, defining talk we had… we’d grown inside this bubble that felt just as safe as comfortable…

That night, we stayed up talking late. After she learned everything about California, we just kept going. Talking about everything. About nothing. About the guinea pig we now call Mr. Pig… we talked about Lucky… about the cat she saw at a park, and about all the things she wanted to do in New York now that she had a local friend to show her the ropes. I told her more about the company… shared my plans to head back to California for a short vacation… She smiled and invited herself in the cutest way, saying Ava and Bob would love to see the ocean. I got annoyed just hearing that monster’s name… but I didn’t say no.

After all… she has to include her man in her plans, and I get it. I wouldn't wanna travel with that piece of shit either… but if that’s what makes Yelena happy, I’ll deal.

And while she rambled on about these silly vacation plans I didn’t even know if we’d have time for stuff like special travel carriers, calming meds for Mr. Pig and Lucky, or whatever it’d take to keep John from getting carsick… and how maybe we could take her dad’s limo… I ended up falling asleep with the phone still pressed to my ear somewhere between that and her saying we could be like Magic Mike…

And I felt like such an idiot when I woke up and saw the call had ended due to inactivity.

But the next day, she called again. In the morning. Sounding out of breath from her workout, yelling nonsense with Ava about how I was forgiven for hanging up on her… And after a few minutes of me explaining and nearly crying trying to say I didn’t mean to, she laughed and teased me, saying she knew… and that she actually preferred it that way. I didn’t really get it… but I let it go and relaxed.

The calls kept happening. Again and again. And in the days that followed, our conversations became a part of my routine, like coffee or archery training. If I didn’t get a notification from her by noon, I’d start wondering if she was even alive. Then she’d message something like she did today, at 11:59 AM…

"Breathe, Kate Bishop. I’m busy being an Avenger… just doing what I gotta do, like you taught me. Our part of the mission’s done.

 

P.S.: The Eiffel Tower’s still a bitch who refuses to be climbed."

The photo of her with Ava, Bob, John, and her dad under the Eiffel Tower, all of them looking beat-up and lowkey disgusted, was hilarious.

I just replied saying they all looked more French than the Eiffel Tower itself, with those unimpressed stares.

Yeah… we’re friends now. For real. The kind of friends who do the whole fun jazz of constantly sending each other cool stuff… It’s the kind of friendship most people dream of. At least, that’s what it feels like… And that’s exactly what terrifies me… Because I don’t just feel what a friend’s supposed to feel for her…

It’s not just affection.

It’s not just admiration for everything she does and everything she is.

It’s the way my heart speeds up when her voice drops just a little.

When she speaks softly, like she’s whispering every secret from this fucked-up multiverse she can’t stand.

It’s the way I catch myself staring at my phone, waiting for her picture to light up again.

It doesn’t even make sense… I’m not getting mixed signals. She’s not leading me on… I know that. I feel that. This is all on me. Something I’ve gotta handle on my own. Because what we have is… above all else… rare… It’s precious. And I’m not gonna ruin that by confusing whatever this is with what I desperately wish it could be .

Besides, she’s still got that idiot Bob… 

Still treats him like some sacred relic or whatever…

Still lights up when she talks about that moron…

Still seems to love the monster.

As for me and Bob... Yeah… I still have to hold myself back every time we’re in the same room so I don’t cross the floor and knock the lights out of his smug eyes. I still gripped my sword a little too tight in all three of our meetings to discuss timelines and phases for the Wakandan material theft prevention plan.

Yep… I’m still absolutely sure Bob should not be out walking free, much less allowed to go see the Eiffel Tower with Yelena. Not after what he did. Not after the collective trauma he almost dumped on my city… But Yelena defends him. With conviction. With certainty. Like he’s one of the good ones. She still seems endlessly patient with him. Still totally tuned into his nonsense, even though to me, he looks more and more like a weak, fragile, cowardly little man every damn day. It’s so infuriating how he’s always clinging to her like some nervous parrot during meetings… Always shaking in front of Valentina… 

He’s just… a joke.

I don’t get how someone as strong and insanely interesting as Yelena could fall for a guy like that. I swear I don’t get it. But I stopped asking. Because every time I bring it up, she either gently tells me to breathe… or lowkey threatens me if I push too far… And I’m not gonna keep pushing until she shuts down and stops giving me anything.

Now, after yet another one of our incredible calls, almost two hours talking about everything, from her mission investigating mercenaries selling stolen Wakandan tech to what our part would be here in New York. She looked like nothing short of a vision straight out of paradise. Even though she was lying there, completely drained from the tough mission, hair sprawled across the pillow, braids still perfect, yeah, she’s kept up with them ever since I mentioned it…

I could barely focus on what she was saying.

I was way too distracted watching the way her lashes curved against her soft cheeks. How she scrunched her nose when she laughed. How her tired eyes looked more golden than green tonight…

Even while she was explaining how her mission had her flying to Paris and back in the same day, I couldn’t get over the dumbest, sweetest detail… She told me she had a dream about me on the flight back. Some bizarre dream involving me and a llama in a theme park. Nothing earth-shattering… but still. She dreamed about me. Me. And yeah, even if there was a llama in the dream… I’m still counting it.

I dropped back onto my bed, phone still in hand, the lock screen embarrassingly still her and Lucky. I took a deep breath. The ceiling suddenly seemed way more interesting than it had any right to be, but I tried not to overthink. Tried to just let the silence settle in. But I couldn’t.

The images kept coming. The memories. The details. Her laugh echoing in my mind. The feel of those two and a half kisses… the weight of that hug. The way she held eye contact with me way too long every single time we saw each other…

Snap out of it, Bishop. You’ve got a mission tomorrow.

I was already drifting somewhere between reality and sleep when a message lit up my screen and made me feel like I’d sleep a whole lot better tonight.

I need you safe. I want to go out and buy something important and I want you with me for it. It’s a date.

 

Stay safe, Kate…

 

Good night (Good luck.)

YES.

You’re gonna finish your mission early and then you’re taking Yelena out… Because she wants to see you tomorrow. Another date.

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

It was supposed to be a simple mission.

Intercept a group of smugglers trying to extract vibranium from an old S.H.I.E.L.D facility in a decommissioned base… A near-routine continuation of the mission the New Avengers were handling just yesterday, but ours was supposed to be even simpler…

A low-risk operation. Quick in and out. No casualties.

Enter. Recover. Exit.

A classic for us young Avengers. 

But in less than fifteen minutes… everything collapsed.

The intel was wrong… Off. Or someone, me, had severely underestimated the enemy. And that underestimation was our fatal mistake.

It wasn’t just a disorganized cell of looters. No. They were prepared. Far more than any of us had expected. This wasn’t just a simple extraction, there was also a well-equipped squad, nothing like the undertrained mercs Yelena had described to me… It was a team armed with tech that had no business being outside the hands of S.H.I.E.L.D, Stark Industries, or any other global security agency.

They had military-grade equipment that civilians should never have access to. Compact armor suits, forged from a titanium and recycled vibranium alloy, sturdy enough to withstand energy impacts. Tactical HUD helmets. Pulse rifles that looked like they’d been pulled straight out of one of Tony Stark’s top-secret designs. But the worst were the disruptive mist devices, portable units that emitted radiation, cancelling out meta-human abilities, genetic enhancements, mutations, and even sorcery within a thirty-meter radius.

I couldn’t even begin to understand how this was possible, but all I could do was log the ambush for what it was… Conflicting intel. Hostile, unlisted environment. Inadequate preparation for the circumstances. And an enemy that was clearly superior. 

I knew one thing for sure now, they knew exactly who we were. And they knew exactly how to neutralize us.

Kamala was the first to pay the price for my mistake.

She entered from the side, forming a bridge with her bracelet, aiming straight for the platform where the cargo was being held.

“I’ll grab the package!” she shouted, way too confident that we had time. Always confident. Always optimistic. As if we were still on some routine mission.

“Fall back! This isn’t a standard op!” I commanded through the comms, but it was already too late for Kamala. One of the mercs activated a device on his wrists, and a bluish wave burst into the air like a fractured web, vibrating with a piercing, high-pitched hum.

Kamala barely had time to react. Her body convulsed, like every nerve had been disconnected at once, and I watched in horror as she collapsed to the ground with a dull thud, limbs twitching, eyes wide with pain. It was all I needed to realize how serious the mission really was. What I had thrown my team into.

“Kamala!” Billy shouted, raising his hands, trying to conjure a spiral of magic to push the enemies back, but the arcane seal barely formed before it cracked and disintegrated in midair. It was like a magic null field, one we had been developing in our lab… but now in enemy hands.

I watched in horror as one of the mercs activated it. The energy backlash made Billy scream in pain, hurling him backward until he hit the ground hard, completely unconscious.

“America, take the perimeter at three o'clock!” Teddy roared, shifting into his Skrull-Kree form, already leaping over a mercenary to neutralize a smaller group and buy America time to pull Kamala back to us. But then, another weapon was revealed.

A pulsing beam of green light struck Teddy so violently that it made him roar in pain until it dissolved into a sharp, guttural cry, just before his body collapsed.

Eli tried to hold the frontline, shield up, defending himself as best he could. He pushed forward two steps, blocking one shot, but didn’t see the second soldier flanking him.

A shoulder-mounted cannon came online. One shot obliterated the shield. Another hit him square in the head.

He fell to his knees, hands clutching the sides of his helmet, his clenched teeth twisted in silent pain. I gasped in fear. My arrow found the attacker. I didn't care if it was lethal.

No hesitation. No mercy.

I scanned the area for Tommy, Cassie, and America. They were still fighting.

Cassie was shifting between her normal size and her Pym form as she held off a group of soldiers, trying to give me cover. America was fending off attackers, drawing them one by one into a portal she held open. Tommy was basically running in circles, trying to snatch weapons out of enemy hands… until he was hit by a stun weapon mid-sprint and dropped, lifeless.

I dragged him back, mechanically, into the safety range of my arrows, already calculating a containment strategy, a potential fallback plan, while firing at soldiers to shield Kamala, who still lay unconscious.

Billy was completely down, out of reach. Teddy was wounded on the far side of the warehouse, dangerously close to a group of soldiers that seemed to be overwhelming Cassie’s efforts. Eli was still kneeling in pain... I needed them behind my arrow perimeter, like Tommy.

I sprinted across the floor to Eli, dragging him back inch by inch, every inch a struggle, until an explosion threw me sideways. My ribs screamed in protest, but I didn’t stop.

“Defensive formation to protect the wounded, Avengers!” I shouted into the comms, feeling the exhaustion and pressure from the mission weigh down on me, but I didn’t give up.

Arrow after arrow, I tried to fend off every incoming strike aimed at us… knowing the next step would be calling for backup.

“Kate, we need to retreat!” America yelled, dodging an incoming blast, the portal behind her flickering, unstable. Her voice was ragged, weak…

“I know… but we need to hold the line first. I’m running low on arrows and you look exhausted.” I growled, fighting a particularly stubborn soldier who refused to go down.

“Cassie doesn’t seem to have been hit by any of the suppression blasts… We need to get her out of here. She’s the only one who can still move freely right now…” America said, her voice barely audible, dodging a strike with a desperate spin.

I ran over to Cassie, helping her fend off an attack. “Cassie… I need you to get to safety. America and I will take it from here.” I said, praying she would listen to me.

“I’m not leaving you behind!” she shouted, striking down a group that had surrounded her.

“Please, Cassie. We can’t do this without you and I know but you’re the only one who hasn’t been affected by their weapons. You’re the only one strong enough to get help.” I begged her.

America appeared beside her, blood dripping from the side of her face. “Come on, Cass, I’ll get you to the exit… My powers are fading, but I can still manage… Hurry…” America urged.

I saw the hesitation in Cassie’s eyes. One second. One second of teary eyes, clenched fists, rage and fear clashing inside her. And then she ran, escaping with America’s help. She activated her Pym suit and shifted into her atomic form within seconds, her body shrinking into a nearly invisible silhouette, leaping between the shadows.

I watched her disappear, and I braced myself for hell, knowing at least one of us was safe, and if she was fast enough, reinforcements would come in time.

I tried to stay optimistic, but what followed was simply… chaos.

The thick, choking smoke… the blood… the metallic stench of scorched steel… The gunfire still echoed throughout the compound, all of it merging with the constant buzzing of explosions and the crackling of the collapsing structure above us.

I took every front line, arrows ready between my fingers, firing in quick succession, trying to protect everyone, desperately trying to hold back the horde that kept pushing forward.

Blood was running from the corner of my mouth. My finger joints burned, and my shoulders felt like they were on fire from the relentless effort. But I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop. I was protecting Kamala. Protecting Billy. Eli. Teddy. Tommy.

“Kate… are you okay?” America’s voice came through weakly on the comm.

I closed my eyes for a second. I could taste blood in my mouth after a punch had caught me off guard. My knees were the only thing keeping me up.

“Yeah… yeah, I’m fine.” I lied quickly, never stopping the fight.

I couldn’t show weakness. Not even to her.

“Help is on the way, but it’ll take a while… I know they’ll come…” America continued, trying to keep me focused.

“Yelena’s coming for us… Ava’s gonna kick these idiots’ asses… John will use that damn taco shield of his… Russian Captain America will knock them down like flies.” 

She just wanted to keep me conscious. To give me hope.

“We’ll make it.” I whispered, seeing nothing but Yelena’s eyes in my mind.

And then, I finally stood back up after the blow. Bow in hand. Heart steady. Everything in me ached… but I would stay standing, for my friends.

And if this was the end… we’d go down fighting.

A shot from my electric arrow made one of the mercenaries stumble back, but one of them had a body shield that absorbed the impact and threw the force back at America with twice the strength.

I followed up with an explosive arrow, aiming at the base of one of the support columns. It came crashing down with a thunderous roar on top of the group, kicking up dust and debris, buying me a few precious seconds so America and I could drag everyone, one by one, to the safety of one of the pillars between attacks.

My left shoulder was hit by a chunk of debris that had fallen from the ceiling. I groaned in pain from the dislocation and the countless shots my suit had taken throughout the fight. The pain burned like embers beneath my skin, but I didn’t quit. I switched to shooting with my off-hand, which made every shot a balance and strength challenge, but it still worked.

I’d trained my whole life for moments like this.

As I recovered, I watched America get taken out by a shot to the chest, right before she could escape through a portal. I was alone now, fighting off the horde of soldiers.

They seemed far more coordinated than before. Each had a role… two for blocking, one for disabling, one for containment. A diamond formation assault. I was still sharp enough to catch the details, and it was nothing like what we usually faced…

They rotated positions, communicated through sharp hand gestures, like trained soldiers. None of it felt random. This wasn’t just an attack. It was intentional. 

They were closing in, and I was running out of arrows… No cover. No advantage. I was just trying not to get hit and protect the fragile bodies of my friends. But I kept going. Because not fighting wasn’t an option.

I would die to protect them.

I took a deep breath, gathering every ounce of strength for one more attack. I slid under a broken conveyor belt, firing off a smoke arrow and another with strobe lights. I just needed to buy time. That was all I needed. Time.

Behind me, I could hear the faint groans of my friends. Kamala was trying to move.

Billy was no longer unconscious, dragging his bloody hand across the floor, drawing symbols with trembling fingers, but the runes faded almost instantly…

“Billy, how do you feel?” I groaned as a shot hit my thigh.

“Like Satan himself shook me by the spine… I’m just trying to conjure something, but…” He was too weak to hold the energy.

Eli looked the worst, coughing up blood. I rushed to him, positioning him to keep him from choking. “Hey, idiot… just breathe. I’ll get us out of here…”

“I’m fine… I just need… a minute…” he murmured, eyes slipping shut before he threw up hard.

Tommy didn’t even seem to be breathing when I sat him beside Billy.

Teddy was mumbling something unconsciously, completely in shock, caught between his transformed, powerful state and his wounded human form. I wanted to cry because there was no way to make him comfortable.

All I could do was look at them, feeling more guilt than I ever had before.

They looked like statues from a fallen temple…

All of them, in ruins.

And me, the archer. The human. The idiot with a bow. The only one still able to fight, was losing a petty battle… 

If they died... it would be my fault.

I cried, knowing I couldn't keep fighting much longer, but I kept going, because that's what I know how to do...

That’s what I chose this life for.

One of the mercenaries stepped forward and I took up my defensive stance again. One more time . It was the same soldier I thought I had already taken out... I dropped an entire pillar on him and yet he was still standing.

It made no sense, but after today’s entire attack, every anomaly had to be considered part of their plan.

He wore different armor, no mask. The red symbol with daggers glowing on his chest caught my eye, but it was the retractable blade on his forearm, so similar to mine, that got my full attention...

I had to keep him here. Letting him get too close wasn’t an option, so I rolled to the other side, away from the others, and fired an incendiary arrow, sealing my friends off between the fire and the horde. The fire roared, dancing between the columns, forcing the soldiers to pull back.

They retreated, startled by the flames... Interesting...

But this one… He didn’t back off. He walked through the fire slowly, like he couldn’t even feel the heat, his eyes locked on me, advancing... Precise.

I launched a supersonic grenade at him, but he dodged it with an inhuman spin of his body, closing the distance in what felt like just two steps. There was no time to load another arrow, so I blocked with my bow. The blade on his arm scraped the carbon fiber with a high-pitched hiss before he flung me back.

I didn’t hesitate. I used the last of my arrows just to try and put some space between us again. And when he saw I was out of arrows, abandoning my bow, something in him seemed to ignite with joy. He surged forward even faster, leaping over the rubble to get to me.

He already knew I was the primary target...

And if each of the kids had been taken out by soldiers with very specific missions, then this one... he probably had something just for me.

Yes… It’s time to use my secret weapon, what I’ve relied on for everything in my life… Unpredictability, madness, and my final trump card... the Ronin’s sword...

His eyes seemed to crave the sword, like so many before him. That weapon looked like something many had tried to claim, but none had succeeded. Now, it’s mine. 

Clint believed that the only thing that could cleanse its bloody past was the justice in my hands and I’ve been trying to honor that.

My first strike made him retreat, just a little. So I went in hard, with a flurry of heavier blows that seemed to be working... 

Seemed…  

But on my next move, he blocked the blade like he’d just been humoring me this whole time... and now it was his turn. I locked eyes with him, searching for any sign, any weakness I could use, but there was nothing. No anger. Not even cruelty. Just efficiency. Just the quiet satisfaction of someone fulfilling their mission.

He twisted his blade, taking me down before I could land another hit. It was far faster than his previous moves, I could barely breathe before I felt the tip of his sword plunge into my abdomen, sharp and agonizing. I hit the ground with a heavy thud that left me momentarily paralyzed… I gasped, pain and fear tightening in my chest, as the Ronin's sword was wrenched from my grip.

I tried to rise, but my hands slipped on the blood pouring from the gash and the thick dust on the floor.

 

 

 

The air escaping my lungs was hot and painful... the cut didn’t seem to have hit anything vital, but the pain was still crippling… the real problem here is that… everything feels so much slower…

 

 

 

But when I saw the glint of the Ronin’s blade coming at me again, this time aimed directly at me, even though I tried to fight, even though I held the sword tightly in my hands… it didn’t take long… in an instant, my restraint… my last line of defense… I wasn’t fast enough, and he stomped on my hands… so I closed my eyes, knowing this would be my end…

 

 

 

The sword that should have been used by me for justice was now being driven into my flesh again, and I accepted it, understanding that maybe my mistake today deserved exactly this kind of justice…

 

 

 

I failed, and I will accept my punishment.

 

 

 

The last image in my mind was Yelena…

 

 

 

I won’t be able to see her today…

 

 

 

She asked me to stay safe…

 

 

 

I’m sorry, Yelena…

*

 

 

 

 

---

 

Notes:

_____________________

 

Thanks, as always, for reading. You have no idea how much that means to me. Even with all the crap life throws at us, this is my safe place and I hope it can be a little haven for you too.

 

Don’t forget to drink water and take care of your mess of a life, you gourgeus gay baby. 💙

 

_____________________

Chapter 5: Heroes

Summary:

____________________________

 

Yelena gets what really means to be an Avenger.
Kate Bishop? Well… she learns the hard way how not to be an Avenger.

 

____________________________

Notes:

____________________________

 

This time, there was no other song that could’ve hit harder than Bowie’s Heroes. If you guessed it was gonna be Heroes, you deserve a kiss on the mouth... kidding… I’d give you all my money...
but I’m broke.

 

So let’s settle for “We can be heroes… just for one day.” ba dum tss😂

 

Anyway, today’s song hits different... "Heroes" by David Bowie is about defiance, resilience, and finding a spark of hope in the darkest moments. It’s two people choosing love and strength in the face of impossible odds... so yeah, it fits like a glove here.

 

Anyway... Go read the chapter!

 

Chapter 6 is being written with the same heart and mess and chaos, and I’ll be back with more soon.

 

____________________________

---

 

 

 

*

 

Cassie Lang appeared in the hallway like a whirlwind, her eyes wide and glassy, her breathing ragged, her steps unsteady as if her body was about to give in to sheer panic. Her suit was stained with dust and dried blood, but what caught my attention the most was the look in her eyes… The most pure and absolute terror.

I rushed to catch her before she collapsed from sheer exhaustion, feeling how her entire body trembled. “Hey, kid, what happened?” I asked, brushing away the strands of hair sticking to her sickly pale face. It looked like she’d run all the way here, and the moment I showed her care, her crying only seemed to intensify.

“Shhh, I’ve got you, breathe…” Her hands gripped my arms tightly, her fingers ice cold, her eyes lost like someone who’d escaped a nightmare without knowing if they were really awake.

“They... they... was an ambush…” she managed to say, breathless, between sobs. “All of them. Kamala, Billy... I saw Teddy scream. He fell... like they’d torn him apart... and they followed me when I left… I fought… and then I ran…”

I didn’t respond. Instead, I looked down at the communicator strapped to my wrist, searching for them, and barely contained my relief when I saw all the signals were still pulsing. They were yellow, which meant unstable vitals, but according to her, they were alive, wounded, yes, but alive… none of the scenarios were really good…

“They need backup… I don’t know if they survived… come in from the north… America... Kate-” Her voice broke before she could finish the name.

I activated the locator’s emergency mode with two quick taps. “They’re alive and I’m already following protocol, Cass.” I murmured to calm her and continued. “Teams One and Two: full readiness for primary mission in Shield sector 7. I want the Quinjets for immediate reinforcement. Full tactical gear, advanced medical support, immediate air and ground evacuation for the Young Avengers. North perimeter is the best entry point. One Avenger needs immediate medical care at command center. Move.” I gave the instructions quickly.

And then Cassie broke down into that aching cry again. Her shoulders shook as she hugged her knees, looking exhausted. I moved back to her side immediately, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, lowering my voice to nearly a whisper. “Breathe, Cassie. I’m here… they’re going to be okay.”

My heart tightened with fear, and with the anguish of not knowing how Kate was doing, but I had to stay in control now. Kate would absolutely want me to take care of the girl first.

“You’re safe now. Can you explain what happened while we wait?” I murmured, letting my gaze drift toward Ava and John. “Guys, we’ll be heading out soon, get ready, okay?” I said, signaling to Ava, who walked straight into the control room to prepare for our departure.

Cassie sniffled hard, and I stepped away just long enough to get her some water, still trying to organize my thoughts amidst her emotional collapse.

My quick glance at the blinking dots on my tiny communicator screen was my only connection to Kate now. I sighed, checking my phone just to see the picture of her and Lucky, now my lock screen.

“Talk to me, Cass, tell me what happened…” I asked gently.

“It was supposed to be simple... just the interception, like we planned... but nothing went how it was supposed to… you said there would be only a few of them, non-lethal. They were ready. They had different weapons… weapons that shut down powers and abilities… One by one... they attacked us… each one of us…” she sobbed quietly, sipping the water in small, careful gulps.

“Are you hurt?” I murmured, touching her suit gently, and she sighed, holding my hands.

“I am, my foot feels broken… but they didn’t use those weapons on me, I don’t know why… America, Kate and I were the last ones…” she groaned, struggling to unzip her suit. “I should’ve stayed… but Kate told me to run… I didn’t want to… I didn’t want to run… she begged me… Kate... she stayed. She and America… stayed behind to fight… and I think that-”

The words came pouring out, drenched in guilt, and there was something brutally honest in her account. No attempt at heroics. Just the raw weight of someone who’d witnessed her team fall and wished she could have done more.

Walker muttered something under his breath about planning and cowardice, but one sharp look from me was enough to shut him up. I didn’t have time for sarcasm or egos. Lives were at stake but it was Ava who gave him a light shot to the balls.

“John, don’t be an asshole. You know better than to talk to a kid like that, you idiot.” she growled, already getting her own suit ready for the mission she knew we were about to take on.

“I ran because… Kate told me I had to be safe, John… I didn’t want to… but I ran... because I thought you all…” she stammered, and he looked properly ashamed as he knelt down to help her pull off her boots.

“Sorry, girl… I’m an idiot and I know we do what we have to do in a fight… I’ll take care of your foot…” he said, sounding more upset with himself than with the situation as he went to get ice for Cassie’s foot.

“We need to go back, Yelena… they won’t hold out, if they haven’t already been hit or captured…” Cassie murmured, looking even more worried.

My jaw clenched. The Black Widow instinct in me, my military side, wanted to act, make decisions, move forward. But a part of me, the part that had seen enough fear to recognize it, knew she needed to hear something else.

“Listen, you did what had to be done.” I murmured, steady, holding her shoulders gently, but without hesitation. “Thanks to you, they still have a chance. We’re going to help them… but I need you to stay here and be checked by the doctor, can you do that for me? We need you okay… I’ll take care of everything.” I promised.

“Okay… I don’t think I can…” she agreed quickly, eyes welling up. “What if it’s already too late?”

I checked the kids’ vitals again, and Eli and Kate’s were now orange. That’s not good.

“It’s not too late, we’re still here because we need to get ready, and I want to take care of you like Kate planned.” I murmured, putting on my body armor without taking my eyes off the fragile orange dot that indicated Kate.

That’s when Bob came up behind me, looking over my shoulder. He seemed completely out of touch with reality, like he’d just woken up from the best nap in the world, as always. Messy hair, pale face… everything looked just like any other day, but what told me I was wrong were the golden sparks flickering with an unstable light in his eyes. The unnatural glow I now recognized every time he was unbalanced… scared or angry.

“We’re okay, Bob, I need you to drink some water and go back to your nap.” I murmured, and he huffed, stomping his feet impatiently.

“No. I demand to know what happened.” he barked in that commanding, overbearing tone I hate, making all the energy around us seem to breathe, restless, ready to snap.

I turned back to him, now fully focused on how his clenched fists looked darker. I reached for his hands carefully, because they seemed to be freezing, and I tried to gently loosen them. He inhaled and stuffed his hands inside his pants. I would have laughed if I weren’t so worried. Everything he did screamed that he was trying to stay in control the only way he knew how, despite everything.

“Bob, I don’t need to tell you to calm down right now, do I?! You’re nervous and we don’t need that… you need to breathe…” I said, stopping just a hand’s width away from him to reach for his cold face, breathing slowly so he could follow my lead.

I didn’t look away from the madman inside him for a second, until he started to seem like himself again. “What happened, Lena? The kids are in danger, aren’t they? I saw it…” he asked, even though it felt like he already knew.

“There was an ambush. The kids were hit and we’re going to help. I’ll take care of it.” I murmured, turning just enough to receive my weapons from John and Ava, who were speeding up the prep but also keeping an eye on Bob.

“Hey, bro, you’ve got nothing to worry about…” John said, gently pulling Bob’s hands out of his pants. “Drop your junk. We have ladies present, man.” John joked like always, but this time Bob didn’t reach for his face like he usually did to annoy him.

“I don’t accept your distraction, Walker.” he growled, pulling away from John sharply.

“It’s not a distraction, Bob, you really need to cool off.” I explained softly to Bob, noticing my father approaching with a concerned look in his eyes.

“Dad, we’ll be leaving soon, there’s a problem with the Young Avengers’ mission…” I said.

“I got the command, Yelena, the Quinjets are being prepped.” he said quietly as he reached for his suit and put it on right there. I found it odd how serious he was, missing the usual burst of energy he always brought to every mission, but he sighed and came closer to me.

“Are they okay?” he asked, checking my wrist to see the kids’ vitals.

“They’re not, and we don’t have much time-” I barely finished explaining to my father when Bob’s voice cut through all our coordination.

“There won’t be time.” he said, looking at the same thing we were. The voice came from somewhere deep, between man and god. “Kate and Eli need help now. Critical condition.” he growled, raising his hands. “I’m faster. I’ll get there before you.”

“Bob, wait, that’s not-” I started, but it was already too late.

The transformation happened like a silent thunderclap. The air around us warped, bending light. And in his place rose the Sentinel… the fucking entity of pure energy and restrained pain that carries the fucking shadow of evil from my best friend. I barely had time to try to run to him before I was thrown back by the rush of air he’d been training with and using for the dumbest things possible, mostly to hold John back.

A flash swept through the hall, scattering papers and making the arriving agents instinctively duck. And then, the sharp crash of shattering windows forced all of us to shield ourselves. I only saw enough to know he launched himself into the sky, tearing through the clouds toward what I know is his attempt to help the kids.

I wanted to cry, torn between worrying about the children, and now also the fact that Sentinel and Evil Void were out there, dragging along sweet, kind, bony Bob, who just woke up from a nap and probably won’t even remember this shit.

The only relief is that he’s going to help them faster than I could ever even try… They have to be okay… he knows that.

“Quinjet’s ready!” my father shouted, and now, less than ten minutes after Cassie arrived, I was racing against time, praying the dumbest, most mundane prayer in the fucking multiverse that the kids would be okay…

I need her to be okay…

*

The air escaping my lungs was hot and painful... the cut didn’t seem to have hit anything vital, but the pain was still crippling… the real problem here is that… everything feels so much slower…

 

 

 

 

But when I saw the glint of the Ronin’s blade coming at me again, this time aimed directly at me, even though I tried to fight, even though I held the sword tightly in my hands… it didn’t take long… in an instant, my restraint… my last line of defense… I wasn’t fast enough, and he stomped on my hands… so I closed my eyes, knowing this would be my end…

 

 

The sword that should have been used by me for justice was now being driven into my flesh again, and I accepted it, understanding that maybe my mistake today deserved exactly this kind of justice…

 

 

I failed, and I will accept my punishment.

 

 

The last image in my mind was Yelena…

 

 

I won’t be able to see her today…

 

 

She asked me to stay safe…

 

 

I’m sorry, Yelena…

 

The pain in my abdomen felt like it was setting my whole body on fire… I could feel both cuts throbbing… and I knew the life in me was slipping away with the blood…

The soldier who wounded me was slowly walking over the rubble toward where the data pack should’ve been, but I couldn’t move… everything in me felt paralyzed… he was smiling at his victory as he seemed to be planting bombs all around the warehouse…

Yeah, he was going to erase every trace of us…

I closed my eyes again, deciding that if I was going to die… I wanted to die thinking of her…

I should’ve told her how I feel… I should’ve spent more time with her… I wish I had kissed her just once… Maybe on that first date… I should’ve gone to her that night… like some crazy move… like I used to do… I should’ve asked her out again… I should’ve done that every day… I should’ve sent her flowers… she loves chocolate… I should’ve given her some… maybe taken her on some wild trip anywhere in the world…

A loud roar… guttural… like a rabid animal… echoed through the space, ripping me away from all my stupid plans…

I froze, terrified it meant some of my friends had just been killed while I couldn’t even move…

Then… an explosion filled my ears with a piercing crack followed by a constant ringing… The soldier who attacked me was blasted away… He simply ceased to exist. Not in flames. In light. Shattered into a thousand golden particles, disintegrating before he could even scream.

I wanted to scream… but my voice was trapped inside me… only my body reacted before I even realized… everything in me seemed to understand that there was a threat far greater than the man who had attacked me…

Everything seemed to speed up when another high-pitched hum reverberated through the metal walls of the abandoned S.H.I.E.L.D. base, followed by a golden flash so intense it erased every shadow, swallowing even sound.

The pain in my entire body was keeping me from even thinking… I could only strain my hearing… all I could make out was that the terrified soldiers were organizing a retreat…

I used my last strength to roll my broken, wounded body as best I could, trying to understand… trying to see my friends… but my friends were far away… unmoving… probably dead… I wanted to reach them… I wanted to die beside them…

We could be the heroes we always dreamed of…

We can be heroes… just for one day…

But I couldn’t see properly… the world looked blurred… everything was too bright… my vision was hazy… it was like staring into the sun for too long… my skin felt like it was burning on a scorching day… and it only got worse when space itself warped… It was like reality bent… maybe that’s how dying works…

For a second, everything froze and then…

He appeared in my line of sight…

Bob.

The Sentinel.

The monster…

The golden figure hovered just a few feet above the ground. The air around him shimmered, as if gravity itself didn’t know how to handle his presence. The heat, the light, the weight of his arrival… it all made the soldiers hesitate.

He brought heat… an almost crushing pressure… and once again I felt the gust of wind that seemed to come from nowhere, but pushed everything around us as if a celestial force had descended in fury.

Time had frozen… I felt it… I saw it… I could hear every beat of my heart in my ears. I saw the shimmer of dust particles dancing in the air, motionless, like a scene from a movie at the peak of destruction paused mid-frame. My eyes took a while to adjust, tearing up from the intensity of his arrival.

And in another second, everything shifted and started moving again when he looked at me. A look… carrying everything and nothing. Light and darkness… I tried to crawl away but it was no use… my body no longer responded…

He raised both hands with commanding authority and lowered them in a deliberate, waiting motion… I felt the ground tremble beneath me…

The monster didn’t move much. Only his hands shifted slightly, as if he were conducting a symphony meant to drive the men out of his path…

The armed men who had cornered us like hunting dogs surrounding wounded prey were lifted, then thrown to the ground. Some unconscious, others crawling away, dropping now-useless energy weapons, stumbling, as if some invisible force had crushed their lungs and muscles… but I couldn’t hear a single scream. No commands. Just chaos and panic in their eyes and actions.

The monster didn’t seem to need anything more than his will and gestures… It was as if he was movement itself. A presence impossible to contain. His dark eyes, rimmed in glowing gold, shone like beacons and his silhouette flickered, vibrating between an ordinary man and the being of pure energy he held inside. I watched it all as if I were outside my own body…

And then everything changed again…

He turned slowly toward me, his hands still raised… as if not to frighten me. His feet touched the ground as though he weighed nothing and when his eyes met mine… there was something there I didn’t expect… concern… fear…

A loud explosion startled me… I felt the heat… I felt the shockwave… I knew it had been very close… but I wasn’t hit… I was covered by the same light that surrounded the monster and then his hands… His touch on my legs and back, so careful… so gentle… made the whole world… disappear…

It wasn’t like fainting. It was like being ripped from myself and thrown into a new space… As if the explosion had taken me somewhere else… somewhere far too distant… a dark place, without time, without sound. But it wasn’t just darkness. It was a weighted blackness. A kind of shadow that pressed down on my body, my mind, my soul.

He left me in the darkness and slowly stepped away…

“What did you do?” I whispered, and he moved even farther away, now looking lost…

“I don’t know… I… I’m sorry…” And before I could reach him, he was sucked into the void with a guttural scream…

Everything was darkness and then… Everything suddenly smelled of whiskey… old wood… expensive cigarettes…

I felt everything, grounding myself in the new reality like I had just woken up… or fallen asleep… I knew this place. It was the penthouse office again. I inhaled, bracing myself to see my father torn apart again but no…

It was just my father… alive…

My father is alive…?

I barely held back, I just needed to hug him and I did…

The same scent… the same woody cologne… my father was there and I was really hugging him… but something felt off… out of place… empty… because he didn’t hug me back like he always did… he was cold… and then he… shoved me away harshly, throwing me against the many shelves at the back of the office.

I gasped, startled by the pain it caused me…

His footsteps led him to sit at the room’s table, just like he did every night after work. The tie too tight, shoulders stiff. The glass of whiskey in his hand swaying slowly. Everything was the same… except that everything… was wrong …

Before, he would’ve had kind eyes, happy to see me running through the house to hug him, he would’ve called me over to tell him every detail of my day… but now… The cold face… the hard eyes… there was something different in them now… The cruelty… Not the calculated cruelty I’d seen in many criminals, but an accusation. A sentence…

“Katherine.”

My throat closed up at the sound of that cold tone in the man who once loved me the most, and I tried to step back, but there was no body to move. I was just... awareness… wrapped in guilt.

I felt compelled to walk toward him again…

“Why didn’t you take care of your mother like I ordered, Katherine?” His voice was like shattering glass inside me. “I told you to take care of her and you… you let her wither away. You locked her in that place. And now you pretend she never existed.”

None of that is true… I think about my mother all the damn time… I worry… I follow up on her situation… I pay the best lawyers… I didn’t visit her because she refuses to see me… but the accusation hit me like an arrow shot at point-blank range.

“That’s not true, Dad… She didn’t… want to… and I had to handle everything… I’ve been paying for everything… I’ve been helping…” I tried to say. But my voice was a hoarse whisper. Weak. Tiny. Almost childlike.

“You think handling everything… paying for everything… you think saving the world erases what you did?” He went on, now standing up and walking toward me so fast it made me shrink back in fear.

And then images… dark, bloody, putrid images crashed into me like a violent wave.

My mother, Eleanor, alone in a cold cell. Her face, gaunt, hollow, empty, devastated, without makeup, without pride. Just a broken woman with her hands resting on her lap. Head bowed. She was nothing but silence… abandonment… punishment…

Then the scenes shifted again in a black vortex… and now I saw her dead… her eyes glazed over… dull… filled with what must’ve been the pain of her final moments in a life she seemed to have taken herself… I moved closer without even thinking, to touch her face… my trembling hands unwrapped the sheet from her neck in a useless attempt to bring her back.

“I’m so sorry, Mom… I didn’t know…” I begged, holding her cold, lifeless body for what felt like hours, but then, her hand gripped mine violently before she lunged to grab my neck with both her frozen hands.

“Don’t touch me… this is your fault… you were going to die without even a thought of me… you were going to waste your final breath on a murderer and not your parents…” she growled, furious, as I felt all the air leave my lungs.

It was like… dying… Everything in me hurt, and then everything went numb… everything turned to smoke, and then the images shifted again, to me running from it all…

Running from my mother…

Throwing myself into missions. Using combat as an excuse. As an escape…

I was just throwing punches and kicks at countless soldiers… Wielding Ronin’s sword to cut through their bodies without mercy…

My father’s voice filled my mind… it felt like he was teaching me again, like when I was a child… but this wasn’t about learning to climb ropes… tie knots… pick avocados…

He was instructing me on how to break hands… arms… legs of my enemies and then… their necks…

“Yes… feel the tension… feel the bones… twist his head all the way… the first snap is just a warning shot… two snaps will paralyze your enemy… the third… the third sends him to hell…”

The loud sound of bones breaking… the way their bodies shuddered before collapsing…

I felt… everything…

“You’re just like me and your mother, after all… Did you feel how easy it is to kill a man?” My father said beside me, watching everything I saw. “You know how to destroy… you know how to run… how to flee from your responsibilities… you’re wicked… just like us…”

“No...” I choked. “I… I’m trying to be good… I’ve done good… I’ve never killed anyone…” I screamed.

“You will today…” he said darkly.

“I don’t want to.” I shouted, but he was already gone.

The space around me began to collapse. The ceiling vanished. The walls dissolved into smoke.

The guilt was growing, drowning me, swallowing me whole, all the pain of what I’d seen keeping me from even breathing…

And then… I heard her voice…

No… I don’t want Yelena in my nightmares…

“KATE!” I heard her voice and felt her touch as she reached out blindly through the darkness.

It was like sunlight piercing through the storm… she was pulling me out of the nightmare… it was just… Her voice and her hand guiding me away from the pain…

Warm. Real. Sharp like a blade. Steady like an anchor.

My eyes opened again, and the real world came crashing back. The same devastated base from which the monster had pulled me before. The smell of scorched metal and blood filled the air again. The sounds of the world echoed in the distance, mixed with the groaning of unstable structures and the whispers of wounded bodies trying to piece themselves back together.

But what held me there, what pulled me back to reality, was her touch.

Yelena.

Her fingers, firm around my hands, trying to anchor me. Her eyes, wide, full of fear and… affection. She was calling out to me, as if my absence was an open wound in her too, and then I came back to myself. With a jolt. A raw, painful sob emptied my chest as Yelena wrapped me in a safe embrace… and despite the pain eating away at my insides, I still felt joy in being held by her…

But something else was lurking at the back of my mind… the nightmare…

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to erase the memories as I buried myself deeper into Yelena’s neck and hair… and then I saw the monster, clear in my mind… I opened my eyes in a panic only to realize he was touching me and Yelena.

The pain in my lower belly didn’t stop me from screaming out my rage. “GET AWAY FROM ME, MONSTER.” My roar filled the entire space.

He threw me into another nightmare… a much worse one… made my father reject me… made me see my mother dead…

The next second, he was just a few feet away. Hands raised like he was asking for forgiveness. His eyes overflowing with tears that didn’t move me. His chest rising and falling in an erratic rhythm. He was trembling again…

A coward… A coward like all monsters are.

“It was just… I needed to…” he murmured, his voice shaky, broken. “I didn’t mean to… I didn’t… I’m sorry about your parents…”

I closed my eyes, trying to recall some better memory of my father being loving and kind, but everything felt tainted… I couldn’t remember my mother’s smile… I couldn’t hear their voices… I couldn’t hear them anymore. I didn’t feel anything. All that existed before me was my father’s face. The accusation in his eyes. The weight of failure… The dead, vacant stare of my mother… the hatred in both of them…

All that was left in my mind… was…

The pain. The guilt. The horror. And the monster…

He’s the one to blame for everything… the origin of it all.

The catalyst of pain…

He erased all the good parts of my parents from my memory…

Something snapped inside me. A thread of control broke, and rage took over as I remembered the sound of bones breaking… the sensation of snapping a neck… and I wanted that…

I would snap this monster’s neck once and for all.

“YOU WILL NEVER TOUCH ME AGAIN, MONSTER!” I screamed, my voice cutting through the air like an arrow. The pulsing pain and warm blood seeping from me wouldn’t stop me from completing my final mission. “YOU’LL NEVER TOUCH ME OR ANYONE ELSE AGAIN!” And I shouted, breaking free from Yelena’s arms to charge at him with everything I had left.

But… Yelena held me back before I could reach him.

Firm.

Desperate.

She can’t protect him today.

I fought against her arms. I pushed, kicked, screamed. I hit her with everything I had until she fell back far enough for me to keep going toward the monster.

My fists had no plan. Just… fury… raw, burning rage, spilling from every pore. I wanted to kill him. I needed to… answer the pain… and I did… I hit him with all I had… my hands stained with my own blood, now smearing across his face…

Everything inside me screamed that he had to feel just a fraction of what he made me feel. But Yelena didn’t give up… She came back to me looking ready to fight, and I would’ve fought her too…

Who knows what kind of nightmares he gave her?

What did she see?

Did he spare her?

I don’t think I need to know to avenge her…

“Step back, Yelena… I’ll die trying, you can’t stop me… not today… today I’m going to kill him…” I growled at her, but when I braced both feet and raised my fists against her, something in her horrified expression shifted, and then, instead of attacking me, she just hugged me again. Tightly.

Not like a barrier, but like a shield.

“Hey… Look at me!” She said in desperation. “Kate! Look at me! Please… He didn’t know. He didn’t mean to hurt you!” She begged.

But I couldn’t hear her. I didn’t want to. I couldn’t. Because everything still burned. This can’t happen again, and I’ll make sure it doesn’t. So I broke away from Yelena, rushing at him once more.

It would be easy… my father showed me how to break a neck…

The monster didn’t even fight back when I grabbed him by the throat and forced him to his knees. Both my hands clenched around his windpipe, grounding me to the world… the faint current running from him to me was no match for the hatred I was feeling… not even his pathetic tears would stop me now… the first crack came easily… but before I could hear more of it…

I felt more than saw, Yelena and John catch up to me fast, I could tell my strength was nearly gone when the edges of my vision blurred… and I knew I couldn’t fight off two super soldiers, so I kept attacking the monster with my voice instead, maybe that way he’d strike back…

“YOU'RE JUST A COWARD… YOU'RE POWERFUL ENOUGH TO PUNISH ME IN NIGHTMARES BUT NEED SOMEONE TO DEFEND YOU? I’M GOING TO DESTROY YOU.” I screamed, feeling how Yelena seemed desperate as she touched the wounds on my abdomen.

“Kate… we need to take care of you… please, stop…” she pleaded, making space for someone to apply something to my arm.

“YOU THINK YOU MATTER JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE WEARING THAT SUIT, HUH? I DON’T CARE. YOU’RE JUST A MONSTER. YOU DON’T DESERVE ANY OF WHAT YOU HAVE… YOU MADE EVERYTHING WORSE.” I kept growling, feeling John sit me up so something could be pressed over the spot where I felt the blood pouring out.

Yelena pulled away from me and went to the man kneeling in front of us. The monster looked like he was in pain, groaning in agony on his knees, but I felt no pity for him… he pulled Yelena away from me… and she looked desperate and stressed enough for me to blame him for that too.

“Hey Bobby, it’s okay, sweetheart… just breathe… everything will get better if you breathe with me… come on Bobby… please… I need you to breathe… can you hear me?” Yelena pleaded through her tears but everything about him seemed broken.

The coward just sat there with his hands over his eyes. Crying. His shoulders shaking with the weight of a guilt I refused to accept. He looked small because he is. He's scared because he’s a coward. Like a child trapped in his own nightmares…

“Stop defending that monster, Yelena, he attacked me.” I cried out, furious, feeling everything in me getting weaker, but she wasn’t listening as she kept cooing for the monster to breathe.

“Bishop, if you say one more word, I will kill you. I don’t care what anyone says, it wouldn’t be the first time.” John growled in my ear and when I tried to fight back, Ava was right in front of me, literally covering my mouth with both hands.

“Please, Kate… breathe…” I didn’t stop fighting and completely panicked at the way everything around us started to shift. Once again, the air was changing, like a shockwave sweeping through everything. I looked for Yelena, who hadn’t stopped talking and was now completely wrapped around the monster’s chest.

And then, again in a fraction of a second, with a deafening and muffled sound, he disappeared… the thud of Yelena’s body hitting the ground was all I heard before a burst of golden light. Warm, but silent. Just… absence.

He was gone and all that remained was the sound of my breathing failing, John’s fingers tightening around my arms, Ava’s hands on my lips, and the growing hole that opened inside me. An echo, a vacuum…

Images of my father being cold and my mother hanging made me cry… as if the shock had finally caught up to me.

Ava quickly let go of me before pulling me into a hug. John’s large, heavy arms wrapped around both of us as he growled soft, calming commands for me to breathe.

But I couldn’t follow through… and I knew things were about to get worse because now Yelena was tearing me from their arms as she growled, lifting me into hers and carrying me all the way outside the warehouse.

She screamed for help, laying me down on the nearest stretcher, already inside the Quinjet, checking me all over, looking furious… truly furious… as she pointed her Widow bites directly at my chest when I tried to get up.

“Don’t you dare… you’re hurt… seriously hurt… stay still or you’ll bleed out…” she cried, still aiming her shot at me while some medics approached.

I finally gave in… feeling the pain take over my abdomen as I heard I’d need a transfusion… I blacked out before the jet’s doors could close and once again… the last thing I saw was her face, now scared… disappointed…

*

The two orange dots changed now… one of them turned red and everything in me kicked into overdrive…

The Quinjet barely touched down and I was already out. I didn’t wait for orders, no protocols. There was no time for formalities, not when my heart screamed like it might tear through my chest from the inside out seeing the destruction that spread throughout the entire perimeter…

Did Bob do this?

She can’t be dead…

The air was unbreathable, heavy with choking smoke that kept us from seeing any possible path… the heat from the fires still raging in several parts of the area was blistering, like hell itself had spit its essence onto that abandoned warehouse.

 j

“Move in!” I shouted to everyone, my voice harsher than I intended as I reached for a respirator mask. “John, Ava… find the kids… Everyone else, locate the package and contain the surviving mercenaries… I’ll look for Kate…”

I ran without hesitation, dodging bodies sprawled on the ground, screams of the wounded, and the cracking of unstable structures about to collapse. I wasn’t even worried about the soldiers with empty eyes or the walls split from impact, not even the fire mattered… not even if my boots were nearly melting with every step.

My eyes scanned everything with more focus than I’d ever given any mission, all I could feel was the fear, because now she was just a red blip on my wrist… untraceable… but I had to see it with my own eyes…

This wouldn’t be like it was with my sister…

I would give Kate a proper ending…

The weight of pain was lodged deep in my chest, like a blade pressed hard…

I lost her…

A nightmare too real… one I’d lived through before and never thought I’d face again…

The pain of a wound that had never healed…

I reached a small pocket free of flames where I hoped I could catch my breath, but then everything in me seemed to shake… there she was… Kate Bishop…

She wasn’t dead…

She was there… alive… right in front of me… kneeling among the wreckage, in the back of the warehouse, surrounded by a mess of dust and blood… Her shoulders slumped as if carrying the weight of the world, arms limp at her sides, her chest heaving like a wounded animal in agony… nothing calmed me down, especially not when I saw her abdomen covered in blood…

I ran to her immediately… tearing off my vest and mask to cover her wounds and her face, while I screamed for help.

My desperate embrace around her limp body was all I had to hold on to as I cried in relief.

“You're alive…” I sobbed, unable to hold back my tears.

My hands moving across her face reassured me I wasn’t hallucinating… everything about her screamed pain… and there was so much blood mixed with soot staining her skin… but I could barely contain my smile.

“You’re alive… God… you… I was so scared…” I cried, letting my lips touch her forehead and hair.

She looked unrecognizable… A mix of tears and blood streaming endlessly down the many cuts on her face.

“Kate… hey… can you tell me if you can walk?” I tried to talk to her, but she seemed… empty… just a shell… murmuring incoherent words in a broken, continuous whisper, like she was trying to recreate reality through sound.

There was no trace left of the fearless, invincible archer. All that remained was a woman in ruins. In collapse.

Her eyes were fixed on some distant point, as if the present no longer made sense, and I followed her gaze only to see that just a few feet away from us, unmoving, like a ghost of guilt and silence, was Bob… or what was left of him beneath the skin of the Sentinel… I flinched at how blackened his fingers were…

And even though his presence radiated unstable energy, I recognized him instantly. It was just my Bob…

I didn’t need much more to understand what had happened. I could feel it, if she seemed lost, and Bob was there, hands raised, trembling, muttering endless apologies…

They touched each other…

The unstable light pulsing around him now was a bad sign… fragile… unstable… like the one who carried it… Bob’s eyes were the eyes of a man who knew he had crossed a line. A man who believed he had committed the unforgivable, and for Kate, that was probably all that mattered…

“Hey… Bob… I’m here now… are you okay?” I murmured, never stopping the pressure on Kate’s wounds as I waited for someone to reach us.

“I just wanted to pull her away from an explosion…” he whispered, his voice low, trembling. “She was too close. It was a reflex. I… I touched her. I know I shouldn’t… I’m sorry, Lena… she’s trapped in a nightmare…” he kept apologizing.

His words and his gaze seemed distant, like he was trying to convince himself that it was true, that he’d done the right thing… or that he hadn’t touched the one person we both knew wouldn’t forgive him easily.

He looked… lost. Like a broken god. The most powerful figure in the world, now reduced to a man torn apart by guilt. A shadow of himself. My instinct was to take him home, hold him, comfort him. But I couldn’t. The priority now was Kate.

She began to stir and I focused all my attention on her, trying to locate every injury… seeing that the most serious were the two deep cuts on her abdomen, still bleeding freely. I searched my pockets for gauze, stuffing small pieces into the wounds as best I could, yelling again for the medical team that had finally reached us.

Her restlessness increased and she tore the mask off herself as she muttered feverishly, trying to resist, instinctively pushing away the team's hands and mine, which made me realize I couldn’t help her while she was trapped in the nightmare.

“Kate… it’s me. Yelena. You’re safe now. It’s over. You’re okay… You’re with me. Just breathe… can you let them treat your wounds?” I pleaded, my voice low, almost a whisper, trying to pull her back from the abyss, but all I got was her covering her abdomen with her hands, an obvious gesture of pain.

She wouldn’t hear me… and even if she did, she wouldn’t understand.

“Bob, can you tell me what she saw? It’s still happening, isn’t it?” I asked over my shoulder, without taking my eyes off her.

“Yes… it’s still happening… she’s with her parents… she saw something really bad… but I couldn’t see much more… I was pulled out of there before I could bring her back with me… I can’t reach her… I shouldn’t have touched her…” he answered with a pain that sounded like it was ripping him apart inside.

I closed my eyes for a second, swallowing hard at the fear of whatever she might be seeing, and at the fear and guilt so obvious in Bob… I knew I shouldn’t ask, but I had to. I needed him to intervene. I had to take that risk to bring her back.

“I need you to touch her again… she needs to be here so we can treat her… can you try?” I asked Bob firmly, even knowing how much it would hurt him.

“I don’t know if I can… she… she scares me… she hates me… I don’t know if I can control myself… she might break even more… she might panic and bleed even more, not to mention she could go somewhere even deeper inside her own mind…” he cried out his fear, with no attempt to hide it. And then I met his eyes.

“I need you to bring her back to me, Bob… please… we have to try… take me to her…” I begged desperately, feeling her hot blood cover my hands more and more.

He hesitated for a moment… then took a step. And another. Moving closer as if Kate were a living explosion. His trembling hand touched my shoulder first, then hers. I held their hands like a metaphor for what my life feels like right now…

A shiver ran through my whole body. The golden energy in Bob first pulsed through me like a silent thunder, then slowly reached Kate… little by little… This was just Bob being careful… it’s like the power inside him recognizes certain boundaries and people… He’s known for a long time that his touch has consequences… not that he’s going to toss anyone into the void… or decide when to do that… no… it’s way more about what the other person has to offer…

Right here, all Kate has to offer him is resentment, pain, jealousy, fear, hatred… I could feel it all through our connection… it’s like we were one… I just needed to follow them to find her…

Suddenly, I was walking through a huge hall I recognized as the architecture of the Penthouse, her home, and I sighed trying to feel the space… Kate’s voice could be heard and Bob quickly stepped away from me, seeming afraid to face her inside a nightmare.

“I can’t go any further… but she’s close… in that room… go… I’ll bring you back when you call my name… I’ll always come for you, Yelena.” He whispered, still shaken, and I nodded, continuing my search.

A crying woman’s voice now seemed to rise above everything… Eleanor… there were mirrors all around the space… an interrogation room… through the reflection I saw she was talking to someone… I moved closer still and saw she was attacking Kate and didn’t waste a second crossing the room to get to them…

When I reached them, something stirred inside us… now I could feel her physical pain just by holding her hands, but she didn’t seem to feel me yet… then a man burst into the room, taking Kate away from me… I tried to run after them, but I knew it was useless…

I felt the whole space shift again and finally I could feel Kate again… like I was inside her mind… The images there were brutal. Violent. Fragments of memory… A battlefield… A full-on attack on her…

The next moment I was out of her mind, but I could see her fighting… and I joined her fight… she was distant while I cleared my way, hitting everything and everyone to get to her…

When I touched her again, the same man was now telling her to break a neck, I could hear the sound of bones snapping… She seemed to disagree with him, though she obeyed his commands blindly…

I screamed her name with every ounce of strength I had left. She needed to hear me… if she could hear me… “KATE!” I kept calling her, breaking through the trauma barrier with my voice until… she finally saw me.

I knew I had her back the moment she strode quickly toward me, her hands reaching for my face. Her eyes closed, pain etched across her features, and it made me rush everything inside me. I dragged her away from the brutal scene she was witnessing… “Bob… get us out of here…” I shouted, and the two of us were torn from the nightmare by Bob’s hands.

It took me a few seconds to adjust my eyes before I carefully touched her face, pushing aside damp strands stuck to her pale skin. “You’re not alone anymore. I’m here…” I whispered, with nothing but the intention to soothe the broken woman standing before me.

My embrace was the only protection I could offer now… she clung to me tightly, and for a moment, it seemed like everything was okay… seemed like it… Her eyes finally met mine and for a second… a tiny, fleeting second… I believed she’d come back. That she’d recognize me. That she’d see in me safety, truth. But what shone there… was not relief. Nor clarity.

Fury.

A deep, burning, cutting pain… bursting forth like a storm. She was still the woman from the nightmare, but now in the real world. Violent. Instinctive. Uncontrollable. I flinched as I saw her eyes, bloodshot with hatred, locked onto Bob…

There was no hesitation, no doubt, not a trace of sanity in that gaze. There was an entire field of emotional devastation, an explosion held back for too long and now, without warning, collapsing with full force.

“GET AWAY FROM ME, MONSTER.” She roared her rebellion.

“It was just… I needed to…” Bob murmured, his voice shaky, broken, as if begging for something he already knew wouldn’t come. “I didn’t mean to… I didn’t… I’m sorry about your parents…”

His words hung in the air like shattered glass… fragile, sharp, out of place in time. But it was too late for apologies. His words sounded like fire leaking into a gas leak.

“YOU WILL NEVER TOUCH ME AGAIN, MONSTER!” She roared. “YOU WILL NEVER TOUCH ME OR ANYONE ELSE EVER AGAIN!”

The scream came out like a curse, like a sentence, and before I could react, she lunged at Bob.

Without thinking of her wounds. Without even blinking. Just the raw impulse of pain overflowing in everything.

I held her with all I had. With my whole body. With every ounce of strength left in me. And this seemed to be a constant ever since I connected with her. Since our fates tangled into a tight knot, I felt that every one of our embraces so far had been about holding back.

She was crying out in pain, struggling like her life depended on breaking free from my arms. And maybe, in some way, it did. But my biggest concern was the blood. She was bleeding. A lot. More and more with every move, every effort, every desperate strike. And still, she didn’t stop. Didn’t feel. Didn’t notice…

My grip loosened for a moment. Just one moment. I eased enough not to make her wounds worse… And that was all she needed.

The direct attack she launched knocked me back effectively. A well-placed hit. Precise. Desperate. I staggered, and before I could regain my balance, she was already out of my control. And in that moment, something inside me screamed that I couldn’t give up on her. I won’t give up on her. She needs care. She needs peace. She needs support. Not a fight.

I rose with difficulty once more, placing my body between her and him, and if I had to take her down with a Widow’s bite, I would. If what she needed was the suffocating hug that calmed her, I would do it a thousand times…

But what I saw in her eyes… was the same as always. The same look that appeared whenever Bob was the subject. Whenever his name was spoken. Whenever his presence forced itself in. She just seemed to give up on any sense of self-preservation.

“Step back, Yelena…” she growled, her voice trembling with tension. “I’ll die trying. You can’t stop me… not today… today I’m going to kill him…”

She promised, planting her feet firmly on the ground. Solid. Claiming the space. Her hands clenched, fists practicing in the air, as if her body completely ignored the fact that it was pierced. As if the two wounds in her abdomen, still bleeding, didn’t exist.

And I believed her, panicking because I knew it. She was going to destroy herself. She would die trying. I couldn’t allow it. This had to stop. Now.

So I hugged her again. This time not like a wall. But still like a shield… protecting her with every good feeling I get every time I think of her.

I couldn’t let her touch Bob with so much hatred in her heart. If she did… if that touch happened with that energy… both of them would fall into an abyss from which there might be no return.

“Hey… Look at me!” I said, my voice shaking with desperation. “Kate! Look at me! Please… He didn’t know. He didn’t mean to hurt you!” I begged, almost out of breath.

But she didn’t listen. I watched helplessly as her face was swallowed by hatred. But then, something changed. In a second… She muttered something about breaking a neck and defeated me with a single move.

A new attack, an efficient, direct, calculated one that emptied all the air from my lungs.

As I recovered, seeing the world spin for a moment… She finally reached Bob.

Her fist passed through his energy field like it was made of paper. The impact was sharp. A hollow, dark, final sound. She hit him like she was using her soul, not her muscles. Like each strike was a confession, a release, an accusation.

And Bob… didn’t fight back. Didn’t defend himself. Didn’t move. He stayed there. Firm. Taking every hit like penance. Like a punishment he deserved. The tears running down his face, heavy, called out my own. Each one seemed denser, heavier, as if carrying fragments of the guilt that devoured him from the inside for everything he had lived through… He was reliving the abuse he suffered.

I looked for John and Ava’s eyes as they arrived, breathless, and the three of us ran at the same time to restrain Kate and pull Bob away from that hell.

Kate’s screams could probably be heard from a distance now. Random words, nonsense, poisonous accusations, while she squeezed Bob’s neck with a brutal, wild force. A force that made no sense for someone in that state.

The agents on the mission watched the scene with horror on their faces. Whispered questions about intervening filled my ears.

“We’ll restrain her ourselves… and if for any reason she overpowers us… minimum capacity non-lethal shock weapons.” I shouted to everyone. “John… I need you to hold her…” I asked, and John, who already seemed to be using all his strength to try to restrain her, straightened up and pinned her to the ground with his arms and legs. And even he… was struggling. My eyes went back to her abdomen. It was getting worse. Clearly.

“Kate… we need to take care of you… please, stop…” I pleaded, creating space between her attacks with my body so one of the medics could inject a calming shot into her arm, and only then did she begin to give in to our care.

But that didn’t stop her from screaming.

“YOU THINK YOU MATTER JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE WEARING THAT SUIT, HUH? I DON’T CARE. YOU’RE JUST A MONSTER. YOU DON’T DESERVE ANY OF WHAT YOU HAVE… YOU MADE EVERYTHING WORSE.” The words came out like burning blades. Her eyes blazing offered nothing but hatred.

Her pain… had a shape… had a target… It took up space in the broken sentences, in the sobs caught in her throat, in the trembling voice… it was all about her resentment toward Bob.

John was already on the ground, immobilizing her in his arms, using his arms and legs like chains, and only when Ava effectively silenced her did I finally hear Bob’s crying.

A silent, trembling, wounded cry. He was completely broken. Kneeling. Shattered. It looked like Kate had ripped something vital from him.

I looked around the space, seeing how we had everything under control with Kate secured… and my full attention turned to him.

I can’t let him break. He needs to be okay too.

“Hey, Bobby… it’s okay, sweetheart… just breathe… everything will get better if you breathe with me…” I said through sobs, feeling the weight of despair crash down on my shoulders. “Come on, Bobby… please… I need you to breathe… can you hear me?”

But his arms… His arms were being swallowed by darkness… Consumed by the Void again. The same dense, oppressive energy that even the golden aura now surrounding his body couldn’t stop… nothing seemed to hold back the darkness, and I panicked.

Not even the Sentinel was protecting Bob.

“Stop defending that monster, Yelena… he attacked me…” Kate’s fragile, dragged-out, still angry voice cut the air like a painful whisper once more. The sedatives were probably kicking in. Calm was settling in, like the tide after a shipwreck, but it still wasn’t enough. Her eyes were still fixed on Bob, who no longer responded or cried… he just trembled…

I wrapped myself fully around Bob, one last attempt, but it was too late… The whole atmosphere around us had already shifted. The air was restless. Bob’s pain felt alive… As if every particle of air was in revolt. As if the laws of physics were beginning to bend around us.

The air current… the one Bob had clearly learned to manipulate now, even if he couldn’t control it yet, was starting to form around us. Dust whirlwinds… tremors in the rubble around us… all the shards of energy slicing through space… everything was swirling… but still… I didn’t pull away. I clung even tighter to him in a desperate hug, whispering all my usual feelings…

I wouldn’t give up on my friend.

The energy shock this time, though… intensified despite my care and love for him… It was something more commanding that violently pushed me away from his body.

His body glowed… The golden light took over everything. The tremors on his skin grew more severe, like his molecular structure was unraveling. Like he was being… disintegrated.

And in the blink of an eye… He vanished. Swallowed by an intense, blinding wave…

My body crashed violently against the ground. Where Bob had been just moments before, there was nothing left to hold on to.

He’s gone…?

“What happened, Blondie? Are you okay? Where did he go?” John shouted, his voice thick with urgency and confusion, looking everywhere as if he could find him there, among the rubble or shadows. But there was no sign. Nothing. No presence. Just the emptiness he left behind.

“Yelena… are you okay? What caused that explosion? Was it Bob? Where is he?” My father’s voice cut through the tense air like a blade. He came running, out of breath, eyes wide, worry etched all over his face as he carefully lifted me up.

“I… don’t know… I… I… he’s… gone…” The words stumbled out of my mouth, choked with confusion, pain, and fear. I looked at John, at Ava… at Kate… everything around me seemed to spin. “She needs care… Dad… go look for Bob… monitor everything…” My voice came out weak, broken.

The world felt like it was sinking all around me, but I forced myself to stay standing. It wasn’t time to fall apart. Not yet.

Kate’s gaze was empty now… lost somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness. An emptiness that scared me more than any visible wound. I knew she’d been without proper care for far too long. And that could be fatal.

The voices around me became annoyingly loud… distant, blurry, indistinct. The sound of reality felt filtered through a thick layer of fear… a fear that seemed soaked into all of us.

My father was talking to John... Ava said something about coordinating a search… Snippets of words floating in the air, disconnected. But none of that mattered now. My whole world had shrunk to a single image… Kate… and the blood… So much blood… Spread out in grotesque stains. Stuck to her clothes. On my arms. On the cold, uneven floor of the warehouse.

Without thinking twice, without hesitation, I gathered her into my arms… Her body gave way against mine with an uncomfortable weight, as if she was still caught somewhere between the real world and the void. Her fingers trembled slightly, too cold, blindly gripping the back of my neck. Urgency burned beneath my skin as I carried her straight to the Quinjet, ignoring everyone around us.

Only Kate matters now…

“She needs to be examined immediately!” I shouted, my voice tearing through the muffled silence that had taken over everything. I quickly opened her clothes, checking her skin, mottled with sickly purples and yellows around the wounds. “Possible internal bleeding. Hurry, please, she’s…” I checked her eyes and saw more signs of hemorrhaging. “She’s losing a lot of blood!” I said, feeling the team close in around me to tend to her.

When she tried to move, stubborn as always, even at the edge. Her eyes searched mine, unfocused but still holding that defiant spark. I brought my hand to her face, firmly pressing my Widow bites against her chest.

“Don’t you dare…” My voice trembled. “You’re hurt… seriously hurt… stay still or you’ll bleed out…” I begged, feeling tears finally slip free. Tiny. Silent. But too intense for me even to have time to wipe them away.

She can’t die. Not like this. I need her alive. I need her to be stable. I need her safe…

One of the doctors stepped closer and murmured near my shoulder. “We have to get her to a better-equipped medical facility… she needs transfusions… urgently.”

I nodded silently, watching Kate’s eyes slowly fade like a candle burning down in its final moments as the ship’s doors shut with a dull thud, muffling the chaos outside.

And only when she was completely gone, when her heartbeat stabilized temporarily under the care of the medical team, did I manage to breathe. A quick, involuntary sigh. Like my body suddenly reminded me it needed oxygen to keep going.

This is what an Avenger does, right? What it takes… Acting with precision… Enduring the pain…

I scanned the inside of the ship with my eyes and quickly checked the other guys. Fortunately, none of them seemed as badly off as Kate and Eli, who was unconscious, badly hurt but already receiving all the care he needed.

At least that. They were alive. And now, I had to deal with the biggest problem. I need to find my friend. He’ll need support or containment, at best.

Bob is still out there… he just… disappeared… And no one needs to tell me how or why… but I just know… I felt it… he needed it… even though that doesn’t erase the fact that I would never choose for him to be pushed the way he was today… I know this is my fault too…

This goes against everything I promised myself since I decided to take care of him… and this isn’t about me being his babysitter… It's about me taking care of the first person who, after my sister… even before Kate, whose feelings I still can’t name… this is about me taking care of the first person I loved after Natasha… even though we’re not the kind of friends who spend all their time explaining feelings… I know what it is… he knows what it is… everyone knows…

His absence was hitting me hard… like a physical blow. As if a part of me had been ripped out brutally, leaving a throbbing emptiness in its place. He’s gone. Disappeared. Vanished before our eyes. No explanation. Just…

Given the abilities we had been testing, this was completely new. Alarming. Terrifying. As if he had crossed a line we don’t understand… a point of no return.

I sat down, defeated, in the farthest corner of the ship… the warmest corner of the cargo hold, where almost no one bothered to pass by. But for me, for us, it was special. Bob’s favorite spot. Whenever we traveled long distances, he’d sneak through the boxes and cables, curl up there wrapped in some blanket, and sleep like he was at home. It was here… it was always here…

I sighed, sinking my shoulders, feeling more defeated than I ever had in this new life, and searched my suit pocket for the stupid, outdated phone I kept just for one thing… to talk to him. A simple device, no GPS, no tracking, no apps. Just calls and messages. I had one and so did he. A direct line. Our contingency plan. A silent thread connecting our worlds even when everything seemed to be falling apart.

It felt like a shitty contingency plan right now, because there’s no signal. No messages. Nothing. But I’d leave a message anyway, like we always do. This one would be even more useless and dumb than the others… loaded with blind hope. A foolish hope I learned to hold on to with Natasha.

As if he would listen.

As if he would answer.

As if he was still out there somewhere.

“Hey, Bobby, I know things have been a little crazy today… but if you can come back home… I… I… I need you to come back, okay? I… I really need you.” I whispered with a choking voice, but I kept going.

 

“Oh… and I need you to help me with the gift I’m going to give Ava… you know… you remember, right? It’s next week… you promised me… remember?” I sobbed, feeling everything inside me ache. “So… if you need some time… I’ll understand… but can you please come back home… to us… by her birthday…? Please, Bob…”

The signal cutting out, telling me there was no more time to talk, scared me and made me think how that could very well be true…

My fingers trembled around the phone, and for the first time since I saw Cassie Lang that morning, I let myself feel it all. The pain. The guilt. The helplessness. And the fear… I let it all flood back like before… like before this new life… before when I was just wandering alone…

Because maybe… maybe this really was the last message I’d leave for him…

Maybe he’d never hear my voice again.

Maybe… he didn’t even exist anymore.

And what if this was the last time… What if it was like that last call with Natasha…? What if all I had left was this voice recorded in some empty digital space? … What if he was gone forever?

I… I can’t lose anyone else… I don’t want to lose anyone else…

My new life is about adding. About bringing together. About building up. I can’t let anything break… not again…

I don’t want to have to choose…

Today, I lost the battle. Because what was coming now… wasn’t about Kate anymore. Or about Bob. It was something bigger. I didn’t want to be in a position to choose either of them, but it hurts me to think I probably will have to soon. I won’t let Kate try again… and also, if Bob comes back, I’ll never put him in a situation like that again…

No, I can’t give up…

As long as there’s a chance, a tiny spark, I won’t stop trying to make sure these two important people in my world are okay… I don’t need them to be friends… I don’t need them to fight side by side… I just need to find some middle ground…

I can’t give up anything I’ve earned…

Because she’s my friend, and I want so much more from her…

Because he’s my friend… and he’s a part of me.

All I need now is for her to be alive and to bring him back.

Even if I have to go through hell to make that happen.

I just couldn’t stay still now, but before I got up to go to Kate’s stretcher or send another round of gentle requests I knew Bob wouldn’t answer, John came over, sitting in front of me to pull off my boots. He was a brute most of the time, but full of silly little gestures like these dumb massages, even if he annoyed us with the same old joke about imaginary foot odor.

“How you feeling, Blondie? Do we have any idea what happened yet?” John’s question echoed in my mind, but I didn’t have an answer.

My memory flashed back to that second… That exact moment when I spoke to Bob for the last time. He looked at me. So intensely… and there was fear in his eyes. And pain. And resistance. He told me he was scared, but I insisted… he trusted me… and now I’ve lost him… I think about the word trust in connection to what Bob and I have had since the first time I saw him, because I doubted everything about him… and he doubted me for a moment… But now… no one in the world seems more trustworthy to me… I know he trusted me when he touched Kate again… and I failed him…

I can’t give up hope that this will end well… I won’t accept any option that leaves me without him…

“I don’t know, John… I feel like shit… and I feel guilty because I think he just… he overloaded himself… I shouldn’t have let him come, I shouldn’t have asked him to touch Kate again… so many regrets now…” I cried, feeling my friend’s hands on my feet in a relaxing and much-needed massage.

“None of this is your fault… no one would stop him from coming… and he would never stop helping Kate… even though he’s afraid of her… he did what he had to do… don’t blame yourself… I’m sure it was that damn Sentinel protecting him… he must be at home… or somewhere he loves… he’ll come back to us the moment he feels hungry… I promise and I’ll bet you a year’s worth of laundry…” John promised playfully, but it hurt me not to be sure.

“I want that to be true, he can’t be that hurt and alone… we need to find him… he didn’t even answer the security phone…” I cried, defeated, and Ava came closer, already pulling off her boots to toss her feet onto John’s lap.

“God, Ava… why the hell do your feet stink if we haven’t done anything? Did you sweat from being scared of Hate Bishop?” he complained, sniffing and biting the sock-covered foot.

“First… there’s no stink here… second, maybe that rank breath of yours is too close to your nose.… and third, I’m not scared of Hate Bishop… the term is turned on …” I laughed bitterly, pushing her lightly. “I’m not taking that back… I’m turned on by your girl, Yelena… God, is it weird to say that out loud?” She said, rolling her eyes.

John laughed without ever stopping his massage on both of us. “Oh shit… right there… I think my finger’s broken…” she continued, moaning with relief, and John growled loudly, pulling off the sock to look at the finger she smashed on our couch yesterday.

I sighed through all the normalcy between us, staring at the ship’s ceiling, remembering every possible place Bob could be. “Ava… did you include trackers in the Sentinel’s suit?” I asked, and she huffed, even more frustrated.

“Yes, I put them in, but he’s not in the suit anymore, the signal disappeared with him… so we have no trace of him… but Daddy Soviety is flying over the city looking for him… once we settle everyone I’ll grab a bike and circle around…” she said, rubbing her face tiredly. “And… I’ll start investigating what happened today with the kids… something’s way wrong…”

“Where’s Valentina? This feels way too familiar… and way too convenient… We need to interrogate Mel…” John huffed, stretching to support himself with his hands like everything felt like too much.

“She’s in Washington with Bucky and Sam… you think this could be something from her? And no, no one’s going to bother the poor girl… it’s enough she has to deal with Valentina… if there’s any clue I’ll ask for her help… but don’t even think about being an idiot with her… you’ve already stupid enough with Cassie today…” Ava murmured, and I sighed, thinking about every possibility of Valentina having her filthy hands in this.

I hadn’t yet fully explored all the possibilities after that disastrous encounter between the teams because she explained it was just supposed to be a friendly competition, but nothing can be ruled out when it comes to Valentina. This right here is a pattern that shouldn’t be ignored… and it certainly won’t be ignored by Kate the second she gets a single thread of health. I just know it.

My temples throbbed painfully at the mere thought of dealing with Kate’s outbursts… it’s not my damn job… it shouldn’t be like this… I don’t want it to be like this… but I just know it is… Hell. Kate is going to kill Valentina and I don’t even know if I want to interfere.

“If she has anything to do with this… it’ll be the last time…” I groaned with disgust.

“God… and from what we saw today, it won’t even be us the bad guys ending Valentina… The angry bird is gonna turn Valentina inside out…” John huffed with amusement, voicing my thoughts, and I snorted, even more annoyed. “Did you see how she was actually putting up a fight even with me?” He said, almost offended but with a clear touch of pride.

“Did you see how she was actually putting up a fight even with ME ?” I shot back, trying to sound almost amused, but swallowed my smile remembering the fury in her eyes and both of my dumb friends laughed.

“I’ll fight alongside her if it’s against Valentina…” Ava seriously considered.

“For God’s sake… don’t even think about it… we’re not going there right now… Let’s deal with Bob and Kate and all this crazy energy first…” I smiled bitterly, remembering the girl’s fury. She definitely needs some containment training, that attitude of hers is going to get us into trouble soon.

“What I can say is… that girl’s got some balls… while I hate what she did to Bob… God… she’s amazing… I don’t even know how things will go from now on… but damn, Yelena… I’m more in love with your girl…” Ava laughed and I snorted, slipping away from them.

“I’m not even going to bother answering you guys… I need to fix this mess… this shit is way too much for me… so what… now at my age, after all the shit I’ve lived through to learn how to choose… I’m going to blow my whole quota choosing between a girl and my friend?” I said, heading to the panel to look for any sign of Bob or incidents with too many shadows in the city. Everything seemed clear and there was no sign of my friend.

“You know what they say… bros before hoes… but…” John said, hands raised and I groaned, annoyed, scanning satellite images to find anything indicating Bob’s presence.

“Christmas dinner is gonna be interesting… but I don’t think it’s about choices… we need to talk to Kate… like really talk to her… she’s smart and she’s gonna have to adjust to her new reality… because if she doesn’t adjust… I don’t think you’ll have much trouble understanding that Bob is more important at this point in your life… I don’t care that you want her to be your girl, Yelena…” Ava said seriously and I swallowed hard.

It’s not like I was dividing the importance scale that way, but having Ava name and specify the right choice here was terrifying.

“So that’s it… if I have to choose, I’ll choose Bob?” I sighed sadly.

Ava, understanding the situation, reached for my shoulders, already invading my space to wipe the tears I hadn’t even realized I was crying. “Yelena… what I’m telling you… and I want to be very clear here is… Bob is your family now… and the way Kate’s been acting… even if she has solid reasons for it… it’s not pleasant… and it has consequences.” She sighed, rubbing her eyes. “The point is… right now, Kate might have brought a problem for all humanity… I don’t know what happened to Bob… I don’t know if we’ll have to dive into his nightmare crap again… we don’t know where he’s going to lose it with that stupid black fog… but man… it’s a mess… and it’s all because… Kate couldn’t let it go… so what… today she’d just kill Bob? We need to keep that in mind…”

I felt like I needed to defend Kate here, even though I knew Ava was right…

“The thing about Kate… is that… today I felt it… I was inside her nightmare, Ava… you know… we know what kind of shit that brings… we have to keep in mind that our lives… our experiences… all the shit we’ve been exposed to… for us… it’s just another weekday… but I’m not going to assume that a regular girl… with a basically perfect life… could handle the same darkness we do…” I explained, pointing toward an imaginary path in front of me.

Ava just nodded, sighing.

I paced the room feeling trapped. “Kate literally had a perfect life three years ago… and now… she’s dealing with all this shit… I mean… it’s not the same thing… Obviously, I’m pissed at how she acts with Bob, who’s nothing but the sweetest guy in the whole damn multiverse… but I don’t want to jump to blaming her or act like she had a lot of options…”

Ava and John seemed to be getting every word I said, which wasn’t surprising to me. In many ways, they both were the perfect mix of the personality I’ve been figuring out by watching them… The reason and practicality I see in them is what I’m trying to follow in everything.

“You’re right… okay… no judging the girl yet and no crossing off possibilities…” John said, almost smiling as he grabbed my arms and shook me playfully. “At least not until you get your chance with her… you gotta cross your pedigree at some point, Blondie.”

I kicked him in the balls and ran away from his shit, barely holding back a grin.

“The world might be ending, being torn apart by Evil Bob, and you’re worried about that shit, Walker…” I groaned, going back to looking for Bob in police reports… there’s no chaos anywhere like what Bob could cause.

“You want that cookie so bad…” John kept firing his nonsense, and this time I laughed, aiming my fist at him.

“Hey, don’t use that shit on me again… I can’t piss in this suit…” He huffed, hiding behind Ava. His gentle hug around her neck made her smile and bite his arm. “Don’t bite me, bitch, you know I’m right.”

“Well… yeah, John’s right… and it’s okay that you want that cookie so bad.” She kept teasing, and I grunted loudly.

“Are you gonna keep talking shit or are we gonna work on saving the fucking world?” I groaned, annoyed.

“Sorry, Widow… we’re gonna help…” Ava muttered guiltily. “We’re not naming names or picking sides yet… but what I do know is if she pulls what she did today again… Evil Bob’s gonna come out and play with her… if he’s not already out there planning what he’s gonna do with her…” Ava said, stopping beside me and connecting with Bucky. “Should we warn our bureaucrats that we might show up in the news because of Bob?”

The chill that ran down my spine wasn’t something to ignore. As long as our problem is Kate’s wrath, we’ll be fine, but under no circumstances can Bob be the crazy guy… I need to soften Kate up and find Bob, then all the problems will be solved.

Maybe Clint…

“I think we’re gonna need some outside help…” I murmured, trying to get Clint’s contact while Ava was briefing Bucky on mission details.

Clint answered quickly. “I don’t like when Avengers call me in the middle of the day… what’s up?” He joked right away.

I’d only talked to him once since I connected with Kate, because it was the birthday of the kid named after my sister and Kate included me in a video call… It was just that one time since all the mess with me trying to kill him, but somehow now he’s acting like we’re something bigger… the worst or best part… it's wasn’t annoying.

“I’m not calling to socialize… I need you to come here… Kate got hurt-” I said before he cut me off with his usual worry.

“What happened? Is she okay?” His shaky voice mirrored mine.

“She’s being taken care of… there was an ambush on today’s mission… she was injured by your sword…” I sighed, upset, and walked over to the stretcher where she lay.

Her pale skin contrasted with the dark strands of hair stuck to her sweaty forehead. My fingers touched her face gently, almost with guilt. The heat of her body still there didn’t calm me down. I wanted a guarantee no one could give me.

The doctor looked at me and murmured something reassuring. She’s going to be okay, he said with a restrained smile. But not all wounds are visible.

“Can you send the Quinjet for me?” Clint asked, already seeming to be on the move.

“Yes, I’m taking us to the medical base at the Hudson complex… the doctor just told me she’ll be fine… once we get there, I’ll send a team for you… and… I need something else…” I asked timidly, and he groaned tiredly.

“Anything, Yelena… just say it…” He said, as always, very interested in any connection with me.

“I need you to bring your family… Kate isn’t well… there was an incident with Bob… and she had a nightmare about her parents… it wasn’t good… she attacked Bob… I need you to calm your girl down… I’m afraid once she’s better, she’ll try to attack him again.” I pleaded, wiping my face of the shy tears remembering the past hell.

“When I get there, you and I are going to talk before I talk to her… I also want to talk to that Bob…” He said, agitated.

“So… she broke Bob… and he disappeared… and that’s the bigger problem…” The words hurt me more than I expected. “I need you here because I’ll have to look for him, and I can’t leave Kate without something to keep her sanity grounded… Maybe we’re going to have to fight something really dangerous…” I explained, letting all the air escape me.

His silence now lasted longer. Heavier.

“God… I don’t even… I’ll be waiting… see you soon, Yelena.” He said, already cutting the call.

I felt drained as I sat beside Kate. She looked pale, her tired expression made me sigh from my own exhaustion.

I began slowly removing her dressings. First from her shoulders… then her arms… When I got to her hands, I gasped seeing the huge cuts from one side to the other of her palms, a clear sign of defense, she definitely fought until the very end. I moaned, even more upset by all the shit that happened today, stretching to grab supplies to clean everything.

“What the hell happened today, Kate…?” I murmured to myself while still tending to her. The gauze, the antiseptics, the bandages. I wiped all the blood off her face and hands as delicately as I could… A silent, intimate ritual… almost like I was taking care of myself through her.

“Yelena, the boy’s going to need to be put in intensive care… he has a complicated brain injury…” a doctor said carefully from across the room, near Eli, and I sighed, nodding. Kate told me the boy wasn’t bad and I believe her.

“Do whatever it takes. And the others?” I asked, looking at Kamala and America.

“The others are fine… one of the boys… Teddy… he’s already awake…” she said, and I smiled, finishing cleaning Kate’s hands to go see him.

At the back of the ship, in the dorms, Teddy looked bored and tired. “What else do I have to do to get rid of you guys?” he huffed before noticing me and I laughed, relieved. I really like this kid.

“We saved your ass, kid, show some gratitude.” I said softly, sitting on the tiny bed they gave him. “You okay?” My kindness made him smile.

“I’ve been better, my ass is itching… you know… that shot and… this bed is really small… but I’ll survive… Eli and Kate okay?” he said, sitting next to me, seeming to struggle fitting in the space.

“Eli’s going to need special attention…” I said, and he laughed out loud.

“Even hurt, that son of a bitch still wants more attention than the rest…” he groaned, bumping his shoulder against mine.

I laughed, delighted by the kid’s light humor, feeling way more comfortable to tease him back.

“Yeah… that’s exactly it… but the important thing is he’s not going to die…” I explained, rubbing my eyebrows. “I’m relieved all of you are okay…” I said simply, finding in the honestly grateful look from the boy the same straightforwardness.

“Thanks for helping us…” he said seriously and then added with a mischievous tone, “Though I think you only came because you want to take our Kate…”

I laughed out loud at his joke. “Taking Kate? Honey… she doesn’t want to be part of our team… she barely wants to be part of your team… what kind of nonsense is that?” I asked, and he laughed even harder.

“It’s not exactly that kind of team… after all… what are your intentions with our girl?” His raised, curious eyebrows made my smile vanish immediately.

Oh… he wants to know… about…

“You mean… like… me and her?” I whispered, feeling my face flush, and he nodded, satisfied.

“Yeah… it’s pretty obvious she likes you… but she’s a little slow with real women…” He said seriously, and I scrunched up my face completely.

“What the hell do you mean by real women, dude?” I muttered, trying to really understand, and he chuckled softly.

“Oh… Ava told me everything with you has to be literal… I mean it like… she’s used to dealing with girls her age… or immature boys like Eli… I don’t think she has experience with women… like a real woman…” He explained seriously, and I nodded, grateful.

“I guess… yeah… that makes sense…” I murmured shyly. I wasn’t sure if i was really that developed or real like he thought, but I accepted the possible compliment.

“So… she likes you… do you like her?” He said very directly, and I widened my eyes.

“She likes me?” I asked timidly. “Did she say that?” An involuntary smile appeared on my lips. I felt ridiculous, but it wasn’t a bad feeling. It felt refreshing to act like a normal girl. I touched my warm cheeks just trying to hide any sign of weakness.

“I think you’re stalling me…” He groaned loudly, and I smiled, swallowing hard.

The kid deserves the truth… He thinks I’m a real woman, and I think a real woman always acts with honesty, no matter if her cheeks betray her.

“Hey, don’t be dramatic…” I murmured, taking a deep breath. The thin sweat on my forehead made me self-conscious, but I didn’t back down. “Of course I like her…” I cleared my throat noisily. “I mean… what’s not to like?” I said, shrugging. “She’s so… so, so beautiful, and I really like her hair… she’s brave, smart, and amazing… and she’s fair… and she smells good… today I almost broke down thinking she was dead…” I swallowed hard as I sat on my hands, nervous. “Yeah, I really like her… but we’re just friends, and that’s been really good for both of us…” I explained honestly.

Teddy listened silently. There was something proud in his gaze.

“Friends… huh…” He said with raised eyebrows.

“What?” I said, feeling sweat run down my brow. I wasn’t liking this conversation so much anymore.

“Nothing big… no need to be nervous…” He sighed, touching my shoulder. “Sorry… it’s just that I like what you two seem to have… and I’d love for it to be more… but I like that you’re friends first… stages are good…” He said, and I glanced at him quickly.

I nodded excitedly, loosely pointing my finger at him. “That’s it… that’s exactly it… I want stages, and I’m gonna have them… I’m doing good, right?” I asked, happy to understand the whole interaction with the kid, and he smiled with all his teeth, seeming to think the same.

Being in the moment when the moment calls for it… I didn’t even have to think about microexpressions or revisit the kid’s file in my mind.

“God… yeah, you’re doing really well, and you’re amazing too… I really like you.” He assured me, and I felt emotional again for the thousandth time that day.

I’m doing well despite everything…

“I like you too, kid…” I nodded still happy, gently touching the hair at the nape of his neck. “I’ve thought about it more than once and even considered sharing my stash of chocolate milk with you… I saw you love it, and so do I…”

The boy’s loud laugh sounded good enough for me to believe I’m really good with him.

“You’re really something else, Yelena… I’ll take the chocolate milk… and about Kate… just be good, okay… she’s the coolest girl, and she likes you… I haven’t talked to her about how she likes you… but I assume it’s in the best way…” He muttered. The relieved sigh that escaped me felt good, and I remembered I needed Teddy’s help.

“I’m gonna need you when she wakes up… she attacked Bob and he ran away… I don’t know how this is gonna go… you know… maybe she’ll still wake up angry… can I count on your help?” I asked, getting up tiredly.

“Holy shit… I’ll help however I can… but you know Kate’s stubborn, right?” He groaned, lying down again.

My shoulder was twisted in the air like a clear reminder of just how stubborn she can be. The pain there, caused by her determination to go after Bob, wasn’t something I could ignore. “Yes, I know very well… that’s why I need all the help I can get…” I explained quietly.

“Have you called Clint and Laura? If she won’t listen to Clint, Laura can definitely help… Laura’s tough… Kate never says no to her.” The boy’s words calmed me down a lot because I knew I was on the right track.

“Yes, I already invited them… I’ll send a team to bring them here today…” I explained, and the boy nodded.

“So we’ll be fine… I’ll help you however I can…” He assured me, and I smiled as I started to walk away.

“Thanks, kid…” I said honestly.

“You’re welcome, White Widow, now get out of here before I scratch my ass in front of you.” He teased with a smirk, tossing himself back on the bed.

I left the boy feeling much lighter despite the tension. There was still a lot of stress ahead, but now… now I knew I wasn’t alone. At the very least, I had Clint’s endless chatter and Teddy’s physical strength to keep Kate in check… And maybe, just maybe… Kate would wake up less agitated and actually want to listen to me.

The conversation I’m going to have with her today will be the final one…

*

The silence after Bob’s disappearance still hung over us like an irritating smoke… a smoke that made it hard to breathe… that kept me from seeing reality clearly and was slowly wearing me down… That heavy, tense, too-quiet air made everything feel like the world was holding its breath.

Even after hours of going through our own routines around the Avengers complex, we all still seemed way too quiet.

I kept myself busy as best as I could. I delegated everything that didn’t require my personal attention… With Bucky gone, the weight of leadership rested first and foremost on my shoulders… but John, Ava, and my father made the perfect team, one I never thought I’d have… not even the Black Widows, who coordinated like a literal hive mind, worked as well together as our small group did.

But I made a point of personally settling all the guys, organizing the possible containment plans for Bob based on the few details we had and the new abilities he showed today, all to anticipate any threat involving the Void.

I asked for Clint and his family to be brought here, made sure they were comfortable and safe… Of course, I also prepared myself to handle them when they inevitably felt entitled to get close to me just because I called them. On that part of the plan, Ava and John will pull me out of any situation with them if I feel overwhelmed.

I was nothing short of thorough, meticulous in giving the list of every place Bob could be so my father could check each one personally.

Oh, and Dad also brought Mr. Pig along for us… which is one less thing to worry about.

I made sure the captured men were properly separated, that the interrogations were carried out by someone trustworthy. I managed to recover the mission data with the help of the tech team. In theory… everything was under control. The chaos was slowly being tamed, bit by bit.

Everything was under control… except me…

My breathing remained uneven, despite the steady front I kept up for everyone, my hands still trembled when no one was looking. The simple sound of his name, Bob, was enough to send shivers all over my skin. And no matter how hard I tried to stay standing, the ground kept shifting beneath my feet. I hadn’t stopped to breathe since we left the mission… a mission that should have ended like so many others. But it didn’t.

He didn’t come back… and it didn’t seem like he was going to come back on his own…

After feeling my chest tighten for the thousandth time, I gave up and headed straight to my room because I really needed a moment. Just one damn minute. One minute of normalcy…

Or maybe that wasn’t it… maybe it was just the need for some silence, something to remind me that I still existed beyond the pain, the loss, and the guilt.

Without a doubt, I wanted to go to my room because she was there.

After all the tests and medical care, Kate was sleeping deeply in my bed, her body curled up, arms wrapped around herself like she was trying to hold her pieces together so they wouldn’t break even more.

There was a certain relief in seeing her there, breathing, alive… even if she looked like a patchwork of herself… even pale… she still looked beautiful… the too-short t-shirt and shorts that belonged to me… everything was almost too much to take in… because it’s a fact she has a beautiful body… pale skin almost free of scars…

At that very moment, I was using every ounce of my self-control not to touch her…

Her skin is so beautiful… soft… unlike mine, which is covered in scars from a lifetime of fighting… hers wasn’t… hers told a different story… she had a simpler life… she didn’t have to fight to survive…

Even her calloused hands and strong arms, with shallow, almost translucent scars… yeah… those are probably recent… probably from sports… she was a gymnast… the best archer in the world… an expert in many martial arts… but still… if she ever had to use those skills to survive, it’s only recently…

I sighed fully as I saw her nestle deeper into the bed and the soft sheets… she looked comfortable… and I thought about how nice it would be to sleep with her… or with anyone… but I quickly stopped myself…

It wasn’t safe for anyone to sleep with a Black Widow… it wasn’t a comfortable sleep… I wake up a lot… I move around too much… It’s not even long ago that I gave up an old habit of sleeping handcuffed to my own bed… That’s something very recent… only after I stopped seeing myself as an animal that needed to be restrained and started seeing myself more as a human being who needed some compassion…

It’s crazy to think about that… I still don’t see many good things about myself… things are still dark… I still think I don’t deserve any of what I have… but in many ways, I have all the theories I need… and the good thing is I’ve at least been trying to put them into practice…

Bob thinks that’s our biggest victory… recognizing limits and the right boundaries… even if we don’t always use everything we know…

Ah, Bob… how I wish I could talk to you right now… I wanted to tell you about my conversation with Teddy… I wanted to tell you how today I realized how much more I really want…

Inside me… something told me I needed to be careful from now on with the whole dynamic I thought I would have with Kate. I wanted her to wake up so I could talk to her and try to gauge her mood… understand how all this affected her… because as upset and sad as I was about how she treated my friend… I also understood that she needed understanding before reprimands, not because she’s a child who deserves scolding, but because she’s too important for me to judge her reasons.

After a long, silent shower that barely washed away the exhaustion or the tension dug deep into my muscles, I put on some comfortable pants, an old t-shirt that belonged to Bob and still smelled like that cheap cologne he loves, and went back to the room. My steps were slow, as if the air itself tried to hold me back. I moved as if I was afraid of breaking the silence… or her sleep.

There was a nagging feeling that I should be out there looking for Bob, but Ava, John, and my Dad were handling that… I protested. I wanted to search for Bob, I wanted to do something, anything. But they insisted.

“If anyone can calm her down when she wakes up, it’s you.” That’s what John said. And maybe he was right.

Now, I was slowly pacing beside the bed, my eyes fixed on her. A part of me was screaming that I should be out in the field, but another part, the one that knew Kate’s silent pain, knew my mission, for now, was something else.

The raw need to be close to Kate won out over my thoughts about my current mission… I needed to understand everything that had happened inside her mind, but more than that, I wanted to offer some comfort… some kind of safety… for both her and me… so I finally gave up my control freak nonsense… I wanted to be near her, to feel that she was okay, and I didn’t hesitate to slowly move closer and sit on the bed next to her…

Her beautiful hair under my touch felt like it always did… like touching cotton… silk… wool fibers… I didn’t know how to describe the softness beyond those comforting textures… I just knew I could touch it for an amount of time I wouldn't really like to measure…

I gently ran my fingers over her eyebrows, letting them get lost in that soft texture… the gentle, tender touch I left on each one was a simple gesture, but loaded with everything I couldn’t say out loud. I almost felt like I was invading a space I shouldn’t be in… but that feeling didn’t stop me… not when she seemed to seek my touch even in her sleep…

Smiling fully, I let my hand slide down to her cheek, resting there softly… just because she smiled… even though her sleeping face still carried deep marks of suffering… she just smiled… so there was no reason for me not to be happy.

That’s how I think it’s supposed to be…

There was something broken inside her, but she was still capable of showing softness, even if she was angry as hell, she was still sweet… maybe that’s something I recognized because it was also in me.

My dad often says I kept my heart intact… like when I was a little girl chasing fireflies at dusk with Natasha…

Maybe it’s about him seeing me as that little girl, even though I’m someone else now… but Bob told me that too… so maybe I’m just doing what the psychologist told Bob while looking right into my eyes… Impostor Syndrome or some shit like that…

I just wished I could link arms with Bob while he made us walk and explained the world to me…

If only Kate could see what I see in Bob… a beer between them plus the story about the angry chicken, and I’m sure she’d warm up to the idiot… but instead, she’s holding onto a burning hatred for the man…

I couldn’t push away the thought that I should be mad at her…

Ava’s words were still echoing in my bones, but I also know the whole point of Kate’s anger is that her nightmares seem to take the best of her…

I only had my own nightmares and Bob’s to compare, maybe that tiny spark I saw in hers today… That was her father… Was her father a bad man? What was her relationship with her parents like? How much of her pain came from there? How much of what she hid was because no one ever listened?… Was it because no one wanted to hear what she had to say? Did she ever have peace at home? Did anyone ever hold her with love, without asking for anything in return? Was her life really perfect?

I had no clue, but surely the mess her mother caused three years ago still echoes through everything in Kate’s life…

I sighed, feeling the weight of all those unanswered questions, and carefully lay down beside her on the blankets, trying not to wake her. I just wanted to be close enough to hold her hand and know when she woke up. I just needed to rest a little… because if the others didn’t find Bob, I would be the next to go looking for him.

But sleep didn’t come easy. My eyes kept closing and opening at every distant noise. The memory of his face haunted me. The way he disappeared. How the energy seemed to swallow him whole… as if he had never existed.

Next to me, Kate let out a small sound, a restless sigh. Her fingers squeezed mine reflexively. I watched her silently, my heart aching, thinking maybe she was reliving some moment from the nightmare…

“I’m here… you’re okay…” I whispered, barely audible, as if my voice was afraid to disturb the world.

If she heard me, she didn’t show it. But her breathing seemed calmer after that.

Time passed slowly. Outside, the lights of the compound shifted as night fell. Messages came through my communicator, updates on the search, no significant news. It was like he had been erased from existence. But I knew… I felt that Bob was still somewhere out there…

Kate murmured again in her sleep. Disconnected words. Then, suddenly, her eyes opened.

For a second, she looked lost. Confused. Like she didn’t know where she was.

“Hey…” I murmured softly, squeezing her hand gently. “We’re at the Avengers compound… You’re safe. Everyone is safe… Everything’s okay now… go back to sleep…” I promised.

She stared at me for a moment. Then, a shy, sleepy smile slipped from her before she curled up against my chest to fall back asleep.

In that moment, I realized nothing else mattered. I would be there for her. And when my time came to need her, she would be there for me too.

*

I was aching in every inch of my body, even opening my eyes felt like a struggle… I tried to orient myself and quickly remembered Yelena’s soft voice telling me we were at the Avengers compound…

She lay comfortably on my chest, her hand firmly intertwined with mine, hidden at the nape of my neck, and I touched her hair just enough to meet her eyes. The gentle rhythm of her breathing told me it was the tired kind of sleep.

A quick glance at the bandages on my abdomen told me the wounds were healing… although everything still throbbed with pain… but my hands were well cared for too, wrapped in comfortable bandages… I immediately felt myself relax, knowing everything seemed to be in its place.

The thought of falling back asleep came with a loud, spontaneous yawn that made Yelena jump off my chest in a quick, subtle movement. Her startled eyes made me hold my breath as she came back to herself.

She looked at our hands and their position, then around the whole room before taking a deep breath and letting go of my hand. I almost protested losing the contact, but the way she shut her eyes tightly before rubbing them confirmed my theory about her exhaustion.

“Hey… are you okay?” I said, my voice barely a thread from the hoarseness.

She didn’t answer, just jumped out of bed and went to a tray to get me some water. She climbed back onto the bed and perched beside me to help me sit up, shoving pillows behind my back.

Everything in me ached, and I groaned in pain from the movement.

“I’m fine, but it’ll be a while before you feel the same, I can tell…” she murmured, handing me a glass of water and two pills.

“What are these pills?” I asked calmly, and she snorted loudly, swallowing one herself. The subtle touch to her temples told me a headache was taking hold of her mind.

“Here, for the pain… drink this… are you hungry?” She whispered, moving closer to touch the bandages on me and I gave a weak nod.

“I’m hungry… but I don’t want to eat right now… I feel sick…” I sighed, a flood of memories hitting my mind. “I want to know about the team… I need to see them…” I said, trying to sit up and a firm hand on my chest stopped me.

“No, Kate, stay…” She said, almost sharply. “The guys are fine… almost all of them are fine.” She said with wet eyes and I worried, setting the cup down on the table beside me to get closer to her.

All my closeness made her shrink back slightly, but my touch on her face didn’t seem to bother her… she just took a deep breath and closed her eyes, feeling. “Who isn’t well? What happened? Tell me, we’ll take care of everything…” I whispered, touching the skin beneath her sad eyes, the faint blush on her cheeks, the gentle eyebrows…

“Your team is okay… you’re all safe… it’s just…” She took a big breath still with her eyes closed. “It’s just… we still don’t know what happened. I’m worried… about Bob…” She said cautiously now, letting a few shy tears slip, and I wiped her whole face, swallowing hard at the mention of the monster.

Just hearing his name made me tense up inside and I pulled away slightly to lie down. I looked around the room, remembering everything that happened… looked at my feet seriously thinking about the whole situation.

For me, a very specific line was crossed today… if he’s still alive… I feel like I shouldn’t be around and I don’t need to deal with anything connected to him. From now on, choices will have to be made.

“What is it, Kate?” Yelena said, coming closer to lie back down on my chest and I was surprised by the calm but clear move. She wanted to keep me in bed, calm, returning the affection on my chin and nose… but I didn’t feel calm and my first instinct was to get out of this bed and finish what I started today…

I touched the soft hair at her nape and took a deep breath to tell her what I needed.

“I think… what happened today… went way too far… and crossed a lot of lines…” I murmured, still running my fingers over her skin. “And I don’t want to go through what I went through today ever again…”

“Kate… I agree with you… I don’t think what happened today should ever happen again either… we are a team…” She said calmly and I held my breath, listening closely. “I don’t want us living at war… today I was so scared-”

“There’s no war, Yelena… I just won’t tolerate it anymore… I can’t live with that mon-” I started but she quickly pulled away from me.

“Hold on right there…” She said, out of breath, looking very nervous now as she let her steps guide her to the front of the bed.

I looked at her surprised. Nothing about her was calm now… she was angry. The heavy breathing and the way she impatiently tied her hair up told me she had something huge to say.

“I know what you’re going to say, Kate… and you know… I was even trying to understand… I was being calm about it… I ignored everything that happened today… tried to consider what it meant for you… but you don’t even seem to realize what really happened and you’re just here stretching a rope that’s not even there…” She said, and I sat up, ignoring the pain to counter her words.

“Yes, I know exactly what happened, I was attacked by your monster today and that’s not up for debate…” I snapped, feeling every inch of me ache.

“That’s how you see it? That’s your definition? You really don’t understand your part in this and everything your actions might have caused?” She said, stopping her steps with her hands on her hips.

I thought over her question for a few seconds before taking a deep breath. “Yes, Yelena… after everything I’ve been through… that’s my definition… I don’t want to… I can’t be exposed to what this man causes… to be honest, I don’t even know if I can handle it… what am I supposedly supposed to be guilty of here?” I said, feeling how the wounds on my body supported my theory… not to mention the injury that bastard inflicted on my damn soul.

“That man… he saved your life today… saved you and your friends…” She said, pointing to the door. “And he did it… because he knows how important you are… he did it even though he’s terrified of you… even knowing he might get overwhelmed… which, in fact, happened-” She said, and I quickly sat up in bed.

“Oh, so this is about you worrying about him and not about the fact that me and my team almost died? This is about giving some credit to your man ?” I snarled, and she came at me fast, looking furious as she pushed me back onto the bed.

I didn’t fight because she quickly pointed at my wounds. Her impatient grunt made me realize I was bleeding, and I shut up under her hard stare and the pain.

“No, Kate, this isn’t about giving credit to my man … it’s not about who matters more… it’s about the fact that you’re so angry and irrational you can’t see past your own nose…” She growled, searching for a first aid kit that seemed to be ready right beside the bed. “This is all about you putting yourself and everyone else at risk with your behavior… take off your shirt.” She said in a broken voice, and I obeyed.

I pulled off my shirt with difficulty, barely having room to feel shy being so exposed to her, because I was too busy trying to make sense of what the hell she was saying.

“My behavior, Yelena?” I snorted as she started removing the dirty bandages.

“Yes… what you did today was brutal… you’re ignoring even your injuries just to stay angry… by hurting Bob you might have brought all that mess not only on us… but on the whole damn world…” She groaned, seeing the stitches come undone. “And you’re constantly being this… thing … violent, volatile, dangerous… And all of that is just making things harder right here…” She stepped back, wiping her forehead, looking around the room like she didn’t know what to do with me.

“I was just doing my job when your pet monster threw me into the worst kind of punishment there is, Yelena… so sorry if I lost my shit and attacked the one who deserved it… sorry for being this difficult thing … I’m just… I didn’t do anything wrong…” I snarled my frustration, starting to clean myself up.

The crying spilling out of me was betrayed. Is she seriously blaming me for something I’m not responsible for? She’s defending that monster while I’m still recovering from the damn hellride that monster took me on. I might be wrong about everything else in my life, but I don’t feel like I’m wrong right here.

Her angry pacing across the room made it clear she not only disagrees but will still leave me miserable on my own to defend that monster’s bullshit.

She came at me quickly, but I was ready, and the light slap on my hand trying to push me away was immediately returned by me. “No… I can take care of myself… I don’t need that shit…” I said, pulling away just a little. “And if you’re going to blame me for something I’m not responsible for, if you’re going to keep defending that monster, you can leave.” I demanded, feeling a pain far worse than the one caused by the sword.

I wiped my face, feeling fucking alone in this damn world, knowing I had no one on my side, and I couldn’t count on anyone’s support against a monster who’s seen as a hero.

She approached me again, this time dragging a chair noisily to sit right in front of me, and the new touch she laid on me was powerful. She gently moved my hands aside before kissing them and placing them by my side.

“I’m going to take care of this…” she said in one breath. “I’m going to take care of this because you’re not alone… I’m here, and I stayed here to take care of you… right now, you’re all that matters.” She spoke as if she’d read my thoughts, and I gasped, reaching for her hands again, still surprised by such a blatant show of care.

She sighed, wiping the tears from her own face, and I scolded myself for being so hard… whatever my problem was… it had nothing to do with Yelena.

“Sorry for refusing your help… I just…” I tried, but she didn’t answer.

She just kept taking care of me, redoing all the bandages, breathing steadily through it all, and I found myself mirroring her calm as I waited for her to tend to me, seeing how much she cared.

After everything was done, she still seemed very quiet, staring down at her own hands in her lap, and I moved closer, reaching for her fingers to gently stroke them.

“I’m sorry, Yelena… I shouldn’t have…” I whispered, not about anything specific, but about all the stress she must’ve been under today.

“For what are you sorry?” She sighed, shyly wiping her cheeks.

“I’m sorry for all the stress…” I sighed, dragging myself onto the bed, feeling like I needed rest. “I’m sorry for being harsh with you…”

She looked at me for a long time, seeming to decide what to do, then she gave a distant nod before standing up.

She grabbed some things from a cabinet that looked like hers… she pulled out a tactical suit and put it on over what looked like pajamas, slipped on some boots… Everything she did seemed calm, but I could see her hands trembling and how she held back her tears through it all.

And when she headed for the door… I wanted to ask her to stay… I wanted to ask if we could sleep together like before… I wanted to tell her something much better than my angry nonsense… but I didn’t know how, and I was sure I didn’t deserve it.

“I’m going out to look for Bob… I hope you’ll be okay…” she said quietly before leaving, and I recognized the distant tone.

It was like when she left through my window… when she told me not to get in her way.

All I could do was cry until I was drained… and my last thought before losing consciousness was the certainty that everything had changed today…

*

---

Notes:

____________________________

 

READ THIS AND YOU HAVE I LITTLE MORE:

 

Whew. This chapter took me a while, because throwing Kate into these situations hurts. And I hate when Yelena suffers. Building pain into the story is heavy on this side of the keyboard too...

 

And then there’s Bob... The way I’ve been thinking about him lately?
I just wanna scoop this man up and hold him. He’s got so much sweetness in him. And honestly? I feel protective of him, because Kate’s been on a warpath... visceral... laser focused on hating the poor guy.

 

The mean things Kate throws at him? They echo the kind of stuff Bob’s dad says in the movie... But then there’s Yelena, John, and Ava giving him warmth, giving him real love. They remind him he matters, that he’s seen, that he’s family.

 

In the movie, his father calls him "Bobby" like it's an insult.
But in VOID every time someone calls him "Bobby" here, it’s soft. It's loving. It’s chosen family saying, "You're safe."

 

One moment that really hit me was John noticing this in VOID.
He saw how Bob’s dad used to treat him and saw himself in that dynamic.

 

John’s journey of unlearning, of showing up differently, of healing through action? That part really hits close to home for me as a writer.

 

Yelena, too… Her way of learning through doing, through the rawness of experience... it’s something I’ll always love writing. I think that’s just how I’ll always build her.

 

And then Teddy… The way he had to talk to Yelena, the way she started softening toward him… He made her feel safe, and I literally groaned out loud from how sweet that friendship is becoming.

 

Anyway, I’m just rambling my love at this point.

 

If you wanna chat about the stories or timelines… well... I don't do timelines anymore. Everything in its own time. But I do love talking about writing and Bishova and all the chaos in between...

 

Just show up on Twitter @onlycoments

 

____________________________

Chapter 6: Changes

Summary:

___________________________

 

Today’s all about the messy ass people in this story diving headfirst into new feelings, trying real hard to pull their heads outta their asses… spoiler alert: Yelena’s the one who does it best. Which, honestly, says a lot about how screwed everyone else is.

 

Also known as the chapter where Laura officially gets crowned the ultimate badass mom of the multiverse... at least in my opinion.

 

___________________________

Notes:

___________________________

 

Today’s song is “Changes” a raw, spit out emotional self portrait of Bowie at a turning point in his life. One of his most iconic tracks, it opened the Hunky Dory album back in 71.

At the time, Bowie wasn’t the global superstar we now know. He was still experimenting with sounds, styles, and figuring out who the hell he was as an artist. That’s why it hits so deep for me... reminds you that everyone has their time to create something meaningful.

But yeah, the reason this song fits today’s chapter is because it’s a damn invitation to embrace change as a natural part of life. It throws in your face the fear, doubt, and weird courage it takes to choose a new path.

“Still don’t know what I was waiting for
and my time was running wild…
A million dead-end streets…”

That’s pure frustration... being stuck, lost, not knowing what you want outta life. That’s Yelena right now. First Natasha, now Bob… she’s drifting again.

“Turn and face the strange
ch-ch-ch-changes…”

That stutter on “changes” is Bowie hesitating, feeling that awkward tension of facing the unknown.
It’s so Kate, trying to figure out what the hell this new love for Yelena means for her from now on.

 

This might be one of my favorite chapters so far... and one of the toughest to write. Luckily, this time I had help from an psychiatrist… LITERALLY. The joke writes itself. God… Love you, Bia. Thanks for reading and edit my chaos and reminding me how commas and music save lives.

 

___________________________

 

---

 

*

The room was quiet, except for the soft sound of her breathing and the low hum of the air conditioning, which somehow made my body feel even lazier. The darkness made everything seem calmer, but only on the outside. Inside, I was at war.

I had spent so many nights on watch, on missions, lying in wait... but it was never like this... I had never drifted in and out of restless sleep like this...

My eyes were closed, but my mind wasn’t. I didn’t know if I’d actually be able to sleep, but my body, exhausted, kept pushing me toward it, and I was almost falling into light sleep when I woke up the second she touched me, pulling me back to reality through the warm feel of her fingers... I didn’t know since when I could recognize her touch like that... it wasn’t like I got touched by many people... but hers... her touch was always careful, like she was afraid of the act itself... like she was always scared I’d pull away...

The fact that I was more than comfortable against her chest right now felt like a fake comfort, as if this was normal for us, like nothing had happened, like she hadn’t been on the verge of making a mistake that might’ve been irreversible.

Everything about Kate was fire. Fire and stubbornness. And honestly... I didn’t know how to put out the fires she started anymore...

I wanted to stay awake until the moment she woke up... I wanted her to wake up calm. Less reactive. I wanted her to look at me clear-headed and tell me she understood. I wanted with all my might for her to remember everything we’d done so far... I wanted her to realize she had gone too far with Bob... the false hope was clinging entirely to something much more selfish... I wanted her to be affected enough by me to give in to my will completely...

The moment that thought filled me, I made sure to push it away, because it was nothing but hypocrisy for me to want to own or control someone else’s choices... it wasn’t even fair... not after everything I’ve lived through and everything I know now.

The soft yawn she let out, her muscles still stiff, and the way she pulled herself against me like some kind of muscle memory told her to hold onto me, her legs tangling with mine, made me react fast... way faster than I could choose to.

That was just my own muscle memory speaking for me, acting to protect me from being restrained in any way... It’s still annoying how the mold I was forced into back in the Red Room keeps haunting me... but it’s not like I can undo it all overnight... so if I pulled away from her chest in some involuntary movement... and if I know my body is conditioned to sense situations before I do... if my brain felt I needed to be alert... well... I’d obey it... in the end... my body is the only thing that belongs entirely to me...

I was scared, maybe. My head ached from exhaustion, for sure.

I saw her shifting almost uncomfortably in my peripheral vision, and I kept following my body’s signals... I went to get water and meds for both of us before she realized I didn’t know what to say... the movements of grabbing the tray and getting back to sit as close to her as I could without actually invading her personal space, that’s what I wanted and that’s what I had.

I had rehearsed so much in my mind, but nothing felt right when I saw her hurt like that. Her face, the sound of her voice too hoarse from all her screaming... everything made my heart race and bleed at the same time.

And still, a part of me kept waiting. Waiting for her to look at me and say, “I get it. What I did with Bob was wrong. He didn’t deserve that.” But those words never came. Maybe they never would, because today I understood so clearly, Kate is not good at admitting guilt.

And then, while she spoke, while she touched me with that same familiar sweetness... something inside me broke a little more. She asked about the team, wanted to know about everyone... but I could only think of one person who wasn’t here.

Bob, who’s probably alone. Bob, who I don’t know if he's hurt. Bob, who I only know is missing. Bob, who, bluntly speaking, I’ve stopped looking for so I could take care of the person who hurt him.

I said his name and felt her body tense up. It’s always like that. Like setting fire to an ocean of gasoline... Like I’d spat venom into her wounds... Like she felt forced to lick that same venom off her own skin...

I saw it all in her... I felt it in the way she subtly pulled away from me. I saw how her eyes changed. She didn’t notice it, but in that moment, I already knew I wouldn’t be able to reach her again. Not today... maybe never... and what hurt the most was realizing she would never back down for me...

When she finally answered me, when she talked about everything having crossed a line... I wanted to believe she was about to understand, I prayed she’d woken up aware of today’s mess. I was dying for her to carve out a space inside her pain to recognize the mistake, to hear me out... But all it took was for me to mention his name again...

She called me his defender. Referred to Bob as my man … accused me of not caring about the team. Made it more than clear how she still thinks I don’t care about her… as if I could ever ignore anything about her… as if her jealousy wasn’t so damn obvious… but since she pushed me away with words sharp enough to cut through steel, I decided I wouldn’t care anymore… I’d let my own temper take over… because for a second I understood that maybe she didn’t deserve anything bad in her whole life… I’d die to spare her from every single pain… but right now I was forced to let out a much more primal need…

I wasn’t exactly angry. It wasn’t about desperation anymore… now it was more about the frustration that had been building up since the moment I saw her bleeding, since I had to choose my priorities… maybe it was all those talks about choices…

No one… not even the girl I seriously suspect I’m falling for… if that’s even an option for someone like me… given how complicated this shit is right now… but yeah… not even her is going to stand between me and my personal choices…

I might not be an expert, I might not know all the possibilities… but I’ve figured it out… it has to be about me first…

Ava’s voice echoed in my mind again. “I don’t think you’ll have much trouble understanding that Bob is the most important thing in your life right now…” And I knew, even if I wanted to deny it… that the choice was painfully obvious right here and now.

Yeah, I did what I needed to do… Kate was the immediate priority and now she’s stable… Bob is now my immediate priority and I’m completely fine with pointing out that my part with Kate Bishop was done successfully.

As much as I know how hurt and scared she is about everything… I also know I could never make her see reality…

I wanted so badly for her to see it. To know that Bob wasn’t to blame for all that shit. That even though he chose to risk himself in this mess of a research project, like she pointed out herself, still, the consequences and all the crap that followed don’t erase the fact that Bob is good…

He’s not perfect, but he’s my family… so good that he saved her life… so selfless that he walked straight into hell, scared out of his mind for her, and still chose to protect her. So good that if he’s not here right now… and if he never comes back… he still did all that, fighting his own fears and personal traumas.

If I never have Bob again… it’s because she pushed too far… because she provoked him until he broke… because she can’t see how him not being here, or if he never comes back… how much that would hurt me… maybe it’s selfish to think like that… but it is what it is… if I can recognize her side of the story, I can also recognize the side of the guilt…

Kate only sees the monster. The villain in her story…

And maybe she needs that… maybe she needs a monster to justify everything. I can’t really blame her for that… I’ve been there… she knows… she saw my pain through everything with Clint.

I stayed by her side because I care… because she needed me… I stayed even while feeling torn apart inside. And I don’t regret it… because she’s important to me… but I need to be honest… Bob is my immediate family. And if Kate doesn’t want to breathe, if she’d rather drown in her own anger… then maybe now she needs to be alone. Not out of revenge. But because I have to choose.

Ava was right. If there’s a choice, it has to be for him. Because he has no one else. Because Kate… Kate needs time. And I can’t give her that time anymore… she can and will bargain with time, that cruel son of a bitch… she’ll be surrounded by people who love her… she’ll be safe and healthy and I couldn’t wish anything better for her…

Bucky once taught me, during one of our ridiculous arguments about leadership… he had this habit I hated, standing up in the middle of meetings, thanking everyone for their attention and just walking out… sometimes right in the middle of someone’s speech… I used to see that as disrespectful… until I followed him after one of those situations and he explained, calm and gentle, that life requires us to know the right moment to walk away from things…

“Sometimes you just need to leave and let people sit with your silence, Yelena…” He told me with the softest damn voice in the whole multiverse… and I finally got it…

And that’s why I stood up from my chair and from this uncomfortable situation, I walked away from Kate with wet eyes and a knot in my stomach, to do what I have to do now…

I walked down the empty halls of the compound, my breath stuck in my chest from having made this choice. Every step felt like a damn judgment. I was leaving her behind. And even knowing it wasn’t forever, even knowing I was just doing the right thing… it still hurt like hell, like something permanent…

But I couldn’t wait any longer.

I couldn’t keep arguing with her while Bob might be hurt, lost, his mind more messed up than ever, with no one around. I put him in this situation. From the second I told him he was one of us now… I promised him he’d have a safe place with me… I kept him, both metaphorically and literally, always behind me, under my protection, under my wings…

I failed…

I let him be treated like an animal again…

I was too lenient with her behavior… I didn’t cut it at the root… I didn’t make it clear where the line was…

The guilt crushed me because I knew this was something I could’ve prevented…

My whole walk to the garages was silent… It was still the middle of the night when I hopped onto one of the bikes, feeling the engine roar beneath me almost like an old friend. It's been a while since I last rode and I knew this was exactly what I needed right now.

The cold night air touched my face, but it was still better than the suffocating heat of the argument, better than Kate’s irritability, better than the tension between us both…

As I sped through the nearly empty streets, my eyes burned with a silent, cruel kind of crying, passing so many places Bob loved, places I had visited with him countless times...

And unfortunately, I couldn’t stop thinking about everything I saw in that warehouse, in her nightmare, in that room where I left her… the way she looked at me. The sound of her voice calling Bob a monster. The smell of blood… the pain of frustration… but I also thought about her touch. About the whispered apology. About the way she tried to lie down again like nothing had collapsed between us.

She’s still the Kate who stole my heart… and I know that… but now… now Bob is my priority and she needs to breathe… I need to breathe…

I just wished she knew that before thinking I left out of anger. It wasn’t anger…

It was… love …?

Yeah, but maybe a different kind of love… one I don’t even have a solid reference for… because it’s a love I haven’t really recognized until now… maybe it’s the kind of love I only ever saw and felt in Natasha… it’s definitely a love that chooses, that protects, that holds onto the ones who are about to fall and never lets go… I can relate to that… The love I felt from my sister the second I opened my eyes after we destroyed the Red Room… a love that protects even without permission… yeah… my choices were based on a love I once received… for a short time, but one that stayed with me…

She’s gonna hate me for this… maybe she’ll say I chose the wrong side…

But today I understood something huge, something that, in my personal scale of learning, experience, and life… means everything. Today I understood that there’s no “right side” in this war or in any other… everyone loses… Everyone gets hurt if we can’t find some kind of middle ground…

And in the end… all I really have is my choice. The choice I fought so damn hard to finally be able to make after all these years… a choice that was never given to me my whole life.

And I’m choosing the one who needs me the most right now.

I chose Kate first, but now I’m choosing Bob.

I choose Bob.

When I got back from my useless search, something that only helped distract me from Kate for a few hours but didn’t do anything besides make me even more anxious, I went straight to the Bartons…

They looked happy, full of light, even though they had arrived in the middle of the night, while Laura was making coffee for everyone. She moved calmly around the huge kitchen in the complex, talking to Clint, Ava, John, and my dad. That kitchen, always so cold and lifeless, now felt alive, and I couldn’t help but notice the difference…

I sighed, shoving my cold hands deeper into my pockets, knowing I had to be brave enough to deal with the person I liked the least in this shitty multiverse… the smiling man at the far end of the table… Clint Barton.

He saw me before anyone else and seemed way too happy to see me as he almost stumbled getting up from his chair, closing the distance between us.

“Oh, there she is… I thought you wouldn’t be back so soon…” he said shyly, stuffing his own hands into his pockets, and I shifted on my feet, clearing my throat roughly.

“Sorry for not giving you guys much attention, it’s just… I was taking care of Kate and then… I was on my search shift…” I said, stepping away to head to the cabinet for a mug, next to the woman who seemed genuinely touched to have me this close.

“Hey there, Widow… don’t worry about us… we got a little sleep…” Laura said softly, not taking her eyes off her coffee prep. “Sit down… the coffee will be ready in a minute… do you want me to make you something?”

“I… huh… I’m fine…” My look towards Ava and John sent all kinds of signals I knew they’d understand. They know exactly how much Clint Barton bothers me… John was the first… he got up quickly, glancing at Ava as they made space for me to sit between them. Ava spoke right away.

“Hey, Blondie… we missed you… I figured you’d be starving… you haven’t eaten since yesterday… so I brought the bread you like…” she mumbled, already reaching for my shoulders to make me sit between them.

I took a deep breath, looking at everyone, and Dad smiled, stretching his giant arms across the table to cup my cheeks for a sloppy kiss.

At least he looked clean and had brushed his teeth.

“Daddy can make the eggs you love if you want…” he said in a strangely normal tone, with a knowing smile that told me he was also in on the plan to not leave me alone with the Bartons.

“You don’t have to do anything, daddy… I’m not really that hungry, but I can eat whatever we already have…” I said, looking at everyone, and the woman behind me walked around the table and smiled straight at me.

“Okay… I’ll make some eggs for everyone… maybe they’re not as good as your daddy’s, but if you want… you need to eat…” She said, already moving around like the kitchen was hers.

Ava let her shoulder lean against mine and sighed under her breath. “Just go with it… you haven’t eaten in a while and she’s being nice… you don’t have to say no to everything… we’re here and we’ll help you… just don’t act weird…” She said, gently touching my face.

“I’ll take the eggs, Laura… thank you…” I said mechanically.

John’s voice came beside me, even softer.

“Just breathe, Blondie… you’re safe… you’re a Black Widow… the best one out there… an Avenger… I’m right here and I’ll take down even Mrs. Barton if she makes you uncomfortable… you know I’ve got no shame…” He smiled while cutting some bread and tossing it onto our plates.

“Do you even know who that woman is?” I said, frowning so much it almost hurt, barely holding back a laugh, and John sighed like there wasn’t a single person he feared.

“Yeah, I know… she could probably take all of us down and still live to tell the tale, but you’re my family and I’d die trying…” He said bravely, even though he gave a dramatic little shiver of fake fear that made Ava and me chuckle softly.

“She’s hot with that whole ‘doesn’t look dangerous but is totally Baba Yaga’ vibe… I’d totally take my chances if Barton wasn’t around… it’s a shame they seem like such nice people…” Ava said casually and I smiled.

“Behave yourselves… and if I need to, you know what to do… get me out of it…” I whispered.

I can do this… there’s nothing happening here… this is just me dealing with the real world… The Bartons aren’t a threat…

“So… are you guys all settled in?” I asked in a neutral tone, looking straight at Clint, who smiled completely at ease.

“Yeah, the rooms here are even better… I like what that bitch Valentina did to this place… despite everything…” I smiled knowing he hated Valentina as much as the rest of us… that definitely helped boost my sympathy for him right now.

“Where are your kids?” I kept trying to act normal and Ava gave me a thumbs-up in support.

Clint looked even more amused when he noticed our little exchange. “My kids are out there with Bucky… going over everything like they’re part of civil defense… poor Barnes…” He said cheerfully, and I found myself smiling at how excited he sounded talking about something so simple.

“They’re gonna love it… Barnes can be grumpy but he loves kids… and you, Laura… have you been to the compound before?” I kept trying, leaning on the fact that she used to be an elite agent and probably helped build this whole place… She was way more capable than anyone else sitting at this table, and I couldn’t help but feel it was kind of an honor to meet her, despite the much deeper connection I supposedly had with her because of Natasha.

“It’s been a while… I hadn’t been back since the rebuild… looks nice… although the kitchen feels way too cold…” She said, loosely tracing a finger through the air, and I found myself relaxing even more because I feel the same way.

“I say that all the time… but I’ve been trying… every time I come here I bring something new to make this cold room feel like a real kitchen…” I said impulsively and Laura’s smile grew even warmer.

“Oh… so you cook?” She said, delighted, and I smiled, feeling my chest swell with pride at having a comfortable and normal topic with someone who otherwise makes me uneasy.

“I love cooking… and I’ve been doing a lot of it…” I smiled and so did she, while placing some deliciously soft, perfectly cooked eggs on my plate, just the way I love them.

“That’s really nice to hear… while I’m here, we can do it together…” She said, and I felt my smile fade just enough to remind myself to slow down.

“If there’s any free time…” I said, playing it cool.

“I’ll make time for us… don’t worry… now eat… and later we’ll talk about the mission… I know some people…” She said, sitting down beside my dad.

“Barton, I gotta say… your lady is lovely… and these eggs are divine, ma’am…” my dad said, charming as always, and Clint laughed with a little puff through his nose.

“Yeah, she’s the best…” Clint said, touching her hand.

“Thank you for the compliment, Alexei… but you can just call me Laura… I feel old when people call me ma’am…” She smiled at my dad, and he started his own conversation with her while I calmly chewed my food.

My thoughts kept drifting back to Kate every few seconds… I wanted to go back to her, but I didn’t feel ready to deal with any more of what I was already dealing with because of her… it was time to take some space… like on our first date… when there are irreconcilable differences… the best thing to do is for each person to stay in their own place…

I finished eating and stood up to wash my plate, feeling nervous again because I knew I’d have to talk to the Bartons without my family as backup.

“Can we talk now? I want to get back to the search soon, but I want to explain everything to you before you go to her…” I said, leaning against the sink, and they both hurried over to me.

“I’ll handle the dishes while you take care of this… I’ll come get you in 20 minutes so we can head out, Yelena.” Ava said, touching my shoulder, and I breathed a little easier, already having a window of time and a backup plan in place.

*

The meeting room felt way smaller after I closed the door behind me, watching Laura and Clint walk over to the windows at the far end of the room.

“The view here’s still amazing... it was right there where I got buried alive, babe...” Clint said, dead serious, and Laura burst out laughing.

“Idiot... what did we say about talking about near-death experiences like they’re no big deal?” she muttered, searching for his face for a gentle kiss, and I hurried to step further into the scene.

“Well... I... I don’t even know how to start explaining this... do you guys have any questions... I’m not really good with... people?” I said out loud, heading straight for a glass of water. If this wasn’t one of those moments the therapist said water could help, then I don’t know what would be.

Laura came right over to me, filling a glass for herself, her eyes way too focused on my trembling hands. I drank it all in short sips and moved away as much as I could, searching for a seat at the table... far enough not to be watched so closely.

“First of all, I just want to tell you we’re not here to make you nervous... and I know it’s not easy for you to be in the same space as us... I just want you to be sure that we’re only here to help... and if you want to talk about something else... we can do that, but we know this isn’t the time...” Laura said, now standing about a meter from me, and I felt my shoulders relax instantly at the kindness of this woman, even though I hadn’t even noticed her coming closer.

Baba Yaga, Yelena... Baba Yaga...

Despite everything, I was almost grateful for her reassurance... I didn’t expect to have this kind of openness with them so soon... I thought it would be complicated, and that I’d have to be forced to talk about my sister.

“We don’t have to talk about Natasha, Yelena...” Clint said, and the calm instantly dissolved inside me.

“Thank you. I really don’t want to talk about my sister with you right now.” I stated firmly, and he raised his hands.

“We know... like Laura said... we know this isn’t the time... can you tell me what happened yesterday?”

I took a deep breath and started telling them every detail of yesterday, and they listened closely as I explained everything.

“And then... I just didn’t know what to do... this behavior of hers has me on high alert... I’m really trying to connect with her... but she... since day one... when she... damn it... I didn’t want things to be like this... but it is what it is... Kate completely lost it yesterday...” I finished under my breath, and Clint looked lost in thought, pacing around the room ever since I started describing Kate’s nightmare.

“I agree with you... this is way beyond some isolated incident... it’s been escalating and getting more violent each time... and this thing with the nightmares... God... I know what that’s like... Loki and Wanda messed with my head enough... I just... I understand...” Clint said, leaning against the table.

“You said she saw her parents in the nightmare...?” Laura asked, and I rubbed my whole face, feeling the weight of exhaustion.

“Yeah, and like I said... it didn’t look good... and from my experience with the nightmares Bob caused and my own... that’s what’s inside Kate’s mind... the way she was seeing details of how to kill people... breaking bones... it was brutal... I don’t know where that memory comes from in her... I can barely explain how this really works... but the main thing is, I called you guys because not even me, John, or Ava could stop her when she lost control... that scared me...” I panted, feeling tears well up in my eyes.

“Yelena... I’m sorry you had to deal with all this... I don’t know where it all came from either... from what I know, Kate had a really good life before all this mess...” He sighed, tired. “Maybe she found out stuff about her mom and dad, and it stayed with her... maybe she blames herself... what I’m sure of is that her protective instinct and her fear, that’s the only constant here... but even that doesn’t justify what she’s done... you did the right thing calling us.” Clint said, clearly worried.

“And even if the talk we’ll have with her doesn’t go that well... I’ll take her home with us, and she’ll have time to breathe...” Laura said, touching my hands, and I took a deep breath, knowing I didn’t have to pull away from her touch or lie.

“I was so scared... I just... for a few minutes I thought she was dead... I got to that warehouse looking for her body... and everything in me hurts now... because I don’t want to have to make choices like walking away from her... I... I... we’re friends now... but I’m so scared... and Bob’s gone... and I-I-I didn’t even... get to say goodbye again... I lost him... I lost someone again...” I cried quietly, feeling more than seeing Clint kneel beside me.

“Shhh, milaya ... I’m so sorry it hurts... I know this pain... I get how much it hurts to lose someone else... I’m sorry you had to deal with Kate’s death, even if just for a little while... but we’ll deal with her and we’ll find him... or at least figure out what happened... you’re not alone... not to look for Bob and not with Kate... I promise...” he said, touching my hands, but unlike Laura’s touch, I avoided his touch, because I still feel the hunter’s instinct in me every time I think of him.

“It’s okay... I get it...” he said, noticing my discomfort, raising his hands in defense.

I took a deeper breath, trying to find comfort in the safety of their words, and gave a firm nod.

“I appreciate the support with everything… for now, I just need you to… handle Kate while I can’t… I promise I’m trying to take care of her… I’m not running away from her… I don’t want to run from her… but I’ve realized I can’t make her see reason in this, not on my own… you can help me with that…” My words were steady, even though I felt like I was hanging by a thread.

I wasn’t sure if they could really make Kate change her mind… if they could actually hold back the storm inside her… but all I could do was settle for the attempt…

“I give you my word… either Kate listens to us, or she’s saying goodbye to any ties with the Avengers…” Clint promised, his voice sharp.

“And if my husband doesn’t have the guts to put his foot down, I swear I’ll drag her back to my house myself… make her work in my barn every single day until she learns what the hell a damn hero is supposed to do…” Laura said, her gaze far more dangerous and determined.

Their promises took half the weight off my shoulders, but the fear still lingered… I could only nod and accept it all.

“Alright…” I rose quietly, still trying to shake off the discomfort of that moment, but satisfied with how it ended. “I need to keep trying to find Bob now… I hope you guys have better luck with Kate… just… please… be careful… I know she didn’t have an easy night yesterday… I’m also worried about how badly she’s hurt… I just don’t want to deal with her right now… right now my priority is figuring out what happened to Bob… we just need to find some middle ground…” I said softly, already heading toward the door.

“Go do your mission, let us take care of Kate until you’re back… just… please… don’t give up on her… your sister used to joke that every Widow needs her Hawkeye… but sometimes it’s more like… no, scratch that… it’s always the Hawkeye who doesn’t survive too well without you…” Clint’s words nearly broke me again, but I held it together…

I held it together walking out of the room… held it together seeing Ava and John waiting for me outside the briefing room… held it together as I left the compound… I only let myself cry once I was already on the road… with the rain as my only witness.

*

When I woke up, the room was way too noisy… voices I recognized even through the haze of half-sleep… the girls were here, but the next voice surprised me more than anything.

“Quiet down… I’m waking her to treat her wounds and make her eat…”

Laura was here, which meant things had really gotten serious.

“You’ll say hi and then leave…” Laura commanded, and the room fell silent. Her tone was calm and steady, and I forced myself to breathe, knowing Clint was nearby too, and at least now I had my mentor to help me with whatever was going on.

I just hoped nothing too bad happened while I was gone…

I moved, shifting out from under the big blanket covering me, yawning loudly before I even opened my eyes. I really needed that sleep. My hand on my stomach told me the worst had passed. The pain was manageable and I’d be fine… the memories of my moment with Yelena threatened to flood back, but I forced them down beneath the surface… I don’t want to think about how she walked away from me.

“She’s waking up…” America said happily, and I smiled without meaning to.

“Can’t I get one damn minute of peace even on my deathbed?” I said out loud, my voice rough and scratchy.

That was all it took for the whole room to burst into motion, and the bed shook under what I knew were a bunch of people crowding around me.

I finally opened my eyes to the bright light and the room full of people. I pulled the blanket up instinctively to cover my chest, still in the simple sports bra, since Yelena left.

Don’t think about her… don’t think about her… don’t think about her…

The girls, Clint and Laura were all around me, their gazes tired but watching me closely, and I smiled.

“Hey… I’m sorry I made you all fly out here…” I sighed, reaching for Clint and Laura’s hands.

“Flying the Quinjet never tires me out…” Laura joked. “What wears me down is seeing my kids hurt…” she said, leaning over for a quick kiss before going back to folding a small pile of clothes.

Quinjet… they really were called out here… Crap crap crap…

“Just a few minutes for chit-chat, girls…” she said loudly. Clint walked over to sit in a chair, and the two of them kept talking quietly, both with neutral looks that told me nothing about how they were really feeling. I turned my attention back to the girls, deciding I’d deal with Clint and Laura once they left.

“Finally, Sleeping Beauty’s awake!” Kamala said excitedly, her eyes shining like always. I gave her arm, immobilized all the way to her shoulder, a careful look but smiled at how well she seemed despite everything.

“How do you feel?” I asked, touching the little support on her shoulder, and she smiled and nodded.

“I’m good… this’ll be on just for a few days… nothing’s broken or anything… you can draw as many arrows as you want on it…” she teased, kissing the top of my head, and I sighed, turning to Cassie.

“And you?” She had a boot on her foot and I sighed, gently touching it.

“I’m fine, broke my foot on my way out, but Walker patched me up, I’ll be alright… now you… are you okay? You slept all morning… you totally look like someone who got her ass kicked.” Cassie teased, leaning in to give me a soft hug, careful not to hurt my injuries.

“I’ll be good as new in a few days… I just need… some time…” I sighed, brushing my fingers over the bandages. “I might need a bath soon…” I sighed again, sniffing my armpits playfully.

“Yeah, you stink a little, but you’re still prettier than the rest of us, which is just annoying…” America added, crossing her arms with a mock-offended look, making all of us laugh. Thank God she didn’t look hurt.

“It’s probably the meds… or the panic of nearly dying… definitely the good sleep… these rooms are amazing…” I mumbled, fluffing the many pillows on the bed with a hoarse laugh. “How are you guys? Are you really okay?” I asked again. I needed to make sure they were fine.

Kamala nodded enthusiastically. “We’re good! Unlike you. Does this hurt?” she whispered, gently touching the bandages on my hands.

“I’m fine, no pain at all…” I lied quickly. My entire body and mind hurt like hell right now, but they didn’t need to know that. “Where are the boys… are they okay?” I asked, trying to shift the focus away from me.

“Billy and Tommy are still sleeping, but they’re out of danger…” Cassie said, gently running her fingers through my hair.

“Teddy went with Eli for some tests, just to be safe, you know how he is... he’s been paranoid about everything since he became the team’s official babysitter while you were sleeping.” America commented with a laugh.

“Eli… how is he?” I asked, remembering how bad he looked back in the warehouse.

“Eli’s still in the ICU… some kind of induced coma because his concussion was worse… but he’s okay… Teddy said it’s just precaution…” Kamala explained with a sigh, her tone dropping a little. “He’ll also need some special care because of the serum and how his body reacted to it…”

I can’t let my team feel down or scared about what happened… now is the time to be their glue, their strength, so they know I’m here for them.

“Oh, sure… even now, he just has to steal the spotlight from everyone.” I joked, pulling a relieved smile from their faces.

That’s how we need to be…

Cassie chuckled, brushing over my bandages with calm eyes. “Don’t say that near him, or he’ll take it as a compliment.”

“He always does!” America added, rolling her eyes fondly.

I took a deep breath, feeling something warm in my chest. It was comforting to know that, even after everything, they were going to be okay. But the look they exchanged told me the mood was about to change… and it did, when Clint walked up to the edge of the bed, Laura by his side. The atmosphere softened, became quieter, more intimate.

“Okay…” Clint said, taking a steady step toward the bed, his eyes sending one last silent warning to the girls. “Alright… everyone out… you’ve seen she’s fine…”

His tone was low, almost gentle, but there was no room for negotiation, like a calm tide you couldn’t hold back. No urgency, just that steady, quiet authority that always made it clear when something was serious. I understood instantly he wanted to talk about what happened. “She needs a bit more rest, and Laura and I need to talk to her. Alone.”

I nodded slowly, feeling reality settle back over me like a cold blanket. They were called here and I needed to brace myself… I remember everything that happened… I remember how it happened… I remember what I did… I just needed to understand why they looked like they were about to drop some bad news on me…

Cassie was the first to move, slow, hesitant, making me look at all of them again. Her eyes met mine for a brief moment, full of unspoken worry, before she turned and left, pulling Kamala along. America still hesitated, her hands hovering over the bed, but finally, she took a deep breath and left too… Why is everyone looking at me like I did something wrong?

Did something even worse happen? Am I really about to get chewed out because of… that monster?

The fear of what they’d say was starting to eat away at me, but I kept staring at the spot where the girls’ shadows faded, painfully aware of the empty space they left behind.

My breathing sounded way too loud in that suddenly quiet room. The blanket hung loosely over my legs. Every ache in my body throbbed, but there was another kind of ache… I could feel that whatever conversation they wanted to have now, it wouldn’t be pleasant for me.

Laura was the first to move, pulling the chair closer to the bed and sitting down with her usual casual grace. Clint leaned against the wall, arms crossed, his gaze gentle.

“Hi again, kid…” Clint said with a half smile. “We were worried about you.”

Laura nodded. “Really worried. Yelena filled us in…”

Just hearing her name made me shiver…

“Sorry for making you worry, I don’t even know what happened yet…” I murmured, feeling way too self-conscious under their concerned stares.

“I know you never mean to worry us…” Laura began. “But when we found out what happened...”

Clint continued. “I thought it’d be more fun getting a call from Yelena, but hearing what happened… what you tried to do… that was tough…” Clint said with a sad smile, and I felt everything inside me tense, the wounds in my stomach pulsing right along with the dread of this conversation.

“Yelena called you?” I asked, and Clint gave a sad smile.

“Yeah, she called…” There wasn’t the happiness I thought there’d be… he’d always been excited to stay connected with her. I gave him an apologetic smile, because I knew how complicated that must have been.

“The kids came with us…” Laura said with a soft smile, clearly trying to lighten the mood. “Lila, Nate, and Cooper. They’re having a blast with Bucky, taking a tour of the compound. I think Cooper’s obsessed with the motorcycles he saw in the garage. And Nate thinks Bucky’s some kind of James Bond with a metal arm.”

"Lila wants to be your intern..." Clint added with a half-smile. "She says you're 'cool, smart, and full of hidden weapons.' I don't know if I should be worried or proud. Promise me you'll say no to her, will you?"

Despite everything, I let out a low laugh. "I don’t know if my 'no' will stop her, man... You should start making some plans..."

Laura laughed along. "She’s gonna be a problem soon. She’s taking notes on everything she sees around here... but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it..." she said, raising her eyebrows, clearly not on board with Lila having anything to do with vigilante work.

The mood lightened for a moment. But soon enough, the silence returned, this time carrying a different kind of weight, one that came from the truth we all knew but hadn’t had the courage to say out loud.

"Kate..." Clint spoke, pushing away from the wall and walking toward the bed. "We need to talk about what happened with Bob..."

The simple mention of that monster brought the tension back into my chest, but this time it felt less like a blow and more like constant pressure.

"I know what you're gonna say. And I don't know if I have the answer you really want..." I said bitterly.

"You don’t." Laura replied calmly. "That’s why we’re here. To tell you... to point out what you’re clearly refusing to see..."

I shifted in the bed, pulling the blanket up to my waist, looking at them both. 

"It’s funny how I almost got killed... attacked by a monster... and some people seem to think I should be scolded for reacting to that... very nice..." I could barely hold back my sarcastic tone.

Clint sighed and calmly sat down next to me, his elbows resting on his knees.

"Kate... I know it feels like we’re all against what you did. But it’s not just about that. We're trying to understand. And trying to help you understand too…" he muttered, running a hand through his hair. He looked tired.

"What Bob did to you..." Laura said firmly, but without judgment. "You have every right to be hurt. To be angry. But what you were about to do yesterday... that wasn’t justice-"

"It was revenge." I finished for her, my voice coming out low. "I know." I avoided telling them, in the last second, that's exactly what I wanted, because it wouldn’t change the worried looks on their faces.

They both nodded.

"You were pushed to your limit..." Clint said. "But if you had gone through with it... you would've crossed a line there’s no coming back from. And not just for you... for the kids, for us... and don’t fool yourself... you may not see it yet, but you crossed a line with Yelena too..."

The weight of his words made me gasp... I was uncomfortable hearing what they were saying, mostly because it made sense. Laura gently touched my hand to calm me down, and I accepted the comfort.

"You matter to us, Kate. All of us... And knowing you're eating yourself alive with hate... even if you’re trying to do the right thing... it hurts. Yelena’s account of what happened... that wasn’t even about revenge... it was just you losing yourself... and if you had gone through with it, you never would’ve forgiven yourself..."

I looked at them, feeling my eyes burn.

"I thought... if I took that monster out of this world... if I stopped him... all the pain would go away... what he made me go through... I don’t know... it’s like... it’s not fair that he did what he did to me... it’s not fair that he’s still free to hurt people... I just thought the pain would stop if I punished the one who caused it..." I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut, still unable to remember my parents without seeing those cruel eyes, without hearing the malice and evil in their voices.

"But pain doesn’t go away like that..." Laura whispered. "It just moves somewhere else. And along the way, you end up hurting more people." She murmured, glancing at Clint. "Clint did everything he did out of grief... we've been back to normal for years now... as you know... that life is gone... but his nightmares... his pain... the guilt for what he did... all of that’s still here. And I know, because I’m the one who sees him wake up terrified... I’m the one who fears when he looks at me and doesn’t seem to recognize me through his pain... I’m the one afraid that he’ll lose himself to it and hurt me... or hurt our kids... all if he just loses control for one second..." she said, her words feeling like a burden finally spoken out loud.

I stayed silent. The pain felt like a hole constantly being dug deeper. The anger was still there, filling up every corner... but... something else was starting to cover it… Guilt...

Clint pulled up a chair and sat facing me.

"I’m not here to tell you how wrong that was, Kate... I swear that’s not why we came... but we had to talk to you... Yelena was so scared she had to call me... a Black Widow... she was so scared and out of options she had to call the guy she can’t stand because she cares that much about you... and now she’s wrecked... once again, she lost someone important... first Natasha, and now Bob... again... she didn’t get to say goodbye... and if I thought you'd be there for her... she thought the same thing... but instead... you caused this..." He said, and I tried to interrupt, but he raised his hand.

"No, no… silence. now you need to listen." he said firmly, and I felt the tears tightening in my throat.

I nodded, steady and firm. I would listen to my mentor. Nothing he says is meant to hurt me... nothing Clint or Laura ever said has hurt me, on the contrary... they’ve been the people who cared for me like a daughter... who gave me as much love as my mom and dad did... and if I can’t remember right now how my parents loved me, I have to be grateful because I haven’t forgotten how Clint and Laura love me.

“I’m listening to you, Clint... I know... just don’t forget that I was the victim of something bigger...” I murmured, motioning for him to continue.

“Kate... you were hit by something huge... I know... I can see it... something bigger than the wounds on your body... but you’re not a victim anymore... you stopped being a victim yesterday, the second you decided that killing someone was the answer...” He gestured, waving his hands through the air like he was painting reality for me. The solid, painful weight of his words ran through my whole body, leaving me with a cold, guilty shiver.

“I’m sorry, Clint... but it was so hard... I can’t accept it... he shouldn’t be free...” I mumbled.

“And yet... it’s not your call... you don’t get to be the judge and executioner here... being an Avenger doesn’t give you the right to decide who lives and who dies... having some kind of authority doesn’t make you anyone’s executioner... especially when Bob is out there trying to live a different life now...” Clint said, almost impatient, and I nodded.

A chill sank into my stomach. “I just wanted to protect my friends, Yelena... all of you...” My voice broke into quiet sobs I didn’t want to cry, but couldn’t hold back.

Laura took a deep breath and placed her hand gently on my shoulder, squeezing with tenderness.

“And we know that. But there’s something else you need to realize... when we punish someone because of our pain, we lose sight of who we are... Clint forgot who he was when he became Ronin, remember?”

I tried to breathe but even that felt impossible now... every breath reminded me of the torn stitches in my abdomen, the throbbing pain with every movement. But there was something else... a different kind of pain now... the sting of regret, burning way worse than the physical pain.

“At least Yelena called you...” I said, just trying to lift his spirits a little. I know how huge that is. I had to persuade her a lot to get her to even talk to them on Nate’s birthday... she still wasn’t comfortable with Clint, and she was scared of how overwhelmed she might feel facing all of them, and Natasha... but she brought them here for me.

“Yeah... she thought you’d need us... she knows we’re your family... she needed someone to hold back your violence...” Laura murmured.

“Where is she now?” I asked, feeling even worse, and Clint sighed, almost sounding frustrated.

“She went out looking for Bob. The others told me she didn’t eat, didn’t sleep... she just stayed here until you were okay... she took care of you, then left... she came back this morning, Laura made her eat something, we talked a bit, then she left again...” Just another reason for me to feel guilty.

“I just made things harder for her, didn’t I? I ignored her pain... ignored what she was feeling. Everything she tried to say. I was just trying to force my side onto her... when she was clearly trying to let go of what I did... she was trying to calm me down...” I groaned into my hands, feeling more and more disgusted with myself over this whole situation.

This isn’t about Bob, it’s about what she and I are building... our friendship... that something more I’d been dreaming about for so long... it should’ve been about the huge feelings I have for her. “I put her in a position where she had to choose between me and Bob.” I sighed mostly to myself.

Laura nodded. “She trusted you. And now... she’s heartbroken and can’t even count on you.”

“She was taking care of me when I woke up... she’s been so patient through everything... she... she tried to talk to me... she was waiting for me to understand...” I spoke, my throat tight. “She’s always been there for me. And I... I was cruel.” I cried, remembering everything she said she did for me, even when she didn’t know how to reach out. And it all hurt even more...

Clint crossed his arms, his eyes locked on me. “You need to be kinder to her, Kate, not just to explain why you think you’re right, not to justify your awful actions. If you can’t apologize yet, fine... but you need to listen... you need to break out of this violence... let go of this bitterness... if you want to be there for her... you need to try to make things better... Yelena needs you... that’s what a Hawkeye stands for when it comes to the Black Widows... I chose to protect them, and your bow lowered that night made the choice for you... the feelings I know you have for Yelena made the choice for you...”

“And what about Bob?” I asked. “I can’t look at him without feeling... Fear. Disgust. Anger.”

Laura took a deep breath.

Clint leaned in and lifted my hand to his face. He let my palm rest softly against his lips, in that fatherly, familiar gesture he always saved for me and Lila. “Then don’t look at him right now. But also don’t destroy any chance of peace we might still have... when in doubt, just look at Yelena...” he said with a small smile.

“I don’t think not looking at Yelena is even an option, Clint... I... I’m just so damn... in love with her...” I groaned, miserable, feeling fresh tears well up in my eyes.

I didn’t want to be admitting my feelings like this. It didn’t even feel right to say it out loud for the first time while I was this broken. It felt like I was tainting something that was supposed to be purely beautiful... gentle... romantic...

“I know you are, kid... I’ve been seeing and hearing it for years now... but this situation is bigger than that... it’s about how you’ve been treating Bob... and it’s hurting the girl you want... and I’m telling you straight up... you don’t have to forgive what he did...” Clint said calmly. “But you do need to decide who you want to be after this... you have to live with the reality that he had no control, no malice in any of it... he saved your life yesterday... stopped you and your friends from dying... he touched you to shield you from an explosion that would’ve left us with nothing of your body to bury.” Clint said, maybe a little too harsh, and I could barely breathe.

I understood the weight of my choices over the past few years… I chose the path of justice… I chose to protect people… I chose honesty… I chose to be an Avenger because I wanted to do what was right…whatever it takes…

And yet… I had been breaking every single one of those choices… I was unfair… I hurt people… I was about to kill another human being… I would throw away my entire dream of being an Avenger by punishing someone with death…

I stayed there, frozen, taking in every word. "Do you think I'm still good, Clint?"

He stepped closer, still holding my hand.

"I think you’ve always been good. Even when I didn’t know you… even when you were a chatterbox… even when you were reckless… even now, when you're wrong and acting like some violent pudding, but also… now’s the time to prove it to everyone… especially to yourself." My mentor’s kind and loving words brought me back down to earth.

The tears came, silent and hot.

Laura held my other hand too.

"You’re not alone, Kate. But people can only help you if you let them." I closed my eyes, letting myself cry freely for the first time since everything happened. No holding back. No pretending. No more carrying this pain alone.

"I don’t know how to do this… how to go back to who I was… I’m so angry at everything… I feel like I’ve been fighting for so long now… and he just made me see something really awful… I saw my dad being cruel… I saw my mom dead… the nightmare… they blamed me for everything…"

Laura leaned in, resting her forehead against mine for a moment.

"There’s nothing we can say about your nightmare except that it’s what you fed inside yourself… this isn’t about Bob… Yelena told us a bit about what you saw… she saw it too…" I took a deep breath, wiping the tears from my face.

"She said that?" I asked, feeling even sadder that she had to see something so terrible.

"Yeah, she did. In her words, she pulled you out from the depths of your pain… maybe she said it a bit more poetically, but I just know that if you can hear more from her… it’s like… I don’t know what the hell happens between you Hawkeyes and Widows… but I’ve seen for years how only Natasha could say the words that stopped Clint… so I’m just gonna assume that’s what you need to do… listen to your Widow more than anything else, little hawk…" She whispered, gently wiping my whole face and her own bittersweet tears.

Now I know that Natasha was not only Clint’s best friend but also Laura’s… and I wasn’t about to argue with her logic. If Laura said it, then it’s true.

"I... I’ll try harder…" I promised, knowing that what I should do first was help Yelena with whatever she needed.

If she needed to find Bob and if he ran because of me… I’d help her with that.

"That’s all I needed to hear." Clint said proudly before lying down on the bed with me, because according to him, we needed a nap to heal… Me, from being hurt, and him, from being a tired old man.

*

"Nothing here either…" Ava’s voice came through my earpiece.

For the last few hours, we’d been covering the whole perimeter of Steinway in Astoria, this was Bob’s favorite place to eat, he used to say Greek food was the best and the coffee always tasted hotter here.

We were just walking into every single spot and asking if they’d seen Bob. People looked at the silly photos and gave us an apologetic smile, saying they wished they could help but no… no one had seen Bob.

I was making us look for him as if he hadn’t disintegrated right in front of my eyes, because I knew every time he exposed himself too much to those stupid powers, his memories seemed to get wiped out. The psychologist said maybe it was some kind of defense mechanism in his brain and I really understood that… My hope was that he was just out there, wandering around like nothing happened… chewing on anything that looked tasty enough… talking to strangers like some goofy tourist… chatting with every single dog he met along the way…

I almost couldn’t resist calling the psychologist to ask if she’d heard anything about him, but I did it anyway and, clearly, that was a mistake… because she seemed truly tempted to ask how we lost him, throwing all kinds of questions about what had happened. She also seemed to pity me when I explained everything and that made me hang up, pissed off, right in the middle of her second wave of pity. I didn’t want her pity or anyone’s… I just wanted my Bob back.

"He’s not eating Kebab either, girls…" John’s voice sounded discouraged through the comm.

I dropped heavily onto a bench in Astoria Park, feeling defeated while I listened to John and Ava putting together a big Kebab order for tonight’s dinner… My stomach felt twisted even though I hadn’t eaten anything all day, so I could only nod and force myself to keep moving.

Maybe I could eat… take a nice shower… sleep for a few minutes… maybe I could even see Kate Bishop for a few moments… if I got lucky, maybe she’d be sleeping and I could spend some time pretending everything was fine while she sleeps like an angel…

I know exactly how my almost-obsession with watching her sleep started… it was from that very first call… after our first date… she always seemed so peaceful when she drifted off right in the middle of me talking about us traveling together…

The way I just made myself comfortable that day, laying on my hands and watching her whole peaceful expression… The way her cheeks looked perfectly rosy… That little almost-smile that stayed there for hours…

I whispered to her in her sleep every time she murmured my name… I just stayed there… captivated… stuck in the scene… until the call ended…

I wanted to call again… I wanted to keep calling until she woke up, just to stay there with me for as long as I was allowed… but I gave up… honestly, it was even better that she’d fallen asleep, that way I could know she dreams of me too… so I settled for a peaceful sleep, the kind I hadn’t had in a long time… I settled for doing that every night…

Yesterday, I barely got to enjoy it… but maybe today I could…

*

The rest of the day was spent drifting between sleep and pain. The wounds on my abdomen felt like they were throbbing with every breath, and for that, sleep was useful… the pain of guilt… that one was still swallowing me alive… Clint insisted I get more thorough exams at the med center after explaining how the cutting wire on our sword wasn’t designed to allow the wounds to heal, which meant another surgery so the stitches could be redone, now from the inside… I was beyond impatient, to say the least, with the constant pain of the past 24 hours…

Yelena and the others had been out all day and I was getting anxious for the next time I’d see her… I wanted to talk to her… I wanted to be included in the plans to go after the mons - no, damn it… part of what has to change, and urgently, is me stopping referring to her boyfriend as a monster … I might still be eaten up with jealousy and never have a chance with her… but I’ll be the friend she expected me to be… I’ll be everything she needs from me from now on… even if that means nothing, if that’s what she decides…

I wouldn’t force her, I wouldn’t even try if she shut me out of her life… but first I wanted to talk to her… I wanted to be as honest as possible about the fact that she’s what matters to me… and while I wasn’t entirely sure about everything yet, I wanted to try to say that if Bob matters to her… then he’ll start to matter to me too…

Still under observation on an uncomfortable stretcher, feeling like shit for the entire afternoon, I was getting some IV fluids that were making me drowsy, while I spent all my time just thinking about Yelena, wondering if I should escape this little torture chamber to find food, but Teddy came to me with some of those frozen grapes I love and I gave up on all my plans immediately.

“Oh Teddy, I love you, man…” I said, stuffing way too many grapes in my mouth, barely holding back happy little moans.

“Just slow down, those are all yours, no one’s gonna take them from you… how are you feeling?” He laughed, perching himself on the stretcher with me.

“Where’d you find these wonders? Only grapes could save me right now. I’m feeling amazing and you, my friend, Theodore Altman, is my hero.” I kept playing around with my friend, who was eyeing me way too closely. I was trying to distract him, ‘cause I knew that look. Teddy’s nothing if not sharp when it comes to spotting lies.

“You know you don’t have to lie to me, right?” he said, biting into a grape, and I decided I wasn’t gonna lie to him.

“Yeah, I know… everything sucks… everything hurts… I feel more guilty than I did when I hooked up with Eli… Yelena must be hating me-” I started rambling, counting on my fingers, until he jumped off the stretcher and cut me off.

“Why would you think she’s hating you?” he asked, surprised, and I sighed, uncomfortable.

“Well… isn’t it obvious?” I said, chewing on a grape slowly, letting it calm me down. “I was a bitch, caused a huge mess, took out her boyfriend…” I could probably list ten more reasons why Yelena should hate me, but I stopped at the basics just ‘cause I had zero moral energy left.

“Oh…” he said, surprised, like I’d just told him something genuinely puzzling, and I just waited, hoping it wasn’t about to turn into more problems.

“What is it, Teddy? I know you think I was a violent bitch too…” I said, and he sighed, clearly tired.

“It’s nothing… it’s just that I didn’t know you could be so damn stupid-” he said, and it was my turn to cut him off.

“Dude, fine, you’re mad, but you don’t have to kick me while I’m down…” I groaned, annoyed.

“No, no… don’t give me that whiny crap…” he growled. “And I’m mad exactly because of that… ‘cause if you’re being this dumb… and I’ve been following your lead… then I must be even dumber than you…” he said, rubbing his face. “It’s honestly disturbing…”

He said it like it was meant to be funny, but damn, it hurt… having someone I know looks up to me be so blunt about how badly I fucked up… it hurt like hell.

“Shit, Teddy… yeah, that’s exactly what I needed right now… is that the team’s opinion too?” I asked, rubbing my nose and wiping away more snot from another wounded sob.

What a fucking fantastic day…

“Hey… c’mon… don’t cry, Kitty…” he said, leaning in to wipe my eyes. “I’m joking… I guess…” he said, and I let out a bitter laugh, trying to pull away, but he wouldn’t let me, gently holding my face in place.

“Enough, don’t be all sensitive…” he huffed, wiping my nose with his shirt, still looking way too amused.

“That hurt… even if it was a joke… I don’t want you to think less of me…” I said in a thin voice, and he smiled again, settling back down beside me.

“Well… it’s not like I’m gonna stop loving you just ‘cause you’re being dumb… it’s just… damn… weren’t you Ivy League or something?” he said, and I groaned, laying back down on the stretcher, crying again while feeding myself more grapes and giving myself a break.

“Keep going, Teddy… come on… this is exactly what I needed… is this my punishment? I’ll take it…” I moaned, covering my eyes with one arm.

“So dramatic… I just don’t get how you can’t see the obvious…” he said, popping a grape into his mouth, still looking way too amused.

“And what exactly am I supposed to be seeing that’s got me earning all these insults?” I practically begged.

He pushed the IV stand away and leaned onto the bed to lie down with me, squeezing us both into the tiny space. I groaned from the pain of being pressed up against the wall and from the idiot’s laughter as he hugged me.

“First, let’s talk about something a bit more serious… we’ll get back to that later… are you calmer now? How did it go with the Bartons?” he asked, fixing my hair, letting his fingers give me the most needed affection in the entire multiverse.

I practically purred my answer. “It was… brutal… they told me exactly where I messed up… gave me all the ways I could fix it, and I’m being eaten alive by guilt so bad I don’t know if I’ll ever get it out of my head… it’s like holding Eli’s limp dick again… Oh, and I’m also pretty sure Yelena’s never going to speak to me again…” I spat out my personal tragedy, and he laughed out loud without ever stopping the soft strokes.

“First off… don’t ever mention Eli’s dick to me or to any other living creature again… that’s disgusting… he showed me his fried junk after Yelena electrocuted him that day… just, no… second… you like her, don’t you?” he muttered, and I opened my eyes, a little startled by his tone.

“Of course I like her… what’s not to like?” I snapped, surprised, and he laughed even louder, mumbling a that’s what she said .

“But it’s more than that, right?” he pressed, and I finally got it.

“Oh, you mean like… if I wanna be naked with her?” I asked, louder, and he nodded, still laughing.

“Of course I’d wanna be naked with her, Teddy… for God’s sake… I might be dumb like you said, but I’m not a complete idiot…” I said, almost offended, and he just waited, letting me continue.

“But the whole point isn’t even about being naked, you know…” I sighed, feeling the new stitches pulse, and calmed myself to avoid the pain. “Not that I don’t know it’d be hot as hell… no… it’s more like… I’ve been daydreaming about the smallest things…” I murmured, gesturing, making a sign to show just how small and important those things were.

I let out a long sigh just thinking about everything I wanted with Yelena. “Yeah, fuck, I wanted more… but more like… like flowers… chocolate… dates… God… when she holds my hand… it’s like nothing else matters… and I love when she talks… when she explains anything to me… I don’t even know what to do with myself when she lets that thick, crazy accent hang in the air… she’s…” I sighed, completely covering my face, and my friend gently poked my ear.

“You’re in love with Yelena, Kate… that’s the answer… you just had to say it…” he said so softly I wouldn’t have heard it if I wasn’t looking right at him, and I found myself nodding hard.

“Yeah… I am…” I let it hang in the air, feeling like for the second time that day, it was somehow wrong to admit it.

“What is it, Kate…?” he asked gently, and I felt the tears starting to rise again.

“She doesn’t see me like that… and there’s Bob… she seems to love him… I don’t stand a chance… not after yesterday…” I whimpered, completely broken, and he glanced toward the hallway.

“I think… things have a way of working themselves out…” he said, hopping off the bed right before we heard a little commotion out in the corridor.

I barely turned in time, already hearing footsteps and someone running down the hallway… I didn’t even breathe properly before I saw Yelena heading straight for me, with Ava and John right behind her.

“What happened?” she asked, louder, still out in the hallway. Her eyes locked onto Teddy, who just shrugged like some annoying kid.

“I don’t know…” he said blankly, with a goofy grin, walking over to Ava who was carrying a ton of bags.

“What’s going on, Kate?” she said to me as she came closer, reaching for the chart next to the bed.

I held my breath the moment I got a good look at her exhausted face. The dark circles… the pale skin…

“Kate… answer me…” she said, still staring at the IV stuck in my arm. She wasn’t looking at me, not really.

“I… I needed a few new stitches…” I said softly.

“Oh…” she muttered, then took a big step back from me and the bed. I nearly reached my arms out to her.

“I’m fine… I just-” I tried, but she raised her hand sharply, already turning away and heading further down the hallway. That stupid lump in my throat from her obvious rejection made me sit on my hands, not even caring that I had an audience for my heartbreak.

“Hey, Bishop… don’t cry, dude… she just…” Ava said, coming closer. “You wanna eat something?” she murmured, wiping my face, and I shook my head instantly, hopping off the bed without even caring that I was bleeding from the arm as I yanked the IV out.

I just needed to get the hell out of there, and I did… I walked blindly into the room I now knew belonged to her. I grabbed the small set of clothes Laura had left out for me and went straight into the shower, feeling more miserable than ever.

All day long, I had this gut feeling she’d be upset with me… but having that confirmed… seeing it… Oh… that really hurt.

*

“Jesus, I think hunger's finally hitting me… feel this.” I said, grabbing John’s hand the exact second my stomach growled loud as hell.

John looked at me with narrowed eyes, like he was assessing some multiverse-level threat. “What kind of baby are we talking about here, Yelena… that sounds like an alien… bitch, my training did not cover alien invasions yet.” He growled, tossing me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. As usual. Dumbass.

I screamed and laughed hard, trying to wriggle free. “Don’t do that, idiot… let me down.” I said, barely able to breathe through my stupid giggles. The dizziness from the movement and the lightness of the moment literally knocked the air out of me.

“Nope, can’t do that…” His voice dropped into this heroic and pathetic tone all at once. “As the dollar three version of Captain America and currently the hottest Avenger, I have to contain unknown threats…” He growled through his own laughter, then paused dramatically before giving my ass an overly theatrical smack. “Nice ass, by the way.”

I screamed, squirming like hell as I grabbed his ass in revenge. He flinched and finally let me go. I screamed again, fixing my hair as I lightly punched him in the balls.

“Your ass is flat and your dick is limp.” I hissed with fake cruelty, and John squinted at me like he was calculating the level of disrespect. And I did the only smart thing in that moment…

I ran, knowing damn well he’d want revenge.

“Can you two knock this shit off and help with the bags?” Ava said just as I reached her, using her as a shield. John was walking toward us slowly, eyes locked on me like a predator toying with its prey.

“Equality, Ava… you can handle the damn bags while I take care of this Widow… maybe we’ll earn the title of her Widows too?” He laughed, and we all cracked up at how seriously he paused, like it was a genuine question.

“You’ll never be as cool as me, John… now…” I said, catching my breath with my hands on my knees. “Truce…” I signaled with my hands, and he mimicked the gesture.

“Thanks… but you do know my ass is great, right?” He said, proudly flashing his pale white butt at us.

“For God’s sake, John…” Ava turned completely around so she wouldn’t get blinded by the sun off his glowing ass. “Yelena, stop provoking this idiot… he’s gonna whip his ugly dick out again.” She fully turned around, putting on her sunglasses dramatically, like she was witnessing a nuclear meltdown.

“No, please don’t, John… I’m sorry… I beg you, don’t show your disgusting dick again.” I laughed out loud, remembering how our dumb jokes about his ‘weapons’ ended with him literally flashing us his junk.

“Okay…” He said, pulling his hands out of his pants, still laughing. “I’ll be merciful… hurt that y’all don’t wanna see Big John …” He scoffed, grabbing his junk, and I threatened him with a Widow Bite. “Hey… don’t do to me what you did to that poor kid…” He sighed as I fixed my hair, still letting out stupid giggles.

I really needed this.

“You know… that actually helped…” John murmured as we started walking again.

“How exactly is being forced to see your ass and being threatened with your limp dick helpful, Walker?” Ava growled before breaking into laughter.

John clenched his jaw and shoved his hands back into his pants again like a warning, and I raised my fists at him. “Don’t even think about it. I swear to God… this week’s been long enough, John.”

“Alright, alright… no more Pretty Dick for you guys… I just wanted to say… seeing you smiling and being your usual little shit again made me happy.” He said, wrapping his arm around my neck in a hug.

I smiled weakly, instantly losing the fun. I shouldn’t feel this happy. Bob’s still missing…

“I shouldn’t be this happy with Bob gone.” I murmured, and he let out a deep sigh.

John let out a heavy breath, like he’d been waiting for this.

“I felt bad about that too… but it did feel good to breathe for a sec…” He sighed. “You think he’s okay?” The sad words from the guy who pretends he doesn’t care too much made me realize he was carrying his own weight. Bob had become his partner in everything now.

“I bet he is… we taught him how to defend himself, I always leave money in his pockets for food… and our boy’s definitely good…” Ava murmured beside us.

The simplicity of that moment calmed me down, like always. Ava never says shit just to say it. That grounded me. It grounded us. I took a deep breath, staring at the sky for a moment.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever said this, but I wanna make sure I do…” I said firmly, looking at them. “I see you both as my family and I kinda love you… and I’d kinda die for you too…” I said seriously.

They froze for a second. John shifted his weight from one foot to the other like he didn’t know what to do with his hands. Ava let out a nervous chuckle before dropping the bags and wiping away a tear that refused to stay put.

“I feel the same…” Ava said, not looking directly at me.

John had his hands on his hips, staring at me like I was dumb, then gave me a half-smirk, acting like his usual arrogant self.

“I think that’s just your duty, bitch.” He growled with a laugh. But before I could send one widow bite at him again, he sighed, looked up at the sky, then down at me.

“And yeah… I love you guys too and I’m grateful… you kinda…” He bent down to grab some of the bags. He hesitated, turning his back to us, but speaking loud enough for us to hear. “You guys saved my life… and someday, thanks to everything I’ve learned from you, I’m gonna be worthy of Olivia’s love… and of my son…”

The way he walked ahead of us like he was proud of himself made me emotional.

“Can you believe that’s the same guy from the Vault?” Ava said, voice trembling, and I just shrugged.

“That’s not the same guy, Ava… none of us are the same anymore…” I sighed, then got moving again. “Let’s go… I wanna eat, take a shower, and I wanna see Hate Bishop.” I said, hiding a smile.

“You’re so into that girl…” She laughed, walking with me. “Don’t ever tell her that horrible nickname… she’ll kill us all…”

“I won’t say it… not unless she’s being her… then I’ll tell her for sure… she’ll love that shit… maybe when Bob hears it and they’re already friends, he’ll be the one to say it…” I said, hopeful.

“I’ll go with that option then…” Ava sighed as we stepped into the hallway toward the kitchen.

I was just zoning out, staring down the medical wing corridor, when my heart almost stopped.

Kate Bishop was on one of the stretchers…

Not just Kate Bishop.

I froze the second I saw Kate Bishop and Teddy, almost on top of her on that tiny-ass stretcher.

What the fuck?

“What the fuck is this?” John’s voice came from over my shoulder, echoing my confusion.

“Kate Bishop and Teddy? No way…” Ava said, shocked.

“They… she-she… he…” I stuttered, completely stunned at how close they looked. He was stroking her hair… keeping her calm while she explained whatever the hell...

“Naaah… they’re just talking… bet the kid’s just being sweet… he is super sweet…” Ava said, touching my shoulder, but I wasn’t really hearing her. I saw Kate hooked up to an IV stand, her arm bandaged where the line went in, a bag of fluids dripping quietly… she… she’s in the medical wing.

I barely noticed I was moving, totally focused on figuring out if she was okay. The jealousy could wait.

“What happened?” I nearly shouted from the hallway. I couldn’t take my eyes off Teddy, who just shrugged with a dumb smile and went over to Ava, yanking the bags from her hands and murmuring to me “Don’t be jealous, she was crying.”

Oh… okay… thank God this isn’t that .

“What’s going on, Kate?”  I said, not even looking at her, going straight for the chart beside her stretcher. She had a small procedure and was stable, low-grade fever, IV painkillers. Just need to know why…

“Kate… answer me…” I said, touching the IV line in her arm.

“I… I needed a few new stitches…” She murmured, and that’s when I finally realized the full extent of the mess.

“Oh…” I exhaled, stepping back a long pace from her and the bed.

“I’m fine… I just-” She was gonna try and explain something, but I didn’t want to hear it…

This is all so completely wrong… and that’s why I stepped back, keeping a safe distance from her…

Kate doesn’t deserve my care… She doesn’t even understand…

She needed new stitches… definitely snapped again, another crazy-ass rage fit after talking to the Bartons… and I think that’s it… now I’m sure I’ve had enough… I’m done trying to help… She won’t even slow this shit down long enough to heal, and that’s fine by me.

My heavy, angry footsteps echoed through the hallway as I crossed the compound, barely noticing the people passing by. Some looked away, maybe feeling the tension I left hanging in the air like a strong scent, impossible to ignore. Others just got out of the way, because they knew… they knew it wasn’t a good time to talk to me.

I stormed into the training room so fast I nearly tore the door off its hinges. The place was empty, except for the cold white lights above and the stifled smell of new leather. The silence was almost deafening… and I needed to break it… I needed to destroy something before I was the one to fall apart.

My hands were shaking with rage as I wrapped the bandages around my wrists. I barely tied the knot and I was already facing the punching bag, me and my tense body, just me and my pulsing muscles, only me, my frustration, and my heart beating way too fast, suffocating inside my chest.

And then, the first punch… The impact echoed through my whole arm, but I didn’t even feel it, I didn’t want to feel it. Right after, another punch, and another… followed by a kick, another one… again… and again. The fury spread in waves through my body, setting every nerve on fire, demanding that I let it all out, everything that was eating me from the inside.

Who the hell does this girl think she is? Who does she think she is to act so recklessly, so damn irresponsibly, putting everyone at risk, including herself?

If she thinks I’m gonna keep chasing after her forever, if she thinks I’ll waste my time trying to make her open those perfect eyes that make me question whether heaven’s actually above me or living in her fucking gaze… If she thinks I’ll keep spending my life trying to make her see the world for what it really is… then she’s dead wrong.

I didn’t go through all the shit I went through… I didn’t rip that goddamn chip out of my thigh, feeling every cursed piece tearing out of my flesh… just to waste my time, my patience, and worse, my hope, on someone so blind and careless.

She’s the one to blame for what happened to Bob.

She’s lucky I’m not the killer I once was… lucky I’m not letting myself be guided by that same bloody rulebook she wanted to follow yesterday.

My punches grew more erratic, more frantic, almost wild. Every blow came with the weight of a memory that hurt even more than the physical pain.

I didn’t get to say goodbye to Natasha…

I didn’t get to say goodbye to Bob…

I couldn’t keep my friend safe…

I couldn’t fight beside my sister…

The thoughts were like knives, slicing me up from the inside as my fists kept slamming on the outside. The pain in my hands started as a distant warning… a mild burn, an itch that quickly turned into fire, but I didn’t care.

It was only when I smelled the blood that I realized how far I’d gone. The bandages were already on the floor, torn, abandoned… My bare, wounded hands kept pounding the punching bag, which was starting to give out, seams snapping, the leather tearing under the force of my strikes.

But I couldn’t stop.

My scream came out of nowhere, tearing from my throat like I was a wounded animal. A raw, guttural sound that filled the empty room, echoing against the cold walls. My furious sobs crashed into the scream, all at once… hot tears running down my face, washing out the rage and leaving only the exhaustion, the crushing weight of guilt and helplessness.

When my strength finally gave in, I clung to the torn punching bag, feeling its unstable weight slump a bit against my body. I rested my forehead against the rough leather, trying to catch the breath that kept slipping away.

The sand slipped through the bag’s torn seams, slowly falling to the floor like a cruel reminder… Like an hourglass spilling out, showing me that my time was running out… That I was losing everything and everyone I ever loved.

The sound of the falling sand was like a merciless clock… tick, tock, tick, tock…

I was alone.

Alone with my anger.

Alone with my pain.

And deep down, a cold, bitter voice whispered the one thing I feared the most… I was losing all the people I once believed were my safe harbor. The ones I fought for, bled for, cried for. Everything was slipping through my fingers like sand carried by the wind, and there was no force in the world strong enough to stop this emptiness…

My fists crashed into the bag with reckless violence, each hit echoing inside the small training room. The smell of blood and sweat clung to the air, as familiar as it was suffocating. I was drowning in my own fury, trying, in vain, to silence that cruel voice inside me.

“I think you need something else…” A voice I didn’t want to hear and didn’t feel like I could handle right now echoed through my soul, scraping across nerves that were already shredded. All I could do was clench my teeth so hard I felt a slight crack in my jaw.

“Not a good time, Laura…” I growled, not even bothering to look at her. My fist slammed into the bag again with even more force, my arm muscles trembling from the repetitive effort. Each punch was a desperate attempt to shut it all out. Silence the grief. The rage. The guilt.

"I think this is a great moment… you look like you could use a good workout, and I might need to shake off some rust myself…" she said, walking over to the wraps… Her movements were smooth and controlled, like a panther ready to pounce. The sound of the bandages slipping through her fingers echoed even louder in the uncomfortable silence between us. The memory of my sister doing the exact same thing made me clench my eyes shut and ball my fists.

"I'm not gonna fight you…" I groaned, finally turning my face toward her. Just seeing her there, so steady, so whole, made me want to run. Not from her. But from everything she represented.

"If you're scared of me, I’ll understand…" Her voice was thick with amusement. Like she knew exactly where to press to throw me off balance and damn it… she did…

I had very specific limits on how I chose to release my energy and my anger… even when I was mourning and all I wanted was to kill Clint… I still acted coldly… I still kept my focus on the mission… even when I felt completely hollow and nothing else mattered anymore… I still held myself together, still managed to tame the violence…

But Laura… she was a wild card I didn’t know how to control, so being provoked by the one person whose fighting style was a mystery to me stirred something in me I hadn’t felt since my Red Room days…

"You know, Laura…" I said, my voice dropping, steady, while my steps echoed across the rubber mat. She kept circling, arms loose, like she wasn’t even listening. But I knew she was soaking in every word.

"In the Red Room… when I was hitting puberty…" My steps toward her were slow, calculated, until she was within reach of my fists. "I was a monster… a small, unstoppable monster… invincible… teenage hormones, experimental drugs and serums they tested on me…"

My fist flew like an arrow, fast and precise, slamming into her stomach. A clean hit, no hesitation. She didn’t have time to block it, just took the blow with a short gasp.

"All that, mixed with hate…" I shoved her with my shoulder and, with a sharp spin, landed a high kick right into her shoulder. The sound of the impact echoed across the empty room.

But instead of falling or stepping back, she grinned. A wide, cocky smile that got under my skin.

"Goddamn teenagers…" she muttered. And before I could even process what came next, she blurred into motion. In the blink of an eye, she was airborne, her legs whipping out like snakes, and suddenly my ears were caught between her thighs. We rolled across the mat and when we stopped, I was trapped, choking, breathless.

"You know, Yelena…" She squeezed tighter, and my body responded with a frustrated groan. "You seem to have forgotten who you're dealing with… maybe we should start over… with you actually fighting me, recognizing who I’ve always been?"

In desperation, I tapped her thigh three times, the universal sign of surrender, and Laura, honoring the unspoken agreement between fighters, released me immediately. She rolled to the side and got up effortlessly, bouncing across the mat like she’d just scored a volleyball point instead of landing a brutal takedown. It was impossible to tell if this was just warm-up or pure provocation.

"This is fun…" she said, loosening up her arms with a few air punches while circling me slowly, like a shark sizing up its prey. "Sometimes I miss this… but I gotta say, it’s sad watching you underestimate your opponent… has being an Avenger made you soft, Widow?"

I took a deep breath, trying to force air back into my aching lungs. I straightened up, planted my feet on the mat, and raised my fists, locking my eyes on her.

"I'm not underestimating you… I just… I'm not an animal… I'm not some violent dog… I don’t lash out just because I’m provoked…" I said, charging toward her with a flurry of punches. But she blocked every single one with an almost eerie calm, dodging her head, deflecting blows with her forearms, like she could read my movements before I even made them.

Frustration burned in my throat. And with it came a fresh wave of rage.

"You're too damn confident… confidence can be a curse…" I said, finally finding an opening and landing a solid slap across her face. The sharp crack of the hit echoed through the room, and for a second, I thought I’d finally cracked her façade.

But she just smiled. An even bigger, more infuriating grin.

"You’re just as much of a little shit as your sister was… Did you know she used to pull that exact same move?"

Before I could react, she struck back with a flurry of punches and kicks. Each hit pushing me back a step. She finished with a slap of her own, a mocking response to mine. Almost… playful.

"You promised me we wouldn’t talk about my sister…" I growled, launching a desperate, furious high kick. She ducked with a graceful spin, her damn smile still glued to her face.

"Well…" Laura said, flipping into a flawless acrobatic move, putting distance between us with the weightless ease of someone toying with gravity. Her hips twisted mid-air and she landed softly on the other side of the mat, wearing that mischievous smile that taunted me, challenged me all at once. "I don’t think I feel like playing by those rules anymore."

The heat rushing under my skin, a mix of exhaustion and pure irritation, made me clench my fists as I stepped forward.

"So what, you’re a woman who doesn’t keep her word now?" I snapped, and in an impulse I barely had time to think through, I dropped low, sweeping her legs out from under her with a quick, precise sweep.

She staggered, but didn’t fall. On the contrary, she twisted in midair like a cat, landing on the other side with feline grace, balancing on her toes and hands, upright and alert, staring straight at me with that playful glint in her eyes, circling me like a predator just toying with its prey before the final strike.

I held my ground, but my hands were shaking. It wasn’t just the physical strain, even though my muscles were screaming in protest. It was the anger… the sadness… and that suffocating feeling of helplessness I hated to admit I felt.

Was I really fighting Laura?

Or was I fighting myself?

The sound of my heartbeat pounded in my ears, drowning out everything around me. The mat felt way too small for so many bottled-up feelings. And in that moment, I realized… maybe I really needed this. Maybe I needed to fight. With her. Against everything eating me up inside. Laura raised an eyebrow and smiled, realizing she probably had me, that crooked smile I didn’t know if I hated or admired, but that was exactly like my sister’s… and that alone set something warm ablaze inside me.

“Oh… right now I’m not who you think I am anymore… you don’t even know if my name really is Laura… why are you assuming?” she said as she hung from a rope above the mat, before practically flying at me. The way she landed hard against my chest knocked the air right out of me.

Her whole expression changed, and she quickly touched my chest. “Shit… are you okay?” she said with an annoyed click of her tongue, and I took the opening to knock her down.

“You shouldn’t assume you know everything about me either…” I said, pacing myself to dodge her next move.

Her loud laugh filled the room again. Her gaze turned sharp. “Oh… you’re just like your sister with that too… she used to hide everything… then she’d fake a weakness just to take me down… I always fell for it…” she said, sounding nostalgic… I felt anger and pain bubbling in my chest, and I charged at her fast, a growl escaping my throat.

“Laura… don’t push it…” I warned, grabbing her neck in a firm grip, and she threw me off using only the strength of her legs.

“Oh, I’m pushing it… you know what else makes you look like Natasha?” she asked, ripping the bandages off with her teeth. “I hate this crap… I like clean hands …” she said, hitting me with a rapid combo of karate kicks, a clear nod to the " empty hands " that give karate its meaning.

“I like karate…” I said, answering her kicks with two high ones of my own. Blocking with her forearms hurt my foot, and I found myself groaning in pain. “I just don’t like how much this shit hurts…”

She smirked. “You’re trying to change the subject… that’s another thing you and your sister have in common… she was so compassionate, always running from hurting or getting hurt in any way…” she said, dropping to her knees and touching her shoulder. “Shit… that hurt…”

“I’m sorry you’re too old for this!” I laughed, dodging the shoe she threw at me. “Hey… wasn’t this supposed to be a fair fight?” I asked, and she growled, charging at me.

For a second, I wanted to keep going. I wanted to fight until my body and mind had no strength left to feel anything. But… then I realized I wasn’t angry anymore. At least not at her. Maybe not even at myself. So I decided… we could talk better without the fight…

And then I ran from her… on purpose…

I ran in an exaggerated, almost cartoonish way, circling the mat while my laughter echoed along with hers. The sound of our laughter filled the empty gym in a way nothing else had in a long time.

It was exactly what I needed.

“Okay… I give up…” she said, stopping and throwing herself to the ground, completely out of breath.

“While I know I could totally beat you in a fight, running is definitely not on my list of favorite activities anymore…”

I walked back over to her, looking down. “You okay?” I panted, struggling to catch my own breath.

I barely had time to breathe before a sweep knocked my legs out from under me, and everything went dark for a second.

“BOOM, BITCH… you’re just as soft for me as your sister was…” she said, gleeful, as I fought to stay alive.

Son of a bitch… she really just…

I touched my head and chest, checking if I’d broken anything,  everything felt fine… shit… she’s sneaky… but so am I… So I made a dramatic pause, taking a deep breath like I was in serious pain.

“I… can’t… move…” I faked the pain like a soap opera star. The tears came easily, even though I was smiling at my own ridiculousness… and yeah, the pout was there too… She rushed into my line of sight with the most worried look I’d ever seen on another human.

“No no no… hey, milaya … can you breathe?” she asked, her hands frantically scanning my body for injuries.

“God… I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to… what are you feeling?” she said, going to her bag to grab a phone, and I had to stop myself quickly. She looked genuinely worried as she knelt beside me. “I’m calling med support…”

And when she wiped the shy tears from her eyes, I couldn’t hold it anymore and burst out laughing, the sound erupting from my chest like an avalanche. I rolled out of her reach and kneeled in front of her, still laughing so hard that real tears streamed down my face this time.

Laura just stood there, the phone trembling slightly in her hands, jaw dropped and eyes wide, frozen in such a deep shock it was like the floor had disappeared from under her. The silence between us stretched on, filled only by the muffled sounds of the empty gym and her ragged breathing.

She was really worried... more than I deserved, and for a moment, the weight of that realization hit me hard, making my cynical smile falter. I finally stopped laughing, exhaling deeply, letting the exhaustion and pain I’d been masking come to the surface.

“I can be surprising too, Laura…” I said, shrugging with a forced lightness, trying to sound carefree, but my voice came out lower and raspier than I intended.

In a sudden impulse so fast I didn’t even have time to react, she stretched forward and threw her arms around my neck, pulling me into a tight, warm, unexpected hug. Her soft scent… a mix of lavender and something woody… wrapped around me like a distant memory from calmer times.

The whole thing made me freeze, because she smelled exactly like my sister. “Breathe, Yelena… I’m just doing what I’ve wanted to do since I saw you at dawn.” she whispered, her voice choked, tearful. And this time, I didn’t hold back. I let my arms fall around her back, hesitant at first, but soon adjusting to the warmth of the hug… letting myself fully take in my sister’s scent, now coming from Laura, flooding my senses…

I was tense, stiff as stone, but there was something in the way she sobbed, in the clumsy way her fingers clutched at my shirt, that made me give in a little more.

“I’m okay… can you stop crying…?” I asked quietly, and she sniffled loudly, pulling back with messy, awkward movements.

“I just… I’m sorry… I just wanted…” she sniffled, wiping her nose. “For a second… everything stopped hurting, you know?” she said, and I frowned, confused.

“I can’t say I do… what are you talking about?” I asked, glancing at the cuts on my hands… my knuckles red and scraped. The pain slowly started to creep in under my skin like glowing embers.

“I joked earlier about how much you reminded me of Nat… and I really think you have so much of her in you… it was like having her back again…” Laura crouched in front of me, mirroring my posture, and gently ran her fingers over the cuts on my hands, like I was something precious, fragile.

What she had just said, combined with the experience of hugging her, made me tremble…

“Does it hurt?” she asked, leaning closer again, giving me another glimpse of my sister through her… and I, still frozen by her words and everything they stirred, could only nod. There was no way I could put into words everything I was feeling right now…

She sighed, her eyes full of tenderness at my apparent collapse.

“She and I used to fight all the time… just like we did today…” she murmured, standing to grab something from her bag, and I exhaled when I realized she was going to take care of my wounds.

“You two were that close?” I asked timidly, my voice soft, flinching as she cleaned a deeper cut with antiseptic.

“Me, her, and Clint… we were best friends… I used to joke that she was Clint’s soulmate… it was like, in this life, I was just taking care of him… and when she was gone… well… we both lost our best friend…” she smiled, but her smile didn’t feel heavy. It was gentle, nostalgic, like remembering Natasha warmed her from the inside instead of tearing her apart like it always did to me… but somehow, I found myself mirroring her comfort.

“That sounds weird… did they ever…?” I murmured, unsure if I could really grasp that kind of bond.

“Ugh… no, kid… we weren’t that modern…” she groaned, rolling her still-emotional eyes playfully before sighing. “We were far from whatever you just implied… she and I were something just as big as what she had with Clint. She was my best friend, helped me through my pregnancies, helped me become a mother, pulled me out of that crazy aura you just saw during our fight… and those two… they were more of the same. Like two annoying twins, and if you spent time around Clint, you’d see Natasha in him all the time…” she explained calmly, while placing a bandage over my hand.

I sighed, still wrestling with the irritation that kept trying to creep back in.

“Is this you sticking up for Clint?” I asked, almost feeling my mood slipping again.

“No… my husband doesn’t need defending… but sometimes… people just aren’t paying attention to what’s right in front of them… sometimes they don’t know what they need until they really need it… you know, like it was with Kate…” she said, sitting in front of me, sounding thoughtful.

I didn’t really want to have conversations like this right now… but I was grateful that Laura had helped de-escalate my anger.

“Thanks for calming me down…” I breathed, cracking my back with a small stretch, trying to loosen the stiffness building up.

“I’m glad I could… you looked… lost… I showed up and called out to you, but you weren’t hearing me…” she seemed careful with me, and I felt genuinely thankful for that clear, gentle care.

I felt vulnerable, oddly safe in that moment, but I also knew I couldn’t let it stretch out too far… I wasn’t in a good headspace, and the chances of this spinning out of control again were huge.

“I’m not in a good mood today and I’m overwhelmed… this moment was just a breather from everything… and I’m grateful that you distracted me… thank you for really taking care of me…” I said, gently touching her hand, and she smiled like I’d just handed her the best gift.

The happy, emotional tears rolling down her cheeks made her look so much younger as she wiped her eyes, not even trying to hide how proud she was.

“I hope I can have a lot more moments like this with you, Yelena… and if you ever want to talk about any of this… I’m here, anytime, day or night…” Her kind words made me sigh and breathe deep.

“I don’t know if I have much to say… I was just pissed at Kate a moment ago… looks like things didn’t go well in your conversation with her…” I said bitterly.

She gasped, clearly surprised, searching my eyes. “What do you mean, didn’t go well? She talked to you?”

“Yeah, I already heard she tore her stitches again… she probably just pulled the same shit as always… I’m sorry, Laura… but I think I’m done being patient…” I practically groaned, my whole body aching, not just physically, but emotionally too.

“Wait… that’s not-” Laura tried to say, but I cut her off, slowly getting up, weighed down by the consequences of my own choices.

“It’s fine, Laura… we don’t have to make this more dramatic than it is…” I said, already heading out, because suddenly the hunger hit me like a freight train and my mouth watered at the memory of a whole banquet of kebabs waiting for me.

Without looking back, I breathed a soft, almost silent thank you toward Laura and went on my way. I didn’t want to think about Natasha, Clint, Kate, or anyone else anymore.

Just for one night, I wanted silence, hot food, and maybe a little peace… if that was even possible for someone like me.

*

Leaving the room, feeling a bit more human again after all the crying and washing off half the frustration and sadness, I walked on autopilot toward the kitchen in the compound. The delicious smell of food was basically guiding me like a lifeline…

I hadn’t really eaten properly all day and I felt starved.

The voices in the kitchen made me want to shrink back and turn around… It’s not like I was in the mood to socialize or hear everyone’s annoyingly cheerful chatter… and knowing Yelena would be there… yeah, that nearly made me melt right into the wall just outside the kitchen.

I peeked in, just enough to catch a glimpse of the chaos that was my team, minus Eli… all the Thunderbolts… all the Bartons… everyone was there and I just knew the second I walked in, the whole vibe would shift.

“Kate?” Laura’s voice caught me off guard and I shrank back again, still hiding behind the wall. “Come on, Kate… I already saw you… come eat…” she went on, but I wasn’t about to give myself up that easily. “Now, Katherine…” she added, using that anti bullshit tone of hers that doesn’t allow arguments, and just like that, I found myself moving.

I kept breathing deeply the whole way over to them… and just as expected, the noise died the second I showed up. My ears burned when I saw Yelena… dressed in a full white suit… gorgeous… absolutely perfect on her, with her hair perfectly done… 

And she was the only one who didn’t look at me.

I sighed when someone cleared their throat loudly, followed by a joke muttered under Ava’s breath about me testing the strength of lovesick Jedi . Even then… Yelena didn’t look at me.

“You guys don’t need to get all weird just because I showed up…” I said, dragging myself out of my weird little vegetative state in the doorway. “I just… I just came to grab some food… I can eat in my room…” I mumbled, feeling this invisible weight of shame pressing down on the back of my neck.

My eyes locked onto Clint’s, who looked way too happy to see me, his eyebrows lifting over and over like some weird cartoon expression.

Why the hell is he laughing?

What the hell is there to laugh about?

“And why would you do that?” Yelena’s voice came low, and I turned to her instantly. The shock of her speaking directly to me was nothing compared to how badly I wanted her to look at me… but no. She just kept eating like nothing was happening, completely unbothered.

And that’s when the itch started… that annoying, crawling tension between my shoulder blades. I instinctively shifted, trying to breathe through it.

I looked around at everyone else, awkward as hell, shifting my weight from foot to foot. Saying I was uncomfortable was the fucking understatement of the year. My skin was buzzing like it didn’t belong to me with all those eyes on me.

“I… huuuh… I just… it’s just that…” I swallowed hard, unable to stop staring at how goddamn beautiful she looked in that full combat suit. Why have I never seen that suit before…? White…? Oh, White Widow… Jesus…

She never looked more gorgeous than she did now… Not even in that tight green suit hugging her ridiculous ass… And still… she wouldn’t look at me.

So that’s how it’s gonna be?

I don’t even deserve a glance?

Fine.

If she wants to be petty, I can be petty too… and screw it if she looks like my next wet dream in that damn suit…

Everyone already thinks I’m a total bitch anyway…

Perfect.

Maybe I don’t even want her to look at me. Maybe if I say the right kind of messed up thing, she’ll drag me out of here and maybe, just maybe, we’ll finally talk…

Too many maybes… but the biggest one? Maybe I shouldn’t talk to her while I’m this angry, because she won’t even… 

She won’t even give me a fucking look? Really?

“I don’t want to bother you … since you can barely even look at me…” I muttered, going to grab a plate from the cabinets and walking over to the table, stopping right next to her.

I tapped Teddy’s shoulder, who was sitting beside her. “Can you pass me some of that, Teddy?” I asked, sharp. My friend huffed like I was an idiot again and started piling food on my plate.

“You can stay, Kate…” She growled, but I didn’t even acknowledge it.

“Kate, that’s not necessary…” Laura called from across the table.

I glanced at her, just long enough to catch the look of disapproval radiating off her like a goddamn spotlight. But I didn’t do anything except cross my arms and wait for Teddy.

The chair next to me scraped back hard, almost violently, and Yelena’s voice sliced through the air.

“Sit down, Kate…” She said, looking straight at me and for a second, I almost cried.

Her eyes were glassy, red, and pissed off. And I knew that look… That was her kind of impatience.

"It’s okay, Ye-" I tried, taking the plate from Teddy, but she pushed her chair back even further.

"You don’t have to bother with me either, then, Kate Bishop." She snapped before storming away from the table and out of the kitchen, stomping her way out.

I counted seventeen seconds in my head, hearing my name and all the venom she’d poured into it, before dropping the plate on the table and quickly following after her. Her fast stride down the long hallway had me chasing her until she picked up even more speed, and I found myself running.

Before I could catch up to her, her voice cut through the air. "If I wasn’t clear enough, here it is, I don’t want to be anywhere near you right now, Kate Bishop!"

I froze mid-step, feeling the weight of her words. It was one thing for her to be cold in the kitchen, avoiding eye contact... but this, this was something else entirely, this was a direct boundary. Still, when she stopped walking, I kept going until I stood in front of her.

"I’m sorry... I... I don’t want to blatantly disrespect your wishes... I just..." I said, every part of me aching again from the emotional strain, leaning over with my hands on my knees, breathing hard.

"Then respect me, Kate Bishop!" she nearly yelled, waving me off with her hands, her voice dripping with sarcasm and pain. No amount of attitude could hide her tears, and it was clear I’d hurt her.

"I will... but I need to talk to you... stop saying my full damn name... I need to talk to you..." I pleaded, finally letting myself look at her.

The sad, quiet, broken crying in her hit me deep. I couldn’t stop myself from stepping closer to wipe her tears. And it felt like doing that only made everything worse... the sharp, painful sob that escaped her tore right through me.

"I’m so sorry, Yelena..." I whispered, pressing my forehead against hers because that was the only kind of comfort I knew would work. The closeness... the honesty… "I’m really sorry..." I offered, and she hugged me hard, letting her guard down, letting all her weakness and tears pour out onto me.

But it didn’t last...

One second, she was clinging tightly to me, and the next, she was gone… moved several feet away. She fled from my space, and I found myself blindly following her again.

"Hey, please... let’s just talk... please..." I begged, reaching out to touch her, but she flinched and pulled away even more.

"No... that’s not what I said I wanted... I said I wanted distance, I demanded space, and you’re right here, disrespecting that... you’ve been acting like this awful version of yourself this whole time... disrespecting everything and everyone because you thought your reasons were more important... but you’re wrong... and you’re not sorry... you just made a scene in front of everyone..." she shouted her words between sobs, the most painful I’d ever heard, her steps wild down the hallway like she was coming undone.

Her words only made my guilt worse… now layered with shame.

"I just... you weren’t even looking me in the eyes... you were clearly uncomfortable with me there..." I pointed back toward the kitchen, and she growled, even more upset.

"Oh, so that’s the pattern now? Every time something isn’t exactly how you want it, you blow up and become this rude-ass person?" she shouted again, now jabbing a finger in my face.

I bit my lip hard, knowing she was right about that too.

"Yelena... I can’t say anything except... you’re right... I’m acting like a spoiled girl... pissed off because I don’t know how to deal with any of this shit... ashamed because I never manage to do better... feeling like I’m on the edge because I can’t even recognize the damn edge..." I yelled back, hating how much worse it all sounded when I heard it out loud. "Yeah, fuck, I hear myself... I feel it... I’m feeling all this shit... I’m hearing you..." I was way past all my limits now, but I wasn’t giving up.

"I don’t feel heard... I don’t feel like there’s anything I can actually do about any of this... it’s like... you just... you don’t even get it..." she said, stopping her steps, hands on her hips, angry, crying... the full picture of her was breaking me.

"What is it I don’t get, Yelena, please, tell me... What’s really bothering you?" My voice was genuine. I needed to hear it all.

The frustrated way she ran her hands through her hair without stopping her pacing told me she was truly done with this mess, but I wasn’t done talking.

"It’s everything about how you put me in this horrible position of having to choose... I haven’t even figured all of this out yet, and you know that... but instead of just... fuck... you made me choose... it’s not fair..." she bit out, pointing at me, then toward some invisible path ahead.

Yeah, I see it all now... I know she chose him...

"I’m sorry... I know you chose Bob when you left that way, and you chose right, you chose the obvious one, but also because I left you no room... I cornered you... I get it..." I murmured, rubbing my eyes, feeling the weight of it all in my bones.

"No, you don’t get it... you keep talking like this is just about you and me... and it’s not about that... it’s about Bob..." she said, arms open wide, her whole body trembling, uncomfortable... in pain...

"It’s not about Bob... I just want to talk about what I have the right to talk about instead of staying stuck in my discomfort around Bob..." I said, feeling the stubbornness rising in me again. She has to understand I can’t handle everything about Bob.

"Oh, so you want to talk about your discomfort... but not about Bob???" she growled, stepping up to me fast, and I instinctively took a step back.

"Yelena... it’s sickening to talk about this... and I don’t even know how to do it... all of this..." I waved my hands in the air, pointing to so much more than just Bob… fuck… it's about my whole fucking life.

“Alright, Kate… You wanna talk about things you don’t even understand… So let’s talk about my pain instead… I’m right here, telling you how I’m in a space worse than any nightmare… I don’t even know if he’s alive… I’m talking about how I feel like I’m being eaten alive, like I fell into a vat of acid… no, worse… let’s talk about how you threw me into this shit… let’s talk about how I feel like I dragged Bob into it too…”

“I’m sorry, Yelena…” I tried, but she raised her hand fast.

“No, no… just listen… you wanted to know, right? Then I’ll tell you how it felt when I found you lost in that horrible nightmare… how I walked into that shit thinking you were already dead… I’ll tell you exactly how I’m in deep shit here because of you…” She let out a painful, bitter laugh.

“I’ll listen to everything…” I promised, not even sure how any of it would hit me, but I would take it, whatever she had to say.

She nodded like I didn’t even have a choice and kept going. 

“Alright… good that you’re gonna listen this time… here we go… I was just relieved, happy to see you alive… but Bob was wrecked, didn’t know how to help… he told me everything and I asked… I begged him to bring you back… and he told me he was scared… he was terrified of you… of what he saw… of how he knows he’s not doing the devil’s work, he’s just reacting to all the evil shit in someone’s mind… but I begged, and he never says no to me… so he basically felt forced to do what I asked… because he loves me that much… and so he brought you back from that hell for me… for me, dammit! I pushed Bob into it… when what I should have done was never let him handle your violence from the very first fucking day…” Her words were bleeding out as she hit her own chest and pointed at her pain.

“He threw me in there… and left me there… and despite everything, I didn’t choose any of this… and I’m sorry you had to try to help me…” I chewed on my pain, remembering everything. “None of this is easy for me… you said it’s all about what was already in my mind… you know what was there when he did it the first time? when he locked down the city? It was me, just a girl, watching my father being torn to pieces… and it wasn’t a nightmare… it was a memory… I just realized it… I felt it… that I had blocked that memory out… and now I’m starting to think the last nightmare had a lot to do with the information I got from my parents… there were dozens of unexplained deaths in his files… so many broken necks… and I don’t need you to imagine the trauma… I know you’ve been through worse, but just imagine… I’m just me… this painfully average girl, dealing with all this shit, Yelena…” I said as I rubbed my face like I could wipe all those images away, but it felt impossible.

Yelena seemed to be struggling with our conversation, the silent crying and the hurt in her eyes were tearing me apart… and I’d rather lose both my arms than put her through this, but it felt like it had to happen. I could finally see everything Clint and Laura told me, about how I was hurting Yelena by refusing to even try to understand.

“All I’ve been doing here is putting myself in your shoes and feeling where it hurts, Kate… I’ve tried to balance everything… weigh every single thing you did and every bit of your pain… but again… this isn’t a competition… just… I want you to picture what I’m about to say… imagine my rough childhood… imagine your hard adult life… and then imagine someone who was fucked up from beginning to end… that’s Bob…” she said, nodding harshly and clasping her hands together like she was praying I’d understand something bigger… but it was so damn hard…

“I’m not gonna compare Bob’s suffering, a junkie who chose the life he’s living, with yours, Yelena… you’ve suffered more than any of us…” I muttered under my breath.

“Maybe… maybe he was a junkie… maybe he did volunteer for the research like you think… but he’s been trying to deal with every one of his mistakes… he’s sweet and gentle despite it all…” she said, crying even more, and I sighed, brokenhearted.

“I can relate to that, you’ve also been dealing with everything the best way you can…” I whispered.

“Yeah, Kate, I’m the one who had the most miserable fucking life, and still I’ve kept my good heart like everyone says… Bob lived in hell and he still manages to be the sweetest guy… Ava and John had horrible lives and they’re using whatever they’ve got left to try to make things better… even my asshole dad is trying to redeem himself… Clint, your precious mentor, spends his life cleaning up the blood trail he left behind… Laura… even Laura has her own pain and she’s trying to be better… a whole bunch of people who had every reason in the world to become villains, trying to be heroes… and still, here we are, all of us having to waste our patience and our choices on a girl who had a perfect life and still prefers to whine and solve everything with violence…” Her words had one purpose, and they hit exactly where they were supposed to. I closed my eyes from the blow, barely stopping myself from lashing out…

“I didn’t have a perfect life, Yelena, even if I didn’t have struggles like yours, I had my own pain too…” I spat the words out through my tears, right at her.

I couldn’t even look at her now, and when I turned away, not wanting to see the disappointment in her eyes, she stepped into my space, stopping me from running. Her touch on my shoulders made me seek her gaze again, and for a moment, she looked so much more like my Yelena…

"And we all get that, Kate… but you always have to remember that someone else's pain matters too… you know… a good example is that I honestly believe you and I both had shitty dads… but even with everything your dad was, even though mine handed me over to the Red Room for some bullshit glory… I can say for both of us that they loved us… everything you ever told me about your dad is beautiful, and my dad, well, he was a dumb, clumsy, sweet idiot despite all the madness… he always was…” she said firmly, running her fingers through the back of my neck with a touch that was both rough and caring.

And I cried even harder… the pain was completely wrecking me. I touched my temples, trying again to recover some image of my parents, but it was still impossible.

"I can't remember a single good moment with my dad anymore… or his love… since yesterday… all I can think about or recall is that man from my nightmare… Clint told me you saw it… all I hear now are his instructions on how to break bones… him blaming me for abandoning my mom… I saw my mom dead… like she killed herself… and I can’t even check on her… 'cause she won’t let me see her…” I sobbed, searching for her eyes, and all I saw there was that same compassion… I could see how much she cares.

"I'm so sorry, Kate, I swear I feel you… I know your pain matters too…” she said in a tone that sounded like a vow. “And I feel like you see my pain too… I just need you to see a bit further…” She gestured for me to turn toward her while running both hands through her hair. “I’m literally begging you to think about Bob’s pain, not 'cause you need to feel sorry for him… but because you’re not the person you’ve been acting like when it comes to him…” Her breathing was steady, and I found myself copying her.

“I don’t wanna be like that… can you believe me?” I begged, my breath short, eyes on hers again. I needed her to believe me.

“I know… I see you, I feel you, Kate… and I had to explain to John and Ava that I couldn’t expect you to handle pain and darkness the way I do, or the way they do, because your hell basically only started three years ago… but you need to remember, some people were handed a whole life full of that shit… can you get what I’m saying?” That pleading tone was all I could hear.

“Bob’s one of those people, isn’t he?” My whisper made her take a deep breath and step back from me.

Again, her steps around the hallway seemed to help her think, and I just watched, waiting for her to keep explaining everything I hadn’t been able to see.

“Yeah, Kate… he is… when all that chaos happened… me and the team went into the Void to find Bob… and I was stuck in my own nightmares until I finally found him… and when I did… Bob had a really messed-up dad, Kate… I saw it… a guy who was abusive, treated him like trash… broke Bob’s spirit in every possible way… beatings… humiliation… Bob learned as a kid to shut down and live in his own little world just to escape the pain… and as an adult… even the meth addiction… even the madness… even the research… all of that probably saved his life… he tells me all the time, nothing was ever worse than living with that monster of a father… a man who made sure to plant in his head the idea that he was a freak… that he was nothing… that he makes everything worse…”

I instantly remembered the things I had said to Bob. “God… the things I said to him…” I groaned, hiding my face in my hands.

“And that’s why I always tried to shut you up or keep you away from him when you were spiraling… that thing… the Void… Evil Bob… it feeds on pain… if you touched him… all the awful stuff you felt toward him would’ve made it stronger… it’s not Bob who’s giving you those visions, Kate… it’s all coming from inside you… at least that’s what I know so far… the Sentry project gave him this fake hope that he could fix himself, and he bought into it… but that shit came with two side effects… one evil, and one with a god complex…” she explained in a calm, steady tone.

Her words about Bob from our date came flooding back… she defended him then, she said how he got into all this. It all made sense now.

“That’s why he agreed to the research… to have a purpose…” I said, understanding what it’s like to have no real choice. I understood that deeply from what Yelena had told me about her own addiction.

She explained to me how many times she came looking for me while she was drunk, and how at some point she decided that if she was drunk enough, I didn’t deserve to deal with her like that. She told me everything about what it meant to stay sober… to choose to do something else with the hand she was dealt… she told me everything about how she’s been dealing with her choices… how she also chose to live a different life…

I know all of it because I had so many questions about what had changed in her mind that made her ask for something more connected to Valentina… I joked about her wanting fame and she gave a sad little smile, saying she just wanted to understand purpose… to understand what Natasha really wanted by becoming an Avenger.

“He wanted to be better… he wanted to erase the bad stuff by doing good things… just like you said you wanted to…” I said without a doubt, and she nodded.

“Yes, everything he does now is about trying to be better than he was yesterday … He doesn’t remember everything from his life… some traumas are just impossible to erase… but like you figured out, pain works like muscle memory… even without remembering it all, he knows something was wrong… he feels it… like you said, that moment you saw your dad for the first time, you just knew… that’s how it works…” She explained with a sad smile and I sighed, leaning against the nearest wall, feeling like my legs were about to give out.

“What do you think happened to him yesterday? Have you talked to Valentina?” I asked softly, trying to figure out where I could even begin to help, and she leaned beside me looking exhausted.

“No, I have zero clue… Valentina’s pissed she lost a valuable asset, not because of Bob… that bitch only cares about power… but at least she sent a team for containment, in case Void shows up again…” All that hatred for Valentina felt rock solid in Yelena, and for me, it was unreal to think how they hadn’t just killed that woman already…

But again… it all makes sense… they’re not dumb villains out for revenge… Yelena just told me how good they are and I know it… I’ve seen it… I’ve seen how they treat each other so many times… I see how John and Ava care for Yelena… I see how they all protect each other… they’re just making the most of a second chance…

“Has this happened before? Has Bob disappeared before?” I kept digging, trying to understand the situation.

“Yeah, but more like he left on his own two feet, all disoriented, forgetting stuff after pushing too hard in training… it’s not an easy job… he’s been training his abilities… but he still doesn’t know everything… we’ve been doing solid work trying to identify it all… learning to tell the difference between Bob, Sentry and Void… but it’s complicated, not even he can always tell… most of the time he just blanks out completely…” She explained, sounding more frustrated than ever that she couldn’t fully understand it herself.

“When you say ‘blanks out’, do you mean like, forgets and then remembers later, or forgets for good?” That difference matters to me.

“Forgets like… he painted the whole city with nightmares and then had no idea how it even happened… the dumbass was clapping for the New Avengers at that press conference like he wasn’t one of us, like he wasn’t the one who caused all that mess, can you believe that?” She scoffed with a bitter smile. I smiled too, feeling like for a second we were back to being ourselves again.

“He was just the idiot doing the clapping.” She added quickly, now laughing out loud, but it was all wiped out by her low, painful sobbing again. “He’s been working his ass off trying to control this shit… I just need him to actually be as strong as Valentina said…”

I sighed, knowing this wasn’t just about understanding or tracking down some random member of her team… I know…

“You really love him, don’t you?” I asked, feeling the knot in my throat tighten almost to the point of choking me, but I needed to hear it.

She looked at me for a full minute, like she was chewing over the question, and I almost hoped she’d deny it, say no, say it was complicated, anything tiny that would give me a shred of hope… but then she took a deep breath and smiled that smile I… love… about her.

“Yes, Kate, I love him… he is… so… good, and he taught me how to live again… he’s the best… and he makes me laugh… he’s definitely the coolest idiot ever… and he’s smart most of the time… and I just…” The way Yelena spoke about Bob made me sigh… I wasn’t feeling envy… jealousy was eating me alive like always, but something had changed…

I was never wrong about this… I’ve known since day one that she loves him… that she cares, and I see that. What’s different now is that I need to show her how I see it… I might not understand everything else just yet but I know this is what she needs from me…

“You know… earlier, when Clint and Laura talked to me–” I started, and she cut me off, suddenly pissed again, growling as she ripped off her vest and threw it to the ground in a move that was as brutal as it was frustrated.

I didn’t fully understand what that was about and it scared the hell out of me.

“What did I say wrong, Yelena? You don’t wanna talk about it? You don’t wanna know how it went?” I said as I stepped closer… the whole image of a trembling, furious Yelena made me tone everything down, so I wouldn’t trigger her more.

“Yeah… sure… let’s talk… let’s talk about how you kept being this… I wanted to say ‘person’ … but then I remembered all the times you treated Bob like a monster… no… you’ve been the one acting like a monster from the very beginning!” She snapped and it hit me physically, hard enough that I consciously stepped back from her and her rage.

It hurt not being able to deny it, it hurt not feeling like I could defend myself.

And she said something even bigger… That whole scene from earlier came back to me like a burning fuse.

She pulled away when I told her about the stitches… because she thinks that…

“Hey… I’m not arguing your point that I acted like a monster… but why are you saying I was a monster in this ? What do you think happened during my talk with the Bartons?” I asked, closing the space between us again.

Her hand on my chest trying to keep me away didn’t stop me from searching for her face and locking eyes with her. “Hey, just breathe and look at me when you answer this part, I need to understand something… please…” I begged.

“You clearly got into a fight with them and that’s why you needed new stitches… I don’t need much more to figure that out…” She growled, still defensive as hell, stepping out of my reach again and I nodded, finally getting it.

She thinks I didn’t hear the Bartons…

“You’re right… you’re right to assume that’s what I’d do… and I don’t blame you for getting to that conclusion… it really is the most obvious one…” I nodded, feeling fucking defeated. “But you’re wrong…” I said as I walked up to her, gently reaching for both her hands, fully aware of the pained look that immediately drew my eyes to the bruises there.

“How’d you get hurt?” I asked, touching every swollen knuckle on her fists, and she sighed.

“I had to take my frustration with you out on a punching bag… and no… I don’t think I’m wrong…” she groaned, trying to hide her hands, but I didn’t let her. Instead of letting go… I kissed her fingers carefully and tucked her hands into my pockets like I did before. Like that night when I didn’t know what else to do to keep her close.

“You’re right… but you’re also wrong… assuming things about what happened between me and the Bartons…” I whispered, pulling her to me by the waist in one simple move. “Just breathe…”

“No, Kate… stop softening me up, I’m not wrong here… everything’s so clear…” she said in a fragile breath, resting her forehead on my chest while she breathed exactly like I told her to.

“Just breathe, baby… you and me don’t need to be at war… I needed a few stitches today just as a precaution… the edge of my sword doesn’t help with healing and I got external stitches… I needed internal ones too… that’s all… I did hear Clint and Laura… I never say no to the Bartons… I wish you knew Laura well enough to understand what I mean… and yeah, they told me what to do… I see everything now… I see you, Yelena…” I whispered every word, letting my hands gently touch her back and shoulders in a way that was meant to comfort her… and it seemed to be working.

She never moved us apart, if anything, I was pulled even closer by my own pockets.

I let my lips rest on the top of her head in the softest way I could ever touch someone, because there was no way I wouldn’t do it now… the smell of her shampoo… the way everything felt so silky… So yeah, my nose buried in her beautiful hair was just something I had to do, and that’s why I kept us in this strange… but comforting as hell hug.

“I hated not being able to count on you…” Her deep sigh reminded me how we’re in the middle of something big and that I can’t be smelling the hair of the girl I’m in love with while she’s still this mad at me.

“I’m really sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me… but I’m here now.” I promised, touching her shoulders before reaching for her face, gently… letting myself touch her soft cheeks…

What I wanted… what I really wanted… was to kiss Yelena right now… I’ve been wanting to for months…

My soft touch made her sigh… and I sighed back, because maybe she wanted that too… everything about the way she gave in to my touch… her closed eyes… even the way she wet her lips told me that… but I wouldn’t kiss her… not when she has someone else… and mostly because I have absolutely no right to push my luck or test Yelena’s temper right now…

Beyond whatever passion is literally keeping me glued to Yelena at this very moment and beyond all the shit going on… I’d never be dumb enough to make a move in the middle of something like this…

Yelena doesn’t need some idiot trying to get romantic in the middle of an argument… not even on our best days… Yelena needs to be respected… and I need to be useful… I need her to understand that I’m here for her… just like Clint and Laura told me…

Yelena’s not gonna be convinced with words right now and I know I don’t wanna throw out some empty-ass promises… so I knew exactly what to do…

“This is you processing what happened yesterday?” she murmured the second I slipped my fingers into the hair at the back of her neck.

“Yeah, Yelena… I know I messed up with you… I messed up bad… I’ve been wrong in all of this… even though I’m scared and pissed at Bob, I know now just how wrong I’ve been… but I’m gonna prove to you that I’m here for you… that I’m your friend… that I’m someone you can trust… right now… exactly right now… I’m not gonna keep talking and talking… I’m just gonna show you…” I said, knowing I’d never been more sure about anything in my entire life.

“What are you gonna do?” she murmured as I took her hands out of my pockets and kissed them gently.

“Right now I’m gonna do what you taught me… we’re both gonna go on our missions and take our time… you’re gonna breathe and head out for your part of the search for Bob… and I need to heal so I can be whole tomorrow… because tomorrow I’m going out to hunt down your Bob…” I whispered, kissing her forehead.

Now it’s all about what she asked of me… and I’ll give her that… I’ll do whatever it takes for Yelena…

*

---

 

Notes:

READ THIS AND YOU HAVE I LITTLE MORE:

 

Laura and Clint calling Yelena “Milaya” broke me in the best possible way. I couldn’t have written a better comfort for her if I tried.

 

Kate getting roasted in this chapter? Yeah, that had to happen. Don’t be mad at me... some people need to learn the hard way. And no, Yelena wasn’t being soft for giving in to Kate. That’s her growth learning to understand people, their baggage, their why. Her whole MCU arc is rooted in her being deeply compassionate, even when she doesn’t want to be.

 

Yelena, Ava, and John are like… a whole ass religion to me. I cried for hours writing their love talk. Them standing up to the Bartons for Yelena? Or making sure she laughs when she’s falling apart? That’s holy stuff.

 

Don’t even get me started on Teddy. That kid owns my heart. He’s the best damn cupid in the multiverse, kinda rough around the edges, but soft and sweet where it counts. Yelena’s gonna have another talk with him soon... about jealousy… and about feelings. Again. Of course.

And listen, all the boys in this story with their hands down their pants? That’s not random. It’s a very specific portrayal of them being mentally stuck at like… 7 years old.
Trust me. I’m a teacher. I know.
When a boy starts grabbing at his junk in stressful situations, that’s a red flag. He needs immediate emotional support. Something’s up... or he messed something up.

 

Yep, that slow burn you’ve been feeling? It’s officially at boiling point now.

 

We’re inching toward the end, but I’ll cover everything that needs to be covered… or maybe I won’t. No promises.
But maybe I’ll give you everything.
Guess we’ll never know.

 

Thank you for reading me...

Chapter 7: Ashes to Ashes

Summary:

*

 

We’ve got some real talks happening… Yelena setting her boundaries with Kate, both of them starting to wrap their heads around all the very messy possibilities of whatever the hell their relationship is turning into.

 

And… about this chapter… This might just be the most fun chapter so far.

 

Everyone’s gonna fall in love with Kebabs this chapter. Seriously, life just hits different when there’s kebab on the table.

 

Mornings after chaotic ass nights?
Yeah… that’s a whole thing. Especially when there’s an Olympic-level stretch routine involved. Flexibility goals, my friend.

 

We've also got some special appearances this time...

 

First…. the white suit.

Then… a certain someone shows up, ready to change a lot of lives.

 

*

 

Oh, and now we’ve got the playlist so you can hear what I’ve been listening to...

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4425XGegojoay05H9pzIlV?si=zSNGvJ5GTl-ddxqptdvXRA

Notes:

_____________________________

 

Today's song is “Ashes to Ashes”, one of David Bowie’s coolest tracks, dropped in 1980 as the lead single from the album Scary Monsters and Super Creeps. It wasn’t just a strong creative comeback for Bowie… it also brought back one of his most iconic characters Major Tom, the astronaut from “Space Oddity”, which we've already talked about here… Ashes to Ashes had one of the most expensive music videos of its time… Bowie totally out there, dressed up like a Pierrot… kinda tragic… kinda funny… on this trippy beach… it's worth checking out how art rock came to be… Bowie basically created and fueled that whole thing… still does, really… otherwise, he wouldn’t be right in the middle of a fanfic…

 

This song has this almost bouncy vibe that makes you wanna dance in whatever weird way you can think of… at least that’s what happens around here… it’s packed with metaphors, which I absolutely love… it’s kinda dark… super open to all sorts of interpretations… but basically… according to Bowie… and the stuff he was doing at the time… it’s about addiction… disillusionment… I sometimes see it as a big middle finger… like an exorcism of what people think addiction is… it’s that whole thing… ashes to ashes… we’re always caught in these crazy cycles in life and that’s what this is… we’re in a chain of events so Yelena and Kate can figure out something that’s almost obvious… but if it was being handed to them in an obvious way… it wouldn’t hit the same…

 

It’s gonna be a ride. And if it’s not? Whatever. I’m not giving out refunds. This chapter is fire and I loved every second of writing it. You’re gonna love it too and if the English sucks, I honestly don’t care. I tried, okay?

 

Enjoy all 32,887 words of pure Bishova chaos and my unhinged brain.

 

As always thank you for the love, thank you for the support,
and also thank you if you’re just some dense asshole reading this.
What matters is that you read it. Leave me a real comment. Then hit me up on Twitter @onlycoments so we can share a metaphorical beer and talk fanfics and Bishova.

 

*

 

Peace for Palestine, Congo, Sudan, Yemen, Syria, Myanmar, Nigeria, Burkina Faso, Ethiopia, Haiti, Somalia, Mali, Afghanistan, and so many other places that go unheard… may they all be free and finally get the justice they deserve.

 

_____________________________

*

I’ve got a lot to be proud of in this miserable life…

I only realized that pretty recently… It’s something like… No, it’s not about that bullshit of having a roof over my head, or a warm meal on the table, or pretending I’ve found some dumb meaning in just existing. No. None of that optimistic crap like “life is fucking amazing.” Spare me.

What I mean is… the last 36 hours showed me something… I’m talking about how the last 36 hours completely redefined the concept of chaos. Something that maybe had been buried inside me for way longer than I’d ever care to admit.

Or maybe I just stopped ignoring the fact that I’m completely fucked.

Can we just be honest for a few fucked-up minutes?

Why honesty now, Yelena? You might ask…

Well… Everything about these past few days has shown me I should really be proud of myself… I feel like I’ve actually changed… I’m a fucking good person now… I do what needs to be done… I even understood that I’ve somehow become the kind of shitty hero I was always capable of being…

I fully get the last talk I had with Natasha… she had gone back to Saint Petersburg for a few quiet days and then flew all the way back just to deal with what she called “Gathering my other dumb, dysfunctional family to talk about our issues, I need to sit us down and mediate the whole mess… I need to take care of the peace in this gang of mine…” And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for the past year and a half… I’ve been the strategic glue and guiding light for my crew…

Yeah… and I’m being brutally honest here when I admit those things about myself, straight-up, because now I see it… now I get it … and that’s why I need a little amnesty and understanding when I tell you that I would, without a shred of guilt, without a second of hesitation, kill Kate Bishop for at least three solid-as-fuck reasons… and I don’t regret knowing that.

I’ve got reasons. Three. Clear. Specific. Undeniable. Yeah. THREE . But each one of them breaks down into a thousand little pieces, like emotional shrapnel from a bomb she herself made sure to set off inside me.

Reason number one is… She basically killed my best friend… Yeah, my best fucking friend . And this isn’t a metaphor. This isn’t drama. She threw me right back into loss. Turned emptiness into a brutally real metaphor… how Bob could never be seen as a bad person when people like her do the kind of shit she did… which ties into reason number two…

She’s been a complete, almost indefensible bitch… Not just sometimes. Not just in tense moments… But consistently… and that consistency, that stubbornness, takes me to places I wouldn’t go even with my short-barrel bazooka that can level an entire block…

That stubbornness drives her to do insane shit like reason number three… like right now… she’s right here… exactly here… throwing me off balance… chipping away at my control, this tiny, insane, indivisible part of me that I usually guard more carefully than any Red Room secret and…

Look… before all this shit… even knowing how much I’ve improved… almost like some Darwinian evolution… before any of this crap, before all the anger, I’m just… a woman… A goddamn almost-normal woman who is, at this exact moment, way beyond any capacity to handle this chaos that answers to the name Kate Bishop.

I honestly think I should use my reasons to kill her, because, as always, she seemed to be in her own little frequency… A kind of frequency powered by pure, crystallized displeasure and worst of all… completely unnecessary… A frequency that makes her think she has the right to put 16 people in the middle of a dinner, in a ridiculously stressful situation, while she acts like a sassy, provoking little brat… because of me, yeah, I know she acted like that specifically because I couldn’t even look at her…

I pretended not to see her hiding by the kitchen entrance… she really thought no one could smell that stupid amazing shampoo of hers… I pretended I didn’t care when Laura raised her eyebrows almost too excitedly at her joining us… I even ignored it when she walked in and started talking to everyone…

I didn’t want to look at her until that moment because I just didn’t want to deal with her until then… I had just started listing my reasons for wanting to kill the girl I like… I only looked at her… I only noticed how pretty she looked in a hoodie that made her seem so much younger… I only noticed the perfect hair, slightly tousled and smelling like heaven… when she took on that tone I fucking hate… right after I finally spoke to her…

That’s it… right there…

It was all about the way she bitterly smiled while spitting out her words, saying she “didn’t want to be a bother” … That was when I finally let all the rightful anger spill out. That was when I understood that the rage I felt toward her had to be released… right there… in front of everyone…

I’m not stupid… I know she’s like this because of Bob… but God… it’s so pointless… if she only knew that if he’s still alive, he’s probably wandering around like a homeless man with his hands stuffed in his fucking pockets just trying to be kind to everyone and everything, even if he looks like a lunatic who escaped from an asylum… I can’t even…

I just wish Bob were here…

If Bob showed up right now, I’d take us both on vacation anywhere in the world where we wouldn’t have to deal with any of this crap… and he still wouldn’t even get it, he’d spend the whole way asking where we’re going… asking why we’re doing this…

God, I can’t even believe this new chaos-flavored bullshit my life has become.

Natasha once told me she wasn’t cut out for a simple kind of life… but more and more, I think I am, I totally would live the simple kind of life, right now… maybe I can convince the crew to move to Ohio… some isolated farm… only leave for missions… maybe…

I just wanted peace… but instead… instead of the fucking quiet life I’m not even sure I deserve, but want so badly right now… I was in fucking hell… everything inside me was boiling.

Like a pressure cooker about to blow, and the valve on that same damn cooker had a name and a last name… Kate Bishop… Always her… Always that annoyingly irritating girl… Infinitely irritating. Annoyingly beautiful.

Yeah, I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m holding all kinds of grudges against her right now… And she’s been wrecking me with the same precision she fires her arrows… Fast… Lethal… Unnecessary.

“You don’t need to bother with me either, then, Kate Bishop.” Her full name came out of my mouth like poison. And it was. It was an insult. An attack. One I know she hates. A demand for her to leave me the hell alone and, at the same time, a desperate plea for her to do the exact opposite…

The opposite?

Always the fucking opposite.

See? That’s why we need to kill her…

We need to kill whatever this is…

Whatever this thing is between us…

Fuck it.

I’m done with this. More than enough.

And that’s why… I stormed out of the kitchen like I was being dragged by my own demons and instincts… I didn’t slow down… because I needed to get away from her before I actually decided to kill the woman that, with every inch of my body, I suspect I actually like… but I need to get away from her before she becomes… the girl I don’t like.

Does that make sense? I’d bet my widow bites it doesn’t.

While I can’t control her actions or anyone else’s, I decided a while ago that I can absolutely control my own… so I left before my mouth chose an insult or my weapons chose someone’s death.

Yeah… I’ve got no reason to sugarcoat anything right now… I’ve been a killer for 99% of my entire life… I only decided not to kill a minute ago… and I have my reasons right here… but again…

Fuck feelings…

Fuck Kate Bishop…

I had barely left the kitchen and I could already hear her quick footsteps behind me… I felt every step of mine hitting the floor like muted hammer strikes… and for a second, I almost missed the time when we were both too proud… maybe too cowardly… when we had the decency not to chase after each other after the fights…

“If I wasn’t clear enough, here it is… I don’t want to be around you right now, Kate Bishop!” I growled. Literally. My whole body ready to strike. Or to be touched. Whatever the hell this shit was… And I didn’t know which one scared me more.

But she… she heard me. She heard every syllable of my rejection. And still… she kept going.

She kept going… she just… kept coming…

Сука.

Step after step, she got as close as she could. “Sorry… I… I don’t mean to disrespect your wishes so blatantly… I just…”

And for a second, when she gasped, leaning forward slightly, voice lower than ever, almost breaking… when she said she just wanted to talk, with that shattered look in her eyes… like she was shrinking under my anger. Like she was asking for permission to feel something for me… for a second… that hit a part of me I hate… A weak part… A human part… Yeah… that hit a part of me I pretend doesn’t exist anymore… it struck a raw nerve that only my sister used to reach, and that’s been exposed and bleeding for the last 36 hours because of Bob… A raw piece of me I try to bury every damn day…

“So respect me, Kate Bishop!” I snapped as venomously as I could, waving her off with my hands in the air, praying she’d just listen.

Instead of listening… instead of understanding the fucking situation, she just kept pushing.

“I will… But I need to talk to you… stop saying my full fucking name… I just need to talk to you…” She was practically begging… begging in the way I hate the most…

Her eyes were completely on me… the way she slightly bent her knees to catch my attention, the way she looked like she was starving to touch something deeper in me than just skin.

She wanted it all. My pain, my bitterness, my filthy truths. I saw it from our first conversation… how much she wants everything I am, even the parts I hate showing… And that’s what hurts… I can see in every strand of her hair that she sees something massive in me… I can feel how connected she is to me… I know how badly she wants everything I am…

The tears here… tears I only noticed when I saw her coming closer again, this time not hesitating to wipe away every stupid, repetitive drop falling from my eyes… these tears were out of frustration… frustration for understanding her need.

“I’m so sorry, Yelena… I’m so, so sorry…” she murmured.

No one in this stupid fucking multiverse can expect me to know how to handle my impulses after what the world did to me… But I’ll say this… in that moment, my body took over without me even noticing… Hugging Kate’s trembling body was automatic… natural… unthinking… completely involuntary… Like breathing. Like dying…

And I wasn’t happy about it… None of it… nothing about this warm fucking hug made sense… even if I could live inside it… because everything was uncomfortable. Everything hurt too much. Everything kept getting more and more blurred…

I can see how my will is being twisted, I feel how my feelings for Kate are blinding me… I see what’s wrong and I want it fixed… but I just know that won’t happen unless I fight to the end not to be swallowed by her…

So, as much as my body screamed to stay close to that woman, our foreheads touching like some obvious comfort, as much as I knew I’d find relief in that warmth, the only medicine for my bleeding soul… the pain, the frustration over her whole behavior was stronger.

The pain was always stronger…

I learned that as a child… pain should always make me stronger, never blur my will… and that’s why I pulled away from her touch…

I won’t be swallowed by her.

Not without a fight.

Pain was always stronger.

It’s not supposed to make me weak.

It’s not supposed to make me hers.

Pain or fear can never lead my actions…

Distance was the solution… But she… followed every inch I stepped back. “Hey… please… let’s just talk… please…” Her voice was surrender. A pleading whisper. She was standing there, eyes full of tears and wide open like unlocked doors.

And that’s why I’m drawing the line right here between me and Kate Bishop… whatever we’ve been doing up until now… all the attempts… the silences… the interrupted touches… the looks filled with desire and confusion… all of it gets erased from my mind. A boundary needs to be set, and all the imaginary walls I need must be put up. If I’m not hard on her from now on, we’ll never have a future… None. Not even as enemies… because I’d never let such a determined enemy live long enough to take me down.

“No… that’s not what I said I wanted…” my voice came out cracked, harsh, laced with the bitterness I’d been nursing in my chest like a carnivorous plant. “I said I needed space, I demanded it, and here you are, ignoring that…”

My breathing was heavy… My fists were clenched, heat rising up my neck like a fever. “You’ve been acting like this the whole time… disrespecting everything and everyone because you thought your reasons mattered more… but you’re wrong… and you’re not sorry… you just made a scene in front of everyone…”

My harsh words seemed to hit just the right nerve, but I didn’t feel like I’d won anything… The sob building in my chest was practically choking me, and I felt trapped by the fact that I was right… but tempted not to care at all about being right.

Being right had never hurt this much.

The guilty look on her face… the pain I saw taking over her whole expression… it made me wish I wasn’t right… I’d never choose to hurt her… but if she’s doing this to me… I had two options… fight or end it.

And I knew the choice to end it was the right one when I heard her admit that what she just did in the kitchen… in front of everyone… was a direct hit… another selfish move… but I was absolutely sure I was going to give her this talk… she’d get a chance to defend herself at least… and this time, she really tried…

Every second of our conversation felt more and more suffocating… I needed to let out everything I’d been holding in… but somehow I felt like she was really listening this time… it wasn’t just about hearing me… it was about how I felt around her again…

It was just painful to see the kind of bond that existed between me and this woman standing in front of me… I didn’t want to create distance between us, I never wanted to be harsh… because I never wanted to see her as the villain… Even though she is… but I tried to step back… I tried to get her to reason through what we’re all seeing but she just wouldn’t…

It wasn’t easy… her reasons for acting the way she does are rooted in pain… she moves, she reacts through pain… everything comes from the pain she felt because of Bob, and my mission was just to make her see that she needs the whole story… To help her understand that there’s something bigger, broader, something way more complex than just her own suffering, and that’s why I said everything…

I told her exactly what hurt me… and I really can’t say I was surprised that she understood me… it wasn’t about me, even though she thought it was… but when she heard me, something in her face shifted… the way she stopped blinking, like she was trying to absorb every word… how her breathing synced with mine… how her fists unclenched… the way everything in her softened… how she leaned toward me… that showed me that, for the first time, maybe she actually understood.

I’d promised myself I wouldn’t go looking for micro-expressions in her anymore, trying to hear what she doesn’t say, but right then I had to… because she shut herself off so completely that I didn’t feel like I could reach her like before…

This was the most reachable moment of clarity so far… Kate didn’t stop being empathetic or a good person just because she’s angry… it’s all still there… but I needed more… I needed her to not only show empathy toward the people she thinks deserve it… but to understand that empathy has to extend even to those we see as enemies… even to people we don’t know…

I learned this whole empathy thing, after all, by understanding that my sister choosing to leave me here was more about saving millions of lives beyond mine… and not for any less noble reason I might’ve imagined during my days of denial and bargaining…

Empathy isn’t a gift we hand out only to the people we love. Barnes told John that more than once while John was working through his rage over Olivia not forgiving what he did before… he still, in so many ways, doesn’t get her side… he still hasn’t stepped into the shoes of the woman he loves…

Ava, on the other hand, says empathy is the most rewarding bitch there is … I’m not sure if she was talking about something beyond that sexual generosity she claims to have… but I really was listening… and I understood.

The point is, I explained everything I could to Kate, feeling like she finally understood who Bob is, and it took everything in me not to break in front of her when she asked me about love… everything in me burned to admit that’s probably what I feel for her… that it’s love that’s kept me trying to make her see the truth…

But I couldn’t ignore the fact that I don’t actually understand what’s going on between us…

And being reminded that she’s so blind she won’t listen to anyone but me also crushed any hope I had left… she can’t just listen to me because she thinks whatever feelings connect us are important… but everyone else’s aren’t…

And maybe I really should give up… maybe I should let her learn through her own pain… just like I learned everything in my own miserable life…

Maybe I really can’t help Kate…

When she stepped closer again, hesitant, hands half-raised and her eyes completely lost in me, like I was the last thing left in her world… I knew for sure…

“What did I say wrong, Yelena? You don’t wanna talk about it? Don’t you wanna know what happened?”

She looked almost desperate as she walked toward me, like I was some kind of wild animal that needed all her attention.

I don’t need to sugarcoat anything anymore.

“Yes… let’s talk… I want to know…” I spat out, firm, letting each word boil in the air between us. “Let’s talk about how you kept being this …” I paused for a second while my brain searched for the right word, the fairest one, the cruelest. “I wanted to say this person ... but then I remembered all the times you treated Bob like a monster… no… you’re the one who's been acting like a monster from the very beginning.” I said it in a bitter, quiet breath, deciding that from now on, Kate could deal with her own damn problems.

It felt like leaving the room all over again… but this time… I wasn’t coming back… I wasn’t…

“Hey… I’m not arguing with your theory that I acted like a monster…” she interrupted, coming closer again, closing the space between us like she couldn’t stand the distance herself. “But why are you saying I was a monster in all of this? What do you think happened in my conversation with the Bartons?” She asked, stepping all the way up to me again, and I found myself pissed off because, once again, she was ignoring the boundary I set.

Not even my hand pushing her away had any effect…

I actually considered, for a second, if all the Widow’s Bites in my fists would finally bring justice… but her soft voice made me freeze.

“Hey…” she whispered, way too close. “… just breathe and look at me when you answer this part. I need to understand something… please…” She pleaded gently, searching for my face, trying to meet my eyes. She had those same gentle eyes from when she talked about love…

But no… I wouldn’t soften.

I’m not going to give in…

She’s not gonna soften me up with words after what she did…

“You clearly got into a fight with them and that’s why you needed stitches… I don’t need much more to figure that out…” I finally said, managing to pull back just enough to breathe.

This whole conversation already had way too much physical contact… and I’m not okay with that.

I won’t tolerate-

 

I didn’t even get to finish the thought.

“You’re right… you’re right to assume that’s what I’d do… and I don’t blame you for jumping to that conclusion… it really is the most obvious…” She whispered, nodding, the defeat written all over her tired, pretty face, and I found myself sighing at how damn close she was again. “But you’re wrong…”

Every step she took toward me was some dumb metaphor for how she just couldn’t seem to stay away but I was probably just romanticizing this whole mess and the truth is, she just kept invading my space.

“How’d you hurt yourself?” she asked, touching each bruised knuckle on my fists and again… it’s just so unfair how she’s always able to bend my basic willpower to match whatever she wants.

This is not fair.

“I had to take out my frustration with you on a punching bag… and no… I don’t feel like I was wrong for that…” I huffed, annoyed, trying to pull my hands from hers, but she held them… And the thing I need to point out here is… The most infuriating part of all this is how I didn’t even put up a fight when she started kissing each one of my fingers.

Again… she’s just tempting fate by messing with a damn Wid-

Her touch on my hands had always been gentle since day one…

I love it when she touches me like that…

This is a distraction…

Who does this girl think she is to-

Why does she always have to look and act so damn sweet…?

Is she really gonna pull this move where she tucks my hands into her pockets?

What am I, some lovesick teenager?

“You’re right… but you’re also wrong… about what went down between me and the Bartons…” Her voice was that same soft, close tone that made me wanna groan in frustration… I couldn’t even tell anymore if I wanted distance or to be even closer… I could barely breathe with how good she smelled… and…

“Just breathe…” She murmured like she was reading my damn mind, pulling me in even more.

This is insane…

“No, Kate… stop trying to soften me, I’m not wrong here… everything’s too damn clear…” I tried to say, but my voice came out like a fragile, useless patchwork.

My forehead on her chest, which was rising way too fast, gave me the rhythm I needed to breathe again and I tuned everything else out, just to hear and breathe Kate Bishop for a full minute.

And maybe that was all I needed…

I was feeling half-asleep from all the exhaustion and stress when her soft voice filled my mind again… even sweeter… even calmer…

“Just breathe, baby…” she said like I was all that mattered… like I was something precious… and I… believed her…

“You and I don’t have to be at war… I only needed stitches today as a precaution… the edge of my sword doesn’t make healing easy and I got external stitches… internal ones too… that’s it… And yeah, I did talk to Clint and Laura… I never say no to the Bartons… I wish you knew Laura well enough to understand what I mean… and yes, they told me what to do… I see everything now… I see you, Yelena…”

Every single damn word she said now… was whispered into my temples… Every syllable backed by the warmth of her hands stroking my shoulders… my back… my neck… And there was really nothing I could do against any of it… My entire body was responding to her like I didn’t even get a say… And if even now, with her surrounding me… invading me… melting me from the inside out… If this body… highly trained and conditioned to react to touch almost defensively, was allowing all this to happen…

My body is the only thing that belongs to me, and it’s speaking for me now…

Laura’s name floated in my mind… I do understand what she said about Laura… With that realization, I saw how my body guided my actions with Laura, and now it was guiding me toward Kate… I get it now… in a different way… deeper… crueler…

The real question here… the one probably putting my fight instinct to sleep… is the fact that she’s saying everything I ever wanted to hear… Everything I wished someone would say when I cried alone… When I couldn’t sleep… When I felt disposable, irrelevant…

All those feelings were there… Every emotion poured out like a warm balm over still open wounds… And I had no reason to pull away… And that’s why I didn’t…

I don’t know if I’d even want to… I’m not even sure I could…

Not now… not when her lips and warm breath were leaving such a comforting trail in my hair… not when her hands kept moving slowly, gently, up and down my back… soothing, tender… not when she was acting like… she was mine… and I was… hers…

“I hated not being able to count on you…” I heard myself say out loud… the confession slipped out unfiltered, defenseless… like my chest had decided it had carried it long enough on its own… That was all I really wanted… to have had her fighting whatever it was… by my side… To have felt her presence like I did now… warm… steady… and absurdly intimate.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me… but I’m here now.” The promise was a soft whisper that landed right in the pit of my stomach… not to mention how it seemed to settle deep inside my already racing heart…

She touched my shoulders… then reached for my face so carefully… like she was trying to memorize it… like every detail mattered… and I mapped every single freckle on her face too… marveling at the little constellations on her cheeks…

It’s a perfect moment… one of those I always wondered what they’d feel like, and here it is… it’s all about the intimacy…

Her slightly calloused thumbs touched my flushed cheeks with such knowing gentleness it made me melt even deeper into her… like the heat of my emotions had seeped into my skin… And she… at this point, my mind was already drafting all sorts of official statements about how she seemed like she was made for me… for exactly this moment… Kate Bishop is the only person capable of touching me like this… And that’s why I decided I didn’t want anything more than to be kissed by her right now…

The thought was clear. Raw. Painful… maybe… maybe we could finally understand each other through this… maybe she’d finally feel me… I closed my eyes in a silent invitation… I wanted her to try… I wanted her to want me right now…

“Is this all part of you making sense of what happened yesterday?” I murmured, needing to say something, anything, to distract myself, because she was doing the most indecent thing in my world… touching the back of my neck with those sinful fingers… light, but so intentional… slipping through my hair, grazing my sensitive skin like she was reading me inch by inch… I couldn’t even…

My whole body was humming for her… I wanted her so badly… right now… I wanted everything… I wanted to forget any important conversation and just be like this with her… for an undefined amount of time that could easily be… for the fucking rest of forever.

“Yes, Yelena… I know I let you down… really let you down… I’ve been completely wrong about this whole situation… Even if I’m scared and mad at Bob, I see now just how wrong I’ve been… but I’ll prove to you that I’m here for you… that I’m your friend… that you can trust me… now… right now… I’m not just gonna talk and talk… I’m gonna show you…”

Shit… she’s actually saying everything right…

“What are you gonna do?” I murmured, completely distracted by her soft lips and the sweet breath that was way too close… I really wanted to hear her say she was going to kiss me… but instead, she just took my hands out of my warm pockets and kissed them gently.

I want to be kissed too…

I just…

Maybe I should ask…

Yeah… I could actually tell her how I feel… it’s not that hard… I don’t need to fake anything… and I wouldn’t…

Can’t you see how perfect she’s being?

“Right now I’m gonna do what you taught me… we’ll both go on our missions and we’ll take our time… you’ll get a moment to breathe, and head out on your search for Bob… and I need to heal so I can be whole tomorrow…”

Yeah, Kate… and I’ll personally take care of you… I promise… I’ll start tonight… I’m not going out to look for Bob tonight… I need rest… I need to rest with you… I deserve a good dinner… I deserve to sleep after the stress of these past few days…

But then… in the very next second… all that desire and every warm feeling evaporated from my mind again…

The words “Because tomorrow I’m going out to look for your Bob…” echoed in the air and I felt like I was hearing voices… losing it… probably hallucinating…

So many things hit at once… first, she was once again just the girl I want… she was saying all the right things… but also… that sentence brought back the itch in the middle of my back… made my eye twitch… which is doubly alarming… there was also the way my bloodied fists clenched so hard I could smell the metallic tang of blood again…

Right. Looks like my body’s back in the game to warn me about something important…

My body just reminded me I still have a lot of work to do here…

I need to act on my resolutions about Kate Bishop… everything I’ve thought about setting boundaries… keeping the line firm between what I want and what I can have… between what I don’t want and what I won’t tolerate… well… one of the first things is that I’m never going to make the mistake again of assuming anything about Kate and Bob…

“There’s no way in hell I’m letting that happen…” I said, letting my voice rise again, letting my aura of reason fill my lungs.

And then she widened her eyes like she was actually shocked. Genuine surprise. It wasn’t fake… it was real.

“I’m sorry… I don’t think I… I didn’t catch… all the words…” she stammered, her hands twisting together nervously, fingers squeezing as if trying to disappear. The insecurity was pouring off her like steam, but I didn’t care. I’m right, and I won’t be distracted by her anymore.

“I said… You’re not going after him.” My voice came out low, dry, like a nail hammered into the wood of reality. “I won’t allow it.”

She rocked on her feet for a moment, looking like she was trying to reboot… processing my words, and in the next instant I saw the exact second she understood, because she froze. Literally. Her shoulders locked, her lips parted, hesitating… the last emotion her brain registered seemed to flicker between confusion, sadness, and… fear?

Good. At least it’s not fucking rage.

I’m not dealing with Hate Bishop again in this lifetime.

“But… you said I had to show you that-” she insisted.

“That you’re here for me?” I cut her off, laughing bitterly, a sound sharp enough to tear, but I wouldn’t take it back. “You wanna prove you’re here for me… by throwing your injured body into a mission, emotionally and physically unprepared, not knowing a damn thing about what you’re facing, leaving me on edge and desperate the whole fucking time?”

“But... Yelena…” she said, her voice higher-pitched now, her eyes beginning to shimmer. That almost got to me. Almost .

“No. No buts...” I said more firmly this time. “Part of what changes now... is that you need to listen to me, and sometimes do what I say... especially when it's about work... especially if I’m in charge.” And this time I stepped closer, my body projecting every inch of the control and care I was no longer holding back from her.

“Right now... like I told you... this is about what you did with Bob... which means this is about work, but also very personal for me... and for you... and I don’t want to be... I won’t be swallowed up by your anger or your inability to control your impulses anymore... do you get that?” I murmured, lifting my face to hers, and she nodded with a trembling kind of affection. It was almost like she was afraid of me. Or maybe of what this meant for us.

“I just... I don’t want to fight anymore... I don’t want me and you on opposite sides... I just want to help you…” She stepped forward slowly, hesitating, and I let my hand, the one that had been pressed against her chest,  slide up to the back of her neck, pulling her forehead to mine.

“I want to believe you…” I whispered softly. The thought of kissing her again crept in, but I was in the middle of something bigger. “I really want to believe you... but you can barely breathe when Bob comes up. You can’t even talk about what happened without crying or getting genuinely pissed off. I can’t let you put yourself in that position. I’d rather have you by my side as something more emotional... and I’ve already made my decision because it’s obvious I’m not throwing Bob back into your orbit until I know for sure he’s okay with it... if he turns out to be the fucking Void... he’ll be drooling for some kind of revenge on you…” I said, feeling how my words landed the way I needed them to.

“Like... revenge, revenge?” she asked, swallowing hard, and I sighed.

“Yes, Kate... real revenge... your nightmares about your parents are just an appetizer... wait until he uses Lucky... your bow and arrows... everything you love, just to make you question every damn passion you have…” I sighed, remembering every godawful piece of my personal hell I’d gone through during my time in the Void…

“I need a crash course on Sentry, Void, and Bobby…” she muttered bitterly, putting extra edge on Bob’s name.

“I’d also appreciate it if you didn’t talk about him in that sarcastic, condescending way…” I said seriously, and she immediately moved in closer, mumbling apologies into a near desperate hug.

“No, please... don’t do that pouty thing... I swear I’ll try harder... I swear this talk changed the way I see him... I was just talking... I’m sorry…” she pleaded, looking like she meant it.

“His father used to call him that, Kate… Bobby , in that venomous tone… and we only call him that between us in the softest, most caring way possible… our job with him is to make him feel okay, to rewrite what went wrong... to give him good memories…” I murmured, the ache of missing him washing over me again.

I stepped just far enough away to pace the space, holding back all the tears, trying to keep my focus on this conversation. I need her to understand everything about Bob... but also how I'm here for her.

She approached gently, brushing her hands against mine in that soft way of hers before bringing us back into the same position as before. “Hey... come on… hold me again… do that magic thing with my neck and hair… and keep going… I wanna hear everything, Widow… I’m really sorry I joked about Bob… I promise that won’t happen again, and when I bring him back-” She was clearly trying, but I groaned impatiently, yanking the hair at the back of her neck, almost harshly, until we were back in that bubble, the one she really seems to understand.

“Kate… for God’s sake… stop pushing it… you are not going to deal with Bob until I see, with my own eyes, that you're ready. Not until you truly understand who he is... and who you are when you're around him. I want you both to be okay… I need you to be my friend, my partner in this... can you please help me with that?”

I was practically begging for her to be exactly what I needed right now, but I didn’t know if she was hearing me… if she’d actually take in my words... because her eyes were locked on my lips, and by the time I finished, the gentle pressure on my forehead told me she was leaning in for a kiss… But I’m not caught in her web anymore. Five minutes ago I might’ve given in.

Not now.

“Do you understand what I’m doing, Kate Bishop?” I whispered more softly as I leaned back, and she took a shaky breath, as if my web had gotten to her instead.

“I… I… you…” she stammered, stuffing her hands into her pants and looking off nervously, like she was holding her imaginary balls. I burst out laughing.

She doesn’t even know it yet, but she’s cut from the same stupid, messed-up cloth Bob came from, at least when it comes to acting like a dumbass teenage boy.

“Can you maybe…” I let out another laugh and walked over to pull her hands out.

“Jesus… I… fuck…” she groaned, like she had no idea why she even did that, then started breathing fast.

“You okay, Kate?” I asked quietly. “Did you get what I said?”

“Yeah… I… yeah, I got everything… and… I’ll do whatever you want, Yelena… anything…” she said, breathing in shallow bursts, and I finally let myself relax.

For the first time since this whole mess started, I actually smiled. A real, relieved smile.

“ ‘Anything’ might be a bit much... I don’t need a slave or anything…” I said, stepping back to pick up the vest I’d thrown to the floor in a rage earlier.

“Right… as you probably figured, I’m not really into submission either… now… can you go back to calling me Kate?” she asked, walking over to help me put it on, and I sighed.

“Probably… but it’s not like I have control over that… when you’re a jerk, it just kinda comes out…” I explained while closing everything on my suit again, and she sighed. A full sigh… tired, resigned… and curious.

When I looked back at her, something had shifted.

There was hunger… and I’m not talking dinner. It was raw, focused, intense. Her eyes weren’t even on me...

They were all about the suit I was wearing...

“Do you like what you see?” I teased her with a crooked smile, tilting her chin up toward me.

She swallowed hard.

The little cough that followed, along with the way she straightened up and cracked her back, was so transparent it almost made me laugh out loud.

“I… it’s a very… practical suit… and it… outlines everything… I mean… offers so many… possibilities… and-” She was completely lost. Stammering. Blushing in a way that was deliciously awkward, which made me laugh hard, without an ounce of shame or discomfort.

Maybe I should just take us straight to my room and get a lot of things out of the way…

“Yeah… I know… my ass looks amazing in this…” I said proudly, glancing at myself. “This is my suit inspired by my old Red Room suit… now go… walk… I want to eat and then I’ll take care of you…” I added, already walking back down the hallway.

Now it’s time to return to my mission… first… I’m going to feed myself like I planned the moment I got back here… it’s been four whole hours… and second… now that Kate Bishop is my friend again… I’ll go back to taking care of her the way she deserves.

“Right… but I just want to say we’re definitely going to revisit the part where I help with the plan soon…” she said, passing me with that arrogant little strut of hers.

“Kate… don’t make me use my fucking Widow’s Bites on you… you’ve tested me enough for a lifetime…” I groaned, completely exasperated by her stubbornness, and she sighed, reaching for my hand and tucking it into her pocket.

“I’m just saying I want to contribute…” she mumbled, and I groaned, pulling my hand out of her pocket.

“While we’re on that… later we’re gonna have a very specific talk about this habit you have of pushing me… invading my space and disobeying when I set boundaries…” I said, stomping beside her to grab her hand the right way.

“I don’t have that many choices, Yelena… what do you expect me to do?” she asked, almost offended, rolling her eyes.

“You need to learn to respect me, Kate… I’m not just some woman in your life, and I’m definitely not just some woman in this fucking multiverse…” I paused just to fix her hair that looked like a mess, walking again until our steps were synchronized, heavy.

“I know you’re not just anyone… and I’m sorry if I acted like you were… I just need you to respect me too…” she muttered, trying to tame her hair and maybe her temper.

“Respect you?” I asked, incredulous. “Kate, I haven’t disrespected you in any way… you’re lucky I didn’t kill you between yesterday and today… just understand… no matter what kind of pull you have on me… I have limits, and I don’t want anyone crossing them… not even you…” I sighed deeply, already starting to smell the food coming from the kitchen, and she groaned loud.

“Fuuuck…” she muttered in a much more offended tone than before. “I wasn’t trying any of that… I just… no one seems to care that I’m in deep shit…” her voice cracked. “And I’m not even talking about the whole main point of me being a bitch to Bob… I’m talking about being stitched the fuck up… and I haven’t eaten in years… I just… fuuuck…” Her words tumbled out in a disorganized whirlwind.

I raised an eyebrow, holding back a smile… a sharp smile, a little sympathetic, but still a smile, because she just looked cute in her anger again, not that violent thing from before.

Just thinking about Hate Bishop made my smile slip from my lips like a gust of wind.

She’s going to hate this shit…

“The only good thing is that I have you back…” she said, pulling me by the neck in a move that was both abrupt and affectionate, and I dodged it with a simple jab to her chest, careful not to hit her injuries…

“Yeah… keep whining… but do it to someone who actually believes you’re a victim…” I said, pushing her, then letting my foot land on her ass as we reached the kitchen door. “Now… walk ahead of me… park that pretty ass in the chair next to mine… and keep your smart mouth busy with food until it’s time to go to my room.”

I ordered firmly, pointing to the entrance, and everyone in the kitchen seemed frozen as they watched Kate walk in with hesitant steps and a guilty look.

I looked at everyone, and yeah, they definitely heard what I just said… and probably heard everything from the hallway too.

“What are you all staring at?” I muttered, piling food on my plate again, letting the delicious smell distract me as I licked my fingers under their curious stares.

“Nothing… we just…” Laura murmured with amusement. “It’s interesting…” I leaned on the counter to look at her, she had her chin resting on her hand, staring right at Kate, who looked embarrassed but was grinning wide.

“Don’t look at me like that, Laura… don’t get jealous just because I obey Yelena now too…” Kate huffed, and I gave her a light slap on the back of the head.

“Hey… don’t talk about me like that, I’m not your mom, сука…” I said, laughing.

“I just… well… I want to take this moment, now that I have everyone’s attention, to say that you’ve all been… assholes to me-” she tried, and I burst out laughing, pushing her again before grabbing her plate.

“Kate… don’t start… or I’ll knock you out until you learn…” I said, shoving her plate in the microwave before sitting down with mine and finally getting to eat in peace.

“You know you can’t make me if I don’t want to, right?” she said dramatically, standing up to wait for her plate to heat up.

I leaned on my elbows as I chewed my reheated kebab, all her fault, replaying all the stress she’s caused me.

This bitch hasn’t given me a second of peace in days… almost made me talk about love in the middle of a fucking fight before even kissing her… worse… she didn’t kiss me… and now here she is, challenging me again right after apologizing…

Maybe I should use her as a punching bag this time… not Laura though…

Although… Laura used me as a punching bag…

Maybe I could ask Laura to train Hate Bishop…

OR…

Maybe Kate and I could fight in a less violent way… something organized… maybe with special gloves… maybe some protective gear for her face…

A voice, like a hungry growl inside my head, said we could just settle it naked…

Yeah, sure… you’ve never even kissed a girl properly, and now you think you can lead an expedition across Kate Bishop’s body…

Fantastic…

I bet she’d guide me…

Shut up and chew. Keep your mouth busy.

What if I kept my mouth busy with Kate Bishop?

Kebab, not Kate Bishop.

She came back with her steaming plate, sitting beside me again, and I locked eyes with her as I licked my fingers. The way she noticed made me huff out loud.

Idiot.

She’d totally be into it…

Just cool it and stay serious… you’re in the middle of an important mission.

“As I was saying… I just want to say that I’m myself again and I’m here… you can’t stop me from helping…” Her persistence was just irritating.

I don’t know if I really want to be naked with someone that annoying…

“You know, Kate… you and I just had a really tough conversation…” I said, still with my mouth full… chewing slowly everything I wanted to say.

“That’s already been dealt with, Yelena… it’s not about my violence, which has already been documented and explained…” she said, looking around. “Yeah, I know I’ve been a bitch to everyone, and I’m not proud of it… especially with you, Yelena.” she added softly, and Laura signed something at me in ASL… Education.

I nodded back, understanding that she wanted me to keep doing whatever I was doing for Kate.

“Yes, Kate… it’s very nice that you get all that… and I really think things have changed now… no one here doubts you’re a good girl, despite everything… but what I want you to keep in mind is that I’m not playing around… I need you to commit to what you’re telling me… because…” I rubbed my eyes again, feeling exhaustion grip me with heavy hands.

“You okay, Blondie?” John's voice almost startled me. He’d been quiet since we got there and had his full attention on Kate. I know he didn’t really love having to deal with her temper.

"I'm fine, John…" I murmured, reaching my hand across the table to touch his. He smiled and nodded before folding his arms and turning his eyes back to Kate, like he expected her to snap at any second.

Kate’s hand rested on my shoulder, and I nodded back at her before shifting my focus to Laura and Clint. Both of them would back me up on anything I needed when it came to Kate, I knew that. Laura’s plan to take Kate with her if she didn’t understand suddenly filled my head…

“So, Kate… look… here’s what I need to happen… I’m stuck in a seriously messed up situation and I’m not dealing with your crap again… not ever… and especially not right now… for now… I already told you how this is gonna go. If you don’t want it… you don’t have to. But Laura and Clint are taking you to their farm to get better… or you can go back to the penthouse. Your choice. I just won’t let you get in the way of any part of the plan… this plan that, by the way, only exists because of your recklessness. I’ve been clear. Is everyone here on the same page about what me and Kate are doing here?” 

I’d never spoken that firmly to another human being, and I genuinely hoped she got that, even if my tone was flirting with military-level sternness.

The silence in the room was almost tangible. Everyone in the kitchen seemed hyper-aware of what I’d just said.

“I’m just saying that…” she started, and the whole table groaned. They looked as tired as I felt, and I quietly sighed, deciding right then I wasn’t gonna stress over Kate. No one else needed that either.

Like could feel my patience thinning, Clint stood up and gave me an overly friendly wink. I scoffed, waiting to hear whatever he had to say.

“Kate… I think you should just eat and go along with Yelena’s plan. Because either you follow her lead, or you won’t be following anyone else’s under the Hawkeye mantle…”

After setting his plate in the sink, Clint walked over and kissed the top of her head while resting a hand on my shoulder. I didn’t see a reason to pull away.

“The Avengers Initiative won’t tolerate your behavior again, Kate… Yelena and I won’t either. Your mentor’s not exactly thrilled with how you've been acting, and Sam’s showing up in a few days with the same stance…” Barnes said in his usual calm tone, and I smiled at him, feeling the backup.

“Katherine… I’m only gonna say this once… if you pull something like that again… I’ll be the one taking care of you.” Laura said with an edge in her voice, and Kate huffed, throwing her hands in the air in the dumbest gesture ever.

“Jeez… no need to threaten me like that… I said I got it… I just… it’s not like I asked to be thrown into this… I know I screwed up… I’m just being real here and saying I understand now and things are gonna be different from here on out…” She pleaded in that ridiculous way, hiding her face in my neck, and we all laughed, because yeah, her brand of crazy seemed untouched.

“I’m glad you finally pulled your head outta your ass, Kate…” Teddy muttered, but I heard it.

She didn’t even wait a second before popping out from my hair-hiding spot and firing off a bunch of cuss words at him and just like that, the girls jumped into some gossip talk, bringing life back to the kitchen, which had just felt like a damn war room.

I glanced around, silently thanking everyone, and went back to my food, this was the plan, but the seat next to me was taken by Ava, her voice low and teasing, that same mix of fox and tiger she always carried.

“Those almost-kisses were hot as fuck. Why the hell didn’t you kiss her, dumbass?” she whispered, and my eyes widened. My kebab dropped from my hand, way too startled by the idea that Kate might’ve heard that.

“Dude, what are you even talking about?” I said, my face already doing the talking for me, flushed as hell.

“We heard the yelling from here… and when it stopped, we figured you'd worked it out…” she said, leaning on my shoulder.

“Worked it out how exactly?” I pulled my plate closer, more for defense than comfort. I wanted to understand what she was implying, but not hand her everything on a silver platter.

“You know… either someone died… or someone got naked. A kiss probably would've solved all that drama that just went down.” She grinned wickedly and I finally gave in, laughing out loud, which earned me a look from Kate, who leaned on my chair and stretched across to kiss Ava’s cheek.

“Are you gonna forgive me for being a dumbass too?”

Ava shot me a raised-eyebrow look, silently saying, See? She keeps kissing me, not you. I rolled my eyes, pushing Kate away.

“I’m not mad at you, kid… I know it’s been rough… it would've lasted 'til tomorrow… one more day of your bullshit and then I would've kicked your cute little ass… next meltdown, I’m shooting warning shots. Or maybe just shooting you.” Ava said, still smiling bright.

Kate tried again to reach across to Ava, but I blocked her.m.mn

“Can you stop kissing Ava every five seconds?” I growled, my jealousy flaring as I kept eating and didn’t even see the next move coming.

“You don’t need to be jealous…” Kate said, pulling me in and peppering soft, dumb kisses across both my cheeks. “There… now you’ve got more kisses than she does…”

Her tone was so light it almost sounded childish but the effect? Yeah… it was explosive. My face heated up so fast I was sure I could reheat the damn kebab with it.

“Finally kissed her…” Ava muttered against my back, loud enough for Kate, who cracked up immediately.

I shot Ava a mortified look, but she was already laughing along with Kate now.

“Can I eat in peace?” I asked, trying to hide my embarrassment, my flushed cheeks, my heart pounding… whatever the hell was happening to me right now… and Kate was back to chatting with the others, her shoulder practically glued to mine.

*

Kissing Yelena’s flushed cheeks just took the number one spot out of every time I’ve ever kissed a girl…

And I’m willing to bet that every kiss that comes after this, any future kiss at all, is gonna be about her…

No, dammit… she has a boyfriend… one I don’t even know where the hell he is… one who’s missing because of me… but he’s still someone.

She’s just messing with you… she’s still your friend… no matter what…

Billy, Tommy, and Teddy were keeping me distracted with updates about Eli—he was still in a medically induced coma but responding super well to treatment… The girls were catching me up on the complex and how they trained today in that crazy gym… how Lucky was almost passed out in Teddy’s room after a mini training session this afternoon and I was listening to my friends…

Even if part of my attention was tuned into the other side of the table… It was like two separate tables—one for the kids, one for the grown-ups… Yelena’s dad was making Laura laugh with some wild and definitely fake story about Captain America… Clint seemed locked in a serious talk with Barnes… Ava and Yelena were whispering… and then there was John. He was staring right at me. No smile. No words. Just full, undivided attention.

I opened a new kebab, pulling out a giant pepper from it while still feeling his gaze… But I didn’t want to think about him… not when… Yelena, like she sensed where my thoughts were heading, grabbed my hand a second before I tossed the pepper, and bit it straight from my fingers.

“Jesus… you could’ve just asked, dumbass…” I said through a weird mix of a laugh, a moan, and a gross hiss, watching her lick my finger slowly.

“You were about to ruin a perfectly good habanero…” she mumbled, mouth full, and I turned my head, dodging her spicy breath.

“Could you not breathe on me… your mouth feels like it’s on fire…” I gasped, and Ava burst out laughing.

“Bet you think that a lot, Bishop…” My light punch to her shoulder earned me a slap back as she stabbed my food with a fork, stealing a bite.

“Hey, you already had dinner… I haven’t eaten in weeks…” I joked, hiding my plate from her.

“Don’t be selfish… we gave you Yelena… the least you can do is share your food. You grabbed the last lamb kebab…” she groaned, and Yelena leaned closer into my space, clearly interested in Ava’s complaint.

“I didn’t get a lamb one… Can I have a bite of yours?”

She practically begged, fluttering her lashes, and I swallowed hard at how stupidly normal she looked… just a regular girl trying to seduce me into giving up food.

Like she even needed to bat a single lash…

“That’s not even fair… it’s like you’re asking for-”

I started to say, but she quickly covered my mouth, whispering into my shoulder.

“Don’t even finish that joke… Ava’s not letting us walk out of this kitchen without being humiliated… even though I seriously need that…” She said in a way that sent my mind spiraling into the deepest, filthiest corner of my imagination.

I couldn’t stop myself from crossing my legs a little too tightly before Yelena reached over to my plate with a fork… she grabbed a bite for herself and then, as if she wasn’t absolutely wrecking my self-control… she fed me the next one.

“Oh my God… I think it’s time for the kids to go to bed…” Laura said, snapping me out of the haze of pure lust Yelena had pulled me into.

“I think so… well… I mean… I’ll go…” I huffed, backing away from Yelena. “You can have it…” I gave her a weak smile and she cheered loudly, pulling the plate towards her and Ava. “Alright… I’m out… Teddy… Billy… Tommy… I need… we need to talk… privately… okay?” I said directly to the boys who looked confused for a second but quickly got the message.

We did this whenever things got tense… there was girl time… and then there was my very necessary time with the boys… especially after we discovered how fun weed could be.

“Hey… remember what I said earlier?” Yelena murmured about the plan to head back to her room, and I nodded hard. Not really sure if it was safe to be alone with her, but I’d die trying.

“Yeah, sure… I’ll hang with them for a bit… and then… I’ll come back so you can help me with the bandages…” I said, already speeding off before she or anyone could reply.

I was quickly flanked by my boys, and they laughed the moment we found a small, hidden terrace they’d discovered earlier today.

“This isn’t gonna get us in trouble, is it?” Billy laughed, already emptying his pockets with everything we’d need.

“We’re adults, fuck it… no one can say anything… worst case, if someone shows up, I’ll offer them some…” Tommy said, leaning on Billy to help roll up our joints.

“Maybe let’s not have Laura or Clint catch us doing this… they’ll tell old man Barnes and it’ll be a whole thing…” Teddy said, already taking the first joint and lighting it with this half-excited, half-relieved gesture. “God… I really needed this…” he muttered, holding in the smoke before exhaling. He turned to me with a grin, offering the next hit. “Maybe don’t smoke the whole thing… you’ve got meds in an hour and Yelena might not be cool with it.”

I took the joint and his advice, rushing to deal with my problem, but I had barely taken the first drag of calm when I heard her voice.

“What wouldn’t I be cool with?” Yelena said loudly from the entryway and we all scrambled to hide the evidence.

I didn’t even have time to exhale before she was a step away from me.

“What are you guys doing?” she asked carefully, and Teddy laughed.

Teddy’s always the first to look like a damn idiot… shit.

“Well… we’re just chilling…” he explained, trying to keep a straight face, and Billy burst out laughing.

“Fuck it… it’s just Yelena… she’s not one of the adults in my head… she’s one of us.” he scoffed and I nearly choked, coughing the damn smoke and my lungs right into her face.

“What the fuck, Kate?” Yelena said, sniffing the air, her eyes going wide before snatching Billy’s joint and tossing it off the railing.

“Dude… do you know how hard that was to get?” Billy groaned and we all joined in until he dug in his pocket and shouted “Don’t cry… I’ve got plenty more…”

The slowness, the looseness weed gave me was the reason I even went along with it… it’s not like I like drugs or anything… but in this case specifically… I let myself go. It’s not like this happens that often since college… but I really needed it…

Nothing was going to throw me off… not even the way Yelena crossed her arms, clearly annoyed, in that indecent suit… not even how she looked like she was trying to talk about something serious… could stop me from reaching for Tommy’s joint for another long drag.

“Oh God… this is… I seriously needed this…” I groaned, leaning over the railing to take in the breathtaking view of the river. “Come see this, Yelena…” I said, pointing to a bunch of fireflies floating above the nearby tree, and she huffed, leaning next to me, surprisingly excited.

God… it wasn’t the cliché of everything looking brighter because of the weed… no… it really was. We were far enough from civilization to actually see the stars… for the damn fireflies to glow in my life.

“Yelena… wanna try?” Teddy asked quietly, and I turned immediately to stop that madness.

“No… she can’t.” I said, stepping in front of her.

She’s been dealing with addiction for a while… I’m not letting her mess with that shit.

“And who the fuck are you to tell me no?” she huffed, and I groaned, turning to cup her soft face. I didn’t even think before leaning down and pressing kisses all over her cheek. Just like I’d want to do to her mouth. Weed turned me into a soft, brave little bitch.

“I’m absolutely no one…” I murmured against her skin. “But you told me how you deal with addiction and this is a drug… and you also told me how you don’t like messing with your head… Red Room, remember?” I said low enough for only her to hear, and she looked… almost… touched.

“Oh… okay… I just thought… I’ve never tried it before…” she said, holding my hands and I nodded, hoping she’d actually listen to me while I was still not a giggly, sleepy, dumbass who’d say yes to anything. “But I wouldn’t mind trying… will you help me if anything goes wrong?” she whispered and I let out a loud sigh.

“No, my love, you don’t get it… if something goes wrong, you might kill us all… if you go on a bad trip and your head fills with shit thoughts… I-I don’t want that… I won’t allow it.” I said flat-out.

“You know… Kate has a good point…” Teddy suddenly said next to us, like he was watching this whole little emotional exchange from the front row. “But… I think one drag could help your love scratch the curiosity and won’t do any harm… I promise if anything happens, I’ll be here… you can’t just block your love like that, dude!” he complained straight at me, and I marched over to him, not giving a damn that he was throwing me under the bus in front of Yelena.

“Teddy, you dumbass… it’s not about control now … it’s about how she’s already had her mind controlled before … she literally said she hates anything that messes with her head and I’m not gonna expose-” I was in the middle of the most serious conversation I’ve probably ever had with two joints in my system when I heard her voice sounding way too excited.

“Woah… this is… really good… like, really good…” she said, holding her breath and looking at all of us while Billy looked proud as hell.

“Told you… I wouldn’t give you something that’d mess you up.” he said way too hyped.

“Yelena… baby… sweetheart…” I rushed to her to try and grab the joint but she dodged me, jumping up onto the railing to get away. “Hey… don’t do this to me… you know who his mom is… she could kill us with a snap.” I begged in a panic, watching her take another drag, looking like an absolute vision as she unzipped the top half of her suit and tied it around her waist.

My high brother in Christ…

No bra?

I squeezed my eyes shut and rushed toward her as she started dancing up there… I know she’s trained and all that shit… but no. That’s why I pulled her down over my shoulders, her loud laughter filling the night as she took another hit while draped over me and coughed like hell.

This time she really felt it… that automatic cough that means the weed has officially accepted you hit her and she cheered loudly, handing the joint back to Billy.

“I wouldn’t even care if his mom showed up right now… maybe if my sister did… this kid just gave me a great little moment of choice and peace of mind, Kate Bishop, don’t be a buzzkill…” she said, all eloquent and shit, and I cheered right along with her.

“Thank God she’s not one of those who cries and sees their whole life flash before their eyes…” I said, looking at Teddy who laughed even harder.

“She’s perfect at everything… and you know it…” he muttered just to me.

“No… she clearly doesn’t know… did you not see what she just did?” Yelena said, walking over to me, and I froze.

“You shouldn’t eavesdrop on people…” I said, grabbing her hands to lead her into a silly dance meant to distract her from what she’d heard.

“Come on, don’t blush on me now… I need to hear the things you wouldn’t normally tell me…” she said, wrapping her arms around my waist and I groaned, hugging her back, burying her head into my chest with a strangled sound that screamed how this woman kills me with cuteness every damn time.

“If I don’t say it, it’s because I know I shouldn’t…” I said, gently cupping her pretty, relaxed face in my hands. “How do you really feel?” My touch on her cheeks had become the best part of my world these last few hours.

“I feel amazing… relaxed… my mind’s finally out of the storm you threw me into… I don’t feel pain thinking about Natasha or Bob… and I really love how this whole experience is happening with you, after you drove me insane.”

Okay… she’s a talker. “Boys… Yelena’s a talker…” I celebrated, and she huffed, pouting before burying her face in my chest again.

I pointed at her proudly, then at the boys. Their big thumbs-up told me I was doing just fine and that Yelena wasn’t gonna kill us.

“Don’t get shy now, baby… you know you look even more gorgeous right now that you’re at peace?” I asked, brushing her pout with my finger, and she softly shook her head. “Well, let me tell you… yes, you do. You look like the most beautiful girl in the world… and I’m just relieved this turned out to be a good experience… a good experience with me… and thank you for not wanting to murder me earlier.” I said, kissing her forehead gently and she spun around in my arms… her back against my chest as she kissed my arm and started chatting with the boys.

“I wanted to say she turned into a chatterbox because of the weed… but we all know that’s a lie…” she blurted with a cheeky tone, and we all burst out laughing even more.

“Alright… now that we’re all good and calm… the peace puffing session is officially over… three hits are enough for everyone today.” Tommy said as he tucked the leftovers into his pockets, while we all leaned against the balcony to look up at the sky…

All the silly talk… Yelena’s little show of naming every star and constellation we pointed at… the way she talked about Ohio, the fireflies, and Natasha… how she said Bob’s eyes looked like tiny fireflies… it all felt even better because she said those things while tucked into the safety of my arms… what mattered in my world right then was that… her nice butt was perfectly pressed against me… my nose buried in her hair and neck… and everything else could wait…

*

It was well past two in the morning when we finally made it back to the room… the three safety puffs had somehow turned into each of us finishing an entire joint of the best thing I’ve ever tasted in this shitty world.

My mind is just a calm, empty hall right now… and at the far end of that hall, there’s only one melodious voice filling it all…

Her voice… Kate Bishop’s voice…

“It’s not like I suddenly decided I needed a driver’s license or something… I’d rather just roll around in a pair of roller skates… can you imagine how wild that shit would be… but I don’t think public policies around mobility…”

She was just going on and on and on, into this endless topic, her stream of words flowing like she forgot how to stop, or maybe like she’d just laced up the skates she mentioned and decided to never stop talking as she rolled down the longest hill of our lives… It was a never ending ramble about how she took her first steps at 9 months old to how she still doesn’t know how to drive…

I’d been listening to every word that came out of that soft, pink mouth for over an hour… so soft… so pink… so hypothetically hyped at the idea of roller skates… I should get her a nice pair… maybe get one for myself too… because yeah… bikes really are deadly weapons…

But I knew I was on a bigger mission… and I needed to stay focused while she kept stuffing water and way too many cookies into my mouth as we got closer to the room, after I begged for food and water.

It was like those old cartoons from the Red Room… there was one where the character was lured in with tiny pieces of food… until they were caught in a trap…

She said it was normal to be that hungry after weed and I believed her… it’s fine to fall into that trap…

“ Malishka … I loved what we just did…” I cut her off, closing the door behind us while she kept going on, now about street races and hit-and-runs…

“What did we just do?” she asked distractedly, letting her body sink gently into the bed, and I sighed completely when I saw how the bandages on her abs looked like they were bleeding through.

“I mean the weed… can you take off your clothes?” I asked, already planning how I’d check the stitches… which antiseptic I’d use… wondering how many days until she started feeling better…

I was just pacing around the room when I turned my attention back to Kate, who was in the final moves of taking off the comfy pants she’d been wearing.

My jaw dropped when I saw the tiny panties that made me choke on the half-chewed cookie in my mouth because… are thighs supposed to look that good? and that little top barely covering just enough of some really nice boobs, should that even be legal?…

The impact of all that exposed skin hit so hard I ended up hiding my face and turning away from her immediately.

It felt wrong to see that much skin.

“What? You told me to take my clothes off… and thanks for thinking my thighs and boobs are nice…” she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, and in an instant, I felt incredibly stupid.

Yeah, I asked… that’s true…

Okay… enough…

I can tell the difference between a weed high and the right thing to do… and like with anything that alters your state of mind… some types of contact just aren’t right, right?

“Yeah… I agree… so then why’d you ask me to take my clothes off?” Kate snapped back like she was reading my thoughts.

“You can read minds? Since when?” I asked while unbuttoning my vest and suit.

I don’t really like enhanced people… I’m not sure I wanna see an enhanced person naked…

“I’m not enhanced!… and you, God, you’re really gonna let her undress? Do I deserve this?” she shouted, pointing at the ceiling like God actually existed… like God was really paying attention to anything in my shitty existence.

“Of course you deserve it…” I growled as I stepped closer to the bed with my hands on my waist and she screamed, pointing right at me.

“Shit… you’re the one reading my mind… do all Black Widows read minds?” she groaned in surprise, propping herself up on her elbows, and I sighed, annoyed.

“No… you said it out loud.” I said defensively.

“No, dumbass, you said it out loud.” she fired back, practically yelled it.

I walked around the room, thinking through the situation as I peeled off my suit, feeling the chill in the room raise goosebumps in the best way…

If she didn’t read my mind… and I didn’t read hers…

“Then who is reading our minds right now?” I had to know. Was God involved in this? He let me be thrown into the Red Room, and now He thinks He has the right to get involved the first time I’m half-dressed with the girl I like?

I stopped in front of the mirror and realized I’d been walking around all night with my nipples out in this shirt… though my butt looks really good in these panties… I totally get what she meant about the suit outlining everything…

“Babe… I don’t know if it’s wise to know… I don’t think God has time for the two of us, with all the shit happening in the world, He didn’t even take care of you… what I do know is… well… my abs hurts… and yeah… your butt really does look great in the suit, but I way prefer it without… before we get any more naked, can you take care of me?” she rambled, pointing at the now bloody bandage.

“Yes… sorry… come on… sit down…” I said, already starting to gently unravel the bandage before going to grab what I needed to clean her up and take care of her.

I’m never gonna let her think she has to take care of herself alone again…

“I’m never gonna leave you alone again either…” she whispered, and I found myself trying so hard to block my thoughts, to keep them from being read and passed along to her.

“It’s annoying that they’re letting you hear my thoughts…” I murmured as I cleaned the small cut that looked like it had reopened just a little.

“You didn’t think that…” she groaned.

“Of course I did… but I wouldn’t say out loud how much I actually want you…” I said, blowing gently on the cut.

“You know that blowing on a wound can fill it with bacteria, right?” she whispered, blowing with me. “And I don’t get why you wouldn’t tell me you wanted me if you did… it’s about wanting what you want… why not say something that sweet?” Her words actually made sense…

“Sorry about the bacteria… it’s just that I don’t really know how much I want you… or when I want you… I just know that I do want you…” My answer sounded perfect to me because I liked it, and she smiled.

“That’s actually a really good answer…” she smiled, but with a strange gleam in her eye. “The problem is I can’t tell you how much I want you…” That was confusing.

“Now that is confusing… I think you should tell me if you want me… why do you think you can’t?” I asked as I finished cleaning her up, and she gave me the saddest smile in the world.

“It’s because of the boyfriend…”

Oh…

That’s a great explanation…

I didn’t know she had a boyfriend… is it that guy? Eli? Now I get the sadness… maybe I should go for his balls again… or maybe not… he’s in a coma… poor guy… no… not poor guy… he wants my girl.

“I don’t know if I like your boyfriend… why would you choose a useless guy like Eli and not a cool girl like me?” I asked, feeling my lip half-numb, pout unconsciously, waiting for her answer.

“Oh no, not the pout…” she whispered, touching my lip. “Stop thinking about Eli and his ugly balls… I can’t be your girl because you’re the one with a boyfriend… Bob…” she explained.

“Bob…” I said, pointing at her as I grabbed the clean bandages.

“Yeah… Bob!” she answered like it was obvious. I could barely stop myself from thinking Bob might not have even had dinner.

“I hope he ate dinner…” I mumbled.

“I hope your boyfriend’s alive, Yelena…” See… she’s so kind…

“I don’t want a boyfriend, Kate Bishop… I prefer girls…” I confessed as I finished her perfectly wrapped bandage, and she nodded happily.

“Oh… I like girls better too…” she said, pointing at me before dragging herself under the blankets.

“Actually, I think I like you better…” I said as I crawled in to rest my head on her chest.

God, how can she be so warm and soft? I could hold her all night tonight…

She yawned and so did I… after all… “Yawns are contagious…” We said in unison.

“Yeah… makes sense, I mean I am a girl… and I’m pretty sure I like you better… and yes, you can cuddle me forever if you want to, I don’t mind.” she said with her eyes closed, and I closed mine too.

Our night was amazing…

“I think it was amazing too, Yelena, now sleep before I kiss you…” she whispered right in my ear, and I almost cried from how badly I wanted her to actually kiss me… Maybe if I wish hard enough, someone’ll tell her… and maybe, just maybe, she’ll give us that…

I want to be kissed by you, Kate…

Whoever had been listening to our minds clearly stopped doing it, because Kate stopped replying, and slowly, I slipped into the best sleep in the world, in the best hug in the world, on the best bed in the world, with the most beautiful girl in the world…

*

There was grass… wet grass… the sun was warm in just the right way… the kind of heat that felt like its only mission was to warm me just enough… not to suffocate me… just to gently heat my shoulders and the tip of my nose without punishing me… I was feeling everything… and holy shit, it felt so good that my new life let me have that now… everything around me felt full of life, and it kind of was.

I ran even faster, feeling my legs and my heart racing with the speed… my bare feet sinking just slightly into the damp grass… best feeling ever… I could barely hold myself back as I dove to the ground after the ball John had just thrown my way.

“Run, Blondie, run… enhanced pain in the ass at your 3 o’clock…” John called out, and I jumped as high as I could, more sensing than seeing America slide right under me.

I kept running… scanning the whole space, breathless with laughter, figuring out how I’d make it across the field without getting tackled by Tommy and Eli…

The New York Thunderbolts had to beat the Young Avengers, and I wasn’t about to let that moment slip. Our squad’s laundry privileges were on the line.

I ran in a straight line, quick short steps, covering every makeshift yard on the ground to try and win the game. Cassie’s yelling and Kamala intercepting me didn’t stop me from dragging myself across those last few feet to the goal line.

I celebrated by dropping the ball to the ground as John and my dad came running up beside me. They were just as happy as I was, messing up my hair and lifting me onto their shoulders…

And I was just smiling as I slowly walked to the little table full of drinks, feeling hot now from the run… lungs burning, full of life… I was using my shirt to wipe the sweat and grass off my face when I saw him…

Bob…

My smile froze on my face, like time had stuttered for a second while I looked around, everyone barely holding back smiles as I looked at him again… Was it real?

He was standing there, across the field, near the trees. The sunlight seemed to pull away from him, casting weird shadows around him, but I didn’t think twice… that’s Bob… sometimes he draws in the shadows… sometimes everything goes dark… but the eyes… the little fireflies in his eyes were there… so I ran to him, arms moving fast, like I was still on the field, like there were crucial yards left to gain… like something in me knew that moment had to be seized… But just a few steps away from him, my body slowed down… something was… off…

“You gonna stand there all day? Come here, Widow…” Bob shouted from the side, under the trees, warming his hands over a fire…

Widow . The word echoed inside me with weight. It was almost… painful. 

He didn’t… No… this is… And then I realized…

I looked up at the sky and all around me… everything seemed to be changing colors and shapes… it wasn’t that warm, perfect afternoon anymore… now it was this almost-too-dark twilight… everything felt off… there were no lavender tones from a sunset that seemed to be hiding behind rain clouds… no scent or color from the flowers in the little garden beside the field… no smell of damp grass, even though it was wet under my bare feet… the texture beneath my feet wasn’t pleasant anymore… no woody scent from the eucalyptus along the trail to the compound… all that should’ve been there… I knew it… I felt it… but it wasn’t…

A soft rain started falling… cold, irritating drops running down my face, my shoulders, my arms, giving me chills… not from cold, but from how wrong it all felt.

“C’mon, Lena… I don’t have all day… it’s getting dark…” His voice felt like it came from somewhere else now, like it was both too close and too far at once, and something inside me broke as my feet started running again. My heart was pounding… not from joy now, but from this awful sinking feeling, this ache…

Those old, beat-up pants were the same ones from the first time I saw him… the ugly blue hoodie I hated, but he loved… everything felt… out of place… and he seemed busy, distracted… rummaging through a pile of… combat suits.

“What you doing?” I asked, still walking toward him.

“I’m fixing it all… or at least trying to… you won’t have to take care of me anymore… I won’t be in your way again…” he yelled back before sighing quietly, and I scoffed at how ridiculous that was.

“What kind of crap is that?” I protested, confused that I didn’t seem any closer to him even though I was running.

The more I ran, the farther away I felt…

“You’ve never been in my way… I love you, and I’m so damn glad I found you… you know that, don’t you?” I said, my steps finally slowing down… my voice barely a whisper, almost pleading.

“I know you love me… and I love you too… and that’s why I’d give my life for you to live in peace… with her…” he said with a genuine smile. I was still trying to make sense of his whole vibe, but before I could say anything else, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist.

The warmth was instant, and it came with a soft, wet, shivery whisper in my ear. “Hey… shhh… come back to me… I’ll help you get him out… I promise… but I need you here with me…”

Her lips touched the back of my neck with unreal softness, a trail of light, careful kisses like she was discovering my skin for the first time… even though she clearly knew exactly where to touch. I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt her fingers slip into the side of my panties in a move so gentle and yet so maddening. My back arched from the chills… A strong arm held my neck in the perfect, careful angle so the kisses hit right on my pulse… everything felt just right…

“I need you…” That tortured, surrendered whisper made me moan out loud from how intense Kate’s body felt against my back…

Wait…

Kate?

I snapped my eyes open… I was still in my room… Everything was dark, quiet… the warmth was still there… but not like that warmth…

All I could feel was her gentle… not the tight hug around my neck… no warm kisses… she wasn’t grinding against me… it was all me… just me and my ragged breathing… me and my shivers… me and this need… the only thing left from the dream was Kate’s hand still resting against the side of my panties… and even that… was different… not the greedy grip yanking the fabric to pull me into a rhythm… it was just her pinky finger, slipped between the waistband and my skin, with no pressure, no intent… just an unconscious gesture.

I tilted my head just enough to see how deeply she was sleeping… the soft snore from exhaustion, the pale tint from the pace she’d kept these last few days… her chapped lips slightly parted…

I looked at the clock on the nightstand, trying to get my bearings… 4:36 a.m…

I’d slept just a little over two hours, but it somehow felt like enough, even though I knew it wasn’t… nothing ever feels like enough anymore every time Kate touches me… ever since her touch started creeping into parts of me I didn’t even know existed.

I rubbed my face and eyes hard, pulling just far enough away from her to lie on my back, putting a safe distance between us… still thinking about the dream… 

It wasn’t like the usual Bob intrusions… No distortion from the damn Void… No feeling of the world being ripped away from me by Evil Bob… Good Bob didn’t even touch me…

He wasn’t here… he would’ve had to be here, right?

No, no way, he couldn’t shape my dream around his own desires or intentions.

He just… he had to be in it… He wouldn’t invade my dream just to say goodbye, would he?

No.

It was just… a dream. A normal dream.

I’m probably just grieving, projecting… it makes sense…

And still, everything in me ached like it had actually happened. The emptiness it left behind was heavy… suffocating… like I’d woken up missing a part of myself.

“Yele…na… the kebab… is mine…” Kate mumbled, her voice dragged out, almost childlike, still deep in sleep, pulling her hands off me as she turned toward the window…

I should never have followed her movement with my eyes… Never… because a whole scene was happening as she hugged a pillow with her arms and legs…

The smooth curve of her waist fading into those wide, firm hips. That absolutely ridiculous butt framed by panties way too thin to be appropriate. Everything outlined by the soft blue light slipping in through the window crack… it was all there… and when the girl you like is laid out like that in the kind of darkness that highlights every silhouette and perfect muscle… you just… you just look… you look knowing you should stop… but you look… and most of all… when you see what no one else should ever see without permission… you see it and feel it, with your whole body, the urgency of not touching… yeah… you see it all without ever touching…

My jump out of bed was my body taking my side…

That’s when all the conditioning I got from the Red Room isn’t a curse for once… Everything in me was trained to anticipate… to escape… it’s all about the control I have over the urge to intrude… all about how I pick up on things before they even happen… well, maybe it’s not all that scientific or deep… maybe I’m just running from an instinct I don’t understand, but one that would make me wake Kate up to touch every inch of her body…

So, since I don’t really get all of it, and even if I did, I probably wouldn’t know what to do with it… I just headed straight to the bathroom, figuring I could start my day, save some time, get a few things done, keep searching for Bob… I just need to get my shit together… think it through… I don’t need to be touching Kate Bishop right now… I don’t need her touching me the way she does in my dreams with her…

Dreams have meanings, Yelena… Ava’s voice popped up in my head.

It’s wild how someone who was practically born and raised in tech… someone methodical… with enhanced intelligence, way above average… trained and messed up by science in every way… actually believed in horoscopes… runes… auras… reincarnation… energy… all kinds of woo-woo esoteric stuff… she believed in the supernatural in the dumbest way possible… in dream meanings and all that full-on astrological nonsense… Crazy… but that was just Ava.

And maybe… maybe she had a point.

Maybe I was lying to myself.

But not today. Not right now.

Right now, I just wanted to quiet my brain, I wanted hot water running down my back. I wanted to forget the curves of Kate’s skin. I wanted to forget the heat that built up in me every time she whispered my name in the middle of the night. I needed to forget that her fingers, even unintentionally, knew exactly where to touch to pull me apart…

The current count is Kate Bishop has touched my boob and my panties in dreams without even realizing how badly I want her in real life…

It’s just a dream, Yelena.

Just a dream.

My body was already on autopilot. Steam rising, wrapping around me like a temporary cocoon. And I kept repeating to myself…

I just dreamed… my dreams are about what’s been overwhelming my head… I had no reason to stress… I’d take a good shower… I’d get food for Kate and then I’d go back to my primary mission…

Now the secondary mission, secondary but no less urgent, was taking care of myself… and Kate Bishop…

*

After a cold, relaxing shower and with the claws of stress off me… I felt like a different woman… maybe I should blame the horniness that came with the stress and was also very much Kate-related… but the point is, I felt light, ready to be even more productive… I just don’t have time to burn up or get burned by whatever kind of crazy Kate’s bringing right now…

I went to Ava’s room to check on my piggy… I fed him and gave him lots of love, while Ava kept pestering me for gossip I didn’t even know how to give… but I finally escaped and let my silent footsteps lead me to the kitchen.

I could already hear the noise of a bunch of people. I expected to see the older crew, but no… I was surprised to find the kids… yep… just the baby Avengers and the beautiful dog that belongs to the girl I like…

That last one’s the one who welcomed me… his little run and the way his butt wiggled made me laugh and go all the way down to sit and give him a big hug.

“Hey, baby… I missed you too… what’s it been, a week?” His loud barking and the way he was trying to lick me made me laugh out loud. “Yes, love… I know… you’re such a good boy… Yelena missed you so much… you like it here? Huh?” I cooed, totally melting as he flopped into my lap for belly rubs.

“God, this dog is so damn cute…” America groaned, stretching from her chair to pat his hips, and the dog full-on whined at her.

“He’s a player, that’s what he is… soaking up all the girls’ attention…” Tommy said, flipping through a newspaper at the end of the table like some old man.

The whole scene made me stare at them, confused and laughing, because the newspaper was upside down and he could barely hold it with his shaky hands.

“You good, kid?” I asked, curious, and he groaned, pulling his sunglasses down his nose to look at me.

“Jesus Christ, do you have to be perfect at everything, Yelena?… It’s 6 a.m… do you even get hango-” The kitchen towel Teddy snapped right into Tommy’s mouth made my eyes go wide.

“Stop bothering Yelena… we just barely got Kate to chill…” He said, grinning, zipping his lips with a look straight at me and I got it.

The girls don’t know…

I nodded way too excited to be in on the secret, then stood up and headed to the sink to wash my hands and pour myself some coffee.

“So, kids, why are you up so early… shouldn’t you all be, like, on bed rest or something?” I said loudly while filling up my mug and then sitting next to Tommy, snatching the paper from him.

“We’re already good… and with Cassie, Kamala, Kate and Eli out of commission, we gotta get moving… help out with the main mission… you need help finding Bob and we’re here for it…” Billy said, his face smushed against the cold marble, and I smiled, brushing his hair at the nape of his neck.

“But are you really up for it? Tommy doesn’t exactly look like he is…” I said quietly, scanning for Teddy, who looked totally fine as he handled like three breakfasts at once.

I really like that kid… even if yesterday he was all over my girl… Which reminds me… we need to have a serious little talk about Kate…

“What about you, Teddy?” I asked, already feeling too aware, remembering he might have some… involvement with Kate.

“What about me?” He huffed, scooping out some eggs onto our plates. “This good? You want anything else?” His calm voice and proactive act made me watch him even closer for any sign of discomfort or deflection.

“I wanna know if you’re okay… and no, I just need lots of soft eggs and coffee in the morning…” I mumbled, still watching him, and he furrowed his brows, curious, before dumping more eggs onto my plate. “Well… more eggs then…” He said, turning back to the stove to kill the heat under the pancakes. “And yeah, I’m good. Always good…” The simple words and the way he served the girls made me sigh and start eating.

The girls told me they’d been helping with the Bob search remotely… monitoring stuff around the world… calling local PDs… no big leads yet, but we all knew the search was still active.

I stayed quiet, enjoying the peace and the coffee, listening to everything they had to say until the girls decided it was time to take Lucky for a walk.

“See you at dinner…” I smiled, saying goodbye as they left. Lucky came all the way back for another hug, and I smiled, completely content with my day so far.

Looks like all I really needed was to be at peace with Kate… maybe our little weed-fueled hang last night actually helped… not that I remember much after 1 a.m.… but I’m happy.

“So… seriously… no hangover?” Tommy sighed at me, and I laughed even more at ease, propping my legs up on the chair next to me.

“Nope, I’m good… even though I don’t really remember how the night ended…” I murmured, taking another sip of coffee.

Teddy had this amused grin. “Oh… did we have some fun in the presidential suite?” His eyebrows wiggled up and down, and I narrowed mine.

“What exactly are you implying?” I asked, knowing it was about Kate, but I wanted to hear it… maybe he was teasing me ‘cause he’s jealous.

“I’m not implying anything… just hoping…” He shrugged, leaning back in his chair while chomping on a huge piece of pancake.

“Hoping for something good or bad?” I said, now leaning on my elbows. His facial expressions showed he was having fun, and I hated that I couldn’t tell what his real intentions were.

Billy laughed out loud. “Oh, now I get it…” He murmured, clearly sharing in Teddy’s amusement, and I stood up, a little uncomfortable, taking my plate to the sink, already forming the words to pull Teddy aside for a serious one-on-one… but I didn’t get the chance.

Billy kept going. “Well… hate to ditch you all, but I gotta bounce… nature calls… coffee’s doing its job…” He said, stretching as he got up.

I barely had time to blink when Teddy got up and walked straight to Billy… the way he grabbed the smaller guy’s cheeks to plant kisses on them made me gasp and I dropped my mug into the sink with a loud clang.

He’s?...

Oh… OH…

They were just standing there in a whole-ass romantic scene, and now in a totally honest, intimate kiss… I couldn’t look away.

“Can y’all cut that shit out?” Tommy groaned, chucking a piece of bread at them. “There’s single people in the room…”

I was still stunned, watching the whole lovefest unfold in front of me. Teddy looked nothing but absolutely in love with Billy, and I heard myself exhale.

“You… so you… you’re not…” I stammered completely.

“We what?” Teddy said, turning to me with a curious look. “Are we a couple?”

“Well… yeah… are you…?” I kept up my dumb stammer, and Billy kept being extra.

“We’re not just a couple, babe… we’re endgame. I’m marrying this man real soon… and staying married ‘til the day we die… probably even after death… and I’m out with Barnes today, babe… reality-warping magic isn’t gonna find Bob on its own… it needs my incredible hands. See you guys at dinner.” Billy said the whole thing dramatically, dropping more kisses on Teddy before leaving the kitchen.

I was in shock, to say the least.

“He… he… reshapes… realities? Like… rewrites… he’s… he’s that powerful?” My words were just me trying to catch up with the weird-ass shit going on.

“No… he doesn’t create realities…” Teddy, still looking dreamy from where Billy left, said. “Wiccan doesn’t rewrite existence or create multiversal laws. He’s a powerful reality-warping mage, bending magic and shaping reality on a smaller scale. Big difference between distorting reality and making it. My future mother-in-law, though… maybe she could…” he added, snapping out of it with a smile.

I wish someone would just explain all this bullshit to me properly…

I was still trying to piece everything together in my head when Tommy rushed off too.

“I’m gonna take the hint and go check on Eli… then find something useful to do… I’m not as cool as my idiot brother… but… I’m fast… I’ll do a run through Hell's Kitchen today, Walker says he likes there…” He muttered, coming over to kiss my cheek and then Teddy’s before basically vanishing in front of my eyes with his cool-ass powers.

All that was left for me and my ridiculous embarrassment was the heat on my cheeks and Teddy’s knowing look.

“See now why you don’t have to be jealous of me?” He asked, leaning on the table with that same damn smile.

I was still processing… I could barely believe I didn’t see that coming… and that I let myself get caught up in such dumb, useless jealousy.

“I… dude… I was this close to going at you yesterday…” I said, letting out all my breath and nerves before looking at him again, wiping the thin layer of sweat from my forehead.

“Well… first off… ew… even though Kate’s gorgeous… being with her would be way worse than hooking up with a sister… way worse than whatever you and Bob could be… and second… I can’t believe the world is depending on two women who are this slow… clueless… disorganized…” He counted off on his fingers, looking super unimpressed, and I let out a loud laugh.

“You don’t have to insult me… I just… you were all over her… don’t judge me…” I groaned, annoyed, and he cracked up.

“C’mon, Yelena… seriously?” he asked, surprised, and I let out a frustrated groan.

“Of course I’m serious…” I whined. “This shit’s been complicated… you and I had that talk… you know how I feel… but it’s not exactly the easiest thing in the world… and it’s not like I even know what she wants… she doesn’t talk about it… or anything like that…” I said, crossing my arms because not knowing how to act was driving me crazy.

“This shit’s gonna figure itself out eventually… for now, we’ve got a mission… but I really hope you two talk soon… this is getting old for us… we want some action… like last night…” he said in a high-pitched voice, doing a spot-on impression of me and shaking my shoulders in a goofy little tease.

My eyes went wide, surprised both by the impression and what he said. “What happened last night? Did we…?”

He groaned loudly, walking away and going back to the stove. “No… nothing happened…” he said, already flipping more pancakes. “At least not in front of us, no… besides a bunch of canoodling and attention… but you two went back to your room looking very comfy with the idea of sleeping together… you kept saying how much you loved watching her sleep… so, I can’t promise there wasn’t some bone-checking involved…”

I sighed, trying to pull up any memory of last night, but it was useless.

“If something did happen, I don’t remember… but when she wakes up, I’ll talk to her… maybe for real this time.” I said, trying to sound brave, and he sighed.

“That’s how it should be… I’ll do her some food… here, help me with the fruit… let’s pamper your girl a little… she needs to eat, meds are due in an hour…” he said, already putting together a cute little tray so I could, according to him, surprise Kate and say very romantically important things.

A few minutes later, after a very healthy talk with the guy who's in my top 10 favorite people… I was back in the room again… Kate didn’t seem any closer to waking up… if anything, her snoring was louder, and she didn’t seem bothered at all by any noise I was making, so I decided to stretch for a few minutes while I waited a little longer…

Every single one of my thoughts, while I stretched every muscle in my body through a sequence of acrobatic moves in the middle of the room, was about Kate…

Teddy said we were all open and kind of on a comfy date last night and that we came back to the room happy with the idea of being alone… I don’t remember how that went… I only had little clues… the trash can by the bed told me I’d changed her bandages… two half-empty water bottles said we stayed hydrated… four empty snack wrappers on the entry table told me we at least ate something…

The little movement on the bed made that heavenly butt show again just as I was holding myself up in a high plank… the pressure from the position felt like actual hell… but nothing was as painful as seeing Kate in such tiny clothes…

I’d also woken up in tiny clothes…

What if we did more than just sleep?

Wouldn’t I feel different if something had happened?

Maybe I should ask…

No…

Jesus Christ… I can’t talk to Ava about this… she’ll…

But it’s the right thing… Ava would know what to say… no… she’d just make me more anxious… running from her earlier was the right move…

But Ava gets it…

No… this isn’t just about my privacy… it’s Kate’s too… so no other conversation’s gonna be more important than the one I deserve to have with Kate Bishop.

Do I deserve it?

Of course you do… a memory of my own voice saying those same words with Kate already in her underwear in bed made me gasp and drop out of the plank, shifting onto my fists with my legs in front of me… a perfect handstand is all I need to breathe properly…

Think, Yelena…

I moved a bit, letting my legs rise and fall before lifting into a high split… the way everything in me popped and relaxed as I opened up made me moan and exhale loudly…

And then it all happened so fast… one second it was all relief, and in the next, someone else let out a deep sigh with a whisper of curse words… and I fell…

*

The sunlight lightly burning my back started to bother me just a few seconds ago… I didn’t dare move, because the cuts on my abs felt way more painful today… but I didn’t smell blood, so I just stayed still…

My head throbbed slightly and a constant buzzing echoed in my ears, my eyes heavy like someone had poured lead into them… I knew these symptoms well… not because they were common for me… they’re not… weed hangovers knock me out like a baby, but I always pay too high a price… my body’s not built for that kind of ride…

I forced my brain to retrace every step from last night… there was the hard talk with Yelena… the understanding… my mind finally freed from the chaos that had been swallowing me whole… and then the first hit that dropped me right into that peaceful haze… after that, it was all Yelena again…

The way she stayed wrapped around me during our little hangout with the boys… how she seemed way funnier and lighter under that dense, relaxing fog of weed…

I really shouldn’t have let her join for a thousand different valid-ass reasons… but her very vocal reassurance that she was fine, combined with the whole chill vibe… the looseness… it all helped me calm down and enjoy the night.

The way she’s the smartest person I know is also one of my favorite things about her… not just because she knows random stuff like traffic laws in different countries… it’s more like a general intelligence… mixed with humor… it’s how fast she can own you in an argument or bet… and how she’s insanely sensitive to everything…

Clint told me so many times how Natasha could be a very simple woman… simple words, simple habits and humor… like this closed, organized pattern, only broken occasionally with whatever love or affection she was feeling… and even then, he still compared her to a cat… he said every Widow he’d met was cold like a cat…

So it was different, realizing Yelena wasn’t built from that same mold… I didn’t see that coldness Clint described… I didn’t see that detached cat vibe… on the contrary… I saw Yelena in a totally different light… a puppy? Not exactly… maybe in the cuteness and wild energy… but more like… a gentle wolf… powerful… loyal… protective…

I sighed, even more frustrated, trying to remember how we got here, to this room, after the night we had, but it was like my brain was wrapped in cotton… my slow thoughts kept circling around pieces of laughter, the sweet and spicy smell of weed, Yelena’s shampoo and perfume… Yelena’s touches… a sheer T-shirt… that lightness that completely took over me… those were the pieces I could remember… that was what felt clear and permanent…

I can’t say the waves of sexual tension that kept crashing from deep inside me came from the touches themselves… it was more about how I never expected her to be so open to touch… especially with me… not that she’s fully tactile all the time or anything… but everything with her has a reason… a purpose… everything matters…

Once I figured out how Yelena makes her choices in the simplest, most instinctive way, it changed something in me… probably even changed how I make my own choices…

So knowing that she’s been making a lot of choices that involve me… not just big ones like killing me or keeping me alive like she said yesterday… but small ones… the simple act of touching my damn hair… of choosing to be near me in any capacity… every time she touched me last night… the way she kept brushing my messy hair out of my face… the way she pulled my hoodie collar down and let her finger graze my skin while explaining something about bioluminescence… how she held my hand when she asked for the joint… God… how she kept grabbing and squeezing the back of my neck every time she wanted my attention… it was as intimate as being naked and whisper-talking with her, our foreheads pressed together… all of that was very clear in my mind…

About last night, what didn’t feel right… was the sense that something was missing… there was nothing about the conversations we had in this room… and it’s not weird for me to forget stuff like that… I actually prefer it… because every single hard truth tends to pour out of me once the smoke hits… and my memory vanishes the next day… the kind of honesty that comes with weed, in those very specific waves, feels like it’s protected by some weird, strategic memory loss…

God… What kills me is not having the full memory… Does she remember anything…?

Shame was quickly filling every corner… I clenched my jaw, looking at the side of the bed where she should’ve been, scolding myself even more… the frustration was simple… if she slept with me and didn’t stay in bed with me, chances are she remembers and she’s upset… chances are I was a dumbass…

I really hope we didn’t do anything too stupid… or too intimate… or way too intimate… it’d be unforgivable to cross a line like that and not even remember…

Yelena’s way too permanent in my life for my connection with her to be that simple…

I was letting the fucking sadness fill every corner, almost slipping back into sleep, my eyes heavy from trying to remember flashes from our night… but the hangover was becoming very real… the dry mouth, the bitter shame that wouldn’t go away, the tiredness dragging me back to the pillow… it was all almost unbearable, but none of it came close to how much I was stressing over the next time I’d see Yelena…

It always felt like this now… like I kept saving some kind of stress for later, for next time, and this is so fucking hard.

I wanted to get up… make it to the bathroom… pee… water… but something caught my attention… a shadow on the wall across from me… a fluid, almost unreal movement in the corner of the room.

I sat up way too fast, and there she was… Yelena. On the other side of the room… upside down, balancing only on her hands, her face focused… her body forming this perfect arch that defied gravity and every ounce of my sanity…

My jaw was just… unhinged, hanging there to fully illustrate my shock. Her muscles were tense, outlined by the soft morning light slipping through the big window, telling a story of strength and discipline I could barely comprehend in my current state.

When her tight core and the strip of skin just below her breasts came into full view, my heart kicked into overdrive, and suddenly I was wide awake… every lazy part of me jolted alive… she seemed to float as she turned on her axis, balancing on just one hand…

And then, with the precision of the ballerina she told me she is and that I see in every tiny movement she makes, I watched, borderline desperate, as her legs, strong and powerful, extended toward the ceiling… one stretching forward, the other back… holding that split like it was effortless, and I swear, it knocked the air out of my lungs.

I wonder if the weed hit her the way it hit me… if something in her training made her immune to that disoriented haze. But there, in the quiet of the morning, I could only watch, completely mesmerized, as she moved like nothing was off, like hangovers weren’t even real… turning something ordinary into something completely unreal…

When I say Yelena leaves me breathless and constantly stunned, I’m not exaggerating… it’s like every single move she makes is calculated… and yet it all flows like water…

I know I’m in love with her… that part’s not hard to understand… even if it’s not exactly grounded in anything simple or real… it’s just easy… she’s incredible, and she makes everything feel incredible to me… not that everything she does is some grand spectacle… right now she’s just in loose pants and an old shirt… her hair’s a mess… her feet are kinda dirty from walking around barefoot, probably all over the room, maybe the whole compound… she’s sweaty… her face flushed from the workout… it’s all just normal… and she still looked perfect to me.

I wanted to get up and cross the room to kiss her… but all I could feel was the numbness in my limbs, this weird weight making me question if I could even get out of bed without tripping.

Yelena shifted again, bending her knees almost to the floor before springing back into a handstand, her body drawing arcs and lines that belonged in an anatomy book. Every move was fluid, a seamless transition from one pose to the next… like a dancer on some invisible stage… like she was dancing just for me…

I was just… awestruck by her flexibility. Not like I didn’t already know she had Olympic-level skills… not like I didn’t have those skills too… but there was something about her, specifically her moving like that…

The way her hips opened at an impossible angle made me squeeze my own joints, and the curve of her back, bending in ways that defied physics, had me imagining all kinds of scenarios where I’d take her with my fingers in much, much more fun positions… yeah, not everything that goes through my mind is classy…

She’s gotta be the most incredible woman I’ve ever laid eyes on…

The honest-to-God lovesick sigh that escaped me… along with like four holy-shit-level curse words, happened the second she moaned out loud… and of course she got startled, jumping to her feet, but the movement made her slip and crash onto her back just as fast.

I didn’t give a single fuck about any pain in me… I ran to her instantly, she looked like she got hurt in the fall.

“Hey… I’m sorry I scared you…” I groaned, crouching next to her.

“No… it’s okay… I just… I lost balance…” she said, sitting up, like she was recalibrating herself. “Shit… maybe what we did here yesterday did get to me…” she muttered, pressing her temples, and I looked at her, curious.

What the hell could I… a completely regular-ass human… have done to leave a Black Widow feeling drained in a bedroom?

I sat up quick, putting a very safe amount of distance between us, and she let out a deep sigh.

“You okay?” she asked, reaching for my hand to help pull herself up. She groaned, her back popping, and offered both hands to me.

The whole thing should’ve been simple, but we ended up chest-to-chest… her breath against mine… her hands on my bare waist… and none of that was even the problem compared to the way Yelena was straight-up staring at my boobs… the way her short nails grazed the small of my back… her shallow breath, and the way she was biting her lip hard… everything about it made my hands go straight to her back…

I think… this is exactly where I need to figure my life out…

Yeah, I should leave this room and not do what I really want to do…

But a second before I pulled away… Yelena’s hands went to my face.

She pulled me all the way in… kissed my forehead… my temples… making my hands shake so bad it was almost painful.

“Yelena…” I murmured, eyes shutting the second her lips found my cheek… not a regular kiss… not one you give friends or siblings… no… the way her lips dragged across my skin in a soft line of kisses all the way to my ear… that’s what made my arms wrap tight around her waist and pull her into me.

One of her hands went for the usual spot… the back of my neck… to grab my hair there… but this time it wasn’t gentle… it didn’t relax me… because she grabbed a handful and carved space for herself in my neck…

I think I can explain literally anything in this fucked-up world… I can talk about science… I can break down how a complex embedded system works, how a machine is designed… I can explain the physics behind a gunshot… body angles… all of it… except what happened to me when Yelena’s tongue touched the pulse in my neck… not just touched… but licked… bit… sucked…

My hands flew into her hair and neck without thinking because I was absolutely unraveling… the heat of her tongue… the absurdity of all of it… this was brand new for me… I wanted to push her away just to devour her mouth, but I didn’t know if I wanted to stop what was already happening… so I just kept her right there on my skin while I moaned out loud…

“What are you…” I whimpered, letting her worship me like she was completely out of sync with reality.

She was pulling me somewhere I couldn’t see and honestly didn’t care to… my unsteady legs and arms were just trying to keep us upright. Even when the cold wall hit my back, I still felt like I’d melt. Her mouth never stopped… I could barely breathe…

“Your skin… so soft…” she murmured, kissing down to my throat, and I let go of her to brace myself on the wall. Her strong hands now on my arms, like she was holding me up.

“What we doing, Yelena…?” I begged, clinging to whatever thread of sanity I still had not to launch myself at her.

“I…” she paused for a second before blinking. “I just…” Her fingertips were brushing my neck, my shoulders, my chin as if she was deciding what the hell to say.

Her eyes, dark and hazy with raw desire, and her flushed cheeks told me that if I made one move to keep this going, we’d be naked already… but I know better… none of this is normal… none of this even feels real… I’m probably dreaming… wouldn’t be the first time…

And if I’m not dreaming… then this is just about me being a distraction… I know that… I get it… I let it happen because I’m stupid… but I get it… she’s just projecting… venting… taking out on me whatever longing she probably feels for him…

My hand on her chin to pull her out of that fog made her sigh, and then she kissed my fingers… honestly, it was a dream, feeling her like this around me…

“It’s okay… I get it…” I murmured, nodding like I understood.

She seemed to be grounding herself again, but there was confusion on her face too. The way her brows pulled together showed me just how much of a mess she was inside after everything I just triggered.

“What do you mean, ‘you get it’ ?” she asked, stepping closer again but I stopped her, gently.

There’s one thing I’ll never do for any woman, doesn’t matter if it’s my mom or Yelena… I’ll never give up what I know is right just for them.

“You’re… you’re…” she stammered, and I sighed, fully pulling away from her to put some space between us.

“Rejecting you?” I murmured, heading over to the tray I’d spotted full of food, grabbing a glass of water. I took big gulps, trying to pull myself back together.

Yelena’s silence didn’t surprise me… I just needed her to breathe for a second and realize this was just impulse… I needed her to understand that this wouldn’t help either of us.

I wish I could just give in, maybe two days ago, I would’ve… I wouldn’t have cared what she and Bob had… but this is bigger now…

I grabbed a piece of fruit, noticing how my trembling fingers could barely hold it, and everything got worse the second her voice came back, way too close again. “I’d like to add to our list of new behaviors…” Her touch on my waist felt way more intimate now, but I couldn’t really move. “We need to stop letting things run dry without either of us actually understanding what the fuck happened…”

I swallowed hard. “What didn’t you understand?” I said over my shoulder, and the calm in her eyes just confused me more.

She smiled, moving to the other side of the tray to face me again… without letting go of my waist. “I think…” she said, grabbing one grape for herself and one for me. “That the one who didn’t understand… was you…”

I leaned on the table, still staring at her. “What didn’t I understand, Yelena?” I murmured, feeling like I was missing something huge.

“You really don’t know?” she sighed, fixing her hair with an almost impatient motion as she finally stepped away from me completely.

I walked up to her quickly. “No, Yelena… I don’t know what exactly we’re talking about… you just touched me in a way…”

“Yeah, I did touch you the way I wanted to… and you let me, didn’t you? Is this about you being mad because you didn’t want me to touch you?” she asked, almost worried, and I growled, grabbing her cheeks with both hands.

“Shhh… no… it’s not like you forced anything… I’m just way too aware that this isn’t right.” I murmured, almost too urgently… desperate, that’s the word.

Yelena scoffed, almost impatiently, pulling away from my touch.

“And why would this be wrong, Kate?” The chill in her voice startled me, and I swallowed hard.

“I don’t want you to use me…” I hissed through clenched teeth, frustration tightening my jaw.

“Use you, Kate?” she said, almost horrified. “Did you feel used because I…” She was already pacing across the room, visibly upset. “You know what? I’m not even gonna push this bullshit conversation.” The way she flung her hands around the room in anger before storming toward the door caught me off guard.

“Yelena… this isn’t something that…” I gasped, and she only paused long enough to snap back.

“Yeah… it’s not something , actually.” She said, slamming the door behind her.

She left a whole void of frustration behind… one I was feeling too, but I didn’t move to follow her. What I’m doing is the only right thing, and I can’t afford to mess up with Yelena again.

*

I didn’t hold back… for the first time in my life, I did something for myself… something that didn’t come from pain or fear… nothing automatic… for the first time, it felt like I was using… come on… if I’m not dumb enough to say I used my heart in all this, it’s only because I know better… I know exactly which parts of my brain have been and keep being triggered by Kate Bishop…

First, I think I finally completed the damn development or reconstruction of my prefrontal cortex… yeah… because I said screw waiting or any sense of patience… and that’s where impulse kicks in… and through that impulse, that unstoppable need to touch the woman I like… my damn brain got hit with an endless wave of hormones until it finally understood and could form the idea that yeah… I’m fucking like her… worse… I love Kate Bishop, and I don’t have time for this nonsense of dancing around the subject… and I wanted to do something about it… so I did.

I just tore down every ounce of fear still caged in my chest to tell Kate exactly what I wanted from her… it was even simple… Unsurprisingly, her skin is divine… and so I did it… I let myself go… and it was probably the most dangerous thing I’ve done so far… letting myself kiss and bite her neck until she moaned without even realizing, grabbing onto me like she couldn’t help herself… this had to be the most incredible thing in my damn existence…

And I’d give us so much more… I could barely think straight about what kissing her mouth would feel like… everything about her… and I would’ve gone for it… right now, I would’ve done it all… if she hadn’t rejected me that obviously… And I really expected full-on reciprocity… But… what I got instead was probably the first real rejection I’ve ever felt in my miserable life.

Not like I ever had that many chances anyway… in a lot of ways, despite everything, in this new life of mine, I managed to be and do pretty much everything I wanted or what was expected of me… So realizing that doesn’t apply to my love life just triggered all kinds of bad feelings.

My fast march to reach one of the empty rooms, hoping to hide for a few minutes and take a cold shower, was brutally cut short by the base-wide alarms blaring out of nowhere.

Every inch of me froze for a second, even while I was still shaking with need and frustration, because the deafening sound filled my head like a trigger… and then my instincts kicked in. Pavlov, you bastard.

I felt my muscles lock in, launching my legs into motion before I even processed it, already sprinting barefoot toward the command center, not stopping for anything, my steps slamming hard against the smooth floor.

We’re under threat.

The emergency lights were flashing solid red, more annoying than I’d like to admit, and as I turned the first corner, I shoved through one of the side-access doors to reach the armory tucked between the halls.

Ava and John showed up a second later, both panting, eyes scanning every direction.

“There’s a breach in the west sector… no details yet…” John said between gasps, eyes glued to the data flying across his communicator.

Ava stepped forward, hair yanked into a messy ponytail, sleep still etched across her face. She grabbed a light tactical suit and threw it hard into my arms. “Basic armor, but at least we won’t have to see your annoying nipples…”

I suited up fast as we reached the exit. Clint was up front, crouched behind one of the courtyard’s cover barriers, a rifle aimed steady at the top of the transmission towers.

“Any shots fired?” I asked, ducking beside him and signaling for visual space.

“No… he’s not really attacking… just swinging around on some kind of… cable…” he murmured as I finally caught sight of the intruder.

All the movement between the towers and the trees looked smooth. Advanced acrobatics… The movements weren’t aggressive… they were calculated… controlled… He wasn’t actually advancing… it was like he… I pulled my eye off the rifle scope for a clearer look…

“It’s like he’s building a…” I murmured, and then her voice filled my ears.

“It’s a web…” she said quietly, already stepping toward where the intruder was.

I ran up to her, blocking her path with both hands on her chest.

“You’re not going over there!” I ordered, and she stopped, staring at me intently before letting out an impatient sigh, shifting her weight back into her feet. The way she gave that bitter little smile while rubbing her forehead made me drop my hands and breathe painfully. At least she’ll listen…

Or so I thought… but the next second, without giving me a chance to react, she yanked my face toward hers, kissed my cheek and… lifted me like I was some annoying backpack. She just hoisted me up by my armpits and set me aside like it was nothing.

Idiot.

I growled, stepping right back in her path, cursing myself for not having my widow’s bites on.

“Kate… you promised you wouldn’t do this again.” Clint groaned, walking up.

“I’ll shoot, Bishop, back off now!” John yelled, stepping into her path with his pistol pointed right at her face.

Kate, though, kept walking, only stopping inches from the barrel. “I’m not doing anything… I’m not being violent and that’s my friend…” she said softly, and we all froze for a few seconds, processing her words.

A friend?

I barely had time to ask before I saw the intruder pull off a full aerial flip, landing right in front of her.

“I was worried about you, Avenger…” A slightly raspy voice said before the intruder completely wrapped her in a hug.

The kids, Teddy, Billy, and Tommy, screamed excitedly behind me, and even Lucky ran with them toward where Kate now stood glued to the stranger.

A loud shot went off next to me and I turned, startled, to see Ava firing into the air. Everyone looked surprised at her shot, and she immediately shouted.

“Alright… someone better explain this crap… Bishop… inside… bring the intruder… we’re having a proper talk…” she said, waving her gun at all of us.

I still hadn’t wrapped my head around everything until Kate looked straight at me, as if asking what the hell is going on. I shrugged and followed Ava quickly. Not like I was gonna argue… she actually brought some order to the chaos and, honestly, we needed that. She did warn us she’d do this on the next stunt… and I’m gonna find out who the hell this new guy is and why the hell he’s still hugging Kate Bishop.

“You okay?” Ava asked quietly, not looking at me as I caught up beside her.

“No… I’m not… I just had a… moment… an intimate moment… with Kate…” I said through gritted teeth, and she yelled in the middle of the hallway.

“YOU DID WHAT?” Her words sent a wave through everyone around, and I grabbed her arm to get us moving again.

“It’s not what you think and it didn’t end well…” I muttered, annoyed. “And please don’t embarrass me right now… save it for later.” I ended as we reached the doors to the briefing room.

I opened them and waited for everyone to come in… when the kids, Kate, and the intruder passed by, I heard the guy say.  “Sorry about the mess, Kate… it’s just that you vanished and I kinda… missed you…” He said as he walked into the room, and I had to hold myself back from shooting him in the back.

He’s just a kid…

Yeah… he looks like just another kid… a masked, flying kid who swings around on webs and all over Kate Bishop.

I want to shoot him not because I’m violent… but because Kate Bishop literally blushed at what he said. I grabbed her arm before she could walk in.

“Can we talk later?” I asked, and she sighed, glancing at my hand on her arm.

“Of course, now if you could…” she said, touching my hand gently, and I scoffed, letting go. I slammed the door shut behind me as I walked to the head of the table.

“Alright… Margie… please log this meeting… real-time report on the intrusion… intruder appears non-hostile, bypassed general security systems… no current threat… now I need you to pull up info on the individual…” I said straight to our AI assistant, trying to ignore the fact that Kate still had pink cheeks, and the so-called friend was still looking at her like she was the goddamn sun.

And me? I was about to lose my mind.

“Is this really necessary, Yelena?” Kate groaned. “He’s our friend…” she said, squeezing the guy’s shoulder.

“This isn’t about friendship, Kate… it’s about security… he’s in our facility… if he got through our defenses that easily without one of you… if he found this place without being summoned by you… we need to know what kind of threat he might be…” I pressed on, using every ounce of composure I had left.

“I think that’s a bit much… as a representative of the Young Avengers, I say we don’t need all this…” Kate said, rising to her feet.

I raised my chin stubbornly and took a step forward. “As the official leader of the Avengers Initiative, I, Yelena Belova… want to know what happened and who the intruder is…” I said, walking up to them. “He didn’t even introduce himself…” I added, pointing as I stopped next to him.

“Belova… no data found on the individual…” Margie, our AI, confirmed, and I raised my eyebrows.

“Well… if even the most advanced artificial intelligence in the world has no clue who he is… guess I gotta fall back on a good old-fashioned condo meeting, huh?” I said, almost amused, watching Kate sit down looking very, very uncomfortable.

“I don’t think we need all this, really… I’m Spider-Man…” the kid said, reaching his hand toward me with a friendly voice.

Clint burst out laughing. “What kind of hero are you, kid?” He sounded curious, like maybe he kinda recognized him, but his question said otherwise.

“I’m a neighborhood guy… Spider-Man… your friendly neighborhood one… mostly around NYC… sometimes Jersey… nearby areas… sometimes even coastal stuff… but yeah, Brooklyn’s kinda my spot—” He was just rambling before Kate and the kids started laughing too.

“Jesus… dude… it’s okay… you don’t have to-” Kate said, touching his shoulder, trying to ease the guy’s nerves. “Guys… I’ll explain how he’s connected to us…” she said, walking past me toward the front, and I let out a sigh. “He helps us out sometimes on trickier missions… kinda like an honorary member of the crew… but he’d rather stay outta the spotlight and all the media stuff… you know… like it used to be…” Kate’s simple words made me calmer… they knew each other and, honestly, the kid didn’t seem like a threat.

“If I show my face and say my name, will you stop looking at her like that?” he said straight to me, stepping into my line of sight. I stared at him. Who the hell does this little shit think he is? Is he putting himself between me and Kate?

I stepped closer, leaning on the table next to him.

“Listen, kid… you’re gonna take off that mask and tell us your name without me having to offer you a damn thing in return… I’m not some fucking cop who negotiates everything… I don’t even see myself as a goddamn hero… I was a Black Widow before I was a fucking Avenger… a spider way more dangerous than you’ll ever be… I’ve killed more people than you can even imagine… so… I suggest you cooperate before I find you a neighborhood way less cozy than Brooklyn.” I said, tapping my pistol just as John stepped up beside me.

“What the hell is wrong with you two?” Kate said, looking freaked as she squeezed in between me and the kid. “He’s my friend, for fuck’s sake… can we not threaten him?… he’s just a kid, Yelena…” she said, lowering my gun with the voice I love the most and I felt my eye twitch, because I knew I’d do whatever she wanted.

I looked at her being protective of the kid and nodded, touching John’s arm to get him to stand down. I raised my hands in surrender before setting my gun on the table.

“Fine, Kate… we won’t go after anyone unless we’re attacked… but we do need to know who he is…” I sighed, and the kid stood up, nodding.

“Okay… alright… I gotta say, Kate, you told me she was way more chill-”

 

He got cut off by a solid punch to the balls, and doubled over immediately. “DUDE…”

I watched the exchange curiously, starting to understand that they really were friends… and that she’d talked to him about me. Kate looked way more flustered than before.

“So, you know who I am?” I said, glancing from him to Kate. “Even better…” I grabbed my gun again and pointed it at the kid’s face, using the distraction.

Before I could even think, the kid shot a sticky thread from his wrist and yanked the gun from both me and John. The move was lightning-fast, almost impossible to track and before any of us could react, he leapt over the table like a damn monkey, landing lightly with both hands and feet braced, perched up on the cabinets with his knees bent, alert.

“I don’t like guns, ma'am… I’ll do what you need… but I’m not gonna be threatened.” He almost shouted, though he sounded calm, hurling whatever that sticky crap was at me and John, then Ava, and finally Clint.

A second later, he was back on the ground, landing on the table like an acrobat, pulling the mask off his head in a dramatic, almost theatrical move, like he was shedding a character he didn’t wanna play anymore. “I’ll let you all go… I just…” his voice cracked, caught somewhere between fear and desperate need to be heard.

“Kid, when you let me go…” John growled, trying to yank his arm free from the wall, and I sighed, feeling the chair stuck to my hand might actually give me an edge. I could use the chair like a weapon, an extension of myself, but right before I could make a move, Kate sat in the chair, quickly pulling me onto her lap. The whole move made me sigh… sitting on her lap after being rejected by her felt… different.

“Just breathe, I’ll let you go in a sec… just… let’s hear the kid out… this is the most I’ve ever heard him talk… he seems like he’s got no one in the world and I’ve been trying to make sure he’s got friends in us… please, let’s listen…” she whispered just to me, her lips nearly brushing my ear. I bit my lip, holding back my frustration but keeping my focus locked on the kid.

Yeah, definitely a kid. What, fourteen? Couldn’t be a day over sixteen… still had a baby face, eyes too big for it, a posture swinging between cocky teenager and hidden desperation.

“How old are you, kid?” I heard myself ask.

The boy straightened like he’d been waiting forever for that question. “I’m… 21 legally, 22 biologically, and 27 chronologically…”

“Explain…” Clint asked, almost kindly, but still alert, hands subtly working to get free.

“The Snap happened May 31st, 2018, I was 16, two months away from turning 17. I came back October 17th, 2023… about 10 months before this coming August. So technically, I’d be 17 biologically… I’ve been alive for 6,209 days… since at least December 20th, 2023… so yeah, by all accounts I’m 21 legally… 22 biologically… and 27 if you go by my new birthday.”

“Who the hell counts this crap? I don’t even know if that’s true.” Billy laughed, leaning on the table.

“He does… did you think he’d be this handsome?” Teddy chuckled, trying to cut the tension.

“Quiet, boys.” Kate said softly, but with authority.

“Oh… I get it… the government counts age only on birthdays you were alive for. It’s a system to stop the financial frauds that came up after the Snap.” Ava murmured, leaning on the table where the kid had stuck her. She phased out quick, but he caught her again.

“Exactly… it also has that weird implication that twins, one born on May 31st and one on June 1st, both blipped, would legally be a year apart in age for a whole year, but anyway, that’s beside the point.” The kid sighed, seeing Ava try to escape again. “Lady… I’m still faster than you… stop… I’m answering your damn questions… pay attention.” He muttered, webbing Ava up for a third time.

“Right… interesting…” Clint muttered. “When you came back, things were messy, I get that… but all your math and stats don’t explain why we’ve got zero data on you…” He didn’t sound accusatory, more like he was trying to understand, and the kid clearly didn’t take it well.

“Yeah, I was on that shitty list, and… well… it’s none of your business why there’s no data on me, or why I’ve been counting my days like some damn prisoner… no offense, Mr. Bird-With-Good-Aim.” Peter said, chucking a bigger ball of… whatever the hell that stuff was, at Clint’s shoulder to keep him even more stuck.

“Watch your mouth and your actions, kid.” I growled, still struggling to break free, and Kate hugged me tighter. “Kate, I need you to let me go. Now.”

“I promise I will if you promise not to throw that chair at my friend…” she whispered, and I saw John’s knife on his belt, trying to cut the damn goo off me.

“Is it that bad being in my lap?” she murmured with a way-too-fake pout, and I huffed, trying not to fall for it.

“It’s not about you… I’m in the middle of a mission and some intruder is giving snarky answers during what’s supposed to be an interrogation… he just attacked your mentor…” I said, and she groaned, hugging me again and resting her head on my chest.

“Breathe, baby, this isn’t an interrogation… Spidey’s one of us…”

She was cut off when the kid stepped close enough to talk directly to me.

“I’m Parker, Peter Parker… could you maybe stop being so damn hard on her, please?” he said politely, and I raised my chin, sizing him up.

He was way too protective of Kate specifically, giving up info he refused to earlier, just for her.

“I think, Parker, that-”

I didn’t get to finish because Laura walked into the room and shot Spider-Shit with something that looked a lot like my Widow’s Bites… and if I ever criticized that woman in my life… I was outta my damn mind.

The kid twisted violently, muscles locking up, eyes wide for a second before he dropped like a puppet with its strings cut, collapsing on the table.

“No, Laura… Jesus… he’s our friend… what the hell is wrong with all of you…?” Kate groaned, still pressed against my chest.

“Laura… I’m so glad you’re here…” I said, hugging Kate, settling more comfortably into her lap to get a better view of the knocked-out kid on the table. “Are those Widow’s Bites?” I asked, almost happy, and she grinned, stepping closer to show off the bracelets.

“Your sister gave them to me… one of the first prototypes…” She looked proud as hell of herself.

“Laura… did you hear me?” Kate tried, and the woman looked at her closely.

“Kate… I heard you… and I also heard how he disrespected my husband… the alarms went off because of him… I had to get my kids and the injured girls to safety before coming here… if he’s your friend, why don’t I know him yet? It’s a rule in my house… if I don’t know them, they’re not friends of my kids… you’re my daughter, and if I don’t know him, then he’s not your friend yet…” She said it all in this super motherly, lesson-teaching tone and I burst out laughing, couldn’t even help it.

“What’s so funny, Yelena?” Kate asked, annoyed.

“Why are you defending this guy so hard?” I snapped right back. “Is he your friend the same way Eli was?” And the second I said it, she shoved me out of her lap.

She had that hard look in her eyes, but she didn’t respond with the same anger I saw there. I noticed the difference, that was Kate pissed, but she just breathed, staring at the boys.

“Get Peter to one of the rooms…” She paused a bit longer, looking at Clint, then finally turned to me. “I think I’d better get away from all this energy… before I get angry again.” She clicked her tongue, spun on her heel with composed elegance, and walked out.

“And what about this crap he used to stick us?” John asked, and she laughed as she left.

“Three to six hours, I think… you’ll have time to think things over…” she replied casually, disappearing down the hall.

“On the bright side, at least she didn’t go full Hate Bishop …” Ava laughed, phasing over to me to study whatever the hell kind of web was holding me down.

Laura sighed loudly. “I’ll try to find something to get you guys free…”

*

I barely stepped into the room where the boys had laid Peter down, and my head was already pounding. A sharp, throbbing discomfort spread behind my eyes the second I threw myself into an armchair in the corner. The cushions creaked under my weight as I tried not to scream.

“I didn’t realize he was as young as us…” Teddy said, sitting at the edge of the bed, turning the kid’s mask between his fingers with a distant look.

“Yeah, me neither…” I muttered, pushing myself up from the chair and walking over to the nearest table where they’d left a first-aid kit.

Of course no one knew… no one ever knows anything when it comes to this kid…

I dug through the case looking for any painkillers or anything that might ease the pulsing pain in my abdomen, but there was nothing I could take.

“You okay?” Billy approached slowly, eyes downcast, gently lifting the hem of my shirt. “This is bleeding again.”

My skin stung at his touch, not because of the pain, but because of the constant reminder of everything that had happened in the past few hours.

I pulled away, dodging the careful gesture, yanking the kit closer and digging for gauze, tape, and antiseptic. “I’ll be fine… we need to make sure no one comes after him when they get free from the webs… Teddy, can you handle that?” I asked while wiping off the blood.

“Yeah, I got it… I’ll talk to Laura first… she’ll help…” he said quietly.

“I’ll check on the girls…” Tommy said casually, already pushing off the wall he was leaning on. He threw a quick glance at Peter before adding with a mischievous smile. “They’ll love to hear about this.”

A moment later, all three were gone, leaving the room in a tense silence.

My mind was a confused whirlwind of everything that had happened today. I hadn’t even had time to recover from the Yelena situation, and I was already thrown into a whole new mess.

I let out a quiet groan, more out of frustration than pain, while finishing up my bandages. The damp gauze still stung a little against my skin, but at least the bleeding seemed under control for now.

My eyes drifted over to the bed.

Peter Parker… apparently the one enhanced no one had on their radar. I’d tried digging up info on him before, but always hit a dead end… it’s like he never existed… no one knew about him… no one remembered him before the Blip… not even after the Snap, when every single human on Earth was documented for statistics.

The pain in my abdomen yanked me back to reality, hard. I needed my meds.

I needed food… I needed air… I needed… her?

 

Goddamn it, Yelena.

Yelena’s kiss on my neck still felt like it burned… even our contact in the briefing room had felt off… and I knew I couldn’t dodge her for long… later… I’d have to face her before bed, at the latest.

“Your friends aren’t very nice…” a weak voice said from the bed, and I jumped, rushing over to him.

Peter had his elbows propped on the mattress, smiling lazily at me.

“Man… I’m sorry… they didn’t mean to… they’re actually really chill… they just got freaked out…” I tried to defend my half-villain, half-mercenary friends and he laughed, sitting up.

“It’s okay… that wasn’t the worst welcome I’ve ever had…” The way he touched the mask on his chest, looking thoughtful, made me sit next to him.

“You okay?” I asked, reaching for the mask to feel the fabric.

It felt like plain Lycra… basic Lycra. No tech. No armor. No enhancements. Just a regular guy… in a cheap suit.

I let out a small laugh.

“What?” he asked, leaning back against the headboard.

“I’ve had a ton of questions about you for a while now and you’ve never said much… I’m just surprised you came to us…” I said, shrugging with a half-smile.

“I heard what happened to you guys…” he said, eyes drifting to the ceiling. “I’ve been looking into it… they set a trap for you… the city’s a mess… I heard Kingpin’s involved…” he said, and I looked at him, surprised.

Not shocked that Kingpin was in the mix, but surprised Peter had been digging around.

“You know why?” I asked, handing his mask back before getting up and pacing the room.

I opened the wardrobe to find some clothes for the kid… I was just gonna assume he’d be staying for a bit…

“From what I could find, he’s not happy with the idea of the Avengers being united again… your team and the new guys…” He paused, trying to fix his hair, which honestly needed a cut. “I didn’t get much… but there’s talk that the woman who bought the tower has been meeting with Fisk.” His words made me grind my teeth, but I wasn’t exactly surprised.

Valentina’s a snake whose head I really need to stomp soon… but right now, I’ve got a more urgent mission.

“Valentina’s a constant mission in my mind, Peter… I’ll be glad to have your help with that real soon… but right now, I’ve got a more pressing issue…” I sighed, handing him a change of clothes. “Would you mind staying with us a little longer? I need your help finding a missing member of the New Avengers… once we solve that, we can shift back to the Fisk mission.”

The kid stood and pointed to the bathroom. “I’ll help with whatever you need, as long as that crazy group doesn’t attack me again…”

I sighed as I heard him moving around inside.

“I swear, they just need to understand what we’re doing and that you’re not a threat…” I called out, hearing the shower turn on.

“Oh my God… hot water… I haven’t used a real bathroom in months… I could actually enjoy a few days off while helping you… oh, and baking soda and soap should get your friends free from the webs.” he shouted between moans of relief.

He really was different. A hero with a sense of humor, after everything we’d been through… almost a rare thing these days.

“I’m heading out to grab my meds and talk to Yelena… make yourself at home… I’ll have food brought up for you…” I said as I left the room.

The hallway was quiet, but inside, my mind was still roaring. It was like a constant flood of overlapping voices, doubt, worry, that gut feeling that something was still coming. Between Peter, Yelena, Valentina, and Bob… my night was far from over.

My tired footsteps down the corridor were a whole summary of the last few days’ crap… but now, things seemed to be falling into place. I headed straight to my room, not letting myself overthink, and grabbed the meds I’d left on the nightstand. I also grabbed two bananas Yelena had brought earlier… they were a little squished, but still edible.

With everything in hand, I walked silently to the briefing room. As I got closer, I realized they were all still stuck. I opened the door slowly and found Clint, John, and Yelena still frozen in place. … they didn’t look too pissed, laughing a bit, and honestly, the scene was kind of funny… if it wasn’t so pathetic.

Ava and Laura were still trying different DIY tricks, a whole cleaning arsenal spread across the table… vinegar, dish soap, alcohol, even bar soap. I stepped in with a sigh, feeling everyone’s eyes turn to me.

“Bishop… you better be here to get us out…” John groaned against the wall as soon as he saw me.

I walked over to the table, stopping beside Yelena. She looked visibly annoyed, eyes narrowed as she watched Ava pour some sketchy mixture onto her hand.

“You take your meds?” she muttered without looking at me, and I sighed, leaning against the table as close to her as I could get.

“Just did… are you okay?” I murmured, eyeing all the random household items being used to get rid of the webs.

“I’m not okay. And I’m gonna kill your friend… why the hell isn’t he here helping us out of this shit?” she said, clearly irritated, and I laughed a little.

“You’re not killing my friend, Yelena… here… let’s try some housewife chemistry… baking soda and soap…” I whispered, stuffing a banana into her mouth before mixing the stuff in a cup until it foamed a little. I scooped some out with a spoon and poured it over the web stuck to her hand and… it worked.

“YEEEES… fuck… it works…” she shouted with a mouthful of banana, grabbing the cup from me and heading straight for John as I mixed more to free Clint.

“Girl… let me just say, you’re setting me up for a retirement full of crap…” he said, rolling his shoulder the second he got loose, trying to get some dignity back.

I sat on the table, looking at all of them.

“Sorry for the mess, Hawk… can we talk like normal people now?” I asked, nodding toward the chairs, and they all sat, focused.

“Let me just say one thing… your friend better not pull that shit on me again… I will turn that kid inside out.” John grumbled, and I sighed.

“John… you know you can’t handle him… he’s just a kid, damn it… and he’s not a threat to us… please… just… you’ll end up loving him as much as you love the other boys in no time… I promise…” I said with a smile, and he scoffed.

“Don’t compare my boys to that annoying spider…” he muttered, arms crossed.

“Kate… what do you know about this kid?” Clint asked, Laura curled up in his lap.

“Yeah, he’s clearly not a villain… but he’s still powerful… we need to be sure…” Laura added.

“Where exactly is he now…?” Yelena asked, getting up to grab some water.

I watched closely how she seemed impatient, drinking several glasses in a row.

“Can I get some of that?” I asked just to get her to come closer.

The impatient sigh as she filled two glasses and brought them to me made me smile. Her pout now was all irritation. As adorable as it was annoying. When she got close, I had to stop myself from wrapping my arms around her waist. The hug would’ve been more out of longing than desire. It’s like I was constantly missing her, even when she was near.

She, in turn, cradled my head gently before tilting my chin up to meet her gaze. “You okay?”

I whined softly at how good her fingers felt in my hair. “I’m not… but I need to be… can we just not make this dramatic… I don’t want a fight… I swear Peter’s on our side… he came here to give us info about the ambush…” I said, looking around at everyone.

What Yelena did next caught me completely off guard. She sat back down on my lap, like that was just her natural place, wrapping her arms around my neck while still holding her glass of water. The look she gave the others was one of quiet alertness, like she didn’t fully trust my reactions and I got it. She was on guard.

“You all seem to know something about this...” I said quietly, watching how they looked suspicious, almost evasive, as they shifted their gazes away.

“You start, Yelena... what do you know about Valentina’s involvement in the ambush?” I murmured, feeling her whole body tense up.

She sighed, finishing the water in her glass and then mine, and turned in my lap to wrap her arms around me completely.

“I’m gonna tell you everything... but first I need you to promise you won’t freak out.” She whispered into my hair, and I held her tighter, looking straight at Laura, who gave me a nod and a smile.

“I promise... actually, I already told Peter this isn’t the priority right now... he’s gonna join us to look for Bob and only after that we’ll deal with Valentina... for now, what he told me is that the Kingpin and Valentina aren’t too thrilled with the way we’ve been operating together...” I explained, and Yelena quickly searched my eyes.

“Oh... so we’re not... I mean... no real mess... no war?” She looked so damn happy and I nodded, touching her face.

“Yeah, Yelena... no war... my priority is helping you... taking care of myself... then we’ll come back to that...” I assured her, and she sighed, emotional, nuzzling back into my neck.

“Alright... okay... you two are back to being you again... now let’s get back to the kid...” Ava said loudly, pulling us out of our little bubble.

I smiled with Yelena still in my lap and told them everything I knew ... more like everything I didn’t know about him... and they just looked even more curious.

“I think I’m gonna have to run my daddy protocol on this kid...” John chuckled awkwardly and Yelena scoffed.

“You can’t abandon the child too... he already looks like someone who’s been left behind.” She teased and he groaned loudly, offended.

“Why are you being mean to me, Blondie?” He said, looking hurt, and Ava quickly wrapped an arm around his head.

“Hey, don’t be mean to the guy... he’s got a point... the kid needs someone to talk to and John’s the most broken one here...” She explained and John stepped away from her, standing up.

“I’m upset by how you people talk... haven’t I been nice?” He said, leaning on the table, and Laura was the one to reach for him this time.

“C’mon, John... don’t be sad... they’re clearly being little shits with you... I bet if you had a beer with the kid, he’d tell you everything...” She said, wrapping her arm around the big guy’s shoulders.

“See that? Mama Laura sees me, she doesn’t treat me like you do... if I turn villain again, it’s on you...” He said, straightening up and hugging her to his chest.

“Don’t be silly... if you go villain again, I’ll put a bullet in your forehead myself… now will find the kids.” Laura said, giving him a friendly pat on the back, and he finally seemed to get the vibe of his new life.

Clint patted his thighs, saying they were going to check on their kids and the girls, and I let out a sigh of relief, asking Clint to check on Lucky too. They both whispered their love into my hair before heading out.

“Speaking of shitty daddy... where’s Daddy Soviety, anyway?” Ava said, rolling her eyes just before John gave her a light smack on the chest.

“Yeah... I haven’t seen him since dinner...” Yelena murmured, and I watched the exchange with interest. They really did feel like a group of annoying siblings.

“Security said he left early this morning with the limo to handle a few things… he’s probably still around somewhere… I’m just glad Valentina’s not hovering around us like a fly.” John sighed in relief.

“And I seriously need some sleep… I had the night shift… John’s covering the day...” Ava muttered, clearly exhausted.

“My team and I can take over for the day so you all can rest...” I offered, and they nodded in agreement.

Yelena still seemed quiet in my lap, like she was processing everything that had just been said.

“What’s on your mind, Widow?” I whispered against her shoulder, and she turned just enough that we ended up far too close. I didn’t move away, instead, I leaned in to kiss her cheek.

Everything from earlier was still fresh in my mind. Maybe she hadn’t been using me the way I thought... right now, she just seemed like a regular girl, figuring things out on her own terms.

“I just feel like I should be the one to talk to him...” she murmured softly, leaning in to kiss my cheek back. She looked flushed and a little shy, and I couldn’t help but enjoy how gentle she was being with me.

“Yeah? And why’s that?” I asked, glancing at the others, who looked curious about our exchange, but their smiles were warm.

“I don’t know... maybe because I’m the coolest girl in this place...” she said, then laughed, and I rolled my eyes as I helped her off my lap.

“You were doing so well…” I laughed, leaning against the table. “Alright… here’s the plan… the kid’s staying with us and helping out… he’s basically a genius… he’ll definitely contribute to what we’re doing… and while he’s here, we’ll all try to earn his trust, figure out what happened, and help however we can. Everyone on board?” I offered, and they all nodded.

“Sounds like a solid plan. I’m going to brief Tommy… he’s heading out to scout some territory… and then I’m getting some sleep like you suggested, Bishop. as w” John said with a tired groan.

I waited for everyone to leave the room again before pulling Yelena back into my lap. She didn’t seem bothered, didn’t resist my touch, and if anything, she seemed like she was practically melting under the soft strokes on her back.

My gut told me I should bring it up, talk about the way she touched me earlier, but fear kept me quiet. I just wanted to enjoy this peace that’s felt way too fragile lately.

“I think I need to sleep...” She mumbled, her voice heavy with exhaustion, and I nodded, gently lifting her from my lap.

“Come on... I’ll put you to bed, then I’ll get back to work with the crew...” I sighed, hugging her from behind as we walked toward the room.

“You’re not supposed to overdo it...” She grumbled and I chuckled softly, breathing her in, the soft skin of her neck.

She smelled my neck first, so I can do the same.

“I promise I won’t... I’m just gonna use my crazy skills and Peter to dig up the whole world for your Bob...” I promised, tucking her into bed. She nodded, already halfway gone. My kisses on her head were just a comfort...

Now I’ve got a ton of work to do…

*

I woke up in the late afternoon feeling relaxed and way more fit to be around people... it had been days since I fully slept, and now, after... an 8-hour nap... a shower and my best suit, plus some braids and makeup that made me feel human again... I was ready for the apocalypse if it hit today... Reality was a bit less cinematic, but still intense... I was pulling a night shift on search duty. And for some reason, I felt good about it.

Already walking through the hallways, I could feel how alive the place seemed… there was loud music coming from the north wing… Bowie was practically screaming that You better not mess with Major Tom , and my hips started swaying naturally to the beat as I stepped into the kitchen, dancing on my own, a soft smile playing on my lips as I hummed along I'm happy, hope you're happy too I've loved all I've needed , thinking how that song fits perfectly with the last 36 hours… Time and again I tell myself… I'll stay clean tonight.

I chewed on some bread, a protein bar, drank juice, ate some bananas, and yep... I felt perfect while I carefully arranged all my weapons and gear on my suit, my movements sharp, fast, and coordinated. My mind was clear, like the fog that had followed me for days had finally lifted for good.

My steps toward the others were light, they were probably all there, and I felt almost excited when I reached the big hall. It was impossible not to notice Kate at the center of it all, running the mission like she was born for it. She moved with confidence and fire in her eyes, and I felt proud watching her like that.

“Hey, you’re up...” She said, walking toward me. “Wow... you look stunning...” She looked almost hypnotized staring at my whole suit... I smiled, running a hand through my hair, actually feeling beautiful.

“Stop looking at me like that...” I groaned, pulling her into a hug.

She buried her face in my hair and neck, groaning loud. “I’m sorry, I can’t help with it… like never… and you smell fucking incredible too...”

“Yeah, right... now tell me, what are you guys working on?” I asked, pulling back just enough to slip my fingers into the collar of her cozy hoodie.

“We’re working and we have good news...” She said, hyped, eyes shining with excitement as she pulled me by the hands before I could ask anything else, right to the control panel where everything seemed to be going down. She typed quickly until a partial map popped up with tons of info... My heart started racing when I saw images of dark shadows on walls... multiple sightings...

I took a sharp breath as I saw the locations... different states... no pattern... “This isn’t exactly good news...” I said, looking at Ava and John.

“Relax, Blondie, the good news is that he was there... and then... look... these are images a few hours after each sighting... the shadows are gone... not all the footage is great... there’s interference at the exact moments Bob was there... but it’s better than nothing...” John explained, pulling up security footage.

“What are the coordinates of these spots? We need to hit every one of them... check on the people affected... investigate...” I asked, hands trembling.

“Yeah, and we’re already on that... we’ll do it... but first we need to gather all the data... Peter’s putting it together and organizing a pattern... a sample from every point... we’ve been working on it all day...” Kate said excitedly.

“How’d you get this info, kid?” I asked, getting closer to him, wiping away a few happy tears from my eyes.

He looked a little embarrassed but answered with energy. “Well... you guys were gathering official reports... and news logs... security cams... I built a small algorithm using your data, adding social media and unofficial info forums too... basically our guy’s got his own fans... in one report some dude even mentioned him disappearing from an online game...” The kid rambled and I could barely contain my smile.

“Alright, so you gathered the rumors... how long till your algorithm gives us a possible trail?” I asked, fired up.

“I’m not sure... but it shouldn’t take long... here... maybe we can... come see.” He called me into the adjacent room, where the young Avengers were having fun piecing together a giant map that covered nearly the entire space.

“I printed a large-scale map so I could retrace his steps...” Kate said, moving to each point where there were unofficial reports of Bob sightings.

I sighed, pulling off my boots so I could walk across the map. At each stop, she marked a symbol, a color, a possible clue.

“We’re still missing data... but I’m guessing he’s moving randomly like you told me... no visible pattern yet... like I said, the algorithm will give us probabilities and then we can rule them out... but once I’m done... it’ll be like having a tracker on Bob...” Peter explained, walking beside me over the massive map.

“Hey... can I talk to you alone for a moment?” I asked the boy, who looked almost scared.

“I don’t know if-” He gasped, nervous, and I sighed.

“I just want to talk to you... please...” I pleaded, trying to give him any sense of safety he needed.

Kate, always watching, jumped in with a smile. “Go on, Peter... let her take care of you for a few minutes... she’ll mess with your head in the best way.” Kate said playfully, and the kid just gulped, nodding at me as I put my boots back on, and together we slipped out of the hall, leaving behind the map, the voices, and the shared anxiety... at least for a few minutes.

He looked out of place and freaked out walking down the hall with me, his eyes scanning the walls, corners, shadows, like he was expecting something to leap out at him. His shoulders were stiff, his steps short and hesitant, and the way he held his own arms said everything about how uncomfortable he was. But I didn’t let his obvious fear shake me.

Just another broken kid... another one lost in the chaos... nothing I haven’t seen before, nothing I haven’t been before.

“Just breathe, kid...” I said, guiding him into the kitchen. “We’re just gonna have a beer... I just wanna know you... that’s it... I promise...” As I spoke, my fingers gently touched the back of his neck… a soft, easy gesture, one I only use with Bob and Kate... and it made him let out a low, almost relieved sigh, followed by the tiniest nod of calm. Always the same calming effect. I should patent this shit.

I opened the fridge, the creak of the hinges being the only sound between us for a few seconds as I reached for the non-alcoholic beer. The smell was just as depressing as the taste promised to be, but that's how it had to be. For him, though, I popped open a real bottle. He told me he’s old enough to drink... technically a 27-year-old man, as he explained himself, even though he looks like a kid. The twist of the cap and the clink as it hit the marble counter broke the tension like a snap.

I sat down at the head of the table, crossing one leg over the other with ease. I watched as he grabbed the beer. His fingers were slightly shaking when they touched the cold glass. He brought the bottle to his lips and took a long sip, maybe longer than he should’ve, like he was trying to drown out the discomfort of being here with me.

I smiled, relaxed.

“I’d like you to drink that slow… ‘cause you're the guy who’s finding my Bob. Don’t go getting drunk on me.” I said playfully, tapping my bottle against his with a soft, hollow clink.

“I don’t get drunk… I just… I’m uncomfortable…” he answered, still not looking me straight in the eyes. “You come off strong… the goosebumps on my arms aren’t from the cold… I’ve got a sharp sense for danger and it’s telling me to be careful with you… and you came at me earlier… what do you wanna talk about?” he said quietly. His blunt honesty almost made me laugh. A scared boy, but still brave enough to face me head-on. I nodded, not offended at all.

It felt like déjà vu from my first conversation with Kate… she didn’t show anything but her boldness, madness, and stubbornness… but she didn’t seem like she’d back down even one step if I had shown up to kill her… she would’ve died fighting.

Maybe she’s the link… If he’s tied to Kate like it seems, talking about her might light him up.

“First… I get what it’s like to have instincts that kick in before anything else… though… I’m not gonna argue with your gut… I am dangerous… I could definitely take you in a fight, even with whatever enhancement you’ve got… the thing is, I don’t wanna hurt you… and I won’t. If I tried earlier, it’s ‘cause I didn’t know what was going on… maybe I was just jealous…” I scoffed with a short laugh through my nose and he looked at me, curious.

“Jealous… of Kate?” he asked, eyes narrowing, trying to figure out where this was headed, and I shrugged like I didn’t care if I sounded a bit crazy bringing Kate into it.

“Yeah… I like her and we’ve got something weird and simple going on… and then we… look, it’s dumb… I was just being cautious… a strange guy pops up in a safe zone and hugs my girl… what would you do?” I rambled, and he laughed hard.

“You’ve got a point… but she’s just my friend…” he said, still with a confused smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “And you… don’t you have a boyfriend? Kate told me we’re looking for your boyfriend.” he said, puzzled, and I looked at him, even more confused, actually holding my breath at what he’d just said.

“My… what?” I repeated, frowning. “Boyfriend?” I groaned, intrigued. “Bob’s not my boyfriend… ew… no… Bob’s my friend… like… worse than a brother…” I exhaled, disgusted, and he let out a sigh like that suddenly made a lot of things click for him.

“Doesn’t feel like you two talk much, huh?” he chuckled and I laughed along, though mine was way more bitter.

That really does explain a whole bunch of the recent crap… is that what Teddy’s been hinting at this whole time? Is that why she kept saying he was my man? I thought I was being super clear, but clearly…

“She thinks Bob… has been my boyfriend… this whole time… that’s… insane…” I muttered, still trying to process the shitstorm. “Look… let’s drop that for now… I’ll talk to her later… clean this mess up… for now… can you tell me a bit more about you…?” I asked, still a bit foggy from the bomb the kid just dropped.

Boyfriend… what the… fuuuuck…

“I don’t know if I wanna say too much…” he sighed, sipping his beer, and I smiled gently, already thinking of how not to come off too pushy… he’s the kind that reads the room… his arms were still covered in goosebumps, and his eyes were catching every move I made.

No script here… I just need to use my secret weapon… my dumb heart and the ability to listen… just like Bob always tells me.

“If you really don’t want to… it’s okay… I just… I think… if you do tell us… it might actually be kinda nice… you’ve noticed how crazy all the little groups around here are, right? I think Kate sees you as part of hers… I don’t know if I’m saying what you need to hear… but I guess I’m offering you a spot on the Avengers… like… you choose your squad… but it’s kind of like… a job interview… do you want it?” I teased, and he laughed out loud.

“I don’t know if that’s a gig I want again…” he murmured, almost like a confession, but then instantly clammed up.

“Again?” I said, getting up to grab more beers for us, and he looked nervous, eyes avoiding mine.

“I didn’t say that…” he muttered again, now gripping the bottle so tightly it shattered, and I let out a loud sigh, grabbing a towel from the sink to clean up the mess.

He was visibly more shaken, his skin damp with sweat. I scooted my chair closer, reaching for his hands to check for cuts, but there weren’t any, even so, I didn’t let go of his hands while I said what I needed to say.

“Listen, kid… you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to… but I don’t do lies… you said again … and I need to understand what the hell that means… and I need to understand it now… when were you an Avenger?” I said, leaning forward on the table, and he pulled his hands away like I’d burned him.

His silence was clearly fear. I ran through every possibility of him being an Avenger… tried to remember everything I knew about my sister’s teammates… but he wasn’t in any memory… I’ve never seen this kid before… unless…

“Oh, you’re from another reality? One of those multiverse shitstorms?” I asked, and he shook his head, even more scared.

“No… I’m not from another universe… I’m from here… but… fuck… I don’t know if it’s right to talk about this…” he muttered, upset, and I leaned in again, reaching for his hand, trying to calm him down, but if anything, he looked even closer to tears.

“Hey… you’re safe, kid… I promise, you don’t have to tell anyone else… this dies with me… as long as you haven’t done anything criminal and you’re not a total asshole, I’ll help you with whatever you need…” I offered with a smile, and he groaned, burying his hands in his hair like he wanted to rip the thoughts right out of his head.

“Well… turns out I’m one seriously unlucky motherfucker…” he muttered before telling me the craziest, most unreal shit I’ve ever heard.

I was just stunned by the whole thing… no words… He literally wiped himself from everyone's memory… holy shit… I had my hands tangled in my own hair at this point. It’s one thing to feel someone’s despair… empathy… that’s what this is… that’s why I feel just as wrecked as he does… I’ve learned this already… there’s no real reason to be this anxious…

Except I am… I’m freaking the hell out after hearing what he just told me… that’s gotta be the most gut-wrenching story I’ve ever heard… I thought my life was screwed… but what this kid went through? That’s next-level pain… that’s what it means to be truly alone… that’s what I think the void actually is…

“And that’s why there’s no info about me…” he said, waving his hands around the kitchen before leaning back in his chair, fingers laced behind his head.

I honestly had no clue how to comfort this kid right here… this is how fucked up things can get… this is the next, maybe last, level of pain… I never imagined that… I don’t even know how that’s possible…

I just sat there… staring at the beer bottles on the table, overwhelmed by the realization that this ridiculously resilient kid… needs so much… and I had no idea where to start giving him what he deserves… but I knew I’d die trying.

After minutes of silence, weighed down by the shitty mess that’s been his life, he finally spoke again and I nearly jumped out of my skin, I wanted to hug the crap out of this kid, wrap him up in every good thing left in me and tell him he was safe now. But I held back. I clenched my fists on my knees and waited.

Waited to hear what he’d say… I’d listen to everything from now on.

“I met your sister…” he sighed with a bittersweet smile and I leaned on my elbows, suddenly more shaken… I needed to connect all the dots here… because this detail right here gave me a bunch of seriously important pieces.

“If you were Tony Stark’s protégé , then you fought against my sister…” I said, almost reactive, and he raised his hands in surrender.

“Well… Clint Barton could tell you how they were this family that eventually made peace at the end… your sister brought them back together… she basically fixed the whole mess… but yeah… they were at war with each other for a while… I ended up fighting her because, at first, both Nat and Tony were on the same side… but in the middle of that particular fight… she switched sides…” he murmured with that quiet smile people wear when they’ve seen something rare they’ll never forget.

“Can you tell me more about her?” I begged, feeling those stupid tears well up in me.

“I don’t know a lot about her personally, I was only around her once… it was a fast fight… she didn’t seem interested in me, but I was just glad to see all those heroes in the same space… they were fighting over what happened in Sokovia… some backed the accords… others didn’t… maybe Clint pulled her to the right side… hard to say… what I found out much later is that beneath all that chaos… Stark and Steve were having a way more personal battle… Barnes killed Stark’s parents… and Steve chose to protect Barnes…” he said, shrugging.

“Barnes is one of us now… is that a problem for you?” I asked carefully, watching every line of his face, looking for any reaction. He sighed.

“No, I don’t mind and I’d never fight someone who’s chosen a new path… it’s like your sister that day… she chose to stand with Steve instead of backing Stark anymore… she chose to help Steve protect someone who didn’t know what they’d done… and I respect that.” he explained quietly, and I nodded, thoughtful.

Natasha really had a rough time dealing with that mess… I can’t even imagine… actually… I can… I just had to choose a very specific side in the whole Kate situation…

"And what do you know about my sister during the Blip?" I asked, trying to get every detail I could about her. My heart was pounding from anticipation, making me sweat, but I needed to hear everything.

"Like I said... I wasn’t around for all of it... I got blipped too... what I know is... while you and I were gone... Mr. Stark... your sister... Steve and Bruce... and a bunch of other heroes... they... they didn’t... they never stopped trying to find a way to bring everyone back... Mr. Stark was this crazy genius... but he was like a dad to me... Pepper told me how he never stopped thinking about me... even though he tried to live a normal life, to be the dad his daughter deserved... he never forgot me... and your sister... Bruce told me how she went through her own private hell without you...” he said gently.

So far... everything I’ve learned about my sister makes me think about what an amazing woman she was... Clint told me how she talked about me all the time, and now this kid, basically erased from existence in a chain of tragedies, was right here, handing me one more piece of her.

"I miss her so much..." I cried, my voice breaking miserably, and he reached for my hands... firm, empathetic... real.

"I’ve literally lost every single person I ever loved, Yelena... I get it... but I’m proud to see you living a good life... I don’t think she’d want anything else... and honestly, I’m glad you’ve connected with the only person who saw me after everything..." he said, with an emotional smile.

"You can have that too." I offered, urgently. "You can find your girl and your friend... I’ll help you..." I said, squeezing his hands, but he shook his head, that kind of painful, resigned cry.

"I don’t think that’s an option... it’s safer this way... you know... like I told you... my aunt... what happened to her was a direct result of what exposing the people we love can do..." He looked so grown. He’d been aged by pain...

"I get it... it’s okay if you don’t want to say more... but I’d like you to stay with us now... I want to keep my sister’s legacy of taking care of whatever the hell shows up on my watch... she’d be happy to see me looking out for you..." I said, blowing my nose loudly, zero shame, and he laughed.

"No offense, but I’d rather sit at the kids' table and just eat whatever I want like some annoying little shit... if that’s cool with you..." he groaned playfully, and I laughed loud, relieved by the sudden lightness.

"Oh please, kid... one dinner with all of us together and you’ll see the only responsible adult in this mess is Teddy, and even he let me smoke weed last night." I groaned, amused, and he cracked up.

"Maybe I can be your secret weapon or something..." he said, cocky, and I laughed even harder.

"You’re definitely talented... found my Bob in a single day..." I held my hands up in praise, and he sighed, taking another sip from the bottle. Drinking in silence. Thinking.

After several minutes in that quiet, he spoke again, eyes glued to the wall. 

"You should tell her he’s not your boyfriend..." he said quietly, and I groaned loudly.

"Don’t remind me of that shit... Kate is so... ugh..." I growled, biting my fist. "Who the hell knew she was this complicated?" I groaned, pressing my temples. "Where the hell did that girl even get that from? This is why she pulled all that crap!" It’d be funny if it wasn’t so tragic.

"Nah... from what I get... your buddy Bob pushed some serious buttons on the chillest, kindest girl I’ve ever met..." He shrugged like it was obvious.

"I know... I’m just... I’ve got so much to talk to that girl about before we even get naked... the list just keeps getting longer." I said with an amused sigh, and he let out a shout, slapping me with his beer foam.

"Don’t be gross... she’s the best girl and deserves all the talks and patience in the world... you know that, right?" he asked seriously, and I looked at him, nodding.

I really like how protective he is of her...

"I know she does... I kinda..." I sighed long and hard, feeling the air drag through my lungs like every molecule weighed a ton. My fingers drummed nervously on the table in front of me. And for the thousandth time, I cursed myself for still calling her “the girl I like” that’s such teen crap.

I took another deep breath, and this time, I let the truth slip from my lips because keeping it in was eating me alive.

"What?" he said, curious.

"It’s just... okay..." I let the air out hard through my nose, pressing the bridge of it with my fingers. "I... I... I love her... there... I said it... I love her..." The words fell out like an avalanche that had been building for days, maybe weeks... no, that’s a lie... years maybe... maybe since that first look... I just...

"I’ve known for years... I know exactly how amazing she is, and I’ve been in love with every one of those little details I only ever saw in her." I muttered, rubbing my nose, then my eyes, trying to look less vulnerable than I felt. "And I seriously can’t wait to clean up this whole mess she got us into..." I said with a tired breath, but so full of hope.

"It wasn’t Kate who got you two into this..." his voice came steady, and the way his brows furrowed made it clear this wasn’t just an opinion.

"No?" My voice came out low, dragging. I wanted to understand what he saw that I didn’t. I wanted to see it through his eyes. I said it, eyes locked on his too-wise gaze.

"No... it was just a string of misunderstandings... lack of communication and complicated girls falling in love without actually talking it through..." He waved his hand vaguely, like he was trying to give shape to the emotional mess around us.

"And that’s what caused all this crap... Bob’s a victim just like you two... even the dog probably is..." He let out a dry, half-cynical laugh, pointing at the table. "No one’s really to blame... but I don’t like how I’ve heard  you all throwing it around like it’s all on her..." The way he pointed behind him, almost annoyed, made me take a deep breath. "And... I definitely didn’t think that was your take on it..."

And I took a deep breath, caught off guard by how fair his defense was... so reasonable, so grounded...

"You’d be a hell of a lawyer... and maybe if you’d been here three days ago and had to burn through all your damn webs on her... none of this would’ve happened..." I said, and he nodded understandingly.

"Clint told me what she did... I get her reaction... the man who killed my aunt... I... I had the chance to..." He swallowed hard, clearly reliving it, and I squeezed his hand to anchor him. "He was right there, within my reach..." He was opening up, sharing serious pain... and I respected him more with every second.

"So that made it harder..." I murmured, trying to connect the dots. "Look, Peter... you were stopped by your sense of justice... Kate wasn’t stopped, not even by me, Ava, or John... all of us together... and the crazy part is I don’t think even you could’ve stopped her if you’d wrapped her in your full spider-goo cocoon... and I like to pretend it was the horse-sized dose of tranquilizers, but I know better... she only stopped when Bob disappeared..." I said it more to myself than to him. And he nodded, like he understood how much that meant to me.

"Even then... I’m not judging what you guys went through... I’m just saying she’s just a regular girl... I don’t think the blame should fall on her like some punishment, but more like... something warm... something that helps her see the edge next time... I know where my line is because of that spell that made everyone forget me, and because I didn’t kill the man who killed my aunt... and she probably found her line in you... Clint told me that’s why she finally calmed down... because of the girl she loves..." he said very seriously, and the words hit me right in the bones.

"She loves me? Did she say that?" I asked shyly.

He scoffed loud, a dry laugh slipping out with a hint of irony. "Well... not in those exact words..." he laughed, scratching his neck. "... but if you knew how many nights we went on missions and she couldn’t shut up about you... I’d say she’s embarrassingly in love with you since that Christmas... but what I saw today... it feels even bigger now..." He laid it all out, and I nearly melted into the table in celebration.

She feels the same way I do... Oh... if she thinks Bob and I are dating... that’s why she felt used earlier...

YEEESSS! I was one second away from throwing my fists in the air when he laughed.

"Looks like I gave you some good news..." he sighed, finishing his beer.

"Of course I’m happy, Peter... I mean, there’s all kinds of crap going on for everyone... but honestly, this conversation has been one of the best I’ve had in this miserable life... thank you for telling me your secret... for letting me know such important stuff about Kate and me... and I promise this all stays between us... maybe... I think you should tell Kate about the spell and your girl... she cares about you..." I said, getting up from the table.

"I will tell her... when she’s not so busy... now let’s go... the data on Bob should be ready... I’m gonna sit and let my crazy brain go to work for you guys... it’s math time... maybe we’ll still head out tonight to find your not-boyfriend ." He joked, dodging my punch as he swung into the hallway ceiling.

"Oh kid... you know that shock knocked you out today?" I laughed, watching him cling to the ceiling like the damn spider he is, while I walked calmly below him.

"Yeah... I know... what the hell is a housewife doing with weapons like that?" He laughed, and I scoffed.

"She’s not a regular housewife... she’s an ex-agent, way more dangerous than all of us put together... let’s just say if she were here... then yeah, Kate wouldn’t have had a meltdown... she would’ve been knocked out with one touch to some pressure point... we’ll never know." I explained, and he shot little webs at me.

"Any special reason we’re still chatting instead of working, Yelena?" he grumbled, and I laughed hard, dodging the little web balls until I zapped him with one of my widow’s bites right in the butt, and he groaned loud.

"What the hell? Do all of you have those things?" he asked, standing full-on upside down.

"That’s what I was trying to tell you... her weapons? Like... ten generations ahead of these in my fists... so don’t mess with me... if hers knocked you out, mine will kill you... you’re just a windowsill spider compared to a Black Widow." I said playfully, and he groaned, webbing the side walls before launching himself full force down the hallway.

I smiled, watching the boy swing around with his web, while I strolled slowly toward the same destination... thinking only about how my plan now was to find Bob... and then sort out my whole life around Kate Bishop...

*

Notes:

*

 

So… what did you think? Peter Parker’s here...
I’ve always wanted to write Peter and Yelena having a real conversation… diving into all the crap they’ve been through and the weird, deep stuff that connects them.

 

This part was hard to write, not gonna lie. I really believe Peter and Yelena are two of the most emotionally wrecked characters in the MCU. This chapter is just a snapshot… but it hit in all the right places. It got to me. I hope it got to you too.

 

Weed’s not really my thing, but I get the appeal. If you like it, cool. If you don’t, that’s cool too.
But what’d you think of the girls sharing that very normal experience together? Also… I loved throwing Tommy, Billy, and Teddy into the mix.

 

I was nervous about that after weed party scene, it could’ve totally broken the vibe but I think we needed to see that it’s all already there. Maybe it’s always been there. They just don’t have the words for it yet. They already see themselves as something solid, a unit.

 

And Yelena dealing with the Baby Avengers? Yeah, I loved that too. It’s been fun thinking about what it means to actually merge the teams.
I needed that. I hope it hit home for you too.

 

Yes, Bob… we’re so close to finding Bob.

 

*

Chapter 8: An Occasional Dream

Summary:

_______________________________

 

Kate and Yelena search for Bob, but get caught spinning in their own emotions.

 

_______________________________

Notes:

Today’s chapter soundtrack is “An Occasional Dream”.
It lives in that hazy space between memory and the present… where nothing feels solid, just the echo of something precious that either once was… or is begging to be.

That vibe runs through Kate Bishop and Yelena Belova’s search for Bob. He’s vanished, wandering in circles. And without realizing it, they’re stuck in the same loop… spiraling around their own feelings.

 

*

 

Oh, and now we’ve got the playlist so you can hear what I’ve been listening to...

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4425XGegojoay05H9pzIlV?si=zSNGvJ5GTl-ddxqptdvXRA

 

*

---

 

 

 

 

 

*

As I’ve already said… my life’s been… I don’t even know how to label it anymore… like I told you before, the best way to put it is: every damn time I wake up, there’s something new, something crazy, something extraordinary. Most of the time, yeah, it’s been the product of all the crap that’s gone down lately. But right now, sitting here with my eyes shut, waiting for this cryptographic sequence to finish loading, I only had one real concern… keeping every one of my instincts glued to the front door.

Because I wanted to hear the second they came back. So that when I opened my eyes this time… I’d see two of the people who fill my heart with more good stuff than anyone else ever could.

Peter Parker… the freaking almost-mythical figure in this city who somehow keeps showing up in my missions. Not always… more like he just pops in when I really need him. And God, I was praying this was one of those times.

It was the soft little giggle that made me snap even more into focus. Her laugh. I added it to the sound of footsteps, yeah, at this point I can recognize even the way she walks. Don’t roll your eyes at me. She spied on me for at least two years, if you want honesty, I’m actually being pretty chill about my obsession here.

Anyway…

I know the sound of Peter’s webs too, it’s unmistakable, almost comforting. When things got rough on Fisk missions especially, I got used to being relieved every time I heard that sharp whip of his webs, that meant he’d be landing a foot away from me in about five seconds.

And right now, I had to keep my focus sharp, because there were more people around. Loud music too. But I still picked out the sound of his webs firing between jumps, mixed with Yelena’s laughter. That told me they were goofing around in some silly chase. And as all that noise drew closer and closer, I counted to ten in my head, knowing the exact beat between the door swinging open and me catching her scent.

God, don’t even get me started on what her scent does to me.

The sight that hit me was way more than I expected… not exactly how I wanted it, though. Both of them had red, wet eyes… they’d been crying. And the last thing I wanna see is the woman I-Ugh. No. That’s a whole line of thought I can’t even let myself touch. I gotta rip out of my head the idea that Yelena’s mine. She isn’t. Period. Doesn’t matter how much I want to twist it. She’s not some thing to be owned. She’s still got that damn boyfriend. So no. She’s not mine, end of story.

And yet… the more I repeat it in my head, the worse it gets. Because she still looks at me like I’m hers.

She was doing it right now… searching for me, I’m sure of it. But I’ve forced myself to accept it’s not what I think it is. The only thing that matters is: she’s smiling right now. Both of them were. Crooked smiles, damp, a little sad, yeah. But still real smiles. Both of them trying to hold themselves together while wiping their eyes and shoving each other around like idiots.

I know I smiled as best as I could seeing that. Because that was right. That was good. I could feel it from here. Like watching two planets finally line up after years of drifting off-course.

And I wanted to orbit them. Didn’t matter what kind of messed-up gravity field they’d been living in, I wanted in. So five seconds later I was on my feet, almost running toward them, because I honestly couldn’t stand being far from her another second. And something about the fact that the kid had cried too just made me speed up even more.

They were standing there in the doorway, shoulder to shoulder, Yelena’s arm nearly brushing Peter’s. And for a second, they looked so… synced up.

I thanked every known and unknown god for the fact she didn’t look like she wanted to kill my friend anymore.

So this is how she felt about Bob all that time?

Yeah… I think I finally get it.

Before I reached them, she turned and hugged him. An honest, tight, real hug. And what shocked me wasn’t that he hugged her back with the same energy… no, the big thing was that it came from her. Yelena… the little solar star that drags all of our love toward her, she’s not exactly the hugging-strangers type.

I almost choked seeing her ruffle the kid’s hair while he lifted her clean off the ground in a full bear hug. My eyes went wide, half expecting her to flip him and break his ribs, but nope. She just stayed there, eyes shut, giving him the best hug of his life.

And I know it was. Because I know what those hugs feel like. I’ve been getting a lot of them lately. She’s even sat in my lap… and she-

Wait. Why the hell is she running her hand through his hair?

And worse… why is she touching the back of his neck the same way she does mine?

That’s… a bit too much, right?

I thought that was our thing.

Maybe… maybe Peter can spin his damn webs without his hands. No, that doesn’t make sense, the stuff comes out of his wrists, the hands are just for show.

Anyway… my hand moved on its own, ready to yank his arms off her.

“Alright… I love hugs too… but c’mon, put her down. You’re gonna drop her… she might get… hurt…” I stammered, tugging her closer to me. Peter burst out laughing, probably getting my whole jealous mess, but all I could do was narrow my eyes and grit my teeth at him, silently begging him to help me keep some dignity.

“I’m a Black Widow, Kate…” Yelena muttered, tilting my chin to make me look away from Peter. She was already pulling up my hoodie to check my bandages, so casual, so normal for us. Her gentle touch on my stomach made me shiver and squirm, earning a soft laugh from her that I felt in my bones.

“You’re dangerous… with those sneak attacks…” I muttered, leaning against her shoulder while she inspected whatever the hell she needed to in my wounds.

“Hehe… you saw that, Peter? She thinks I’m dangerous too…” Yelena teased, and I glanced between them.

“You’re definitely dangerous, Yelena… I can see it in everything about you…” he growled, flicking a little web-ball at her ass. She yelped, clinging tighter to me, twisting around to see the damage.

“Son of a bitch! This suit is brand new… you ruined it!” she shouted, accent thick as hell. I groaned, pulling her in to also inspect the ruined spot before glaring at Peter.

Yeah… way too much intimacy going down in this room.

Maybe I should just rip his arms off. He could still fight crime without them, he’s enhanced, right?

“I’ll clean it for you, Yelena… baking soda, remember?” I murmured, brushing a few strands of hair out of her eyes, giving all my focus to the pout on the woman I- Shut the fuck up, brain. Don’t finish that thought.

The problem is… she sighed, leaning on my shoulder, kissed my cheek, and almost whispered. “You’d really do that for me?” in this surprised little voice that made me exhale hard. So I did the only sane thing… I leaned all the way in and kissed her warm cheek back, my arms around her waist, and told her the only truth that matters in this insane world.

“I’ll do anything you want, baby.” I murmured, just for her. And I saw it, the way her pretty eyes lit up, pupils a little blown, the way her fingers gripped my shoulders tighter.

Yeah… there it is. I’ll say it a thousand more times if that’s the reaction I get. Boyfriend or not. She deserves this. And I deserve to feel this.

She’s smiling at me like the little sun she is.

Why the hell does she have to act like this around me?

Because you keep doing exactly what you just did, idiot. Stop seducing the poor woman!

Except… she’s guilty too. Look, her hand’s under my hoodie again, fingers on my bare skin, and I-

“Not to, uh… ruin the vibe here… but I’m still standing right here…” Peter drawled, leaning against the doorway in a fake-sexy pose. I growled at his dumb stance, pulling myself slightly out of the web Yelena and I were spinning around each other.

“This… it’s not… it’s just-” I stammered, stepping toward him. Yelena shot me a betrayed look, then glared at Peter.

“You see what I mean when I said she’s complicated as fuck?!” she pointed at me. My eyes went wide. Apparently I was the topic.

“Yeah, she seems complicated alright. But hey, I’d rather she flirt with you than with Eli…” he muttered, making me break into a cold sweat.

Why the hell would he-?

“I think I liked it better when you were shy, Peter…” I teased, grabbing him by the neck.

“I’m not shy… I just didn’t know you that well before. Now… don’t act like-” he was about to say something else, and I shut him up with a slap to the balls before he could make me blush harder.

Yelena looked absolutely entertained by all of it. “Let the boy talk, Kate…”

“Nope, no more roasting me. Now get over here. If you hugged Yelena, I want one too.” I announced, yanking his head against my chest, desperate to escape his banter.

“Hey… she’s the one who hugged me. Don’t be jealous…” he groaned, arms slipping around my waist as he lifted me the same way he had her.

I looked at Yelena proudly, showing off my hug. She raised an eyebrow at me. “So what if I hugged him? Doesn’t matter if he hugged me first. He’s right… jealousy’s tacky. I’m not gonna get jealous over him hugging you, idiot.” she shot back, already stepping out of reach. I burst out laughing.

This bitch wrote me a jealous note, the most passive-aggressive move in the whole damn multiverse, and now she wants to talk about not being jealous?

Which reminds me… that damn note. She’s gonna explain it. In detail. Soon.

“You’re not actually jealous, right, Kate?” Peter pressed. I looked away, dropped him, folded my arms. Instantly felt like an idiot acting like this in front of him.

I don’t really wanna rip my friend’s arms off. The bad memories of my dad teaching me how to break bones crept up, tightening my throat. I coughed, trying to shove them away.

“Sorry, kid… it’s just… she’s so… I can’t help it. I just wish every touch she gave anyone else was only for me…” I forced my brain back to Yelena. Back to the way she touches me. Because that’s safe. She’s my safest thought now.

Peter’s smile widened, like he knew something I didn’t. Maybe he did. Because after whatever went down between them, he looked lighter. Not fixed, not fully. But not shattered anymore either. More like carefully pieced back together.

Maybe Yelena glued something important inside him… so now my mission’s to blow on it gently, make sure her glue sets.

“Alright… so… can I know what you two talked about? I mean… why do you both look like you cried yourselves dry? And still look… happy? I mean, jealousy aside, I actually kinda liked seeing that…” My honesty here was real.

Peter hesitated, and I watched in real time how everything in his face shifted. The smile faded a little, giving way to something quieter. His eyes drifted somewhere far away.

He sat on the edge of the couch, hands clasped together. Looked almost relaxed… except his fingers were shaking. That detail made me zero in on everything about him.

My mom taught me a long time ago… hands never lie about feelings or intentions. I smiled, just for a second, glad to dig up a good memory of Eleanor.

When my dad was gone, I couldn’t fit anywhere. Sports helped, but I was shy, crushed by grief. Day after day, my mom drilled it into me… Show up with a smile and a solid handshake, and you can reset anything.

So I sat down across from him, ready to do exactly what she taught me. I wrapped my hand around his in a full, steady grip, like I might have to pull him up from a cliff.

“Hey, kid… you okay? Yelena wasn’t too rough on you, was she?” I murmured, tightening the hold, and he sighed, covering our joined hands with his free one.

“I’m okay… and ‘rough’ isn’t the word… it just… hurt . But the point is… turns out your girl’s even more amazing than you can imagine.” His voice was soft, eyes searching for mine, half proud, half amused, with no trace of that earlier pain or trembling.

“I’m sure she is… and I’d bet my whole damn fortune she did something huge for you today.” I grinned, knowing Yelena was dead serious when she teased about being the coolest girl ever.

“I think I get it now, everything she does feels huge to you.” He teased back, and I frowned, silently demanding an answer. “I’m not dodging… yeah. Yelena gave me exactly what I needed today, even if it’s still not enough…” He rubbed his eyes.

“I’m here for whatever you need, Pete.” My fingers brushed through his hair. “And later I can set you up with a haircut…” The joke made him smile, but it never reached his eyes.

“Kate… I’ve got something huge to tell you. I just don’t wanna dump it on you right now… later, okay?” His voice was almost begging, and I nearly groaned in frustration.

“That’s cruel… half-gossip should be a crime.” I teased, and he finally laughed again, like before.

“Silly girl… it’s not gossip. It’s something big for me, and it’d just mess with your head when you need to stay focused on your mission. I can wait… don’t worry about me.” He whispered, giving my hand another squeeze.

“I’ve been worrying for a year now, Peter. Don’t ask me to stop. I just need you to know, we’re here for you. All of us.” I said firmly, and he nodded.

“Kate… it’s not like I’m used to being cared for. And today was so damn weird. People spent the whole day just… looking at me. That lady… Laura? She even offered me a haircut, worse, she literally showed up with scissors and said she’d do it right there. She fed me more than I’ve had in weeks. These clothes are so warm… the guys somehow knew I needed boxers. I didn’t even realize how nasty my suit had gotten… God…” He muttered, rubbing his eyes, and I couldn’t help but smile.

I didn’t know what kind of life he was living or why. But nothing about it sounded comfortable. Maybe even if he were rich, comfort wouldn’t reach him. But right here, I knew he lived on the bare minimum.

“Let me just say this… you stay here as long as you want. With my team, or theirs, I bet Yelena’d take you in too. Me? I already think you’re part of mine. But… it’s your choice.” I told him straight, and he huffed.

“You guys really that desperate for my webs, huh?” He joked, ruffling my hair, and I swatted him away, laughing.

“Yelena offer you the same deal?” My question made him nod, smirking.

“Yeah. In a lot of ways, it felt like she was interviewing me for a job. Except… she made me cry with all that crazy sweet energy of hers.” He muttered, and my curiosity only grew.

“That explains your tears… the comfort… but doesn’t explain hers. Why the hell would you make my girl cry, Peter?” My finger poked his chest, and he groaned, laughing again.

“I told her something about her sister. I… kinda knew her.” His tone was hesitant, almost scared, and my eyes narrowed. Way too suspicious.

“Okay, that sounds like a long-ass story… how the hell did you know Natasha? Do you know Clint too? Who else?” I pressed, confused, and he sighed.

“Way too many questions, Kate… another time, you and me’ll crack open some beers and I’ll tell you everything. But no… I told her the same thing. I’m not joining any team right now. I’ll help you guys, I’ll stick around, but now’s not the time for job applications. It’s time to find Bob.” His voice was serious, and I nodded, almost defeated.

“Fair enough. I’ll wait till you’re ready. Don’t worry, no one’s gonna bug you about it. Just know you don’t ever need to go hungry or skip showers again. I’m here. And the second you want, you’ve got a room at my place. Just climb through the window and pick any empty one.” I said, waving my hands dramatically, and he laughed out loud, stretching his back.

“Alright… after this mission, I wanna crash for a whole damn week in whatever bed you give me.” Peter muttered, sighing from deep down in his chest. I still don’t know half the shit he’s been through… but it’s eating him alive.

“Hey… I really hope your talk with Yelena helped. And just so you know, I’m here too, for the serious stuff.” I promised, and he reached for me again, fingers tangling in my hair.

“I know I can count on you… I promise I’ll tell you too, I just wanna spare you for now. You’ve had a crap few days, and you need to get back to being yourself. I know it hurt losing control… I’m here for you too, Kate.” He whispered, giving me that half-smile while stroking my hair.

I wanted to cry, because he’d basically been my lawyer all day, throwing out little jokes to shield me. Just like I thought… he always shows up at the right moment. But before I could thank him, he’d already walked off, quick steps carrying him away.

I barely had time to grumble about his obvious escape when Clint came over, a tired smile on his face, slumping heavily into a chair and dragging both hands down his face.

“Kate, you just keep screwing up my retirement… never thought it’d look like this.” The grumble, that deep drawl, it made me laugh so hard I threw myself into hugging him.

“Sorry, old man… I’m not even really trying.” I groaned, and he sighed.

“About that kid, Kate… I know him.” His tone was low, and I grabbed his chin, making him look at me.

“Yeah…? How? Spill everything… I’ve been digging into him for a year and found almost nothing. He just told me he knew Natasha.” I muttered.

“Well… he fought against us and with us. It’s been a while. I didn’t really remember the fight at first, but it came back to me-” Clint started, and I cut him off.

“And why the hell didn’t you say anything in the meeting? Could’ve stopped that whole unnecessary attack.” I demanded.

“Well… I was still piecing it together. Watching his patterns. I didn’t remember right away. Memories hit me during our briefing… I know I met him. Masked, though. I didn’t know the identity. We were on opposite sides. It was a long time ago… back during that stupid war of ours. Sokovia Accords split us up… those who signed, and those who didn’t wanna play witch-hunt. That kid? Was Tony’s protégé. And he fought against us… more like… he almost kicked our asses. Steve threw a massive container at him, and not only did he not die… he kept fighting like one of us. He’d have taken all of us down today if he had to and won.” Clint explained, and I tried to piece together everything I knew.

“Oh, the airport battle. I read about it… but I didn’t think you knew everyone there.” I admitted, feeling more lost by the second.

“Well, it’s not like I knew every single identity. Just our immediate circle. The nomads? No. I never saw his face. I had bigger problems… like fighting Natasha that day.” He scoffed, and I sighed, frustrated.

What the hell isn’t this kid telling me?

“Just breathe, Kate… I didn’t speak up also because, maybe I was surprised by how everyone reacted to him. Like you with Bob. We all did it without realizing. When you pulled yourself together and defended your friend without losing it, without a fight. I relaxed completely. If I’d said anything, you’d have lost that chance to prove you could keep it together.” His calm explanation made me realize the bigger picture… Everyone had been worried about my reactions.

That’s why John pointed a gun at my face. That’s why Yelena looked scared of what I’d do.

“Come on, kid… let it go. It’s done. You get it now.” He almost pleaded.

I sighed, paying attention to everything about him now, laughing softly as the tension drained. His fingers were pressing into his eyes dramatically, and I pulled his hands away so he’d look at me.

“What now?” He groaned, kissing the top of my head.

“Nothing… I just get what you said about Peter. Thanks. I really did keep my cool. And now I see why everyone acted the way they did.” I whispered sadly.

“And why do you sound sad? That’s a good thing.” He asked, still gentle.

“I… I just missed you explaining the damn world to me the way only you can.” I said, ruffling his gray-streaked hair. He looked older now. Older than I remembered.

The roughness of his hands, the scruffy gray in his beard, the way his shoulders sagged a little more each time he thought no one was watching. My chest tightened in a new way, realizing how fast time had passed since we first met.

It had always been easy to see Clint as my hero… stubborn… invincible… But now, seeing him this tired… he looked just… human.

“Funny, isn’t it?” I said, watching him.

"So, what’s interesting besides the whole obvious circus?" he teased, still grinning.

"It’s just that I finally realized… we only notice our parents are getting old when we start feeling old ourselves…" I smiled, but it was a fragile smile. My throat scratched with the urge to cry, almost automatic, and I quickly buried my face in his neck.

"Hey, kid… what’s going on… why are we crying?" he asked into my hair.

"I don’t know… I guess I’m just tired… everything’s been so insane… feels like I’ve aged ten years in five days…" I let it all spill out in waves, and he pulled me in tighter.

"I get it, Kate… and it’s okay now… the worst is behind you… you’re gonna be fine… that storm in your head is gone, isn’t it?" he asked gently, brushing my cheeks, and I nodded fast.

"Yeah… I actually feel good… especially after me and Yelena…" I said, searching for her in the middle of the chaos. Resting my chin on Clint’s shoulder just so I could see her better. She looked even more stunning in that perfect suit… that huge smile while she joked with the others. The weight crushing the two of us was clearly fading.

"You like her, and that’s the best damn thing that could’ve happened to you… you know that, right?" Clint’s words didn’t surprise me at all. Deep down, I knew he was right, and my body just recognized it.

"I’m not just like her… I’m sure I love her." I said, certain of every word, and he studied me closely.

"Sounds about right… it’s like I told you, every Hawk’s got their Widow." he said smugly, and we both burst out laughing.

It was comforting and bittersweet all at once. This man changed my entire life since I was a kid… without him, I wouldn’t be who I am today in so many ways… but above all, he changed how I see the world.

"Thank you." I whispered against his shoulder. "Seriously, Clint… thanks for everything. If I hadn’t seen you during the invasion… if you hadn’t distracted me… if… I… I’m sorry." I started crying again.

He chuckled low. "What are you apologizing for this time?"

I took a deep breath, holding onto him tighter, still watching Yelena practically bouncing on her feet while checking the data I’d gathered for her. I had plenty to apologize for with a lot more people than Clint… but with him… I just needed him to know how much I wanted him to rest.

"I don’t know, old man… guess I just feel like I owe people a lot for my behavior, but with you… making you come here… pulling the kids out of school… out of your routine… I’m sorry for being such a handful. For messing everything up. For… I don’t know… I’ve just been a little reflective since yesterday." I admitted, lowering my eyes to my hands.

He let out a dramatic huff, grabbing my hands and forcing me to pull back just enough to look into his eyes. The question slipped out before I could stop it.

"I just need to know… you… despite everything, are you still proud of me?" I asked as best as I could, trying not to sound like a kid begging for validation, even though, honestly, I desperately wanted it from my mentor.

For a second, the silence weighed heavy. I knew it wasn’t hesitation, he was just thinking. That serious look was him searching for the right words, and my heart pounded like I was about to hear a verdict. Every time this happened, it felt like Clint was teaching me more than just how to be Hawkeye, more than just his successor… he was being a dad. And when he finally smiled, that genuine, tired smile only he could give me, I knew it’d carry me through, like it always did.

"Kate… like I told you when you woke up… I’ve never been more proud of anything than finding you… having the honor of being your mentor… your hero… a dad. I love you, even with all the chaos you bring… and let me be crystal clear, if I could do it all over again, I’d rather never have been Hawkeye if it meant you had to be Hawkeye instead."

The air rushed out of my lungs, along with the dumb tears slipping down my face as I curled into his chest. So typically Clint… simple, direct, and devastating. He calls me his daughter, he tells me he loves me when I need it, and that’s it… I know… it’s his way of reaffirming my place… like I was always meant to be here. That’s what grounds me.

Is that what legacy really is?

I don’t think I’d want it any other way.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds, just breathing under the care of the dad I had left. But that movement brought a shadow. Because I wanted to think of my parents, to feel all this for them too… but nothing like that comes. Other than that brief wave of longing with Peter earlier, everything’s still blurred in my mind.

I can’t see any real smiles, no simple pride… can’t hear gentle voices… only fragments of a relentless nightmare… accusing voices, judging, pointing at every flaw like open wounds.

No warm memories. Just pain.

And in that spiral, the sound of light footsteps dragged me back to reality… a reality much more permanent and close. 

Her…

When I opened my eyes, Yelena was right next to us, holding two tiny cups of water like she’d just crossed a desert and found an oasis.

"You two look stressed." she said plainly, one perfect brow arched with that little smirk I love.

Clint laughed loud, reaching for one of the cups as I slowly slipped off his lap to take mine.

"I’ve seen you do that before, and didn’t know it was about stress, Yelena." Clint said, sipping his cup, staring at her like she was the only thing in the room.

Yelena looked even more adorable as she rubbed her hands on her suit and hair, letting all the shyness gather in her soft cheeks. "Well… I learned to drink water whenever I’m under pressure. It helps."

I almost laughed out loud. God, I just wanted to squeeze that cute head of hers against my chest and never let go. The look she gave me was silly and satisfied.

"If I drink water every time I’m under pressure, I’ll never leave the bathroom." I snorted, standing up to stretch my back. The stitches in my stomach pulled a little, but nothing unbearable. She gave me a half-smile, brushing her fingers against the bandage.

"Do you need that changed again?" she murmured, and I rested my hand on her forearm gently.

"No, I’m good. Mama Laura patched me up a few hours ago… and I’ve had my meds. I’m almost perfect." She nodded, satisfied, her eyes never leaving mine.

That stare, so piercing like she was measuring every reaction, made me smile shyly and glance at Clint, who of course wiggled his brows like a gossip. I stared down into my cup, fighting a smile, letting the cold water slide down my throat, a small relief, but real.

"Yeah, this crap really does calm you down." Clint groaned, finishing his cup and leaving with a kiss on both our heads. Yelena shifted slightly but didn’t seem annoyed, just muttering about how the old man touches too much.

Then, without warning, she reached for my hand just like Clint had, touching me so freely. I laughed, looking at our hands tangled together, at her, and at Clint walking away.

"Don’t even start with that joke." She scoffed, pulling her hand back.

"I didn’t say a word, Linda." I teased, reaching to bring her hand up for a kiss she pretended not to want.

"I know exactly what you were thinking, idiot. His touch is nothing like yours in my mind." She laughed, lacing our fingers back together, completely, naturally, and yet somehow perfectly calculated. Her fingers grazed mine with such precision it sent shivers down my spine. She laughed harder, touching my arm, looking thrilled at my reaction.

"Now come on, Hate Bishop … let’s get to work." she muttered, dragging me playfully toward the others.

I followed for a few steps before her words hit me. Not the “let’s get to work” but the “Hate Bishop.” My legs obeyed her, my heart too… but I froze for a second.

"Hold up…" I narrowed my eyes at her, catching that bubbling laughter ready to explode. "What’s with this whole ‘Hate Bishop’ thing?"

Her smile didn’t falter, not even a bit. But I saw it, the flicker in her eyes, her lips parting like she’d let something slip she shouldn’t have and worried about my reaction.

Before I could press her, John and Ava flanked us, laughing loud.

"Damn, Yelena… you blew the surprise…" John groaned, and my curiosity doubled.

"Come on, come on… it’s just our nickname for your Hate Era …" Yelena finally laughed.

I sighed, trying to process it, then their laughter hit me too.

"I really hate all of you…" I muttered, slipping away toward the water, making them laugh even harder.

*

Whenever Kate Bishop’s around, there’s something in the way she looks at me… something that knocks the wind out of me… Oh my God… I don’t have a less cheesy way to say this… It’s like… like I’m being pulled by an invisible current. No, that doesn’t help either… I feel like… everything in me… is drawn to her… No, no, no…

What now? Peter Parker wrung a confession out of you and this is how it’s gonna be from here on out?

That must’ve been the first interrogation I ever lost.

I cooperated like a lamb and handed Peter the truth, straight up.

I shouldn’t be bothered… I only told him about the girl I… the girl I love…

But that’s it. The word’s been stuck in me ever since… love … And it’s given me this weird feeling… like I swallowed a blade and it decided to lodge there, buzzing with every heartbeat… like that same blade is pressed to my throat, daring me to act… to fix whatever’s keeping me from having Kate Bishop.

I was just zoning out, sitting on the table in front of them, trying to look busy but really just staring at her. Kate was seated beside Peter, head tilted over their notes, the perfect hair loose, pure frustration at the numbers that wouldn’t add up… She looked gorgeous and smart anyway, maybe even more because of it. There was something charming about watching her bite her lower lip, about the way she tapped the pen against the page like she could force the equation to give.

I was thinking about how many things she’s probably been struggling to make sense of these days funneled into the dumbest worry she saddled herself with.

How the hell did she think Bob was my boyfriend? Worse… “my man” … like we’re in some freaking alternate reality where I’d pick any guy… even worse… like I could see my Bob as anything beyond some soul-bond nonsense or whatever that even is…

My gaze drifted to the images projected on the screen. Void looping on repeat, his dark silhouette moving through scenes like a shadow bigger than the night itself. Peter and Kate tried to spot patterns, scribbling numbers multiplying across the papers.

But there was something different in that footage.

Something different in how it seemed to be just Void moving… he didn’t look interested in people before they turned into a shadow staining the ground… not that he seemed all that interested before anyway… but it caught my eye that this time he only looked like he was radiating energy, not hitting targets. I slid off the table and stepped up to one of the clips.

A gas station… Void walking slowly between cars… the black energy flickering around him in a different way… not a dark mirror of Bob anymore… I watched closely as people turned to shadows who didn’t even seem to see him… and then… the moment Void moved away by more than a few steps… they came back… dazed…

I paused and replayed the video a few times… until… yeah… he doesn’t look intentional either… no decisive moves like Bob usually makes…

“Guys…” I called out without taking my eyes off the screen.

Kate was the first at my side, as always. “What is it, Yelena?” She touched my shoulders, and the instinctive little massage she gave with her fingers pulled a sigh out of me before I could stop it. For a second I forgot the video. For a second I just wanted to close my eyes and stay there. 

But John and Ava were already coming over, curious, and I had to pull it together.

“The info we have on Void’s behavior… it includes visibility and intent, right?” I asked Ava, still locked on the screen.

“Yeah. Everyone saw Void attack NYC… and yeah, he really meant it…” she said with a bitter smile.

“Right…” I murmured, running the video again. “Then I think I caught a new pattern tied to our training with him…”

Peter dropped his notes and came over, eyes sharp. “I’m not following… Lay it out, Yelena… I’ve already mapped every interaction he had with these people and it all looks like what he did before in NYC… what are you seeing?” His gentle tone only tightened the pressure in my chest. I took a deep breath, forcing every thought into clean, simple buckets.

“Ava… you remember how Bob always said Void feeds on other people’s intent… that he feels like he has to guide that intent? You remember the psychologist told us Sentry’s God complex makes him want to be seen because of all the trauma?” I sighed, and then John clapped his hands and nearly shouted.

“Oh, I get it… here he doesn’t look like he’s got any intent… it’s like… he’s just passing through… and he’s not doing the hero move I taught Bob.” He practically yelled.

“Yeah… exactly…” I pointed at him, excited. “Here… he’s just… look… he’s walking different too… and he just… it’s like… the word I landed on was he’s just radiating power… the second the radius falls off… people come back… Bob’s acting different in a bunch of these clips… I got the sense these people couldn’t even see him…” I said, pausing the other videos and lining up the frames at the exact moment the shadow receded.

“It’s like the calculation you two are working on, right?” I turned to Peter and Kate. “You want to nail down his range… how long he spent in each spot, speed… here it is… it’s about that… how long between his action and people noticing… same thing happens in this clip… at this time… people aren’t vanishing for more than a few seconds…” I explained, looking around at everyone.

Kate’s eyes ran over the papers on the table, hunting for the missing piece, and then she shouted.

“Yeah… you’re right… that’s why… look… this radius gives us a time window… wait…” She grabbed a basic calculator and after a full minute she groaned. “Hey… we were wrong… he’s been wandering the same area this whole time… not bolting within the hours-long window we had before… it’s like…” She looked at Peter.

Peter leaned over the table. “You think he can’t leave a certain perimeter? That’s why this radius exists?” he asked.

Kate shrugged, still nervous. “Maybe… I think Yelena’s right… but there’s more… this image…” She pulled up Void’s first image… he walks pointing at people… he does the hero thing John mentioned, hand raised… he walks tall… he looks like he has a purpose. “Now look at the one Yelena flagged… he looks… weak… and if he’s being weakened by something?” she said, pointing.

“What would weaken him like that?” Peter asked, and I let out a disgusted sigh.

“Negative energy…” The answer came out without hesitation, that thin ache flaring between my eyes again. “Valentina uses that shit as a direct threat on him in every meeting.”

Peter and Kate looked even more intrigued, eyes flicking between the data and the math, and then Peter clapped, like he’d just set our next moves.

“Alright… I want Ava and John with me to re-analyze all the logs… now with the new info… Young Avengers… keep scanning for more sightings… not on the hours-long window anymore… I want it minute by minute now…” Peter said loud enough for everyone.

The room snapped into motion. John was already breaking down all of Bob’s training for Peter, Ava fired off behavior hypotheses… And Kate… Kate just pulled a chair up next to me and sat, breathing fast, eyes full of ideas and worry, locked on me.

“You okay?” she asked calmly, patting her lap, and I sighed, not refusing the closeness.

“I’m not… but I think I will be really soon…” I breathed, leaning into her shoulder.

“I promise we’re gonna fix this… I’ll finish the math now, and then I’ll tell you what we find, okay?” she told me, pressing a gentle kiss to my temple like she was promising something a lot more personal, and I nodded quietly while she talked through the calculation out loud. I just stayed there, trying to steady my breathing, inhaling the whole situation and the crushing weight of the realization that time seemed to be running out.

*

I was letting every bit of my math training pool in my head so I could make sense of everything Yelena had just seen…

She’d given us the time window we needed… she’d given us behavioral patterns between actions that yield numerical data, and I just knew that would be enough to pin down at least his next location. I’d run the same calculation a thousand times for every place he popped up if I had to, but I felt helpless when I heard her voice break again.

“What if he’s dying?” Yelena asked, eyes glassy, still quiet, sitting in my lap.

The pen in my hand almost snapped at the implications and at the fear in her. I hugged her without thinking.

“I don’t think we need to go there, Yelena… from what you told us… the numbers suggest way less time than we thought… he’s still in the same area according to your read… I just need to know which spot he’ll show up at next… please… trust me… I’m gonna find him…” I promised, smoothing the hair at the nape of her neck, but she kept crying.

“If he’s weakening, then Bob is too…” she said, almost stubborn, getting up off my lap. I could only whine at the loss of contact, but before I could go to her again-

“Hey, no…” John stepped into her space, cupping her cheeks and wiping her tears before I could. “This is about Void… if he’s weak… Bob or Sentry must be containing him… this isn’t about Bob dying… our boy’s a survivor like us… we taught him everything, Blondie… just breathe… don’t go to the worst-case… let the kids finish the math… we’ll know the next location and be there at the right time…”

He spoke with such conviction that even I, knowing how fragile the variables were, wanted to believe. Ava already had her hands firm on Yelena’s shoulders, like someone helping carry an invisible weight. John tilted her face up, making her look ahead. It was support, raw, real, solid. And I understood.

“Alright… so… now…” Peter cut in, pulling us back. “With this new info… we know they’re maybe being slowed by something… they’re not getting farther from the spot… they’re walking in obvious circles… since we’ve got more than one appearance in each place… at different times… a decreasing time pattern… C’mon… I want to see it on the map.” Peter hustled us all to the war-room map.

We gathered around the room covered in the map and its color-coded markings. Peter handed out quick orders like a field general.

“Let’s go… we’re all in NYC… Yelena… New Mexico first… then Arizona… John, that’s you… Kate… the next place he showed up was…” He checked the data on his tablet. “Take Nevada…” He took a breath and pointed to Ava. “Ava… Idaho…” He jotted a few more notes and did a quick calc on the handheld. “Billy… Wyoming… and Teddy goes to… the missing spot… the last location is Colorado…” he said.

Peter walked over to Colorado on the map and sighed, doing more math.

“Alright… considering the data… the time between each appearance… the time he spent in each of those states at different hours… he’s walking in circles… why would he do that?” Peter asked, curious.

“Utah…” Yelena, Ava, and John said in unison. And Yelena added, her voice almost trembling, “He’s circling… around Utah…”

“Why the hell would he go there?” John asked, clearly pissed. “He knows exactly what that damn Vault stands for.”

I sighed, glancing at everyone. They were talking about the place Valentina had sent them when she tried to get rid of them.

“Alright… the Vault… now we know he’s circling that location, and we know the next likely stop is Colorado.” I told them.

“By the math… six hours until the next appearance… forty-five minutes until the algorithm gives me the exact location…” Peter announced, checking the clock in the room.

“Get ready…” Yelena ordered, looking like she’d gotten her energy and command back. “I need the Young Avengers monitoring the other sites… Kate, Peter, Ava, John, we’ll be boots on the ground at the spot Peter gets us.” She declared, already walking out with all of us following her lead to get ready for the mission.

*

The sharp headache between my eyes that used to throb like a blade stabbing in and out of my throat now felt jammed right in the middle of my forehead. I blinked slowly, trying to focus on the screens in front of me, but with every flickering image, every looped detail moving in front of my eyes, all I could feel was the crushing weight of that pressure. Annoying. Suffocating.

We had an idea now… vague as fuck, but solid enough of where Bob might be. The location matched the math and the evidence we’d gathered, but I had no clue why he’d even get close to the Vault after everything we went through in that shitty hole.

If you ask me… nothing in this life could make me set foot in the Vault again. And yet, here we were, drawing lines and circles converging on the same spot… Bob… I’d do anything for Bob… even walk straight back into that hell.

I could barely think of possibilities… but my mind went back to the dream I’d had of him… the way he was packing combat gear, helmets, gloves, pepper spray… so was he in the Vault in my dream? When I woke up, I thought it was just another dream… but now, the thought that he might’ve been reaching me through it didn’t feel so absurd anymore. Because the only certain thing in all this is that Bob hasn’t even scratched the surface of the powers he got.

He told me not to worry… even though I’m about to crack an egg with all this worry… but there was one point of calm in all of this… Kate told me in the dream she’d help me find him, and that’s exactly what she’s doing now.

My eyes left the sorted widow bites’ charges to check on her, slumped over calculations of time and distance, figuring out where Bob would be in minutes. Shoulders hunched, head tilted, still gripping the pen like she was afraid of dropping the thought. The computer screen glowed pale across her skin, making her look ghostly. We didn’t exactly know little anymore… our work had led us to a clear starting point… As if sensing me, she glanced back, gave me a small smile, then went back to her notes. I didn’t feel bad losing her attention. I understood, she was working for what she promised me.

Six hours until the next appearance… minutes until the exact location… that’s what we had, and I’d do everything I could with it.

“You gonna tell me now what’s going on between you and Bishop?” Ava asked, hugging my waist and letting her chin rest heavy on my shoulder. I huffed, because I hadn’t even noticed her sneaking up, but the touch didn’t bother me.

I rested my hand over her arm draped around my neck, sighing as I leaned into her.

A tired chuckle escaped me. “This morning I went full horny dog at her…” The small smile that followed was real.

Her excited squeal spun me all the way toward her.

“Yeah? Took you long enough… so? Kissing… hugging… hands on things… things on hands…?” she teased, practically bouncing like the gossip-hungry teenager she keeps saying we’re allowed to be sometimes.

God… Ava couldn’t have looked more like an ordinary girl right now. I smiled at her excitement, thinking how she, of all people, should have the least energy after everything these past days.

“You’ve got so much energy… how’s the pain today?” I teased, buying time.

“Stop trying to dodge. I wanna know everything.” She whined, awkwardly shoving both hands down her pants the same way Bob always does, and I burst out laughing, yanking her hands away.

“Just quit that shit… yeah, I’m stalling, but I really wanna know how you’re feeling…” I pushed, and she sighed, leaning against the table beside me. The loud crack of her back stretching made me worry.

“Relax… I’m fine… nothing new. Same old pain, but I’m medicated and napped this afternoon… your girl kicked me and Walker out for a nap…” she muttered, and I smiled wide knowing Kate looked after them while I was gone.

“What do you really think of Kate Bishop, Ava?” I leaned on the table too, eyes drifting back to the girl from my dreams. She was in the same chair as before, but this time surrendered to sleep.

Ava let out a loud curse, staring at the same sight.

“I think you couldn’t have landed a better girl for yourself, Yelena… that girl’s head over heels for you… but you did tell her Bob’s not your boyfriend, right? Cause she thinks he is…”

“God…” I rubbed my tired face. “I just found out… today… that she thinks that… I didn’t realize…” I whined, and Ava laughed out loud.

“Two idiots… So you kissed her because of that?” she teased, messing up my hair.

“I haven’t even talked to her yet… this morning was all about me losing it… I didn’t do more than kiss her neck and act crazy thirsty…” I admitted, voice low.

“Why didn’t you tell her…?” she pressed, impatient.

“Because this morning I didn’t know about that shit with Bob being my boyfriend… I just thought it was about us figuring us out… I only found out because Peter told me that’s what she thinks…” My head pounded harder with the thought. “And you knew… probably everyone knew but me… why the fuck didn’t you tell me?” I groaned.

Ava crossed her arms, giving me the you’re an idiot look.

“I still don’t even know what the fuck we’re doing… if it were up to me, you’d have been with her since that photo… I didn’t know you didn’t know… I’ve been pretty obvious with both of you… I say whatever the hell I want… you two blush… I didn’t think I had to spell it out… though…” she trailed off.

“I wish you had spelled it out… I’m not good at this… I like learning from you… I like when you explain the world to me…” I admitted, frustrated.

“Thing is, I’m not that great either… I don’t always have the answers… I just thought it was obvious. You two have been all over each other… cheek kisses flying around like bullets… you sitting on her lap… pouncing on her half-dressed… Teddy told me about the weed… was that what happened between you two last night?”

“Wasn’t that supposed to be a secret?” I blurted.

“Secret? Yelena, they do it all the time… you think me and John don’t too? Your dad gives us that shit… I need it for the pain…” she grinned wickedly.

I groaned, rubbing my eyes. “Feels like I’m the only responsible adult around here…” I muttered, making her laugh even harder.

“Bucky doesn’t know either… anyway… did you have fun?”

“Yeah… even though I don’t remember everything… this morning I thought we’d done something during the night… so I went straight into hugging and kissing her neck… had plans for immediate nudity… pent-up as hell… as say… just… horny dog…” I admitted, looking back at Kate.

“But?” Ava pressed, pulling me into a calming hug.

“But she stopped us… turned me down, which now I know is her being respectful of the damn boyfriend she thinks I’ve got…” My frustration got Ava’s serious stare. “What do I do, Ava?” I begged, and she sighed, hugging me tighter.

“Talk. You gotta talk it out with her… lots of talk… explain this shit… tell her how you feel… if the way she’s been working herself to please you and respect you means anything, it’s that she feels the same… and that’s huge… she’s even better than we thought…” Ava murmured.

“I’ve got no doubts about how much she wants me… it’s been a while now… it’s just… so much crap happened… everything’s been so complicated… but at the same time… this, me and her, it’s so simple… and I want it to be so much more… Peter made me realize I love her…” I whispered, knowing deep down this wasn’t even up for debate.

“And there’s nothing better than admitting that… I couldn’t want better for you, Yelena… this is right… this is what you need… now it’s just about sorting it out… telling her… hearing her side… you deserve this love… you deserve peace…” Ava whispered, fixing my hair.

The hot, unshed tears in my eyes reminded me how much this changes everything.

Love… I never thought I deserved it, never thought I’d find it…

“I’ll fix this today… we’ll find Bob today and I’ll tell her…” I said, determined, and Ava stretched with a smile.

“Good… ‘cause like I said… if you don’t want her, I do…” she huffed, dodging my kick to her ass.

I smiled, realizing Ava’s talks always left me with the same feeling… relief that I could just be an ordinary woman.

I looked again at Kate Bishop, still sleeping peacefully. My steps toward her were silent. I just wanted to lie down and sleep with her… but what I got instead was curling into her lap, and even asleep, she shifted to make me comfortable.

My arms tightened around her as I listened to the calm beat of her heart. She needed that rest.

The ship stayed alive with movement around us, everyone working for the mission… minutes passed, until I felt Kate’s body tense slightly. A nightmare… one that didn’t seem to ease even with my whispered comfort.

*

The hum of the quinjet was constant, almost hypnotic. I was exhausted. The calculations, the discussions, the maps, the emotions… everything was draining me. Each blink came slower than the last, my eyelids heavy as lead.

I’d promised myself I wouldn’t sleep, not when we were heading straight to Colorado after someone who could turn everything into smoke with just a glance. But the late night, the built-up tension, and the scattered papers on my lap slowly pulled me into one of the jet’s hidden seats in the back. I let my head fall just enough against the side of the chair while I skimmed through Bob’s training reports. I just needed a few seconds to ease the pounding headache while I tried to learn what he was capable of.

It was supposed to be a quick break while I kept reading… but sleep dragged me under like a whirlpool.

The world quickly melted into nothing but shadows and then… the quinjet was gone.

I was in a place I didn’t recognize. There was… nothing. Just a thick, heavy fog that clung to my skin like oil. The air was suffocating, each breath scraping down my throat like shards of glass.

My eyes searched for something solid, but everything was warped, fluid, like I was stuck inside a crumpled photograph. The ground beneath me was uneven, hard. I walked blindly through the darkness, guided only by the smell of iron and dust. The heat was unbearable, like I’d been dropped into a desert. After what felt like hours of walking, everything shifted again, and I found myself in a gray, undefined space, full of shadows that moved on their own. I could barely make out my own shadow anymore.

And that’s when I saw him.

Bob.

He was a few feet ahead or maybe miles. I couldn’t tell. Distance didn’t make sense there. His silhouette flickered, half solid, half swallowed by a darkness that seemed to eat away at him piece by piece. His shoulders were hunched, weighed down like he carried the entire world. He was just… there, curled up in himself, his breath ragged.

“Bob!” I shouted, trying to reach him, my voice echoing strangely, multiplied across the space.

He lifted his face at my call, and what I saw made my stomach twist with fear.

His eyes were empty. Not white, not black… just empty. Like life itself had been sucked out of him and into somewhere else. Like every tear had been ripped away.

His mouth opened, but it took a moment for any sound to escape his cracked lips. When it finally did, it was a hoarse, broken whisper.

“Kate…?” His voice trembled, like he was trying to put space between us. Yelena told me everything about how much he feared me, and my chest tightened with the guilt of hurting him.

“Yes, Bob, it’s me… but you don’t have to be afraid of me…” I murmured, moving toward him. But the more I walked, the farther he seemed.

I clenched my jaw… then tried to run. Every ounce of strength I had poured into reaching him, but every step felt like running inside a nightmare, my legs weighed a ton, and the ground, if that’s what it was, pulled me down, trapping my feet like quicksand. I refused to give in. I stretched out my hand, desperate to touch him, but it felt impossible.

“Bob… can you tell me where we are? Do you know what happened?” I asked, stalling for time until I could reach him.

He opened his mouth, but no words came. Instead, a guttural sound broke out. A moan of pain. He collapsed to his knees, and the darkness around him shifted, alive, like smoke-tentacles wrapping around him.

“He does not answer our tormentor…” A guttural voice boomed across the space, and I instantly froze, terrified of whatever it was. Yelena had explained about Sentry, about the Void… she told me, they’re strong… they control Bob… but Bob’s still in there too.

“Bob… I know you’re still in there. You can answer. You’re capable. You know how to fight them… Yelena taught you, didn’t she? I won’t hurt you again… I promise. Never again. I know who you are now… Yelena told me everything… I know now. Talk to me. Please…” I pleaded, crouching down, trying to push through the force that radiated across the space.

And then… he seemed less afraid of me. He reached out a trembling hand, scared but still reaching. I used everything I had left to finally get to him. Our hands met, and the touch burned us both in pain. We were both on the verge of collapsing… but I understood.

This isn’t just a nightmare… everything here matters.

I can’t let myself get hurt here.

“Yelena… is she… is she okay?” he whispered, delirious with pain.

“Talk to me, Bob. Tell me where you are… we’re looking for you. Yelena’s looking for you. She’s not okay… because she loves you. She wants you back. Help me bring you back to her…” I begged, clinging to him as the shadows dragged at him.

“I can’t…” His voice broke, barely a whisper.

“Yes, you can! Yelena told me you’re good… you can do anything.” I insisted, heart racing with fear and something else I couldn’t name, something that froze me inside. “Come on, Bob, I can’t hold on much longer… tell me where you are… I need to bring you back to your Yelena. Don’t you want her back?”

He tried to smile, but it twisted halfway, dying into a grimace of pain.

“I… can’t… they… you need to wake up… you’re not supposed to be here… here they can hurt you…” His voice was fading.

“No… if I’m here, it’s because I’m meant to be here. I’m strong. Please… let me help…” I whispered, feeling him trying to pull away.

I fought to hold on to him with everything I had, but then something shifted behind him. A shadow bigger than the shadow itself. I didn’t know if it was the void devouring everything, or just my mind trying to shield me, but everything blurred again… all I could see were the tendrils of darkness wrapping around Bob’s feet, climbing up his legs, dragging him down into the mist.

“Go, now… he’s trying to reach you…” His scream tore through me one last time, and I screamed with him, still trying to pull him free, still reaching for his hand. But when my fingers finally brushed his, he shattered.

He just broke apart into fragments of shadow and light that vanished into the dark.

And I was alone.

Alone, in that suffocating void, with the echo of his cries burning in my ears. The shadows wrapped around me, feeding on my pain, twisting until they became nothing but static.

I jolted awake, body drenched in cold sweat, heart pounding. My eyes darted around, relieved to see I was still on the quinjet. The hum of the engines, the dim lights. My breath came in ragged gasps. And then… her.

Yelena.

She was leaning over me again, perched on my lap, her hands light on my shoulder and face, her eyes locked on mine as if she’d seen my nightmare through me.

Her face was so close I thought for a second I was still dreaming. Her blonde hair had slipped over one side, and her eyes… those piercing eyes that always seemed to see past the surface… stared at me, full of concern.

“You were having a nightmare… I couldn’t wake you…” she whispered, brushing the skin under my eyes before wrapping her arms tighter around my neck, like she needed to sink even deeper into our embrace.

“Sorry… I think I dozed off… I wasn’t supposed to…” I sighed, kissing her hand against my cheek before pulling her into a full embrace.

“Don’t apologize… I know you’re tired.” she said, pulling back just enough to look at me again. So close… just one small move and I’d be kissing her.

Every part of her was calling me in. The gaze, the bitten lip, even her steady breathing.

I wanted to crash into her, right here, in the middle of the damn quinjet, without caring about anything else. But I couldn’t. Not here. Not now. Maybe not ever. She had a boyfriend. One I’d made disappear. One who’d just crawled into my nightmare. One who seemed trapped in his own personal hell, because of me.

I took a deep breath, trying to hold back the avalanche inside me.

The corner of her mouth tugged up, a half-smile, like she knew exactly what was going on in my head.

She looked right through me.

And I felt like I could see right through her too.

Like the first time we met…

She wants to kiss me too… and that’s exactly why I have to stop us.

Just like the moment she kissed me… it’s about her projecting her pain.

She stared at me for long minutes, and I didn’t dare say a word. I was terrified that if I breathed, I’d give in to everything I wanted from her.

Her gentle hands, her thumbs brushing nervously against my cheeks… her closeness wasn’t subtle. It was like she’d finally decided. But right now, in that heavy silence, something inside me shifted.

This can’t start wrong. If I want Yelena for real, permanently, I have to do it right.

Right now, my mind was torn. On one hand, my body still trembled with fear and the pain of seeing Bob fall apart in front of me.

On the other hand… all I could feel was her.

No. I can’t give in. Yelena deserves better. Bob deserves better.

I wanted to say, screw Bob, screw waiting, I want this now. I wanted to be selfish again, to only care about what I wanted. But I couldn’t. It wasn’t right. Bob needed me too. He needed all of us. And I had to make it right with him. I couldn’t confuse all of us with some messy drama.

“What is it, Kate?” she murmured, resting her forehead against mine. Her sweet breath washed over me, and I clenched my fists gently in her hair, clearly trying to push us apart.

“I don’t want to…” I whispered the lie, because it was the only way to stop whatever she was about to do.

Her brows furrowed with frustration, but she nodded, sliding off my lap. The sting of rejection in her eyes cut deep, but we didn’t have time to dwell on what the hell just happened. Not really. It’s not like we didn’t know… but I couldn’t focus on that now. We were on a mission. And that mission was finding Bob.

*

Kate Bishop just rejected me.

So it wasn’t all about Bob, then… wasn’t about her being upset and tired?

She spelled it out, clear as day. She didn’t want it.

 

 

 

A solid no that froze my whole body with the sting of rejection.

I’d just decided I didn’t need to wait for anything else… I was gonna tell her everything, straight up… right there… sitting on her lap… I’d kiss her the way I wanted… say everything she needed to hear… and then we’d head out on the mission together… exactly how I wanted it to be now…

Except she woke up clearly shaken from a nightmare, one I could just feel was bad, but she didn’t wanna tell me.

She woke up more focused on how she wants to be respectful with the information she’s holding, and I accept that… I get it… my heart actually pounds harder because of it… but a second before I could say anything or kiss her… she pushed me away.

Everything in her screamed that it was a flat-out rejection… and damn, it hurt like hell.

“What’s with that face?” Ava muttered as I watched Kate moving around the jet, organizing everything for our mission.

“She just rejected me… again…” I said, defeated.

“Aw, shit… was that before or after you told her?” Ava asked, surprised, and I groaned.

“I didn’t even have time to say anything… I leaned in to kiss her and then she just hit me with another no…” I said, grumpy.

“That’s the problem, Yelena… you gotta talk first and think about naked later, for fuck’s sake. Did you even flirt with this girl? That’s not how it works, man… you’re not doing it the way I taught you…” Ava complained, full-on scolding me, and I crossed my arms, feeling punished by her tone.

John walked up, curious.

“What’s going on… why does Ava look pissed and you’re pouting… what the hell’d you do now, bitch?” The automatic slap Ava delivered to his balls made him double over against my shoulder.

“Really, dumbass… what I say about talking to us like that? Am I your bitch? Did you find Yelena on a street corner?” Ava snapped, grabbing a fistful of John’s beard to force his face up, red and twisted in pain.

He could barely talk, and I felt sorry for the poor guy, hugging his head against my shoulder.

“Maybe that was too much, Ava.” I murmured, looking at my friend’s pale face.

Ava let go of his beard and pulled him into a hug too. “C’mon, idiot… I didn’t hit that hard… don’t be such a baby…” She sighed, brushing her fingers over his neck like it was just another one of their weird habits. She’d already forgotten she’d just assaulted him and was now picking at his skin looking for pimples.

I smiled, waiting for John to get his breath back and groan. “That really hurt, Ava… I just… God… I can barely think straight… I should moon you for that…” he grumbled, breaking out of our hug fast, putting his shield between us.

I laughed at how he was still struggling.

“I’m not done with you… get back here. You have pimples all over your neck ” Ava teased, but he backed away even further.

“Stay away… I don’t want you popping pimples on me too.” he said, annoyed, and we burst out laughing.

“Don’t be like that… it was just love… a reminder you need to be careful with us… we’re girls… you love us, so you should be nice.”

He huffed loudly, dodging her attempt to get at his skin.

“If I loved you the way you two love me…” His pout made me pull the giant man into a hug.

“Come on, I’ll tell you the gossip that’s breaking my heart worse than your balls right now… So… I got rejected twice today by Kate Bishop…” I whispered, and he broke into hysterical laughter.

“Why?” he asked, already forgetting his anger as he pulled Ava between his legs and pointed to his neck. “And you, work for my forgiveness by cleaning me up, or no massages… did you take your meds?”

“Yes… now pay attention to Yelena’s dumb drama while I take care of you. And yeah, I had my meds. Now listen to this crap.” Ava muttered, and I groaned.

“Well… she rejected me because she thinks Bob’s my boyfriend and I haven’t told her otherwise.” I blurted in one breath.

“That’s why she’s freaking out? Bob’s out there alone cause Kate’s being childish and jealous-?” he said, incredulous, but I cut him off.

“No… not like that… she didn’t freak out over it… it was just a complete mess… but it wasn’t jealousy… the point is… she thinks that, and I just found out today… Peter told me…” I summed up all the drama for minutes, until my almost-heartless friend sighed at the end, frowning.

“Well… I’m surprised Hate Bishop could be such a gentleman… she’s actually noble. The right thing would’ve been to fuck you this morning… like, fucking in the back of the jet right now… but here she is, screwing it up by treating you like a lady.” He said, dodging our attacks.

I laughed, chucking a pen at him. Ava phased forward to smack him but he was quicker.

“I’m kidding, for fuck’s sake… I’m just happy… admit it… me and you would’ve done exactly what I said… but Kate Bishop’s out here being all proper with our girl…” He sighed, walking back toward me.

“I wanted your version too, Johnny…” I whined, and both of them burst into laughter cut short by Peter.

“Data’s ready…” he shouted, and I immediately took my place as leader.

“Pairs… Ava and John… me and Kate… Tommy and Teddy… Billy and Peter stay on the jet…” I shouted, clapping my hands.

“I’d rather go with Kate.” Teddy yelled.

“I want Kate on the jet with me.” Peter added, almost amused.

“I’m the one calling shots here… Kate Bishop’s mine…” I said, pointing at her, and she laughed shyly.

“At least flirt with the girl…” John muttered behind me, and Ava groaned impatiently.

“Tell her the truth now… you’ll be alone together.” She decreed, but I was barely paying attention, too caught up watching Kate Bishop smile shyly and extend her hand to me.

*

A few minutes later, when the Quinjet landed at one of the coordinates we needed to check, we got off together after she divided the teams, announcing to everyone that I’d be her partner. I’d been smiling for half an hour now, just because she kept me close within her reach, like she wasn’t gonna let anyone else take the chance of being my partner.

I didn’t argue… because it’s not like I wanted to be paired with anyone else in the damn multiverse. I wanted to be near her and I’d stay as close as I could. She needs support, and I’ll be the one to give it to her.

The streets were empty, like they always were in small towns like this one. Nothing alive like New York. It was just Norwood, a tiny town in San Miguel County, Colorado. No traffic, no people in the streets, no noise, not even the bright lights that gave me that fake sense of safety. Just a heavy silence, broken by old streetlamps buzzing and flickering, throwing jittery shadows across streets that felt way too deserted…

And there we were. Me and Yelena. Alone… walking hand in hand like we were just two normal girls… I didn’t wanna be so self-aware of how much we looked like a couple coming home from some ordinary-ass date… because this wasn’t a date… and we’re nowhere near normal… but that’s exactly how it felt… and it bothered me to realize how much I wanted what I didn’t have.

It was just weird being alone with her, and the whole situation was making me more and more aware of every feeling I had for her…

Every step she took beside me, every breath from her nose leaving those little clouds of cold air… everything dragged on in slow motion… like the universe was mocking me, making sure I noticed every damn detail about her, with no escape.

She was holding a city map marked with all the possible spots Bob or the Void, whatever was happening, could show up.

We were checking streets, cars, setting up cameras to catch his presence.

It was the right place… we found plenty of signs he’d been around, sometimes strong, sometimes just shadows pulsing with that energy that seemed to eat away at the people nearby. Every detail mattered, so we covered it all.

I should’ve been focused on everything, sharp every second. I should’ve been locked on the mission. But every time my fingers brushed Yelena’s, when she moved the map too fast and our hands touched, it felt like she was pure fire.

I didn’t wanna pull my hands away from hers…

“This one here is…” I murmured, trying to keep my voice neutral as I pointed at a location after one touch that lingered too long. “Two blocks over… he was there two days ago. He crossed the whole avenue and…” Yelena leaned closer to get a better look.

Her shoulder touched mine, and for a second the whole world seemed to tremble. Not because of the Void, not because of the darkness, not because of danger. But because it was her. Her scent… simple, mixed with the leather of her jacket, flooded my senses, and I had to hold my breath.

“Hm… yeah… same pattern as Shiprock…” she said, narrowing her eyes, serious, taking in the image on her comm. “He doesn’t look at anyone. Doesn’t point. Doesn’t try to ‘guide’ anyone. He just… exists… fits our data…” The way she spoke… low, raspy… sent shivers up my spine.

It was different being on a direct mission with her, because she was nothing but methodical, efficient… an entire event that was making my skin prickle.

She always looked calm and focused only on the mission, but I knew there was more… underneath all that seriousness, I could feel the cold, trembling, almost nervous hands. She’s still wounded, losing Bob must’ve made her think of Natasha… and it showed. It was a wound I wanted to touch, to heal… but I had no idea where to start.

“Wanna check the perimeter on these streets?” she asked, fully intertwining her fingers with mine.

“Yeah. Let’s start here…” I answered, swallowing hard, noticing my voice came out rougher than I wanted.

We walked down a few streets, checking every detail, heading toward the abandoned gas station where we’d gotten images of Bob.

“Yelena… do you think he might come after me?” I whispered, remembering her words about Void wanting revenge.

“Truth is, I’m not sure… I don’t know how much of Bob’s mind each of them has… I never know when Sentry’s gonna want to help, for example… last mission Bob stayed home asleep ‘cause he said Sentry doesn’t go on simple ops… and then there’s Void… who way too often shows up for the simple shit… like whenever Valentina’s around…” she said, exhausted.

“What happens?” I asked, stepping around a muddy puddle.

She stepped closer, linking her arm through mine. “The lights flicker… he talks through Bob… or Bob talks like him… we don’t… really know… what I do know is that thing’s dangerous… petty… he threatens Valentina as easily as I do… I like to think that everything good I see in Bob… if I flip it, that’s the Void…”

I sighed heavily. “And what do I do if he wants revenge for what I did?”

“First of all, nothing we do is gonna help… he’ll point at you and you’ll be dragged back to that hell… second, I’ll never let him get close enough to you… and if he throws you back into any nightmare again… I’ll come get you…” she said with absolute certainty. I locked onto her eyes, almost moved by her words. Truth was, I wanted more than ever to kiss her, but I knew I shouldn’t.

“I… well… I just hope it… never happens again… though I wouldn’t hesitate to go back there for you too…” I mumbled between a loud yawn, and she smiled shyly.

“You know, Kate… our next date should be a nap. I’m exhausted and you need to sleep…” she teased, and I grinned, yawning again.

“Yeah, I really need some sleep…” I started, and then the whole dream about Bob hit me again. “I dreamed about Bob…” I muttered, and she looked at me in surprise.

“When?” The sharpness in her voice made me uncomfortable.

“Just now… on the Quinjet-” I tried, but she cut me off quickly.

“What exactly did you dream? Tell me everything, in detail…” she said, stopping right in front of me.

I sighed, wondering if it was smart to make her more anxious over what I dreamed… she didn’t need that extra weight. Above all, she didn’t need to know I had a hyper-realistic nightmare about her friend locked in a dungeon straight out of a horror movie.

“It was nothing big… just… me reliving some old frustrations…” I lied quickly, and the crease in her brow didn’t fade.

“You’re still upset?” she asked, almost scared, and I hugged her quickly.

“No, I’m not… I’m more than fine about him… but traumatic stuff sticks in the mind, like you said yourself… even if we don’t know it… or need it…” I told half the truth, and she nodded, putting us back in motion.

I watched her walk through the silent streets. You could barely hear her steps… the feline way she scanned every alley and dark corner… the way she only spoke to me when necessary, and even then, it was always in a whisper I didn’t want to admit sounded sexy, yet my stupid body knew damn well it was.

I was still lost in the storm of my stupid crush inside my head when I heard her voice again, suddenly softer, smoother than ever. A tone completely different… one she’d never used with me, but one I knew plenty of girls had used on me before.

“Kate Bishop… I really like how well we work… together… you’re amazing at this… plus, you’re gorgeous when you’re this focused.” The tone was unmistakable. A blatant, almost playful flirt. Like she did this all the time.

I froze for a second. Looked at her, trying to understand the whole move… and the amused curve of her lips confirmed it. Yelena was teasing me… so, it’s safe to play back…

“I was just thinking how we really are a good team… thanks for the compliment… but try not to flirt in the middle of a mission.” I joked, stepping away a bit.

“And who said I’m joking…?” she said, stepping even closer.

“What? You’re… this is… you should avoid-” I managed, but my voice broke, barely more than a whisper.

“Oh, Kate Bishop… you’re still so funny… but no… I can’t stop flirting when you’ve been biting your lips every time I’ve spoken in the last few minutes.” She came right up to me, tilting her face so the lamplight revealed all the incredible shadows in her eyes, even in the dark… somehow, they looked even lighter. “It’s… too much for me… too tempting…”

My heart raced so fast I dropped my bow from my trembling hands. I could deny it, I could fake it, but the way she looked at me… like she knew exactly what it did to me… there was no resisting.

“Tempting?” I repeated in a thin voice, picking up my bow off the ground just to set it on a nearby car. I only wanted… I needed to get a handle on this whole situation right here… because if she…

She smiled. Slow. Dangerous. “You heard me perfectly, Kate.”

Yeah… if she wanted more than to play around… then so did I…

And that was the moment all the self-control I’d been clinging to unraveled. Enough of this bullshit. If she wanted me as much as I wanted her… I’d talk to Bob… I’d fight the damn Void for her if I had to… but enough of dancing around what we both wanted.

Before she could say anything, before she could take the joke off the table, I grabbed the back of her neck and kissed her. Yes… I finally did it. It wasn’t soft. It wasn’t hesitant. It was hunger. It was need… and I did it.

The only thing that mattered was that she kissed me back with the same urgency, and honestly, I wasn’t even surprised, because everything about her screamed like she’d been waiting for this the whole time. Just like I had.

I wished I’d asked for it… wished I’d been gentler… more romantic… wished I’d done it after telling her exactly how I feel… I swear I wanted all that… but her mouth… the way her tongue barely brushed against mine was a blazing shock of my new reality, a fire I had no intention of putting out. The low moan she let slip… that was what made me lose all sense of space, reason, or fairness…

Fuck everything else…

Mine. Mine. Mine.

I couldn’t stop now, and I wouldn’t… not when her hands slid down my waist, firm, pulling me against her until there was no space left between us.

“That’s it… let go… don’t fight me anymore…” she begged.

Right now… all I could feel was every one of her tense muscles responding to me… only me. It all came down to the raw strength in her hands holding me where she needed me… it was too much… and it only made me want more. So much more.

I could barely breathe as we crashed against a parked car. Not even the cold metal digging into my back could cool the hunger in me. The contrast only made me more aware of the heat of her body pressed to mine.

Nothing else mattered now… Only Yelena…

So I buried my fingers in her hair, tugging harder, until our teeth clashed… because careful was the last thing we were being. I just wanted to stay there… until our breaths mixed in desperate gasps and we never had to stop to breathe again.

The kiss was a war, and I was happy to lose.

She trailed her lips down my jaw, then to my neck, and when I felt her teeth scrape my hypersensitive skin, my knees gave out. All I could do was cling to her, panting hard at everything she seemed to want from me.

Was this really happening?

“Yelena…” Her name slipped from my lips like a moan, a fragile plea. “Is this really happening?”

“Yes… it’s happening…” she laughed against my neck, a low, husky laugh that vibrated against my skin before she returned to my mouth with another kiss fiercer, urgent.

Like the world was ending right there…

And maybe was…

Everything I knew before shifted.

“I want you to touch me…” she pleaded, biting my lips as she grabbed my hands to kiss them and guide them where she wanted… and I wanted to cry with how much it felt like a dream. A dream beyond anything I’d ever expected. A dream I wasn’t gonna waste, even if it was an illusion… so I let my hands run over her body without control… her shoulders, the curve of her waist, her thighs… I wanted to touch everything all at once…

I wanted to memorize every inch of her I knew I shouldn’t be touching, but now couldn’t stop. “More… let go…” I’d deal with the consequences later, not now… not while she was asking me so directly…

Her body pressed against mine, her mouth devouring me, her quick breath against my lips… it was everything. Everything I wanted. Everything I needed.

And then… just as I lowered my knees enough to slot her body over one of my thighs, right when I was a step away from completely losing myself… her phone rang… vibrating loud, insistent…

The shock made us both gasp… she leaned her forehead against mine, still biting my lower lip, her hands gripping my waist while she settled herself on my thigh and reached for the phone. I recognized the name on the screen. Alexei… I wanted to kill him…

She closed her eyes, looking as fragile as I felt, like she was cursing the universe in silence, before answering. And me, barely able to hold myself up, couldn’t help but keep her close, needing her body against mine while I searched for her neck…

“What is it, Alexei?” she growled when I bit the skin of her neck the way she had bitten mine.

Her voice still husky, struggling to disguise her ragged breathing, made me run my tongue along the pulse in her throat…

I stayed there, glued to her, feeling her body tremble under mine… just worshipping her neck for long seconds while she listened to whatever Alexei was saying.

I was only… waiting…

Waiting for the next time her mouth was mine, because I knew, with every fiber of my body, that when it happened again… I wouldn’t hold back… I really wasn’t holding back already…

She’d hang up soon, and I’d show her everything I wanted from her… I’d tell her how I feel and make this right.

*

 

 

 

 

 

---

 

Notes:

*

 

READ FOR MORE.

 

For Yelena, Bob is an absence that hits like the hook of a dream you can’t shake. He’s not there, but the memory keeps dropping back in. For Kate, the circle is different: a tug-of-war with the desire she feels for Yelena, a feeling she tries to bury but that keeps coming back, like a song stuck on repeat.

As they walk, they’re not just chasing Bob… they’re chasing clarity. Kate suspects Yelena’s tied to him in some secret way, and that pushes her back. Yelena, meanwhile, holds the truth she hasn’t said out loud yet: she’s tired of running from what she feels.

So “An Occasional Dream” becomes a double metaphor…
The lost friend, who exists only as memory for Yelena.
The unspoken love between Yelena and Kate, floating in the air, real but not yet lived.

In the end, both Bob and their feelings live in that same dream state… present, but untouchable. The real question isn’t just whether they’ll find Bob, but whether they’ll finally break the cycle and turn memory and longing into something real.

 

*

 

As always, feel free to share your thoughts on all this craziness on X @onlycoments.

 

Every bit of support is deeply appreciated. Thank you, as always, for the incredible love you've shown for all my stories. It means the world to me. Your encouragement truly makes my day!

 

See you soon.

Notes:

As always, feel free to share your thoughts on all this craziness on X @onlycoments.

 

Every bit of support is deeply appreciated. Thank you, as always, for the incredible love you've shown for all my stories. It means the world to me. Your encouragement truly makes my day!

 

See you soon.