I know who I want to take me home

by JillyWinchester

Summary:

Dr. Cho starts talking about next steps, getting more tests and contacting physicists or maybe sorcerers, but Bob isn’t paying attention anymore. He thinks about how kind the team has been since he woke up here. His team is kind, sure, but this version of the new avengers is far more comfortable showing their feelings than his version. And then there’s the whole 'little' situation, which Bob is at least grateful that he wasn’t losing his mind about. But it makes him think—there’s a Bob out there that was comfortable being taken care of like a kid by the Avengers for a week. How different was he from that Bob?

Pretty damn different it seemed.

---

Bob travels to a universe where everyone thinks he’s something they call a ‘little'.

This is complicated for a number of reasons.

Chapter 1: I know who I want to take me home

Bob wakes up and his head is fuzzy again.  He can’t remember what happened, which is scary, but the fuzziness always keeps him from feeling anything too much.  

He’s somewhere in New York, with his team, that’s good.  They’re trying to clean up some damage, and they don’t look too battered, but they all agreed that Bob wouldn’t go on missions unless it was the last resort.  Something terrible must have happened.  Did Void take over again?  Oh god-

And then Yelena is right by his side.  “Hey, Bob, you ok?” she asks.

She holds his hand close to her chest, rubbing up and down his arm.  It’s comforting, grounding.  He tries to smile down at her, but doesn't quite succeed.  “Yeah, I’m fine.”

She squeezes his hand. “You did a really good job today.” There’s a siren somewhere in the distance.  He tries to ignore it.

“I don’t even remember what happened.”

“That’s ok, you’ll catch up.  You tired?”

Bob is always a little tired, but the fuzziness keeps most feelings behind a wall.  Now that Yelena mentions it though, he can start to feel the deep exhaustion that normally concludes a panic attack, or perhaps a use of god-like powers.  

“Yeah.  What happened, exactly?”

Yelena turns to where Alexei is trying to turn off a roque fire hydrant.  “Dad, do you mind?” She turns back to Bob as Alexei finally turns off the water and starts walking toward them.  “We’ll talk about it in debrief later. Let’s go!”  

And then suddenly Bob finds himself being lifted into the air by his armpits.  “Oh, woah–”

“That’s our Bob!” cries Alexei. “So strong, so driven! Nothing will keep you down!” he shakes Bob a little in mid-air, overexcited.  Then Alexei actually tosses him up a bit! Bob yells in surprise.

Then Alexei catches Bob again, pulling him close and supporting him with an arm under his ass.  He positions Bob above his hip like a toddler, bouncing him a little.  “Let us go home, yes? We are going to debrief and then have dinner and watch a movie! It is Ava’s turn to pick, it will be wonderful!”

Bob has gone through a lot of things in his life, but this has to be the most surprising.  He finds himself clutching to Alexei’s neck so he doesn’t fall and looking toward Yelena for help, but she doesn’t seem fazed!  Neither do Bucky, Ava, or even Walker, who are all walking to the jet.  The team has always been affectionate, especially when Bob is having a bad day, but almost never so publicly, and never like this. “I can walk you know!” he yells.  Alexei just chuckles.

But maybe he can’t?  What happened during that battle?  He doesn’t feel hurt, but sometimes the numbness can affect that.  Bob can’t see his legs right now because of the way Alexei’s holding him, but he’d think that someone would say something if he was hurt.   

Bob decides to just let this be for a while.  This is all strange, but not necessarily concerning?  Hopefully everything will be cleared up at debrief, and he is tired.  The fuzziness has started to come back, and being carried is actually a little nice, despite the bizarreness.

Once they’re in the jet, Alexei sets Bob down in his seat, then actually helps strap him in.  

Did Bob pass out or something? Like, more than normal? Is that why they’re so concerned?  No one else is acting like this is strange at all.

“Okay, seriously guys.  What happened?” he asks.

Walker looks up from whatever he’s typing on his ipad.  “You don’t remember?  Normally once you lose the whole–” Walker gestures vaguely to Bob’s head and waves his fingers, searching for a word.  “High puppy routine, you at least have a vague idea.”

On her way past, Yelena flicks his ear.

“What?  He walks around like a puppy who just touched grass for the first time!”

“What kind of grass?” teases Ava.

Bucky loses his patience from the co-pilot’s seat.  “Just be quiet back there!  We’ll be at the watchtower soon.”

John turns back to Bob, and says in a quieter voice  “Nothing bad.  You and Yelena were out grocery shopping when Freakazoid here–” he turns the ipad, showing the image of a wizard looking guy covered in red light “attacked a nearby credit union.  You and Yelena went in to help and called us.”

“And then Sentry came out,” said Bob, bitterly.  If Sentry came out, Void was never far behind.  How many people had he hurt this time?

Before John could say anything, Yelena butted in from the pilot’s seat.  “We’ll talk about it in debrief! I want to just relax at home until then.  It’s over, everyone is fine.”

They landed shortly after, but Bob found himself sulking.  He thought he’d been getting better!  Therapy was hard, but it was working!  He had coping skills and a routine, but now he’d messed something up again and he couldn’t even remember what.  Yelena wouldn’t even talk about it, it must be bad.  Bob could feel himself drifting away, tears pricking at his eyes.  The jet and the team seemed so far away now.  Why couldn’t he do something right for once?  

And suddenly, Bucky was right there, rubbing his thumb on his knee and unstrapping him from the seat.  He brushed away his tears and kissed Bob on the forehead, which was jarring in itself.  “Come on buddy, no tears, you did good.  You’re gonna have a little nap and then we’ll all debrief together.  Ok?”

This day couldn’t get any stranger, but Bob felt himself nodding along anyway, even though this was not even close to something Bucky would normally do.  A nap? Is he five? But honestly, it might help…

And then Bucky was hauling him up, just like Alexei had– didn’t even give him the chance to walk by himself.  Except Bucky held him close to his chest, rubbing his back.  Bob was able to wrap his arms around Bucky’s shoulders, and, (though he would never admit it,) nuzzle into his neck.  

Bob could deal with the absolute absurdity of this situation later.  Right now he’s tired, and Bucky is warm, and if the team was openly giving out affection like this, Bob was gonna take it. 

══════════════

Surprisingly, Bob doesn’t have any nightmares during his nap.  He doesn’t quite remember falling asleep, but he wakes up snuggled under a blanket on the couch in the common room, surrounded by his team.  Yelena is snoring slightly on the other side of the couch, her legs tangled into his and clutching a pillow.  John is on the recliner, playing on his phone, and Bucky is in Bob’s normal window chair, turned to face the rest of the living room.  Ava has sprawled on her back on the floor underneath the coffee table, and Alexei is spread out on the loveseat.  Someone has put soft music on the stereo.  

A quiet chime announces the arrival of Sam Wilson exiting the elevator, and Bucky rises to greet him.  “Guys, time to rise and shine.  Debrief!”

Across the couch, Yelena glares at Bucky for daring to wake her, and yawns, stretching.  Then, as swift as a spy, she throws herself across the couch and straight into Bob’s chest.

Bob grunts in surprise, but Yelena just curls further into him, using him as a pillow.  “No! Five more minutes.” she says, clutching onto Bob’s sweatshirt.  “Sam was late enough that I could fall asleep, he can wait for us to finish our nap.”

If Bob’s heart could soar out of his chest and burst into fireworks, it would.  He wraps his arms around Yelena and shrugs at the other’s impatient looks.  “Five more minutes couldn’t hurt, right?”

Yelena is warm, snuggled right under his chin.  Bob can smell her shampoo from this position—almond and vanilla.  Her legs are resting tangled into his.  If Bob could preserve this moment forever, he’d keep it on his shelf and relive it all the time.  He never wanted to let go.  This was safety, love, warmth, contentment.  All he'd ever wanted. 

“All right sleepy heads, we’ll go first, but you are getting debriefed!” Alexei says.  He smiles, patting Yelena’s back and ruffling Bob’s hair.  The others head into the conference room with Sam, leaving Bob and Yelena to sleep.

══════════════

It doesn’t even feel like five minutes later when Ava shakes them awake.  “Come on, up, up.  You’ve stalled long enough” she says 

Bob makes a show of groaning and stretching, even doing a prat fall into the pillows for the girls’ amusement.  He actually does feel better, and he’s even remembering a bit of their grocery shopping too (they’d wanted to try making chocolate chip cookies from scratch, something neither of them had done since they were very small).  None of the team seem mad at him, and Bob is convinced that reliving the events will surely bring the rest of the pieces of his memory back.   

As they join the others in the conference room, Bob lets Yelena do most of the talking, she is the one who remembered most of it after all.  But then something doesn’t seem right.  

“And we really wanted chocolate chip cookies, like now , you know? So we went to Great Foods, and we started shopping.  Bob wanted to get the yellow cart because it's his favorite color, we started grabbing our stuff when–”

“Wait, what?” asks Bob.  He must not have heard correctly

“We went to the store, got a cart, started shopping?” says Yelena.  She looks confused, a little impatient.  This was not the important part of the story, where the details mattered for a debrief.

Nevertheless, Bob can’t shake this feeling.  He continues.  “No but you said Great Foods.  We went to Whole Foods .  I mean it's not that important but it was Whole Foods.  And they have black carts there.  I mean, if they had yellow carts I would know.  Like you said, it's my favorite color.”

“I’ve never heard of Whole Foods,” says John.  “I mean, what does that even mean, Whole Foods? Shouldn’t they all be whole? Are they selling half–”

Sam cuts in. “Bob, you’re sure it was Whole Foods?” he asks.

“Yes, I mean it’s just a little detail but it was Whole Foods.  And I remember it as a black cart.”

“The store doesn’t matter, but we did get a yellow cart.  We took turns riding on the front for a while when the aisles were clear.”

Bob makes a face, he does remember that.  But he is almost certain it was a black cart.  He doesn’t even think he’s ever heard of a store with a yellow cart, and he can see the whole foods logo in his mind.  He remembers pushing Yelena around in the baking aisle as she drops items in from the shelf.  They were having a really good time until they’d heard the explosions.  

“We’ll go back to this.” says Sam.  “When did you know something was wrong?”

“There was an explosion.” says Yelena.  “People started screaming, coming into the store to hide.  Bob and I ran out to see what was wrong”

That’s not right either .  Yelena had told him in no uncertain terms to stay put, but he’d gone anyway.  She’d gone into the bank to try and stop the guy, and Bob had called the team and started bringing people into the store where they could be safe.  Then the guy, wizard, whatever, attacked Yelena and choked her in the air with his magic.

 

And Bob couldn’t hold back anymore.

 

Yelena’s still talking.  “Bob went into the lobby to get people out, and I went into the vault to distract the robber.  He was huge, he had some sort of red magic he kept hitting people with.  I think we should ask Dr. Strange what his deal was.”

“I never set foot in the bank.” says Bob.  This is starting to scare him.

“What are you talking about?  Do you not remember?”

“No, I remember.”  Bob has trouble with his memories, but if he remembers something it’s always accurate.  And when he was using, the hallucinations were never like this.  Why were their stories so close, but so different?  “I helped the people in the street get to safety, you’d told me to stay away from the bank and call the team.  But then the wizard blasted you onto the street, he had you by the throat.  That’s when I had to use my powers.”

“You saved my life.” Yelena grabs his hand, and looks at him intensely.  “But it was in the bank lobby, not outside.”

“I never went in the bank, there was no time.  He sent you right back out.”

“What happened when you turned into Sentry Bob?” asks Sam.

Yelena squeezes his hand.  Bob keeps going.  “That’s when it gets a little fuzzy.  I made him let go of Yelena, and we fought for a bit.  There was a bright light, but I pushed through it and hit him.  He seemed to know he was beat, and then he opened a portal and ran away.”

“I got everyone out while they were fighting.” says Yelena.  She’s not looking at him anymore.  “It wasn’t exactly like before, Bob seemed to be in more control.  But when it was over—Void took over quick.”

Of course thought Bob.  He put Yelena through all of that again , of course.  

“But the darkness didn’t really spread—unless I touched him.  I held his hand, and, and I was able to get Bob back.  Then the team arrived for cleanup, he forgot what happened, and we went home.”

“I’m so sorry–” Bob starts, but Yelena cuts him off.

“Don’t you dare.  You saved my life, I let that bastard catch me off guard.  He looked completely normal until he started using that magic, I thought I had him.”

“It sounds like both of you did good,” said Sam.  “Yelena, you called in the situation before you entered the bank?”

“Bob did, yeah.”

“Ok, but you ran into a bank with active explosives–”

“He was using dynamite, it’s child's play.  He’d used all of it to break open the vault.  I did look in before we went in, you know.”

“Alright, well it seems we’re all set.” Sam closed his notebook.  “I’m still concerned about the discrepancies from the beginning; you’re both certain that’s what happened?”

“Yes!”

“Alright, we’ll review any footage we find and see if we can get some concrete answers.  I’d like you both to go down to medical for some additional screening, just to make sure you’re both okay.  Why don’t you head down there right now?”

Bob and Yelena both turn to each other sourly, but head for the elevators anyway.

Notes:

I'm really excited to see how this story grows! I have some plans, but honestly I just banged this out in about 24 hours, I Needed to post it y'know? I loved this movie so much, I'm seeing it again this Saturday.

I see little Bob from this universe as maybe 4-6. I don’t think he’s ever had the opportunity to indulge his little side, and the team is trying to help him out with that. There will definitely be more cuddling and comfort for Bob in the next few chapters as the team discovers what really happened at the bank. And Bob will have a lot of complicated feelings about this whole thing.

In my mind our Bob has physically switched places with this universes Bob, so maybe we'll get the other Bob's side of the story or something in a spinoff work, not sure yet...

Thank you for reading!

Chapter 2: places you will be from

Even before Malaysia, Bob’s always hated doctors.  When he was a kid, it was always a terrifying experience.  Heading to the ER, a different one every time, keeping his story straight so the doctors didn’t ask too many questions and he didn’t make everything worse.  It was exhausting.  And besides the… other stuff, he never really got sick as a kid, so going to a doctor was never a familiar or calm experience.

So Malaysia was hard.  But he pushed through it, because he was going to be better.  They were going to make him better, he’d finally be able to show the world he was more than a meth head high school dropout.  He was a good person, a smart person.  He had the potential for so much more.  He could be a hero.

 

What a joke.

 

But right now, Yelena is holding his hand in the elevator, so that makes it a bit better.  She always quiets the bad voices in his head, at least for a little while.  

“Are you sure it was a black cart?” she asks.

Bob looks over, startled.  Yelena’s staring up at him, calculating.

“Yeah.  I don’t– I don’t know why I remember it different.  I just do.”

She smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.  It reminds Bob of himself.  “We’ll figure it out Bob,” she says. “Like we always do.”

The elevator dings, the doors open, and they enter the Medbay.  There are doctors and nurses on them immediately, probably bored of being paid to sit around until an Avenger gets hurt.  Dr. Cho breaks through them all, asking Bob and Yelena to sit in separate exam rooms.  A nurse comes in to take his vitals, and Bob tries to take deep breaths.

Once she’s done, the nurse, who introduced herself as Kathy, retreats to the computer on her rolling desk. “Captain Wilson already sent down the details of your mission.  Memory loss is normal for you after a use of your powers?” 

“Uh, yeah.  If I use them too much then yeah.”

“Alright, but this seems to be more than what you were expecting?”

“I’m just remembering some details differently, is all.”

She types something into the computer.  “Ok.  And are you in any pain right now?”

“No,”

“Have you lost any time? Any jumps in your memory, I mean?”

“I fell asleep on the jet, my teammates were nice enough to haul me into the living room but that’s about it.”

She chuckles, then checks something on the computer.  “And when was the last time you were in little space?”

“Sorry?”

“Little space, when was the last time you went down?”

Bob’s eyebrows furrow, does this lady think he shrinks? He’s not Ant-man, he just has some memory problems.  “I– don’t know what you mean.”

“It says here you’re a little.  Is that right?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Well, we can ask some of your teammates if you’re not sure.”

“But what is that?” asks Bob.  “Little space, I’ve never heard of that.” 

The nurse makes a face, like he might be crazy.  She quickly smoothes it out with a charming smile.  “It might be a mistake on your chart.  I’ll have Dr. Cho talk to you about it.  But otherwise, I’ve noticed you haven’t had a tetanus shot since 2006 is that correct?”

Bob nods, more focused on whatever this little-space shit could be.  He’s never heard of such a thing before.

“Well we’d like to keep you up to date on all your immunizations, would you be willing to have a tetanus shot today?”

“Yeah, sure.” he says.

“Then I’ll be right back!”

The nurse leaves, closing the door and leaving Bob to his thoughts.  He looks around the room for some sign of what the nurse could have been talking about.  He hasn’t really had a checkup in years, maybe he just missed something.  But all of the equipment looks normal, if a bit more high-tech than he’d expect.  The posters just spout the same nonsense–how to identify a stroke, the signs of skin cancer, field dressing a broken arm, concussion protocol, what to do after being strangled… come to think of it, some of these might be Avenger-specific.

Anyway, the word ‘little’ does not appear in the room.

There’s another knock at the door, and a different nurse pokes her head in.  “Do you get nervous around needles? Maybe you want your friend to come in here and keep you company?”

Bob almost laughs, him nervous around needles.  No, that’s one part of this whole thing he is painfully used to.  He thinks about inviting Yelena in just to have her, but decides against it.  That wizard had her by the throat earlier, she actually needs the doctor to examine her.  He shakes his head no, and the nurse comes into the room fully.  

“Alright, if you say so…” she says in a weird, sing-songy voice.  Like she doesn’t believe him.  She preps the needle and Bob rolls up his sleeve.  He tries not to think about the track marks that were there only a few months ago.  

“Ok, so this one is going into your shoulder, alright?” asks the nurse.  She’s smiling at him with a weird intensity.  He wishes she would drop the act, and rolls his sleeve up further to get it over with.  

“Ok, this won’t hurt one bit..” she gives him the shot, but as soon as it’s out she gasps in surprise.  “You did such a good job!”

She’s a good nurse, if a bit kooky.  The needle is disposed of quickly, and soon she rolls over a tray of cartoonish bandages.  “Which one would you like?” she asks.

This lady is off her fucking rocker if she thinks he needs a bandage for a shot.  But this one was in his shoulder, maybe there’d be some weird bruising that the band aid would help cover?  He doesn’t remember the last time he had a tetanus shot, and she looks so happy and intense, maybe this is normal?

Bob points to the blue one with silver and gold stars on it.  “Very good choice!” says the nurse.  She puts the bandaid on his shoulder and rolls his sleeve back down for him. “Dr. Cho will be in in a few moments.”

And Bob is alone again.  He wonders if Yelena was going to get that nurse too, she might break her jaw if she tries any of that stuff with her.  He giggles to himself and occupies the next few minutes trying to distract himself, swinging his legs back and forth on the exam table until Dr. Cho knocks on the door.

“How are you feeling Bob?” asks Dr. Cho.  She’s nice, Bob’s seen her a few times since joining the team.  

“Fine,” he says.

She heads for the computer and reads a few notes.  “Captain Wilson said you were feeling fine after the fight today, but that you remembered a few things differently from your partner?”

“Yeah.  Silly stuff, but Sam wanted to check it out.”

“We always like to be overly cautious.  We’re running a concussion test on both you and Yelena, and then I’d like to have you do a full-body scan if that’s alright?”

“Sure.  What’s the scan like?”

“It’s nothing to worry about.  You’ll lay down in a tube for a few minutes and it will tell me a lot of things about how your body is working.  Energy signatures, brain activity, that sort of thing.  It might be a little loud, but we can give you earplugs.”

“Ok.” he says.  Secretly, the idea of a scan like that makes him nervous, but hopefully everything will be alright.

Dr. Cho asks him a bunch of questions and decides he doesn’t have a concussion, then asks him to change into a medical gown so he can go in the scanner.  She leaves the room to give him privacy.

Bob reaches out to touch the gown’s fabric.  It’s…surprisingly soft.  Not like the ones from the lab, which were thin and scratchy.  It’s also a deep blue, patterned with little white stars, moons, and even a rocketship. It has snaps instead of ties in the back so he won’t be overly exposed.

Bob takes a deep breath.  It’s going to be ok.  He brings the sleeves of his sweatshirt to his nose and breathes them in too–it’s a fresh smell, Yelena’s preferred detergent that the whole tower uses now.  It smells like home.  He takes another deep breath, and starts to change.

══════════════

The scan is a lot longer than he thought it would be, but he gets through it.  Dr. Cho says she’ll let him know once his results are in, and Yelena meets him in the hall when he’s changed. 

“Clean bill of health?” she asks, cheerfully.

“So far, they put me in the scanner.” he says.

Yelena makes a face.  “They made me do that last time, it sucks.” she grabs his hand. “Come on, dinner.  Bucky made burgers.”

They head up to the common floor, where Bucky is just finishing plating some burgers and fries.  Alexei had insisted at the beginning of all this that the team eat dinner together every night, and it’s been really good for everyone. 

As they enter, Bucky hands Bob and Yelena each a plate.  Yelena’s cheeseburger had pickles, ketchup, and mustard, while Bob’s had mayo, ketchup, and mustard but no pickle.  Just the way he liked it.  Curiously, Bob’s burger had also been cut in half.  

Strange, but not worth commenting on.  Homemade burgers are pretty thick, he probably would have cut it himself anyway.   Bob sits at the table and notes that no-one else has had their food cut for them.  He tries not to dwell on it.

Dinner is a quiet affair.  Compliments are paid to Bucky’s cooking, and Sam talks about his most recent mission as Captain America.  John tries his best to extend an olive branch by complimenting Sam on his strategy and asking about the suit.  Bob’s not the best at social cues, but he thinks it’s tentatively accepted, and only a little awkward.  The rest of dinner is spent gently teasing Ava and trying to guess what her movie choice is, but she refuses to tell.  

Once they’re done, everyone helps clean up.  Not for the first time, Bob is amazed at how wonderful this all is.  As a kid, dinner was– a mess.  Even on good nights, when nothing got broken and no one got hurt, Dad always just grabbed a beer and watched the game, leaving Mom alone to clean, Bob was almost always told to just go to his room.  Now, everyone brought in their plates, they had rotating cooking and dish duty, and they pretty much always watched a movie together after dinner.   

It felt like he finally had a family of his own.

Slowly, they all filtered into the living room, where Ava was setting up the movie.  Bucky and Sam already claimed the loveseat, and the others all grab spots.  Yelena pulls Bob to sit between her and John on the couch.

“I ordered grocery delivery for tomorrow,” says Bucky, not looking up from his phone.  “So if you want you can bake those cookies for tomorrow night.”

Ava and Yelena erupt into cheers, and Bob smiles.  Despite everything, this is a good night.

══════════════

“Bob, malyish, it’s time to get up.”

Bob doesn’t want to get up.  It’s warm here, everything is soft and comfortable, and someone is playing with his hair .  Bob just wants to snuggle deeper and nap forever.  

Yelena’s voice is soft.  “Come on, the movie’s over Bob, don’t you want to sleep in your own bed?” 

His own bed wasn’t this comfortable.  There wasn’t a warm body next to him in his own bed, someone who would hold him and play with his hair and tell him it’s ok.

“Bob, I have to take a shower, but you could sleep with me in my bed if you want?”

Bob nods slightly, his head rubbing in the crook of her neck. “Ok, ok.” she says.  She runs her fingers through his hair again, then starts drawing circles on the back of his neck.  Bob feels himself drifting further.  She shakes her shoulder, jostling him.  He groans and burrows deeper into her neck.

She laughs.  “I could carry you to bed, but I think it would be embarrassing for both of us.”

Bob sighs and sits up, rubbing his eyes.  When he opens them, seeing Yelena bathed in the lamplight of the dark living room brings a sudden curling of shame to his throat.  She must think he’s so weird now.  Sure, they’ve cuddled before, but he just fell asleep on her and latched onto her like a total perv.  They’re just friends, and despite everything that Bob wants, friends do not cuddle on the couch like that.

Sure, they slept together earlier, but that was Yelena’s choice.  She made the first move, so Bob could take what she gave him.  This?  Clutching to her neck like a toddler?  Bob had crossed a line, and now their friendship was going to suffer because of it.  Shame and embarrassment builds up in his gut like a vice, he can feel his ears turning pink.

He tries to stand but he’s tangled in blankets, he starts fumbling his way out, apologizing and looking for an escape at the same time.  “I’m sorry, I can go, I don’t mean to be weird–”

“Hey Bob, hey–” then, rattle-snake quick, Yelena has his chin between her fingers.  She forces him to look at her.  “ Hey.   You weren’t being weird.  I meant what I said.  Come sleep in my bed– just sleep .  I like cuddling with you.”

Bob’s heart might’ve stopped.  He can’t quite understand what he’s hearing.  “You’re–you’re sure?”

“ Yes, Bob.” she lets go of his chin in favor of cupping his cheek.  “Am I the type of person to lie to protect someone else’s feelings?” 

Bob already knows the answer is a definitive no.   He still can’t quite believe it though.  “And, we’re ok?

“Yes, Bob.  If I was mad at you, I would tell you.  And then we would work it out.”  she stands, expertly untangling them from the blankets and moving toward her bedroom.  “I’m going to shower, and then I’m going to go to sleep.  You’re welcome to wait in my bed.”

Bob follows.

 

Well, he follows until he realizes he’s still wearing his jeans from earlier, so he heads off to his room and changes into pjs, washes his face, and brushes his teeth in the attached bathroom.  Then, he waits for Yelena at the head of her bed.  

He feels weird getting under the covers without her there to direct him, so he spends the time waiting for her playing on his phone.  Something’s been nagging him at the back of his mind all day, and now he’s finally alone he can indulge his curiosity.  

He pulls up google and types: “little-space”

He’s met by a wealth of articles he is now positive didn’t exist before this afternoon.  How to get your stubborn little into their headspace, and Little-Space and You: Accepting Your Little Side, not to be outshined by Littles and Little-Space: What Happens When One Rejects the Other.

What. The. Fuck.

“You’re a little, right?” the nurse had said.  “When was the last time you went into little-space?” “We can ask your teammates if you’re not sure,”

Was this why everyone was being nice to him?  Why that nurse had been so weird?  They thought he was a little kid?  They didn’t actually care about him, they just thought he was some sniveling baby who couldn’t handle being treated normally?

He could feel the darkness overtaking him, little by little.  You’re not their friend. it said. You’re their responsibility.  If they’re not nice, you’ll just throw a tantrum.  You always make everything worse.  Ungrateful brat.

Then Yelena walked out of the bathroom, wearing pjs and toweling her hair dry.  She was looking for something in the dresser.  She doesn’t trust you to be her friend.  She just sees you as a baby, a cute toy to keep in her bed.  You should have never met her, now she feels obligated.  She’s chained to you, a pathetic little bitch boy.

Bob couldn’t breathe.  His vision blurred. It wasn’t true, it couldn’t be true.  He’d never heard of this shit before.  It couldn’t be true.  Yelena was his friend.  She and the rest of the team pulled him out of the Void ( only because you would have destroyed the world if they hadn’t) , they ate dinner with him every night ( to keep an eye on you) , they watch movies and cuddled on the couch ( they’re all mercenaries and liars, they’re all lying).

 

They don’t lie to protect others feelings.

“Bob? Bob!” Yelena’s here now.  He can feel the darkness retreating.  It had nearly made it up his thighs.  “Bob, listen to me, I’m here.  Just breathe, ok? Follow my breaths.”

Bob does.  Yelena presses their foreheads together.  They're so close, they’re breathing the same air.  The darkness recedes.  Yelena kisses both his cheeks and presses their heads together again for a brief moment.  

“Wanna tell me what that was about?”

“Not–not right now.  I think there’s something more to this different memory thing.  But…can we just sleep?”

“Yeah.” Yelena pulls back the covers, and directs Bob to lay against her chest.  “Yeah, let’s sleep.”

Notes:

Am I projecting my asexual desire for lots and lots of cuddles without the sexual/romantic strings onto Bob? Yeah, what are you, a cop?

Anyway, I love Bob, and he's taken me on a fantastic journey for this story. I've tried to plan out some sort of outline, but Bob's character just takes me where the story needs to go, it's great.

Please let me know what you think! I love hearing from you all! Next chapter I hope to get Bob down into little space properly, after some serious conversations. I didn't expect this story to be such a slow burn, but I am really liking the way it's going.

Chapter 3: you don't have to go home (but you can't stay here)

Bucky and Sam each get an email from Dr. Cho at 6:00 am requesting a meeting discussing Bob’s test results.  Sam sees it first when he gets back from his run, and rouses a sleeping Bucky to head down to the labs.  

Dr. Cho takes patient confidentiality seriously, and while all of the team members have signed release of information forms, she does not give out that information lightly.  If whatever she saw in Bob’s tests concerned her enough to loop Sam and Bucky in, then they had to get to the labs as soon as possible.

Bob had seemed fine after his appointment, if a bit tired.  He seemed to be fighting his little side until he fell asleep during movie night  But Sam had thought that to be expected from the afternoon he’d had.  He just hopes Dr. Cho has answers for them, and not more questions.

Dr. Cho’s office setup hasn’t changed in the years that Sam has known her.  She has the unique talent of making every space she occupies simultaneously minimalist and warm, something he once thought impossible to accomplish.  Sam thinks the fern next to her desk might be the same one from her first days in Avengers tower.  He’d have to ask her under later.

Bucky breaks the tension.  “So, how is he?”

“Physically, he’s completely fine.  I found no evidence of any head trauma, or anything else to explain his memory distortion.  However–”

Dr. Cho turned her computer monitor toward them, showing Bob’s full body scan.  Bob’s form was nearly pulsing with a bright red light.  “his energy readings were off the charts.  He’s showing incredible amounts of nexus energy, something our scanner couldn’t even detect until last week.”

“So what does that mean?” Sam asked.

“Studies in nexus energy are incredibly new, but it’s thought to be an indicator of cross-universal travel.  The energy paired with differing accounts of similar events and his behavior at the appointment yesterday–”

“Behavior?”

“He indicated to a nurse he had no idea he was a little, or even what little space was.”

Sam and Bucky are shocked.  How could someone not know what little space was?

“So wait,” said Bucky.  “He indicated to a nurse? What does that mean?”

“It’s standard in our preliminary exam questions to ask the last time a little went into their headspace, I’m told Bob had no idea what the nurse was talking about.  Which would normally be incredibly concerning, but if we consider that, his memories, and the readings, I think I have an answer.  This Bob is not our Bob.”

Sam wasn’t hearing this correctly.  Couldn’t be.  “You think that Bob is from another universe?”

“I believe he switched places with his universal counterpart sometime during the bank attack yesterday.  The energy readings would not be as strong if it was any earlier than that.”

“Another universe.” said Bucky, who seemed to be as done with this shit as Sam was.  They hadn’t even had a real breakfast yet.  

Dr. Cho nodded.  “A universe where grocery stores are called Whole Foods instead of Great Foods, and, apparently, littles don’t exist, or are at the very least called something else.  He seems to be quite similar to our Bob, and as unaware of the shift as we were”

══════════════

Bob and Yelena both wake to a soft knocking at the bedroom door.  Yelena doesn’t move from her position cuddled behind Bob, just yawns and squeezes her hand tighter around his stomach for a moment.  “Come in,” she says.

Bob is surprised to see Ava quietly padding into the room wearing a pink zip-up hoodie patterned with butterflies over her compression suit.   “Hi Lehna.  Hi Bob.”  she does a shy little wave.

“Hi Ava,” says Yelena.  “Why are you up so early?”

Ava’s voice is different.  Softer, somehow.  “Do you know if John is coming back today?” she asks.  

Yelena sits up with a groan and pats the end of the bed, Ava sits there warily.  Bob sits up too and tries to parse out whether he’s supposed to leave or not.  

“I think he has a visitation appointment with his son today, rypka.  What did you need?”

“Nothing, I was just curious.”

“Ava……Bob and I both know when you’re lying.”  

Bob does not want to be brought into this.  “I can go if you guys need to talk, I’m sorry for–”

“Bob, don’t be silly.  Stay.” says Yelena  “We’re figuring out what’s wrong with Ava.”

Ava scoffs.  “There’s nothing wrong .  I just wanted to know.  It doesn’t matter.”

“ Ava .  Come on.  What did you want to ask him?”

Ava hesitates, pursing her lips.  “I just, I thought.  I thought maybe he could make chocolate chip pancakes again.  Might want to watch something with me, I don’t know.”

“Ahh.” Yelena turns dramatically to Bob.  “Bob, are you hungry?”

Bob smiles.  “I could eat.”

“Do you like chocolate, Bob? I think Ava here likes chocolate.”

“I love chocolate.”

“Then come on!”

Yelena enthusiastically leads them to the kitchen and pulls out a large countertop griddle.  “Raise your hand if you’ve ever made pancakes before,” she says.

No one raises their hands.  Yelena shrugs.  “Well, last time I did I was six, I don’t think it counts.  But it can’t be that hard.”

They pull out a recipe and a big bowl.  “Ok, I have seen it on the cooking shows, we measure everything out first, and put all of it in little bowls.”

Bob doesn’t really bake, but he thinks just putting the ingredients in one bowl might save on dishes for later.  He doesn’t say anything though, just tries to have fun with Ava and Yelena measuring out ingredients and finding enough little dishes to put it all in.  

“Now it says to put aside your topping.  Ava wants chocolate chips, is there anything else we want in the pancake?”

Bob checks the fridge.  “Maybe we could add a few blueberries?”

“Yes! Perfect, good thinking Bob.”

The first few pancakes they make are kind of a disaster, but nobody is too upset.  They start out really big, but of course that makes it hard to flip.  And then they burn a few.  But in the end, Bob is proud to say they have made a fine stack of pancakes for all of them.  

They finish up their breakfast, and Yelena dumps the dishes in the sink for later.  Then, she marches into the living room.  “What are we watching, Ava?”

Ava balks under the attention.  “I don’t know, whatever’s on.”

“There are a lot of things on, we have all of the streaming packages.”

“Maybe…Pound Puppies?  The older one.”

And so Bob, Yelena, and Ava spend the rest of the morning watching Pound Puppies.  It’s nice, surprisingly.  They just sit.  Bob fidgets with his new rubik's cube (he’s not trying to solve it, not really.  He wants to see if he can make cool patterns), and Yelena braids Ava’s hair.  It’s nice, relaxing.  The cartoon dogs are cute, and at the end of every episode, one of the puppies finds a home.  Bob likes that.  

“Bob?” says Yelena quietly.  

Bob hums in acknowledgement and turns to face her.  Ava is too engrossed in the show to notice.

“You haven’t been little in a very long time, as far as I’m aware.  And I’m not pressuring you, or anything.  I know it can be hard.  But… I just wanted you to know that I’m here, the team is here, if you need it.  Maybe you can start out by playing with Ava, who knows.”

Bob doesn’t know what the hell he’s supposed to say.  “Ava’s a little?” pops out of his mouth.

“Well, yeah.  Didn’t you know?”

Bob didn’t know.  He hadn’t actually spent too much time reading those articles last night, mostly he’d just been trying to get himself out of the shame spiral.  But now he thought about it, Ava had sort of been acting like a little kid all morning.  The childish clothes, the pancakes, the kiddy tv show.  Ava was even sitting on the floor in front of the couch while Yelena braided her hair.  If Bob replaced Ava with a eight year old in his mind, none of the behavior would be amiss.  

But it had all been completely normal.  Yelena had taken everything in stride.  Was that what being a little was?  Just relaxing like a kid every once and a while?  Ava had been her regular, loud and boisterous self yesterday.  Was this just a new normal?  Something that had cropped up while he’d been wandering around Asia?  Why did everyone seem to think he did that stuff though?

“Bob?”

“Oh uh–yeah.  No.  I guess I didn’t know.”

“Yeah.”  Yelena turns, undoing a bit of Ava’s intricate braid and re-weaving it.  “How much do you remember of that week being in little space, after we became the New Avengers?” 

Bob’s eyes widened.  He doesn’t remember that at all .  Could he have lost that much time and not known it?  What did he do?  

“Not–not much at all, really.” he says.  This is completely embarrassing.  That’s why everyone was treating him like that yesterday, they thought he would freak out and start acting like a stupid little kid, like he apparently had last time.  They carried him, and cuddled him, and even cut up his freaking food because last time he’d used his powers, he’d thought he was a little kid for a week, and then forgot about it .  He was even more fucked up than he’d thought.

(In the back of his mind, he thinks about Ava.  He doesn’t think she’s being stupid.  She’s just relaxing, who cares if she wears a butterfly jacket or watches kiddy tv shows, but his brain won’t let him believe that about himself, he just can’t.  Especially when he doesn’t remember what he did. )

“Thought so.  It’s normal, after that long not going into headspace, or so I’m told.  But my point is, Bob, you don’t have to let it get to that point.  We’re here to help you, if you’ll have us.”

Bob doesn’t ever want that type of help.  He’s already pathetic enough as it is, living here rent free, not even a real member of the team.  He’s only here so he doesn’t go crazy and try to destroy New York again.  He tries to make himself useful, cleaning, doing the dishes, even cooking sometimes, but then he has his bad days.  And even getting out of bed is impossible.

To add to that?  Make the avengers take care of him like a little kid? Again?   They do enough for him as it is.  And besides, he had been a terrible little kid.  He’d wanted attention all the time, and he talked back, was a picky eater, and had nightmares often. He'd been exhausting to raise, ungrateful.  He always made everything worse.  Ava was quiet, she just wanted to eat chocolate-chip pancakes, and sit and watch tv.  And she’d earned it by being such a great member of the team.  Bob? If Bob ever let himself be little like that ( again) , he’d have to kick himself out.  They’d all be better off if he just left, maybe he’d find a bunker to lock himself in again and everyone could be safe from him.

Bob tries to smile.  “Thanks for the offer, I– I appreciate it.” he says.  What bullshit.

He thinks Yelena might be about to call him out on his bullshit, when the intercom beeps.  Bucky’s voice comes over the speakers.  “Meeting, everyone head down to the labs.”

Yelena’s brow furrows, but she quickly finishes and ties off Ava’s braid.  “Change and meet by the elevator in three? Ava, can you be big now radnaya?”

Ava takes a few deep breaths and removes her jacket, nodding.  Yelena stands up.  “Ok, be back soon, got to get out of these pajamas.  Didn’t sound like an emergency, but we should get dressed anyway.”

Bob nods, and quickly heads off to change.  What could they be meeting about?  

══════════════

They all make it down to the medical bay and crowd into a conference room.  Walker isn’t there, he’s still on visitation with his son, but Bucky assures them that it’s not that serious, they can update him later.  

“This meeting isn’t emergent at all, just urgent,” says Sam.  Bob doesn’t have a clue what that’s supposed to mean.

“Dr. Cho examined both Bob and Yelena last night, and there is no head trauma or physical injury to explain their differing accounts of the bank attack.” says Sam.  

Bob’s heart sinks.  Not that he’d wanted anything to be wrong with him, but it would be nice to have an explanation.  Now he’s just scared and amnesiatic. (Is that a word? Anyway, if it’s a word it certainly describes Bob)

“There is, however, an excess of nexus radiation in Bob’s system.” says Dr. Cho.  She shows Bob’s scan from yesterday over the projector.  Under the table, Yelena takes his hand.  “It’s a newly discovered type of energy, and harmless as far as we know.  But it has been recently correlated with cross-universal travel.”

“What does that mean?” asks Bob.  Cross universal travel?

“It means, Bob, we believe that you are from an alternate universe, having switched places with your counterpart from our universe sometime during the bank attack.  In your debrief you mentioned being hit by a red light?”

Yelena lets go of his hand.  “So where’s our Bob?” she asks, worried.

And that stings, a little.  He’s in shock over this whole idea–he’s in another universe .  An alternate reality.  It’s hard to wrap your head around.  He would have liked to have Yelena’s support in trying to understand this whole thing.  But instead, she’s probably disgusted with him.  She wants her version of Bob, not him, a stranger.  She’s probably regretting everything she’s said to him in the past twenty-four hours.  He’s not the person she would be comfortable sleeping next to, or calming down from panic attacks, or offering to take care of.  He inches away from her slightly, closing himself off, unwilling to make her uncomfortable again.

“Well I am by no means a physicist, but we assume he’s in this Bob’s universe.” answers Dr. Cho.  “I’ve contacted–”

“Bob, what was your universe like?” interrupts Ava.  “You were safe, right?”

“Yes, is everything ok there? You are ok? Our Bob will be ok?” asks Alexei

Yelena doesn’t say anything.  She just stares intently at him, waiting for an answer.  

Bob sputters.  “Yeah, I mean.  It’s pretty similar to this universe, I guess.  I didn’t really have any clue that anything was different.  Besides the whole, uh, whole foods thing.”

The others chuckle and nod nervously.  It’s like a great chasm has opened up between him and them.  He’s just a stranger now.  A nobody.  These aren’t his Avengers.  He hopes he can get back home quickly and just put this all behind him.

Dr. Cho starts talking about next steps , getting more tests and contacting physicists or maybe sorcerers, but Bob isn’t paying attention anymore.  He thinks about how kind the team has been since he woke up here.  His team is kind, sure, but this version of the new avengers is far more comfortable showing their feelings than his version.  And then there’s the whole little situation, which Bob is at least grateful that he wasn’t losing his mind about.  But it makes him think—there’s a Bob out there that was comfortable being taken care of like a kid by the Avengers for a week.  How different was he from that Bob?

Pretty damn different it seemed.  It all made sense now.  Yelena had said Bob had gone into the bank with her.  They trusted their Bob to go into dangerous situations, to not get himself killed or kill others with his stupidity.  Their Bob was useful to the team.  Their Bob saved lives and beat up bank robbers, and it wasn’t a big deal.  Their Bob was picked up and tossed into hugs, then carried away from battle.  He was useful, and special.  They cut up their Bob’s food, carried him when he was tired, comforted him when he was sad, feared for him when he was lost in another universe.  

And by this point, Bob has accepted that this team will always prefer their Bob.  That’s just natural.  But what if his team preferred the other Bob too?

We will always be alone .

Was the other Bob better?  Did he have more control over his powers?  Was he less socially awkward?  Could he get out of bed with ease?  Did he clean the watchtower on a regular schedule?  Did civilians recognize him with admiration instead of fear?  

Did you think you were gonna be some great man? 

What would Bob do if he returned home, and his team had had a taste of something better?   What if he came back and they were disappointed?  They’d have to go back to storing a time bomb instead of working with a teammate.  Bob couldn’t put them through that.  

He just couldn’t.  He didn't know where he would go, or what he would do, but seeing the disappointment on his team's faces might break him in two.  The Void would take over, and Bob didn't know if he could fight it.  Not by himself, and not with a team that didn't really want him, no matter what he wanted to believe.

Notes:

It's gonna get a little worse for Bob before it gets better, but don't you worry, he is so loved. Thank you for reading!

*shaking tin cup* "Comments, spare comments...Could you spare a comment for a poor writer in need?"

Chapter 4: I hope you have found a friend

“It means, Bob, we believe that you are from an alternate universe, having switched places with your counterpart from our universe sometime during the bank attack.  In your debrief you mentioned being hit by a red light?”

A great pit opens in Yelena’s stomach.  She’d lost him.  She’d lost Bob .  He was right here, but that was just another version of him.  Her Bob, the one she was supposed to be friends with, to look after, he was in some parallel universe.  Lost, probably scared.  Absently, Yelena lets go of this Bob’s hand. “So where’s our Bob?” she asks, worried.  

“Well I am by no means a physicist, but we assume he’s in this Bob’s universe.” answers Dr. Cho.  “I’ve contacted–”

“Bob, what was your universe like?” interrupts Ava.  “You were safe, right?”

“Yes, is everything ok there? You are ok? Our Bob will be ok?” asks Alexei

Yelena doesn’t say anything.  She’d been keeping this Bob safe and mostly happy for the other Yelena, and she hoped that her alternate would do the same for their Bob.  She stares intently at Bob, waiting for an answer.  They’re almost identical, apart from the differing memories.  Would they have ever figured it out without that scan?  

Bob sputters.  “Yeah, I mean.  It’s pretty similar to this universe, I guess.  I didn’t really have any clue that anything was different.  Besides the whole, uh, whole foods thing.”

Yelena sighs in relief.  Hopefully, this Bob’s team was taking care of their Bob, just like they were taking care of him.  She had a million questions to ask about the alternate universe and the many differences that could be hiding, but right now she just needed to focus on the task at hand.  Get Bob back.  

“Anyway, our next steps are pretty outside of my field.  I’ve contacted Dr. Banner and several of the publishing physicists from the most promising nexus energy study.  They’ve agreed to help us, and would like to do another full body scan of Bob with their technology, as well as the street where you both were attacked.  Captain Wilson has also reached out with connections in the Sanctum Sanctorum, so hopefully we will have answers for you soon.”

“In the meantime Bob,” says Sam.  “You will always have a place to stay here.”

Duh.  He’s Bob.  No matter what universe he’s from, he’d always have a place here, Yelena would fight every single person who thought otherwise.  Even if there were fifteen Bobs waiting here to try and go back to their own universes, they’d stay right here in the watchtower.  He belongs with them, with their family.   

Yelena turns to Bob, smiling.  He’s always been comfortable with her touch, but she’s not so sure now.  She’s technically a stranger to this Bob.  She plays it safe by bumping their knees together.  “As if we’d let him stay anywhere else.  You’re stuck with us, no matter which Bob you are.”

Bob only nods, barely perceptible.  His knee shakes a little where she bumped it, but he stays silent and still.  

 

Something is wrong.

 

He’s breathing alright, but his breaths are short and far apart, sort of like the whole activity is an afterthought.  There’s no traces of Void crawling its way through his body, but that doesn’t do anything to calm Yelena’s nerves.  Bob looks like all of the energy has been sucked out of him.  Like Bob is gone, and he’s just left a shell behind. He’s not even looking at her.

“Bob?” she asks.  “Bob, will you look at me?” she puts a hand on the back of his neck, tries to tilt his eyes to meet hers.  

She’s never seen him do this before; does it happen often?  Yelena is reminded again that this is not her Bob .  There are countless ways this could go wrong.  If this Bob has different memories, he could have different coping skills, different triggers…Yelena feels like she’s walking into a minefield.  Anything she does (or doesn’t do ) could set him off.

And then Alexei puts a hand on his shoulder.  “Bob, it will be okay.  I know we are not the Avengers you are used to, but you are still our family.”

It’s like a lifeline.  Of course, that’s what he’d been worried about.  Hell, it’s what she’d been worried about: them not being friends anymore, now that they knew he was from another universe.  Except Bob had it worse, because if that were true, he’d have nobody here, he’d be completely alone.  She grabs his face more fully between her hands. “Yes! Yes Bob–we love you.   Any version of you, every version of you.  Bob Reynolds is my hero, no matter what universe you’re from.”

Quietly, minutely, Yelena doesn’t think she’d be able to tell if she weren’t so close, Bob shakes his head no.  At least he can hear her. “Yes, yes you are!” she says.  “Listen, I know things are probably different where you’re from, but not that much!  You’re still Bob.”

Ava, Bucky, and Sam have joined them now.  They each stand at Bob’s back, murmuring their agreement with Yelena.

“I’m not like your Bob,” says Bob.  It looks like it takes an excruciating amount of energy to speak, like his mouth has been glued shut, but he keeps going.  “It’s ok, y’know.  You should want your Bob back, that’s the way it works.  I just—”

He stops, blinking.  He tries to look down and hide his face as tears run down.  Yelena doesn’t let him.  “What is it, Bob?” she asks.  She brushes away the tears with her thumbs.

Bob actually looks at her for the first time since all this started.  “My team is not gonna want me back, once they see what they’re missing,” he says.  Oh, and doesn’t that just start a fire in Yelena’s gut?  She wants to wrap Bob in blankets then spend three hours in a rage room with a baseball bat.  Bob could watch while she broke things.

“That’s bullshit.” says Bucky, immediately.  “Bob, that’s bullshit.”

“Our Bob is just the same as you, except he buys food at Great Foods” says Ava.  That at least brings out a small chuckle from Bob.

“I noticed no difference!” adds Alexei.

Just at that moment, the worst moment (or maybe the best), Walker bursts into the conference room.  “Where’s the fire?” he asks, then takes in the situation.  “Oh…”

“Yeah, great timing John, just get in here!” Ava whispers harshly over her shoulder.  John clambers into the room, kneeling down next to Bob and putting a hand on his knee.  

Ava updates him on the situation in hushed whispers.  Yelena ignores them.

“Bob, that’s not true.  They’ll want you back, so badly.  And if not I’ll come with you to that universe, beat up your version of the avengers, and you and our Bob will live with us in our universe.  You are so loved.  Don’t you know that?  You are so valuable to this team.  I don’t know what we would do without you.”

Bob laughs, sharp and piercing.  He sneers.  “Yeah, you have it confused.  That’s your Bob.  Me?  I can’t even do the dishes for my team.  I can’t control my powers consistently, I’m awkward, I can’t read social cues for shit, I’m not even a real member of the team.  ‘The New Avengers, and Bob’, that’s what the papers say.   I almost destroyed New York with a depressive episode, and I still have days where I can’t get out of bed.  I sit there, and read, and try to be useful, but I’m just a fucking free loader.  The only reason the avengers keep me around is to make sure I don’t try to destroy the world again.” Bob’s breath stutters in a sob, and his voice breaks.  “So the minute my team realizes they’ll have to go back to me, after meeting your Hero Bob?  They’ll try to hide it, but they’ll hate me.  They’ll—”

The others erupt in cries of denial. “NO!”

“Stop, stop! Bob!”

“I’m sorry Bob, but that’s horseshit man”

“God, the Bob’s aren’t different at all are they?” someone hits Walker upside the head.   “Ow.” 

“As annoying and tactless as Walker is, he’s right.” says Yelena.  John mutters something that she ignores.  She meets Bob’s eyes, trying as hard as possible to make him understand.

“You are just like the Bob we’re used to.  Our version of you also can’t control his powers.  He can be socially awkward at times, and his clinical depression makes it harder to do things, like the dishes or getting out of bed.  And we love him.  He loves to read and drink milkshakes after therapy sessions.  The first time using his powers, he was manipulated into a manic episode, and then his depression took over and gave New York some really bad dreams.”

Bob scoffs.  She keeps going.  “But our Bob was able to pull himself out.  Just like you.  We love our Bob, even though he can’t control his powers, and he’s socially awkward, and he doesn’t think he’s worthy of the friendship we give him.  Our Bob doesn’t think he’s a valuable member of this team either, and he’s wrong.  He saved our lives– first from Valentina’s men, then from Void, and then–well.  Listen.  Every single one of us is fucked up.  And it was Bob who brought us together, who helped us realize that we don’t have to be alone.  And I’m willing to bet anything in the world that your avengers feel the same, Bob.  We love you, they love you, and there is no reason they wouldn’t want you back.”

John sits up a little straighter and clears his throat. “I think I speak for everyone when I say none of us were in a good place when we met.  If we hadn’t teamed up, started living together, I don’t know where I’d be.  But it wouldn’t be good.”

“And it’s beyond just that.” says Ava.  “You keep us together, too.  You’re one of the first real friends I’ve ever had, Bob.  That means something.”

Bucky squeezes Bob’s shoulder.  “I’ve been where you’re at man.  It’s hard to understand why somebody cares so much when you think you don’t deserve it.  But this team cares about you, a lot.  There isn’t much you could do to change that.  Even being a slightly different version of yourself”

“Bob, you are the glue that keeps the New Avengers together!  Your captivating personality, kindness and desire to help attracts friends like a venus fly trap!” yells Alexei.

“Your value isn’t defined by your usefulness Bob,” Sam says “and I know that your version of the Avengers know that.  They love you just because you’re you.”

“I was so lonely, before this family.” says Yelena.  Bob’s crying freely now, big crocodile tears rolling silently down his cheeks.  She can feel her own eyes prickling.  “You were one of the first people I could connect with, Bob.  You helped me realize I don’t have to be alone.  Please let us do the same for you.  You’re not alone, Bob, you never have to be alone again.”

Bob chokes out a sob, and the dam breaks. “Ok” he says, the words garbled by tears.

He flings his arms out toward her, and they embrace in a crushing hug that drops them to their knees in its intensity.  The others join the hug and fold around them, and Bob wails .  Yelena cries too, and hugs him as hard as she can.  No one shushes them.  They just hold each other, and ride out the wave.  

He may not technically be her Bob , but as far as Yelena is concerned, any Bob from any universe is hers, and belongs with this family.  

══════════════

 

Bob sniffles, hiding his face in Yelena’s shoulder.  He’s so exhausted— this day has been an emotional rollercoaster.  He’s still not quite sure how to feel about being in another universe, but at least he knows he’s not alone. 

Yelena rubs his back, and he tries to take deep breaths.  He yawns instead.  

“It’s not even noon and you’re tired?” John teases.  Bob can tell he doesn’t really mean it, because he still hasn’t let go of the group hug.  God, not even noon.  It feels like he’s been awake for days.  

“Crying like that can be exhausting.” says Sam.  He’d stayed on the outer circle of the hug, and was the first to stand.  “Bob, you need food and then a nap.  Just start the whole day over if you have to.”

That actually sounded really good.  A do-over on the day.  He doesn’t want to let go of Yelena, but at that moment his stomach ignores his wishes and growls.

Yelena chuckles, squeezing him again briefly.  Ava, Bucky, Alexei and John all do the same.  “Maybe we have cheesy noodles for lunch?” she suggests.

Bob picks his head up in shock.  Cheesy noodles?  How did she know that was his favorite food as a kid?

Oh, right.  The other Bob was a little.  That was still weird, but not as big an idea to wrap his head around now.

Alexei stands, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.  “Yes!  We will have a grand lunch–Bob’s cheesy noodles is a fantastic idea!’

Bob finally sits back from the hug, and everyone clambers up to head upstairs for lunch.  Every single member of the team pats him on the shoulder as they go, except for Yelena, who keeps holding his hand until they start to eat.

Cheesy noodles are just linguine in an alfredo cheese sauce, something simple his Mom used to make.  It’s possible the version John makes is even better, but it might just be the company he shares it with.  It’s a quiet meal, and so delicious.  Bob eats until he can’t anymore, and Yelena drags him to the couch to take a well-earned nap.  

The couch is deep enough that they can lie next to each other (albeit while pretty squished together), so they curl up under one of the velvety common room blankets.  The others speak to each other in hushed tones and clean the remaining dishes before filtering into the living room to relax.  Bob falls asleep surrounded by the noises of his family, knowing he is loved.

Notes:

This story has gotten...way angstier than I ever anticipated. But I think that's what it needed. Thank you all for reading, and leaving such lovely comments! They mean so much to me and help motivate me to write more! <3

Next chapter, I PROMISE Bob will get the love and cuddles he deserves. I think generally the hurt is over, now for a metric ton of fluff and comfort.

Also: I don't even watch Station 19, but I saw a clip and one particular quote stuck with me throughout writing this chapter. So just know that while I was writing this, I was thinking about this quote the entire time. Do with that what you will.

“You know like in the movies when the baby’s born and it’s not crying and everyone’s panicking because this means something is very wrong , but they’re also trying not to panic because they don’t wanna worry the mother, and it’s like ‘nervous silent eye contact, nervous silent eye contact’. But then the baby starts wailing, and everyone’s like ‘relieved silent eye contact, relieved silent eye contact. Thank the Lord...”

“Well it was like that. It was like that when you started crying. It was like “whew, the baby’s fine.” The baby made it.”

“I’m the baby?”

“Yeah. Sometimes you get to be the baby, and other people take care of you.”

----
Thanks again for reading, and have a beautiful day! Leave a comment and tell me your favorite detail so far, I'm curious!

Chapter 5: every new beginning

Bob wakes about an hour later with his head in Yelena’s lap, and her running her fingers through his hair.  He blinks the sleep from his eyes and sits up, thinking about all that’s happened in the last few hours.  “Hi,” he greets.

“Hi.  How did you sleep?”

“Good.  Did you?”

“Not really” says Yelena.  “I drifted for a bit.  It was nice.  Played on my phone.”

“Cool.”

It’s not awkward, exactly, just without direction.  Bob’s not sure what to do now, being in another universe with another version of his team.  It feels like he’s a guest in his own house.  He knows, theoretically, where the spoons are kept, and how the trash chute works, but what if that’s all changed?  He’d been lucky, before.  At least now, if he does something really stupid, he has the excuse that he’s from another universe.  He hopes the team understands that, and doesn’t get too upset when he inevitably messes up.  What if he accidentally says something really offensive without having any idea?  

Someone puts a hand on his shoulder and he startles, but it’s just John.

“Sorry,” John says, backing up a bit.  Bob misses the contact, even though he would have appreciated a warning.  “You were just a bit far away, pal.  Listen, why don’t you try to be little for the day?  Cho’s physicists won’t be here until late tomorrow, and you could use the chance to relax.”

“Don’t pressure him, Walker.” says Yelena.  

“I’m not!  I’m just saying, it’d be good for him.  I know our version of Bob hasn’t been little in a while.  Since that last time with Void, really.”

“What’s your Bob like as a little?” Bob finds himself asking.  He shouldn’t, he should just leave it the hell alone, but he is insatiably curious.

John sits on the couch opposite them and puts his feet up on the coffee table.  “About 3-6 years old, depending on the day.  Why, where do you land?”

This would be a good time for Bob to say he doesn’t land anywhere, that he’s not a little, and that he’s pretty sure they don’t exist in his universe.  Then this whole conversation would be over.   Instead, he says “I don’t know.”

A sad look passes over John and Yelena’s faces.  “You’ve never tried to go down on purpose, have you?  Never had a caregiver or anything?” John asks.

Bob shakes his head no.  It technically isn't a lie.  Yelena sighs.  “Our Bob was like that too.  We haven’t talked enough about it, but I know that the meth kept him from slipping for years, and that he’s never had anyone to look after him in littlespace before.  Our Bob slipped pretty soon after battling void, and we took care of him for a week until he was ready to be big again.  We could tell he felt awkward about it afterward and was missing a few memories,  so we try not to mention it, but when he gets back I swear I will.  We’re here to take care of each other, no matter what.  He shouldn’t have to feel guilty or embarrassed about it.”

Bob doesn’t know what to say to that.  “Was he a– a good kid?” he asks.

“Oh, yeah.” says John.  “Real cuddly bastard.  Sweet.  Always wanted a hug.  Always playing with puzzles or dinosaurs, or spaceships.  Wanted to watch Dogs 101 over and over and over again, though he mostly watched it with Ava.  Ate about a thousand clementines everyday- we were afraid he might turn orange.”

“I thought you didn’t like kids?” asks Bob.  John’s ears turn pink and Bob immediately regrets it.  What a stupid thing to say.

“I like kids, mostly.” says John, collecting himself.  “I’m not sure what your John Walker is like, but I had a pretty big rough patch when it came to my son.  I basically just ignored him and my wife because I was so stuck—I let myself get in a hole.  I was horrible to my family, and I let all of that darkness take over, until I met this team.  My wife left me and took JJ, I’m only just now getting supervised visitation.  Hopefully eventually partial custody of him again.  Honestly, being around Little Bob and Ava helped me a lot with that.”

Bob’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise.  Being around a version of him, pretending to be three years old, was helpful?  “How?” he asks

“Bob's just a bit older than my son right now in his headspace, and the team all shared responsibility taking care of him.  You–er, our Bob, he would smile for any little thing, once he got to know us.  And sure, he was clingy as hell, but.  I don’t know.  When you’re with a little, knowing that you can make their day better, fix every one of their problems just by being there, paying attention, it makes you feel better about yourself.  Like, I might be a shitty person, but all this little guy wants is a hug and a compliment on his drawing and I’ve made his day.  And so– now that I’m not so depressed and stuck in my head, I can actually give a shit.  I’m an asshole, but I think a lot less of one since I’ve been on this team, and that week with little Bob probably helped with that.  I felt better about myself.”

“Littles are always happy to see you, especially little Bob.” says Yelena.  “It’s just nice.  To be able to help someone, to have someone rely on you.  It gives a sense of purpose, y’know?” 

Bob is suddenly worried.  “So, has–has your Bob not been letting you do that?  You… don’t feel as good because he’s not being little?”

“What? No!” says John.

Yelena shakes her head vigorously. “No, no, that would be crazy!”

“Caring for a little is nice, but we don’t need it.” says John.  “I mean, caregivers need to feel like, fulfilled or whatever, but it’s not something that we specifically need from littles.”

Yelena crosses her legs under her on the couch.  “And even if we did, that wouldn’t be our Bob’s responsibility.  He can choose whoever takes care of him while he’s little.  We’re just– worried about him, that’s all.  And you, really.” she says.

“Me?” he asks.  This is so confusing.  

“You just told us you’ve been little so rarely that you don’t know what headspace you land in, and that you’ve never had a caregiver you could trust to take care of you.” said John.

Well when you put it like that, it sounds terrible.

Yelena puts her hand on his shoulder.  “That can be really unhealthy, Bob.” she says.  “I think John might be right.  I know we’re not your version of the Avengers, but we care about you, and we want to make sure you’re not burning yourself out.  Why don’t you try to be little, at least until tomorrow evening when the scientists arrive?  It might be good for you.”

Jesus, Bob’s landed himself in a pickle now.  This is so stupid.  He should get up, right now, and tell them that he can’t be little , because there's no such thing where he’s from.  He’s never needed to act like a little kid just to relax, and he doesn’t need to start now.

He’s been stalling telling them that for a reason, though.  He keeps thinking about when he first arrived in this universe—how nice everything had been, even though he was completely confused.  Thinking about the team carrying him, cuddling him, even cutting up his stupid burger made his stomach do flips.  It felt like they really cared, like all he had to do was look to them and all his problems would disappear.  

But he didn’t need that.  It was the other Bob who did, not him.  He shouldn’t take their generosity when he doesn't need it.  He’d be taking advantage of them, just another burden of his for them to carry.

But they had said they liked taking care of little Bob.  That having him around made them feel better about themselves, gave them a purpose.  So maybe he wouldn’t just be being selfish!  He would be helping his team.  

But as much as he wanted to be, Bob wasn’t from this universe.  He didn’t know how to be that angel kid that John and Yelena had talked about.  He didn’t know how to be a little, and even if he did, he’d probably be a pretty terrible one.  He feels his shoulders slump.  There goes his chance.

“I don’t know how to be little.” he says.  He expects them to scoff at him for wasting their time, for not being upfront about that in the first place.  Instead, Yelena huffs out a laugh and pulls on his shoulder so he can face her.

“You don’t have to know how.” she says.

“We’ll help you, Bob, if you’ll let us.” adds John.

He really shouldn’t.  This is something that can’t be undone.  They’ll find out that he can’t really be little, and then they’ll just be disappointed.

“We can just try it.  All you have to do is trust us, ok?  And if you want to stop, at any time, we’ll stop immediately.”

Bob takes a deep breath.  He shouldn't do this.

“Ok.” he says.  “What do I do?”

══════════════

The first thing to do, according to Yelena, is to get out of his big boy clothes.  Bob’s stomach swoops, but they simply lead him to his bedroom, where Yelena pulls some clothes he’s never seen before out of his bottom drawer.  She places some fuzzy blue socks and a pair of soft cargo pants on the bed.  Then, she holds up two choices of long sleeve shirts.  “Do you want to wear Super Grover or Clifford?”

Dear God.  Bob blushes, letting his head fall forward slightly.  This is just for fun.  He’s supposed to be relaxing.  He can stop at any time.  “Uh. Grover is good.” he says, not looking at her.

“Alright, arms up pal,” says John.   Confused, Bob raises his hands like he’s about to surrender.  “No, uh, like this.”

John raises his arms above his head in example.  “We’re gonna get you dressed, ok?”

“Oh.”  Bob raises his arms, and allows John to tug off his sweatshirt.  He doesn’t have time to be embarrassed, because just as quick, John pulls the Grover shirt over his head.  

“Next your jeans.”  John helps Bob take off his jeans, then rolls up the legs of his new soft pants.  “Step in.”

Bob steps into the pants and John brings them up to his waist.  Then he tells him to sit on the bed and puts his socks on for him.  Bob feels a little ridiculous, but not bad, per se.  He fidgets on the bed while John finishes dressing him.  

“Very good,” says Yelena.  She holds out her hand and he takes it, standing with her.  “Do you want to color with me?” she asks.

Bob can’t remember the last time he colored for fun.  He’s heard some adults find it relaxing, though.  He nods, and Yelena leads him to the living room.  They sit on the floor next to the coffee table, and she pulls out a huge box of markers and some coloring pages from one of the drawers.  She selects a page from the pile, two cartoon dogs washing a car, and puts the rest of the pages in front of Bob.  “Which one do you want to color?” she asks.

Bob looks through the pages, and eventually selects a nice aquarium scene.  Yelena smiles at him when he shows her, big and bright.  “That looks fun! I can’t wait to see what you do with it!”

Despite himself, a tendril of warmth curls into Bob’s stomach.  He pulls out a marker and starts coloring.  He tries to choose colors he thinks Yelena would like, lots of blues, greens, and purples.  He doesn’t think about giving her the drawing (that would just be silly, it’s only a stupid drawing), but he does want her to like it nonetheless.  He likes the way the markers make lines on the page, and tries to make sure they don’t overlap.  

Walker doesn’t color with them, but he does turn on some music and do some work on his laptop.  They color quietly for hours, and Yelena enthusiastically praises every page he completes.  Bob tries to select pictures he thinks his teammates would like—an aquarium for Yelena, cats for Bucky, a house for John, a flower garden for Ava, and a spaceship for Alexei.  Bob’s hands are covered in little marker spots, but he doesn’t really notice or mind.

After a little while, John places a cup in front of him.  Bob is too busy trying to choose the best colors on his tugboat (for Sam) that he doesn’t look up, just thanks him quietly.  But eventually he gets thirsty, and reaches out to grab it blindly, sucking on the straw.  It’s apple juice, which is a little surprising.  He can’t remember the last time he had apple juice, but it’s his favorite juice.  He hums in appreciation of the taste, and then notices exactly what he’s drinking out of.  

It’s not exactly a sippy cup, but it’s pretty close.  That feeling comes back to Bob’s gut, that churning swoop and drop.  He stares at the cup.  It’s about the size of a normal adult water bottle, but it’s bright orange and covered with little cartoon tigers.  There’s a plastic sliding bit that would cover the rubber straw, and black tiger striped rubber on the side to make it easy to grip.  Bob bets it wouldn’t spill even if he turned it upside down.  He blushes and quickly grabs the cup again, sucking down more apple juice.  It’s just juice, it’s not the end of the world.  He’s ok.  It’s ok to have a special cup for juice.  He puts it down and tries to focus on his tugboat.   

If the other Bob is anything like him (and he has been so far), then he had no possessions when he came to live with the other Avengers.  And while he may not technically know the man, this doesn’t look like something Bob would purchase for himself, little or not.  Did someone buy him this?  Who?  Did they know that Bob had loved tigers as a kid, or was it just a guess?  Was this the other Bob’s designated cup, or did he have more?

“Hey bud,” says John.  He kneels down to join them at the coffee table.  “I like your coloring, very cool.”

If possible, Bob blushes deeper.  It’s just a coloring page, nothing special.  “Thanks” he stutters.

“What about my coloring, Walker?” asked Yelena, grinning across the table at Bob mischievously.

“It’s very nice, Yelena.”

“I think I’ve entered my blue period.” she said, holding the page up so it caught the light.  Yelena’s page was almost entirely different shades of blue, it seemed to be the color that had the most variety of markers in the box.  Bob giggled.  She was supposed to be coloring a forest .

“Uh-huh.” said Walker, unamused.  Bob tried to suppress his giggles while Yelena continued to snobbily show off her coloring page.  

“Bob, dinner’s in about three hours, but do you want a snack?” asked John.

Bob stopped giggling, surprised but delighted.  “Uh, sure.  Thanks!”

“No problem, champ.” said John, getting up.  On his way to the kitchen, he put a heavy hand on Bob’s head and ruffled his hair.

Bob leaned into the touch, surprisingly content.  He wondered what John would get for a snack.  This whole little thing was a lot more fun than he thought it would be.  He returns to the coloring page, selecting a nice purple for barnacles.  

It’s not long before they’re called to come and sit at the kitchen island.  John has set up a plate of cut up strawberries, little cubes of cheese, and a few crackers, with a cup of milk.  It’s more kiddy dishes; the plate is patterned with stars, and the cup is blue plastic with a lid and a straw.  Bob smiles.  It looks really tasty.  But just as he’s about to start eating, something dawns on him.

“Are you guys gonna eat anything?” he asks, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

John just pushes the plate closer to him.  “No bud, you go ahead.  Eat up.”

Bob frowns.  The idea of them just having to watch him eat is–

“Speak for yourself!” cries Yelena in mock indignation.  She reaches for Bob’s plate and steals a cube of cheese, grinning.  “That’s yummy.  Walker, would you grab me a banana?”

John grabs Yelena a banana from the fruit basket and she starts to eat, talking idly about the unequal distribution of shades amongst colors in the markers they got, and how they really should get more for better quality pictures.  Bob takes a few bites of his snack, feeling better.  

He’s just about finished eating when Alexei enters the kitchen.  “Ah, I see we have little Bob!  We were starting to get worried about your universal counterpart, good to see you are taking time to be little.”

Bob doesn’t know what to say, so he just nods and goes back to his slice of cheese.  Alexei continues.  “What have you done today Bob?”

“We just colored, and then we had a snack,” he says.

“Oh, very nice.  You should come down to the training rooms, it will be fun!”

Yelena groans.  “Dad, why on earth would that be fun?”

“Bob could use the new jungle gym!  Very fun, many places to climb.  It was installed yesterday Yelena, don’t you read your email?”

“I think yesterday was a little busy, wasn’t it?”

Alexei waves her away.  “Yes, well, this new jungle gym is very exciting.  Very tall, many nooks and crannies.  I suspect our benefactors heard about your little stunt in the vents last week Yelena and want to find an outlet for that energy.”

“It wasn’t a stunt, it’s basic reconnaissance!”

“Reconnaissance is looking at a map, you were sneaking.”

“Ok ok,” John interrupts, before this could get any messier.  “Why don’t we all go down and look at the training rooms, at the very least it will be interesting.”

══════════════

It is interesting, though not what Bob might describe as a jungle gym.  This was a massive three story collection of ladders, ropes, tubes, and rock walls.  It reminds him more of an indoor playground than anything else, but looking closely it’s easy to see how it could be used for mission training.  The tubes, while brightly painted different colors for easy identification, are all the same material as your standard HVAC vent.  The ropes, ladders, and walls all weave together to form a seamless, challenging obstacle course.  At the very top is a bright yellow flag to be captured, and a slide all the way to the bottom.

Bob sees Yelena’s eyes light up like a kid on Christmas morning.  He’s pretty sure he’s wearing a similar expression.

Even though he isn’t good at climbing, Bob suddenly really wants to make it to the top.  That slide looks amazing.  Then, Alexei pats a control panel near the entrance.  “There are several pre-programmed training modules,” he says “but I turned on the demo one, this is for good time only.  I suggest you two work together to make it to the slide at the top.”

Yelena looks at him, and he can tell she’s trying to hide her excitement.  “Does that sound fun for you, Bob?”

He nods, and she surges forward, grabbing his hand and running into the course.  “This will be great!”

 

Notes:

Sorry for the late update guys! So many things going on for me right now. Well, as a treat you can have a world-building ramble!

I imagine in this universe that littles or caregivers going into headspace is literally a biochemical state of being and a necessary body function, almost like our REM sleep cycle. You can try to hold off your REM for a long time, but it's really unhealthy and dangerous, both for CGs and Littles. If you don’t fix it, your body will fix it for you, y’know?

(Sidebar: if littles don't go into headspace they will eventually do so out of pure exhaustion, but the same goes for CGs, who will smother their friends with love, or kidnap baby ducks because their mother “wasn't watching them”. I feel like there would be a lot of research and public knowledge on why it's a Bad Idea for littles to ignore their headspace, but less so for CGs. Partially because while littles generally require supervision to fully fall into little space, CGs can satisfy their instincts by taking care of anything (volunteering at hospitals, schools, animal shelters, etc.))

So imagine that you know your friend hasn’t fallen into a true, deep sleep in a Very Long Time, and if he has it's because he’s pushed himself to the point of exhaustion and passed out. He can’t fall asleep without someone else in the room with him, and the last time you saw him sleep was when you first really started to become friends, and he passed out for 24 hrs straight the minute he saw the bed in your shared hotel room.
You’ve grown really close with this friend, and so you’ve been trying to find a way to talk to him about his sleep, but you know he doesn’t have a great past and probably wouldn’t respond well to pressure, so you just try to give him a safe space where he could be comfortable falling asleep and tell him you care and are there to help.

And THEN you find out your friend has been switched with an alternate version of himself who says he doesn’t know how to fall asleep, even with people in the room with him. You assume at this point that this man literally stays awake all the time, walking around in a haze until he’s so exhausted he collapses into a fitful slumber. You have to fix this immediately.

That’s about where the team is with Bob at this point, god love them. Leave a comment if you enjoyed! <3

Chapter 6: take me home

The jungle gym is a magical place.  It’s meant for training, but Bob suspects any actual challenge comes from the settings Alexei had turned off.  There are cameras around every corner with laser guns attached, and each area’s equipment is color-coded, probably to indicate different routes or territory.  Despite how high he knows they’re probably climbing, the height isn’t bothering him yet.  He can’t really see the ground, and the few areas with drops are only about ten feet or so, with foam padding to break their falls.  They pale in comparison to the elevator shaft.

Yelena is far quicker going through the obstacles than him, but she makes sure to wait for him, and checks up every so often if he’s still having fun.  He is, surprisingly.  None of it has been so challenging that he felt bad about himself, and it’s been interesting enough that he’s not bored yet.  

Suddenly, Yelena stops short, looking in front of her at an interconnected web of bungee cords.  “What the hell is that?”

“Oh wow! A spider drop!”

“What?”

“That’s what I always called them.  They’re in a lot of indoor playgrounds, like at birthday parties or whatever.    You jump down and the bungees slow your fall.”

“I thought you were afraid of heights?”

“I am, but when I was little I didn't care”

“It looks dangerous,” said Yelena, peering down.  Bob giggled.

“I think you’ve seen worse.”

“Well yeah, but that doesn’t mean I want to throw myself down into a pit of bungee cords.  What if it just takes us away from the end?”

She sorta had a point, but Bob just shrugs.  “You get to explore more of the maze?” he says.

She smiles.  “On three?

    One.  Two.  Three!

 

They jump, careening through layers of bungee cord and laughing like maniacs the entire time.  They land in a pit of soft foam blocks and try to catch their breath.  They’re actually a lot closer to the end than they were before.  Now they just have a spiral staircase of connecting trampolines to contend with.

“Really?  What skills could we possibly learn from this?”  says Yelena, dropping on her butt then bouncing back up again, laughing uproariously.  “I have never seen a trampoline on a mission”

“You’re just going on the wrong missions!” says Bob.  He’s a little distracted, he’s trying to do a flip.  He used to be able to, when he was a kid and would go over to use his neighbors trampoline.  He tries, but it’s not a full one and he just bounces off of his back and onto his feet.  Yelena laughs again.

They make their way all the way to the top, and Bob gives Yelena a boost to the roof of the structure to grab their victory flag.  They cheer, waving it out the window for John and Alexei to see.  Both men clap and cheer from the ground.  “Now come down! It’s almost time for dinner!”

Bob’s stomach growls at the thought and he races over to the slides, which offer the quickest way down.  There’s six of them all next to each other, like you see at fairs.  The last time Bob had been on one of these was when he was about seven, and got sick and barfed up the elephant ear his parents had bought him.  His dad hadn’t been happy about that.

 

Suddenly he doesn’t want to go on the slide anymore.

 

But then Yelena is there, and she is holding up one of the burlap sacks you’re supposed to use.  “What is this?” she asks.  Her expression reads like she’s holding a chitauri nightgown instead of a normal burlap bag.

It serves as a good distraction.  “You get on it,” says Bob.  “To slide down?”  

“That is really weird.” she makes a face, and Bob smiles.  “Why?”

“I think it helps you go faster, these things go really really fast, they put oil on them I think.”

Yelena’s eyes light up, and she scrambles to get into the bag and join Bob on the slide next to him.  “I’ve never been on one!  I remember we went to a fair when I was really little, but I think I was scared of how high the slides were.”

Bob smiles.  He hopes Yelena likes her first big slide experience.  He holds out a hand.  “Together?”

She takes it, and they push off the slide together.  They go flying , and catch air on one of the bumps, slamming down and sliding harmlessly into another foam pit.  It takes several minutes for them to stop laughing.  Bob catches Alexei and John snapping a few photos of them out of the corner of his eye, but he doesn’t think to care.  This has been one of the best days ever, and it’s not even over yet.

Alexei gives Yelena a hand out of the foam pit, and John reaches down to do the same for Bob.  Except where Alexei had simply put Yelena on her feet and slung an arm around her shoulder in a quick, gentle embrace, John is somehow able to sling Bob up fully into his arms, holding him on his hip just like a toddler.    

Bob doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to get used to that.  He squeaks, throwing his arms around John’s shoulders.  He doesn’t think he’ll fall, John is super strong, but it’s a jarring experience nonetheless.  John carries him to the elevator, rocking slightly, rubbing a thumb against Bob’s leg and seemingly oblivious to his nervousness.  

It’s nice.  He relaxes into the hold a little, wondering what’s for dinner.  They reach the common floor and John squeezes his leg again, walking out of the elevator behind Yelena and Alexei.  “Look who came out to play!”

Bob almost looks around the room before he realizes John is referring to him.  He flushes scarlet, and he turns his face away from where Ava, Bucky, and even Sam are sitting in the living space.  They all coo at him, except Yelena who hisses something at John.  

“Hi Bob!”  “Hey, we were getting worried about you little man.”  “Dinner will be ready soon, hope you’re hungry!”

He hides his face in the crook of John’s neck and tries to calm down.  Ava’s a little, she won’t care too much, and Bucky carried him and even wiped his tears away yesterday, and Sam has always been nice.  This wasn’t a big deal.  God does it feel like it though.  What if they think he’s being stupid?  What if they realize this is all just too much kindness to show a grown ass man?  They think he’s being weird and stupid and just want to get rid of him—

John bounces him, running the hand not supporting Bob over his hair and down his neck, squeezing in just the right way.  It instantly relaxes him.  These are his friends.  “I’m sorry buddy, didn’t mean to embarrass you.  Our friends are just happy to see you, is all” John says.

Bob nods, but he can’t quite bear to lift his head away from John’s neck yet.  Not when they’re all looking at him.  John doesn’t push, instead lowering himself onto one of their recliners, leaning back, and letting Bob curl up on his chest.  Dimly, Bob wonders how the chair is supporting the sheer weight and size of the two of them, but John starts rubbing his back in soothing circles, so he doesn’t dwell on it.  He just clutches to John's t-shirt and tries to breath, slow and deep.  John uses the same detergent at everyone in the tower, but his cologne is unique and comforting.

Bob almost falls asleep like that, but Sam announces that dinner is ready before he can really drift off.  Suddenly, Alexei appears next to the recliner.  “Let me take the baby,” he says, holding out his hands to take Bob.

John curls his arms a little tighter around Bob, standing.  “What? No.  Fuck off.”

“John!”

“What?  He’s heard worse.”

What?  John was in trouble because he swore in front of Bob?  Bob giggles, yeah, he’s definitely heard worse than ‘fuck off’ before.  Alexei gives up trying to hold Bob for now, just waves at him and heads to the kitchen.

Taking no more criticism, John brings Bob to the dining table and plops him down in a chair with a nice bowl of chicken and dumplings.  Like before, Bob’s dish is different from the others, this time it’s just a bright green plastic, with a matching green plastic spoon.  Bob notices Ava also has kiddy dishes, but hers are a bright pink.  

Bob smiles, happily eating his dinner.  Yelena rapidly recants the story of what they did today, asking Bob to provide details or tell different parts of the story every so often.  The others seem excited about the training course, and Bob bathes in the warm contentment.  “Before that, we colored.” he says.

“Oh yeah? What did you color?” Bucky asks, scooping up a bite of carrot.  

Bob answers without thinking.  “Pictures for you guys,” he says.

“Pictures for us?” asks Bucky.

Bob grips his spoon a little tighter, he shouldn’t have said that.  He hadn’t planned on actually giving the pictures away, but now everyone expected a picture, and he couldn’t give them anything good.  The coloring pages couldn’t be real gifts, all he did was choose the picture and colors he thought his friends would like best.  

He hangs his head low.  “Yeah…” he says nervously.  He picks at his food, swirling a piece of cut up chicken in the broth.  

“That sounds great, Bob.” says Sam.  Bob looks up.  “I’m sure they look fantastic.  We’ll put them on the fridge!”

“Really?”

“Yes!” booms Alexei.  “The icebox is a great place of honor, you should be very proud Bob!”

“They are very good, Bob is a coloring machine!” says Yelena.  

Bob blushes, he’s not sure why, they’re just pictures.  But having someone compliment something he worked on, be proud of something he did, it’s nice.  Dinner finishes up relatively quickly after that, and once they finish cleaning up, Sam asks Bob, Yelena, and Ava to stay in the kitchen.  He points to a piece of notebook paper on the counter. 

“This is my mama’s chocolate chip cookie recipe,” he says.  “Follow it carefully, and you’ll get the best chocolate chip cookies you’ve ever tasted.  Ingredients are in the pantry.”  Then, he heads out into the common room, leaving the three of them to their own devices.

They have a blast making the cookies.  Yelena supervises as Bob and Ava measure the ingredients.  Ava is very precise, but Bob finds himself more distracted.  Once he was trying to measure flour, but he lost focus and the measuring cup slipped out of his hand, crashing into the counter and sending the flour billowing into his face and all over his Super Grover t-shirt.  He’d almost had a meltdown over it, but the girls had just laughed, told him it was ok, made sure there was no flour in his eyes, and helped him re-measure another cup.  Yelena puts the cookies in the oven and sets a timer, encouraging Bob to go show the others his coloring pages.

Bob does, feeling a lot less nervous about the whole thing.  He races into the living room and sorts out the pages, hanging one to each member of his family.  “You don’t have to keep it…” he says.  “But I thought you would like it.”

They all thank him wholeheartedly, and tell him their favorite thing about the pictures.  Sam tells him he might just paint his boat at home this exact blue, and Alexei tells him one day they will have a rocketship that looks exactly like his picture.  Bob beams, feeling lighter and happier than he has in a long time.  

They all watch a movie, munching on chocolate chip cookies, and Bob nearly falls asleep before Bucky taps him on the knee.  “You have to take a bath tonight, sweetness.  Who do you want to help you?”  

Bob’s stomach does a swoop.  He doesn’t remember the last time he had a bath instead of a shower.   And oh god, he has to choose who helps him?  What if---

“Or we can pick for you if that’s too overwhelming.  Whatever you need, Bob.” says Bucky.

Somehow, that’s even worse.  Bob tries to just go with his gut.  “You could do it,” he says to Bucky.  “If you want…”

“Sure pal.  And then Yelena can come in and read you a bedtime story, how about that?”  

That sounds amazing .  

══════════════

The bath is deliciously warm, and piled high with sweet honey-scented bubbles.  Bucky puts a little floating basket into the bath, and Bob is amazed to see it filled with little wind up boats, rubber ducks that squirt water, and squishy foam fish.  

He occupies himself for several minutes, crafting a wild fantasy about how the tugboats came to help the fish rebuild their coral reefs, but the rubber ducks didn’t think they were friendly and so they attacked, but the boats were too fast to be hit by their water.  Just as the fish are planning a truce, Bucky starts to wash his hair.  Bob tries to keep playing, but Bucky’s massaging of the shampoo into his head is just too relaxing.  Once he’s done, Bucky takes a pitcher and tilts Bob’s headback, rinsing the bubbles from his hair.  He loads a washcloth with soap and washes Bob’s top half, asking Bob if he can wash the rest of him.  Bob does, and Bucky lets him play for a few more minutes until the water starts to get cold and his fingers are all pruney.  

Bucky drains the tub and wraps Bob in a huge, fluffy towel, then helps him get dressed into his pj’s like John had earlier.  Bucky had picked a soft blue pair, covered in dinosaurs.

He turns on two lamps in each corner of the room.  One on his bedside, the other near his closet, clearly a nightlight.  Bob’s never noticed it before, but it’s shaped like a lightning bolt and it makes him smile.  Then Bucky shows him to the bottom shelf of his bookcase, where someone has crammed a bunch of children’s books.

Bucky says goodnight, tucking him into bed and kissing him on the forehead, before handing Bob’s book choice off to Yelena, who was waiting in the doorway.  

She scoots next to him on a chair near the bed, and begins reading.  “I Love You to the Moon and Back.  I love our time together, as we start our happy day....”

Notes:

Sorry this update took so long guys! I started a new job/moved to a new city temporarily, so it's been a wild ride. Be sure to comment and tell me your favorite part of the chapter, I'm so curious! It's a lot of fluff, but very deserved fluff for lovely Bob.

It's 2am where I am, and I have to go to work at 9! AHH!

Chapter 7: open all the doors

As Yelena reads, Bob snuggles deeper into bed.  It’s been a very long time since he’s been read to like this.  Even when he was a little kid, his Mom stopped having time to read bedtime stories when he was about seven.  He doesn’t ever remember Dad doing it, but that’s not too abnormal.

Dad was an asshole, but there were some good days.  Like that time they went fishing and Bob caught a bass nearly as big as him.  Dad had grinned ear to ear, patted him on the back, and said he was proud .  Mom had cooked up the bass for dinner that night, and they had leftovers for nearly a week.

Or the time Bob had punched a kid out in school, and instead of getting mad, Dad bought him ice cream and told him to always stand his ground.  Or when he’d bring flowers home to Mom after work cause he loved her so much.  Or when he’d bragged to the guys that Bob was a genius , just because he could solve a stupid rubik’s cube and took apart a toaster once.

And then there were other days.  Most days, if Bob’s being honest with himself, where everything seemed to tick the bastard off.  Times when he would get high out of his mind and just leave for hours, sometimes days.  Times he would scream as loud as he could and throw his mother down onto the floor.  

They’re both dead now.  Bob misses them sometimes, but it’s a very complicated feeling.  He misses the Dad who yelled at his principal for suspending him, who surprised his mother with kisses in the kitchen.  He misses the Mom who read him bedtime stories and helped him assemble his train set.  He doesn’t miss the Dad who hit them, or the Mom who spent all day drinking on the couch.  

Yelena’s voice is soft and sweet as she reads. “I love you to the moon and stars, my precious little one.” she says.  She smiles at him looking like she truly means every word, and Bob’s eyes well up with tears.

God, it’s so stupid.   It’s just a book.  But Bob is suddenly overwhelmed with emotion.  He knows the team loves him, and he’s aware of Yelena’s love most of all, she was the one to see him, to understand his struggle and hold out her hand and offer help, company, empathy .  Yelena is the one who first climbed through the Void, who found Bob at his lowest, his darkest, and showed him the light.

And now Bob is lying in bed in dinosaur pajamas, and Yelena has just finished reading him a bedtime story , and she said she loved him, and it was just a stupid line from the book but she’d looked so sincere when she’d said it, like she really would go to the moon and back just for Bob.  

Yelena’s eyebrows furrow, and Bob turns his face to hide his tears.  Yelena lets him, but only briefly, carding her fingers through his hair.  “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” she asks.  Bob breathes into his pillow and tries to get the tears under control.

“Bob, baby, why are you so upset?”

Oh and that hurts.   It curls into Bob’s stomach like a knife.  He wants to reach out and cry into Yelena’s chest, and just be her baby for a moment.  He wants to let her take care of it.  He doesn’t even know what’s wrong, not really, just that he can’t believe what’s happening and everything is too much and he feels truly safe and loved for the first time in a long time and he wants Yelena to mean it .  He wants her to love him, no matter what.  No matter if he is a superpowered Golden Guardian of Good, or if he pretends to be a little kid for a day.  He wants this so bad, and now it feels like he has it, and it’s too much.  

She rubs his back in soothing circles.  “Bob, I want to help, can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know.” he says, muffled by the pillow.  

“Will you look at me, please?”

Bob does, taking in a deep breath to stop his tears.  “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just, I just got really emotional for a sec.  I’m okay..” he says.

Yelena looks at him for a moment.  She tilts her head a little, like she does when she’s concentrating.  He wonders if she knows she does it.  Probably, being a super spy and all.

“Scooch over.” she says.  Not exactly what Bob had been expecting

“I, uh– ok.”

Yelena crawls into bed with him, leaning against the pillow and headboard.  “Will you sit on my lap?” she asks, patting her legs.  “You won’t hurt me, come here.” 

The strangeness of the request sort of shocks Bob into numbness.  He lowers himself slowly into her lap, both of his legs hanging off the side of the bed.  He’s a little wary of putting his full weight on her, but she pulls him down, wrapping her arms in a circle around his waist and guiding his head onto her shoulder.

She rubs his arm and rocks on the bed slightly.  “It’s ok to get overwhelmed,” she says.  “Was it the story?  Did it remind you of something?”

He tries to breathe her in, leaning close to her neck and wrapping his arms around her.  She keeps rocking, and new tears spring behind his eyes.  “Sorta.  I don’t know.” he doesn’t want to talk about this.  He doesn’t know what he wants.

“Have to give me more than that, Bob, come on.” she pinches his side, teasing.  But she keeps rocking, and kisses his forehead. 

“My mom.” he says, after a moment.  “She used to read me stories.”

“Did she ever read you this story?”

“No, actually.  I don’t think so.”

A few more moments pass in silence.  Bob knows, for a fact, that Yelena won’t let him up without talking about this.  He’s just not sure how to.

“We’d read a lot of Dr. Suess, actually.  I loved ‘Wacky Wednesday’, but she volunteered to come read ‘Green Eggs and Ham’ at my preschool and we made green eggs and ham for snacktime.”

“ Green eggs?”

“It’s just food coloring and scrambled eggs, but it was fun.” 

Some more silence.  Bob knows he has to say something.  Keep digging, find the root issue.  He’s been working on this.  “We don’t have this in my world.” is what he finally says.

He waits for the other shoe to drop.  Yelena just keeps holding him.  “What do you mean?” she asks.

“Little space.  It just doesn’t exist, or at the very least I’ve never heard of it.  I don’t normally pretend to be a little kid.”

“Oh.  Really? No littles at all?”

Bob shakes his head.  He waits for the inevitable moment, when she will push him off her lap, tell him she’s sorry for all the trouble and leave the room.

Instead, Yelena tightens her arms around his waist.  “Well, have you liked it so far?” she asks.

Bob’s stomach swoops.  He swallows.  “--yeah, actually.” and suddenly, the words start to come in a rush.  He couldn’t stop them if he tried.  “I just.  I knew how you were treating me when you thought I was the other Bob, and then I found out about the little stuff, and I was really scared that that was the only reason you were being nice to me?  Because you thought I was this dumb kid?  But then I saw you and Ava together, and I learned about the universe travel, and we had our talk, and you and John really wanted me to be little, and I thought about telling you I can’t be little, but you all had been so nice, and I liked the carrying and the hugs, and even when Bucky cut up my stupid burger, and you and John were so sure about it, so I thought I would try it.”

He sits up, he has to see her face when he says this.  He has to know how she reacts.

“And we colored, had snacktime and we ran around in the training room, and it was so fun, and John picked me up like I only weighed 20 pounds, and he carried me to dinner, and then we made cookies and watched our movie and Bucky gave me a bath, and I played with rubber ducks like I was a little kid, it was so relaxing, and I felt on top of the world.  Like I could just turn and you guys would just be there for me, and I wouldn’t have to worry.  All day I’ve been using plastic kiddy dishes, and right now I’m wearing freaking dino pjs, and it gives me these butterflies in my gut, like I’m too small to have anything different, like I deserve to have someone pick out soft pjs and tiger sippy cups for me.  And I was just sitting there, and you read that story, and it’s like there was a weight on my chest?  And it all became so much, and I just feel like I don’t really deserve it.  This isn’t normal in my world.  Adults don’t get carried around, or have bedtime stories read to them.  And I feel so guilty because I want it .  I want you to love me like that so bad, and I’m sorry, this all just got to be so much.  I never had this when I was a kid, not really.  But I know you didn’t either, and I’m sorry.  I was selfish, I just wanted to see what it was like.”

By the end of his speech, tears are flowing freely down his face.  He scrubs at them uselessly, and tries to get off of Yelena’s lap.  He’s not sure where he’s going, but he knows Yelena probably doesn’t want to see him right now.  

Unfortunately, Yelena’s arms are still wrapped around him in an iron grip.  If he could access the Sentry powers, he would be able to get up no problem.  But he’s so god-damned tired.

“Bob, listen to me.” says Yelena.  Her voice has an intensity to it he’s only heard a few times.  “You are not selfish.  You are not weird for enjoying being cared for.  You don’t have to feel guilty for wanting someone to care for you.”

Bob lowers his head, disbelieving.  Yelena lowers hers too to catch his eye.  “I will admit I don’t know much about your universe, but in any universe you are my family.  Bob, whatever you need, I want to give it to you.  We all care about you, and seeing you safe and happy makes us happy.  So what if this isn’t normal in your universe, you enjoyed it didn’t you?  You felt relaxed and safe?  It’s not normal that John swings wildly from being super independent to needing permission for everything, or that Ava runs away to the other side of the globe when she’s upset.  Alexei constantly needs public recognition, and he refuses to cook anything but sharlotka, though that’s semi-unrelated.  I jump off buildings for fun, and Bucky is a grumpy, 100 year old assassin/congressman, and his boyfriend is Captain America.  We’re weird people, Bob.  We all have things about us that others consider strange.  You wanting to be cuddled and carried is literally one of the most normal quirks that anyone could have, regardless of universe.”

“But–”

“No buts.  I love you to the moon and the stars, Bob.”

He takes a shaky breath.  He didn’t expect that.

“You are precious to me.  You helped bring the light back into my life, Bob.  I want you to be as happy as you can be, no matter which version of the universe you come from.  So if that means we treat you like a little kid sometimes, that’s what we’ll do.  Tomorrow you can wake up and decide that you want to be big all day, and we’ll respect that.  But you could also decide you want to be little, and we would care for you either way.  No matter what, I’d still want to spend the day with you.”

Bob can’t believe what he’s hearing.  “Are you sure?” he asks.  

“Yes, Bob.  Would I lie about that?”

No , Bob thinks.  He crashes into Yelena, throwing himself into her chest and gripping her tight.  She holds him as he cries the rest of his tears, only a few this time and then she pulls back, brushing his curls from his face.  

“Would you like if I joined you to sleep tonight?  You can decide whether you want to be little in the morning.”

Bob nods, crawling off of Yelena’s lap and curling next to her.  He really can’t believe how lucky he is.  She turns of the bedside lamp, and soon they're both fast asleep.

Notes:

Bob needed to go through it again lads, so sorry. It's a lot to process, being in an alternate universe!
Once again, it is 2am. I had no idea where this chapter was going, but Bob showed me the way! For a few hours, while I should have been working on my senior thesis.

Oh well. Hopefully since I was able to write this, tomorrow I can be more academically productive. Wish me luck, and comment what you think!

Chapter 8: some other beginning

Notes:

I thought for a long time about doing a POV from LittleUnivere!Bob's perspective, and here it is! Toyed with making it a separate series, but I think this chapter really fits it best.

UNIVERSE #618-2B, Thunderbolts Classic Earth, New York City, just after the bank incident.

 

Bob opens his eyes on a New York street, with no idea how he got there.  His head is fuzzy again, which is concerning.  But his team is there, cleaning up some minor damage, no one looks too bothered.  John is actually using a push broom to sweep up rubble, and Bob gawks at the sight.  

He’s not actually supposed to go on missions, unless as a last resort.  Something must have happened, Bob must have done something , but he doesn’t remember.  He can’t–

Yelena appears by his side, holding his hand and rubbing back and forth with her thumb.  “You alright?” she asks.

Her touch is grounding, and he squeezes her hand back, trying to smile.  “I’m fine”

“You did a really good job today.” she says.  There’s a siren somewhere in the distance.  He tries to ignore it.

“I don’t even remember what happened.”

“That’s ok, you’ll catch up.  You tired?”

Now that Yelena mentions it, he can start to feel the deep exhaustion that normally concludes a panic attack, or perhaps a use of god-like powers.  His littlespace is hovering on the edge of his mind, but he pushes it back roughly.   

“Fine.  What happened, exactly?”

Yelena sighs.  “We’ll go over it in debrief.  Come on, I just want to be home.”

They round up the team and head home in the jet.  No one coddles Bob too much, which he is grateful for.  Just a few pats on the back and ‘good-job’s here and there.  He’d been afraid that they would start treating him differently, trying to push him into little space.  It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate that they care about him, but it can get suffocating sometimes.  Normally if they’re too much he just brushes them off, and they get the hint.

So they’d discovered he was a little after the Void Incident, and he’d stayed in littlespace with them for a week.  That didn’t mean he needed to be little all the time, or that just because he’d used his powers (or was tired, or frustrated with the dishes, any number of things) meant suddenly he was three years old.

So he’s grateful they’re not pushing it, especially after an incident like this.  Impressed, actually, because hell, this is probably the one incident where them freaking out to protect a teammate and little would be ok.  Even Ava gets a bit more coddling after missions, whether or not she’s feeling small.  It’s just natural.

Which speaks more to the fact that his friends are probably resisting all of their caregiving instincts to make him more comfortable.  They know his littlespace is a touchy subject for him.  

No one will tell him what the hell happened either, which he is less grateful for.  It makes anxiety churn in his gut, and he wonders what the hell could have happened that made him resort to using his powers.  Who did he hurt this time?  Did the Void return?  He probably made his team relive their worst memories again all because he—

“Bob.  Hey, Bob.”  It’s John.  Bob is momentarily distracted from his shame spiral and looks up.  “It was nothing man.  Well, not nothing, but–”

“Seriously Walker?” Ava interrupts.  “You did good, Bob.  No casualties, and it looks like all injuries were from before you got there and relatively minor.”

“That’s what I was going to say!”

“And taking forever to do it!”

Bob smiles, trying to breathe past the weight on his chest.  God, he feels like there’s an elephant sitting on him.  But at least he seems to have helped the situation instead of causing a massive Void over New York, and Ava and John’s squabbling is a comforting familiarity.  

The flight is short, but he finds himself nearly falling asleep anyway.  His little space is tugging at him insistingly, but he’s trying to fight it.  He never needed to be little before, and he shouldn’t need to now, especially in front of the New Avengers.  They already dealt with little Bob for a week, they shouldn’t have to take care of him any more than necessary.  Bob’s always done fine coping on his own.

Once they’d landed, Yelena taps his cheek, god how could he have nodded off , and tugs on his arm.  “Come on, you and I both need a nap before we debrief.  And I’m grumpy about our cookies.”

Cookies?  His memory was still a bit fuzzy.  Maybe a nap would help.  Bob unbuckles himself and follows Yelena into the tower common room, where the rest of the New Avengers have spread out to relax and wait for debrief with Sam.  She grabs a blanket, pointing for him to lay down on the couch and then joining him, curling up with her head pillowed on his chest, near his shoulder.

It’s nice, and he’s almost instantly drawn into a comfortable sleep.  Yelena is warm, and she smells good; it’s almost like holding a five-foot teddy bear.  He hugs her close, trying to savor the moment.   

══════════════

 

The different memories are concerning to say the least.  Yelena didn't remember him going into the bank, Bob’s never even heard of Whole Foods his whole life, and what kind of grocery store didn’t have different colored carts?  And though he’d been dreading it, when he’d gone to med-bay they hadn’t asked him about littlespace, which was weird.  Maybe his last time in headspace was already in his chart?  The tetanus shot had also left him cranky, dwelling on bad memories.

But on the bright side, dinner had been nice, and they even watched a movie after.  

He’d embarrassingly fallen asleep on Yelena and clung to her like a toddler, but she had insisted it was fine, even kissed him on the forehead before heading off to bed, telling him she was just down the hall if he needed anything.  They all got nightmares pretty often, and Bob had thought more than once about asking to sleep in her bed on those nights.  He wonders if she knows that.  They do share a wall, even though the tower’s soundproofing is beyond high-tech.

Alone, sleepy, and feeling a lot more raw than normal, Bob decides maybe a few hours in little space wouldn’t hurt.  He never really…did that before, but the week he spent in headspace has sort of opened the floodgates, and his therapist insists that taking time to relax is important.  Before the team, and the trial, Bob had been so hopped up on drugs or strung out with stress that actually getting down into headspace was an impossibility.  And he’d never had a caregiver before the team.  So yeah, he had a lot of hang-ups with the whole thing, but as long as no one sees him, he isn’t being a burden, and he won’t ‘fail’ at being a little, because he’s just gonna get into some comfy clothes and maybe watch Dogs 101 on his phone.  It’ll be fine.  Totally.

He opens the bottom drawer of his dresser, where his little clothes are stored, hoping to get into the mood.  He knows that’s how Ava gets herself small, on days when she’s having trouble leaning into her headspace.  He doesn’t want something too childish, just soft and vaguely nostalgic.  Something he could wear in public and they’d think he just liked vintage things, or was being ironic.

But the drawer is just filled with jeans and a few pairs of sweats.  No cartoon t-shirts, or soft cargo pants.

Weird. He thinks.  He’d wanted distance from the whole thing, yeah, but he didn’t think they’d move his little clothes.   He checks the closet, nope.   Not there either.  

A strange feeling in his gut, Bob scans the rest of his room.  There are no more kiddy books in the bookshelf.  His nightlight is gone too, though there’s a more ‘adult’ light-sensitive one plugged into the wall.  He’d hated looking at that stuff, it only reminded him how helpless he’d been that week.  After nearly destroying New York, Bob’s mind turned to that of a little kid and he’d made his brand new friends take care of him.  Just another burden, just another thing for them to fix.  

Despite hating himself for making the team take care of him like that, impossibly, it also warmed his heart to know that they’d chosen to take care of him, instead of dropping him in a cryo chamber or a little care facility.  God, his brain was a mess.  Make up your damn mind Bob.  

He decides to explore some more.  He pokes his head out into the hall, and sneaks into the kitchen, into the bottom cabinet where Yelena had hid all his little dishes.  Instead of plastic silverware, plates, bowls, and sippy cups, Bob just finds some spare paper towels.  Quickly, he checks the other cabinets, but there’s no kid dishes to be found.  Not even for Ava when she’s feeling small, though she usually ends up in a bigger headspace than him.

His ears burn pink.  Is this some sort of punishment?  Like a silent treatment, or a passive-agressive ‘fuck you’?  Bob had been a jerk, yeah.  He’d basically been ignoring that he’d been ever been little around the team, insisting he was fine.  Secretly, he’d sorta wished they would forget about the whole thing.  Despite all his struggles, the drugs, the depression, the manic episodes, the one thing he’d always held onto was his adulthood.  He was capable, he didn’t need to be little.  He doesn’t even remember that week, and he had wished, selfishly, that they would forget it too.

 

But now that they’re actually doing what he wants, Bob sorta misses the idea that they would take care of him, if he needed it.

 

He gets flashes, sometimes, of that week.  John holding him while he cooks dinner, Ava watching cartoons with him, Alexei and Bucky roughhousing with him, or Yelena reading him bedtime stories. The feeling of warmth, and safety.  Family.  Cut up food on plastic plates, a stuffed dinosaur, a pacifier for a little while, when he’d first dropped and felt really little.  But mostly, it’s a blank.  He has no idea what really happened that week, and it terrifies him.  Sure, the others took care of him.  But really, he has no idea what he did.  How many times did he have nightmares, or god-forbid, temper tantrums?  How many times had he been an ungrateful brat?  

He had been terrible to raise the first time.  His team didn’t deserve that.  He bit his mother once, as a little kid.  Dad had liked to tell the story all the time, whenever the topic of disciplining children came up.  At around two, Bob bit his mom in the middle of a TGI Fridays, and Dad had taken his arm and bit him back; an eye for an eye.  

Was that the Bob the team had to deal with?  A picky, attention seeking, nightmare-having, biter?   No, Bob could live here rent free, he could be on a superhero team without really being on a superhero team, but he could not make his friends take care of him like that again.  And, with all of his stuff gone (even, he thinks regretfully, his stuffed dino), it seems the team finally agrees with him.  

They’ll never take care of me like that again.  I’ll deal with it myself.   Strangely, tears spring to his eyes at the thought, but he wipes them away angrily and heads back to his room.  He’d just sleep off the urge to go down into his headspace.  He’d deal, just like he always did.  Alone.  

 

We will always be alone.

══════════════

He’d tossed and turned most of the night, feeling unsettled.  He didn’t need all that little crap, but he couldn’t believe they got rid of it without telling him, especially the way they’d been acting these last few weeks.  The fucking hypocrites.  They’d been giving him space, sure, but they also seemed to all have the impression he’d been made of glass.  Always asking how he was doing, cuddling with him, making his favorite meals.  It was all a load of bull.  They just wanted to make sure he could control himself enough to keep his little-self in check.  Whatever.

He stays in bed until around eleven, when Bucky calls them to a team meeting over the intercom.  He even specifically calls for Bob to come down, the asshole.  Bob takes his sweet time, grabbing a pair of jeans and a plain black t-shirt and trying not to think about his missing little stuff.  Should he confront them about it?  No .  They hadn’t acknowledged it, neither would he.  He was lucky enough they were letting him live here, as angry as he was he didn’t want to start a fight that would land him on the street or in a cryo chamber again.  Maybe now they would recognize how capable he was, that he wasn’t just a meth head, he wasn’t just a little .  

When he finally leaves his room, he's startled to see Yelena standing outside of his door, waiting for him.  He can feel the anger bubbling inside of him, about to come out and say something nasty, but then Yelena’s whole face lights up in a smile when she sees him.  He bites his tongue.

“Thought I was going to have to break the door down,” she says cheerfully.  Bob nods and tries to smile, following her to the elevator.

They crowd into a conference room in the medical bay with Dr. Cho.  Walker is missing, apparently on visitation with his kid.  Bucky assures them that it’s not that serious, they can update him later.  

“This meeting isn’t emergent at all, just urgent,” says Sam.  Bob doesn’t have a clue what that’s supposed to mean.

“Dr. Cho examined both Bob and Yelena last night, and there is no head trauma or physical injury to explain their differing accounts of the bank attack.” says Sam.  

Bob’s eye twitches.  Not that he’d wanted anything to be wrong with him or Yelena, but it would be nice to have an explanation.   Now , he thinks bitterly, they just think I was fucking hallucinating.  But that’s not how hallucinations work, you don’t just imagine a different name for a grocery store—

“There is, however, an excess of Nexus radiation in Bob’s system.” says Dr. Cho, interrupting his internal tangent.  She shows Bob’s scan from yesterday over the projector.  Under the table, Yelena takes his hand.  He tries not to tense.  “It’s a newly discovered type of energy, and harmless as far as we know.  But it has been recently correlated with cross-universal travel.”

“What does that mean?” asks Bob.  Cross universal travel?

“It means, Bob, we believe that you are from an alternate universe, having switched places with your counterpart from our universe sometime during the bank attack.  In your debrief you mentioned being hit by a red light?”

Yelena lets go of his hand.  “So where’s our Bob?” she asks, worried.

And it’s like a great well has opened under Bob, swallowing him whole.  Of course.   Of course, he was in a fucking alternate universe.  Great.  That must be why all of his little stuff was gone.  Not because the team was smart enough to reject him, but because this team probably never even had to deal with a little Bob.  Their version of Bob is probably astoundingly capable; able to control his powers, and thrive in social situations, get out of bed consistently, he probably even does the fucking dishes every night.  Jesus .  

“Well I am by no means a physicist, but we assume he’s in this Bob’s universe.” answers Dr. Cho.  “I’ve contacted–”

“Bob, what was your universe like?” interrupts Ava.  “You were safe, right?”

“Yes, is everything ok there? You are ok? Our Bob will be ok?” asks Alexei

Yelena doesn’t say anything.  She just stares intently at him, waiting for an answer.  

Bob sputters.  “Yeah, I mean.  It’s pretty similar to this universe, I guess.  I didn’t really have any clue that it was different.  Besides the whole, uh, great foods thing.”

The others chuckle and nod nervously, and Dr. Cho starts talking about next steps , getting more tests and contacting physicists or maybe sorcerers, but Bob isn’t paying attention anymore.  He thinks about the kind of Bob this universe is used to.  Strong, capable, adored.  Greeted with blinding smiles, told he did a ‘good job’, kissed on the forehead, patted on the back, cuddled on the couch, and trusted to head into battle.  

It all made sense now.  They didn’t have to worry about their Bob falling into little space unexpectedly, they trusted their Bob to go into dangerous situations, to not get himself killed or kill others with his stupidity.  Their Bob was useful to the team.  Their Bob saved lives and beat up bank robbers, and it wasn’t a big deal.  Their Bob was respected, useful, and special.  

This team will always prefer their Bob.  That’s just natural.  But a horrible thought starts to dawn on him: what if his team preferred the other Bob too?

 

We will always be alone .

 

The other Bob was better.  He probably had more control of his powers, was less socially awkward.  He most certainly didn’t rot in bed all day, and he probably cleaned the watchtower on an actual schedule.  Civilians probably scream his name in the streets, voices filled with admiration instead of fear.

Did you think you were gonna be some great man? 

What would Bob do if he returned home, and his team had had a taste of something better?   What if he came back and they were disappointed?  They’d have to go back to storing a bratty baby time bomb instead of working with a teammate.  Bob couldn’t put them through that.  

He just couldn’t.  He didn't know where he would go, or what he would do, but seeing the disappointment on his team's faces might break him in two.  The Void would take over, and Bob didn't know if he could fight it this time.  Not by himself, and not with a team that didn't really want him, no matter what he wanted to believe.  God, he'd been so stupid.  

He can feel his breath coming faster now, and he tries to fight it, he does.  But what's the point?  He doesn't have a home anymore, he doesn't have a team.  He can't do this alone, he can't.  The Void is going to come, and he's just going to hurt more people, just because he can't get a grip.  

"Bob! Bob!" Yelena's voice cuts through the fog.  "Listen to me, we love you.  Any version of you, every version of you.  Bob Reynolds is my hero, no matter what universe you’re from.”

He shakes his head.  God, if only they knew they'd made such a shitty trade.  "Yes, yes you are!” she says.  “Listen, I know things are probably different where you’re from, but not that much!  You’re still Bob.”

He can feel the others at his back now, and it's grounding, a little; their touch cuts through the shadows, makes it easier to hear Yelena, to see that he's still in the conference room.  “I’m not like your Bob,” he says, drained.  “It’s ok, y’know.  You should want your Bob back, that’s the way it works.  I just—”

He can't do  this.  “What is it, Bob?” she asks.  She brushes away the tears with her thumbs.

Bob actually looks at her for the first time since all this started.  “My team is not gonna want me back, once they see what they’re missing,” he says.  His eyes fill with tears, and they run freely down his cheeks.  The others immediately deny it, but he knows the truth.

And then John bursts into the conference room.  "Where's the fire?" he jokes, but immediately his face falls when he sees Bob on the floor, surrounded by the team and balling his eyes out.  God, he must look pathetic.  Bob just lowers his head.

Yelena lifts his chin to make him look at her.  "Bob, that’s not true.  They’ll want you back, so badly.  And if not I’ll come with you to that universe, beat up your version of the avengers, and you and our Bob will live with us in our universe.  You are so loved.  Don’t you know that?  You are so valuable to this team.  I don’t know what we would do without you.”

And god, it's ridiculous, isn't it?  They don't even know him, but their version of Bob is so good they'd comfort a stranger that looks like him with the same intensity. Bob laughs, sharp and piercing.  He sneers.  “Yeah, you have it confused.  That’s your Bob.  Me?  I can’t even do the dishes for my team.  I can’t control my powers consistently, I’m awkward, I can’t read social cues for shit, I’m not even a real member of the team.  ‘The New Avengers, and Bob’, that’s what the papers say.   I almost destroyed New York with a depressive episode, and I still have days where I can’t get out of bed.  I sit there, and read, and try to be useful, but I’m just a fucking free loader.  I'm a burden on them, a heavy, ungrateful fucking burden.  The only reason the avengers keep me around is to make sure I don’t try to destroy the world again.” Bob’s breath stutters in a sob, and his voice breaks.  “So the minute my team realizes they’ll have to go back to me, after meeting your Hero Bob?  They’ll try to hide it, but they’ll hate me.  They’ll—”

The others erupt in cries of denial. “NO!”  “Stop, stop! Bob!”  “I’m sorry Bob, but that’s horseshit man” 

“God, the Bob’s aren’t different at all are they?” someone hits Walker upside the head.   “Ow.” 

“As annoying and tactless as Walker is, he’s right.” says Yelena.  John mutters something that she ignores.  She meets Bob’s eyes again, and Bob is astonished to see them glistening with unshed tears.  “You are just like the Bob we’re used to.  Our version of you also can’t control his powers.  He can be socially awkward at times, and his clinical depression makes it harder to do things, like the dishes or getting out of bed.  And we love him.  He loves to read and drink milkshakes after therapy sessions.  The first time using his powers, he was manipulated into a manic episode, and then his depression took over and gave New York some really bad dreams.”

Bob scoffs.  She keeps going.  “But our Bob was able to pull himself out.  Just like you.  We love our Bob, even though he can’t control his powers, and he’s socially awkward, and he doesn’t think he’s worthy of the friendship we give him.  Our Bob doesn’t think he’s a valuable member of this team either, and he’s wrong.  He saved our lives–first from Valentina’s men, then from Void, and then–well.  Listen.  Every single one of us is fucked up.  And it was Bob who brought us together, who helped us realize that we don’t have to be alone.  And I’m willing to bet anything in the world that your avengers feel the same, Bob.  We love you, they love you, and there is no reason they wouldn’t want you back.”

 “I think I speak for everyone when I say none of us were in a good place when we met.  If we hadn’t teamed up, started living together, I don’t know where I’d be.  But it wouldn’t be good.” says John.

“And it’s beyond just that.” says Ava.  “You keep us together, too.  You’re one of the first real friends I’ve ever had, Bob.  That means something.”

Bucky squeezes Bob’s shoulder.  “I’ve been where you’re at man.  It’s hard to understand why somebody cares so much when you think you don’t deserve it.  But this team cares about you, a lot.  There isn’t much you could do to change that.  Even being a slightly different version of yourself”

“Bob, you are the glue that keeps the New Avengers together!  Your captivating personality, kindness and desire to help attracts friends like a venus fly trap!” yells Alexei.

“Your value isn’t defined by your usefulness Bob,” Sam says “and I know that your version of the Avengers know that.  They love you just because you’re you.”

“I was so lonely, before this family.” says Yelena.  Bob’s crying freely now, and he just doesn't understand.  He doesn't get how they can just say these things about him.  “You were one of the first people I could connect with, Bob.  You helped me realize I don’t have to be alone.  Please let us do the same for you.  You’re not alone, Bob, you never have to be alone again.”

Bob feels his face crumble into an ugly sob.  God, he wants this.  He wants this so bad.  The love, the acceptance, the praise.  This family.  He wants to believe them, but how can he?

"I'm a burden," he says.  "You all have to take care of me, and I can't do anything in return."

Yelena snaps, speaking in the sharpest voice he's ever heard her use.  "Bob Reynolds that is not true, no matter what universe you're from!  You are our FRIEND.  If you are a burden it is a burden we choose to carry, because you make all of our burdens feel lighter, Bob.  When I walk out of my bedroom and see you playing videogames on the couch, my burdens are lighter.  When we eat dinner together and I get to hear about everyone's day, and talk about my own, my burden is lighter.  When we hug, or cuddle on the couch, my burden is lighter.  When you tell me about the books you've been reading, my burden is lighter.  When we go on adventures to the supermarket together, my burden is lighter.  I would comfort you like this a thousand times Bob, and it is not a burden, do you know why?"

He shakes his head, confused.  She sighs, grabbing his face between both hands and rubbing his cheeks with her thumbs.  He can't help but lean into it.

"Because I know you would do the same for me.  Bob, I've told you, we stick together from now on.  You can't just chickenshit out of this friendship because you think you aren't worth it.  Promise me, we stick together, yeah?"

And god, he must be such an idiot for believing this, but she looks so sincere, almost angry with him, for daring to challenge his own worth, offended that he would question the strength of their friendship, even across universes.  He choses out a sob, flinging himself into her arms.  "Yeah" he says, but it's muffled into her shoulder.  Yeah, as long as they have him, Bob will be sticking with his family.  The others collapse around them, forming a giant group hug from all sides, and as he cries out the rest of his tears, Bob wonders briefly how long he and Yelena will be able to breathe under here, surrounded by super-soldiers and all.

Notes:

AHH! I LOVE BOB! He is my muse, my shining light. I was really struggling with this chapter, but then I started thinking about what little universe Bob would be thinking about all this, and his different reactions (and reality, he was able to figure out something was wrong Much Quicker than our Bob), and suddenly my fingers were flying on the keyboard. Bob is so much angrier in this chapter, but I don't really think that's because he's from a different universe. It's all just Bob. He's a wonderfully multi-faceted character, and exploring his different reactions was really fun.

Hope you all enjoyed! Comment what you're favorite part was, I'm always curious :)

Chapter 9: every boy and every girl

UNIVERSE #618-2C, Thunderbolts Littleverse Earth, The Watchtower, ~32 hours after the bank incident.

Surprisingly, Bob wakes up before Yelena does.  It’s only just after 7am, so he lounges in bed for a while, thinking about last night. Yelena had curled up on his chest in the middle of the night, and he drapes his arm over her, rubbing lazy patterns into her back.  It feels a little silly still wearing the dinosaur pjs from last night, but he and Yelena have always been a bit ridiculous.

He’s so god-damned lucky.  

Who else has friends like these?  He knows this universe is different, but that doesn’t change the fact that Yelena had spent the whole day with him yesterday while he cried, had a panic attack, and then decided to pretend to be a little kid for the day.  She’d read him a bedtime story, calmed him down from another freak out, then decided to sleep in his bed.  That’s not even considering the rest of the team, who had taken all of his breakdowns in stride, and happily loved him like he was about three years old all afternoon.  The others were just treating him like they were used to treating the old Bob, but Yelena…she’d barely batted an eye when he said he wasn’t really little .  She seemed surprised there weren’t any littles where he came from, but otherwise, she’d just kept holding him.  She just told him it was ok.  

Bob’s really grateful for that.

Her offer is still hanging around in the back of his mind.  He could try to be little today, while they’re waiting for the scientists this afternoon.  Thinking about it brings a strange mixture of shame and excitement to his gut.  Yesterday had been…fantastic.  He’d hardly had to worry about anything at all.  He’d just been soft, and cuddly, and played all day.  The almost constant thrum of anxiety in the back of his head had been quiet for once.  He doesn’t particularly care that it’s not normal in his universe, he’d never been normal, anyway.  But he keeps getting hung up on how selfish it feels.

Alexei, please pick me up! Yelena, give me cuddles!  John, make me a snack!  Ava, watch tv with me!  Bucky, give me a bath!  Sam, tell me my coloring is good!

All he’s doing is taking, taking, taking.  There’s no way he can ever pay any of them back for the kindness they’ve given him.  What could he possibly do for them that would compare?  

But they had all seemed so….happy yesterday.  To see him acting like that.  John had mentioned that taking care of littles in their headspace helped people feel fulfilled?

Bob doesn’t know what the hell he wants.  Why couldn’t anything in his life just be simple?

He can feel Yelena waking up, and starts rubbing her back in a different pattern, tracing his fingers along her shoulders.  She groans, nuzzling into his shoulder playfully.

“Morning,” he says.  She sits up slightly, smiling, and then surges forward to kiss him on the nose.  

That’s another thing he loves about Yelena.  Both versions of her.  With anyone else, there would be an expectation, but with Yelena, a kiss is just a kiss.  She’s not asking anything of him, there isn’t any pressure for more, it’s just…a kiss.  She’s happy to see him.  

“Good morning.” she’s still smiling, but something happens as she looks at Bob, her smile no longer reaches her eyes.  She sits up fully, then grabs the glass of water they’d left on his bedside table, taking a few sips.

He wants to ask her what’s wrong, but she beats him to the punch.  “You really don’t have littles in your universe?  At all?” she asks, finally looking at him

Bob sighs and avoids her gaze.  Suddenly the pajamas don’t seem appropriate.  “I’d never heard of it before, no.” he says.

He heads over to the walk-in closet and changes into some soft jeans and a red sweater, keeping the door open so he can hear her but still maintaining privacy.  He’s terrified for this conversation, but trying to keep positive.  Yelena had said she understood last night, she wouldn’t just change her mind so quickly.

Bob comes back and sits cross-legged on the bed in front of her, ready for any questions she has.  She starts right away, but it’s not like anything he would have expected.

“If one day you just woke up and needed to be cuddled, what would happen in your universe?”

Bob’s brow furrows, but he tries to answer as best he can.  “I would probably ask for a hug, my team likes giving hugs.”

“And if you suddenly started crying, what would happen?”

“I, um.  They would ask me what’s wrong and try to help?”  He doesn’t know where Yelena is going with this.  

“What if you couldn’t speak?” with each question she asks, she gets more and more intense, it’s a little worrying.

“They would probably hug me, once they confirm it wouldn’t freak me out.  Get me to drink water, do grounding techniques?  The five senses, grounding touch, reminding me where I am.”

“What if you started to suck your thumb?  Or did something else considered really childish?” she asks.  Bob can see the beginnings of tears glistening in her eyes, and it finally clicks.

“You’re worried about your Bob.” he says, voice softening.

“Of course I am!”  Yelena nearly explodes.  “I thought at first he was safe, that he had a team to take care of him like we’re taking care of you, another Yelena to reassure him we love him.  But your Yelena has never met a little.  Littles don’t just act like kids for fun, they have to go into headspace, and our Bob hasn’t for weeks!  If you just started acting like a little kid, how would your Avengers deal with it?”

Bob tries to think.  He wants to reassure Yelena, but he can’t lie to her either.  He decides to take it slow.  “Depending on what I did, they might think something was really wrong.  A few of them might go attack Valentina in case she had something to do with it” he smiles, picturing it.  “Yelena and John would try to calm me down if I was upset, I think Bucky might be the one to realize I was acting like a kid instead of just being weird.  He’d probably call Sam and ask for advice.  Ava would try to distract me, and Alexei would try to be funny.”

He takes a deep breath.  “I think they would take care of me.  My team cares about me, and they don’t like to see me hurting, I’d trust them to keep me safe and happy if I was suddenly a little kid.”  It’s a hard thing to say out loud, but he realizes that it’s true.

Yelena takes a deep breath and wipes her eyes.  “I’m sorry,” she says.  “I didn’t mean to lay that all out on you I just–”

“You miss him.” he says.

“Yeah.  And I’m worried.”

Bob shrugs, remembering the debrief from two days ago; how this universe’s Bob had run right into the bank lobby and saved Yelena’s life.  “He can take care of himself.” he says, trying to be reassuring.

“Yeah.” says Yelena. “But he shouldn’t have to.”

Bob isn’t sure what to say to that.  He tries for reassuring again and says “He’ll be ok.” 

Yelena smiles, taking a deep breath.  “I think so too.” she says.  

Then she asks.  “So, what do you like about being little?” blunt as ever.

Bob jumps slightly and blushes.  Just when he thought they wouldn’t be talking about it.  “You’ve asked a lot of questions this morning,” he says.  He knows they should talk about it, figure out what the hell to do about it today, but he already kinda bared his soul last night, couldn’t he just have a day or so where he doesn’t tell everyone his secret wants and desires?  No?  

Yelena shoves his shoulder playfully.  “I’m curious!  It’s not really like I meet a friend from an alternate universe every day.  Come on, I wanna know.”

“I get to ask a few questions first.” says Bob.

Yelena smiles, a curious gleam in her eyes.  “Alright, fire away.”

“When you said littles Have to go into headspace, what did you mean?”

“You know that’s like explaining why the sky is blue, right?” groans Yelena.  “Umm ok.  Well.  Our brains as humans, or this universe’s version of them, cope really well with stress.  But we also have base instincts, like to protect, or to seek love, right?  To be a healthy, emotionally un-repressed person, you’re supposed to submit to those base instincts.  To find something to take care of, or to seek love from.  And when we do that, entering a caregiver or little headspace, it does something to our brains.  Like, metaphysically.  Biochemically?  We get a bunch of dopamine, and our heart rate slows down, probably a bunch of stuff I never paid attention to.    It’s supposed to be really psychologically healthy, but mostly it’s just physically un healthy if you don’t do it.  Like if you didn’t sleep for weeks, that would Not be great for your system.”

Bob nods.  What Yelena is saying is strange, but generally makes sense.  “How do you like, know which instinct to chase?  Caregiving or love-seeking?”

“It depends.  Most countries do a bunch of psychological surveys close to the end of your schooling, give you a rundown on your coping mechanisms: what age range you might benefit from being or taking care of, any obvious signs of mental unwellness you should get checked out…That sort of thing.”

“What did–” Bob clears his throat, focusing on Yelena’s nose instead of her eyes.  “What did you get, on the test?”

Yelea sighs.  “I never took it.”  she says.  “The Red Room didn’t believe in headspaces.  We were chemically subjugated soldiers, like trash to them, tools.  And besides, they could manually alter all of our brain functions anyway, we didn’t need a headspace.”

Oh .  That makes a sort of horrible amount of sense, actually.  Yelena keeps talking.  “Barnes wants me to get tested, but I don’t know.  I’ve always tried to just…go with the flow.  I’ve never particularly felt the need to be little, my first time caregiving was with My Bob, actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.  And we haven’t really talked, or anything, but I think that might have been his first time with a caregiver too.”

They’re both quiet for a moment.  Knowing himself, that’s probably true.  He can tell there's more to Yelena's story--his version of Yelena has been out of the Red Room for just over ten years, but this version just never dealt with her headspace, which is apparently very important to your health.  He wishes he could fish the information out of her like she does to him so easily, but he lacks this universe's social context, so there's not much he can do.

“But enough!” says Yelena, pushing past the somber moment.  “You will answer my questions now, what did you like about being little yesterday?”  

“Ok, alright, um.”  He looks down at his hands, fidgety.  He can’t quite look her in the eye when he says this.  “Everything, really?  I really like the extra touch: cuddling and being carried.  It was…really nice when I got carried.  Weird at first, like I was off balance, but then I leaned into it and it was just.  Nice.  Like a hug but extra.  And I liked—the food?  I have trouble with choices sometimes, especially around food, and not having to make any choices on what or when to eat was good.  Playing in the training room was fun, but I think that would be fun either way.”

Yelena giggled, tapping his hands to stop him ringing them.  He put them in his lap again.  “It just was, safe you know?  Like I didn’t have to worry, as long as one of you guys was there.  My anxiety always creeps in, every day, without fail.  Even on the really good days, it’s still there.  But not when I was little with you.”

“I’m really glad Bob.  That’s sort of the point, is to get rid of your anxieties, or at least that’s what everyone says.  Was there anything you didn’t like?”

“Sorta.  Everything you guys did was good, but there were times where the attention got to me?  Everyone was looking at me, and it made me feel weird.  I didn’t like it.”

Yelena nods.  “I know.  Sometimes being the center of attention is…a lot.”

“Yeah.” he says lamely.

Yelena grabs his hand again, running her thumb over his in soothing swipes.  “Bob, would you like to be little today?  At least until the scientists arrive, and then we can have another conversation about it?”

“I don’t know, I–” he pauses, takes a deep breath.  “What do you feel?  When you go into a caregiving headspace, or whatever?  What did you like about yesterday?”

Yelena smiles, thinking.  “I liked coloring with you, that was relaxing.  And making you smile.  You’re very cute regardless, but being little cranks it up to a thousand.  I had an amazing time in training, and making cookies was super fun.  I liked—ok.”

She takes a moment, searching for the words.  “So when you spilled the flour, you almost started crying.  It was terrible, you looked so overwhelmed.  But the part that I liked was that I could fix it?  All you needed was someone to help you clean up, and reassure you everything was ok.  And I could do that!  It made me feel like everything was under control, you know?  All I had to do was make sure you were happy and safe, and everything would be ok.”

They’d said things like this before, that caring for a little helped people feel fulfilled and happy, but Bob still can’t quite believe the sincerity in Yelena’s voice. 

She continues.  “So I like that I can fix basically anything that could go wrong.  And I like the touch too, I love cuddling with you, hugging, holding your hand.  I wish I could carry you like the supersoldiers can.”

“You don’t have to–” 

“No, I don’t, but it would be nice.” she says.  “Anyway, I could hold you in my lap, that’s always fun.  There wasn’t really anything I didn’t like, besides seeing you cry.”

Yeah.  These past few days have been an emotional rollercoaster–Bob’s not sure he’s ever cried so much.  But he’s also never felt quite so content.  

“I think I’ll try to be little until the scientists arrive?  And then I want to be treated like an adult.”

“That sounds like a plan, Bob.” she holds out her hand and he takes it.  “Lets see who else is up, we might be able to convince John to make french toast again”

══════════════

When they head into the kitchen, John is already cutting up a huge roll of home-made cinnamon rolls, so they don’t mention the french toast.  Ava is wearing her butterfly jacket again, sitting on a barstool and watching John use dental floss to cut perfect circles, putting them in a baking dish.  

“Can I put on the frosting?” she asks.  John chuckles.  “Sure, once these are all baked.  They’ll be hot, so you have to promise to be careful.”

“I promise!”

“Yeah?”  John stops his cutting and looks down at her fondly, then holds out his pinky.  “Pinky promise?”

Ava smiles brightly, interlocking their pinkies and sealing the promise with a kiss on her own thumb. 

They both look…so happy.   Any remaining doubt about today leaves Bob’s mind with a flutter.  He’s going to try to be like that.  Just let go and be happy.

Yelena leads him by the hand to the kitchen island to join John and Ava.  “These look fantastic, Walker.” she says.  

“Thanks”

“Bob is going to be little until the scientists arrive this afternoon.” says Yelena.  Bob freezes at the sudden attention, but no one acts like it’s a big deal.

“Great!” says Ava, using the counter to spin herself on the barstool.

“Do you want to help with the frosting Bob?” John asks, taking Bob by surprise.  He isn’t opposed to the idea, so he nods.  Trying new things, right?    

“Ok, you want up?”

And Bob gasps, feeling so suddenly small.   John said it so casually, like Bob got picked up every day.  He nods, and John walks forward, grabbing him with one hand and putting him on his hip like a toddler.  Oh god.   He’s pressed right into John’s side like this, John’s arm is firmly underneath him, making sure he would never fall.  Bob snakes an arm around John’s back, curling closer to the man.  He feels so secure like this.  Like no-one could ever hurt him, as long as he stayed right here.    

John just holds him as he walks around the kitchen.  He pulls fresh fruit out of the fridge and asks Yelena if she and Ava want to start cutting it up.  He grabs two butter knives from the drawer, then asks Bob.  “Will you grab that bag for me bud?”

Bob does, reaching down with long arms to grab a little ziplock bag, filled with what looks like small cookie cutters in different fun shapes.  John thanks him, then hands the cookie cutters, a plastic cutting board, and the butter knives over to the girls, who eagerly get to work on the fruit.

Then, they get started on the frosting.  John only has use of one hand so Bob gets to help John open the packages of butter and cream cheese and dump them into a bowl, then scoop the salt and powdered sugar, making sure to wait for John to even off the top.  He holds the measuring spoon steady while John pours in the vanilla extract, and then they take turns using the egg beater—Bob likes making cool patterns in the frosting, while John makes sure actual mixing is accomplished.

It’s fun.  John’s instructions are simple, and after Bob’s done something right he always tells him he did a good job.  He even lets Bob lick the one of the egg-beater whisks once they finish the frosting! (He hands the other one to Ava, but Yelena steals a lick too) 

“Now comes the fun part,” says John, setting Bob down on the counter and pulling out a rubber spatula, a cup, and a weird plastic bag.

“Really?  A piping bag?” says Yelena when she sees it.  “A little extra, even for you.”

“Hey, it’s the best way for them to help without burning themselves or making a giant mess.”

“Whatever you say, cake boss.”

“Would you like to have one of the delicious cinnamon rolls I made, or should Bob, Ava, and I just eat ours in front of you?”

Bob giggles behind his whisk.  He knows they’re not really mad at each other, just having fun.  They’re so silly when they bicker.

Yelena adopts a monotone voice.   “Sorry John.” she says. “You can be as pretentious and needlessly complicated as you want in the kitchen, John.”

“Thank you.”  says John, dramatically. He turns back to Bob, setting the bag inside the cup and smoothing it over the sides like a trash bag.  “Now Bob, would you do the honor of filling this piping bag?”

John does the first scoop, the frosting lands in the cup with a satisfying plop, and then he hands it over to Bob, who has a lot of fun scraping down the sides of the bowl and adding it to the cup.  He makes a small mess of the counter, but nothing that can’t be scooped up then licked off a mischievous finger.  

Once he’s scraped as much frosting as possible into the cup, John takes it, ties up the piping bag, and brings Bob to sit at the kitchen island next to Ava.  The cinnamon rolls had finished baking while Bob was distracted, and Ava was staring at them with bated breath.

“Ava,” says John.  “Is it alright if Bob frosts a small portion of the cinnamon rolls too?”

“Yeah.  But can I go first?”

Ava goes first, swirling the frosting around excitedly.  When the bag is nearly finished, John tells her to hand it off to Bob to finish the job.  Bob does, but there isn’t much left to frost, Ava had been pretty thorough.  He decides to make polka dots, squeezing an extra layer of frosting all around.  

“This looks amazing!” says Yelena, standing behind them and rubbing both littles’ backs.  “Good job you guys.”

It makes a spark of warmth light in Bob’s chest.  He leans back into her touch, smiling.  

John grabs plates, and they all eat their fruit and cinnamon rolls together.   It’s absolutely delicious.  Once he’s done, Bob pushes his plate forward and thanks John for the meal.

“Of course, bud. You're welcome.”

Then Yelena suddenly grabs his hand with a wet paper towel, laughing slightly.  “You got frosting everywhere, malyshka ”

As she wipes his hands, Bob’s heart skips a beat.  There's a squirmy feeling in his stomach.  Slight embarrassment, but mostly he just feels cared for.  Loved, even when he’s feeling small like this.  Then she starts wiping his face, and the feeling increases tenfold.  He smiles, leaning in to tap their foreheads together as she finishes, and they share a quiet moment, just breathing the same air.  He hopes that this is helping her relax too, that she is feeling some of the same safety and warmth that he is.  She deserves it.

Notes:

When I started planning this fic, Yelena as a little never occurred to me, especially when I thought of her on her soccer team, wanting to be goalie so her friends could rely on her. I think she would gain a lot of comfort from being the person people could come to, therefore caregiver would be right up her alley. But then I started to actually write the fic, and Yelena felt a lot more like a big sister in her relationship with Bob and Ava. I don't think she's repressing a little side or anything, just that maybe if she leaned into it, she may be more little than she expects. I don't know, it was something I've been thinking about. Maybe one day I'll write a fic where Yelena gets to be little. Who knows.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Comment your favorite part, or just tell me what you liked 😊I love hearing from you all! 💗💗

Chapter 10: this room won't be open

 

UNIVERSE #618-2B, Thunderbolts Classic Earth, The Watchtower, 20 hours after the bank incident

 

Bob’s exhausted.  He didn’t sleep well last night, and his meltdown earlier hadn’t done him any favors.  So when Walker jostles them all into the kitchen for an early lunch, Bob’s surprised he doesn’t fall asleep in his bowl of noodles.  They’re good, they remind Bob of a meal he used to love as a kid, though John had added broccoli to go in the alfredo sauce.  

He eats slowly; content in a strange way.  His eyes hurt from crying, and he should probably be drinking the glass of water someone had placed in front of him.  

He focuses on the food instead, moving his broccoli around in the bowl.  He likes broccoli, but he wants to make sure he has enough to last the whole meal.  John sometimes good-naturedly makes fun of him for playing with his food, but he doesn’t this time.  Probably because this isn’t ‘his’ John.  

Thinking about being in an alternate universe makes his head spin.  These people look like his team, they act like his team, but they’re not.  He doesn’t have any history with them, not really.  Generally, this version of reality seems to follow his own—they all ended up together, after all.  But in this universe, did they watch The Princess Bride last week?  Did this version of Bucky spend the whole time rolling his eyes while John quoted the film under his breath?  Did Ava and Yelena do each other's nails before deciding this version of Bob needed a manicure too?  Did Alexei fall asleep halfway through, but pretend he was awake the whole time?  

And (the question that’s been nagging at him since this whole thing started) was this version of Bob a little?  He thought no at first, but now he’s not so sure.  

See, Bob never took the classification test.  He’d dropped out of school before anyone could start talking to him about coping mechanisms or biological imperatives, and spent most of his time just trying to get by or get high.  Going into a headspace, caregiver or little, just wasn’t something that had been in the cards.

And he’d known, somewhere in the back of his brain, that that was unhealthy.  Around his eighteenth birthday, when everyone else his age was getting classified, Bub could have gone and gotten tested.  It was free, and anonymous, and if he’d pulled his head out of his ass for just a little while maybe he would have done it.  But the next high was more important, making it to tomorrow was (sometimes) more important.

He’d felt the…tug, before, of his headspace.  A preference for soft clothing, a tendency to chew his fingers when he’s nervous, a dangerous habit of trusting people too easily (a lesson he learned very quickly, but never quite stuck.  A lesson he’s had to learn over and over again).  The unyielding desire of just wanting somewhere, someone safe.  Longing to be cared for, loved, adored.  

But he’d pushed that down.  Told himself he didn’t need it.  Told himself he had as many caregiving traits as little ones, so it didn't mean anything.  He was kind (sometimes), and protective, and while he’d never been a good fighter, he could hold his own.  He always tried to help people, even though it never really worked out.  He was also a cocky, hot-headed asshole who hit people with signs for chicken restaurants, so it didn’t really matter what headspace he would land in.  No-one, little or caregiver, had deserved the displeasure of dealing with him.  He’d just make everything worse.  

So yeah, he’d never taken the test.  And he’d never really landed in a headspace that he could remember.  Meth does that to people, keys them up so much they can’t come down until they crash.  And when Bob crashed, he crashed hard, so a headspace wouldn’t do shit.  Was this other version of Bob the same?  The only reason Bob truly knew he was a little was because of the Void, and what happened after.  The week he’d spent acting like a little kid, the week he still has no idea how he feels about. 

So the question is, did this Bob have a week like that?  Or was he still completely denying his headspace?  And if he did have one of those weeks, was it as a little or a caregiver?

Bob’s not sure, but he doesn’t think this Bob is a little, or at the very least nobody knows if he is.  The possibility is making something under Bob’s skin itch.

He loves his team.  God, he loves them.  But he’d like the chance, just for a little while, to see what it’d be like if they didn’t know he was a little.  To just, be, without having to worry about slipping in front of them.  Because he can’t slip in front of them, because they’d notice and then they’d feel obligated, and he can’t add to the debt he already owes them.  They’re too good for that.

(He thinks about Yelena’s speech from earlier.  How she said she would comfort him a thousand times over because she loved him, and knew she would do the same for him.  How he wasn’t a burden, because even his presence made her feel better.  He wonders if, back home, maybe—)

“Bob?”

He’s been staring into his noodles too long, and Yelena’s noticed.  “You look like exhausted, like you're gonna pass out.  Come on, cuddle with me?”

He nods, setting down his fork.  Cuddling sounds nice.  Yelena grabs his hand and heads over to the couch, pulling him to lay under a soft blanket and pillowing her head into the crook of his armpit.  She’s warm and soft, curled up like this.  Her hair fluffs up to tickle his nose, but he just smooths it down, then rubs his hand up and down her back.  Maybe he can just relax here.  Not have to worry about being big or little, just Bob.  

Yelena sighs contentedly, squeezing an arm around his middle.  Bob is the first to fall asleep.

Notes:

I'm alive! So sorry this update took me so long to post. Trying to work a full-time job, write a history thesis, and maintain my sanity has been keeping me pretty busy these past few weeks. But finally, motivation and inspiration has struck me, and we have a new chapter!

It's quite short, but it got my creative juices flowing again and for that I am grateful. Figuring out Bob's motivations was a bit tougher than in past chapters, but I think I've done a pretty good job. He's not a reliable narrator in any sense, and a lot of the description is biased based on the way he thinks about himself/his coping strategies. I feel like he's very self-conscious about his coping skills, so him landing in a universe where no one knows that he's a little is something I'm very excited to play with. Don't worry, I think he'll fall into little space soon, though not how anyone might expect. Very excited to write some confused, comforting adventures with Little Universe Bob.

PS-There's a line in here where Bob wonders whether his multiverse counterpart spent a week in a little or caregiving headspace, and some of you may be wondering what a drop into CG Space might look like in this universe. I thought about writing a bit about it, but it messed with the flow. A CG Drop would include: Constant clingyness. Definitely a want for cuddles, but they'd have to have their friends in view at all times to make sure they're safe and happy. Probable aggressiveness around strangers who might hurt their friends, or an insane "adoption" complex (you, 30 yr old grocery store cashier, I am sworn to protect you!). Generally an extreme anxiety unless they are assured that everyone around them is fed, safe, and loved.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed, and hopefully there will be more soon! Tell me what you thought, I love hearing from all of you <33

Chapter 11: till your brothers or your sisters come

UNIVERSE #618-2C, Thunderbolts Littleverse Earth, The Watchtower, ~34 hours after the bank incident.

 

Yelena sits on the corner of the couch, squished by two cuddly littles.  Bob is sitting on her lap, leaning to the side so they can both see the TV, and Ava is on her other side leaning into the crook of her arm.  John had called her a baby-hog, and went off to do the dishes and possibly prep lunch, but Yelena had caught him smiling and subtly snapping a picture as he went.  She’s got an arm wrapped around both of her friends waists, and feels more content than she has in weeks.

Or she would, if her thoughts would stop drifting.

They’ve taken a break from Dogs 101 for now, and switched to another charming dog documentary, Superpower Dogs , about dogs with different jobs.  It’s cute, and Ava and Bob are completely invested.  Yelena would normally love it too, but she can’t stop thinking about what Bob said last night.  He’d been so upset when she read him the story.  Like he couldn’t imagine anyone loving him the way she and the team did, like it was wrong for him to cry when he was upset, or ask for cuddles when he was lonely.  He’d called himself selfish because he liked being taken care of.  She squeezes him a little closer at the thought.

What kind of universe didn’t have littles?  The idea just feels so horrible.  It reminds Yelena a bit of the Red Room, of girls who would never know if they were caregivers or littles because they died before they got the chance.  Girls drugged and beaten into submission, chemically altered to be perfect soldiers.  

She’s sure that Bob’s universe is nothing like the Red Room.  It’s probably exactly like this universe, except no one has to go into headspace.  The other team will take care of her Bob whether he drops or not, and everything will be fine.  

Still, her thoughts drift.  She’d lived most of her life without a headspace, but this team had changed that.  They’d given her a home, a chance to be good, a way to feel warm and in-control, and safe .  A few months ago?  She never would have imagined herself sleeping in on a Thursday morning, baking cinnamon rolls and cuddling to watch tv.

She’s sure Bob and Ava would have never imagined it either.

But sitting here with the two of them just makes Yelena think of the future.  Eventually, Bob will have to go back to his universe.  Would he be happy there?  Forever?  Her Bob could last a few days in a universe without headspaces.  Hell, he would probably enjoy it the way he’s been refusing to acknowledge his headspace lately.  He would take a moment to breathe, figure himself out.  But how would the Bob in her arms do, returning to a world where being taken care of isn’t normal, once he’s gotten a taste of it?  A world where Yelena never read him to sleep, John never picked him up, Alexei never tickled him, Bucky never played pretend?  Where he never got to be little again for the rest of his life?

Protectiveness surges in her gut.  Bob’s universe might “not have littles”, but he is definitely regressed right now.  He is fully leaned against her, with that starlight look in his eyes every caregiver recognizes.  Every few minutes he gasps at something on the tv, whispering under his breath about the puppies on screen.  He’s had the sleeve of his sweatshirt in his mouth for the past twenty minutes, and she’s considered having John grab a pacifier.

If he went back to his universe, would he ever allow himself to regress again? 

She can’t stand the thought.  Even if he doesn’t need it biologically like humans here, Bob deserves to feel safe and cared for.  He deserves to be able to regress every once in a while, to let go of all of his anxieties and just live.  Her stomach twists.  She needs her version of Bob back, but giving up this version is becoming less of an option the longer she thinks about it.  Maybe she’s being crazy, but sending him away goes against every instinct she has. 

She unfurls her arms and taps the littles on the shoulders, shifting Bob off her lap to sit with Ava.  “I’ll be right back, ok?” she says, carding her fingers through his hair.

He whines but nods, trying to focus on the tv again.  She drops a kiss on the top of both their heads, and Ava tickles his stomach to cheer him up.  When Yelena leaves the living room, both littles are engrossed in their documentary again.

She finds John in the kitchen, rubbing seasonings into a huge cut of pork.  He glances up at her, but continues his work.  “Get enough dog facts yet?”

“You never know, they could be useful.  What happens when you’re on a mission and you have to differentiate between a mark with a husky and a mark with a malamute?”

“I’d call Bob.”

“Uh-huh.”  she sits there for a minute, spinning one of the spice containers on it’s side.  “Speaking of Bob, there’s something I need to ask you about.”

John looks up.  “What is it?”

“Last night, he got really upset during story-time.  He was overwhelmed because he really enjoyed being little yesterday, and he felt like he was being selfish.”

“Oh, buddy.”  John sighs.  

“Yeah.  But John, the reason he was so upset was because he said he wasn’t a little.  They don’t have them in his universe.”

John looks dumbfounded.  His mouth actually hangs open in shock, like a cartoon fish.  “But.  But he is a little.  He’s regressed right now.  Right!?”

“Right.” says Yelena.  “But he said he’s never even heard of littlespace before he met us.  People don’t have headspaces in his universe.”

“But how does that– do they just have a different word for it?  He’s so clearly little right now.”

“All I know is that he said he’d never regressed before, but that it really helped him feel safe, that he almost always feels anxious but this helped.”

John shook his head, throwing a dish towel over his shoulder. “Maybe the other universe is just all morons.  They all have headspaces and they just push them off.”

“Maybe.  But the point is, in his universe, regressing isn’t normal.”

“Wow.” says John.

“So we can’t send him back, right?” 

“Wait, what?”

“We get our Bob back, but this Bob should stay here.  He should be able to regress when he needs to, we can’t just send him back to a universe where there are no caregivers, where he’ll probably never be able to be properly little again–”

“Wait, wait, Yelena–”

“He was so sad John, like he couldn’t believe we would want to take care of him.  Like regressing was a horrible crime.  I don’t want to send him back to a universe where he can’t be little when he needs it, with a team that won’t love him–”

“Stop, stop, Yelena!” John grabs her shoulders and lets his hands trail down her sides to her elbows.  “Stop.  Take a minute.  Did he actually say his team doesn’t love him?”

Yelena pauses.  “No, but–”

“Didn’t he say this universe was pretty much the same as his?”

Yelena pouts.  “You weren’t there for that part.”

“Ava caught me up, remember?” he sighs.  “Listen, I care about him too.  And I want him to be able to regress whenever he needs to.  But he’s not a stray, we can’t just keep him.  He’s his own person, from another universe , might I add.  Even if it’s not normal there, do you honestly think there’s any version of this team that isn’t willing to look past what’s normal, especially for Bob?  Angel-Asshole Bob?”

“Hey!”

“He is an angel-asshole and you know it.  Besides, don’t you think his Yelena is missing him, just as much as you miss our Bob?”

He makes a good point, which is annoying.  He’s also reminding Yelena of being five years old, forced to give up the pretty calico she’d found in their driveway.  Alexei made the same argument back then, too.  Her cheeks tinge, and she pulls away from John’s grip to lean against the counter.

“I just don’t want to send him away somewhere he might not be happy.  I don’t want to abandon him.”

“Jesus, Lena, you wouldn’t be abandoning him.  You’d be sending him home .”

She crosses her arms across her chest, huffing.  She knows that, logically.  But it doesn’t change the fact that she feels like she’s sending him off to be forgotten.  

John drags a hand down his face, thinking.  “Listen, what about this.  Why don’t you get him something to remember us by?  When we send him back to his universe, he’ll know that we love him, that he’s always welcome to drop by, if we figure out how to do that.  Maybe something you’d give a little, so it’d remind him that it’s okay to regress.”

She thinks about it.  It would be nice to get him something of his own.  Right now, he’s just using their version of Bob’s belongings.  For him to have something uniquely his, that showed him how much they loved him, that would be very nice indeed.

Finally, she stands up straight.  “Walker, if anyone asks I’ll deny it, but you are a genius.” she says.

John smiles.  “We wouldn’t want anyone accusing you of respecting me, your reputation would never recover.”     

Quickly, before she can second-guess it, Yelena surges forward to wrap John in a tight hug.  “Thank you.” she says against his chest.

Hesitantly, John hugs back.  “You’re welcome.” 

After a moment, she steps back, excited.  “Will you watch them?  I wanna go get it.”

“Yeah–wait, what, now?” John asks.

“Right now!” Yelena says, already heading to grab her wallet.  

════════════════

John quickly finishes his dinner prep before heading into the living room, where Ava and Bob are still watching their dog documentary.  He sits on the couch, and Ava quickly notices.

“Look, Bob, it’s John!  Do you wanna go say hi?”

Bob looks up from where he’s practically wrapped around Ava to smile shyly at him.  Ava jostles him with her elbow gently, pushing him toward John.  Oh

Ava loves touch, but she gets overstimulated very easily, especially when little.  So she enjoys short bursts of touch, things like strong hugs, forehead kisses, or her hair being braided.  Bob on the other hand (or at least, their Bob), soaks up any and all touch like a sponge, and likes to lounge around cuddling whenever he can.  Ava must be nearing the end of her tether for cuddling right now.  John’s heart warms in pride, both because Ava had cuddled Bob when he needed it, and she knew when to say she was done.  

John pats the seat next to him, encouraging Bob to come closer.  “Come here, Bubba, do you wanna come hang out with me?”

Bob looks unsure, but he scoots over to sit next to John anyway, and seems to accept the arm John wraps around his shoulders.  Ava does a very good job hiding her sigh of relief.  “What are we watching?” asks John.

“Superpower dogs.” says Bob shyly.

“So far there’s a police dog, a snow rescue dog, a water dog, and a sniffing dog.  I like the police dog best, she finds people buried under stuff.”  says Ava.

“Doesn’t the snow rescue dog do that too?” Johns asks.  “And what about the sniffing dog, what does he do?”

Ava smiles.  “The snow rescue dog also finds buried people, but not as cool as Halo does.  And the sniffing dogs find people that are missing, they aren’t just buried under stuff.”

“Ohhh right,” says John.  “Of course.”

Notes:

Finally, the ever scarce stars of inspiration and free time have aligned, and before you sits another chapter. I also have pretty concrete plans for the next one, which I'm very excited about.

Yelena's POV! Eee! I loved getting into her head for this, I just think she's swell. She cares so much more than it might look like from the outside. Coming soon, some more cuddly fluff and another look at Little!Bob's experience in the other universe.

PS: John calling Bob "Bubba" comes from a memory recently resurfaced. My dad's family used to say it all the time to male relatives (and dogs lol), and I feel like once John got comfortable enough, he'd call Bob that a lot.

Thank you for reading, I hope you all enjoyed :D Please let me know what you think, each comment is a gem!

Chapter 12: turn all of the lights on

UNIVERSE #618-2C, Thunderbolts Littleverse Earth, The Watchtower, ~34 hours after the bank incident.

 

This day is turning out…pretty good.  They’d had cinnamon rolls for breakfast, then cuddled on the couch watching dog documentaries.  Bob didn’t feel stupid like he feared he might, he just felt…soft.  Small.  Comfy and sleepy and silly in a good way.  

Yelena leaving made him nervous, but he tried to ignore it.  He didn’t need her every second of every day, he knew she’d be back soon.  And he wasn’t even alone! Ava was here, keeping him company and cuddling with him.  He was fine.

Still, John joining them helped, he was a surprisingly good cuddler.  After a while, Bob eventually found himself sprawled across John’s lap, his head supported by John’s arm wrapped around his shoulder.  The soft rhythm of John’s breathing and the cute dogs on the tv had lulled him into a gentle, sleepy state.  He’d been suckling on the sleeve of his sweater intermittently, knowing it could be considered strange but he didn’t care.  He was just trying to relax and enjoy the time being little.

Bob didn’t really notice Alexei walk in, but he felt the man’s big hand ruffle his hair gently.  “Hello, little one.” said Alexei.  He dropped a soft kiss to Bob’s hairline.  “Is John treating you well?”

Butterflies fluttered in Bob’s stomach, and he nodded, smiling slightly.  John was being very nice.  

John however, took slight offence to Alexei’s words.  “Of course I am,” he said.  He squeezed Bob a little closer.  “We’re having a great time with the dogs, aren’t we Bubba?”

“Mhmm,” Bob hummed.  He liked sitting here with John.

Alexei guffawed.  “Ah Walker, you are such a proud soldier, like me.  I meant no offense, I just wanted to check in with the baby.”

Alexei’s words squeezed something in Bob, making him feel impossibly softer and smaller, but the man seemed not to notice.  He simply smiled and ruffled Bob’s hair again, before turning his attention to Ava.  

“And how is our other little one?”

“Good, Alexei.” said Ava.  She tried to peer around him to see the tv.

“What was that?”

“I’m good!”

“I can’t seem to hear you–” Alexei cupped his hand to his ear and crouched down, looking around.  “there’s something, can you hear that?”  

“What?”

“I think it might be the pitter-patter of the TICKLE MONSTER APPROACHING!!”

Ava squealed as Alexei dove forward, laughing maniacally and poking wiggling fingers into Ava’s stomach, the backs of her knees, the crook of her neck.  

“No! No! Stop it tickle monster!!” she cried, giggling.

“But I’m so hungry, and little girls like you are ripe for tickling…” said Alexei, in a silly deep voice.  He continued the tickling torture, occasionally lifting one of Ava’s hands or feet to gnaw at them playfully.  Bob giggled as he watched Ava writhe on the other side of the couch, laughing almost out of breath.

“No! No! I’m not good for eating!” she yelled, after a another minute of torture.

Alexei paused.  “Oh? And why is that? You look yummy enough.”

“I’m too big!” Ava giggled, trying to catch her breath.  “Big girls are chewy, little boys are much tastier!”

Bob realized what she was saying a second too late, as Alexei turned his sights on him.  Before he could do anything, Alexei had reached out and gripped his feet, tickling them maniacally.

“Ahh!! N oo !!” Bob howled, wiggling away from Alexei even as he moved to pinch Bob’s thighs and tummy.

“Yes! This one looks delicious!”

Bob snaked around in John’s lap, laughing.  Alexei moved on to his armpits, and Bob squealed.  “Help! John! Save me!”

“No one can save you now!” Alexei growled, quickly lifting Bob’s shirt and blowing a raspberry on his stomach.

Bob screamed , flailing and laughing in a ridiculous attempt to get away.

“ John!! Please!!”

Suddenly, Bob felt himself being lifted from under his knees and held close to John’s chest. “Get back, you vicious monster!” said John.  “You will never eat Bob or Ava while I live!”

“Maybe I should eat you!” roared Alexei.

“No!” Bob and Ava yelled.  John stood, still holding Bob. 

 “Run!” he said, laughing, and they took off, running weaving circles between the living room furniture.  Alexei followed close behind, bumbling along with a cartoonishly wide gait and threatening to tickle them until they were nice and tender for eating.

Soon, Ava grew jealous of Bob’s easy ride.  “John! Let me up too!  He’s going to get me!”

John stopped, hiding behind one of the recliners.  “Ok, can you climb on my back?” he whispered.  Ava nodded excitedly, hopping on as John crouched down.  “Let’s go!”

John moved slower with two people on his back now, and it seemed Alexei was getting impatient.  Bob watched in a strange combination of amusement and fear as the tickle monster gained on them, getting a few jabs in before falling back again.  “Faster, faster, he’s gonna get us!” Ava urged.

John sighed and sped up, diverting down one of the tower’s sprawling hallways.  As John jogged through the halls and circled back to the living room, Bob and Ava were giggling up a storm, cheering at having escaped the tickle monster’s wrath.

But then Alexei suddenly appeared in front of them, roaring right in Bob’s face.  “BAAAHH!!”

It was stupid.  Just his stupid brain getting scared over nothing, but Bob freaked out.  Too fast to even really know what was going on, Bob screamed and lashed out, punching Alexei right in the nose.  And then he burst into tears.  

Alexei backed up immediately, saying something about a strong right hook, but it didn’t matter.  The damage was done, and Bob found himself bawling over something as asinine as a tickle fight.  He shouldn’t be panicking.  It was just Alexei.  Just stupid Alexei, who threw Bob up in the air for hugs, insisted the team have dinner together every night, and somehow managed to burn hot chocolate.  But he’d startled Bob, and he was big, and loud, and scary and Bob felt so raw right now, he couldn’t do anything but cry.

“Woah woah woah, hey…” said John , trying to calm Bob down but he can’t calm down , why can’t he calm down?  “Oh, buddy, it’s ok.  Here Ava, why don’t you go watch your show sweetie?”

Bob heard Ava jump off of John’s back and scuttle away, before John turned him in his arms, hugging him close and pressing their chests together.  Bob clung to him immediately, wrapping his arms and legs around John in a tight grip and sobbing his heart out.  John cooed. 

 “Ohh, that was scary, huh?  It’s ok baby, I’ve got you.” he said.  He started walking around, bouncing on his heels and rubbing up and down Bob’s back. “I’ve got you.  It was just Alexei being stupid.  He’s gone now, and he said he was sorry for scaring you.”

Bob kept crying, muffling pathetic little sobs into John's shoulder.  He felt scared and guilty and sad and angry all at once, and he just wanted John to make it better.  

“Shh, it’s ok, you’re ok, I’m here, nobody’s gonna hurt you Bob.  Let’s get some water and calm down, huh?  How about that? Some water and maybe a treat for being so brave.”

Brave?  Bob was anything but brave.  He was a grown man melting down over a jumpscare.  He didn’t deserve a treat, he deserved to be shoved in his room without dinner and ignored until he could learn to deal, but just the thought terrified him.  Bob didn’t want to be alone.

“I’m sorry!!” he screamed suddenly.  “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please, I’m sorry!!”

He’d punched Alexei– in the face!  They were playing a game and Bob punched his friend in the face.  There had to be consequences for that.

“Woah woah, Bob, breathe, ok? Breathe with me honey.  You’re not in trouble.”  They were in the kitchen now, John had set him down on the counter.  John put his forehead to Bob’s and exaggerated his breathing for Bob to follow.  “Follow me, alright, in… and out.  In….out.” he said.

Bob did, or tried to at least.  He kept faltering, hiccupping and unable to get true lung-fulls of air.  He felt so stupid.  Why couldn’t he just be normal about something for once?

“Ok, ok, that’s good enough for now.” John handed him a sippy cup of ice water from seemingly out of nowhere.  It had sharks on it.  “Drink this, ok?  Just a couple sips for me, ok man?”

Bob did, hoping the water would help the burning in his throat. 

 “Good, good job pal.  You’re doing great.”

Bob didn’t understand how John was smiling at him so earnestly.  How could he sit here telling Bob he was good after the shit he pulled back there?  They’d been having fun , and Bob ruined it by being such a baby.  

“I can hear the gears in your head turning, Bubba.” said John.  He cupped Bob’s cheek and met his eyes carefully.  “You aren’t in trouble. That was scary, and no one blames you for reacting the way you did.  I probably would have done the same thing.”

“No you wouldn’tve,” Bob said petulantly.  

John shook his head.  “No, I probably would’ve done something worse.”

Despite it all, Bob giggled.  He couldn’t imagine John really getting scared like that, but envisioning him decking Alexei for jumping out and scaring him was pretty funny.

“There’s my guy,” John said softly.  He smiled and carded his fingers through Bob’s bangs, brushing them back from his sweaty forehead.  “Drink some more of your water and you can have a cookie.  Does your hand hurt?”

Bob shook his head, sipping more of the water.  His hand felt fine.  John pulled out the leftover cookies and split one in half for them to share, but as he chewed, doubt crept up on Bob’s mind.  “You aren’t mad?” he asked.  He had to know.

“I’m not mad.” said John.  “Alexei and Ava aren’t mad, nobody is mad.  I’m sorry that you had to go through that, nobody blames you for being scared.”

When Bob finished the cookie, John pressed a cool wet rag around his face and neck, wiping away the sweat and tears.  Bob leaned into the touch, sighing.

“Would you be ok with going back into the living room and watching a movie?” John asked.

Bob nodded, chewing on his sweater again.  He just wanted to sit for a while, he was so tired.  John sighed and picked him up from the counter, slinging him on his hip. “Ok, bubba.  We’ll just relax and watch a movie.  Ava picked Cars , that’ll be fun.”  Bob heard some rustling in one of the drawers, and then John pressed something into his mouth.

It was soft, and bulbous and—it was a pacifier.  John had given him a pacifier, put it directly in his mouth like it was the most natural thing in the world.  Bob didn’t know what to do with it, but he found it was surprisingly comforting.  It filled his mouth just enough to be present, but not overwhelming.  The shield provided a nice even pressure against  his lips, and the nipple pressed down on his tongue in a way that sent butterflies through his chest. He gave the pacifier a few test sucks and felt his whole body relax.  Wow .  

He sagged against John, feeling all of his energy roll out of his body like water off a duck.  John brought him into the living room, where Alexei apologized again for scaring him.  Bob didn’t feel like talking, but he did accept Alexei’s pinky promise that it would never happen again.  

Bob watched the movie through half-lidded eyes, curled softly into John’s side and sucking his new pacifier the whole time.

Notes:

Hope you enjoyed reading!! I certainly enjoyed writing it. Glad we got a little more John content in here, love that guy.

Let me know what you think! <33

PS--If you haven't caught it so far, each chapter has been a lyric from Semisonic's "Closing Time", but I am running out of freaking Closing Time Lyrics! I love this fic, but it is a lot longer than I thought it would be when I started lol.

Chapter 13: into the world

The elevator dinged softly as Yelena stepped out, carrying several bags.  It looked like she got a little over zealous with the gifts, which John should have expected.  Now that she had the money and freedom to indulge, Yelena’s impulse control in a store was pretty minimal.  John didn’t blame her, especially with the childhood she’d had (or lack thereof).  They should spend as much of Val’s money as possible, as far as he’s concerned.

John looked down and smiled softly at where Bob was cradled against his chest, still suckling on his pacifier.  He hoped whatever Yelena picked out wasn’t too overwhelming for the little guy.  If what Yelena said was true, and he really came from a universe without regressors, getting him to accept something too little might be difficult.  Though, he seemed to be doing pretty well with it right now.  

John checked his watch and sighed.  Just over an hour before Bob’s appointment.  He should be getting up, eating, and transitioning out of his headspace.  Shame.  Bob’s so cute and relaxed when he’s little.  

Yelena came back into the living room, ruffling Ava’s hair softly as she passed.  “Things go well?” she asked.

John nodded.  “Mostly.”

“Mostly?”

He glanced over at Ava, playing quietly with her dolls on the floor.  Alexei had said she’d been pretty upset after John took Bob into the kitchen.  She’d thought it was her fault for making Alexei tickle Bob.  Which was absolutely ridiculous, but she was an empathetic kid.  

Yelena sat down, grabbing Bob’s legs and draping them across her lap.  “What happened?” 

John sighed, and made sure to keep his voice down.  “We watched tv, then Alexei came in to say hello.  He started a tickle fight, and the kids were having a great time.  I picked both of them up and we ran around for a bit while Alexei chased us.  Everything was great, until Alexei jumped out and scared Bob.  Bob socked him in the nose for it then burst into tears.”

“Oh, buddy…”

“I calmed him down, we shared a cookie, and we watched a movie.  Apparently Ava thought it was her fault Bob got upset.  But Alexei helped, and she’s been fine ever since.  Bob fell asleep just before the credits.”

Yelena smiled, examining Bob’s sleeping form.  “You gave him a pacifier.  He seems to be taking it well.”

“Yeah, took it immediately.”

She reached over to brush a thumb against Bob’s cheek.  He sighed, nuzzling softly into John’s chest.  “Oh my god, he’s so precious.”

John clucked his tongue.  “Yeah, well, he needs to be big for the doctors.”

“Unfortunately.”

John started by taking out Bob’s pacifier, setting it to the side.  He stirred slightly, and John scratched a few fingers against Bob’s scalp. “Hey man, time to wake up,”

Bob’s eyes squinted open, and John nearly laughed at how grumpy and adorable he looked.  Beside him, Yelena giggled softly.  “Good morning, solnyshko,” she cooed.

He smiled, cheeks going slightly pink.  “Hi.”

John hauled Bob up from where he was laying, helping him sit up straight on his lap and slinging an arm around his waist.  John bounced Bob on his knee slightly, but quickly stopped, chiding himself.  They were supposed to be drawing Bob out of his headspace, not further into it.

“Have a good nap?” asked Yelena.

Bob nodded, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and glancing around the room.  John noticed Bob’s eyes catch the pacifier Yelena had set on the coffee table, but he quickly ducked his head. “Yeah, yeah.  It was good.” he nodded.

“We’re gonna have to get ready for the doctor’s soon, are you hungry?”

Bob nodded again, scooching off of John’s lap.  “I could eat”

John got off the couch.  “I’ll make sandwiches.  Come on, guys.”

All four of them headed into the kitchen, Ava bringing one of her Barbies along.  As he prepped the food, John found himself watching Bob on the barstool out of the corner of his eye.  It was weird.  Normally drawing a sleepy little out of their headspace was more difficult, but Bob seemed to be doing just fine.

“Yelena, you want a coke? Ava, chocolate milk?” Both girls nodded, and John got out the respective drinks.  “What do you want, Bob?” he asked.

Bob froze, twiddling slightly with his sweatshirt sleeves.  Did his eyes look glassy?  He cleared his throat.  “Uh, just water please.”

John nodded, pouring Bob a glass and handing it over.  Maybe not completely out of headspace, but trying.  John quickly finished up the sandwiches, cutting his own, Bob, and Yelena’s in half diagonal, but Ava’s into fourths.  He also gave Ava the only plastic plate (her favorite, a plain purple.)

They ate quietly.  Yelena and Ava chatted about their day so far, but John spent most of his time staring at Bob.  He wasn’t trying to be creepy or anything, but the dude worried him.  Right now he seemed less like an adult and more like a kid pretending to be an adult.  That wasn’t a great place to be, but John wasn’t sure how to help.

“Are you ready to be big for the doctor’s, Bob?” asked Yelena.  And she teased John about his lack of subtlety.  

Bob jumped, apparently zoned out.  “Yeah, yeah. Totally.”

Yelena hummed.  “Will you help me with the dishes?”

John started to object, he could do the dishes himself, there weren’t even that many, but Yelena shot him a look.  

Bob nodded.  “Yeah, I can do that.” he stood, and started to collect their plates.  “Did you like your sandwich?”

“John’s cooking is always good”

John tried not to smirk, but it was hard as Bob and Yelena turned their backs to him and started the dishes.  Guess all Bob needed was a little push.  He jostled Ava next to him slightly with his shoulder. “Do you agree, Ava, is my cooking always good?”

Ava smirked.  “Sometimes...”

“Sometimes?  When is my cooking not good?”

“You made sad enchiladas.”

“Hey!  That was my first time making them, and I had to deal with Alexei nearly burning down the kitchen at the same time, so speaking relatively, I did pretty good.”

════════════════

UNIVERSE #618-2B, Thunderbolts Classic Earth, The Watchtower, ~36 hours after the bank incident

 

Bob smiled, scrubbing a dirty frying pan with vigor.  He was a lot happier than anyone else would be doing the dishes, but he had good reason to be.

He knew now, for sure, that the Bob from this universe wasn’t a regressor.  It stung a bit, that his team was getting to experience Caregiver Bob, but he was trying to be optimistic about it.  Maybe once he got home, they’d realize that Caregiver Bob and Little Bob weren’t all that different.  Just because Bob was a little, it didn’t mean they had to walk on eggshells around him all the time.  He could still be normal!

When he woke up from his impromptu nap yesterday, his day with the alternate universe thunderbolts was amazing.  It’d all felt so ordinary .  They’d played video games, ate dinner, shot the shit, and watched a cheesy horror movie.  Not once did Bob feel like they were waiting for him to slip up, not once did he feel like one wrong move they’d start treating him like a little kid.  Like they’d feel guilty for swearing, or think we wasn’t capable enough to cook fucking ramen.

Back home was different.  Back home, the thunderbolts knew he was a little.  And Bob knew they knew he was a little.  It complicated things.  Made it feel like he was living with a giant elephant that no one would acknowledge.  He couldn’t relax, couldn’t live, without constantly posturing, trying to prove that they didn’t have to fuss, that they shouldn’t fuss.  He didn’t need to burden them with all of his shit.  At least the ‘bratty little kid’ facet of his shit.  Littles were supposed to be sweet, obedient, mini-angels sent from heaven, who always knew how to be cute and make everyone smile.  That definitely was not Bob.  And even though they tried to leave his little side be, caregiver instincts were strong.  

The Thunderbolts were endlessly kind and patient; even Walker was weirdly tolerant of all of Bob’s idiosyncrasies.  But everyone had a breaking point.  Eventually, they would get tired of him.  His messy room, his stupid jokes, his useless presence.  The stupidest thing he’d ever done was fall into little space around them, giving them yet another responsibility.

Bob’s grateful they took care of him.  Hell, the snippets he remembers were probably the most relaxed he’s ever been.  But he can’t ask them to do that again, even though it seems like all they’re doing is waiting around until he needs them again.

Here, he could just be.  No one had any reason to suspect anything, so he didn’t have any reason to hide.  It was nice.

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so happy about dishes” said Yelena, drawing him out of his thoughts.  She’d hauled herself up on the counter next to the sink, and was sipping a mug of coffee.  

“Just nice to be able to help.”

She nodded, but looked at Bob for a little longer than necessary.  “What’s the other me like?” she asked.

Huh.  Not what he’d been expecting.  Bob put down the sponge and toweled off his hands.  “Uh, the same, pretty much.  Pretty much all of you guys are the same, I haven’t noticed too much different.  Besides–”

He stops.  It probably wouldn’t be best to say that Ava was a regressor in his universe.  Bob has never seen her regressed, he always tried to leave the room the few times she went down, but even if she was the perfect little, she probably wouldn’t appreciate that sort of thing being unexpectedly out in the open.

“Besides?”

“Uh, Ava.  Back home she cut her hair short last week, it’s still long here.”

Yelena made a face, apparently considering what Ava would look like with short hair.  “Copycat.” she smiled.  “Think she’ll dye her hair like mine too?”

Bob laughed.  “How do you know she wasn’t copying me?” he flipped a piece of his hair dramatically.  “It takes a lot to look like this!”

They giggle together, and Yelena offers to dry the dishes he washes.  The task takes twice as long because they keep flicking water and whipping towels at each other, but it’s worth it.

Once they’ve calmed down and trailed into the living room to watch TV, Yelena asks “Do you want me to go with you to see the physicists?”

Bob shakes his head.  “I’ve got it.”

“I just–” Yelena hesitates.  “I mean, I know you’ve got it, but…I wanted to make sure it wasn’t too triggering, y’know?  Not too much like the medical trial.”

“Thanks, Yelena, but I can handle it.”

Yelena nods, but he knows she isn’t happy about it.  He appreciates it, but this has to be something he does on his own.  

════════════════

UNIVERSE #618-2C, Thunderbolts Littleverse Earth

 

After his appointment, Bob returns to the penthouse in high spirits.  The doctors were optimistic they could help him get back home soon, especially with the new readings they took.  The idea felt bittersweet.  This team had been so nice, he was kind of having the time of his life here.  But he missed home, too.  He wondered what the others were doing right now.  How was the other Bob faring?

John, having heard the elevator, came around the corner from the kitchen holding a gigantic knife.  “Still feeling big?” he asked

Bob nodded.

“Will you keep an eye on Ava while I cook?  She just needs some company.”

Bob gave John a thumbs up, and John went back to his cooking.  He headed into the living room, looking for Ava.  The idea of looking after someone else while they were in little space sent a little thrill up his spine.  What would it be like?  Would Ava like him?  Would it be fulfilling, like John and Yelena talked about?  Would he even be good at it? 

He finds Ava playing some kind of princess video game.  “Hi Bob!” she smiles.  “Will you play?”

Before he can say anything, Ava scrambles forward and connects a new controller, shoving it in his hands.  “You can be Flynn Rider.  We’re looking for the Snuggly Duckling!”

Bob smiles.  “What’s that?”

“It’s a tavern, there’s a secret passageway hidden there.”

“Ok.” He takes a second to figure out the controls, but it’s a simple game.  Ava insists on exploring each and every part of the map, they spend most of their time opening treasure chests in caves and making flowers bloom with Ava’s character’s powers.  

“Can I have a snack?” Ava asks after a while.  Bob hums.

“Dinner’s gonna be soon, but maybe just a small one, ok?  Don’t wanna ruin your appetite.”  She nods, and Bob gets up to look for a snack.  There’s food stashed all throughout the tower, a consequence of living with so many super-soldiers.  He finds a mandarin, and starts to peel it while he sits cross-legged next to her on the floor.  He holds one of the slices in his mouth, making her laugh.

“Can I sit with you? Please?”

Bob nods, handing her another slice.  She pushes his arms back, turns, then plops herself directly into his lap.  Huh.  A bit strange, but Bob smiles.  This is nice.

They continue playing like that, she fits in his lap surprisingly well.  It’s a bit hard to see the TV over her hair, but he just hooks his chin over her shoulder, and wraps his arms around her waist to hold the controller.  Every once in a while he hands her another orange slice.  

Is this what being a big brother would have been like?  This is almost as fun as actually being little had been.  

Over the next while, the penthouse gets busier as everyone gathers for dinner.  Bob can hear minor squabbling as the others set the table.  He taps Ava’s knee.  

“Next save point, why don’t we go wash our hands for dinner?”

Coincidentally, the next save point lies behind a long cut scene where Rapunzel and Flynn Ryder head into some tunnels, but Bob doesn’t mind.  He and Ava close the game and go wash their hands together, before sitting down with the others.

“Big Bob is just as fun as Baby Bob!” declares Ava once they sat down.  “He played Tangled with me, and we found all of the duckling statues!”

Bucky ruffles her hair before he takes his seat.  “That sounds great, squirt.  Where was the last one?”

“Underneath the piano player's bed.  Once he gets back, I’m definitely making our Bob play Tangled too.”

The others chuckle and dig in.  Alexei cuts up Ava’s pork, and Yelena tells them about what she bought at the mall, mostly clothes and a few decorations she’s already scattered around the penthouse.  It’s interesting, watching them.  Ava fits in so well with their dynamic.  It’s not even that they’re naturally treating her like a kid, it’s more than that.  They’re treating her like a friend, who happens to be acting like a kid.  They’re considerate, and thoughtful, and don’t seem at all perturbed when Ava talks a mile a minute and repeats everything they did in the video game.  They ask questions, cut in with their own stories, and offer seconds.  When he thinks about it, that’s how they treated him, when he was regressed at the dinner table.    

It was definitely something Bob wasn’t used to, but he liked the idea of it.  The thunderbolts were already more of a family than he’d ever had before, in every universe.

Notes:

Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed!

Soon, both our Bobs will be in Littlespace. I'm very excited for soft relaxation in one universe, and crazed confusion and panic in the other. Everything will be ok though!

Also, I hope Little!Bob's point of view isn't too pedantic. I'm trying to convey a sort of swirling inner dialogue, the kind you get when a lot of the logic you're working with (like the idea that your friends would abandon you if you were vulnerable with them again) isn't sound. Soon we'll get something more actiony/hurt-comforty, what everyone came here to see!

Labor day weekend has allowed me to relax and get some writing done, but I've also just started school again. I'm going to be very busy, but I'm trying hard to get chapters out. I love writing this story so much.

*hypnotist voice* leave a comment...you know you want to...leave a comment...tell me your favorite detail or part of the story...how do you feel about POV switches...what kind of sandwiches do you think they ate...what is your favorite thing to read in an age regression story...leave a comment...

ALSO!! Shout out to RowdyBoy, who wrote a killer fic/series inspired by this one. Go check it out! They rock

Don't Need a Reason (12427 words) by RowdyBoy