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kaelix feels that, for him and seible, casual displays of affection take less effort than breathing.
it’s been this way with them for as long as he can remember. honestly, it might’ve started as soon as they met. he doesn’t find the thought that surprising.
while freo and zeal can be affectionate, they tend to be way more lowkey about it than him and seible. freo especially is rather reserved when it comes to physical touch, preferring not to give it out too freely unless it’s for truly sentimental reasons; his hugs are immensely special to kaelix, filling his heart with a boundless amount of warmth in an instant. zeal’s gentle touches throughout a conversation are also occasional, like the brush of fingertips against an arm as a way of placing emphasis on his statement, or carefully picking a stray eyelash off of someone’s cheek—something given with clear purpose.
seible, though… seible is the type of person to casually snuggle up to others without even batting an eye, for no other reason than him just feeling like it. for someone as naturally affectionate as kaelix, this works out so, so wonderfully. it makes perfect sense that they would gravitate toward one another, and that the affection between them would become a constant thing as a result.
it’s exactly why kaelix currently finds himself with his head resting atop seible’s lap. gentle fingers run idly through his hair, taking extra care not to tug at any strands.
they’d all met up at zeal’s place earlier in the day to have further discussions about their next live-house event, since they still had a couple remaining details to finalize before they could actually start getting things sorted for it. to everyone’s surprise, they got everything settled way more quickly than expected, so they decided to relax together for a little while longer in the living room, chatting over coffee and tea.
the pleasant warmth of kaelix’s tea had set into every last inch of his body, enveloping him in a comfortable sleepiness that he couldn’t bear to resist. he didn’t even need to ask or say anything—all he had to do was scoot a little further away from seible to be able to lay down properly, and seible was already moving his hands away from his lap to allow him to rest his head. within seconds, those soft, familiar hands were already scratching lightly at his scalp.
and now… kaelix struggles to keep himself awake, hardly able to even follow the others’ conversation. their low murmurs are quite akin to a lullaby for him, coaxing him closer to dreamland. they’d even picked up on his exhaustion a few moments earlier, with freo softly urging the other two to keep their voices down as well to let him rest. kaelix had been too sleepy to even be able to tell them that they really don’t need to do that for his sake, unsure if anything coherent would have come out of his mouth if he did speak.
secretly, though, he didn’t even want to protest it; after all, very few things warm his heart as much as his loved ones looking out for him with thoughtful little gestures like these. it makes him feel cherished.
he lays there, listening to them talk for what feels like hours, drifting in and out of that comfortable half-dozing state. it’s during a brief lull in the conversation that he feels he's rested his eyes for long enough, slowly letting them open. he blinks a few times to help him re-adjust to the warm evening light flooding the room, muffling a quiet yawn into his hand.
he shifts his attention to seible, gazing languidly up at him through eyelids heavy from exhaustion. his eyes flit from seible’s bright, beaming smile, to the joyful crinkling at the corners of his eyes, to the rays of sundown that catch and reflect prettily in his hair, to the hand that begins gesturing animatedly once more as he jumps back into the conversation to respond to freo. kaelix feels the other one resting atop his own head, absent-mindedly petting him.
the realization makes his heart do a funny thing—even mid-conversation, and even with how avid of a hand-talker he is, seible still refuses to completely take his hands off of kaelix.
it takes everything in him to suppress a giddy smile.
after a moment, seible decides to take a back-seat as freo and zeal carry on talking about… y’know, he isn’t too sure, actually. he hasn’t been focusing at all on their conversation. something, something, stage and lighting direction… he’s a bit too distracted by seible’s pretty face to even really wanna listen in. those bright, sapphire eyes bounce back and forth between the two that are talking, only looking away from them after a little while to glance over at kaelix.
kaelix sees the moment that seible realizes he’s awake. his eyebrows raise the tiniest bit as he fully shifts his attention to kaelix, eyes softening.
“you’re not sleeping, kae-chan?” seible whispers, leaning down ever-so-slightly with the tiniest head tilt. “are we keeping you awake? should we be quieter?"
kaelix shakes his head slowly, a tiny smile on his lips. “i like listening to you guys… it’s nice. i feel all warm and comfy and safe,” he murmurs back, just loud enough for seible to hear.
the corners of seible’s lips tug up some. gently—so, so gently—he cups kaelix’s cheek with his free hand, rubbing small circles right below his cheekbone. kaelix’s eyes slowly slip shut, a shaky breath leaving him. it feels instant, the way his face warms up with that simple gesture.
he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to this sort of affection from seible; he doesn’t know what name to put to it, but what he does know is that it makes his heart quiver something awful. it makes for the strangest push-and-pull of wanting to melt and back away simultaneously, leaving him unable to decide if it’s safe to lean further into the intimacy, or if he should keep passing all of this off as nothing more than a series of friendly gestures.
it’s risky, but he allows himself to indulge in the affection every single time, despite all of his concerns. he can’t help the way he hungers for more of it, fuelled by a need that runs deep. he can’t help seeking more from seible, not when seible gives and gives and gives so willingly. he can’t help feeling unhurried with ironing out the details of it all, when there’s no point labelling it anything other than a good thing. the only thing he can bring himself to care about is seible’s hand on his head, and his comforting warmth.
“i’m really happy to hear that you're enjoying listening to us. but still, kae-chan, you’re super sleepy, aren’t you? we’ll be here for you to listen to when you wake up again,” seible reassures. “so, please get some rest for now, okay?”
with that sweet voice of his, kaelix thinks he’ll agree to just about anything seible could ever ask of him. if he wants kaelix to rest, then he’d be a proper fool to go against it.
kaelix melts fully into the palm his cheek rests in. a slow exhale escapes through his nose, eyelashes fluttering. the gentle back-and-forth of seible’s thumb feels akin to a magical cure that completely saps away all the tension in his face and body , replacing it entirely with a sort of relaxation that he hasn’t felt in forever.
he drifts, and he drifts, and he drifts. and he feels safe. and he feels cared for.
seible always makes him feel cared for.
seible is a very, very animated person. sometimes, kaelix feels that he’s even more animated than himself.
exhibit a: quite early on in their friendship, he’d come to the realization that seible is genuinely, physically incapable of staying in one spot while laughing. it’s as if he fully loses his sense of balance, causing him to either crouch down with his forehead resting on his knees, or reach over to grab anything or anyone in his immediate vicinity. kaelix finds this incredibly cute of him, and seeing seible lose it so severely never fails to make him smile even harder than he already is. there’s very little that brings him as much joy as the joy of his loved ones; it’s genuinely the most infectious thing.
however, as of late, seible has been stabilizing himself on kaelix more and more frequently. now, this isn’t a bad thing in the slightest—quite the opposite, actually. it had warmed his heart an insane amount, the first time seible did this with him. kaelix is always more than happy to be able to hold him up, and will gladly continue to do this for his beloved seible any chance he gets.
it’s just… does he have to go the extra mile to give kaelix a heart attack while he’s at it?
see, it started off small, with him resting a hand on kaelix’s shoulder, or gently grabbing his arm, just to be able to lean on him. however, as time went on, he began holding himself up in increasingly clingier ways. just within the past week, kaelix can already recall a moment where seible had wound both of his arms around one of kaelix’s, rather koala-like in the way he was hanging off of him, as well as another moment where he’d leaned all the way back against kaelix’s chest, small body trembling with laughter against him, with the very top of his head perfectly tucked under kaelix’s chin, and…
… ohh, just thinking about the latter memory is enough to make his face burn! what on earth is seible doing to him and his poor, poor heart?! he’s actually going to be the death of him!
at present, he feels that impending death even more intensely. the moment freo gives a witty one-liner in response to something kaelix had said, with seible standing right beside kaelix, he’s already resigning himself to his fate, waiting for the inevitable heart palpitations to set in.
and yet, no amount of bracing himself seems to ever be enough; when seible collapses into kaelix, with his face buried in the crook of his neck and a hand firmly grabbing at his waist in an added attempt to keep himself up, kaelix genuinely begins fearing that he's on the verge of perishing.
zeal’s saying something that kaelix can't quite hear over his own rushing heartbeat, drowning out all other noise. the only sound outside of his heart that his mind seems willing to register is seible's giddy giggling, half-muffled into kaelix's skin. the warmth of seible’s breath softly brushes his skin on every exhale—kaelix can barely suppress a shudder. wasn’t the room much cooler than this just a few seconds ago…?
after an extremely prolonged moment where he, at some point, remembers how to breathe, his mind catches up to him. the very first thing he notices is that there seems to be no clear way to tell who's holding up who, with his own knees a few seconds away from buckling beneath him, and seible completely relying on him to hold his weight. in all honesty, kaelix finds it somewhat impressive that they didn't end up collapsing into a pile on the ground—scratch that, he’s shocked that he didn’t faint entirely.
“he looks like he’s about to explode into a million pieces,” zeal jokes, looking right at kaelix’s flushed face with an eyebrow slightly quirked. “no mercy on him today, seible?”
the hand resting on his waist doesn’t move an inch—kaelix feels its warmth seep through the fabric of his shirt, etching its heat into the deepest layer of his skin. he thinks seible pulls him even closer, actually. the inherent possessiveness of the action almost has him going horribly, dangerously weak in seible’s arms.
“oh, it’s fine, i’m sure! kae-chan doesn’t mind keeping me up, right?” seible shifts slightly to be able to look up at kaelix, a smug, teasing glint in his eyes. it’s as if he’s daring kaelix to say he doesn’t like being in this situation—as if he knows with all the assuredness in the world that kaelix would never say otherwise.
kaelix feels heat return to his face with a vengeance, and can only bring himself to mumble out a weak little, “yeah, uh huh, that’s—all, um—all’s good, no worries…”
an amused giggle escapes seible as he squeezes kaelix a little tighter, just to make his heart jump one more time. you know, because he can. “see? kae-chan’s so sweet to me!”
“i’m a little impressed with how much he’s willing to put up with, more than anything…” freo murmurs, the corners of his lips twitching up slightly.
“put up with? that’s such a mean way to put it, furi-chan,” seible complains light-heartedly. kaelix feels him move around again, just enough to be able to rest his head on kaelix’s chest, his ear perfectly pressing up against the spot where his heart sits. kaelix can practically hear the devilish little smile in his voice when he continues, “i can tell it’s more than that—kae-chan would be really vocal if he didn’t actually like it!”
kaelix feels his heart do an indescribable thing at that, followed by the horrible realization that seible likely felt it too. a nervous fluttering erupts in his stomach, fuelled solely by the knowledge that he can’t do anything to prevent seible from taking mental notes of every frantic beat and stutter of kaelix’s heart, each one practically confirming seible’s statement for him. he doesn’t trust himself to get a coherent response out, so he averts his gaze from the others, settling for a wordless nod.
zeal chuckles, eyes crinkling at the corners with amusement. “you’re just gonna let him call you out like this, kaelix?”
“i don’t think i have much say here, i’ll be so real with you,” kaelix responds through nervous giggles, shaking his head. zeal gives a hearty laugh, getting up from his seat.
“don’t worry, i’ll save you for a bit. seible, how about you come help me out with reorganizing the alcohol display?” zeal suggests, gesturing with his head towards the direction of the bar. “if i remember correctly, you did offer to give me a hand with that, didn’t you?”
“aww…” seible pouts, shoulders slumping a little. “... i did say that, didn’t i?”
seible slowly detaches himself entirely from kaelix, his hand reluctantly letting go of kaelix’s waist after what feels like an eternity. it leaves an odd sort of buzzing feeling behind, a phantom sensation of being held there. a reminder. kaelix’s fingers twitch in a concentrated effort to not do something stupid, like press his own hand above the area in an attempt to preserve the feeling, or grab seible’s hand to put it back in its rightful place.
kaelix’s heart jolts violently, forcing him to do a double take at his own thought. the rightful place of seible’s hand… is on… kaelix’s waist… oh.
his face goes absurdly hot. kaelix turns away as much as he can without drawing attention to himself, trying his hardest to hide behind his hair. he swears, if any of them decide to ask why he’s blushing so hard, he’s not going to make it. he genuinely just won’t survive. it’ll be the end of kaelix debonair…!
for the first time today, life hears his dramatic thoughts and decides to have mercy on him. when seible and zeal go to fix up the bar, freo decides to follow them—likely to offer opinions on the aesthetics of object placements and visual arrangements—leaving kaelix to collect himself all alone. he breathes a quiet sigh of relief, leaning a shoulder against the wall.
his heart is still racing. kaelix clumsily pushes his glasses up into his hair and runs a hand down his face, resting it over the lower half as he blinks slowly down at the floorboards.
the phantom feeling of seible’s hand still lingers, right where it used to be on his waist. some sick and twisted part of himself already yearns to be pulled close into that soothing warmth once more—he mentally squishes the thought to death so as to not lose his mind all over again.
god. he’s beyond screwed.
closing hours at the live-house are quite possibly kaelix’s favourite thing.
there’s always some repetitive task for him to take care of, allowing him to completely turn his brain off for a while. it’s the most perfect little routine—he sets his phone down on the table with a playlist on shuffle, cranking the volume up to the maximum, and gets to work. anything that the others don’t feel like doing, or don’t have the time for, he is always more than happy to do for them. things like inventory checks, restocks, cleaning—even small things that need fixing, he’s always willing to try his hand at.
oftentimes, they don’t even need to ask anything of him. kaelix is always silently taking mental notes of what needs doing, just so that he can take something off of the others’ plates and make their lives a little easier. there’s genuinely nothing more rewarding for him than the way they smile at him after they realize that something they’ve been worried about has already been taken care of. he adores the warmth in his chest that comes with their sincere gratitude, and would never pass up the opportunity to feel it again.
that promise of his dear friends’ smiles keeps him going constantly as he works. he feels particularly light on his feet today, joyfully humming along under his breath to the song playing from his phone speaker, almost twirling around the room as he cleans. it’s as if he’s been completely rid of any and all worries, with the music being the only thing guiding his movements, each rise and fall leading him in a duet. he leans on it fully, following the beat with every single step.
an all-consuming elation blossoms in his chest, spreading to every last inch of his body. it intensifies by the second, gradual enough to where he could easily stop it at any point to re-focus on the task that he’s semi-abandoned, yet he does nothing to prevent himself from feeling it in its entirety. why would he, when this is the kind of joy he finds himself craving so often? he hears his voice swell with it, carrying across the room in perfect harmony with the song’s vocals. every note he sings feels like a cathartic release of that exhilaration, keeping him from overwhelming himself with this big feeling.
as soon as he lands that last high note, the strong emotion has mostly fizzled out, leaving him to catch his breath in the middle of the empty live-house hall.
wait. wait, it isn’t empty—
he whips around, eyes wide as the realization smacks him upside the head that seible’s been keeping him company for the past hour. somehow, he’d gotten so engrossed in his cleaning that he forgot he wasn’t alone. an unbearable heat is already rising to his face before he even makes eye contact with seible.
and yet, when he does… he feels something knock the breath out of him.
seible hasn’t moved at all from where he’d made himself comfortable at a table a little further away, his chin resting in his palms. in fact, kaelix isn’t sure he’s moving, period. he’s too-still, holding his breath, staring at kaelix through big, dazed eyes; he’s clearly too distracted to even realize kaelix has turned around to face him. his lips are parted just so, as if he’s been seconds away from speaking for an eon now. an airy breath leaves those lips slowly, his gaze finally clearing up enough to look kaelix in the eyes.
“... you’re an angel,” seible murmurs. if he were any quieter, kaelix would’ve thought that he’d dreamt the words up.
kaelix blinks at him, wide-eyed. almost impossibly so, he feels his face grow hotter.
“huh…?” kaelix breathes out, voice trembling. he’s been singing and dancing through this entire cleaning session with all the stability in the world, so why does he suddenly feel so unsteady on his feet…?
seible’s lips curve into something breath-takingly soft, a tremor passing through kaelix’s heart at the sight. a subtle rosiness blooms high on seible’s cheeks, obviously having realized too-belatedly what had spilled from his lips; even still, his voice doesn’t waver once.
“no, seriously, kae-chan. that was… oh, i don’t even have the words. that was so pretty. gorgeous, even. you’re like a songbird.”
“a songbi—?!” kaelix gasps out, the back of his hand flying up to his mouth. he can practically feel his face radiating heat. opening his mouth to say something fails once, then twice, and honestly, maybe he should just give up on words right now, because there’s no way in hell he’ll be able to speak without his voice coming out as some embarrassing, squeaky thing.
lord. of all the possible ways to describe him, seible chose songbird…? and angel?!
kaelix feels faint.
he swallows, averting his gaze. the jackhammering of his heart in his chest is intense, nearly making his body sway with how hard it beats. he squeezes his eyes shut, exhaling slowly.
“th… thank you,” he mumbles into his hand, almost breathless. “you’re really too sweet to me, seible.”
“i mean it, kae-chan,” seible responds, his widening smile clearly audible in his voice. “i feel like i can watch you sing and have fun forever. makes me feel all warm inside, y’know?”
kaelix’s lips tug up into a wobbly smile at that, helpless to the flustered giggles that escape him. “forever? surely you’d get tired of it, at some point?”
seible’s answer is instant, and much-too-sincere. “nuh-uh. never.”
he opens his eyes to glance back at seible briefly, taking in the way he looks at kaelix like he’s everything to him, and feels the butterflies in his stomach go haywire all over again. he spins around on his heel to hide his burning face—as well as the embarrassingly huge grin stretched across it—pretending to busy himself instead with cleaning once more.
“oh, we—well then, if you say so...” kaelix stammers out, half-breathless. he pauses right after, the punny connection he’d just made shocking him out of his flustered state enough to pull a few snickers out of him. “no, wait, if you sei so. get it? sei?”
“stop, that was terrible,” seible immediately retorts, but the way he’s giggling around his words tells kaelix otherwise. the sound of seible’s infectious laughter sets off his own like a catalyst, weaving them together into their own heartwarming little melody.
forever, huh…?
yeah, having this forever would be really nice.
“you actually hate me.”
“kae-chan,” seible chokes out through short, quiet laughs, shoulders trembling with the effort of trying not to fully lose it. “i promise you, i could never.”
“wh—then, you—wha…? why on earth would you tape my recording mic to the ceiling, then?!” kaelix exclaims, baffled beyond words. “actually, how did you even do that?!”
“you should know that a magician never reveals his secrets, kae-chan,” seible evades with a cheeky little wink. kaelix groans with only half the exasperation that he should probably have in this situation, grabbing seible by the shoulders and shaking him lightly.
“wh—okay, whatever! why would you do that, is the real question!”
seible’s lips quiver with the effort of fighting back a widening smile. “i dunno. try getting it down from there, and i might tell you.”
“might, he says…” kaelix mumbles to himself, pulling a cackle out of seible that he pointedly ignores. he glances back up at the ceiling, scanning his surroundings for ways to elevate himself enough to be able to pick the tape off properly. he needs to be able to hold it so it doesn’t fall and break, so that means…
if he takes his own height into consideration, he knows that he would probably just be able to reach it with the help of a chair. so, when he lugs one over to the middle of his living room, he also grabs two cushions off the couch as an extra height boost. a bit of careful—albeit slightly risky—balancing atop the cushions, and he’s perfectly able to peel the tape away with his nails to take his mic down.
“yay, there we go!” he cheers, stepping off of the chair and placing the mic onto the coffee table. tossing the cushions back onto the couch, he lifts the chair up by the backrest and carefully carries it back to its original spot. “now, what was that about?”
for a moment, seible doesn’t speak. kaelix glances over at him, noting that he’s staring at kaelix as if… he’s waiting for something? he blinks at seible, lips pursed in curiosity.
“seible?”
a tiny hum leaves him. “come here, kae-chan.”
kaelix tilts his head slightly, unable to help feeling a little confused, but takes a few steps forward anyways. he sits down on the couch right next to seible, looking at him the entire time. no amount of trying to read seible’s expression gives away what’s on his mind.
“a little closer,” seible coaxes.
kaelix complies, though his curiosity grows by the second. is this the lead-up to another one of his odd pranks…?
no sooner does he think that than seible gently takes hold of his shoulders, pulling him in. kaelix’s breath hitches sharply, eyes widening when seible shifts both of them to lay on the couch, carefully resting kaelix’s head on his chest. he freezes against seible, blinking at nothing.
“sei—seible…?” he repeats, his voice a little higher this time.
kaelix feels a hand run through his strands, softly, slowly. it’s embarrassing how quickly that makes him melt, every single bit of the bewildered tension from moments prior leaving his body in a millisecond. seible adjusts them cautiously, taking great care to ensure they’re both comfortable.
“i don’t think you realize just how much you’ve been overworking yourself recently, kae-chan,” seible starts quietly, voice just above a whisper. “i’m surprised you’d let yourself record non-stop for a week, when you’ve always been the most conscious of your vocal health out of all of us—and your health, in general. me hiding your mic away like that and making you look for it was a silly way to say, ‘hey, maybe put that away for a bit?’... especially since, y’know, the deadline for your project isn’t for another week. it’s okay to rest. you deserve it.”
for a brief moment, kaelix struggles to remember how to breathe. slowly, he forces himself to inhale deeply, moving around enough to where he can bury his face into seible’s neck. a few seconds pass where he doesn’t reply, turning seible’s words over in his brain.
he’s… awfully right. kaelix isn’t sure when he’d allowed himself to get so carried away, or how. in fact, now that he thinks about it, he’s not entirely certain if he’d been eating properly either ever since he’d started working on this project. the only thing he can say with confidence is that he’s been drinking water non-stop to be able to keep the takes going for as long as possible.
he curls further into seible, allowing a small sigh to leave him. the delicate fingers that have weaved themselves into his hair never once stop their motions, particularly mindful not to tug at any strands. the unhurried pace of the brushing and caressing and twirling helps dictate the pace at which he breathes, putting him completely at ease.
“thank you, seible. you’re completely right, i genuinely didn’t notice how much i needed to rest,” he speaks into seible’s neck, words half-muffled against it. a tiny tremor passes through seible’s body when kaelix's lips drag lightly over his skin, though he doesn’t think much of it, too distracted by the soothing warmth surrounding him. he somehow nestles even closer while intertwining their legs together, to the point where he thinks they might merge into one—he can’t say he minds the thought. “i really needed this, too…”
“ye—yeah?” seible replies breathlessly, wrapping his other arm around kaelix and rubbing small, gentle circles into his back.
“mhm. i had no idea i’d been so tense until all of it left me just now,” kaelix admits, giving a quiet giggle. “your hugs are the most comforting thing ever. i wish i’d realized sooner how badly i needed one.”
an airy laugh leaves seible, and he feels him lightly rest his head on kaelix’s own. “i’ll hold you anytime you need me to, kae-chan. all you have to do is ask.”
kaelix’s heart flutters erratically at the promise of ‘anytime’. he’s helpless to the way his lips tug up, smiling softly into seible’s skin. “honestly, even if i don’t ask, you still somehow know what i need before i do… i don’t know how you do it.”
“mmm… i just pay a lot of attention to the people i care about,” seible says simply, a subtle tenderness in his tone that tugs at some part of kaelix’s heart.
kaelix untangles himself from seible enough to be able to lift himself up onto his elbows and gaze down at him with a little smile. “you care about me?” he asks, his voice going all soft and mushy in the way that it does when he technically knows something to be a fact, but wants to hear it said again anyways.
as soon as the words are out of his mouth, he sees the warmth that blossoms in seible’s eyes, right alongside the slight crinkling at their corners. seible moves the hand that he’d been using to play with his hair, cupping kaelix’s cheek with it instead. “you’re very special to me, kae-chan. of course i care about you—i care about you more than i can even put into words. the closest i could get to it is probably… you mean the world to me.”
kaelix blinks down at him a few times, feeling his face grow warmer and warmer by the second; he wonders, in passing, if the heat radiating from kaelix’s face can be felt through seible’s glove.
he goes weak, collapsing back onto seible’s chest with a shudder. he buries his face into seible’s shirt and lets out a slow, unsteady breath. when kaelix next speaks, the words practically wobble out of him.
“you can’t just say that, you can’t…”
“i’m only being truthful!” seible replies, and kaelix can hear in his tone how big he’s smiling.
a shaky little laugh leaves kaelix. he turns his head so that the side of his face rests against seible’s chest, allowing him to breathe once more. for a brief moment, his response gets caught on the very tip of his tongue before he’s finally able to speak again, having found himself unbearably distracted by the sound of seible’s racing heartbeat. it's breathtakingly clear—he’d unintentionally placed himself in the perfect position to hear each and every beat in its entirety, quick yet steady. for some reason, it sends his heart into his throat, making him feel something indescribable.
“god, you’re so…”
seible only chuckles in response, clearly amused by kaelix’s reaction. for a moment, neither of them say anything more, simply laying there and enjoying each other’s warmth. seible’s hand doesn’t stop rubbing kaelix’s back for even a moment, his touch almost feather-light, languid. the constant, comforting motions are almost enough to lull him to sleep, but he doesn’t allow his eyes to slip shut just yet.
kaelix softly chews on his lip. seible’s words replay in his mind, over and over again, his heart beating harder and harder against his ribcage. he smushes his cheek into seible’s chest, half-burying his too-warm face in it once more.
the words are out of his mouth before he can even think about it.
“i feel the same, y’know?”
“hm?” seible prompts, sounding a little surprised.
“you also…” kaelix trails off, turning his face a little more to fully hide it away. “you also mean the world to me, seible. thank you for always looking out for me, even when you don't really have to—i'm endlessly grateful for it.”
he feels an exhale leave seible, sharp and sudden. there’s a brief moment of stillness and silence, only interrupted when seible shifts around just enough to be able to bury his face into kaelix’s hair. he rests a hand against the nape of kaelix’s neck gently, holding him close. if kaelix focuses enough, he thinks that he can even feel the wide curve of seible’s lips pressing into the crown of his head.
“i always will, kae-chan. maybe i don't have to, but i want to.”
the smile that stretches across kaelix's face makes his cheeks ache.
he truly is so, so incredibly lucky.
seible has been coming over a lot, lately.
sometimes, kaelix thinks—albeit jokingly—that he’s one step away from moving in with him. it’s gotten to the point where he’d suggested a few weeks back that seible could leave some clothes in his closet for him to have if he ever stays the night spontaneously; which has been happening increasingly often, much to kaelix’s delight. of course, seible gladly took him up on that offer, not wanting to have to deal with the hassle of carrying things with him every time he visits. he’d also ended up giving seible the extra key, allowing him to come and go as he pleases.
now… it honestly feels odd when seible’s not around. kaelix isn’t sure how or when this happened, but he’d somehow gotten so unbelievably used to seible’s presence that the absence of his dearest friend makes the apartment feel much-too-empty, and much-too-quiet. whenever he leaves, it feels like kaelix is suddenly surrounded by more space than he knows what to do with, when he’d never felt that way in his own apartment before—he’d even go as far as to say that seible takes the cozy atmosphere with him as soon as he goes. in an instant, it’s replaced by calm, and stillness, and everything that seible is not.
he can’t say he’s ever particularly enjoyed being in silence for too long, in all honesty.
now, obviously, there’s only one way to deal with this, and that’s to subtly—but really, who knows if he’s capable of being that subtle about it—try and get seible to stay for as long as possible.
he’s had to get creative with it, whether it’s asking to have dinner together (since he’s already here and has nowhere urgent to be; might as well, right?), or to stay another day to finish up their work together (only because two heads are decidedly better than one!)—which, all very valid reasons to spend more time with one another, in his humble opinion!
seible either doesn’t seem to pick up on the fact that kaelix keeps having him stay longer, or he doesn’t make it obvious that he can tell. whatever it is… he really doesn’t seem to mind. kaelix has never once seen him give any sort of outward sign that this is an inconvenience to him; in fact, he seems to brighten whenever kaelix comes up with yet another thing to keep him for.
he… never seems to want to leave, either. kaelix hopes he isn’t wrong in saying that, but he really can’t help noticing the way seible lingers by the doorway and keeps chatting with him even though he’s been saying he’s ‘gonna get going’ for over half an hour, or the way he keeps forgetting things that he’ll have to come back for. one time, he’d even caught a glimpse of something melancholic and unsure—something hesitant— in seible’s eyes, just before he’d turned towards the elevator to leave. even though kaelix most likely wasn’t supposed to see that, he was still left wondering what it meant for days on end.
although he can’t say with confidence that he and seible are feeling the same thing, kaelix thinks it can't be too far off. he will never, ever get used to the way his chest squeezes uncomfortably whenever seible starts getting ready to go, nor the painful tugging at his heart when they wave goodbye, always looking back at each other as if they’re not yet ready to let go of each other for the day.
kaelix heaves a sigh, his face burrowing deeper into the pillow. he squeezes it tighter, holding it as close as possible to his chest and trying to feel the slightest semblance of the warmth that seible emanates. he feels pathetic, missing him this much. he’d come to visit only yesterday, after all… it really hasn’t been that long. so, why does it feel like it’s been ages? he’s almost tempted to call himself dramatic for it.
… still, it’s not like he can really help it. there's always something missing whenever seible isn't around, it feels like—he's just never been able to put it into words.
knock knock knock. knock. knock knock.
kaelix and his heart both jolt at the familiar pattern. speak—think?—of the devil and he shall appear…
“come in!” he calls, trying not to sound too eager and only failing a little.
the moment he gives his permission, the handle turns. seible cracks the door open, peeking his head through just enough to see what kaelix is up to, before actually opening it completely.
“are you…” seible starts, blinking. “is everything okay, kae-chan?”
kaelix gives a curious noise, lifting his head just a bit from where it had been buried in his pillow. “why do you ask?”
“oh, well, you know… the, uh—the pillow, and the curled-up position, and the way you look a little sad…?” seible suggests, his lips downturned with concern.
ahh… he really didn’t think it’d be that visible on his face.
“nothing happened, really,” kaelix reassures, dropping his head back down. he opens his mouth once, twice, trying to come up with a proper reason without outright telling seible something incredibly stupid and too-honest like ‘i missed you in the eighteen hours you were gone’. “just, ah… not feeling my best today, i guess? i’m not sure either.”
seible scans kaelix’s expression for a second. his eyebrows furrow some, and kaelix can immediately tell that he knows that wasn’t the whole truth. still, he doesn’t prod, simply shutting the door behind him and stepping closer. he takes a seat at the edge of the bed, facing kaelix, and reaches over to take kaelix’s hand in his own.
he watches with rapt attention as seible turns his hand over, pressing his own against it and slowly interlocking their fingers. when seible starts rubbing gentle circles into his knuckle with the soft pad of his thumb, kaelix takes a shuddering breath in.
“with the way you’re hugging your pillow, i get the feeling you need something like this…” seible murmurs softly. “or, would you rather have a hug instead?”
wide-eyed, kaelix blinks up at him. how did he…?
seible’s lips twitch up as soon as he sees kaelix’s expression. “you’re probably wondering how i could tell, right? you do this thing a lot where, the moment you start looking a little down, you hug the nearest pillow or cushion realll tight. if that’s not an option, you directly seek out physical touch. i figured that’s probably the case here, too. the real thing is surely a lot better, so… i’m gladly offering, if you need it.”
kaelix stares at him for a moment longer, trying his hardest to still his racing heart, even while he's letting go of the pillow and pushing it to the side. he throws his arms wide open to wordlessly urge him closer.
seible even notices little things like this…?
“am i that easy to read?”
“a little, yes,” seible says light-heartedly, grinning wide as he slots himself into kaelix's arms, nestling his face right into the crook of his neck and holding him close, close. “but also, i just know you very well. i pay a lot of attention to you, which… i feel like you already knew that, but my point is, of course i'd pick up on these kinds of things when i spend so much time looking your way.”
kaelix's heart quivers frantically. “you—” he stammers, averting his gaze and suddenly feeling way too warm in the face. “you really do seem to like doing that, huh… careful, if you keep saying things like that, i'm gonna start thinking you like me,” he jokes through his nervous giggles, and almost misses the way that seible’s breath hitches. “that is, if this isn't some weird… science experiment type of thing where you’re observing me for reasons beyond me.”
a few seconds pass where seible says nothing, and for a terrifying moment, kaelix fears that he’d joked too close to the sun. he glances back, but can’t really see seible’s face from his current position, only able to catch a glimpse of… a bright red ear?
“oh, don’t worry, kae-chan. i’d never use you as a guinea pig,” seible assures him through quiet giggles. kaelix can’t help but notice the way he doesn’t say anything in response to the first part—as a sort of silent agreement not to poke and prod, not to start a conversation they aren't ready to have, kaelix doesn’t dare bring it up either. he’d already risked too much just by saying that in the first place. he can still feel his heart hammering away in his chest as if he’d run a marathon.
“i don’t know about that…” kaelix glances to the right—away from seible—then to the left, and back. “i can never seem to predict your next move, y’know? so, who’s to say that you’re really telling the truth?”
seible laughs, lightly smacking his arm and pulling away from kaelix’s neck just enough to be able to look at him. “kae-chan, you trust me so little!”
“well, you can’t blame me! you mess around too much! don’t think that i forgot the time you—” kaelix shakes his head, turning to look back at seible as he speaks—and, immediately, cuts himself off abruptly on the sharp hitching of his breath.
close. seible is so, so close.
he’s frozen in place. all that had been on the tip of his tongue has been completely wiped from his memory, his mind blank as a canvas. all he can think about is the pressing lack of distance between them, and the way that their noses brush, and the rosy flush tinting the highest part of seible’s cheeks, and the stunningly hypnotizing hue of seible’s irises; they pull him in like a whirlpool, drowning him in their depths. he doesn’t once consider fighting his way back to shore.
seible exhales softly, and kaelix feels the way it brushes his cheek. he shivers.
judging by how the corners of seible’s lips twitch up, he feels it. kaelix’s face warms even further, and there’s truly nothing he can do to hide it this time. he can’t bring himself to look away, can’t bring himself to be the one to break the delicate atmosphere that they’d created—he can’t bear to tear his eyes away from that captivating, crystalline ocean. he has no choice but to remain unmoving; vulnerable.
he sees the ocean shift, looking downwards. a brief moment passes, before he finally notices that seible’s gaze has landed on his parted lips. kaelix’s inhale stutters on its way in—he’s so, so light-headed.
neither of them speak, and neither of them move. just as kaelix fears that breathing the wrong way will shatter the moment, he thinks that seible fears it too. he sees it, in that sapphire sea. the unfamiliar look of hesitation, of doubt. an unspoken question—one potentially along the lines of ‘do you want this too?’, or ‘is it worth risking what we have?’. or simply… ‘should i?’
seible glances up at him, and kaelix just about hears the ‘may i?’ that follows it up.
for one very, very long second, kaelix seriously considers leaning in.
an eternity passes where he looks out at the horizon of seible’s gaze. he only looks away to lower his eyes down to seible’s soft, parted lips, lingering on them. there’s a subtle shine to them, likely a recent remnant of seible wetting his lips. he spots the slightest leftover indentation of teeth right on the plush middle of his bottom lip, the only thing giving away that seible had worried at it. the longer he looks, the more he finds—he even notices a minuscule, blink-and-you-miss-it quiver.
seible’s signs of nervousness are unusually easy to pick up on, and telling. he glances back up just long enough to be able to spot the yearning in seible’s gaze, crystal clear like it has never been before.
kaelix’s heart trembles, and for once, he feels a touch of fear alongside the usual fluster.
with a complete lack of grace, he untangles himself from seible—who lets out a surprised gasp—and straightens into a sitting position, face violently ablaze. he keeps his gaze firmly away from seible, as if looking back into the ocean blue will somehow draw his lips to seible’s own on the spot.
dangerous. this is so dangerous. there’s no way he’s in any way ready to address… this— whatever this is—right now. he doesn’t even have to see seible to envision the exact curve of those raised eyebrows, the way his lips are parted with words on the verge of spilling out, and the rapid blinking. he can picture every single part of him all-too-well, and yet, he can’t seem to imagine the look in his eyes. the urge to complete the image claws at kaelix, and yet… he resists it with all his might.
“i, um— wow, where was i? you… you must’ve had a really long day too, right? i’ll—aha—i’ll go make us something to eat and drink, i’m sure you’d want a warm, home-cooked meal after everything, yeah? so, um, yes! feel free to join me in the kitchen if you want!” kaelix rambles on as he scrambles out of the room, completely failing to collect himself in any way.
“huh...? kae—kae-chan?” seible starts, sounding overwhelmingly confused. kaelix doesn’t allow himself to stick around for long enough to risk looking back, not willing to expose the bright red glow of his face.
…maybe one day he’ll feel brave enough for this.
the atmosphere around them feels… a little different now, compared to how it was before the exchange they had a week ago.
on the surface, they’re refusing to address the elephant in the room, acting as they usually would around one another; however, kaelix knows that they both feel an odd, indescribable tension. kaelix constantly feels seible’s eyes on him, and has even been catching him staring more and more often; just the same, he cannot stop looking over at seible. it’s as if a magnetizing force has suddenly formed between them, always drawing their eyes back towards each other. both of them have tried to sneak glances on several occasions without the other knowing, and their gazes had met every single time.
something’s changed, truly. kaelix has always struggled to put a name to what they had, unable to label it as simply a close friendship, or as something a little less defined. but, now? now, he doesn’t have the slightest clue what seible is to him, or what he is to seible. if anyone were to ask him about it, he’d just say that they’re best friends, uncertain how else he could begin to describe it. there’s no chance that he’d ever be bold enough to call it anything more, especially not when he hardly knows how seible feels.
despite it all, there's none of the hesitation one would expect, acting all affectionate with someone who's technically ‘just a friend’—whether it's seible or himself, they'll do whatever they feel like doing and only think about it after, wearing their hearts on their sleeves, only for one another. it’s always been that way with them, and he doesn’t think that’ll ever change. there's no 'what if he thinks this is too much?' or 'at what point does it cross the line?' with them; just unbridled affection, and them letting their hearts lead.
even with what happened the other day, and even with this subtle, indescribable shift in their dynamic, this is still the case. they’re still just as touchy-feely as ever with one another. they’re still just as sweet with their words to one another. they’re still just as likely to light-heartedly tease and banter with one another. nothing is outwardly, obviously different between them—rather, this is something that can only be felt first-hand by nobody other than themselves.
it’s just… even with the above being true, kaelix cannot bring himself to say everything that’s on his mind. he doesn’t know how their relationship would change if he did. if he were to ever be fully transparent about how badly he wants to kiss seible, or how little he can bear being apart from him, or how much it pains him to not be in his arms every second of every day, it would completely change everything.
the scary part is, he doesn’t know how it would change. he thinks that he's gotten fairly good at reading the ever-unpredictable seible, but here… he can't even imagine how he'd react to something like that.
even now, as he watches seible flit across kaelix’s kitchen, humming cutely under his breath, he's actively fighting demons in an effort to restrain himself—to swallow his tongue, before something sickeningly, atrociously romantic spills from his lips. something that can't just be taken as a funny little joke between friends. something that he might risk losing seible over.
if there’s ever anything that he could call his greatest fear, it’s that. the thought of losing seible is enough to flood his veins with cold dread.
oh, but how kaelix wants.
despite the risk he takes by wanting him, he wants seible more than he’s ever wanted anything in his life.
despite the risk he takes by loving him, he loves seible more than any other soul in this world.
a sigh leaves his parted lips, silent yet mournful.
seible is completely oblivious to kaelix’s longing gaze. there’s no chance of him noticing, either—much to kaelix’s relief—with him trying to get all of his ingredients together as quickly as possible. he’s adding to the mixer what looks like cream cheese and sugar, alongside other things, but kaelix is too busy drinking in the sight of this extra-enthusiastic, cheery seible to really tell what they are. he seems to be in an even better mood than usual today; seeing him like this is enough to make kaelix’s heart swell with fondness.
he’d been really, really excited about the chance to bake for kaelix. kaelix can’t remember anymore how the topic came up, but kaelix knows that he’d mentioned at some point how he’s generally much better at cooking than he is at baking, and seible instantly jumped at the opportunity to make him something delicious. judging by the mouthwateringly decadent sweetness wafting through the kitchen, kaelix already knows he hadn’t been exaggerating about these possibly being the best cinnamon rolls he’ll ever have.
kaelix gets up from his seat moments after seible’s done mixing the icing, stepping closer until he’s standing right behind him. he peers over seible’s shoulder with a giddy little smile as he takes in the sight of the still-steaming cinnamon rolls. “ooh, these look so good,” kaelix marvels, absent-mindedly resting a hand on seible’s arm in a half-hug as he does—an instinctive action that he doesn’t even think about.
the touch makes seible jolt for a second, taken aback by the sudden appearance of kaelix behind him, but it takes no time at all for him to lean back against kaelix’s chest, turning his head just enough to be able to shoot him a smile. “do you wanna try one right now? i haven’t added the icing to all of them yet, but i’ll put some on this one for you.”
“can i, really?” kaelix asks excitedly, grinning wide. seible gives an awfully fond giggle in response.
“of course. here, i already set one aside earlier for taste-testing purposes,” seible responds semi-distractedly, searching for a fork and knife to cut out another piece of the one on the side. kaelix can’t help but notice how he chooses to pull the plate to himself instead of leaning over.
kaelix watches him as he embeds the end of the fork into the bite-sized piece, before lightly coating the very top of the piece with a bit of icing. seible turns around, just enough to be able to face kaelix without actually pulling away, with a mischievous little smile on his lips. instead of offering him the fork, he chooses to raise it to kaelix’s lips, holding up his other hand beneath it.
“open wide, kae-chan!” he sings teasingly.
warmth rises to kaelix’s cheeks in an instant, his eyes going wide. “you—?! it’s, um, it’s okay, i—i can feed myself, y’know—”
seible pouts at him with exaggerated sadness. “aw, but what’s the harm? you did mention that one time how much you like being taken care of, and being fed is a form of that, isn’t it? plus, it would make me really happy if i could feed you the thing that i put my heart and soul into making for you…”
kaelix feels a tug at his racing heart, making his resolve waver. he averts his gaze, blinking anywhere else but in seible’s direction. god, he really knows how to get kaelix to cave in, doesn’t he? he’s seriously way too good at those puppy eyes. it’s unfair, and too dangerous for his poor, poor heart.
“oh, fi—fine…” kaelix whispers abashedly, eyes fluttering shut. “i can’t win against you at all…”
seible gives a sweet little laugh, clearly amused by how quickly he’d folded. “i know.”
he feels gentle fingers at his chin, tilting his face back toward seible. his breath hitches with the action—it takes him aback enough for him to crack his eyes open again, blinking at seible rapidly.
he’s gazing up at kaelix with a hard-to-read look in his eyes, slowly bringing the fork closer to kaelix. a double-tap of his thumb at kaelix’s chin is enough to prompt kaelix into opening his mouth.
kaelix closes his lips around the fork, pulling the soft, warm pastry off of it. he chews as slowly as possible to completely savour the rich flavour, giving a quiet, pleased little noise. incredible…
“these are amazing, seible,” kaelix praises after he finishes eating the piece, pure wonder in his tone. “you got the perfect level of sweetness, and the cinnamon isn’t overpowering at all, and they literally melt in your mouth with how soft they are, and and and…! they’re just— way too good, you never told me you were such a skilled baker!”
seible’s smile widens in response to kaelix’s myriad compliments, eyes crinkling at the corners. “thank you, kae-chan. that’s really such high prai…” he trails off, sounding a little distracted. “... se. you have… icing on your lip.”
“oh—? sorry, hold on,” kaelix mumbles, darting his tongue out to try and get it off.
still, seible doesn’t look away from kaelix’s lips, almost transfixed in the way he stares. “it’s… it’s still there. just, stay still,” he says, voice barely above a whisper.
seible drags the soft pad of his thumb across kaelix’s bottom lip, slowly, cautiously. kaelix feels how the motion gently pulls the plush of his lip along with it, with it only bouncing back into place when seible’s thumb pulls away. a few seconds pass, and yet, kaelix still feels the phantom sensation of seible’s touch.
kaelix tries to give a ‘thank you’, or a ‘you could’ve just told me to try the other side,’ or even a too-honest ‘you’re going to be the death of me if you keep doing things like this’; however, any attempt at speaking comes out as a broken, quivering exhale, his heartbeat deafening in his ears.
he sees the way seible’s eyes trace the curve of kaelix’s lips, his gaze somehow both laser-focused and severely dazed. seible parts his lips, as if to speak, but the only thing that escapes is an airy sigh. he never once looks elsewhere.
the atmosphere around them feels charged, electric—kaelix wants, oh, how he wants. he wants to lean in, to let seible actually feel his lips rather than just stare. it has him feeling needy in a way he’s never been before, keeping him on the verge of spilling every thought racing through his mind in an attempt to convey the extent of his terrible craving for him. he genuinely thinks the need will kill him if seible doesn’t kiss him, hold him tight, anything; he’s at the point where he’s willing to throw all his earlier worries to the wind for it.
so, in a desperate bid for his own survival, he takes one tiny step closer—enough to have them standing chest-to-chest, pressing seible flush against the edge of the kitchen counter—and whispers a near-inaudible, “please.”
seible’s eyes finally dart back up to kaelix’s own, holding his gaze for a painfully tense second as he considers what to do with the vague request. with a trembling exhale, he rests a hand on the back of kaelix’s head and pulls him close.
soft.
warm.
kaelix melts in seible’s arms. the gentle pressure of lips on lips almost brings tears to his eyes, with how quickly it unties the knot of desperate longing that had settled in the deepest depths of his chest. when kaelix takes a slow, shaky breath in, it feels like the very first one he’s ever breathed.
seible’s fingers intertwine with kaelix’s strands, and he softly runs them down until they brush the nape of kaelix’s neck. he rests his hand there, absent-mindedly giving feather-light scratches with his nails, the pleasant sensation muddling kaelix’s brain. when the very tip of his pinky dips just enough into the collar of kaelix’s turtleneck to brush the sensitive skin beneath, kaelix’s knees nearly give in. seible wraps an arm around his waist to support him, holding him close, closer.
kaelix feels seible’s tongue at the seam of his lips, seeking permission. he parts them on a much-too-eager noise without the slightest hint of hesitation, and when the kiss deepens, it’s all cinnamon and sugar. he feels it on seible’s tongue, proof of his prior taste-testing, but the flavour is so him that kaelix thinks he’d taste just like this on any other day.
pulling away is a reluctant thing; however, the need to breathe eventually becomes greater than their need to remain eternally intertwined, impossible as it may seem. it’s only when kaelix rests his forehead against seible’s own that he realizes how overwhelmingly light-headed he is, frantically gasping for air. faintly, he feels a phantom buzzing throughout his lips from the pressure of the kiss. it’s a fascinating sensation.
he takes a moment longer to compose himself before allowing his eyes to slowly flutter open. immediately, he’s met with seible’s soft gaze, looking right back at him.
kaelix stills—even his breathing slows.
something about the way seible stares up at him is so… tender. has he always looked at kaelix like he hung all the stars in the sky? like he’s someone that should be looked at with this sort of overflowing reverence? the ocean blue is so calm, so tideless, for once. for as long as kaelix has known him, those eyes have held nothing other than bright, sparkling passion and playful mischief. he’s never seen this kind of steady peace in them, and the fact that he is what caused it takes his breath away once more.
it crashes into him suddenly, like a wave.
he has looked at kaelix this way before—too many times to even count. he thinks back to the gentle looks that seible would give him whenever kaelix dozed off with his head resting on seible’s lap, or the indescribable expression he had when he was mere seconds away from calling kaelix a songbird, or the way his entire demeanour would soften right before expressing how much he cared for kaelix. all of those moments held only a fraction of this vulnerability, but it was there nonetheless.
it’s always been there, right in front of his eyes. kaelix has simply never allowed himself to hope enough to be able to see it.
“seible…” he breathes, quieter than a whisper.
“mhm?”
kaelix brings a hand up to cup seible’s cheek gingerly, cradling his face like something precious, something delicate. seible holds his gaze the entire time, and kaelix sees the moment his eyes widen very, very slightly in response to the touch. he feels how seible leans into it, pressing his warm cheek further into kaelix’s palm, and exhaling slowly. when kaelix starts softly rubbing at it with his thumb—the lightest little caresses—seible’s eyelids instantly flutter shut.
there’s so much he wants to ask. so much he wants to know. countless questions race through his mind, somewhere along the lines of ‘how long have you wanted to kiss me?’ or ‘does this mean you love me like i do you?’ or ‘you taste so sweet—can i, again? please?’.
he chooses, instead, to murmur out a faint, yet ardent:
“... i love you.”
seible’s breathing stutters. his eyes fly wide open, looking searchingly up at kaelix’s own. the silent pause sends kaelix’s stomach aflutter as he tries to find something in seible’s gaze in return. the only thing he can make out clearly is surprise, alongside…
instant, overpouring joy. he sees seible’s expression shift in real time, his whole face brightening with the massive, beaming smile that he gives kaelix. he brings kaelix in as close as humanly possible with the hand at his nape, burying kaelix’s face in his neck. seible presses his lips into his hair, stretched too-wide with mirth to be able to be a proper kiss. it makes kaelix’s heart pound all the same.
“i love you too,” seible whispers into his strands, each word seeping with pure, irrepressible affection. “i think i’ve loved you for as long as i’ve known you.”
“—!” kaelix gasps, pulling away just enough to be able to look up at seible. “really…? you mean that?”
the corners of seible’s lips tug up into a smile, soft and reassuring. “i would never lie about something like this, kae-chan. i promise you.”
“it’s—no, it’s not that i think you’d lie, it’s just…!” kaelix rambles on over his racing heart. he averts his gaze, suddenly feeling much too shy. “i… i had no idea you felt that, too. i’m not even exaggerating when i say that, the very first time i laid eyes on you back then, i knew you’d be deeply important to me in a life-changing sort of way. i couldn’t even imagine at the time what that would look like, but i was right. no one else has even come close to your significance. it’s to the point where… it feels like a life spent without you would be like a life without the other half of my heart. my soul, even. does—does that make sense?”
a moment passes where seible doesn’t speak. anxiety starts gnawing at his stomach within seconds—did he say too much? does seible not feel as deeply as him, after all? or did he accidentally say something that seible might not have liked? a thousand different worries cross his mind by the time that he gathers the courage to glance over, worrying the inside of his lip.
oh…
oh, he’s red. seible’s face is aglow, and tinted a bold, vibrant red, eyes wider than kaelix has ever seen them. his lip quivers ever-so-slightly, clearly on the verge of speaking, but too taken aback to do so.
kaelix’s expression softens, and he exhales, drinking in the rare, sweet sight. he gently cups seible’s cheeks with both hands, idly caressing one with a thumb as he waits patiently for him to feel ready to respond. somehow, seible reddens even more, at that. kaelix can practically feel the heat of his cheeks against his palms.
“wait— wait, kae-chan, you—the… the way you’re…” seible stammers out, glancing away from kaelix in a panic. “your—your expression, you’re looking at me like…!”
kaelix’s lips twitch up. “mm? like what?” he prompts, a touch of teasing in his tone. “like i’m in love with you?”
“yes! and—and after practically calling me your soulmate, you—” seible cuts himself off on a flustered noise, taking a deep breath in an effort to calm himself down. he keeps his gaze firmly turned away, but kaelix is still able to see perfectly the pretty rouge colouring his cheeks. “you just… you’re just so sincere, so honest. i can feel that you meant every word, and it just got to me really badly, i don’t know why…”
kaelix giggles, soft and quiet. he leans in, resting his forehead against seible’s once again. that immediately makes seible pause, drawing his eyes right back to kaelix’s.
“i really did mean it from the bottom of my heart, and i’m really happy you felt that. you’re my other half, there’s truly no other way to say it,” he utters, tone warm and affectionate.
seible breathes out, holding kaelix’s gaze. his smile gradually widens, bit by bit, until the starry eyes staring back at him curve into the most beautiful crescent moons. “and you, mine. to be fully honest… i’d given up on the concept of a ‘soulmate’ before i met you,” seible confesses in hushed tones. “one too many heartbreaks from people that loved me less than i loved them made it feel like a myth—but then, you burst into my life and lit up my days like the sun itself, and suddenly, all of that heartbreak became irrelevant. it feels like your warmth healed me, in a way, without you even knowing. thank you.”
no sooner does seible finish speaking than kaelix feels that familiar stinging behind his eyes. he blinks back the wetness that threatens to well up, leaning forward just a bit more to be able to press a gentle kiss to seible’s cheek. he lingers there for a brief moment, and another, before he pulls away.
“i’m so, so incredibly glad that i was able to provide you with that warmth, seible. i love you so dearly, and i hope that you never have to feel that disillusioned ever again. i promise you that, for as long as i live, i’ll love you with all that i’ve got—you deserve nothing less than that. will… will you be mine?”
seible’s eyes light up, glittering with pure love and joy. through giddy giggles, he responds, “there is no world in which i would ever say no, kae-chan. at this point, haven't i already been yours to begin with?”
his words pull a laugh out of kaelix, bright and giddy from the relief of the confirmation. “oh, now that you say it, i think we’ve belonged to each other from the start,” kaelix murmurs, his smile audible. “i wonder what would’ve happened if either of us said anything earlier…”
“mmm… i’m actually kind of glad that the timing worked out the way it did. this way, i got to know you inside and out, and had enough time to fall in love with every little thing. you, of all people, do not deserve to have someone rush into something with you without them being a hundred percent certain—in fact, i can say confidently that i’ve never been this certain about anything or anyone else in my life,” seible expresses quietly, vulnerable in a way that kaelix has never heard him be before.
kaelix feels the fitful fluttering of his heart in his chest, brushing his ribcage every so often like a butterfly’s wings. he gives seible a wobbly grin, his cheeks beginning to ache from how much he’s been smiling. “you’re too good to me, seible. way too good, i don’t know what i did to deserve someone as sweet as you… but i feel so unbelievably lucky. thank you for loving me.”
“no, i should be the one saying that,” seible says through a terribly fond smile, shaking his head. “thank you for showing me that love can feel truly, completely safe, and that it’s possible to have someone reciprocate in full. i love you so, so much. i think… i think i’ll end up loving you forever.”
kaelix swallows thickly, suddenly overcome with emotion. he fights to keep the tears at bay, blinking rapidly. on the tail end of a slow exhale, he whispers, “forever sounds nice… i’d really like that. a quiet, peaceful forever with you.”
seible’s eyes crinkle with his glowing smile, and he leans forward to press a chaste kiss to kaelix’s lips—a reassurance. a promise.
“then, forever it’ll be.”
EXTRA
the rays of dawn trickle in through the window, painting their bedroom walls a warm orange.
half-enveloped in the comforting embrace of sleep, kaelix fights to keep his eyelids from slipping shut once more. he can say with confidence that, ever since seible fully moved in a few months back, he’s almost always felt properly rested upon waking; yet, he still finds himself enticed by the thought of another hour spent drifting in and out of sleep. it would be a waste of a rest day, to get out of bed this early…
the arm gently wrapped around his waist doesn’t help, only making him want to return to dreamland even more. for a while, he doesn’t move an inch, choosing instead to savour the feeling of seible pressed up against his back and holding him as close as possible. kaelix focuses on the steady rise and fall of seible’s chest, and his soft, near-inaudible breaths, slowing the pace of his own breathing to match.
he lets his eyelids close briefly, not with the intention of sleep, but just to focus on the melodic chirping of birds outside their window, all trying to be heard over one another in the dawn’s chorus. their sweet song meshes perfectly with the soft piano drifting in from the other side of the room—the playlist they left playing last night still loops, making for a warm morning greeting.
they’d made a habit of it as of late, leaving relaxing music on a low volume overnight. neither of them tend to have much difficulty getting to sleep— especially not with them holding one another—but they’ve found that they drift off much more quickly if there’s pretty music playing. it makes both for sweeter dreams, and for peaceful, unhurried mornings. sometimes, they even end up slow-dancing to a song or two after they’ve gotten up on their feet, foreheads resting on shoulders and arms loosely circled around waists.
he sighs dreamily at the tender memories. slowly, cautiously, he shifts around in seible’s embrace, turning to face him.
even with his movements, seible doesn’t wake, still in deep sleep. kaelix gazes at him with uninhibited tenderness, reaching over to softly move the strand of hair brushing his cheek. he tucks it behind seible’s ear before trailing his fingertips down the shell of it, his touch feather-light. kaelix’s hand cradles seible’s face, gently cupping his cheek and running a thumb over that soft, perfect skin of his. he lets his eyes wander, taking in the peaceful curve of his lover’s eyebrows, the pretty lashes resting atop his cheeks, the slight part of those soft-looking lips.
… breath-taking.
he’s so, so breath-taking. ethereal, even. kaelix still can’t wrap his head around the fact that he’s lucky enough to be able to see this sight every morning. this masterpiece of a man, who looks like he could be the subject of all poetry and music—all his. kaelix’s lover. kaelix’s everything.
there truly exist no words that could properly convey his happiness.
kaelix sees seible’s eyelashes flutter ever-so-slightly, and hears his slow inhale. his thumb stills its motions, and he takes his hand away carefully, waiting a moment to see if he stirs. seible’s eyes squeeze for a brief second, before he slowly cracks them open, blinking sleepily at nothing in particular. he brings a hand up to his mouth, yawning quietly into the back of it.
“good morning, beautiful,” kaelix whispers, tone almost reverent.
a soft giggle leaves seible as he turns his gaze up to kaelix. he leans forward to give him a quick peck, tightening his hold around kaelix’s waist just a little. “good morning, kae-chan. did you sleep well?”
“mhm. i kinda feel like sleeping in a little more, but i’m well-rested otherwise… what about you, seible? any nice dreams?” kaelix asks, slowly running his fingers through seible’s silky hair. seible hums happily, closing his eyes and leaning into kaelix’s touch. kaelix exhales a soft laugh, lips twitching up with fondness. he really can be quite cat-like, at times…
“i slept really well. now that you mention it, i remember dreaming about…” seible pauses, glancing away and grinning to himself, colour rising to his cheeks as he begins to recount it. “us, married to each other. slow, peaceful days spent together in the future, with pretty rings on both of our fingers, and waking up to one another every morning… kinda like what we have now, but actually committing to it forever, y’know?”
kaelix’s heart starts beating faster and faster as seible speaks, erratically stuttering. he looks at seible with wide eyes, warmth spreading to his entire face. he inhales slowly, smiling giddily wide on the exhale. “married, huh…? we have talked about being with one another forever a few times before, but the thought of it actually becoming a reality… seible, i genuinely think that'd make me the happiest man alive,” he murmurs, his every word exuding pure joy.
seible giggles happily, cupping kaelix’s cheek with all the tenderness in the world. “we’re going to have to tie for first place, then. but seriously, kae-chan…” seible says quietly, eyes softening with sincerity. “i do want that someday, with you. i really do dream of marrying you. you’re everything i’ve ever wanted.”
it takes everything in kaelix to not start fully sobbing on the spot. he exhales shakily, lip quivering. no matter how hard he tries to blink back tears, his vision still blurs. it really does sound too good to be true—kaelix often still has to remind himself that this is something he has, that it’s not some faraway dream of his. seible loves him, and he wants that ‘forever’, just as much as kaelix does. it’s unreal to him.
“ohh, don’t make me tear up at—” kaelix glances over at the clock on the nightstand, squinting with great effort to try and tell apart the hands through both his tears and his lack of glasses. “god, what is that, six in the morning? it’s too early to be bawling like a baby,” he whines, punctuating his response with a sniffle.
seible laughs into his hand—a bright, ecstatic little sound, making kaelix’s heart skip a beat. “you’re my baby, though.”
kaelix flushes a bright red, covering seible’s mischievous expression with his hand and pushing him away—albeit very gently—in a flustered panic. “don’t just say things like that!”
as if on cue, seible’s giggling grows louder, muffled against kaelix’s palm, but overflowing with amusement all the same. it’s an awfully contagious thing, causing the corners of kaelix’s lips to twitch up even with his efforts to exaggerate a frown. within seconds, they’re both laughing uncontrollably against each other, filling the room with the sound of their delight and joy.
kaelix gasps for air, wiping a tear from his eye. seriously, it wasn’t even that funny, but seible’s adorably infectious laughter just brought it out of him… he's too good at that—getting kaelix to laugh over tiny things that shouldn't be that amusing.
when he turns to seible again, he’s already long since calmed down, gazing up at kaelix with fond eyes. it makes kaelix’s heart jolt terribly. even after almost a month, he can’t seem to get used to these looks from seible, where his eyes brim with affection and his cheeks glow. it makes him feel treasured— which… it’s a very new feeling for him. he truly does think he could grow used to it.
he watches as seible reaches over to him, running his fingers delicately through kaelix’s hair. his eyes never once leave kaelix’s own.
“... i was gonna say, though—it’s okay if you cry, y’know? to tell you the truth, even i’ve cried several times thinking about this,” seible admits sheepishly. “i still can’t seem to drill it into my head that i get to have something this good. that i get to have you, and that you want me. a few months back, i wouldn’t have even allowed myself to hope for this kind of thing, because i just didn’t believe i’d ever deserve a soul as beautiful as yours—and i say that genuinely. you’re radiant, kae-chan. it sometimes feels like you’re the sun, and i’m your sunflower, never wanting to look away from you. i want to be in your warmth forever.”
kaelix stares at seible for a long moment, drinking in his tender expression. there’s nothing but honesty in those gentle eyes, and it hits kaelix hard. he hears himself sniffling before he ever feels the warm tears rolling down his cheeks, completely fogging his vision.
“you—!” he interrupts himself on a sob, barely able to get even a single word out. he doesn’t have the words, in the first place—there’s quite literally no existing combination of them that would be able to fully express what he’s feeling. so, kaelix moves closer to seible and immediately brings him in for a chaste, but firm kiss, holding seible’s face in his hands like he’s cradling the world.
it’s like time stops completely for a brief, beautiful moment—one that belongs to them, and them only. he feels seible melt into his hold, kissing kaelix back soft, slow. kaelix’s emotions spill out from his lips like a cup overflowing with love, pouring directly into seible’s heart. he hopes that seible feels what he can’t say.
their lips linger on each other for a long, long while; at some point during the kiss, kaelix ends up moving his hands from seible’s face down to his waist to pull him impossibly closer. after a moment of consideration, he fully circles an arm around it, giving him slow, soothing back rubs. seible hums contentedly into the kiss, at that—kaelix feels it against his lips more than he even hears it.
an eternity has passed by the time they decide to pull away. no matter how many kisses they share, they always seem to hold the same reluctance to part as they did the very first time. kaelix honestly thinks that this is something that’ll never change—years and decades could pass them by, and they’ll most likely still chase after the one pulling away, silently pleading to keep going for just one second more. it's something about their relationship that endears kaelix endlessly, making his heart soar every single time it happens.
neither of them speak, too stunned by the silent emotional exchange that had just occurred to be able to say anything. when kaelix stares back into seible’s eyes, he knows immediately that his feelings have reached him, loud and clear.
he smiles uncontrollably wide, burying his face into seible’s chest and throwing a leg over his lover’s own, properly entangling their bodies together. he feels the gentle shake of seible’s body as he laughs fondly, curling around kaelix as much as possible and resting his chin atop kaelix’s head.
they lay there for what feels like ages, melting into each other’s embrace. kaelix can’t be sure how much time has passed when seible inevitably breaks the silence, speaking into his hair softly. “should i go get us something to eat, kae-chan?”
kaelix gives a loud noise of protest. “this is so nice, i don’t want you to move away… can’t we just stay like this for the rest of the morning and have a late breakfast, or something…?” he mumbles, nuzzling further into seible’s chest.
with the most evil, despicable timing possible, his stomach chooses that exact moment to let out a horrifically loud grumble. he can already feel his face warming up before his stomach’s even done, and seible’s boisterous laughter only worsens it. “ig—ignore that! like i was saying, we should laze around and cuddle and maybe even sleep a little more! i don’t think we got enough rest, y’know, it’s still quite ea—”
“we’re both hungry, kae-chan,” seible complains light-heartedly, grinning. “come onnn, we have leftovers. i’ll be back in literally a minute or two, it won’t take that long. i promise.”
“nooo,” kaelix whines, tightening his hold around seible’s waist. the action only worsens seible’s giggles. “if you wanna go anywhere, you’re gonna have to carry me with you…”
seible pulls away just enough to be able to look down at him and raises an eyebrow, grin slowly broadening. it’s only then that kaelix realizes belatedly what he’d said. he averts his wide-eyed gaze in an instant, blinking rapidly at the wall.
“oh, you don’t actually need to do that by the way, i was just kidding! i’m sure i can survive without you for a minute, i’m just being dram— ah?!”
before kaelix is even done talking, seible’s already on his feet, leaning over the bed to slide his arms under kaelix and lift him up into a bridal carry without the slightest hint of effort. kaelix throws his arms around seible’s shoulders in a panic, feeling himself redden as soon as that undignified shriek leaves his lips. in response, seible can only laugh, and kaelix feels the sharp rise and fall of his chest with it.
“hehe, up you go, kae-chan. you’re right, i really can’t go anywhere without having you near me,” seible admits with a huge smile on his face, slowly starting to make his way out of the room. each step he takes gently rocks kaelix, and the comforting feeling has him melting further into his lover’s arms. kaelix rests his head on seible’s firm chest, trying his hardest to hide his flushed cheeks.
“oh, yeah? would you carry me like this everywhere just to keep me close?” kaelix asks, just to hear what seible says, smiling softly to himself.
“of course! you deserve prince treatment, and nothing less,” seible responds immediately, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. he gently sets kaelix down on the kitchen counter, stepping away to pull their food out of the fridge and heat it up. “i always want you close by, so i don’t mind carrying you in the slightest if it means you’ll be near. i meant it when i said i never want to leave your warmth, y’know.”
the corners of kaelix’s lips twitch up into an uncontrollably wide smile—the kind that he doesn’t feel the need to stifle anymore. affection rushes through him with an intensity he’s never felt before, consuming his heart in all-encompassing light. it seeps into his expression, openly fond in a way he usually feels too embarrassed to show, but can’t find it in him to conceal this time.
“you’re so unbelievably sweet to me, seible…” kaelix says, his voice going soft, faint. for a moment, he fears that he’d said it too quietly, and that seible wouldn’t be able to hear it. he’s immediately reassured when seible turns around, meeting his eyes with the gentlest little smile gracing his lips. he takes a few steps closer to kaelix, slotting himself in between his legs and wrapping his arms around kaelix’s waist, leaning up to give him a soft peck on the lips.
“i mean it. you deserve the world, and i want to give it to you,” seible murmurs, tucking a strand of hair behind kaelix’s ear. that little action alone sends his heart aflutter. he can’t find the words for a proper, verbal response, so kaelix simply leans forward and presses a soft, tiny kiss to seible’s temple—a silent ‘thank you, i love you.’
seible giggles, clearly having understood. he gives a response in the form of a feather-light nose kiss, before finally pulling away, darting off to set the table for two. kaelix’s eyes track him as he rushes to and fro, balancing warm plates of food and cups full of their morning drinks of choice with impressive dexterity for the early hour. he drinks in the sight of seible, with his hair still mussed by sleep, and the collar of his sleep-shirt flipped up on one side, and finds himself breathless.
it’s the domesticity of it all that gets to him: the vulnerability of seeing one another in their least presentable state and still being unable to look away from them; the pure delight that comes with being greeted with the other person’s face, first thing in the morning; the blessing of having someone so willing to go above and beyond to take care of him that they carry him and set the table for him; the excitement that comes with every single morning being so different, whether they slow dance or cook together or sleep in until the sun’s almost overhead, intertwined with one another under the covers.
he thinks that he’d used up a lifetime’s worth of luck when he crossed paths with seible, all those years ago. to think that this wonderful man is his partner, the one that he’ll spend every morning with… even with seible in the middle of such an ordinary task, kaelix can’t help breathing out a terribly sincere:
“... you’re so, so beautiful.”
seible turns around to give him that sweet, radiant little smile of his—the one that he adores to no end, the one that looks like home —and kaelix’s heart soars free.
he couldn’t have asked for a better ‘forever’ than this.