Chapter Text
Even inside the church vestibule, the summer heat settled thickly against Terzo’s skin, dampening his hair, making the already-persistent pressure in his ears feel like a physical presence. His tinnitus whined on the right side, so loudly it was a wonder others couldn’t hear it. He wasn’t dizzy, at least, but that might have been because the stifling heat made him reluctant to move more than absolutely necessary.
Instead he sat at the cash box, occasionally smiling at people, slightly wishing for death, feeling all the good of that morning’s shower gradually come undone.
“Whose idea was it,” he asked, “to have the bake sale in the middle of summer?”
He wasn’t sure if he said it loud enough to be heard over the standing fan that pointed at him, doing nothing but making him hopeful. It wasn’t a question he was asking anyone in particular, just in general, as he adjusted cash in the box. He stared vaguely over at the tables, where pecan pies glistened stickily up at him and buttercream melted under plastic wrap. The air smelled of humidity and cinnamon.
But apparently he had spoken loudly enough to be heard, because he got an answer.
“Sorry, Father,” said Cam Sinclair, and he shot them a reproachful look as they got up and adjusted the displays a little. “We have four a year. One of them is bound to be in summer. If we didn’t do anything when it was hot out, the whole South would close down for a few months.”
“I am not convinced that is a bad thing,” he said, watching her.
Terzo was sticky and miserable, his hair plastered to his forehead, and he suspected he had a noticeable darkening in the armpits of his white shirt—he’d given up on wearing the suit jacket over it. Worse, he felt like all his energy had been leached out of him. Cam, however, looked as vibrant as ever. Their hair was a pink fluff that framed their face, and their eyeliner didn’t dare run or smudge. Their flushed cheeks seemed less from the oppressive Southern heat and more like a charming, doll-like detail.
Another resident of Farthing came in through the front door and Cam sprang to action, moving like the heat had never bothered them in their life.
“Good morning, Miz Suzanne,” said Cam, because she knew everyone in the town of Farthing and, more importantly, they all knew her. “Oh! You brought your grandbaby!”
“I sure did,” said Miz Suzanne. Terzo didn’t know her in the slightest, despite having lived here for three years. “My husband wasn’t sure I should bring little Hunter to the Satan church, but I said to him, if Miz Cam is gonna be here it’s fine.”
“Aw, well,” said Cam, crouching down to smile at the toddler, “that’s sweet of you, Miz Suzanne. Hi, Hunter!”
The toddler stared at her, clinging to his grandmother’s skirt. “Pink,” he said then after a moment, clearly intrigued by her hair.
Cam laughed at that. “That’s right. You like pink? We have some pink cookies.”
Terzo might have, three years ago, been instated as the priest at the local Satanic church, established in 1880 in the town of Farthing, South Carolina. But he was under no illusions. It was Cam Sinclair, established sometime in the 1980s in the town of Farthing, South Carolina, who ran the church and half the town.
At the moment she was engaging in a cheerful discussion about colors with a toddler while Grandma Suzanne looked through the baked goods on the table. Fans were pointed to the tables rather than the people selling the good, except the pity-fan that Cam had given to Terzo, so they weren’t as bad as they could have been. The church supposedly had air conditioning, but Terzo’s faith was not that strong.
“You’re so good with kids, Miz Cam,” said Suzanne. “When’s it your turn? I bet your mom and dad are just waiting for some grandkids.”
Cam laughed at that, still crouched in front of Hunter. “If I ever get the time I’ll give it a shot,” she said cheerfully.
Cam ran the charity bake sales here at the church. She also ran their school supply drive. She also ran its food shelf. She was also a regular attendee of city council meetings where her voice was often heard and respected. And on top of all of that, she was manager at her father’s restaurant in the little main street they called “Downtown Farthing.” Terzo had heard she also worked once a week at the gift shop of the tiny hospital, but he wasn’t sure how.
And she did all that with flawless eyeliner and a warm laugh, while Terzo was melting into his chair like overheated frosting, tinnitus whining in his ear like a mosquito.
Still, when Suzanne came closer to look at the cakes nearer to where Terzo sat and considered rotting, he smiled to the best of his ability. “It is very nice of you to come by,” he said, his voice warm and pleasant. He might not actually be okay, but long ago he’d done almost three hundred shows in three years; he was very good at performing. “You look well today, ma’am.” He’d learned to ma’am and sir in a Southern town, at least.
“Well…thanks, Father—what was it?” she asked politely. At least his ignorance of the townspeople was mutual.
“Emeritus,” he said, the word rolling off his tongue. “Although I try to convince my parishioners and neighbors that Father Terzo will do just fine.”
Suzanne laughed at that as a few other people filed in to look at the baked goods as well. That had happened all day, people arriving in fits and bursts. There was probably a pattern he didn’t recognize. “Is that your first name? Well, that’s nice of you, Father, but you know us Southerners, we don’t adapt too well.”
“Oh, Farthing does better than people give it credit for,” said Cam, straightening up.
And for a moment her smile faded as she did. And without the smile, the flush to her cheeks looked a little sickly rather than friendly.
“Are you all right?” he asked her.
“Oh, just fine, thanks, Father,” Cam said, and then the smile came back. “Heat’s just brutal today, isn’t it?”
Several people agreed, and she laughed a little and came over to sit next to Terzo at the cash box while Hunter hurried back to his grandmother. Terzo turned the fan towards her for a moment, as much good as that might do.
“Thanks, Father,” Cam said, a little breathlessly, and wiped their forehead.
“Of course. Are you sure you’re all right?” he asked, because up close she looked much sweatier than she had from further back.
“Oh, fine,” she said, waving her hand. “I grew up here, I can handle the heat. Oh, y’all ready?” she asked someone coming over.
Cam worked on selling them a box of cookies while Terzo sat uselessly beside her. He could have been home, naked in front of an air conditioning vent, maybe sneaking a snack that his ghouls, doctor, and ears didn’t approve of, but no. Here he was.
But he couldn’t even be annoyed about it, about Cam’s taking things over and running things. First of all, they predated him considerably. But also…they were good at it, and they did it all with good cheer and kindness that made it really hard to object to.
Farthing First Satanic was the most stable Satanic church in the region, he knew that, and that was in no small part because of Cam’s commitment. When Terzo had been given the church, his predecessor had said, “You listen to everything Cam says and you’ll be in good hands,” then retired, and then died a week later. People came from the surrounding area to attend, but more importantly, the town—largely Christian and often conservative—not only tolerated their presence, but considered it a strange part of their own community.
To be sure, there was some divide. Satanists’ weddings and funerals and services did not have outside guests. While a Methodist might marry a Baptist in Farthing with some debate, a Satanists dare not even flirt outside of his permitted group. And yet conversions happened sometimes, tacitly accepted as just part of life, and the defense was prayer for the lost soul rather than violence as in some areas. Some of the Christian kids might occasionally try to spread rumors about the Satanists killing cats at Halloween, but usually that was met with derision because—as Terzo had overheard someone say once—could anyone imagine Cam murdering an animal?
He glanced at Cam, who was currently engaging in conversation with an older Satanist that Terzo did know, and thought about that. Cam, with their wholesome good looks, and their harmlessly quirky pink hair. They’d been openly nonbinary since before Terzo’s time, although it wasn’t often remarked upon; even their top surgery two years ago hadn’t really been a source of gossip. Farthing wasn’t entirely progressive, but they looked out for their own, that was the impression Terzo got, and Cam was as much their own as anyone could possibly be. Cam never got upset if someone misgendered them. Cam laughed it off if someone said something rude, then smoothed everything over. Cam volunteered their time and energy. Cam knew everyone in town and served on committees. Cam was dependable. Cam never complained. Cam’s eyeliner never moved.
Sometimes Terzo wanted to throw Cam out the window.
It wasn’t her fault, and he knew that. Cam was just organized and friendly and somehow that had taken them really far. But Terzo…
Well, Terzo was sweaty, and his ears were ringing in the heat, and he sometimes thought if he didn’t show up on Sunday no one would notice.
And he’d just gotten another letter from the Ministry reminding him, as it was probably reminding his brothers, that the Emeritus line was nearing its end and it was really time for someone to pick a Prime Mover. Or he was pretty sure that was what the letter had said. That’s what the previous ones had said, for the past year or so.
This one he’d opened up, noticed a mention of having his sperm count tested, and immediately given to Omega to shred. Omega had read it, snorted expressively, and then kindly kept the contents to himself as he fed it through the machine.
It was unjust, as far as he was concerned. He’d spent three years giving everything up for the Ministry—falling off stage, ruining his already troubled ears, getting sick again and again, driving himself into the ground. And as his reward for doing so well, he’d been dragged off stage, his death faked for the Ghost project, and then given what was supposed to be a cushy retirement. His first church had been fine, but it had been folded into another larger congregation, so he’d been moved to Farthing, and here, despite being the priest, he had no illusions. This was not his church, and these were not his people. And no matter how much effort he made, it was never enough, not for the Ministry that he loved and served and resented.
Now they wanted his damned sperm count. As if he hadn’t given them enough, they wanted his bodily fluids.
Maybe they could have all the fluid built up in his ears instead. He certainly wouldn’t miss it. Plus maybe then he could eat a bag of Doritos without Omega looming over him like a bad omen.
Still, he spent a few minutes doing his best to be friendly and charming to people as he and Cam sold a few more baked goods. He couldn’t hear half of what was said to him, but he could smile and nod just fine. Unhurried, all of it. The South did not hurry any activity, certainly not in this weather. He was slightly mollified to hear a few other people complain about the heat, although he was galled at their good-natured tone about it.
“How’s your ma enjoying retirement, honey?” someone asked Cam.
“She’ll like it better when Dad retires, too,” Cam said with a laugh as she counted back change. “He’s still at the restaurant all day and she’s bored out of her mind, but once Dad retires they’re planning to move to Florida.”
“What?” Terzo said, aghast. “It isn’t humid enough here?”
That actually got a good laugh from everyone in the room.
“Don’t look at me,” Cam said with a smile. “I’d move up north where Mom’s family is, but no one asked me. Go live on Lake Michigan and go fishing. Except I hate fishing.”
Someone laughed a little. “Your dad’s like you, Cami,” he said. “He’s never gonna retire, he’d hate not working. Some people gotta keep busy, like you two.”
Cam laughed a little, and wiped her forehead. “Well, y’know. He’s gotta retire someday.”
“Yeah,” said someone else, “how else will Cam get the restaurant?”
Cam laughed again. “You know me,” she said. “Y’all enjoy your cake, okay? The frosting doesn’t go bad in this heat but it might not hurt it to stick it in the fridge so it solidifies a bit before you eat it.”
“I’m just glad you do these bake sales in the summer,” said a woman, bringing over her choice. “It’s too hot to bake and the grocery store isn’t nearly so good.”
“That’s why we do them,” Cam said cheerfully. “That and all the funds go to the food shelf.”
“We are very proud of the food shelf,” Terzo agreed, which was true, actually. That was the other reason Farthing tolerated the Satanic church: it had fed a lot of its people. And Terzo did appreciate being part of that. Even the bake sales he didn’t mind, provided it wasn’t sweltering.
Like today.
When the latest cluster of people left, though, he leaned back in his chair, trying to fan himself with a battered clipboard.
“Sorry, Father,” said Cam. “I know it’s bad today. Let me get you another water,” she said, getting up from her chair.
And then she stopped in place for a moment, and this time he was not imagining it. Her face was a study in contrasts, stark white skin against two brightly flushed cheeks. New beads of sweat stood out on her skin.
He straightened up, putting down the clipboard. “Cam?” he said.
“Fine,” she managed, and then she straightened up again and smiled, but it was not her usual engaging, friendly smile. There was a forced quality to it. “I’m fine, Father, sorry. It’s just a hot day and I’m—I haven’t been feeling my best.”
“Do you want to go home?” he asked.
“No! No.” She took a deep breath. “I’m okay, really. Thank you.”
“Well, sit down,” he said. “I’ll get us some water, yes? I’ve just been sitting here sweating, you are the one who has been up and down to talk to everyone.”
“I don’t mind, Father. No, it’s okay. I’m used to the heat,” she said. “You aren’t. I don’t mind.” And over his objections, she went over to the cooler they had at the back of the room and crouched down to get two waters out. But when she stood up again she was visibly wobbling.
Terzo got to his feet and hurried over, frowning. She was dressed in some cotton dress, hanging off of her flat chest, and he touched her arm as if to guide her back to where they were sitting.
Her skin was sweaty, and ice-cold. Her lips were pale.
“You are not well,” he said firmly. “Maybe you shouldn’t drive home. I can ask Omega—”
“I’m fine, Father,” she said again, and stubbornly went back to the table with the cash box. “Just give me a moment to sit down, I’ll be okay, I promise.”
She sat down.
“It’s…it’s fine,” she said again, sounding a little less sure.
He was about to argue, but someone else came in then, and instead he sold whoever it was a peach pie, thanked them for coming, and then turned back to Cam.
Cam was sitting there with their head in their hands, elbows on the table. The fluff of pink fell forward, and without thinking he reached out to push their hair back to look at their face.
The red cheeks were gone, and they were corpse-white aside from that perfectly placed eyeliner. Their eyelids drooped, as if they were falling asleep, and then they sat up sharply, gasping.
“Did you just start to faint?” he asked.
“I—I don’t know,” she said. “I never have before.”
“How do you feel?” He touched her arm again, and then took one of her hands. It was cold, and trembling. “You are dizzy? Nauseated?”
“Y-yeah,” she said. And then she started to stand up, and her knees buckled, dropping her back into the chair. She let out a pitiful little sound.
“Omega!” he called then, over his shoulder.
Omega came into the room, and it occurred to Terzo that the air conditioning was probably better in the sanctuary where he’d been, but it didn’t matter. Not right now.
“Omega, I think we need to bring Mx. Cam home,” he said.
Omega came into the room, letting the door of the sanctuary fall shut behind him. As all ghouls did, he wore a mask, though otherwise dressed as though he were an ordinary man, in jeans and a black shirt that sat a little too tightly over his shoulders. From behind his mask, though, he was peering at Cam, and his eyes seemed briefly to glow that strange quintessence-purple, though it could have been a trick of the light.
And then Omega shook his head. “Hospital,” he said.
Terzo looked sharply at Cam, and nodded. “Hospital, then. Come on,” he said, and started to help Cam to her feet. “My ghoul will drive.”
With most people he would never have used that word for Omega, but Cam had been born and raised Satanist, had worked closely with clergy, and had met Omega himself many times by now. The existence of ghouls held no surprise for her.
And it was clearly a sign of how bad she felt, because she didn’t object and insist she was fine this time. All she said was, “The bake sale?”
“Fuck the bake sale,” he said, as Omega picked up Cam’s backpack from where she’d left it near the cooler. “We are going. Never let it be said I don’t look after my flock.”
They got her out to the parking lot which was, if anything, even hotter than inside the little black church. Omega locked the church door—someone was thinking, anyway—and took the driver’s seat. Terzo sat in back with Cam, pressing the water bottle into her hand, gently urging her to drink a little, finding her pulse.
“You’re, uh, good at this,” she managed.
“I have passed out too many times to not know what to look for. No, never mind,” he said when she looked confused. “You do not worry about it.”
He got her to the ER. Farthing was barely big enough to justify a hospital and even then, only because there wasn’t another in the county. The waiting room was small, but it was also mostly empty, and so Cam was brought back quickly enough.
Terzo and Omega, despite bringing her, were denied permission to join her. Which was all right, probably, except Terzo was a little worried. Omega, however, despite his insistence on bringing her to the hospital, sat beside him quietly, leafing through a magazine from 2013, taking up too much space and not caring.
The air conditioning in the waiting room was blasting, and before long, Terzo was shivering in his shirtsleeves.
His ear had stopped ringing, at least.
He didn’t know how long they waited. He could feel the hard chair edge cutting into the back of his thighs, even through the fabric of his pants and the rough, useless upholstery of the chair itself. Omega seemed intent on an article about floral prints. Terzo tried to read a biography of Henri Sauvage on his phone, but it was boring, and he switched to reading the news, which had its own problems, and started reading over Omega’s shoulder, leaning on his arm as he did. Omega was as solid as ever, and Terzo was grateful for his nearness.
And then Cam was entering the waiting room. She still didn’t look great, but she was on her own two feet and she wasn’t shaky and there was some color to her cheeks again.
“Um, hi,” she said.
Terzo stood up quickly. “You’re all right? What was wrong?”
“Uh,” she said. “Low blood sugar plus the heat, that’s all. I’m supposed to rest for a couple of days.” She tucked some of her pink curls behind her ear, but they immediately freed themselves. “I’m sorry to have worried you, but thanks for the ride.”
Terzo nodded, but out the corner of his eye, he noticed that Omega was still staring at her.
She wasn’t telling them everything. But, that wasn’t his business.
“Of course,” he said. “We will drive you to your home, then, yes? You can get your car later, or perhaps your boyfriend will.”
“My what?” she said, too sharply.
“Your…what is his name, Leo?” said Terzo, puzzled.
He watched her shoulders relax a little. “Leo. He’s not my boyfriend. He’s my best friend. But yes, he can get it sometime.”
“Good. Very good. Is there anything more you need to do here? Sign things or…?”
She shook her head, and he nodded once.
“Good. We will take you home to rest, and you will not worry me like this again, yes?” he said firmly.
That did get a smile out of her. “I’m sorry I did, Father Terzo. I really didn’t mean to.”
“Of course not,” he said as they headed out and towards the parking lot again. Omega took the lead, and brought them out to the car. “Is there anything you need? Your blood sugar—do you need to stop for more food or anything? A soda?”
“No, thanks,” she said. “It was my own fault. I didn’t feel well this morning so I skipped breakfast and…” She stopped. “Well. Anyway. I’ll be okay, I promise.”
“Good,” he said. “You no doubt know this, but both church and the town need you, Mx. Cam.”
Her smile in response was not her usual warm, engaging smile. There was something softer to it, something subdued. “Yeah,” she said. “I guess so.” And then she said, “You know you’re the only person who calls me that?”
“What? Mx. Cam?” He shrugged. “That’s how you introduced yourself when I came to town three years ago. I remember.”
“I know,” she said. “But no one else does. Not that I mind, it’s just…nice to hear sometimes. Thanks, Father.”
The drive back was quiet. Cam was looking out the window for much of it, no doubt tired from everything.
Terzo was thinking about Omega’s staring.
Finally they reached Cam’s little house on the outskirts of town. The front yard was neat and plain, the porch painted, the numbers on the front still shining gold, looking picture-perfect as expected.
“Thank you again, Father Terzo. And Omega,” she added, and reached forward to put a hand on Omega’s arm in gratitude, some of that usual friendliness back.
Omega looked back at her in the rearview mirror, his eyes blazing purple. “Be careful,” he said, his voice soft.
Her hand froze on his arm, but then she just smiled. “Won’t have this problem again,” she promised. “I’ll see you Sunday, Father.”
“Yes, of course,” he said, because among her other virtues, Cam also never missed Black Mass unless she was incredibly unwell. “Is there anything else you need? You will call me if I can help you?”
As soon as he said it, he knew it was a stupid thing to say. He might be her priest, but she was part of the fabric of Farthing. There were a thousand or so people she could call before him for help.
Frankly, not many people went to him for help at all. Nor much else.
But Cam smiled a little. “Thanks, Father. I will. And, um, you have a good afternoon, okay?”
He nodded, and when she got out of the car watched her head back to her house. For a moment, aside from the pink cloud of hair, she looked…different. There wasn’t any of that jauntiness to her step that he knew. She didn’t look around or do anything. Her shoulders sagged a little, and she fumbled out her keys from her bag. She let herself into her house, and closed the door. Even her cotton dress looked weirdly limp, perhaps just from the long day.
“She isn’t telling something,” said Terzo then, remembering Omega’s staring.
“Yep,” said Omega, and started to drive.
“And you won’t tell me what it is,” Terzo said.
“Nope,” Omega answered.
“Fine, fine,” he said. “Let’s go back to the church and I’ll try to sell the last few baked goods, I suppose, if anyone shows up. And Omega?” He shivered a little. “Can you ease up on the air conditioning? Of all things, I’m freezing.”
Chapter Text
What Cam wanted to do, more than anything, was call Leo about this. But there was someone she owed a phone call to, and so she took a deep breath, grabbed her phone, and called.
Peter answered on the second ring. “Hey, gorgeous,” he said, so she knew he was alone, wherever he was.
“Hey,” she said, and for once she didn’t force herself to sound cheerful. She sat down on her couch.
Her living room was spotless, with perfectly matching furniture. Her DVDs were lined up neatly in their shelf. She’d bought the house with her parents’ help a few years ago, and she didn’t love it, but she’d been lucky to own a house at all, so she didn’t mind. The vase on the coffee table had dried sweetgrass roses she’d bought in Charleston, and the curtains were sheer and white and floaty, like a Wyeth painting, though they overlooked the side yard and her neighbor’s house instead of a yellowed field.
“What’s going on?” Peter asked, hearing the note in her voice. “You okay?”
No, she thought, but she could never force herself to admit that. “Kind of. Um. Can you come over?”
He let out a heavy sigh. “I’d love to, but you know I can’t. We’d need an excuse. We can’t—”
“Peter, please,” she said. “I know, I know, but it’s important. We can tell people something later. Something about the city council or something. I don’t know. But I really need to see you.”
“Cami, I can’t,” he said. “You know I want to, you know I love being with you, but if people start thinking I’m seeing you…I’m the principal of the high school and a deacon at First Bapt—”
“Peter,” she interrupted. “I’m pregnant.”
Silence fell for a moment.
For a moment, her imagination ran away with her. She could picture Peter’s face on the other end of the phone, stunned for a moment. And then smiling, and then excited. She imagined him flying to her side, imagined him kissing her, loving her. Imagined them starting a little family—
“How the fuck did that happen?” he asked then, shattering her daydream. “We used condoms. You’re on hormones. I thought trans people couldn’t get pregnant.”
“I’m not on HRT. Where did you get the idea I was on HRT?” they asked. “That doesn’t guarantee shit anyway, but I’m not even on HRT.”
“I don’t know, I thought you were,” he said. “You took off your boobs, why wouldn’t you take hormones, too?”
She let out a sharp, mirthless laugh. “Well, anyway, the condoms. They should have worked, I never noticed them breaking, but I don’t know, they’re yours. How were you storing them?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “They were in my closet for a few years, from when I was still with my ex wife. I—”
“Wait.” She stood up, then quickly sat down again; she wasn’t dizzy this time (an IV from the ER had helped) but she didn’t want to risk all that again. “A few years? How old were these condoms?”
“I don’t know. Does it matter?”
“Yes it fucking matters,” she said. “Condoms expire.”
“I know they have a date on them but that’s like canned goods,” he said. “It doesn’t mean anything.”
This time it was Cam’s turn to fall silent. “You, uh…please tell me you never teach sex ed.”
“This is South Carolina,” he said. “We barely have sex ed.”
“Yeah,” Cam said. “That’s kind of obvious. Look, I almost passed out at the bake sale this afternoon, Father Emeritus brought me to the ER, turns out I had low blood sugar and a bad reaction to heat because I’m fucking pregnant. Because your condoms expired and were probably full of micro-tears. Can you please come over so we can talk about this?”
“No, that makes it worse,” he said, and took a deep breath. “Look. I…how far along are you?”
“I don’t know,” they said. “I haven’t checked, but probably more than six weeks. I’ve been feeling…um…weird for a while but I just thought I’d picked something up, I…” They felt stupid about it, of course. They should have thought of it sooner. But there might have been a little denial. “But I took a test in the ER and I’m definitely pregnant.”
“Okay,” he said, and took a deep breath. “Okay. I can give you money to go to Virginia, then. Is Venmo okay?”
“Virginia?” she repeated.
“Yeah,” he said. “You know. To. Um. Take care of it.”
Silence spun out.
“I thought you were against abortion,” said Cam.
“I…I mean, yeah,” he said, his voice going up a guilty octave. “But it’s different. Like…I…look, Cami, I love you. I love being with you. But people can’t know I’m seeing you. I can’t expect you to raise it on your own, I know you can’t afford that, but I can’t be involved. You know? I can’t. Please, Cami. I know you—”
“You fucking hypocrite,” she said.
“Look, I’m sorry,” he said. “I feel horrible about my part in this, and I’ll make it up to you, I swear. But you’re already a Satanist so it’s not like you’re worried about punishment from God—”
“Did it ever occur to you that I might want a baby?” she said.
Silence, again. Because no, apparently it never had. And that was her fault, of course. She’d never told him. She’d never told him anything too serious, anything that might inconvenience him.
“Are you going to do it, then?” he asked. “Are you going to have it and sue me for child support and ruin my life?” And then his voice hardened. “Because people will blame you, you know. They’ll think you seduced me. Everyone believes you’re the perfect Satanist, you make Farthing think your people aren’t so bad, but as soon as this gets out, everyone will know you’re just like how they thought.”
Cam felt like the room was spinning, and realized she was holding her breath. She let it out, and drew another lungful. “So much for love,” she said shortly. “What were you actually in it for? Just the sex?”
“Cami, honey, don’t be like this,” he said, voice softer again. “I do love you. I always have. But I need you to know what the stakes are. You knew we could never be public, we talked about that, that’s why we were using condoms.”
“Yeah. Expired ones.”
“Great, yes, hold that over my head. So what are you going to do?”
Quiet, again.
Part of her was still clinging onto the fantasy. Maybe Peter would come around. She could picture them for a moment, his arms around her, chin on her pink curls while she held an adorable and suspiciously nondescript baby. A perfect family photo. Like a nineties sitcom intro.
But she knew better.
Because he was right. The town accepted the Satanic church, but that was a newer development. Her uncle had once been beaten between classes for belonging to it. It had been a big risk for her father to start his restaurant. There had been protests when her mother had started teaching middle school, two years before Cam had been born. Cam had always known that her job was to be the best Satanist she could be, to show the devil’s love for the world, but to never, ever reflect badly on her faith, on her family, on her smaller community within the larger community.
“Cami,” he said then. “I love you. You know I do. I love your laugh and your smile and how selfless you are. And if we could, I would do it. I’d marry you, I’d show everyone that…but I can’t. We can’t. You know that. It’s why you broke up with me in high school, remember?”
Yeah. Of course she remembered. She’d been prom queen, he’d been prom king, she’d fallen hard for his good-natured sense of humor and lanky good looks. But his father was a pastor and she was a devout Satanist, and once she knew he wasn’t going to leave his church, she’d broken things off and then cried for a month whenever her parents weren’t looking.
“I know,” she said finally, and sighed. She closed her eyes a moment.
She thought again of her mental image, and tried to just remove Peter from it. Just pictured herself with a baby. Singing to them, playing with them. Watching them grow to a toddler, a child. Imagined kissing scraped knees, helping to pick out prom clothes…
Imagined loving someone, without fear or reservation.
But she thought, too, of her little house, with only one bedroom because she hadn’t expected to need anything more and because her parents had helped her buy it. She thought of her long hours in the restaurant office and sometimes waiting tables, and all the volunteering, and how seldom she was even home. She thought about how her mother and father would have given her anything, but how they had also spent her childhood scraping to get by, always working and never seeing her. And she thought of grocery prices going up, and the state making resources scarcer and scarcer. No. She couldn’t do this on her own, she knew that.
And she thought of insisting that Peter take responsibility, impugning on his good reputation, and thought of trying to raise a baby in a town suddenly turned against her for ruining their golden boy. It’s not like she could go anywhere. Her job was here, and her future, her dad’s restaurant that would someday be hers, to say nothing of literally everyone she knew.
“Okay,” she said then. Whispered.
In her head, she kissed that little baby’s face goodbye.
“What’s that, sweetheart?” asked Peter.
“I said okay,” she said, finally, raising her voice. “Okay. I’ll get to Virginia and…and take care of it.”
She heard his relieved sigh. “Okay. Look, I am sorry, honey, I really am. If circumstances were different, I’d love to. And—and you know, you don’t have to feel bad about it.”
In the abstract, she did not. Abortion should have been a right, and she along with her church fought to try to keep it legal, even if they were currently outnumbered in this hellforsaken state.
In the specific…
Well, it didn’t matter how she felt. It rarely did.
“Fine,” she said. “Whatever. I need to go.”
“You aren’t going to tell Leo, are you?” he said. “Leo doesn’t know about us?”
“No,” she lied. “He doesn’t know about us. And I’m not going to tell him about this.”
Immediately she realized her mistake, because now she couldn’t ask Leo to drive her to Virginia, and she sure as fuck didn’t want to handle this alone. But if Leo went missing when she went to have her abortion, Peter was going to notice and know she’d lied.
“Anyway,” she said. “I’m tired.”
“Right,” he said. “You said you almost fainted. Are you okay? I’m glad your priest took care of you.”
“I’m okay,” she said, because why not keep lying?
“Listen, I’ll send you some money, okay? A lot of money. You could maybe, I don’t know. Spend some time out of state. Relax a little. Rest. Have, uh, have like a little trip on me, okay? You work too hard.”
“Yeah,” she said. “Whatever. I need to go. I’m tired.”
“Yeah, you said,” he said. “Okay. Goodnight, honey. I love you. I’m sorry about this, but you know I love you, right?”
Cam hung up the phone and wondered if it was pregnancy that made her want to throw up.
Chapter 3
Notes:
A commenter described this as a fluffy Satanic soap opera and they are not wrong, so please get your snack of choice and settle in for another episode of As The Ministry Turns or whatever.
(Also comments are always welcome, and also also feel free to come be nerdy with me on my tumblr, which is the same username as my ao3!)
Chapter Text
“I swear to the Devil himself, Copia, if I get another one of these intrusive letters I’m going to cut off your balls,” said Terzo, flapping the page in front of him, phone held to his ear.
“Don’t look at me,” said his younger brother, voice whining through the phone.
“You’re Frater Imperator. This must be under your control,” Terzo said, crumpling up the letter to toss into the trash, with extreme prejudice.
He was in his office at home, behind a large blocky desk that he hadn’t picked out. One of his guitars hung on the wall, collecting dust, and his Grammy was on a shelf nearby. Most of the shelves were full of books he didn’t read, books about Satan and priesthood and comparative religion. He kept a stash of snack cakes behind the Buddhism section. He was pretty sure Omega knew about it.
“I wish,” Copia said. “It is the senior clergy in general. At least you only get letters, fratello. Do you know what it’s like to be confronted about this in person? Hearing how inadequate I am for failing to impregnate anyone? At this point, I don’t even think they care if it’s done in any sort of ritualistic matter or, for that matter, on purpose. They just want some little antichristi bambini from any of us.”
Terzo let out a groan. “Your twin is the current papa, have him do it. I know I got more offers for sex back then—”
“He is apparently enjoying this whole thing even less than the rest of us. After his last letter someone had to coax him down from the rafters like an angry cat.”
Terzo paused to consider that mental image, not sure if Copia was joking or not, then shook his head. “Never mind. If I wanted to sleep with someone, it would be my business and not the Ministry’s. You tell them to leave me alone.”
“I would love to, believe me,” Copia said. “The only one off the hook is Primo and that’s only because his fiancee is infertile and he made some threats if someone brought it up again. And unlike the rest of us poor fucks, we all know Primo will carry them out.”
“Fucking Primo,” Terzo muttered. He was the only one among them with a regular partner and the only one not expected to continue the Emeritus line. Meanwhile, the rest of them…“There is nothing you can do to stop this?”
“Short of someone making someone pregnant, I don’t think so,” Copia said.
He thought for a moment about his father, who had knocked up a lot of women, named a few of them Prime Mover, and then fucked off. Which for some reason the Clergy found more acceptable than not doing that.
“Believe me,” continued Copia, “Secondo is if anything even more annoyed than you are.”
“I doubt it,” Terzo muttered. Secondo was probably at least finding partners where he was stationed as a priest. Terzo didn’t bother.
Yes, he missed sex. He had companionship with Omega, and to a lesser extent his other ghouls, but yes, he missed sex.
But the idea of it exhausted him. It was all tangled up—flirting and fucking and singing and performing, working himself half to death and never feeling like it was enough. In some of his nightmares, he was being dragged off stage. In his worse ones, he was still performing.
He spoke a little longer with his younger brother, and put the phone down with a groan. He had given them everything, and still they wanted more. Satan he did not blame. Satan made no demands. But the Ministry was made up of people, and the papacy had always been made up of Emeritus relatives, and now…
He understood why they were worried about it. None of them were getting any younger, and they were running out of Nihil’s prodigious progeny. But they couldn’t have thought of this a decade ago, or earlier? When Terzo was younger, full of life and lust, excited to be Papa and to play his music for the world?
He didn’t look that different, not really. He still dyed his hair black, because he was used to how it looked. His body hair was grayer, not that anyone saw it. His stomach was softer, a fact that did not make him feel particularly bold about pursuing anyone to be his Prime Mover.
He sighed and put his head on his desk. And quietly, he prayed to Satan to help him through this.
Of all his brothers, he was not one of the more devout, despite now being a priest, despite once having been Papa. He worshiped Satan, but he was not one given to spending time in deep contemplation over the sacred secret texts, he was not one to spend hours in prayer. Once he had worshiped Satan through his songs and his sins, in indulging the flesh and the spirit, in being irreverent and mocking of the tyrant God, and welcoming to the people.
Now? Well, now he sweated at bake sales and once a week gave a sermon.
It was not a bad life. And he knew that having a child wouldn’t be a bad life, either. Perhaps even getting a relationship out of it. But even if he did entertain the thought of seeking a Prime Mover, he was not going to expect much. Some ritual sex, in public or private based on their preference, a pregnancy, and then an offspring. That was as much relationship as he could expect, if he did pursue it. B ut then there was the greater problem that he didn’t want to pursue it. If he sought a relationship, if he sought a child, he wanted it to be on his terms.
Hadn’t he given enough to the Ministry?
Satan below, hear my prayer. Help me figure this shit out and make the senior clergy shut the fuck up.
As far as prayers and psalms, it wasn’t the sort of thing that would be on the next Ghost record, but it was heartfelt.
But the difficulty of being a priest was that you didn’t always have the luxury of focusing on your problems. So when Omega knocked on the door to his office, he had to straighten up, raising his eyebrows in question.
“Camio Sinclair is here,” Omega told him. “Wants to talk.”
Cam. That was a surprise, but after all, she probably just wanted to update him on her health after yesterday. He nodded. “Of course,” he said. “Thank you. Send them in.”
Cam entered the office soon after. As usual, she looked flawless. Her pink curls were tamed into a French braid, showing off modest studs in her lobes, though idly he noticed an empty cartilage piercing. He wondered if her fucking eyeliner was tattooed on. She was dressed today in another cotton dress, gray and loose and soft-looking, and sandals to show sparkly blue toenails.
“Good afternoon, Mx. Cam,” he said. “I thought you were supposed to be resting?”
“I was. I am. But I…” She hesitated, glanced at the door. “I need to talk to you, Father. I…I need your help.”
Terzo straightened up.
In his years here, Cam had never come to him for help. She’d come to him to talk about sales and drives, to talk about things to do with the space. She’d come to him on behalf of another congregant who was afraid to speak to him. But Cam Sinclair never needed help.
“My ghouls would not say anything they overheard,” he said, “but close the door if you like, and come sit. Do you want some water?”
She held up a water bottle she had, because of course she came prepared, and closed the door before coming to sit, facing his desk. She set her backpack on the floor, the strap still in her hands, and fidgeted with it. She was nervous. Had he ever seen her nervous before?
“It’s all right,” he said, not even sure what was wrong but finding himself wanting to reassure them all the same. “Tell me what it is.”
Cam took a deep breath, composed themself. “Okay,” they said. “Um. So at the hospital yesterday, I wasn’t entirely honest with you. I mean, I was, I did have low blood sugar and the heat, but uh.” She took a deep breath. “Apparently I’m pregnant.”
Terzo knew better than to express any opinion or curiosity. “I see.” As neutral as possible.
She bit her lip. “I don’t know exactly how far along but I’m pretty sure it’s too far for South Carolina, but I can’t…I don’t want to drive to Virginia alone but I don’t have anyone to take me. I can’t ask Leo, for various reasons.”
Virginia. The nearest state with no abortion restrictions. “So you’re hoping perhaps I or someone could help you? It’s possible…may I ask why the other, ah, party isn’t able to help?”
Cam sighed. “For the same reason I can’t have the baby. Or tell anyone about it.”
Terzo felt his mouth draw into a straight line. “Excuse the indelicacy, fratello in Satana, but was this something you need to speak to the police about?”
“No!” she said, raising her hands then. “No. It was consensual. It was stupid but it was consensual, but I—but—people can’t know he’s seeing me. Or he was seeing me.” She looked down at the strap of her backpack, and for a moment she looked vulnerable, a word he’d never have thought to apply to Cam before. “He says he loves me, but I’m not sure I believe that.”
Terzo was quiet for a moment, rolling all of this around in his head. “Whose idea was it to keep the relationship a secret?”
“His,” she said, quietly. She twisted the strap around her fingers. “But he has good reason, it’s not—and it’s for the best. Father, it really is. His career would never recover, and he’s important to this town. And for us, too. I know it seems like people welcome Satanists in this town, but it’s a narrow—I mean, if people think I’m out here seducing good Christian men, it’s going to cause some backlash.”
Terzo studied her a moment. “But if he had been all right with it, you would not have kept this relationship a secret.”
She hesitated, then shook her head.
Terzo watched her for a moment. He thought of how competent and friendly and flawless she always seemed. How she ran everything and never asked for help. He wondered how long she’d been a part of this secret relationship that threatened to destroy her good standing in this town, and possibly more.
“You know that someone who loves you would not keep it a secret, right?” he said gently. “Regardless of your faith, your gender, anything. Love is the sort of thing you want to shout from the rooftops. Unless your safety or his was at stake. Is it? That would change things.”
“No…Father, can we get back to the problem at hand, please?” she asked. She took a deep breath, and right before his eyes, he watched everything seem to fall away. The anxious fidgeting, the uncertainty, the heartbreak, all of that vanished, and there before him again was the calm, cool Cam Sinclair he knew, comfortable and competent. “The fact of the matter is I should get to Virginia, soon if I’m able. He’s paying for me to go and take care of it. But I don’t feel comfortable driving myself home after a medical procedure, and I was hoping I could come to you for help. Are you able to help me?”
“I would gladly, if you wished,” he said. She was businesslike, in control. But he’d glimpsed through that, and wondered how few people really had.
“Good,” she said. “When would be a convenient time and date for you? I’ll cover any gas and food.”
“You don’t need to pay for anything. I believe next week would work well. You work so well with the church that I think we could claim it was related to a Satanic conference or something similar, to keep your privacy.”
Her shoulders relaxed, just a little, and she gave him a smile. “Perfect, thank you. And the doctor did kindly not record the pregnancy test results, so I shouldn’t have to worry about any of that.”
“Of course. But one other thing, if I may, and it is again a little indelicate.”
He watched her square her shoulders. “I’m not going to tell you who my ex was, Father.”
“I don’t expect you to,” he said. “But in all of this, you have not told me that this is your choice. You have spoken about protecting this man, whoever he is, but you have not told me that this is what you want.”
And there it was again. The mask of perfection cracking, along with her voice as she spoke. “Father, I can’t afford to raise this baby on my own. And I can’t ask him for help.”
You could, he thought, but he didn’t say. She was clearly convinced that was not possible. “You don’t have to,” he said. “Your body is your own, you should do what you choose. But is that what you choose? Or is it what you’re being forced to do?”
The rest of the mask crumbled, and to his surprise and slight alarm, Cam was suddenly crying, right there, in the chair before his desk. She put her face in her hands, embarrassed maybe.
Terzo had been unprepared for anyone to cry in his office, let alone Cam Sinclair. He stood up, though, and went to his shelf, and brought over a box of tissues. He set them down on the desk within her reach. “Here,” he said, softly.
“I want this baby,” she whispered. “I want a baby, I’m getting older, I’m nonbinary, I have no time to date, my options are limited. If I didn’t have to do this, I wouldn’t. I’d be picking out baby clothes. I want to pick out baby clothes. But I can’t.”
It was almost worse, somehow. Anyone’s distress would hurt, but he had known Cam for three years and never seen her anything but cheerful and collected, making this contrast all the harsher for it.
“I can’t afford to be a single parent, I can’t risk our community by trying to make my ex step up, and if I had a baby I’d want it to have a good life, not—not—whatever the hell would happen with this.” She snatched up a tissue and blew her nose, loudly. “Father, please. I cannot afford to get attached to the idea, I can’t even think about it. Having to wait until next week is bad enough, I…”
“Shh,” he said, and on impulse, he sat on his desk, not at it, and put a hand on her shoulder. “It’s all right. I am sorry to have made you cry, I am. Your body is yours to do with as you will. Whether that’s to end a pregnancy or to keep one. I will bring you to Virginia if you feel it is best. I do not want you to feel like I will not. For any reason that you want to end it, or need to end it, we will take care of it.”
She threw away the tissue, and he watched it fall into the trash. Right on top of the crumpled up letter he’d thrown in during his conversation with Copia.
And that’s when inspiration struck. Divine inspiration, perhaps, or more likely the opposite.
Or perhaps it was merely foolishness.
But either way, words came out of his mouth.
“I have a suggestion. A—an idea. It would perhaps help with your problem, and it would help one of mine as well.”
He sucked in a breath then, after he finished that. Words he couldn’t take back, words that held a promise he wasn’t sure he could keep.
But Cam looked up at him, reddened eyes suspicious more than hopeful. “What do you mean?”
He handed her a tissue, and took a deep breath. “What do you know,” he said, “about the Satanic tradition of Prime Mover, and the heirs to the papacy?”
Chapter Text
Cam stared at Father Terzo who was, she decided, probably insane. “You think I should abort the baby and then get knocked up again for Satan?” she asked dully. “Do the ritual in front of everyone? My parents go to this church, that’s not happening. Also, just because I asked you a favor does not mean I’m okay with fucking you, Father.”
“No—no,” he said. “I wouldn’t ask that. No, I…” He sighed, and rubbed his forehead a moment. “First, a private ritual is as acceptable as a public one. Which is why this would work. I, I think it would work. Because we can skip it entirely and no one would know.”
He got up then, went to the trash, reached past her snotty tissue, and extracted a ball of paper.
“The Ministry has been on myself and my brothers for a Prime Mover, and none of us are very keen on the idea. I thought perhaps that if…” He smoothed out the paper, looked down at it. “You keep your baby. We tell people it is mine, that I have fulfilled my duties as an Emeritus. That we did the ritual in private, and did not announce it until we were sure it worked. And your child would have every advantage. An education, financial security…something of a father figure, if you’d let me be. You would have to vow to raise it in the faith, but I do not think that would be a hardship for you, as devout as you are yourself. And someday they would become Papa, so not a bad life.”
Cam stared at him some more. “Okay,” she said, slowly. “Except one tiny little detail. Uh. It’s about continuing the papal line and all of that…I don’t mean to alarm you, but. This baby would not magically transform into yours because you signed the birth certificate.”
He shrugged, an oddly graceful movement. “No one needs to know that.”
“You’d lie about a holy rite?” she asked.
“We serve the Father of Lies,” he said, “and I really doubt we would be the first, no? It wouldn’t surprise me if my brothers and I aren’t quite as Emeritus as we all assume, from somewhere up the line.” He studied her for a moment, and then offered a slight smile. “It’s your choice, as it all is. But it occurred to me…”
Cam shook her head, bewildered, and trying very hard to tamp down the few rays of hope that were filtering down into her heart. “I…why? What would you get out of this? I mean, okay, you get your bosses to leave you alone about something that’s probably kind of annoying. On the other hand, a kid is at least an eighteen-year responsibility , but actually it’s your whole life, and it’s not even your kid. Even if you were the least involved fake father ever, that’s still a hell of a commitment to make. Besides, there’s at least one person who would know who the real father is other than us.”
“Your boyfriend,” he said. “But he has already made it clear he wants nothing to do with this, and that if he came forward to make his claim, it would ruin whatever bullshit he is trying to protect.”
“Ex-boyfriend,” she corrected sharply. “And what about the rest of it?”
He sighed, leaning on his desk again, looking less like a priest, even in his collar and black clothes, and more like the Cool Teacher greeting students on their first day of class. “Fine. Your questions. I am aware of the commitment, but it does not bother me. I am a priest. I am committed to this church and community, I am committed to my Dark Lord, I was committed to the papacy before I was even born. And it may not be my child, but I was not raised by my own parents in entirety and that has never been a problem for me. I would still be willing to see to the child’s well-being, to make sure they are safe and well and educated, as I said, in the Church and in general. As for getting the Ministry to leave me alone…” He glanced down at the paper, then handed it to her. “Look at this and tell me that you do not see why I would seek any opportunity to stop these letters.”
She took it from him. It was badly creased from being aggressively balled up, but she could still read it. It looked typewritten, and the letter T was slightly, jarringly off-kilter.
Dear Father Terzo Emeritus (formerly Papa Emeritus III):
We are writing to remind you that we have not received a response to the last forty-three letters we have sent regarding the choice of Prime Mover and the necessity of continuing the family line. The Emeritus line has extended back at least a thousand years, and is in danger of dying out. If you are having difficulty finding a Prime Mover to endow with child, we have candidates available, young women of suitable age and fertility status as well as devotion to our Dark Lord and Master.
We have also requested that you visit a medical professional to get an accurate update of your sperm count, your ability to maintain an erection, and other health concerns that will impact the ability to impregnate the Prime Mover. This will allow us to move forward. Please comply and respond with all requested information at your earliest convenience.
It was signed by a bunch of clergy whose names she didn’t recognize.
“Forty-three letters,” said Terzo once she looked up again. “In the past year.”
“It’s a lot of letters, true,” she started, but he shook his head.
“No. It is not just the letters. It—” He took the paper from her, and then tore it in half, crumpled up both pieces again, and dropped them back in the basket. “I do not know what you think of me as a priest, nor do I know what you or other followers thought of me when I still served as Papa. It doesn’t matter. They are getting very, very close to taking away my choices with all of this. If I am to do what they want, to continue the family line, I would like to do it my way.” He crossed his legs at the ankle. “Do you see?”
“And this is your way,” she said.
“It’s at least something,” he said. “I have seen you for the past three years, running the church better than I ever could. If there is someone I would trust to raise a good anti-pope, it’s you.”
She blinked at that, surprised. “Me?”
“You.” He shook his head a little. “You are in a situation you should not be in. So am I. If you choose not to do this, I won’t hold it against you. But I had just prayed to Satan to help me sort this out and you arrived, and the solution may not be perfect, but it is here. You may well be an answer to my prayers.”
Cam was still staring at him, which was definitely rude.
And then he let out an exasperated sigh. “I should not have said that. That’s too much pressure on you. But now you know what I would get out of it. As for you…you know what you would get. And I would make no demands of you—of your body, of a relationship, outside of sharing the parenting of your child, and even that I will leave up to your discretion. My own father was barely involved, and I should like to think I’d do more than that, but if you’d want it to remain ceremonial then it will.”
Cam finally forced herself to look away. This was not remotely how she’d expected the conversation to go.
The truth was…she didn’t think much of him as a priest. Oh, he did his duties. He gave a halfway decent sermon every week, offered the Unholy Sacrament, blessed the congregation with Satanic blessings. He helped her oversee the food bank and other charity work she’d been doing with the church for ten years, and once in a while he even told her that he appreciated the work she did, which was always welcome. And she’d come to him in her time of need because she knew his duties would require him to help, or at least figure out someone who could.
But there was something to him, these past three years. A weird air of detachment, from his duties, the church, the community. No, not detachment. Indifference. She wasn’t sure he knew the names of most of the congregation, let alone other people in town, and she didn’t get the impression that he cared to learn. When they had meetings about the food bank he was there but he didn’t always seem to be listening. When he’d arrived three years ago, she’d quickly surmised that this was his retirement gig, and he was just coasting until he could leave.
And maybe that was the case, but then here he was, suddenly, stepping up to a role that wasn’t even his. A role that Peter hadn’t even entertained the notion of for a moment.
She raised her gaze again to squint up at him for a moment, frowning a little. Thinking of Peter still.
“What?” Terzo asked, hand to his chest. “Something on my face, or…”
“Sorry, no. I’m just thinking,” she said. “You don’t look a lot like my ex-boyfriend, but I think there’s enough there that people would buy it if the baby looked like him. You both have dark hair, at least. People hardly look past coloring.”
He let out a laugh. “I didn’t even think of that, I confess,” he said. “My own mother I do not know her background, so anything unexpected we could just claim came from her side.”
“The baby wouldn’t have the eyes, though,” she said, taking in the pale eye, the green one. “Wouldn’t that be a giveaway?”
He shrugged. “I doubt every baby born to my family does. My brothers and I just…did.” He folded his arms. “So you are thinking about it?”
She bit her lip a moment. “I’m just trying to figure out logistics,” she said, and smiled ruefully. “It’s the one thing I’m good at. Organizing things. Treating it like a bake sale.”
“Am I allowed to make a joke about a bun in the oven?” he asked.
To her surprise, she let out a laugh. But she was still thinking.
Logistics, of course. It would be a child with a lot of support, if they pulled it off. Farthing would be fine with it—she’d bred with her own, as it were, so the non-Satanists couldn’t object. And within the church, the birth of another Emeritus was a good thing, of course, a potential antichrist, a future papa, regardless of sex or gender. Terzo would at least help in some way. The money would be fine—the church would not see their Prime Mover or the resulting child struggling.
And more personally…her parents would be happy, of course. They were proud of how many duties she fulfilled with the church, and this was another one, a high honor. She had no idea what they’d think of the baby as a grandchild, but that didn’t really matter. Leo would be happy for her, and he’d be a great honorary uncle. Peter…well, as Terzo had said, Peter couldn’t say shit.
And the baby. The baby would be, as he said, well cared for. A good, quiet community to grow in, and a Satanic church. It was a lot of pressure, to be sure, to be a future pope, but everyone had their roles. Terzo had been born to it, after all, and he was fine. Hell, she had been born to own the restaurant someday, and to be a good example for the Satanists of the town. Everyone was born to do something, and at least this child would be well-equipped for it. And…
And loved.
Because now, finally, she let herself picture the thing she’d been avoiding. She let herself imagine holding a baby. Imagined kissing chubby cheeks, and singing lullabies. She imagined an older kid helping her bake cookies, imagined teaching them to read, imagined herself, maybe with Terzo, cheering from the audience as someone crossed the stage to take their diploma.
And yes, she had enough friends with kids to know it wasn’t just the good things, and she imagined the rest, too. Imagined being exhausted and having to clean literal shit off the walls. Imagined a furious, screaming teenager. Imagined the heart-stopping fear if something happened, an illness or an injury.
But between all of that, she kept picturing a smiling face, and little arms hugging her, leaving sticky kisses behind. Pictured herself telling someone, I love you, I love you, I love you, and meaning it so hard that she could never say it enough…
“Cam?” said Terzo then, softly. “Mx. Cam?” he corrected.
She looked up at him, and only then did she realize she was crying again. “Shit. Sorry.” She reached for the tissue box, and he handed it to her again. “Pregnancy hormones, I guess. I don’t do this normally.” She took a tissue, and only then did she realize she’d been sitting there with her hand on her belly this whole time.
“It is a big decision,” he said. “All of it. You can take your time. We can even plan for Virginia next week still, or a week after—”
“No.”
Her voice was quiet, but certain.
And she knew now. She knew. There were no further questions in her mind, in her heart. She had the chance, and she was going to take it.
“I want this baby. I want to have a kid, I want to be a parent, I want to…” She took a slow breath, trying to calm the tears. “I’ll be your fake Prime Mover, I’ll be whatever you need me to be. But I don’t want to give this up.”
“You’re sure?” he said. “You do not need to rush into this. This is your body, this is your life, and I am under no illusions that it will be easy.”
“I don’t care,” she said. She looked up at him. She didn’t think much of him, but in this moment she could grab him and kiss him.
She wasn’t going to. But she could.
“This is my choice and I’m choosing. This is my child.”
The moment she said it, she felt like the earth shook, she felt like the heavens opened. She felt like a contract had been signed and sealed.
He let out a heavy sigh. “If you’re sure. You can change your mind. I won’t…but…” He shook his head. “All right. I had better call Frater Imperator and let him know—”
“Wait,” she said, holding up a hand. “Wait.”
He raised his eyebrows.
“Just…okay. Before it’s Ministry Official or whatever. There are two things I want to do. First, I want to schedule an actual appointment with an actual OBGYN.”
He nodded at that. “Understandable. Do you want me to go with you?”
She blinked at him. “What? Why would you do that?”
“I’m supposed to be the father,” he pointed out. “Even if it’s not Ministry Official, and anyway, you should not have to do all of this on your own.”
“I…uh…maybe,” she said, because the idea hadn’t occurred to her. And then she shook her head. “One other thing I want to do before it’s official.”
“Tell your parents?” he guessed.
“My parents? No.” She took a breath. “I want to tell Leo. He’s my best friend, he’s always been there for me. And I won’t tell him it’s fake, although he might figure it out. He’s the only one who knew about—” She almost said Peter’s name. “About my ex. So he might guess, but I won’t tell him. But I want him to know about it.”
“Of course,” he said. “And Mx. Cam, I—thank you. For doing this. I know it is a lot to ask of you.”
“No, thank you,” she said. Her fingers curled a little over her belly. There was no sign of anything there, but she knew. “I’m thirty-eight years old and the only person I’ve been in love with doesn’t love me enough to care. I didn’t think I could have this.”
“You are young,” he said. “It could still happen. You could find love, you could—”
“I don’t even know if I want love anymore,” she admitted. “But I couldn’t afford to do this on my own.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Just because your heart is broken, fratello, does not mean you never want love. Your ex-boyfriend, this idiot, he was not the only one for you.”
Cam didn’t know how to explain it to him. Or maybe she just didn’t want to. “I don’t have the energy for yet another adult leaning on me all the time,” she said. “Especially not when I need to focus on the—the child who needs me.” Child. Her child.
Terzo’s mouth closed. And then he nodded. “I see,” he answered. “Well. I am happy I could help you, and I am sorry that you will have some duties here, but…”
“It’s okay,” she said. “It’s different. I’m used to having responsibilities, it’s just different when it’s personal.”
“I suppose,” he said. “Anyway, yes. Tell Leo. You have the energy for him, I notice.”
“Yes,” she said, “but Leo doesn’t demand more than he gives.”
“I see,” he said again. “You surprise me, Mx. Cam.”
“You can probably drop the title now,” she said. “And what surprises you?”
He smiled a little. “I have known you for three years now, and I have been somewhat in awe of you. And here you are, and it seems, incredibly, that you are as human as anyone else.”
“In awe?” she repeated.
“Oh, yes. So, if you wish me to go to the appointment with you, please tell me. I can have Omega drive us, if you like. And if you don’t want me there, please—call me after, tell me how it went?”
And for a moment, Terzo looked uncertain. He had made the plan, but he wasn’t quite sure what his role in it was.
As human as anyone else, indeed.
“I’d like you to come along,” she said finally. “Please.”
He smiled again at that. “Very well. I’ll rearrange my schedule however you need.”
“Father,” she said then.
“I think you can also call me by my given name, all things considered,” he said.
“I…uh…Terzo,” she said then. That felt weird, calling him by name. She still didn’t even call her parents’ friends by first name, nor her old teachers. “Uh. What if you change your mind, though?” Because that fear suddenly settled into her shoulders, getting attached to this baby and then Terzo bailing out, leaving her to her original worries—
“I cannot,” he said. “Once you’re determined to be Prime Mover and this child my heir, I cannot abandon either of you. And, I’m afraid, you will be somewhat stuck with me, but as I said, I will…I will give you the choice of how much to see me, how much to involve me.”
“We haven’t made it official yet.”
“By the Ministry, no,” he said. “But by me, yes. I made the offer and you accepted, and that is enough. I promise, you will not be left to deal with this alone.”
She wanted to believe him. She wanted to, because she wanted this damned baby, however she could have it, and for a moment she felt like she was a little insane over it, selfish maybe. But in that moment, if he’d done something to try to stop this from happening, she’d have bit him like a feral creature protecting its nest.
It was a weird feeling.
But he was not going to take this away from her, he was supporting her. And she stood up slowly.
“I’ll, uh, let you know, then,” she said. “And thank you again.”
Terzo looked at her for a moment. “I could not let you be coerced into something you didn’t want,” he said, “and I didn’t want to be, either. This will be best for both of us—and for the little one, no?”
The little one. She felt a calm settle over her again.
“Yes,” she agreed. “Goodbye for now, then.”
She left out his office, through the overgrown mansion that was the Satanic parsonage. It was almost laughable from outside—a tower, a cupola, spires, pillars, enough wood lace and other ornamentation to make the whole thing look like a hope chest’s worth of doilies. And that was without the ivy and wisteria growing along the walls to further embellish it. From the inside, though, it was just mazelike, and she was grateful when Omega appeared again to show her the way out.
“You knew, didn’t you?” she asked Omega. She hadn’t met many ghouls, though the previous priest had one to help him in his last years. But she knew they were perceptive, some more than others. And she remembered him telling her to be careful, remembered him saying to go to the hospital in the first place.
Omega just nodded, and brought her the rest of the way out to her car, which she’d reclaimed from the church that morning. And then he said, “It’s strong. I could sense it.”
“It…the baby?” she said.
He nodded. “You were chosen,” he said, “and so was he.” And then, instead of elaborating or, for that matter, clarifying in the slightest, he turned to go, and left her on the bottom step of the over-decorated porch. Alone.
“Okay,” said Cam, not sure what else to say. The air smelled of honeysuckle and, faintly, of fabric softener, steam coming up from a downstairs window. For a moment she felt strange, everything both too real and not quite real enough.
But then she put her hand on her belly, and smiled to herself, feeling suddenly like she had a wonderful secret. And she got back into her car and drove home to make an appointment and to call Leo, forcing herself to do it in that order.
Chapter 5
Notes:
I'm so glad people are reading! I usually post twice on Saturdays but as usual, we'll see if I'm able or not today. Thanks so much for commenting and stuff, I'm so grateful people are enjoying my Satanic Rom Com so far.
Chapter Text
When Cam asked Leo to come over, he did without question. He also greeted them with a truly massive bear hug. “Cami, you okay? What’s up?”
“I’m okay,” Cam said in answer to his question, and brought him in.
Cam understood why people thought they were dating, but they were not. They’d tried briefly, years ago, soon after she’d come out as nonbinary. They quickly realized that being the Caroliner Diner’s two queerest employees did not necessarily make for romantic or sexual compatibility and settled back into friendship with relief. Were they closer for having tried it? She couldn’t say; she’d always loved Leo so much that she couldn’t really see a difference, and she knew he felt the same.
Also, Leo’s heart mostly beat for large beefy men, even if he was open to other things.
“I’m actually—good,” they added. “But I have a lot to tell you about.”
Leo sat on the couch. With his long, dark hair and his soft dark eyes, he’d look more at home on the set of an Arthurian movie than on her beige Wayfair couch, except that if he wasn’t working he dressed like the world’s gayest Hot Topic employee. “Okay,” he said. “I’m here, I’m listening. What’s up?”
Cam stopped to tidy up a few things she’d left out—her day planner where she’d written her appointment and Terzo’s number, a pen. Her living room, kitchen, and bathroom were always spotless. No one ever saw her bedroom, not even Peter. They’d usually met at his place, and on the occasions they met here they didn’t usually make it past the couch. Which had been fine. It wasn't like he ever stayed the night.
“First,” she said, “you’ll be happy to hear that things are definitely over with Peter.”
“Finally,” said Leo. “I know he was sweet to you, Cami, but you deserve someone who would be over the moon about you, who would talk about you so much he annoyed everyone, not someone who kept you hidden like his browser history.”
Terzo had said something similar, but she ignored that.
“There’s, uh, there’s another thing I need to tell you,” she said, and took a breath. “You’re not a Satanist, but you’ve lived around us for a long time. Have you ever heard of Prime Mover?”
“It’s one of the songs on a Ghost album,” he said. “I know that much. It’s the one about the dead pregnant nun.”
“Uh, right,” she said. “Well, that part isn’t…” She sighed. “It’s kind of a ceremonial title. Um. See, the Satanic Papacy is done by lineage. All of the Ghost papas are related.”
“I know that much,” Leo said. “And your priest is supposed to be dead, except he’s here and didn’t even change his name.”
Cam paused to think about that, then shook her head and got back on topic. “Anyway, the Prime Mover is the person chosen to have the papal babies, basically, and they’re all considered a potential antichrist. It’s very formal and it’s a huge honor…”
“Don’t tell me,” Leo said. “Your campaign to be the world’s favorite poster child for Satan has paid off and you’ve been…selected to…the nun died, though,” he said then, frowning.
“That’s not actually part of the tradition,” she said again. “I heard somewhere that Primo Emeritus’s mother died, I think that’s why it’s like that. But yeah, I was chosen. I agreed to it. And I…” She hesitated. “I’m pregnant.”
“You’re—wait, you’re already pregnant?” he asked. “When? How?”
“Well, you see, Leo, when two people want to have a baby…”
Leo swatted at her. “Funny. No, I mean—when were you chosen for this? How long were you fucking the—you were fucking the priest? You don’t even like him.”
“I don’t dislike him,” she said diplomatically. “We weren’t saying anything unless or until it worked. But I have a prenatal appointment in a few days, and we’ll—”
“And I know you’ve been seeing Peter for a while and if you’d broken up with him sooner, you’d have told me,” Leo continued with a frown. “Cam, what’s going on? I mean, what’s actually going on?”
Cam hesitated.
It was Leo, and she couldn’t lie to him. She could trust him, she knew that. But…
“It’s complicated,” she said, finally. “And—and I think some of it is stuff I shouldn’t tell you.”
Leo didn’t push. She’d known he wouldn’t. But he didn’t look happy about it.
“But I’m pregnant,” she said, moving on, trying to focus on that. “And you’re one of the only people I’ve told.”
And that got Leo to soften up a little, a smile spreading over his face. “Yeah?” he said.
“Yeah,” she answered, and then grinned back. “Yeah! I’m gonna have a baby.”
Leo grinned at that and then swooped forward to hug her hard. “You are going to be such a good parent,” he said, and pulled back. “Although God—or Satan—help the little bastard in its teen years. Everyone knows you, it won’t get away with shit. Are you going to call yourself mom or dad or…?”
“I’m not sure yet,” Cam admitted. “And I’m not super excited to go to pregnancy and parenting stuff and hear all about how gloriously womanly I am or whatever for having a uterus, but I’ll deal.”
“Hey,” said Leo. “One thing at a time. Yeah, it’s going to suck, but it was always going to suck. I mean, pregnancy sucks even for cis people. And being nonbinary sucks in its own way. You combine them, you’re going to get some uncommon levels of suck. But you know—I’m here for you to vent to.”
“I know,” she said with a sigh. “And I mean, I’m kind of used to it, it’s not like people around town don’t routinely call me a woman.”
“Well,” said Leo, “you also never correct them. You just kind of laugh it off.”
“I can’t be a dick about it,” Cam said. “That never helps anything.”
Leo shrugged. “Worked for me. I was a mean little bastard about it and now everyone forgets I don’t have a penis. Never mind that. How are you feeling? Is this why you fainted yesterday?”
“Yeah, it is,” she said with a sigh. “That’s how I found out for sure.” She put her hand on her belly. “I haven’t been feeling great the last few weeks, but I didn’t really think anything of it. You know, it’s hot, I’m always busy, stuff just happens.”
“You were actively trying for a baby and you didn’t notice you were feeling pregnant?” Leo asked.
“Stop poking holes in my story.” Her voice was sharp, sharper than she meant. “None of it is up for discussion.”
Leo raised his eyebrows a moment, and if he looked like a knight, he one clearly trying to decide whether to keep fighting or not. “Okay,” he said, finally, deciding that retreat was the best tactic. “So, what, morning sickness?”
“Yeah, I guess, except it’s kinda all day. Oh, and my chest hurts. I don’t even have tits. And I’m tired. But otherwise—there’s a reason I didn’t even realize I was pregnant. There hasn’t been much and I’m tired half the time anyway.”
Leo laughed at that. “Well, that’s not so bad. So…” He hesitated. “Does Peter know about this?”
“Me being Prime Mover? No. And he’ll find out with the rest of town.”
Leo looked like he wanted to ask other questions, but Cam had asked him not to. Finally he sighed. “Okay. Well. Whatever makes you happy. And your priest, he’s being good to you?”
“Yeah, actually,” said Cam, with a little surprise. “He is. And…he knows I want kids. He’s told me he’ll be involved as much or as little as I want.”
“And how much do you want?” Leo asked.
Cam thought about it for a moment. “I don’t know yet,” she admitted. “I mean, I’m lucky I do have a village. You, my parents, your parents, the rest of town. I know church will be a big help.”
“It’s his kid, though,” said Leo, “right? So you can’t just leave him out.”
“Yeah, of course,” Cam lied. “Of course he should be involved. He’s going to the first doctor’s visit. He just…” She shrugged. “He never seems to care that much about stuff. I don’t want to assume he’ll care about this, too.”
“Not everyone does fifteen kinds of volunteer work and talks to everyone who crosses their path, Cami,” Leo said, making her laugh. “How well do you even know this guy to be having a baby with him?”
“It’s not like it’s a relationship,” she said with a shrug. “It’s a formal thing.”
“Was the sex good?” he asked.
“Yep,” she said. Well, it had been good with Peter. And it probably would have been good with Terzo. If nothing else, she knew from his papal days that he valued partners’ orgasms, so she assumed he would have done the same with her. Hell, that was part of the ritual, by all accounts.
“Are you going to keep having sex?”
“Nope,” she said. “No need. But he’s nice, Leo. I don’t regret anything, and I’m…” She hesitated. “I want to have this baby. You know? I really do. I never…that’s one thing where things never quite worked out for me. I had the chance and I took it.” She leaned against the back of the couch again. “I’ve always wanted kids, deep down. But now it’s real, and I want this kid more than anything. I’ve never met this child and I want to meet them so badly. Is that weird? I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this. I feel like if someone tried to take it away from me I’d claw their damned eyes out.”
Leo studied her for a moment, then reached out and took her hand, squeezing it gently. “If nothing else,” he said, “this kid’s going to have at least one parent who loves them a lot. And that can only be a good thing.” He smiled. “And,” he added, “Uncle Leo is going to spoil them rotten.”
Cam laughed at that and reached out to hug him, which he returned.
Sometimes she thought that was the real reason she’d never find a partner. She and Leo didn’t want each other romantically or sexually, there was no doubt about that. It just wasn’t there. But no lover in her life had ever made her feel as safe in their arms as Leo did, and it must have been hard on them to know they’d never quite measure up. Sometimes it was hard on her to know that no one ever really would. But sometimes, like now, she didn’t think she was really missing much.
“Thanks, Uncle Leo,” she said. “We can’t wait.”
Chapter Text
“Aw, Miss Cam, you’re back!” said Brielle Walker when she came into the Caroliner Diner for her usual morning pancakes. “I heard you fell ill at the bake sale a few days ago.”
Cam shrugged a little, smiling. “Well, I’m fine,” she said. It had been, of course, a mistake to go to the ER in a small town. The staff might have laws against sharing information, but other patients sure didn’t. “Heat just got to me. Short stack and bacon, right?”
“Oh, you know me too well,” said Brielle, coming to sit at the counter. “And—”
“And I’ll brew some coffee fresh for you, Miz Bri,” she promised.
“You’re angel,” she said, and frowned, remembering that Cam did not keep her religious alignments a secret. “Uh. You know.”
“Hey, Lucifer was an angel, too, and we sorta like him,” Cam said with a cheerful grin. “No offense taken. Be right out with that for you. Morning, Donny,” she added as a kid came in. “Be right with you, okay?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said.
Just once she wished she’d get a sir, just to balance things out, but she never would, and she certainly couldn’t blame an eleven-year-old. She went back into the kitchen to get the coffee started and to grab someone else’s plate.
It was good to be back to work. She was manager, but lately they’d been short a waitress and so she’d been working out front again. Cam didn’t mind. It helped, after everything, to busy herself. To feel in control. She knew this restaurant, she knew the people in town, she knew how to handle anything and everything.
“Hey, Cam,” said her father, coming out of the office. “You’re taking off this afternoon?”
“Yeah, I have to,” she said. Her doctor’s appointment was at three. “You’ll be fine, Bets and Jordan are both coming in and I know for a fact that Sarah wants more hours, so she can come in if someone calls out. Did you see the forms I left on your desk?”
“Yeah, I did,” he said. “You weren’t here the last few days, Cami. I know you do a lot of volunteer work, but the restaurant is going to be yours, you need to take it seriously.”
“I am, and I do,” she said, “but I had to rest after the thing at the bake sale.”
“What thing at the bake sale?” asked her father, who apparently did not leave the office often enough to hear any gossip.
“Oh! I fainted, Father Emeritus took me to the ER,” she said breezily.
“…Oh,” her father said, awkwardly. “You’re okay?”
“Fine. ‘Scuse me, I need to take these.”
She brought some plates out and served them to her waiting tables, stopped to get more syrup for someone, and then went to get Donny the breakfast sandwich he was picking up before practice and sent him on his way. “That kid has gotten so tall,” she remarked to Jonah Pryor as she refilled his coffee.
“He’s a good kid,” Jonah said. “All them Bradfords are. Of course, so are the Sinclairs,” he said with a smile.
“You flatterer,” she teased with a laugh. “You Pryors do pretty well, too.”
“Oh, you think so, you think so,” Jonah said. “But we’d surprise you. Once as a kid I stole candy from the drug store.”
She pretended to gasp. “How scandalous!”
There was an art to all of it. Friendly and warm and welcoming, but never too much. Flirty sometimes, but never seductive. Conversational, but you always brought it back to the other person, never yourself. All the regulars at the Caroliner Diner loved Cam, and because of that, they came back again and again. And they went to her charity sales, and contributed to the food drives. Even at the Satanic church, where none of them would have gone years ago.
Cam knew it all, and she was good at it, which was good because this was going to be the entire rest of her life. That was okay. The work was fine. As a kid, whenever her peers talked about their grown-up careers, Cam was the only one who never said anything like rock star or astronaut; she’d always known their future was here. Well, it was sort of nice to have that to depend on, after all. How many of those kids had ever actually become rock stars or astronauts?
The morning rush started to die down, and she leaned on the counter for a while to chat with a couple of old-timers, listening to their jokes and answering back with a few of her own.
And then Peter walked in. Which he was more than welcome to do, it was a restaurant, after all. He sat at the counter and gave her a smile that was friendly, a smile of two sometimes-colleagues and upstanding citizens who’d known each other since school. “Hey, Miz Cam,” he said. “Work keeping you busy?”
His code for can I see you later?
“Much too busy,” she said, pleasantly and pointedly. “What can I get you today?”
That threw him a little, but he looked at the menu. “Uh…the…could I get the chili, please? And a Coke.”
“Got it,” she said, and slipped back into the kitchen.
Leo looked up. “Did I just hear Peter March?” he asked.
“Yep. Chili for him, please,” she said, wishing her heart would stop pounding. They were broken up. She didn’t need to have that kind of reaction to him.
Her father came out from the office again to ask Cam about some of the accounting software, thankfully, so someone else had to take Peter his chili and Coke.
Unfortunately, when she returned he was still there at the counter eating, and he caught her eye. She couldn’t act like anything was wrong, so she smiled and chatted about the high school soccer team and wished she could just vanish into the counter. Lunch was starting to pick up, at least, so she busied herself with other customers and orders and the general familiar chaos. Every now and again, she caught a glimpse of Leo standing in the kitchen doorway, and she had a feeling he was shooting Peter dirty looks, but she could never actually catch him at it.
Peter, meanwhile, lingered. He ate his chili slowly, and then he got some pie, and then he got a cup of coffee. It was clear he was waiting to talk to her, so eventually she grabbed out her phone and texted him, What the fuck do you want? before going on her break.
She sat in the little alley behind the diner. It smelled faintly of dumpster, which did not help her pregnancy- or Peter-induced nausea but did help her pressing need to be alone. A pair of vultures that lived nearby sometimes treated the dumpster as a convenient buffet, always startling her with their size more than anything, but for the moment there was nothing but a mockingbird hopping around looking for crumbs.
Peter texted back, Why are you mad at me? I didn’t mean for this to happen, and we’re taking care of it. I’ve already sent you the money. I love you. I just want what’s best for both of us.
She stared at the phone for a moment. You really want this shit in writing? she asked back. Anyway, don’t worry about it. It’s not yours anyway. And we’re done. And with that she silenced her phone and forced herself to eat a BLT that Leo brought out for her, though between the nausea, the anxiety, and the dumpster, it was a struggle. But she ate it, tasting none of it, and it stayed down, and that was all she could really ask for.
After her break she came back and found that Peter had finally left. She glanced at her phone and saw she was missing some text messages from him, skimmed them, and then deleted the conversation as well as his number. She’d only be working another hour or so, but she was grateful for the distraction, going right back to her usual self.
She talked to people, and laughed. A few tourists showed up and she charmed them, telling them all about the sights of Farthing and the nearby lake. And for a moment, it reminded her that she really did love this damned town, that there were wonderful things within it.
About thirty minutes before she was scheduled to go off shift, Terzo arrived, along with Omega.
A few of the regulars, despite being used to Cam and most of the other local Satanists, nonetheless gave the priest a slightly uneasy look, though no one said anything. Cam, of course, just did her job.
“Father!” she greeted with practiced delight, the delight she showed her regulars no matter how she felt. “It’s nice to see you here. Hello, Mr. Omega.”
Terzo smiled a little as he took a seat. “Hello. I thought I would come by since…”
Since he would be taking her to the appointment in a while, but he didn’t mention that out loud, and neither did she.
“I’m glad you stopped in. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in the diner before,” she said, handing him and Omega menus.
“I have not been. I…have a specialty diet I am supposed to follow, but hopefully my nursemaid over here,” he said, narrowing his eyes at Omega, “will allow me to eat something.”
“Oh!” she said.
For some reason, she’d always assumed he was avoiding the diner because he was too good for it somehow, or because…well, she didn’t know why, but it seemed intentional. And, well, it was, but not for the reason she thought.
“Can I ask what kind of diet you’re on? Maybe I can recommend something. Or I can leave you with the menu and get out of your hair,” she added with a grin.
He opened the menu a moment, then looked up. “Low sodium,” he said. “Which is not an easy accommodation for a lot of Southern food, I have found. I suspect I will be having a salad.”
“I mean, we do actually have pretty good salads, although you’d want the grilled chicken and not the crispy,” she said. “It has a little salt but much less than the fried. But if you don’t want that, we have a heart-healthy menu on page two and I can ask the kitchen not to add salt to stuff.”
He opened the menu to page two, looking it over. “You are clearly the expert. What would you recommend?”
She smiled at that. “The egg white omelets are pretty good, and you can get whatever you want in there, although you’ll want to avoid the bacon and ham and sausage. The chicken-veggie wrap is pretty good, too—that’s the grilled chicken again, although I think you’d want to get it with the vinaigrette and without the dipping sauce. Also a lot of people actually really like our avocado toast.”
“But you don’t?”
“I would if I liked avocado,” she said with a shrug. “But I don’t, and that’s half the name.”
He smiled at that, and looked it over, then looked up at Omega. “Do you think the grilled chicken wrap will appease you, Food Warden?” he asked sourly.
Omega just shrugged.
Terzo apparently understood that, and handed her the menu back. “Chicken wrap, please, vinaigrette and no sauce. Also fries, unsalted. Thank you, you are a big help.”
“Sure.” She took the menu, and looked at Omega. She didn’t even know if ghouls ate. “Anything for you?”
“Pie,” he said.
“We have two pies today. Peach or pecan?”
He shrugged. “Surprise me.”
“Sur-pies you, am I right?” she said.
Terzo snorted. “That was terrible, Mx. Cam.”
“Wasn’t it just?” she asked with a grin. “I’ll be back soon. Nothing to drink for you?”
Terzo considered. “Mm…coffee, please, black.” Omega leveled a look at him. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m skipping the salt, let me have the caffeine. Ignore him,” he said then to Cam. “He’s not even paying.”
“Whatever you say,” she said, trying not to laugh. She went back to the kitchen to drop off the order and, while she was at it, let her father know in the office that Father Emeritus was visiting the diner. Her father just nodded with mild interest and asked her to double-check something in the software, which she did. In fact, she ended her workday in the office, helping her father, talking about the business and nothing else, until her phone alarm suddenly went off.
“Oh!” she said. “I’ve got to go.”
“But what about the accounting?” asked her father.
“You’ve got it, Dad, you’re fine, and I have to go.”
“Cam,” he started.
“I have an appointment,” she reminded him. “Gotta go. See you.”
She took off the apron she wore over the pants-and-shirt version of the uniform, grabbed her bag, then headed out to the dining room. Terzo was finishing up his wrap. For a brief moment she wondered how they were going to do this, leaving discreetly together so no one saw. And then she realized that this would all come to light soon enough, and she didn’t have to keep it a secret, not really.
That was new.
“The food was good,” said Terzo when she came over to the table, as he finished signing the receipt. “I may come back again.”
She smiled at that. “Thanks. I’m glad you liked it. How was the pie?” she asked Omega as they got up. “It was the peach, right?”
He nodded. “It was,” he said, “a good sur-pies.”
She cracked up at that while Terzo just sighed heavily and gestured for them both to go out ahead.
Chapter Text
Terzo sat with Cam in the waiting room, watching HGTV while Cam filled out a small stack of forms. And then he sat with Cam in the exam room, looking around as Cam answered questions about medication and family history and menstrual cycles and morning sickness and Cam’s top surgery. They mentioned having irregular periods which made dating the pregnancy difficult, and the doctor assured them that an ultrasound would clear that up. Terzo observed to himself that he now knew the menstruation tendencies of exactly one human being, one with whom he wasn’t even that close, and wasn’t sure what to do with that knowledge.
Terzo did not sit with Cam for the pelvic and breast exams. He stood awkwardly in the hall, like a child sent out of a classroom as punishment. His ears weren’t ringing and he wasn’t dizzy, but the lingering pressure set his teeth on edge. Or maybe it wasn’t the ear pressure. It was really unreasonable, he thought, that the person giving birth had to be interrogated and poked and prodded, and the person who impregnated them just sort of sat there.
When the exam was over Cam came out. “Hi,” they said, looking cheerful. He couldn’t tell if that was because of the pregnancy, or if it was their usual good-natured waitressy cheer, but it felt like the latter. For the entire exam their voice had been pleasant and measured, answering what they could, occasionally joking. Perfect Cam Sinclair, as usual, and he wondered where the other Cam had gone, the one he’d seen, however briefly, in his office. “We’re going down to get an ultrasound, and then labs. You okay doing all of this?”
“Of course, amico mio,” he said without thinking, deciding to lean into the masculine term since Italian didn’t lend itself well to gender neutrality. Sorella or fratello didn’t feel quite right, given they were now his Prime Mover and that implied a non-familial level of intimacy, but he knew he had no right to anything more intimate in truth. And gendering was difficult—most people used feminine terms for Cam, but he noticed Cam never seemed to introduce themself with them.
The obstetrician led the way and Cam kept commenting on things and cracking jokes. She seemed relaxed, at least, which was—Terzo realized abruptly—far more than he felt. He had no idea why he was so nervous about this. He wasn’t the one subjecting to intrusive exams. He wasn’t the one whose body was going to be altered by this whole process. He wasn’t the one who had wanted this baby so badly that he’d cried in a priest’s office about it. Technically, until he made the Prime Mover story official, this baby didn’t even have anything to do with him.
And yet his stomach clenched as he sat in a hard plastic chair next to a table. Cam lay down, hiking up the shirt of their waiter uniform, and joked around with the ultrasound tech while Terzo wondered what he should do with his hands.
But when an image appeared on the screen, Cam suddenly stopped talking.
Terzo looked up sharply, trying to see if there was something wrong on the screen, but all he could make out was a moving blob of what looked like static.
“There’s the baby,” said the tech, moving the wand a little for a slightly different angle of the blob. “You can see the head here.”
And abruptly, yes, Terzo could. Sort of. It looked like an alien, but then he glanced from the screen to Cam’s face.
Cam had their hand over their mouth. “That’s my baby?” they said, their voice soft, as if they didn’t even hope.
This was, Terzo thought, not the sort of thing someone should experience alone, and without thinking he took their free hand. They didn’t pull away—they squeezed it, hard, as if grounding themself in that moment.
“That’s your baby,” agreed the tech. “We’re going to take a few stills. It’s too soon to tell the sex, but it looks like you’re at about ten weeks. A little late for noticing but not unheard of.”
“Ten weeks,” she said, through her fingers, and Terzo looked at her again, and smiled.
All the nerves, all the complications, were definitely worth it. Seeing the look on her face, seeing how she couldn’t tear her eyes off the screen…
Whoever the father was, Terzo thought, he was the stupidest man alive for missing out on this.
And he looked back at the screen again, at the little static alien. And he thought, That’s the illegitimate future of the papacy, poor little thing.
There, suddenly, it stopped being a static alien, and started being…something else. It was a moment, a shift, connecting everything. But he was looking at the thing on the screen and realized he was one of only three people to have seen this newly created person-to-be. And it was…it was something.
He squeezed Cam’s hand a little, as if now he needed grounding.
Finally the tech finished up with Cam, cleaned the gel off their stomach, and stepped away for a moment.
“Congratulations,” Terzo said, because he wasn’t sure what else to say. “Ten weeks, huh?”
“I guess so,” she said, and now she was sitting up and she couldn’t stop smiling.
“So you said labs next, yes? And then…would you come with me to my house? I want to call my brother and tell him, Frater Imperator, you know. Tell him the news.”
“You’re sure?” she asked, voice soft. “You can still get out of this, you know. I—I’ll make it work on my own if I have to. Now. I don’t know how, but I will.”
Terzo looked at her for a moment, then glanced again at the screen, which now showed nothing at all, but he remembered.
“Oh, yes,” he said. “I’m sure.”
They finished up and headed back to his sprawling house. Once they were in his office, he called Frater Imperator on video, insisting on Cam sitting next to him.
Copia answered, looking distracted, barely even registering his brother on the call, let alone another person. “What is it?” he asked. “I have a meeting in a few minutes, is this important?”
“Frater Imperator,” he said, “please tell the senior clergy that I’ve found my Prime Mover.”
That got Copia’s attention, looking right at the screen, leaning a little too close to the camera with a frown. “You—you told me—ah, is this the nice girl?” he said, quickly realizing there was someone there.
“Not a girl,” Terzo said. “And I did not want to tell anyone until we were sure, but we did the ritual privately.” He smirked then, leaning back in his chair, slipping seamlessly into the role of cocky seducer. “A few times.”
“Until you were sure,” Copia repeated. “Sure that—do you mean—”
Terzo glanced over at Cam. “Do you want to show him?” he asked.
“Sure,” Cam said, and held up one of the ultrasound prints.
Copia squinted at the screen for a long moment. “And that’s a baby, is it?” he said.
“Yeah,” said Cam. “Say hi to the next generation of Satanists.”
Copia let out a little grumbling noise. “It looks like an alien made of static, but congratulations all the same. And Terzo—thanks for taking this one for the family, I guess.”
“Of course, of course,” Terzo said with a grin. “My pleasure. On so very many levels.”
Chapter Text
Terzo and Cam created and signed contracts, and then dated them for several months ago. Forging a Prime Mover? Why not? Signing his name should have felt momentous somehow. Promising to help raise this child, promising financial security and a future, promising permanent entanglement with Cam herself.
But none of it really felt as significant as that moment with the ultrasound. This was just a signature, just a name, just a document. That had been something more.
Omega’s quintessence confirmed before Cam’s test results could, that the baby seemed healthy and that Cam shouldn’t have anything to worry about. Terzo was almost alarmed to realize how relieved he was to hear it, too, but he said nothing.
“I think Frater Imperator is going to come visit,” said Terzo a few days later. “I am not quite sure when. And soon I want to tell my other brothers, but…it seems…that is to say, your own parents are devout and would no doubt like to support you in all of this. Have you told them yet?”
“No,” said Cam. “I haven’t. Do you want to come along?”
“I do, actually,” he said with a nod. “Whenever you like.”
“Neither Dad or I work Sunday. Are you available after Mass?”
And so it was after another successful if uninspiring Sunday service that Terzo and Omega parked outside of Cam’s little house to wait for her.
Unfortunately, this was not a great day for Terzo. He was in a bad mood anyway. He’d tried to call Secondo with the news before service and found out that Copia had told him already, but that wasn’t the real annoyance. A storm was threatening, and his ears were aching with it. The tinnitus was less of a hum and more of a steady thump, distracting and disquieting.
“Is…something wrong?” Cam asked when she got into the car, and glanced down. “Did I dress all right?”
He blinked at her. Today she was in a loose button-down and jeans. “Of course. Why wouldn’t you? It’s your parents.”
She shrugged. “This is also your announcement. But okay. You just seemed upset about something.”
Only then did he realize he’d been frowning.
“Not about you,” he said. “Not even really about anything. I have—it’s my ears,” he said, gesturing vaguely to one. “I have a condition with my ears. It’s why Omega drives me, because I get very—I lose balance easily. And today with the weather it is causing problems and I am not feeling my best.”
“Oh,” she said. “I’m so sorry, that must be frustrating.”
He shrugged a little. “It is not something you need to mind. You know the baby will not inherit it.”
“Yeah, but that’s not the only reason to…oh,” she said, suddenly. And she blinked at him. “Does it affect your hearing?”
“Yes. Sometimes worse than others. And there’s often ringing which drowns things out. Why?”
“Nothing,” she said. “I just. Um.” She sighed. “I think I understand something better now, that’s all.”
He didn’t really know what that meant, but he decided he didn’t want to question it further. “Now, your parents. I have met them, they are very—they are good Satanists, but will they be upset about me being involved with you? I know that parents are parents. Perhaps they are protective of you even now?”
“I don’t think they’ll care about that,” she said with a shrug. “They’ll be proud I was picked for an important role like this.”
“And I’m sure they will be delighted for a grandchild, antichrist or not,” he said.
“Hard to say,” said Cam with a shrug, which he assumed was a joke. “I did tell them you’re low sodium. I’m guessing it’s because of the ear thing? Hopefully the food will be okay for you.”
“It is. I’ll be fine,” he promised.
They arrived to a picture-perfect one-story house, lawn neat, with hollyhocks and crape myrtle blooming. Cam knocked, and it was a few moments before her mother answered. Lana Sinclair was short like Cam was, and like Cam, her makeup always looked flawless and untouched by sweat or atmosphere in any way. Her hair was also curly, but unlike Cam’s wild pink fluff, Mrs. Sinclair’s curls were neat spirals that framed her features well.
“Good afternoon, Cam,” said Mrs. Sinclair. She didn’t have a Southern accent, he noticed idly. “And Father Emeritus. It was very nice of you to join us for dinner.”
“It was very kind of you to offer, Mrs. Sinclair,” he said in his warmest voice, just shy of flirtatious, feeling for a moment like he was back on stage.
“Come in, we’re just setting down dinner,” she said.
There was something weird about their house, and it took Terzo a moment to realize that it felt like an IKEA. There was furniture, art on the walls, rugs, all the necessities, but there was nothing particularly interesting about any of it. The only things that looked personal, as she led them to the dining room, was a framed and enlarged photograph on the wall of the Sinclairs at Cam’s graduation, and a prominent upside-down cross next to a “Live, Laugh, Love” sign.
Cam’s father, Anthony Sinclair, was much taller, with a head full of white hair. He had Cam’s same easy, friendly smile, and green eyes like hers. He shook Terzo’s hand and then, oddly enough, did the same to Cam. “Have a seat.”
Dinner was good, as he expected of a restaurant owner. Salad with some kind of tangy dressing, a gorgeous roast, macaroni and cheese, summer squash glistening with butter. He was pretty sure the macaroni was not low sodium, but it was delicious, so he pretended not to notice and took seconds when offered.
The conversation, however, was fairly simple. Cam and Anthony discussed some aspects of the restaurant in a way that wouldn’t have been out of place in an actual meeting, and then the Sinclairs politely asked Terzo how he’d been enjoying Farthing the past three years.
“It’s a very pretty town,” he said, which was true. “And it does make me laugh whenever the local children steal the ‘H’ from the ‘Welcome to Farthing’ sign.” Which was also true.
Cam smiled at that. “Used to happen even more,” she said, and for a moment there was a wicked gleam in her eye that he liked. “That’s also why there’s a fence around the water tower, because people used to go and spray-paint out the H, too. Once, no one on the council noticed until after we were in state news for our high school wrestling team.” Her smile turned into a grin.
“Cam,” said her mother, gently reproving. “We don’t need to laugh at childish pranks.”
Cam’s smile dimmed, and the wicked light went out entirely.
“I don’t see why not,” Terzo said, not liking that. “It’s harmless enough.”
Lana Sinclair smiled and shook her head a little. “It is, of course, very harmless. But as Satanists in a town that used to be very hostile to our faith, we try to behave above reproach, even with petty crimes like defacing public property.”
Terzo glanced over at Cam again. “Well, it’s just Satanists here,” he said. “I think it’s all right if we laugh at Farting, South Carolina.”
Anthony Sinclair was polite enough to laugh a little. “The kids have always done that, Lana,” he said. “They did when I was a boy, too, and probably before that, too.”
“Yes,” said his wife, voice sharp. “And when you were a boy, your brother was almost killed by a group of Christians after he flirted with the wrong girl. He still has nerve damage, and he’s fifty-seven.”
“You don’t have to remind me, Lana,” he said. Terzo expected him to say more, but he didn’t. Anthony Sinclair, it seemed, was not a man of many words.
“It seems to me,” Terzo said after an awkward silence as he cut a piece off his roast, “that whatever the past may have held, the Satanic church is a very valued part of the community now.”
“It’s become so,” agreed Lana. “I was the first Satanic schoolteacher in the district, did you know that? They protested for months outside of my middle school, but I taught for forty years.”
“To be fair, Mom,” said Cam lightly, “they were probably just as upset that you were a Yankee from Michigan, not just the Satanist thing.”
Lana gave a little smile. “That didn’t help,” she agreed. “But we were always at risk of losing our jobs or worse if we weren’t careful. But you’ve done fine, Cam. You’ve reflected very well on the church, wouldn’t you agree, Father?”
“Yes, she has,” he said, glancing over at Cam and suddenly finding a lot of things starting to make sense. “But, you know, Satanism doesn’t expect perfection of its people. If anything, Lucifer fell from grace to avoid it.”
“No one expects perfection,” Lana agreed pleasantly.
“I’m definitely not perfect,” said Cam with a laugh. “The pink hair, the nonbinary stuff. I made sure none of it reflected badly, but the town’s accepted it about me, too.”
“So they have,” said Terzo, unsure what else to say about it.
“Who wants dessert?” said Anthony then. “Icebox cake. Or do we want to sit in the living room for a little while first and make sure we have room for it?”
“That might be better, Dad,” said Cam. “I actually had something I wanted to tell you about, so why don’t we go talk?”
“Sure,” he said, standing up.
They were welcoming, and they did seem fond of their child. He had no doubt about that. So why did everything feel so strange here in their catalog-perfect house?
They sat down in a tasteful gray living room. Terzo’s ear pounded a rhythmic soundtrack. He sat next to Cam on the loveseat, hoping he wasn’t too close for her comfort but feeling like this was the sort of thing they should look united about.
“So,” he said, “Cam has a sort of announcement. If you want to make it,” he added, because he was willing to if she’d rather not.
“Of course,” she said. “Mom, Dad…” She took a deep breath. “I’ve been chosen for the role of Father Emeritus’s Prime Mover. I’m going to be continuing the Emeritus line.”
Terzo expected something. Exclamations of pride or perhaps distress.
But instead, the Sinclairs just nodded. “I see,” said Mrs. Sinclair. “Of course that’s an honor.”
And that seemed to be it.
“There’s more,” Terzo said then. He looked at Cam, and then decided he couldn’t wait. “The child is due in about thirty weeks. To the church, of course, he will be the unblessed heir to the papacy, and the potential antichrist. But to you he’ll be your grandchild and I’m sure that’s very exciting.”
Lana Sinclair smiled a little. “Congratulations,” she said.
Anthony Sinclair looked thoughtful. “That was why you fainted, then? I’m glad it wasn’t something more serious.”
And…that was it.
There weren’t really any questions. There definitely wasn’t any hugging, let alone crying.
“Cam is going to be a wonderful parent,” he added, trying to get something. Anything.
“Of course she is,” said Lana. “She’s very capable and very organized.”
“We’ll talk about maternity leave later,” said Anthony, “closer to when you’re due.”
It wasn’t hostile, it wasn’t indifferent, exactly. But it was so…transactional that Terzo felt deeply uncomfortable with the whole thing.
After dessert, Omega returned to pick them up. In the car, Terzo broached the subject. “They didn’t seem all that, erm…excited about the baby.”
Cam shrugged a little. “That’s just how they are,” she said.
“They didn’t hug you or anything. I would think they’d have hugged you. I’d have hugged you if it were me.” Was that a weird thing to say?
“They’ve never been all that huggy,” Cam answered. “That’s just not how they do things. They love me. They brag about me to their friends. If I got in trouble, I always knew I could call them. They helped me buy my house, they’ve got the restaurant ready for me whenever Dad retires, I’ve always been secure. But they just aren’t…” She hesitated. “Warm, I guess.”
Terzo frowned a little, thinking of that. He tried to imagine it with his own mother. Well, not his mother, technically. He’d been raised by Secondo’s mother, right alongside him, almost twins and yet not. He’d called her Mamma, though, and she had never been cold a day in her life.
“It’s okay,” Cam continued. “I’m used to it. But…but that’s not how I’m going to be with the baby.” Her voice was almost tentative, as if unsure she should make such promises.
“I don’t think you could be if you tried. You are very warm.” Maybe that sounded strange, too. “That is to say, I imagine you will do more…hugging with your baby.” He jerked his chin a little in her direction, as if pointing to said baby. As if she might have forgotten.
Cam smiled a little. “I plan to. Anyway, don’t feel too sorry for me. They’re good parents in their own way, and for hugs and stuff I had Leo’s parents.”
“Leo’s parents?” he said.
“Yeah. You know Leo. He’s older than me, but when I was little his parents would watch me after school, and they’re much more the hugging and feelings type.”
Terzo considered for a moment, and glanced forward at Omega driving. “Where do his parents live?” he asked Cam.
“Up on Gloucester Street, why?”
“Omega?” said Terzo, and Omega immediately turned towards the street in question.
“I thought you were taking me home?” Cam said, confused. “We don’t need to go to Leo’s parents’ house.”
“Yes, we do,” said Terzo. “Because you are having a baby and someone is going to hug you about it, dammit.”
“Leo did,” she said.
“More,” he said, with as much an air of finality as he could manage, and she laughed.
“Okay, okay,” she said, smiling again. “It’s the peach house halfway down the block.”
They pulled up to a little house, peach as advertised, with a white-painted front porch. A magnolia tree stood guard near the door, leaves thick and glossy and dappling the ground in an ever-moving mosaic of shadow and light.
“Omega?” asked Cam. “Do you want to come in, too?”
Omega shrugged, but he turned off the car and got out. Cam barely knocked before the door opened, revealing a heavy-set man with a large beard.
“Cami!” he said.
“Hey, George,” she said. Terzo had lived in the South long enough to know that meant they were close, because anyone else her parents’ age still would have gotten a mister in front of it. “Sorry to drop in unexpectedly, is this a bad time?”
“It’s never a bad time. Come in, come in. Leo’s here, actually, we just finished dinner. Have you eaten?”
“Yes, we just left my parents’ house,” she said. “George, have you met Father Terzo Emeritus? And this is Omega, he works with him, too.”
“How do,” said George, leading them into the living room. “Hey, look what I found!” he called to the people in there. “Just turned up on the porch all of a sudden.”
Leo was sitting on the couch with another woman who must have been his mother. Leo was the only one Terzo had met, but he had definitely seen all of them around town, at least. His mother was thin and frail, but looked up at them with the kind of smile that could light up a room.
Leo stood up then. “Cami, what are you doing here?” he asked.
“Well, we just left my parents’ house,” said Cam, and hesitated a moment. “We told them about that thing I mentioned to you the other day, and Terzo heard I was close to your parents, too, so he suggested…”
“Oh!” Leo said, and grinned. “Yeah, yes, you have to tell Mom and Dad.” He was still standing, not too far from Omega, who lingered just within the doorway.
“Tell us what?” asked the woman on the couch.
Cam, without hesitation, came over and hugged her and sat down next to her. She looked up at Terzo as if asking permission.
He just nodded encouragingly.
Cam took a deep breath. “Maureen, George…um…it’s a long story, but the upshot is, I’m pregnant.”
And there was the reaction Terzo had wanted.
Maureen let out a joyful cry and immediately hugged Cam. George was grinning.
“I’m so happy for you, Cami,” said Maureen, pulling back to wipe her eyes. “Oh, I can’t believe it. It feels like just last week you and Leo were playing on the swings in the backyard, and here you are…”
“I mean, to be fair,” Leo said, “we did actually play on those a couple months ago. They’re good swings, someone might as well use them. Sorry, it was Omega, right?” he said. “I don’t think we met.”
Omega just nodded a little, politely, reserved. But Terzo noticed he was smiling faintly.
“Now,” said George, turning to Terzo. “Are you here as a priest or something else?”
“Both,” said Terzo. “Priest and something else. You’re right, Cami…I mean, Cam and I are having this baby together. Well, not together. They’re doing all the difficult stuff. I’m mostly just sitting ar—oof!”
The last came because George had swept Terzo up into a bear hug, which he had not expected from this particular experiment. When he put him down Terzo’s ear was ringing harder, but George looked so happy he couldn’t object.
“Congratulations,” George said, pumping his hand. “I hope you’ll be treating our Cami all right. If you don’t mind me saying,” he said then, drawing back with a little frown, “you seem a little old for—”
“He’s fine, George,” said Cam, who was wiping one of her eyes, and George let Terzo go so he could hug her, too. “He’s a good man.”
Terzo wondered how often in his life he’d been described that way. Not many. But when Cam met his eye, she was smiling a little at him, and for a moment he believed it.
And then Maureen frowned. “Leo! Did you know about this already?”
“Of course I did,” Leo said. “And do not scold me for not telling you. If I tell anyone Cam’s pregnant without her permission, it’s because they’re passed out on the floor and I need to tell an EMT, no other reason.”
“That’s my little man,” George said proudly. “He knows his business.”
“Dad, please,” Leo said, darting glances at Omega like an embarrassed teenager. He was visibly taller than George, and Terzo couldn’t help but smile a little.
Maureen and George started quizzing Cam and Terzo on details about the baby, when it was due and how long they’d known and so on and so forth, all the things that Cam’s parents hadn’t bothered with. Cam was talking and laughing and excited and goofy in a way Terzo had seldom if ever seen. Her practiced smile was toothier, off-kilter, and her perfectly modulated voice even got too loud here and there as she talked, though when she noticed she lowered it again.
He probably would have enjoyed it all more if his tinnitus hadn’t progressed from pounding to a low and steady hum, and if he didn’t feel a little nauseated if he turned his head too fast. Damn the weather, and if he was honest, damn the macaroni and cheese at the Sinclairs’.
But it was still nice, and he did his best to smile and to participate in the conversation when he could. He noticed that Cam didn’t bother to mention the Prime Mover aspect, and he didn’t either. They knew the important things, after all.
“Mr. Omega, don’t you want to sit down?” George asked after a while. Omega was still standing near the doorway.
Omega just shrugged. “I don’t mind.”
“Come and sit down,” Leo urged him. “I can get you a drink. Sweet tea?”
“All right,” Omega agreed. “Thanks. None for him,” he added with a sharp look at Terzo.
“I wasn’t going to ask for anything, you bully,” said Terzo with a grumble. “I’m not meant to have too much caffeine,” he added as an explanation.
“Same,” said Cam. “Albeit for a different reason.”
“Unless you also got Terzo pregnant, I guess,” Leo said cheerfully.
“Not as far as I’m aware,” Terzo said, as Leo laughed and slipped off to get the drinks.
Omega got his sweet tea, and George and Maureen got to be excited a while longer about Cam’s condition. And when they got ready to go, Cam was the recipient of several hugs and, surprisingly, so was Terzo. They didn’t know him, and he was probably older than them, too, but they didn’t seem to care.
“You take care of our Cam, all right?” said Maureen, squeezing his hand. She was leaning on a cane now that she was standing, but seemed in no hurry to sit down again.
“Yes, yes,” he assured her. “I will be doing that.”
“I’m fine, Maureen,” Cam assured her, hugging her again before pulling away. “You know me, I’m tough.”
Maureen smiled and touched Cam’s face. “Parents always worry. You’ll know soon enough. You can be as tough as you like, but George and I will always look at you and see the little kid who was too scared to finish Secret of NIMH until she was in college.”
“Maureen!” exclaimed Cam, glancing at Terzo. “Pretend you didn’t hear that.”
“It’s okay, I can’t hear for shit,” he said, nonetheless taking that information and filing it away. “Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah,” she said with a smile. “I’ll see you at work, Leo.”
“Bye,” said Leo. “It was nice to meet you,” he said to Terzo and Omega, never mind that he had met Terzo before.
Omega just nodded, but when the three of them left, he turned back and said, “Nice to meet you, too.”
“There,” Terzo said, satisfied, as he sat down in the car. He had to close his eyes for a moment, feeling a little dizzy, but he was still pleased.
“You were really invested in this whole situation, huh?” said Cam.
“Well,” Terzo said, and paused, because he actually didn’t know why he’d been so invested in it. Then he just shrugged. “Anyway, they seem kind. Your parents are good but I think you take after Leo’s.”
“Yeah?” Cam asked with a smile.
“Yeah,” he said. “Okay, Omega, we’ve kept Cam long enough. Let’s bring them home.”
When they dropped Cam off, he found he was a little sad to see her go. But then, now he had no distractions from the weather-induced earache and ringing and dizziness. That was probably why.
Chapter Text
Momentous news both personal and religious did not stop the day to day from coming. Cam worked as usual, sometimes in the office and sometimes waiting tables. News was beginning to spread—it was Farthing, after all—and it was a sign that Cam was well-liked that she was met with congratulations, even with her being unmarried and having a baby with her priest.
“I can’t say I understand how your Satanism does things,” said Miss Suzanne, “but you’ve got a good head on your shoulders, and Lord knows there aren’t enough parents with that.”
In between working, though, Cam was tired as hell. She knew why, and honestly, she’d been tired for ages so at least she had an explanation now, but having that ultrasound picture made her well aware that she couldn’t just power through. It was a little frustrating. She was used to pushing through any problems, but on Thursday she went to her weekly shift in the hospital gift shop and felt absolutely awful. At one point she thought she might fall asleep at the counter, and between customers, spent most of the shift finding little tasks to try to keep herself awake.
After, she went to the volunteer coordinator’s office. “I’m really sorry,” she said, “but I’m going to have to quit for a while.”
The volunteer coordinator looked profoundly unhappy. “But you’re our most reliable volunteer!” she said. “People love when you’re working, plus the gift shop is always in great shape after your day in every week.”
“I—thank you,” she said. Normally she’d bask privately in the praise, but today she just found it uncomfortable. “I appreciate that and I’m glad I could help, but…”
“We won’t be able to cover your shifts for a while. Are you sure you can’t make it in at least for the next few weeks? We’ll look for someone to replace you, I promise.”
“I really…” She should say no. She knew that.
“We really need you, Miz Cam,” wheedled the coordinator. “It’s such a small hospital, but to the people here it’s so nice to have it open in the afternoons.”
Cam found herself just imagining, suddenly. I’m sorry, but the gift shop is closed so you can’t buy flowers for your ailing mother. The Thursday afternoon volunteer is pregnant with a Satanic baby and flaked out on everything. I swear, I don’t know what goes on in that church up there…
“A few weeks,” she said, weakly. “But I mean it. I can’t do more than a month, so please find a volunteer?”
She wished she could say it more forcefully, but then that would just be, Look at that Cam, it’s not enough that she’s become one of those pronoun people, but did you hear how demanding she’s gotten?
The coordinator smiled. “A month, sure,” she said. “Or maybe a little longer, but we’ll work on it, I promise. We’ll put an ad in the paper.”
There was always an ad in the paper. “Sure,” she said with a smile, and then she left, feeling so exhausted she was a little anxious about driving home. But Leo was working, and she hated calling her parents for help, and George and Maureen were busy Thursdays, rideshare was unreliable out here, and Terzo…
Why couldn’t she call Terzo?
She got out her phone and looked at his number, which was still labeled Fr Emeritus Cell and considered pressing the button. Considered asking, wondered how she’d even word it. Hey, your Prime Mover needs to be Moved Primely, can you lend me your driving ghoul to get me a few miles home because I’m a little tired?
No. That was ridiculous. Their arrangement was formal. Friendly, and he’d taken to calling her amico mio, which was nice, but it wasn’t close enough to start asking everyday favors. And Farthing was small. It wouldn’t be a problem. She got behind the wheel and turned on the car.
She had her mind changed for her a few minutes later.
The good news was that she was still in the hospital parking lot, so both cars had been going slow, and she knew the other guy. They exchanged information and called the cops for the accident report, and he insisted it was his fault, though she suspected otherwise.
The bad news was that she’d just been in a car accident while pregnant. And when the cops came for the accident report, she mentioned that. One of the cops insisted she head back into the hospital immediately to get checked out, and her heart was pounding. Had she really been so stupid? It hadn’t hurt, but what if something had happened and she hadn’t noticed, what if she’d just risked everything, what if her baby—
Terzo showed up while she was in the ER waiting to be checked out, Omega in tow. “Cami, are you all right?” he asked, hurrying to her side. “Someone called me, said you were in an accident?”
“I’m okay,” she said, forcing herself to sound calm and steady. She was in public, she couldn’t make a scene. “They just want to check to be sure. Small car accident in the lot after my volunteer shift. Barely dented either car. It’s nothing.”
He looked at her for a moment, frowning a little, and sat down next to her. “I will wait with you.”
“You don’t have to,” she said. “I’ll let you know if things are okay. It was nice of you to come out here, but—”
“I’m staying,” he said quietly. “You need a ride home after anyway. What happened?”
She sighed. “I was overtired,” she said quietly. “The other guy hit me, but I think I would have noticed him if I hadn’t just gotten through a volunteer shift. I’m sorry.”
Terzo looked at her for a moment, his mouth pressed into a straight line. “Why didn’t you call someone for a ride?”
Before she had to answer, thankfully, she was called back, and Terzo went with her. Her heart was in her throat now, and Terzo didn’t say anything, but to her surprise he did take her hand while she was talking to the doctor, as he’d done at the ultrasound, and she was more grateful to that than anything.
Fortunately, the ER doctor didn’t seem too concerned. The accident had barely jolted her in her seat. Still, to be safe, he checked her for concussion, even though she hadn’t hit her head, poked her ribs and shoulders to check for bruising, and did an exam. This time she didn’t ask Terzo to leave; she didn’t want to be alone if something had happened. Everything seemed all right, and they sent her home with instructions to rest and a list of things to watch for just in case.
Still, she didn’t relax in the slightest until they went out to the car, Omega looked at her, and said, “The baby is fine.”
If she were any more relieved she might have just collapsed there on the pavement.
“I could drive home,” she said. “My car’s still in the lot, someone moved it to a space, and all I got was a little dent—”
“Absolutely not,” Terzo interrupted, startling her. He was never that forceful. “You got into one accident because you were overtired, is that not enough? Besides,” he said. “I would like to have you come to my house. We have to talk a little, amico mio. Have you had dinner?”
“N-not yet,” she said. “I was going to when I got home and then…”
“Come over. My ghouls will make you food and we can talk. A little.” He put a hand on her shoulder. “Please.”
She couldn’t argue. She was tired, and there was something to his voice…
She nodded, and got into the car with him. Omega drove them back to the parsonage on the outskirts of Farthing.
Terzo didn’t say much, just brought her in, sat her down in the kitchen, and told another ghoul to make her some food before vanishing to his office. This ghoul, named Ash, was tall and skinny, and bounded around the kitchen like it was choreographed, even spinning at one point. His cooking set off the smoke detector briefly, jangling her already frazzled nerves, but he shut it off quickly and no one else responded, so she had a feeling this was normal for him.
It wasn’t long before he brought her a bowl of brothy pastina, generously sprinkled with Parmesan, and she thanked him before starting in on it. The warmth was comforting on her nervous stomach, soothing her far more than she would have expected. And the carb dump woke her up a little, at least for the moment.
Once she was done, Ash the cooking ghoul guided her through the maze of rooms to find Terzo’s office again, waved, and skipped back to the kitchen. The door was closed, so she knocked.
“Come in,” Terzo said, and she opened the door to find him seated at his desk.
His hair was in disarray, not in that artfully disheveled way that seemed to come so naturally to him, but an actual mess, half of it pushed over to the wrong side of his part and the back sticking up like a rooster’s tail. He wasn’t wearing his clerical collar, and the buttons of his sleeves were undone. The trash can was on its side, spilling out papers and a recent copy of Architectural Digest, like he’d thrown it in with great force and then not cared when he’d knocked it all down.
“Uh, hi,” she said, coming in. “I’m really sorry about the accident, Terzo.”
He looked at her. “Why did you not call someone?” he asked again.
“I thought I’d be all right,” she said.
“You fainted not too long ago,” he reminded her. “And you work full time and you were working late at the hospital and you had not had dinner yet. You should have called. Leo or your parents—”
“They were busy.”
“Me. You could have called me.”
She bit her lip. “I thought about it,” she admitted. She’d come so close, but…“I just didn’t want to bother anyone.”
Terzo immediately demonstrated why his hair looked as it did when he put his head in his hands a moment. “ Satana salvaci. Bother anyone. Bother anyone. Cam, do you realize—” He let out a huff.
“I know,” she said. “I know, I screwed up. And I’m sorry.” She put her hand on her belly, and for a moment she just wanted to cry, fought against it. She’d cried in front of Terzo too many times already, and this was her fault anyway.
“Do not—don’t—apologize. I don’t—” He took a deep breath. “Omega will drive you. Work, to and from, whatever. Okay? From now on. Any time you need, Omega will drive.”
“Omega?” she repeated. “But you need him.”
“I’m an old man, how many places do you think I go?” he asked. “I have nowhere I need to go, but you do so much, your work and your volunteering and everything else, and you need to stay in one piece. That’s our baby.”
Cam straightened at that, startled.
She’d known Terzo was encouraging, she’d known he cared in his own way. And she’d known he needed this to work, because of the church. But that wording…
“And—I would—I would not…ask you to limit your life, amico mio, but have you considered volunteering less? You are so—there is a lot, your body is very busy,” he continued, before she could say anything. “It seems to me you cannot have the sort of schedule you had before, and I’m sorry, but have you thought about it?”
“I—I did,” she said, and felt a little better because she had, she’d actually thought this part through. “I did. I actually told the volunteer coordinator I couldn’t keep going at the hospital.”
“Well, praise Lucifer for that,” he said, and she watched his shoulders relax a little. “Good. So you will not go back to that, at least, and I think—”
“Well,” she said. “Um. She can’t get anyone else for a month, and if I’m not there, they can’t have the shop open that day. You know? So it’ll just be another month, maybe a little longer…”
Terzo was staring at her now.
“What?”
“Did you try just saying, ‘No, I’m sorry, but I cannot do this, find someone now or don’t,’ perhaps?” he asked.
“I can’t,” she said. “I can’t do that. Besides, they have an ad out already. They’ll get someone eventually.”
“How long have they had this ad?” he asked, and then he shook his head. “You don’t see it, do you, Cam? She is going to say, ‘Just another month,’ and then you’ll get through the month, and then she’ll say ‘Just a little longer,’ and it’ll keep going. She will not find a new volunteer, not when she has you to fall back on.”
“Well, what the hell am I supposed to do?” Cam demanded finally. “What the fuck, am I supposed to just quit?”
“Yes!” he said. “Yes, you are. Maybe it is time to stop trying to be the model Satanist and start thinking of other things.”
Cam suddenly felt anger simmering in her belly, and straightened up in her seat. “Hey, maybe you can show up in this town and half-ass being a priest,” she said, “but not all of us can do that. Some of us care about the town and the church.”
He straightened up sharply, and for a moment she thought he was going to yell at her, but he did not. “Perhaps your parents were okay with putting appearances over their child’s well-being,” he said, voice calm, almost cold, in a way she’d never heard before, “but I am not, and I didn’t think that you would be, either.”
Her eyes went wide, and she felt her face heat for a moment. “You know what, Father Emeritus?” she said, and stood up. “Fuck you. How’s that for a model Satanist?” And with that, she stormed out of his office. She tried to slam the door, but the hinge was too slow and just sort of swung casually shut, and she growled and stomped along creaky old floors to try to find the front door and Omega.
She did not find the front door, but she did find Omega. And she was angry, furious, swirling with it, but she took a breath and presented as calmly as she could because she was Cam fucking Sinclair and she was never allowed to do anything except smile. “Hi,” she said to Omega, with all that warmth her parents didn’t have, the warmth that made her the model Satanist in town, far beyond their expectations, and gave him a smile. “Sorry to bother, but could you drive me home? It’s getting late.”
Omega looked at her. Like all ghouls, he wore a mask. Non-Satanists never seemed to notice the masks unless their attention was called to it, but every ghoul wore one. Omega’s was metal, covering the top half of his face, but she could see his eyes behind it, darkly purple.
“No,” he said, quite calmly.
Cam blinked at him. “Okay,” she said, uncertainly. Maybe she could try one of the rideshares anyway? Would Leo be off shift yet? Or—
“Talk to him,” said Omega then.
“What?”
Omega looked at her again. “Don’t leave. Talk to him. Yell. Cry. Throw things. But don’t leave until you and Terzo have worked this out.”
She stared up at him. Most ghouls didn’t talk much, she knew that much, but he wasn’t done. Apparently Omega was a talker.
“He worries,” he continued. “For the baby. For you. You think he is a bad priest, but he cares more than he’ll say.”
Cam looked at the ghoul for a moment. She remembered that Omega had been part of the Ghost project, and had left around the time Terzo had. And three years ago he’d come here with him. Sometimes people saw them leaning against each other, and Cam had assumed for ages that they were together. Even now she wasn’t sure. “All right,” she said. “Okay. Um. Thanks, I guess.”
It was a little embarrassing to head back to the office, after storming out like a child having a tantrum. At least she didn’t get lost. She knocked lightly.
“Come in!” came Terzo’s voice again.
He sounded tired, she realized. Did he always sound that tired? She’d never paid attention.
Cam opened the door and stepped in, and took a deep breath. Reminded herself that she was, after all, Cam Sinclair and she could feign calm. “I apologize,” she said evenly. “I suppose I could blame pregnancy hormones, but either way, I didn’t respond appropriately. We should talk about this rationally.”
Terzo looked at her, then sighed. “Stop that,” he said.
She blinked at him, not even offended so much as confused. “Stop what?”
He flapped his hand at her. “That. The show you put on.” He waved her to the chair facing his desk. “But that’s the entire fucking problem, isn’t it?”
She sat down, completely baffled now. “What are you talking about?”
Terzo sighed and leaned back in his chair. He rubbed idly at his ear and she wondered if his condition was acting up, and then with a guilty start, wondered if yelling at him had made anything worse, but then he was speaking so she couldn’t ask. “You are familiar with my time as Papa, correct?”
“Yes, of course,” she said.
“Of course,” he said. “I should know better than to ask, you probably studied it and can write me an exact dissertation on everything I did wrong. Never mind. That’s not my point.”
Cam watched him for a moment. His hair mussed, his sleeves unbuttoned, looking rumpled and tired.
“I was head of the Ghost project for three years,” he said, holding up three fingers as if she might get confused. “And in that time I did nearly three hundred performances, not to mention recording albums, doing interviews, all the rest of that shit. And I loved it. I loved the music more than anything, and I loved performing. But,” he continued, “it took its toll. I fainted backstage. I fell of stage multiple times and I know there is video so I know you have seen it. I had eye infections, I was constantly sick. You don’t even want to know what was happening with my digestive system but the memory still haunts me.”
She couldn’t help but burst out laughing at that, gross as it was.
“My ear condition,” he said, gesturing. “They can’t quite figure out what it is at the doctor, you know? They’re treating it as Meniere’s Disease, but that’s not quite it. Because I always had a small problem, so I was probably born with it, but the project made everything worse, so much worse. There were times I was on stage and singing my heart out and I couldn’t hear the rest of the band with an earphone in, and just had to hope I knew where we were in the song. I’ll never know how it might have progressed if I hadn’t spent three years absolutely destroying myself…for the sake of the Church and, I’ll admit, my ego.”
“I’m sorry, Terzo,” she said.
“It’s okay,” he said. “I only tell you this because I think in some ways, we are the same. Because what you do, this thing you present.” He gestured vaguely. “This perfect person, this…this model citizen, the one everyone can depend on, the one who makes the Satanic church look good? It is every bit as much a performance as me going on stage and talking about female orgasms.”
“It’s not, though,” she said. “This is me. I’m not lying when I’m being nice to people, or helping people.”
“I’m not lying when I talk about orgasms,” he said in his smooth voice that really was surprisingly suited for saying the word ‘orgasm.’ “But I was still putting on a show. And you—you have been doing that your whole life. For your parents, for your community. Cam Sinclair, the perfect Satanist, the one who thinks about everyone else all the time because the best way to make sure everyone likes you is to give them whatever they want.”
“Hey! I am not like that.”
“Aren’t you?” he said. “You were willing to keep your relationship a secret and to get rid of a child you wanted just to protect someone else’s reputation, someone who does not even love you.”
“I told you—”
“It was because it would reflect badly on church, yes, I know,” he said. “But don’t you see? That is exactly it. You have lived your whole life making sure you are a good example and somewhere along the way, you spent so much time being Good Example Cam Sinclair that you forgot about being Cam Sinclair. And that’s fine, that’s all well and good. You’ve maintained it a long time, so you’re much stronger than I am.”
Cam didn’t know what to say to that.
“But I can see. I saw you in here when you told me you were pregnant, and I saw you in the ultrasound, and I saw you…” He sighed, and closed his eyes a moment, rubbing his face with his hand. “You performed your way into a car accident today. And it was minor but it could have been worse.”
Cam felt a lump in her throat. “I…I know,” she said. She wanted to be elsewhere, suddenly, wanted to not be talking about this, but she knew she coul dn’t avoid it . Omega, at least, would never let her leave unless she discussed this. “I said before. I know I screwed up. I know I risked the baby and all your plans and the baby and I—” She felt tears pricking at her eyes again and she groaned and reached for a tissue off his desk. “Sorry.”
“No. See, that’s it, though. You don’t have to apologize for—for what, being human? Is that not what Satanism teaches us, to embrace our humanity?” He let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumped. For a moment, he looked every second of his age. “You spent so much time trying to be the perfect Satanist that you forgot why we are here. But Cam, it isn’t just—today. It’s not just that. If you’re having a baby, do you want them to have…to have that fucking Good Example for a parent? Or do you want them to have you?”
There was no stopping it now. Tears were flowing, and trying to stop them was like trying to hold back the tide.
“And I did not…I never realized, either. And you’re right, I am a half-assed priest,” he said. “A lot of that is because you were always there to pick up the slack. You ran the church community more than I did and I let you because I did not see the performance, I did not see the person underneath. I’m sorry, Cam, that I let that happen, that I…that I contributed to this.”
“It’s not your fault,” she whispered through her tears, and shook her head emphatically, feeling her curls bouncing. “It’s not. I…I just…I don’t know how to be any different. I’ve always been whatever the hell this is.” She gestured vaguely. “I didn’t make trouble in school, I was prom queen, straight As, volunteering and working even back then. I did everything I was supposed to. It took me years to get up the courage to even mention to anyone but Leo that I was nonbinary, and even once I came out, I’ve never corrected anyone on how they address me, because I knew it was okay to be nonbinary as long as I did it ‘right.’ As long as I didn’t…didn’t…”
“Bother anyone?” he said quietly, as she had said before.
She nodded and wiped her eyes. “I almost chickened out of top surgery and I wonder all the time if it was a mistake, except—except I remember how much I hated my body before and I remembered that Satan calls on us to own our bodies and experiences…am I a bad Satanist?” she wondered then. “Have I been doing all of this and I’m not even a good Satanist?”
Terzo, to her surprise, actually laughed at that. “ Amico mio, I do not think you could be a bad anything. Satan does not ask us for perfection. This I know intimately. But,” he said, “he wants us to seek happiness where we can.”
She blew her nose. “I’m sorry I called you a bad priest. I—I know some of it isn’t your fault.” She looked down at the tissue in her hands. “I thought you weren’t paying attention for years, but I realize now you probably couldn’t hear half the time, huh?”
“Sometimes,” he said. “But you aren’t wrong. As I said, you were there and I let you do all my work. I just slink off to my office and play my guitar and feel sorry for myself.” He smiled ruefully. “I suppose I am doing that now, eh, amico mio? I claim to have done the work of finding a Prime Mover and you’re the one here having heartbreaks and babies.”
“Just one baby,” she said. “Just one heartbreak, for that matter.”
He smiled again, and leaned back. “Maybe a bargain? You work less, I work more. You step back from perfection, and I step forward to…well…not perfection. But maybe…”
“No,” she said then. She sniffled, and wiped her eyes again, then sat up. “No. No bargain. I need—you’re right. I need to not do this anymore. I need to chill out before I hurt the baby or someone else.”
“Including yourself,” he said, gently.
“Okay, yes,” she said. “Including myself, I guess. But you don’t need to do anything else, either. You do fine with the church. The sermons are good, you do the unblessings fine. You consecrate sins. You show up to stuff. You give advice if someone asks, which is a pretty big deal. You don’t need to…you don’t need to perform any more than I do.” She hesitated. “I love my parents. I know they meant well. I know they were scared of what could happen. They gave me a lot and I’m grateful. But I don’t want…you were right. I can’t do what they did. Not to my baby.”
Terzo nodded, and for a moment, his expression looked proud. “So. Omega will drive you most of the time now?”
She sighed a little. “I’m not trying to give up all of my independence, but after that little accident…yeah, maybe.”
“You’ll still have your car available. And I am not asking you to quit working and to be…to be…”
Exaggerating her drawl, she offered, “Pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen where I belong?”
He snorted. “I can’t see you doing that anyway, even if I asked it. Also, Ash would hate you being in his way. But no, I am not asking you to give everything up. But it means this will not happen again, that you can drive when you want to go somewhere and not when you have to go somewhere, yes?”
“I suppose so,” she agreed. “You kinda need to protect the Prime Mover thing anyway.”
He looked pained for a moment. “Do you think that is the only reason?”
Cam remembered, then, that he’d called it our baby. Had he really? Or had she misheard? She was overtired, after all. “No,” she said. “I know it’s not.”
He nodded, face serious. “I suppose it’s late,” he said, glancing at the clock on the wall. “I will have Omega take you home, then.”
“Thank you,” she said. “And, um…thank you for the other stuff.”
Terzo nodded a little, and glanced down for a moment, his lashes casting smudged shadows on his cheeks. “When you find yourself to be a person of admiration—whether a performer on stage, or one in town—I think you eventually must fall from the pedestal. I crashed badly. I do not…I would not wish that on anyone else.”
She nodded at that. “Do you miss it?” she asked as she stood.
“Sometimes,” he said. “The music, mostly, but yes, I miss being on stage sometimes. But that does not mean change is not for the better, eh?”
She nodded at that, not sure what to say. She wiped her eyes once more on a tissue and threw it away. Omega opened the door, apparently knowing somehow that he’d been summoned without him actually being summoned. “Good night…” She thought about how he kept calling her amico mio, and she knew enough to know what that meant. “My friend,” she said, which sounded a little weird in English, a little formal. But what else was he, by now?
And Terzo, for his part, smiled back at her. “Good night, amico mio.”
Chapter 10
Notes:
I just want to give a quick thanks to everyone for reading and commenting. A bunch of people took the time to be super extra nice in the comments yesterday and I am so Feelings about it. I’ve had a rough week and all your kindness really made things better. Again, thank you so much. I am blowing you kisses.
Anyway. Please continue to enjoy my Satanic Rom Com!
Chapter Text
The first trimester ended without any real fanfare. Cam’s baby was doing fine, not due for another ultrasound for a while, and frankly with a quintessence ghoul around, ultrasounds almost seemed superfluous. Cam started feeling a little less gross all the time, at least, but she was definitely starting to struggle to fit into some of her pants.
Cam had called the hospital and said that she couldn’t continue to volunteer due to her health. She still might not have sounded as firm as she liked, but apparently she sounded firm enough, because this time no one argued with her. Terzo somehow convinced three other people to start running the food shelf, and it continued smoothly, a fact that slightly irked Cam. It made her feel like maybe she wasn’t actually that necessary to everything she’d thrown herself into. Terzo did remind her that it took three people to fill in for one of her, but that was only so much consolation. Terzo himself took over for the school supply drive, since summer was marching on, and asked her opinion on things but managed to run it just fine.
It was all very nice, except now Cam just worked and went home and didn’t exactly know what to do with herself. She had books and TV shows to catch up on, but every time she sat down to do something she felt guiltily like she should be doing something else. She tried to remind herself that sloth was a blessed sin in her faith, but she still wasn’t accustomed to it.
Lust was also a blessed sin, and now that her nausea and exhaustion were over, she tried it indulge that sometimes, though it featured its own problems.
Wrath, however, she was finding herself most comfortable with, because fucking Peter kept coming in for lunch at the diner. She didn’t always see him, working in the office as much as she did, but he was there almost every day. And she couldn’t treat him badly. Even if Terzo felt she should worry about being a little less perfect for visual consumption, she wasn’t quite up to bitching at customers in the middle of lunch rush, so she just tried to maneuver things so she didn’t have to deal with him. He’d always been handsome, even more now than when he was younger, a few distinguished lines next to his eyes and mouth, slim and tall and put-together. But now he also looked a little frazzled at the edges and she was annoyed to discover that it suited him, gave him a little bit of an edge.
She knew why he was frazzled, of course. He’d given her the money for her abortion, and she’d sent it back and hadn’t gone. By now he must have heard the story, that she was having Terzo’s baby and it was “some kind of religious thing” for the local Satanists, and he alone knew the truth and couldn’t say anything.
It must have been very frustrating.
Luckily she could often avoid him, and as the school year drew near, it was only another week or two before he had to stop having lunch at the Caroliner Diner. She had also caught Leo conspicuously chatting with a waitress about deadbeat dads whenever Peter was visiting, which was hilarious. Maybe a little unfair, but still hilarious. And at this point, Cam didn’t feel all that obligated towards fairness.
Leo was also conveniently out of the kitchen at the end of Cam’s shifts, and she was pretty sure that was because Omega picked her up every afternoon.
Terzo came along sometimes, too, usually for a chicken wrap. After, sometimes they would spend time together, to talk about the charities or the pregnancy. Usually they went to his house, where she was getting to know Omega and Ash a little better, especially since Ash insisted on feeding her. Terzo had another ghoul, Ash had mentioned, but Cam hadn’t met them yet.
This afternoon, though, Terzo came in with Omega, and for the first time he came face-to-face with Peter. Cam happened to be out front dealing with a refund when he came in.
“Ah!” said Peter, friendly and warm and seeming genuine, but Cam had faked the same often enough to know better. “You must be Father Emeritus. I don’t think we’ve met.”
“We have not,” Terzo said, shaking his hand, but spotting her quickly. “Hello, Cami. I know you have some time yet, I’ll wait…”
“Wrap coming up,” she said with a grin. “Hi, Omega.”
Omega nodded, coming to sit at the counter to wait, ostensibly for Cam. But a moment later Leo appeared with a stack of pancakes, magically summoned like a ghoul himself. Terzo rolled his eyes and went to sit next to him.
“I was going to take my wrap to go,” he told Cam, “but I guess I’ll eat here.”
“How about if I finish up the last stuff I gotta do, you and I have lunch, and we leave Omega at the counter?” she suggested.
Terzo glanced sideways at Omega and his stack of pancakes. “That seems like a good idea.”
“Ah, so,” Peter said, acting as though their conversation had been a brief interruption and nothing more. “I’m Peter March, I’m the principal at the high school. I, er, I know you’re running the school supply drive for parents. Thank you.”
Terzo gave one of those elegant little shrugs he was good at. “It’s a necessary thing, is it not?”
What else they said to each other Cam missed while she slipped into the back. “Hey, Leo,” she said.
“I know, I know, wrap for Father Loverboy out there. What do you want?”
“Egg burger, you know how I like it, but you’re one to talk about ‘loverboy,’ there.” She wondered if she should tell him that Omega wasn’t human, but if she did, it wouldn’t be here.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Leo lied, and she rolled her eyes and went back out.
Peter and Terzo were talking about the Farthing High football team—Peter with a level of pride, Terzo with visible indifference. As soon as Cam came out, he looked relieved. She was taking off her outer shirt, bringing her down to a tank top, loose to hide both her flat chest and the fact that her black pants weren’t buttoned.
“Shall we sit?” Terzo asked her.
“Nice talking to you, Father,” Peter said.
“Mm, yes,” Terzo said, and she genuinely wasn’t sure if he didn’t care or if he hadn’t caught what Peter had said.
They took a booth in the corner, and Cam glanced over at Peter, who was watching them for a moment before he shook his head and went to pay at the counter. “Be careful, Father,” she said quietly. “Peter March has a lot of sway in this town. Don’t get on his bad side.”
“I don’t think I was ever on his good side.”
“He’s never had a huge problem with Satanists, and he has no other reason to dislike you,” lied Cam. “It’ll be fine. Just be nice.”
Terzo gave her a long look, then shook his head. “Never mind that. I see Omega has been making good friends here at your work,” he said with a playful grin.
Cam grinned, and glanced over at the counter, where Leo—who was not a server—was nonetheless stopping by to top off Omega’s coffee, talking mile-a-minute at the quiet ghoul who nonetheless seemed to be hanging onto every word . “Leo’s always been into big guys,” they said with a shrug. “We used to joke that if Jason Momoa came to the diner he’d end up drowning him in free food. Apparently he’s decided that’s an appropriate courting ritual. Although…he doesn’t know…” They lowered their voice. “He doesn’t know about Omega, if you get me. Should I tell him? I don’t want either of them to get hurt.”
Terzo was watching them.
“Sorry, was my voice too quiet for you?”
“No,” he said. “Or, well, I could fill in what I missed. I wouldn’t worry too much about Omega, amico mio.”
“I know he’s a big tough gh—guy,” she corrected, since they were in public. “But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.”
“Oh, I’m not saying that at all,” Terzo said. “I’m saying Omega can handle his love life and, judging from how he’s staring at Leo, intends to.”
Cam sneaked another glance at the counter. Omega was eating pancakes like it was his job, and watching after Leo as the latter left.
“Well, I’m glad someone’s love life is uncomplicated,” she muttered. “You know, I’d wondered—I hope this isn’t rude—but when you first showed up I wondered if you and Omega were…involved? I thought maybe that was why the Prime Mover thing needed…well, our situation?” It was hard to talk in public, but she was doing her best. “But him and Leo doesn't bother you?”
Terzo smiled faintly. “He and I are close. It’s not sex. It is love , but then, what kind of love cannot be defined . I depend on him, and he looks after me. And sometimes, he depends on me, and I look after him. We will likely be together for the rest of my life, but neither of us minds the other seeking romance or sex outside of it. I certainly won’t begrudge him. ”
“Oh.” They considered that for a moment. Glanced up at Terzo, and against their will, found themself wondering if Terzo had ever sought romance or sex in this town.
“At any rate,” Terzo said, “perhaps that’s another reason there is no concern with Omega or Leo. Whatever happens, Omega has me, and Leo has you, if there are pieces that need picking up. So Leo is into big, buff men, is he?”
Cam laughed and nodded as one of the younger waitresses came out with their food. “Thanks, Sarah.” She picked up a fry, turning back to Terzo. “Which is one of the reasons we didn’t work out, because as you may have noticed, I am none of those things.”
“Hmm.” Terzo made a show of looking Cam over, which made them laugh. “No, you do not seem to be. But what about you? Were you interested in Leo at any point? You dated briefly. So there must have been some attraction.”
Cam shrugged a little. “I tend to fall for personality first and other stuff later. I’m that way with real people and, like, celebrity crushes or whatever, too. So I knew it was possible, and worth a try. And his personality is great, but…”
She paused, trying to gather her thoughts. Terzo patiently let her, chewing on his wrap. He was watching her, though, so she knew he was listening.
“I love Leo so much,” she said. “Maybe we’re a little like you and Omega in a way. But attraction just never really settled in. I like sex and romance with the right person, but I never really wanted it with him. Does that make sense? Even dating him, I was not that into sex and I never really thought about kissing or anything. I don’t know what I’m attracted to, exactly, but it wasn’t him, and luckily he felt the same so no one’s feelings were hurt. On the other hand, it’s hard to date other people because they kinda see Leo as competition, especially since it takes a bit to get into someone in the first place. You know?”
“Ah,” Terzo said with a nod. “I see. That makes sense. So you don’t have a type, per se. I don’t, either.” He smiled, taking a sip of his water. “In my case, I like far too many things to limit myself to just one.”
It was fun, talking to him, now that she understood him—and now that he understood her. And when she called him her friend, she meant it. It was a nice feeling, really. They finished up, chatting away, and they tore Omega away from the counter so they could drive Cam home.
In the car Terzo mentioned, almost casually, “Frater Imperator will be in town tomorrow. I do not know how long he’ll be staying.”
“Your brother?” she asked.
“No, the other Frater Imperator. Of course him. But don’t worry,” he added quickly. “There is not much you need to do, and you do not need to worry about impressing him or playing Perfect Satanist. You get many points by virtue of being Prime Mover and I do not think he will be judging you in the slightest.”
“That’s good to hear, even if I don’t entirely believe you,” she said, making him smile almost indulgently.
“You’ll see.”
He dropped her off at home, and she waved and headed in, and sighed. So Leo and Omega were flirting with pancakes, and here she was, pregnant and alone.
It wouldn’t have bothered her that much, except that these days she was enjoying her first real disconnect between her mind and her body. It was not dysphoria as she’d half-expected; her body was changing but she mostly felt fine with that, so far.
No. Her biggest issue was that her body was often horny, and her mind was not interested.
Part of that was stress, no doubt. But a lot of it was that she had no real object of desire at the moment. Fantasizing about Peter felt like fantasizing about a toothache. Thoughts of her celebrity crushes fell flat. She was usually left availing herself of her vibrator while she thought about whether to pull out pork or chicken for dinner the next day. It wasn’t quite as satisfying that way, and she almost resented it like a chore . Still, she did it anyway to shut her body up, feeling the heat under her skin, fire between her legs, even if her mind left her cold.
Sometimes, in the throes of passion, she’d decide on a marinade.
That night she didn’t bother. She watched an episode of Buffy, made herself dinner, texted Leo to tease him about Omega, and went to bed.
And maybe it was because she had skipped the whole masturbation rigmarole, or maybe it was because she and Terzo had talked a little about sex and relationships. But her dreams that night were hot and dark. Hands on her, a soft voice whispering, and the feeling of someone inside of her, moving, pounding, over and over, until they were both falling apart.
When she woke up she felt more sexually satisfied than she had since she and Peter had broken up, and she lay there for a moment and reveled in it. She only wished she could remember who her dream partner had been; all she could recall was soft dark hair under her hand and now, as she woke up further, even that began to fade. It was probably Peter, she thought resentfully , and got up to shower and forget about the whole thing.
Chapter Text
Terzo went with Omega to pick up Copia from the airport in Columbia. Copia arrived looking disheveled and irritable, dragging along a carry-on bag with sticky wheels that kept catching on the airport carpet.
“You couldn’t come get me from fucking Charlotte or Atlanta, no,” he said, “I had to take two layovers to get to this place.” He looked around the bright lights and open windows of the airport like they were a personal affront to him.
“It’s good to see you, fratellino,” said Terzo, more affectionate than usual in part because he’d missed him, but mostly because he knew it would annoy Copia.
It did. Copia scowled a little at him. “I’m here as Frater Imperator, as you well know,” he said. “But never mind. I need to pick up my luggage.”
They waited at the carousel for a while, because apparently Copia had brought several suitcases.
“How…how long are you staying?” asked Terzo, a little concerned.
Copia narrowed his eyes at him. “Is it a problem?” he asked, and then his expression softened. “Some of it is gifts.”
“Gifts?” Terzo asked, surprised.
“For you, for your Prime Mover, for…for Papa Bambino, mostly. Toys and things.”
“Oh.” Terzo actually didn’t know what to say to that. “Thank you.”
Copia shrugged, a little embarrassed. “I’m here officially. But unofficially, this is my first niece or nephew or whatever. Have to do something, you’re the only one bothering to pop out little antichristi.” That got a few looks from other passengers waiting for their luggage, but Copia paid it no mind, and a moment later he got his last suitcase. “There. Ready. Has Secondo been to visit yet?” he asked as they started towards the parking deck. “I know Primo cannot, but I haven’t heard from Secondo.”
“Secondo has barely called me,” Terzo said, which hurt more than he cared to admit. “Of course, he is busy with his church, I understand he’s very active—”
“I hear Secondo has been stockpiling parenting books and educational toys to send you,” Copia said. “It’s sort of pathetic. Of course, now I’ve gone and spoiled the surprise, but don’t act so tragic, Terzo. You know he and you are the closest of all of us.”
“I don’t know that’s true,” Terzo said. “I brought you to see Star Wars and changed your entire life, remember?”
“I also didn’t know you were my brother yet, and also, I was eight.” Copia shook his head. “You were not a bad brother, none of you were. But you and Secondo were raised together, it is only natural you would be closest.”
“Primo was there for a lot of it,” Terzo said as they followed Omega through a sea of trucks and SUVs.
“Primo was as much older than you as you were for me,” Copia said. “And he was filling in as a father as much as a big brother because Nihil was fucking off doing whatever it was he felt like doing. Don’t think I don’t know. Anyway, Secondo isn’t ignoring you. If he’s not talking to you, it’s either because he thinks you have enough to worry about—which, eh, you probably do—or he has some big plan or something. Probably going to buy the fucking kid a pony.”
“I think that’s something he should discuss with Cami, and maybe wait until the baby can sit on a horse,” Terzo said. “At the moment it is the size of a small fruit and its ears don’t work.”
“Neither do yours,” Copia said.
Omega opened the car door and got into the driver’s seat, studiously ignoring the both of them. Copia and Terzo got luggage off the cart and into the trunk.
“I wish Omega would help,” Copia said.
“I wish it rained absinthe. There, now we can both be disappointed.” He closed the trunk and they got in to drive back to Farthing.
“So,” Copia said. “This is what retirement looks like for you. They fake your death for the public and then you fuck off to Mayberry.”
“I wouldn’t call it Mayberry,” said Terzo. “And who knows, you might retire someday and they might stick you in a little Satanist village.”
“Great,” Copia said. “So. Tell me about your Prime Mover. Camio Legion Sinclair, according to the paperwork.”
“Yeah I—their middle name is Legion? Really?” He made a mental note to tease them about it later.
“That’s what it says,” Copia said with a shrug. “In the things they signed and filled out, in all the, uh, background checks I found, and any documentation within the church.”
“That’s…thorough of you,” said Terzo.
“It’s my job now. So. They’re due early January?”
Terzo nodded at that. “They’re fifteen weeks now,” he said. He’d been keeping track, carefully. “The baby seems healthy according to both Omega and any scans we’ve done. They won’t find out the sex for a few more weeks, though Cami is unsure if they want to know or not.”
“That’s their choice, I suppose,” agreed Copia. “And it’s not like it matters anyway. Papa isn’t a gendered position.”
“Otherwise, though, everything seems fine. They’re having what they call a ‘pleasantly boring’ pregnancy. They’re working full-time still but otherwise trying to relax.”
“They’re a waiter or something, right?”
“Not exactly,” said Terzo. “They do wait tables, but they mostly work in the office. Their father owns the Caroliner Diner and they’re going to take over once he retires, although honestly I don’t believe he’s ever going to.”
Copia stared at him.
“What? It’s not that different from us inheriting the title—”
“The Caroliner Diner?” repeated Copia.
“Well, yes,” Terzo said. “That is what it’s called.”
“Fucking Mayberry,” Copia muttered. “Anyway. They know I’m coming, yes?”
Terzo nodded. “I warned them, and I said you might want to meet them. So we can swing by their house today unless you are too tired, and then we might—”
“They live alone?” said Copia.
“Well, yes,” Terzo said. “Why wouldn’t they?”
“I should have thought you’d have had them stay with you, given everything,” Copia said.
Terzo shrugged again easily. “Well, I’m giving them space. Their independence.”
Copia nodded a bit. “I suppose that makes sense.” He hesitated. “So, you and they…that is…”
“What about us?”
Copia let out a noisy sigh. “How close are you?” he asked.
Terzo shrugged. “We’re friends. Sometimes I give them advice as their priest.”
“And you’ve had sex.”
“Yes, and?” said Terzo, testily now.
Copia smoothed a finger over his mustache. “Well,” he said, “I’m just curious. You know that you could be romantically involved with your Prime Mover if you wanted. You’re going to know them for the rest of your life, certainly.”
“And if they aren’t interested?” Terzo asked.
“Hah!” Copia lit up. “You didn’t say that you weren’t interested.”
Terzo gritted his teeth. “That’s because whether I am or not doesn’t matter,” he said. “Because I know that Cam is not, and so I have not entertained the possibility.”
“Why not?” asked Copia. “They were open to being Prime Mover.”
Terzo knew because someone had broken their heart, far too recently. He had a feeling he knew who in the town had been responsible, but Cam wouldn’t tell him and he wasn’t going to pry. And it didn’t really matter. None of this was Copia’s business. “Because,” he said, shortly. “They wanted a child, not a partner.” At least from him.
“Oh, well,” Copia said. “As good a reason as any.”
Luckily most of the conversation in the car floated between facts about the situation—how Cam was doing with the pregnancy and other details—and gossiping a little about the rest of the family. So Terzo was saved from having to deflect further about Cam’s relationships, or anything else.
They stopped for lunch at the diner, but Cam wasn’t working that day. After they’d eaten, Terzo brought Copia to the parsonage. Copia looked up at it like it was an affront to his senses, which it probably was. A few ferns were hanging in baskets along the wraparound porch, and wisteria dripped off the wood lace in full bloom, and the effect did not dull the over-decorated appearance but rather made it slightly worse.
“It was the height of fashion in the nineteenth century,” Terzo said, feeling oddly defensive.
“So were leeches,” said Copia.
No sooner did Copia get his suitcases down in his room, though, than he came out to find Terzo again. “We should visit your Prime Mover,” he said.
“What, you mean now?” Terzo said.
“Why not now?” Copia asked. “They are real, right? I mean…”
“Of course she’s real,” Terzo said.
Copia raised his hands. “I am not trying to start a fight. But of all of us, you were probably the least interested in all of this, and suddenly you were successful. I am not saying you were being dishonest, but some of the ranking clergy is a little suspicious.”
Terzo grumbled. “Fine. Let’s go. I’ll text on the way, and if we’re bothering her, you’re the one buying her a decaf coffee and begging for forgiveness.”
“Would they be so angry?” Copia asked.
Terzo sighed. “No. Definitely not openly, probably not at all. But it would be only fair, don’t you think?”
Chapter Text
Cam was not necessarily prepared for company. She’d intended to spend the afternoon looking at baby furniture and other supplies online, and when she got the text her hair was a mess and she was in sweats.
Cam might have been trying to take a more relaxed approach in general, but she imagined telling her mother that she’d received Frater Imperator in her own home looking like that, and frantically changed to a dress, spent a few minutes making sure her kitchen and living room were tidy, and then went into the bathroom to try to fight her hair.
Her pink curls were fun, but frustrating. Summer humidity not only made them enormous, but often plastered a few to her neck and cheeks unless she wore her hair up. She’d worn short hair for a while, until she’d gotten top surgery and decided to try growing her hair out again. But now that she was pregnant, she was starting to wonder if she actually liked her hair that way or if it was once again to appease her parents and others around town, so that she never looked too androgynous for acceptance.
Whatever. No time for a gender crisis this morning. She put her hair up with a hair stick and put on some makeup, and finished just as her bell rang.
She opened the door to Terzo and Frater Imperator. She’d seen him before, footage from when he was still Papa, but there weren’t many pictures of him in his current role. He was, like most people, taller than Terzo, his hair was combed back, and he wore a neat little mustache as he had as a cardinal.
“Terzo, hi,” she said, smiling, all Southern hostess charm. “You must be Frater Imperator. Isn’t Omega coming in?” she asked Terzo as she stepped aside.
“Not this time, no,” Terzo said. “And yes. Frater Imperator, this is Camio Sinclair.”
“Cami,” greeted Frater Imperator, offering a gloved hand.
She blinked at him, surprised at the familiarity even as she took his hand to shake.
“What?” he said, catching her expression. “Terzo called you Cami earlier. Is that wrong?”
“N-no,” she said, and realized she hadn’t even noticed when Terzo had switched to calling her that. “Of course not.”
“Cam,” said Terzo then, quietly closing the door behind him. “Remember what we talked about?”
“Which thing?” she asked.
“You don’t have to perform, remember?” He smiled a little at her, then turned to his brother. “I think they are Cam unless someone is close, Copia, that’s all. They just didn’t want to correct you and be rude.”
“Ah!” Frater Imperator nodded. “Of course. I understand. Well, I am…uh…Frater Imperator. Or…” He glanced at Terzo, then sighed. “You may as well call me Copia. Hi. I’m Copia.”
She smiled. “Hi.” She couldn’t imagine calling him by his given name, though. “Uh, come in properly. You can keep your shoes on if you want. Can I get y’all something to drink? I don’t have any sweet tea, but I have some soda or I could make coffee, or…”
“We’re fine, Cami,” said Terzo.
Frater Imperator was looking around. “This place is fucking spotless,” he said. “Did Terzo lend you a ghoul? Maybe his clean freak of a water ghoul?”
“Nope,” she said. “Haven't even met them yet. I just keep it up.” As long as he didn’t go to her bedroom, anyway. “Have y’all had lunch yet?”
“We actually stopped at your father’s diner,” said Frater Imperator as she led them into the living room. “The food was good.”
“Thanks. We like it around here, anyway,” she said.
“Wait,” Terzo said, frowning. “Have you had lunch?”
“Not yet, but I can wait,” started Cam.
Terzo had been about to sit down, but he stood up so sharply she felt like she might lose her balance. “You,” he said, glaring at his brother. “You insisted we come here and now a pregnant person is starving.”
“I’m not starv—”
“Is that my fault?” Frater Imperator demanded. “I’m not stopping anyone from eating. Do you want to have lunch? Go have lunch,” he told Cam.
“No,” said Terzo. “No, you stay here with my idiot brother, and I will go make you some lunch.” He smiled at Cam. “Is anything off limits in your kitchen?”
“No. I didn’t know you could cook. A sandwich is fine—” they started, but he was gone already.
“He can cook,” Frater Imperator said. “He doesn’t as much as our brother Secondo, but he can. So. Um. You’re pregnant. How’s that, uh, going?”
“Uh, okay,” she said. “I’m told the second trimester is a little easier than the first but honestly, it wasn’t that bad.” She paused. “Except the time I fainted. And the nausea. And the time I got so tired I…” She realized she probably shouldn’t tell him about the car accident. “But I mean, other than those things.”
Frater Imperator nodded at that. “Just one baby? Not twins? Twins apparently run in our family.”
“They tell me there’s just the one. So does Omega. Which is probably for the best.”
Frater Imperator nodded, and tapped his hands on the couch a moment, awkwardly. “So, uh…do you have…where is the baby’s room going to be? I mean, can I see it?”
“Well,” she said, “I just have the one bedroom for now—”
“Just one?” he asked, frowning.
“Yeah, well,” she said, “my plan is to have the baby in my room for the first year and look at either upgrading to a new house or adding a room, depending on how things cost.”
“Do you have space for that? This house is—if you’ll excuse me—very small.”
She hesitated, then sighed. “Come on,” she said, standing up. “My room is this way. I’ll show you and put your mind at ease. I’m really sorry about the mess.”
Because as with so many things, the front rooms, the things that people saw, were flawless. Tastefully decorated, although with a little more personality than her parents’ home. Clean. Perfect. But when she brought him to the back of the house, she opened the door to a mess. Clothing was piled on the floor still from earlier, and makeup brushes were strewn across her vanity. Her altar to Satan was loaded with ash and leftover incense sticks, which was probably the most embarrassing given her company. Her bed was unmade, and she realized with a sudden burst of panic that her vibrator sat charging on the nightstand next to a stack of unread books.
“I, uh, it’s messy,” she said again, apologetically. “But you see, the washer and dryer are right through that door so that’s convenient. I can put the crib here.” She gestured to a spot, and was about to show her plans for the rest of the furniture, but Frater Imperator was shaking his head.
“No,” he said. “I’m sorry, but this won’t do at all. This is not your fault, fratello,” he added quickly. “You will not be able to rest properly like this, nor have any privacy.”
“I don’t—”
“Come,” he interrupted, leading the way back out of the room. “Terzo!” he yelled across the house, which made her wince as it echoed off her ceiling, and stormed back towards the kitchen. She followed.
“You don’t have to yell, Copia, I’m not that fucking deaf,” Terzo said when they entered, and she stopped.
He was wearing her apron, which was printed with little birds, labeled by species—bearded, great, blue—and then said tits across the chest. He was boiling pasta, and appeared to be cooking some tomatoes down.
“I’m making you pasta pomodoro, amico mio,” Terzo said.
“Nice apron,” said Frater Imperator, slightly taken aback.
Cam put her face in her hands. “It was a gift after surgery from my best friend.” She’d loved it for years, but at the moment she wanted to kill Leo.
“I like it,” Terzo said brightly. “Now, what is my brother bitching about now?”
Frater Imperator dropped the apron discussion. “Do you know that she only has one bedroom? For her and the future papa, one room?”
“It never came up,” Terzo said evasively. “But she can sleep however she wants. It’s not just the future papa, it’s her child.”
“No, absolutely not,” Frater Imperator said, shaking his head. “No. You have about a thousand rooms in that overgrown wedding cake of a parsonage and you’re making your Prime Mover share a room with an entire squalling newborn?”
“I mean, better than part of a squalling newborn,” Terzo said. “Copia—”
“Do not call me ‘Copia’ like that,” he said.
Terzo looked mystified. “It’s your name.”
“You didn’t offer her to move in?” said Frater Imperator. “You haven’t even—have you picked out furniture? Have you done anything for this person other than knocking them up and making them sign some papers?”
“Well,” Terzo said, “I’m making lunch. Can you sit down? Your anger is hurting my ears and scaring the tomatoes.”
“Fuck the tomatoes.”
“I don’t think Cami would want to eat them if I did that.”
He groaned, then turned to Cam. “Excuse my brother,” he said shortly. “He is an unthinking bastard.”
“Frater Imperator, I never asked to move,” she started.
“No.” Frater Imperator shook his head, looking furious. “You should not have to ask. This is his child and he should take responsibility for it. Terzo, you are scarcely better than fucking Nihil—”
And at that, abruptly, Terzo dropped the spoon, sauce splashing red onto the stove, and whirled to face him. “Don’t you ever say that,” he said. And now he wasn’t laughing and joking and riling his brother up. All of that was gone, replaced by a low, cold fury. “Don’t you ever dare say that.”
Cam tried to retreat quietly out of the room, but Frater Imperator saw her.
“And now we’re scaring Cami,” he said, forgetting again that he was on Cam-basis and not Cami-basis. He let out a heavy sigh. “Forgive me. This is a sore spot for all of us, the children of Nihil. Come, sit,” he said, pulling out a chair at her little kitchen table.
Cam sat down quietly in the chair.
Terzo turned back to the stovetop and stirred the sauce a little, then sighed. “I’m sorry. He’s right. It is a sore spot. But I am not doing what he did.” He g ave Cam a sidelong look . “Copia didn’t even know Nihil was his father for decades. And my elder brothers and I, we knew, but we saw him maybe—maybe once or twice a year, for formal things. We were his sons, but he was seldom our father.”
“Yes,” said Frater Imperator shortly. “He filled his obligation to produce heirs. He left the mothers to fend for themselves in all but finances. Terzo’s mother didn’t stay to raise him either, he was brought up alongside his half-brother Secondo.”
“I don’t need to know this,” Cam said quickly.
“Yes, you do,” Frater Imperator said. “Because you should know that as head of the Ministry I am not letting something like that happen to you or your child. Terzo is going to be accountable or I will shove responsibility so far down his throat he’ll be shitting tax forms. You,” he said, pointing to Terzo. “You will make space for your Prime Mover and your child in that house. And you,” he said, pointing to Cam. “You will take it.”
Cam stared up at him, and then looked at Terzo, whose brows were raised.
“Wow,” Terzo said. “Being Frater Imperator has brought out another side of you, Copia.”
“It might surprise you to learn that I’m actually good at it,” he said.
“Not at all,” Terzo said. “Cam. Are you okay with this?”
She looked from Copia to Terzo, and she hesitated for a long moment. “Well,” she said.
Terzo sighed. “Now you’ve done it,” he said to Frater Imperator. “Do you know Cam has spent the past thirty-some-odd years spending their entire life trying to please everyone and not make waves? I’m finally getting them to stop doing that and now you come in here yelling at them. Cam, ignore him. What do you want?”
“I…I don’t know,” she admitted. “I just sort of assumed I’d be staying here, and I…I mean, I don’t mind. I own the house, it’s a good neighborhood—”
“Where would your ghoul nanny sleep, though?” Frater Imperator asked.
“My what?”
He stared at her, then looked at Terzo. “You didn’t even offer a nanny? You expect Cam to live here on their own without any help with the baby?”
“People do it all the time,” Cam said.
“Yes, they do,” Frater Imperator said. “They should not have to, and in our case, you will not. You are moving in with Terzo if I have to have Omega carry you there.”
“Omega won’t listen to you,” Terzo said, then looked at Cam, pursing his lips for a moment in thought. “Copia, go away for a second. I need to talk to Cam alone.”
Frater Imperator looked around. “Sure! I’ll just fuck off, I guess.” He went to her living room, muttering to himself.
“Cami, I am so sorry,” Terzo said, stirring the sauce again before he put down the spoon and crossed the kitchen to where she sat.
And to her surprise, he knelt down in front of her chair, using the table to help lower himself down. He took her hands in his.
“My brother,” he said, “is an idiot, and apparently, pushy as fuck. You do not have to do anything you don’t want to. But…” He hesitated. “Maybe he is right. Maybe I should ask, maybe I should encourage, you to come stay in my house. At least until the baby’s a little older. Maybe you could even get this house worked on, put some more rooms in, so the construction doesn’t bother you? And I have a lot of rooms, he’s right, my house is big and you wouldn’t even have to see me if you didn’t want to, but…”
“It’s not that I wouldn’t want to see you,” she said. “We’re friends. And I’ll be seeing you a lot anyway, I know…” She lowered her voice a little, though not too much for the sake of his hearing. “I know you wanted to be involved with the baby and you will be. I know you’re not like—however he described your father.”
“I’m not,” Terzo agreed, and again, his usually good-natured face went dark. Angry. “I am not like him. I will not be like him.”
Cam blinked at Terzo a moment. For a moment she almost considered pointing out that technically he never had to take this responsibility on at all, but he knew that and, more importantly, Frater Imperator could probably hear.
“Give me a few weeks,” she said finally. “To pack up my stuff. I’ll need Leo’s help probably, but I can do it.”
“You’re sure about this?” he said. “I know what I said, but I—you do not have to do this. Not to please me, not to please him, nothing.”
“No,” she said. “It makes sense. Maybe I was stupid to think about just having the baby here—”
“Not stupid,” he said, though his voice was softer now. “Never stupid.” He kissed her hand for a moment, then froze, realizing what he’d done. “Sorry. I…”
“It’s okay,” she said. “I’m okay.” She hesitated a moment. Her hand felt warm where he’d kissed it, and she pulled it back. “Are you okay?”
“Me?” he asked, and then he got up again and gave her a warm, winning smile. “I am always okay.”
“Yeah,” she said, pointedly. “So am I. Right?”
His smile faded for a moment. And then he sighed, shook his head. “Let me finish your lunch. Copia, you eavesdropping bastard, come back in.”
He did, and he sat down, apologizing to Cam for upsetting her, which was nice at least. While Terzo finished making her pasta, Cam showed Frater Imperator some of the baby furniture she’d picked out online, and got some approving noises in response. The odd unease in the house didn’t quite fade, but it was easier to ignore.
“So,” said Frater Imperator as Terzo finished up in the kitchen, “are you going to give Cam their ‘tits’ apron back?”
“Absolutely not. It’s mine now,” Terzo said, even as he took it off and went to hang it on the hook in her kitchen.
She wondered if it was real, or if everyone in the kitchen was putting on a performance. Or maybe it was just her, again, as always. How would she ever know?
The pasta was delicious.
Chapter 13
Notes:
It's Saturday morning, which means you'll probably get a second chapter this afternoon. Because you made it through another week and deserve nice things...but all I can offer is Satanic soap opera.
Chapter Text
“And remember,” Frater Imperator reminded her before he and Terzo left. “You can always move just a few things and not make it…eh…permanent? If you are afraid of dependence and things. Your house is right here, it isn’t as though you’re moving across the country.”
And that was true, thought Cam after they left, but for a moment she imagined it. Moving somewhere, her and her baby. Somewhere that she didn’t feel responsible for the locals’ views of Satanists, somewhere that she didn’t have her perfect reputation following her around like a shadow , somewhere she wasn’t expected to take over a restaurant or uphold the church or do anything except live.
The only time she’d escaped Farthing’s pressures was going to college up north, and even then, she’d studied restaurant management because she knew there was no point in trying to study anything else. She had a career set out for her and she was going to be perfect at that, too.
Never mind. She was lucky. She had loving friends, her parents were supportive, Leo’s parents were even more supportive, and she was going to have her baby. And Terzo, she knew, was going to be more than just involved. Whatever else was true, that much was clear. He’d gone, somehow, from just wanting to get the Ministry off his back to actually wanting to take care of the baby. That was not unwelcome.
Besides, she didn’t want to leave. She knew Farthing. It was home. It was safe. A good place to raise her kid.
She started packing a little, glad to have a specific task ahead of her. She packed up the baby’s things first. She didn’t have a lot yet. There were plans for baby showers and from her previous experience, that was going to involve a ton of clothes, blankets, and toys. Someone had already given her a baby bathtub and some supplies. But she, in a fit of practicality, had bought a baby bottle sterilizer on sale, along with a bunch of bottles and some burp cloths. In a fit of impracticality she’d bought a onesie just because it was printed with little giraffes and she’d almost cried when she’d seen it at the store. Her child might be a Satanic pope someday, but first they were going to be a tiny newborn in a giraffe onesie.
She should have shown the onesie to Terzo, she thought as she packed everything into the baby tub and put it aside. He’d have appreciated it.
She spent the afternoon packing, and made herself some dinner while thinking of Terzo’s pasta. She heated up some leftovers, and ate at her table because she never ate in the living room where she might spill.
Some Satanist. She didn’t even take risks that threatened the upholstery in her own home.
After doing dishes, though, as it started to get dark, a knock on the door interrupted her thoughts.
Terzo again, maybe? Except he always texted before he showed up, and her phone showed no notifications. She glanced out the front window but couldn’t see a car, but she wasn’t really afraid of anything in Farthing and went to answer the door.
Peter stood on the other side.
“Oh,” she said, and started to close it.
“Wait!” he said. “Please. Can I just…” He glanced over his shoulder, making sure no one could see him. “Can I please come in and talk to you? Ten minutes, that’s all I ask.”
She stared at him for a moment. His dark hair, cut short and styled neatly. His eyes were soft brown; she knew that in some lights they looked black and in some they had flecks of gold. She knew his face so damned well, and so she knew that expression—earnest, hopeful, sweet.
“Fine,” she said finally, and stepped aside so he could come in. “Want something to drink?” she asked, a little reluctantly, but habits were hard to break.
“Some coffee would be great,” he said, with that sweet smile that made her knees melt even now.
“Sure. Have a seat.” She led him to the kitchen, where he sat at the table. He’d only occasionally been in her house when they were dating—keeping it a secret was much easier where he lived, more remote. She started some coffee, and saw her phone on the counter. She picked it up and, glancing at Peter, considered.
She didn’t want to bother anyone, but someone should know about this, probably. She almost texted Leo, but he’d taken his mom to a specialist in Columbia and wouldn’t be available until the next day.
She opened her text conversation with Terzo and hesitated. He didn’t know about Peter. What could she say? Finally she texted him.
I’m in a situation. If I text you ‘ help’ can you come get me without asking questions, please? I’m not in danger but I might need help.
“You look good, Cami,” said Peter. “I hope my ten minutes don’t include how long the coffee takes.”
And then her phone plinked back. Omega is in the car already and I am following. We’re waiting for your word. Are you sure you’re all right?
I’m fine. Don’t go to any trouble.
No trouble. We’re here.
She looked down at the phone, and smiled, just a little.
“Your ten minutes end when I decide they’re over,” she said then, watching the coffee pot fill. “I only have decaf, by the way, although it’s some fancy Italian coffee.” Terzo had sent it with her one day because he’d ordered decaf by mistake, and it was delicious. Although, on reflection, he wasn’t supposed to drink much caffeine, so maybe he should have kept it. But she’d never seen him order decaf.
“That’s fine. Um…Cami.” He turned in his seat to look at her, then sighed. “Look, let’s cut the bullshit. We both know that’s not your priest’s baby. Does he know? He must.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she lied, badly.
“Because it’s killing me,” he said. “Knowing he’s running around taking credit for what’s mine.”
“Yours?” she repeated, looking up, brows raised.
He winced. “Bad choice of words. I just—look, I know I screwed up, okay? I do. I made a baby and then insisted you get rid of it, which not only goes against my morals but also…” He sighed. “You’re going to be such a good mom. It was stupid of me to deny you that opportunity, or to try. You have so much love to give to a child. I’m glad you didn’t take me up on it. ”
“So you came to apologize,” she said flatly. She didn’t know what she’d expected, if anything, but she was underwhelmed and unimpressed. The coffee pot finished hissing, and she started to pour.
“No, actually,” he said. “I came to grovel.”
She splashed coffee onto the counter. “Damn. Uh. What?” she said, going to clean it up before bringing the mugs over to the table.
“Listen,” he said, pulling his cup closer. “We can figure something out. You want the baby, and I…I miss you, Cami.”
She sat down, and he immediately reached out to put his hand on hers. She could pull away. She should pull away.
But for Satan’s sake, she’d been alone for weeks now, and his hand felt so good. So warm, so strong and steady…
“Can we figure something out?” he asked. “I know you’re locked into this whole priest thing but you can just…leave that, right?”
“And what?” she asked. “Get back with you?”
“Yes, if you want me,” he said, and his eyes were so soft. “I know I don’t deserve it, Cam, I really do. But I keep seeing you, and you’re so beautiful—it’s true what they say, pregnant women glowing.”
Women. The word was like cold water splashed in her face. Most of the town called her that, and she always acted like it wasn’t a big deal. But the people who knew her best never did. Leo. His parents. Even her parents.
Terzo.
Before she could say anything, he continued. “Look, I don’t know what it would look like, but I know I haven’t seen you in weeks and it’s killing me. You ignore me at the diner but I see you there, I hear your laughter, and you’re just—I was stupid to let you go. You know?”
Hadn’t she wished he’d say something like this, weeks ago? And despite everything, she listened. She let herself imagine, just for a moment…
He sighed and looked down at their hands. “I was so stupid. You want this baby, you keep this baby. I offered to pay for the abortion, well, I’ll pay for this, too.”
That was a weird way of putting it, and she frowned a little.
“Every month, I’ll be responsible, I’ll make sure you can afford to have your beautiful baby—our beautiful baby—and I can see you, sometimes. It’ll be harder since you’ll be so busy, but it would be worth it.”
Cam stared at him, feeling like she wasn’t quite putting something together. “What do you mean, ‘see me sometimes?’” she asked.
“Just like before,” he said.
Sneaking around. Lying. Never, ever being seen together unless it was completely innocuous…
“So,” she said, “you would not be interested in actually making sure people knew we were together.”
He winced. “Look, with my job…”
She extracted her hand from his, slowly, the way she’d move away from a snake to avoid startling it. “And what about the baby?” she asked. “Forget me, what about the baby?”
He gave her a little smile. “You’re going to be an amazing mother and I know you’ll do great. You don’t even need me around, but it would be amazing to see you and a little kid around town, knowing—”
“Oh,” she said, and stood up. “Oh, fuck no.”
“Cami, if I could? I would marry you. Right now.” He stood up. “I’d drag you off to the chapel in Columbia. You remember the one we saw when we took that trip last year? I—hell, do you want to go? I could marry you, you’d have it on paper, and no one ever would ever have to know—”
“Fuck off,” she said, startling him into silence. “Do you think that’s what I want for the rest of my life? To be you—to be your fucking secret shame?”
“Babe, it’s not like that,” he said.
“Oh, yes, it’s exactly like that,” she said. “And not just me, but the baby? A baby who’d going to become a child, and then an adult? You want to do this to them?”
She thought for a moment of Terzo, slamming the spoon down when Copia brought up his father.
“Look,” Peter said. “I love you. I’ve always loved you, even in high school when you broke up with me because you knew my father didn’t approve. And I can’t stand the idea of you going around town, everyone thinking you’re fucking that priest, everyone thinking that baby is his.”
“It is his,” she said sharply. “You think I’m perfect little Cam Sinclair, just like everyone else, don’t you? You think I just waited around for you?” She snorted. “He’s been fucking me blind for months.”
He drew back like he’d been slapped, but his eyes were searching hers. “Liar,” he said.
“You wanna bet?
“You loved me,” he said. “I know you loved me.”
“And you never, ever loved me,” she said.
“I did,” he said, and now his voice was soft, cracking at the edges. Aching. “I do. I love you so much—your smile, your voice. You’re perfect.”
“I’m not perfect,” she said, “and if you loved me, you’d not only know that, but you’d appreciate it, but no. No, because I was performing for you, too—”
“What are you talking about?” he asked, baffled.
“—and I almost ended this pregnancy that I wanted just to keep the peace. Well, I don’t do that anymore. I don’t keep the peace, I fuck shit up, and if you don’t get the fuck out of my house you’re gonna be the first one on the list.”
He stared at her. “I thought—I thought it was what you wanted,” he said. “You could have everything. You’d still have me.”
“I don’t want you,” she said. “I don’t want anyone who looks at his own child and—and—and wants to keep them a secret.” Terzo’s voice came back to her then. “If you love someone, that’s not something you hide unless it’s about safety.”
“This is safety.”
“No,” she said. “No, it’s not.”
“If we came out as a couple, my job would be gone,” he said. “And my position at church, and my standing in the town. And you would make the whole Satanist church look bad.”
“None of that is physical harm, dipshit,” she said. “None of that is anything we can’t recover from. Yeah, we’d lose our status as the best of the best here in Farthing, but we’d have people to rally around us, we’d still be okay with people who loved us, but that’s not enough for you.”
He stared at her.
“Now, get out before I illustrate some physical harm just to make sure you know the fucking difference,” she said.
“You…” He stared, opened his mouth, closed it. “You’ve changed.”
“No,” she said. “You just didn’t know me.”
He looked at her one more moment, and then he sighed, and turned to go. “I hope you and your priest are very happy. He knows, doesn’t he?” he asked then, turning around. “He knows you were mine first. He knows that’s my baby, he knows he’s a cuck who’s raising someone else’s kid?”
“Better that than a coward,” she spat back. “Out.”
“Cam—”
“Out!” she yelled—screamed, really, her throat tearing with it, her own voice ringing off the ceiling. If the neighbors heard she’d be mortified. If he stayed any longer, though, the neighbors would end up calling the cops and scraping Peter off the walls. “Get the fuck out of my house and don’t you ever, ever talk to me again.”
Wide-eyed, Peter stared for a moment, and then turned back towards the door. A moment later she heard it slam shut.
She took a breath, and then another, tried to calm down. But it was like all the anger she’d shoved down in the past thirty years flooded her. She’d thought she’d been mad at Terzo a few weeks ago after her car accident, but she knew now she’d just been scared and bitchy about it. This was white-hot and all-consuming, an inferno of wrath. She felt it in her throat, on her skin, surrounding her. Thudding in her ears like tinnitus.
And then suddenly she heard the doorbell ring and a pounding on the door, and the anger turned into a thunder clap. She stormed to the front door and very nearly wrenched the damn thing off its hinges.
“What the fuck—” she started, prepared to scream at Peter more.
Except it was not Peter.
“Are you okay?” Terzo asked, urgently. Omega stood behind him, looming over his shoulder.
She stared at him. Abruptly, her towering anger just fizzled out, leaving her almost shaky. “What are you doing here?”
“We did not want to be too far away if you texted us for help, so we drove closer,” Terzo explained. His voice softened. “And then we saw him leave, and I texted you, and you did not reply. I was afraid he’d hurt you.”
Her phone. She’d completely forgotten her phone.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice hoarse now. “I—I didn’t mean to ignore you, it just…it slipped my mind. I…”
“But you’re all right?” he asked, and then he reached out, his hands on her arms. “What was the situation? Is it over? Are you safe?”
She started to nod. She should tell him she was fine, everything was fine, he’d come out for nothing. But his hands on her arms felt so good, like Peter’s hand had on hers, and he was tilting his head to meet her eye, making sure she was all right.
And she couldn’t help it. With that pure anger gone, she just started crying. She could blame pregnancy hormones, but she didn’t care what it was from. Maybe this, too, was from years of holding back, but she sobbed, right there in her doorway.
And Terzo, not caring about the neighbors, not caring about anything outside of this moment, pulled her into his arms. There he held her while she cried and wailed, pounding on his chest with her fists until she realized what she was doing and stopped, hands just curled there like a child’s. His hand was on her back, his other on her head, keeping her there, his soft voice murmuring to her for the sound more than meaning, until finally she wasn’t sobbing anymore, was just…just there, just with him. Breathing in the night air and the scent of his soap.
“All right, amico mio,” he said, and gently pulled back, holding her at arm’s length. He reached up to wipe tears from her cheeks. “Let’s go in and you can tell me what happened, yes?”
“I’m not hurt or anything,” she said, realizing how it must look. His fear when he’d arrived.
“Good. I don’t have to send Omega to kill him. But something happened. Come on,” he said, gently pushing her into the house, Omega following. Terzo brought her into the kitchen but stopped when he saw two half-full cups of coffee, then shook his head and ushered her instead to the living room. “Do you want a glass of water?”
“I’m okay,” they said, and took a deep breath. “It’s so stupid. The—the guy came to see me. You know. The father of my…” And then they trailed off, realizing he’d been here, he’d seen Peter leave.
“Cami, I know.” He smiled a little at her. “I know it’s Peter March. You do not need to protect him, certainly not from me. Omega I can’t speak for…”
“How did you know?” she asked. “Did I—did I slip up and say something?”
“Oh, you had a poker face that was enviable,” he said. “But he glared at me every time I saw him in the diner. It was not hard to figure things out. Now. What happened with Peter?”
So she told him, curled up on the couch, her hand resting on her belly. She tried to stay calm and fair about it, but she definitely got heated for some of it, and a little teary for other parts, and when she finished, she felt…numb. Like it was too much for her to even feel now, sitting on her couch with Terzo.
“Wow,” Terzo said. “I never thought I would meet a man who made my father sound like a prince.”
Cam didn’t laugh. Instead they looked down at their hands for a moment. “I shouldn’t have let him in at all, let alone…entertained any of his ideas. But for a second I did. And I’m sorry.”
“Shh, no,” he said, and then he took her hands in his and she looked up. “Cami, how long have you known this man?”
“We went to school together.”
“How long were you seeing each other in secret?”
“About…three years,” she said, stomach fluttering. It had seemed so romantic at one point. “Shortly before you came to Farthing. He got divorced five years ago, and we were both attending City Council meetings and kept running into each other. But we’d dated in high school, too.”
“So,” he said. “There you go. Of course you heard him out. Did you love him?”
She closed her eyes. “I thought I did,” she said. And then she drew her hands away. “I’m sorry, Terzo.”
“For what?” he said, baffled.
“Roping you into this—this shit. You deserve so much better than to be saddled with someone who almost went back to their ex the moment he said nice things, and raising a kid who isn’t yours, and—”
“Hey.” His voice wasn’t loud, but it was sharper than usual, and she looked up. “I want to do this. You remember that, yes?”
“I know,” she said with a sigh. “You wanted to help me out and not have to worry about the clergy.”
“I am not just doing this for you,” he said. “And I am not just doing this for the clergy. Do you…” He hesitated a moment, then to her surprise, he reached out to put one hand on her belly, just over her own. He was so warm, and for a moment it felt so right that it was almost surreal, like a scene out of someone else’s life. “Do you know how long it’s been since I gave a shit about anything? You were right. I was an indifferent priest. I was indifferent to most things. And then you came to my office and at first, yes, it was just for that, you’re right. But now…”
He pulled his hand away then, which was almost a shame because now she felt cold again. The AC was blasting, she thought, that was all.
“Come home with me,” he said then, quietly. “I don’t want you to stay here by yourself, not tonight.”
“Terzo, I’m fine. And I doubt he’s coming back.” She thought for a moment. “Actually he’d be suicidal to come back, I was not acting like myself.”
“Oh, I bet you were,” he said. “But maybe not like the Cam Sinclair everyone else knows. But I mean it, amico mio. I know you’re safe, but…you screamed at someone in your kitchen and none of your neighbors checked on you. And…and what if you cry again and you need a hug and there is no one here to give you one, huh?”
She burst out laughing at that. “Your brother is at your house, though,” she said. “I wouldn’t want to be in the way.”
“You may remember he’s the one who told you to move in with me,” Terzo said with a snort. “Come on. Come to my house. I’ll have Ash make you hot chocolate.”
Cam smiled a little. “Are you trying to bribe me now?”
“That depends, will it work?”
She laughed, then started to get up. “Let me pack some stuff.”
“No need,” came Omega’s voice, and he came into the living room, putting down a bag she was pretty sure had been in the back of her closet. “Clothes, books, pajamas, vibrator, prenatal vitamins, the teddy bear from on your bed.”
“Ditch the bear,” she said, trying not to bring attention to the vibrator thing. “It was a gift from Peter.”
Omega reached into the bag, took out the bear, and quite casually ripped its head off. It was a grisly show, leaving Polyfil carnage all over her neat living room floor. He tossed it into a nearby trashcan.
“You should have saved that for when you see Leo again,” said Cam. “He might have jumped you after that demonstration. Never mind. I think that’s all I need and like Frater Imperator said, it’s not like I can’t come back for stuff, it’s just across town.”
“True.” Terzo stood up. “Come on. I know just the room for you.” He held out his hand.
Cam took it.
Chapter 14
Notes:
Here's your second Saturday chapter! Enjoy!
Chapter Text
Terzo put Cam in the second-floor room with the prettiest view. Like his own room, the windows overlooked the back yard. It was late now, but in the daytime she would see a sea of oak trees dripping with Spanish moss, framing a pond that shimmered under blooming water lilies.
T hey spent the evening in his comfortable living room, drinking hot chocolate despite the weather. Copia had joined them, and instead of talking about Peter or the baby, Cam and Terzo had a marvelous time filling him in on some of Farthing’s small-town scandals. Terzo would have enjoyed telling them to Copia alone, but it was even better having Cam there, because she knew all the background that Terzo wasn’t privy to—generations of other scandals, of social hierarchy and context. She’d lived here for her whole life, and she’d taken an interest, and she knew everything about everyone.
“So wait,” Copia said. “This guy took a hit out on his wife in the eighties? You can do that here?”
“Allegedly,” said Cam, “but yeah, probably. So when he was found dead, everyone thought maybe it was about that, or something to do with his pawn shop, even though his son mostly runs it now, right? Maybe it was even the son.” She tossed her hair back. “Three days later, they arrest…a seventeen-year-old who broke into the guy’s house for cash, panicked when he realized he was home, and killed him.”
“That’s it?” Copia asked.
“That’s it!” she said. “But here’s the really important thing. See, we all know this guy, we’re used to seeing his name on the pawn shop, but it’s a whole other thing when you see it in the newspaper.”
“Right, you didn’t mention his name,” Copia said. “What was it?”
“It was—and I swear this is true, Terzo can back me up,” she said. “It is the most stupidly southern name you can think of, and my hand to Satan I am telling you the truth.”
“Stop dragging it out and tell me!” Copia demanded.
“His name,” she said, “was Bubba C. Porker.”
Terzo, who had known exactly what was coming, cracked up, almost falling out of his chair in the process and not because of his ears.
Copia just stared, aghast for a moment. “You’re shitting me. You are absolutely shitting me.”
“Absolutely no shit, Frater Imperator,” she said. “You can look it up.”
“There was a real human being named Bubba C. Porker?” he repeated.
“Two of ‘em,” she said. “His son is Bubba C. Porker, Jr.”
He squinted suspiciously at her, then got out his phone. He grumbled to himself while he looked it up. “Well, fuck me, you’re right,” he said. “I can’t believe a man grew up with that name and then gave it to his kid, too.”
“Well, his kid mostly goes by Conrad,” she said. “Middle name. Nice guy. And his son’s name is Jeff, so at least the wretched cycle has ended.”
“Wait, Jeff Porker?” said Terzo. “He goes to our church. Convert from shortly after I first arrived. I didn’t realize he was Bubba’s grandson.”
“How many Porkers do you think there were in this town?” Copia asked.
Terzo paused, considering. “I…didn’t think about it,” he said. “At some point you just get used to it as a normal name, yes? Like…Smith.”
“Nah, the Smiths have different drama,” joked Cam with a grin. “We’ll save that for another day.” Or maybe they weren’t joking. Terzo sort of hoped not.
Soon after that, though, Cam went to bed, and Terzo sat up with his brother for a while longer.
“So you won’t tell me what happened with Cam,” said Copia. “What it was that meant they moved in with you tonight instead of later like they planned.”
Terzo shook his head. Copia was Frater Imperator; he couldn’t know about Peter’s involvement with Cam, couldn’t know that the baby wasn’t Terzo’s biological child. “It is…personal. And Cam’s whole life has been pretty public. I do not want to betray their trust.”
Copia nodded at that. “I suppose I understand.” He took a drink from his glass, something a bit stronger than hot cocoa. Cam, of course, couldn’t drink because of the baby, and Terzo didn’t anymore because it threw his ear condition into chaos and made him half-dizzy for days. “It’s nice,” he said then. “You and Cam are good friends. Even if nothing else.”
“It is nice,” Terzo agreed. “Well. I’d better go to bed, but you make yourself at home, I guess. Tomorrow I have to write thank you cards to the people who donated to the school supply drive. You know Cam will not let me put it off.”
Copia laughed. “Better you than me,” he said.
Terzo roughed up his little brother’s hair, just on principle, then headed to his own room. He climbed the stairs slowly, mindful of his ears and balance, ruminating still on everything. Peter trying to rope Cam back into his life. Cam almost going for it.
If Peter had decided not to be a coward—if he’d said, Yes, I’ll be the baby’s father, everyone will know— then this part of Terzo’s life would be over. Cam would have gone with Peter, the man they’d once loved. They were responsible enough that they’d have helped Terzo explain it all to Frater Imperator and the clergy, they would have helped him still at church and done everything. It would have been fine.
It would have been devastating.
When he got to his room, he turned on the light and saw that he was not alone. Omega was there, waiting for him.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
Omega looked at him for a long moment, his purple gaze assessing. And then he crossed the room and hugged Terzo without any further preamble.
Terzo sighed and leaned into it, forehead on Omega’s chest. “It has been a long day,” he said.
Omega patted his back, which was probably agreement.
“Omega…” Terzo pulled back, made sure his door was closed. “I wish Cam understood why I was here.” He thought again of the ultrasound. Of being one of the only people to see the baby, that moment when he’d suddenly felt like he’d do anything just to keep that little static alien grow to a healthy child… “That I care about them. The baby and Cam, I mean.”
“Tell them,” said Omega.
Terzo shook his head. “No. I would love to, but no. They would misunderstand, especially after that stupid motherfucker. Can you believe he would do that? He would—he would hold the baby over Cam’s head to keep her in his control, that’s what he was doing. He could have her whenever he wanted and all he had to do was pay for her child to survive.” He was outraged again for a moment. “And if I tell Cam how much the baby means to me, they’re going to think—they’ll think it’s—no,” he said, shaking his head. “I care about Cam but not like that and they won’t understand.”
“Cam is smart,” Omega said.
“Being smart does not save you from heartbreak,” Terzo said, and sat down on the bed with a sigh.
“You wouldn’t know,” Omega answered.
“Hah. Funny. Very cute.” But Omega sat next to him, and Terzo flopped onto him. “Maybe we should bring Leo to the house. I’m sure Cam could use someone to hug who isn’t me.”
Omega was quiet for a moment. And then he said, “You’re good for hugging.”
“You’re biased,” Terzo said. He rested his head in Omega’s lap and sighed. “I wish it were this easy with more people. It’s easy to be with you, why can’t it be like that with everyone?”
“Because,” Omega said.
“That’s a lot of help,” Terzo said. He was quiet for a moment. “Are you going to tell Leo? That you aren’t, you know…human?”
Omega nodded. “When the time is right.”
“Are you going to tell him that you and I are…” He gestured vaguely, still not having words to describe what he and Omega were.
“I think he knows,” Omega said. “He and Cam are close, too.”
“They tried to date at some point,” Terzo remarked, and thought for a moment. “Didn’t work out. Which is too bad, because that meant Cam got with that fucking guy.”
“Yes,” said Omega. “But if they hadn’t, you and Cam wouldn’t be…”
“Wouldn’t be what? We aren’t anything,” Terzo said. “Just friends. We could have still become friends.”
“I was going to say parents,” Omega answered.
Terzo blinked at him. “Oh,” he said. “Yes, you’re right.” He was quiet for a moment. The child felt so inevitable, the child felt so real, that it hadn’t occurred to him that anything could have gotten in the way of Cam carrying it now. His role in it, yes, but her carrying it, no. But Omega was right. Without Peter, the baby wouldn't be, and he would still be sleepwalking through his days.
Finally though he got up again and sighed. “It’s late, I suppose. Are you staying the night?”
“I thought so,” Omega said.
“Good,” said Terzo, and got up to strip down to his underwear, and then he and Omega climbed into bed. He cuddled up to the ghoul, who radiated heat, and thought again about Cam, who had gone to bed alone. Not even a teddy bear, he thought, remembering Omega’s show of decapitation.
But at least Cam was here, in this house. That had to count for something.
Terzo fell asleep to the faint sound of his own ears ringing, and the feeling of Omega’s arm draped over him, and the thought of seeing Cam in the morning.
Chapter 15
Notes:
We are halfway through the story now! Thanks for reading and engaging ilu ♥♥♥
Chapter Text
Cam was woken abruptly by the sound of her door opening, and she scrambled to sit up, tangled up in her sheets, fumbling for a light and wondering who the fuck was in her room. She was even more disoriented when her light wasn’t in the right spot and only then remembered that she was not in her own room, just as the main light came on.
“Breakfast!” announced Ash the kitchen ghoul, standing in the doorway, holding a tray.
Cam stared at him for a moment. “What time is it?” she asked fuzzily.
“Breakfast time!” he said, and came over with the tray, which featured waffles and sausage and syrup, and coffee, and a little bud vase with a single marigold in it, and a cup with her prenatal vitamins. Her stomach growled.
“Yeah, okay,” she said, sitting up, glad that she’d put on pajamas instead of sleeping naked as she often did. “Um. Do you do this every morning? For Terzo, I mean.”
Ash nodded, carefully setting the tray down. “Breakfast is important,” he said.
She couldn’t argue with that, exactly. “Okay. Uh. Normally I think I’d like you to knock first…”
“Can’t knock while holding a tray,” he said with a shrug. “Bye.”
He left, and Cam stared after him for a moment, and then turned her attention to breakfast which, to be fair, was delicious. The waffle was even better than the ones at the Caroliner Diner, a fact she vowed to never tell Leo and risk hurting his pride as a cook.
It was warm this morning, maybe a little too much for a hot breakfast, though she ate it all anyway. She wondered if an old building like this got air conditioning or not. She should have asked before moving in. Then again, she thought, thinking about Ash just wandering in with breakfast, maybe there were a few things she should have asked.
It was strange, eating breakfast in bed. Thinking about Peter yesterday. They’d been over already, but now it was especially definitive. Even if he did offer everything she had ever wanted, she was never going to take him back, and there was something a little sad about that finality. Not the lack of Peter himself, but the lack of romantic hope. And now, here she was, in a strange house with people she knew but not well.
There was no point in going back to sleep, even with that abrupt awakening. So after breakfast Cam got up, put on some clothes they felt comfortable wandering around someone else’s house in, and then ventured out in a quest to return the tray to the kitchen. It was even warmer downstairs; they were sweating just from the stairs. They roughly remembered the bottom floor layout and only took one wrong turn before reaching the kitchen, aided by the sound of running water.
However, when they stepped in, it wasn’t Ash doing the dishes, nor anyone else they knew. Instead… something was at the sink, hunched over it, a long white gown hanging limply from their body, black hair falling over their face, skin corpse-gray. It was very, very much as though she’d just walked in to find Sadako from The Ring washing dishes, and if it hadn’t been so absurd, she’d have dropped the tray and run.
And then the thing at the sink turned their head towards her, at very much the wrong angle for a head, and offered a grin that was also too big.
“Dishes?” asked the creature, and held out a clawed hand. Behind the stringy hair Cam could catch a glimpse of a mask.
Finally things fell into place. “Are…are you the ghoul I haven’t met yet?” they asked. Ghouls always wore masks around humans. She didn’t know why, but they did.
“Yesssss,” they said, sounding like a creaking door.
Cam swallowed their discomfort and reminded themself that some people got creeped out by Cam being nonbinary. So, trying to hide their uncertainty, they handed them the tray. “Thank you for doing dishes.”
“Ash never does,” the ghoul said, hissing a little on the sibilant sounds but otherwise sounding like anyone bitching about a roommate or a partner’s irresponsibility. Cam remembered her roommate in college and felt a little more at ease.
“Do you want some help?” Cam offered.
“No, no,” the ghoul said. They put the dishes on the counter and turned back to Cam for a moment. “You’re too warm,” they said.
“A little,” Cam said. “It’s a hot morning, I guess. And pregnancy seems to make me run warm anyway.”
The ghoul considered for a moment, and then came over and, without another word, put a hand on the back of Cam’s neck. Their hand was ice cold, and wet from the dishes—or maybe not from the dishes—and Cam jumped.
But the cold seemed to spread, then, from Cam’s neck and down their back, down their arms, a delicious coolness that actually made Cam let out a sigh.
“Thank you so much,” they said. All fear was gone. The ghoul was strange, but sweet. “What’s your name?”
The ghoul patted their shoulder, actually making them shiver, and went back to the dishes. “Bog,” they said.
“Bog?” Cam repeated. “Well, I’m Cam.”
Bog nodded, starting on her plates. “ He calls you Cami. You can call me Boggy.”
“He? You mean Terzo?”
“He,” agreed Bog with a nod.
Before Cam could ask anything else, Ash returned, swooped over, and hugged Bog from behind. When he kissed their shoulder, steam rose where his lips met their skin, and then he pulled them away from the sink to engage them in a few dance steps, making Bog laugh in a slightly spine-chilling but also oddly adorable way.
Cam decided it was time to leave and backed out of the kitchen. Trying their mental map of the sprawling house, they realized the living room from last night was close by, and made their way there.
Frater Imperator was already there, dressed in a sweat suit, looking at Terzo’s movie shelf. He must have heard her come in and looked up. “Oh, hello,” he said, waving.
“Good morning,” she said.
“If you’re looking for my brother, he fucked off somewhere early with his ghoulfriend,” he said. “Would you look at this pretentious shit?”
Cam came over dutifully to look at the DVD shelf which, it had to be said, was almost entirely silent films and other classics, with a few recent but extremely artsy films thrown in for good measure. “I dunno,” she said, “he can like what he likes. I do love Conrad Veidt,” she started, looking at a section of his movies. “And—”
“Of course he can like what he likes,” said Frater Imperator, “but I know for a fact he likes Star Wars and other popular shit, but you won’t see that on his shelf, ohhhh no.”
“Well,” she said, because it sounded like maybe she should respond, but she had no idea what to say for once.
But Frater Imperator turned then to look at her, frowning a little. “Then again,” he said, “maybe he’s like you.”
“Me? How?” she asked.
“Your house was ridiculous when I walked in. I could have eaten off your floor. Your couch had never seen an ass.”
“It has seen many asses,” she said.
“And then your bedroom looked like a bomb had gone off,” he continued.
“It’s not that bad.”
“So,” he concluded, ignoring her, “maybe Terzo has these out for display to show off to anyone who comes over, and a secret stash of fun movies.”
“Those aren’t not fun—” she started, but then Frater Imperator was going through cabinets until he found what he was looking for.
“Hah!” he said proudly. “Star Wars, Indiana Jones, all the good shit. Want to watch a movie?”
“I—” she started, but then her phone went off. “Excuse me, Frater.”
“Of course.”
She stepped out of the living room to answer. “Dad? What’s up?”
“Can you come to the diner?” he asked. “Sarah and Jordan both called out and we need you.”
She was about to say yes, of course she could. But her car was at her house still, and Omega wasn’t here to drive. “I don’t think I can, actually, not for a while. Also I’m supposed to be actually taking my days off—”
“Cam, please,” he said. “This is important.”
“Uh. So is my baby,” she said, and wished she didn’t sound so uncertain about something she felt so strongly. And then she frowned. “Why don’t you wait tables?”
“I’m manager on duty,” he said. “I’m in the office.”
“So am I whenever I’m there,” she said. “I do both. Dad, you used to wait all the time. If it’s a crisis I’m sure you can manage to face customers for a while.”
Silence for a moment, and she wondered if the phone had cut out. And then his voice came through. “What has gotten into you lately, Camio?”
She frowned a little. “What are you talking about?”
“Never mind. I don’t have time for this.” And he hung up without another word, leaving her baffled, anxiety building in her belly. She thought about calling him back, maybe apologizing. But Frater Imperator was still in the living room, and she thought maybe he took priority, so she headed back in.
“Everything okie-dokie?” asked the most powerful man in the Ministry of Satan.
“Uh, yeah,” she said, and shook her head. “Sorry. Movie? I’ll watch a movie. Although I might have to leave when…”
When Omega came back and she could be driven to the diner. Except…this was her day off, scheduled. Two days off a week was not a lot to ask for, after all, and she hadn’t been wrong. Her father was perfectly capable of waiting tables. And she had at no point actually agreed to come in.
“Never mind,” she said then, and put her phone down. “I don’t have to leave. Let’s watch a movie.”
They sat and watched The Mummy, with Frater Imperator laughing loudly, and Cam feeling oddly like she was watching a movie with Leo or some other old friend. Some of the anxiety eased, at least, especially as her father did not call her back so presumably had it handled.
Halfway through, Terzo came into the room. Likely Omega was home, too, but he was off doing whatever Omega did, while Terzo came to sit next to her on the couch. He had a bag with him that he tossed onto the floor before he joined her, and soon he was flopped back, lounging on the couch. She was curled up, her feet on the cushion a few inches from his hip.
When the movie ended, Terzo turned to her. “We got you something,” he said then.
“Me?” she said. “I do have some stuff I should get from my place, but—what did you get me?”
He reached down for the bag. “We stopped by the diner and asked Leo for his opinion, too,” he said. “So this is from several of your friends, so it can never have a bad association.”
“Stop explaining and show me,” she said with a laugh.
“Okay,” he said. And then from inside the bag he drew out a large plush possum.
She stared at it for a moment.
“I thought you wouldn’t want a bear anymore,” he said, “after your—after what happened before. And Leo said you like possums, and—”
“That’s for me?” she asked, baffled and amazed.
“It’s for you,” he said. “Or the baby if you don’t want it, but—oof!”
The last came out because Terzo suddenly had an entire pregnant person launch themself at him in a hug, and he caught them, almost falling back.
“Sorry,” she said, breathless, as she pulled back. “I forgot your balance isn’t that good.”
“You know what?” he said. “My balance can get fucked. Here.” He shoved the possum at her. “From me, Leo, and Omega. And Copia, if you want. He didn’t help, but you know what, I’m feeling generous, he can have some of the credit.”
Cam looked at the possum. “You got me a possum.” It had big embroidered eyes and extremely dopey-looking felt teeth framing an open mouth. “A screaming possum.” It was not pretty or elegant or classic. It was even a bit lopsided. “This is so much better than the bear.” And she hugged the stupid-looking plushie.
“What bear?” Copia asked, leaning over to look at the possum.
“Never mind that,” Terzo said. “It was a shitty bear. A bear Cam is better off without. I’m glad you like it, amico mio.” She had never seen him with such a smile.
Chapter Text
It was a very large house, so in theory, having Copia and Cam there with him shouldn’t have made a difference. They should all be able to avoid each other easily.
But they didn’t.
Instead, Terzo kept finding himself in a room full of people, talking and laughing. Whether having meals together, or watching a movie, or playing Scrabble, they all kept finding themselves very much together. Sometimes Omega was with them. Sometimes Leo showed up, and he genuinely didn’t know if Leo was there for Cam or Omega or both. Not always, but on occasion, Ash and Bog joined them as well. Once Terzo even played his guitar for the whole group, and they all sang along, and it was so obnoxiously Sound of Music- level wholesome that it would have been sickening if he hadn’t adored every second.
Cam still went to work normally, and Terzo and Copia sat together and had long talks, and it was nice, but he was still very glad whenever she came home.
He still didn’t know how long Copia planned to stay, but about a week after Cam moved in, Copia finally gathered them all to see what was in all the suitcases. He made them both sit down in his room as he started to open suitcases.
“Man,” said Cam, “I see flare for the dramatic is a family trait.”
“It would almost have to be, amico mio,” said Terzo, slightly distracted by sitting next to her. She’d started showing a little bit, but now this week it seemed particularly obvious to him, belly protruding well past her flat chest. It was still pretty early, all things considered, not even halfway through the pregnancy, so maybe that was why he kept looking, and trying not to because he thought she might feel self-conscious about it.
Except she seemed oddly at ease about it. Copia had thoughtfully piled pillows on his headboard so the two of them could sit there, although Terzo had gotten one while Cam had gotten half a dozen or so. She leaned into them like some kind of spoiled prince, hand on her belly, and Terzo kept looking at her.
“Shush,” Copia said then, opening suitcases. “Are you ready?”
“We’ve been ready, fratellino, on with it,” Terzo said.
“Okay, well,” Copia said. “First.” He pulled out a black plush goat and set it down. “We need to start the new anti-pope off correctly.”
“It’s so cute!” said Cam, leaning forward to pick it up. “But it’s not baby-safe.”
Copia looked at her for a moment, then sighed. “Well, it’ll decorate their room until they’re older. It’s fine. Whatever. Anyway, more stuff.”
He pulled out several more plushies, some a little more connected to the Satanic theme than others, and Terzo had a feeling he’d just gone into a store and dumped several shelves into his basket.
“Secondo will have more toys later,” Copia added, and then got out another suitcase. This one was a little more varied. There were some baby clothes, including a onesie that said Future Pope with an upside-down cross printed on it, but also blankets and a few books, including one that Terzo recognized.
“Isn’t that—” Terzo said, reaching for it.
“Yes,” Copia said, handing it to him. “That was my copy.”
It was a slightly battered, slim little hardcover, labeled My First Satanic Bible in cheerful reds, with an illustration of a very friendly Satan sitting on his throne with cartoonish snakes and other creatures playing at his feet.
Terzo opened it and smiled. “I remember reading this to you,” he said.
He hadn’t known Copia was his brother, then. But in their teen years, Terzo and Secondo had spent a week every year at the Ministry’s main campus, ostensibly to learn how to be papas and to spend time with Nihil. In honesty, Nihil had mostly ignored them except the odd dinner, and the boys had been left to their own devices. But there had been a handful of children around, children of Siblings of Sin or Clergy or just adopted into the fold, and even then Terzo had liked little kids. He’d liked that they thought he was cool, with his guitar and sunglasses, but it was more than that. He’d liked teaching them, he’d liked all their little questions, he’d liked that they made him laugh. And Copia, even then, had somewhat cottoned onto him—two lonely boys in a busy place—and Terzo suddenly remembered a four-year-old Copia wedged in against him while Terzo opened the book…
“I hoped you might,” Copia admitted. “It was a long time before I realized that was you, you know. I just remembered a nice older boy reading it to me.”
The pages were a little loose in the binding, and Terzo turned them with care while Cam leaned over to look. Bright illustrations of Satan’s fall, a child-friendly explanation of the temptation of Eve, an outright psychedelic depiction of Satan rising up to fight against God someday, and a passage at the end encouraging the reader to question authority and consider joining Satan in the future battle.
“I think I had a version of this when I was little,” said Cam, “except I’m pretty sure mine missed the ‘question authority’ part.”
“I think that’s the part I took most to heart,” Copia said with a laugh.
“Yes,” Terzo said, closing the book, “but now you are the authority of the church.”
“And I hope people question me,” he said, earnestly. “Even you stubborn assholes. Anyway. I don’t seem to be having any babies soon, so I thought Papa Bambino should have it.”
“Fra—Copia,” said Cam, taking the book with care. “This is so sweet of you. Thank you.”
“Well, you know,” he said. “Doing my duty as uncle and as Frater Imperator. Now, the next suitcase…where the fuck is it?” he asked, and then he disappeared into the walk-in closet.
Terzo looked over at Cam and smiled a little. “He’s very excited about this,” he said.
“So is the baby,” Cam said.
“What do you mean?”
She shrugged. “I thought maybe I was starting to feel them move recently, but now I’m sure.”
Terzo’s eyes went wide. “Really? I read sixteen to twenty weeks is when it starts…”
“I’m at sixteen weeks,” she reminded him. “This baby read all the books and is right on schedule.”
He held out a hand, but didn’t touch her. “Can I feel?” He’d only done it once, touching her belly without asking, and he wouldn’t again—he had no right to her space.
“I don’t think you can feel it from outside yet,” she said. “Not for a while.”
“Oh.” He hesitated. “Can I anyway?”
Cam blinked at him, then shrugged. “If you want to, sure.”
Terzo scooted a little closer and put a hand on their belly. Sure enough it didn’t feel like much, but it was warm, and his hand curved so easily over it. “Well, piccolino,” he said to the baby he could neither see nor feel, “I’m glad you are reacting so well to your lord and master Satan, but maybe don’t worry too much about that stuff yet. Keep doing things like growing fingernails or whatever it is you’re doing at this stage.”
Cam laughed at that. “You know…I’m sorry I initially didn’t think you’d want to be very involved. I guess I just assumed you were doing a favor, but…”
“Never,” Terzo said, but glanced pointedly at the walk-in closet. Cam got the message and didn’t continue that line of thinking.
“You really read to Copia when he was little?” she asked, changing the subject.
“Oh, yes,” Terzo said. “He was cute back then. I wonder what happened,” he added, more loudly.
“Funny,” Copia said, coming back out with another suitcase.
By the end, Copia’s room was littered with baby things.
“We’re going to have to put together the nursery,” Terzo said. “Have you had any thought to what room you want the baby in?”
“The one next to mine,” she said, which he understood completely. It was also the one between her room and his.
“The furniture you ordered will be here today or tomorrow,” he said—delivery in a small, semi-rural Southern town was not as quick as in the city. “But today I’ll help the ghouls move stuff out of it. Maybe we can pick out paint today, yes?”
“Maybe,” she said. “I’ve got work this afternoon, though. Luckily I should just be in the office today. And if I get out soon enough I have this pregnancy support group thing someone mentioned, so I might try that after.”
“Will you have lunch here first, or at the diner?” he asked. “I could come in and have lunch with you if you want. Copia, too.”
Copia shrugged. “Might as well. Your kitchen ghoul set off the fire alarm twice yesterday, you know.”
“Yeah, but his pizza was worth it,” said Cam, starting to get up out of the pillow nest. “God. Do you think he’d make that again tomorrow? That was so fucking good.”
“Spotted the pregnant person,” Terzo teased.
She picked up one of the pillows and whacked him. “I’ll have you know I’ve always been a weirdo about pizza. We don’t serve it at the diner, and when I was a kid I wasn’t allowed to go to any other restaurants, so it was just cheap frozen pizza or nothin’.”
“Wait, what?” said Copia. “You weren’t allowed to go to restaurants?”
“Well, yeah,” she said, getting up and stretching. Her shirt rode up a little and Terzo stared at the exposed skin before realizing what he was doing and looking away. “Caroliner Diner was still new-ish and Dad didn’t want any of the competition to get anything over us. It’s fine now but the first fifteen years or so…”
“Yeah, but that seems a little extreme,” Copia said.
“Well,” they said, “it’s not just a restaurant, you know? It was Dad’s way of making it as a Satanist in town. But more than that, he built it for me, really.” They sat down again on the edge of the bed while they were talking. “I’ve known my whole life that my future was the diner. I started working there when I was a preteen, doing little stuff, and I waitressed and hosted through high school, and went to college for hospitality management, and then I came back and I’ve been manager ever since. And when Dad leaves, it’s all mine.”
“I suppose you’ll have to have another kid,” said Copia.
She blinked at him.
“One to be Papa, one to take over the restaurant after you.” He smiled at them. “Then everyone will be happy.”
Cam was quiet for a moment, thinking about that, then shrugged. “Whatever. I have to go get ready for work. Thank you so much for all the baby stuff.”
“Ah, of course,” he said. “Wait until Secondo visits, whenever he does. Wait to have a baby shower until after he comes by, because you might not need anything else, yes?”
“Sure,” said Cam with a smile. She hesitated. “Do I hug you? Is that okay?”
“Hugs are always okay,” said Copia, coming over and hugging them.
Terzo had hugged Cam several times, so he knew how nice it was. Maybe that’s why he felt a little surge of envy when he saw Copia doing so. Or maybe, he told himself, he was just annoyed at Copia’s insistence that Secondo would visit when Secondo still wasn’t even calling him.
Copia let Cam go, and she waved before heading out of his room again.
“I think you chose a good Prime Mover,” Copia said. “Devout, good sense. They really want this baby, too, not just for the glory of Satan.”
“They do,” Terzo said.
“And so do you,” Copia said.
“So do I,” agreed Terzo.
Copia looked at him for a moment, then sat down on the bed next to him as well. “You know…”
“What?” Terzo asked. His ear felt full on that side, a fact he hadn’t noticed until Cam had left, and even though he knew it wouldn’t help, he rubbed his temple.
“Nothing,” said Copia. “Just, you know. Cam made it sound like growing up to own a restaurant was a bit of pressure, I think.”
“Oh, it was not just the restaurant,” Terzo said, thinking about her utter perfectionism, but he thought about it a moment. “Although, yes, maybe also the restaurant.”
“I never thought about it, but you grew up knowing you would always be a Papa, or probably. I didn’t—I fought my way there, I wanted it. But…was that difficult?”
Terzo frowned a little, thinking of that. “Yes and no,” he said. “There was pressure, but there was also…” He paused a moment. He thought about developing an interest in architecture young and knowing immediately he had no future in it. He thought about how he’d thrown himself into music instead. “It meant I didn’t care about as many things. Which was good and bad. And then when I was no longer Papa, I didn’t really have any goals anymore.”
“Mm,” said Copia, thoughtfully. “Is that why you decided to take on a Prime Mover despite everything?”
He considered that a moment. “I don’t know. Maybe. I admit,” he said, “the baby is the first thing I’ve cared about in some time.”
“Well, then,” Copia said. “I’m happy for you.”
Terzo decided that was enough conversation, and got up to tell Ash that he wouldn’t need lunch today but to ask if he’d make more pizza for Cam later. Ash was so excited about the rave reviews for his cooking that the fire alarm went off without anything to cause it, and Terzo was left with a bout of tinnitus but a very happy ghoul.
He sat with Omega for a while after that, to wait to take Cam to work. And as he did, he thought about the pressure Cam had all her life, and the restaurant looming in her future. And he thought about the teeny-tiny little onesie that said Future Pope so boldly across the front.
Chapter Text
Work was fine—dealing with invoices, working through some applications and the schedule. The only thing Cam didn’t like was that for the past week or so, ever since she’d said no to taking on a shift, she had the feeling her father was avoiding her. They were never close, but it was not a great feeling to walk into the office and have him immediately leave for the day.
But that was a problem for later. If he wasn’t willing to be a grown-up and talk to Cam, she saw no reason to worry about it, not at the moment.
She finished work early enough to go to that pregnancy support group. It was in the Baptist church, but she’d been there before for other events and hadn’t caught on fire yet. Omega drove her and promised to come get her in an hour when it was done. She headed in feeling cheerful.
She knew a few people in the church basement already, and most of them at least recognized her—reputation being what it was. Everyone was friendly, at least.
“Look at your bump, Cam!” exclaimed Megan, who had been two grades below Cam. “How far along are you?”
“Sixteen weeks,” she said. “You?”
“Twenty! Oh, our babies will be so close,” Megan said happily. “Oh, Cam, come meet Joelle. She’s new to town. Joelle, this is Cam Sinclair. She’s the one I was telling you about.”
Joelle shook her hand with perfectly manicured fingers. “Hi…oh, goodness,” she said.
“What?” Cam asked, suddenly self-conscious.
“I’m sorry,” Joelle said with a laugh. “I don’t mean to stare, but you’re so brave!”
Cam blinked at her, uneasy now. “Brave for what?”
“It must be so hard getting pregnant after cancer like that,” Joelle said. “Knowing you’ll miss out on certain things…”
Cam was even more baffled, but Megan caught on quickly.
“No, no, no,” Megan said. “Cam didn’t have cancer.”
Now Joelle looked confused, and Cam realized.
“Oh!” she said, and glanced down. Of all the days to wear a fitted t-shirt. “The chest. Uh. No, those were voluntarily removed.”
Joelle raised her eyebrows at that, and Cam braced herself for a comment, but thankfully before one was made, the leader came in and clapped her hands.
“Hey, ladies!” she said, making Cam wince inwardly even as they were glad the attention was off of them. “Get a drink and come sit down.”
What followed was the least comfortable hour Cam had endured since finding out they were pregnant, and that included the post-car accident pelvic exam with Terzo in the room.
In addition to the constant misgendering-by-inclusion that Cam had sort of expected whenever the group was addressed, there were other things, little things. None of it ill-meant, none of it aimed at her, so Cam said nothing.
She said nothing when the leader led a prayer to the Christian god, thankfully not noticing Cam looking ahead while everyone’s heads were bowed.
She said nothing when someone expressed anxiety about not being able to breastfeed and several other people assured her that it would be fine, it came naturally.
She said nothing during a laughing discussion about decorating rooms, all pink and frilly for girls, all blue and sports for boys.
And she said nothing when a young woman gushed about how pretty she felt, how being pregnant was the most feminine someone could be, the very purpose of her existence as designed by God.
Or something like that, anyway. At that point, Cam wasn’t sure they were entirely in their body. Their body, with its surgically-created flat chest and its rounding pregnant belly. Their body, with eyeliner and the big long curls because it was only okay to be who they were if they didn’t shove it in everyone’s face, whatever that meant.
After the meeting Omega drove them back to Terzo’s house, and Cam was quiet in the back of the car. They could feel the baby moving a little, and took some comfort in that. The baby was healthy, and Cam loved that baby. Cam certainly didn’t mind housing the baby, but hated the sudden knowledge that people looked at Cam and saw only baby-creating real estate, as it were.
And were they a bad parent now, for wanting to be something more? For top surgery two years ago, for—for going by a neutral name, even, for not wanting to be called a woman? Were they just fussy for it, as they’d feared all this time? Were they even really nonbinary enough to feel like this?
As they got home, though, they just felt the weight of all of it. Who they were, who they had been.
Prom queen, homecoming queen, waitress, boss babe who ran all those volunteer programs…Cam had a duty to be feminine, to keep looking pretty. Performance, always performance. Their chest was tacitly permitted by Farthing as a whole, in part because Cam hadn’t asked opinions, hadn’t wanted opinions, but also because it was easy enough to ignore. Because Cam might have ruined something they felt entitled to, but at least she was still doing her job, her role, the dutiful daughter of the Sinclairs and of Farthing…
When they got home they shoved into the house, ignoring Terzo asking how it had gone. They made their way upstairs and to their bathroom. There they stared in the mirror for a moment. All they saw was eyeliner, lipstick, big pink curls and a woman, a woman they didn’t want to look at, a woman who wasn’t them.
They took off their shirt, trying to take some comfort there, as they often had before. Traced their fingers along the top surgery stars, poked at the half-sensitive nipple they’d left in place because Peter had wanted—
Fucking Peter. Why had Peter had any say in what she did? Why did the entire town get to decide who and what Cam was? What did they know about Cam?
Did Cam even know? Who the fuck was Cam?
They fumbled with the drawers on the vanity until they pulled out the scissors they’d packed. For years Cam had trimmed their own hair, always keeping it past their shoulders. But now they stared at the big pink curls they’d used as a shield for so long, and with a deep breath, grabbed a coil and chopped it off.
As soon as it fell into the sink, Cam knew they fucked up. Now they still had huge hair, except with one piece near their temple conspicuously missing.
“Fuck,” they said, and tried to cut a matching piece on the other side, which was a mistake, because now they just looked stupid. And then they let out a wail of despair and tossed the scissors in the sink, metal rattling against porcelain, not sure what to do—
And then a knock came on the door. “Cami?” came Terzo’s voice, and he sounded anxious. “Cami, are you okay? You sound—are you hurt?”
“I’m fine!” she called back, and stared in the mirror, and felt her lip start to wobble. “You,” she said to the bump visible below her scars. “You need to stop making me cry so much.”
The bump did not respond, but Terzo did.
“Omega said you were upset. Can I come in? Are you okay?”
“For fuck’s sake,” she said, and went to open the door. “Fine, yes, I’m fine,” she said, flinging the door open. “I just spent the last hour hearing about how I’m divinely feminine and how I’m useless for cutting my tits off so I can’t feed the baby and now I made my hair ugly and—and—” She cut off with a sob. “And now I’m crying again.”
Terzo looked at her for a moment, and that’s when she realized.
“…and I just answered the door for you while not wearing a shirt,” she said. “I’m sorry—”
“As you observed,” he said, “the only tits you have are on your apron downstairs. Don’t worry about it.” He reached up to touch the missing chunk of hair. “This, though…”
“I know,” she said with a groan. “I just—I’m so sick of it. I’m sick of performing. Just like you said. Everything in my life…”
Terzo was quiet for a moment. And then he grabbed her hand. “Come,” he said. “I know what to do.”
“I’m glad somebody does,” she said, and let him lead her out of the room. “Where are we going?”
“Come on,” he said, and then, for the first time, led her to his room. It was bigger than hers, with rich dark furniture and purple velvet curtains, but they didn’t stay long enough for her to look around. Instead, he led her to the back, where his own attached bathroom was.
His bathroom was massive, with a tub the size of a small car. He sat her down at the built-in vanity, flipped a switch to turn on some movie star-style lights around the mirror, and then went over to his cabinet.
He came back with a pair of clippers.
“How much?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“How much do you want gone?” he asked, and then he ran his hand over the top of her head. “Do you want to keep some of the curls and just cut the sides? Or should I just buzz it all off?”
She stared at him in the mirror, standing behind her. His own black hair was showing gray roots, she noticed absently. He wore the dark makeup around his eyes a priest of Satan was expected to wear, when not performing rites. And then her eyes drifted to herself, scarred and imperfect.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “What do you think?”
“It doesn’t matter what I think,” he said.
She opened her mouth to disagree, but he interrupted.
“Whose hair is this?” He reached up and tugged very lightly, almost playfully, on a few locks of soft pink hair, straightening the curl and letting it bounce back like a spring.
She bit her lip. “Mine.”
“Then whose opinion matters?”
Cam was silent for a long moment, staring in the mirror. And then she said, “Shave it all down.”
He didn’t ask if she was sure, he didn’t make a joke, he didn’t say anything. He just fitted a guard onto the clippers, and turned them on.
Cam watched in the mirror at first, the sight of him moving, his mouth drawn into a serious line as he concentrated. The sight of her hair dropping down, onto her shoulders, onto her belly. For a moment she was afraid, and didn’t know why, and then she did know why—she could picture the reaction when she showed up to work, not looking like the pretty sunny waitress. Not looking like the perfect little Satanist who set everyone at ease.
And then Cam felt the baby move and closed her eyes.
It didn’t matter, she reminded herself. She didn’t owe anyone perfection, she couldn’t be perfect. And she found herself remembering Satanic doctrine, which promised full ownership of the self. She found herself taking a deep breath and almost shook her head to rid herself of her fears.
“Stay still, amico mio,” said Terzo quietly. “I am happy to clip your hair off, but not your ears.”
Cam smiled a little at that.
“There we are. Your skull is shaped well,” he remarked, running the clippers along the back of her head. “It is almost a shame everyone has missed it for so long.”
That made her laugh.
“What did I tell you about staying still?” he scolded.
Still, despite his concerns, she could feel him moving carefully. Tracing the shape of her head with the clippers, moving slowly so he didn’t nick the skin. His hands were so delicate, so careful.
“They’re such small ears, too,” he remarked as he folded one out of the way a bit. “You don’t notice with all that hair. Do you ever wear this earring?” he asked, poking briefly at her cartilage.
“Not often,” Cam admitted. “I got it in college, but with the pink it seemed like too much.”
“Nothing about you is ever too much,” he said quietly. “Turn around, caro.”
She turned in the seat, and he ran the clippers more easily over the top of her head, his hand light on her chin, turning her face this way or that. And then he turned the clippers off.
“One moment,” he said. “Keep your eyes closed.”
She did as he said, and heard him move away for a moment, and then he was back, his fingers gentle on her face as he smoothed a makeup wipe over her skin, cool and soft. Lifting the sweat-faded foundation, the eyeliner, the carefully filled in eyebrows. And then she felt his fingers brush over her shoulders, over her scalp.
“Turn around again,” he said quietly. “And open your eyes.”
Cam turned back towards the mirror and took a breath. No hair and no makeup, and for a moment she fully expected to see something awful, to realize the depths of her mistake.
But then she opened her eyes and all she saw was…
Cam.
He hadn’t buzzed to the skin, and a bit of her natural hair color showed, but mostly it was still pink. Her face was bare, her skin uneven, brows patchy, eyelashes soft. The small ears he’d commented on, the chin he’d held. Below that, the flat chest, and below that, the gentle swell of her belly, already streaked with stretch marks and, she knew, soon to be bigger and more marked.
“Bellissimo,” said Terzo, softly, looking at her from behind, his mismatched eyes focused on her face.
“What does that mean?” she asked, too distracted by the Cam in the mirror to try to tease out a meaning herself.
“It means handsome,” he said, and ran his hand over her scalp. “Very handsome.”
Cam closed her eyes at the touch, feeling his fingers. If she’d had a lover, she knew suddenly—a real lover, a proper lover—they’d touch her like this. They would delight in the velvet-softness, they would let her feel their fingers everywhere. Maybe rasp their nails over her scalp, and for a moment she could imagine it so vividly that it frustrated her that Terzo wasn’t—
But she remembered in time that it was Terzo doing it, and opened her eyes again. Still her in the mirror. Her, and him, looking back at her.
Her head felt lighter. But so did her shoulders.
“Thank you,” said Cam softly.
“Of course,” he said. “Cami…”
Her eyes drifted to him in the mirror again. “Yes?”
Terzo took a deep breath, then let it out again. “You’ll want to use your own shower to rinse all this hair off of you,” he said finally, trying to brush a little more off her shoulders. “Not mine. That way I can sweep all this up.”
“Right,” she said, straightening up. “Yeah. Um.” She got up, and started to the door, then stopped. “Italian is gendered, right?”
“Alas, yes,” he said. “And I am sorry, because I know you aren’t.”
“No, but I mean…” She considered. “You’ve always used masculine terms with me, never feminine ones.”
“I know,” he said. “Again, I am sorry—”
“No,” she said. “Don’t be.” She smiled wryly. “I’m neither, but everyone else defaults to feminine and probably always will.”
“I know,” he said. “That’s sort of why I go for masculine. I thought maybe in a way it balanced things out.”
That had been exactly what Cam was going to say, and they smiled at that.
“Cam,” he said then. “You know that what people call you, what people think of you—”
“I know, I know,” they said. “It doesn’t change who I am on the inside and all that.”
“Not what I was going to say,” he said. “I was going to say you can correct them.”
Cam hesitated, then sighed. “There’s no point, not really,” she said. “Look, yes. Perfectionism is part of it. But I also know that no matter what I do, how I look, people are never going to see me as me, and arguing with them the whole time is just not worth it. But…” Cam looked past him again to the mirror, bare to the waist. “But that doesn’t mean I have to be what they want me to be, either. I can just be me. I think. Right?”
“I hope you will be,” he said, voice soft and earnest.
“People will…some people won’t like it,” she said, a little anxiously. “Especially…I’m…I have a place in this town and I’m rejecting it bit by bit. When is it too far? How do I stop before I lose people?”
Terzo was quiet for a moment, a long moment. She almost apologized, more out of habit than anything. But then he spoke.
“Your place in the town,” he said, “is a pedestal with your name on it. And they expect you to stand there, day in and day out. But you were never made of stone, amico mio, and they should not have expected you to be.”
She tilted her head, trying to process that, slightly distracted by how light her head felt with the new cut. “What?”
He smiled a little. “You’re chipping away at the Cam Sinclair that people think they love, and finding the real Cam Sinclair beneath. If you lose people along the way, is that so bad? Do you want to be loved for what you do for them, for what you mean to them, for what you represent? Or do you want to be loved?”
She looked up at Terzo, startled.
“Leo will stand by you,” he continued then, and then he turned to the vanity, and started brushing pink strands onto the floor for later sweeping. “And his family. And I hope your family. Who cares what some random people in the restaurant think, eh?”
“Yeah,” Cam said, watching him. “Yeah. The people who matter, the people who know me…” She hesitated. “Terzo?”
“Yes?” he asked, looking up.
For a brief moment there was another question in the air, but one she couldn’t grasp, like a melody where she didn’t know the words. All this talk of love and people who knew her, and how he had never used feminine terms, and how he had just stepped in when she needed him to, all of it seemed to hover there, just out of reach.
She looked down and sighed. “I think I’m going to have the baby call me Mama. I wasn’t sure before. I wasn’t sure I wanted a gendered term, but…it’s not gendered, or it doesn’t have to be.” She looked back up at him. “A pregnant person isn’t always a woman, no matter what they said at that stupid group. Neither is a Mama. It’s just…me.”
“If that’s what you want, then that’s what it is,” he agreed. He was quiet for a moment. “I called the one who raised me Mamma. She didn’t birth me, but she was my Mamma all the same. I don’t think things have to mean what everyone else thinks they mean. You define yourself.”
“Yeah,” she said. “Yeah. You’re right.” She hesitated. “What do you want to be called?”
“Me?” he said. And he smiled a little. “Well, I’ve been Papa before, haven’t I?” He paused, and then smirked. “I have had a few people call me Papi and Daddy, too, but not in this context.”
She burst out laughing.
“I don’t know yet,” he said, smirk softening. “But I will decide. You go shower,” he said then, and made a shooing motion with his hands. “You’re sprinkling hair all over the floor. Did I get a cat when I wasn’t looking? What is this?”
Cam laughed again, and turned to head back to her own bathroom. She showered, washing the excess hair off her body, using her nails over her scalp to rid herself of more strays. Her skin there was so sensitive, and a little raw from the clippers even with the guard, and she smoothed conditioner over all of it and thought to herself that bottles of shampoo would last a lot longer now.
After the shower, Cam looked in the mirror again, and saw only Cam looking back.
Chapter Text
Cam’s new ly buzzed hair did prompt a bit of a reaction. Leo complimented it about a dozen times the first day. Some of her regulars did, too, although a lot of them just told her how daring it was. She did get one or two bless your hearts that she knew were thinly-veiled digs. Her father didn’t recognize her at first and almost told her to leave the office before he realized it was his own child he was talking to, and then he blinked at her a moment, before he shrugged, said something about the schedule, and left.
But after the first few days, no one cared.
Amazingly.
Granted, Cam did still wear some makeup to work. She liked it, and maybe she wasn’t ready to get rid of every performance. But it didn’t matter, not really. Every time she saw herself in the mirror, she was pleasantly surprised to see herself there.
A few weeks after h is arrival , Frater Imperator—Copia—left. Cam rode along to see him off at the airport, and gave him a hug. “Fly safe,” she said.
“Satan is with me and all that,” he said, flapping a hand vaguely. “Take care of yourself.”
And then it was Terzo’s turn, and the two brothers hugged hard.
“Thank you again for all the things, fratellino,” said Terzo. “I’ll send you updates as we go on.”
“You’d better,” Copia said.
He left for his gate, muttering to himself.
“I’m gonna miss him,” remarked Cam as she and Terzo got back into the car with Omega. “He’s a nice guy. Are your other brothers that nice?”
Terzo seemed to consider that for a moment. “Yes,” he said. “Sort of. Although Primo hates people calling him nice. And I don’t know Perpetua very well. We didn’t really know about him until recently. And Secondo…well, never mind Secondo for now.” His voice was grim.
“Wow,” said Cam, because he clearly didn’t want to talk about Secondo. “Your dad really did get around. Maybe you have more secret siblings who had babies, and you’re off the hook for a Prime Mover after all.”
“That’s okay,” said Terzo. “We’re good with this for the moment.”
The nursery was painted now, a soft blue, and Cam had picked out decals of clouds and a hot air balloon so it looked like a storybook sky. The window overlooked the back yard and the pond where Bog lived. (The first time Cam had seen them emerging from it one hazy evening had been an experience, but now they were almost used to it.) There was a crib and a changing table and a dresser, and several shelves and drawer units to hold all the stuff this baby was being spoiled with already.
Cam was settling in, too. Most of their stuff had been moved in now, although their furniture remained in the house. But the closet was full of their clothes, and their TV was in their bedroom along with their books and movies, although just as often they went out to watch stuff with Terzo and whichever ghouls were hanging around.
Leo was around a lot, too, which was not unusual for Cam, except that he was not there just for her. Sometimes Cam wouldn’t even know he was over until she stumbled upon him and Omega in the living room, cuddled up on the couch while they watched a baking competition. Sometimes the pair would notice and invite Cam, which was nice, but just as often they didn’t notice any intrusion, because as far as they were concerned, no one else existed.
It was sweet.
It was also a little painful.
Cam did not begrudge Leo finding romance, nor Omega. But it hurt to go back to her room alone, sometimes. Yes, her sex drive was still pretty high, but worse was the way her skin craved contact, the way it got less comfortable to lay on her back but laying on her side just made her wish someone were there wrapped around her.
At least she had the plush possum, imbued with friendship, which meant more to her than she would have ever expected. At night she slept with it, clung to it so hard that in the morning her arms would have red speckles where its textured fur had embossed itself into her skin overnight.
And every morning, Ash came in with her breakfast. And most days, she caught a ride to work with Omega. And many evenings, she played board games with Terzo and sometimes some ghouls and not infrequently Leo. Maybe it wasn’t perfect, but it was nice. It was very nice.
Cam was now twenty weeks along and buzzing with excitement as they got ready one morning, because after work they had an ultrasound appointment. They weren’t worried about the results of the anatomy scan—having a quintessence ghoul around to monitor the situation had them pretty relaxed about the whole thing—but this would be the first time since that first visit that they would see their baby on the screen.
Their work attire was a bit relaxed now, which was fine because they’d hired two new waiters and Cam could stick to managing for the most part instead of worrying about the uniform. Spending a few minutes in a maternity shop had been another brief nightmare of dysphoria, but it hadn’t been too hard to just get a bunch of stretchy pants and loose button-downs and that was more or less their new uniform at work. At home they still wore cotton dresses, especially in the August heat, although they never got too warm with Bog around. In fact, she had a feeling more dresses had materialized in her closet, but she wasn’t sure if it was Terzo or Omega or someone else responsible.
She’d stopped shaving her legs, finding it more awkward then not with the growing bump, and was delighted by how much she liked the little bits of fuzz. She wouldn’t let them show in public, but at home she bore her legs with, if not pride, at least willingness, and Terzo didn’t seem to mind. Not that it mattered what he thought, she reminded herself when she noticed herself wondering.
The morning before the ultrasound, Omega dropped her off at work as usual and she headed into the office .
“Hi, Dad,” she said as she took her bag off her shoulder, expecting him to just leave again as he usually did when she arrived. She wasn’t really sure what the problem was. She’d invited him and her mother over for dinner twice, and they’d declined, claiming to be “busy,” and did not respond with any invitations of their own. She’d had Leo’s parents over once, though. “Hey, before you go, are we going with the new vendor for fries? I was really unclear from the memo you left.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Schedule says you’re cutting out early again.”
“Not super early,” she said, “but yeah, I’ve got a medical appointment. Why?”
Her father looked at her for a moment, and glanced at the door like he might leave. And then he sighed. “Look,” he said. “I’m starting to think you aren’t committed to this restaurant, and I’m concerned about it.”
“What are you talking about?”
He shook his head. “You used to put in at least fifty hours, sometimes more, as well as doing your outreach and things on behalf of the church. Now?” He gestured to the schedule. “Now you’re barely here for forty hours. And you aren’t doing any of the volunteering or outreach that brought people to the restaurant and the church, either.”
“No,” she said, patiently. “Because I am literally incubating a small human, and if I overwork myself I will get sick or worse. I’m working full-time, what is the problem?”
“The problem,” he said, “is that I was thinking of retiring soon and giving you the diner.”
“You’ve been ‘thinking of retiring soon’ for about a decade,” she said.
“The point is, Cam, if you can’t commit to the restaurant, then maybe you shouldn’t have it.” He frowned at her. “I don’t understand it. Your mother still worked all hours as a teacher when she was pregnant and after she had you, and I didn’t let fatherhood get in the way of building this restaurant. It’s the most successful business in Farthing and that didn’t happen by sticking to an easy schedule. And I’m trying to be understanding, especially since pregnancy is a protected class, but is this what it’s going to be now? You have this child and you stop caring about the restaurant?”
She stared at him for a long moment, baffled. “Do you think work should be more important than my baby?”
“I’m not saying that,” he said.
Cam was quiet for a moment, waiting for him to say more. But he didn’t. He just stood there, frowning at her.
“Hey, Dad,” she said. “What was my favorite book as a child?”
His frown shifted to something more confused. “What?”
“What was my favorite stuffed animal?” she asked.
He sighed and ran his hands over his hair. “If you’re trying to tell me I’m a bad father for not remembering details, do I need to remind you that I built this whole restaurant for you? That I put in the hours because I wanted you to have a secure job, a secure life? I wasn’t doing this for myself.”
Cam sighed. “Look, forget it. I’m not canceling my appointment tonight just because you think I should be a workaholic.” She pulled out the office chair and sat down at the desk.
“Cam—”
“I have a lot of stuff to get done,” she said, typing her password into the computer. “Have a good rest of your day.”
Her father hovered a moment in the doorway. “Was it Cat in the Hat?” he asked.
She looked up. “What?”
“Your favorite book. Was that it?”
“No,” she said, and turned back to the computer. “Bye.”
Her father lingered a little longer, then sighed and turned to go. And then he stopped and looked back. “What’s your favorite book now?”
Cam blinked at the screen, then turned to him. “What?”
“What—what’s your favorite book now?” he asked.
“I…uh…” She considered. “Sunshine by Robin McKinley, I guess.”
“Oh,” he said.
“It’s about vampires,” she added helpfully.
“Oh.” He paused a moment longer. “Bye,” he said, and left.
Cam wasn’t sure how to process all of that, so she just did her work. Fought with the computer’s ancient software, handled customer complaints, managed a dispute between two waiters. The normal stuff. But when it was time to go, she was relieved.
She was going to go see her baby today. She was going to meet her baby in a few months. And someday, when the baby reached thirty-eight years of age, Cam was going to remember their fucking childhood.
Chapter Text
“Okay, just to be clear,” said Cam beside Terzo as they lifted up their shirt, “I do not want to know the sex of the baby.”
“Got it,” said the tech.
This time Terzo didn’t wait to hold their hand, just took it as soon as they were laying down on the table. It was small and soft in his, a fact that must have been true before and yet he hadn’t quite remembered.
The process was the same, and yet different. There was a lot more belly to spread gel on, for one thing, and Cam—while still friendly with the tech—was not quite the same. More calm about it, less concerned with making a good impression. They were just watching the screen, hand tense in his, not with fear but with excitement.
And Terzo felt different, too. Because yes, he was here to support Cam, but he was looking forward to the image just as much as they were. He still thought about the little static alien from the first one, and maybe part of him was still expecting that.
So he was pretty startled when the screen showed him a baby.
A defined head, a spine, legs curled up. Briefly he could even see the outline of a button nose and perfect little profile. The image moved and raised a hand as well, as if waving through the ultrasound wand.
“Hello, piccolino,” he said without thinking, raising his free hand to wave back at the screen.
Next to him, Cam let out a breathless laugh, and when he glanced at them, they were riveted to the screen.
“Look at them,” Cam said, squeezing his hand.
The tech didn’t say a lot, moving the wand for different angles, but now and again pointed out internal organs, and arms, and legs, though mostly she was just taking measurements and checking on things herself.
Terzo barely heard anything she said. Some of that, of course, was his hearing issues and a soft but not terrible ringing. In part it was because he was not worried, not with Omega being able to give updates on the baby’s health as things went on. But most of it was because he was so distracted by the image on the screen.
“Look, Cami,” he said suddenly, accidentally cutting off the ultrasound tech mid-sentence. “You can see the baby’s foot.”
“I know!” Cam said, squeezing his hand. She was grinning, and without all the hair it was a prettier smile than ever, somehow, as if she’d been hiding parts of it before, either in her hair or her expectations for herself. He smiled back at her for a moment.
“Okay, well,” said the tech.
“Sorry,” Terzo said, realizing too late he’d interrupted her speaking.
“It’s all right. I know it’s very exciting. The upshot is, he’s looking very healthy. Congratulations. You’ll have your follow-up in a few days to talk in further detail.”
“Thank you,” Terzo said. “Oh, Cami, he’s…oh,” he said, realizing, and shot a sharp look at the ultrasound tech, but she didn’t seem to notice her mistake. And then he looked at Cam, who was looking back at him with a resigned look. “Ma’am, we had asked not to hear the baby’s sex.”
“Oh!” said the tech. “Oh, you did. I’m so sorry. Well, at least now you know what color to paint his room.” Cheerfully she started wiping the gel off of Cam’s stomach. “I’ll have your print-outs ready for you, don’t worry.”
“We already painted the room,” Cam said. “Blue. Which is gender-neutral. Because all colors are.”
“Well, that sounds very nice,” said the tech, not getting it. “Excuse me a moment.” She slipped out of the room.
Terzo let out a heavy, frustrated sigh. “I’m so sorry, caro,” he said.
“We were going to find out eventually, I know,” Cam said, “obviously. And it doesn’t really matter, in the end. I just…there are already going to be all these expectations on the baby, I wanted something to be a mystery still, I guess.”
Terzo looked at her a moment, then reached up and ran his fingers lightly over their short hair. “I know.”
Cam shook her head then and started to sit up. “It doesn’t matter. He’s there. He’s not old enough to tell us who he is yet, and someday we might find out the baby is a they or a she or something else. And…” She smiled. “And he’s cute. I think he’s cute. Did you think he was cute?”
“I thought he was very cute,” Terzo agreed. “The baby will look great in the giraffe onesie.”
Cam grinned at that, then let go of his hand and hugged him. “Thank you so much for being here, Terzo.”
“Of course,” he said, hugging them back firmly. “Where else would I be?”
When they headed out, he suggested they go to a restaurant— not the Caroliner Diner—to celebrate, and it was a wonder that Omega agreed that he could go and get Forbidden Food from somewhere, instead of sticking to his low-salt diet. Cam suggested they pick up Leo on the way, and soon the four of them were headed to a pit barbecue joint in the next town over while Leo looked at print-outs from the scan.
“Have you guys talked about names yet?” Leo asked when he handed them back. “Or is that a secret?”
“Not really,” Cam admitted, glancing at Terzo. “No secret, just no plans yet.”
“You’re not going with, I don’t know, Terzo Junior?” Leo asked.
Cam cackled at that. “And then the generation after can be Terzo the Third or, in Italian, Terzo Terzo. Perfect.”
“I don’t have enough of an ego to name some helpless children after myself,” Terzo added. He kept wanting to hold Cam’s hand again, which was probably from all the excitement, but much worse was that he kept catching himself reaching for their hand.
“Leo’s a good name,” Leo said.
“Omega’s a good name,” Omega offered.
“Absolutely not,” said Cam.
“How about Legion?” Leo offered wickedly.
Cam groaned. “I can’t believe my parents gave me that for a middle name. Camio was already a demon name, did they have to go that far out?”
“Could have been worse,” Terzo said, thinking about obscure demons from his studies. “Pruflas would be pretty awkward to run around with as a name.”
“Lord of Flies is a pretty unwieldy option,” Cam offered, and both of them started to laugh.
It didn’t matter, Terzo thought, that his ear was ringing, that it was hot out. It didn’t even matter that after barbecue he might have some bad vertigo and need to spend the rest of the day resting.
Right now he was in a car headed to some good food, he was laughing with Cam and Omega and even Leo. Right now, just as he’d told Copia, he had something to look forward to.
The baby had waved to him, and he’d waved back.
Chapter Text
Summer faded away. Southern autumns weren’t much to talk about, unless you drove into the mountains. Sometimes if they got a cold snap, some of the leaves would turn brilliant reds and yellows, but this year they did not, so the foliage just turned brown and clung stubbornly to the branches. Cam still found the weather too warm, although part of that was because they had a wiggly little space heater attached to the front of their torso.
In theory, Terzo should be able to feel the baby move by now. Leo had. But every time Cam called Terzo over to touch their belly, the baby stopped moving.
“Little shit,” Terzo said the fourth time it happened, but he didn’t seem too upset about it.
Leo planned a baby shower, expecting a large turnout, but the day it happened was rainy and only six people showed up. Cam shrugged it off with a laugh and had fun anyway.
But after, she found herself thinking about how many baby showers she’d gone to and hosted, how many wedding showers and anniversary parties, how many favors she’d done for people in this town. And no, she had never asked for anything back, but it hurt to think that no one felt quite so moved to do the same for he r.
“I know why, though,” she said to Terzo when she admitted her hurt feelings to him, while he sat with her in the living room.
“And why is that, amico mio?” he asked.
It was late, and she should be in bed. But instead she was sitting in the living room with Terzo, slowly drinking a glass of decaf iced tea. Ash always made it a little different for every pitcher he brewed; this week’s version had lemon balm and local honey.
“I say no to stuff now,” she said. “I’m not waiting tables as much because I’m not taking on every missed shift, so people don’t see me as much at the diner. I don’t volunteer at the hospital or at the bake sale or the food shelf.”
“You think because they have not seen you as much for a few months, they have forgotten you?” Terzo suggested.
“No,” she said. “I’m still plenty visible. I go to Mass every Sunday and lunch after. I say hi at the grocery store and people still talk back to me. I go on walks in the park and pet people’s dogs.” She looked at him for a moment. “It’s because I’m not going out of my way to be everyone’s favorite anymore.”
Terzo nodded a little, and did not look surprised. “So what are you going to do?”
“Do?” she said, and shrugged. “Who gives a shit? Okay, I’m lying,” she said wryly. “I give a shit. It hurts to realize people only kept me around because I was useful, I guess. But I’m not going back to that. I don’t want to go back to that.”
“Good,” said Terzo, voice soft and warm. “Very good. You have people who love you still,” he reminded her. “And as for the baby shower, there is no shortage of things we have, and we can buy the rest, so that is no concern.”
“Didn’t Copia say one of your brothers was supposed to have a bunch of stuff for us?”
Terzo nodded a little, then sighed. “I have hardly heard from Secondo. Sometimes we email or text, and once he called me about something with his congregation, but we have not spoken much since I named you Prime Mover. If I call him he hurries to get off the phone. I wish I knew why. I’ve spoken to Primo more, he says he’s sending a gift closer to the due date, but Secondo I do not know.”
“I’m sorry,” said Cam. “You were close, too, right?”
“Very much so,” he said. “I am three months his junior, and we were very much like twins growing up. Mamma taught us to cook together, we went to school and music lessons together. We told each other everything. Even after retiring, faking our deaths, we have met up often, we used to speak regularly…”
“I’m sorry,” said Cam again, leaning forward, worried now.
But Terzo gave her a small smile and patted her hand. “It is not your fault, amico mio. I do not know why he’s keeping his distance now, but it has nothing to do with you.”
“Still,” said Cam. “I hope you two are able to figure it out sometime.”
Terzo shrugged a little. “I hope so, too. But if we cannot, well, sometimes that is life, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“One good thing,” he said then, “about your unpopularity.”
“What’s that?” she asked.
“Your ex-boyfriend hasn’t been haunting your diner in months. I think you told him off and he stayed told.”
She shrugged at that. “I mean, I was kind of insane about it, but also, he’s the school principal, and he does work with the city council, and all that other stuff. He doesn’t have time. But I’m glad anyway.”
Terzo took a breath, paused a moment as he considered what he might say, and then decided to go for it. “Do you miss him?”
Cam was quiet for a moment, listening to the odd yet familiar noises of the big house. The faint sloshing sound of Bog walking the hall, probably headed to Ash’s room. The clock on the mantle ticking like a heartbeat. Creaks and groans from the building itself, as though it were a living thing in its own right, settling in for the night like an old dog.
“I think…I think I miss what he could have been,” she said. “Maybe sometimes I do miss him, yeah. He was sweet to me, and he made me feel loved even if maybe I wasn’t really. There were little things he’d do or say, and sometimes something reminds me of him and I miss him. But mostly I miss caring about someone like that, I think. And I miss the sex.”
The last part was out before she could think about it, and immediately she realized she probably should have stopped a sentence sooner.
“Sorry,” she said quickly. “I would have said that to Leo but you and I—”
“There is no shame in it,” he said with a shrug. “And I have heard far raunchier in my time. Said it, too. Done plenty as well, now that I think about it.”
Cam laughed a little, embarrassment fading.
“Anyway, for your sake, I’m glad the sex was good even if the man attached to it wasn’t,” he continued philosophically. “I should hate to think you had to endure some clumsy fumbling and premature ejaculation and a secret relationship with someone who didn’t respect you.”
“I dunno,” she said. “Clumsy fumbling has its place. So does someone who’s so into you they come too fa…” She stopped. “Wow, okay, apparently Ash accidentally gave me the ‘overshare’ tea tonight. Sorry, Terzo.”
“I told you already I don’t mind,” he said with a shrug. “We’re friends, friends can talk about things. And you’re not wrong. Those have their moments, too. Still.”
Cam hesitated, but his calmness and the fact that she’d already overshared cut through her reservations. “Have you ever been with anyone in town? You said you and Omega weren’t involved like that.”
“No.”
“Not at all?” she asked.
“Who would I have been with?” he asked with a wry smile. “Someone from the church, I suppose, but that creates its own levels of difficulty. And so, too, does the fact that my ears are bad, and…” He trailed off a moment, thinking.
Cam didn’t interrupt, watching him gather his thoughts. Terzo spoke so fluidly, so confidently, but she had a feeling he did not often talk about this.
“And because when I was Papa, that was part of the show. I was sexual on stage, and I meant it. I never didn’t mean it, all that lust and excitement. I fingered the air, I flirted with the audience, I licked the microphone, because I wanted to. And of course backstage I kept going, I fucked my way through any number of willing people. But even then it was a performance, all of it. And I was removed and replaced as Papa, and then it was just…” He gestured vaguely, waving his hand in the air. “I knew if I had sex, they would expect that perfect seduction. And maybe they would get it. Perhaps that really was me. But I didn’t know. And I didn’t want to go into it with someone who expected Papa from the stage, and got…whatever I am now.”
“And what is that?” she asked quietly. “What are you now?”
Terzo shrugged. “I’m a mediocre priest, a guy with an ear condition, a man who didn’t know what he wanted for a very long time and has only recently found out.” And then his mouth curved into a small smile . “And, I suppose, I am a boy whose father was not there, a brother who loves his family, a hobby guitarist, and sometimes I think maybe I’m a good friend.”
“You are a good friend,” she said. “Can I ask you something personal?”
“Oh, please do,” he said, his voice lowering and his eyebrows rising in an over-the-top show of seduction, and she honestly couldn’t decide if it was funny or…actually kind of appealing.
“Your ear thing,” she said. “Does that actually affect your ability to have sex?”
He let out a noisy sigh. “I have never not had some problems with my ears, you must understand, caro,” he said. “And when I was on stage was both when I had the worst problems and when I had the most sex. But—yes. It can. ” He reached up to rub his ear a little, almost self-consciously. “It is… now it is managed. The stupid low-sodium, low-caffeine diet, as much as I hate it, renders it an annoyance mostly. But when I was performing still, yes, sometimes.” He dropped his hand back to his lap . “I would be having sex and suddenly move my head too hard and I would feel like the whole world was spinning. That happened a lot. I had to get off someone to throw up once.”
Cam winced sympathetically.
“Mostly, though, it just…” He sighed. “It wasn’t like it is now. Now at worse I have the ear-ringing, I can’t always hear, it hurts sometimes, I have moments where I feel unsteady on my feet. But it doesn’t last. At most I need to lay down and I’m better in the morning. But when it is bad, when it’s going for days, it is…I can’t think, I can’t concentrate. Nothing exists except pressure and ringing and dizziness. I didn’t want sex. I didn’t want to do anything except lie there and wait for it to end. And I had that a lot back then.”
Cam’s brow was furrowed as she listened. “And you still performed like that?”
“What else could I do?” he asked. “I had my duties but also…I did love it. I loved basking in all that love, I loved to sing, and it was what I was raised for. Or maybe I loved it because it was what I was raised to do—I didn’t know what else I could do. And so I certainly couldn’t stop just because sometimes I fell or threw up backstage.”
Cam shook her head. “That’s awful, though,” she said. “I wish…I wish you could have said no. I wish you could have found a way.”
“It’s okay, Cami. Really.” He reached out and took her hand then for a moment. “I’m okay now, or as okay as I’ll ever be. I hate the stupid diet, I would love to just sit around and eat Cheetos and Taco Bell for days, but I remember how on tour I would wolf down some fast food and spend the rest of the day feeling like I was being swarmed with cicadas.”
Cam winced. “Oh, there’s a mental image. I’m…I am glad you’re better.”
“I am, too,” he said with a sigh. “As for sex? I don’t know. I suppose I’d have to be careful not to bang my head around too much, but really, a lot of things can be done without that worry, if someone ever wanted to.”
“Fair enough,” she said.
They fell quiet again, a comfortable quiet. Somewhere in the house, a clock chimed a few times.
“I should probably get to bed,” Cam said with a sigh. “Thanks for talking, Terzo. I know it’s silly to have been so sad about the baby shower, but…”
“It’s not silly,” he said. “You were the town’s favorite, but for who you were not. Now you are yourself, and cannot be…pleasant…to find that maybe they don’t care as much for your real self as they do for what they saw before.”
“No,” she said. “But I’m starting to think it’s worth it.”
She got up, and so did he. As she did, she felt the baby moving and, without a word, grabbed his hand and put it on her belly.
“Ah!” he said, delighted. “Ah, I felt it that time! Hello, again, piccolino. Try not to keep your mamma up tonight with your antics, yes?”
Cam laughed and then, on a whim, she hugged him. “We’ll be fine,” she said.
When she pulled away he touched her belly again, spread his hand over it, feeling the movement again. “The one thing I do worry about, a little…”
“What’s that?” she asked.
“The baby,” he said. “I want to hold the baby, I want to take care of the baby. But I’m…if I’m holding the baby and I get vertigo, or something. What do I do?”
“Then you call someone,” she said. “It wouldn’t be pleasant, but if you called me or a ghoul right away…”
“I suppose so,” he said. “But I think…” He hesitated. “I think I will stop sneaking things. Barbecue trips. An extra espresso. A bag of chips. Because as it is now, it just gives me a little flare-up and it’s uncomfortable, but I can lay down for a day and take care of it. But I cannot…I won’t risk the baby, not even for a moment’s pleasure.”
Cam shrugged a little. “Don’t write checks you can’t cash, Terzo.”
His brow furrowed. “What do you mean?” he asked.
“I mean,” she said, “no one has ever looked at me like you look at a can of Pringles. And that’s okay. Just know when you’ve had some, that you’re gonna need more help the next day or so. Good night, Terzo.”
Terzo frowned at her a moment, then nodded. “Good night, Cami.”
She went upstairs without him, and the baby settled down, the motion of her walking lulling him back to sleep.
She wondered what it had been like for Terzo, to have all that energy on stage and then to have to recover for so long after. She wondered, without meaning to, just how many people he’d fucked, backstage or in hotel rooms.
She got into bed and thought about Peter again. And yes, sometimes she missed him, but so often she didn’t think about him.
The biggest problem was that, when she wasn’t distracted, she was still horny, and it was more annoying than fun. Especially since, as her belly grew, using her little bullet vibrator was starting to get a bit difficult, let alone trying to touch herself by hand. And honestly, sex with Peter had been good, but she wasn’t sure if she missed that or if she just missed having someone available to touch her s o she didn’t have to do it herself . It certainly didn’t have to be Peter.
Unbidden, she found herself thinking about that look on Terzo’s face.
Can I ask you something personal?
Oh, please do.
It wasn’t really aimed at her, she knew that. He was an accused and convicted flirt. He’d make that face at a tree in the right circumstances. But for a moment she let herself imagine someone looking at her like that, someone wanting her.
Had he always been so handsome? Oh, she’d known he was in the abstract, but had she ever realized it? She was always slow to notice these things, but somehow this still felt like a surprise.
At night sometimes she dreamed about sex, always vague and nonspecific, because she could never seem to put a face to a fantasy. But now on a whim, she let herself imagine Terzo for a moment. His hands and mouth and lithe body, and that voice of his, soft and rich and full of promise. It was almost alarming how seamlessly he fit into her fantasies.
If she’d been a real Prime Mover, she’d have the memory of a ritual to sustain her, at least. But she wasn’t, and she didn’t. She shook her head and went to get her vibrator, but found she’d forgotten to charge it so it wouldn’t turn on. Really, it was probably for the best. It was late, and she was tired. She plugged the damned thing in to its charger and went to bed.
She fell asleep thinking about that look on his face, and his voice, and how gentle his hands always were when he touched her.
Chapter Text
Terzo woke as usual to Ash bringing him some breakfast, a bowl of oatmeal with bananas and chocolate chips. Terzo started to pick up his coffee, then stopped.
“Ash,” he said. “Is this decaf?”
Ash looked bewildered. “No? Why would it be decaf?”
Terzo hesitated a moment. Would a cup really hurt?
But he remembered Cam saying, Don’t write checks you can’t cash.
“I’m going to switch to decaf,” he said. “We have plenty because of Cami. Do you mind, please, getting me a new cup?”
Ash shrugged. “Should I keep serving regular to your brother? He got a cup this morning, at least.”
Terzo blinked at him for a moment, wondering if his hearing had gone from missing words to actively hallucinating at some point. “My brother? Copia hasn’t been here in—”
“Not that brother. Your other one, the one who showed up this morning. I would appreciate if you would warn me when you’re having visitors, you know.”
“I’m not…I’m not supposed to have any visitors,” said Terzo, bewildered, and he threw on his pajama pants to go downstairs, bowl of oatmeal in hand, barefoot, feeling a little like a kid on Saturday morning taking his cereal to watch cartoons.
He followed Ash into the kitchen, and there was his guest. A man sat at the kitchen table, sipping coffee delicately. The overhead light glinted a little off his head.
“Secondo?” said Terzo, confused.
“Obviously,” said Secondo, putting the cup down. “I caught an early flight to avoid traffic,” he added, as though this had all been planned ahead, which Terzo was pretty sure he would have remembered.
Terzo nearly dropped his bowl but managed to set it on the table before launching himself at his brother, hugging him too hard. “What the fuck are you doing here, stronzo?”
“I came to support my little brother, obviously,” said Secondo, patting him on the back. “And this is the welcome I get!”
Terzo pulled back, stumbling back a little because that movement hadn’t done great things for his balance, and then glared at him. “You! You have hardly spoken to me for months!”
“You sound like Mamma, Satan embrace her soul,” said Secondo, but he looked away. And then, quietly, almost too quietly for Terzo, he muttered, “I…I did not know quite what to say.”
“What are you talking about?”
Secondo looked up at him and opened his mouth to say something, but then he fell quiet, and Terzo understood why a moment later when he noticed movement at the doorway and realized Cam had just walked in.
“Uh…hi,” said Cam.
Terzo was in his pajama pants and no shirt or shoes, hair a mess and chest hair on full display. S o it was rather rude of Cam to be dressed, looking relatively put-together in a jersey dress that clung to their round belly. They didn’t wear makeup this morning , but they were flushed from morning, lips parted in confusion, and for a moment they looked so lovely he was left blinking in silence, as though dazzled in a sudden bright light.
“I am going to guess,” said Secondo, “that you are my brother’s Prime Mover.”
“What gave that away?” asked Cam. “Secondo, right? I recognize you from when you were Papa.”
Secondo bowed his head slightly, gracefully as a king, and Terzo wanted to smack him because he was pretty sure he could never pull that off.
“Secondo,” Terzo said instead. “This is Camio Legion Sinclair.”
“You know, you really don’t need to be telling people my middle name,” she said. “You can call me Cam.”
“Cam it is, then,” said Secondo.
“Decaf,” announced Ash, putting down a cup for Terzo.
“Decaf?” repeated Secondo.
“Yes,” said Terzo, sitting down at the table. “It’s a process by which they remove the caffeine from the beans—”
“I know what decaf is, idiota,” said Secondo. “But why are you drinking it?”
“Because,” Terzo said, and glanced at Cam, “I have this ear condition, remember? Caffeine is a trigger.” He remembered his oatmeal and pulled it over, hoping it was still hot.
“Oh,” said Secondo, and thought about that. “Well, good for you.”
“Well,” said Cam, “I just came down to put my dishes away, I’ll leave you alone.”
“No, no,” said Terzo, straightening up. “Come, sit. This is your house.”
“It’s okay,” she assured him. “I need to get ready for work anyway and your brother just got here. Nice meeting you,” she added with that friendly ‘Farthing welcome wagon’ smile that she couldn’t quite break free of.
“You as well,” said Secondo.
Cam slipped away, and Terzo watched her go, then looked back at Secondo. He thought about calling him out again for not talking to him, thought about asking him to clarify what the hell his non-explanation had meant, but he did neither. He ate his slightly coagulated oats. “How was your flight?”
“You don’t give a shit about my flight,” Secondo said. “As you shouldn’t. It was boring. So you’ve got a Prime Mover. You also found the only Satanist shorter than you.”
“Hey,” said Terzo, but he couldn’t help but smile. “They are going to be a good Mamma, Secondo. And,” he added firmly, “I am going to be a good father. I insist on it.”
“I was not questioning that,” Secondo said. “You were always…better with children than I was. Even when we were children.”
“Was I?” Terzo said.
“I had little patience for them,” Secondo said with a shrug. “I still don’t, but I will try for yours. I brought some things, by the way.”
“Copia mentioned you might have some stuff. How long are you in town? I’d like to see your gifts with Cami on a quiet day, not one where she’s working.”
“What does Cam do?”
“Manager at their father’s restaurant,” said Terzo. “They’re good at it, too. Sometimes they wait tables, too, although less since the pregnancy started really showing.”
“I see,” he said. “When are they due?”
“Beginning of January,” Terzo said. “If they manage to hold off past their due date, the baby could be born on Elvis’s birthday, but one cannot guarantee anything in this life. How long are you planning to stay?”
“I don’t know how long I’m welcome, if I am at all,” he said, and for a moment he actually seemed ever-so-slightly embarrassed, which was very much not like Secondo. “I could get a hotel if that’s easier.”
“You might be an asshole but you are my brother,” he said. “My house is always your house.”
He smiled just a little, and then sobered. “Why did you decide to take on a Prime Mover, anyway? You were very opposed for some time.”
“Well,” Terzo said, and busied himself with a drink of his coffee. The decaf didn’t taste much different, he realized with relief. “It was time someone did, wasn’t it? And as you said, I have always liked children.”
“I suppose so,” agreed Secondo. “And why did…Cam, was it? Why did Cam want to be your Prime Mover? The status, perhaps? The income?”
Terzo put down his mug too hard, not quite slamming it but coming close. “Why would you say that? No. Cam wanted a child, and knew they couldn’t afford to do it on their own.”
“Surely someone like Cam should have no shortage of people very interested in…well, at least the creation of a child,” said Secondo mildly. “They’re very attractive. The short hair suits them well.”
Terzo wondered if it was too late to change his mind and send his brother to the Day’s Inn downtown. “Their life is complicated. And none of your business. Why all the questions?”
“Should I not have questions about the next generation of Satanists?” he asked mildly. “Particularly a future Papa and, so far, the only known heir to the title?”
“You are not asking about the baby, you are asking about Cam’s dating life. Never mind. The baby is healthy, Cam will be a good parent, we are very excited, and frankly, I wish people would recognize that this child is more than just the future Satanic pope. He is going to be an entire person.”
Secondo raised his eyebrows. “I suppose he will,” he said. He was quiet for a moment. “I apologize, Terzo. I did not mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t,” said Terzo, upset. “Never mind. I’m going to go along to bring Cam to work. Shall I show you to a room?”
“Thank you, yes,” he said. “It was an early flight, as I said, and I could use some rest.”
Terzo just nodded and showed Secondo to the same room Copia had used a few months ago. “I’ll see you later, I suppose,” he said.
“Terzo,” said Secondo then, and he looked back. “It is…good to see you.”
“Yes,” he said, and sighed. “It’s good to see you, too. We’ll catch up later.”
He headed to his room and got dressed properly. What was wrong with him? He’d wanted Secondo’s attention, he’d felt that his brother had been ignoring him, and now he was here and Terzo was…angry about it? It was ridiculous.
But there was no time for that now. He went with Omega to drop Cam off at work, and refused to admit to himself that it was in part to avoid Secondo. Not even when Cam was safely in the diner and he was trying to think of other errands to run to keep them out longer.
And then Omega said, “I’m having dinner with Leo tonight.”
“Good,” he said. “That’s good. You’ve been seeing him a lot.”
Omega was quiet for a moment. And then he said, “I’m going to tell him I’m a ghoul.”
“Oh.” Terzo wasn’t sure what to say to that. “You haven’t told him yet? You’ve been wearing your entire glamour whenever you take your clothes off?”
Omega shrugged. “We haven’t.”
“You haven’t—you haven’t taken your clothes off?”
He shook his head. “Leo is…” He paused a moment. “It isn’t easy for Leo, living and dating in Farthing, just like Cam. I didn’t want to…rush things.”
“I suppose not,” said Terzo. “He’s just over all the time.”
“Yes, Terzo,” Omega said, voice overly patient, as though explaining to a particularly dim child, “because we like each other.”
“Good, good,” said Terzo quickly. “No, that’s very good. I’m glad you’re taking it slow if that’s what you want. But you’re ready to tell him?”
“Yes,” Omega said. “I think he should know.” He took a breath. “Because I love him and he should know that, too.”
Terzo glanced over at Omega. He was a big ghoul, seeming sometimes too big for whatever space he was in, and the driver’s seat of the car was no exception. He reached out and put a hand on his arm.
“He is a lucky man, Omega,” said Terzo. “To have your heart.”
“Not all of it,” Omega said. “He knows that what you and I have is also…you know. Something. Not the same, but something.”
“That’s even better,” Terzo said, feeling some tension unwind from his back. “If you wanted to choose—”
“I would not want someone who asked me to choose,” Omega said. “Perhaps it’s different for humans. Ghouls, we love each other and we don’t worry about definitions. Sometimes we pair off, one to one, sometimes we don’t, but it doesn’t matter, none of that matters. You see? But humans, you have so much jealousy, you use so many words. For you, friendship is one thing, sex is another thing, romance is another thing, devotion still another thing, and they have certain ways they all rank, and only certain ways they’re allowed to cross.”
“That’s…not always true,” Terzo said, then sighed. “But yes, you’re right. And I know that what you and I have is not typical for other humans, but I…I am glad we have it. And I don’t think I would want someone who asked me to choose, either.” And then he snorted. “Not that the situation has come up.”
Omega did not respond, but he was driving and paying attention to traffic.
“But yes. Tell Leo. If he does not take it well, then you’ll know, but I think he will. I think he must.” Terzo smiled a little. “Whether you’re a ghoul or a man, you’re a big beast of a hunk and have a heart to match.”
“Thank you,” said Omega. “I think. So are we avoiding your brother for a while? Because I might pick up some flowers for Leo. He says men never get flowers. Another thing wrong with your species.”
“Sure,” said Terzo. “Let’s do that.”
He helped Omega pick out a bouquet from the florist, and when they finally went home, Bog arranged the bouquet in an even better order and put it in a vase, hissing directions to Omega on how to keep the flowers alive for weeks or something. Terzo didn’t really pay attention. Instead he checked on Secondo, and the two of them spent a little while sitting together playing checkers and not talking about anything of consequence.
Chapter Text
“Cami?” came Leo’s voice over the phone that night, and he did not sound like himself.
She’d had dinner with Secondo and Terzo, and wondered if she was imagining some weird tension between them. She didn’t know Secondo well enough to say and, reluctantly, had to admit she didn’t know Terzo that well either, in some respects. Now she was in her room, trying to watch a movie, and had honestly been grateful that Leo called without warning, up until she heard him sounding like he might cry.
“What is it?” Cam asked, and immediately straightened up, groaning a bit as they did. “What’s wrong?”
Leo took a deep breath, then another. “You’re a Satanist.”
“Yes, I noticed that, too.”
A moment’s quiet again. “Did…do Satanists know about ghouls?”
“Oh,” said Cam, and closed her eyes. “Oh.”
“You knew Omega wasn’t human and you didn’t tell me?”
“I couldn’t,” Cam said. “It wasn’t for me to tell, you know that.”
Leo sighed. “I know, I know. I’m sorry. It’s just…he came over for dinner, he brought me flowers, it was sweet. And then he told me. And he showed me. I can’t believe I never questioned that he was wearing a mask in all this time, but then he took it off and I realized, and he wasn’t…human. At all.”
“And…you don’t like it?” Cam asked.
“It’s not that,” Leo said. “I’m not mad or anything. I just. I told him I had to take a little time. I mean, until an hour ago I assumed there were only humans walking this Earth and now suddenly my hot boyfriend isn’t one? And I just…I needed to call you, I guess.”
“Me? Oh, so I could confirm that ghouls are legit? They are. I haven’t meet a lot until Terzo, but—”
“No, dummy,” said Leo. “Because you’re my best friend and my platonic soulmate and I need to call you when big things happen.”
Cam blinked. “Oh,” she said. “Oh, right. Of course. Listen, sweetie, it’s okay. I know it’s probably a little scary if you aren’t used to it. I guess I’ve always known about ghouls, so it’s less shocking to me.”
“I guess,” Leo said, and sighed. “I wish you could come over.”
“I could,” Cam said. “Do you want me to? I’ll be right there.”
“No. No, Omega usually drives you so that would be weird, and I know you can drive yourself but…no. It’s okay.” Leo sighed. “I just—there isn’t anyone I can tell about this. I can’t tell my parents, you know?”
Cam burst out laughing.
“What?” he asked.
“I’m sorry. It’s just, this has got to be the first time we couldn’t tell your parents something.”
Leo’s breath stirred through the phone, and then he laughed. “Yeah, that’s true. The thing is, they’d be fine with it, I think. I just…y’know. I know there’s a reason it’s a secret. So what is the deal with ghouls, anyway? They’re from Hell?”
“Yeah,” she said. “They’re summoned with a blood sacrifice and they hang around on Earth in a physical form, which they don’t have in the Pit. The person who summons them can send them back but doesn’t have any real control over them.”
“I see,” Leo said. “So when he’s not here he’s like, an abstract concept. In Hell.”
“I guess?” said Cam. “I don’t know the details. I just know they come up here, tend to work for whoever summoned them—voluntarily—and enjoy spending time on Earth until they’re done. You know the backing band for the Ghost project is all called Nameless Ghouls.”
“Yeah, but I thought that was a schtick, I didn’t think it was real,” Leo said.
Silence again over the phone line.
“From what I know,” said Cam finally, “he’s been around for a long time. I know he was in the band for quite a while, but he left when Terzo…” They hesitated, not sure they should discuss that part with Leo.
“I know about him and Terzo,” Leo said. “I thought it was sweet. I don’t care that he has whatever he has with Terzo. He doesn’t care what you and I have, either. I don’t have any problems with Omega. It just freaked me out. Am I wrong for freaking out? Does that make me not accepting, or…or…something?”
“No, sweetie,” said Cam. “I think it just makes you somebody who had assumptions about the world and then had them rocked.”
“Yeah,” Leo said quietly. And then he said, tentatively, “I think I love him.”
Cam closed her eyes for a moment. “This doesn’t surprise me,” she said.
“I…do you think he’d be mad? That I asked him to leave to process things?”
“No,” Cam said. “For one thing, I don’t think Omega gets mad easily, but for another, I don’t think that’s unreasonable. He’s probably just glad you didn’t freak out.”
“Yeah.” Leo sighed, sounding like static in the phone. “He showed me what he looked like without part of the glamour. He said if he took it all off I’d go mad, but he showed himself. He has a tail. And wings.”
“Yeah,” said Cam. “You should see some of the ghouls around here.” She thought about Bog for a moment, who never made appearances when Leo was around. She frowned, and realized she wasn’t sure if the creepy ghost look was their full “human” glamour or their in-between form.
“Sort of like Gargoyles. Remember Gargoyles?” said Leo.
“Yeah. Goliath was hot.”
“Goliath was hot,” Leo said.
“You also think Omega is hot. Or do you still?”
“Yeah.” Leo hesitated. “Do you think he has a human dick?”
“I wouldn’t know,” Cam said, but started giggling again.
“Yeah,” Leo said, and took a breath. “Well. Okay. I’m done freaking out, anyway. Omega is Omega. Right? Whatever else is the case, he’s the one I’m falling in love with. He’s…he’s good. He’s great. He…he really cares about me, Cam.”
“Of course he does,” Cam said. “You’re also great. And I don’t think he’d have told you if he wasn’t serious about it.”
“No,” Leo agreed. “Me either.” He took a breath, then another. “Am I an awful friend if I let you go to call him now?”
“Not at all,” Cam said. “You told him you needed to process it. You’ve processed. Now call him and find out what his dick looks like.”
This time Leo cracked up. “You’re the best, Cami.”
“Yes, I am,” Cami joked. “I love you. And you know, you can always call me. I’m always here.”
“I know,” Leo said. “And you know you can call me, too, right? If anything’s going on with you?”
“Well, happily for you,” Cam said, “everything is fine between me and my vibrator except that I forget to charge it sometimes, which probably makes me the bad partner in this relationship. Seriously, Leo. You’ve been helping me with this pregnancy, you threw the baby shower, you’re being amazing. Go do the thing for yourself, and by ‘the thing’ I mean Omega.”
Leo laughed again. “Goodnight, Cami.”
“Goodnight, Leo,” she said, and hung up the phone, and collapsed on the bed. Except laying on her back was awful, so she rolled onto her side. She reached for the plush possum to cuddle for a moment.
She was happy for Leo and Omega. She loved them both, and she was glad they’d found each other. And she knew they loved her, too. It wasn’t a question of loving each other more or anything like that.
But for a moment, she looked at her paused movie in her empty room and felt more alone than she ever had in her life.
“Nice,” she told herself. “Very nice. Your best friend finally gets a good boyfriend and you make it about you.” She got up, turned off the movie, and decided to head down to the living room. It was harder to feel sorry for herself with company.
Terzo was not there, but Secondo was. He was looking at the DVD shelves, and for a moment she remembered Copia doing the same thing—the same pose, too, hands clasped behind his back.
“Gonna make fun of Terzo’s pretentious collection?” she asked.
He hadn’t seemed to notice her coming in, but he didn’t jump or anything. She had a feeling very few things surprised Secondo. “Not at all. I bought him a few of the movies myself. Birthdays, Antichristmas, so on.”
“Ah,” she said. “So should I spill the secret that he also has a stash of popcorn flicks hidden away?”
“I got him some of those, too,” said Secondo. He pulled out a DVD and looked at the back, studying the blurb like it held all the secrets. “Are you well, then, Cam?”
“I’m all right,” she said cautiously. “Why do you ask?”
He glanced up at her. “Should I not ask? It seems appropriate. You are carrying my brother’s child, so I’m told.”
“Yes, I am,” she said.
“An easy pregnancy, then?”
“No pregnancy is easy, that’s a lie from the baby industry to sell more babies.”
He did not laugh. Terzo would have. Copia would have. Secondo just waited for a real answer.
“But, uh, yeah, it’s been okay. It’s honestly weirdly okay—textbook, y’know?” She shrugged a little. “But aside from the fact that I can’t lay on my back and my feet hurt a lot and sometimes I get heartburn, I’m fine.”
“That’s good,” Secondo said. He was quiet for a moment. “Terzo cares for you.”
“Well, he’s a nice guy. We’re good friends by now.”
“Yes,” said Secondo. “You must be.” He put the DVD away, and looked at her for a moment, quiet, arms folded.
“Is there a problem?” she asked. She wished it sounded confrontational, but it didn’t. It was unsure, uneasy.
“I don’t think so. Should there be?” he asked.
She shifted a little, from foot to foot. “I don’t think there is, anyway. I know I’ve had some issues here and there but I’m working on them—”
“What issues are those?” he asked.
She missed Frater Imperator, whose role was intimidating but in person was not at all. “Look, Terzo probably told you I have a chronic perfectionism and people-pleasing problem. I’m trying to get over that. Terzo has been a huge help. But I don’t see what that has anything to do with anything.”
“It doesn’t,” said Secondo. “As I said, nothing is wrong. But what have you done for Terzo?”
There was a sharp inhale at the doorway, and both looked up to see Terzo standing there . “Cami doesn’t need to do anything for me,” he said, voice cold. “But as it happens, they were running the church for me for the first three years, and since then they’ve been a good friend, good company, and also, they’re having my son, so if you could back off of my Prime Mover, I would be very grateful to you.”
Secondo raised his eyebrows. “Excuse me, fratello. I thought you were still out with your ghoul.”
“No,” Terzo said. “And it doesn’t matter where I am. If I catch you interrogating Cam again, you’re gone. I don’t care how far you’ve flown, I don’t care about how much shit you’ve bought for the baby, I don’t care that you’re my brother. Do you understand?”
Secondo just smiled a little. “Of course,” he said. “Excuse me, Cam. I will return to my room and this will not happen again.”
He slipped out, and Terzo just stood there, barely getting out of the way for him to pass through the doorway, so that Secondo’s shoulder clipped his a little on the way.
Cam hesitated a moment, then approached him. “Hey,” she said, softly, and took his hand. Thought of all the times he’d helped to calm her down, and tugged him lightly towards the couch. “Hey. It’s okay. He’s your brother, he was probably just—”
“I don’t get it, Cami,” he said, but he let her lead him to the couch. But the cold anger fell away. Now his voice was soft, puzzled, sweet in its uncertainty, and he slumped down onto the sofa. “I don’t understand it. He hardly spoke to me for months, and then he showed up, and now he’s treating you like—like—” He let out an angry huff and scrubbed his hand over his hair a moment, the way he did when he was especially upset. “We have always been closest, you know? We were raised together. He was like my twin, and for so long he was the one person I could depend on. Why is he acting like this?” He looked at her and for a moment, his mismatched eyes were pleading, looking for some kind of answer.
“I don’t know,” Cam said, wishing she did, that she could give him the answer he sought. “Maybe he has something going on in his life he won’t talk about. Maybe he’s just weirded out that his little brother is all grown up and having babies. Have…have you tried talking to him about it?”
“Of course I…” Terzo started, then sighed. “Didn’t. No. I didn’t. I have been avoiding him all day like a stubborn child, or talking of nothing.” He flopped back on the sofa.
“Hey,” she said, and squeezed his hand a little. “Terzo?” She hesitated. “What can I do for you?”
He turned his head a little on the couch, brows furrowed. “This had better not be about what he just said.”
“What?”
“About—this—this what have you done for Terzo bullshit,” he said. “You said it once yourself, how sorry you were for saddling me with all this.” He waved his hand vaguely towards her pregnant belly. “And I told you then and I’ll say now, I am here because I want to be, because I like you, because I want the baby, because…because you are my friend.”
“I know,” she said. She took a breath. “But that’s also why I’m asking. Because I’m your friend, and I hate that you’re hurting, and maybe for once I want to try to comfort you. Or, or I can clear out. Maybe you’d rather be alone.”
“No,” he said then, quickly, and he grabbed her wrist, maybe harder than he meant. “No. I do not want to be alone, I…” He sighed, and then suddenly shifted, leaned forward, and dropped his head on her shoulder. And then he took her hand and brought it up to his hair. “That. Do that. Please.”
She started stroking his hair. It was soft, almost silky under her fingers, and she combed her fingers through it. He’d stopped dyeing it in the past few months, and now it was a thick salt-and-pepper.
“I am not used to getting upset about things,” he said, “but then, things didn’t matter so much before. And now…now I’m thinking so often about how useless my father was, and how useless Peter is to you, and how Primo stepped up when he was only a boy, really, and how Secondo and I didn’t have a normal childhood.”
She still wished she knew how to comfort him. But she thought of how nice it had felt when he’d run his hands over her scalp after cutting her hair, and rasped her nails lightly over the back of his head.
He groaned a little and actually went boneless for a moment, sinking into her shoulder, and she bit back a giggle before she forced herself to be serious again.
“I think that’s how it works,” she said, returning to the conversation. “That’s the thing. Because you’re going to be a father, and that makes you realize…” She paused a moment, trying to word her thoughts. “That makes you realize you don’t want to hurt someone the way you’ve been hurt, but you’re in a position to hurt someone in just the same way. You can change, but it’s scary.”
“It is,” he agreed softly, and sighed. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more afraid in my life, and yet I can’t help but think it’s all worth it. I keep thinking of the baby waving to me on the ultrasound screen.”
She smiled a little. “You’re already doing miles better than Peter and Nihil,” she said quietly. “Because you’re here. You’ve gone with me to appointments, you’ve held my hand. I mean, it’s helped that the pregnancy has been insanely easy for a pregnancy, although let me tell you, I still have several months to go and I’m struggling to put my shoes on.”
He let out a little laugh against her shoulder.
“But you know…you’re trying. Nihil didn’t, Peter didn’t, a lot of people don’t. That’s got to count for something.”
“I suppose so,” he said.
“And hey,” she said. “If we fuck up really badly as parents, well, that’ll give him a lot of fodder for when he’s stuck writing music for Ghost.”
Terzo let out a laugh, and sighed, then pulled away and smiled softly at her. “Thank you, amico mio. I think I needed to hear that.”
“Yeah, you probably did,” she said softly. “You know you don’t have to handle all this yourself, right?”
“I suppose not,” he said. “I’ve just…sometimes I turn to Omega, but he is busy with Leo.”
“It’s Omega,” she said. “He’s never too busy for you. Just like Leo isn’t for me.”
“I know, I know,” he said. “I know Omega loves me, too, but this thing with them is new and it’s different, and changes are hard, and I do not want to interrupt. But also, ghouls don’t have children the way we do. I don’t know if he understands. And beyond that, I just…” He shrugged a little. “I guess I am used to it. I was raised to be Papa, not to be emotionally aware.”
“Well, you’re pretty good at it anyway,” she said softly. “I remember when you ascended, you know. I didn’t go to any of the rituals because I was busy running Farthing and making sure to be the Satanic Ambassador to the Masses or whatever” —that got a laugh out of him— “but I saw video. You were different from your brothers, you know? You were…softer. Kinder. More welcoming.”
“I’ve told you before…”
“Look, I know you were performing, but I’ve spent the last several months crying on you every few weeks so I think it’s safe to say that it was still you.”
He let out a little laugh, and sighed and finally pulled away. “Thank you, amico mio.” He straightened up. “I think also it’s because Omega told Leo today. About who he was.”
“I know,” she said. “Leo called me in a panic, then wondered what Omega’s dick looked like and called him back.”
Terzo burst out laughing. “Did he really?”
“Okay, there was more to it than that,” she said. “A lot more. He cares about Omega a lot.”
Terzo nodded. “Omega cares about him, too. He was worried, that Leo might not accept who he was. He’s in love with Leo, you know.”
“That’s fine,” said Cam. “Because Leo’s in love with him. Is…is that okay? A ghoul and a human?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?” Terzo said. “I love Omega. I cuddle him in bed sometimes, I would give up many things for him. It’s no different just because their love is a little different from ours.”
He ran his fingers through his hair, making it a worse mess, and she reached up to try to fix it.
“You know,” Terzo continued, “he said something. Omega did, I mean. About how humans have these definitions, these ranks, of friendship and sex and love, all this stuff. And I see it, how people treat it, how some are more important than others. But I don’t think it’s always true. I don’t think it has to be true.”
“I don’t think so, either,” she said. “Leo and I tried to date. We tried really hard to make sex work. It didn’t. We stayed friends, we love each other, we’re close, we would not have sex again if you paid us good money for it, and I’d probably knock most people into traffic for him.”
Terzo smiled, nodding his understanding.
“Meanwhile, Peter and I fucked a lot, we said I love you, we had a good time together, and I’d happily knock him into traffic.”
“Don’t say that,” Terzo said sharply. Cam almost apologized for being hyperbolic, but then he said, “We would want it to look like an accident. Give me a while and I’ll come up with something.”
She laughed, and he gave her a big, smug grin.
She admired it for a moment. Seeing Terzo so relaxed, so comfortable with her, even after his anger. Maybe even more, somehow. And she thought of what he said, about definitions and ranks…
“Terzo?” she said then.
“Yes, Cami?”
Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe she shouldn’t ask this. But she glanced up at him, his face attentive, his hair mussed from her comfort. And then she realized.
Terzo didn’t expect perfection from her, so if this was a mistake, it would be okay.
So she asked, and didn’t hedge or mumble. “How do you feel about having sex with a friend?”
Terzo drew a sharp breath. His eyes searched hers for a moment, not just attentive, but focused, watchful. “That would depend on the friend,” he said, carefully.
Cam felt her cheeks heating, but forced herself not to look away. “What about me?”
He tilted his head a little, studying her. “This also is not just what Secondo said? Doing me a favor? Maybe…” His voice went a little bitter. “Taking pity on an old deaf man?”
She actually snorted at that, startling him. “My reasons are entirely selfish,” she said.
“Selfish?”
Cam sighed. “Did you know that some people, when they’re pregnant, develop a crazy high sex drive?” they asked.
“I did not know that,” he said, his voice low.
“Did you know that mine’s been insane for months?” they asked next.
“I did not know that, either,” he said. “Although I remember Omega packing your vibrator. I thought he was just being considerate.”
“It was very considerate,” she said. “But I’ve got all this belly in the way and it’s just gonna get worse, and I didn’t charge it last night and I almost crawled out of my skin, and I…” Now she hesitated, glancing up at him. “I trust you. Whatever else is true, I think I trust you as much as I trust Leo. And I…I think it would be nice for both of us to have sex and not have to perform for someone.”
Terzo looked at her for a moment, a moment that seemed to stretch into eternity. Her heart was pounding, and it was not arousal but nerves.
“Did you charge it? Your vibrator,” he clarified.
“Uh, yeah,” said Cam, and sighed, figuring he’d probably tell her to get back to it.
“Good,” he said, and then he leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “Get it and meet me in my room.”
Chapter Text
Cam wasn’t quite sure if they should knock on his door, but was spared the decision when he opened it, took their hand, and hauled them inside.
Last time they’d been in his room was when he’d cut their hair. It looked about the same—rich, dark furniture, art deco prints on the walls, guitar propped in the corner, purple velvet curtains.
“I kicked all the dirty clothes under the bed just for you,” he said brightly, making them laugh. “Can I see your vibrator?”
Cam held it up. A standard rechargeable bullet vibe, nothing worth writing home about.
“I love toys,” said Terzo cheerfully, taking it from them. “Do you have others? I could get you more.”
“I have a job, I can get my own toys,” said Cam with a smile. “I should get something with a longer handle but this one works so well.”
“Good to know,” he said, and then he took their hand. “Are you sure about this, amico mio?” he asked, leading them to the bed. “You can change your mind.”
“Yeah, I’m sure,” said Cam. “Are you?”
Terzo smiled at that. “Of course I’m sure. Take off your dress and come sit on the bed,” he said.
Cam hesitated. “Are you sure?” they said again.
“I just said I was s—wait,” he said. “You mean about you getting naked? Did you plan to start having sex without ever getting naked? We could do that, I guess, but…”
“No—well—I didn’t think about it,” Cam admitted. “I’m just worried it’ll be kind of a turn off.”
“Hey. I’ve seen you shirtless, remember?” he said.
“That was a while ago.”
Terzo shrugged. “Do what you want,” he said. “But remember, I don’t expect perfection. I certainly don’t have any.” And then he smiled a little, and started to undress. “See?” he said, pulling off his shirt.
He seemed so slim and graceful, but yes, as she’d seen this morning, there was a little bit of a soft belly, very little definition. Hair spread thick down his chest, mostly silvered like his hair, and drew a line that vanished tantalizingly into his pants.
“No,” said Cam. “No, you’re pretty damn good.” But they took a deep breath as if about to plunge into a cold pool, and pulled their dress over their head. The top surgery scars, the angry-looking stretch marks…they lowered their underwear then, either feeling brave or just wanting to get it over with, and heard his breath catch.
“You’re pretty damn good, too,” he said. He sat on the bed, and patted the comforter. “Come here and get comfortable.”
“Easier said than done,” she said dryly, making him laugh. Was it wrong to be making jokes, to be making him laugh in this situation?
As Cam sat, though, he positioned some pillows against the headboard. “Right here,” he said, plumping a pillow with his hand, and they leaned back against them, sinking into them a little, and let out a sigh. “There you go. Comfy, right?”
“Okay, you win,” said Cam.
“I already did,” he said softly. He hesitated. “Can I kiss you? Or is that too much?”
“You can,” Cam said, and then corrected. “I’d like you to.”
Terzo smiled, and knelt on the bed to face her. He took her face in his hands a moment, looked at her as if to check that this really was okay, and then leaned forward and kissed her lips.
His kiss was gentle, careful. But not hesitant, not in the slightest. One of his hands still cupped their face, but the other slid down, over their flat chest, briefly tracing one of the scars there, before moving down over their swollen belly. And here he broke the kiss, and Cam almost apologized for some reason, but then she stopped.
He was looking down, his hand moving lower, until he drew back and watched his own fingers slide between her legs. She drew a breath as he traced over her, experimenting, fingers feather-light and almost teasing.
“Bellissimo,” he said softly, and she closed her eyes then. “You weren’t kidding. I’ve hardly touched you and look how ready you are.” His voice was soft, amazed, as he touched her, traced the shape of her folds, found her wet when he dipped his fingers shallowly into her.
Cam let out a soft sound. It felt like it had been forever since someone else had touched her like this. His fingers were slim but bigger than hers, and there was a roughness that surprised her. But she’d seen him play guitar, there was one in the room, and—
And then his fingers were on her clit, strumming that as expertly as any guitar, and Cam gasped and let her head fall back.
“So good,” said Terzo softly, and she felt the praise settle into her, in her belly, in her clit. “Is that something you like? Good boy? Good girl? Something else?”
“Anything,” said Cam, voice thin. “Anything. If you like what I’m doing, call me anything. Please.”
Terzo let out a laugh. “Who would have thought Farthing’s number one perfectionist and overachiever would have had a praise kink? Really. I am so surprised.”
“Shut up,” Cam said breathlessly, wriggling against his fingers, and Terzo laughed.
“Okay, okay,” he said, and shifted a little, sitting between their legs, and he picked up the toy again and turned it on. “I know. My job is to hold the vibrator.”
“That’s not—” Cam started.
But then he pressed it to their clit and whatever Cam might have said was lost in a half-moan, half-shriek of surprise.
It was a familiar sensation, the vibrator against her. But it was different, too—the heat of his hand, the angle he held it. The fact that she could hear his breathing, could hear the little sound he made when she tilted her hips a little, wanting it, wanting all of that sensation right where he was but more. He pressed the button to turn it up a little, and she moaned and dug her fingers into the bedspread.
“Guardati. Ne hai bisogno.” She didn’t know much Italian anyway and even if she did, English would be enough of a struggle, but it didn’t matter. His voice was soft and rich and smooth, his words rolling sinfully off his tongue, and she moaned as much at the sound as at the sensation, feeling it tighten in her, knowing she was dangerously close—
And then he lifted the vibrator for a moment, and let all of it fall away.
“Terzo?” she said, breathless, and looked up at him again. “I wasn’t—”
“I know,” he said, wickedly. “But I wanted to see all that again.”
She didn’t understand that any more than the fucking Italian and she whined a little, feeling her body hovering, needy and unsatisfied. “Terzo, goddammit.”
“Ah, well, okay,” he said, and then he brought it back, but not quite in the same spot. Instead he dragged the vibrator over her, through her folds, teasing around her clit but not quite touching it. She was already turned on, felt sometimes like part of her always was, but now there was this and this was maddening.
And then his fingers slid into her, and she gasped, clenching on him, so close she could taste it, wanting it, needing—
“Sai quanto sei bello quando sei disperato?” he said, and she let out a moan.
“Terzo, please,” she said. “Please, make me come.”
“Good boy,” he said softly, sending its own little spark through her. He brought it right back, the vibrator thrumming into her clit, and she came on his fingers, came against the vibrator, came under his words and attention. She came hard and gasping and panting, hearing his gorgeous voice praise her in English and Italian, telling her how good she was and how handsome she was. And no sooner did it start to fade than she came again, crying out this time, body helpless under the vibrations and his attention. And still he didn’t move it away, just held it there, fingers curling into her and making everything stronger, pushing her through the waves, making her ride out each orgasm into another, and another, each one more intense, bringing her to higher heights and never letting her fall.
And then her body managed only a spark of an orgasm, nothing more, and she pushed at him with her foot. “S-stop,” she managed, breathless, thighs aching from it.
He pulled away and turned it off, letting the vibrator drop, and drew out his fingers. But before her eyes he brought them to his face, breathing in the scent of her, and then licking her off his fingers, and for a moment she wondered if she was really so done—
And then he reached down and unfastened his pants. She watched as he pulled out his hard cock, not big but with a slight curve to it that looked like it was built to stroke inside of someone, and she spread her legs again, expecting him to take her even at this terrible angle.
But instead he shook his head, and instead he slid his fingers over her again, collecting some of her wetness, and brought it back to himself to stroke over his cock, slowly. “Just stay like that, tesoro, just stay right there,” he said. “And to think, some fuckers have to pay for porn this good.”
She let out a breathless laugh, watching him look at her, admiring her, until he screwed his eyes shut as he choked a little. He was completely unselfconscious, touching himself, until his hips were moving, rocking against his fist, fucking his hand.
When he opened his eyes again the pale one blazed, just moments before he came, spilling hot, thick strands over her thighs. For a moment she swore she came again without him even touching her, gasping with it.
And then he let out a breath and sighed, sinking back on his heels, shoulders slumping a moment, hair falling in his face. Breathing hard as he came down from it.
“Are you okay?” she asked, and suddenly remembered what he’d said, about how sometimes if he moved too much his ears—
“I’m good,” he said, and looked up at her, and gave her a little smile. And then he leaned forward and kissed her softly. “I’m good, amico mio, do not worry for me. Are you all right?” he asked then, pulling away.
“Best orgasms I’ve had in months,” she said honestly.
He let out a breathless laugh. “Damn right it was.”
“You cocky little shit,” she said, with a laugh of her own. “Was—was it okay for you?”
“Oh, yes,” he said, more sincere than sexy. He pulled away. “Hold on, I’ll clean you up. Sorry. Got carried away.”
“I wasn’t complaining,” she said, and once he was off the bed she let her legs stretch out a little. He came back with a wet washcloth. “It’s hot when you speak Italian.”
“I know,” he said, smug again, and then his smirk turned into something goofier. “One time I fingered someone and told them I was reciting erotic poetry, but um, it was actually Secondo’s recipe for saltimbocca. And I think I got it wrong.”
Cam burst out laughing at that, even as Terzo wiped his come off of her thighs. “Is that what you were doing to me? Just talking nonsense to get me turned on?”
“No,” he said, and smiled. “We’re friends. I won’t tell you something in the heat of the moment that I don’t mean.”
Cam nodded and sighed. For a brief moment she entertained the thought of staying the night. But she was pretty sure they didn’t have that kind of relationship, and she’d been brave enough today, asking for risky things. So instead she leaned forward to kiss him lightly. “Thanks, Terzo,” she said, and started to get up.
He inhaled briefly, then let it out again. “And thank you. If—if you don’t want to do that again, that’s fine,” he said. “But if you ever do…”
“I mean, right now my answer is an unreserved yes, please,” she said, grunting as she tried to pick up her clothes off the floor. “But ask me again when I haven’t just come my brains out.”
He moved past her to pick up her dress and underwear, and handed both to her. “That’s fair,” he said. “But, uh, for the record…” Once she’d pulled the dress over her head, he touched her shoulder to get her attention. “Thank you for trusting me with this.”
Cam looked at him a moment, then stretched up and kissed his cheek again. “I trust you with everything,” she said.
And she did, but she wasn’t sure she should have said it.
Never mind, she told herself. “Off to bed,” she said. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Yes, yes,” he said, and took another deep breath. “Goodnight, Cami. Sleep well.”
“You, too,” she said, and slipped out.
When she lay in her bed, curled up with her plush possum, part of her worried that this would leave her feeling terribly alone again. But she didn’t. She just thought back on it, his hands and fingers and voice, and realized she’d left the vibrator in his room. Maybe, she thought, it should stay there. He was better at using it than she was.
Chapter 24
Notes:
Had some technical difficulties uploading this one, hopefully it's all working now! Sorry if you saw the earlier upload.
Chapter Text
Terzo ate breakfast in bed, taking his time. Part of that was because his bed had been the scene of a wonderful experience the night before, and he wanted to luxuriate in the memories.
And part of that was because he was avoiding Secondo.
But then as he finished his coffee, it occurred to him that Cam might not be avoiding Secondo. Secondo might be interrogating her again, for whatever fucking reason. At the prospect, Terzo frantically got dressed and hurried downstairs.
Cam and Secondo were there, it was true, sitting at the table. They both had a cup of coffee—decaf for Cam, probably not for Secondo—and they were talking quietly, or perhaps Terzo just couldn’t hear them because running down the stairs had fucked with his ears for a moment. When the pounding receded, though, he caught their conversation.
“—don’t want to use a family name,” she was saying. “But I also kind of want something that could be gender neutral.”
“Understandable,” Secondo said. “Have you looked to demon names?”
“A little,” she said, “but I have two demon names and I kinda hate them. Hi, Terzo.”
He came over and, on impulse, bent to hug her sideways in greeting. “Hello, Camio Legion,” he said.
“Hello, Terzo McAsshole,” she said, but when he pulled away she was smiling.
“Ah, yes,” said Secondo. “The Emeritus family middle name. It’s mine, too.”
Cam laughed at that, and even Terzo did as well.
“Anyway,” Cam said, “so that’s why I’m getting alarmingly close to having a baby and still don’t know what to name him. I’m starting to think he’s going to be called Untitled Document Emeritus.”
“You aren’t alarmingly close yet, tesoro,” said Terzo, going to get his own cup of decaf before coming to sit with them as well. “You still have time.”
“Not as much time as it seems sometimes,” she said. “But we’ll figure something out. I’ve never heard of someone getting to kindergarten and still unnamed.”
“That would be sort of a…what do they call it, a power move,” Terzo said. “‘Class, this is the Nameless One. Please remember to share your crayons with the Nameless One.’ Has a panache, no?”
“Yeah,” said Cam, “but what am I supposed to do when he’s in trouble? Yell ‘Get over here, Nameless One Emeritus’?”
“Scolding is a factor to consider,” Secondo said with a nod. “Of course, our mother didn’t bother with names and would just tell us to get over there. Do you remember, Terzo, Mamma used to say ‘Come ti ho fatto, ti distruggo’ whenever we were being a bit of, eh, a little shit, yes?”
Terzo started laughing. “Oh, I remember. And the time when I—it means,” he said quickly, realizing they were leaving Cam out, “‘I made you, so I can destroy you.’ Never meant it, Mamma never laid a hand on us, but she said it all the time when she was jokingly angry with us.”
“ Oh, yeah,” Cam said with a smile. “Leo’s mom used to say ‘I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it.’ Same thing.”
“ Esattamente,” said Secondo. “But the problem was, when we were thirteen or so, Terzo actually talked back and said…”
Terzo was laughing even harder. “I told her, ‘You aren’t my real mom, you didn’t make me, you can’t destroy me.’ And Mamma said—” He was wheezing now, struggling to get it out.
Secondo was smiling now, looking much more relaxed about it, but the fact that he was smiling at all meant that inwardly he was laughing as hard as Terzo. “She said, ‘ Watch me, child .’”
Terzo collapsed into giggles, moving his coffee out of the way so he could drop his head onto the table a moment.
“ Your mother sounds amazing,” said Cam.
“ Oh, she was,” Terzo said, his laughter settling into a fond smile. “She was an incredible woman, single mother to two in Italy when that was not very common. She had the Ministry for support as well, of course, since we were Nihil’s. But she did not live near the Ministry, wanted us to have some time to be children.”
Secondo nodded at that. “Our father made many mistakes, but his choice in partners was never one of them. Cam,” he said then, “do you work again today?”
“ That’s the amazing thing about full-time employment,” she said. “I work most days. Why?”
“ I was simply curious,” he said. “Terzo, perhaps we can visit their restaurant while I’m in town.”
“ Perhaps,” Terzo agreed. It was nice, feeling like Secondo was back to normal, but he wasn’t sure he trusted it. “Remind me, Cami, when do you start maternity leave?”
“ Beginning of December,” she said. “Then I can spend the last month of my pregnancy resting up, but I’ll still have a lot of time after. And I’ve got some vacation time, so I’ll have a while before I have to get back to work.”
“ You should have more time,” Terzo said unhappily. “This country is terrible about things like leave.”
“ I know,” she said with a shrug, “but we gotta work with what we’ve got.”
Secondo frowned. “I thought it was your family business.”
“ Yeah, why?” said Cam.
He shrugged a little, and finished his coffee. “I should think you’d have a little more flexibility, then, no?”
“ Awww,” said Cam. “It is so cute that you think that.”
Secondo raised his eyebrows, and Terzo couldn’t blame him. He wasn’t sure anyone had ever called Secondo cute since Mamma’s death. “Do they not…is this not their grandchild?”
“ So?” said Cam. “Dad’s already a little weirded out that I’m not putting in fifty-plus hour weeks while pregnant. Suggesting I extend family leave to a year would not go over well.”
“ What if you don’t want to go back after your leave?” asked Secondo.
Cam’s shoulders sagged a little. “I don’t really have a choice. Anyway, I know in theory Prime Mover gets to live off the Ministry’s version of child support or whatever, but I’d rather not be dependent on someone else for my income. At least with ghouls and the Ministry I don’t have to pay for childcare.” She smiled. “That’s later, though. For the moment, I just want to get through pregnancy and meet little Nameless One.” She sighed, though. “Thanks for reminding me, though, I should probably go get ready for work. If you do come in at lunch, tell the staff to tell me, I’ll be in the office but I’ll come out to say hi.”
“ We will,” Terzo said, and watched her get up to go, then glanced at Secondo. “That was friendly, no?”
“ Mm,” Secondo said. “Cam does not like the restaurant.”
“ She doesn’t?” Terzo asked, and thought about her sagging shoulders, then shrugged. “I think she’s just a little tired of it, maybe.” Or maybe not. He’d suspected it for a while, but hadn’t dared to think of it further.
“ Are you going along to drop Cam off at her work, then, as you did yesterday?” Secondo asked.
“ I don’t know. Why?”
Secondo shrugged a little. “I thought perhaps we might catch up a little properly. Since you are no longer avoiding me.”
“ Me avoiding you?” he said. “Who was the one who didn’t call for the past five months or so unless it was urgent?”
To his credit, Secondo did incline his head a little in acknowledgment. “You’re right, I didn’t,” he said. “I will…we will talk about it. When we sit down to talk properly. But perhaps not here in the kitchen where your ghouls and Cam could hear, yes?”
“ Maybe not,” said Terzo, and he sighed. “After Cam leaves. But then we are talking, fratello.”
He went upstairs to get dressed, and he caught Cam before they left. He didn’t have anything specific to say, really, but he was still glad to get a chance to wish them a good day at work. He gave a hello-and-goodbye hug to Omega as well, who hadn’t even been home that night but had arrive on time for Cam.
Finally he went to Secondo’s room, where the latter was waiting. “Where should we talk?” he asked.
Secondo looked up from the book he was reading with utter unconcern. “Why not here?”
Terzo shrugged and stepped in, closing the door. Secondo was sitting on his neatly made bed, which Terzo knew Secondo had done because he always made his bed on first getting up. Terzo grabbed the chair from the little desk in the room and sat on it backwards, running his fingers through his hair.
“ So,” Terzo said.
Secondo put a mark in his book and set it down. “So,” he said.
“ You’ve hardly spoken to me since I announced I had a Prime Mover,” he said. “I didn’t even get to tell you myself, Copia told you, and you didn’t call to say anything.”
Secondo nodded. “At first I thought you likely had enough to deal with,” he said. “You were so unhappy with the entire Prime Mover mandate that I’d assumed it was, perhaps, unintentional on your part, maybe a way to make the best of an unfortunate accident, and you were preoccupied. And of course I wasn’t entirely accurate, but then I…” Secondo paused. “It’s as I said. I didn’t know what to say.”
“ So you didn’t say anything?” Terzo demanded.
“ You cannot…” Secondo sighed then, heavily. “We have been at similar places our whole lives. But now you are going into a stage of your life that I have not reached, one I will likely never reach. Now you will have this whole other concern, a child who needs you.” Secondo’s eyes slid away from Terzo’s then. “I felt as though you were suddenly not only pulling away from me, but pulling far ahead to some place that I would never go.”
“ You were jealous I was having babies?” Terzo asked.
“ No,” Secondo said. “Not jealous, but I…I feared that I would have no further place in your life, now that you had this.”
Terzo stared at him, and then made a long, expressive, very crude noise with his lips. “Aren’t you supposed to be the smart one?”
Secondo let out a laugh. “I always thought so,” he said. “It was foolish, I know that, and yet one cannot always help how they feel.”
“ I’ll be honest,” Terzo said, “I assumed if anyone, you would end up with an accidental Prime Mover first. You can’t have any shortage of eligible people where you’re living…”
“ None,” Secondo agreed, matter-of-factly. “But I don’t want an accidental child. Which brings me to my other point.” He studied Terzo for a moment. “Were you ever going to tell me the truth?”
“ What truth is that?” Terzo asked, not challenging so much as confused.
Secondo’s expression turned withering. “Terzo,” he said, “when I was a few months old, Mamma put you in my crib with me. Since then I was with you every day and night until we grew up. I was there for every disappointment and joy and heartbreak and laugh you had. You can lie to everyone else in this world, you can lie to our other brothers, you can lie until your tongue turns black, and I will always know. So when you claim that you chose Cam for Prime Mover, did the ritual until it worked, and now you’re going to have a bouncing baby boy, I will back you up, but you cannot think that I’ll believe you.”
Terzo frowned at him. “That’s ridiculous.”
“ I had my doubts anyway, but then I showed up here,” Secondo said, “and it was obvious to me that you hadn’t ever even touched her—not until last night, for one reason or another. I know Satan’s powers are extensive, but I don’t think you can impregnate someone six months after conception. And by the way, I don’t care.”
Terzo stopped short of the argument he was about to make. “What do you mean? You were interrogating Cam last night.”
Secondo twisted his mouth a little. “And it was wrong of me to do. You’re my little brother; I feared that in this situation she was taking advantage of you. Clearly she was not. So, about the father,” Secondo said.
“ I’m the father,” Terzo told him sharply.
“ Yes, of course you are,” Secondo said. “But the…” He sighed. “I’m asking if there’s someone out there who needs to be taken care of. Someone who hurt your Prime Mover. If that was why this need for subterfuge. I know the laws in this state are draconian, I can only assume she found out she was pregnant too late and this evolved out of that.”
Secondo really did know him too well. Terzo was about to deny it anyway, but he spoke again.
“ Whatever you tell me,” Secondo said, “you know will stay with me. After all,” he said with a smile, “Mamma went to her grave not knowing you were the one who broke her glass swan.”
A small, reluctant smile tugged at Terzo’s mouth.
“ And no one ever found out you were the one breaking into that bishop’s office to steal all the dirty books,” Secondo continued.
“ You were reading them, too,” Terzo said, and it was a real smile now.
“ You were still the one taking them,” Secondo said. “I will keep whatever secrets you want me to keep, fratello. If you want the Ministry to believe this is your baby, then it is. I don’t care. I just…I want to know what happened. If you’re all right, if Cam is all right.”
Terzo sighed, and leaned forward in the chair. “They…it was this ex-boyfriend of theirs,” he said. “They had a secret relationship for years, and when they fell pregnant they panicked because they wanted the baby but the ex was afraid of revealing the truth.”
“ Cam does not strike me as the type to put up with someone keeping them a secret,” Secondo said.
“ That’s because you know Cam now,” Terzo said, and shifted to plonk his head onto the top of the chair back. “You have no idea what it’s like here. Small towns are vicious.”
“ Is she an outcast? Like Primo’s—”
“ The opposite,” Terzo said. “No, Cam grew up the town princess, and their entire responsibility was to stay that way. Their parents told them early on they must be nothing short of perfect to protect the Satanic community, and they did that very well—at the expense of themself. So if the only shot at love they had was under strict conditions, well, it was no different from anything else in their life.” His voice was sharp, bitter.
“ I see,” said Secondo.
“ I hate when you do that therapist voice,” Terzo said. “Cam has spent the last few months learning to put herself, or at least her baby, as a priority.”
“ And what happened to the…ex-boyfriend?” Secondo asked.
Terzo smiled grimly. “He suggested Cam continue their secret relationship and got his ass handed to him. Since then he’s been avoiding them.”
“ Good,” said Secondo. “So…what changed?”
“ What do you mean? I told you, she realized she couldn’t keep prioritizing everyone else—”
“ Not with Cam,” said Secondo. “With you and Cam. Because this morning you’re touching them in a way you were not yesterday and like I said. I know you. You had sex. What changed?”
Terzo just shrugged. “We just…did. It’s fine. We’re good friends by now.”
Secondo nodded a little. “Very good friends. Are you happy, Terzo?”
“ Are you?” Terzo countered back.
“ Enough,” Secondo said. “I have my brothers, I like leading my church, I have a few…individuals…I see on a regular basis to satisfy certain needs, and friends. Some of those even cross over. But I am asking you.”
Terzo considered. “I am looking forward to the baby,” he said. “I think some part of me has always wanted to be a father, and now the opportunity is here. I am happy that Cam is going to be parenting alongside me. I am happy with Omega, even if he’s preoccupied with his new relationship—and, for that matter, I’m happy for Omega. So, yes,” he said. “I guess I am.”
“ Well, then,” Secondo said. “What more can we ask for?” He was quiet a moment. “I’m sorry, Terzo. That I didn’t call for so long.”
“ And I’m sorry that I avoided you since you got here,” said Terzo.
“ Well,” Secondo said, “it’s like I said. I am not going to be a top priority in your life now, and that’s as it should be. But still…I’m glad we’ve cleared some things between us.”
Terzo nodded. “So am I. So. Have we spent enough time talking about feelings? Can we go do something else now?”
Secondo smiled. “What is there to do in Farthing?” he asked.
Terzo considered that for a moment. “We could steal the letter ‘H’ from the town sign. Or maybe we could go bother Cam at work.”
“ The day is young, fratello,” said Secondo. “Perhaps we could do both.”
Chapter Text
Cam leaned back in Terzo’s armchair, breathing hard, pretty sure she’d left permanent finger grooves in the plush arms and equally sure he didn’t mind.
Terzo still knelt on the floor and now, he leaned his cheek against her thigh, smirking up at her.
“We should really keep count, tesoro,” he said. “See how many I can give you. I might try to set a record.”
“You can if you want,” she said, reaching up to wipe her forehead. “I don’t think I remember how to count.”
He grinned at her, then kissed her knee and started to get up, slowly so he didn’t fuck up his ears.
It was about a week after their first such encounter, and she saw no reason to stop. She’d had plenty of good sex before, but she’d never had so much fun sex. Joking around, before and after and sometimes during. Happy to experiment, which was good because her belly really was a nuisance to work around. And Terzo was extremely generous. She’d gotten him off before his marathon oral session, but honestly she was pretty sure he’d have been just as happy without.
Terzo got up to get a drink of water, then brought some over for her. She thanked him and took a drink, then sighed, leaning back in the chair.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get up in a sec,” she assured him with a sigh, and stretched out her legs, hand resting on her belly.
“There is no need to rush,” he assured her. “It might come as a surprise to you, but I really don’t mind you being here.”
Cam smiled at that. “I know, I know,” she said.
“You could…if you wanted to, you could stay the night,” he said.
For the briefest moment she considered it, but she shook her head. This was Terzo being his sweet, accommodating self and she was already pushing her luck. “I get up ninety-seven times a night to pee,” she said, which was true, too. “Thank you, but it’s okay. So is the plan for Secondo to fly out tomorrow?”
“Yes,” Terzo said. “I…I thought about inviting him back when you’re due, but I already know Copia is coming due to Ministry reasons and I don’t want to stress you out too much.”
“You have plenty of room,” she said, “and I don’t think Secondo or Copia are gonna be annoying when I’m recovering from the baby. Invite them if you want.”
“Maybe I will.” He smiled a little at her.
“Y’know, it’s funny,” she said, shifting a little in the chair. “When I used to think about it, I’d think how much I’d want it to just be me and my partner and the baby, y’know, at least at first. But now that it’s getting to reality, I kinda like the idea of a little village. Not just you and me, but Leo, your brothers, the ghouls.”
“Well,” he said, “you’ve changed a lot in all this time.”
“Have I?” she said. “I still feel like the same dumbass who came to you crying about Peter.”
Terzo smiled a little and shook his head. “You were never dumb,” he said. “But now you have more awareness that you do not have to be everything for everyone.”
“That’s true,” she said. “I think when I first thought about it…I expected to have to do the Perfect Cami thing while having to recover from birth and the idea was exhausting.”
“It would be.” He paused a moment. “I notice,” he said delicately, “that your parents aren’t necessarily on the list of people you want to see the first few weeks.”
Cam sighed a little bit. “They can visit, I guess? Maybe not the first day. Maybe not the first couple of days.” She looked down for a moment. “I love them. I do. And I know they love me. Dad’s actually been trying to talk to me about movies since he just found out we both like Indiana Jones, but at the same time, I also had to tell him the reason I like Indiana Jones is I watched his copy as a kid. He wasn’t there to see it. And Mom doesn’t really talk about…anything?”
Terzo nodded at that. “She retired this past year,” he said. “One might think she would have more time for you.”
Cam shrugged a little. “She spends time with friends, she’s started working as a sub because she can’t quite give up teaching, and…yeah. It’s for the best, really. I don’t think my parents know how to interact with me, and I don’t know how to interact with them.” She sighed. “Can you hand me my clothes? I can’t talk about this stuff naked.”
Terzo laughed and got them for her, and she stood up to get dressed.
“That’s what I tried to explain to them, though,” she said. “I’m working full-time and I’m happy to do it. But I’m going to be here for my kid. I don’t want him to grow up and none of us have anything to say to each other.”
Once she was dressed, Terzo came over to hug her. She wrapped her arms around him easily.
“And you’re going to do the same,” she said, pressing her face into his shoulder. “The kid is not going to know Peter. He’s going to know you, and you’re going to be great.”
Terzo hugged her a little harder then. “I’m going to,” he agreed quietly. “I am going to. I learned from my mother and from my brothers, and from you, I think.”
They clung to each other a little longer, and then the baby kicked and both laughed as Cam pulled away. “See?” she said. “He likes you already.”
“Enough to kick me, yes,” Terzo said with a smile. And then he kissed her cheek. “You are going to do fine. I know you will.”
“Thanks, Terzo,” she said, and sighed. “Okay. I’m going to bed. Thank you again for…” She gestured to the chair with a grin.
“Oh, anytime,” he said with a smirk of his own, and she laughed.
She headed back to her room, thinking about all of it. In a few more months their new baby would show up.
She wondered if having two loving parents would interfere with his destiny as anti-pope. Wondered if she should care. Wondered if she should feel guiltier at the idea that her baby might be more important than the Satanic church.
Chapter Text
Terzo missed his brothers, but they’d be back in a few months—not that he would have time for them.
Halloween was a major church event, and he gave a sermon that actually got some compliments. Maybe I’m learning to be a fucking priest, he thought with some amusement, but honestly, he didn’t care. He was much happier to spend the evening at home, with Cam, and the ghouls, and Leo as well. They didn’t get any trick-or-treaters because all of the Christian families avoided the Satanic houses, and all the Satanists were too worried about accidentally disrespecting the priest, but Terzo had bought a large amount of fun-sized candy bars. Just in case. No other reason.
But aside from that, and the looming threat of Thanksgiving with Cam’s family, Terzo was finding that he was, quite simply, happier than he could remember being in his life. Even as Papa, doing what he’d been bred for like a working dog, he had not felt quite so contented. His ears were doing better, Omega was happy, Leo was always over and fit in just fine…
And then there was Cam.
It wasn’t just the sex. Alongside Omega, Cam had become his dearest friend. His favorite part of the day was when she came home from work. Or maybe it was when they talked animatedly over dinner. Or maybe his favorite part was when they spent weekends lazily watching stuff together on the couch. Or maybe he couldn’t pick a favorite.
But then there was also the sex.
They had to work around Cam’s belly and increasing sore exhaustion, but Terzo certainly didn’t mind some creativity—nor did he mind some repetition. And Cam never seemed all that upset that he defaulted to going down on her, or driving her crazy with her vibrator and the dildo he’d bought because it was the same pink as her hair. Not that Cam was exactly passive, either, and he was pretty sure he was also having the best orgasms of his life by virtue of her enthusiastic participation.
“Do you know the one thing I regret about all of this stuff?” asked Cam one evening as he checked to see if her vibrator was charged. It was not, annoyingly, but that was all right, he had other ideas.
“What’s that, amico mio?” he asked, straightening up and pulling off his shirt.
“In theory, the private Prime Mover ritual sounds hot,” she said with a laugh. “And I never got to do it.”
“Does it?” he said with a little smile.
“Sure,” she said. “You bring me to an altar, call on Satan, fuck me until we both come, and fill me up to try to impregnate me? That’s hot.”
Terzo looked at her for a moment. “Well,” he said, and nodded to the bed. “A mattress seems a lot more comfortable than an altar anyway. My knees prefer it, I imagine.”
Cam let out a laugh. “I think it’s a little late, Terzo,” she said, gesturing grandly to her belly, as if he might have missed it.
“So?” he said, and then he drew her over to him and kissed her. “Satanas, I invoke thee,” he said softly, and then kissed her neck, making her gasp...and then nuzzled it, growling into it, making her laugh. It was never that serious with them, not even now. “Bless this willing vessel.” He pulled away, considering for a moment. “Can you get on your hands and knees for me, tesoro?” he asked.
“Hang on,” she said, still amused, and went over to the bed. He helped her arrange some pillows for support, and then she undressed and climbed onto the bed. “Like this?” she said.
Terzo looked at her for a moment, and reached out to adjust her a little, moving her forward. “Just like this. Good boy,” he added. Under other circumstances he might have playfully swatted her ass, since it was sticking up, but they were doing a ritual, here, there was decorum to be had. Aside from breaks for pillows. And a lot of laughter.
Okay, not much decorum.
But still, he climbed up behind her on the bed, and ran his hand up and down her back a little. “Satan, bless this union,” he said, and then he slid his fingers over her folds.
As usual she was already turned on; it didn’t take much at the moment, which was almost a pity because he would love to thoroughly seduce Cam. Maybe someday, he thought vaguely, and slid his fingers over her clit, watching her arch a little into it. He slid his thumb into her, finding her wet, feeling her tighten a little on him and knowing she wanted this.
“Satan, we are here for you, in your name,” he said, and pulled his hand away to grip her hips. Usually they didn’t do this; on occasion she rode him, but for the most part it was hands and mouths, and he didn’t mind that, in many ways he preferred that. But then his cock was at her heated entrance, and he looked down at the expanse of her back, loose constellations of moles and marks, and he reached down and stroked over her spine again, watching her relax even more under him. “Satan,” he said, and slid into her with a groan, “bless my seed…unto this vessel…” He tried to do it, tried to remember the rest of the words.
But then he was moving into her, feeling her gripping him, her body hot and soft, and he let out a hiss between his teeth. He stood there for a moment, breathing. She took all of him easily, his balls resting against her, her body gloriously sweet around him, under him. For a moment he couldn’t even remember why he was trying to remember words at all.
Ritual. Right. Fake Prime Mover Ritual. The next line…the next line was…
“Fuck it,” he said then. “Fuck the ritual.”
Cam let out a giggle, which made her body tighten on him and he swore again and grabbed her hips and started to thrust. And he could hear her, every gasp and moan, could feel when he shifted slightly and hit inside of her better, and he couldn’t reach her clit with his fingers but it didn’t matter, not with how his body was hitting her, how he fucked into her, harder and harder, until she was grinding into the pillow that supported her hips.
And he knew her now, he knew the little sounds she made, adorable little pleading sounds when she was so close.
“That’s it, tesoro,” he said. “ Non trattenerti, vieni per me et Satana—”
And when she came it felt like a vice grip on his cock, it felt like he was seeing stars, and he hadn’t even realized how close he was but suddenly he was coming, too, coming deep inside of her, flooding her with everything he had, gasping and choking.
And he very nearly collapsed on her, but he had enough of a mind to pull out and move aside, and lowered himself next to her before reaching out to help her lay down on her side. The pillows were probably filthy but he just shoved them off the bed with his foot, breathing hard.
“You okay?” asked Cam then, shifting over. “You aren’t usually on top, you didn’t move too much?”
“No, amico mio,” he managed, breathing hard still. “I also don’t usually only last…” He glanced at the clock on his nightstand. “Three minutes.”
“Fair enough,” she said with a grin, and put a hand on his chest, closing her eyes for a moment. And then she opened them. “You suck at religious roleplay,” she teased him.
“Well, we did promise each other,” he said innocently, “we would never have to perform for each other in bed, right? Only honesty.” He reached out and poked her nose, and she pretended to bite his finger, making him laugh.
“Okay, well,” she said, “honestly, that was good—that was hot—but I do not think I can do that again while I’m still pregnant. Even propped up.”
“That’s okay,” he said. “We never have to do anything.” He thought about her wording for a moment. Wondered if she meant that they’d keep doing this after she was pregnant, or if she meant that someday she might date again, might find another lover. Not someone in addition to him. Someone instead of him.
The thought sent a chill through his belly, one he knew he could not entertain a moment longer.
So he got up and went to clean himself up, and came back with a wash cloth to wipe Cam up a little, taking a moment to admire the sight of his come spilling out onto her thighs. And when he touched her between her legs, she moaned a little.
“I can’t believe you,” he teased, sitting down on the bed again. “I did all that and you are still insatiable.” But even so he put aside the washcloth and started to touch her, dragging her wetness and his come up over her clit.
“Just lucky, I guess,” she managed, and closed her eyes.
“I am so lucky,” he murmured, holding her thighs open while he touched her, not teasing, his eyes up on her face to watch her fall apart again while his thumb stroked expertly over her clit. “ Se potessi, lo farei per ore. Lo farei per sempre… Yes, yes, that’s it, amore, never hold back for me.”
And she didn’t. She came for him, as she always did, crying out, rocking her hips into his hand. And again, and he had meant what he’d said. He really would do this for hours if he could, he would do this forever, he wanted to do this forever.
And then when she came a fourth time, she whined and shifted away, too sensitive, and he let her.
“Who needs religious roleplay anyway?” she said hazily, and he laughed and patted her hip.
“Do you need anything?” he asked, shifting to lay down next to her, and on impulse he took her hand.
She shook her head and closed her eyes a moment. She had a faint smile on her face, and her hand was small and soft in his.
“It would have been something, wouldn’t it?” he said quietly.
“What?”
“If we had done the ritual,” he said. “If you and I had gotten along sooner, and we’d done this, over and over, a private ritual at the altar before Him.” He reached out, ran his hand over her cheek then down, past their chest, to trace over their belly. “That’s how it should have been. You should have been with someone who cares for you.” That didn’t come out quite how it meant, he thought. “Someone who respects you.” That was better.
Cam opened her eyes again and just smiled with a little shrug. “You know what?” she said. “I don’t care. It happened how it happened. We’re happy here, isn’t that what matters?” And then she pulled her hand away, and sighed. “We have got to stop throwing my clothes on the floor. You’d think we’d have learned by now.”
He got up and retrieved them for her. “Ah, well, it’s practically tradition by this point,” he said.
Cam laughed a little, then got up and got dressed. “Thanks, Terzo,” she said.
“Always. And thank you.” He watched them for a moment. The careful step they did into their underwear, the way their dress always caught on their ass before they tugged it down. They had buzzed their hair down again a few weeks ago, and touched up the pink.
And for a moment he almost opened his mouth to say something stupid, but luckily he caught himself.
“Sleep well, am-amico mio,” he said.
“You, too,” she said, and she leaned in to give him a goodbye kiss on the cheek, and didn’t linger.
He watched her go, and wondered just how he’d been so stupid.
She closed the door, and Terzo groaned, and dropped his head onto the bed, too hard, leaving his ears ringing and his heart aching.
Chapter Text
“We don’t have to go to your parents’ for Thanksgiving,” Terzo reminded Cam even as they were in the car.
“I know,” she said. “But it’s going to kinda be the last one, you know? Because after this we’ll have our own family stuff to do. Or I hope so.”
Cam was wearing stretch pants and a maternity top under their jacket, which was unbuttoned. They looked, when they were standing, like a rising moon, and they still had at least a month left to go.
Terzo had a bag of food in his lap. Ash had put together a bunch of salt-free Thanksgiving sides that they could heat up again before dinnertime, so in theory as long as he went easy on the turkey, there shouldn’t be a problem. In all his years in this country, Terzo had never actually gone to a Thanksgiving dinner. Apparently it was a whole event, since Cam also had a few cousins who would be visiting, and maybe an uncle? Details had been a little unclear.
“I’m just saying,” he said, “I don’t think it’s too late to go with Omega to Leo’s parents’ house.”
Cam sighed. “Look,” she said. “I know how they are, but they’re still my parents. Okay?”
“Okay,” Terzo said quickly, because Cam was clearly tense enough without his help. He reached out and rubbed her shoulder a little. “It’ll be fine. We’ll have a nice dinner, yes?”
Cam sighed and relaxed a little under his touch. “Yeah,” she agreed. “It’ll be good.”
They got out of the car and he held the bag of food from Ash as Cam rang the bell.
Her mother answered, looking quite pretty, wearing a nice dress and earrings. “Come on in, Cam. And Father Emeritus, it was so nice of you to join us.”
“Well,” he said, “it was kind of you to offer me a place at your table, Mrs. Sinclair.”
She took the bag from him and promised that it would be hot by dinner while Cam’s father arrived to take coats.
“Father Emeritus,” he greeted politely. “You can both head to the living room. We’re starting cocktails. None for Cam, I know. Would you like one, Father?”
“Thank you, no,” he said. “And you can call me Terzo.”
“Could Terzo and I get ginger ales, please, Dad?” asked Cam.
“Of course,” he said, and disappeared to retrieve those.
In the living room were several individuals that Terzo didn’t know, but would soon, judging from how one of them shrieked with delight and immediately came over to fuss over Cam’s belly.
“You’re huge!” she said.
“I noticed,” Cam said with a laugh. “Terzo, my cousin Lilith, and her sister Eve is over there.” She tried to introduce the rest, but they were all talking over each other and Terzo couldn’t quite pick out any of the names. There were cousins, cousins’ spouses, cousins’ kids, an uncle as he’d remembered, and so on, but Terzo hoped very much he wouldn’t be quizzed on any of this later.
“Well,” said one of the cousins as Cam’s father came out with two ginger ales for them. Cam thanked him and he gave an awkward thumbs up before disappearing again to the safety of the kitchen. “Of all the people having babies, I did not expect it to be you, Cam!”
Cam just smiled. It had been so long that Terzo had almost forgotten what Perfect Cam looked like, but there she was, the gracious smile and the flawless poise. “I was very lucky. How have you been? Are you still working for that facility in Georgia?”
They chatted a little, and Terzo took a drink of his ginger ale, then decided this was boring and went over to see the kids’ coloring at the coffee table. He had meant to just compliment them on their coloring and move on, but somehow he found himself sitting on the floor with a printed out turkey and a box of crayons.
“Let’s see,” he said to one of the kids. “Do I use the blue crayon for the turkey, do you think?”
“Noooo,” said one of the kids.
“If you want to, you can have a blue turkey,” said another one philosophically. “When you color you can do whatever you want.”
“Some turkeys have blue heads,” said another kid.
Terzo smiled and colored his turkey blue, trying to listen to the adult conversation but kind of glad he couldn’t hear part of it. There were discussions about work and layoffs, and one attempt at politics that very quickly got shut down by everyone else in the room. The kids’ conversation revolved around some cartoon characters he didn’t recognize, and Star Wars, which he did and could participate in.
Eventually he finished his turkey and showed it to the kids, who applauded him.
“You should give it to your wife,” said one kid sagely.
“Oh, Cam isn’t my wife,” he said.
“Do you have a wife?”
“Mm, no,” he said. “I have Cam, and they’re my friend, and Omega who is also my friend, but he’s not here.”
“So you should give it to Cam ‘cause they’re here,” he said, with exaggerated patience, as if Terzo were particularly slow.
Terzo got up carefully, groaning a little, which amused the kids and probably was funny, except he hadn’t been exaggerating. He grabbed his ginger ale and went back over to Cam, who smiled at him.
“I was told I should give this to you,” he said somberly.
She took it and grinned. “Should we put this on the fridge at home?” she asked.
“I’ll be offended if we don’t,” he answered.
Cam laughed and folded it to fit in their pocket, and he sat next to them again, having had enough of the floor even if the kids were better company, and seriously considered asking the adults who their favorite Jedi was.
But before he could, one of the cousins—Eve—said, “Cami, can I ask you something personal?”
He didn’t even have to look, he just felt Cam tense up, and without thinking he took their hand. “I wouldn’t,” he said before Cam answered. “Pregnant people get asked enough personal and invasive questions, don’t you think?”
Cam gave him a grateful look.
“It’s just,” Eve said, “I mean, I’m happy for you, but you got that surgery. How are you going to feed your baby?”
“I’m going to breastfeed,” Terzo said without thinking, and everyone looked at him. “It should be obvious. Cam is having the baby so I’m breastfeeding. It’s only fair. Any other questions?”
Next to him, Cam started giggling, and so did a few of the other cousins.
“It’s not funny,” Eve said.
“Oh, well,” Terzo said. “We have a month. Maybe by the time Cam has the baby they’ll create something, some sort of solution…a formula, if you will…so that people can feed babies.”
Eve looked pinched for a moment, but her sister Lilith rolled her eyes. “Shut up, Eve,” she said. “If the next words outta your mouth are ‘breast is best’ I’m gonna pitch you out Uncle Anthony’s front window and you’ll pay for it.”
“Can we maybe not talk about this anymore?” said a visibly uncomfortable teenaged boy.
“Sounds good to me,” Cam said. “So how did y’all like that pothole coming off the freeway?”
The conversation moved forward, and Terzo participated in some of it, but he was exceedingly grateful when Cam’s mother came in. “Dinner’s ready! We’re doing a buffet in the kitchen. So, Father Emeritus and Alastor have special diets, and of course Cami’s pregnant, so let them go through first, and then anyone getting food together for littles, and then we’ll all go for it.”
Terzo was glad of that, and he did take a little turkey as well as the sides Ash had made for him—there was plenty, some kind of sugary sweet potato concoction, a cranberry salad, scalloped potatoes with Swiss cheese, and lemon green beans. Even sticking to small servings of the food he’d brought, his plate was loaded by the time he was through. He was briefly tempted by the Sinclairs’ glorious macaroni and cheese, but he remembered his promise to Cam and the fact that he’d felt less shitty since sticking to his diet, and heroically passed it up.
He sat next to Cam, thankfully at a corner so he didn’t have to bump elbows with anyone else.
“Thanksgiving must be a weird tradition to you,” said Uncle Whoever. “Just a bunch of Americans getting together to chow down.”
Terzo shrugged. “I am a Satanic priest, I will look down on no one for indulging. The history of it is a little more troubling, but Cam wanted a chance to see the family before things get too busy and so I certainly am not going to object to that.”
“Where are you from, anyway, Father?” asked some cousin.
He talked about his hometown in Italy, and there was some discussion about travel and food that was not unpleasant.
“Have you ever left the country, Cam?” asked one of the cousins.
Cam shook her head. “Nope. Never got the chance.”
“Of course not!” said her father proudly. “Cami’s been working at the restaurant since she was a kid, except four years at college.”
“We’re thinking of traveling to Europe once Anthony retires,” said Cam’s mother. “It might be nice to see a few places. That’s if Anthony ever retires,” she added with a laugh.
“Oh, that’s Anthony,” said the uncle, his brother from what Terzo gathered. “He always worked too hard.”
“Well,” said Anthony with a shrug, “I like the job. Besides, Cam has a few years to spend doing the mommy thing before she can go back to focusing on the restaurant.”
Once again, Terzo felt Cam stiffen next to him.
“So you’re taking some years off?” asked one of the cousins.
“No, that’s not the plan,” Cam said. She glanced over at her father, then said, “My parents just think that if you aren’t working upwards of eighty hours a week, you aren’t really dedicated to something.” She was trying very hard to say it jokingly, but her voice was too tight.
Silence fell for a moment.
“Well!” said Lana, about to change the subject, with that pleasant smile Terzo used to see all the time on Cam. “What can I say, we’re hard-working people. I hear you’ve got a—”
“No, Lana,” said Anthony then. “I think Cam is trying to say something. What is it, Cam?”
“Nothing,” Cam said, but everyone was looking at her now, and she sighed. “Look. I’m never going to be working at that restaurant the way you did. You can retire, I can keep the thing afloat, but I refuse to break my back to do it.”
Terzo ate some sweet potatoes, eyes flicking back and forth between Cam and their parents.
“Your father broke his back for a reason, Cam,” said Lana. “We both put in all those hours for you—”
“I never saw you,” Cam said. “We get together now and again and you never know what to talk to me about except the restaurant. I’m not doing that to my kid. My kid is going to be my top priority.”
“You were our top priority,” said Anthony, frowning a little. “That restaurant is for you. I started it so you could inherit it someday—”
Cam slammed down her fork then. “Maybe I never wanted a fucking restaurant!”
Everything had been quiet. Now it went dead still. Even the little kids at the card table in the next room were silent.
“Maybe when I was a kid I wanted to be a—a writer or an artist or a fighter pilot or an accountant,” she said. “Maybe I wanted to figure out what I wanted, but I never could . Instead I was here, being—being your statue-perfect Satanic child, making sure I never argued with anyone or stood up for myself or failed at anything. And I was working at the fucking Caroliner Diner rolling forks into napkins after school when I wanted to join the drama club, and I went to college for restaurant management when I would have loved to study arts, and I came home and I looked pretty and smiled and volunteered everywhere so that everyone would think I was the bestest most perfect Satanist ever because that was my responsibility, it was all my responsibility.”
She might have kept going, but she choked on a sob then, and then she got up from the table, knocking back her chair, and almost losing her balance. Terzo jumped up to help and, to their credit, so did several relatives, but Cam caught herself.
And then she looked around at everyone a moment, before she looked back at her parents, jaw hardening. “You know what? I was wrong. I am quitting my job. You love the restaurant so fucking much, you can have that instead of me.” And with that she stormed out of the room.
Terzo took a brief, regretful look at his sweet potatoes, but he followed Cam, getting his phone out to text Omega. “It’s not too late,” he said in the entryway, “we could still go to Leo’s par—”
“No,” she said, grabbing her coat off the rack and knocking down several others. “Fuck. No, I don’t want to go anywhere, I just want to go home.”
Terzo bent to pick up dropped coats, giving hers over and finding his.
And then Anthony Sinclair appeared in the doorway.
“Cam,” he said.
“I have no desire to talk to you right now,” she said through gritted teeth.
There was quiet for a moment.
“Um,” he said. “I’ll mark it as you starting your maternity leave. And—and you just—you’ll be on it for a while. And then vacation time. So you have the insurance still.”
Cam looked up at him for a moment, then sighed. “Thanks, I guess,” she said. “I appreciate that. But I mean it. I’m not coming back after the baby. I’ll work somewhere, but I just—I can’t come back to the diner. I wish I could explain it, but I can’t.”
Anthony was quiet for a moment as well. “Will you come back here?” he asked, quietly, and his voice actually broke a little.
Cam looked down. “I don’t know,” she said.
“Your mother and I…” He hesitated. “I didn’t know. I didn’t realize we were doing that. I—we did love you. We do love you.”
“I know,” she said. “That’s the worst of it. I know you do. And in a way I am grateful for everything but I—you have no idea the shit I’ve gone through and kept buried because I couldn’t risk anyone seeing me fail or suffer. I don’t even know if you know who I am under all of that, if you’d even still love me if you knew me.”
And then from behind her father came another voice. “I think we would.”
Cam’s mother pushed out from behind her father.
“If you let us get to know you,” said Lana, uncertainly. “Maybe we could try.”
Cam looked at them for a long moment. “Maybe,” she said, quietly. “I don’t know. I’m about to have my own baby. I need to focus on my family.”
“I understand,” said Lana. “But—but maybe someday.”
Terzo’s phone buzzed, and he touched Cam’s arm. “He’s here, but he can wait—”
“No,” she said. “We can go.” But she lingered for a moment there anyway. Her cheeks were red, anger or tears or embarrassment Terzo didn’t know.
A normal family might have hugged, but even now, Cam’s parents were very sorry but lacked any warmth. They didn’t move towards each other, just all stood in the hallway, a few feet and thirty-eight years of silence between them.
“Sorry for ruining Thanksgiving,” she said finally.
“It was the most interesting Thanksgiving we’ve had in a few years,” said Anthony.
Cam, surprisingly, let out a laugh at that, a laugh that sounded like a sob. “Yeah, well,” she said, “um. See you, I guess.”
“Bye, Cam,” said Lana Sinclair.
And they left the house. Omega was waiting patiently in the car in the driveway, Leo in the passenger seat.
“I’m proud of you,” Terzo said, quietly, as they approached.
“For what?” she asked, and let out a shaky, wet laugh. “For going bonkers on my family? For quitting my fucking job without anything lined up, like an idiot?”
“For saying what needed to be said,” he said. “For finally letting go of Perfect Cam.”
“Yeah, well, Perfect Cam had things much easier,” she said.
“No, they didn’t,” he said, and opened the car door for them. “They just didn’t let anyone else know how hard it was.”
Chapter Text
Leo didn’t ask what had happened, just reached back to hold Cam’s hand, and Cam squeezed back.
“You guys go back to Leo’s parents,” she said when they reached Terzo’s house. Her house, now, and she looked up a moment. Bog’s carefully-tended garden was largely dormant, but some autumn flowers dotted the sides. The house really was a ridiculous eyesore, though. Her eyes traveled over the wood lace, the cornices, the elaborately carved pillars, the unnecessary cupola. Who made you like this? she wondered. What were they trying to prove?
“Are you sure?” Leo asked. “There’s room for you, you know. My parents love you.”
“I know,” she said, and swallowed hard. “I think maybe I can’t handle that right now.”
Terzo came and put a hand on her back. “Come on, amico mio,” he said softly. “We’ll go in. It’s okay.”
They went back inside. “We didn’t finish dinner,” Terzo said. “Are you hungry?”
“Oh, damn,” said Cam. “We left the stuff Ash made you. And his casserole dishes. I just completely forgot.”
“It’s okay,” he assured her, leading her into the kitchen, spotless as always thanks to Bog. “I will make you something. Do you want more Thanksgiving food? We don’t have turkey but I could cook a chicken breast and some sides.”
“No,” she said with a sigh, sitting down heavily at the kitchen table. “I don’t. Thanks. Something easy, don’t go to any trouble.”
Terzo looked back at her, and smiled a little. “You know,” he said, “sometimes you are worth trouble. Have you ever thought of that?” And then he ran his fingers lightly over her short hair, and she closed her eyes a moment.
“Maybe,” she said. “Maybe so. But maybe I’d rather have company than you sitting here making mashed potatoes and stuffing and whatever.”
“Ah,” Terzo said. “That’s another matter.” He stepped away, taking the warmth of his hand with him, and she opened her eyes again as he opened the freezer. “Hah!” He pulled out a shrink-wrapped pizza, one of Ash’s good homemade ones. “I thought he might have one of these. I will heat this, yes?”
She nodded a little, and sighed, leaning back. The baby was practically kicking her ribs, probably wondering where the rest of his dinner was, but she felt…okay, actually. Tired a little, slightly embarrassed from some lingering need to never really make a fuss, but…okay.
She was here. She was here and she was safe. Her friends had shown up when she needed them to—even Ash was helping, having the pizza handy, and he wasn’t even here. And…
“I don’t have to go back to the fucking restaurant,” she said.
“No, you don’t,” he agreed, closing the oven door, then coming over. “You’ll be more comfortable in the living room, caro, why don’t we go out there?”
She let him help her up. That was the other thing. Terzo was here. Terzo was taking care of her, without question. And they headed to the living room, but she stopped him before sitting down and hugged him, hard, having to twist her belly out of the way but trying to show him how much she appreciated him.
“Thank you for that,” he said, hugging her back. She liked that he wasn’t very tall; it made it a lot easier to feel his arms tight around her. “Any particular reason?”
“Do I need one?” she asked with a smile. “But…just…thank you.” She let him go and sank onto the couch with a groan.
“You never need to thank me,” he said softly, and sat down with her. “Now. We have Thanksgiving to ourselves. We have a pizza in the oven. What shall we do?”
They spent the rest of their evening watching Velocipastor on the couch, about a pastor who turned into a dinosaur. It took most of the evening because they kept pausing to laugh about it or to add ideas or simply to talk about something that came to their minds.
“If I had seen that as a boy,” he said at the end, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes, “I would have prayed to Satan every single night to give me dinosaur powers when I became a priest someday. We should show it to the baby when he’s older. Inspire him.”
Cam had been laughing, but now they fell silent. Their hand went to their belly again, where the baby was moving a little.
“Cami?” he said.
“I don’t want…” She hesitated, trying to find wording. “I spent my whole life without any choices,” she said. “Now I’m free of the restaurant and I genuinely don’t know what I’m going to do. You spent your whole life without any choices, and when you retired as Papa, you didn’t have anything left you wanted.”
Terzo sobered, and studied her for a moment. “You don’t want that to happen to the baby, do you?”
Cam shook their head. “I know. I know the whole point of this is that I’m supposed to be producing someone who will go into the priesthood and become papa someday. I know so far this is the only Emeritus heir. But I don’t…I don’t want…” She sighed. “I want to raise him in the faith, but I want him to know it’s okay if he quits. I want to raise him to know he could be papa someday, but...he doesn’t have to be. I don’t want him to have to be anything. And I don’t ever want him to think he has to be anything.”
And now she was blinking away tears.
Terzo reached up then, and cupped her face. “He doesn’t,” he said.
“What do you mean? I’m your Prime Mover, or at least—”
“I don’t care,” Terzo said. “Satanism has never been about—about destinies, and rules, and demands. Lucifer threw himself from heaven to avoid all of that. Your parents, my father, all of it—they were devout in their way, but they lost the plot. In their devotion, they forgot the tenets. They forgot to let themselves fall.”
And then, to her surprise, he leaned over and kissed her softly, and leaned his forehead to hers.
“We will raise him with every advantage,” he said, “but what he wants to do with it is his choice. Forever and always. And that fact will never, ever be a secret from him.”
She let out a soft sound, closing her eyes. Feeling his warm breath on her cheeks, feeling his promises.
“His only job is to be a child,” he continued. “And if anyone tries to get in the way of that, I’ll be the first to quit the priesthood and move him away from all of this, and let the Ministry crash and burn behind me.”
Her eyes snapped open, and she looked up at him. “Really?”
“Really,” Terzo said. “If the Satanic Ministry is making him less than he should be, then we don’t need it.” He pulled away then. “I am going to be what my father was not. Attentive, yes. But I am also going to know the child, and I am going to put him first. Just like you will.
Cam nodded, swallowing hard.
“Cam?” he said then, and he took her hand. “Come to bed with me.”
“Terzo, I’m not up for—”
“I’m not asking for sex,” he said. He looked at her then, his eyes meeting hers. “I’m asking you to come to bed with me. And…” He hesitated. “And stay there.”
“What, for good? Can’t I get up?” she asked with a smile, but he didn’t take the bait, didn’t start joking with her.
“Cami,” he said. His voice was soft and low and beautiful. She started to sink into it, letting the sweetness of it wash over her. “Stay with me tonight. And—and tomorrow,” he said, “let me take you out. Somewhere. A date. A real date. In public. So everyone can know, everyone can see that I…” His voice was husky now, and he had to catch his breath. “That I love you.”
She took in a sharp breath, listening to his honeyed words, feeling his nearness. Imagining it. Imagined holding hands with him in public, imagined him kissing her before everyone, imagined everyone knowing they cared for each other. Imagined admitting that yes, she did. She did more than she had ever realized, or perhaps more than she had ever admitted to herself. Because she’d known it wasn’t safe, because she’d known how she’d arrived into his life…
She pulled away then. “Would you really want that?” she asked. “Dating—being in love with—someone who you know is carrying someone else’s baby, someone who—”
“Shh,” he said. “How can you have been here for so long, heard me, seen me, and still think that’s anyone else’s baby?” And his hand slid down to her belly, and his lips moved to her cheek. “This has always been my child. You know this. And even if you say no, even if you do not want me, even if you never want me…he will be mine.” He took a deep breath. “But…but what I want to know is…are you?”
And Cam closed her eyes, feeling his lips against her skin, his hand on her.
“Are you mine, Cami?” he whispered, his breath soft as another kiss against her cheek.
“Yes,” she whispered, and felt her heart catch at the admission, and not with fear. “And I think I’ve always been.”
“Good,” he said softly, and then he let out a fragile little laugh, relieved. And then he kissed her again. “Good, amore mio. Because I am yours, too. Now…will you come to bed with me?”
“You know, I still get up a lot,” she said, but she smiled at him, and leaned in to kiss him back again. “Your son is constantly dancing on my bladder, it can’t be helped.”
“That’s fine,” he said, and got up, and helped her up off the couch. “As long as you come back to me in between.”
Chapter Text
For the first time in a very long time, Cam woke up with someone she loved. Someone who loved her back.
Terzo was wrapped around her like an extra sheet. This wouldn’t have been a problem, except that she was sweaty and had to pee desperately. She tried to extract herself, but the Emeritus line apparently contained octopus DNA because he held on even tighter and possibly sprouted extra limbs in the process.
“ Terzo,” she hissed at him, but he was motionless. Too fucking deaf, she thought fondly, and shifted enough to kiss him.
That woke him up, and his eyes opened, the dark and white gazing softly into hers. “Good morning, amore mio,” he said.
“Good morning, amore mio,” she echoed back, making his smile spread further. “Now, can you release me before I piss your bed, O Beloved?”
He let go of her so quickly she had to fight not to laugh, and then she managed to get up and make her way to the bathroom.
When she got back he was still in bed, and smiled softly when she came back over, pulling her into bed with him for another soft kiss. “A perfect morning,” he murmured against her lips. “Or nearly perfect.”
“What’s nearly about it?” she asked, wondering if she’d done something wrong.
“Well,” he said, “you’re dressed. That could be fixed.”
She let out a laugh. “Ash will be here with breakfast any minute.”
He got up then, got out on his side of the bed, and crossed the room. There he locked the door. “Now he won’t,” he said. “He respects locks.”
Cam stared at him for a moment.
“What?”
“I…didn’t realize the doors locked,” she said. “I was just sort of resigned to Ash coming in whenever he decided I needed breakfast.” But since Terzo had ensured that he wouldn’t, she pulled her cheap nightgown over her head and let it fall, and then went to work on her underwear.
“Sorry I never clarified,” he said, undressing as well before he climbed back into bed. “So I am thinking, since I love you and all,” he said, smiling as he said it, “that I should make you come. A lot.”
“You do that anyway.”
“Yes,” he said, “but now I want to do it while you know I love you.”
She grinned and kissed him softly. “Maybe I want to do the same.”
“Maybe you do, but me first,” he said.
“Did you actually charge the vibe this time?” she asked. “Or is it still dead?”
He winced. “Sorry, amore,” he said. “But I have a better idea.” He started to lay down, and gestured. “Get up here.”
She smiled and climbed up onto him, straddling him. Already he was half-hard—
But he shook his head. “Not there,” he said, and beckoned her. “Up here.”
Cam’s eyes went wide, and she started forward a little, not climbing very well because of her damned belly, and stopped midway. “Terzo, I can’t.”
“Of course you can,” he said.
“Terzo, I’m huge,” they answered. “I’ll kill you. You’ll be like that Puritan guy who got crushed by rocks.”
“No,” he said, “I would be the envy of that guy. As if it wouldn’t be an honor to die between someone’s thighs and my mouth on their crotch. In fact, when it’s my time, I hope that’s how I go.”
“This is not reassuring,” she said, even as she fought back laughter.
“Tesoro, it’s easy enough,” he said. “You hold onto the headboard, take some of your weight on that and your knees, and my hands are on your hips. Yes? And if I need you to move, I tap your thigh and you get off me.” He smiled at her. “I promise. I can handle you. And I want to do this for you.”
She took a look at his smile, that easy warmth and his soft eyes. “I can never say no to you,” she admitted.
“Good, then don’t try,” he said. “Come here, amore. Trust me.”
And so she did as he said. He had moved far enough down the bed that she didn’t collide with anything, climbing up over his face. His hands went to her thighs as soon as she was close enough, guiding her closer. Her fingers clutched the headboard, and she leaned forward a little, trying to let it take her weight.
“That’s it, amore, good boy,” he said, and they let out a soft sound, his words brushing over their spread folds. “You know, the Puritan man was named Giles Corey. Do you know his last words?”
“N-no,” she said, feeling his lips just brushing against her clit as he spoke.
And he stretched up, just a bit, and kissed her there, all heat and softness, and she closed her eyes. “More weight,” he said, and pulled her down a little.
And then it didn’t matter. His mouth was hot against them, and with Cam’s legs spread around his head, with gravity bringing them to his eager tongue and lips, it didn’t matter that they were over him—they were defenseless, helpless against him. He licked and sucked, and they moaned and had to fight not to rock against his face. But his fingers sank into their hips harder, and he moved into it, matching their movements. Matching their need with his own, devouring them from below until they felt like they might fly apart before they came, until they felt like their whole body, heart, and soul were there against his mouth.
And when they came they cried out, almost falling forward against the headboard, but he held them in place still, supporting them, and gently pushed them back onto his chest while the last aftershocks rattled through them. His grin was broad and filthy, his mouth obscene with Cam’s wetness, and the sight of it made Cam let out another moan and, to their own surprise, buck a little against his chest, making him let out a sharp sound at their weight shifting.
“Down,” he said, gently pushing them back. “You aren’t done. I’m not done. Come here, amore, I’ve got you.”
He helped their awkward body to move down, down, until their thighs were around his hips again, his cock hard and throbbing against their clit, and they moaned, grinding against him, making him choke out. His fingers gripped their hips again, short nails leaving little half-moons in their skin, helping them, guiding them onto his cock.
They were wet and hot, sliding easily down onto him, his small cock curving so perfectly into them, as if he’d been made with their body in mind, head pressing deliciously into the front wall so they were gasping, clenching on him as their body settled in against his.
“Bellissimo,” he groaned. “Sei stato creato per me, non è vero?”
“Terzo,” they whined, and moved, not thrusting but grinding against him, their clit against his pelvic bone, making both of them mad with it.
He moved back against them. “Louder, amore. Make sure I hear you.”
“Fuck,” she managed, and she moved again, again, his hands helping, his body so good, both of them settling into a rhythm.
Her clit throbbed against him and she knew he could feel it, just as she could feel his cock twitching in time. And for a moment they were perfect, neither performing, neither anything except themselves and together, bodies flowing together until she didn’t know where one ended and the other began, rocking against each other. Her breath escaped in ragged gasps, but she remembered what he said, remembered his ears, and didn’t hold back, just let out frantic moans and whimpers and cries, let his name spill past her lips like a prayer, the only prayer that mattered.
She came again, moving against him, whining out his name and watching his throat as his head fell back, absorbed in the feel and sound of her, her taste still lingering on his lips like a kiss.
And then he grabbed their hips, holding them in place, and he thrust up hard, and again, sliding into them over and over, his body grinding into theirs, and they came again, and he pulled them down onto him as he did the same, pouring into them so they could feel it spilling thick and wet down onto his cock in turn, onto him, making a mess of them both.
But after, he helped them to lay next to him, on their side, drawing one of their legs over his and turning to face them. He leaned forward to kiss them, and they could taste themself on his tongue and didn’t care, kissing him back slowly, sweetly.
When she pulled away he smiled at her again. “I can’t wait, you know,” he said.
“For what?” she asked, shifting as close as she could with her belly in the way.
“For taking you out tonight,” he said. “For going to bed with you again. For the baby. For everything. All of it.” He kissed her nose then, and her cheek, and her neck, and then he nuzzled her there to make her giggle, and she did, laughing too close to his ear, and he pulled away again to smile at her. “You have given me a life to be excited about, amore,” he said softly then, and lay his head down.
Cam smiled back at him again, and took his hand. She brought his knuckles to her lips and kissed them. “So have you,” she said. “Hey, Terzo?”
“Yes, amore?” he asked. He was saying that so much more than he had ever called her amico, and she had a feeling she wouldn’t be hearing her name much anymore, because he seemed so excited every time he said it.
“What…what do you think about moving?” she asked, a little tentatively. “Sometime after the baby’s born, someday. Starting over somewhere? You could be a priest somewhere else, I could find a job or go back to school. Or, hell, you don’t even have to be a priest. You could retire and just play guitar and read your architecture books. You’d have pension, and we’d have the Prime Mover money from the Ministry…” And then she thought about it, and shook her head. “No, never mind. You and I can’t leave Omega and Leo, and I’m not splitting them up either. I’ll figure it out here.” She started to get up.
Terzo took her hand then, stopping her. “And what if we talked to Omega and Leo?” he asked. “What if Leo wanted to move, too?”
She looked back at Terzo. “You think?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. But we won’t know unless we talk to them, will we? And…and it might be nice. Maybe we could move to live near one of my brothers, or…or something. But would you be okay?” he asked. “You’ve lived here your whole life.”
Cam closed her eyes a moment. “I’ve had Farthing’s weight on my shoulders my whole life, you mean,” she said. “Maybe I could go somewhere I’ve never been perfect.”
He smiled and kissed her hand. “We’ll talk about it,” he said. “We’ll see what happens.”
“Okay,” she said. And then she sighed. “But I need you to let me go.” Because plans and love and a future together were all well and good, but in the present, she had to pee again.
Chapter 30
Notes:
Last chapter will be up tomorrow! ♥
Chapter Text
December 26th was known to many people as Boxing Day, and many more people as the day after Christmas, but to Satanists it was Antichristmas. The day before the Christians celebrated the birth of their God, and this was the day Satanists celebrated his eventual downfall.
In a few days, Frater Imperator and Secondo would both arrive to Terzo’s house, so they’d be around for Cam’s due date. In the meantime, Terzo gave a sermon in the morning to the faithful of Farthing, but his mind was not on it, not that it usually was. Cam was huge and unwieldy and was starting to go into false labor now and again, which was perfectly normal but made his heart seize every single time. She had elected, for once in her damned life, to stay home from church. Terzo had kissed her goodbye, firmly told “piccolino” in her womb to behave, and now all he wanted was to go home and spend the rest of the holiday quietly. There were gifts, and Ash was cooking up a storm, even if Cam had threatened to shoot the smoke detector next time Ash set it off, and Leo was spending the holiday with them, and…
And when they arrived home, Omega stiffened in the car, eyes blazing purple.
“Change of plans,” he announced, and he was bursting into the house before Terzo could get there, though he was not far after.
Omega led the way to a rather sweaty Cam on the sofa. Leo was sitting with her, clutching her hand. Bog was standing at attention as well, putting a cold hand on Cam’s forehead, eerie appearance looking very much like they were stealing their soul even if all they did was offer comfort.
“H-hi,” Cam said. “It’s okay,” she said to the others, “Terzo’s here, he can help—”
“Hospital,” Omega said, as he had said once before, months and months ago, on another occasion of a very sweaty Cam trying to be nonchalant.
“Hospital?” repeated Cam.
“Now,” he said.
“I’m not actually due until next week, though,” Cam said, even as Leo got her coat.
“I don’t think the baby cares, amore,” Terzo said, and that was the last clear memory he had for the next several hours.
Later, he remembered helping Cam pace the hospital hallway to encourage things along. He remembered yelling at a nurse to hurry up with the fucking epidural please . He remembered Cam’s hand too tight on his, and he remembered gripping Omega’s in turn because Cam had insisted on him and Leo in the room as well. He remembered Cam screaming, and he knew his ears would suffer for it but he sure as fuck wasn’t going to move.
And then he remembered a baby crying, and his ears were ringing, and somehow it was so beautiful he couldn’t stand it and he was pretty sure he was crying too and it didn’t matter, none of it mattered.
When the baby was dried off he was given to Cam, who took him and held him close, her tear-streaked face soft, and Terzo leaned in close, too.
Blake Emeritus was slightly on the red side, with a thick thatch of dark hair. He’d chosen to make his way into the world a bit early but, judging from his screwed up, grumpy little face, he wasn’t impressed with it yet.
“Hi, Blake,” said Cam softly, and touched the baby’s face with a shaky finger. “He’s beautiful. Look at him, Terzo, he’s beautiful.”
“He is,” said Terzo, and reached up to stroke her short and sweaty hair. “Benvenuto, piccolino.” He was leaning in close, not quite in the bed with Cam but very nearly. Omega and Leo slipped away in all of this, to get Cam some takeout and maybe something for Terzo, too.
A nurse came in to weigh the baby and take measurements and give him an impossibly tiny wristband, and Terzo didn’t honestly care for that at all because he wanted the baby back here with Cam and him. But another nurse was checking on Cam and saying something about stitches that made Terzo wince. And he was holding her hand and kissing it and babbling about how brave and strong and smart she was, most of it not in English, so maybe it was for the best. He didn’t want baby Blake to think he was some kind of idiot, after all.
The nurse came back over. “I was going to call the doctor about his eyes,” she said, returning the baby to Cam’s arms, “but then I realized he must have inherited it from his daddy, so it’s nothing to worry about.”
“What do you mean?” Cam asked, but then Blake squinted up at them from the midst of his pouty face and she fell silent, and so did Terzo, just as confused as she was.
Cam had green eyes. Peter March had brown eyes. Terzo hadn’t been worried about it; baby’s eyes didn’t always stay the same color anyway, but even without that, whatever turned up would be easy to explain away.
But neither of them had expected Blake to regard Terzo with the same eerie eyes he had. One dark green, darker than Cam’s, but one pale, so pale it looked white.
Emeritus eyes. Eyes blessed or cursed by Satan, supposedly. Eyes that all the children of Nihil had.
And now Nihil’s grandchild as well.
Cam and Terzo looked at each other. With the nurse there, neither of them could ask. Later they might speculate. Had Blake been chosen by Satan after all? Had something gotten esoterically mixed up somehow, with them pretending to do the ritual? Was it a very, very unlikely coincidence, a quirk of genetics that just somehow turned up this way?
They had no way of knowing. And they didn’t care, either. Cam held the baby, and then decided it was Terzo’s turn, and Terzo almost declined because Blake was so tiny and so fragile and he was clumsy Terzo with ringing ears, but then he was holding him and he was actually amazed that he could bear so much love for such a small person.
Secondo, he knew, was now on a flight to come out, and Copia would come soon after, as Frater Imperator—and as Uncle Copia. Blake would be dedicated to the Church of the Ministry of Satan, but Cam, Terzo, ghouls, and uncles would be dedicated to Blake.
News traveled fast in Farthing, and almost everyone who might care knew already, of course. Peter March was drinking heavily in his home and wondering just where he’d gone wrong. Anthony Sinclair, for once, had closed the Caroliner Diner, and the elder Sinclairs were praying to Satan in the privacy of their home that Cam and the baby would be safe and healthy. A few people reflected that Cam used to be such a selfless person and that pregnancy had changed them for the worse; one or two thought perhaps it was for the better; but truthfully, most didn’t think about them at all.
But none of that mattered in this little room. It was just the three of them, a little family within a larger family, part of a whole village to help that had nothing to do with Farthing and everything to do with love in any number of forms.
In his father’s arms, Blake fell asleep, safe and secure. He didn’t know he was the heir to the papacy or, for that matter, probably to the Caroliner Diner. He just knew he was cozy and warm in a world that was bright and loud and confusing but had a lot of people who loved him.
And Terzo, setting the baby gently in the little plastic bassinet, was content in the same knowledge.
Chapter 31: Epilogue
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Eleven months later
“And I think,” Secondo was saying, “if we come in this room we shall find—yes, indeed we have, Blake, we have found your Mamma and Papà!”
He swooshed in the baby, who squealed with laughter before Secondo set him down in the middle of their new living room. Terzo set down a large cardboard box near Blake so he could play with it, and sat down on the floor with him, wiping his brow and rubbing the place in front of his ear that suggested the pressure was a bit much today. “Thank you for watching Blake while we finished unpacking, Secondo,” he said, and poked at the baby. “The ghouls are helping Leo finish moving his things, but we wanted to get a start on this.”
“It is no trouble,” Secondo said, patting the baby on the head and pushing the box towards him before easing himself down into an armchair. “I’m doing my best to become favorite uncle, although there is a lot of competition. Leo and Omega are an unmatched force, and Copia is cheating by sending so many gifts still.”
Cam let out a laugh, coming over to sit next to Terzo. “Did you and Uncle Secondo have a good time, Blake?” she asked the baby.
Blake let out some excited nonsense response back. At eleven months he had mastered a handful of baby signs, but also seemed to be getting perilously close to talking. At this point it was anyone’s guess whether it would be English, Italian, or something picked up from the ghouls who doted on him. For all anyone knew, he was already speaking ghoul. The ghouls weren’t telling.
“I read him a book concerning a pigeon engaging in dangerous behavior,” said Secondo. “I suspect it had deeper meanings about America’s dependence on car culture, but Blake was not interested in the finer details.”
“Oh yeah?” Cam said to Blake. “You aren’t ready for advanced literary analysis of Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus?”
Blake ignored her question to crawl into the cardboard box.
“Well,” Terzo said. He lay back on the floor with a groan. “We have most everything ready now. The furniture is unpacked, the clothing, the books and everything. I will unpack my studio tomorrow.”
The “studio” had begun life as their new garage, but he had fixed it up so he could give music lessons, mostly guitar. He already had several kids and one adult signed up, from Secondo’s congregation.
“I think Copia is annoyed that you moved here and not to the Ministry,” Secondo said.
“Well, we had reasons,” said Cam with a shrug, and they decided Terzo had the right idea and lay on the floor as well, flopping their head onto his belly and making him let out an oof. “Besides, Leo found a house just a block away. We’d never get that kind of luck if we tried to move again, especially when we need rooms for us, Blake, and a bunch of ghouls. Even if Boggy plans to sleep in the fish pond out back. We need to fence that before we fill it,” she added sharply.
Terzo reached down to play with Cam’s short hair. “First thing tomorrow, I promise, amore,” he said. “Before the studio, even.”
“No additional rooms,” Secondo remarked. “You are not planning any…any more bambini, then? Maybe after Cam finishes their new degree?”
Cam shrugged. “I told Terzo that I carried Blake, and we’ll only have another one if he’s willing to carry it.”
“I said I was willing,” Terzo said, “just not necessarily capable. But no. We have Blake, that is very much enough—Hey!” he said then, sitting up abruptly and dumping Cam unceremoniously onto the floor, because he’d noticed Blake playing with something. “What do you have, piccolino? Let me see.”
Blake happily handed it to him on request.
Terzo took it, turning it one way and then another, and frowned in confusion. “ Amore, did you lose a ring box?” He looked from the velvet box back up to Cam, and found them sitting up.
“I don’t know how that got in there,” she said, sitting up again. “Blakey, where did you find that?”
Blake pointed to the large cardboard box, grinning a big grin, and she laughed and pulled him over for a cuddle.
“Well,” she said, looking up at Terzo, “go ahead and open it.”
Terzo, frowning, opened the box and found a simple silver band inside. Not Cam’s size, but his own. “ Amore, what is this?”
Cam cleared her throat. “I, uh,” she said. “I bought it back when Dad gave me my cut from selling the diner, but I keep chickening out. I know we’ve talked about getting married, but things have been so busy. But…I mean, if you want to. Maybe after Leo and Omega’s wedding, or…something.”
“Cami,” he said, and looked up. “Are you proposing to me?”
“Not very well,” she admitted, “but yeah, I am.”
“You’ve been holding onto this a few months?” he asked, putting his hands on his hips. “And you didn’t tell me?”
“I wanted it to be perfect,” she said. “But as usual, I didn’t manage it.”
Blake squirmed away. Cam looked up to see where he was going, but he grabbed onto the coffee table to cruise his way over to Secondo, so she turned her attention back to Terzo.
“But…if you want to, I…I’d like to.”
Terzo looked at her, and then let out a laugh, and reached into his pocket. He drew out a ring of his own, fumbled and almost dropped it, then held it out. “Do you think maybe I’d like to?” he said, offering it to them.
Cam stared at him, and started laughing. “Did we just propose to each other, then?”
“I think we did,” Terzo said, and he let out a laugh as well, then reached out to hug her tightly. “I love you, amore.”
And while they were hugging and kissing and, yes, crying, Secondo looked at his nephew, who looked back with eyes that matched his father’s and his uncles’, except that his were all innocence. And of course he was all innocent here. He didn’t know that Secondo had found the ring himself while unpacking a few things for his parents. He didn’t know that Secondo had planted it for him to find, to help…move things along. Because perfection was never necessary, after all, not even in a proposal. Action was.
With a certain amount of gravity, Secondo held up a hand for Blake, who squealed and high fived him.
Notes:
So we have reached the end of this Satanic romcom/soap opera/Hallmark movie. This had the opposite problem of the Primo fic in the series. Knife had me worried that I was getting too dark, and Angels Fall had me worried I was being too saccharine. But damned if we don't need some sweetness in this world right now.
There is one more fake-dead semi-retired Papa to concern ourselves with. I have some maybe-plans for a Secondo story in this series, but nothing concrete really, and I haven't started writing it so I can't make any promises on it ever coming into being. I'm going to be doing a lot more short fic for a while, though!
Thank you so much to everyone following along, for your comments and kudos and DMs on Tumblr and so on. And thank you to anyone coming in later and reading as well! I love you all. Maybe not as much as Terzo loves junk food, but a lot.
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