Chapter Text
The Goose Hangs High: Everything is going well for someone
Cooper stood up, sensing his daughter was done for the moment. She needed her rest and he was tired of talking anyway. “You should get some sleep. We can talk more tomorrow.”
Janey gave him a grateful smile and nodded. There was still a bit of wariness in her eyes whenever she looked at him. He couldn’t exactly blame her, but it still hurt, just a bit. Oh, there was love there, but she was still afraid of him too. He wasn’t sure if she was scared of what he looked like or the things he’d done. Given what he knew about his daughter, he was pretty sure it was the latter. And hell, he hadn’t even told her much about all the nasty acts he committed since he’d lost her. Not that he intended to ever tell her everything.
He certainly had no intention of informing her about all the killing he’d done. She might be a bit nervous around him now, but if he told her the rest of it, she might go running back to her mama and he sure as shit didn’t want that. Maybe, eventually, he might share, but there really wasn’t any point. He wasn’t planning to do nearly as much murdering in the future. He couldn’t take it completely off the table since the Wasteland had a way of ensuring some folks he crossed paths with would end up dead. He was just hoping to cut down on all of that.
He said his farewells to his daughter, letting her curl up on her bedroll and hopefully, get some shut-eye. She gave him a soft smile and pulled her blanket up to her chin. “Night, dad,” she said, making his heart feel a thousand times larger. He’d waited so damn long to see his daughter smile like that again. Hundreds of years had passed and he’d never forgotten that grin of hers.
As soon as he walked away, Lucy’s brother headed towards his own bedroll, just a few short feet away from Janey. The kid looked as tired as Janey, his shoulders slumped and his steps slow. Cooper debated checking in on the kid, but he didn’t really feel like it. Plus, the boy had been talking to Lucy for a while, so he was probably fine. Mostly, at least.
At the sound of his footsteps, Lucy turned her head to look up at him, her eyes warm in the dim glow of the fire. Dogmeat sat beside her, snoring slightly as Lucy stroked her fur. “How did it go?”
Cooper took out his tobacco and went about rolling himself a cigarette while he contemplated her question. He hadn’t had this many emotions since he’d turned into a ghoul and it was a bit of an adjustment. “Better than I expected,” he replied, lighting his smoke with his battered lighter. “But she’s still afraid of me.”
“I’m sorry.” Lucy adjusted herself so she could nestle into his side. He wrapped his free arm around her and pulled her close. “She’ll get over that. She just needs time to adjust. I know Norm is struggling too.”
He knew she was right, that in time, Janey would probably get used to the man he was now. In her mind, he’d stayed that gentle, kind father he’d been when he left her with her mother all those decades ago. The current version of Cooper Howard was a very different person. Of course it would take her time. He just hoped that she’d eventually accept him and stop being so damn scared of him.
“Fair enough.” He exhaled a cloud of smoke into the dark night. “Let’s just hope it’s sooner rather than later.”
“I wouldn’t worry too much. She loves you. Anyone could see that.”
He hummed in agreement. Janey did love him, he could tell, but he just wasn’t so sure that love would stick around if she learned everything about his past. His love for his daughter was unconditional. She could kill a thousand people and he’d still love every inch of her. But did she feel the same?
“How’s the kid doing?” Cooper asked, needing to talk about something that wasn’t his daughter at the moment. There was plenty of time to discuss all that later, but for now, he wanted something to distract him from all the anxieties swirling around in his head.
“Better,” she replied, her voice cheerful, but she was twirling her hair around her fingers, a sign that she was more concerned than she was letting on. “He’s dealing with the Wasteland stuff and he says he’s okay with the whole killing our dad thing.”
“You don’t believe him?”
Lucy shrugged, keeping her eyes on the fire. “I don’t know. I mean, I killed our dad. I think that’s kind of a hard thing to accept.”
“You did what you had to.” Cooper ran his fingers up and down her arm in an attempt to offer some sort of solace. He was getting better at the whole comforting thing overall, but moments like this reminded him he still had a ways to go. “He better get over it.”
She turned her head towards him, her brow wrinkled slightly. “Or what?” she asked, a hint of a smile in her question.
“Or I’ll kick his ass back to that fucking vault,” he said, flicking the remainents of his cigarette into the fire. When she opened her mouth, probably to berate him for even suggesting such a thing, he added, “metaphorically.”
“You promise you won’t hurt him?”
Although he considered lying to her, he ultimately decided to be honest. “No.”
“No?” she repeated, her eyebrows raised.
“Look, I don’t plan on doing anything to the kid, but if he keeps acting like an asshole and making you feel bad, I won’t make any promises.”
“But you won’t kill him?”
Cooper shook his head, fairly certain he wouldn’t murder her brother. Norm might need an ass whooping if he kept acting like a wet rag, but Cooper had no intention of killing the kid. He might just need a bit of sense knocked into him now and then. Lucy sure as hell wouldn’t do it since she was still struggling with her own guilt over her evil daddy. So, it seemed that Cooper was the only man for the job. “No, I ain’t going to murder him.” He paused, giving her a rueful grin. “I’m trying to cut down all the bloodshed.”
“So, no more death and destruction in our future?”
He raised his brow, a tad surprised by the hint of disappointment in her question. “You want to keep murdering folk?”
“Not exactly.” She hesitated as if trying to gather her thoughts before speaking. Which, given how well he knew her, wasn’t something she often did. Most of the time, if she had a thought, she felt the need to share it with him. Or her brother. Or really anyone within hearing distance. “I don’t want to murder for fun or anything, but the Wasteland is still full of bad people and monsters. I like that we helped make it a little bit safer out here.”
Cooper slowly removed his gloves, so he could feel the warmth of her skin as he took her hand in his. “I thought you wanted to settle down and have goats.”
Hell, he’d been looking forward to having a place to call his own. One where he could live a simple life with the woman he loved and his daughter. He was tired of running all over the damn place, killing folks for caps or fun. Not that he felt particularly bad about any of it. He’d done what he had to do to survive and he wasn’t going to feel guilt over the things he couldn’t change. Still, he wanted to be a better man. For Janey…and Lucy.
“I do.” She squeezed his fingers in reassurance, her smile soft and sweet. “I just want to have an adventure once in a while. Like a vacation.”
“A murdering people type of vacation?”
He got an eye roll for his sarcasm which was not unexpected, but she refrained from scolding him over it. Instead, she continued her explanation. “I don’t want to just run around killing people for the heck of it. I just mean taking a bounty once in a while. Or hunting down some raiders. I want to keep helping people.”
Christ, how the fuck had he, of all people, got saddled with a woman who liked helping folk? Really, he should’ve nipped that one in the bud a while ago. If Lucy had her way, they’d be helping every damn nitwit from here to the Glowing Sea.
Still, he understood where she was coming from. Not on the whole helping folks part, but on having an adventure on occasion. Neither he or Lucy were the type to stand still and do nothing. Sure, he was very much looking forward to having a place to call his own, but if he really thought about it, he’d eventually get itchy feet. A bounty every once in a while would keep them both on their toes. Plus, she’d get to help people and he’d get to kill some folks, so it really was a win-win situation.
“I don’t know about the helping part, but bounties are always good for caps.”
“And raiders are always good for loot,” she added with a bob of her head, her ponytail bouncing enthusiastically. “Plus,” Lucy paused, her smile widening to an unsettling degree. “It’ll help us keep our skills sharp. Like my aim and your tracking.”
“I doubt I’ll lose the ability given I’ve had several hundred years of practice,” he pointed out dryly.
“I don’t know. You are pretty old and old people tend to forget things.”
He glared at her when she giggled even though he wasn’t actually that annoyed. He liked that she teased him. No one had been brave (or stupid) enough to do that in a very long while. Of course, if anyone else tried, he’d probably shoot them on principle. Still, it was nice when she did it.
“When you say shit like that, you make me feel like I’m robbing the cradle, darlin’.” When she just blinked at him, that creepy ass smile still on her face, he sighed. “Fine, we can have some adventures.” The smile widened while she threw her arms around his neck. “But only some. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life running around this fucking place.”
The kiss she gave him was all kinds of enthusiastic, so he dragged her on to his lap and spent the next few minutes letting her do her best to devour him. Since they’d picked up Janey, they’d been doing their best to cut down on the PDA. Her brother seemed mostly used to it, but he’d also grown up in Lucy’s weird vault. For all Cooper knew, he’d also found a cousin or two to fuck as well. Janey, on the other hand, was still coming to terms with the idea that her dad was in love with someone who wasn’t her mama. Plus, as far as he could tell, her vault was a little less…free-spirited than 33. Which meant Janey was more than a little uncomfortable at the level of physical affection Lucy and him engaged in. So, Lucy and Cooper had silently agreed to take it down a few notches. At least until Janey was a bit more settled.
But Janey and Norm were both asleep, so there was no one to give a fuck. And apparently, given Lucy’s zeal, she was equally aware of that little fact.
Since he wasn’t planning to fuck her with his daughter and her brother so close, he reluctantly ended the kiss, but kept his arms around her. Although they couldn’t take it any further at the moment, that didn’t mean he had to let her go. He liked having her in his lap, all soft and warm against him. She didn’t seem to mind either considering she was nuzzling against his chest like a cat seeking affection.
“Not all the time. Just every few months or something.”
“Works for me. After we get settled in, of course.” Cooper adjusted his position so he could brush his lips across her hair. “We’ve got plenty to keep us busy for a while.”
Lucy paused for a second before her head shot up, wide-eyes locked on him. “Oh, no, you’re right! We have to get goats and chickens and those scary, cow things. And we need furniture and clothes and food…do you have paper? I need to write a list.” She spoke so fast that Cooper felt his head spin.
“Sure, but we don’t have to do all of that right now. We’ve got some time.”
Lucy, being a bit high-strung, continued to fret, muttering under her breath about tasks to do and things to purchase. He mostly let her run on, not nearly as concerned about the practicalities as she was. He’d been around long enough to know things would happen when they happened. They had plenty of caps to get what they needed.
“But there’s so much to do!”
“And it’ll get done.” He dropped a quick kiss on her forehead, rocking her slightly back and forth in an attempt to calm her down. She was practically vibrating against him. “Soon. For now, how about we enjoy the moment? I got Janey back, you saved your brother and your daddy is in hell where he belongs. So, let’s focus on all that and worry about the details later.”
“You’re right.” Lucy nodded, her lower lip caught between her teeth. “I’ve just never had a chance to choose my life, you know? Everything was always decided for me. My clothes, my room, my husband…” She paused, her hands fluttering about for a minute before they stilled. “I don’t want to do it wrong.”
“There ain’t no way to do it wrong. Life isn’t something you get graded on. You just kind of do it and hope for the best.”
“But what if I’m bad at it?” Her voice cracked a bit as she spoke while her eyes were firmly focused downward as if she didn’t want him to see her fear. Because, regardless of what was going on in her head, fear was at the root of it. She thought she’d had a future set in stone, a safe, quiet life in her vault. Then, everything had gone to shit. They’d spent months on the road, focused on getting vengeance and finding their families. Now, they’d accomplished everything and Lucy didn’t seem to know what to do with herself anymore.
He placed a gentle hand on her face, tilting her head up. Although she wasn’t crying yet, he could see a shimmer of tears in her eyes. “You ain’t ever been bad at a fucking thing in your life, near as I can tell. Hell, you left your vault and managed to survive in the Wasteland all by your lonesome. I think you can do this. And if you ever need help, you’ve got plenty of folks to lend a hand.”
“Yeah.” Lucy nodded, giving him a slightly watery smile. “I know all that. I think I’m just having a hard time accepting everything. Part of me still thinks I’m going to wake up back in my vault and all this would’ve been a dream.”
Cooper understood where she was coming from. Back when the world had first ended, he’d felt the same way. Granted, in his case, it’d felt more like a nightmare. Still, nothing had felt real for a while. He’d spent months, years even, hoping he’d wake up in his old home with Barb beside him and Janey’s giggles coming from down the hall. Eventually, that feeling had stopped. He’d gotten used to the world as it was and knew there wasn’t any going back. So, he’d just stuck one foot in front of the other and kept going until the years tuned into decades turned into centuries.
“I know, darlin’, but I promise you, all this is real.”
Lucy placed her hand on his face and brushed her thumb across his cheekbone. “Thank you,” she said softly.
“For what?”
“Everything.” He felt her the ghost of her lips brush against his. “But mostly, for staying with me even when you hated me.”
“I never really hated you.” He paused when Lucy made a scoffing noise at the back of her throat and stared at him like he’d grown another head. “Look, I didn’t hate you…I hated what you represented. And sure, you can be a bit annoying with all the yapping and the endless fucking questions. Hell, sometimes I want to shoot you just to shut you up.”
“Do you want me to hit you?”
“Not particularly.” He laughed when she glared at him like she was contemplating his murder. “Now, shut up and let me finish. And don’t look at me like that,” he added, trying to sound stern but he couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. He’d rather die than ever say it aloud, but she was damn cute when she was all pissed off. “Now, as I was saying…when I looked at you, I’d see the man I used to be and all the things I’d lost. You made me realize how far I’d really fallen. I’d made peace with the fact I’d become a monster.”
“I never thought that.”
He figured that was a lie, but one she seemed to believe, so he didn’t argue. He could still remember that look of hatred and disgust in her eyes whenever she glanced in his direction. Thankfully, it’d been relatively short lived since Lucy was the forgiving sort.
“Right.” He cleared his throat, trying to dislodge the emotions welling up in his throat. The last thing he wanted was to start crying on Lucy’s shoulder like a sap. “You started looking at me like a man. Treating me like one too. Once I started feeling…things, I lashed out. I wanted you to hate me because I didn’t deserve your kindness. Of course, you being…well, you, that was short-lived. So, once I realized I couldn’t fight it, I decided I wanted to be a better man. The kind of man who deserved someone like you. A man that could make you happy.”
“You do make me happy,” she whispered against his skin.
“That’s nice to hear, but I know I still have a whole hell of a lot to atone for. I don’t regret most of what I’ve done and I can’t change it.” He took a deep breath before continuing, hoping this would be the last overly emotional moment he had to deal with for the next few days (or weeks, if he was lucky). “But I still have some regrets about what I did to you. So, I’m going to do my fucking best to be a better man for you and for Janey.”
“I know you will.” Lucy paused for a beat to yawn before adding, “And if you step out of line, I’ll just shoot you.”
“Good to know I can count on you to be all understanding and such,” he replied, wondering if he should sound amused or offended. He settled on sarcasm.
She yawned again. “I won’t kill you,” she said like she was offended he’d even think she’d murder him. He hadn’t actually been worried about that. She liked him too much to kill him. “I’ll just maim you. Temporarily. Like a hug with bullets.”
He huffed out a laugh, amused at the random shit that came out of her mouth. “That doesn’t make a lick of sense.”
“I’m sleepy. It’s hard to do all this witty banter when I’m tired.”
“Then maybe we ought to get some shut eye and save the wisecracks for the morning.”
She nodded vaguely and mumbled her agreement. Moments later, Lucy was out like a light, Dogmeat curled up a few feet away. His daughter and her brother were still asleep in their own beds, likely exhausted from all the walking and emotions. Cooper, although tired, wanted to savor the moment just a little bit longer. After decades of being alone, he finally had the things he’d been looking for all along: a family and a future.