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The Simple Science of Mutual Abhorrence

Summary:

After seven minutes of uncharacteristic silence—yes, Diluc counted—Kaeya clears his throat and sets down his drink, swirling the liquid around in his glass and carefully avoiding Diluc’s gaze. “Hey, so I want you to meet someone.”

His attention preoccupied with the inventory clipboard in his hand, Diluc doesn’t bother taking much time to formulate a response. “What,” he tosses out absentmindedly, almost as a joke, “you want me to meet your boyfriend or something?”

Kaeya blinks, his posture visibly stiffening. “Huh,” he remarks. “Didn’t know your informants were that adept.”

“Of course they are; I only hire the best of the—” Diluc stops dead in his tracks as his brain finally catches up and processes Kaeya’s words. “Wait. You have a what?”

Alternatively: A grave error in judgement on Kaeya's part leads to the introduction Diluc and Albedo to one another. Saying the two dislike one another would be perhaps the greatest understatement the nation of Mondstadt has ever heard.

Notes:

special thanks to @plague-author on tumblr for this post which inspired me to finally take the "diluc and albedo hating contest" bullet point that's been sitting in my fic ideas doc for god knows how long and turn it into whatever this is

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters, places, or events mentioned in this work, and all ownership of the aforementioned content belongs solely to the creators.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Prologue

Chapter Text

Weeknights at the Angel’s Share are never particularly busy; at least not by Mondstadtian standards. Of course, there’s always the odd character or another who will take it upon themselves to get so absolutely wasted this close to midnight that they’ll end up calling out of work in the morning, but such is the case in Mondstadt, where wine flows so freely.

Tonight is one of these incredibly slow nights, with long stretches of time between customers which have Diluc anxiously checking his watch and awaiting the minute his shift ends. Across the bar counter from him is Kaeya, silently nursing his second glass of wine and seemingly studying one of the pictures on the wall. He’s not accompanied by any questionable company tonight, which is strange—generally, when Kaeya shows up here on weeknights, he’s here to sweet talk valuable information out of Treasure Hoarders or Fatui or similar. Another reason Diluc likes the lack of customers on weeknights—it allows him to keep an eye on his brother, whether he’ll admit it or not being beside the point.

After seven minutes of uncharacteristic silence—yes, Diluc counted—Kaeya clears his throat and sets down his drink, swirling the liquid around in his glass and carefully avoiding Diluc’s gaze. “Hey, so I want you to meet someone.”

His attention preoccupied with the inventory clipboard in his hand, Diluc doesn’t bother taking much time to formulate a response. “What,” he tosses out absentmindedly, almost as a joke, “you want me to meet your boyfriend or something?”

Kaeya blinks, his posture visibly stiffening. “Huh,” he remarks. “Didn’t know your informants were that adept.”

“Of course they are; I only hire the best of the—” Diluc stops dead in his tracks as his brain finally catches up and processes Kaeya’s words. “Wait. You have a what?”