Chapter Text
Martin is in the Lonely.
Jon doesn't even hesitate before he follows him.
There's cold fog blocking his vision, sand crunching beneath his feet. There's Peter Lukas, telling him Martin doesn't want to see him, telling him the version of Martin he made up to love in his head doesn't really exist. Then there's no Peter Lukas anymore, and Jon can't feel anything but grim satisfaction about it.
Martin is as cold and pale as the fog when he finds him, hair streaked with white.
"I really loved you, you know", he says with an empty voice, and Jon wants to scream.
He cries, there in the wretched desolation of the Forsaken, cupping Martin's freezing face in his hands. He cries for all the months of agonising loneliness and worry they went through, he cries for the versions of them that could exist if they weren't wrapped up in this web of fears and lies.
He cries for a world where they could have been happy together, and hugs Martin close to him, telling him it's alright, that he understands.
And that's when Martin finally moves, holding him back, and there are tears in his eyes that freeze on his cheeks when Jon pulls back, a bit of ginger shimmering through in his dulled hair.
"Jon", he says, and Jon doesn't kiss him, because this isn't only about that, so he takes Martin's hand, presses his palm against his own heartbeat.
"Do you feel that?" Jon says, and Martin blinks slowly.
"I feel..." He squints, the hint of a smile. "I feel you. Your heart is racing, it's- it's beating, Jon."
"Yes", Jon says. "I'm right here."
"You're here", Martin repeats. "I- I see you, Jon."
And then they're hand in hand, cutting their way through thick billowing swirls of fog, clutching at each other, and Jon has a little hysterical second where he thinks of Orpheus and Eurydice- only, when they finally stumble back into the tunnels beneath the Institute, the grip around his fingers is still firm, warmer already, and Martin is still there.
And Jon can breathe.
For the first time since Martin walked out of his office that day, Jon can breathe.
~oOo~
They're out.
Jon hasn't let his hand go.
It's so warm in Martin's. It's been so long since he felt warm, so long since he felt Jon's touch.
"Do you think we'll be safe here for a bit?" Martin asks, and he watches as Jon pauses, his hair moving slightly with the static sizzling around him as his eyes shimmer with green for a moment.
"Yes", he says then, "I think it should-"
Martin doesn't even let him finish. He crowds Jon against the wall of the tunnel, caging him in and smashing their mouths together as he swallows the startled noise Jon makes, drinking it right from his pliant lips.
Jon only takes a second to respond in kind, hands coming up to fist harshly in the back of Martin's sweater, still damp with salty sea air, pulling Martin as close as their bodies will allow and returning Martin's kiss with the same kind of frantic desperation Martin feels.
"Sorry", Martin breathes sheepishly when they finally part, mouths still so close their lips brush with each syllable. "I just had to, I- I needed-"
"No need to apologise."
Jon's voice is soft, his eyes bright. Martin can feel his breath against his skin, warm and alive and right here, right in Martin's arms- and he can feel him.
"You came for me", he says, voice coloured with slightly dazed awe.
"Of course I did."
"You found me", he says, and Jon smiles.
"Yes."
"You..." Martin pulls away a little, reaches out, lightly touches his fingertips to Jon's cheek, just to feel he's really there. "Jon."
"Martin, I-" Jon's eyes search his face, something scared yet hopeful in the crease of his brow. "Can I-", he starts, "Now that you- Can- can we-?"
And there are so many things Martin wants to say, so many words lining up in his head, all the things he hadn't said before because he didn't want them to be his last words.
But there's only one thing that feels truly important right now.
"Yeah", Martin breathes. "We can."
There's a quiet breath, a heavy second of silence.
"I love you." It's Jon who says it first, Jon who breaks out into a smile so bright it warms Martin's chilled face like the sun. "I love you- so much-"
"I love you, too." It's as easy as breathing, now. "And I'm sorry", Martin says, "I'm sorry I couldn't- before. But you knew, didn't you? You knew?"
"Yes." Jon nods. "Yes, Martin, I knew. And I understand. You didn't have a choice, I know that, too."
"Maybe not", Martin admits. "Still, if I'd just- I don't know. I just wish things could've been different. And I am sorry, for everything."
"Me too." Jon takes his hands. "There's a lot that's been out of our control, and I hardly think that will change anytime soon, but- I think, if there’s nothing else in our life that’s our own, I’m glad it’s this." He squeezes Martin's hands, then lets go to cup Martin's face instead. "No matter what's being taken from us", Jon whispers. "They can’t have this."
Jon's thumb sweeps gently over Martin's cheekbone, and it's such an unbearably tender gesture Martin feels his eyes stinging with it.
"What happens now?"
"I don't know", Jon admits. "I really don't know, but- Stay with me?"
"Yes", Martin says, and there's no doubt, no uncertainty, no hesitation at all. "Yes."
"Come on", Jon says, lacing their fingers together. He brings their hands up to his mouth, presses a kiss to the back of Martin's hand that's slowly growing warm in his own.
Jon smiles.
"Let's get out of here."