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Luz: Hello, hello, Boiling ISLES! Whew! I am Luz Noceda, residential human, and savior of the Isles–Humble brag. With me today is the ever lovely, ever wonderful Amity Blight–
Amity: Oh, stop.
Luz: –My best friends in the whole wide word, Willow Park and Gus Porter–
Willow: Hi!
Gus:
What’s up!
Luz: –palisman enthusiast and full-time annoyance Hunter Deamonne–
Hunter: *Blows raspberry*
Luz: –and my sister Vee! Who was kind enough to type out an audio transcript for this podcast.
Vee: It’s important to provide something for the deaf or hearing impaired.
Hunter: Won’t it be hard to type out entire conversations?
Vee: Nah, I got pretty good at this kind of thing in Reality Check Camp.
Willow: They taught this type of thing at that place?
Vee: Sort of. They had this computer room and asked you to focus on the conversation from the counselor and type out everything to the best of your ability. It was to help with listening skills and multitasking.
Luz: Yet another reason why I’m glad that I didn’t go there…
Vee: Yeah, it was pretty stressful at first. But I got into the groove of it. Just, um, don’t talk over each other. It’ll make things really hard.
Luz: Right, of course. Oh, also, listeners, welcome to the podcast! You’re probably wondering what the heck this is all about, and it’s really simple. Life became…busy. Really busy. For me and my friends. We’ve all got school and jobs that make hanging out and talking difficult, not having a lot of time to do it together. So, it hit me: How can I assure myself that the people I love still talk to each other? Simple. We find an excuse where we have to talk! And thus, this podcast was born!
Hunter: So we’re all just gonna sit around and talk? The whole time?
Luz: Exactly! It’ll be fun!
Hunter: Right. And you’re seriously going to post this online?
Luz: Look, dozens of people have podcasts nowadays. This one will be just one in a million.
Amity: It’s true. I think even Tinella has a few of her own.
Gus: And they’re some of the top podcasts people listen to.
Luz: Meaning that nothing we say here today will really matter. Buuuuut if you don’t feel comfortable sharing something, you don’t have to. It’s okay.
Hunter: I just don’t know what to talk about.
Luz: Anything. It’s a podcast–It’s really a conversation. Just the six of us hanging out, talking like we normally do.
Hunter: With the entire world listening in.
Luz: Yeah, it’s no big deal. So go on, chat it up. You can say whatever you want. Even talk about your day–In fact, let’s start off with that: Talking about each other’s days. Or week–Ooh! Maybe talk about our favorite thing that happened this week!
Amity: My favorite thing was getting this wonderful face day-in and day-out.
Luz: Aw, Sweet Potato…I’m actually going to have to ask more than that.
Hunter: I guess I can go first. Hm, what to say, what to say…?
Hunter makes a bunch of random mouth noises into the mic.
Vee: Can you also keep the sound-effects to a minimum? That’s kind of annoying to transcribe.
Hunter: Uh, sorry. Um…Oh, uh, I got to help carve a palisman for this kid.
Amity: How’s that different from anything else you do on a daily basis?
Hunter: Well, this one was different because he was…missing an eye.
Amity: …Oh.
Gus: That’s good?
Hunter: N-No! Uh, the good part was this feeling I had helping him out. You see, he needed a seeing eye-palisman. Sort of like the one that helped Principal–Er, Ex-Principal Bump. I guess.
Gus: I’m going to be honest, I still call him, “Principal Bump.”
Luz: Same! At my “Kingceañera,” he told me, “You can just call me Hieronymus or ‘Mr. Bump’ now, Ms. Noceda.” And I was like, I caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan’t!
Willow: It’d feel weird.
Luz: So weird. Retired or not, he’s Principal Bump, now and forever.
Hunter: Yeah, anyways, I was helping this kid with his palisman. I asked him what he wanted his to be like, and he said he didn’t really care that much. It’s no big deal, I get lots of those kinds of customers. They don’t really know what they want and just expect me to wing it for them.
Gus: Don’t they like…Isn’t palismen making–Don’t they need to know what they want? Like, that’s the whole thing with palismen. They wake up when you know what you want.
Luz: Yeah. Stringbean took forever to hatch from the egg because of how hard it was for me to figure out what I wanted, deep down.
Hunter: Yeah, I try telling them that whenever they ask for a carving but give no instructions past that. The palisman isn’t going to bond with you unless you know for sure what you want.
Luz: So what did you do?
Hunter: Well, I wanted to take it easy on the kid because, you know, he clearly wasn’t doing too good. So, I just…talked to him. Asked him the basic stuff that’s important to get out of the way. Stuff like, “What do you like to do?” “What’s your favorite color?” “Who do you look up to?”
Amity: “How’d you lose the eye?”
Hunter: Well, no, I didn’t ask that. I, more than anyone, know that talking about wounds like that can be…rough. For a lot of reasons. None of them are pretty…
Willow: It’s okay.
Hunter: So I made sure to avoid it. Not bring it up unless he wanted to share. And, well, he did eventually, but what happened to his eye stays between me and him. Not the entirety of Bonesborough and beyond.
Luz: That seems fair. Again, don’t feel obligated to share personal stuff. “Don’t share something you’d want to end up on someone else’s blog,” and whatnot.
Gus: What?
Luz: That’s a saying in the Human Realm…Sort of. I think. I-I can’t remember the exact words, but the point is don’t share stuff you want to spread like wildfire for the wrong reasons.
Hunter: Exactly. It’s why I’m not even going to say what kind of palismen I gave him. Help the kid keep that much more anonymity. But I will say that when I presented it, his face lit up. He was so happy to see the creature I let him hold with his two hands, hugging it as it licked his face as if the two were already close friends. And seeing him smile, probably for the first time in a while…I don’t know, it made me feel all the better inside. Like, I know why I do this.
Luz: Aaaaaaaaaaaaw!
Willow: That’s my man. *Kiss*
Luz: Well, that was a sweet story.
Gus: And one tough to beat. Man, the best thing that happened to me this week was finding a shell on the sidewalk.
Luz: Was it facing up?
Gus: Yeah.
Luz:
NICE! That means a whole day of good luck for you!
Gus: That’s what made it the best thing. I mean, nothing all that lucky happened, but it was still pretty cool. I guess.
Luz: Hey, it’s not a competition.
Vee: Though, finding a shell on the ground being where your week peaked is pretty…not great.
Gus: Well, it’s been a busy week–Busy life for poor ol’ Gus. I’m teaching illusion magic at a college level, running the exchange program on campus, practicing flyer derby–
Willow: Oh, speaking of, Luz, there’s a tournament that’ll start next week. So, the three of us might not be on whatever this is for a while.
Luz: Oh…Yeah, that’s fine.
Hunter: We’re doing this more than once?
Willow: I mean, I guess we’ll see where it goes.
Gus: If this does become a regular thing, I’ll just add it to my schedule, I guess.
Luz: If you’re too busy, you can cut back on a few things. Maybe leave one or two responsibilities if it’s too much. Even…doing this.
Gus: Nah, I don’t mind the work. I love it, in fact. I get to show off my skills to an impressed crowd of students, impress others with my knowledge of the human realm, hang out with some great friends as we train together–
Luz: And see your favorite student four to five times in the week.
Gus: Oh, yeah, there’s this one guy, Daedalus, in my Illusion class. He’s smarter than you’d think and really impresses me sometimes.
Awkward pause.
Gus: …You were expecting me to talk about you, weren’t you?
Luz: I very much was, yes.
Gus: …Of course, as cool as Daedalus is, no one could compare to–
Luz: It’s too late. Daedalus is dead to me now.
Gus: Yeah, okay.
Luz: And so are you.
Gus: Aw…That was a joke, right?
Luz: Yeah, of course…partially.
Gus: Okay. But, yeah, life’s good, no matter how much work I have to do. I do it all with a smile on my face and a skip in my step. Kind of like you would, Luz. Even if it ends up with me plopping onto the couch from exhaustion, sometimes.
Amity: Yikes, been there. It’s always the worse when you accidentally sleep on it, too. Wake up sometimes with the worst crick in your neck.
Gus: Eh, it’s not too bad. Had plenty of practice sleeping on the couch during our adventures in the human realm.
Hunter: Yeah, but you were more compact, then.
Gus: You can say short, Man. I know what I am.
Vee: Also, I wouldn’t call what you all did “adventures.” You just chilled out for a few months in Mom’s house while she looked after you.
Gus: We did some fun stuff. Like going to the human beach and “tubing.”
Vee: Yeah, but that’s, like, normal vacation stuff. You all once fought a nightmare monster at a school dance before doing that.
Gus: No…That was Luz and Amity.
Amity: Best and worst night of my life…
Luz: Let’s get back on track here. Remember: Today’s topic is the best thing that happened this week.
Hunter: How about you Captain?
Willow: Best thing to happen to me. Huh, well–No, that’s not really something to share here.
Amity: What’s not?
Willow: Don’t worry about it. Um–Oh! Coming up with strategies with Skara was pretty fun. She is just as passionate about Flyer Derby as I am sometimes, and it’s the best time ever to just sit around and come up with flight plans and patterns together. Couldn’t have asked for a better Number 2.
Luz: I thought Hunter was your Number 2.
Willow: In life, yes. He absolutely is. But for Flyer Derby, I need a second in command who can sort of challenge me. Hunter does nothing but agree about how smart my ideas are.
Hunter: I’m trying to be supportive…
Willow: And I appreciate that, really. It makes you a great boyfriend, but I need that challenge. Someone to hear what I have to say and not only find ways to improve those ideas, but make ones that could be better. And that’s what Skara does every time we sit down and bounce ideas off the wall.
Luz: Anything cool that came up this time?
Willow: Well, if I shared that, then any opposing teams hearing this will have an advantage.
Luz: Ah, right.
Willow: But needless to say, yes. We’ve got sure fire ways to win each round in this tournament. With Skara promising that she has back up plans in place in case something goes wrong.
Luz: Even though nothing’s gonna go wrong because you’re the best team in the Isles.
Willow: No, something is likely to go wrong.
Luz: Oh, well, I’m just saying–
Willow: I know what you’re saying, and it’s just as sweet as Hunter trying his best to be supportive, but trust me: It’s better to expect something bad to happen. Because something bad always happens, no matter how much you don’t want it to or prepare yourself for it to not happen. Life throws curveballs at you a lot, always when you least expect it.
Hunter: That is true. Like, back when I was…that person I don’t want to be anymore. There were times when I thought to myself, “This is going to be a simple mission. Nothing could possibly go wrong.” Then, next thing I know, someone strapped a rocket to my back and caused me to pinball around my airship before flying off into the distance.
Luz: In my defense…you deserved it.
Hunter: I definitely did, but that’s not the point. You can never expect the unexpected.
Willow: Exactly. And it’s weirdly calming to think to myself, “Something can go wrong.” Like, I’ve made peace with the chaos that is life and I can feel better knowing that the worst possible thing will happen. And that’s okay.
Amity: How? How can that be okay?
Willow: Because…that’s life. The worst tends to happen, no matter what we do or what we plan. But sometimes, something really good comes from the unexpected. Like Luz.
Luz: D’aw, you don’t mean that.
Gus: Pretty sure everyone at this table means it.
Willow: None of us could have predicted you or all that you’d do for us.
Luz: Guys…
Vee: Should I put in the transcripts that you’re currently curling up in your chair right now? Getting all…mushy.
Luz: No. Provide audio transcripts only.
Vee: Right.
But she totally did that, by the way.
Willow: But that doesn’t mean me and Skara aren’t at least coming in prepared. You can’t predict everything, but we can at least make a fool-proof plan for our team. Make sure we don’t fail because someone does something stupid.
Hunter: Why are you looking at me when you said that?
Willow: Because I love you, but you tend to mess up at times when getting too competitive.
Amity: Yeah, get a control of yourself.
Willow: Girl, you are not one to talk.
Luz: But, since you’re talking, what’s the best thing that happened to you?
Amity: I already told you, it’s seeing you.
Luz: Amity.
Amity: I mean it. My job takes me to the wildest, most beautiful places in all the Isles. But none of it compares to seeing you when I get back.
Luz curls up in her chair again, blushing like crazy like she’s about to melt.
Luz: Vee, stick to audio descriptions!
Vee: I am, I am.
I’m not.
Hunter: Do you ever get tired of being cheesy?
Amity: I do not. Thank you very much.
Luz: Yeah. Being cheesy is what makes us the best couple in Bonesborough.
Willow: Excuse me?
Luz: Hey, you and Hunter are sweet, but you’ll never beat me and Amity.
Amity: Ever.
Hunter: How do you even judge something like that?
Amity: Because we are oh, so obviously a couple.
Willow: We’re obviously together!
Amity: During Luz’s birthday, Skara asked me if you two were official yet.
Willow: …Why was she asking that?
Amity: I don’t know. But she was.
Willow: Well, obviously we’re official!
Hunter: Yeah, just because we’re not as gross and snuggly as you two are, doesn’t mean we’re not official.
Willow: We just keep the snuggles in private.
Hunter: Where that’s supposed to happen. Believe it or not, people are very uncomfortable with PDA.
Amity: People don’t get that uncomfortable.
Hunter: They are when it’s you two.
Vee: You do get a bit much sometimes. I remember that after you came out to Mom, the couple stuff just never ended. I mean…you danced in the rain.
Luz: We were all dancing in the rain!
Vee: No. Me and Gus jumped around like idiots.
Hunter: And dragged me into the mud as they did it.
Vee: You two were literally slow dancing in the rain. LIke you’re from some weird rom com from the 2000s.
Gus: And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. None of us could even walk in the living room without seeing you both get all mushy on the couch.
Luz: Well, excuse us for being in love.
Hunter: There’s being in love, and then there’s you two.
Willow: Remember that phase when they shared each other’s lunch?
Gus: Yes.
Luz: Couples share lunches!
Hunter: Yeah, by usually splitting a sandwich or a fruit cup.
Willow: Not sharing bites of the same food by feeding each other.
Gus: And remember that one time they kissed during a bite?
There’s a mix of shuddering and gags. Luz and Amity look mad.
Luz: This is not the judging hour!
Hunter: You judged first!
Gus: Look, as your friends who love you, you two need to ease up on the cuteness. It’s getting a little too much to handle.
Amity: So, what? You’d rather we’d fight all the time?
Willow: No, but your favorite thing can not be seeing Luz. That’s obviously it no matter the week. You gotta pick something else.
Amity: What’s better than seeing my Oopsie Doodle…?
Hunter: Titan, and don’t get us started on the nicknames!
Amity: Alright, fine! Jeeze, okay, uh…What good things happened this week–Oh. Saw Boscha.
Luz: That’s good?
Amity: Let me finish. I saw Boscha getting her butt kicked.
Willow: Ooh! Details, details, details!
Amity: It was in the middle of the market. This short, purple-haired chick was complaining about the quality of Boscha's sports equipment, saying it’s not enough to handle her, demanding a refund. Boscha took that as a personal insult and started an impromptu witches duel. And she got demolished by the girl using construction magic, ironically enough.
Gus: Wa-wa-wait. Did this girl have freckles? Reddish eyes?
Amity: Yeah?
Gus: Dude, I know her!
Willow: You do?
Gus: Yeah! She was some girl from Matt’s old school! She was the worst.
Willow: If she kicked Boscha’s butt, she can’t be that bad.
Gus: She robbed graves.
Willow: Woah-kay, that’s bad. Never mind…
Amity: I don’t care how bad she is. I just love that she made Boscha look weak and pathetic to most of the marketplace. She had two grudgby balls burning and ready for battle, and the girl just–*Chuckles*--She just formed a pole of stone out of the walkway and hit Boscha directly in the chin.
Luz: Ouch…
Amity: She’s fine.
Luz: With a stone pole to the chin?
Amity: It didn’t hit her that hard. But it was with enough force to knock Boscha flat on her behind. To which that construction girl created more stone poles around Boscha, trapping her. And after that, she said, “Now give me my refund.”
Willow: Ooh, that must have ticked Boscha right off.
Amity: Oh, it did. She had this throbbing vein over her forehead and the most intense glare I’ve ever seen her have. It was hilarious… I even took a picture of it.
Willow: Show it, show it, show it.
Amity took out her scroll and started showing it around the table. Note that now Luz isn’t complaining about me adding descriptions.
Willow: Ooh, send me that photo! That’s new wallpaper material!
Amity: On it.
Luz: You’d think she’d get less angry over time.
Amity: I blame the game. Grudgby is a sport for only the most intense players.
Luz: Wasn’t Skara on your old team?
Willow: Don’t doubt Skara’s intensity.
Hunter: She punched Steve’s mask so hard that she dented it.
Luz: Oh, dang. Skara’s hardcore.
Amity: Intensely hardcore. With Boscha being the most intense out of all of them because of her anger.
Luz: Well, intensity doesn’t make up for skill. Because, like, I feel like any of us can take her.
Amity: Oh, absolutely. Even Gus could.
Gus: Okay, you didn’t have to say that like I’m the weakest one here.
Hunter: You kind of are, pal.
Gus: I’m going to remember that the next time you need poor, weak Gus in a bind.
Willow: Don’t worry, they’re all just joking.
Willow cracked her knuckles.
Willow: Right?
Hunter: …Right, yeah.
Amity: Of course.
Luz: Always.
Willow: Good. Now, Luz, what’s the best thing that happened to you this week?
Luz: Honestly? Coming up with the idea for this podcast. I’m so glad that all of you agreed to come on.
Willow: Of course.
Amity: Wouldn’t miss it.
Luz: It’s just…I said it in the beginning, but it seems like we see each other less lately. At least, all together in the same room. Talking like this and taking the occasional jab. It’s—I mean, sure. We could just hang out with a few of us. We don’t all always have to be together, but it feels…good.
Amity : Aw, yes it does…
She kissed Luz. Luz melts again.
Luz: Vee.
Vee: The people deserve to know what happens beyond the audio.
Willow: What you said was sweet, though, Luz. And again, sorry that we can’t be here for a bit.
Luz: It’s okay. I have a whole lot of friends or people that I haven’t talked to in a while. Might even have King and Eda on next time…
Hunter: So you are doing this again?
Luz: Might as well. See how far it goes. Again, I don’t expect this to be a big hit and I’m not taking it seriously. I just want there to be a reason to talk to everyone I love.
Willow: For the record, you don’t need a podcast to do that.
Luz: I know, but it…helps. Makes it a sort of hobby I can share with everyone.
Amity: Well, count me in for as many episodes as you need.
Willow: Us too.
Gus: All of us.
Hunter: Yeah, I’ll admit, this has been a little fun.
Luz: Aw, thanks, you guys…You want to wrap it up, then? Maybe go out and do something else?
Willow: Sure—
Vee: Hang on, you didn’t ask me what my favorite thing was.
Luz: Oh, right, Vee! So sorry. What was your favorite thing this week?
Vee: Helping my sister with her hobby.
Luz: Aw…What’s your actual favorite thing?
Vee: Something that’s for me and that I don’t want Mom finding out.
Luz: …Oh, right. Mom’s gonna wanna listen to these.
Vee: Yep.
Luz: That’s something to remember for the future…
Vee: It sure is.
Luz: Well, until then, thank you all for listening. Those of you that did, at least. And a very special thank you to my friends and sister for joining.
Amity: Anytime.
Vee: Should they suggest something?
Luz: What? Who?
Vee: The listeners.
Luz: Oh, what would—Oh! If you have any suggestions of what to talk about or who to bring on, feel free to…ask. Nicely. Cannot stress the word nice enough. Vee, make sure the transcript has it bolded, indented, and underlined.
Vee: Way ahead of you.
Luz: You are good. But, yeah, audience, feel free to suggest stuff like that if you want. And, who knows. We might listen.
Hunter: And by we, you mean you, right?
Luz: I…guess, yeah. Until then, see you later.
All: Byeeeeeee!