Hey Dad, Ironman just told me Mum's Lowkey Cheating

by common_plum

Summary:

Peter can't believe Mr. Stark is embarrassing him in front of his favourite biology teacher. Tony thinks Peter and Percy are dating. The Avengers think Tony might be wrong. Clint thinks he’s going crazy — because — is his stepmother cheating on his dad with Tony’s spiderkid?

Rated Teen and Up for swearing

Notes:

I do have a follow up chapter planned for this!! however, knowing how bad I am at catching up and finishing fics, I'm leaving this as a one shot so I don't disappoint/mislead people - in case it takes me too long to finish (very likely)

Chapter 1

Tony is suspicious.

 

He’s been talking to Peter about school — well, he’s been listening to the kid talk about school, Tony does’t go to school, obviously — and this new name keeps popping up: Perseus Jackson. A young, eccentric biology teacher that’s “super chill” and “really good with fish” and “scares the living lights out of Flash”.

 

Which is fine. Except this super cool teacher hangs out with Peter after school, walks Peter home, even, because they’re apparently neighbours. Neighbours.

 

This adult teacher is hanging out with Tony’s oblivious, trusting teenage kid. 

 

Not okay.

 

So Tony did the only natural thing — he hacked into the government’s database for Jackson’s files. 

 

A nationwide manhunt at 12. Gun fights. St. Louis Arch. Suspected for multiple counts of terrorism.

 

Who the fuck let this man teach at a high school?

 

Tony unsubtly tells Peter about his suspicions, warning him to stay away from Jackson, and of course Peter’s all — “But Mr. Stark! He’s a really good guy! You can’t judge him based on his past!”.

 

Fucking teenagers. 

 

Then the worst thing happens: Tony shows Peter all the evidence, pictures of a teenage Jackson roughed up and scowling with murder in his eyes, and Peter blushes.

 

Blushes!

 

Fucking teenagers!

 

Tony notices more — Peter went to the beach with Jackson, volunteered at a dog shelter with him — fucking hell, Peter even took Jackson to meet May.

 

When Tony asks if they’re dating — which, again, should not happen and is definitely predatory and Tony will kill someone (Jackson) if he gets any concrete evidence — Peter just blushes and stammers.

 

“Bring him over to the Avengers tower,” Tony smiles through gritted teeth. “Tell him you’re my intern. I just want to meet him, it’s fine. And you can show him our aquarium! He’ll like that.”

 

It is very much not fine.

 

Peter’s arriving with Jackson in an hour, and Tony has all the Avengers waiting on the top suite. 

 

Because yes, Tony has decided this is a Code Red emergency. He’s going to scare the shit out of Jackson and make sure the guy — whatever he is — stays away from his kid.

 

()

 

Percy is not a fan of skyscrapers.

 

Don’t get him wrong— the architecture is gorgeous, and it never ceases to amaze Percy just how much science can accomplish, but skyscrapers…

 

Well, it’s in the word. Sky. 

 

Percy’s not sure if Uncle Z considers the top of Stark tower ‘the sky’, because if he does, Percy might’ve just signed his death sentence.

 

“Don’t worry, Percy,” Peter reassures him. “Mr. Stark’s really nice!”

 

Peter is a really sweet kid. A kid with weird powers, but sweet. 

 

Percy started working at Midtown because Chiron said this is a case that required a House Call — a powerful kid that somehow hasn’t been eaten by monsters. Could be a child of the Big Three.

 

Instead of a demigod, Percy found Spiderman, the friendly neighbourhood hero that saved Paul and Estelle from a robbery.

 

He tells Chiron of his discovery. When Chiron asked him if he’d like to leave, Percy said he’d stay a while. 

 

Not just because the kid’s super nice in general, but because Percy knows what it’s like to be a child soldier. He’ll stay, just to see if the kid needs protection.

 

“Percy?” Peter asks, concerned. “You look pale.”

 

“Elevators,” Percy explains, holding the railing tightly. “Not the biggest fan.”

 

“You can be assured, Mr. Jackson, STARK Tech’s elevators can withstand the impact of two meteors.” A robotic female voice says.

 

Percy jumps: “What the fu—

 

“Hi Friday!” Peter chimes awkwardly. 

 

Right. The fancy AI thing Leo went on for hours about. Festus, but competent.

 

“Hello, Peter. Mr. Stark is in the multifunction room.”

 

The elevator doors open.

 

Percy stumbles out as quickly as possible.

 

“Thanks, Fri,” Peter helps Percy up. “I can take Percy there.”

 

()

 

Peter sensed the tension in the room the moment he entered.

 

"Mr. Stark! Hey, I brought Percy like you asked—" He began nervously. ”Oh! Uh, hi, Captain Rogers. Ms. Romanov.”

 

Wait, bad response. Peter’s an intern. Peter shouldn’t know the Avengers. Shit. Shit. Identity reveal crisis!

 

Why were the other Avengers here?

 

His eyes dart to Percy, who didn’t know about Peter’s vigilante activities yet.

 

Percy is scanning the room with slightly furrowed brows.

 

That’s uh— not good.

 

"Yeah. Hey, kid. Percy, is it?” Mr. Stark arches an eyebrow.

 

Percy extends a hand politely. “Mr. Stark, it’s an honour. Peter’s told me a lot about your work.”

 

Oh shit. Peter didn’t tell Percy about Mr. Stark’s thing about handshakes.

 

“Uh-huh.” Mr. Stark, of course, ignores the hand, crossing his arms instead. “Funny, he hasn’t told me much about you.”

 

Huh? 

 

“What?” Peter asks, confused. “Mr. Stark, I talk about Mr. Jackson all the time—he’s my favourite teacher!”

 

Mr. Stark ignores him, like he has a tendency of doing.

 

"Peter, why don’t you introduce us properly?” Captain intervenes diplomatically. 

 

Thank god Captain’s here. Maybe that’s why Mr. Stark brought the Avengers. It’s good to have someone capable of… polite conversation in the building.

 

"Right! Uh, this is Mr. Jackson—he teaches bio at Midtown.” Peter smiles. “He’s been helping me with some extra credit stuff. Mr. Jackson, this is Captain America and Black Widow."

 

"Pleasure to meet you both.” Percy waves. 

 

Ms. Romanov assess him. Only Captain waves back.

 

“Are you doing ok?” Peter asks Mr. Stark quietly.

 

“Oh, just peachy.” Mr. Stark scoffs. “So, Mr. Jackson, how old are you, exactly?"

 

Oh no.

 

Ms. Romanov warns: “Stark—

 

“I’m 22,” Percy frowns. “Why do you ask?"

 

Tony narrows his eyes. “And how often do you and Peter here… hang out outside of school?”

 

“Hey!” Peter protests. 

 

Holy fuck, not this again!

 

"Only for academic purposes, I assure you. I mentor several students.” Percy crosses his arms.

 

"Yeah! It’s totally professional!” Peter jumps in. “Mr. Stark, what’s going on?”

 

“Tony, maybe we should talk about this privately.” Captain says, hesitant.

 

"Oh, I’m sorry, is this making you uncomfortable, Jackson?” Mr. Stark mocks. “You don’t like being questioned about why you’re so interested in a teenager?”

 

Oh my god. 

 

Peter wants to hurl himself off the building.

 

He shoots a pleading look at Black Widow and Captain, but they just look resigned.

 

“Whoa.” Percy raises an eyebrow. “Okay, I see where this is going.” He turns to Peter. “Peter, did someone suggest—?”

 

“NO!” Peter squeaks. “I’m so sorry Percy. Please— Mr. Stark, it’s not like that at all! You’re jumping to conclusions!”

 

“Yes.” Ms. Romanov says sharply, glancing at Mr. Stark. Finally, a normal person! “Let’s not conclude too hastily. Mr. Jackson, if you’ll take a seat, we’d just like to ask you a few questions.”

 

Okay, not a normal person.

 

Peter feels his face turning red.

 

This is so embarrassing.

 

Mr. Stark is ignorant to the life crisis Peter is going through. "Am I? Because last I checked, teachers don’t text their students at 11 PM about ‘lab results.’”

 

"That was about his homework.” Percy’s jaw clenches. "Which, by the way, you’d know if you asked instead of assuming the worst.”

 

"Alright, enough.” Captain rubs his temples. Peter can relate. “Tony, I think this is out of line. He’s just a civilian—“

 

“And Mr. Jackson is a great teacher,” Peter adds. “He’s helped me so much— this is insane!"

 

"Yeah, I bet he’s real helpful.” Tony mutters.

 

“I appreciate the concern you have for Peter,” Percy says coldly. “But I’m not gonna stand here and have you accuse me of something disgusting. If that’s it, I’m going to leave—

 

“Wait—Percy!” Peter pleaded. “I’m so sorry—“

 

“Jackson, hold on.” Ms. Romanov sighs at the same time. ”Stark’s being an idiot. He’s just … overprotective. We want to make sure Peter’s safe.”

 

"I get that. But you could’ve just asked.” Percy says pointedly. ”See you in class, Parker.”

 

Peter’s spidey senses go off—

 

“Friday, lock down the building.” Mr. Stark said, eyes narrowed.

 

Percy freezes. “Are you keeping me in here?” He asks, dangerously.

 

Bad. Bad!

 

“Wow, Sherlock Holmes in the building,” Mr. Stark mocks, oblivious to Peter’s panic. “Yes, genius—

 

Captain looks shocked: “Tony, this is absolutely inappropriate—

 

“Stark, you cannot—

 

“Mr. Stark please! I’m not romantically involved with Percy!”

 

The elevator dings.

 

This is when Hawkeye decided to grace the room with his presence:

 

“Wha- Percy? Oh my Gods, are you cheating on Dad with Peter?”

 

All hell broke loose.

 

()

 

Tony is having a horrible day. And whiplash. See, Tony doesn’t like predators, and he was fairly certain this Jackson guy is one, but—

 

“He’s dating your dad?” Tony chokes. 

 

What the fuck? Clint’s like— a decade older than Jackson!

 

Now he’s worried about Jackson being the victim, not the predator.

 

“Don’t mention him,” Jackson hisses angrily. “We’re on a break.”

 

Clint turns even paler. “But when you get back together— fuck, is he going to turn Peter into a tree?”

 

“Uh- what?” Peter’s eyes widen.

 

“Excuse me?” Captain asks, confused.

 

“I think he got over his tree phase three centuries ago.” Jackson explains, and that doesn’t make any sense at all. “He’s back on flowers now. And no, I’m not getting back together with him until he sucks it up and apologises for being a dick.”

 

Clint looks nauseous.

 

“I don’t want to be a flower,” Peter squeaks.

 

“If he turns you into one, I’ll punch him so hard the sun dims,” Jackson reassures Peter. Which, is not at all reassuring.

 

“Alright!” Tony interrupts. “Can someone explain what the fuck is going on? Barton, who the fuck is your dad and why the fuck is he a predator?”

 

“My dad’s not a predator!” Clint protests weakly. “He just… well… he…”

 

“Goes for pretty things,” Jackson finishes dryly. 

 

“He would never force himself on someone!” Clint looks indignant.

 

“His garden begs to differ,” Jackson rolls his eyes, looking more disdainful than he’s been the entire time Tony accused him of being a pedophile.

 

Okay, maybe Tony overreacted.

 

“Jackson, I apologise,” He says, and Jackson looks surprised. “Clearly, you’re not the predator in this situation. Clint— what the fuck?”

 

“Yes, Barton. Your dad did what?” Romanov gives Clint her death glare.

 

Captain looks like he’s about to develop a migraine.

 

Tony definitely has a migraine.

 

“Don’t worry,” Jackson waves his hand. “My relationship with his dad is very consensual. I’m just angry at him, and he has a history of… well, it was a different time back then. Of course I’m pissed at him, but he’s changed.”

 

Holy fuck. “Different time?” Tony’s brain is whirling. “Clint, how old is your dad?”

 

“Uh—“ Clint looks to Jackson for help. “I’m not sure?”

 

Then, Thor, late as always, decides to grace the room with his presence:

 

“Friend Stark!” Thor’s voice booms. “I have come to— oh, Prince Perseus? What a joyous surprise! I had thought your father would never let you leave his palace!”

 

“My bio teacher’s a prince?” Peter laughs nervously.

 

“You know each other?” Romanov asks sharply.

 

“What the fuck?” Tony says eloquently. 

 

“Lord Thor, a pleasure.” Jackson— Prince Perseus— deadpans.

 

“The 21st century is very confusing,” Captain tells himself, because no one else is listening.

Chapter 2

Clint is regretting all of his life decisions.

 

“Friend Spider, you are lucky to be under Prince Perseus’s guidance!” Thor laughs, dropping Mjolnir on the floor casually. 

 

“And that is why I Thor-proofed the floor,” Tony points at a camera. “Pepper— hear that? Clip this, FRIDAY!”

 

“Yes, Boss.” Friday chimes.

 

Thor pats Peter on the shoulder, causing Peter to wince. 

 

“You are engaged romantically with the Prince?” Thor grins, and Peter’s face pales even more. “What wondrous news! Friend Stark, there is no need to worry — Prince Perseus is a hero of the legends! I vouch for his honour on my honour!”

 

“We’re not!” Peter squeaks, horrified. 

 

Thor frowns. “Not what?”

 

“Not— not engaged romantically!”

 

Thor nods in understanding. “It is only an engagement of the sexual nature, then?”

 

“Peter’s a kid!” Tony interrupts. “He’s not doing anything of the sexual nature!”

 

Clint would make a joke about the hypocrisy of Tony making that comment, but Clint is currently preoccupied with being horrified.

 

“Dude! Percy’s with my dad!” Clint yells. He does not need the mental image of Percy and his dad engaging in— Fuck! He needs new eyes.

 

Please, please give him eyes that have never witnessed— or braincells that have never imagined this— horrible, traumatising image. 

 

At least Peter also looks like he wants nothing more than to disappear. 

 

Thor looks delighted: “Have you finally opened up your relationship?”

 

Steve makes a choked noise. 

 

“No, I’m not into polyamory,” Percy replies, and thank the Gods. Clint just wants this conversation to stop.

 

Thor has the audacity to look dejected.

 

“Besides,” Percy adds, levelling a death glare at Clint. “I’m not currently with Apollo.”

 

Thor perks up again. 

 

“BUT!” Clint intervenes quickly, taking a step between Thor and Percy. “You are not… completely… separated?” 

 

Ooooh, weak ending, Clint. 

 

Clint kicks himself internally. 

 

Soldier on! You’re doing this for Dad.

 

“Not saying that— you know, you can’t be separate,” Clint tried, and immediately winces. “You’re definitely not with Dad for now! But— you’re just—you’re also not not with Dad…?”

 

“Fascinating,” Tony claps. “Brilliant speech, Legolas.” 

 

Clint scowls. 

 

“Let’s all take a step back and take a seat,” Steve suggests.

 

“Oh no, let them continue!” Tony waves, and fucking hell, the bastard’s enjoying this, isn’t he?

 

Clint searches Tony’s eyes and lo and behold— there’s that glint of shitty humour.

 

“Tony,” Natasha reprimands. “Don’t you want answers?”

 

“For sure,” Tony shrugs, walking to his bar, “But you know what I want more? Drinks. Relax, Triple Imposter, just enjoy the damn show.”

 

Clint exchanges a mortified look with Peter. 

 

He would rather jump off the Avengers Building than listen to this conversation for one more second. 

Notes:

I need a 1550. I need a 1550. I need a 1550. I need a 1550. I need a 1550. I need a 1550.
SATs are killing me.
This is why I don't have a 1550.