Scenes of (step)fatherhood

by Arbol_13

Summary:

Various instances that Vanessa acknowledged the agent that was sent to stop her dad as her stepfather.

Notes:

Did I post almost the same fic than before? Yes, yes I did. This one is featuring Human!Perry, so it has a few differences. Also, since this chap is almost the same as the previous, I'm posting 2 at once.

Chapter 1

When Vanessa was twelve years old, Perry gave her a phone number with the instructions of only using it in case of emergency and to never give it to her dad.

She never called him. She uses it sometimes (it started with school questions and stuff like that, but evolved into all topics), but always by text.

Now, five years later, it was going to be the first call; they had taken her to a landline phone, she didn’t have another option. She was meant to call a parent or tutor, but she couldn’t call her mother; she would be mad, maybe even blame her dad. And her dad… well, to be hones she didn’t know if he would be mad or proud, but he’ll be mad at her friends for sure.

So, the next best option was Perry. He would probably be mad (or worse, disappointed), but at least Vanessa was pretty sure that he wouldn’t tell her parents if she asked.

So she dialed the number and waited; when Vanessa was about to give up and call her dad, she heard the click of someone picking up.

There was only silence on the other side; she guessed that he was being cautious, since it was a unknown number.

“Perry? It’s Vanessa. Sorry for calling, but I’m in trouble.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I… well, I went to a party with my friends and… I got arrested.” Vanessa could swear there was a sight on the other side. “Can you come pick me up?”

“Sure.”

“Thanks! I’m in sectional 13. And don’t tell dad!”

Without answering, Perry hung up.

He arrived in his hovercraft about ten minutes later and got into the commissary. He saw Vanessa in one of the waiting room chairs and started to go towards her, but one of the guards tried to stop him.

“Uh… Sir?”

Perry went through the reception and signed. [I came to pick Nessa up.]

The receptionist clearly didn’t understand. “Uh…”

Perry sighed and pointed at Vanessa, then at the door.

“Oh! You came pick up” —he  looked at his notes— “Vanessa Doof… ensh… mirtz? What’s your relationship?”

Vanessa talked before Perry could’ve do anything; the police wouldn’t let her go with anyone. “Perry’s dating my dad.”

Both turned to her with surprise; luckily the policeman didn’t know how to read Perry, o he would’ve noticed that she was lying.

“Okay. Miss Doofershirt was found in a private property.”

Perry turned to her and frowned.

“It was where the party was. I didn’t know it was private property!”

[We talk later.] Then Perry looked at the policeman and pointed at the door again, so the policeman lent him a paper.

“Sign this and you can go.”

After they were outside, Perry turned to her. [Dating?]

“Yes, I know you aren’t, but it was the only way they let me go with you.”

“Nessa.”

“Oh, come on, Perry, it’s not a big deal.”

 Perry rolled his eyes but didn’t complain anymore. He pointed at the hovercraft interrogatively.

“Yes, please.”

[Where?]

“To dad’s house.”

Vanessa got on behind Perry and they flied to DEI. Perry went with her in the elevator until the apartment door.

“Remember, don’t tell dad.” He nodded and Vanessa hugged him. “Thank you, Perry. You’re the best fake stepdad.”

Then Perry pushed the ring.

 “Traitor,” she murmured when her dad was opening the door.

“Vanessa? Did you finally…? Perry the Platypus? What are you doing here too?”

“Lacie’s car broke, I called him to give me a ride.”

“I didn’t know you had his number.” Oh, right; her parent shouldn’t know about that…

[For emergencies.] 

“Oh, I’m glad you care about her that much, Perry the Platypus. You could’ve called me, pumpkin.”

“I didn’t want to woke you up.”

“I was already awake. Waiting your call from the police.”

“What?” She turned to Perry. “When did you tell him?”

Perry raised his hands and shook his head.

“He didn’t have to. Your little friend’s mom called Charlene, and she called me.”

“Oh…”

“And you! Were you going to hide it to me, Perry the Platypus?” Perry shrugged. “How did they even let you take her with you? Only parents can.”

Perry and Vanessa looked at each other.

“I… might have say that Perry is my stepdad?”

“What? But for Perry the Platypus to be your stepdad, he should be…” Then her dad stunned –he fell silent, looking at nothing.

“Uh… dad?” Nothing. “I… I’ll head to bed. Is that ok?” Still nothing. “I think you can leave too, Perry. He doesn’t seem to be reacting soon.”

[Sleep well. Don’t be arrested again.]

“No promises.”

Chapter 2

Notes:

Ok, I don't know if I should warn this or not, because nothing's happening, but it implies a relationship between a minor and an adult, so beware I guess.

Charlene looked out the window. Her daughter was in the front yard, talking with a strange man Charlene had never seen. They’d been there for at least an hour; that’s when Charlene was expecting Vanessa to come back from her date with her secret boyfriend, and that’s why she looked out the window.

The man was short; maybe almost the same height than Vanessa without heels, but right now she was towering over him. He was in his late-thirties or early-forties; Charlene knew that Vanessa was dating an older guy, but she never expected someone that old. He was wearing a brown suit and fedora, with a teal shirt and orange vest and tie –not a style Charlene would imagine Vanessa liked, except maybe for the teal-dyed hair.

And they were talking –well, mostly Vanessa; the man only spoke every few minutes but seemed involved in the conversation noteless. He had a smile on his face; and even though Vanessa was backwards and Charlene couldn’t see her face, her body language spoke of familiarity and trust.

And then the man put a hand on her shoulder and Charlene couldn’t just watch them anymore. She stormed out of the house.

“Get your hands off my daughter, you sick.”

The man immediately stepped back, both hands raised and wide eyes.

“Mom! What are you doing?”

“Vanessa, dear, get into the house now. I need to have some words with your boyfriend.”

The man’s eyes opened even more and started shaking his head, and Vanessa flinched.

“What? Yuck, no! He’s not my boyfriend!”

“You think I’m naïve? You had a date, and then this man brings you home and you two spend an hour chatting in the street. I know you’re dating an older guy, but this is unacceptable.”

“Mom! My boyfriend’s name is Monty and he’s eighteen!” Vanessa put her phone in Charlene’s face, showing a photo of a guy who did look eighteen. “This is Perry, he was in the café where Monty and I had the date, and he offered me a ride home.”

“Oh, and you want me to believe that you accepted a ride of a stranger.”

“No, duh. Perry’s not a stranger; he’s dad’s boyfriend.” The man (Perry, it seems) looked at her and made a weird noise. “Oh, please, yes you are.”

“Heinz boyfriend?”

“Yeah, look.”

Vanessa nonchalantly buried her hand in the man’s pocket (Charlene noticed that he didn’t even flinch, just sighed) and took out his wallet. Opening it, a long string of photos unfolded. With a smile, she showered them to Charlene.

Almost all the photos were of Heinz with this man. On a café, on the park, on the cinema… In one of them they were sleeping on the couch, Perry’s head in Heinz’s shoulder. Vanessa was in three of them: in one, she was between the two men, everyone with wide smiles; in another one they were with an extra man (very big and square… and robotic?); and in the last one they were only Perry and Vanessa, back to back with the hands pretending to be guns, and Vanessa had his fedora in her head.

Well, he did seem like Heinz’s boyfriend.

“Okay, yes, I believe you. Why did Heinz never tell me he had a boyfriend?”

“They’re not official.”

“They aren’t? With all these photos?”

Perry shook his head.

“Well, if you’re part of the family now we should get to know each other better. Do you want to go get a coffee some day and chat?”

Perry raised his hands, but after a moment he let them hang by his sides; he then looked at Vanessa and made a sound with his throat.

“Perry’s mute.”

“I clearly saw him talking to you from the window earlier.”

Vanessa rolled her eyes. “Fine, selectively mute. He doesn’t speak with strangers.”

Chapter 3

It was Vanessa’s first day of the internship with OWCA, and her dad was more nervous than her.

“Do you have everything? Lunch? Money for the bus?”

“You’re driving me there.”

“But for an emergency!”

He was running through the apartment, getting more and more things in the bag she was going to take. Perry had the task of holding the bag open.

Why was he even there? Her dad was good now, wasn’t he? But instead of Perry not showing up, he had arrived earlier than usual and then agreed to help Heinz help her prepare.

Maybe her dad had called him because of that. That actually made sense.

“Perry the Platypus, did I put the Make-job-easier-inator already?”

Perry nodded —Vanessa had seen him take it out of the bag almost immediately—, and her dad relaxed a bit.

“I think you have everything for any eventuality. Are you going to wear that?”

“Yes, Dad.”

“You sure?”

“Yes. I’m ready. I’ve been ready for half an hour.”

“Oh, my baby girl is starting to work!”

Vanessa exchanged an exasperated look with Perry.

“I’m sixteen, I’m not a baby.”

“But…!”

“Heinz.”

“Yes?” He turned to Perry with sparking eyes and spoke in a loving tone (yuck), like he did every time that Perry actually talked. Even when Perry had been talking with him for years —and he was doing it even more now that Heinz was good.

“It’s getting late.” He looked at Vanessa with an evil smile. “Didn’t you want photos?”

“Right! Yes!”

Vanessa glared at Perry while her dad was looking for the camera. “You traitor.”

Heinz returned with an old camera, those that the photo is impressed instantly.

“Why do you have something so old?”

“I like to have the photos on my hands!”

“Ugh.”

Then, Vanessa had to suffer a photo session in which she had a frown in every picture. That didn’t seem to bother her dad, he just kept taking pictures, but Perry was narrowing his eyes to her.

Until he approached and let his hat fall on her head.

Now there was a picture without a frown, but with surprise instead.

“Oh, a photo of the two agents together!”

“I’m not going to be an agent, Dad.”

“I know, I know.”

Perry shrugged and, with a wink, turned his back to Vanessa and made a gun with his hands. With a slight laugh, Vanessa imitated him.

When the photo came out of the camera, Perry ran and took it before Heinz could.

“Oh. You want it, Perry the Platypus? I never get photos with Vanessa smiling…”

Perry’s face softened and took the camera from Heinz’s hands.

“What are you doing?”

With an arm around his neck, Perry dragged him towards Vanessa and took a selfie of the three of them. Then handed it to Heinz.

“For me? Thank you, Perry the Platypus.”

“Now let’s go or Nessa’s going to be late.”

“Oh, no, she can’t be late the first day!”

Notes:

For if you were wondering about the last photo of the wallet.

Also, bonus:

Later, in the car
Doof: Anyway, why did OWCA hire you? I was their enemy.
Vanessa: Perry recommended me.
Doof: He did?
Perry: I did?
Vanessa: Yes, it was a heartwarming letter. Nothing you wouldn't say.
Doof: Oh, a scam! That's my girl.
Perry: Heinz!
Doof: I was still bad when she did it, I can be proud!
Perry: *sighs*

Chapter 4

The thing with being the unemployed uncle of three kids is that, when they want a field trip during spring break, the default adult to take them is the one without a job.

And who says three, says six. And since Phineas and Ferb’s friends were added to the count, Perry offered Candace to invite her friends too.

So now he was in front of the camper, counting kids while they got in.

Phineas and Ferb with a blueprint of something a lot like the camper, Isabella following them with heart-shaped eyes; Bufford and Baljeet arguing about something; Candace and Stacy talking, Vanessa following them with a turn of her eyes…

Perry’s head did a double-take. Vanessa? Why was she there? He made an inquiring sound and Candace turned around.

“What? Oh, right. Jenny was busy, so I invited Vanessa instead. Vanessa, this is Uncle Perry, he lives over the garage. He doesn’t talk much. You can call him Uncle Perry too.”

Candace got into the camper, leaving Vanessa and Perry alone.

“So. This is where you live. I wouldn’t imagine that you were Candace’s uncle.”

Perry looked inside the camper, but no children were close to the door so they probably wouldn’t hear or see them.

[You can’t tell Heinz. Or tell the kids I know you.], he signed.

“I know, I know, secret agent or whatever. Don’t worry, Uncle Perry.”

This time, instead of signing, he spoke before even thinking. “Please no.”

“What? You prefer Dad?”

Perry made a sound, not knowing what to answer. That would be… a more accurate way to describe their relationship, to be honest; but he never imagined that Vanessa would ever want to call him like that.

And he wasn’t really dating Heinz.

Vanessa didn’t wait for an answer and got onto the camper.

After a moment, Perry sighed and went to the driver’s seat. They were all in, the trip could begin.

 

 

A jump of the camper woke Vanessa up. She looked around; the kids were building something, with Candace looking at them with a frown. Stacy was asleep in her seat.

Vanessa stood up and headed through the front seat.

“Hey.” Perry didn’t look but raised a hand and waved; Vanessa took it as an invitation and sat next to him. “Bored?”

[So-so. You?], he signed with one hand.

“I was sleeping until just now. Back there are a lot of bluescreens and an angry Candace.”

[Always. How do you know __?] He did a C with the thumb and two fingers and then closed them like the duck sign. Vanessa assumed that was Candace’s sign.

“We got each other’s clothes in the laundry once.”

[Really? You on pink?]

“Yeah, it wasn’t nice.”

 

 

When it was early evening, they stopped at a camping site. While the rest were unpacking the camper, Candace approached Perry.

“I saw you talking with Vanessa.” Perry raised an eyebrow. “You know what I mean. I didn’t know she knew ASL. How did you know?”

[I signed and she answered.]

“Why? You don’t sign with strangers.”

Perry tried to think of a plausible explanation. [She’s a kid at my care. I need to communicate.]

“Hm… You’re acting suspicious.”

[Why do you think that?]

What had Perry done? Was his cover going to bow up and he’ll need to leave the country?

“I don’t know, it’s just a feeling… But I’ll figure it out what’s happening.”

[I’m not a kid for you to bust like your brothers.] He looked over her shoulder for an excuse for her to go. [Go help Stacy and Nessa, they’re struggling with that tent.] Candace frowned; then looked behind her and back to Perry –then stared. [Come on, go.]

“You gave Vanessa a sign.”

Shit. He had done it without even thinking, being used to signing it to Heinz. And it wasn’t a simple sign like black and then a V (that had been an option before choosing); it was the letter N with each hand, going up and down in front of his forehead like the star sign. It only made sense for Vanessa and him.

But Candace didn’t have to know he knew what it meant.

[She presented herself with it.]

“Really? Oh, well, I guess that if she knows ASL, she probably knows someone that uses it, right?”

 

 

That night Vanessa was tucked in her sleeping bag when she saw a shadow on the other side of the tent. It was too big to be one of the kids –it must be Perry.

She sat up and looked around; Candace and Stacy were already asleep. In silence, she came out of the tent.

Perry was sitting in the grass, close to the embers of the fire they had earlier. She approached and sat next to him.

“Hey.” Perry acknowledged her with a side smile. “What are you doing?”

[Guard.]

“You should sleep. You still have to drive tomorrow.”

[You?]

“I can’t. Too much rest during the travel.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “Found any new constellation already?”

[Not today. Maybe you could help.]

Perry put his arm around her (that was weird, it would impede him to sign with that hand), and they looked at the sky. There were more stars than usual, and soon Vanessa was pointing at some of them.

“What about there? It looks like some kind of flower, I think…”

“A rose.”

“Yeah, it could be.”

They sat in silence for a while.

“So,” she started, and Perry let out an interested noise. “So, I’ve been thinking…” She doubted. It was harder to say when it wasn’t a joke. “I don’t think dad suits you. And it would be confusing… Dad is Dad, y’know?”

Perry nodded, his face not showing emotions –she didn’t know if that was a good or bad signal. She gulped.

“So, what about Pops?”

Perry’s head turned instantly. “I… You don’t have to…” He took a deep breath and smiled lightly at her. “I would be happy to being called however you want, Nessa.”

“Good, great. Good night, Pops.”

She stood up and started heading back to the tent –and then she heard behind her. “Good night, Nessa. Love you.”

Chapter 5

Perry always says that he only talks with people he likes –but what Vanessa slowly realized was that that’s not exactly true. He signs with people he likes, sure, and he can talk in front of some of them, maybe even talk to them if it’s only one or two-syllable words. But actually, full conversation, talking? Only the ones he thinks of as family.

She doesn’t know when she became family to Perry, but she thinks it must’ve been way before he spoke to her for the first time.

Vanessa was sitting on the balcony of DEI, waiting for one of her parents to go fetch her, really bored. She was thirteen and her parents had divorced three years ago –and still hated each other. (She was so glad that they were on good terms now.) They were arguing about how many hours with his dad she had the previous week, so they sent her where she couldn’t hear.

And then, Perry landed on the balcony.

“Oh, hey, Perry the Platypus. What are you doing here?”

He looked at her and started signing.

Perry had been signing with her dad for less than a year in that moment, and she wasn’t in his house enough to really need it most of the time –so, even if Heinz was teaching her, she wasn’t really fluid in it yet.

“Uh… repeat that?”

With a smile, Perry signed slowly. She got about half of it. Something, something, noises, O W C A, orders, something, inator.

“They send you to check on dad for some noises?” He nodded. “Mom and Dad are arguing, could’ve be it?”

Perry shrugged and nodded.

“Oh. You shouldn’t get in, then. It’s nothing evil, and Mom’s inside.”

He nodded and sat by her side. [What are you doing? Watching ______?]

“What was that last one?”

[S T A R S]

“Oh. Uh, not really. I’m just… sitting.”

[Do you want to?]

She looked up and shrugged.

“I don’t know a lot about it. They are stars.”

[Do you want to learn about C O N S T E L L A T I O N S?]

“Uh… sure, I guess.”

Perry looked at her for a moment; then back at the sky. He raised one hand and pointed.

“See there? Those six in two lines of three? With those extra three they make the constellation Leo. It’s a lion.”

Vanessa turned at him with surprise. He was talking. “You can talk.”

“I can.”

“Why don’t you do it?”

“I prefer not to. I only talk to people I really like.”

“So you like me!?”

He looked at her and smiled. “Of course, Vanessa.”

“You’re great. You’re the coolest adult I know. But you’re wrong about the stars. That’s not a lion, it’s a knife.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, look…” Vanessa pointed at the stars, making the shape of a knife.

They spent the next hour finding different shapes in the stars, with Perry sometimes pointing at the actual constellations.

When her parents stopped fighting and Perry was about to leave, she hugged him.

“Thank you, Perry the Platypus.”

“You can call me only Perry, you know?”

“Oh. Okay. Mom and Dad sometimes call me Nessa; that’s shorter, so you can call me that if you want to talk less.”

“I will. You can call me if you want to watch stars again. Good night, Nessa.” And after saying her name, he signed; an N with each hand, both going up and down in front of his forehead.

Perry usually signed “your daughter” to her dad when he wanted to talk about her. But she had a sign now!

Chapter 6

Perry’s phone rang in the middle of the dinner. He frowned –that was Vanessa’s ringtone. She never calls; it must be something important.

[Excuse me, I have to take this.]

He saw the curious looks of his family while he was standing and leaving the room. He went to his bedroom and closed the door behind him.

And then looked at the phone –it was a video call. He answered.

“Perry!” Vanessa’s face appeared on the screen, surrounded by trees. “I’m so glad you pick up! It’s an emergency.”

[What happens?]

“Mom had brought a guy and he’s staying the night, and I really don’t want to be here. But Dad’s living with the Murphys, and I don’t want to go bother there. Can I stay with you for the night?”

Perry relaxed. He wouldn’t call that an emergency, but he thought that for a teenager it was different.

[Sure. I’ll go pick you up.]

“Thanks, Pops! You’re the best! I’m in the park near my Mom’s house.”

[Did you already have dinner?]

“No…”

[Go to the restaurant near there. The Fish something.]

“The Fishy Fish?”

[That one.]

“Ok. See you.”

Perry hung up and went to where the rest of the family was still having dinner.

[Emergency with a friend, I have to go. I’ll be back late, don’t wait awake.]

“Okay. Is everything all right?”

[Yes, don’t worry.]

 

 

Candace’s uncle was acting weird. He had a call (no one calls him, he barely speaks) and then he left mysteriously.

She wanted to bust him so bad, but technically he was the adult and she shouldn’t.

So she followed her parents’ order and went to sleep. She woke up some time later, and decided to go to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

But when she reached the end of the stairs, she froze.

Vanessa, standing in the center of her living room, made an awkward wave.

Candace frowned.

“What are you doing here?”

“Uh… I…” She looked around and grimaced. “I have a perfectly valid and normal reason of why I’m in your house in the middle of the night.”

Then she didn’t say anything more.

“So?”

“It’s… well, you see…”

“Nessa, I already changed the bed clothes, and I got you some Linda’s old pajamas that I think would suit you. You can head to–” Perry got into the room talking, looking down; but then he raised his head and froze when he saw Candace. “Shit.”

“Uncle Perry? What…?” He was talking to Vanessa. Talking a lot; Candace had never heard him say that much at once, especially about something so casual. “How much do you know Vanessa?”

He looked from Vanessa to her, clearly not knowing what to say. “Vanessa’s my… Um, we’re…”

“You’re making it sound like something shady is happening.” Vanessa intervened. “He’s my dad.”

Candace turned to Vanessa. “Your what!?”

“Well, stepdad. He’s dating my dad.”

 “I’m not dating Heinz.”

“Sure. And calling him that helps your case, when the only other people that do that are my mom and my uncle.”

Candace noticed that Perry denied that part, but not his relationship with Vanessa. “You have a child!?”

Perry looked away. “Two.”

“What?”

“That would be Norm, my dad’s other child.”

“Why did you never tell us?”

“You would want to meet Heinz.”

“Well, yes!”

“Not happening.”

Notes:

This was more or less all that I had written, and I don't have many more ideas either, so I don't know when I'll be updating this again.

Chapter 7

[When I said that you two should go to bed, I didn’t mean this.]

Candace and Vanessa were now sitting cross-legged on Perry’s bed, talking about Heinz and him. Vanessa was censoring everything about evil and him being an agent, thankfully, but she had enough things to tell even without it.

“But I want to know more! You literally have a secret second family!”

Perry noticed that she was hurt. “Candace… It’s not like that.”

“Then how it is?”

“I can’t tell you why, but I can’t present you. Trust me, there’s nothing that I would like more than you getting along with them. I already happy that you and Nessa are friends.”

“Okay.”

“And you can’t tell anyone.”

“Why?”

“Just don’t. And now, go to sleep.”

 “Fiiine…” She stood up and walked to the door, but then stopped. “Hey. If Vanessa is your daughter, does is means we’re cousins?”

Perry blinked and looked at Vanessa, leaving it as her decision.

She shrugged. “Yeah, sure.”

“Cool.”

 

 

The morning, Candace came down for the breakfast and everything was normal.

And with that, she meant that Perry was there, and Vanessa wasn't.

When she was able to, she went to Perry’s room; Vanessa was still there, with a tray full of food.

“Hey.”

“Hi. Uncle Perry is hiding you?”

“Duh. Anyway, my mom is picking me up soon. Po- Perry said that your parents had to go, so she could.” Her phone pinged. “That must be her that she arrived… Oh, no."

"What?"

"My mom can't come pick me up. She sent dad."

Candace smiled. "Yes?"

"I have to warn Pops." Then the bell rang. "Shit."

Vanessa ran to the door; Candace followed her, for different reasons.

Perry had already opened, and Candace looked at them for any signs of love...

And nothing. Perry had frozen, eyes widened; and meanwhile, Vanessa’s dad didn’t react at all.

“Hello, I came here to pick up my daughter, Vanessa.”

Before Vanessa could show herself, Candace pulled her apart.

“Are you sure about your dad and Uncle Perry?”

“Yes, why?” She looked at them, then again at Candace. “Oh, right. Dad has severe face blindness, he can’t recognize Perry unless he’s in a very specific hat he uses when they meet.”

“Really…?”

“Absolutely. See.” Vanessa approached the two men, followed by Candace. “Hi, Dad. Thanks for letting me stay the night, Perry.”

“Is your name Perry?” Candace looked at him expectantly… but nothing. “I have a friend called Perry too! Though we’re going through a rough time right now…”

Perry rolled his eyes with fond exasperation.

Yes, Candace could see it now.

Chapter 8

Notes:

Ok, this one is pretty short, but better than anything.

The nurse sighed when her dad didn't pickup the phone for the third time.

"No answer. And you're sure your mom won't answer?"

"She's in a cooking class and they don’t let them have a phone."

"Oh... well, I can call your third emergency contact."

"A third?"

"Yes. It's marked as Perry Fletcher."

"Perry?"

"You don't know him?"

"No, yes, yes, it's my... stepdad. I didn't know he was listed."

"Yes, it was updated early this year."

The nurse called the number.

"Hello? I’m from Danville High School. Am I talking to Perry Fletcher, Vanessa's Doofenshmirtz emergency contact? Hello?"

Vanessa noticed that there was a huge problem there. “Perry’s mute. He’s not going to answer you, but if he picks up, he’s listening.”

“Ok, I’m going to assume that you’re listening. Vanessa has a sprained ankle; she needs someone to pick her up.”

 

 

Perry arrived ten minutes later, looking for her with worry.  

[Hello. I’m here to pick up Nessa.]

“Perfect. She’ll need someone to help her walk.”

After making sure that she was alright (sans the not-able-to-walk part), Perry looked from her ankle to the floor and smiled evilly.

“Oh, no. Don’t you dare...” Moments after, she was in a cradle carry. “I hate you.”

Perry started to walk through the school; fortunately, the classes were still going so any students saw her.

"Hey. Since when are you an emergency contact."

He seemed to notice his busy hands at the same time than her; he sighed. "Charlene did it."

"Oh."

"Don't tell Heinz."

"Sure."

They kept going, until Perry's car. He opened the door and lowered her in the seat.

“This is so embarrassing.” Perry only smiled. “You’re enjoying it.”

“Oh, absolutely.”

Chapter 9

Vanessa sat at the lunch table in front of Candace and Stacy, without even raising her sight from her phone. It seemed like a long conversation; she wrote something, and moments after there was a pling and she was writing again.

“Is something happening?”

“Oh, no, it’s just Pops. He asked for my ankle, but then we kept talking, and it seems that he and Dad aren’t arguing anymore. And Milo and his friends almost died while being in another planet, what…? I need to ask for more details.”

Stacy started asking about the last thing, but Candace got stuck in the first word.

Pops.

That’s what she had called Perry, right? So she was texting him…?

And, Candace noticed, it wasn’t the first time. 

 

 

Three months ago

“Who are you texting?”

Vanessa raised her head and blinked at Candace and Stacy. “Hm? Oh, uh… my stepdad. He’s asking how I did in my math test today, since he helped me study.”

“I didn’t know your mom had married again.”

“Oh, no, she didn’t. He’s my dad’s… situationship.”

“Situationship? What do you mean?”

“Dad refuses to acknowledge that he’s in love with him and he can’t say anything for… reasons. So they’re not actually dating or anything, but they act like that.”

 

 

Two months ago

“Wow, you sure are requested.”

Vanessa ignored her phone, still plinging.

“It’s just my stepdad. He’s trying to convince me to go bowling with him and Dad this night, but I refuse. They always get too competitive, it’s horrible…”

 

 

A month ago

“Your stepdad again?”

“Hm? Yes. It seems that Dad tried to be a superhero or something, and of course it went south. And now he and Pops are fighting."

 

 

Now

Candace snapped back into the conversation.

“… cloned Pops mixed with Cavendish, which yuck, so now they have to find where to put him.”

She should have listened before, because Candace was so lost.

“What?”

Vanessa dismissed it with a hand. “Don’t worry, Pops is going to take care of it.”

“How do you get so much from him? He always texts only a few words and a lot of emojis.”

 “Well, you just keep asking until the story makes sense.”

 

Chapter 10

After an ominous text from her father, Vanessa arrived at the newly renewed D_I building.

In the center of the apartment, there were her dad and Perry, surrounded by loads of boxes.

“Hello, Sweet Pea. Perry the Platypus is helping me move back. Do you want to do your bedroom?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“CAN I DO MY ROOM TOO?” said Norm’s voice, and Vanessa looked around because she couldn’t see him —and found his head alone on a coffee table.

“You don’t have a room.”

“Yes, you can.” Perry said firmly; then turned and frowned at Heinz, challenging him to disagree.

Vanessa remembered something she hadn’t done yet.

“Actually, I need to talk with Norm. Come here.” She took the metal head and went to her empty room.

 

 

Heinz looked at his daughter and robot’s head go.

“That was weird.” Perry the Platypus only rolled his eyes and pointed at the boxes. “Yes, yes, we need to continue.”

Between the two of them, they could move the furniture to the respective rooms. Heinz had made a Move-furniture-inator, but Perry the Platypus had destroyed it the moment he had arrived, leaving them the hard work.

Vanessa joined to get her bed and dresser to her bedroom, and then she took a couple of boxes full of mostly black things and disappeared there.

With the bigger furniture in its place, they started to put the smaller; more or less the apartment was becoming exactly the same as before.

Perry the Platypus put a really ugly lamp next to the sofa. “Actually I think I’m going to get rid of that one.”

Perry the Platypus nodded and took it to the rubbish pile, but…

“CAN I KEEP IT FOR MY BEDROOM, POPS?” Norm said from the top of the TV, and Perry turned and put it in Norm’s pile.

Heinz frowned.

“What did you just call me, Norm?”

“I DIDN’T TALK TO YOU, DAD. I TALKED WITH POPS.”

Perry the Platypus smiled, and Heinz noticed that if the two of them were the only ones in the room, Norm must’ve been talking to him. And Perry didn’t seem surprised at all.

“Why did you call Perry the Platypus Pops? He’s not your parent.”

“BUT MY SISTER SAID THAT HE WAS. CAN I CALL YOU POPS, POPS?”

“Yes, Norm.”

Heinz turned to Perry. “Why? It’s not like we…” Perry raised an eyebrow. Heinz flushed. “Forget it.”

With a tiny smile, Perry returned to work.

 

 

A few hours later, Vanessa popped out her head from her room. “Pops? Do you know how to install a shelf?”

Perry saluted her with two fingers and went to her room.

A few moments later, Heinz noticed what his daughter had said.

“Wait, she calls him like that too!?”

Chapter 11

“Dad?” Vanessa shouted while going into her dad’s apartment. “Are you here?” She saw lights in the kitchen, so she headed there. “I know it’s early, but I think I left something yesterday. Have you seen…”

She stopped.

In the middle of the kitchen, only in boxers and undershirt, was Perry, staring back at her with wide eyes.

She turned around. “I didn’t want to know that!”

“Perry the Platypus? What’s all that noise?” Her dad appeared. In dressing gown. “Vanessa!? What are you doing here?”

“That’s it. I’m leaving. I’ll be back in an hour or two.”

 

 

Vanessa returned a while later. They were both fully clothed now, thankfully. Heinz was in the lab doing… something in a peak of inspiration —Perry just hoped he wouldn’t need to destroy it later. It would ruin the mood.

Meanwhile, Perry was in the kitchen having breakfast, which is where Vanessa went.

She sat at the table and smiled smugly at him. “So. It finally happened.” Perry didn’t answer; he just raised the tea questioningly. “No, thanks. Are you two dating now?”

[We didn’t talk about it.]

“Really?  I thought you were adults.”

“Nessa.”

“No, I’m being serious. I know you don’t like talking, but Dad’s not going to do it for fear of losing you.”

Perry sighed. [I know. I’ll talk with him.]

 

 

Perry went into the laboratory and saw Heinz working in the inator. It had the typical ray shape.

After a few minutes, he made a noise and Heiz raised his head.

“Oh, you finally came, Perry the Platypus. I was with the final details. This is the Sleep-well-inator. It makes people on the area be unable to have nightmares.”

Ok, it was a nice inator and Perry couldn’t see how it would turn against the public. He wouldn’t destroy it for now.

“We need to talk.”

Heinz’s face turned instantly pale and turned his back to Perry. “Oh. Yeah. I-I get that it was an only one-time thing, and it didn’t really happen anything.” Perry started circling Heinz. “Besides what Vanessa thinks.” They were close now, face-to-face. Heinz looked terrified of what he could do. “I’ll talk to her later, explain that it wasn’t what it looked like. It doesn’t have to mean anything, you can…”

Perry silenced him with a kiss.

After a few moments, Perry took a step back. Heinz was blushed, with wide eyes and a dopey smile.

“Oh. That kind of talk.”

 

Notes:

It happened!

Also, for the record, Perry is canonical ace. They only cuddled.

Chapter 12

Notes:

This is dedicated to tinyestark, who had the idea.

Candace was in her bed, reading a mystery book, when her phone sounded with a message. She checked it.

       | Vanessa: They’re official now 👍🏻

Candace sat up with a scream.

Then run down the stairs to the kitchen. Her mom was making dinner.

“Mom, mom, mom.”

“Candace, it’s spring. Not busting season.”

“Uncle Perry has a boyfriend.” It was official now; not a secret anymore.

Linda turned around with a sigh. “Candace, I really doubt that Perry has a sudden boyfriend that we haven’t heard of.”

“It’s not sudden! They’ve been dancing with each other for years!”

“Even more unlikely. We know all of his friends, and let me tell you, he’s not interested in any of them.”

“But Mom!”

 

She tried again during the dinner. Perry wasn’t there to corroborate it, but Candace hoped that her brother’s trust would help her.

“Uncle Perry has a boyfriend.”

The first one to react was Phineas, bouncing in his seat. “Amazing! Who is he? Do you know him? When can we meet him?”

“It’s Vanessa’s Dad.”

“Dr. D? Cool!”

“Candace, not again. I already told you that Perry didn’t say any of that.”

 

 

When Perry arrived home Lawrence was in the living room watching a silent film. He paused it when he saw Perry, so he probably was waiting for him.

“Welcome. Good date?”

Perry blinked. Vanessa and Candace had been faster than he had expected.

[Yes.]

“Is it new?”

[Yes. It happened today actually.]

Lawrence frowned. “Then how does Candace know?”

[His daughter and Candace are friends.]

“Ah, teenagers.”

“Yeah. They join against me.”

“Is it serious? If you already met his daughter.”

“Yes, but… I’ve known them both for years.”

“Ah, and is she okay with you dating her father?”

“Vanessa… She’s been calling me her parent for a few months now.”

“More than okay, then. I want to meet her —my new niece.”

[Okay.]

“Are you happy?”

Perry smiled helplessly. “Yes.”

“That’s all that really matters.”

 

 

A couple of days later, Perry got into the house after a difficult mission (not Heinz) and headed directly to the kitchen; he hadn't had lunch, so he was starving. He ignored everyone in the room over going to the fridge.

Then, from behind him, "Hey, Pops."

He answered without thinking. "Hi, Nessa." Perry took a pear from the fridge and turned around, finally taking a good look at the place; Candace and Vanessa were sitting at the serving hatch, while Linda was in the sink washing dishes.

Or, well, not anymore; she had turned and was looking at him with open mouth, still with a dish in her hand.

[You’re wetting to the floor.]

“You… what?”

[The dish. Is dripping.]

She put the dish back in the sink. “No, no, I mean…” She looked at Candace and Vanessa.

“Vanessa is Uncle Perry’s boyfriend’s daughter.”

Linda turned to Perry; he nodded.

“You have a real boyfriend?”

Chapter 13

Notes:

Hiii! I'm back. I also drew Perry, I'm posting that images as another chapter in a minute.

I really really really don't have ideas about what to write next, so if you want to see something in special you can say it in the comments and I'll try to write it; if not, you'll have to wait for the inspiration to come back. Meanwhile, I have a couple of ideas with platypus!Perry, so the series might grow.

Perry’s family knowing that he was with Heinz was one thing.

They meeting him was another one completely different. One that Perry wanted to pull off all the time he could.

But Linda knew Charlene, who knew both him and Heinz. That turned into a Flynn-Fletcher family picnic at the same time that Charlene, Heinz and Vanessa were in the same park. Completely by chance.

Perry wasn’t buying it. Especially not with Linda and Charlene’s whispers.

When he noticed that the meeting was inevitable (Linda was inviting Charlene to stay, and now the huge amount of food made sense), Perry pushed Heinz apart.

“Hey, hey, what are you doing? Who are you?”

He sighed. “Heinz.”

“Have we meet bet before? Sorry, I’m bad with faces.” Rolling his eyes, Perry put on his hat. “Oh, Perry the Platypus! What are you doing here?”

[You’re about to have picnic with mi family.]

“Oh. OWCA won’t be happy. Should I go?”

[They arranged this because they want to meet you.]

“Me? Why?”

[Because we’re dating.]

His face lit up. “Did you tell them about me?”

“Heinz.”

“What?”

[They can’t know that I’m a secret agent. And don’t say anything about you being an evil scientist.]

“Okay.”

[And I have to take off my hat.]

“Uh…”

[Remember the clothes I’m wearing.]

“Okay…”

Perry took off the hat. “Still with me?”

He narrowed his eyes at him, but nodded after a moment. “Yes, yes.”

“Thanks.” Perry tiptoed to kiss him briefly. “Come on.”

 

 

 

It was surprisingly good.

Heinz bonded with the boys over inventions, and with Lawrence with both sharing stories. Candace was too excited to have Vanessa as her cousin to care if she liked Heinz or not.

And Heinz didn’t say anything that could blow up his cover.

Perry was listening to Heinz and Lawrence talking about Drusselstein (How? Why?) when Vanessa approached and sat next to him.

"I didn't know Mom was going to do this."

[I figured.]

"Do you know why Mrs. Flynn is looking at Dad like that?"

Perry looked at Linda; she was frowning at Heinz.

[She's trying to remember him.]

"Why? Do they know each other?"

Perry looked around; Candace had her eyes fixed in his hands.

He leaned closer to Vanessa and whispered. "They had a date."

"What!?"

"It was really bad... To be fair, Heinz was an idiot."

"When?"

"Before he met Charlene."

“Really?”

“Yes, it was a whole backstory once. Actually, Linda gave him the idea of conquering the tristate area.”

“No way.”

She stood up and walked to Candace, and they started to whisper until there was a loud “what?” from Candace. Then she walked towards Linda; Perry ran to stop her. He didn’t want to explain to his sister-in-law that he was dating her ex.

Chapter 14: Bonus: design of human!Perry

Notes:

If you got here because of the notification, I posted two chaps in a row. Go check the 13th.

First and foremost... Perry Fletcher, the unemployed uncle that lives over the garage of the Flynn-Fletchers.

Now... Agent P, the best agent of the OWCA

He has a "cute" (quoting Heinz) platypus pin, gifted by Candace when she bought a set of a lot of duck things and it came mixed with them. Seeing it, Heinz started to call him "Perry the Platypus".

After years of fighting, he relaxed with the Doofenshmirts, so he usually tooks off his jacket and tie with them. And since Heinz likes the pin, he took it and put it in the vest.

So this is Perry the Platypus!

Notes:

For more details about the designs, you can see them here

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 3 of (Unrelated) Perry & Vanessa being Father and Daughter