Damn Myself to the Depths of Hell

by CheshireCards

Summary:

Pastry Cookie was a devout sister of the St. Pastry Order.

However, when her mind is plagued by nightmares of what she had seen in the cursed Cake Tower, will she turn away from her faith in favor of knowledge and comfort offered by these strange beings?

(Title and chapter titles taken from lyrics of vocaloid song Infohazard by R.I.P.)

Chapter 1: Anything to Wash Away this Ever-lasting Stain

Midnight.

 

A cold and quiet hour for those of the St. Pastry Order.

 

The halls are empty. The lights are off. Everything is quiet. And most of all, everyone is asleep.

 

All except one.

 

A young nun.

 

She knelt before the altar, trembling hands clasped together in desperate prayer. Not a single soul besides Pastry Cookie was in the halls. They were all fast asleep in their beds.

 

But for once, Pastry couldn't sleep.

 

What she learned at the cake tower was a burden too great. How was one supposed to act after learning they were made to be eaten?

 

Reverend Mother Cookie told Pastry to forget about the event. But no matter how she tried, she couldn't.

 

Tears fell from the praying cookie's light steel blue eyes as she pleaded, begged for the Witches to remove this knowledge from her.

 

She has learned something she shouldn't have, and she didn't want to remember any of it.

 

“Why…?”

 

She quietly questioned, desperate for any sort of answer,

 

“Why would you do this to me…? Why curse me like this…? Is this punishment…? What have I done to deserve this knowledge…? Why…?”

 

The nun softly wept, hands grasping at the cloth over her arms.

 

From the shadows observed a pair of deep black eyes. The announcer chuckled to himself. And here he thought he wasn't going to find anything interesting here.

 

He walked over out of the shadows, deep purple dress shoes clicking softly against the tile floor.

 

He tapped the end of his staff on the floor, loud enough to make Pastry jump to her feet and whirl around to face him.

 

The other, taller cookie chuckled.

“Careful now, you'll catch your death like that.”

 

“Who are you?”

Pastry demanded.

 

The announcer chuckled once more

“Call me Black Sapphire Cookie, dear.”

 

“Black Sapphire Cookie…”

Pastry repeated, the announcer’s name tasting like acid on her tongue.

 

She had always been taught to distrust outsiders, and this cookie would be no exception. Who knows what this cookie’s intentions were.

 

“What is your business here, Black Sapphire Cookie?”

 

“Why, you, my dear!”

Black Sapphire emphasized by pointing his staff at Pastry.

 

Pastry moved the staff away from her.

“I am not your ‘dear’, and you have no purpose being here, cookie of darkness.”

 

Black Sapphire laughed at the assumption.

“Oh, you honestly think I have any business with them? No no no, I do not serve a mad enchantress.”

 

Pastry raised a brow.

“Then who do you serve?”

 

“Does everyone have to serve someone?”

 

“Yes. Cookies can only feel fulfilled through servitude.”

 

“Well, you're a straightforward one. But, to answer your question, I serve the forces of knowledge.”

 

Pastry’s eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“Knowledge?”

 

“Yes, knowledge! I am but a humble messenger for my master, the Fount of Knowledge.”

 

Pastry narrowed her eyes.

“The… Fount of Knowledge…? I've never heard of such a thing.”

 

“Of course you haven't! Not many have. You're quite lucky, you know.”

 

“Lucky…?”

 

“My master has heard your prayers and wishes to answer them.”

 

“Is your master a Witch?”

 

“Well, no, but–”

 

Pastry huffed and turned away from Black Sapphire.

“Then I want nothing to do with him. Only a Witch can undo the curse done onto me…”

 

“... Well, he may be no Witch… But he has been blessed by them.”

 

That sentence caught Pastry’s attention. She turned to look at him once more.

“What?”

 

“It's true!”

Black Sapphire said, adjusting his ascot.

“He was one of those first baked. Created directly by the Witches themselves and, therefore, has been granted all knowledge.”

 

"All… knowledge…?”

Pastry questioned. She had heard of beings possession all knowledge before, but it had always been in the context of the Godly Creators themselves, never a cookie.

 

“I see that caught your attention.”

Black Sapphire chuckled.

 

Pastry was silent for a moment. She didn't know how to answer or even respond.

 

“Can he… take away knowledge…?”

 

“Well, no, but he can give you the answers you seek.”

 

Pastry furrowed her brow. She was disappointed at the fact that this so-called Fount of Knowledge couldn't take this burden off her shoulders. But, then again, answers for what she was supposed to do now would be better than nothing. She clenched her hands taking a breath as she asked the question that most probably wouldn't.

“Where do I find him…?”

 

Black Sapphire Cookie grinned before saying

“Oh, dear. You don't come to him. He comes to you.”

He then summoned an azure colored apple, placing it in Pastry Cookie’s hand.

“For you. As a way to… catch his attention, so to speak.”

 

Pastry inspected the apple. It sure wasn't any apple she had ever seen. Besides its color, it felt cold and firm, like it had been stuck in a freezer. Its stem was black and pointed like a thorn more than a stem.

 

“What in the world am I supposed to do with–”

Pastry began to ask, but when she looked back at Black Sapphire Cookie, he was gone. As if he had vanished without a trace.

 

Pastry Cookie stood there baffled. Where did he go? She didn't hear him leave. Was he… even there to begin with? … Did she speak to a spirit…?

 

She quickly shook off that last thought. No. Of course she didn't. That would be stupid. She shouldn't be foolish.

 

Warily, she left to go to her room. She stared at the strange apple all the way there. How was a simple fruit supposed to catch the attention of this ‘Fount of Knowledge’?

 

Was she supposed to eat it? How was she to know it wasn't poisonous? And what did that Black Sapphire Cookie mean when he said the Fount would come to her?

 

Pastry closed her bedroom door behind her, her mind racing with questions and no answers. She sat on her simple twin sided bed, inspected the fruit.

 

Something nagged at the back of her mind to take a bite from it. She pushed that thought aside for the time being and weighed her opinions.

 

For one, she wanted, no, needed answers. But on the other hand who knows what this apple would do?

 

Pastry contemplated, her tired mind working to think clearly, but it was a tad hard. Didn't help that Pastry was hungry.

 

Soon enough, she caved, her desire for answers too strong. She hesitantly bit into the apple. It was sweet and juicy, leaving a sugary residue on her tongue. She began to consume the apple, bite after bite tasting even better than the last.

 

Soon, the apple was gone, leaving only the core. Pastry Cookie stuffed the core under her bed in an attempt to hide it in case any sisters or brothers or, godly forbid, Reverend Mother Cookie came in.

 

With nothing left to do but wait, Pastry Cookie took off her habit, letting her lilac locks fall upon her shoulders, and climbed into bed.

 

Strangely, it felt more comfortable than usual and Pastry found herself quickly falling asleep.

 

In the distance, many eyes watched the sleeping nun before disappearing…

Chapter 2: Foul Play, So Undefined

Pastry Cookie awoke on top of a silver plate. She looked around the void, unable to see anything. She reached to load her fork of judgement, but found her wrist bare.

 

Panicked, she stood up and turned around. She saw what looked like five cookies bound in chains. Some struggled to get out. Others simply sat there.

 

Hesitantly, cautiously, Pastry stepped off of the plate and towards the bound cookies. One turned to look at her. They grinned, as if this situation was amusing to them. Pastry felt a chill down her spine upon seeing the wide grin.

 

Suddenly, from the heavens, a silver fork shot down between Pastry and the other five. She stumbled backwards and looked up, only to see another fork rapidly descending towards her.

 

She ran. She ran away from the barrage of forks and the batch of five. Only for a fork to pierce through her habit and into the ground, causing her to trip and fall onto her back.

 

The last thing she saw was a silver fork descending rapidly towards her from the heavens…

 

———————————————————————————————

 

Pastry Cookie jolted awake in her bed with a sharp gasp, cold sweat dripping from her forehead. She tore off the thin covers and looked down at herself. Her dough was perfectly intact.

 

It was a dream. Just… a dream…

 

She let out a heavy sigh of relief.

 

Strange… She hardly ever had dreams. Whatever. No time to dwell on it. She had to get ready for the day.

 

———————————————————————————————

 

Pastry Cookie sat near the back after mass. Not a usual thing for her to do, but she felt like she couldn't bring herself to face anyone during breakfast. She didn't even feel that hungry, strangely enough.

 

She was simply sitting at one of the pews, trying her best to focus and pray to the Godly Creators, but every muttered word out of her mouth felt like she was gagging on poison.

 

“I-In the name of the dough… The oven… A-And the Witch–”

Pastry coughed, her throat tightening making her not even able to get the first part of her prayer out. What was happening to her? She had never felt anything like this before…

 

She held her face in her hands. What was she supposed to do…?

 

Then, all of a sudden, Pastry felt a hand on her shoulder and a voice call her name, gentle and smooth.

 

“Sister Pastry Cookie…?”

They asked, clearly concerned.

 

Pastry prayed her hands away from her face and looked up to see Doughael, leader of the St. Pastry Order.

 

“Your eminence…”

She softly muttered, her voice pained and sorrowful.

 

“Is something wrong, child? We haven't seen you in the dining hall for the past hour. We were quite worried.”

Doughael explained.

 

Pastry looked away.

“I'm not hungry…”

 

“Whatever are you doing here by yourself?”

 

“... I was… praying…”

 

Doughael could hear the sorrow in Pastry’s voice. It pained them to see her so full of despair.

 

“Please, sister Pastry Cookie.”

Doughael said softly,

“If you are ill, just tell Us. It's not like you to miss breakfast.”

 

Pastry was silent. How was she supposed to explain her plight to the high forkbearer? Of all cookies.

 

She took a breath.

“I am… fine, your eminence. It's just… strangely, I seem to be… unable to pray…”

 

Doughael raised a brow.

“Unable…? How so?”

 

“It… Whenever I pray, I can feel my throat closing. As if an invisible hand is attempting to strangle me.”

 

“Is that why We haven't heard you praying at mass as usual?”

 

Guilt pierced Pastry's chest like a knife through the chest. Or a fork.

 

“Yes…”

Pastry admitted quietly as she hung her head,

“Forgive me, your eminence…”

 

Doughael placed a hand under Pastry’s chin, tilting her head up to face them.

 

“No need to apologize, sister. We see your pain. We see how hard you are trying. This clearly is simply a test from the Godly to see if you are worthy of joining the Whole Dough! Keep trying, sister. Never stop trying.”

 

Doughael’s words reignited the fire of devotion in Pastry’s heart. She smiled and nodded.

“Thank you, your eminence.”

 

With that, Pastry continued to try and pray as Doughael walked away.

 

———————————————————————————————

 

Pastry Cookie didn't know how much time had passed since her conversation with Doughael. But she knows it was at least an hour.

 

A singular, grueling hour, possibly even more, of trying and failing to get a single prayer out. Yet, Pastry refused to stop. She would prove her worth.

 

“In the name of the dough, the oven, and the Witches…”

Pastry finally croaked out behind her closing throat, relief coursing through her dough.

 

The words began to flow again, slowly, yet naturally. Pastry was happy she could pray properly again.

 

Then, strangely, suddenly, inexplicably, her prayer took a darker turn.

 

“... Godly Witches, why must you torture me with visions of doom? Why burden me with knowledge of which I could not handle? Why insist you are the truth when we all know nothing it true… in this world… there is only Deceit–”

 

Pastry Cookie clasped a hand over her mouth, snapping out of the sudden trance.

 

What was that!? How dare she say something so horrid!? If anyone had caught her saying that… She was thankful nobody walked into the chapel.

 

She slowly uncovered her mouth before muttering out a horrified prayer for forgiveness. She couldn't believe herself. Where did that even come from?

 

But then, after a few minutes, it happened again.

 

“– All faith is void in the face of the harsh truth–”

 

Again, she clasped a hand over her mouth. In a test of a theory, she started to pray again and, after a few more minutes, it happened again.

 

“– Why preserve this world, when it had only caused suffering–”

 

Okay, yeah, no, something was definitely wrong. Those words that came out of her mouth just now were not her own. She'd never dream of saying such blasphemous things like that.

 

She suddenly began to feel ill.

 

Pastry stood up after muttering a quiet prayer for forgiveness and walked off to the bathroom.

 

Stumbling inside, she quickly hunched over the sink before a wave of vile nausea overcame her and thick, burning bile came up her throat.

 

She never threw up. What was happening?

 

After she was done, she ran some water to make the vomit go down the sink. Once cold she was sure it was down the drain, she splashed water on her face to try and clear her mind, her dough getting ever so slightly soggy.

 

Calm down, now, nothing bad is happening. You're simply paranoid.

 

Panting heavily, she turned the water off and tilted her head upwards, only for her eyes to widen upon looking in the mirror.

 

About her right eye was a pale blue, claw-shaped marking that clashed with the pure white and gold if her attire and her golden brown dough.

 

She heard a laugh. A mocking, hysterical laugh echoing within her mind.

 

She covered her ears and shut her eyes, trying to block out the manic laughter and the horrible visions. Soon, the laughter subsided, leaving only the sounds of Pastry's heavy breathing and the running of faucet water.

 

She hesitantly opened her eyes only to see the marking over her right eye was gone, as if it never existed.

 

She stumbled backwards, hitting the wall. She slid down to the floor, holding her knees to her chest. And, for the first time in a long time, Pastry cried.

 

What was happening to her…?

Chapter 3: I’ve Fallen For The Ugly In So Many Ways

These days, Pastry Cookie didn't feel like herself. She had trouble praying without either her throat closing or something blasphemous coming out of her mouth.

 

She prayed exclusively in private now. She couldn't risk anyone hearing her words of heresy.

 

So there she knelt. In front of her bed, despite to make this all go away.

 

“Oh, Godly Creators… please… I beg you, take this curse away… I shouldn't have turned from you even for a moment… I regret my actions deeply… I shouldn't have trusted that announcer… I shouldn't have eaten that apple… please… take this away… I will do anything… anything at all–”

 

A knock at her bedroom door. Pastry sighed, closing off her prayer with a ‘praise godly creators’ before standing up and opening the door.

 

It was Black Forest Cookie. She fidgeted with her tunic, appearing very worried.

 

“Sister Pastry Cookie…?”

She asked softly,

“May I come in…? There is something I'd like to discuss with you…”

 

Pastry nodded before stepping aside to allow Black Forest into her room.

 

Black Forest was Pastry’s most trusted friend. She had known her since they were children and had joined the Order around the same time. Pastry trusted Black Forest with her life. She just hoped Black Forest thought the same…

 

Black Forest sat down on Pastry's bed, her hands delicately folded on her lap. Pastry shut the door before sitting on her bed next to Black Forest.

 

“Is something wrong, sister Black Forest Cookie?”

Pastry asked, worried about Black Forest.

 

The darker colored cookie was quiet for a moment before she took a breath and said

“I just… I've noticed you not praying in the cathedral or at mass or at meals. I only ever hear you praying in your room. Is something the matter, sister? You can always tell me if something is bothering you.”

 

Pastry looked at her door, hoping nobody would come in. She looked back at Black Forest. She took her hand into her own.

“If I tell you this, sister, you have to promise to not tell another soul. Do you understand?”

 

Black Forest was surprised by Pastry's firm yet desperate tone. She nodded.

“Yes, sister. I understand.”

 

Pastry took a breath.

“I believe I have been… cursed.”

 

Black Forest’s eyes widened.

“Cursed?”

 

“Yes… I had met a strange cookie a few weeks ago. He promised me that he could help me, even offering me an apple. But ever since I ate that apple, I haven't been able to pray properly. I either can't get the words out or something else speaks for me. I didn't want anyone to hear that if it did happen, so I resorted to praying alone…”

 

Black Forest listened intently to Pastry's explanation, her expression more determined than Pastry had ever seen her before.

 

“I deeply apologize for worrying you. I understand that this decision was selfish of me, but I saw no other choice. … I didn't want to be kicked out of the congregation…”

 

“No no.”

Black Forest said

“You have nothing to apologize for, sister. It wasn't your fault you got cursed. You were simply deceived by that outsider. It's his fault, not yours.”

 

Pastry nodded a bit in understanding. She knew it wasn't truly her fault, but she still can't help but feel like she committed a grave sin.

 

Black Forest put a hand on Pastry's shoulder.

“Listen. I'll go tell a Reverend Mother Cookie. Maybe she can help reverse this! That is… if you want me to tell her.”

 

Pastry considered for a moment. Telling Reverend Mother risked her getting thrown out. But not telling her would probably make things worse… She didn't know what to do…

 

Thickly swallowing the forming lump in her throat, Pastry said

“Please… don't… if things get worse, I'll tell you and you can tell Reverend Mother Cookie…”

 

Black Forest seemed sorrowful, but nodded and said 

“Okay, I understand, sister.”

She let go of Pastry and hopped off of her bed.

“Please… take care of yourself.”

She whispered before leaving Pastry's room.

 

Pastry laid down on her bed, a sigh of relief that Black Forest wouldn't tell anybody. She trusted Black Forest so much, but what if she did tell? What if she went behind Pastry's back? What if…? What if…?

 

Pastry could feel her breath pick up. She sat up on her bed, clutching her arms as her mind raced to the worst possible outcomes.

 

She didn't want to be excommunicated. She didn't want to be out on the streets again. She didn't want to leave. She wanted, needed to stay! She… she…

 

Pastry shut her eyes tight as she began to cry.

 

She should've never eaten that apple. She should've never trusted that outsider. She should've never even talked to him. She should've never taken up the mission of going to the cake tower…

 

Then, suddenly, Pastry felt a comforting arm wrap around her body.

 

Her instincts kicked into full gear. Her eyes shot open as she shoved the person away. The stranger let out a soft ‘oof’ as they were unexpectedly shoved to the floor. Pastry widened her eyes as she caught the strange winged cookie's appearance.

 

“Oh dear…”

The cookie murmured, her voice soft and melodic.

 

Pastry inspected the pink monochromatic cookie.

“What the… Who… are you…?”

 

The cookie stood up, brushing off her monochiton.

“I am Eternal Sugar Cookie. The Bringer of Happiness.”

She joyfully said, giving a soft, gentle smile.

 

Pastry looked at Eternal Sugar suspiciously.

“Bringer of… Happiness?”

 

“Yes! My purpose is to make sure cookies around the world are happy.”

Eternal Sugar said as she fluffed out her white wings.

 

Pastry Cookie didn't believe her. Bringer of Happiness? That sounded like a load of junk to her.

 

“Uh-huh. And why exactly are you here?”

Pastry questioned, clearly distrustful.

 

Eternal Sugar giggled a bit.

“Because I was informed by a friend that you were crying.”

She raised a clawed finger up to gingerly wiped away a stray tear from Pastry's cheek.

“And it appears you were.”

 

Pastry wanted to pull away. To smack the hand away. But… Eternal Sugar’s touch was so gentle… so tender… it actually made Pastry feel a little safe…

 

“Poor thing…”

Eternal Sugar murmured, her face saddened as she moved her hand to place it in Pastry's cheek. Pastry couldn't help herself from leaning into the touch. She hadn't been touched like this since she was a child.

 

“I can see in your eyes that you have been through far too much… What pains you, dear?”

 

Pastry felt an ache in her heart at Eternal Sugar's words. Where was she even supposed to begin? Ever since she had visited that wretched cake tower, everything in her life seemed to be going wrong. She could feel rage bubbling up before she quickly suppressed it.

 

“I… don't want to talk about it…”

Pastry said, her voice much softer than usual.

 

Eternal Sugar hummed as she inspected Pastry’s tired face.

“You look so exhausted… When was the last time you slept?”

 

“Last night…”

 

“Well, you clearly didn't sleep well.”

 

Eternal Sugar noticed Pastry's small bed and thin blanket.

“And no wonder. This looks very uncomfortable to sleep on.”

 

Eternal Sugar put a hand on the mattress and a pink wave of sparkly magic engulfed it and quickly disappeared. When it cleared, Pastry could feel a lot more give to her bed.

 

Eternal Sugar did the same thing to Pastry's blanket and pillow, visibly getting fluffier and softer looking.

 

The angel-like cookie then practically wrapped Pastry in the now soft, thick, fluffy blanket.

 

“W-Wait! I-I still have things to do. The day is not over yet.”

Pastry explained.

 

Eternal Sugar giggled a bit.

“Oh, dear, does that matter? Everyone deserves a little rest and you definitely need some.”

 

Pastry tried to fight against it, but she was so tired… and her bed was so comfortable now… maybe… maybe she was right… she could just… take a moment to relax…

 

She sighed as Eternal Sugar suddenly wrapped her arms around Pastry as she got onto her bed with her.

 

Pastry was clearly caught off guard by the action. However, she wasn't against it. Pastry felt herself unconsciously leaning against Eternal Sugar's chest.

 

Eternal Sugar giggled.

“That's it… just relax… you deserve it…”

 

Pastry could feel her eyes slowly closing, almost in an automatic way. The last thing she saw before fully succumbing to sleep was Eternal Sugar's white wings wrapping around her…

 

———————————————————————————————

 

"Sister Pastry Cookie?"

Black Forest's voice cut through the silence of Pastry's room. Black Forest caught Pastry sleeping soundly on her bed, bundled up in her blanket.

 

She was confused. Wasn't it the middle of the day? Why was Pastry asleep?

 

She walked over and gently nudged her to try and wake her up.

"Sister? Please, wake up."

 

Pastry stirred a bit before opening her eyes. She spotted Black Forest and shot straight up in attention.

"Sister! I-I... Um... I-It's not what it looks like..."

 

"Sister, why were you sleeping? It's noon."

 

Pastry looked embarrassed.

"I... Someone convinced me to..."

She looked around.

"Where is she...?"

 

"Where's who? Sister Pastry Cookie, are you okay?"

 

Pastry Cookie seemed to realize something. She looked in Black Forest's eyes before saying in a serious tone.

"Sister. I think we need to tell Reverend Mother Cookie."

Notes:

And here's where that comfort tag comes in!

Notes:

In celebration of the new update, I'm creating an au I really wanted to make for a long time!

Hope you enjoy! More content is on the way!