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“Firefighter Kinard, I need you to land the helicopter.”
Tommy and Eddie immediately exchange a look of disbelief at the sound of Bobby’s voice and especially at his request.
“Did he just say that he needs you to land the helicopter while transporting a patient?” Hen asks from the back, she and Chimney doing everything they possibly can to keep the patient alive until they reach the nearest hospital that they’re eight minutes away from.
“Cap, did you just say that you need Tommy to land the helicopter?” Eddie voices Hen’s question to Bobby, his knuckles turning white when he tightens his grip on the radio.
Bobby’s answer is instant. “Yes.”
“Captain Nash, I have a high risk patient in the back of my helicopter right now.” Tommy speaks up before anyone else can even let out a word, the look on his face grim just like his voice. “Your paramedics are doing everything they can to keep her alive before we get to the hospital. If I land now, she will die within seconds.”
“And if you don’t land, you will get caught up in a storm and all of you will die.” Bobby says firmly and Tommy knows him well enough to know that this isn’t an easy decision for him either. But it still doesn't matter, there’s no way in hell Tommy will do something that will result in a woman losing her life. “I’m not willing to take that risk.”
“I flew into a hurricane and landed on a capsized cruise ship.” Tommy lets the words out between his teeth and doesn’t pay attention to the loud thunder that echoes above them. “I think I’ll survive a small L.A. storm.”
“Kinard, it wasn’t a request.” He clenches his jaw just so he doesn’t make a face at the sound of Captain Stevens’ voice. “Land the helicopter.”
“Cap–”
“I don’t want to hear it, Tommy.” She bites out and it’s very easy to catch frustration and a hint of remorse in her tone. “Risking the lives of four firefighters isn’t worth it. Land the helicopter.”
Tommy looks over at Eddie for a split second. “This isn’t right, Isabel, and you know that.” He spits the words out because it’s not; it’s their job to risk their lives to help others, this is what they all signed up for. “She has a husband, a family. Would you still give me the same orders if it was your husband–”
“This isn’t up for a debate, Firefighter Kinard.” Captain Stevens cuts him off more harshly than she has ever spoken to him before. “Land the goddamn helicopter.”
“And if I don’t?” Tommy pushes.
“Then later today your husband will open a door to his Captain who will have to tell him that you won’t be going home to him because you’re dead.”
The words are enough for Tommy to feel like his blood has turned into ice in his veins. Death doesn’t scare him, it never really has, not as much as the thought of leaving Evan forever, not as much as the thought of Evan becoming a widower and hearing about the death of his husband, having to deal with grief for the rest of his life.
He glances over at Eddie, suddenly thinking about something happening to him and Christopher losing his father too when the loss of Shannon is still an open wound on both his and Eddie’s hearts. He looks over his shoulder at Hen and Chimney and thinks about their wives and their children, how Karen and Maddie will become widows, how Danny and Mara will have to grow up without Hen, how Jee will have to grow up without Chimney and how his baby boy won’t even remember his father.
He thinks about the families of his friends and about his own husband that’s waiting for him to come home and he hopes that God he doesn’t even believe in will forgive him.
Tommy takes a deep breath and lands the helicopter on the top of a random building.
“Fucking damn it.” He hisses out, ripping the headset off and burying his head in his hands.
He does everything he possibly can to block out the devastating sound that comes from the cardiac monitor when the patient’s heart stops beating. Yet, he’s sure that the sound will still haunt him for the rest of his life.
– ☆ –
Three days later, it’s the feeling of his husband’s gentle touch on his face that slowly wakes him up from a dreamless sleep. At least this time he didn’t wake up screaming because of the nightmare.
“Hey.” Evan whispers softly and continues brushing his fingers across Tommy’s jaw, his wedding ring reflecting the warm morning light.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Tommy whispers back just as softly and turns his head slightly to press a small kiss on the palm of his hand. “How did you sleep?”
Evan looks at him with a sad expression. “I should be asking you that.”
Judging by the look on his face, there’s no doubt that he’s thinking about that evening three days ago when Tommy came home from shift, not being able to let a single word out when his husband asked him why he was back so early. All he could think about was how glad he was that Evan skipped that shift, took a day off because his leg was bothering him too much. He still doesn’t know if he’d be able to deal with the weight of his husband, the love of his life, seeing him make the decision he made.
“Is everything okay? Are you okay?” Evan asked after the silence became unbearable in the hallway of their house, when he realised that Tommy was too shaken up to say anything on his own.
Instead of giving him a proper answer and telling him the entire story, Tommy let out a choked sound from the back of his throat and fell directly in his husband’s arms, clinging onto him as if Evan were his lifeline while sobbing out, “I killed her, Evan. I– I killed her!”
Of course, when Tommy finally managed to calm down after an hour of crying his heart out in Evan’s arms and told him what happened, from start to finish, his husband didn’t agree with his earlier statement and also didn’t blame him in the slightest for making the decision he made.
Tommy still believes that he should have, he should because it is Tommy’s fault. He killed that woman, she’s dead because of him. She wouldn’t have died if Tommy hadn’t landed the helicopter, if he had just continued flying. For God’s sake, he has flown into an actual hurricane, how hard would it be to navigate through a small L.A. storm?!
“Hey, Tommy, come back to me.” Evan’s voice snaps him out of his thoughts, gently dragging him back to reality like it always happens. When he returns his gaze back to his husband, he’s looking at Tommy with a look in his eyes that’s a mix of both concern and understanding. “Where did you go?”
“I can’t stop thinking about it, Evan.” He confesses quietly, his voice small and ashamed. “I can’t– I can’t get the sound of her flatlining out of my head.”
“I’m sorry, baby.” Evan says softly and slides his hand down from his husband's face to his waist, tugging him closer until their heads are laying on the same pillow. “It wasn't your fault.”
“Evan–
“It wasn't.” Evan cuts him off without giving him a chance to continue talking. “It was either you and our family or her. It was a horrible situation and you made the decision that every human would. No one can blame you for that. You shouldn't blame yourself for that.”
“How could I not?” Tommy fires back, almost scoffing too harshly. “She's dead, Evan. How would you feel if it had been someone you love in that situation? If they had died because the person who was supposed to save them was too selfish? She's dead and it's completely my fault.”
His husband looks like he wants to say something, to argue back, Tommy frees himself from his hold as softly as he can to slip out of the bed and then out of the room.
They get ready and have breakfast in silence, although it’s not completely uncomfortable. Just a little bit tense. They don’t really have to talk to understand each other though, one look from Evan across the kitchen is enough for Tommy to understand that he wants more sugar in his coffee just like a small hum from Tommy is enough for Evan to grab car keys from the ceramic bowl by the door and toss it in his husband’s direction.
At some point, while driving Evan to the station, Tommy wonders if he’s being a total asshole, treating his angel of a husband who’s simply trying to help so he doesn’t drown himself in self-loathing so rudely. He probably is. After all, all Evan wants is to make sure that Tommy is okay, but still. Still. Evan wasn’t there, this grief isn’t his to carry, which is something Tommy is extremely grateful for.
By the time Tommy stops the car in the parking lot of the 118 firehouse, he can’t take the silence anymore. He hates not speaking to his husband, whether it’s something serious or not. He hates it even when they have a huge fight and he promises himself that he won’t talk to Evan unless his husband talks to him first only to cave in not even four hours after.
“I’m not mad at you, you know.” Tommy tells him when neither of them get out of the car, his voice low and soft. “I know you’re trying to be there for me–”
“Then why aren’t you letting me?”
“Evan…”
“No, I know that it was a bad call, a horrible decision you had to make but I– I’m so fucking grateful you chose to obey the orders.” Evan lets out a small laugh that’s so forced and humourless that it makes Tommy flinch. “God, it makes me sound like a total asshole, doesn’t it? To say I’m grateful that– that you came home to me when someone died but, Tommy, I’m so fucking grateful you’re right here next to me rather than six feet under.”
“Evan, I– I’m grateful that I’m here with you too but this isn’t– this grief isn’t yours to carry, sweetheart.” Tommy breathes out as he reaches over the console to take Evan’s hand. “Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I even have any right to be sad about it in the first place. I mean, she had– she had a husband who’s mourning her and I’m the one who’s…”
“Tommy, hey, look at me.” Evan interrupts him quickly before Tommy has a chance to send himself into a panic attack. His husband tugs his hand gently and forces him to look him in the eyes, watching as Evan takes a deep breath and nods at Tommy to do the same. “There, baby, take a breath. Now listen to me. What happened was a tragedy and you got caught up right in the middle of it. You have every right to be sad about it, to take all the time you need to process it.”
“I love you.” Tommy chokes out in response because that’s the only thing he can get himself to say without breaking down. His eyes still well up with tears when Evan offers him another soft smile and leans forward to press a loving kiss against the corner of Tommy’s mouth.
“I love you too.” Evan responds just as sweetly as he has kissed Tommy before he nods towards the firehouse. “Come inside with me.” Tommy arches an eyebrow at him with a smirk. “Oh my God, you’re shameless.”
“Weren’t you the one who last week–” Before Tommy can finish the sentence, there’s a hand covering his mouth.
He doesn’t even bother with trying to stop himself from chuckling when his husband glares at him angrily. “I mean walk inside the firehouse with me. Others will be happy to see you.”
Tommy glances at the time and then shrugs, nodding as Evan finally frees him so he can speak properly without his words being muffled. “Alright, but just for a few minutes. I have to meet up with my brother. You know how he gets when I’m late.”
“Hey, he’s not that bad. I’m sure he’ll forgive you.” Evan purses his lips when Tommy gives him a look. “Okay, yeah, he’ll probably kill you.”
“There we go.” Tommy hums in agreement and jumps out of the car, quickly walking around it to open a door for Evan whose cheeks immediately turn a lovely shade of red.
“You don’t have to keep doing that, you know. You’ve swooned me already.” As if to prove his point, he holds up his left hand and wiggles his fingers just so the light reflects off his wedding ring.
Tommy rolls his eyes lightheartedly. “Keep walking, Buckley.”
“It’s Buckley-Kinard to you.” Evan calls over his shoulder and then makes his way towards the entrance of the firehouse. Tommy quickly catches up to him and intertwines their fingers together.
“Thomas Kinard in the 118 fire station again? Which alternate universe have I woken up in?” Chimney exclaims teasingly the moment he catches a glimpse of them.
“It’s Buckley-Kinard!” Tommy and Evan fire back in perfect unison, grinning proudly when Chimney rolls his eyes in mock annoyance and jogs down the stairs with Hen, Eddie and Ravi following him.
Evan doesn’t waste a second and immediately asks, “Where’s Cap?”
“Athena needed help with something at work so he might be a bit late.” Hen shrugs.
“Bobby Nash being late to work?” Tommy whistles. “Guess there’s a first time for everything.”
Chimney opens his mouth to say something when he’s suddenly interrupted by Evan’s sudden gasp as he turns to his husband, tightening his hold on Tommy’s hand when he says, “I need to show you the kitchen! Remember how I told you Bobby and I reorganised some stuff? Come on.”
“Buck, let us talk to him in peace for a second–”
“Nope, my kitchen is more important!” Evan calls out stubbornly and tugs Tommy towards the stairs leading up to the loft right when a man, probably in his late sixties, walks in the firehouse.
“Isn’t it Bobby’s kitchen?” Tommy chuckles when the only response he gets is a small glare over his shoulder. “Okay, sorry, I’m quiet. Lead the way, sweetheart.”
Right when they walk further into the loft, close by the railing, Evan looks like he’s about to make a petty comment but he never gets a chance because of a loud bang that echoes in the entire firehouse, followed by gasps and shrieks from the apparatus bay.
Tommy spent years in the Army, surrounded by blood and the desperate screams of dying men and weapons, which is exactly the reason why he instantly recognises the sound of a gun firing.
Without giving Evan even a second to process what’s happening, he immediately jumps into action. He protectively wraps his arms around Evan and pushes him down on the ground, covering his husband’s body with his own as one of the firefighters begs the shooter to put the gun down.
At the sound of her plea, Evan freezes under Tommy and lets out a gasp that Tommy quickly muffles with his hand over Evan’s mouth.
“Don’t make a sound.” Tommy whispers in his ear, his voice grim. “There’s a shooter in the firehouse.” Evan whimpers against his hand. “I know, I know. I need to get you out of here.” His husband desperately shakes his head, no doubt thinking about his team. “You won’t be able to help them if you’re dead, Evan. Crawl towards the bunk room.”
The sound that escapes his husband tears Tommy’s heart apart but there’s still only one thought in his mind right now and it’s that he needs to make sure that Evan is safe. Whatever the hell is happening, Evan needs to get out of it unscratched and Tommy will do everything he can to make sure of it.
Thankfully, Evan doesn’t put up a fight and does as Tommy asked him to. He keeps his eyes squeezed shut, refusing to open them as he crawls in the direction of the bunk room. Tommy follows him while trying his best not to peek over from the railing to see if the others– if they’re still… He can’t do that, he can’t let the shooter know that he and Evan are up in the loft. He won’t risk Evan’s life like that.
When they finally make it to the bunk room, Tommy all but shoves Evan into the room and clicks the door shut behind him, pressing his back against it as if it will stop the shooter if they decide to check every room in the firehouse.
“Oh my God– Oh my God, Tommy, there’s a– a shooter in the– the firehouse.” Evan chokes out, his eyes wide and panicked as he looks at him. “My team– Oh my God, we left them– we left them there!”
Tommy quickly manages to snap out of whatever daze he was in and hold Evan back when he tries to push Tommy out of the way and run back out of the bunk room.
“No– no, Evan, stop it! You can’t go back there!” He hisses and wraps his hands around his husband’s arms, pushing him back with force that he has never used on Evan before. “Have you lost your mind?! You can’t just run out there and–”
“My team is out there, Tommy! There, right in front of a person with a gun! I need to help them!”
“Help them how?!” Tommy shakes him and tightens his grip on Evan’s arms. “By getting yourself killed?!”
“I can’t just let them die, Tommy!”
“And I can’t just let you die!”
Evan opens his mouth to argue back with tears in his eyes when a familiar bang echoes in the building again, now multiple times. Without thinking much about it, Tommy blocks Evan’s body with his own again as if the shooter has kicked the door down behind them.
“I don't get it.” Evan whispers, scared. “Who would want to shoot up a firehouse?” A mere question is enough for pieces to fall in place in Tommy's brain and he doesn't know what kind of expression he has on his face, but apparently it's concerning enough for his husband to weakly breathe out, “Tommy?”
“A person who doesn't have anything to lose anymore.” Tommy hopes his voice doesn't sound as terrified as he feels. He doesn't want to scare Evan even more. “A person who already lost everything.”
He thinks about the husband of a patient he let die three days ago. He can still hear the devastated sobs that broke out of the man's throat when Tommy returned to the scene and he saw his wife's still body. He can still remember the fury he saw in his eyes when he looked at the members of the 118 and the 217.
“You'll pay for this.” The man let the words out between his teeth, clinging onto the limp hand of his wife. “I'll make sure of it.”
“Tommy!” Evan's voice snaps him back to reality, just like in the morning. “What's going on? Do you know who–”
“The husband of a patient we lost three days ago.” Tommy answers before Evan can even ask the question properly. He hates himself the moment he sees more panic flashing in Evan's eyes.
“Tommy…”
Tommy shakes his head. “We need to call 9-1-1.”
Evan nods without saying anything, fishing his phone out of his pocket with trembling hands, putting it on speaker.
“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”
Tommy watches as Evan’s eyes flutter shut and his bottom lip starts wobbling at the sound of his sister’s voice.
“Maddie…”
“Buck?” Maddie instantly sounds panicked. “What’s wrong?”
“Maddie, there’s a shooter in the firehouse.”
“What?!”
“There’s a shooter in the 118 fire station. The first shot was fired approximately four minutes ago on the apparatus bay, but Tommy and I were up in the loft and we don’t know if anyone was injured. Now we’re hiding in the bunk room. Two minutes ago, the shooter fired again.”
Maddie is silent for a moment before she clears her throat and starts speaking, although it’s easy to hear the way her voice trembles as she says, “LAPD and SWAT are on their way. Can you describe the suspect?”
“No, I didn't see him, but Tommy thinks it might be the husband of a patient the 118 and the 217 lost three days ago.”
“Do you know his name?”
“William Allen.” Tommy says without wasting a second, not looking up from his phone.
“What are you doing?” Evan asks as soon as he notices that his husband is typing frantically on his phone.
“Texting my brother.”
“Are you seriously giving him a heads up about missing lunch with him right now?!” Evan almost sobs as his phone weakly slips out of his hand and falls on the floor with a clutter.
“No, Evan, I’m texting him because he’s one of the members of the SWAT team.” Tommy shoves his own phone back in his pocket and cups Evan’s face, gently kissing him before he whispers, “You stay here, okay?”
“What?” His eyes widen the moment he realises that Tommy is moving towards the door. “Tommy, what the hell are you doing?!” He quickly grabs his husband’s arm and tugs him back. “Tommy!”
“Just stay here, Evan.”
“No, I’m not letting you go out there alone! Especially not when a man with a gun is the husband of a patient that died when you were responding to the call! Not when he wants revenge!”
“I’ll be careful, I promise.” Tommy assures him and frees himself from Evan’s hold. “Sweetheart, I swear to you, I– I need to check–”
“Then I’m coming with you!”
“No, you’re not.”
“Tommy–”
“Please, Evan, I’m begging you.” Tommy pleads desperately. “I’ll be careful. I was in the Army, remember? You just stay here on the phone with Maddie until help arrives. My brother is on his way too.” He gently grabs Evan’s chin and tilts his head up so he can look in his eyes. “Promise me, Evan. Promise me you’ll stay here and not come out no matter what happens.”
“I promise.” Evan chokes out after what feels like a century, tears spilling out of his eyes when his husband cracks the door open slowly. “Be careful, Tommy, please.”
Tommy nods. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Evan sobs as Tommy slips out of the room, closes the door behind him carefully not to make any sound and takes a shuddering breath in. He has never been a religious man, but he thinks this is the time he should start praying to whatever higher power is out there.
He slowly makes his way towards the main area of the loft again, his back pressed against one of the pillars as he peeks over the railing and breathes out in relief at the sight of Chimney, Eddie, Hen and Ravi. They’re still stuck on the apparatus bay with their hands raised in front of the shooter, who is William Allen as Tommy suspected, but they’re alive and that’s all that matters to Tommy.
Even from a distance, he can see that the main doors are locked and he doesn’t know what kind of sound breaks out of his throat but apparently it’s enough for the man’s to snap from Chimney to Tommy in the loft. He tries to hide behind the pillar again but he’s not quick enough.
“Who’s there?” Mr. Allen calls out, his voice devoid of any emotion in a way that sends shivers down Tommy’s spine. “Come down here or I’ll shoot all of them.”
Tommy made a promise to Evan that he’d be careful but he can’t let his family die, which is exactly the reason why he takes a deep breath and pushes himself away from the pillar, holding his hands up in surrender as he makes his way down the stairs and stands between Hen and Ravi.
Mr. Allen narrows his eyes at him, his hand not wavering even for a second as he keeps his gun aimed at Chimney. “You’re the pilot.” He says in recognition. “You were the one who landed the helicopter instead of taking my wife to the hospital.”
“Mr. Allen, I– I’m sorry for your loss–”
“Do not say a word about my loss!” The man yells at him and switches his aim from Chimney to Tommy. “It’s your fault! My wife is dead because of you!”
“I know.” Tommy whispers because he does. “I know, I’m sorry.”
The man’s gaze snaps to the wedding ring on his finger before he looks him in the eyes again. “Do you have a wife?” The silence he gets from Tommy in return is apparently enough to make him even angrier. “Answer me!”
“I have a husband.” Tommy chokes out with his heart in his throat.
“How would you feel if he got hurt and people who were supposed to save him failed to do their job?! How would you feel if he died in the hands of people who were supposed to help him?!”
“I– I’d be devastated.”
“Yeah, you would be.” The man says, his voice cold. “You’d want to make them pay too, just like I want to make you pay. And them.” He gestures towards Eddie, Hen and Chimney. “And your Captain too. But mainly you.”
And then, much to Tommy’s horror, Mr. Allen puts finger on the trigger right when Evan runs up to the loft railing, all colour draining out of his face as he processes the sight in front of him on the bay.
“Tommy…” He breathes out with his hand over his mouth, his eyes wide and filled with tears.
Mr. Allen narrows his eyes at Evan just like he looked at Tommy a few minutes ago and there’s no doubt he’s connected the dots the second he catches a glimpse of a matching wedding ring on Evan’s finger. Tommy instantly feels nauseous.
“Is that your husband?” Mr. Allen asks Tommy and makes him watch in horror as he changes his aim again, this time the gun pointed at Evan in the loft instead of Tommy or anyone else.
Without thinking much about it, Tommy immediately jumps into action. He stands in front of the man with his hands still raised in the air, but this time it looks more like he’s trying to soothe a feral animal rather than showing that he won’t attempt to do anything.
“Stop! Stop, listen– listen to me, please.” Tommy begs and forces himself not to start crying when the gun remains aimed at his husband. “Evan, he– he didn’t– he didn’t do anything, okay?! He wasn’t even– he wasn’t even there, please, he wasn’t on– on the shift.” He almost breathes out in relief when Mr. Allen returns his attention back to him again. “Only– only the four of us were in the helicopter that day, I– no one else. He wasn’t. Evan wasn’t there. Please, he didn’t do anything. You’re here to kill me, not– not him. He’s– he’s innocent.”
The sound of a gunshot that follows Tommy’s words is almost deafening.
– ☆ –
“Is this all?” Bobby asks as he stares down at the papers scattered all across Athena’s desk at the police station. His wife barely hears his words, her gaze glued on the paper she’s holding. “Athena?”
“Hmm?” She quickly snaps out of her thoughts. “Oh, yes. Thanks for helping.”
Bobby smiles at her softly, leaning forward to kiss her before saying, “Of course. I need to get to work now. If you need anything else–”
He doesn’t get a chance to finish the sentence because all of the sudden, Elaine walks up to them with an expression on her face that immediately makes Bobby’s heart sink in his stomach. He has had that look on his face multiple times as well, it never indicates anything good. Athena seems to pick up on it in seconds too.
“Elaine, What’s wrong?”
“Evan Buckley just called 9-1-1.”
“What?!” Athena exclaims, Bobby not even having time to react. “Is he okay?!”
“He is but…” Elaine takes a deep breath in and looks Bobby in the eyes. “He said there’s a shooter in the firehouse.”
Athena’s eyes widen in horror. “A– a shooter? At the 118?”
“Yes. All available units have already been dispatched and SWAT is on its way too but I…”
All of the sudden, right when Bobby’s about to run out of the police station and go to the firehouse because there’s a shooter in his firehouse, his phone starts ringing in his pocket. The name of Tommy Kinard’s twin is the last name he expected to see.
“Captain Nash, Tommy just texted me, saying that there’s a shooter in the firehouse.” Rocker says the moment Bobby accepts the call. Somehow, hearing those words from him makes the whole situation more real and suddenly Bobby needs to lean his weight against the table so he doesn’t fall over. “Did you know anything–”
“I just found out. Buck called 9-1-1 a few minutes ago.” Bobby cuts him off and nods at Athena in confirmation that they need to get out of here when she looks at him with a questioning look, the keys of her patrol car gripped tightly in her hand. “Athena and I are about to go there. Police are already on their way and SWAT–”
“I’m with my team right now. I was about to leave when I got my brother’s message and then we received a call.” There’s the sound of muffled yellings, shuffling and then the car door slamming shut on the other line right when Athena starts driving before Bobby has a chance to even close the door properly. “We’ll meet you there, Captain Nash.”
Athena drives to the firehouse in a blink of an eye and then they get there, the entrance is already full of police cars and journalists and the truck of the SWAT team stops right when Bobby jumps out of the patrol car, immediately heading towards a familiar face as Athena goes over to the Chief.
“You guys have a plan, right?” Bobby asks Rocker, both of them walking towards Athena and the Chief and at least dozens of other police officers.
“Trust me, Bobby, as much as I want to go in there right now on my own, we haven’t received any specific orders yet.”
“What the hell do you mean you can’t send a team in yet?!” Athena demands, her eyes flashing as she stares at the commanding officer. “People could be dead in there and you’re planning on just staying here and waiting?!”
“Sergeant Grant, barging in unprepared might do more harm than good.” The officer says, earning an annoyed scoff from Rocker that he decides to ignore. “We need more time.”
“There’s no time, damn it! People are stuck in there!”
Bobby refuses to listen to any more of this useless conversation. While Athena and Rocker are too caught up with arguing with the commanding officer, Bobby quietly turns around and makes his way towards the back of the station.
He slips inside the firehouse and quickly walks in the direction of the apparatus bay when suddenly a loud sound of a gunshot echoes in the building, followed by Buck’s devastated scream.
– ☆ –
Buck barely realises that the sound of that devastated scream, that animalistic wail is breaking out of his own throat as Tommy gets shot in the chest in front of him.
He sprints towards the stairs and runs down right when Tommy sinks on the floor, blood starting to pool around him right away and he plans on running towards him, to hold his hand and tell him that everything is going to be okay but before he knows it, someone is wrapping their arms strongly around his body and pulling him back, stopping him from getting to his husband.
“No, no, no– Tommy!” He screams as he tries to free himself from whoever is holding him, although all his attempts turn out to be in vain. “Tommy!”
“Captain Nash.” Mr. Allen says with a calm tone, as if he didn’t just shoot love of Buck’s life right in front of him. Still, that’s when Buck’s brain manages to process that it’s Bobby who’s holding him back from running to Tommy while an armed person is hovering over him. “I’m sorry about those two firefighters by the door, I never meant to kill them. I only meant to kill him,” He nods towards Tommy who keeps gasping for air before letting his eyes flutter shut, a sight that makes Buck let out a pathetic cry. “And three of your firefighters. I want you to watch as they bleed out in front of you before I kill you too, Captain.”
“Please, Bobby, let me– let me get to him.” Buck sobs and tugs at Bobby’s arms but he still fails to escape from the man’s tight hold. “Someone help him, please!” He begs as he looks over at Hen and then at Chimney even though a logical part of him knows that no one can move from where they’re standing. Desperation and fear suffocate him as he looks at Mr. Allen again. “I– please, I’m– I can’t lose him, I’m begging you– he’s my entire world.”
While Mr. Allen is distracted by looking at Buck as he chokes out desperate pleas, Ravi slowly sinks on his knees beside Tommy and shrugs off his jacket, bundling it up and pressing it against the wound on Tommy’s chest who lets out a pathetic whimper at the feeling.
Apparently, such a small sound is enough for Mr. Allen to look down at him again and he points his gun at Ravi the moment he realises that he’s trying to save Tommy.
“What the hell are you doing?! Step away from him!” He demands, his eyes slightly wide as he stares at Ravi. “You weren’t there. I don’t want to kill you.”
“I’m not going to stand by and watch my friend die.” Ravi lets the words out between his teeth and they all know that he’s trying to hide the way his hands tremble when he presses the cloth on Tommy’s chest with more force.
“Do you want me to shoot you?!” Mr. Allen shouts, his voice loud enough that it makes everyone in the firehouse flinch. “Didn’t you hear what I told you?! Step away from him! Let him lie there and die!”
At his words, Buck lets out a quiet cry and frees himself from Bobby’s hold the moment his Captain’s arms loosen around him, although he doesn’t take a step towards his husband, no matter how badly he wants to. He knows that it might make the situation a lot worse.
Somehow, only then the words Mr. Allen said a few minutes ago catch up to Buck, how he said that he wants Tommy, Hen, Chimney and Eddie to die in front of Bobby and make him watch, to torture him cruelly before killing him too.
Buck’s brain finally manages to process it and he… he can’t let that happen, he can’t lose his family because of something that was out of his control. He won’t let this man take every person he cares about away from him.
“Shoot me.” Buck tells Mr. Allen with a steady, confident voice and from the corner of his eyes, he sees the alarmed look his family sends in his direction. Even Ravi, who’s doing everything he can to stop Tommy from bleeding out on the floor of the firehouse.
“Buck–” Bobby starts but Buck barely hears his voice.
“I know what happened, Tommy told me the story. Your wife died and now you want revenge, right? Justice? Every person you think is responsible for your wife’s death, every person here that you want to hurt– I mean something to them, so kill me, not them. I’m your eye for an eye.”
Buck takes a shuddering breath in and takes a step towards a man who’s currently pointing a gun to his bleeding husband on the floor. He gestures at his team over his shoulder.
“Hen and Chimney are paramedics that were working on your wife and weren’t able to save her. Hen sees me as an annoying little brother she never had and Chimney is my brother-in-law, he’s married to my older sister who basically raised me. Eddie was in the helicopter and didn’t even try to change Tommy’s mind when he decided to land. I’m his best friend and I’ve been in his son’s life for longer than his own mother had. Captain Nash was the one who ordered Tommy to land, I’m the closest thing he has to a son. And Tommy– I’m his husband, I’m his family, he doesn’t have anyone else.”
He hears someone whispering his name behind him but he doesn’t pay attention to it, not when he’s this close to saving all of them.
“If you want to hurt them the way that you hurt, shoot me. That’s how you’ll hurt them. That’s how you’ll get revenge for your wife’s death.”
Mr. Allen looks at him for what feels like a century but couldn’t have been more than a few seconds and then switches his aim from Tommy to him. He almost breathes out in relief.
“No, no, Buck–”
“Bobby, it’s okay.” Buck whispers and stops Bobby from taking a step towards him with a small raise of a hand without tearing his gaze away from Mr. Allen. “When Tommy wakes up, tell him that I love him and that I’m sorry, I never meant to leave him like this. And Chim, tell Maddie that I love her and the kids too, okay?”
Buck stands there and watches in weird peacefulness as the man moves his hand on the trigger but right when he’s about to shoot, the shards of shattered windows fly everywhere and, in a blink of an eye, there are five SWAT members in the firehouse.
Without wasting a second, Buck immediately runs towards Tommy and sinks on the floor beside Ravi, gently cupping his husband’s pale face, sliding one of his hands down enough to press the tips of his fingers against his pulse point.
“Buck, is he alive?” He barely hears Rocker’s question through the ringing in his ears and when he looks up, he sees that his brother-in-law is the one pinning Mr. Allen on the floor. “Buckley! Is my brother alive?!”
“He– he is.” Buck finally manages to choke out as Hen and Chimney switch with Ravi and rip Tommy’s shirt in two without telling Buck to move, not yet. “He’s going to be okay, he’s– he’s going to be fine… Right?” He whispers the last word fearfully to Hen, tears spilling out of his eyes.
“We need to get him to the hospital as soon as possible.” Hen says in response, nudging Buck gently with her elbow. “Come on, Buck, you’re riding with us.”
– ☆ –
“Hey, how is he doing?”
Buck only tears his gaze away from his husband when he hears Ravi’s voice coming from the entrance of the hospital room. “Hey, Rav.” He says quietly, his voice hoarse from the lack of use. Or maybe it’s because of all the yelling from earlier. He isn’t sure. “He’s stable. According to the nurses, he should wake up soon.”
Ravi nods and slowly walks further into the room, stopping by Tommy’s bed and placing a gentle hand on Buck’s shoulder. “He’s going to be okay, Buck.”
“Yeah.” Buck sniffles, his vision blurring again. “This is the second time I had to watch a person I care about get shot in front of me. I’m tired of it already.” He clears his throat and then looks up at Ravi with a small, wavering smile. “Thank you for what you did, by the way.”
Ravi furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “Why are you thanking me? What did I do?”
“Ravi, you saved my husband.” Buck scoffs without any heat. “You went against a man who was holding you at gunpoint and saved Tommy by slowing down the bleeding. I’m thanking you because you’re the reason why the man I love is still alive.”
“Oh.” Ravi breathes out, his voice a bit choked up. “Well, I– you don’t need to thank me, Buck, really. I’m just glad he’s–” All of the sudden, he looks at Tommy with wide eyes and slaps Buck on the shoulder. “Buck, look.”
When Buck returns his attention to his husband again, he can’t stop the gasp that breaks out of his throat at the sight of him slowly opening his eyes.
“Hey, baby, I’m here.” Buck tells him quietly and softly tightens his grip on Tommy’s hand as if to confirm it to him. “I’m right here with you, Tommy.”
Tommy closes his eyes again and scrunches up his nose in discomfort, even letting out a small whine, before he opens them again and breathes out in relief the moment he sees Buck.
“Are you okay?” He whispers weakly, earning a small nod from Buck. “You didn’t get hurt, right?”
“No, baby, I didn’t. Others didn’t either. We’re all okay.” Buck assures him as he brings his hand up to his lips and leaves a small kiss against his knuckles. “We’re okay.”
“I’ll go get a nurse, alright?” Ravi says, already moving towards the door.
“Hey, Ravi.” Tommy calls out before the man has a chance to walk out of the room, getting a small hum in response from him. “Is my brother here?”
“He’s outside with Cap and Athena. You want me to get him too?” Ravi asks and leaves only after Tommy nods at him in confirmation.
“You scared me.” Buck speaks up after a moment of silence, mindlessly running his fingers across the back of Tommy’s hand. “Watching you get shot, knowing that there was nothing I could do to help you… It killed me inside, Tommy.”
“You saw that? Fuck, I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Tommy winces tiredly before giving Buck a pointed look as if he just remembered something. “Didn’t you promise me you’d stay in the bunk room and not follow me?”
“Did you really think I’d be able to sit around and do nothing while my family was being held at gunpoint, Thomas?”
His husband hums. “Fair.” His dry response instantly makes Buck chuckle and the sound of it makes Tommy smile. “Seriously though. I’m sorry for all of it. If I hadn’t–”
“No, don’t do that, Tommy. Don’t– don’t blame yourself for the shooting or for everything that happened beforehand, please.” Buck shifts closer to the bed and covers their intertwined fingers with his other hand too. “What happened was tragic and horrible and– and people died but fuck, I’m so glad you are okay, baby.” Buck sniffles and tries to blink away the tears. “I don’t know what I’d do if anything were to happen to you, Tommy, I can’t– I can’t live without you. I love you so much.”
“I love you too, sweetheart.” Tommy whispers back softly, squeezing Buck’s hands three times as if to emphasise the point.
For a minute, there’s a comfortable silence between them until Tommy furrows his eyebrows in concentration, almost like he’s trying to remember something.
“Hey, did I hallucinate from blood loss or did you really beg an armed man to shoot you?”