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He was a mess. Jay easily figured out just what type of man he was after a break up, even when he was the one to instigate it. He hated it, just as much as the shot glass he cradled in his hand while trying not to upchuck all over the bar he was currently in.
It had been two months now, but the comedian felt it like it was just yesterday. The hard wood against his forehead felt crusty, just like the feeling making his chest itch. Making him want to scream and shout and break anything within grabbing distance.
There was a storm raging within him and he wanted everyone to feel it as well.
Before that happened though, and as he rashly moved away from the bar to stumble and fall, someone quickly grabbed him by the arm to stand him right up again.
Jay was quick to act, or as quick as a drunk could be, but when he noticed the familiar teal eyes and shape of horns his expression soured before rightfully looking ashamed and away from his assistant.
He was of a leaner build, browline glasses with red tinted lenses, his dark suit pressed to perfection even when helping the comedian back into the car after paying for Jay’s tab. His expression betrayed nothing to the rest, but Jay knew that one Ozrota Sokkas was not impressed at the attitude he has taken lately.
The ride home had felt longer than usual, with the man partially leaning against the troll as his head continued to nod off. Jay’s words were warbled, incoherent to most and filled with pain and ache. Usually the troll with a stick up his tush simply rolled him to the other side, never looking away from his palm husk or PDA while updating Nanna or Mot)(er of where he’s been. Usually, that was the case for such pickups. A handler simply doing their job in making sure their charge was safely back home.
When the car stopped in front of his house Jay woke up with his head laying on said trolls lap, and claws gently running through his unkept bird’s nest of hair.
Jay remembers the confusion in his eyes, of the exasperated look the tealblood gave him that still held pity in some form. He remembers the tears spilt, gently brushed away with a thumb in the form of a pap. Soft susurrations of a shoosh as Jay is helped out of the car and into his home. He leans heavily now against the other, cheeks stained and pressed against the troll’s collar in an attempt to keep some form of modesty before entering his abode.
Once inside that all changed.
Moirallegiance hadn’t been something Jay was actively seeking, not after...her. Hell he hadn’t been looking for anything seeing how his last relationship went, even if it had been a different quadrant. He had been so open before, wanting to experience everything and everyone willing to reciprocate.
Now all he wanted to do was suffocate in his own self-pity.
Apparently the tealblood had other plans. Jay watched from the bed he’d been deposited on how the other simply loosened his tie and tucked his glasses away. A feeling of trepidation flipped through the man’s stomach, bluebird eyes wide yet hazy with the effects of the alcohol consumption from earlier.
A sudden panic was felt in his chest, breathing picking up at the thought of being so vulnerable with another. He couldn’t do it, wouldn’t do it...shouldn’t do it?
All muddled thoughts ceased the moment the other’s hand found his cheek once more, and Jay leaned into it heavily as a new wave of tears started to spill. He doesn’t remember much after that, embarrassed at having passed out afterwards, but grateful nothing much happened than what transpired before then.
Waking up to someone holding him, feeling the troll’s chin on top of his bird’s nest and practically clinging to their suit shirt had Jay burning up like a ripened tomato. Even so he didn’t move, and as the tealblood shifted his hold of them only tightened.
The blush only worsened as the other chuckled at such a “cute reaction.” Pah.
Once the morning (late afternoon) rituals had been over and done with Jay...paused. Assessed the situation. Explained and apologized to the troll who’s had to literally man-sit him for so long only to realize he actually had pale inclinations for him.
In turn his assistant explained that yes, he knows just how foolish this endeavor is. Understands that this is probably Jay’s first time in such a relationship, and he probably took advantage of his drunken state last night to make a move. He apologizes for last night, but “after seeing you become such a pitiful mess of emotions I couldn’t help but enact on my own.”
This was all said while sitting next to Jay, hand gently pressed against his hair in an affectionate manner. The look he was being given felt genuine, something pleasant compared to all the fake niceties he’s had to deal with. Who the other has seen him deal with time and time again.
He said yes, when he should’ve said no.
It’s still hard to think back on it now, no matter how hard he tries to keep the memories away. Having someone be there for Jay, to protect him and make sure to keep the man from going into a right tizzy.
“You have a highblood’s temper, although I’m not surprised,” his Moirail ( oh… ) once said in a chiding manner, cleaning up his face after a tussle with another. He doesn’t remember the other goon’s face, but he does remember feeling better after his moon and stars held him close in their pile. Remembers burrowing his face into their neck, the soft rumbles of a purr and noises he couldn’t think to replicate but found lovely all the same.
Jay felt safe, wanted, protected. Felt what so few could give him in someone so wonderful and bright, unexpected yet right.
...
That was probably why Mot)(er intervened, recognizing a threat when she sees one.
He knew the pain of losing a lover, but never did he think that actually losing a Moirail would hurt this much more. Someone that had been a grounding presence, a focal point in everything that steadied him and brought him peace in his life.
Just gone.
Jay felt but didn’t show, only knowing once his pale love didn’t show up to work. As meticulous and punctual he had been, the man knew something was wrong from the first day of absence.
And then another.
And then another.
When he finally asked the answer he feared the most was the one he received. Apparently it was unprofessional to start such romances with an employer, and while he knew this (he isn’t a little kid anymore, should know the consequences by now-) ...Jay also knew this wasn’t the main reason as to why.
He remembers the stress piling up, and the session that followed. Remembers telling him not to go, being held so sweetly as a feather light kiss is pressed against his temple. Lightly running his own hand against their neck in a silent plea.
No one confronted )(er. Absolutely no one. It isn’t something that’s done with the hope of living afterwards.
Jay realized then that being vulnerable to another in such a way isn’t something that a man such as himself should be doing. To have another know his most intimate parts, everything that makes up who he is and what they can do to help…
In a profession like his own, a diamond will only serve to spill their own blood in the end.