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Tobirama groaned as the kick to his knees knocked him down. Out of boredom, he tried again to move his hands, but the ropes around his wrists were tied tightly.
He was too proud to kneel, but it was not as if he had a choice. Likewise, he would have liked to insult his kidnappers and their families going back five generations, but he had been gagged and did not want to damage his vocal cords unnecessarily by shouting into the void.
"And now, what do you have to say, you backstabber?"
The opaque black bag over his eyes was finally removed, as was the tape over his mouth, and Tobirama squinted, temporarily blinded by the light that was too harsh for his fragile albino eyes.
"It's... It's not him," whispered the same detestable voice.
Tobirama could only see a vague, very dark, black shape, like a ball of smoke.
Very mystical. Never mind.
"I'm albino. One in 17,000 people in Japan is albino. How could you have confused me with someone else?"
He did not hide his mockery or annoyance, which provoked a livid reaction. Probably Yakuza, judging by their methods. Regardless, Tobirama had no time to waste with people like that.
"Okay, I'm not the one you're looking for, so put this bag over my head and take me back to where you kidnapped me like savages. I have places to be. And give me back my things."
"How dare you-"
"Shut up! Don't get outraged when you've disturbed me for no reason other than incompetence while I was on my way to celebrate my niece's birth!"
"Our apologies," began a younger man, much more cordial than the others, "but letting you leave like this would be..."
"I'm albino," he repeated, "I'm practically blind. It's not like taking the bag off did change anything for me, so yes, you can just let me leave like this."
A voice, the same one as at the beginning, hummed before clearly approaching and waving something under his nose. A weapon? In any case, if he touched him, Tobirama was going to bite him.
"What's your name?"
"Don't you already know?"
"Well, it seems obvious to me that I don't."
"Then I'm not going to tell you, idiot, I don't want to be followed by thirty stalkers."
"His name is Senju Tobirama," revealed someone who was clearly rummaging through his belongings.
"Sen... oh my god, you're Hashirama's little brother?! His genius little brother who lives abroad? Damn, that tree lover didn't say you were coming back to Japan!"
Well... it was just Tobirama's luck to have been kidnapped by the only Yakuza his brother knew.
"My brother loves all kinds of plants, not just trees," he clarified, squinting, trying to get a better look at the person he was talking to. "And you're delaying me from meeting him, so call a taxi for me immediately if you don't want him to come after you."
"He wouldn't know we kidnapped you," Moron pointed out.
Yes, he knew it was likely that he was Madara Uchiha, but "Moron" suited him better.
"There's a GPS tracker in my phone connected to his so he can find me wherever I am if I need him to come get me," he emphasized with an arrogant smile. "He'll know I was here, and if you think he'll be happy that someone took his precious little brother for even a minute, then you're too stupid to deserve to live and you deserve your fate. Anyway, we're all wasting our time here, so connect your last two brain cells and order your henchmen to release me."
When the other man did not respond quickly enough for his liking, he switched to negotiation mode.
"Let's make a deal. You leave me alone, and I won't say anything to Hashirama.»"
"What could you possibly say to Hashirama?"
"Oh, I don't know, that Madara Uchiha had fun kidnapping me, threatening me, and terrifying me for my life, leaving me distressed and terrified?
Someone laughed hysterically, and only the words "distressed" and "terrified" could sometimes be discernible in their chuckles.
"No one could imagine you in distress, Senju."
"Now, are you sure you know my brother?"
When the other sighed, he knew he had won.
"Cousin, go get your car, you're taking him back. And you, don't say anything to Hashirama."
"As long as you leave me alone," he replied, rolling his eyes as he massaged his wrists before snatching his bag from the hands of the person approaching him to empty it and check that nothing was missing or destroyed. "Hng. I hope you have a shitty evening after ruining mine."
"What a temper," he heard Madara mutter as he followed the "cousin" by the sound of his footsteps.
He made a rude gesture as he walked away and made sure his face did not show how much the other man's temper was… not that unpleasant. And he smelled good.
He settled into the nameless cousin's car and enjoyed the fresh air while waiting for his driver to join him after receiving a bunch of comments from his peers – Tobirama did not remind them that his hearing was above average due to a simple phenomenon of sensory compensation – and he did not jump when someone stopped in front of the open window.
"I'd really like to see you again."
"I don't date morons," Tobirama replied with what he knew was his disappointed and critical teacher's gaze before rolling up the window.
It might have been stupid, but Tobirama had his pride, and if he were to try anything resembling a relationship with a man, it would only be as an equal, not as a man who had been brought to his knees. If Madara wanted him so badly, the Senju would make him crawl for it, and since the other was probably too proud to do so willingly, Tobirama already knew that it would go nowhere. He did not like wasting his time.
When he received flowers on his doorstep every morning after that evening, Tobirama reconsidered his previous decision after four days and told his older brother that he had been kidnapped and had most likely been about to be executed by Madara or his men. Considering that the front door had slammed shut a few seconds later, Tobirama smiled: he would finally have some peace and quiet. At least, he would be now that Hashirama had returned to retrieve his car keys.
"What is my husband doing with so much energy so early in the morning and a beautiful bouquet of flowers in his hand?" Mito asked as she came downstairs to join him, stifling a yawn.
"Defending his little brother from a stalker," he replied succinctly.
"Oh, good."
And just as quietly as she had approached, Mito walked away toward the kitchen. She was not going to ask as Hashirama would tell her everything anyway, and she trusted her husband to do whatever was necessary to protect Tobirama. It was really nice to live in this family full of hysterical people when he managed to channel that hysteria into something productive.
The next morning, he answered the door when no one was there, and he knew who was standing in front of him before he even opened his mouth. Incense smoke with a very distinctive smell, recognizable to his sensitive nose.
"You told Hashirama!" The other man said accusingly.
He looked... exhausted, his voice hoarse, and Senju imagined he was slightly hunched over. As if he had been run over by a train, except that the train was his brother, and he was not following any tracks. He could come back, on the instruction of your devoted servant.
"You didn't leave me alone," Tobirama reminded him in his flattest and most impassive tone. "Is it even reasonable for you to be here?"
"Hashirama demanded that I apologize," the other mumbled.
"Well, I haven't heard anything like that."
He smiled at the sound of the other's frustrated throat clearing and raised an eyebrow as he leaned back against the doorframe.
"Are you still here?"
"I apologize for the discomfort and inconvenience caused," the other finally said.
"The inconvenience caused by... what?" Tobirama insisted, relentless.
"I apologize for the misunderstanding, your abduction, your treatment, and your wasted time," the other added.
"You're forgetting the fact that you made advances to a man who was kidnapped and harassed the same man at his home after a firm and explicit rejection," he added coldly.
"It wasn't-"
"I explicitly told you I wasn't interested, yet you sent me flowers for several days until I sent my brother to deal with it. That's not romantic, it's harassment, and if you don't apologize for it, then you might as well leave right now."
"I... I hadn't thought of it that way. I'm sorry if... if it scared you," the other whispered, seeming to truly realize Tobirama's position.
If he had not heard hundreds of stories over the years from his brother reassuring him that Madara Uchiha was both a man of honour and a complete idiot, he would have been just a blind man in an unfamiliar city, pursued by a mafia boss unable to accept his refusal... he would have been terrified.
"Fine. Want to come in?"
"Are you inviting me in?"
"It's the family house, I'm sure you've been here before."
"Yes, but after... our past, I thought that..."
"Do you want to come in or not?"
"Yeah."
The other followed him into the living room, and Tobirama crossed his arms once again, sitting safely in his chair, Madara opposite him, the table between them.
"To be completely honest, Anija has already told me a lot about you, and yeah, we could probably get along well, in every sense of the word, but I am beneath no one."
"I understand, I wouldn't ask you to be," Madara immediately clarified.
"Good!"
Tobirama took out his phone and set the timer for eight minutes.
"Stay on your knees in front of me for the next eight minutes and we'll be even."
"I beg your pardon?"
"I knelt before you for eight minutes, which is eight minutes too long," Tobirama explained with a calm smile. "By the way, my brother and sister are going to a restaurant tonight, so I'm free for a first date."
The dark figure lowered itself to the ground and he started the timer.
Madara stayed for several hours until his annoying little brother came to fetch him, and the other left reluctantly, more dragged along by the other Uchiha than walking of his own accord.
So... Hashirama was right about Tobirama's type, and was not that scary?