Chapter Text
Mephiles was never a stable, sane being. From the very moment he was cursed with sentience, he was in agony. And then he was stuffed in a tube, where he was finally given time to think about all that had just happened. About his own creation, about the loss of his other half whom he realized he was quite weak without. He spent all those years in the seal plotting revenge, losing his mind… more revenge fantasies, more sanity chipping away. By the time he was freed from that personal hell a decade later, he'd fully formulated a perfect plan to get Iblis back and cause as much misery as possible along the way. He had also become a psychopath, but… whatever. That was trivial.
His mental state didn't matter. He'd become Solaris and be freed from all his trauma, all his hatred, all his hideous cruelty and flaws.
And as Solaris, his wish came true. He simply ceased to be, now part of a much greater deity. Gaining sentience was strange, but losing it felt natural. He was relieved to feel the weight of his clunky body vanish.
But then Solaris lost. He… wait, what? How? How was he beaten? Why was Mephiles still feeling the pain of injuries dealt to Solaris? The god wasn't supposed to be capable of injury!
Then, a ripping, guttural sensation tore through Solaris’ essence. He was being erased. Plucked from the timeline.
Solaris reached out and wailed. Then he was gone. Iblis was gone. Mephiles wasn't. Somehow, his stubbornness persisted. And, oh, did he wish it hadn't.
Because now he was nothing. The abyss of nonexistence revoked his body, his eyes, his ears, his voice. He tried to move and couldn't; there was nothing to move. So he attempted to speak and found that everything he said was merely in his head. He could only think.
He'd been stripped down beyond his very essence. Mephiles was the mind. And now only the mind.
It broke him. Whatever scrap of sanity that the Scepter hadn't taken from him was quickly taken by the abyss instead. This place made him wish he was back in his seal. At least there, he had a body. He had a voice to entertain himself with.
Here, he just screamed and wailed and sobbed in his own thoughts. No sound was ever made. He begged to whatever entity might be out there, begged for his body back. He apologized again and again for calling his body pathetic so many times, and he assured whoever may be listening that he was actually quite content with his body.
But nobody ever answered him. Of course not, he couldn't be heard. Couldn't be seen, couldn't even be remembered.
Still, he passed the “time” by pleading. When his wish for a body wasn't granted, he thought maybe he had been asking for too much. So he wished for just his limbs. Then just his hands. Then one hand. Then eyes, so that he could cry.
He had never cried before. He thought it was only for pathetic people. But now he was pathetic, and he wanted nothing more than to indulge in the rights of his title.
Mephiles could imagine the tears rolling down his cheeks, and he could imagine wiping them away with his crystal claws. He could imagine the relief that would come with the sensation, but he couldn't truly feel it. He felt no tears and felt no relief.
Maybe Iblis was still out there, somewhere… Or what if they were right next to each other, and Mephiles just didn't know? He deluded himself into believing that to be true.
He'd never thought very highly of Iblis; he had the intelligence of a wild animal. After all, that was all Iblis really was. An animal with immeasurable power. But Iblis was still someone, and Mephiles tried to reach out to him. In his head, of course. Maybe he could feel his other half's powerful essence?
Sure… Sure he could. He convinced himself that the air felt a little warmer today.
There was no air. He couldn't feel anything. This place was timeless.
But sure.
“The air felt a little warmer today.”
Mephiles was a liar after all, through and through. Who was to say he couldn't lie to himself just as much? It eased the pain he pretended to have.
And yet, his lies were never quite good enough. Everyone always saw the truth eventually. Mephiles, despite assuring himself Iblis was still alive and beside him, never formulated a new plan to escape and become Solaris once more. Because in his cold heart, he knew…
Iblis had been gifted with the privilege of death.
Mephiles would spend the rest of his immortal life in nonexistence, enduring the same fate he intended to give all of humanity.
Oh, how ironic fate can be…
Fate. Fate was a weird thing. Mephiles loathed it. He detested the notion of fate and destiny and control that wasn’t his own. He thought this was his fate, to remain here forever and rot in his own mind. But fate somehow still had more in store for him. Of course it did. It would never let him rest in peace, never even let him rest in misery.
One moment there was nothing. Absolutely, truly, nothing. The next moment, there was too much.
Mephiles went from absolute blackness, screaming in his mind, to… everything. There was no transition, no warning. He simply appeared in an all-too-familiar desert arena. In his body. With all of his senses hitting him at once like a tidal wave of everything he craved yet wasn’t ready for.
The arena was dimly lit, yet he shut his eyes immediately and recoiled from the light. The weight of having a physical form came crashing down on him. He fell over immediately, unprepared for the challenge of balancing on his pointy crystalline feet. The dusty ground hit him hard. Physical pain. He wasn’t expecting that, either.
Lying on the ground, on his side, he carefully reopened his eyes. Then, he finally got to look around.
Standing not twenty feet in front of him was none other than Shadow the damn Hedgehog. In this cursed desert chamber, where they fought fiercely what could’ve been either weeks or months or years ago. Or… not at all, because he had been wiped from the timeline.
Shadow just stared at Mephiles while he lay in a motionless heap on the ground. He stood firmly in a fighting stance, but his face shifted to confusion. Slowly, a string of horrible words left his mouth. “Who are you?”
Who was he.
Who was he.
Mephiles kept staring. The agony those three words brought him… Ah, wait. He had his eyes back. He finally got to live up to his status as the most pathetic thing in this world or any other.
The best feeling he’d had in a long time was being able to burst into sobs. His own voice frightened him; it came ripping out from him as a horrible gut-wrenching scream. No coherent words were formed, it was all just sobs broken up by screams. Or maybe it was the other way around.
Wow, what an incredible feeling. To lay on the floor and finally make a sound outside of his own head. His vision quickly grew blurred from the waterfall of tears streaming down his cheeks, but he could see Shadow’s expression change completely. It looked like the hedgehog was startled.
Mephiles tried to raise a hand to fulfill the fantasy of feeling his claws brush his cheek to wipe away the tears. However, his whole body felt awfully heavy. He could hardly lift a finger. That was alright. At least he could feel every tear gushing from his melting eyes. There went all of his pain, spilt out into a puddle of agony on the ground below his head.
Eventually, Shadow must’ve realized that the weeping thing before him was not a threat. He dropped his fighting stance and approached with a hint of caution. He knelt before Mephiles and spoke again. “Hey. What’s this display for? And who are you?”
Go away, Shadow. Let me wallow and drown; I have earned this expression, Mephiles replied.
Shadow had no reaction to his response, only furrowed his brows after a few seconds.
Mephiles repeated himself and was ignored once again. He hiccuped between his sobs and screamed between his hiccups. Acknowledge me! I’m clearly here!
“Answer me, stranger,” Shadow snapped.
I did! ACKNOWLEDGE ME! he screamed. And then he actually screamed, and… Oh. He had only been thinking all of that. Not a word truly left him. Ha… He had forgotten how to speak. And here he was, complaining about Shadow forgetting him when they had never even met… Meanwhile, Mephiles had forgotten how to use his own body.
“I…” he squeaked out, then cringed at how meek his own voice had sounded. Nothing like his charismatically deep voice, which he was so proud of. “M… Meh… F-F… E…” That was as far as he could get before another sob interrupted him.
Shadow narrowed his eyes. For a moment, Mephiles feared he had just been speaking in his own thoughts again. “M… Mef…!” he began, but Shadow interrupted him.
“I see,” he said, as calm and unbothered as ever. “Maybe I shouldn’t harass you with such questions; you clearly aren’t like the other creatures behind the gates I have fought. You probably got dragged here by accident.”
An accident…? His freedom was an accident?
Oh, fate was sadistic indeed. He could probably get sent back on accident, too. Mephiles didn’t even process that he let a glimpse of fear show in his eyes upon thinking that.
Shadow noticed, of course. Why wouldn’t Shadow pick up on every display of weakness? If one thing was intentional, it was that Mephiles was brought back right in front of Shadow. Because no, Mephiles didn’t deserve to get just a few seconds to himself. Not three measly seconds to process what the hell was going on. Yes, Shadow must see him at his absolute lowest! So low, in fact, that Shadow didn’t even consider him a threat in the slightest. If anything, his expression bore pity now.
What a cruel joke… When Mephiles was alone, he physically couldn’t express himself. And now that he gets the chance to do so, his worst enemy is right here to watch the whole breakdown. What a cruel fucking joke.
At least he could cry about it.
…Nope, it suddenly got worse.
Shadow reached out and scooped up Mephiles in his arms. One arm under his knees, the other supporting his head. He did it with such little effort that Mephiles wondered just how weak he must be to not be able to move himself. Clearly, he didn’t weigh very much.
But also why was Shadow picking him up?!
Mephiles desperately tried to move, but his body was riddled with tremors and out of his control. “Wh… hi…?!”
“You’re in the wrong place,” Shadow said simply. And he started walking.
There was so much Mephiles wanted to say. Although, letting the tears stream down his body still felt so good. Maybe for now he’d just… let it stay that way. Give up on trying to talk. He knew Shadow at least wouldn’t pulverize him, not without a reason. In Shadow’s eyes, he was a complete and total stranger who had done no wrong. Even if it meant all of Mephiles’ accomplishments meant nothing… maybe this was for the better.
Shadow would kick his butt anyway.
Shadow swiftly left the arena through a gear-shaped gate. Outside, he picked up some weird floating gear, zoomed down a hallway, and… Mephiles wasn’t really paying attention. He only did so when Shadow shifted him to just one handーwow, he really did weigh nothingーand use his free hand to grab a pulley. They were lifted off the ground and out of the underground area. A blinding white sky greeted them.
Mephiles hissed and squeezed his eyes shut. Shadow muttered an apology but kept moving. Mephiles kept his eyes firmly shut as he tried to adjust to the pure whiteness around him. When he finally managed to reopen them, they were in a completely different area. There were tall white and gold towers here, surrounding a chunk of colorful models resembling a destroyed city.
He didn’t get to look around too much, though, because his eyes landed on a little girl. She had tidy, blonde hair and brilliant blue eyes that matched her dress. The girl stared right at him with a hand over her mouth.
Shadow walked up to her. “Maria,” he said, “I don’t know who or what this is but I found him behind a boss gate. I don’t think he’s supposed to be here.”
Maria knelt in front of them. Her vibrant eyes met with Mephiles’ dripping ones. Unlike Shadow, she wore her emotions on her sleeve. In her expression was nothing but shock and pity. “Oh, oh, what happened to him?!” she exclaimed.
“No idea. I broke something that resembled a seal, he popped out, and then immediately collapsed and started sobbing hysterically. Don’t think he can talk too well, either.”
“Oh… poor little guy!”
“Hmph. Just look after him while I take care of business. I’m sure you can help far better than I could.”
“I’ll do my best!” Maria exclaimed. She took Mephiles out of Shadow’s arms and sat him on her lap. His limp legs draped over hers, with his head against her chest.
Mephiles’ ears were pinned back. How dare you! Both of you, handling me like a child…! I am…! He trailed off. Right, all that was just in his head. But also… it was in his head because he couldn’t talk. He could only cry and make sounds and be still. Like a child. His face burned with humiliation. How could he, the mind of a time god… be treated in such a way?! He deserved just as much respect as everyone else, if not more! And yet here he was, being cradled and baby-talked to! His tears, which had ever so slightly begun to reside, just restarted and kept pouring from his eyes. But this time, they were tears of frustration and shame.
Maria started doing… something. He didn’t recognize it. She put her hand on his head and slowly, delicately, began moving it in a rhythmic motion back and forth. Her other hand then did the same thing on his back.
What? What was this? What was this strange tactic to shut him up? It was working. His hiccups lessened, but his tears did not. At least he wasn’t making those embarrassing sounds anymore.
Shadow left at some point and he didn’t even notice. All Mephiles could focus on was whatever alien thing Maria was doing to him. She held him close enough that he could absorb the warmth from her body, and it was then that Mephiles realized how freezing cold he was on top of everything else.
Maria’s angelically sweet voice broke the silence that had fallen over them. “Feeling okay now? Do you have a name I can call you?”
Mephiles tried to speak. Without his hiccups and noisy cries in the way, he struggled much less. “M… Meph… F-fill-es…”
“Meh-fill-es? Mephiles? Is that it?”
“Mm-hm.” He still couldn’t nod his head.
“Oh, what a lovely name! I’m Maria. Am I helping you?”
“C… Closer.”
Maria pulled him completely against her chest, closing the gap between their bodies. “Like this?”
Mephiles let his eyes fall half-lidded. “Mm-hm…”
“Good.” Maria smiled at him, even if his face was buried in the crook of her neck and he couldn’t see. “We can stay like this for as long as you’d like. I don’t have much to do here, so I’ll make sure you’re okay!”
Such positivity and warmth radiated off her… as if she were a little sun. And he was going to be “okay.” He knew she meant it in a different, more upbeat way, but he lingered on the word “okay.” Like he wouldn’t be bad or good, just alright. Mediocre. Not bawling his eyes out and nothing more than that.
But… “okay.” Mephiles was content with that. Okay meant that he was here, in reality. Okay meant that he wasn’t in agony. Okay meant that he’d never get his other half back, never be anything more than himself. Okay meant he’d just… exist.
He liked the assurance that he wouldn’t go back to the abyss. And he didn’t need to feel overjoyed or any extreme positivity right now or anytime soon. He’d gone through enough mood swings in the past few minutes.
So, he choked back a sob and closed his eyes, feeling only Maria’s hands rummaging across his quills and back. It felt so good to feel. On top of being able to feel her touch at all, her touch was pleasant. Comforting, which was the last thing he expected from a human.
As he remained in a paralyzed slump against the chest of a stranger with tears freely rolling down his cheeks, he thought… It had been a long, long time since he had been this okay.