Chapter Text
Adeline laughs and coos as I push her in her stroller. It’s another warm morning and I’m experiencing the worst cabin fever and the baby hasn’t stopped wiggling since dinner last night.
I need fresh air and so does Adeline.
Peeta’s hardly been at home. Working long hours in the bakery to fill in for Camille. I wonder if he’s avoiding me as well. Avoiding exactly what blew up a few days ago.
He convinced me to stay though and promised he’d tell me exactly what is going on when I told him what is going on. He’s been flat out at the bakery, rising at 4 and not getting home until after dinnertime. He usually bathes Adeline and falls asleep straight after.
He promised me when Camille gets back on Monday he’d be home more. The bakery was understaffed for the summer holidays and one of the managers had been in a bad Jet Ski accident before the long weekend. Nolan had stepped in to help his father, with Madge also helping out, mostly with the books and ordering.
I offered to help but he didn’t want to tire me out. He’d call me if he were in desperate need for someone. I told him I’d help him out wherever he needed me, even if it was washing dishes or sweeping the floor.
Adeline coos and I smile down at her through the window of her stroller. She smiles up at me, sticks her tongue out and giggles.
“You are silly, Addie.”
We turn the corner and arrive at one of my favorite cafes. Madge was meeting us for brunch and I was in desperate need of adult conversation.
They didn’t know Peeta spent the night away from us on Sunday. Nolan and Madge had picked up on a fight but didn’t know what has happened.
Madge hugs me and bends down to greet her sister. "Hi, Addie. Look how happy you are." She coos. Adeline kicks her legs in response and giggles and gurgles at her sister.
“She cut two teeth this week. This is the happiest she’s been.” I tell Madge.
“How many teeth is that now?”
“5.”
“5 toothy pegs to start biting us.” She tickles Adeline’s stomach with a huge grin.
Adeline laughs at her sister and I smile. It’s been great having my smiley, happy baby back.
She sits happily in her stroller chewing her teething ring while Madge and I sit and talk. She tells me about the wedding plans while we wait for our food to arrive.
“Do you have a date chosen?” I ask, sipping my juice. I offer Adeline a sip and turn back to Madge.
“January 28th.” She smiles.
“A winter wedding sounds lovely.”
“It just felt right.” She smiles. “Gale and I met January 26th and we both agreed we liked the date.”
We start eating our brunch and we organize a date to go for our dress fitting in a couple of weeks.
“Mom is insisting I take Nan with me for my dress fitting.” She tells me, rolling her eyes.
“She wants her to be involved.”
“I was going to invite you along but I don’t want to have to put you through that torture for those couple of hours.”
“Thanks.”
“I’ll take Camille instead.” She says taking a bite of her pancakes and then starts laughing.
“What?”
“I just remembered you’re technically my step-mother so you should be there too.” She chuckles.
I cringe. "Oh don't call me that. It makes me feel old." I tell her. "You're two years younger than me. I'm not old enough to be your mother.”
She laughs. “It’s weird isn’t it?”
“It is.” I agree laughing. “But I’m lucky to be a part of your family.”
“Mom was snooping on Sunday night.”
“Regarding what?”
“You.”
“Of course she was. What’d she want to know?”
“Anything that was worth some gossip. She was left utterly disappointed when we had nothing to tell her.”
“What did she want to know?”
“The sex of the baby. If there was going to be a baby shower. If you and dad were getting married.” She tells me. “Nothing too bad. It was a no to every question which left her thoroughly disappointed.”
"I don't know why your mother has to be so involved in your father's life."
“She’s always been like this. She’s destroyed nearly everything in his life. His business. Relationships. Friendships.”
“But why has she left me alone?”
"I think Adeline is the reason. Mom and Dad have been separated for 22 years. She went off and had her life. Remarried, traveled the world, got to live out her dreams whereas Dad did everything for us kids. He hardly got a chance to do things for himself until now. He’s met you and she can see how happy he is. He has a baby that deserves a happy father with a strong relationship. She’s always noted how strongly he loves people. How he loves his children and she doesn’t want to destroy that.”
The baby kicks and I touch my stomach and smile.
“I hope she gives you and dad a chance to live your life.”
“We have more issues than just your mother.”
“Yeah.” She sighs. “What happened?”
I press my temples before helping Adeline out of the stroller.
“Saturday.”
“You and Dad seemed fine at my house.”
“It was after at my Mom and Dad’s. Mom and I got into a fight when we were leaving. She said some things that I didn’t know she was feeling. I hurt her Madge and I didn’t even realize. She won’t speak to me. Either will Prim. Prim and I had a fight on Sunday night and she’s threatening to tell Mom and Dad some things that they don’t know about. I think she’s hurt as well. I didn’t help and we had a big fight. She wants me to tell Mom and Dad everything by basically Saturday or she’ll tell them herself.”
“How old is she?”
“I know but I think I’ve done it. I really think I’ve ruined it with them all. Well, Mom and Prim mostly.”
“That’s not true.” Madge tells me, shaking her head. “I just think they kept their feelings to themselves all this time. Kept up the façade. It’s like the domino effect; one falls over and knocks everything else in its path. It’s happened to me a couple of times. There might be something else going on in their lives that have just caused them to unload on you.” She says. “It’ll get better.
“Will it?”
She nods. “You just have to talk to them. Ask what is going on, tell them the truth about how you’re feeling, what happened in those two years you were gone, what really happened with that dropkick and make them understand. I think there’s just a lack of communication going on between you all and you just need to talk and get back on the same track. I’m sure it’s been hard for them just as much as it has been for you.”
She sips her coffee and sets her mug down.
“And even with Dad, you have to be honest with him too.”
“He slept at Camille’s on Sunday night.” I tell her ashamed.
“It was the anniversary of Pop’s death on Monday. I think he just wanted some time to himself. I think Pop’s death affected him more than the rest of the family. He was really close with Pop and he still grieves each year for him. He needs his alone time each year.”
“Why didn’t he tell me?”
“He didn’t think you’d understand.”
“I would understand.” I shake my head. “I do understand.”
“Dad’s never had a partner by his side to support him through each anniversary. Mom left him a few weeks before Pop died. She wasn’t there when he needed her the most and I think that’s the way he feels now. He didn’t have anyone then so he doesn’t need anyone now. Which is bull because he needs someone to turn to on this day.”
“He should have said something.” I whisper.
“But with the day he had with the bakery, combination of the heat, the little fight you had, I just think he was at breaking point and he needed a moment to himself.” She tells me. “I don’t think he was ready for his partner to see him grieve. And you were going through your own things that I don’t think he wanted to burden you with his grief.”
“He’s an idiot.” I say.
Madge smiles. "Yeah, he is."
“I know I was a bitch on Sunday. To him and to my sister. I didn’t sleep the night before, Addie was teething, I had the fight with Mom and then Prim, I ordered him the wrong pizza, fought with him and I was not myself.”
“Of course not.” Madge agrees. “You’re 5 months pregnant Katniss, no one expects you to be perfect. You have an 8-month-old as well. You’ve been keeping it all together for everyone, I think you’re allowed to break.”
“So I’m not being unreasonable?” I ask her, tears welling in my eyes.
She shakes her head. “Of course not.” She says squeezing my hand.
I wipe the tears from my cheeks and thank her.
"Prim said to put myself in Mom's shoes. To imagine what I did to Mom, that Addie did to me. To realize how much it hurt my mother. And that's all I've been thinking of these past few days, is how I treated my family when I left. I left with no explanation but just a letter. I didn't see them for a whole year, only allowed Prim and then shut her out when I fell pregnant.” I explain to her. “I’ve fucked up.”
“You had a lot going on. That guy really hurt you Katniss. I don’t think they understand what he really did to you.”
“They don’t.”
“You should tell them. It won’t hurt for them to really know what happened, especially those final few weeks before you left.” She reassures me. “And you should really inform Dad too. He deserves to know.”
“I’ve told him bits and pieces.”
“But not the whole story.” She smiles. “He’ll be supportive.”
I thank her and decide to head on home. Adeline is due for her nap and Madge is heading to the bakery to do some work for her father.
Nolan is home when we get back and takes Adeline from her stroller and up to her bed.
I pour myself a drink and sit down in the living room, putting my feet up.
“You OK?” He asks.
“Yeah, just a bit tired after the walk.” I tell him, rubbing my ankles. “I thought you were working today.”
“Dad didn’t need me today.” He tells me.
“You’re Dad appreciates your help.”
He nods. These kids have been very humble. They thank those who praise them but don’t get big egos regarding the compliments. They take it on the chin, let it pass and still do the best job they can do.
I’m amazed, each and every day, the way Peeta brought up his kids. They are true products of him. They are thankful, patient, gracious and wonderful. They go above and beyond to help anyone. Can always offer words of advice. Can bring a smile to anyone’s face. And don’t judge people based on looks or experiences.
I hope Adeline and her baby sibling are the same. I hope Peeta teaches them values, manners, and wisdom. How to be gracious and how to admit defeat. I want them to be the best people they can be.
Nolan sits with me watching Netflix and I read, waiting for Adeline to wake.
"What's going on with you and Dad?" He asks me.
And I tell him what happened, escalating to the fight between us, Peeta’s night away and the silence we are now living in. He doesn't judge us, has any bad words and just offers me advice.
“You’ve got this Katniss. Be yourself. Tell the truth. Stand up for what you believe in and don’t sway to what they want. They can take it the way they want to take it and if they don’t believe you, then that’s their loss.”
"Thanks, Nole.”
He smiles at me and turns back to the TV.
Adeline wakes soon after and I go and get her. Nolan feeds her lunch and we get giggles and laughs out of her.
“Did your father say what time he would be coming home?” I ask Nolan.
He shakes his head. “I think he was hoping early.” He tells me. “If you two want some time together, I can watch Addie for you.”
“It’s Ok. He’ll want to see Addie after today and she goes down quite early so we’ll be able to speak after that.”
He nods, spooning some food into Adeline’s waiting mouth. “Dad hasn’t been himself since Sunday night.”
“I know.” I nod. “Either have I.”
Peeta comes home earlier than he has been the last few days, Nolan cooks dinner for us and it gives Peeta and me a chance to play with Adeline together.
"You're so much happier today." He tells her, tickling her cheek. "Hi, my happy girl. Have you been good today for Mommy?"
“She’s been really good.” I tell him. He looks up at me, smiles slightly and then looks back at Adeline who has put her foot into her mouth. “What a marvelous trick Addie."
She smiles, babbles in response to him and he just talks back to her. Engaging in a conversation that doesn’t make sense but has the two of them laughing and smiling.
I feel comfortable in this moment. I feel happier and less anxious. The build-up of stress is starting to disappear and we're back on track.
Adeline eats her dinner and rolls around in her walker while we eat dinner.
Peeta bathes Adeline while I quickly shower. He brings her to me to dress and nurse and I get her down for the night.
"Sleep well, my beautiful girl." I whisper to her, caressing her cheek before I leave her room.
Peeta is finishing up downstairs and brings me up a mug of hot chocolate and some cheese buns. The last few nights he’s been sleeping in the spare room but tonight I’m sure he’s going to join me.
“If there’s ever a cure to any troubles, it’s hot chocolate and cheese buns.” He tells me with a small, shy smile.
He's told me about this tradition. Even the kids have. If they had a bad day, he'd have them waiting for them. And they really thought it was the cure to any bad day. The comforting taste of the sweet hot chocolate he made and the savory taste of the cheese buns. They just went together and cured any bad day.
We share the cheese buns in bed, drink our hot chocolate and watch TV cuddled up together.
“I’m sorry for walking out.” He tells me.
"I'm sorry too." I softly tell him. "You should have told me."
"I know. I'm sorry I didn't. I just didn't want to burden you with it all."
“Peeta, I’m here to listen to your burdens. To take them on board. Just like I hope you're hear to listen to mine too. To take them on board. To offer me advice and help me work through them.”
He kisses my forehead. “I haven’t done this for so long. This whole relationship thing. And when I was in one after my divorce, I didn’t let them in. I held back when it came to my feelings and pain. I made up excuses; I lied and tried to remain happy when sometimes I was hurting inside. It wasn’t healthy and that’s what ultimately lead to the break down of the two serious relationships I’ve had between the divorce and meeting you. I don’t want to shut you out, I don’t want to lose what we have.”
“Me either.”
“So can we make a promise, from now on, we tell each other what’s on our mind? I want to help you, share the burden and work through it with you.”
“I promise to tell you what’s on my mind.”
He kisses me and I taste the sweetness of his lips. I’ve missed him. His kisses and touches these last few days. I’ve hardly slept as well, being apart from him.
We tell each other what’s been bothering us. What has been on our minds. The struggles from the last few days. And the secrets we’ve been withholding from each other. The reasoning behind our blowouts.
"The last woman I dated. She was nice. We were together for 2 years. She had two kids of her own who were just a few years younger than my three. We lived apart but spent nearly every available minute with each other. We met at the kid's sport on Saturday's and on Sunday's we went exploring. We lusted for each other which I think we confused for love but we were happy.” He tells me. “My mother and Cashmere didn’t make it easy for her and ultimately lead to the break-up but a few months before the breakup, we were expecting a baby together. We were excited, we started to arrange to move in with each other and finding a house big enough to fit our brood in. She miscarried at 11 weeks.”
“Peeta, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s alright. I always believed, things happened for a reason.” He says. “We broke up a few months later and she eventually moved across the country to the east coast and I think she found love over there.”
I squeeze his hand and brush the tears from his eyes. "That's why when I held Adeline in my arms, I felt that missing piece in my heart was filled. Even the kids have said that. That missing piece they've experienced for the last 13 years was filled with their baby sister. Things happen for a reason. I almost canceled that trip to Fiji. If I did, we wouldn't be here today with Adeline and our Button. This has given me my second chance at life. You have given me hope and love and passion and family.”
I kiss him because everything he was saying was right.
“I was with my ex for two years. Met him when I moved back after college and I fell hard. He took an interest in me. Called me what I wanted to be called. Made me not feel those insecurities I had been feeling with past relationships. I think he noticed I was weak. He latched on and played with my feelings and made me feel like the most amazing woman in the whole entire world. I didn’t know he was living a double life. He was with me during the week and flew home to his wife and kids on the weekend. I knew he was here for work, placed temporarily while the company he worked for was set up. He made me think he was visiting his sick mother.” I tell him.
“He manipulated me. From the beginning, I thought, this was it; this would be the guy I’d spend the rest of my life with. He said all these things I wanted to hear, convinced me to do things that I wasn’t comfortable with, talked about marriage, kids, a house with a picket fence. All those things that I, unfortunately, fell for. He had a persona that everyone believed, even my friends and family. He was jealous, had to know where I was or what I was doing constantly, showed an instant attachment and was selfish. We always had to do things he wanted and not what I wanted.”
Peeta brushes the few tears from my cheeks and encourages me to continue when I’m ready.
“I suggested going with him to visit his mother plenty of times but I never did. He held back a lot from me, didn’t tell me exactly where he lived or his real name and age. He did all these things that made me fall in love with him or think I was, that I didn't realize he was abusing me emotionally until he took off back to his wife and kids, telling me in a stupid letter and going back home, having stolen thousands of dollars from me. He also blackmailed into not speaking and telling the truth. Into getting into contact with his wife. I paid what he wanted and a bit more to get him off my back.” I tell him.
“I was so embarrassed that I fell for it, that’s why I ran because I didn’t want to face my family and friends and tell them the truth. That’s why I left them just a letter, telling them the basics that he had a wife and kids and his work had finished that he was going back home. They don’t know the real story. Prim knows a bit more than Mom and Dad, but not the whole story.”
Peeta kisses the top of my head. “You should tell them the truth.” He whispers. “They should know what he did. How he broke you.” He squeezes me closer to his body. “That was brave of you telling me what happened. It took a lot.”
"Nancy suggested I go and see a therapist because of what happened. She basically found me sleeping in my car near her work. I was flat broke. I had about 100 dollars to my name and that was it.” I tell him. “A name search connected me to the school I worked at here, I had a CV with my credentials and she hired me to tutor her children as the last one had quit unexpectedly. I told her what happened a few weeks later and she facilitated me in getting help and getting me back on my feet. She gave me a roof over my head, a steady income and security. I had lived in my car for almost a month.”
“You’re family needs to know this.”
“I know.”
“I think they’ll understand what was going through your head at that stage. You weren’t yourself.”
I shake my head, agreeing with him because I truly wasn’t myself. When I met him, was when I was starting to feel like myself again.
“Tell me, do you feel comfortable with me?”
I nod. “Yes. I was oblivious and young when I met him. He made me believe in the lies he told me because I was inexperienced with relationships.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “It’s different being with you, meeting you. I can’t explain it but it felt right. Despite how screwed over I got by him, it was different.”
“I agree. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with Cashmere. I was young and naïve. But me meeting her compared to meeting you, it just felt right. I knew all those years I spent hurt over Cash, I shouldn’t have dwelled. Something better was coming.” He smiles. “Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have my three if I wasn’t with her but it’s just right with you.”
We don’t speak for a long while; we catch up on the lost embraces for some time before either of us speaks again.
I tell him about my fight with Mom on Saturday and then my fight with Prim.
“She’s threatening to tell them all my secrets I have withheld.”
“She wouldn’t do that, would she?” He asks.
“I don’t know. I think she was upset, that’s why she took it out on me. Sister’s can be the absolute worst to each other.”
“I know.”
“I just, I was a bitch to Prim on Sunday.”
“You’ve been keeping it together for quite some time. You’re allowed to let it go every once in a while. You’re only human, Katniss.” He tells me.
“What should I do?”
“Stand strong. Be brave. Tell them your side of the story. Apologize after. Let them process it. Think it over. Give them time. And go from there.”
“Thank you.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
I shake my head. “I caused this mess. I have to sort it out.”
“You don’t have to do this alone.”
“Some walks you have to take alone.”
In the morning, Peeta is still beside me. I slip out of bed, reach for my robe and tie it at my waist. I tiptoe out of the bedroom after I use the bathroom and head on downstairs with my phone and the monitor.
Prim’s awake. I’ve seen from her activity on Facebook and I know I have to reach out to her first. Make amends with Prim before my mother.
K – Hey, are you free at all today? We need to have a chat. I have a few things I need to tell you. And I miss you as well.
I watch the text bubble flash for quite some time. I know she’s figuring out what to say back to me. Typing then deleting what she’s written.
P – I finish at 3 today. I’ll come over if that’s easier.
K – Yeah Addie is still napping then. I’ll see you then.
Peeta follows me down soon after with Adeline on his hip. Nolan offered to open this morning, allowing us the morning together. We eat a big breakfast; go on a walk together before we head on back home.
Adeline is happy playing on her playmate, rolling around, crawling and getting into everything she can.
"There was something else I didn't tell you what else happened on the weekend." He tells me, sitting up beside me on the couch.
“What?”
“When your mother walked out of the house after your fight, she turned her nose up at me, scowled for quite some time before she spoke to me. I could tell she was upset and by the way she spoke I knew she was angry. She told me that you were ready and to leave now. I just took it on the chin, came in and got Addie off of you to say goodbye to everyone. Your father gushed over Addie and your mother ignored her. I asked what was wrong and she mumbled that she wasn't good enough for our ‘new family’. I asked what had happened and she gave me the cold shoulder, muttering things. Prim witnessed it, overheard some of it but told me she’d see what had happened and would let me know.”
"Prim did get back to me on Sunday, told me it was my fault you had changed so much and that you weren't forgiven like you thought you were. She said she'd try to talk to your Mom again and plead your case. I didn't realize she'd fight with you that afternoon and throw everything back in your face, taking your mother's side."
“Prim is a Mom believer. Anything Mom says, she believes. I think Prim was still hurt after me leaving her. I didn’t make it easy on her. I broke our entire sister oath and promises. But I don't think I realized how much I'd changed in those couple of years returning home."
“It’s your life remember Katniss. You can’t let people dictate it and run it for you. You’ve made decisions; sacrifices and choices that have shaped who you are now. They should accept what you’ve done and embrace your changes. I mean, you’ve become a mother in that space of time. You've found yourself after losing it. You've experienced the world, cultures, and traditions and experienced one of the biggest things that can happen to a person. They should be interested in your adventure and find out what you did to find yourself again."
I thank him, lift Adeline up onto my lap to nurse her. He comes and sits closer to us, holding Adeline’s hand and watching her.
“Mom also sent me a few messages on Sunday too. I won’t tell you what they said; they were mostly about you, Addie and the baby. She was pressuring me to know when we'd be doing all these things like marriage and when Addie would be baptized. She usually gets rude and mean around Dad’s anniversary and accused me of all these things that I didn’t do. Blamed me for getting someone pregnant out of wedlock caused all these atrocities that happened in my family, like my father’s death. That rattled me the most I think. She’s blamed me for a lot in my life but never for my father’s death. And never accused my children of being the cause of the family misfortunes.”
I reach out for him, cupping his cheek and looking deep into his beautiful eyes. “I think we should write our fight on Sunday off. We had a lot on our shoulders. A lot of pressure. A lot of ugly things were brought up and we were blamed for quite a number of things that weren't our fault. We had our biggest and most real fight on Sunday but I think it made me realize that I don't want to be without you. I know we'll fight and argue but I don't want us walking out on each other. We stick together."
He nods against my hand and presses a kiss into my palm. “I was a bit of a jerk on Sunday.”
“Me too.”
“You’re allowed to be. You’re pregnant and we have an 8-month-old.”
“That’s still not an excuse.”
He smiles. “It’s better than what I got with Cashmere. We didn’t speak nor fight for the last two years of our marriage. Half the time, I didn’t know how to respond when people asked if I was happily married.” He tells me. “I like what we have. It’s easy and carefree and simple.”
“I like it too.”
Prim arrives just after 3. She carries a coffee and a green juice for me. I supply us with cheese buns.
“Cheese bun?” I offer her.
“Are you trying to make me fatter than you?”
“That’s the plan.” I tell her, smirking at her. She grins back and takes a huge bite out of it. “It was always my plan to be the prettier sister.”
“You’ve always been the prettiest Everdeen girl.” Prim tells me.
“Not true. The boys loved you.”
“You didn’t notice the boys pining after you.” Prim laughs. “You’d have to fall over them to realize they were looking at you.”
“Not true.”
She rolls her eyes and laughs. “It’s so true. Just admit it.”
I smile at her and sit down next to her. She watches Adeline on the monitor for a little while before she speaks. “I think I was a little harsh on Sunday.”
“Me too.”
“You’re allowed to be a bitch. You’re filled with all these hormones and you have a baby. I'm just a sleep-deprived intern."
“Prim, you know I didn’t mean what I said.”
“I know you didn’t. I didn’t either. I took Mom’s side because it was easier and I was pissed at what you said to me.”
“No, you made me realize some things that I did to you all when I left. I wasn’t the perfect daughter but I had been through some things that you all don’t know about.”
We talk for hours. I tell her the truth behind my relationship, everything that happened to me and why I left.
And she understands. She’s tearing up, brushing away the tears because she never realized what I went through.
“But I’m happy now.”
“I can see that. And I’m happy for you. Really happy for you.”
Adeline sits in Prim’s arms, playing with her bracelet and her toys and tries to listen like she’s a big girl.
“I think you should tell Mom and Dad what you’ve told me.” I encourage her. “Mom feels like she’s missing out on our lives and I don’t think she’ll judge you for what you did. You weren’t ready to go down that path. Mom will understand.”
“You think so?”
“Yep. She’s the least judgemental person I know.”
“You know I never thanked you for what you did.”
“It’s what sister’s do.” I remind her. “Do you know how to throw a baby shower?” I ask her, smirking.
She looks up at me, snorts and grins. “Thought you weren’t having one?”
“I was being unreasonable last week and I have never really be showered by my family.”
She smiles. “Leave it with me.”
Adeline wiggles in my arms and I adjust her body, resting her butt on my hip as I ring the doorbell. She kicks her legs, waiting in anticipation for the door to open.
She knows where we are and I know she’s been missing these people so much.
The door opens and I face my mother. She’s stone-faced as she looks at me.
But her expression changes when she looks at her granddaughter. Adeline smiles at her, coos and I know Adeline has won her grandmother over.
"I bought some cheese buns, tarts, and fresh bread." I tell her with a smile.
She opens the door wider for me and takes the bag of baked goods from me and leads me into the house.
“Dad home?” I ask.
“At golf.” She tells me. “What brings you here?” She asks, getting straight to the point.
I sit down on the stool with Adeline on my lap. I rub my belly, easing the slight pain that’s sitting low in my pelvis.
“I wanted to clear some things up with you.” I tell her. “Talk to you about why I really left.”
She nods and turns the kettle on, making us each a cup of tea and we share a cheese bun each. Adeline has some of one, which turns into a slobbery mess.
“Has Prim been by to see you?”
"We're having lunch tomorrow." She tells me, giving me my cup of tea. "Have you two apologized to each other?"
“We spoke yesterday.” I tell her. “I just think we weren’t on the same page. We were both unreasonable to each other.”
“It’s what sister’s do.” She sighs. “And you and Prim have always had big fights but are always stronger at the end of the day.”
I smile agreeing with her. “Just because I hate her some of the time doesn’t mean I love her any less.”
“That’s family for you.” She states. “I don’t hate you, you know that right?”
“Of course. Family don’t have to agree with things that people do or say. It might cause fights and tension but in most cases, it's resolved within a short period and they move on."
She holds Adeline, making up for the missed attention and cuddles from the last week.
“So, why did you really leave?”
“Honestly, embarrassment was the biggest reason.”
“Why?”
She listens to me as I tell her the whole story. She doesn’t interrupt or give me her opinion.
She just listens, let's me speak and inform her of what really happened.
“I didn’t realize.”
“No one did.” I tell her. “That’s why I left because I couldn’t bear face everyone and tell them what happened.”
She squeezes my hand and smiles at me. “Thank you for telling me.”
“I just hope you understand the reasoning. I didn’t do it just to cause you all heartache, I just was embarrassed.” I tell her. "And I'm a mother myself. I'd be upset if Addie did that to me. I understand where you're coming from. I just was being selfish then. I wasn't thinking straight and I was suffocating. I just needed space and time to recover.”
She smiles. “You’re allowed to be selfish. And I didn’t expect you to understand how I was feeling. No one does until they have something they love so much it makes their hearts ache.”
I nod and wipe the tear from the corner of my eyes. “But, things happen for a reason and I wouldn’t be here, four months away from delivering your second grandchild if I didn’t leave.”
“I think you and Peeta would have found a way to be together.” She tells me. “You two are just made for each other.” She smiles. “I’m sorry for what I said. Of course you have your new family, you’re entitled to space and freedom. Peeta is your person. I have to accept the fact that my children are no longer kids and aren’t capable of making decisions without my help. You have your partner to assist you with this. You have a family. A new family as well as ours. You have people who are relying on you.” She reminds me, pointing down at Adeline. “She needs you more than your silly old mother.”
“You’re always my mother, first and foremost. I’ll always need you no matter how old I am.”
She comes around to my side, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. "I am so proud of you Katniss. You're a beautiful woman, a beautiful mother, daughter, and sister." She tells me, kissing my temple. "I realize we put a lot of pressure on you and I know we shouldn't. It's not just your Dad and me in your life. You're allowed to live your life and we have to accept that. I mean, your somebodies mother. You should learn to say no. For your own wellbeing mostly."
“I’m trying.” I tell her with a sincere smile. “So, I thought about the baby shower.”
“You don’t have to have one, I was just a little emotional last weekend. I shouldn’t have pressured you into having one.”
“No, I haven’t allowed you all to celebrate my pregnancy and shower me. You all missed out on my first and I’m sorry for that. I want to have one with you all there with me. I don’t want to look back in twenty years and regret not having a baby shower.” I tell her. “I just want it to be meaningful though. Meaningful gifts and things to pass on to this one.” I tell her, rubbing my belly. “I've got Prim helping me but I'd like you to help as well."
"I'd be honored to help.”
Peeta is waiting for us when we get home. Adeline is sleepy and I carry her inside over my shoulder. Peeta takes her from me, carrying her upstairs to her cot. I unpack the few groceries and wait for Peeta.
“How’d it go?” He asks me, broaching the subject lightly.
“Good. I told her everything and apologized for leaving the way I did. She understood once I told her exactly what had happened. She’s the least judgemental person I know.” I tell him, smiling. “She can seem hard and sometimes cold but she understands so much. I think her years working in medicine have truly opened her eyes. She sees people from all walks of life walk through those doors, day in day out. They all have stories and histories. She hears them all and I think it’s softened her into taking people for who they truly are.”
Peeta wraps his arms around my body, pulling me to his own. He holds me tightly and I relax into his arms.
"I think that's rubbed off onto you and Prim. You’re amazing Katniss. You just have this patience and way of listening to people. It makes you a wonderful teacher and human being. I know Madge wishes she was like you.”
"Madge is a wonderful teacher and person. You did a beautiful job raising your three." I tell him. "I tell you this time and time again, I'm so honored to be raising my children alongside you."
He kisses me softly and smiles. This time, there are tears in his eyes and I brush them away softly from his cheeks.
We end up in bed at the end of the night. Adeline sound asleep and Peeta and I curled up next to each other in bed.
“You don’t have to tell me but what is going on with Prim?” He asks me.
I turn to look at him, ignoring the show that plays on the TV and tell him the secret I’ve been hiding from my family about my baby sister. One of the sister secrets I’ve kept for her.
But Peeta is my person. He’s the one I want to share my secrets with. The one who I trust more than anyone in the world.
“She got into a bit of trouble in college and med school. Guys, kids who lead her astray, the party scene and everything else that is readily available to kids who are fresh out of school and away from their parents. Prim fell into the easy path a lot of kids fall into and found a love of partying and barely making class the next day. Which I did, I played hooky, I drank and partied the night before and went to class with terrible hangovers.” I tell him. “Prim failed her first year of college. She didn’t tell Mom or Dad but only me. I got her set up to do catch up over the next couple of years to ensure she graduated with her class.”
“She was on the good path, focused and determined and found a love for staying in of a night and just watching movies. She found a nice guy who Mom and Dad loved and seemed happy. That ended at the end of her final year, as he was moving across the country. Prim loved him but didn’t see it going further than what they had.” I say. “The end of the summer, I was helping her move into her new apartment and she told me she was pregnant. She didn’t want to tell him and asked if I could keep it a secret while she figured it out.”
“She called me crying one night, asking if I could be her support person after her procedure. I drove up, held her hand and drove her home. I held her as she cried, experienced a wrath of emotions and just held her and I told her how much I loved her. She wasn’t ready to be a mother just yet and a pregnancy as a med student didn’t work very well. She moved on, tried to get over it as she began the next stage of her life but I knew it was eating her up. She began partying way too hard, mixing with the wrong crowd and falling behind.”
“I found her one night, passed out on her bed, her panties around her ankles and half undressed, a half bottle of bourbon and some pills on her bedside table. She hadn't remembered what had happened the next morning and went on like nothing had happened. She went down a dark path for a while. I had to babysit her and ensure she didn't stray. She met some arse that treated her like shit and I knew was trouble from the beginning. The final straw for the both of us was when I was called to the hospital. The guy had knocked her out so hard; she had a concussion and was found in a car park at the university. The abuse had been pretty ongoing and she finally had the strength to move on. It was about a month later that I left after what happened to me.”
He squeezes my hand. “Prim went through a lot.”
“She did. I knew everything that happened, I figured a lot out on my own but Mom and Dad didn’t know. Mom was still working full time and Dad was flying around the world for work. It just left me to be the one who helped her and I think it made us closer. She’s my best friend and I’m hers. I did what best friends and older sisters are supposed to do.”
Peeta caresses my stomach and smiles. “If we have another girl, I hope Addie and her will be as close as Prim and you.”
“Me too. I always wanted two daughters who were like Prim and I. I just hope our children don’t have to experience what we have.”
“That’s what their big sisters and brother are for." He reminds me with a smile. "They won't let them get hurt." He nuzzles my cheek with his nose. “You’re amazing what you did for your sister.”
“I just am glad I got to be by her side during those times.”
“She’ll be grateful for it every day of her life.” I smile and reach for my phone. “What are you doing?” He asks.
“Just texting Prim.”
K - I love you and know I’m here if you need me tomorrow. Xx
P – I love you more. Thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me. I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you properly. Xx
K – It’s what sisters are for. Xx