Chapter Text
January 1989
“Here you go, Mrs. Myers."
The graying woman reaches out to take the brown paper bag from me filled with her usual order.
"Thank you, sweetheart." She smiles, touching my hand in gratitude.
I smile at her. “See you next week.”
She nods, packs the bread into her trolley and continues on to get to the bus home. She's my last customer for the day and I follow her outside to collect the sign.
“I won't be much longer, Cash.” She waves me off, telling me not to rush as I finish close. She reads her trashy magazine and taps her foot along to the radio. She usually comes here and meets me just before I finish for the day and then we go back to her house or to mine. Today she's asked to go out to the lookout for a late lunch and to hang out.
“Need some help?” She asks.
“Could you do the floors please while I count?” I ask. “I have the mop bucket ready.”
She takes the broom and begins on the floor, swaying her hips to the music that plays on the radio. I smile, watching her dance and sing and wonder how me, a wrestler ended up with Cashmere, the head cheerleader. Cheerleaders usually ended up with the footballer jocks. Not her. She's ended up with me, the slightly nerdy wrestler with a bung knee and no sense of style.
We've been together for 10 months. Started seeing each other in March of last year after months of smiling at each other in the hallways. After a junior year party, two worlds collided and we haven't looked back.
Dad’s decade old pick-up groans and whines as I drive Cashmere and I up to our favorite spot.
I tried to not notice her fidgeting on the drive over. I tried to not let the voices inside my head convince me that this was it. After 10 months of bliss, she was going to end it all during a picnic lunch at our favorite lookout. We have an array of food for a picnic. I help her out of the car and lay out a picnic blanket for us. It's a warm afternoon for January and we get away with just wearing a sweater.
She declines the coke I offer her and all the other food on offer. I pick at our picnic and take a sip of my coke and enjoy the serenity of the view.
“I'm pregnant, Peeta.”
April 1989
“You ready?” My father asks me, placing a hand on my shoulder.
Cashmere’s parents and my parents agreed that getting married would be best for everyone. It would look good for my mother within her church group. It’d look good for Dad’s business. It’d look even better for Cashmere’s councilman father and PTA mother.
Our lives were put on hold. I'd go to night classes while Cashmere stayed at home with our baby. I'd work at the bakery and study at night. Cashmere would help out in her mother's dress business and we'd save as much cash as we could to support our baby that would be here in just over 10 weeks. School was due to end in the coming weeks and our little house would be ready to move into.
“Yes.”
“It's the right thing to do.” He tells me, coughing slightly.
“Is it? I don't see what being married does for us both?”
“Believe me, it's for the best.” My father reiterates.
“We’re too young to be getting married.” I tell him.
“You should have thought of that when you decided to not wear a condom.” My mother says, interrupting our private moment. “It could have been worse. You could have ended up with that leech from over the railway line. Just be glad you found a nice girl to settle down with.”
The only reason I wasn't kicked out was because of how much my mother liked Cashmere and her family.
“They're ready for you.” She tells us sternly, leaving the room with her head held high up in the air.
“You can do this.” Dad tells me and leads me out of the room.
It was to be a small affair. Strictly immediate family and that'd be it. Cashmere and I would show up at school on Monday sporting matching bands and announce our marriage to our friends and classmates.
Our friends would go off to college and start their lives. Cashmere and I would become parents.
Cashmere looks beautiful. And I can see the sight of our baby in the slight curve of her dress. The dress her mother made her. The dress she sewed, allowing a little give in the front and whole lot of lace to cover up our sin.
In a matter of moments, she'll become my wife and we'll live our lives together raising our child.
I take her hand, smile shyly at her and watch her blush from underneath her veil.
This would be forever.
July 1990
“Peeta, call for you.” Tim tells me.
I wipe the flour onto my apron and pick up the phone.
“Hello.”
“It's me. I think I'm in labor.” Cashmere tells me.
“Shit. Have you had any contractions?”
“A few. Can you come home?” She pleads.
“I'll be there in a moment.” I tell her. “Cash?”
“Yeah?”
“We’re about to become parents.”
“We are.”
Tim dismisses me for the day
“Keep us informed. I’ll let Mom and Dad know.”
Cashmere is seated on the couch, in the midst of a contraction and the
“I’m here.” I tell her, pulling her into my arms. “Anymore since we spoke?” She nods exhaustedly against my chest and I kiss her forehead. “Shall we get to the hospital?”
She whimpers and nods and I move to grab her hospital bag from our bedroom as quickly as I can.
I drive like a maniac to the hospital, scared absolute shitless that I would be a father in a matter of hours. Cashmere tells me to slow down, that we have time. But the more she groans and screams in pain, the more scared I become. This would be my life. In a number of hours, we’d become a family. We’d be parents. Parents at 18.
And six hours later, I’m holding my first child.
A daughter.
A beautiful girl.
I secretly wanted a girl. A little girl to dress in dresses, pink and lots of sparkly clothes. A daughter to spoil, love and protect.
And she already had me wrapped around her little finger.
"Welcome to the world, Madison Mae.” I whisper, kissing her apple cheek. Cashmere was sound asleep, exhausted after laboring. “You’re already the love of my life.”
Baby Madison yawns, stretches slightly and grabs hold of my finger in her little hand and I know I’m not going to ever let her down. Ever.
April 1991
“Peeta, can you please take her.” Cashmere asks.
I reach out, taking Madge from her and settling her on my hip. Cashmere is in the middle of studying for her upcoming exam and we’re tag teaming. She was watching Madge while I was studying and now we’ve swapped. Cashmere sits down at her desk, rubbing her protruding belly while trying to study.
"Hi, baby girl."
“Daddy.”
I kiss her forehead and sit her on my lap. She was usually calmer with me than Cashmere. She could sit on my lap forever, watching me studying and write notes. Whereas with Cashmere she’d whinge and fight and not sit still for longer than two minutes.
Cashmere wasn’t the very maternal type. She loved Madge, would be at her beck and call. She just didn’t have the touch and would panic. She panicked from the second Madge was handed over to her and she’s been in a heightened state of anxiety for close to two years now.
She did her best and Madge loved her mother. She took her on shopping dates, manicure, and pedicure dates, for hot chocolate, to lunches with friends, down to the water, to the park and everywhere else. She just was anxious all the damn time and I wished she relax a little and realize the good job she was doing.
And in just a few weeks, we’d become parents again for the second time. Madge was becoming a big sister.
The conception came a bit earlier than planned. Cashmere had enrolled in her first year of college and wanted to wait until the first year was over before we had our second. Hoping to deliver during the summer before the new college year begun. But on her birthday, we celebrated a little too hard and 5 weeks later she was staring at a positive pregnancy test.
I was over the moon. Happy to be expanding our family.
Things were tough. We both had classes and jobs. The cracks were forming but we were mostly stressed and tired from our crazy lives. And baby number two was going to make it that much more exhausting.
But our families were there to lend their support.
Surprisingly, my brother’s love babysitting Madge and happily take her for a few hours. My father was smitten as well and would always steal her away from me when I brought her to the bakery. He’d show her off to customers, treat her to a cupcake or cookie he made especially for her. We had the support but I much preferred to not rely on them. I wanted to prove I could do this.
And I was.
I decide to take Madge for a walk around the block, giving Cashmere some quiet while she studies.
“We won’t be long.” I tell her, kissing the top of her head.
“Ok.” She replies back softly, waving goodbye to Madge.
Madge happily sits in her stroller and we go for a walk around the block. It was a beautiful April afternoon and we walked with the sun beating down on us. Madge waved to people as we walked on by.
"Hello, Miss Madison.” Old Greasy Sae says, stopping us in the street. “Look how big you are my girl. I bet you’re excited to become a big sister very soon.”
Madge smiles, winning over Greasy Sae. We regularly ran into her and Madge loved her. She especially loved playing with Sae’s grandkids at the duck park. Sae was the only one who called her Madison. We had all called her Madge and had since she was about two weeks old. Half the time I forget her name is Madison.
“She’s very excited. We’re letting Mommy studying for a little while though, aren’t we baby?” Madge nods. “She’s a bit stressed I think.”
“She would be. That’s understandable.” Sae smiles. “If you need a break, you know where I am. I don’t mind watching her if you need a couple of hours to study.”
"Thanks, Sae." I smile.
“I better be on my way. I’ll see you around and good luck with the exams.”
Madge is asleep in the stroller when we get back and I carefully get her up into her cot.
“Peeta.” Cashmere calls when I exit Madge’s room.
“What is it?”
“My waters broke.”
“When?”
“Just after you left. I’ve had contractions.”
“Ok, let me call Tim. He has the day off.”
“Peeta. We don’t have time.” She tells me, gritting her teeth as she groans through a painful contraction. “I need to push.”
“What?”
“I think the baby is coming. We don't have time.”
“I'm sure we do. The hospital is just…”
She groans loudly, another painful contraction overcoming her. And she squeezes my hand tightly.
“Peeta.” She cries.
"Ok. Ok." I mutter. Trying to not panic and frighten her.
We work together, I call 911 just as she begins pushing and then return to her. The operator gives me some advice and stays on the line in case I need her.
“The ambulance is on its way. If you need to push then push. I’m here.” I tell her. “I’m here with you Cashmere.”
And in a matter of seconds I know I’ll be delivering our baby. Cashmere is in transition and there’s no way of slowing this down.
And I deliver our second child minutes later.
“We have a girl. Cashmere, we have a girl.” I announce, lowering her into Cashmere’s waiting arms.
Cashmere cries tears of joy as she embraces her newborn daughter. "Hi. Hi, my girl."
"Oh, my." I turn, seeing Cashmere’s mother standing behind us in shock. “I knocked and heard screaming. You’ve had another baby.” Her mother exclaims. “Congratulations my girl.”
She goes to her daughter’s side, checking out her new granddaughter and I go and meet the ambulance that’s just arrived.
“We have a baby.” I tell them in shock. “I delivered my daughter.”
They smile, one of them patting me on the back. “Congratulations Daddy.”
They assess Cashmere and the baby, getting her ready for transport to the hospital. Madge has woken up and is amongst the happenings, helping the paramedics and telling them what to do.
“You’re a good helper, Madge.” Cashmere praises, smiling at her toddler. She looks absolutely exhausted but over the moon.
Madge is in absolute awe of her baby sister, tenderly stroking her forehead and placing soft kisses on her head and talking softly to her.
They were going to be the best of friends growing up, Madge already taking on that motherly big sister role.
They’d fight and hate each other. But they’d have a beautiful bond. A beautiful sisters bond where they’d cherish and love each other so much they’d want to dictate each other’s lives. Fight over choices, keep secrets, share clothes, crush on the same boys and at the end of the day be the best of friends.
“We’ll see you soon Madge.” I tell her. “You stay here with Mimi and we’ll go make sure your sister is fine.” I tell her, kissing her forehead. “Congratulations big sister.”
She happily stays with her Mimi, waves goodbye to us as we leave.
In the hospital, Cashmere and I sit together on the bed. Cashmere is still in shock after the quick delivery. Our daughter rests as perfect as can be, sleeping on my lap. I am over the moon.
“I have an exam on Friday to take.” She exclaims. “How am I going to do this?”
“We’ll find a way.” I tell her, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. “Even if I’m waiting outside that exam room holding the baby, we’ll do this.”
But no matter how tightly I hold her; I can feel the distance creeping in. I can sense that we’re already growing apart and no matter what we do, we’re falling head first into something that is beyond repairable.
“What’s this little one going to be called?” I ask her.
She smiles, tracing the fist of our daughter. “Camille Eva.”
"Hi, Camille." I whisper. "Welcome to the crazy world. You're going to love it."
August 1992
“Daddy. Daddy.”
“What is it, Madge?” I ask her, tending to dinner on the stove, which I’m in the process of almost burning. Camille is teething and clingy and I can’t put her down for any longer than a minute before she screams the house down.
I check my watch, noting Cashmere is now two hours late and try to not let that get me down.
“Where’s Mommy?” Madge asks. She’s a splitting image of her mother. Beautiful straight blonde hair, blue-green eyes, and a dimple on her chin. She has the same mannerisms as her mother but is very much like me in personality.
“Not sure baby.” I tell her. “Now, do you want cheese on your spaghetti?” I ask her.
“Yes please.”
Camille is just 16 months old now, Madge has just turned 3 and our lives are just as chaotic as before. I work full-time. Cashmere attends college three days a week. We have two toddlers and hardly any time for each other.
The distance I felt twelve months before, is even bigger and I don’t know if I can mend it. Nothing I do will fix it, it just makes it worse. Cashmere hardly speaks to me. Tells me her problems. She much prefers to sulk, give me the silent treatment and tell her friends. And now since she’s 21, she’s making the most of her twenties. She missed the last two years of her teenage years and she doesn’t want to miss a moment of her twenties.
Madge eats her dinner and I help Camille eat hers and try to not look at the clock.
Both girls go down quite easily and I have time to myself. I avoid looking at the clock and busy myself with work. I do the rosters for the next few weeks, fix up the inventory, write out our order for the week, plan the specials and rework the menu. I do anything that distracts me from the fact that my wife isn't home on a Tuesday night after she promised me she would be.
It’s before midnight when she stumbles through the door. Laughing and yelling with her friend who has helped her to the door.
A friend I’ve never before. And a friend who is male and quite handsy with my wife.
“Cashmere, what are you doing?” I ask her, staring at the man who has his hands on my wife.
“Celebrating.” She exclaims, almost falling forward. The man catches her and I try to not take any notice of where his hands are.
“I’ll take it from here.” I tell him. “Thanks.”
“See you round, Cash.” He winks and leaves the house.
Cashmere stumbles as I help her onto the couch. She giggles and laughs and reaches for my shirt, trying to undress me. I know what she wants but I’m too pissed off to even consider having sex with her tonight.
"Cashmere, stop. Stop it." I tell her, pushing her away. "It's fucking 12 am on a Tuesday night. You were supposed to be home 8 hours ago.”
“I was celebrating.”
“Celebrating what?”
“I got a job.” She tells me. “I was celebrating.”
“You got a job?”
“Yeah. We’ve been fighting about money for months now. I thought I’d get a job.”
“What does this job entail?”
“It’s downtown at the day spa.”
“And when are you working?”
“The days I go to college.”
“How are you going to manage that?”
“I quit college.”
“Why?”
She shrugs. “I feel like I’m going to be sick.”
I help her up and lead her to the bathroom, getting her situated in front of the toilet. I tie her hair up, out of her face and go to get her some water.
I get her into the shower, dress her and get her into bed.
“Cashmere, what is happening to us?” I ask her hours later. “Should I be worried?” She doesn’t answer me. “Cash, have I done something?”
She shakes her head, opening her eyes to look at me. “I’m not happy Peeta.”
“Why?”
She motions around us and I can sense she’s crying. “I didn’t expect my life to end up like this.” She sniffles. “I wanted more, and more didn’t involve you and two kids at the age of 21. I wanted to be traveling the world. Have beautiful European men flirt with me. Eat flaky croissants in Paris under the Eifel Tower. Swim with dolphins. Wear a skimpy bikini in Florida during Spring Break. I wanted more. Not to stay at home day after day with two kids. To please a husband and my family.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “What do you want me to do?” I ask her.
She shakes her head. "I want to leave, Peeta. I don't want to be under this roof anymore. I want my freedom and to experience being a single twenty-one year old. Not the mother of two girls."
I frown.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love the girls. I just wanted to love them in fifteen years time, after I’ve done all these crazy things.”
I bite my lip and wipe the tear from the corner of my eye. “Cashmere, I have to tell you something.”
“Hmm?”
“Dad has Stage 2 lung cancer.”
April - July 1994
Baby Nolan opens his eyes slowly. He stretches, yawns and moves his mouth, signaling he's hungry.
"Hey, buddy." I whisper to him softly and reach for the bottle beside me. "Here you go."
He’s just 7 weeks old and is already learning how to compete against his two sisters. They spoil him like crazy. He’s so loved, I’m sure he’s going to grow up vying for girl’s attention because of the way he’s treated as a baby.
The girls are still asleep and it’s our time. Father and son time.
I think it’s due to mostly the fact that my father is dying. I wanted that relationship. That bond we shared. And now with my son, I have this special place for him. Something that is so hard to explain to Cashmere. It’s like Nolan and I understand each other. We’re a team and especially since he has two sisters, I know he’ll be vying for some guy time.
I hear Cashmere waking in the bedroom and I focus on Nolan. She’ll get the girls up soon and get them ready for their day.
Nolan finishes his bottle just as his sisters make an appearance. They sit up at the table and Cashmere pours milk into their cereal bowls. It was a silent agreement that we had made. I’d do the cooking and food prepping whilst Cashmere did the other little things around the house.
Nolan is burped and I take him to Cashmere for her morning cuddle while I cuddle the girls. I had the kids today while Cashmere worked for her mother. I’d take the kids to work for a couple of hours and then bring them home.
Things weren’t good.
Cashmere agreed to have another baby, to give us our third and hopefully a son. After her confession of not being happy and wanting to leave. We put that to the side whilst my father started cancer treatment. She’s stayed with me as I’ve slowly taken over the business as my father has slowly started to die. But I know she’s not happy.
The girls happily play with each other while I do some work. Nolan sleeps soundly and I wonder how I ended up with three beautiful kids.
I take them into work with me, the girls go off with Grant who sets them up on the bench and gets their help in making the icing.
"Have you seen Dad today?" I ask Tim who is working out the front and is holding Nolan.
“Nope. It’s so hard being in the same room as him.” Tim sighs. “He’s in so much pain.”
"I know." I reply softly. "Is it bad that I wished he'd go? I just want him to be pain-free."
“We all do.”
Both boys were getting married this summer. Grant first in late May and Tim in June. We’d just hope Dad would be around still for the weddings but we weren’t holding our breaths.
Tim serves a customer as he holds Nolan. The customer gushes over my son, cooing and smiling at him.
“He’s a beautiful boy.”
"Thanks, he gets his looks from his Uncle." Tim boasts with a grin.
I roll my eyes, bag up the customer's order and hand it over to her. "He likes to think that." I add. "But Nolan here is my mini me." I tell her, tickling my son's belly.
“Well he’s got good genes, he’ll be a handsome boy.”
She leaves with her order and Nolan is handed back to me.
“I wanted to take the kids to see Dad.”
“You know how much he loves the kids. He lights up.”
“It’s scary for the kids witnessing it.”
“Do you want them to not remember him?” Tim asks. “They need to make some memories of him. To remember their grandfather. Even if it’s confronting for them, it might teach them an important lesson down the track.”
I give in and take the kids to visit Dad that afternoon. Mom is out running errands and I relax a little. Dad holds Nolan while the girls talk with him. He’s mood has lifted just by being surrounded by his grandchildren.
These will be the only grandchildren he will know because I know he doesn’t have much longer to go. The morphine is increased monthly. He gets too sick off of the chemotherapy. He hardly sleeps. He has no energy. And he's fading away. He's lost half of his lung. He has tumors invading his whole body. Tumors now creeping into his spine and brain. He can’t walk and is struggling to remember.
Dad thanks me when we get ready to leave.
“No worries Dad. We’ll see you soon?”
He nods, a big smile on his face and the kids kiss him goodbye.
“Bye Dad.”
Cashmere is late in getting home. She’s taken on dress making and designing and spends a lot of her free time designing.
I get the kids fed, bathed and ready for bed. Cashmere’s dinner sits on the table cold and I sit on the couch reading.
June
Madge carries Nolan into the house while I juggle Camille. Camille danced her heart out tonight and she sleeps, passed out as I carry her.
“You right with Nolan?” I ask Madge.
She nods, smiling at me and I fish for my keys. Nolan is awake, getting cranky at the fact that he’s missed his bedtime.
Cashmere and I had a plan for tonight. One of us would come home with the kids while the other stayed at the reception. She volunteered to bring them home, allowing me the chance to celebrate with my brother.
But she didn’t show up for the wedding or the reception. She let us four down but we tried to not let that ruin the day.
We had a great day. The girls were the flower girls. I was one of the groomsmen. We danced, laughed and enjoyed our day.
We were on a slight high having had two weddings in a space of a month. But it was nice having our family together.
“Is Mommy home?” Madge asks as I unlock the door.
"I don't think so, baby. Her car's not here."
“Why didn’t she show up?”
“I’m sure she had a reason.”
Madge frowns and carries her brother inside. She was starting to pick up on the flaws in our marriage. She knew something was wrong and I knew I could no longer protect her from the world.
“We’ll get you out of your dress.” I tell her. She sits on her bed, waiting for me to get Camille out of her dress.
Madge has started to undress Nolan out of his suit and I take him from Madge. I help Madge out of her dress, undo her hair and help her with her pajamas. She sits up in bed and I kiss her good night, picking up Nolan.
"You were one of the most beautiful girls there today."
She smiles, blushing. “What about Camille?”
"Camille as well." I tell her. "You're my sunshine, the three of you. I love you so much." I pull the covers up and tuck her in. "Go to sleep, my baby. I'll see you in the morning."
I kiss her and Camille goodnight and take Nolan to put to bed. I give him his bottle out in the lounge room. Cuddling him and reading him a story.
It’s this time of night I love. I love it when it’s quiet. When the kids are all asleep or nearly asleep. I love the cuddles I get with Nolan and that downtime we spend just before bed. I kiss Nolan goodnight and get ready for bed myself. I try to not be too pissed off with Cashmere. I don’t want her ruining this night for me. For ruining my brother’s wedding.
I wipe the mirror clean and look at myself in the mirror. I feel as if I have aged ten years in the past five. I open the mirror, reaching for my toothbrush and find Cashmere's is missing. I scan the other shelves and realize everything of hers is missing.
I run out of the bathroom, wrapping the towel around my waist and look around the house. In the bedroom, I look through her drawers. It’s empty. Everything of hers is gone.
I turn, and see on her pillow sits a note along with her wedding rings.
P
I can’t do this anymore. I’m not happy. I told you I wasn’t happy. I tried to keep up the façade and be a good wife and mother but I’m tired. It’s all too much for me and I can’t cope. I’ll ring you in a week. I just need some time alone. Time to gather my thoughts and to be the best mother I can be. I’ll come for the kids next week but for now, I just need to be alone.
I’m sorry, this just wasn’t the life I envisioned for myself.
C
The note sits crumpled next to me. Tears fall down my face as I mourn for the end of my marriage. I knew this day was coming. I just hadn’t prepared myself for it.
July
“Madge, time to come in.” I call out.
The past few weeks had been challenging but I was managing just fine.
The kids were happy, unaware of the situation.
They just thought it was great having sleepovers at Mimi’s.
Cashmere has only visited twice and left me to be the sole guardian of the kids. She hardly calls. Uses her mother as the messenger. She doesn’t speak to me. Can’t speak to me.
But I don’t let that bother me.
On the two weekends, she's had the kids. My brothers have been there for me. Helped me through the breakdown of my marriage. It's kind of ironic how my marriage has ended as they have started theirs.
I just hope they have longer marriages than I did.
Madge runs on in, Camille following close behind.
“When are we going to Mom’s?” She asks.
Nolan sits in his high chair, banging his fists, waiting for his dinner.
“I’m not sure. She hasn’t told me.”
"Hopefully soon. I want to show her what I learned at dancing."
“She’ll love it.” I tell her and dish up dinner for the four of us. “Go wash your hands.”
She comes back out with Camille trailing her and they sit up at the table. Madge had just started dancing this afternoon and had fallen in love. Camille was asking if she could also join and I was scouting for a class for her to join.
Madge tells me about her day with Tim. I hated relying on my family to babysit but after what has happened, I was more than willing to allow them to babysit and help me out. Even if it was just a couple of hours.
But once I spoke to my lawyer, and Cashmere figured out what she wanted, then I'm sure we'd work out a routine.
The phone rings as we eat and I move to answer.
“Daddy, no calls at the table.” Madge exclaims.
“Sorry, I’ll just see who it is. It might be important.”
She smiles at me and helps Nolan with his dinner, spoon-feeding him his vegetable mush.
“Hello?”
“Peeta. I’m sorry for calling.” Grant says.
“It’s fine. What’s happened?”
“Mom’s just called.” He begins. “Dad’s dead.”
And in an instant, a lifetime of memories flashes before my eyes. My father has left this planet. Has left his wife and three sons. Has lost the opportunity to watch his grandchildren grow up.
He hardly was awake these final weeks. After Tim's wedding, he was prescribed a high dose of morphine as his days were near. He was in great pain and his final days were spent well and truly out of it. He didn't really do much in his final weeks. He didn't even know Cashmere had left me.
I think it was better like that.
“Do you want me to come over?”
“No, stay with the kids. Tim’s gone to be with Mom. I’ll come over and help you with the kids.”
“You don’t have to.”
“But I want to.” He replies. “I’ll see you soon.”
And just like that, my world changes.
I become a single father. The sole owner of the bakery. My ex-wife only sees the kids every weekend and I watch her fall in love with someone new. That same guy from the bar a few years before. He’s rich, drives a fancy car and gives her everything that she wanted, like overseas trips and flaky croissants.
The bakery grows and becomes even more successful than it had been before.
And she almost succeeds.
I'm left to rebuild the reputation of bakery once again.
But I’m the one laughing years down the track as the bakery succeeds yet again, setting up the kids for a good life. And myself for an early retirement and the chance to finally explore the world and do something for me.
February 2015
“Happy Valentine’s Day.”
Madge and Camille blush and I smile, happy that I succeeded in embarrassing them. Even in their mid-twenties I can still embarrass them like they're 12-year-olds.
“It’s not even Valentine’s Day here.” Madge reminds me.
“I know but I had to tell you before I forgot.” I tell them smirking. “Any plans for tomorrow?”
“Gale is sweeping Madge away from the night.” Camille tells me, rolling her eyes. “I have a good series on Netflix to watch and Thai takeout to gorge myself with. And the day after, I’m going to go to the supermarket and buying discounted chocolates and hate this stupid holiday.” She rants. “What about you? Any big island parties?”
“There actually is one tonight. I might be making an appearance.”
The girls laugh at me in the window on Skype and I laugh at them. They’ve always wanted me to spread my wings. To To step off the ledge and do something I wouldn’t do. I’ve always been so focused on the kids for the last 25 years, I haven’t done anything for me.
“And who cares if you have a hangover tomorrow morning, there’s nothing like a big cooked breakfast and a swim that doesn’t fix it.”
"I'll see how I go." I tell them. I look at my watch and see I'm due for the rest of the course. "I've got to go, girls, I talk to you later. Say hi to Nolan for me."
“Bye Dad.”
“Love you.”
“Love you too.”
I end the video call and head on down to the conference. Everyone has one thing on their mind that is happy hour and a big seafood dinner.
After a beautiful fresh dinner and a couple of drinks, I shower, dress and head on down to the bar where they are having Valentine's Day. It's full of holiday guests from all over the world. I hear accents galore and feel some sort of rush, a sort of energy from all the cultures in the one room.
I always wanted to travel. To experience the cultures of the world and only in the last couple of years had I started traveling, experiencing the world but I wanted to do more. Visit as many countries, have many stories and experiences to share with my grandchildren.
The doors of the balcony are opened, letting in the night sea breeze and the partying begins. The bar is packed with patrons wanting drinks and I sit and watch the crowd, nursing my beer and chatting with some of the attendees of the course.
I finish my beer and stand up to go and get another drink and bump into a dancing body.
She turns around. “I’m so sorry.” I say as loudly as I can.
She smiles and I'm mesmerized by her. By her beautiful steel-colored eyes that twinkle in the flashing DJ lights. “It’s fine.”
I look around and back at her, seeing she’s interested in conversation. “I’m too old to be a part of this.”
She shakes her head smirking. “No way. You’re never too old.”
“When you’re in your forties, you’re definitely too old.” I tell her frowning slightly.
“You don’t look like your a day over thirty-five.” She grins. Is she flirting? Is the beautiful brunette flirting with me?
I smile. “Flattery, I like it. Can I buy you a drink?”
“Sure.”
I buy her a cocktail and we head out to the deck. It’s cool and the sea breeze whips at us. We find a quiet corner to stand and chat.
And that’s all we do in the next week. We talk, sleep, eat, swim, share kisses and make love with each other. We find out about each other. Learn a little bit about each other. Learn little secrets, habits, and traits we each have.
We experience a holiday fling. Something I don't want to end. I don't ever want to leave her.
But we’ve agreed our lives are at different points. It was just for the week. A week of pure magic.
“Thank you for this week.” She whispers against my lips the morning of my departure.
“Thank you.” I echo and kiss her harder. “I won’t forget you Katniss.”
“Me either.”
It’d be a week I knew I’d never forget.
And she’d be someone I’d think about constantly for the months to come, wondering if I should reach out to her.
November 2015
“Madge, hi baby.” I greet her, spying her walk into the bakery. “You look exhausted.”
“I kind of am.” She tells me.
“Is something on your mind?”
She shrugs her shoulders and I make her a cup of hot chocolate and grab a cheese bun fresh from the oven for her.
If there was a cure to anything, it was a fresh cheese bun. I used to tell the kids that all the time. Used to get them to cough up what their troubles were with cheese buns and hot chocolate. And it still worked until this day.
I take her to the office and sit her down. “Here.” She smiles, pulling the cup closer to her. “So, what’s on your mind?”
She breaks the cheese bun in half, letting it cool before wiping her hands on the serviette.
“An old friend has come back to town.” She begins to tell me.
“Oh, who’s the old friend?” I ask her, curious to know what has caused her some trouble.
“What friend?” Camille asks, bursting into the office.
I watch Madge fidget. I know she did this when she didn’t want her sister knowing or when she had to tell me something big. She did it when she was unsure of how to deliver what she was going to say to me.
“Um, one of my old teaching friends.” She says. “She’s been gone for probably two years.”
“Why’s she back?” I ask.
Madge shifts in her seat. “I actually accompanied her to the hospital yesterday. She went into labor and I stayed by her side during the birth, watched her bring her little girl into the world.”
“How lovely.” I smile. “How is she? I mean, are they both healthy?”
"Yep, they are." She replies.
"What's your friend's name?" Camille asks.
She looks nervously at me. “You remember Katniss, Dad?”
I hadn't heard her name in months. I tried to forget her name but not the memories we shared. "Yes." I reply softly. "I didn't realize you two worked together."
Madge nods. “Yeah.” She swallows the lump in her throat. “Until her ex-boyfriend…”
“Screwed her over.” I finish. “She had a baby?”
"Yes. Yes she did." Madge nods. “She had your baby, Dad.”
Baby. She had your baby.
“What?” Camille asks. “How old is she?”
“28.”
"You got some 28-year-old pregnant? Jesus fucking Christ." Camille curses. "We told you to have some fun but didn't expect this."
My hands are shaking in my lap. “I have another daughter?”
Madge nods nervously and reaches for her phone, pulling it out and showing me a picture of Katniss and her newborn daughter.
My newborn daughter.
“Shit.” I curse softly. “I… I don’t…” I mutter. “Did she say anything?”
Madge locks her phone after showing Camille. “Dad, she wasn’t expecting anything from you…”
“That’s what they all say.” Camille says, rolling her eyes.
I nod, still unsure if I’m hearing her correctly. “You said they’re both healthy?”
Madge nods. “She made it seem easy.” She smiles. “It was amazing witnessing it.”
Camille is still in too much shock to do anything else but swear and carry on. Madge shuts her down; telling her what Katniss is like and that she wouldn’t do this for the bad reasons.
"She spent a week with Dad. She didn't realize she'd end up pregnant with him or end up back in the same town as him. She's stubborn and strong-willed. She'd do this on her own. She'd be amazing at doing this on her own. But she knows what's right and wrong and can't carry a secret from Dad. It's better now than 18 years down the track.”
“You sure she won’t want any money?” Camille asks Madge.
“I’m sure.”
“Good.”
Madge leaves soon after and Camille busies herself with work. I’ve had an hour or so to think about it and after finding out what hospital she’s in, I stop by the florist and head over for the morning visiting hours.
I see her sitting up in the hospital bed, looking as beautiful as ever. She’s glowing and I’m instantly reminded why I was attracted to her in the first place.
I walk as quietly as I can and stop in front of the bassinet, my mission was overtaken by the fidgeting bundle in the bassinet.
My daughter.
I smile at her, taken by her beauty and don’t doubt she’s not my daughter.
“Big surprise all this.” I begin. “You and… her. Everything really.”
“I had a few months warning but still yeah.” She laughs.
I tear myself away from my newborn daughter and present her with the bunch of flowers and sit beside her and ask her a few things. Nothing too overwhelming or scary. I wanted to know if she had a plan. If my daughter would have a house over her head and Katniss enough money to clothe and raise her.
“You’ve got things worked out.” She doesn't nod but just stares back at me.
I look at the fussing baby and back at her. “Would it be alright if I?”
I pick up my daughter slowly. Take in her beautiful features. Study this little creature I never expected I’d meet in my life.
She's like the combination of her siblings, mother and me. She has long eyelashes that curl at the ends, much like Camille's. She has tufts of raven hair on top of her head like her mother. Round cheeks like Nolan’s. A button nose and long fingers like Madge. And blue eyes, just like mine. She was a petite baby, her head fitting perfectly in the palm of my hand. Her body as long as my forearm.
She most importantly looked like her mother from the shape of her face down to the way she watched me.
I thought my parenting days were over. I thought it’d be my time to just sit and wait for grandchildren. But life has taken me down another path.
I bring her close to my face and smile softly.
“You’re a little princess. Such a little princess.” I say. “Who would have thought you and me would meet like this.” Tears fill my eyes and I’m overcome with a rush of emotions. “Beautiful girl. My beautiful girl.” I kiss her cheek and stare down at her little face before I look up and smile at Katniss before looking back down at my daughter.
I suddenly knew what I was doing for the next 18 years. I wasn’t letting this beautiful girl and her mother out of my grasp.
I find Madge, later on, pick her up and spin her around. "I'm the happiest man in the world today. Thank you."
Madge smiles, wraps an arm around my shoulder and we make our way downtown together.
The house is quiet when I arrive home. It’s mid-afternoon and I know Adeline is down for her nap.
I feel deflated that I’ve missed out on a day in her life but it was for the best. I needed time to calm down after the day I had. Time to grieve for my father who’s been gone now for 22 years. I just needed time.
I double back to the living room when I spot her on the couch. She’s upset. Defeated too.
I know I’m the cause of her mood.
“Katniss?” She doesn't answer, sniffles, and wipes her nose and swallows the lump in her throat. “Tell me what’s wrong?”
She sniffles again, sits up straight and stares me in the eyes.
“You shouldn’t have to walk out of your own house.” She begins to say.
“Katniss…”
“No. This is your house. Adeline and I are guests here…” She reiterates.
“Katniss-“
She shakes her head, stands up rubbing her swollen stomach. “I can be packed up and gone by tonight. Adeline and I will leave tonight if that's what you want.”