Chapter Text
Contrary to what most people who meet him seem to think, Evan Buckley has never been the type to fall in love easily.
He feels attraction and lust and affection, and he attaches himself to people too quickly, but love? That requires trust and certainty and a feeling of safety that always seems to be just beyond his grasp in romantic relationships.
But he wants to be in love—wants it so badly that he’s currently standing in Eddie’s bathroom, staring down his reflection as he tries to work up the courage to say what he needs to say.
There’s a reason he’s been putting off this conversation. He doesn’t want to make Eddie uncomfortable, and he’s afraid that his request might cross some invisible boundary. What if this is the thing that makes Eddie kick him out?
Regardless, Buck needs to do this if he’s ever going to get over this crush he has on Eddie. That’s all it is, he tells himself firmly, a crush. No matter what Maddie or Tommy or anyone else might have to say about it.
So what if he’s never trusted anyone the way he trusts Eddie—has never been more certain of his place in someone’s life than when Eddie flew Chris to LA as an apology? Best friends do that kind of thing for each other.
And maybe it took Eddie leaving for Buck to realize that the feeling of safety he’s always felt in Eddie’s house had more to do with the people living there than the building itself. But that doesn’t have to change anything.
The simple truth is that Buck is happy to have Eddie back, they’re spending almost every waking minute together, and his traitorous brain has decided it means more than it actually does.
Which is exactly why he needs to start dating again. He’s determined to do it right this time, thus the need for the conversation he’s currently putting off. Maybe one day, once he’s married to the love of his life, he can tell Eddie about the silly little crush he used to have on him so they can laugh about it together.
That thought makes him want to cry for some reason, so he quickly pushes it away.
After a few more deep breaths, Buck decides he’s as ready as he’ll ever be. He forces himself out of the bathroom and down the hallway into the living room.
Eddie looks up with a smile when he hears him coming. “There you are. I thought maybe you got lost on your way back.”
Buck sucks in a breath. “Eddie, can I talk to you about something?”
“Yeah, of course.” Eddie sits up, leaning forward to set his beer on the coffee table. His brow creases when Buck doesn’t sit down right away. “Everything all right?”
“Everything’s fine.” There’s a loose thread dangling from the sleeve of Buck’s hoodie, and he focuses all of his nervous energy on winding it around his finger. “But there’s something I could use your help with. If you’re okay with it, I mean. No pressure or anything.”
“Well, now I’m intrigued.” Eddie shifts so he’s facing Buck, resting his arm on the back of the couch. “The answer is yes, by the way.”
Frowning, Buck flicks his gaze up to study the placid expression on Eddie’s face. “Yes?”
“Yes to helping you,” Eddie clarifies.
Buck rolls his eyes and huffs out a laugh. “You don’t even know what it is yet.”
Eddie shrugs. “With this much of a build up, it’s obviously important to you. Why wouldn’t I help?”
Even though there’s still a chance Eddie will rescind his offer once he actually hears the request, his nonchalance does relieve some of the tension in Buck’s shoulders. He walks closer, sitting down on the coffee table and gripping the edge with his hands.
“I want to start dating again.”
Eddie freezes, several unidentifiable emotions flickering across his face before he responds. “And you… need my help with that?”
“I don’t want to mess it up.” Buck sucks his lower lip into his mouth, biting down as he tries to figure out the best way to explain the knot of anxieties his mind has formed around the topic of his love life. “It feels like it’s time for me to find someone and settle down, you know? I’ve always wanted to get married and have kids and…” Buck swallows back the words, and have somewhere I belong, because he knows Eddie will focus on that—on making sure Buck knows he has a place here, with him and Chris—and he doesn’t know how to explain that he wants more. “But I’ve screwed up every relationship I’ve ever had, and I need it to be different this time.”
Eddie hums, his expression guarded as he reaches for his beer and takes a swig. “Not sure I’m qualified to give any relationship advice.”
“That’s not—” Buck lets out a frustrated sigh. He’s not explaining this right. “You hate all my exes.”
“I don’t hate them.” Eddie pauses. “Okay, I don’t hate all of them. But none of them were right for you.”
“That,” Buck says, pointing for emphasis. “That’s what I need your help with. I don’t want to waste time with someone if it’s never going to work out, and I need you to help me figure out who falls into that category.”
Eddie looks strangely pleased by that. “So you want me to, what, screen your dates?”
“Well, that and make sure I’m not rushing into anything too fast. I want…” Buck looks down at his hands, searching again for the right words. “I need to keep my priorities straight. I want to keep spending lots of time with you and Chris, obviously. And Jee and RJ are growing up so fast, and I don’t want to miss that.” He pauses to pull in a breath. “But I know that I tend to dive in way too deep, and I end up getting lost and forgetting about all the other important things, and—” The feeling of Eddie’s hand on his knee interrupts his spiral, and Buck quickly snaps his head up to meet Eddie’s gaze.
“You’ve been thinking about this for a while, huh?” Eddie says, his brown eyes full of more understanding than Buck deserves.
“Yeah.” Buck shakes his head. “I wish there was some kind of rulebook for all of this. It would make things so much easier.”
Eddie tilts his head, his hand sliding off Buck’s knee as he leans back. Buck misses the warmth immediately. “Would that help you—having rules?”
Buck can only nod in response, equally confused and intrigued by the sudden gleam in Eddie’s eyes.
Eddie reaches for his beer bottle and brings it to his mouth, tapping the rim against his lower lip. “So if I came up with some dating rules for you to follow, you’d be all right with that?”
All the remaining tension bleeds out of Buck’s back and shoulders in a rush, and he slumps forward slightly. This is why he asked Eddie for help. Buck wasn’t even completely sure what he was asking for, but Eddie figured out a solution anyway.
“Yes,” Buck says quickly. “That… that would be great. Perfect, actually.” It’s so much easier when things are written down in black and white. And Eddie knows him so well that he’ll probably come up with rules Buck never could have thought up.
“All right.” Eddie nods. “Give me a few days to come up with something, and then we’ll go from there.”
Buck smiles, feeling completely overwhelmed by how lucky he is to have Eddie as his best friend. “Thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciate this.”
Eddie looks pleased with himself, which Buck finds inexplicably hot. It’s the kind of thought he’s had to push away frequently since Eddie’s return to LA, but this time he just… lets himself hold onto it for a minute. He deserves some kind of reward for finally taking this step, right?
“I told you I would help, didn’t I?” Eddie pats the cushion beside him. “Now come on, this movie isn’t going to watch itself.”
For the next few days, Buck floats along in a sort of hazy warmth. Every time he looks at Eddie, he’s reminded of their agreement, and it makes him feel more settled than he has in a long time.
He also feels Eddie’s eyes on him even more than usual. Sometimes there’s a specific gleam in them that sends a thrill down Buck’s spine because he just knows Eddie is thinking up a rule for him to follow.
The whole idea is more appealing than he could have predicted—especially since Buck has never been good at following rules. But he’s not going to inspect the feeling too closely, because that would mean having to admit that it’s the Eddie of it all that’s sparking this heat beneath his skin.
And then he walks into the kitchen one morning after dropping Chris off at school to find Eddie there waiting for him. He’s sitting at the table with his tablet in front of him, and there’s a bold look in his eyes that sends Buck’s heart careening against his ribs.
“Is now a good time to talk about your rules?” Eddie asks, a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth.
“Yeah.” Buck’s chest tightens with anticipation. “Definitely.”
Eddie nudges the other chair with his foot, and Buck sits down with his hands in his lap. “Remember, this is supposed to help you. So if any of these don’t feel right, we can make adjustments. But this will give us a place to start.”
Buck nods eagerly. “Okay. Hit me.”
Eddie laughs as he picks up his tablet and wakes up the screen. “I hope you’re still this excited when you actually hear them.”
“Guess we’ll find out,” Buck replies with a grin.
“First rule,” Eddie says, clearing his throat dramatically. “You need to try to go on one date a week. If that ends up being too much, we can do every other week.”
“No, once a week sounds fine.” Buck shrugs. “I think I can do that.” It will probably feel like a lot, since he’ll be suffering through a lot of awkward first dates, but he can appreciate a schedule.
“Good.” Eddie glances up at him. “You said you wanted to take this seriously, so I figured you’d want to put in some consistent effort. But I don’t want it to take over your life.” He looks back at the screen. “Second rule: You’re a grown man, so I’m not going to give you a curfew. But I want to know when you get home, even if that means waking me up. Which leads us to the third rule. You’ll be sleeping in the bed for as long as we’re doing this. I don’t want you to be tempted to sneak in and sleep on the couch so you don’t wake me up.”
“I’m not taking over your bed,” Buck protests. “I promise I’ll let you know when I get home. The couch is fine.” It’s a little stiff, sure, but sleeping in Eddie’s bed feels… dangerous. Even if there’s something comforting about the idea of coming home from a date and getting into bed next to Eddie.
“The couch is not fine,” Eddie says with a raised eyebrow. “It’s not good for your leg, and it’s terrible for your spine. If it helps, I’ll definitely sleep better if I know you’re lying on a real mattress at night.”
Buck can sense this is not a fight he’s going to win, so he surrenders with a huff. “Fine. I’ll share the bed.” Eddie might regret that rule once he discovers that Buck spins like a top in his sleep, but he’ll just have to deal with it.
“Fourth rule.” Eddie shifts in his seat, and there’s a new pink tinge to his cheeks when he opens his mouth again. “Sort of a question first, actually. Uh… how often do you usually jerk off?”
Buck’s mouth drops open, his whole body going hot. “Eddie… what?”
“Answer the question,” Eddie says with a look that feels like a dare.
“I…” Buck swallows. “I guess once a day?”
Eddie’s eyes widen. “Oh, is that all?”
“More if I have the chance,” Buck mumbles before he can stop himself.
“Well, that’s…” Eddie clears his throat. “I’ll have to rewrite this rule then. But basically, I, uh… well, you should continue that and also make sure you’re running on empty, so to speak, before your dates.”
“What, you think I can’t control myself?” Buck asks, mostly to be difficult. Because if a simple conversation about his masturbation habits already has his pants feeling this tight, Eddie might have a point.
“I think your brain is a lot smarter than your dick, so I’d rather you were thinking with the former,” Eddie shoots back.
It almost feels like a compliment, but Buck is having trouble focusing on anything beyond the fact that Eddie is still talking about his dick. He shifts carefully in his seat, grateful they’re having this conversation at the kitchen table where he can hide the effect all of this is having on him. “Okay. I can do that. What’s next?”
“The next two are sort of connected,” Eddie says, rolling his shoulders back as he sits up straighter. “Number five: I want you to tell me about every date, either that night or the next morning if you get home late. If we decide a second date is in order, that’s when rule number six comes into play. You’ll need to explain that you live with your best friend, who is not going anywhere. And if they don’t like that, there won’t be a third date.”
There must be something seriously wrong with him, because all Buck can focus on is how much it sounds like Eddie is laying claim to him—and how much he loves it. “Yeah, I-I’m good,” he stammers. “Good with that, I mean. Yeah.”
“Perfect.” Eddie nods, his attention back on the tablet. “That one wasn’t really negotiable anyway. Next up is number seven.”
“How many rules do you have?” Buck asks, resolutely ignoring the fact that he’s currently rock hard and is absolutely going to have to take a cold shower as soon as they’re done here.
“Ten.” Eddie looks up. “Too many? Not enough? I’m sure I could think up some more.”
“No, ten’s perfect. I think I can remember that many.” Buck leans forward, resting his arms on the table. “What’s number seven?”
Eddie doesn’t even have to look down. “No sex until after the third date, at least. And even then, only with my permission.”
Something in Eddie’s expression makes Buck want to push back and see how much he’ll allow. “Okay, but what definition of sex are we working with here? Are hand jobs allowed? Blow jobs? Dry humping? Or am I safe as long as neither of us are actually inside the other?”
He’s sort of hoping to fluster Eddie, so he’s surprised when Eddie shrugs and says, “If you have to ask, it’s not allowed.”
The authoritative tone in his voice sends a flare of heat down Buck’s spine. “Got it,” he says, baffled by how giddy he feels about Eddie forbidding him from having sex. “PG activities only.”
Eddie gives him a nod before turning his attention back to the screen. There’s a new flush to his cheeks that makes Buck squirm in his seat. “The next two should be fairly self-explanatory. Eight, absolutely no bringing dates back to the house unless we’ve discussed it beforehand. And nine, our dinner and movie night with Chris always takes precedence over a date.”
Buck can easily agree to both of those. “Yeah, of course. And the last rule?”
Eddie sets the tablet down, leaning forward to match Buck’s pose. “The last rule is that you have to tell me if you need anything or if something about this isn’t working for you. We can make changes or stop whenever you want. But you’ll need to keep living here for as long as we’re doing this, so no searching for apartments.”
“That’ll be easier now that I’ll be sleeping in a real bed,” Buck says with a grin. Eddie wants him here. Eddie wants him to stay.
Eddie smirks. “I thought the couch was fine.”
Buck rolls his eyes. “Okay, you were right about the couch. But, uh…” he swallows, glancing at the tablet. “All of that sounds good to me. Do I need to sign on a dotted line or something? Is there a fine I have to pay if I break a rule?”
Eddie gets to his feet, circling the table slowly. His hand comes down on Buck’s shoulder and Buck looks up, barely suppressing a shiver at the mischievous look in Eddie’s eyes.
“I guess you’ll have to wait and see.” Eddie squeezes his shoulder once before pulling away. “I’ll send you a copy of the rules.”
“I told you I wanted the check split 50/50. Are you deaf or just terrible at math?”
Buck sends their waitress—Kendra, according to the name on her black apron—a sympathetic wince. He’s going to leave her an insane tip as an apology for putting up with this, especially since he knows very well that his date—Jake? Jason? Jack?—never said a word about how he wanted the check split before right now.
He’s really starting to wish he had also accepted Eddie’s help in selecting his dates, but he wanted to get this first one over and done with. And the guy had seemed decent over text.
“Sorry about that,” Kendra answers tightly, picking up the check slip. “I’ll be right back with the corrected copy.”
The man on the other side of the table sighs, rolling his eyes as he turns his attention back to Buck. “Anyway, where were we?”
“Before you started being a jerk to our waitress, you mean?” Buck mutters, taking a sip from the melted ice in his glass.
Jack barks out a laugh. “We’re paying her. Doing her job right is kind of the bare minimum.”
“Uh-huh.” Buck pulls out his phone and opens the Uber app, ready to make a quick escape the moment the check is paid. He would have left already, but this guy definitely seems like the type to dine and ditch.
Kendra returns a few moments later, obviously eager to send them on their way. Buck hands his card over and pulls out a small pile of $20 bills to leave on the table.
He can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel that is this horrific date, but obviously Jake hasn’t picked up on any of Buck’s discomfort. As they leave the restaurant, he grabs Buck’s hand and starts rattling on about stocks or crypto or something equally unbearable. At least one of his hands is still free to order an Uber. Small mercies.
“I had a really great time,” Jason says as they stop on the sidewalk outside. “And you’re pretty hot in the right lighting, so we should do this again. Maybe someplace with a bed.”
“Yeah, um…” Buck scrambles for the nicest way to phrase his rejection, and then wonders why he’s wasting any time trying to be nice to this asshole.
“Wait.” Jack yanks on Buck’s hand, pulling him closer. “We should kiss first—make sure there’s a chance the sex will be good.”
Buck shudders in disgust, tugging his hand away and taking a giant step back. “Yeah, I don’t think so. Not sure we’re looking for the same thing, but uh… have a nice life, I guess.” He turns on his heel, practically sprinting away as he changes his pickup location to a bar the next block over.
“It was bad,” Buck groans, sinking down onto the couch. “I’m not sure how he managed to eat any food, with how much time he spent talking about himself.”
Eddie takes a swig of his beer. “Maybe he was nervous?”
Buck snorts. “Yeah, I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have yelled at the waitress if that was true.”
“Yikes.” Eddie grimaces. “He actually yelled?”
“Yep.” Buck pops his lips for emphasis. “He was mad that she split the check based on what we each ordered instead of doing it 50/50.”
“Let me guess. His meal was the more expensive one.”
“Naturally.” Buck rolls his eyes. “And to top it all off, he said he wanted to see me again and tried to kiss me.”
“Wait.” Eddie coughs, nearly choking on his beer. “After all of that, he still thought he had a chance with you?”
“He’s probably a terrible kisser, too.” Buck wrinkles his nose. “You know those people who try to attack your tonsils with their tongue on the first kiss and act like they’re doing you a favor?”
“Can’t say I’ve ever experienced that,” Eddie says with a laugh.
“Okay. But you’ve had terrible kisses before, right?”
Eddie tilts his head in thought for a moment before replying. “I wouldn’t say terrible. Kissing is just… kissing.”
Buck straightens up, mouth dropping open as he turns to face Eddie. “Kissing is just kissing?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. Nice.” Eddie’s shoulders tense. “Guess I’ve never dated any terrible kissers.”
Buck knows he should let this go, but he can’t wrap his mind around the fact that Eddie thinks kissing is simply fine. “Maybe… maybe you’ve only had really great kisses, but you think they’re just nice because you don’t have any truly terrible ones to compare them to.”
Eddie glances over at him, his eyes landing on Buck’s lips. “Maybe you should show me what a terrible kiss feels like, then.”
“You… what?” Buck’s palms are sweating. He must have shifted into an alternate reality, because there is no way he heard Eddie correctly. “You want me to kiss you?”
“Well, you seem to be an expert.” Eddie shifts so his body is turned toward Buck. “And you’ve got me kind of curious now.”
This is a terrible idea. Buck might never recover if the one and only time he gets to kiss Eddie Diaz ends up being the worst kiss Eddie’s ever experienced. But maybe this is what he needs to get over his crush—sharing one awful kiss with his best friend.
“Okay.” Buck nods, still struggling to accept that this is actually a thing that’s happening. “Okay. One terrible kiss demonstration coming right up.” He stands up and Eddie reaches out to grab his wrist.
“Where are you going?”
Buck turns, blinking down at him. “Uh… I guess most of my terrible kisses have happened standing up? The couch is more for… you know…” he pauses, his face heating, “…making out.”
Eddie chuckles, using his grip on Buck’s arm to pull himself up. “All right, you’re the boss.”
Buck guides them away from the couch, hoping to avoid accidentally banging his shins on the coffee table. He tries to think of something, anything, to focus on besides the fact that he’s about to kiss Eddie, but his thoughts aren’t exactly under his control at the moment.
“So imagine we went on a date.” Buck says, turning to face Eddie. “It went all right, so a kiss is on the table. And it might be the deciding factor in whether we see each other again.” His skin is buzzing as he tilts his head down slightly, gaze narrowing in on Eddie’s plush lips.
“Is there usually this long of a pause?” Eddie asks, voice low.
Buck feels hot all over. “Sometimes. But other times, they sort of just… dive in.”
Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Then what are you waiting for?”
After one more steadying breath, Buck closes the distance between them.
Objectively, it is a terrible kiss.
In the spirit of providing Eddie an authentic experience, Buck goes in tongue first, mouth open, and his teeth knock painfully against Eddie’s. It’s awkward and sloppy and too much, and Buck barely registers any of that because his brain is too busy chanting EddieEddieEddie as he licks further into his best friend’s mouth.
And then… then Eddie makes a soft noise in the back of his throat and starts to move. He grabs hold of Buck’s shirt, pulling him in closer as he latches onto Buck’s tongue and gently sucks.
It’s perfect… of course it’s perfect. He was a fool to think that anything involving Eddie could ever be awful.
Eddie’s teeth are sharp, dragging across his tongue before shifting to sink into his lip. Buck feels ravenous. He wants Eddie to bite harder, draw blood, rake his teeth across every inch of his skin. Maybe if Eddie leaves a mark, this won’t all feel like a dream tomorrow.
One of them groans, and Buck finds himself stumbling backward until he crashes into the wall. It jolts enough sense into him that he pulls back, panting for air an inch away from Eddie’s mouth.
“Mmm,” Eddie hums, biting down on his bottom lip. Buck wants to lick his teeth. “You were right. Terrible.”
“Yeah,” Buck agrees breathlessly, as if the neural pathways in his brain aren’t currently rewiring themselves around this exact moment in time.
“For the sake of comparison,” Eddie continues in a low voice, “I think I need to know what you would consider a good kiss.” He steps back, releasing his hold on Buck’s shirt. “So this time, let’s pretend you’re dropping me off after a fantastic date, and we’re saying good night.”
This isn’t real. He knows this isn’t real, and he also knows he’ll probably crash out over this later. But for now, Buck lets himself sink into the fantasy of Eddie wanting him like this. If it’s all pretend anyway, he might as well enjoy it.
“I had a really great time tonight,” Buck says, ducking his head so he has to look up at Eddie through his eyelashes. “I’d love to see you again.”
Eddie grins. “Me too. I kind of wish you lived here so we didn’t have to say goodbye.”
Buck snorts, trying to ignore the way his heart flutters at that. “That might be moving a little fast, don’t you think?”
“I don’t know.” Eddie’s eyes drop deliberately to Buck’s lips. “I have a good feeling about this.”
God, has Eddie always had this much game? If this was real, Buck would be on his knees already. But all Eddie asked for was a kiss, so Buck takes a step forward and lifts his hand, brushing his thumb along Eddie’s jaw. His lips part at the touch, and Buck barely resists slipping his fingers inside.
“I’d really like to kiss you,” Buck whispers, too fragile and honest for what this is.
But Eddie either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care, inching closer to settle his hands on Buck’s waist. “You should do that.”
Heart thudding wildly, Buck leans in, sliding his hand back to cradle Eddie’s neck. He starts slow—a light press of his lips on the corner of Eddie’s mouth that draws out a soft sigh, breath ghosting across Buck’s cheek. It’s all the encouragement he needs to bring his other hand up, tilting Eddie’s head so he can deepen the kiss.
Eddie tightens his hold on Buck’s waist, pulling their bodies closer together as he gently grazes his teeth along Buck’s lower lip. Buck flushes, a rush of heat spreading through his body and turning his legs into putty.
Buck is no longer certain he’s ever experienced a good kiss before tonight. He thought he had—he enjoys kissing generally, whether it’s the main event or a prelude to something more. But it’s never felt like this, like his life will now be divided into the time before he knew the taste of Eddie’s lips and the time that will come after.
The kiss is over long before he’s had his fill, Eddie pulling away with a flick of his tongue and a smile.
“You’re a really good kisser, man,” Eddie says, his voice level despite the pink blush painting his cheeks. “Whoever gets to do that with you for the rest of their life is pretty lucky.”
Buck wants to burst into hysterical laughter, his mind reeling from whatever the fuck just happened. But he doesn’t have the energy, so he slumps back against the wall and stares at Eddie instead. “Thank you?”
Eddie nods and smiles, stepping away to grab the remote and turn off the TV. “Come on, we should go to bed. I promised Chris we’d stop at that new bakery on the way to school tomorrow.”
“I’ll be there in a minute.”
He waits until Eddie has disappeared down the hallway before sliding to the floor and pressing his hands to his face.
This is going to be a problem.