Chapter Text
Welcome to the beginning of the Winter Soldier Countermeasure Committee group.
[Edit Group] [Invite Friends]
→ Tony “The Tiger” Stark added Hotguy to the group
→ Tony “The Tiger” Stark added bruce :) to the group
→ Tony “The Tiger” Stark added THOR , GOD OF THUNDER to the group
→ Tony “The Tiger” Stark added n to the group
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
Okay first some ground rules
Do not tell Cap about this DM
Actually do not tell anyone who isn’t already in this DM about this DM
Do not compromise the DM by revealing insider information to those outside the DM
Whatever I say goes or you’re kicked
Don’t spam unless it’s funny
Other rules TBD as I think of them
n
Is this actually for planning countermeasures, or are you just being coy?
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
A little of column A and a little of column B
n
So, why are we here, exactly?
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
Cap is bringing his creepy boyfriend home in a couple days and I trust that guy about as far as I can throw him
Without my suit on obviously
Hotguy
oh, okay, so this is for talking shit and sending bad candid pics?
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
No but yes
I just want to be sure I’m not taking crazy pills vis-a-vis seeing the big blue boy scout sticking his neck out for the fucking Winter Soldier
Tell me I’m not crazy
n
You ask a lot of us sometimes, Tony.
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
Okay well disregarding my own sanity or alleged lack thereof
You agree Cap is also crazy for pulling this
bruce :)
i dont know
yes its scary
but i think its very sweet of him
i just wish he would do it somewhere else where i wouldnt be in the crossfire :/
Hotguy
which is weird, because usually steve is pretty good about collateral damage!
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
He is if he thinks there’s gonna be any
He’s been falling all over himself promising how the actual real-live Winter Soldier isn’t going to be a problem for anyone
So yeah Cap is cautious about collateral damage but he also loves biting off more than any human being could ever chew
bruce :)
so does bucky already have his own room
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
Hell no
He’s bunking with Cap
I would sooner make a room for a Tyrannosaurus rex than I would for the Winter Soldier
bruce :)
you did make that bugout room for the other guy which i really appreciate ^_^
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
You’re so welcome
I was kinda wondering where I was gonna draw the line after that
Now I know
Line is officially drawn
n
But you’re still letting him in.
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
My hands are tied
n
Really? You make such a big show otherwise about doing whatever you want.
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
Yeah but Cap’s made it crystal fucking clear that he’s going to pick “Bucky” over everybody on the planet
If Barnes goes then Cap goes
So if I say no then I lose the bragging rights of having Captain America on my property and payroll
It would be a PR nightmare
Hotguy
we all know you love his merch royalties, tony.
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
And I love his merch royalties
n
In a way, I can see the appeal of having the Winter Soldier in the tower and under supervision as opposed to being on the loose. The man is impossible to track.
At least, he was. I’m not sure how well he’d be able to lay low if he’s not part of HYDRA.
I’m not eager to find out, though.
And I’m sure they’d love to find him first.
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
Exactly
What I really want is to stick him in whatever glacier they yoinked Cap out of
But Cap would rather see me in there than Barnes so I guess we have to compromise
Hotguy
“compromise” is a very funny word for just letting cap do what he wants, lol.
n
You can’t stop Rogers from doing what he wants.
You can pick what the shield is going to ricochet off of, but you can’t stop him from throwing it in the first place.
Hotguy
man it’s so cool when he does that!
n
You two and your projectile physics.
Hotguy
a gun is just a really small, really fast projectile launcher.
n
We are not having this argument again.
bruce :)
is he just making bucky sleep on the couch
that seems mean
n
Bruce, he’ll be sleeping in Steve's room.
bruce :)
oh no poor steve sleeping on the couch
i know he has super healing but thats still not fun
n
No, Steve is in the room with him.
bruce :)
?
are they
you know
?
n
Yes.
bruce :)
since when
n
Since 1934.
bruce :)
o_o;;
why didnt anyone tell me
Hotguy
because any time we think we’re being helpful by telling you anything, you just go “oh i already knew that”!!
bruce :)
ok salient point
THOR , GOD OF THUNDER
WHEN IS BARNES ARRIVING IN THE TOWER ?
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
Jesus Christ Thor I forgot I added you to this
Scared me
THOR , GOD OF THUNDER
I APOLOGIZE , STARK .
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
Manchurian Candidate is scheduled to get here next Friday
Point Break are you going to be here
THOR , GOD OF THUNDER
I WOULD NOT DARE MISS THE ARRIVAL OF ANOTHER AVENGER !
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
Hey whoa whoa hey
Nobody said anything about making him an Avenger
He’s Cap’s plus-one
THOR , GOD OF THUNDER
A CONCUBINE , THEN ?
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
Sure
Now let us never utter the word concubine in reference to those two again
Hotguy
is that really the best nickname you could come up with for bucky?
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
It is a little clunky isn’t it
I’ll be gracious and open the floor to nickname suggestions
Hotguy
tentacle porn?
n
Excuse me?
Hotguy
yknow, because of hydra, and he’s kinda hunky.
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
I can’t decide whether it’s worse that you just said the words “tentacle porn” to me
Or that you just described the Winter Soldier as “kinda hunky”
THOR , GOD OF THUNDER
YOU ARE VERY PARTICULAR , STARK .
WHICH I FIND ODD , CONSIDERING THAT “ POINT BREAK ” IS NOT EVEN A GOOD NICKNAME .
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
The floor has not yet been opened for discussion of the other established nicknames
Please hold all comments
n
You could call him Mr. President.
Considering “Bucky” is short for James Buchanan.
Hotguy
oh i love that!
bruce :)
thats very cute and funny nat i like it
youre so smart
THOR , GOD OF THUNDER
WHO IS JAMES BUCHANAN ?
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
I refuse to address Barnes by any honorific including “Mister”
Hotguy
el presidente!
n
All in favor of the Winter Soldier’s nickname being Mr. President, say aye.
Hotguy
aye.
bruce :)
aye
THOR , GOD OF THUNDER
AYE !
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
You backstabbing two-timing quadruple agent
Thor why did you agree if you don’t even know who James Buchanan is
THOR , GOD OF THUNDER
THE OTHERS SEEM TO ENJOY IT !
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
Oh my god
THOR , GOD OF THUNDER
YES ?
Tony “The Tiger” Stark
Meeting adjourned
Committee dismissed
I have a kennel to design
n
Keep us posted on any further accommodations you’ll be making for El Presidente.