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“Whoa, this is so weird.” Casey nudged Raph’s bedroom door open, stepping inside without bothering to ask permission, “I don’t think I’m going to get used to seeing you guys like… this..”
Raph sighed when he heard Casey begin to trail off. He could tell that he was nervous just by the way Casey remained glued to the backside of the door, instead of barging in like he usually does - usually on his way to either Raph’s drum set, or his bed.
Casey anxiously shifted his weight from foot to foot, holding a brown paper bag in his hands.
It was quiet for a moment, neither one of them wanting to bring it up first.
Casey swallowed the lump forming in his throat, “Did- Did it not work?” He asked cautiously.
Raph shook his head, opening his dresser drawer beside his bed, pulling out the retro mutagen Donnie had given him.
“I haven’t tried it yet.” Raph answered, holding the shot in his hands.
“Oh,” Casey relaxed a little, finally stepping away from the door and towards Raph’s bed. “Well, why not?” He scratched the back of his neck, taking a seat beside his friend, setting the bag down. “Are you scared it’s not going to work?”
“It’s not just that,” Raph shook his head, “I mean I’m- I just..” He huffed, shoving the shot back into his drawer and slamming it shut. His elbows came to rest back on his knees as he held his head in his hands.
He felt Casey scoot closer, and he half mindedly wanted to elbow him in the ribs, but he chose not to. He knew it wouldn’t do anything better for his situation.
“Talk to me Raph, what’s going on?” Casey asked gently. It wasn’t something he did often, at least not around the others. Raph knew they shared parts of themselves with each other that they wouldn’t dare show anyone else, and he appreciated that. Raph’s breath hitched when he felt Casey’s hand wrap over his own. He glanced at the other boy, who was waiting patiently.
Raph looked at him probably longer than he really needed to. But there was a lot going on inside his head right now. It wasn’t a secret that he thought Casey was cute, they have had that conversation before - they hadn’t necessarily reached a clear direction on where to go with that - but Raph thinks that’s why Casey had been so excited when he had told him about Donnie’s new retro mutagen, that it could turn them human.
Before, they both knew the reality of their situation. They might not have been the smartest kids in class, but they weren’t dumb by any means. They knew being together wasn’t ‘realistic’. Raph couldn’t just meet Casey’s family, they couldn’t hang out in public, they couldn’t do any of the normal things a regular couple would do… So what was the point?
Raph sighed, turning away. He squeezed Casey’s hand, purposefully or unintentionally, he didn’t really know.
“I’m just… I’m scared about what I might look like, not necessarily if it’ll work or not. I trust Donnie. If it worked for them, then it should work for me, right? But I just…” He ran his spare hand over his head, tugging on the ends of his mask. “What if you don’t like me?”
“That’s what you're worried about?” Casey jolted back an inch. Raph pulled his hand away, starting to roll his eyes. “Hey wait, stop-” Casey pulled Raph’s shoulder back, forcing the turtle to look at him, “Raph, I like you now don’t I?”
“I don’t know, do you?” Raph shot back as he stood. Raph bit his tongue as he began to pace. He needs to calm down, or he’s going to say or do something that he’s going to seriously regret.
“Raph, seriously, what is this about?” Casey’s voice wasn’t gentle anymore. It was flat and Raph could tell he was becoming agitated. He couldn’t necessarily blame him.
“I-” Raph clenched his fists at his sides, “You have an excuse now.” He muttered.
“What?”
“You have an excuse now.” Raph repeated through gritted teeth. “We can’t be together because I look like this, because I’m a mutant and a freak, but who’s to say that will change if I take that thing. Huh? What if you still don’t like me? Then it would all be for nothing.” He slumped his shoulders burying his face in his hands. He waited for Casey to say something, yell, or even the sound of the door slamming, but nothing came.
Raph peeked between his fingers to still see Casey sitting on his bed with a soft look on his face.
“What?” Raph couldn’t help but blurt out.
“You… You’re only doing this for me?”
Raph looked away, crossing his arms.
“You don’t want to be human for any other reason?” He sounded genuinely surprised.
Raph sighed, “I like being a turtle…” He said under his breath, “I like my life, but my brother’s already made the switch, so did Splinter… I’ll be all alone, and I know I yell and rant about going off on my own, but… I don’t mean it. I think I’d hate it if I was by myself.” Raph flinched when he felt the tips of Casey’s fingers slide underneath his palm. Casey refused to let him go, even when Raph went to pull away. He intertwined their fingers and pulled him back to the bed.
“Raph,” He said calmly, “You’re the one that said all that, you made those rules, I told you I didn’t care-”
“How can you not?!” Raph yelled. “Casey, be for real, how could we ever be together when I’m like this? The only way is for me to take the serum and become human.”
“But Raph, it’s not what you want!”
“It’s not that I - I don’t want it, it’s just - I’m scared of how everything’s going to change.” He nervously placed his hand on Casey’s thigh. “I’m scared of how I’m going to change.”
“It’s okay to be scared, Raph.”
“No, it’s not. Not for me.” Raph argued.
“Come on, don’t be like that.” Casey shoved his shoulder a little.
Raph purposefully kept his head forward, he didn’t want to look at him right now, because he knew he’d fall for those big brown eyes.
“Listen,” Casey huffed, squeezing Raph’s hand, “I’m going to leave, and I’m going to let you think of three other reasons why you should take the serum, and none of them can be related to me, okay?” Raph glanced at him, “I don’t want you doing this because you think it’s what I want. You need to do this for you, Raph, or don’t do it at all, I don’t care! Whatever you decide. I’ll support you.”
Raph smiled softly, but wiped it off with the back of his hand the moment he felt his lips begin to curl. His eyes drifted to the abandoned paper bag Casey had left at the end of his bed.
“What’s the bag for?” Raph asked.
“Oh, right.” Casey jumped, grabbing the bag from under his long legs. “I uh - Ran by the thrift store, got you some clothes, just you know - in case. I didn’t figure you had very many options.”
Raph looked in the bag. It was very generous, and Casey really didn’t have to go out of his way to do it at all, but Raph doubted that was the reason he was getting so emotional. Casey was right, he didn’t own a single pair of clothing. He never needed it… It was finally settling in - He was going to be human…
No longer a mutant, no longer a freak, no longer a turtle.
It was like his entire personality was being ripped away from him.
Because without his mask, without his shell - who the hell was he.
“Raph?” He heard Casey say gently.
Raph glanced up at him - why the hell was he so blurry?
“Are you okay, dude?”
Raph held his breath as Casey reached for his face, his thumb brushing away the tears that had fallen over Raph’s mask. Raph’s breath hitched when he felt Casey’s calloused fingers against his face.
“It’s going to be alright, man.” Casey said again, “You don’t have to take it if you don’t want to. Or if you think you’re not ready yet, you can wait a few weeks. I’m not going anywhere.”
Raph allowed himself to take a deep breath, he felt like his shell was tightening around his lungs.
“Okay,” He whispered under his breath. He set the bag back down on the floor.
Casey put his hand on Raph’s back, “I’ll come by tomorrow. We can hangout.”
“Yeah, okay,” Raph coughed, clearing his throat, “That uh - That sounds good.”
Casey smiled at him softly, he leaned in, planting a soft kiss against Raph’s cheek. “Don’t think about it too hard, Raph, I mean it. It’ll be okay.”
Raph didn’t necessarily want him to leave, but he knew he probably wouldn’t be able to make a decision on his own with Casey still here. So he let Casey glide his hand across the back of his shell as he got up off the bed, and slipped out the door.
Three reasons - that’s all he had to come up with. He took a deep breath, he could do that.
He stood up from his bed, walking over to his mirror. It was stained, and had a few tags of spray paint, but Raph could still see his horrid reflection. He knew he always joked about being handsome, or the best looking of his brother’s, but that’s all they were - jokes.
He knew he only managed to be okay with the way he looked because his brother’s all looked the same too. But now - that was different. They had already given in and accepted their news lives of being human. Raph couldn’t stay this way, he couldn’t be the only freak in the family.
So, that was his reason number one: He doesn’t want to look like a freak anymore.
Okay, he sighed, that wasn’t too hard.
What else?
He paced around his room. His brother’s always went on and on about being able to go to High School. It wasn’t that Raph really wanted to go, but he did see the appeal. He had seen all the movies. He liked the idea of football games, and food fights in the cafeteria, and going to the school dances. He knew that last one would surprise anyone who knew him, but what could he say? He liked the idea of Casey in a tux - he knew he cleaned up nice.
Raph sighed, he guessed that was his reason number two: Being able to go to High School.
Okay, last one…
Raph sat down on the edge of his bed, he pulled his drawer open slowly. He could see the syringe peeking at him over the edge of the drawer, he felt like it was taunting him. He huffed, holding the serum in his hands.
He had always dreamed about going to Japan… He couldn’t necessarily catch a flight looking like this. He doubted TSA would let him through without a thorough search.
He huffed, twisting the syringe in his hands.
Reason number three: He wanted to travel, to see the world - to see more than New York sewers.
He closed his eyes as he held the tip of the syringe against his arm. He felt the needle pierce his skin, and he pushed the handle before he could regret anything.
He gasped, feeling the serum rush through his veins. He tossed the syringe back in his drawer. He sat there for a moment, feeling light headed. He guessed that was normal.
He moved slowly, his bones beginning to ache. He laid down, pulling his blankets above his head, letting himself drift off to sleep. Maybe when he wakes up, this will all have been a bad dream.
***
Raph regretted not turning his alarm off, he was really in the mood to sleep in. But apparently his past self hates him.
He huffed, sneaking his arm out from under his cocoon of blankets. His hand wandered around his dresser aimlessly, missing his blaring clock. He huffed, poking his head out from under the covers, he pushed down on his clock at the same time his eyes finally landed on his own hand.
He stared at it for more than what was really necessary. It was just a hand, nothing special about it - but maybe that was the point. He slowly sat up, turning his hand over. He wiggled his fingers, cleaning his fists. It felt the same - but it didn’t look the same. He looked down at himself, he had a fleshy chest and torso - no longer protected by a shell. He hesitantly brought his hands to his face. He pinched at his cheeks, and his fingers felt around his nose and ears.
He gasped when his wandering hands brushed against the hair that was now on top of his head.
He threw his covers off, freezing when he looked down at the rest of him…. Well, that was new.
He shook his head, grabbing a blanket and wrapping it around his waist as he walked over to his mirror.
His eyes widened when he saw the stranger looking back at him…
He was normal… He was just a normal - kid.
He had dark black hair, and pale skin. He ran his hands underneath his square jaw. He turned to the side, flexing his arms - he sighed with relief, at least those pretty much stayed the same. He huffed, letting his arms fall at his sides.
Raph paused, his eyes trained on his tummy in the mirror. He turned to the side, his hands messaging the flesh. There was more of it then he thought there would be. He figured he would have abs, but… He guessed not. But that - that wasn’t a bad thing, he assumed. He did have nice arms, and his chest looked strong.
He sighed, looking over his shoulder at the bag of clothes Casey had left him. He went through them, finding a pair of underwear and jeans. The boxers were a little tight, but they would do. The jeans were the much bigger - or well, smaller issue.
He tugged, pulled, and jumped in place - but they wouldn’t budge. He barely got them over his ass, and they were definitely restricting his thighs. He huffed, looking down. There wasn’t any way in hell that they were buttoning. The flaps were at least four inches apart.
“What the hell…” He muttered under his hot breath.
Raph ran a hand through his hair - which is a thing he could do now.
This isn’t how this was supposed to go… He glanced back down at the bag of clothes. He tore through them quickly, looking for anything in a bigger size, but nothing…
He huffed, throwing the clothes on his bed angrily. He turned back towards his mirror, glaring at the doughy gut hanging between his unbuttoned jeans.
Casey bought these clothes for him… and if they were too small, well maybe that meant… that he was too big for Casey.
Raph covered his face with his hands - he knew he shouldn’t have done this.
There was a knock on his door, quickly followed by the twisting of the knob, “Hey Raph, you awake? I brought breakfast-” Casey let himself in, freezing once he stepped into the door.
Raph stood there, facing him. Blush quickly washed over his now pale cheeks as he felt Casey’s eyes dance around his openly displayed body.
“The um… The clothes didn’t fit.” Raph muttered.
Casey swallowed, not being able to take his eyes off of him, “That’s- that’s alright.”
Casey was so focused on taking his boyfriend’s new features in, he almost missed when he broke on in tears. Raph quickly turned away, burying his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking as he began to sob.
“Whoa, Raph, come on -” Casey said, surprised by his sudden outburst. Casey stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. He set the bag of burritos down and lunged to comfort his boyfriend. “Raph, hey, hey- Stop it, it’s alright. They were cheap clothes anyway - I can get you new ones, it doesn’t matter.”
Raph turned around, knocking Casey’s hands away, “It’s not about the clothes!”
Casey took a startled step back. He’d been around Raph enough times to know not to be in punching distance when he was in a mood.
“Okay, then - what is it about?” Casey pressured him. He knew he had to get him to talk, otherwise Raph would just clam up about it and be in a pissy mood for the next week and a half.
Raph huffed, throwing his arms down, “What do you think shit for brains? Look at me!”
Casey shook his head slightly, he really wasn’t trying to be dumb, but he had no idea what Raph was talking about.
“What - What?”
Casey stumbled back when Raph shoved his chest.
“I’m fat, you moron!” His fists curled at his sides.
Casey stood there, a few feet away. He slowly straightened back up after being shoved away. He swallowed thickly, letting his eyes cascade down Raph’s body. It clearly wasn’t the right thing to do, gathering how Raph immediately wrapped his arms around his exposed belly.
“Stop staring at me, you idiot!”
“I’m - I’m just - Raph, you’re not fat, man.” Casey shook his head, bravely stepping closer.
“Yes, I am! Or the clothes would have fit.” Raph argued back.
“Forget about the clothes, Raph. They don’t mean anything. I grabbed random things.” Casey tried to explain.
Raph shook his head, his nail digging into his scalp. “No - It - God, why do I look like this? I wasn’t supposed to look like this -”
Casey grabbed at his hands, trying to get them away from his head, “You look fine, Raph! Seriously, I -” Casey huffed, annoyed by how Raph was still fighting him.
“Don’t give me that shit! I know what I look like, I have eyes! I -” Raph turned away from Casey, but ended up facing the mirror instead, which was much worse. His argument died in his mouth as he stared at himself.
Casey chewed the inside of his cheek as he stood and watched Raph’s shoulders fall, and his eyes softened. Casey sighed, stepping up behind him.
“Raph, seriously, I think you look good. I’m not lying, or - or trying to make you feel better. And you’re not fat, okay? You’re just…”
“Just what?” Raph snarled, turning around. He tilted his chin up towards Casey, they were inches apart now.
Casey rolled his eyes, “Okay, so I shouldn’t have worded it like that, but - It’s the truth. Alright? So you have a little bit of meat on your bones, big whoop. I think it looks good.”
Raph huffed, crossing his arms. Casey felt his face heat up - he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the way Raph’s chest squeezed together under his folded arms.
“What - What do my brother’s look like? What does Leo look like?” Raph asked nervously.
Casey’s shoulders dropped, “Come on, man, that doesn’t matter.”
“Yes it does! Just tell me.”
Casey huffed, already regretting it, “They look… Good, okay? But that -that doesn’t mean you look bad!”
Raph groaned, pushing past Casey and falling onto his bed.
“Raph! Seriously, you’re - you’re thinking about this too much.”
“No, you’re not thinking at all.” Raph corrected him, his voice muffled by the pillow his face was shoved into. Casey rolled his eyes, taking a seat on the edge of the bed, his hand resting on Raph’s ass.
“Why does this matter to you? You’ve never cared what you look like before.”
Raph sighed, rolling over. Casey’s hand stayed in place, gliding over Raph’s jeans as he rolled over, now resting on his hip as he laid staring up at the ceiling.
“Because now it matters.” Raph answered softly.
Casey sighs, squeezing Raph’s hip, “Will you listen to me, man? I’m telling you - You look great.”
Raph’s eyes glanced over at him, he felt his cheeks blushing a little, “You really mean it?”
Casey laughed, “Yes, I mean it! Look at you.” He crawled further onto the bed, climbing on top of Raph, straddling his hips. Raph’s hand rested on Casey’s thighs, and Casey let a finger lightly graze down Raph’s chest to his belly button.
“You look hella strong, man.”
“Yeah, but I - I don’t look like a ninja.” Raph nervously picked at Casey’s jeans, avoiding looking at the other boy.
“You’re not giving yourself enough credit. I bet you could still whoop all of your brother’s asses.” Casey leaned down, cupping Raph’s jaw, kissing him softly.
Raph’s fingers dug into Casey’s thighs.
Casey pulled away an inch, his eyes half-lidded, gazed at Raph dreamily. He tilted his head to the side as he studied him.
Raph chuckled, “What?”
“Nothing, nothing… You have a really cute nose.” Casey planted a kiss at the tip of his nose before he could reject.
Raph smiled, not bothering to brush it away this time.
Casey sat up, his fingers wrapping around the band of Raph’s jeans. “Can I get these off of you?”
Raph huffed, “You can try. They’re a little snug.”
“Good. I like a challenge.”
*THE END*