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Two sets of footsteps made their way through the twilight-illuminated sidewalk. Miniscule snowflakes fell from the heavens above, slowly covering the roads with white. The streetlights began to flicker to life as the sky got darker and darker. Sayori and MC’s hands shared the little heat they had with each other.
As the hustle and bustle of the school grounds slowly grew quieter as they walked, the silence between them also grew more noticeable. MC had been with Sayori the whole day, getting her up to speed with the classes she missed and standing beside her as the faculty gave their remarks. Their only time spent apart was Sayori’s quick mandated trip to the school counselor. Though her absence wasn't too long to hold her back, it was going to make a sizable dent in her record if she weren’t taking make-up classes.
After a whole day of non-stop talking, aside from when classes were going on, it was the first few moments they spent together completely devoid of dialogue. It was calm and peaceful, though it also felt alien to Sayori, who had gotten used to the playful back-and-forth she’d have with MC.
Not far from school was the neighborhood convenience store, with an inviting heat that drew both of them towards the entrance like moths to a flame. For Sayori, a fried chicken fillet. For MC, a can of dark roast coffee. Though the warmth of the store felt nice, the lack of seats inside the store forced the two outside to finish their food. The cold air condensed into fog as the hot breaths left MC’s mouth. Meanwhile, Sayori nibbled away at the chicken.
“So… how was your first day back?” MC started, startling Sayori. He turned to look at her, though her eyes quickly focused straight ahead of her. She hummed as she pondered the question. Meekly, she replied “It was… okay…”.
“Think it went well?”
“Yeah. It did.” She took another bite and gulped it down before continuing. “I’m happy no one in our class was being weird about it. It was just like coming back from the flu.”
“That's nice.” MC took a sip of the coffee. As they stood outside, a few cars occasionally whizzed by. “What did Ms. Yanagi talk to you about?”
“Oh, not much… Mostly just… happy that I was back, and to take it easy and all. And that she'd be happy to help with anything. ”
“Alright. That's good.”
“Yeah. She’s nice. I wish I could talk to her more.”
“Well, you still have the rest of the year. Plenty of time, don't you think?”
“Haha. Yeah.” The lid of the trash can clinked as Sayori threw the chicken wrapper inside. “Look, my hands are warm now!”
She placed her hands on MC’s cheeks. Indeed, her hands were warm, and it conveniently hid the redness of his face getting flushed. Never did MC think that warmth from another human would be so relieving, but the events of the past two months had certainly changed his mind. He cleared his mouth of liquid before blowing fog onto Sayori’s face. “Heyy!” She shielded her eyes as the both began to laugh. It was the last of MC’s can, and soon enough, they were back to walking.
The snow certainly was picking up. The sidewalks that had been completely clear the earlier morning had now collected a thin sheet of white above it. The occasional gust of wind broke the eerie silence of the falling snow. It wasn't long until Sayori’s hand began searching for MC’s again and, having found her target, slowly intertwined her fingers in his.
MC was never one to get embarrassed. He'd always spoken his mind, and he had a long track record of calling people out when they needed it. But Sayori was different. The way she dressed, the words she spoke, the looks she’d give—she had always been conscious of it all. It just depended on whether she had the energy to keep her appearances up for the day or if she’d spend dawn until dusk completely indoors.
For every car that drove by, for every person that approached, for every corner that they turned, she was nervous. That someone would judge her hands with his. That they'd make fun of her, call MC out of her league. That they'd say MC’s off with someone else that's better.
It was that which really bothered her in the past few weeks. It took a toll on her because she believed it too. After all, that's what got her here in the first place. MC could have been better off with someone like Natsuki, or Yuri, or… her… But still, out of all the girls in the Literature Club. Out of all the girls in their year. Hell, out of all the girls in the world, he picked her. The dots just didn't connect for her.
And after what she'd done, he still picked her. He showed up in her room every single day as she sat in bed, recovering her voice. He talked to her parents, helped explain what this whole “mental health” thing was, and helped her find a psychiatrist. He gave her homework and taught her the lessons she had missed from weeks being away from school. Now she's hearing from Natsuki that he'd given her classmates advice on how to welcome her back, too. After everything she put him through, he still picked her.
The aching feeling in her heart felt less of anxiety or insecurity, but rather of guilt. These past few months, MC had put in so much effort into Sayori, giving her a shoulder to lean on both figuratively and literally as she learned to move on. Meanwhile, she'd given him almost nothing back so far, besides headaches and free hospital food for the days she wasn't feeling too hungry.
The thoughts kept circling in Sayori's head. She stared blankly at the sidewalk as it collected snow. But she knew that focusing on the guilt was not what MC would want, nor what her psychiatrist would advise. So she searched for a different feeling, and set aside her worries for now. And in the pile of thoughts she'd left scattered on the ground near her memories of MC, she found gratitude.
It was an indisputable fact: if it weren't for MC, she would have died. If he didn't find her, she would have died. If he didn't call 119, she would have died. And if she had died, she would have never lived to see just how much MC would do for her. Not just any girl, but Sayori: the one who MC so poetically professed his love for. And she never thanked him for it. Out of fear of addressing the elephant in the room, sure, but also because it had never truly crossed her mind before.
“Hey.” Sayori whispered. She built her resolve slowly, trying not to devolve into a crying mess. “Hm?” MC remained ever so nonchalant, just letting the white noise of the wind fill his ears.
“I just…” She took a deep breath in. “I wanted to thank you. I don’t think I ever told you how much it meant to me… for you to be there that day.”
“Well, without me, we wouldn't be here now, right?”
“Haha… yeah…”
“Hey, it's okay. You were in a dark place. The rain clouds were relentless. Those thoughts weren't yours. It isn't your fault.”
“Yeah… but I still soured the festival for everyone, didn't I? You couldn't even go.”
“I’d skip that festival over and over again if it means I’ll still get to see you tomorrow.”
“Thanks.”
Truly, it was a start. And it wasn't going to be the last time. For as long as she lives, she wants to find a way to make that gratitude known. Whether in words or in action.
The snow had now picked up a bit more. The birds in the trees had stopped chirping, and the sky had begun to turn gray from the setting sun.
“How’s therapy been going for you?” MC asked.
“It's going well. I’ve been on medication for a while since then. It's making the thoughts quieter, but it doesn't fully go away.”
“Did your therapist say something about that?”
She tried to piece together what she could remember. “Hmm, she says it's not really always that they'll disappear. I have to slowly learn to live with them.”
“How’s that going along?”
“Fine, I think…” She paused as a car drove by, leaving tire marks on the now-thicker sheet of snow on the road. “I’ve been thinking about the club, my hobbies, you… I’ve been trying to remind myself how much other people care about me and…”
Sayori thought for a moment, trying to let the words fall into place.
“and how much I don’t have to… hide myself. That I can be vulnerable too. And that it's okay.” She wore a content smile on her face.
“That's great.” MC gave her a smile back. “I’m proud of you, Sayori. You've come a long way.” She grinned ear to ear, and a blush began to color her face. “Thanks, MC. You've been with me through all of it too.”
“Well, it's still you doing all the hard work, right? You should definitely take most of the credit for that.”
“Haha! I guess so.” Her fingers pressed deeper into MC’s, as if they're searching for more of his warmth. “But I never would have had the strength to keep going without you.”
“Same for me. I don’t think I’d ever have the strength to keep going without you.”
Sayori looked away, hiding the slight embarrassment she got from hearing that. That she mattered that much to MC. That he also depended on her. She was happy. She was thankful. But she was also somewhat anxious. That he relied on her; it was an expectation from her to be there. And the thoughts that kept pestering her over and over made her uncertain if she’d always win over them. She'd always lived her life with her anxiety, overthinking everything from the littlest of troubles. Of course, she wasn't immune to overthinking the worst of her own self.
“I never asked, but… is it really okay? For you? All this?”
“Hm? What do you mean?” MC sounded sincere, his slightly playful tone contradicting Sayori's serious one.
“These rain clouds might never go away. They might always linger in my mind, waiting for the right moment. And when that happens… I don’t want it to, but… what if-” MC suddenly stopped walking, taking Sayori aback a little.
“M-?” Before she could finish, she was already wrapped in MC’s arms. His embrace was soft and calming. She could feel his warmth moving across their winter coats, and through the skin of his face touching the side of hers. There, they stood in each other’s arms for a while. A while that Sayori wished would last forever. It was as if the world had gone completely silent; cars, passers-by, and her own thoughts be damned. No wonder, of course. Her mind was focused on MC and his touch.
“Rain or shine, I'll always be here. I'll love you all the same. Maybe even more. Maybe even in different ways than one.” He took a deep breath in. “And I'll always be there to blow those thoughts away. No matter what.” Sayori's eyes began to tear up. She tried hard to fight it back, but the emotions that had built up inside her were long ready to burst.
“It'll be hard, you know. It's our whole lives we're talking about here.” She sniffled. Deep inside, her mind was clamoring, begging her to stop talking for fear of getting shut down. Of hearing the things she didn't want to hear. “Are you really okay with that?”
MC let go of his embrace and held Sayori's face in his hands. He wiped away her tears with his thumbs and looked deep into her eyes. Those blue sparkling eyes of hers that rarely lose their glint. “Of course.” His voice, ever calming and sincere, wade away the ruinous thoughts in her mind. “In sickness and in health.”
Sayori was somewhat surprised. Her eyes grew for a moment, before a smile of relief finally showed itself on her face. “To love and to cherish.”
MC smirked. “To never fall apart?” Sayori playfully pouted at him in return. “Heyyy, that's not how it goes!”
“Hahaha, I know, I know.” He placed his hands on her shoulders. “But even in death, I wouldn't stop loving you.”
“That's… oddly flattering…” Sayori looked away as the redness of her cheeks grew stronger. “But… I guess that's also a bit… comforting?”
“I wouldn't let you die to begin with.”
Sayori gave MC a cheeky smile. “Does that make you my guardian angel?”
“Do I look like I have wings to you?”
“An angel in disguise!”
“Don’t need to disguise myself when I’m with you.”
As they reached the door of her house, she seemed somewhat anxious. She shook her head before looking back at MC. “Hey, it’s just gonna be me again. I don’t know if there's anything else you need to get to, but I was wondering if maybe you could…”
She paused. MC already knew what she wanted to say, but he wanted to wait for the words to come out.
“Stay… with me…” Before MC could even reply, she quickly tried to walk her offer back. “Just for a bit, if you're busy… or you cou-”
MC leaned in, and gave Sayori a kiss on her forehead. As she looked up at MC’s face, she saw the same comforting smile that saved her. That smile she fell so deeply in love with.
MC chuckled a little. “Anything for you, my love.” His face turned red, but the same smile failed to waver. Sayori beamed in return. “Mm!”
She opened the door to the house. “I’m home”, she yelled into the dark hallway, even though she knew there's no one there. MC, closing the door behind him, corrected her.
“We’re home.”