Chapter Text
She was pacing her room. The only noise coming from her feet padding across the floor as she walked back and forth, in silence. This is what she had been like for a while, doing just this, pacing her room. If it continued for much longer, there would probably be a trench worn into the floorboards.
The blue demon-tiger, Derpy, as Zoey had affectionately named him when they “adopted” him after he showed up one day, once their comeback tour was over, was sitting on the side of her bed watching her pace back and forth. The bird sitting on his head, also watching her. Finally, Rumi decided to start talking… again.
“Listen, it’s crazy, I know, you two. But… I don’t know how else to describe it.” She continued to pace the room while the demon-tiger’s head followed her.
They had been having a conversation for almost an hour and a half. Well, Rumi had been, the two demon-animals obviously weren't talking back to her. Even though she was acting like the tiger and bird were both a part of the conversation.
“Ever since the night we created the new Honmoon, I’ve been having this…” She waved her hands over her chest. “Weird feeling… here, with them.” She said in a hushed tone, looking at the tiger with the bird on its head, finally stopping the pacing. For the moment anyway.
The bird screeched, prompting Rumi to take that as fuel for her “conversation” with the two of them.
“Well, that’s the thing, Sussie.” That was the name Zoey gave to the bird. Zoey said the bird’s tongue and its screeching reminded her of some popular game from covid lockdown times and named her after something to do with that. Rumi and Mira were both too out of touch to know the reference and they didn’t care. They just shook their heads and went along with it.
Rumi continued to talk, looking right at the bird, her arms crossed over her chest. “I don’t know what exactly it is. I keep feeling this… pull towards them every time we sing…” Rumi turned her head to face the window, looking out at the setting sunset.
“I’ve caught myself nearly ruining shows because… I’ll just walk towards them instead of where I’m supposed to, during a concert. I don’t even realize it half the time. It’s like a siren song from a movie or something. I’m lucky I have Bobby in my ear directing me and that I noticed a few times before I walked too far off my mark. But...” The words came out softly, confused.
She sighed. “Ever since that night, even when we don’t sing, I feel…” Rumi turned back and glanced at her bedroom door for a moment, pausing, thinking. Wondering if she should even keep talking.
The tiger purred at her, which she understood as him telling her to continue.
“Well…” She looked back at them. “Don’t say anything, but I feel…” A smile pulled at her lips. “So happy when I’m with them. Anywhere. Everywhere. Like even doing the stupidest things. And it’s starting to frustrate me with how much I want to be near them.” She went back to pacing the room, her face getting redder.
A full, wistful smile took over her face and she stopped to stare at the door to her room, fondly. “Even doing the stinkin’ dishes with them feels like…” Her hand comes up to cover her cheek and mouth. Through a muffled voice she says, “I want to stay there and do dishes forever… It’s crazy, I know.” Her face got redder, the blush settling on her cheeks and ears.
Rumi felt hot at the thought of it. “I mean…” She wasn’t sure she could even say it out loud. “I’m even… dreaming of them… not like… anything weird. But it’s… Every. Single. Night. They’re in my dreams. Everywhere I look, there they are, everything I do, they’re right next to me. I can’t get them out of my head.” She sighed, keeping part of her face covered with her hand.
The bird screeched again, bringing her attention to it. She took its screeching as mocking and gasped.
“No! I’m not embarrassed, why-why would I be embarrassed?” She answered the screech, like the bird was talking to her. “Of course I’m not embarrassed. Who said I was embarrassed about that?” She yelled at the bird, pointing accusatorially.
Sussie looked completely done with this conversation and slowly blinked all six of her eyes at Rumi. She dropped her hand and sighed. Her head fell down with her shoulders in exasperation.
“Sorry, Sussie. Ok, maybe I’m a little embarrassed…” She went back to pacing, her arms behind her back.
“So what if I enjoy spending time with my friends? So what if I’m embarrassed that I enjoy spending time with my friends? So what if I spend… all day… all night thinking about it… about them…” She slowed to a stop, turning to look in the mirror.
Staring at herself for a moment and bringing a hand up to a pattern on her face.
“I spent so long hiding who I was. Alone, tired, afraid of hurting people, our fans… them… I wanted to protect the world, protect them… from me, from demons, from what might happen. I never stopped to think about what would happen afterwards. After we defeated Gwi-ma, after the Honmoon was sealed, after...” She turned back to look at Derpy and Sussie.
“Like Celine always told us, I never really thought much about my feelings, faults, fears... What others would think about me after I was… done. How others would… feel about me. How they would feel about me… I just hoped things would be better…” She pet Derpy and slowly turned back to face the mirror with a sigh.
Derpy purred loudly at her, as if to ask her a question. Continuing the conversation with her, in Rumi’s mind anyway. She smiled softly down at the large cat and pet him gently before answering his nonverbal question. She might be starting to go crazy.
“How do I feel about them?…” She turned to look at the mirror and a smile slowly broke out on her face.
She thought about everything. About how devastating their break up was the night of the idol awards. How relieving it was, just to see them again that night. But then, the burst of emotion and pure, unadulterated energy and life she got from hugging them, reuniting with them on that stage.
She relived every thought and emotion that she had in the bathhouse afterward. How she was embarrassed, but now, maybe it wasn’t for the reasons she thought. How seeing them in that vulnerable state with her was healing, but it also awakened something in her. And them seeing her the same way fanned the flames of what she believed at the time was only embarrassment.
Now, she knows that every thought and feeling she had during the comeback tour was different as well. That pull, it wasn’t a pull to sing, to be together for the fans, for Celine, for the Honmoon, or even for humanity. It was a pull at something deeper, stronger, more powerful than anything else she had ever felt or experienced before.
That pull she felt, it wasn’t friendship. Well, it was, but it was more than that. It was deeper than that. That pull and feeling, on stage and off, was something she never truly felt before. Something she only ever read about. A feeling she hoped would one day come her way. But she never actually believed it to happen. Because of her patterns.
That pull was the tug on the strings of her heart, also known as… love.
Rumi took a moment and really meditated on the feeling and knew. She was feeling love… for them… For Mira and Zoey. That pull in her chest was stronger than the Honmoon and it wasn’t normal. Wasn’t just about their friendship. Rumi loved both of them? That couldn’t be right, could it?
Or maybe it could…
It was bizarre, really. Even though she hoped it would come to her one day, she never expected it to happen for two people at once. But it couldn’t be any other way, could it? She couldn’t love one of them without the other. There was no way Rumi could ever, would ever, do that to them. She would rather die than put one of them through that.
It was a preposterous idea, now that she thought about it. Loving only one of them over the other. She had never done that before with anything else. They had always shared her love, equally. Before, it was platonic… At least she thought it was. But now that she was reflecting on it, maybe it wasn’t.
Maybe she always loved them, but didn’t realize it. She was pretty closed off from her feelings for a very, very long time. It was just how she had been raised. But then she thought about everything she could think of, as a reason to love them.
She hated being away from them. Either of them, for any reason. Ever since they met, they were nearly inseparable. That’s how it was supposed to be, though. At least that’s what she always told herself. They were a team, a group, best friends. They should never be apart, until her patterns began to keep them apart.
She would smile every time they sang together. It was silly really, thinking about it right now. Of course she should be happy about their singing. They were idols, and hunters. Their voices and songs were the most important thing for them. It was what kept their fans happy and the Honmoon strong. Why wouldn’t she smile, knowing they were succeeding? Except now she realized that the smiling wasn’t just for that, it was because of their beautiful voices, not just for the Honmoon, not just for the fans.
She had never laughed harder than she did when she was with them. Which was a no brainer. It’s not like Celine was big on jokes, so of course she would find laughter with them.
Zoey in particular was the funniest person she had ever met when it came to joke telling, Rumi could listen to her jokes until she was blue in the face. And Mira had a dry humor and sarcasm to her that had Rumi snickering or chuckling every time she was blessed to hear it.
Rumi always felt better when she was around them. They brought an energy to her life that she never really paid attention to before. But, now that she thought about it, she couldn’t deny the existence of that energy that they brought.
It was different for each of them. Zoey brought a bubbly, happy, playful energy that always seemed to make Rumi feel better about any situation that might have made her feel worse. She was like a walking antidepressant. Zoey made her feel better about herself by just being next to her, sometimes just by Zoey looking at her… If only she had realized it sooner.
Mira brought a tougher, stronger, more grounded energy that had an underlying softness that Rumi admired. Mira was more blunt and honest and that was refreshing, especially in today’s world. She made Rumi feel secure as well. Because, no matter what, Mira was always there for them, and they could go to her for anything… If only she had realized it sooner.
It wasn’t just their personalities that Rumi admired. The two of them were also the most beautiful women Rumi had ever met. From the moment Celine introduced them to her, to now. They have continued to get more and more beautiful and it continues to baffle Rumi. She doesn’t understand how two people can defy the laws of physics and break some kind of records every year. At least, they should be breaking records.
Every time she sits in the makeup chair after a show and stares at Zoey in the mirror as the crew takes off the makeup and she sees those beautiful freckles start to show, Rumi can’t help but stare in awe. Or how Mira could just wake up looking like that and walk out of her room with the golden glow of the early morning sun behind her as she makes breakfast and Rumi can’t help but stare in awe at her as well.
Now that Rumi thought about it, she had been so, so stupid. Because they could make her smile with just their presence. She thought back to the idol awards and the mere thought that it wasn’t them on stage, tearing her down, brought her relief and happiness. Everything was immediately better as soon as she believed it wasn’t them. Yeah, what followed was horrible to live through, but it only happened because of her, because she didn’t trust them.
They brought light into every aspect of her life. Every single moment of her life was better when they were in it. Just thinking back to every bad moment of her life, she realized… Each and every bad moment happened because of her, when she pushed them away, or when they weren’t there.
A tear slipped from her eye, wetting her cheek and pulling her back into the moment. The biggest smile she’s ever had, still on her lips. She turned back to Derpy and Sussie and stared at them as tears of joy streamed down her face.
“I-I can’t believe it…” A sweater-covered hand comes up to wipe her cheeks. “I’m such an idiot.” A wet laugh escapes her mouth.
She kneels next to the bed to bring herself closer to Derpy and Sussie’s head level. A hand reaches out to pet the two animals.
“I get it, you guys. I understand! They… are perfect, perfect people and I’ve just been standing here. Oblivious to them! They’re everything… They're perfect! And I…” Her eyes widen as more tears fall.
The confession is on the tip of her tongue and she knows she has to say it. The words have to leave her mouth now or else she’ll burst. She knows it now. She finally figured it out. She had more than just feelings for them. It wasn’t a pitiful ‘I like them’ or a ‘I want them’. It was so much more.
“I…” She sighed dreamily. “I love them.” A broken laugh escapes from her chest as her eyes dart around the wall, looking at pictures of the three of them.
Flashes of each memory from those pictures cross her mind. Happiness that used to be viewed through a lens of friendship was now being seen in a different way. She realized, that ache in her chest back then wasn’t just the want to tell them about her patterns, it was a want for more. She now knew that the pain was the pain of locking her heart away from who it wanted to love.
She had locked her heart away from everything. From love, from connection, from comfort, to protect herself from the patterns and the pain they would bring. To protect herself from the potential consequences of sharing her secrets. She was closed off from everyone, including herself.
Until right now.
“I love them.” It came out deeper, stronger, more resolute. “I love them.” This time it sounded more scared than wistful or dreamy.
She stood up abruptly. “Oh god! I love them!” She started to panic, her hands shooting to her head.
“I-I love them?!” It wasn’t really a question, but it came out like one. “I love them… oh-oh fudge! I love them… both of them!” Her heart pounded in her chest and she panicked.
Her mind started to race and she looked around the room. Her head was bouncing back and forth. Looking for what, she wasn’t exactly sure. Something, anything that could help her. But there was nothing in the room that would help the panicking.
“Oh no… what do I do! I-I-I don’t know wh-what to do! I can’t just tell them I love them.” She started pacing again, her hands still on her head, pulling out hair from her braid. “They’d hate me, o-or laugh at me, or pull away from me, or leave me! I c-can’t live without them! They’re my everything!” Her voice cracked and echoed in heartbreak while she paced the room some more.
The bird rolled its six eyes at the display, clearly tired of Rumi’s antics. It squawked at her and Rumi looked back. She stared at the bird for a moment and Sussie tweeted. Acting like she could understand the bird, she continued talking.
“No! I can’t tell them. Didn’t you hear me? What if they don’t feel the same?…” She continued pacing and groaned, dropping her hands to her side. “Oh who am I kidding! Of course they don’t feel the same, idiot!” She exclaimed, hitting herself in the forehead.
She continued to talk to herself. “Only you are stupid enough to fall in love with two separate people, at the same time!” Rumi paced again, for several minutes in silence, thinking, and then walked over to Derpy again.
“I know! I’ll make them fall in love with me.” She booped his nose and he purred in response. “I’m glad you asked, Derpy. I’m gonna…” She held out a finger like she had a plan and then looked to the side and froze, stumped.
“How do I make them fall in love with me?” She asked standing back up straight and sitting on the bed next to the two of them. “I don’t know how to make one person fall in love with me… Let alone two people.”
After a while of staring at the wall, an idea popped into her head. She would make them fall in love with her by doing exactly what they did to make her fall in love with them. And pay them back for everything she missed out on over the years. Because of her patterns, because of her guilt and shame.
“I know!” She stood up, turned around and faced Derpy and Sussie once again. “I’ll spoil them. Do the things I never got to do before, because of my patterns. Take them places, get them presents and repay them for everything that they’ve done for me.” She turned back to the window, her hand on her chin.
“I’ve got to be sneaky about it though. Play the long game. I’ve got to make sure to not be too obvious either. I can’t let them know what I’m doing, or else they’ll figure it out and I’ll ruin our entire relationship. And I won’t do anything to jeopardize our friendship. ”
She walked over to the balcony door, looking out the windows at the city and thought out loud for a moment. “I’ll show them just how much they mean to me and maybe they’ll understand it…” Her expression fell, replaced by a blank, almost sad, one. “Maybe… maybe they can love me too.”
There was a crack in her voice, a sadness that broke her heart and gave way for tears to form at the corners of her eyes. She didn’t believe that she deserved their love, that they would ever love her back. But she had hope and right now, that was good enough for her.
She wallowed in self pity for a moment longer before the sound of a quiet rumbling rang out from behind her. Rumi turned back to look at Derpy questioningly. The tiger purred loudly as if to ask, “Why don’t you just tell them?”
“I can’t just tell them… that I love them! I need to earn their love, don’t you get it? After everything I did…” Her voice wavered and she felt a tear spill down her cheek. “They don’t love me, not like that, not right now. And they might never…” Her voice trailed off.
She looked away and continued with a shaky breath. “Not like that. But I’m never gonna stop trying to earn it. I need to show them that I’m finally, finally here for them. Just like they were here for me.”
Rumi walked over to the mirror for what had to be the hundredth time that day and looked at her reflection. She scanned her bare skin and traced each visible pattern up until she met her eyes.
“But I was too stupid to see them. Too lost in my own pity to realize what was in front of my own eyes.” She grazed the pattern closest to her left eye with a finger before turning away from the mirror once again.
She knelt in front of Derpy. “I’m gonna make them see…” She trailed off again, letting ’me’ linger in the air, unsaid, ever-present, important. Unnecessary to say… too hard to let out.
Rumi brought a hand to his head and rubbed his ear. “Even if they never do, I’ll at least get to spend time loving the two most important, beautiful people I’ve ever known. And that’s good enough for me.” It came out fierce and strong, but hopeful.
Her eyes glowed with the fire of determination in them.
“And, if all else fails… I’ll flirt with them until they get the hint or tell me to go screw myself.” She joked, laughing, deflecting her feelings away with humor.
Derpy purred, prompting Rumi to continue her descent into madness and continue the conversation with the demon-tiger.
“That’s an interesting question. Where do I actually begin?…” She asked, changing the subject slightly.
Rumi brought a hand up to her chin and grazed her thumb across her lips as a gesture to symbolize thinking about her next steps. When an idea came to her she held her hand out, pointing at the ceiling.
“I’ve got it! I should start small. I’ll do things like make them breakfast a lot and go to the bathhouse more often and go places with them. Then I’ll work my way up to the bigger stuff.” Her plan started to formulate. She felt like an evil mastermind.
“Like taking them places. Like the carnival, arcade, bowling, concerts, movies. Things like that.”
“And then…” She paused, realizing what she was about to say. “I-I take them out o-on...” She was absolutely terrified to finish that sentence.
But thankfully she didn’t have to. A knock on her door startled her and all three of them jerked their head to look where the offending sound came from. She then heard Mira’s voice come from the other side of the door.
“Rumi? Are you there?” Mira’s muffled voice asked from behind the door.
Rumi panicked a little. “Crap. They must have gotten back from their day out. Um… wha-what do I do?” She asked the animals, like they would know.
They just stared back at her with blank stares. Almost like they were expecting something from her when she needed something from them. She slapped her hand to her face and sighed.
“I’m going insane, of course you guys can’t help.” She dragged her hand down her face and heard Mira speak again.
“Rumi, we got some groceries. It’s all put away, don’t worry about it. But, Zoey wanted me to come see if you were up for… stuff? Maybe spend some time together, or something?” The door muffled her voice pretty well, but Rumi could hear the hope in her voice.
Rumi’s heart ached at the thought of spending time with them. But she literally just realized that she loved them. There wasn’t any way for her to know if she could hold it in once she saw them. Her biggest concern was that the moment she laid eyes on either of them, she’d utter those three words and declare what her heart had been hiding from herself for so long. She didn’t know if she had the strength to be around them and not say it.
But there was only one way to know.
Rumi walked over to the door to open it. Every step brought more and more anxiety into her chest. Her mind raced with thoughts of what she might say or do to ruin her brewing plan. Her stomach rumbled with the feeling of butterflies and rocks jumping around.
That all came to a screeching halt the second Mira came into view. She was leaning against the doorframe, as beautiful as Rumi remembered, more so, and she looked… almost worried. But her face stiffened and then softened when she saw Rumi.
Rumi’s mind stopped its incessant anxieties, her heart returned to normal and her stomach calmed down. A smile immediately started to form and she felt a fire in her chest beginning to burn. A slow beating pulse began to flow through her patterns.
They locked eyes and Rumi felt her heart skip a beat. She wanted to step closer to stare in her eyes forever. To memorize every speck and detail of her irises and study the way Mira looked at her. Like right there, Rumi spotted a twitch in Mira’s eye and Mira started to squint at Rumi.
But before she could say anything, Zoey bounced out from behind Mira and landed her head and hands on Mira’s shoulder. A huge smile on her face as she spoke before either Mira or Rumi could. Thankfully, because Rumi might have said something that would give her feelings away.
“Hey! Mira finally coax you out? So? Wha’d’ya think?” She rapidly asked, like she was singing rap lyrics in one of their songs.
Rumi felt the fire grow even deeper and further, she could barely concentrate. Her heart started beating faster. Her smile grew as big as possible, with a light behind her eyes that she couldn’t contain. Rumi barely registered the question with the absolute abundance of overwhelming emotions and feelings she felt for them.
“Yep… I’m in love with them… Crap, this is going to be hard.” The thought passed through her mind, distracting her, making her forget everything from before.
She cleared her throat and breathed deeply. “Uh, um wh-what do I think of what?” She could barely ask the question with her head clouded by thoughts of telling them how much she loved them.
“I love you! I love you! Both of you! Please love me back. I need you both. I love you!” Were just some of the thoughts clouding her mind.
While Rumi was paying attention to Zoey, Mira squinted at Rumi and tilted her head, studying her. Wondering why she was acting so strange. Thinking about the reasons for what could have possibly happened in the few hours they were gone, for Rumi to be acting so different. She glanced at Zoey when she smacked her shoulder and berated her.
“I told you to ask her!” Zoey chastised Mira.
“I had barely got her out of the room when you jumped on me. I haven’t exactly had time to ask her yet.” Mira defended herself, crossing her arms.
Rumi watched their bickering and couldn’t help the smile from returning to its full glory. Her eyes bounce back and forth between them like watching a tennis match as they trade insults and defenses in the argument. It lasts for a good minute or two. Rumi just crosses her arms, like Mira, and leans against the door, waiting for them to finish.
Eventually Zoey has enough and stops their argument and focuses back on Rumi to ask her what Rumi assumes Mira was enlisted to ask.
“What the giant here was meant to come get you for, was a movie night! So?” Her excitement was evident, a hopeful, eager smile on her face.
Rumi wasn’t sure she could trust herself around them. Especially not for that long. She felt like she could burst at any moment. That at any time she would explode and say her feelings for them and ruin their relationship, their friendship and probably their entire lives. But she couldn’t resist spending time with them.
It was part of the plan, right?
Rumi nodded. “Sure, Zoey.” She said simply, not trusting herself to say anything more.
Zoey… Rumi never realized how beautiful the name sounded before. The way her lips moved around the name. It was like music to her ears, a melody that she would sing. She couldn’t wait for the opportunity to try out Mira’s name. But Rumi was too busy with Zoey’s reaction.
Zoey jumped in excitement and shrieked. “Yes!”
Mira smiled, rolling her eyes and shaking her head at Zoey. Zoey ignores Mira and grabs Rumi’s arm and pulls her out of the room, making her bump into Mira. Who Zoey also grabs and pulls along with her.
With sounds of pain, laughter, and protest, Zoey throws the two of them onto the couch and jumps onto the couch in the middle of them. They barely move apart in time, with enough room for Zoey to land safely, without hurting one of them or herself. Not that Zoey really cared, she was sort of aiming to land on both of them.
She tackles them into the couch, laughing, and declares out loud, “Dibbs on the remote!” As she turns around, her limbs flail all over the place, hitting the two of them.
After a bunch of maneuvering and a lot of laughter, the three of them settled into the couch. Zoey stayed in the middle with Rumi on her left and Mira on her right.
Zoey sat forward and grabbed the remote from the coffee table and switched the tv on and started flipping through streaming services looking for something good to watch. She sat back and put her arms behind the two girls on either side of her.
The arm on her shoulders, against her neck was warm, Zoey’s fingers tickled the exposed skin of Rumi’s shirt near her collarbone. Rumi thanked the Honmoon that Zoey decided not to do anything else playful, otherwise Rumi might die that night. So, she settled into the couch comfortably with the heat of Zoey’s arm and turned to subtly look at the other two.
Rumi’s face was starting to hurt from the constant smile she was wearing. But, she didn’t care. Not when she was next to the two people that she loved more than anything else in the universe. She couldn’t even stop looking at them. Luckily they hadn’t noticed yet.
“What?” Zoey asked, smiling just as wide, looking right back at her.
Never mind.
Rumi was so engrossed in the bliss of just looking at them that she didn’t notice them looking back. For the first time since she opened the bedroom door her smile fell. She blushed and looked away for a moment when Zoey spoke again, pulling Rumi’s eyes back to hers and the smile returned.
“What’s with the goofy smile?” Zoey giggled.
It took her breath away. It was something so simple, something she had heard a hundred thousand million times before. But, that was before knowing how she felt now. That giggle so close to Rumi’s ears made her want to cry and cry out loud how much she loved her. But she held her tongue and smiled even wider, somehow.
“Um… nothing. I just, I’m happy.” She didn’t have the heart to lie, so she gave the only truth she could muster.
A weird look flashed across Zoey’s face, then her face lit up with joy. Mira also had an unusual look flash across her face before a smile broke out across her face and Rumi couldn’t care less. Their smiles, their presence make everything better and she forgets about everything else. In fact, she’s pretty sure if breathing wasn’t automatic, she would have suffocated a while ago.
Zoey’s eyes scan Rumi’s face. For what, Rumi wasn’t sure. Her eyes reach her hair and do a double take. Zoey drops the remote in Mira’s hand. Telling her to find something to watch, when she notices the state of Rumi’s hair. She brings her hands to Rumi’s head and brushes several clumps back into place.
“Geez, what’d you do to your hair? What, was Sussie up here trying to make a nest or something?” Zoey asked rhetorically, giggling.
Rumi blushed and couldn’t help the shiver that went down her body. Her eyes were wide in surprise at how close Zoey was. She could smell Zoey’s perfume and her shampoo. They both mixed to make such a uniquely Zoey scent that Rumi needed to drown in right now. Her head was swimming, but she wanted to suffocate in Zoey’s smell and…
Rumi blinked away the fog to awkwardly answer her rhetorical question. “Ha ha, no, I was…”
She looked around, pausing for a second. She shivered again as Zoey’s hands brushed across her scalp trying to fix her hair. (With little success, but Zoey wasn’t going to tell Rumi that, she just continued to fiddle with her hair.) Rumi’s eyes scanned the room, looking for an excuse for the state of her hair, until they landed on a blue tiger walking out of Rumi’s room and laying down in the hallway.
She hummed when the idea popped into her head. “No, um, I was just lounging in bed with Derpy and he decided to pet me back. Which wrecked my hair.” She gave the excuse with confidence, nodding into Zoey’s hands.
But, as soon as she said it out loud she cringed. It sounded better in her head. The excuse was lame and even Mira could tell she was lying. If her leaning forward with a confused expression and a raised eyebrow told Rumi anything, it was that she didn’t believe her at all. But obviously Zoey did.
Zoey squealed and grabbed both sides of Rumi’s face and brought her nose to nose. Rumi could barely think. She could see every freckle spattered across Zoey’s face and Rumi wanted to spend the rest of her life memorizing every single one. Rumi looked her in the eyes and noticed that Zoey had speckles of lighter browns in her irises. She could feel Zoey’s breath against her face and was sure she would faint.
“She’s gonna kill me if she doesn’t let me go soon.” Rumi thought to herself.
Zoey tilted Rumi’s head until their foreheads were touching. She felt warm, everything inside of her was on fire. And now she’s pretty sure her legs are completely numb.
“Maybe I’m okay with that.” Rumi thought.
“Tell me you recorded it!” Zoey squealed in Rumi’s face, her eyes bounced between Rumi’s, waiting for her reply.
Rumi almost didn’t answer, the urge to give up on her plans and the hope of not risking their friendship was really strong. She could barely contain the urge to just push herself the final couple of inches and capture her lips in a kiss. Every muscle in her body was screaming for her to do it. But she couldn’t. Rumi knew that Zoey would never kiss her back and the hurt that she would feel brought Rumi back to the moment enough to answer.
“Um, uh I… no, I-I wasn’t… thinking about… that… Sorry.” She whispered back, a huskiness in her voice that she didn’t realize was there.
Zoey’s eyes widened slightly and she backed away just slightly, their noses and foreheads no longer touching. Zoey scanned Rumi’s face again, just like earlier. Except she had an unreadable expression that confused Rumi. Zoey let go of her face and smiled sympathetically.
“That’s ok. But you’re gonna help me record him doing it later.” She said it like Rumi didn’t have a say in the matter.
Rumi didn’t have a say and she didn’t care either. Zoey could tell her to do just about anything right now and Rumi would do it. Either of them could tell her to do anything and she was seriously considering doing it, regardless of what it was and honestly that would probably include jumping off a bridge.
That thought alone scared her more than her unending feelings for them. But the words that next fell from her mouth, did so without worry or fear or concern. The words she said next came from her with a sincerity that she had never experienced before, that she had never used before.
Rumi’s face softened, her voice turned serious. “Anything you want.” It wasn’t very loud, but all three of them heard it.
Mira leaned forward to study Rumi’s face and try to understand why she still seemed to be acting differently. Zoey on the other hand leaned back, trying to get all of Rumi in her sight. As if she had to judge her whole demeanor. Zoey tilted her head and squinted, focusing on Rumi’s eyes.
Rumi suddenly got incredibly nervous. She was worried that she had ruined the whole plan, their whole relationship. That she was so transparent that they saw right through her and knew how she felt and were about to reject her. She had to do something to throw them off the scent, to distract them.
She avoided their prying eyes and stumbled through an excuse. “I-I mean, what I meant was, you can come t-to me for anything. You know that. So… we-we can try and get Derpy to d-do that again. To me. If you want. Whenever.” She rambled on, continuing to avoid their eyes.
After a moment of silence, Mira changed the subject and spoke.
“Ok, anyway… What are we feeling for the movie? Romcom? Sci-fi? Action?” She asked, flipping through the categories on a streaming service.
After a beat of silence they all looked at each other and smiled. “Romcom!” They exclaim at the same time, with giggles following their proclamation.
Mira scrolls through the selection, looking for an appropriate movie while Zoey turns to Rumi with a smile.
“Let’s get that hair fixed up, why don’t we?” She leans closer to Rumi and gets back to what she was doing.
Rumi’s heart was about to leap out of her chest at Zoey’s closeness. She’s even closer than last time. Her breath teasing shivers down Rumi’s spine as it brushed against her cheek and ear. Zoey rested her arm on Rumi’s shoulder. The warmth emanating from Zoey felt like a warm blanket on a cold winter morning that could embrace her and lull her into a deep sleep.
That tantalizing comfort was just out of reach, barely touching her. Barely giving her the respite she desperately wanted. Rumi needed more, but she would accept a hug at this point. However, there must be some sort of pride left in her pitiful body, because her voice made no moves to ask for a hug. Or maybe it was a choice by what was left of her clouded mind. Knowing that she would succumb to her desire for more, if Zoey granted her request.
“I don’t know.” Zoey sighed, breaking Rumi out of her intense battle to keep herself from falling further in love with them. A battle she was quickly losing.
“What?” It came out a bit hoarse and rough. But neither Zoey or Mira seemed to notice.
Zoey continued. “I think we’re just gonna have to take your hair out and redo it, if we want to fix it.” She said with barely contained excitement and an unusual smile.
“Oh, no that’s fine Zoey.” She waved it off, not even considering having them do it and waste their time. “I’ll do it myself later. Let’s just watch a movie. Okay?” Rumi assured her and pointed at the tv, guiding Zoey’s hands off her head.
Zoey shook her head with a smile. “Nonsense. You know how difficult it is to do alone. But…” She pointed at Mira and herself. “It’s a lot easier for two other people to do.”
“It’s fine, really. I’ll do it myself later. No need to waste your time with me.” She waves her off again, not thinking anything of it.
A conspiratorial smirk takes over Zoey’s face and Rumi’s smile disappears. Zoey looks at Mira and nods at her to set the remote down. Rumi’s heart races with anticipation. She knows she should be afraid, but she’s not. There’s more excitement and anticipation than anything else.
Her eyes darts between them. “I’m not going to get out of this am I?” Rumi asks, scooting away from Zoey.
Her smirk turns devilish as Mira stands up. “Nope” Zoey emphasizes with an eyebrow raise, taunting her.
Rumi was gonna faint any minute now and they didn’t even know what they were doing to her. Mira was looming over her with a domineering aura and crossed arms, which made Rumi internally swoon. Zoey scooted closer and closer. And Rumi was sure her heart just gave up on her as they both descended on her, like eagles striking prey.
Rumi had started getting used to Zoey’s delicate and wonderful smells that tantalized her mind. But now that Mira was here, so close, smelling just as wonderful but so, so different, made Rumi’s mind swirl. She wasn’t sure how much more she could handle.
Not only were their scents distracting, but their hands were not staying on her hair and Rumi was going insane. One of them would brush a hand against her neck or bring her fingers through her hair and drag them across her scalp. Or they would brush her hair back over her ears, over and over. Sending shivers through her body that she desperately tried to hide.
They took their sweet time undoing her hair all the way down the braid. Their fingers brushing her skin along the way, making her squirm. They were making it nearly impossible to breathe, to hold back her confession. Her patterns pulsed and swirled with vibrant colors. She prayed to all the hunters before her that Zoey and Mira didn’t notice, or else it would give away her true feelings.
Rumi was starting to question their reasoning for doing this. It seemed like they were just trying to drive her crazy.
The thing that drove her even crazier, was they decided to use solely their hands to brush her hair out, once it was undone. Rumi was pretty sure she was melting. They could have gone and gotten a hairbrush, or grabbed the one on the side table behind the couch. But no, the two of them decided their fingers were plenty good enough for the job and brushed them through Rumi’s hair, over and over.
She could hear them talking behind her, but she wasn’t sure what they were saying. She was too focused on not blurting out her love for them and trying to get her patterns under control. But that seemed to be something she was failing at, miserably.
“Someone seems to be enjoying this.” Zoey teases, pulling Rumi out of her thoughts.
“Well, there goes that.” Rumi thinks to herself.
“Is that what those colors mean?” Mira points at the swirling patterns on the little skin Rumi is showing.
Zoey smirks, “I don’t know, I think so.” She leans over Rumi’s shoulder and asks, “Is that what it means, Rumi?”
The three of them had found out about Rumi’s patterns glowing while on the Comeback Tour. It was news for all of them and a surprise every time it happened. Through several days of experiments, which Rumi mostly despised, they found out that her patterns would glow when she felt deep emotions. And that the colors would change depending on those emotions.
Although the colors and their meanings were usually vague and the patterns only did this when she felt safe and comfortable. Or the emotions were too strong to be ignored by her shame. Which is what keeps her from glowing in public.
Rumi huffs and clears her throat. “Shut up, both of you. I’ll finish my hair on my own.” She grumbles in embarrassment, a blush settling on her cheeks. She starts to get up when Mira grabs Rumi’s hair and pulls her back.
Rumi gasps, stifling a moan. She looks confused for a moment (she’d need to revisit that later on) until Mira leans in and whispers in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine for the billionth time that night.
“We’re doing your hair. Just relax.” Mira’s voice so close to Rumi’s ear did things to her that she had never felt before.
Rumi turned to argue and her face was an inch away from Mira’s. She froze, her breath caught in her throat. Mira was so beautiful, but there was something in her eyes that told her to be quiet, or else. And Rumi wasn’t sure if she wanted to obey or if she wanted to test it and see what Mira might do. Her eyes dipped down to look at Mira’s lips and was tempted to push forward to connect their lips. But she couldn’t. She needed to stick to the plan. She turned back and gulped down her argument while Mira and Zoey got back to fixing her hair.
“I’m so screwed.” She thought to herself.
This playful behavior from Mira and Zoey wasn’t particularly out of the ordinary. At least, not since the idol awards happened. They had all been getting closer, more comfortable, around each other. The teasing, taunting and more frequent touching just seemed to come with the territory of their relationship, their friendship, recently. They were finally true friends again and completely open with each other and this is just how it seemed to be now.
Except, now that Rumi knew about her true feelings for them, this playfulness felt like a shot to the heart. Because she now knew about her feelings for them, their touches burned their way across her skin, their whispers reached deeper than they ever had, their eyes bore through her very soul, their lips now housed just one source of her desire, just barely out of reach, their hands brushing against her were never going to be enough.
Nothing was ever going to be enough until she had them to the extent that she needed them.
She started to spiral. Her plan was ridiculous.
They were never going to love her back. This was all she would ever have, all she would ever be to them. A friend, a teammate, a coworker. The person who lied to them their whole lives together. One that doesn’t deserve the very service they are giving to her right now. She doesn’t deserve to even have them in her life, let alone for them to touch her.
But then she hears laughter behind her and Zoey lands on her, steadying herself using Rumi. Zoey convulses with laughter at something Mira had said and Zoey rolls down Rumi’s body and lands in her lap, holding her stomach from the laughing pains.
Rumi’s face softens and her worries fade away. Immediately, she doesn’t care anymore. She knows she’s not worthy of their love. No one on the earth is. That’s why she needs to make sure that she earns it. Because no one else will. Someone else will just waltz in and act like they deserve it, when they don’t. Because looking at Zoey now… Rumi knows nothing will ever stop her from loving Zoey.
Mira leans down beside Rumi, to watch Zoey spaz out in laughter, with a very similar look on her face and Rumi looks at Mira. Mira doesn’t notice at first and Rumi feels her conviction strengthen. She can’t stop, won’t stop, loving Mira. Ever. Nothing will stop her from loving Mira, even though she doesn’t deserve Mira.
She’s determined now. She doesn’t care about anything else anymore. Making them fall in love with her, or die trying, is her main goal from now on. And nothing was going to get in her way… Except for being a bumbling idiot around them.
But she’s always been one of those, so that’s nothing new.
Rumi turned back and looked down at the girl in her lap. Who was still laughing, but was starting to quiet down. Rumi’s smile softened and she mindlessly brushed hair away from Zoey’s eyes, tucking it behind her ears. Zoey froze and her eyes shot open at the gesture.
Rumi, immediately thinking she did something wrong, apologizes, pulling her hand away like she touched fire. “I’m sorry, I didn’t-I should’ve-I didn’t mean to-” Zoey stopped her rambling backtracking without a single word.
She couldn’t finish a single sentence before Zoey’s hand shot up and grabbed the hand that Rumi used to brush the hair out of her face. She pulled the hand down and kissed the knuckles. Rumi blushed at the very not romantic gesture. She had to remember, they’re not there. That kiss to the hand was something friends do… She thinks.
“You have nothing to apologize for, Rumi. I just wasn’t expecting it… from you.” Zoey tells her seriously, not letting go of her hand.
Rumi tried not to faint and to remember that friends hold hands all the time. Especially them, because the three of them have been holding hands for years without any sort of romantic connection. This was no different… right? “Of course not.” She had to remind herself.
She pulled herself back into the conversation and realized there was something with what Zoey said that Rumi didn’t like. “Wait, why not from me?” Rumi found the ability to ask.
Zoey looked at Mira who smirked and avoided Rumi’s eyes. Rumi alternated looking at them, searching their faces for an answer. But only she was transparent enough to give an answer by just being looked at. Zoey glared at Mira, silently telling her to take the lead and be the one to tell Rumi the truth. Mira relented and sighed.
“Fine.” She grunted. “The problem Zoey was talking about is… She wasn’t expecting that physical behavior to come from you.” She explained, not really telling her anything that she didn’t already know. She just said it in fancier words.
Rumi rolled her eyes. “That’s basically what she said… why?” She asked again.
Mira sighed, hoping not to do this. “Ok... It’s just… you’re really…”
“Spit it out Mira!” Rumi snapped. She was starting to get upset.
“You’re really, really bad with physical touch and intimacy and stuff. You’re touch starved and bad at expressing yourself when it comes to your own needs regarding those things. You don’t really like touching. That’s why Zoey didn’t expect it. You almost never initiate touch. And I mean never.” Mira says it all really fast, but she means every word. Almost like she’s rehearsed it before.
Rumi is baffled. “What? No, I-I initiate… touch… all the time.” Her voice trails off.
She tried to defend herself, but can’t remember a single time that she’s ever initiated contact with one of them. It’s always been one of them two. Hand holding, hugs, arms around shoulders, linked arms, heads on shoulders, even pinky promises. She can’t remember ever purposely touching one of them without them touching her first that wasn’t during training, in a battle, or on stage.
Mira leaned back, crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, challenging Rumi. “Really?”
Zoey, who was still holding Rumi’s hand, and laying in her lap, spoke up. “Yeah, Rumi. You’re not exactly the… touchy type.” She said in her higher, nicer voice.
Rumi looked down at her and back to Mira. “I… really? Even lately?” She asked, knowing they would know what she meant.
None of them had talked about it. It was never mentioned, never said out loud. But they all recognized how much more frequently they were together and how clingy and touchy they had become lately. But apparently it was only Mira and Zoey. Rumi only participated in it once they started it. She must have been doing it subconsciously.
“Yeah… especially lately.” Mira added, with the audacity to chuckle, not thinking anything of it. Not thinking about how it would hurt Rumi’s feelings.
Rumi’s eyes shot up to her in confusion, hurt. What was that supposed to mean? What had she been doing lately that made Mira give that response? Rumi could feel the frustration boiling through her veins. Bubbling up and threatening to bring tears to the surface.
“What?” There were supposed to be more questions, something more serious. Something that didn’t sound so pitiful and hurt.
Mira immediately looked apologetic and received a hit to the leg by Zoey. “What she meant was, you’ve sort of been… pulling back. You’ve been…” Zoey tried to choose her words carefully. “You’ve been flinching away from us when we try to hug you, and your hand twitches when we go to hold it every so often, and sometimes you’ll cringe when we pull you into a cuddle during movie nights... You just seem like you don’t want to be around us sometimes.” Zoey adds, her voice falling, sounding hurt.
“No!” Every muscle in Rumi’s body feels like it gets set on fire at the accusation. Her patterns flash a bright red, she ignores them. “That couldn’t be further from the truth!” She panics.
Rumi reaches over with her free hand and grabs one of Mira’s hands and pulls them both closer.
“I…” She sighs.” I’ve never had people in my life that have wanted to touch me.” Zoey snickers. “Shut up.” Rumi chastised her.
“I’ve never had people who wanted to be close with me in any way, until you guys. Then…” Rumi looked away in shame. “My patterns, Celine, they kept me away from y-spending time with you, properly.” A tear came to her left eye, threatening to spill.
Mira brought her free hand to Rumi’s chin and faced her back towards them. Rumi smiled at her and Mira smiled back.
“I didn’t even realize I was stopping myself from getting closer to you guys again. I thought everything was fine. Great in fact, better than great… I must have been letting my insecurities get the better of me and unknowingly hurting you in the process… again. I’m so sorry.” She apologized, turning away again, as the tear fell with the closing of her eyes.
She felt a thumb brush the tear away and a hand cup her cheek where the tear had stained its way down. Another hand pressed against the other side of her face, guiding her to face back forward, and she opened her eyes to see Zoey sitting up and Mira moved in front of her. Their free hands on either side of her face and the others holding her hands in theirs.
“You have nothing to apologize for.” Mira said firmly, staring into Rumi’s eyes strongly.
Zoey shifted until she was almost as close as she was earlier, face to face, their noses nearly touching. Rumi felt another tear well up at the intensity of the moment. Her heart was about to burst with emotion.
“We love you Rumi, no matter what. There’s nothing you could do to ruin that. We know you have issues with touching. We weren’t hurt.” She lies, very convincingly. But Rumi and Mira both scoff, seeing through the lie.
Zoey grins and corrects herself, rolling her eyes playfully. “Ok, maybe we were hurt, but you said it wasn’t intentional. Now that we know that, it’s all good. Ok?” She looks hopeful, staring into Rumi’s eyes.
Rumi nods and Mira adds. “We could never stay mad at you, at each other. Fuck whatever Celine tried to teach us. We should be showing and talking about our faults and fears. So, now that we know about your touch aversion a little better, we’ll try to accommodate.”
Rumi wants to cry so badly. This was heartwarming and heartbreaking in so many ways. She felt so much more, impossibly more, love for them at that moment. She didn’t know exactly what to say but eventually she thought of something once Zoey backed away and they dropped their hands from her face.
“I don’t want you guys to cut back.” She said meekly.
“What?” Mira was surprised.
“I… I want to break it. I hate even the thought of you trying to stop yourselves from being affectionate. It would break my heart to know either one of you were doing that. Especially you, Zoey. I know how touchy and clingy you are. You’re like a vampire for human contact, and I can’t keep that from you.” Rumi squeezed her hand and smiled.
Zoey blushed, a reddish hue settling on her cheeks and tips of her ears. She abashedly looked away.
“Either of you.” She looked at Mira, who smiled softly at her. “I… I want more.” Her eyes widened when she realized what she confessed. “T-touching, I-I mean. I-I want to get used to human contact. I want to feel comfortable with you guys.” She saved it.
At least, that’s what she thought, she didn’t see the looks that passed the other two’s faces when she said she wanted more. Rumi avoided their looks and focused on the coffee table. Which is good, because they were both looking at each other in a silent conversation using just their eyes. They sat there in silence for a couple minutes.
“Anyway!” Rumi changed the subject. “That’s enough of that.” She started to stand. “Great talk, I’m gonna go fix my hair and go to bed, you two have a good night.” She wanted to leave the awkwardness and the silence, it was killing her.
“Nuh uh.” Zoey pulled Rumi back down with their still-linked hands. “I said we’d do your hair and that’s what we’re doing.” She told her firmly, with no room to argue.
Zoey released her hand but pulled her in for a hug and Rumi froze. Until she remembered the conversation and how much she wanted to be better at physical contact, for them. Just as Zoey was starting to pull away, Rumi reached out and pulled her back in and gave her a proper, tight hug. They both melted into the hug and Rumi felt tears prickle at the back of her eyes again.
After a few minutes they released each other and Rumi avoided eye contact and pulled Mira into a hug of her own. Mira was surprised at first, but she also melted into the hug just like they did. Rumi couldn’t help herself from digging her face into Mira’s neck and subtly breathing her in.
Rumi loved everything about this. She was fueling the fires in her heart that burned for them and she knew that with every passing second, she was deeper and deeper in love with them. It was impossible, but here she was. It was all consuming. Her heart, mind, body and soul were engulfed in a fire that branded her with two words.
Mira. Zoey.
She was fully and completely committed to them. She needed them. In every sense of the word. She had to earn their love, even if it took her the rest of her life. Even if it cost her everything. She needed them like she needed air.
No. She needed them more than air. They are the air she breathes, the water that quenches her thirst, the sustenance that satisfies her hunger, the warmth that battles the cold, and the light that peers through the fog. They are everything she needs and wants in her life. She needs them.
Rumi and Mira part and a couple tears fall down Rumi’s face. She avoids both of their eyes as she waves for them to do her hair while she turns her back on them to sit back down.
Rumi can’t stop the tears from falling as she feels the despair bubbling to the surface. The hopelessness and fear of rejection are fighting against her hope and willingness to fight for their love. Moreover, the tears fall because of the overwhelming love in her heart.
In the end, her will and hope won out as she always knew it would, but her fears decided to surface, for a moment. She wiped the tears from her cheeks, hoping the other two wouldn’t notice and continued to wait for them to finish the dragon braid.
Just as they were getting towards the end, Zoey bounces off the couch spouting some gibberish about popcorn. Apparently for the movie night they’re still having, and tells Mira to finish the braid on her own. Mira scoffs and thanks her retreating form as she continues to work on the braid alone.
Several minutes later, Mira finishes the braid and Zoey returns just in time, with the popcorn, to see the finished product. Zoey stops to admire Rumi’s freshly braided hair and she smiles at Rumi. Rumi blushes and smiles back, patting Mira’s leg behind her.
“Thank you two, so much. You didn’t have to do this, but I appreciate it very much.” The genuine sincerity made the girls smile and offer their own ‘you’re welcome’.
Afterwards, they settled back into the couch the way they were before. With Zoey in the middle, Rumi on her left and Mira on her right. Mira grabbed the remote again and quickly found a nice romcom to watch and they fell back into their normal routine. Ignoring their previous conversation and any awkwardness that it might have brought.
She tried really hard, she really did. But no matter what she did, Rumi just couldn’t pay attention to the movie. All she could think about was opportunities to touch them and how to implement plans to get them to fall in love with her.
The movie passed in the blink of an eye and another one was quickly put on to replace it. Rumi tried even harder to watch this one, but a real plan had begun to formulate in her head and it was starting to seem like maybe she could pull it off. Maybe it would work, if she could execute it properly.
Rumi didn’t even try to watch the third one. She gave up by the end of the second. Her plan was starting to come together. One of the things she needed to do was take advantage of the conversation that they just had earlier. More physical contact. What better way to fall in love with someone than to be around them all the time, in physical contact with them?
Rumi had a perfect plan by the third act of the third movie and looked over at her two teammates to see them both asleep. She couldn’t help but ‘Aww’ at their adorable faces. The bucket of popcorn, now empty in Zoey’s lap.
Mira was leaning into Zoey, curling into her. Her outside leg wrapped around Zoey’s nearest leg and she was hugging Zoey’s arm. Zoey was just laying there, straight up and down, with Mira wrapped around her limbs and her head leaning towards Mira.
Rumi stands up and walks around behind the couch. She hovers over their sleeping faces and brushes the hair out of their faces, like she did to Zoey before. She brings herself as close to them as she can. With nothing but a whisper, probably not loud enough to hear over the tv, she says.
“I know I don’t deserve it... I never will. But I can’t go another minute without saying it. Even if it ruins my plan, right here and now. But… I love you two. Both of you. I’m in love with you both… and I won’t stop until I have your hearts to even a fraction… that you have mine… I love you both. More than you will ever know. Good night.” She plants a tender, barely there, kiss to each of their foreheads and then walks away as a tender-hearted tear falls from her eyes.
She turns and heads for her room. Barely able to stand the awful feeling of leaving them. But the sooner she sleeps, the sooner she awakens, and the sooner she awakens, the sooner she can begin her plans. Rumi spots Derpy in the hallway outside her room and crouches near him before going to bed.
“I’m so screwed Derpy, I love them so much… Too much… This plan is so on. Listen, it’s crazy, I know… but I’m gonna get them to fall in love with me.” She whispered, petting him.
Rumi looked over to the couch at the two sleeping figures and smiled with passion.
“No matter what.” She whispered, standing up.
To be the first to fall in love, is a horrible thing. For the first to fall, is the heaviest of burdens. To know your love is great, but not knowing whether or not you are loved in return, is life’s greatest curse… It also the greatest journey you could take… Or, it could be your last. -Kodi Griffin.