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The portal dropped them into heat so sharp it felt like stepping into an oven. Sand stretched in every direction, blinding and endless, the sun sitting like a curse over their heads.
“...Well,” Warriors said after a beat, “that’s new.” He was already tugging at the edge of his scarf, face twisting as the wind tossed sand into his mouth.
Hyrule shielded his eyes with a hand and scanned the horizon. “Anyone recognize this place?”
They all looked. Two blurry shapes broke the monotony of the dunes: one small cluster, and another farther away that looked bigger—though the heat shimmer made both waver like mirages.
“Never seen a desert like this,” Legend muttered, kicking at the sand like it had personally offended him.
“Gerudo Desert?” Four guessed.
Time considered it. “Probably, but it doesn’t match mine.” He eyed the horizon. “Up west looks like a settlement. Hopefully, there are people there—we’ll need supplies to deal with this heat and maybe someone can help us find out where exactly we landed in the timeline.”
“That’s… really far,” Wind said, adjusting the bandana over his nose.
“The other place doesn’t look much closer.” Time turned to Sky. “Can Fi sense a new hero?”
Sky pulled the Master Sword free and held it up. A beat passed. He lowered it again with a small shake of his head. “Nothing.”
“Great.” Warriors groaned and started walking. The sand shifted under his boots with every step.
It didn’t take long before the heat started peeling layers off them. Warriors gave up on his armour first, the metal burning to touch after baking in the sun. He strapped it to his back using his cloak. Wind yanked his bandana higher to protect himself against the sun and the sand. Others soon followed suit.
“This sand gets everywhere,” Hyrule complained.
“Everywhere,” Twilight said in agreement, beating the sand off his fur pelt only to have it blown straight into his face. “This place is the worst,” he then growled in annoyance.
Some time after running out of water, Wind finally snapped. “What kind of place doesn’t have water!”
Legend didn’t even look at him. “Oh, I don’t know, Wind… a desert?”
The boy groaned so loudly it made a few of them snicker.
Four dragged his feet. Screw Hylia for making him one of the shortest heroes… and for sending them all here in the first place. “Why couldn’t we arrive at night instead of midday?”
“I don’t know, I heard deserts get pretty cold at night,” Sky said.
Wind perked up. “Oh, sorry, he meant—why couldn’t we arrive at Twilight?” He shot a grin towards the rancher, waiting for a sarcastic remark.
Twilight, however, was panting like a dog, sweat darkening his hair. His ears twitched when he registered the silence. “What?”
“Nothing, never mind.” Wind slumped.
Time ruffled the youngest’s hair in passing and Wind’s mood brightened a little. “Almost there, guys. Just a little more.”
Gerudo Town slowly came into view, its high walls catching the light with guards posted at the gate. The Chain didn’t make it three steps closer before one of them stomped forward, spear lowered.
“Where do you think you’re going? No voe allowed.”
They froze. Warriors blinked. Wind perked up like he’d heard a foreign word. Time, on the other hand, sighed like someone who’d been through this exact scenario before.
The guard looked them over, disgust flickering across her face. “Figures. Another pack of filthy voe coming to stare.” She pointed her spear southwest, towards a long stretch of sand where they could barely make out some kind of structure in the distance. “She’s over there. Now leave.”
The group stared at her.
“What?” Legend mouthed, confused.
Warriors opened his mouth, ready to throw something sharp back, but Time’s hand clamped down on his arm first. “Thank you,” Time said politely, because Time was a menace with good manners. He nudged Warriors away before he could start a fight.
They trudged back down the dune. Sand got into places sand shouldn’t be.
Time exhaled. “New destination. Hopefully it isn’t too far.”
Wind caught up to Time. “What’s a ‘voe’? Hylians?”
“No,” Time said. “Men.”
“Oh.” Wind blinked. “Why aren’t men allowed in there?”
Time said, “Well… their last male became the Demon King.”
Legend huffed. “Yeah, that’ll do it.”
Wind looked back over his shoulder towards the guard. “Then why did she tell us to go over there? Who’s ‘she’ supposed to be?”
Hyrule frowned. “Whoever we’re heading towards… she’s important. I can feel it.”
Warriors let out a tired sigh. “Brilliant. We’re roasting alive, out of water, and apparently walking straight into the arms of some mysterious woman the guards already hate us for.”
Four kicked sand out of his boot. “Hope she’s nicer than they are.”
Time shook his head. “Either way, we’ll find out soon enough.”
They kept walking for a while until someone piped up, “We should’ve asked for water.”
Warriors snorted. “From her? She looked like she wanted to spit on us. If she handed us water, it’d probably be poison.”
“Oh.” Legend perked up. “I just remembered I still have some milk left.”
He pulled out a bottle, and everyone within radius recoiled. The liquid inside had separated into layers. Yellow lumps floated near the top.
Hyrule gagged instantly. “How old is that?”
Legend squinted. “A couple of months?”
A chorus of horrified groans followed. Someone in the back dry-heaved when they finally got a look.
Time just stared at the bottle like it was cursed. “Please don’t drink that.”
Legend grinned. “Is that a challenge?”
“No,” Time said firmly, but Legend had already tucked the bottle away like a prized treasure.
“Anyway,” Sky said, “wherever we’re going probably has drinks.”
“I swear,” Warriors muttered, “if we walk all this way and there’s nothing—”
But then they heard it: shouting, laughing, the unmistakable roar of drunk men having a good time. They reached the top of a sand hill, and there it was— a giant tent, lit up like a festival, with men stumbling out of the entrance, cheering and waving pieces of paper like trophies.
Wind pointed ahead. “Sounds like a big crowd.”
Hyrule grimaced as a gust blew something questionable towards them. “And smells like one too.”
Twilight frowned. “This better not be some kind of trap.”
Time sighed. “Only one way to find out.”
The noise only grew worse as they got closer, and the smell didn’t improve either. At the entrance stood another Gerudo woman, arms crossed, expression flat. She didn’t look thrilled to see them.
“Entry fee,” she said, holding out a hand and motioning towards the sign next to the entrance.
Time looked at the sign, then read it again just to be sure. “That’s… quite steep.”
She shrugged. “Take it or leave it. And no children.” Her eyes flicked to Wind and Four. “Come back when you grow a beard.”
Wind let out a noise somewhere between a groan and a wail. “But—!”
Four just shrugged. “I’m fine waiting.”
Wind was not. “This is so unfair.”
The older heroes exchanged looks, silently wondering what kind of place banned children but happily took obscene amounts of rupees from grown men. It wasn’t promising.
Sky dug out the fee from his money pouch, and the Gerudo stepped aside with only a small grimace, like letting them in physically pained her.
Only Sky, Time, and Warriors entered. The rest handed them every empty waterskin and bottle they had.
Twilight cracked his knuckles. “If you lot come back without water, I’ll kill you.”
Warriors rolled his eyes, though he wasn’t entirely sure if Twilight was joking. “Noted.”
Inside was… a lot. Heat pressed down from the lamps hanging above. The air reeked of sweat, cheap perfume, and alcohol. Men cheered at something they couldn’t see yet, and the whole tent shook like a tavern in the middle of a bar fight
“This place is… lively,” Sky said carefully.
“Loud,” Warriors corrected.
“And hot,” Time added, wiping his forehead.
They pushed their way to a bar where a Gerudo woman was barely tolerating her job. She didn’t look nearly as hostile as the guard outside, but she also didn’t look thrilled about serving three men.
“Water,” Time said, sliding the bottles forward.
She filled them slowly, eyes half-lidded, and rattled off a price that made Warriors choke on air.
“That’s robbery,” he whispered.
“That’s the desert,” she replied flatly.
Sky handed over the rupees anyway, because dehydration seemed far worse than losing some rupees.
Before they could escape, a man slid up beside them, grinning far too wide.
“New faces!” he said. “You’re in for a treat tonight. Best show she’s done in months.”
Warriors stiffened. “Who?”
“You’ll see,” the man said with a wink.
Bozai popped up out of nowhere, nearly sending Sky jumping out of his skin. “Are you here for Linky? Of course you are! Everyone’s here for Linky!” He puffed out his chest. “I’m her biggest fan, you know.”
Warriors eyed him. “Congratulations?”
Bozai didn’t notice the tone at all. He talked at them for a full minute before Sky pieced together one clear thing: whoever this “Linky” was, the crowd adored her.
Sky exchanged a look with Time.
The portal always dropped them close to the new hero.
And Hyrule had said the person they were heading towards felt important.
But a woman? The hero had never been a woman before.
Time frowned. “Link is a common name in some timelines. Could be coincidence.”
“Could be,” Warriors said, unconvinced.
Before they could puzzle it out, the lights dimmed. Music started. The crowd erupted into loud, drunken cheers.
Sky froze.
Linky stepped into the light.
Sensual movements. Confident voice. Clothes that definitely didn’t belong in polite company.
She danced like the whole world was watching.
And from the way the crowd reacted, this was exactly what they’d come for.
Time swallowed. “Well… that’s not what I expected.”
Warriors looked mildly horrified. “Hylia.”
Halfway through the performance, Fi’s glow flickered at Sky’s hip — a soft pulse, urgent.
Sky placed a hand on the hilt.
Linky noticed instantly.
She paused mid-song, eyes locking on him. A smile curled across her mouth.
“Well, well,” she said, voice rich and teasing. “Looks like we’ve got new company. Let’s give them a proper welcome, shall we?”
The tent exploded with noise.
Linky stalked towards them, reached for Sky’s hand, and tugged him to the stage. A chair waited at the centre, deliberately placed under a spotlight. She pushed him down into it with one smooth motion.
“Well aren’t you a pretty boy,” she purred.
Sky went red on the spot. “Hi,” he blurted.
Time covered his eyes with his hand. “Oh for Hylia’s sake—”
The lapdance lasted long enough for Sky’s soul to leave his body twice. Warriors looked like he wanted to die from second-hand embarrassment. Time looked somewhere between amused and deeply concerned.
“How about I give you a private show?” Linky whispered into Sky’s ear. “Just you and me.”
“Uhm—” Sky was at a loss for words.
She hushed him with a finger.
When the final note of the song hit, Linky was straddling him. In one smooth motion she peeled off her panties— and tossed them into the crowd.
Chaos erupted. Men dove for them like wild animals.
The curtains snapped shut.
Sky barely had time to breathe before Linky grabbed him by the wrist and hauled him backstage.
“You really don’t need to—”
Cold steel touched his throat.
A low voice spoke, stripped of the stage persona:
“Who are you, and where did you get that sword?”