Chapter Text
Peter stared at his phone in consternation as he reread the message. It definitely still said what he thought it said. He didn’t know who to blame for this, yet. He would find someone. Tony was at the top of his list of suspects.
Sighing, he read it again and squinted, pinching himself for good measure, ruling out the possibility of a vivid nightmare. The words were definitely there, glowing innocently back at him.
‘Avengers assemble!! Karaoke night every Friday at 7, starting tonight. Mandatory Team Building and stress relief.’
And right below that
‘ Location “ Harp On, Karaoke Bar ” has been saved to device navigation ’
The message was on their private Stark-secured group chat, so he couldn’t even question its validity.
He wished he could reply, the confused emoji would truly shine in this particular situation, but they had all lost any talking privileges after what was lovingly referred to as #pundisaster2k15. Deadpool had been involved.
Peter supposed he could just show up and sit at the back, perhaps mock Cap and Bucky’s inevitable romantic duet. Deadpool would definitely be down for some banter. They couldn’t force him to sing, right?
A few hours, a long shower and a hearty pep talk later, he headed out.
The bar was only a few blocks from the tower, confirming his suspicion of Tony’s involvement. The interior though, was surprisingly cosy, with lush red sofas and an actual fireplace. It looked somewhat like Peter imagined the Gryffindor common room looking.
He spun around just in time to see Deadpool entering.
“Hey Petey, guess we’re finally Gryffindors, huh?”
Sometimes he was sure that Wade Wilson had been lying to all of them and could actually read minds. Peter’s mind specifically.
He turned properly to greet him and blinked in surprise, Deadpool was wearing his usual suit, with what appeared to be a puffy blue dress. When Deadpool noticed Peter’s staring he twirled on the spot, right before Peter’s disbelieving eyes.
Peter was tempted to revisit his earlier nightmare theory. Not that Deadpool in a dress was a nightmare. It wasn’t really a dream either, but it certainly didn’t seem like something that could actually happen.
A traitorous part of himself whispered ‘fantasy’ but he ignored it and continued blinking at Deadpool. He waited for words, but none seemed to come to him.
“I just thought the place looked liked the Gryffindor common room. In Harry Potter? Petey? Are you okay?”
“Huh,” Peter answered intelligently.
“I’m thinking that Cap had a hand in this. And Tony… Possibly both? This reeks of misguided good intentions mixed with Tony’s particular brand of uh, less-good intentions. You have any ideas, Petey?”
“You’re wearing a dress?” Peter was having trouble keeping up.
He’d never seen Deadpool in anything but his suit, although he had once worn it with a fedora. Something about redeeming unfairly persecuted clothing items, but that was it. Red suit and the fedora.
“Yes, Petey, keep up. You know what, on second thought, let’s get a table, you look a little shaken. Really, baby boy, if I’d known you found me this sexy in a dress I’d have worn one ages ago. Every day, in fact.”
He shrugged, “I just figured the Avengers had sort of an unwritten dress code, you know? They’ve never said anything, but it feels implied that dresses are sort of out.”
“Besides,” he snorts, “Do you know how difficult it is to wash blood from chiffon?”
Peter hummed in response, distracted. He blamed his lack of witty retorts on his lack of suit. He’s always a bit sharper under his mask. It was just an unfair disadvantage in this conversation, honestly.
While he’d been babbling, Deadpool had led them to a table near the back.
“So, I’m thinking we hide back here, make fun of Cap and Bucky. Sing some Shakira later, show the team just how honest these hips are.” He emphasized his words by hip-bumping Peter.
This called Peter back to reality.
“No. No singing.” He cleared his throat.
“Son, that is the wrong thing to say at a karaoke bar,” came a deep voice from behind him.
Peter cursed his luck, and Deadpool’s luck, because this was at least partly his fault, turning to face Steve. That meant that Bucky had to be close by, and sure enough, Peter spotted him rearranging several smaller tables to make one presumably Avenger-sized table right in front of the stage.
Steve cleared his throat, “Wade, Peter, we’re sitting over there,” pointing unnecessarily to the growing table.
It wasn’t really the type of invitation one refused, so he wordlessly followed Wade to the seats right at the centre of the table. Apparently it was all or nothing tonight. Knowing that resistance would be futile, he sat down and wondered why Steve hadn’t been the least bit surprised at Deadpool’s attire.
A few moments later Steve and Bucky returned with a round of shots for the table, as the others slowly started joining them. Tony was the last to arrive, and instead of joining them at their table he headed straight for the stage.
He adjusted the microphone, somehow managing to create absolutely no static. Peter briefly wondered why all technology just magically behaved around Tony.
“Right. Welcome everybody,” Tony started, and the conversations around them slowly died down.
Peter glanced around to see what the rest of the bar thought of their impromptu host, but a quick scan told him that apart from a surly looking barman, they were the only clients.
“We’ve rented the venue for tonight,” Tony confirmed, “and every subsequent Friday night for the next two months. Now some might call this a misuse of funds, Cap and I call it ‘essential team building.’”
Beside him Deadpool leaned over and whispered, “Told you. Cap and Tony.”
Peter couldn’t help laughing softly.
On stage Tony continued, oblivious to any interruptions, “Let’s get this show on the road. Now since Cap and I were nice enough to arrange all this, we’ll let someone else go first.”
‘Not me. Not me,’ Peter whispered under his breath.
“Let’s see. Natasha will be impossible to follow, Rhodey’s going to be late, Bucky is obviously singing with Steve, God only knows what Deadpool will sing, Falcon, Wanda, Pietro and Vision are currently on assignment and Hawkeye might take some convincing to remove from the ceiling, which leaves-“
Peter closed his eyes, hoping that Thor had joined them in the meantime.
“Peter!”
Peter wanted to refuse, but one look at Tony told him that this really was compulsory. He swallowed and made his way to the stage, blushing furiously when someone (his money was on Deadpool) catcalled him.
‘Right. So. Just get it over with. Sing something easy and just. Get. It over. With.’
It wasn’t that Peter had a terrible singing voice, it was just a combination of stage fright and social anxiety. Before he was ready, he was standing on the small wooden platform that functioned as a stage. He glanced down at the available artists, taking the mic from Tony.
Abba ‘NO.’
Atomic kitten . ‘Uh, if he didn’t know them, no.’
His eyes landed on a familiar name. Britney Spears . Peter would never publicly admit to the Circus album in his collection, but at least he’d know the lyrics. He selected her name.
If U Seek Amy .
Alright. He knew that one. It was innocent, easy and would be over quickly. He selected the song, and the first few familiar bars calmed him enough to look up. He fixed his gaze on Deadpool. The sight of the built mercenary in the puffy dress brought a smile to his face. He took a deep breath, carefully not looking at anyone else, fearing that he would lose his nerve without Deadpool’s hilarious getup to make him feel less like he was making a fool of himself.
‘Oh baby, baby, have you seen Amy tonight?
Is she in the bathroom, is she smokin' up outside?
Oh baby, baby, does she take a piece of lime
For the drink that I'mma buy her, do you know just what she likes?’
Peter started to enjoy the song. He actually started to smile a bit brighter.
Oh
Tell me have you seen her, cause I'm so
I can't get her off of my brain
I just wanna go, to the party she gon' go
Can't somebody take me home?
Haha, hehe, haha, ho
He started to tap his foot. Started to move his shoulders.
Love me, hate me
Say what you want about me
But all of the boys and all of the girls
Are begging to if you seek Amy
Deadpool was clearly grinning under his mask. It gave him a bit of confidence to start playing with his voice. It might’ve been the adrenaline, but he felt like he actually sounded good. He raised an eyebrow at Deadpool, receiving a very enthusiastic nod.
Startled by the obviously positive reaction, he winked in reply. He thought he heard Tony gasp, but he shook it off and carried on. His confidence rose steadily until he was actually dancing around the mic, he finished the song a little breathlessly,
‘All of the boys and all of the girls
Are begging to if you seek Amy’
The Avengers burst into raucous applause, Deadpool actually stood up to clap and wolf whistle. The adrenaline was fading and he blushed, suddenly feeling shy again. He left the stage a little sheepishly, returning to his seat next to Deadpool. Deadpool, who was suddenly regarding him with a strange amount of attention.
Tony got up, presumably to lure the next person to the stage. “Well, Peter, that was quite something. Now, if he has enough blood flow left to stand and think, I think we should hear from Deadpool. Get up here, Wade.”
After a lingering glance that Peter found rather strange, Deadpool headed to the stage. “Since Britney hasn’t let us down tonight…” Deadpool said as familiar violins started to play.
Peter couldn’t help grinning. He secretly loved this song.
Baby, can't you see
I'm calling
A guy like you should wear a warning
It's dangerous
I'm falling
Deadpool seemed to be employing the same coping mechanism, keeping his eyes on Peter, even as swung his hips outrageously.
There's no escape
I can't wait
I need a hit
Baby, give me it
You're dangerous
I'm loving it
Deadpool’s dress was strangely enchanting as he danced. Peter bit his lip, staring up at Wade.
Too high
Can't come down
Losin' my head
Spinnin' 'round and 'round
Do you feel me now?
He sounded amazing. His voice was gravelly, but he hit every high note. Peter couldn’t look away. He didn’t give it too much thought, he didn’t think anyone could really look at anything else when a tall, muscled mercenary in a red suit and blue party dress was singing Britney Spears. Beside him Bucky was staring at Steve.
Deadpool walked forward, jumping of the stage with surprising grace. He hopped onto the table swinging his legs over so that he was sitting right in front of Peter, one leg on either side of his body, before singing the final verse.
Intoxicate me now
With your lovin' now
I think I'm ready now
Peter blamed his fluttering heartbeat on the surprise. Wade slipped back into his own seat, handing Tony the mic.
After Tony introduced Steve and Bucky, who sang a love song from the 60’s that Peter didn’t know, and Black Widow, (who somehow made Rihanna’s Diamonds sound threatening) they took a break to order food.
Wade insisted on paying for Peter, and Peter accepted, if only because arguing with Wade was like trying to staple water to a tree.
Deadpool spent the entire meal staring at Peter like he’d grown a second head.
“Alright what is it, Wade, do I have something on my face?”
“Not unless you count sexy.”
Peter groaned.
“I liked your song,” Wade said, he seemed amused.
“Thank you?” Peter replied carefully.
He was about to try and question Wade further when Tony interrupted. “Girls and boys, may I present, Bruce Banner!” Tony had an excellent announcer voice, “Singing a duet with the one and only Tony Stark!”
What followed was the best parody of Anaconda Peter had ever heard. He cried with laughter as Tony and Bruce sang what they had introduced as the ‘educational version’, which turned out to be facts about anacondas set to the beat of the original song.
Hawkeye chose an indie-type song called Falling , signing along to the lyrics.
Finally, Rhodey sang the last song of the evening, showing a previously hidden sense of humor with “Love is a Battlefield.”
All in all, Peter ended up having a good time. And he found himself looking forward to next Friday.
As he was about to leave, Deadpool met him at the door. “Hey Petey, I think I’d better walk you home. The author might just decide to give you a good villain, for once.”
Peter ignored the last part and frowned. “Deadpool, I’m Spiderman. I think I’ll be okay.”
Behind him Natasha seemed to be having some kind of coughing fit.
“I don’t mean for your protection, Spidey, I mean for mine. The streets of New York can be dangerous at this time of night. I’ll feel so much better if you were there to protect me with your Spidey sense.”
Peter honestly didn’t think he was drunk enough to be imagining an entire conversation. “Wade. You can’t die. I’ve seen you grow back limbs.”
“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, Petey.”
That was a low blow, Peter couldn’t refuse him now. This conversation was going nowhere fast, in any case. “Fine, walk me home. Whatever floats your boat.”
The walk went well, they joked and talked easily, and Peter felt more relaxed than he had in months. He realized that he’d never hung out with Deadpool in circumstances that didn’t involve either fighting or long meetings. He thought that he should get to know him better, even if he did talk to himself sometimes, and flirted a bit too much for comfort.
When they reached Peter’s flat, he almost invited Deadpool in for coffee, but in the nick of time he realized that that might be misconstrued as a come on. So he bid him goodnight with a friendly pat on the shoulder. Wade seemed oddly disappointed as he headed into the night.