Work Text:
9:32 AM, March 13th, [REDACTED LOCATION]
Transcription between [Spymaster] and [New recruit]
[New recruit]: Respectfully, sir, I could have done without the whole black van kidnapping thing. Y’know, I’m missing an English Lit test for this.
[Spymaster]: Cut the sass, Parker. I’m sure you are aware of what my agency does, yes?
[New recruit]: Believe it or not, yes, I am aware of SHIELD.
[Spymaster]: We have become aware of a foreign entity that is planning on infiltrating and attacking people in Paris during the Summer Olympics, however they have hidden their tracks exceptionally well. We’re not sure if this is HYDRA or a rogue operation, however we need agents in the organization.
[New recruit]: I’m a teenager, I can’t become a secret agent for you over the summer. I have things to do, like finals and visiting colleges! Don’t you have like, a billion already trained agents to do this stuff for you?
[Spymaster]: We don’t need you to become a secret agent, we just need an entry into the Olympics. If we place you into the trials, we can have real agents pose as your staff. We want you to train and try out for the trials. If we can get agents access by the trials in June, we’ll pull you out of the mission.
[New recruit]: Hang on, you want me to try out for the Olympics?
[Spymaster]: Yes. SHIELD will deal with all the administrative things like paperwork and we can sort out training with your school.
[New recruit]: No, no, hang on. If I’m trying out for the actual Olympics then I am fully committing to this. Going to the Olympics has been my dream since I was a kid. However, if you just want me until the trials, then I can’t do that.
[Spymaster]: How about this, if you advance past the Olympic trials, SHIELD will take care of anything you need us to. Rent, school, even your extracurriculars, we will handle.
[New recruit]: Is there a specific event you want me to do?
[Spymaster]: Ideally we’d want you to try out for gymnastics-
[New recruit]: Done. I’ve been training to be a gymnast since I was five years old. Never had enough money for competitions, however the few that I did attend… yeah, I’m going to advance for sure.
[Spymaster]: We’ll sort out getting a trainer for you. We already have a connection to get you to the trials, provided they deem you good enough. We’ll be in contact when that is happening.
[New recruit]: If this is completely, one-hundred-percent serious and not a hallucination, then you need to figure out what you’re telling my aunt. There’s no way in hell you can get me to explain this to her.
[Spymaster]: …Consider it done.
[New recruit]: You are aware that it’s the middle of March, right? And the trials are at the end of June?
[Spymaster]: We’re aware. You’ll have to work very hard to prepare because of the short time frame.
[New recruit]: I’m literally [REDACTED] and a high schooler, I know what hard work is. If you can convince my aunt to let me and make up a good enough excuse for the school, then I can probably begin training as soon as they approve. Most of my classes are just content I already know or can teach myself and all my finals are scattered around in April and May. If that helps.
[Spymaster]: We’ll keep that in mind, thank you.
[New recruit]: Do I get a codename?
[Spymaster]: No.
[New recruit]: Aw, why not? I think the Black Widow has a monopoly over Spider themed code names, so you can name me after a gymnastics term.
[Spymaster]: We’re not giving you a code name.
[New recruit]: Agent Planche sounds cool. Or Agent Kip!
[Spymaster]: Please get out of my office.
~~
Text messages between [Aunt Mom] and [Peanut]
Aunt Mom: Hi honey, why did I get a notification that you didn’t show up for school today?
Peanut: oh ur gonna have a fuckin field day when i tell u what happened
Aunt Mom: Oh joy.
Peanut: i can sense ur eagerness thru my screen
believe it or not i got kidnapped on my way to school
Aunt Mom: …
I think it’s a little scary that I can’t tell if you’re joking or not
Peanut: scout’s honor i was actually kidnapped
black van blindfold and everything
Aunt Mom: You were never a boy scout. Call me.
~~
12:09 PM: Call between [Aunt Mom] and [Peanut]
“Peter, what on Earth-”
“I’m fine! I’m home safe in our apartment, I swear. I waved hi to Mickey Mouse in the hallway.”
“We’re not calling the rat that lives in the elevator ‘Mickey Mouse’. Explain to me right now when, how, and why you were kidnapped before I lose my shit.”
~~
12:40 PM: Call between [May Parker] and [Unknown number]
~~
Text messages between [Unknown number] and [P. Parker]
Unknown number: Your guardian has approved of the mission. Details to follow.
Peter Parker: she’s scary isn’t she
Unknown number: Terrifying.
Peter Parker: two questions
can i save this number or will my phone blow up
Unknown number: Do not save this number. We will provide a device for you to use to communicate.
Peter Parker: am i permitted to tell two trusted friends about this? they know about my extracurriculars and they’ll figure out what i’m doing sooner or later
i’m sure whatever paperwork you want them to sign, they’ll do it. i can’t not tell my best friends that i’m training for the olympics
Unknown number: We’ll get back to you about this.
Peter Parker: you’re being very polite to me. this isn’t fury i’m talking to
hi nice to meet you, unknown number! i’m sure you know all about me
Unknown number: Nice to meet you too, Mr. Parker. We’ll be in contact.
~~
A lone figure sat at their desk, the light casting off several computer screens giving their outline an eerie glow. One screen had a map up with a single tracking signal, following the signal as it traveled through the streets. The rest had security camera feeds pulled up, each featuring different angles of roads and the same mail carrier van.
“Agent John, enroute. Drop time estimate is ten minutes.”
Their hands moved rapidly across their keyboard, screens switching between camera angles as the van continued on its mission.
“Agent John, can you confirm drop time estimate?”
“Confirmed. ETA seven minutes.”
The room was silent, tense.
“Drop successful. Enroute back to base.”
“Drop confirmed. Thank you Agent John.”
~~
(ENCRYPTED)
Hello, Peter Parker.
This device we are providing you will be your primary use of communication between yourself and the agents assigned to you for your protection. Within the contacts of this phone, we have already inputted your contact agent, the two agents assigned for security, a number to contact if you need NON-EMERGENCY backup as well as a number to contact if you need EMERGENCY back up. Do not get the two mixed up.
Your contact agent will be communicating with you shortly to give you more information about this mission, as well as information about training. You will refer to them as Agent Ty unless they tell you otherwise. On this mission, Agent Ty will be acting as your manager. They will also have contact with your guardian, however that is only in case of an emergency.
The two agents assigned to you for security are Agents Stone and Bell. They will also be running recon during this time. Listen to all three agents at all times. They are considered your direct superiors and are capable of running this mission without your presence. Do not give them any reason to reconsider your part in this mission.
You will be given the name of [Agent Kip] on this mission. This does not make you an official agent, however all the following correspondences will be addressed to Agent Kip and you will be referred to this whenever necessary.
This paper will disintegrate two minutes after opening the envelope. Inside the envelope, there is also a device that must be attached to your skin at all times. It is programmed to match your exact body heat and heart rate. If this device is not in contact with your skin, the phone we have provided will not operate. We recommend placing the contact device behind your ear where it can be covered by your hair, however you may place it wherever you wish. If you ever lose sight of your phone or know you will be separated from it for more than five minutes, remove the contact device and dispose of the evidence (crushing the device with force should suffice). Agent Ty will be notified if the skin device gets removed and will have replacements when needed.
Keep your eyes up and your senses sharp.
- Maria Hill
~~
CONTACTS
Ty Monet
Nico Stone
Jamie Bell
NON-EMERGENCY
EMERGENCY
~~
Text messages between [Agent Ty] and [Agent Kip]
Ty: Hello Agent Kip, my name is Agent Ty
Kip: hello! nice to meet you!
Ty: It’s nice to meet you too. Is there a good time in this upcoming week for me to stop by your apartment? One of the conditions your guardian made clear was that she must meet me in person before the mission.
Kip: she’s working tonight and tomorrow but we’ll both be home on friday
Kip: do you have any food allergies? we tend to order food because neither of us likes cooking that much
Ty: No allergies, thank you for asking. I’m sending you a PDF of your current schedule, can you confirm all the information is correct?
Attached: Kip-Schedule.pdf
Kip: don’t wanna know how you have that but yup that’s accurate
~~
[ENCRYPTED]
Dear Ms. May Parker,
My name is Agent Ty Monet and I am the agent in charge of your nephew’s assignment. I am contacting you for multiple reasons today, however the main one is to provide you a secure line to contact me. I am under no illusion that you are harmless and I will take full responsibility for anything to happen to your nephew, be it a papercut or something genuinely serious. There are a few things that we need Peter (and you, by extension) to fill out in order for him to be eligible to enter the Olympics tryouts. I will be attaching the forms and instructions to this email, so please let me know if you have any questions or concerns regarding any of the documents. Additionally, due to your nephew’s age, we will be organizing arrangements (housing, food, medical care, transportation) that will include you as well, should you choose to be included. You do not have to worry about any costs regarding Peter’s training, meals, housing, or transportation, SHIELD will take care of everything. We will also provide any compensation you might need during the actual Olympic trials due to a loss of work hours.
I am eager to work with your nephew and I would like to make this experience beneficial for all parties involved.
Sincerely,
Ty Monet
[Attached: Five documents]
~~
Transcription between [Agent Ty] and [Agent Kip]
12:15 PM, March 18th, [REDACTED LOCATION]
[Agent Ty]: Welcome, Peter! This is going to be your new home temporarily. I’m going to introduce you to Agents Stone and Bell shortly, however I’d like you to familiarize yourself with this space. This gym is now yours for the next six months. You have unrestricted access to this space, as well as the connected locker room and weight room. Though I trust you will not abuse this privilege, I do have to go over some rules here.
[Agent Kip]: I’ll follow any rule, this space is incredible!
[Agent Ty]: Ha, I’m glad you like it. I made sure it was suited best for you. The main rules are: don't break anything on purpose, clean up after yourself, no visitors that don’t have the proper authority, and remember there are cameras everywhere.
[Agent Kip]: Got it! I don’t destroy things on purpose so we won’t have a problem with that.
[Agent Ty]: Why are you making that face?
[Agent Kip]: I have an amendment to the previous statement. I don’t purposely destroy things unless I’m being forced to throw cars at people.
[Agent Ty]: Is that a common occurrence?
[Agent Kip]: …Yeah. There’s video compilations of Spider-Man throwing cars at people.
[Agent Ty]: Well. Maybe, don’t do that?
[Agent Kip]: Okay, it’s never unprompted! I don’t attack people unprompted!
[Agent Ty]: Maybe I’ll see if we can get you a combat trainer on top of the gymnastics coach.
[Agent Kip]: I think you were teasing me but that would be so cool!
[Agent Ty]: Ha, we’ll see.
~~
(ENCRYPTED)
Agent Ty,
We have found a gymnastics coach for Agent Kip. Her name is McKenna Roy, based in Brooklyn. Her qualifications are perfect for this mission, however she is a civilian. It is up to you whether we continue with her, however we do not have any SHIELD agents qualified to give Agent Kip the training he needs. I will provide the file we have collected on Roy, as well as her contact information. As of right now, she runs a gymnastics clinic in Brooklyn with a partner. The reason we have chosen Roy is that she has experience with training Olympic level gymnasts, specifically with vault, rings, and floor. Agent Kip has indicated that those are his strongest events, so unless you say otherwise, we will proceed with her. I have sent a similar to Agent Kip’s guardian as I assumed you would discuss with her about this as well.
Please send a reply by the end of the week if either of you have any issues with proceeding.
- Maria Hill
[Attached: McKenna_Roy.pdf]
~~
Text messages between [T. Monet] and [M. Parker]
Ty Monet: Hello Ms. Parker, did you receive an email today about Peter’s coach?
May Parker: Yes I have received it, I was just about to message you about it
May Parker: And please call me May. I have a feeling we’re going to be working together far more than SHIELD anticipated we would
Ty Monet: Alright, May it is. Have you had a chance to look over the attached PDF? I don’t have any reserves about Ms. Roy coaching Peter but I figured you would know him better than me
May Parker: I’m actually familiar with her. She used to coach Peter when he was younger but when my husband passed, I couldn’t afford Peter’s sessions with her.
May Parker: Peter would love to have her as his coach, I’m sure of it.
Ty Monet: Sounds like a done deal then! I’ll message my superiors about it
May Parker: Do me a favor and don’t tell Peter who his coach is yet? I want to surprise him
Ty Monet: o7 Will do!
~~
Transcription between [Agent Ty] and [Agent Kip]
2:35 PM, March 21st, [REDACTED LOCATION]
[Agent Ty]: Heya Peter, I’ve got good news for you. We’ve found you a coach to train you. They’ve been vetted by me, my supervisors, and your aunt.
[Agent Kip]: Oh, awesome. When do I get to meet them?
[Agent Ty]: In a few minutes. They texted me that they just arrived.
[Agent Kip]: I’m excited! It’s been a few years since I’ve had a coach and I know my form is pretty bad in some areas because I’ve had to use YouTube videos to keep up with my training-
[Coach Roy]: I know I did not just hear you say you use YouTube to train, Peter Parker.
[Agent Kip]: Coach Roy! Wait, you’re my coach?
[Coach Roy]: Sure am, Peter. I can’t believe you’ve grown so much
[Agent Kip]: I think I’m taller than you.
[Coach Roy]: Shut up. You ready to get started?
[Agent Kip]: I’ve been ready!
~~
3:01 PM, March 21st, [REDACTED LOCATION]
[Video montage of Coach Roy guiding Agent Kip through various gymnastic tricks on the floor mats]
Coach Roy: Alright, go ahead and do a backwalkover for me. I want to see how flexible you’ve stayed.
Agent Kip: Got it.
[Agent Kip saluted with one arm, raising the other to prepare for his backwalkover. His form is near perfect, toes pointed and legs straight. He tumbled backwards gracefully, feet landing square on the floor, and salted again.]
Coach Roy: Have you been practicing? That was way better than when you were younger.
Agent Kip: I mean, the last time you saw me, I was nine.
Coach Roy: This is true.
~~
Coach Roy: Hey, Peter. I have something important to ask you.
Agent Kip: What’s up?
Coach Roy: This might sound absurd but, are you Spider-Man?
Agent Kip: Um, no? Haha, no I’m not, why would you say that?
Coach Roy: Okay so you are Spider-Man.
Agent Kip: I’m definitely not Spider-Man. What? Me? I-
Coach Roy: Peter, I knew you back when you were a little asthmatic kid with sports glasses tied around your ears because you couldn’t see without them. You’re now taller than me, no glasses or contacts, and not asthmatic.
Agent Kip: Well, um. Maybe I got lasik. And, asthma goes away for some people when they grow older!
Coach Roy: Peter, you are the only person I have ever worked with that told me chemistry facts while doing his routine. Spider-Man frequently can be seen and heard working out math equations while he patrols. Also, I recognized your voice when we met today.
Agent Kip: …Fuck.
Coach Roy: Is it safe to assume your aunt knows too?
Agent Kip: She was the second person to know. She walked in on me changing out of the suit.
Coach Roy: Oh dear.
Agent Kip: That was a really fun conversation.
Coach Roy: Yeah I bet. Anyways, now that that’s confirmed, I want to see how your powers work.
Agent Kip: That’s it?
Coach Roy: I mean, I’m not your mom, you have your aunt. Right now I want to see you climb on the ceiling.
Agent Kip: Why the ceiling?
Coach Roy: I’ve never seen someone climb on the ceiling before. Get to it. Do you want a spring board?
Agent Kip: Um, a spring board would be nice actually.
Coach Roy: Okay, so Peter’s on the ceiling now. Great. I wasn’t like, a hundred percent certain but now I am definitely certain that he’s Spider-Man.
Agent Kip: Who are you talking to?
Coach Roy: Myself! Don’t worry about it. Get down from the ceiling now, please. Let's see how you've improved on rings.
~~
Text messages between [P. Parker], [N. Leeds], and [M. Jones]
9:23 AM, March 28th, [REDACTED LOCATION]
petey: IM ABOUT TO MEET THE OTHER GYMNASTS
neddy: oh!! thats awesome!!!!!
petey: NO ITS NOT AWESOME
petey: IM GOING TO HAVE A HEARTA TTACK
shelly: R.I.P. Peter Parker. He died doing what he loved (fangirling)
petey: AGDHKJLSFHSGKHGHJGKH
neddy: can you get me simone biles’ autograph
petey: you are all traitors and i hate you
~~
Text messages between [T. Monet] and [M. Parker]
Ty Monet: Peter is about to meet the other gymnasts
Ty Monet: His heart rate is through the roof. Is this normal?
May Parker: Yeah, that’s normal. Make sure he drinks some water for me.
Ty Monet: Will do. I’ll videotape this too
May Parker: Oh thank you so much!
~~
9:44 AM, March 28th, [REDACTED LOCATION]
The video opens up on a shot of an older teen, wearing black sweatpants and a t-shirt that read “This is my humerus shirt” with a bone printed next to it. He was the picture of stressed, hands tangled in his light brown curls as he paced back and forth. His face was bright red and he was in the middle of a sentence.
“-you recording right now? I can’t believe you! Ty! I thought you were on my side!” The teen exclaimed, waving his arms around. The cameraperson laughed loudly.
“I’m on your aunt’s side, Peter. She requested this.”
Peter gasped loudly, smacking his hand to his heart.
“My own flesh and blood! I cannot believe her! I will remember this profound and deep betrayal for as long as I live-”
“Shh, Peter, they’ll be here any minute.”
“WHAT?”
The camera got progressively more shaky as the person behind the camera began laughing harder. Peter began patting his hair down, attempting to look more presentable.
“Peter, you’re fine. You’ll be fine. I’m sure they’re all excited to meet you too-”
“That makes it worse! What if they don’t end up liking me? Or I’m not cool enough for them-”
“Hey,” the camera person soothed. Peter paused, eyes wide. “You’re so cool already and becoming an Olympic athlete is even cooler. You’re going to be fine.”
“Ty,” Peter whined. “How am I supposed to be self-deprecating with you around?”
“You got this Peter.”
Off camera, a door opened, hinges squeaking loud enough to be heard. Peter visibly cringed, before straightening up, panic growing on his face.
“Oh my Tesla, it's Asher Hong,” Peter whispered, “And Fred Richards.”
The person behind the camera laughed and pushed him forward, forcing him to greet them.
“Hi, ohmygod, I’m Peter Parker. This is Ty Monet, my manager, and my coach will be here soon!”
As the rest of the team stepped forward to greet him, the camera cut.
~~
8:58 PM, July 1st
peanut butter @peterparkour
I am so thankful and so grateful for #TeamUSA and my fellow gymnasts! I cannot believe I get to be a part of this incredible experience. Make sure to cheer us on at the #ParisOlympics! GO USA!!!
~~
betts @bettybrantofficial
what do you mean peter parker is going to the olympics. like. my classmate peter parker. like nerdy star wars boy peter parker.
> abe @abelincoln
what the hell are you talking about betty
>> betts @bettybrantofficial
i need you to get over your grudge against all sports and look up the olympics roster for team usa’s mens gymnastics
>>> abe @abelincoln
what the hell
>>>> betts @bettybrantofficial
@peterparkour explain yourself right now
>>>>> peanut butter @peterparkour
Make sure to follow my Instagram @peterparkour for more updates!
>>>>>> betts @bettybrantofficial
i’m going to get you peter parker.
~~
4:01 AM, July 15th, New York City, NY
[Video opens to Peter, wearing a NASA t-shirt you can find at any clothing store. He’s holding a smoothie in one hand and his suitcase handle in the other. He has a pair of maroon colored headphones around his neck and his hair is damp. He’s got a mischievous grin on his face, looking far too awake for four in the morning.]
“Hey chat, this is me before my transatlantic flight to Paris for the Paris Olympics! I’m joined by my coach, Coach Roy, and my aunt, May. We’ve just gone through security and we’re about to find our gate. May and Coach are getting food right now. The flight’s about seven, eightish hours and I am not hype for that but it’s okay!” He flashed a peace sign with the smoothie holding hand, somehow not dropping the drink. As he opened his mouth to speak again, his head turned to the side as if he was looking at someone.
“Oh, Coach and May are coming, gotta go!”
[Video cuts, before showing Peter sitting down, smoothie still in hand. His suitcase was on the ground beside him. It was clear someone else was filming Peter, as the camera was a little bit away from him and shaking slightly.]
“Hi gang! We’re at our gate now! Coach is holding the camera for me cause she doesn’t trust me not to say anything I’m not supposed to. My aunt is taking a nap over there” - Peter made a motion to the side as if to indicate to her off camera - “Boarding hasn't started yet since we got to the gate four and a half hours before boarding” It's unclear who he is talking to, his coach or someone else. It is clear, however, that he is mocking them.
“Hey, if you were in charge of the time, we would have been running to the gate with five minutes to spare.”
“Name one time I’ve been late.”
“I do not think you want me to answer that.”
“That’s– shut up.”
Peter had a distinctly disgruntled look on his face, a mock glare and a pout making him look as threatening as perhaps a small bird. He opened his mouth to start talking again, when the camera cut.
The next shot showed Peter lying on his back with his head on an unfamiliar woman’s lap, his arms holding a Nintendo Switch above his head. There’s no one speaking, just the general dim audio of the airport and the faint noises of Mario Kart.
The camera cuts again, only to show Peter seated on the plane now. As he buckles his seat belt, he very casually says: “Hey, Coach? Is now a bad time to tell you that my parents died in a plane crash so now I have an irrational phobia of planes?”
The two women he is sitting in between both look at him with alarm. The woman to his left was the same one shown before at the airport.
“Peter, why the fuck would you not tell me that, honey?” The woman to his right asked, presumably Coach Roy.
“I forgot! I’ve never been on a plane before!”
“May, tell your idiot kid that these are important things to tell people.” Coach Roy said, having a deadpan expression on her face now.
“Peter, I didn’t know you were scared of planes?” The woman to his left said, placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Well, okay, it doesn’t seem like a normal topic to bring up at dinner. Oh, hey, I’m terrified of planes. Can you pass the mash potatoes?”
“Peter…”
“Hello, this is the captain of the flight speaking…” The camera cut.
~~
7:23 PM, July 15th, Paris, France
“Agent Ty, this is HQ, do you read me?”
“Hi, yes! This is she, we’ve just landed.”
“There will be a cab waiting for the four of you outside the arranged pick up spot. It’s taking you directly to the safehouse first for debrief. Agent Kip will join you, however Ms. Parker and Ms. Roy will continue to their housing.
“Sounds good! We’re picking up our bags first! The kid is hungry so we’re gonna grab him a snack before we head out.”
“God, I always forget how peppy your undercover voice is. The cab is a yellow cab, license plate says AC-726-NF.”
“Copy! See you soon.”
~~
Transcription between [Agent Ty] and [Agent Hill]
8:12 PM, July 15th, [REDACTED LOCATION]
Agent Hill: Did you find your flight satisfactory?
Agent Ty: Everything went smoothly, yes. Coach Roy does not know about the mission and we intend to keep it that way. She is aware Peter is [REDACTED], however she figured that out herself.
Agent Hill: Is that a concern to the mission?
Agent Ty: Negative.
Agent Hill: Do you have any more concerns for me?
Agent Ty: No. Are Agents Bell and Stone here? I would like Agent Kip to meet them tonight before he gets swept up in training.
Agent Hill: They're waiting in the room over.
Agent Ty: Shoot. That's where I sent Agent Kip to wait for me.
Agent Hill: …Let's go over there then.
~~
Agent Kip: Hi, I’m Agent Kip. I don't think I’m allowed to say my real name.
Agent Bell: Nice to meet you, Agent Kip. I am Agent Bell and this is my partner, Agent Stone.
Agent Kip: Oh! Nice to meet you! You two are my… security agents? Right?
Agent Stone: That's correct. You're in good hands with us, Agent Ty picked us personally.
Agent Ty: Oh good, you've introduced yourself to each other. I’m really sorry to cut this short but Agent Kip and I have to go to the Olympic Village ASAP. There's some paperwork to be done and Agent Kip’s guardian is asking about him.
Agent Bell: Got it. We'll follow you two.
~~
“WHAT’S UP YOUTUBE! My name is Peter Parker and I am at the Paris Olympics right now!”
Peter stood in the middle of his room, one hand outstretched to film himself while the other flashed a quick peace sign to the camera. He was wearing a gray Team USA t-shirt and his hair was sticking up in the back.
“I'm currently in my room and I'm about to give you a room tour of my accommodations! Okay so over here we have beds that are just cardboard.” The camera moved to show said beds. The Internet had dubbed them the “anti-fuck” beds.
“Yeah they're just, they're just cardboard. They're super comfortable and I'm a huge fan, actually, of sleeping on cardboard. It's my favorite material to sleep on. I just, y’know. Huge fan. Of cardboard.” It’s very clear Peter is being incredibly sarcastic. He pauses for a brief moment, before spinning around to aim the camera at another corner of his room.
“And over here we have my closet. I feel like ‘closet’ is a generous term for this piece of furniture, however we're going to call it a closet.” It is more of a clothing rack than a closet.
“The best part over here is my window because I get to see the rest of the buildings, along with a view of Paris which is awesome. I've never been outside of the US, I've never even left New York City until just now actually so I'm having a grand time. I'm really liking it here. You might catch me just staying here after the Olympics. I'll skip school. I'll just fail, I won't graduate, I'll just stay here. I'm kidding. I don't like French people. I'm actually allergic to them.” He pauses again, visibly thinking about what to say next.
“Anyway that's kind of it. I don't have a roommate ‘cause I’m a minor but, uh. Yeah.” Peter flashes a peace sign to the camera and ends the video.
~~
peanut butter @peterparkour
I MET SNOOP DOGG? (REAL) (NOT CLICKBAIT) (EMOTIONAL)
attached one (1) video file
[The video opens up to showing Peter’s side. He’s once again quietly freaking out.]
“Holy Aristotle, I’m gonna meet Snoop Dogg. This is insane.”
He’s standing with Hezly Rivera, both of them rocking Team USA sweatsuits. Peter’s was red, while Hezly’s was gray.
“Nice to meet you, Mr. uh, Mr. Snoop Dogg,” Peter said, holding out a hand to shake. Hezly burst out laughing.
“I’ve seen you both! Hang on, lemme guess which sport.” Snoop Dogg responded, shaking both of their hands.
“If it helps, we’re the same sport,” Hezly offered, bumping shoulders with Peter.
“Gymnastics!” Snoop Dogg exclaimed, pointing at them both.
> Hezly Rivera @hezrivera
he was so nice i can’t believe we got that video
~~
[Meet Peter Parker: Team USA’s youngest male gymnast competing in Paris!]
Peter Parker is wearing a deep blue Team USA sweatshirt and matching sweatpants. You can buy matching clothes on Team USA’s website.
Interviewer: So, how was the adjustment going from a normal day in high school to training for the Olympics?
Peter Parker: Honestly, it wasn’t a huge adjustment all things considered. I was able to finish all my finals early so I could focus on training towards the end of the school year. I did miss quite a few team training sessions, as well as group sessions with a bunch of other gymnasts due to AP exams but it’s not like the actual Olympics were going to tell me to sacrifice my chances at going to college in two years.
Interviewer: Tell us about your high school. You attend a public high school back in New York City?
Peter Parker: Yeah! I attend a very STEM-heavy high school since I’m planning on going into chemical engineering in college, however I still have lots of opportunities to train in the city. I’m a big fan of parkour so you may or may not see me out and about climbing buildings. Wait, is that considered trespassing? Am I allowed to say that on TV?
Interviewer: I think maybe you should not say that on live TV, yeah.
Peter Parker: Oh okay. You didn’t hear me say that. But, yeah I have a pretty active life when I’m not at school. I have a family friend who taught me how to box years ago, and I still train with him every weekend. I’m definitely not Olympic level for boxing, however it’s a really good way to stay in shape and get my energy out.
Interviewer: Can you tell us what it was like when you first met the other potential Olympian gymnasts?
Peter Parker: I’m not gonna lie, it was so scary. I’ve been following Asher Hong and Fred Richard for a few years now so it was such a shock to meet them in person. I totally lost my cool when I first saw them, it was honestly so embarrassing. My reaction to meeting the Simone Biles, though? I almost fainted. When I was younger, I wanted to grow up to be her so bad. Like screw being a teacher or a dentist, I wanted to be Simone Biles.
Interviewer: I know your Instagram account is only following a few accounts, can you tell us who these are?
Peter Parker: Oh, yeah! The three private accounts are my aunt May and my two best friends MJ and Ned. Don’t bother trying to follow them or harass them, MJ is one of the scariest people I’ve ever met. The other accounts are all fellow gymnasts and Team USA.
Interviewer: Will we see them in the audience, cheering you on?
Peter Parker: Definitely. Aunt May is already here and MJ and Ned are flying out a couple days before my event! I’m super excited to see them, it’s been months.
Interviewer: Okay, to stay on topic of the Olympics, if your aunt and friends participated in the Olympics, which events do you think they’d compete in?
Peter Parker: Oh, this is such a good question. I absolutely think MJ would do shooting and she would win gold. Ned is less of an outdoors-y person but I think he would be really good at weightlifting. May would probably do tennis, since she’s the one who taught me how to play.
Interviewer: We have one more quest-
Peter Parker: Wait, I’m so stupid. MJ should do archery because I do not trust that woman with a gun. Not that I don’t think she can shoot it, but because she’s scary as is. She does not need a gun to intimidate anymore.
Interviewer: MJ sounds fascinating, I would love to meet her one day.
Peter Parker: She is the scariest person I know and I respect her so much.
Interviewer: We have one final question for you. If you didn’t compete as a gymnast, what event would you want to do?
Peter Parker: Rock climbing, a hundred percent. I do it in my free time and it’s so fun. I highly recommend it, it’s a really good workout for your upper body.
Interviewer: That’s all the time we have, unfortunately, but thank you so much for making time to speak with us!
Peter Parker: Thank you for interviewing me!
~~
Text messages between [P. Parker], [N. Leeds], and [M. Jones]
neddy: “i do climbing in my free time” can you make it any more obvious that you’re spiderman
petey: hey hey remember the hyphen >:(
shelly: i’m offended you said you don’t trust me with a gun
petey: you know why i said that
shelly: i’m still offended. retribution will be swift and unforeseen
petey: this is EXACTLY what im talking about
neddy: hello im still here
petey: mj i respect you so much. i said it on live tv that i respect you so much
shelly: i’m sensing a “but”
petey: it was not a but, it was a however
petey: ahem. HOWEVER i absolutely do not trust you for a second. you mean the world to me and i know you would sell my secrets for a hot dog
shelly: hot dogs are gross i would never
shelly: a klondike bar? now we’re talking
petey: YOU ARE PROVING MY POINT RIGHT NOW
neddy: this is so milhouse parents from the simpsons core
petey: WHAT
shelly: WHAT
~~~
Text messages between [T. Monet] and [M. Parker]
Ty Monet: Good evening May! Forgive me for asking such a personal question, but I’m incredibly curious. Do you know what’s going on with your child and his two best friends?
May Parker: Good evening, Ty. To my knowledge, none of them are dating, however I have eyes
Ty Monet: Are they keeping it a secret?
May Parker: I’m going to be honest, I don’t think they’re even aware of how they act
Ty Monet: I see.
~~~
peanut butter @peterparkour
instead of drinking a “protein shake” what if i ate a whole bag of kitkat minis?
> nedaroo @number1gitc
what if you shared the kitkats with me
>> em @shelljones
what if you followed what your nutritionist told you to do?
>>> peanut butter @peterparkour
what if i ate a whole bag of kitkat minis though
>>>> Peter’s Manager @InconspicuousBystander
Hey, so Peter. What if you drank the protein shake?
>>>>> nedaroo @number1gitc
ooooooooo someone’s in trouble
>>>>>> peanut butter @peterparkour
great news guys! i drank the protein shake and ate a whole bag of kitkat minis
>>>>>>> em @shelljones
how did you italicize on twitter. what is this
>>>>>>>> peanut butter @peterparkour
don’t worry about it
~~~
joshie @jdtreeboy
@peterparkour are u dating ned or mj
peanut butter @peterparkour
i mean. we;ve never talked abt it
joshie @jdtreeboy
so, are u single?
em @shelljones
he is not
nedaroo @number1gitc
he is not
~~
“In and out, Agent Kip. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“Copy.” Peter crawled silently across the ceiling, clad not in his normal Spider-Man costume, but a special SHIELD-issued uniform. It was skin tight, dark gray, with kevlar body armor strapped around his torso, arms, and legs. When Peter protested the arm and leg armor, citing his healing factor, Ty reminded him that he had practice the next day and he absolutely needed his arms and legs to be functional to compete.
“In about fourteen feet you'll see an air vent. Go past that, five ceiling tiles to the left and up the sixth ceiling tile. Plant the first bug there.”
“Copy again.”
They were bugging offices of some of the administration offices for the actual mission that was happening. Peter hadn't forgotten about the mission, not exactly, but he had been so focused on training that it had fallen to the back of his mental priorities. This was also his first real (and probably only) actual involvement in the mission.
Peter carefully pushed up the noted ceiling tile with the pads of his gloves fingers. He made sure he was firmly stuck to the ceiling before reaching into a pouch on his belt and grabbing a tint bug that resembled the head of a nail rather than an actual bug, attaching it to the top of the tile being pushed up.
“First bug placed.”
“Copy, turning it online now.”
Agent Ty was running the mission, while Agent Stone was in charge of tech and Agent Bell was Peter’s back-up. This was the first real interaction Peter had had with Agents Bell and Stone since the debrief after the airport.
“Place the next bug two tiles to the right of the door.”
“Copy.”
They were nice, however Peter knew that he would Never work for SHIELD. Too stressful. He would rather just be the Friendly Neighbor Spider-Man.
He had a very brief time slot to complete this mission in between training and a team lunch. He had one more bug to place.
“Place the final bug by the window. One tile from the wall, three tiles from the bookcase.”
“Copy.”
“All three bugs are online. Thank you Agent Kip. Go get changed and don't be late for team lunch.”
“Yes, ma’am!”
~~
peanut butter @peterparkour
wow paris architecture is so nice compared to nyc but also so much lower. @paris government you should let me climb your rooftops
~~
“Now we are seeing young Peter Parker’s parallel rings event tonight. He is only seventeen years old, the same age as Hezly Rivera on the women’s gymnastic team. The two have become fast friends, sharing playful videos of the two exploring Olympic Village together on their Instagrams. This is Peter’s only event tonight, and we are very excited to see the teenager’s performance.”
“In the previous trials, we’ve seen an incredible amount of strength from Parker. It’s insane to think that he is only seventeen, and a full time high school student. He’s not some test-tube baby that Team USA grew in a lab, he’s a real person, however his strength is just out of this world.”
“Yeah, watch how he barely needs to adjust once he’s on the rings and how his body is almost perfectly still.”
“Watch how he rotates his whole body, positioning so the judges can see that he’s not using his wrists at all to help his motion.”
“Yeah, what he’s doing is not easy at all, he’s almost as still as China’s Liu Yang, something that is incredibly difficult.”
“Okay, his dismount is coming up and he’s also dismounting with a double-double, something we’ve seen before tonight.”
“And he sticks it! Peter Parker, well done young man!”
~~
~~
[Video of the men’s gymnastics cheer on Stephen Nedoroscik from the sidelines]
They’re jumping up and down, punching the air, grinning so broadly as they win the first team medal in sixteen years.
Asher Hong and Peter Parker jump up and down together, bodies crashing into each other in their excitement. As soon as Stephen Nedoroscik exits from his routine on the pommel horse, his teammates mob him, Peter Parker and Brody Malone picking him up in a crushing hug from either side. They’re so giddy, their bronze metal worth so much more knowing that it was the work of them collectively as a team.
~~
